Cruz, Angel Dorothy L.

Trauma Bond

Ladies and gentlemen,

I am standing here today, to address a problem that has been one of the issues in our society for a long
time. A topic that affects millions of people and has been circling around in social media, websites, and our
media. It’s not a condition, but an insidious force that can cast a dark shadow over individuals’ minds and
can repeatedly cause them self harm. An unending cycle that could take a precious life. These are lies in
our heads that can also lead to depression, the trauma bond.

Let me tell you a story. There was once a five year old girl who only dream of having a complete family. A
hardworking father who provides and a loving mother that takes care of their children. This little girl had a
three year old brother who always wanted to play with her. They were happy but only temporarily. Until one
day, she witnessed how cruel the world was. She witnesses how her father has repeatedly beaten her own
mother to death. It happens everyday and all she can do is cry, pleading with her father to stop hurting her
mother. The day comes when she was brave enough to stop the abuse, a five year old girl seeing a portrait
of her father holding a knife pointing to her mother’s neck. Hearing her mother’s cry, despite being afraid
she ran towards her father until he hit him and she blacked out.

But the trauma didn’t end there, she witnessed the abuse up until she turned eight. It was when she
became mature and was able to observe her surroundings. She discovered the truth, hiding behind the
door, she saw her father inhaling something with his friend. It turns out, his father was a drug user for a long
time already. Days after days of witnessing the abuse, her mother had finally decided to free herself from it.
She went to Japan, unaware of the situation of her children.

The little girl experienced the same fate and pain her mother had suffered. Everyday, she was traumatized
by her own father. You can see her bruises, black eyes, and even wounds. There was also a time where
her father had accidentally crashed her down with his tricycle. Believe me, God let this child escape death
multiple times already. Her own father even attempted to kill her several times but failed. Until he decided to
run over her with a large knife or ‘itak’, eager to kill his own daughter. It’s really painful for that little girl back
then, she knew what her father was going through. She also knew the past trauma her father had to endure
for a long time. She hated him but also loved him.

Now, I decided to speak up for that little girl. This is not the right time to stay hidden about the truth that
we’ve been keeping within ourselves. The traumas that we need to endure everyday could harm us in the
long run. Be aware of your own self, do not repeat what happened to you from the past. Listen to the voices
that speak for you. Stop the trauma bond that becomes a cycle of pain, unending suffering, and abuse. You
may not be aware, but according to Doctor Donald Dutton an expert psychologist, trauma bonds are
emotional bonds that arise from a cyclical pattern of abuse. A trauma bond occurs in an abusive
relationship wherein the victim forms an emotional bond with the perpetrator. There are numerous cases of
sexual abuse, physical abuse, and psychological abuse within partners and families. You may be
experiencing the same abuse right now, afraid to speak up or may be tolerating the trauma because you
love your partners or family members. Hence, you should be aware that this is a result of a trauma bond
and the cycle will continue to your child or to your special loved ones if not prevented. A trauma bond is
some kind of self harm that most people nowadays are unaware of. Staying in abusive and toxic
relationships is not the real definition of true love. Don’t fantasize the trauma, instead free yourself from it.

Moreover, for those who may still believe that trauma bond is just a passing phase or a result of personal
weakness, I urge you to reconsider. Trauma bond is a complex interplay of environmental and
psychological factors. It can be a serious problem if not prevented. It may lead to depression and simply
letting yourself be killed when not able to get out of that situation. That is why it requires empathy, support,
and professional help for recovery.

I, too, experienced what you are going through right now. I am the victim of this trauma bond. Yes, I am that
little girl who managed to escape the abuse but never the traumas. I’ve been enduring it for a long time, up
until now. My parents were both victims of physical and verbal abuse and they both experienced it within
themselves and passed it to us. My father became the perpetrator, while my mother and I were the victims.
It was a result of the trauma bond they endured. However, I don’t want to repeat the cycle. After those
traumatic experiences, what I chose was healing. I want to seek a therapist soon, I’m not afraid to free
myself from these. Hence, I believe that the trauma ends with me.