The Four Agreements by Don

Miguel Ruiz
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Full Title The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

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Highlights 39

1-Page Summary
The Domestication of Humans
The world is full of misery and suffering. We are hard on each other, but even harder on
ourselves. Too many of us are unfulfilled, unhappy, joyless.
Why?
The framework of our world has been handed down to us. We were trained just like dogs. We

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 learned how to behave, what is acceptable and not, what to believe, what’s right and wrong.
None of this was taught to us by our choice. We learned a language that was not our choice.
We didn’t even choose our own names. This process is called “the domestication of humans.”
We then use this belief system (that we never chose) to criticize ourselves and others. No
wonder we feel powerlessly unhappy at times! (View Highlight)

Old Agreements
Everything we accept as “the way it is” is an agreement. But too many of these agreements
hurt ourselves and others. For example, think of the teenager who starves herself to fit in.
Think of someone who stays in an unhappy relationship because it’s all they know.
If we want a life of joy, we must break these harmful agreements that promote suffering and
failure. But how? We feel powerless because creating and keeping all these negative
agreements has sucked our personal power.
The answer is that we must change the agreements. (View Highlight)

The Four Agreements

There are four powerful agreements that will bring back our personal power and help us
break the dangerous cycle we’re in. It won’t be easy, and we’ll need a strong will to make
these new agreements, but when we succeed we will transform our lives.
The First Agreement: Be Impeccable With Your Word
Words have the power to create and the power to destroy. When you are “impeccable with
your word,” you:

Say only what you mean

Speak with integrity
Stop your internal negative self-talk (“I am stupid.”)
Refrain from gossiping (View Highlight)

Following this agreement helps you become happy and at peace. As you become impeccable
with your word, love replaces fear. You diminish the number of conflicts in your life.
The Second Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally
When someone gives you negative input, it speaks more about the other person, not about
you. In fact, whether it’s good or bad, just don’t accept others’ judgment of you (or even your
own judgment).

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 Nothing they think about you is really about you.
Others see the world with different eyes.
Everyone’s truth is their own.
If someone gets mad at you, they’re dealing with their own issues. (View Highlight)

When we’re immune to the careless comments and actions of others, our hearts can open up,
allowing us to be vulnerable and open to love.
The Third Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions
We make assumptions and believe they’re true. But making assumptions inevitably leads to
problems. Assumptions cause misunderstandings between people. We then argue, get
offended, and take the issue personally. Cue the drama.
So how do you stop making assumptions and jumping to conclusions?

Be aware of your tendency to make assumptions. We can’t change what we’re not aware of!
Ask questions. Have the courage to seek the truth, even if the truth is painful.
Communicate. You won’t have to make assumptions if everyone is on the same page.
Take action. Forge a new habit of NOT assuming, but rather seeking the truth. Do this over
and over, establishing a solid foundation for this new habit. (View Highlight)

When we stop making assumptions, we stop overanalyzing situations and we start

understanding the truth. And once we know the truth, we can make better decisions.
The Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best
This final agreement will allow the other three to become more deeply ingrained and
effective. After all, the first three agreements can truly work only if you do your best, day in
and day out.
But it’s important to know that your best can change from moment to moment. Your best
when you’re tired or sick will be different from your best when you’re healthy. That’s OK.
(View Highlight)

How do you do your best? Some tips:

Let go of the past. Don’t judge your past behavior. What’s important is what you do from this
point forward.

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 Learn to say NO when you want and YES when you want. You’ll stop yourself from taking
on things you don’t want to do, and you’ll spend your time doing your best at things that
uplift you.
Keep trying if you fall short on following the Four Agreements. Do your best in the moment.
Don’t judge yourself for past shortcomings.
Keep your attention on today. Stay in the present moment. Do your best one moment at a
time. (View Highlight)

Freeing Ourselves From the Old Agreements and Creating a New, Happy Life
The Four Agreements gives us a new, positive blueprint by which to live our lives. But we
still have to break away from the harmful old agreements to gain freedom.
There are three ways to do this:

Face your fears.

Gain control over your emotions; learn to forgive.
Remember that each day may be your last; live each day to the fullest.

When we follow the Four Agreements, we have the tools to create our own version of
“heaven” in our lives, using imagination and a new set of eyes to visualize a happy life.
When we do so, we gain the following:

No fear of being judged; no judging others

No fear of being rejected, keeping an open heart
No fear of taking risks
Ability to enjoy life
No more fog and confusion
Awareness that love is all around you (View Highlight)

Introduction: The Smoky Mirror

The Four Agreements is based on beliefs in Mexican indigenous (Toltec) culture.
Toltec lore has it that 3,000 years ago, a human studying to be a medicine man awoke to the
soul-altering realization that he was made of light and stars, and he existed in between those

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 stars. He called the stars the tonal and the light between the stars the nagual. He realized that
life is what creates the harmony between the two. Life is the force of the Creator.
The medicine man came to some profound conclusions:

Everything in existence is a manifestation of God.

Humans in their true form are love and light, reflecting God. This realization allowed him to
see himself in everything and everyone around him.

Unfortunately, when he tried to share this knowledge with others, they didn’t understand.
They agreed that he was an incarnation of God, but when he tried to explain that they too
were just as sacred, they didn’t believe him. They couldn’t see it. (View Highlight)

The medicine man likened everything to a mirror. We all have the ability to see ourselves in
everything else, but our human existence – termed a “dream” – clouds our vision. Picture a
wall of smoke or fog between mirrors. We humans are the mirrors, but the wall of smoke
stops us from seeing ourselves in everyone and everything else.
The medicine man called himself the “Smoky Mirror” to convey the idea that he could see
himself in everyone else, but people don’t recognize each other because of the smoke in
between them.
All this can be a bit confusing, but the point is this: the Smoky Mirror symbolizes that we are
not seeing who and what we really are. We’re not seeing others for who they really are.
We’re not seeing that, deep down, we’re all the same.
By adopting the four agreements outlined in this book, we blow away the fog and begin to
see ourselves – and others – clearly and with more understanding. (View Highlight)

Chapter 1: Domestication of Humans

So how did humans get in such a predicament? Toltec wisdom explains how we got stuck
conforming to society’s rules and stunting our true selves.
We all have individual, personal dreams. But those who came before us created a bigger
dream – the “dream of the planet.” This dream created everything we see as normal in our
existence: family, community, city, and the world. It encompasses laws, religion, cultures,
and all of society’s rules.

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 Our parents are the first to teach us about this outside dream. As we grow, school, the media,
churches, and other aspects of our environment hook our attention and tell us what proper
behavior is.

We’re told what is right and wrong.

We’re told how to behave, what is acceptable, and what to believe.
We learn a specific language that wasn’t our choice.
We didn’t choose our own names, yet our name becomes a core part of our identity. (View
Highlight)

All these rules and understandings of how the world works, everything we accept as true, is
an agreement. We agree what’s good and what’s bad. We agree to a religion or a set of
beliefs. We agree what constitutes proper behavior.
When we accept an agreement, we believe it unconditionally. Our belief systems and our
personalities are made up of thousands of these little agreements. We surrender to these
beliefs.
We are born into this system of beliefs – this societal dream – through no choice of our own.
We’ve been exposed to it for so long that we can’t fathom living or thinking any different
way.
Domestication of Humans
The process of surrendering to these outside beliefs is called “the domestication of humans.”
As children, through this domestication process, we’re trained just like dogs. We’re rewarded
for doing what Mom and Dad want us to do. We’re punished when we go against the rules.
We fear punishment, but moreso we fear being rejected and not being good enough.
In this process we become someone different from our natural selves. We lose our normal,
innate tendencies in this process of domestication. This is why adults behave differently than
kids – adults are more efficient and productive perhaps, but also less joyful, inquisitive, and
free. (View Highlight)

At a certain point we become our own domesticators. We don’t even need an authority to
threaten or punish us. Our belief system – the Book of Law – rules our minds. The Book of
Law consists of all the agreements we’ve accepted as truth.
Despite its limitations, the Book of Law makes us feel safe. It’s our understanding of how the
world works, and it represents order in a world of chaos. We may not have chosen these

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 agreements, but we agreed to them. And they don’t change easily – challenging our own
beliefs takes courage.
Judge and Victim
The agreements we’ve accepted create an inner Judge and inner Victim.

The inner Judge continuously criticizes ourselves – our actions and qualities – based on a
belief system we never chose. The Judge is unrelenting and unfair – it continuously creates
guilt for mistakes and keeps doling out punishments.
The inner Victim receives all this judgment and experiences continuous blame, shame and
guilt. (View Highlight)

There is no true justice in this system. True justice would be paying for a mistake once and
moving on. But our inner Judge creates guilt, a continuous punisher, so we pay for our
failings over and over again.
This inner turmoil is the cause of a lot of inner tension, and it spills into the outside world
through our behavior. (For instance, because of some internal conflict, you can lash out at
someone who doesn’t deserve it.)
And we too may judge other people – we make our family and colleagues pay for the same
mistake over and over when we find them guilty.
Mitote
The outside dream – the world – is full of unpleasantness, drama, violence, fear, war and
injustice. Fear and false beliefs control the outside dream.
Because we’re integrated strongly into this outside dream, our personal dream is also ruled
by fear. The agreements and beliefs we store in our heads stop us from seeing the truth – that
justice, beauty, joy, and freedom can be our personal dream
This inability to see the truth is a fog of perception the Toltecs called a mitote. The mitote
clouds our vision, so we can’t see who we really are. We can’t see that we’re not free. We
create an image of who we should be in order to be liked, loved and good enough. But this
image isn’t real. (View Highlight)

We even harm ourselves to be accepted by others. (Think of the teenager who takes drugs or
starves herself to be accepted, or of someone who stays in an abusive relationship.) When we
accept self-abuse, we learn to tolerate abuse from others because of an inner belief: “I
deserve it.” A false image of perfection makes us reject ourselves and others.

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 Prelude to a New Dream
We have tons of agreements with the outside world, but the most important are the internal
ones we have with ourselves – telling us who we are and what we can do. These internal
agreements create and limit our reality.
If we want a life of joy, we must break these harmful agreements that promote suffering and
failure. We must adopt four new agreements to replace the old, harmful ones.
In this book summary we’ll cover each of the new agreements in detail, and then talk about
how to dismantle the old agreements.
These four agreements will give us the tools to create a healthy, positive new dream. (View
Highlight)

Chapter 2: The First Agreement: Be

Impeccable With Your Word
Words are incredibly powerful. They can be used for good or to hurt others or ourselves. In
this way, we can think of them as Black Magic or White Magic.
Words are like seeds in a fertile human mind: We can plant goodness or fear.
This first agreement asks us to be “impeccable” with our words. This is the agreement on
which all the other agreements rest. Abiding by this agreement alone can change your life.
So what does it mean to be impeccable with your word?

It’s about saying exactly what you mean.

It means speaking with integrity.
The literal meaning of “impeccable” is being without sin. So you can think of “being
impeccable with your word” as not sinning against yourself or others when you speak.

Sounds easy, doesn’t it? But being impeccable with your word is also the hardest agreement
to honor. We’ve learned to do exactly the opposite. (View Highlight)

What We’ve Been Doing Wrong

We are careless with our words far too often. We usually don’t set out to hurt someone, but
we forget the power words hold. The truth is, something cruel said once in an offhand
manner can have a lasting impact on someone’s life. (Similarly, something said with truth

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 and beauty and kindness will also have a lasting impact.)
Here are some examples of words creating fear and doubt:

Hitler in Germany used the power of words to sway the emotions of millions, planting seeds
of fear that resulted in mass destruction and war.
On a smaller scale, think of the harried mom who’s momentarily annoyed at her singing
daughter. The mom tells her child to be quiet since she can’t handle the singing right now.
Unintentionally, this plants a seed in the child that tells her she can’t sing. She becomes quiet
and refuses to sing again. The little girl has adopted a new agreement -- that she must repress
what she wants to do to be loved.
A young child is told he’s ugly. He listens and believes he is ugly. No amount of
encouragement will make him believe otherwise. With this new agreement in place, it’s as
though he’s under a spell.

As you can see from the examples above, when we hear an opinion and believe it, we form
an agreement. The opinion gains power. The judgment becomes part of us. Black Magic has
created a spell that’s hard to break. (View Highlight)

And it’s not just a problem with using our words to hurt others, intentionally or
unintentionally. We too often use the power of the word against ourselves. How often do you
say these types of things to yourself?

I look fat.
I’m ugly.
My hair is a disaster.
I’m dumb.
I can’t sing/do math/do anything.
I have no sense of direction.

Little by little, these agreements weaken you, like a toxin.

The worst Black Magic of the word is gossip. Gossip is spreading around information about
other people that may or may not be true. Gossip is pure poison, but ever so popular and even
fun at times. After all, it makes us feel better to put someone else down and to see them in a
worse predicament than us. (View Highlight)

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 Gossip is like a computer virus. After the malware has been introduced, your computer
doesn’t work correctly. It’s slower, vulnerable, in danger. When you listen to the gossip, you
become infected just like the computer. You see the subject of the gossip in a different light,
and you become a conduit to spread the gossip virus yourself.
We have to be aware that gossip is full of someone else’s motivations and point of view. This
can bias you to see the world incorrectly without your realizing it.
Here’s an example: A student is looking forward to a new class with a new professor. But on
her way to class, she runs into a friend who tells her this professor is a jerk. He’s awful! Our
student listens and now looks at the professor through the eyes of the other person. Every
harmless mistake the professor makes looks like it just confirms the gossip. She has no idea
of her friend’s motivations, but now she’s infected to see the world through the friend’s eyes.
If she hadn’t heard the gossip, she would see the professor more neutrally. (View Highlight)

Gossip spreads, whether it’s being mindlessly repeated or spread intentionally as a calculated
effort to bring someone down. The contagious poison of gossip creates what the Toltecs
called the mitote. The mitote is defined as “the chaos of 1,000 voices all trying to talk at once
in the mind.”
When You Become Impeccable With Your Words
So what do you do to stop using the word as a toxin?
When you are “impeccable with your word,” you:

Say only what you mean

Speak with integrity
Stop your internal negative self-talk (“I’m stupid.”)
Refrain from gossiping (View Highlight)

Practicing this yields two benefits, in different directions:

You protect your own mind from the outside – it’s no longer fertile ground for Black Magic.
It listens only to words that come from a place of love.
You’re not sending out Black Magic to others, affecting their lives. Rather you’re using the
White Magic power of words to bolster others.

Using your words for good can plant new seeds in yourself and others – breaking old, bad

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 agreements and creating positive, new ones. For example, telling a child she’s hard-working
plants a seed of pride. If you hear someone singing and you tell him his voice is lovely, you
may be helping to break a spell previously cast by someone else’s careless words.
Following this agreement helps you become happy and at peace. As you become impeccable
with your word, more seeds of love will replace seeds of fear – in yourself and others.
As a result, you begin to form NEW agreements. When you understand this first agreement,
you change the way you deal with yourself first the way you deal with others follows
naturally. (View Highlight)

Exercise: The Power of Your Words

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 Exercise: Don’t Gossip

Chapter 3: The Second Agreement: Don’t Take

Anything Personally
The second agreement sounds deceptively simple: “Don’t take anything personally.” But so
many of us are sensitive and defensive, primed to ward off the negativity the world throws at
us.
But as we begin to adopt the first agreement, “Be Impeccable With Your Word,” we become
happier and more at peace, more in control. When we have more internal strength, taking on
this second agreement becomes easier.
These first two agreements free you from many of the bad agreements that have been
disrupting your life. After all, careless words combined with highly offended people will
inevitably bring drama.
Bad Things Happen When We Take Things Personally
No good comes from taking things personally. In fact, it’s a chain reaction of bad:
Someone says something about you => You take it personally => You’re offended => You

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 defend yourself and your position => You fire back something about the other person => The
other person takes THAT personally, gets offended, and says something meaner =>... (View
Highlight)

It goes on and on. Does this remind you of any arguments you’ve had in the past?
When you take things personally, you can resent it and simmer for much more time than is
appropriate. You also take what might otherwise be helpful advice and reject it out of anger.
How Do We Go About Not Taking Things Personally?
How do we refrain from taking things personally? Here’s the simple belief to put this into
action: Any negative input is about the other person, not you.
Whenever someone says something to us or about us, pause and remember the following:

Nothing they think about you is really about you. It’s really about them.
If someone gets mad at you, they’re dealing with their own issues. When you accept
someone else’s “emotional garbage,” it becomes yours. And you don’t need it.
Others see the world with different eyes. They have their own worldviews. You can choose to
reject their worldview, since you have your own.
Everyone’s truth is their own.
When you take things personally, you suffer for nothing – and there’s already too much
suffering in the world. (View Highlight)

Here’s an example: Someone calls you ugly. This isn’t about you at all. It’s about the
opinions and beliefs they have incorporated. Calling you ugly comes from their own wounds.
If they were feeling great about life, they’d probably be calling you beautiful. They certainly
wouldn’t take pleasure in putting you down.
And whether the other person calls you beautiful or ugly, their input about you is
unimportant. The only thing that matters is how you feel about yourself. Whether it’s good or
bad, just don’t accept others’ judgment of you.
And it’s not just other people’s opinions and judgments that are harmful; you shouldn’t even
take your own opinions about yourself personally!
It gets crowded in our minds, dealing with the opinions of others and with our judgments of
ourselves. It’s a real problem when our internal dialogue gets too loud, crowded, and
negative. Our overcrowded mind becomes a giant marketplace of agreements that don’t all

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 agree with each other; too many voices are speaking at once, clouding our thinking. (View
Highlight)

But each time we’re able to hear someone’s “insult” and not take it personally, a new process
begins:

We start dismantling old agreements we unknowingly accepted.

We begin breaking down all the tiny agreements that bring us pain, such as “I’m not smart
enough,” “I’m terrible at directions,” “There’s no way I can learn to drive.”
We start making order out of chaos.

Good Things Happen When We Don’t Take Things Personally

When you have the ability not to take things personally, here’s what happens:

You can’t be hurt by what others say or do, even if they’re lying. It’s about them, not you.
You become truthful with yourself, saving yourself from greater pain. Even if the truth hurts
at first, healing is on the way.
Anger and jealousy disappear.
You become immune to the Black Magic power of others’ words. Words can’t hurt you.
(View Highlight)

When you’re immune to the careless comments and actions of others, your heart can open
up, allowing you to be more vulnerable and open to love. You’re not afraid of being hurt by
others, because you can’t be hurt by others.
When you don’t take anything personally, you are free to be happy with your life. You find it
easy to create love. You are at peace. (View Highlight)

Exercise: Taking Things Personally Can Damage You

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 Chapter 4: The Third Agreement: Don’t Make
Assumptions
The third agreement is “Don’t make assumptions.”Remember the old saying about the word
“assume” – it makes an “ass” out of “u” and me? This agreement is the same idea with a
more spiritual bent.
Making assumptions is dangerous because we often have no idea what is really going on in a
situation. We fill in the blanks in our minds without enough information, and then we’re
pretty convinced we know what’s going on. Spoiler alert: We don’t. We’re prone to mistaken
beliefs, and acting on these mistakes will cause more trouble.
This is a hard agreement to follow because we make assumptions so often, and making
assumptions comes so naturally. We’re usually pretty impressed with our own insight. We
think our assumptions are true.
Bad Stuff Happens When We Make Assumptions
Making assumptions can lead to a cycle of conflict:
Assumptions => Misunderstanding => We’re offended and take it personally => We lash
back => Big drama ensues
Making assumptions and taking things personally (agreements two and three) go hand in
hand, leading to gossip, conflict and suffering. (View Highlight)

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 What’s the biggest assumption of all? We think everyone sees life exactly as we do. In fact,
everyone sees the world through their own unique way. If you don’t communicate with
someone else about how each of you is seeing the world, you create misunderstanding.
Mitote, the chaos in our minds, leads to misunderstandings and misinterpretations. We simply
don’t perceive things the way they truly are.

Here’s an example: You’re at the mall. Someone you know and like gives you a warm smile
from a distance. You decide she likes you. Loves you! You’re going to be so happy together.
You create a fantasy that likely has no semblance of reality. You set yourself up for
disappointment, embarrassment or heartache. You potentially put that person in an awkward
position. (Shortform note: this example is a bit odd, but was in the original book.) (View
Highlight)

Assumptions are particularly dangerous in relationships. We have to be clear in

communicating what we want because no one knows what we’re thinking.

Example: You and your partner agree that you’re in a relationship. But if you two have
different ideas about what it means to be in a relationship (monogamy, spending every
waking moment together) and don’t clarify the issues, anger ensues. You fail to meet each
others’ expectations.
We often go into relationships with blinders on, seeing what we want to see. We make
dangerous assumptions such as “My love will change her.” (Of course, there are certainly no
guarantees that anyone will change. Real love accepts others the way they are without
wanting to change them.)

The danger isn’t only in making assumptions about others. We make assumptions about
ourselves. We underestimate (assume we’re less capable than we are) or overestimate
ourselves, leading to disappointment, self-doubt and recriminations. (View Highlight)

How Do We Stop Making Assumptions? Communication and Clarification

So how do you stop making assumptions and jumping to conclusions? Ask questions! Have
the courage to seek the truth. If you know the truth, you don’t need to make assumptions.
And if you don’t make assumptions, you don’t make mistakes.

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 Here’s an example: You’re convinced you didn’t get the promotion you’ve been working
toward. Your coworker went to lunch with the boss. Surely that means she got the job! Or so
you assume. You get anxious and stressed.
Solution: Don’t make assumptions. Ask if the promotion has been decided already. Find out
what you need to do to receive the promotion. Have regular meetings with your boss and be
clear about your desires and ambitions. Don’t overanalyze tiny signals that may not mean
anything. Focus your energy on finding out what the truth is. (View Highlight)

(Shortform note: be comfortable asking questions you’re afraid might be too simple or dumb,
like “why do you feel that way?” “What motivated you to do that?” “What would you do in
my situation?” If you ask these in the right tone, these are fantastic questions to get rid of
assumptions on both sides.)
To stop making assumptions we must:

First understand how important this agreement is and how assumptions lead to
misunderstandings.
Become aware of our tendency to make assumptions. We can’t change what we’re not aware
of.
Ask questions. Learn the facts about a situation.
Communicate. You won’t have to make assumptions if everyone’s on the same page.
Take action. Forge a new habit of NOT assuming and seeking the truth instead. Do this over
and over, establishing a solid foundation.

When we stop making assumptions, we take the blinders off. We understand what is truly
happening in our lives. You’re on the same page as your spouse, children, friends, etc., with
honesty and open communication. You’re less likely to be blindsided by unpleasant truths
because you already have a clear understanding of a situation. (View Highlight)

Exercise: Examining the Fallout From Assumptions

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 Chapter 5: The Fourth Agreement: Always Do
Your Best
This agreement is also a simple concept, but it will allow the other three agreements to
become more deeply ingrained and effective. After all, the first three agreements can truly
work only if you do your best.
Doing your best frees you from guilt and shame. You feel great about yourself when you’ve
given your best effort.
What Is “Your Best”?
First, it’s important to understand that your best isn’t a constant; it will vary. Sometimes
you’re fresh and vital; other times you’re tired. Sometimes you’re healthy and sometimes
you're sick. Your best is the best you can do under your current circumstances.
In fact, your best can change even from moment to moment. And that’s OK.
Your best doesn’t mean trying to do more than you’re capable of in the moment (the old
“giving 110 percent”). Doing more than your best depletes your personal energy. But doing
less than your best leaves you with guilt and regret. (View Highlight)

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 When you’re giving your best, you’re taking action without expecting a reward. The rewards
will come, but they’re not your end goal. You simply enjoy performing at the peak of your
ability.
Good Things Happen When You Do Your Best
When you do your best, good things happen:

You’re more productive. You gain positive momentum when you put out a good product you
take pride in.
You’re kinder to yourself. You’re less likely to be hard on yourself because you’re proud of
your end result.
You’re happier. It’s easy to be happier when you aren’t heaping blame and shame on yourself
for giving a shoddy effort.
When you can truly say you did your best, you will have no regrets. There’s no guilt or
blame. You’re set free. (View Highlight)

Doing your best isn’t about being perfect. You will make mistakes, but that’s OK. You learn
from your mistakes, keep practicing, and look honestly at your results. Doing your best helps
you feel good about yourself.
The author personally defines “doing his best” as ritual and honoring God. He feels God is
life in action, and the best way to honor, love, and thank God is doing your best. (Shortform
note: Of course, everyone will have their own inspiration for and definition of doing their
best.)
Tips on Doing Your Best

Let go of past mistakes and regrets. If you regret doing a poor job and getting fired from a
position in the past, let it go. Focus on your new job and new opportunities.
Learn to say NO when you want and YES when you want. You’ll stop yourself from taking
on things you don’t want to do and spend your time doing your best at things that uplift you.
Keep trying if you fall short on following the Four Agreements. Do your best, and there will
be no self-recriminations. Do not judge yourself.
Keep your attention on today. Stay in the present moment. Do your best one moment at a
time.
Doing your best is about taking action. Without action, the ideas stay in your head. When you
take action, you are expressing who you really are. (View Highlight)

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 Exercise: Reflect on the Idea of Doing Your Best

Chapter 6: Breaking Old Agreements

Now we have a blueprint for how to live our lives in a better way. We know the new Four
Agreements that will save us from living empty lives. We know how to transform our lives
into a new experience of joy, happiness and love.
Except we still have all those old agreements lingering around. We have to fight through and
discard them. How can we dismantle these old agreements that have created needless
suffering in our lives? How do we free ourselves from the old agreements?
There are three ways to break with our old, bad agreements:

Face your fears one by one.

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 Forgive those who have hurt us. (“Starve the parasite.”)
Live every day as if it were your last. (“Initiation of the dead.”)

Facing Your Fears Takes Awareness

First, you have to be aware of the agreements you must fix.

Develop an awareness of all the self-limiting, fear-based beliefs that are holding you back.
Examples:
What things do you tell yourself that make you feel down?
What do you assume about yourself that might be wrong and that you should test?
What are assumptions you have about other people that you should clarify? (View Highlight)

Once we have this awareness, we can then focus our attention on what we want to change.
For example, remember the little girl who stopped singing when her mother snapped at her?
How does she break that agreement? She can try to sing, even if it starts out badly. She can
gain power back little by little.
But for every agreement you break, you have to replace it with a new one that makes you
happy. The little girl might replace “if I sing, other people will get mad” with “I love singing
and it makes me happy.”
This isn’t easy. There are a lot of old agreements to break and replace. But go step by step;
don’t get discouraged.
2. “Starving the Parasite” by Forgiving Others for the Past
The Toltecs liken the old, bad agreements to a “parasitic” organism in control of our minds
and thoughts. To get rid of the parasite, we have to starve it by not giving it attention. We
have to stop dwelling on the old wounds in our minds so that we can heal.
The key to “starving the parasite” is forgiveness. We must forgive those who have wronged
us. This is actually for our benefit – when we resent others, we’re the ones paying for the
injustice. We feel the resentment and the anger. (View Highlight)

Because we love ourselves, we must forgive whoever we perceive as having hurt us – God,
others and ourselves.
You know you’ve successfully forgiven someone when seeing them no longer brings up an
emotional reaction. You know you are no longer the victim. The old wound doesn’t hurt
anymore.

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 Controlling our emotions is also an important part of forgiveness. When we lose control of
our emotions, we say things we don’t want to say and do things we don’t want to do. When
we learn to control our emotions, we gain personal power, making it easier to forgive those
who have hurt us. We have more power to change our fear-based agreements.
3. “Initiation of the Dead” Means Living Each Day Like It’s Your Last
The Toltecs referred to this final step as the “initiation of the dead,” representing the
symbolic death of the parasite within. But it’s easier to think about it this way: Be aware that
we can die at any time. When you treat every day like it’s your last, you have a clearer vision
of how you want to live today. You don’t want to waste time fretting over past injustices and
worrying what others think of you. You want to live a free, happy life. (View Highlight)

Keep these things in mind when you vow to live each day like it’s your last:

Use every moment to be happy.

Don’t be afraid of what others think.
Be yourself.
Be open.
Treat others with love.
Live in the present.

Surviving the Initiation of the Dead leads to a kind of resurrection – being alive again, like a
child. Only this time our freedom is colored by wisdom, not innocence. We are free adults
who can live life on our own terms.
When you use these three paths to break free from your old agreements, you are free to create
a dream of the future without carrying the burdens of the past. (View Highlight)

Exercise: Start Dismantling Your Old Agreements

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 Exercise: Forgiving Others

Chapter 7: The New Dream

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 It’s time to take the messages of the Four Agreements forward. You now have the beginning
of a new understanding for how you can live your life: a new dream.
You have the tools to create your own version of heaven in your life, using a new set of eyes
to visualize a happy life. In this new life:

You have no fear of being judged, and you don’t judge others.
There’s no fear of being rejected, so you can keep an open heart.
You are free to take risks.
You are free to find enjoyment in life.
There’s no more confusion and “fog” stopping you from seeing your possibilities.
You are aware that love is all around you.

We now know that the world is beautiful and wonderful. Life can be easy when you love the
way you’re living.
We have a choice: Suffer our destiny, or enjoy our destiny. (View Highlight)

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