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9e management
A Practical Introduction
ANGELO KINICKI
BRIAN K. WILLIAMS
Angelo Kinicki
Arizona State University
Kent State University
Brian K. Williams
management
NINTH EDITION
MANAGEMENT: NINTH EDITION
Published by McGraw-Hill Education, 2 Penn Plaza, New York, NY 10121. Copyright © 2020 by McGraw-Hill
Education. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. Previous editions © 2018, 2016,
and 2013. No part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, or
stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education,
including, but not limited to, in any network or other electronic storage or transmission, or broadcast for
distance learning.
Some ancillaries, including electronic and print components, may not be available to customers outside
the United States.
This book is printed on acid-free paper.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 LWI 21 20 19
ISBN 978-1-260-07511-3
MHID 1-260-07511-7
Editorial Director: Michael Ablassmeir
Product Developer: Anne Ehrenworth
Executive Marketing Manager: Debbie Clare
Content Project Managers: Harvey Yep (Core)/Keri Johnson (Assessment)
Buyer: Susan K. Culbertson
Design: Jessica Cuevas
Content Licensing Specialists: Carrie Burger
Cover Image: ©Olivier Renck/Aurora/Getty Images
Compositor: Aptara®, Inc.
All credits appearing on page or at the end of the book are considered to be an extension of the
copyright page.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Kinicki, Angelo, author. | Williams, Brian K., 1938- author.
Title: Management : a practical introduction / Angelo Kinicki, Arizona State
University, Brian K. Williams.
Description: Ninth edition. | New York, NY : McGraw-Hill Education, [2020]
Identifiers: LCCN 2018047636| ISBN 9781260075113 (alk. paper) | ISBN
1260075117 (alk. paper)
Subjects: LCSH: Management.
Classification: LCC HD31 .K474 2020 | DDC 658—dc23 LC record available at
https://lccn.loc.gov/2018047636
The Internet addresses listed in the text were accurate at the time of publication. The inclusion of a website
does not indicate an endorsement by the authors or McGraw-Hill Education, and McGraw-Hill Education
does not guarantee the accuracy of the information presented at these sites.
mheducation.com/highered
brief contents
Walkthrough Preface of 9e xv
iii
dedication
To Joyce Kinicki, the love of my life, best friend, and the wind beneath
my wings.
—Angelo
iv
about the author
v
new to the ninth edition
vi
learning by asking students to solve real organizational problems using relevant
management concepts.
Fully revised Teaching Resource Manual (TRM) provides complete guidance for instructors
The TRM was new to the eighth edition and was developed to provide instructors with a
turnkey solution to fostering a discussion-based and experiential learning experience. It
amounts to a traditional instructor’s manual on steroids by providing suggestions for
creatively teaching topics, suggested videos outside of the McGraw Hill arsenal (e.g.,
YouTube, The Wall Street Journal, etc.), group exercises, lecture enhancers, and supplemental
exercises that correspond with cases and Self-Assessments. The TRM has been praised by
instructors around the world for its depth, navigation, and experiential-based content. We
improved this resource based on feedback from faculty.
Our first change acknowledges that many of us teach online or in larger, in-person classes
(sometimes both!). The ninth edition TRM not only includes revised activities for the traditional
classroom, but also includes new online and large, in-person class activities for every chapter.
The next set of changes involve providing follow-up activities for the new career
readiness–based exercises in Connect because we believe students need these developmental
activities to increase their career readiness. We also provide in-depth teaching notes for new
Manager’s Hot Seat videos and Application-Based Activities in the form of simulations.
Finally, we provide new web video links for each chapter. These free, short videos allow
instructors to illustrate the practical applications of management principles. We also include
new current online article links instructors can use to discuss material that supplements the text.
” —Todd Korol,
Monroe Community College
“ The TRM is by far the most comprehensive and useful on the market. It is very user friendly for both
faculty and students.
” —Gerald Schoenfeld,
Florida Gulf Coast University
Our product covers the principles that most management instructors have come to expect in an
introductory text—planning, organizing, leading, and controlling—plus current issues that students need to
be to be aware of to succeed: customer focus, globalism, diversity, ethics, social media, entrepreneurship,
teams, innovation, artificial intelligence, Big Data, and empowerment.
“ It (the book) is well written and provides relevant examples in the text with great online support. The
TRM (Teaching Resource Manual) is very useful and important in teaching the course. I have found
”
the product to be one of the best I have ever used.
—Jerry D. Stevens,
Texas Tech University
Based on a wealth of instructor feedback and blending Angelo’s scholarship, teaching, publishing, and
management-consulting with Brian’s writing and publishing background, we have worked tirelessly to
create a research-based yet highly readable, practical, and motivational product for the introductory
principles of management course. Our goal to make a difference in the lives of you and your students.
xv
Focus on Career Readiness
Global research shows that employers are finding it hard to find college graduates who possess the
skills needed to be successful. These employers also think that colleges and universities need to do
a better job making students career ready. Our goal in 9e is to contribute to overcoming this problem
with new content and a variety of developmental techniques.
32 PART 1 Introduction
FIGURE 1.4
Building Your Career Readiness
Knowledge
Model of career readiness (K)
©2018 Kinicki and Associates, Inc.
Soft skills
Chapter 1 contains a section devoted to explaining the need, value, and process for becoming career ready. It includes a model of career (S)
Career Career
readiness outcomes
Other
characteristics
(O)
30 PART 1 Introduction The Manager’s Changing Work Environment and Ethical Responsibilities CHAPTER 3 99
Each chapter concludes with a new section entitled “Career Corner: Figure 2.5 shows the model of career readiness we discussed in Chapter 1. What does a LO 2-9
Managing Your Career Readiness.” This material provides students with chapter on management history have to do with your career readiness? How about its
application to the Knowledge competency of understanding the business? This compe-
Describe how to develop
the career readiness
tency was defined in Table 1.2 as the extent to which you understand a company’s busi-
competency of
practical tips for developing targeted career readiness competencies. ness and strategies and the needs of its stakeholders. It comes into play whenever you
interview for a job.
understanding the
business.
Recruiters expect you to do some research, just as you would for a class assign-
ment. They want you to act like Sherlock Holmes and do some snooping. That’s good
for both you and a potential employer in that it helps identify the likely level of fit
between the two of you. Good fit, in turn, is associated with more positive work atti-
tudes and task performance, lower intentions to quit, and less job-related stress. 65
Moreover, doing your homework on a company makes you a more attractive job can-
didate. It shows interest on your part, and recruiters are impressed by the fact that
you took the time to learn about the business.66 It also prepares you to ask smart
questions, a behavior recruiters want to see. Remember, sometimes it’s the small
things like this that land a job.
FIGURE 2.5
Knowledge Model of Career Readiness
(K)
©2018 Kinicki and Associates, Inc.
Manual provides opportunities for higher levels of learning for career (O)
readiness competencies. So, what does it take to demonstrate that you understand a business? We recom-
mend that you learn the following seven things about a company before showing up at a
job interview:67
1. The company’s mission and vision statements. These statements tell you why
xvi the company exists and what it wants to become or achieve over time. The
question to answer is whether you support these pursuits and would like to be
part of the journey. If you do, you will be a better fit for the company. This is
important because employees are more likely to be productive and stay at a
company when they fit in. For example, if you like outdoor activities, you will
most likely be a better fit at Recreational Equipment, Inc. (REI), which sells
sporting goods, camping gear, and outdoor clothing, than Whole Foods. You
Student-Centered Approach to Learning
Our writing style and product design is based on neuroscience research. Greater learning occurs
when information is “chunked” to keep student attention. We break down topics into easily digestible
portions with purposeful pedagogy to make theories and concepts easier to learn and apply. This
accounts for the use of purposeful color, an extensive photo program, bulleted lists, and headings to
appeal to the visual sensibilities, time constraints, and diverse learning styles of today’s students.
PART 3 • PLANNING
Chapter Openers
5 Planning
The Foundation of Successful Management
Each chapter begins with a list of key learning objectives that appeal to
students concern about “what’s in it for me?” and to help them read LO 5-1 Discuss the role of strategic management.
Chapter Sections
of current perspectives on
management. sider goals, operating plans, and action plans; SMART goals, management by
Creating Modern Management: The Handbook of objectives, and cascading goals; and finally the planning/control cycle. We
conclude with a Career Corner that focuses on how you can develop the ca-
Peter Drucker
Within each chapter, sections are organized according to the
Who is Peter Drucker? “He was the creator and inventor of modern management,” says
management guru Tom Peters (author of In Search of Excellence). “In the early 1950s,
reer readiness competency of proactive learning orientation.
■
That there is “no business without a customer.”
That institutionalized management practices are preferable to charismatic
Shown below the learning objectives, the forecast provides
cult leaders.
stated objective.
True learner. In his 70-year
Many ideas that you will encounter in this book—decentralization, management by a high-level of summary of what is covered in the chapter.
objectives, knowledge workers—are directly traceable to Drucker’s pen. “Without his
career, Peter Drucker published
over 35 books and numerous
analysis,” says one writer, “it’s almost impossible to imagine the rise of dispersed, globe-
other publications, received the spanning corporations.”6 In our time, Drucker’s rational approach has culminated in
Presidential Medal of Freedom, evidence-based management, as we describe in Section 2.6 in this chapter.
and achieved near rockstar
status for his management
ideas, which influenced Six Practical Reasons for Studying This Chapter
organizations from General
Electric to the Girl Scouts. A true “Theory,” say business professors Clayton Christensen and Michael Raynor, “often gets
“
learner who constantly a bum rap among managers because it’s associated with the word ‘theoretical,’ which
expanded his knowledge, he connotes ‘impractical.’ But it shouldn’t.”7
understood that new
experiences are key to nurturing
After all, what could be more practical than studying different approaches to see
new ideas and new ventures. which work best?
Do you have this kind of
curiosity? ©Jonathan Alcorn/
ZUMAPRESS/Newscom
Many management texts are simply dense and a slog to read. Kinicki is far more approachable in its
Indeed, there are six good reasons for studying theoretical perspectives:
1. Understanding of the present. “Sound theories help us interpret the present, to
understand what is happening and why,” say Christensen and Raynor.8 Or as
pedagogy. It is well organized—the topics are arranged very logically in each chapter. The approach
speaks directly to the student. This personalized, conversational approach engages my students. It has
a new career theme that is critical to help our students demonstrate employable skills. The Teaching
kin75117_ch02_042-075.indd 44 12/3/18 6:41 PM
”
Resource Manual is also the best in its class.
—Todd Korol,
Monroe Community College
“ Layout, highlighted captions, use of boxes, bolding, pictures, and color are all great. It’s easier for
students to read than other textbooks I have used. The key points summaries at end of chapters are
”
useful and it’s overall very user-friendly and engaging.
—Linsey Willis,
Florida Atlantic University
xvii
Extended Emphasis on Practicality
We want this ninth edition to be a cherished resource that students keep as they move into future
courses and their future careers. We give students a great deal of practical advice in addition to The Exceptional Manager CHAPTER 1 21
This new feature provides a pedagogical device that gives students practical, actionable
“She’s fiercely intelligent yet humble and approachable,” says a third account. “She’s col-
laborative but is often the person who takes charge. And she’s not afraid to make changes.”58
Among her most significant changes: hiring people with “diverse views, diverse back- Making an Effective Plan for Starting Your Career
tips for applying the material in each chapter. Students will find it interesting and valuable
grounds, diverse experiences,” she says, to try to reshape the company’s notoriously
insular corporate culture and to bring GM into the age of Apple and Google.
The thought of starting a career (or switching to a new
one) can be either intimidating or exciting. What’s the
time you get a result from one of your efforts, whether it’s
positive or negative, that result constitutes feedback on
Self-Assessments
All told, it is important for you to learn more about your ethical tendencies. This will
help you to behave in ways that are consistent with your values and beliefs. ●
kin75117_ch05_156-187.indd 157 04/12/18 9:23 PM
Each chapter includes two new boxed features I Wish I… and to want to be led rather than to lead.
Theory Y represents a human relations outlook—an optimistic, positive view of work-
…considered the impact ers asofcapable
ethnocentrism.
of accepting responsibility, having self-direction and self-control, and
they’ve learned across the course to Uber. Based on reviewer Assess your ability to apply concepts discussed in this chapter to the case by going to
Connect.
xix
506 PART 5 Leading
Imaginative Writing for Readability and Reinforcement group may be a division, a department, a work group, or a committee. It may
be permanent or temporary. In general, people are assigned to them according
to their skills and the organization’s requirements.
■ Informal groups—created for friendship. An informal group is a group formed by
people whose overriding purpose is getting together for friendship or a common
interest. An informal group may be simply a collection of friends who hang out
with one another, such as those who take coffee breaks together, or it may be as
Research shows that products written in an imaginative, story-telling
organizedstyle
as a prayersignificantly improve
breakfast, a bowling team, a service club, a company “alumni
group” (for example, former Apple employees), or a voluntary organization.
students’ ability to retain information. We employ numerous journalistic devices to make
What’s important for you as a manager to know is that the material
informal groups can advance
or undercut the plans of formal groups. The formal organization may make efforts, say,
engaging and relevant to students lives. to speed up the plant assembly line or to institute workplace reforms. But these attempts
may be sabotaged through the informal networks of workers who gossip over e-mails
and informal gatherings, such as meeting after work for a beer.10
However, interestingly, informal groups can also be highly productive—even more so
than formal groups.
We utilize numerous Example boxes to As a manager, what would you think if you saw employees Online Peer-to-Peer Networks What about when employ-
making brief conversation near the lunchroom coffeepot? Are ees are in far-flung places? “Sales reps are out in the field
emphasize the practical applications of they talking about the season finale of their favorite show, or is and they’re kind of on islands,” pointed out an Indianapolis
something more productive taking place? Office kitchens have software-firm executive. “It’s a challenge to keep everyone
business. These mini cases use snapshots of been hidden out of sight for generations, an unloved necessity connected.”15 So when the 75 reps started overwhelming
kept stark to make sure workers didn’t linger, says the Los the sales-support staff with questions about product details
real-world companies to explain text concepts. Angeles Times. Companies are now seeing office kitchens in a and client information, the company created a website on
new light. Kitchens are being turned into showplaces intended which the reps could post and answer questions in an infor-
Your Call questions stimulate class discussions to boost morale, encourage collaboration, and create a learn- mal peer-to-peer learning setting.16 These types of portals
ing environment.11 Why the change of heart? can also be used for employees in distant locations to
and help students develop their critical thinking tell each other personal and professional stories to share
Workplace Learning: Mostly Informal experiences. Research has shown
skills. Suggestions for how to use the Example Research has found that 70 percent of that when people talk informally,
workplace learning is informal.12 65 percent of the time they are tell-
boxes are found in the Teaching Resource Organizations are taking notice of this ing stories. So providing an online
phenomenon. For example, Siemens venue for storytelling can be quite
Manual (TRM). managers have placed overhead pro- effective.17
jectors and empty pads of paper in the
lunchroom to facilitate the exchange of
information.13 The highest-performing YOUR CALL
Google employees teach and support Can games (such as the online multi-
those employees looking to improve. player game Second Life) or other
Google certainly has the resources to social media (Facebook, Twitter,
afford fancy training programs. The Instagram, etc.) be used to foster
company instead opts for peer-to-peer informal workplace collaboration?
training in order to foster a culture of Talking it out. Ever worked in a job in which you got a How about allowing employees to
learning that values continuous devel- lot of informal training through conversations over BYOD—“bring your own device” to
coffee? Could this be done with social networking?
opment and the sharing of knowledge ©Jacobs Stock Photography/Photodisc/Getty Images
work, such as their own smartphone
and expertise.14 or tablet?18
“ Readability is very good for the undergraduate audience. Updates are frequent and
provide current examples.
” —Justin Davis,
University of West Florida
“ The order and quality of information within the textbook (is great). Logical for faculty,
plenty of examples for students; Kinicki provides better detail and examples, and good
”
supplemental materials.
—Alex Williams,
Texas A&M Commerce
xx
Resources That Work
No matter how you teach your course: face-to-face, hybrid, or online—you’re in the driver’s seat. We offer
the most robust set of resources to enhance your Principles of Management course. In addition to our unique
Teaching Resource Manual, packed with additional activities and supplemental teaching tools; PowerPoint
presentations; and Test Bank questions, we have a wealth of assignable resources available in Connect®.
“ It is the best Management textbook on the market. Most importantly, and the key competitive advantage,
is the Connect material. LearnSmart/SmartBook is above and beyond anything else out there.
”
—Gerald Schoenfeld,
Florida Gulf Coast University
Students—study more efficiently, retain
more and achieve better outcomes.
Instructors—focus on what you love—
teaching.
For Instructors
You’re in the driver’s seat.
Want to build your own course? No problem. Prefer to use our turnkey,
prebuilt course? Easy. Want to make changes throughout the semester?
65%
Less Time
Sure. And you’ll save time with Connect’s auto-grading too. Grading
“made
I really liked this app it
it easy to study when
—
Study anytime, anywhere.
Download the free ReadAnywhere app and access
you don't have your textbook
”
your online eBook when it’s convenient, even if you’re
in front of you. offline. And since the app automatically syncs with
your eBook in Connect, all of your notes are available
- Jordan Cunningham, every time you open it. Find out more at www.
Eastern Washington University mheducation.com/readanywhere
No surprises.
The Connect Calendar and Reports
tools keep you on track with the work 13 14
you need to get done and your
assignment scores. Life gets busy;
Connect tools help you keep learning Chapter 12 Quiz Chapter 11 Quiz
through it all. Chapter 13 Evidence of Evolution Chapter 11 DNA Technology
Chapter 7 Quiz
Chapter 7 DNA Structure and Gene...
and 7 more...
I have the pleasure of working with one of the best teams in the business. Their dedica-
tion and effort significantly contribute to the quality of this revision. It all begins with
the captain of the team, Michael Ablassmier. As my editorial director he provides
the internal support to launch and manage the revision process. He also spends
much time traveling in support of my products. Thanks for your continuing support
over the last 10 years! To Anne Ehrenworth, product developer, thank you for paying
attention to the details, keeping us all focused on the schedule, and coordinating all the
moving pieces.
To Debbie Claire, executive marketing manager, you are the energizer bunny who works
tirelessly in support of this product. Your creativity, passion, and effort make you the abso-
lute best at your job, and you push me more than anyone to raise my “marketing” game.
Thank you! To Harvey Yep, your knowledge and experience with the production process
keep us on schedule and responsive to all the change requests.
To Patrick Soleymani, your support as my digital faculty consultant is invaluable. Your
work on the Teaching Resource Manual and writing cases were instrumental in creating
essential teaching materials. To Denise Breaux Soignet, your efforts in writing cases and
developing digital activities to assess student learning greatly enhanced the product.
To Sarah Thomas, market development manager, Keri Johnson, content project man-
ager; and Jessica Cuevas, designer, thanks for all you do to in support of the product.
I would also like to thank Elisa Adams for her editorial assistance; Lindy Archambeau,
Barbara Larson, Grace McLaughlin, and Jennifer Muryn for their work on the Teaching
Resource Manual; Shelly Arneson for the PowerPoint slides; and to Ken Carson for his
work on the Self-Assessments for Connect.
To McGraw-Hill company, it is a world-class publisher and I am grateful to be a member
of the family.
Warmest thanks and appreciation go to the individuals who provided valuable input
during the developmental stages of this edition, as follows:
xxiv
Dana Frederick, Bobbie Knoblauch, Thomas Philippe,
Missouri State University Wichita State University St. Petersburg College
Patricia Galitz, Todd Korol, Michael Pirson,
Southeast Community College Monroe Community College Fordham University
Barbara Garrell, Zahir Latheef, Beth Polin,
Delaware County Community College University of Houston Downtown Eastern Kentucky University
Terry Girdon, Dave Lanzilla, Elizabeth Prejean,
Pennsylvania College of Technology College of Central Florida Northwestern State University
Lacey Gonzalez-Horan, Barbara Larson, Kenneth Rasheed,
Lehigh Carbon Community College Northeastern University Chattahoochee Technical College
Jan Grimes, Zahir Latheef, Chelsea Hood Reese,
Georgia Southern University University of Houston–Downtown Southeast Community College
William Habacivch, Blaine Lawlor, Martha Robinson,
Central Penn College University of West Florida University of Memphis
Gordon Haley, Benjamin Lipschutz, David Ruderman,
Palm Beach State College Central Penn College University of Colorado–Denver
R. Hall, Charles Lyons, Jerry Schoenfeld,
Tarleton State University University of Georgia Florida Gulf Coast University
Lisa M. Harris, Professor Cheryl Macon, Marina Sebastijanovic,
Southeast Community College Butler County Community College University of Houston
Joanne Hartsell, Zengie Mangaliso, Sarah Shike,
East Carolina University University of Massachusetts–Amherst Western Illinois University
Ahmad Hassan, Christine Marchese, Raj K. Singh,
Morehead State University Nassau Community College University of California–Riverside
Karen H. Hawkins, D. Kim McKinnon, Paula Kirch Smith,
Miami Dade College–Kendall Campus Arizona State University Cincinnati State
Cathy Henderson, Ben McLarty, Dustin Smith, PhD.,
Stephen F. Austin State University Mississippi State Univerisity Webster University
Nhung Hendy, Erin McLaughlin, George E. Stevens,
Towson University University of Alabama–Huntsville Kent State University
Lara Hobson, Christine Miller, Jerry Stevens,
Western Michigan University Tennessee Tech University Texas Tech University
Anne Hoel, Lorianne Mitchell, C. Justice Tillman,
University of Wisconsin–Stout East Tennessee State University Baruch College, City University of
Gregory A. Hoffeditz, Debra L. Moody, New York
Southern Illinois University–Carbondale Virginia Commonwealth University Jim Turner,
James Hopkins, Vivianne Moore, Davenport University
University of Georgia Davenport University Brandi Ulrich,
Tammy Hunt, Byron Morgan, Anne Arundel Community College
University of North Carolina– Texas State University George Valcho,
Wilmington Bossier Parish Community College
Jennifer Muryn,
Perwaiz Ismaili, Robert Morris University Tim Waid,
Metropolitan State University University of Missouri
Troy Nielson,
Jacquelyn Jacobs, Brigham Young University Wendy Walker,
University of Tennessee University of North Georgia
Paul O’Brien,
Paul D. Johnson, Keiser University Charlene Walters,
University of Mississippi Nathan Oliver, Strayer University
Sue Joiner, University of Alabama at Rick Webb,
Tarleton State University Birmingham Johnson County Community College
John Kirn, Rhonda Palladi, Joette Wisnieski,
University of Kentucky Georgia State University Indiana University of Pennsylvania
Acknowledgments xxv
Anthony Weinberg, Wallace Alexander Williams Jr., M. Susan Wurtz,
Daymar College Texas A&M University–Commerce University of Northern Iowa
David Wernick, Dr. Linsey Willis, Jan Zantinga,
Florida International University Florida Atlantic University University of Georgia
I would also like to thank the following colleagues who served as manuscript reviewers during the development of
previous editions:
xxvi Acknowledgments
Anant R. Deshpande, Lucy R. Ford, Karen H. Hawkins,
SUNY Empire State College Saint Joseph’s University Miami Dade College, Kendall Campus
John DeSpagna, Charla Fraley, Samuel Hazen,
Nassau Community College Columbus State Community College Tarleton State University
Pamela A. Dobies, Gail E. Fraser, Jack Heinsius,
University of Missouri–Kansas City Kean University Modesto Junior College
David Dore, Dana Frederick, Duane Helleloid,
Pima Community College Missouri State University University of North Dakota
Lon Doty, Tony Frontera, Evelyn Hendrix,
San Jose State University Binghamton University Lindenwood University
Ron Dougherty, Dane Galden, Kim Hester,
Ivy Tech Community College/ Columbus State Community College Arkansas State University
Columbus Campus Michael Garcia, Anne Kelly Hoel,
Scott Droege, Liberty University University of Wisconsin–Stout
Western Kentucky University Evgeniy Gentchev, Mary Hogue,
Ken Dunegan, Northwood University Kent State University
Cleveland State University Lydia Gilmore, David Hollomon,
Steven Dunphy, Columbus State Community Victor Valley College
Indiana University Northwest College Tammy Hunt,
Linda Durkin, James Glasgow, University of North Carolina–
Delaware County Community Villanova University Wilmington
College Ronnie Godshalk, Aviad Israeli,
Subhash Durlabhji, Penn State University Kent State University
Northwestern State University of Connie Golden, Edward Johnson,
Louisiana Lakeland Community College University of North Florida
Jack Dustman, Deborah Cain Good, Nancy M. Johnson,
Northern Arizona University University of Pittsburgh Madison Area Technical College
Ray Eldridge, Kris Gossett, Kathleen Jones,
Lipscomb University Mercyhurst University University of North Dakota
Bob Eliason, Marie Gould, Rusty Juban,
James Madison University Horizons University Southeastern Louisiana University
Valerie Evans, Tita Gray, Dmitriy Kalyagin,
Kansas State University Maryland University of Integrative Chabot College
W. Randy Evans, Health Heesam Kang,
University of Tennessee at Ryan Greenbaum, Trident University International
Chattanooga Oklahoma State University– Marvin Karlins,
Paul A. Fadil, Stillwater University of South Florida
University of North Florida Kevin S. Groves, Marcella Kelly,
Crystal Saric Fashant, Pepperdine University Santa Monica College
Metropolitan State University Joyce Guillory, Richard Kimbrough,
Jud Faurer, Austin Community College University of Nebraska–Lincoln
Metropolitan State University of Reggie Hall, Renee N. King,
Denver Tarleton State University Eastern Illinois University
Judy Fitch, Stephen F. Hallam, Shaun C. Knight,
Augusta State University The University of Akron Penn State University
Carla Flores, Marie DK. Halvorsen-Ganepola, Bobbie Knoblauch,
Ball State University University of Notre Dame Wichita State University
Christopher Flynn, Charles T. Harrington, Todd Korol,
University of North Florida Pasadena City College Monroe Community College
David Foote, Santhi Harvey, Leo C. Kotrodimos,
Middle Tennessee State University Central State University NC Wesleyan College
Acknowledgments xxvii
Sal Kukalis, Brenda McAleer, John Orife,
California State University–Long University of Maine at Augusta Indiana University of Pennsylvania
Beach Daniel W. McAllister, Eren Ozgen,
Chalmer E. Labig Jr., University of Nevada–Las Vegas Florida State University–Panama City
Oklahoma State University David McArthur, Fernando Pargas,
Wendy Lam, Utah Valley University James Madison University
Hawaii Pacific University Tom McFarland, Jack Partlow,
Robert L. Laud, Mount San Antonio College Northern Virginia Community College
William Paterson University Joe McKenna, Don A. Paxton,
Rebecca Legleiter, Howard Community College Pasadena City College
Tulsa Community College Zack McNeil, John Paxton,
David Leonard, Metropolitan Community College Wayne State College
Chabot College Jeanne McNett, John Pepper,
Chris Levan, Assumption College The University of Kansas
University of Tennessee– Spencer Mehl, Clifford R. Perry,
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United States Air Force Academy University of Louisiana Cuyahoga Community College–
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Northwest Missouri State University Kirkwood Community College Barbara Petzall,
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University of North Alabama Illinois State University Shaun Pichler,
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xxviii Acknowledgments
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carelessly discovered a resemblance between the said starved poet and your
humble servant, the consequence of which was that your humble servant
bought up, at no inconsiderable expense, all the copies of the said print, and
committed them to the flames. And now, if I were to see my own features
prefixed to my own writings; if I were to imagine to myself your curiosity,
my public, criticizing expression of countenance as well as expression of
thought, and lines of face as well as lines of metre, I could not endure it—I
should faint! Yes, I should positively faint.
I have another reason; another very momentous one. I once heard a lady
criticizing the “Lines to——.” How beautiful were the criticisms; and how
beautiful was the critic! I would have given the riches of Mexico for such a
review, and such a reviewer. But to proceed with my story—thus were the
remarks wound up:—“Now do, Mr. Courtenay, tell me who is the author?
What an interesting looking man he must be!”
From that moment I have been enwrapt in most delightful day-dreams. I
have constantly said to myself, “Peregrine, perhaps at this moment bright
eyes are looking on your effusion; and sweet voices are saying, ‘What a
pretty young man Mr. Courtenay must be!’” And shall I publish my picture,
and give them the lie? Oh, no! I will preserve to them the charity of their
conjectures, and to myself the comfort of their opinion.
And now what rests for me but to express my gratitude to all who have
assisted me by their advice or their support, and to beg, that if, in
discharging my part to the best of my abilities, it has been my misfortune to
give offence to any one of them, he will believe that I sinned not
intentionally, and forgive me as well as he can.
I have also to return thanks to many gentlemen who have honoured me
by marks of individual kindness. It would be painful for me to leave this
spot without assuring them, that in all places, and under all circumstances, I
shall have a lively recollection of the attention they have shown me, and the
interest they have expressed in my success.
But most of all, I have to speak my feelings to him who, at my earnest
solicitations, undertook to bear an equal portion of my fatigues and my
responsibility—to him who has performed so diligently the labours which
he entered upon so reluctantly—to him who has been the constant
companion of my hopes and fears, my good and ill fortune—to him who, by
the assiduity of his own attention, and the genius of the contributors whose
good offices he secured, has ensured the success of the Etonian.
I began this letter in a light and jesting vein, but I find that I cannot keep
it up. My departure from Eton and the Etonian is really too serious a
business for a jest or a gibe. I have felt my spirits sinking by little and little,
until I have become downright melancholy. I shall make haste, therefore, to
come to a conclusion. I have done, and I subscribe myself (for the last
time),
My dear Public,
Your obliged and devoted servant,
Peregrine Courtenay.
ABDICATION OF THE KING OF CLUBS.
We, Peregrine, by Our own choice, and the public favour, King of Clubs,
and editor of the Etonian, in the ninth month of Our reign, being this day in
possession of Our full and unimpaired faculties both of mind and body, do,
by these presents, address Ourselves to all Our loving subjects, whether
holding place and profit under Us, or not.
Inasmuch as We are sensible that We must shortly be removed from this
state of trial, and translated to another life, leaving behind Us all the
trappings of royalty, all the duties of government, all the concerns of this
condition of being, it does seem good to Us, before We are withdrawn from
the eyes of Our dearly beloved friends and subjects, to abdicate and divest
Ourselves of all the ensigns of power and authority which We have hitherto
borne; and We do hereby willingly abdicate and divest Ourselves of the
same.
And be it, by all whom it may concern, remembered, that the cares and
labours of Peregrine, sometime King of Clubs, are henceforth directed to
another world; and that if any one shall assume the sceptre and the style of
Peregrine, the first King of Clubs, such person is a liar and usurper.
Howbeit, If it shall please Our trusty subjects and counsellors to set upon
Our Throne a rightful and legitimate successor, We will that the allegiance
of Our people be transferred to him; and that he be accounted supreme over
serious and comic, verse and prose; and that the treasury of Our Kingdom,
with all that it shall at such time contain, song, and sonnet, and epigram,
and epic, and descriptions, and nondescripts, shall be made over forthwith
to his charge and keeping.
And for all acts, and writings, made and done during the period of Our
reign, to wit, from the twentieth day of October, anno Domini eighteen
hundred and twenty, to the twenty-eighth day of July, eighteen hundred and
twenty-one, inclusive, we commit them to the memory of men, for the
entertainment of our friends and the instruction of posterity.
Further, If any one shall take upon himself the office of commenting
upon any of the deeds and transactions which have taken place under Our
administration, whether such comment shall go forth in plain drab or in
gaudier saffron and blue, We recommend to such person charity and
forbearance, and in their spirit let him say forth his say.
And be it hereby known, that for all that has been said or done against
Us, during the above-mentioned period, whether by open hostility or secret
dislike, We do this day publish a general and hearty Amnesty: And We will
that all such offences be from henceforth committed to oblivion, and that no
person shall presume to recall to Our recollection such sins and treasons.
And We also entreat that if, in the course of a long and arduous
administration, it has been Our lot to inflict wounds in self-defence, or to
wound, unknowingly, those who were unconnected with Us, the forgiveness
which We extend to others will be extended by others to Us.
And We do, from this day, release from all bond, duty, and obligation
those who have assisted Us by their counsel and support; leaving it to all
such persons to transfer their services to any other master, as seemeth to
them best.
We decree that Our punchbowl be henceforth consecrated to Our lonely
hours and our pleasant recollections; that no one do henceforth apply his
lips to its margin; and that all future potentates in this state of Eton do
submit to assemble their privy council around a coffee-pot or an urn.
And We most earnestly recommend to those dear friends, whom We
must perforce leave behind Us, that in all places and conditions they
continue to perform their duties in a worshipful manner, always
endeavouring to be a credit to the Prince whom they have so long honoured
by their service.
And now, as Our predecessor, Charles of Germany, in the meridian of his
glory, laid down the reins of empire, exchanging the court for the cloister,
and the crown for the cowl—even so do We, Peregrine of Clubs, lay down
the pen and the paper, exchanging celebrity for obscurity, punch for algebra,
the printing-office for Trinity College. And We entreat all those who have
Our welfare at heart to remember Us sometimes in their orisons. And so We
depart.
Peregrine.
Given in our Club-room, this twenty-eighth
day of July, A.D. 1821.
THE UNION CLUB.
A.D. 1823.
Public debts,
Epithets,
Foul and filthy, good and great,
Glorious wars,
British tars,
Beat and bruise
Parlez-vous,
Frenzy, frown,
Commons, Crown,
Ass and pannier,
Rule Britannia!—
How I love a loud debate!”
Then the Church shakes her rattle, and sends forth to battle
The terror of Papist and sinner,
Who loves to be seen as the modern Mæcenas,
And asks all the poets to dinner.
Indian Stories,
Damn the Tories,
None but he can rule the State,
Wise magicians,
Politicians,
Foreign lands,
Kings and wands,
Fiends and fairies,
Dromedaries,
Laugh at Boodle’s,
Cock-a-doodles—
How I love a loud debate!”
Then up gets a youth with a visage of truth,
An omen of good to our islands,
Who promises health and abundance of wealth
To our Oatlands, and Wheatlands, and Ryelands.
And the honourable gentleman, after making the grand tour in a hand
canter, touching cursorily upon Rome, Constantinople, Amsterdam,
Philadelphia, and the Red Sea; with two quotations, two or three hundred
similes, and two or three hundred thousand metaphors, proceeds to the tune
of
[14]“We, Mr. President, have indeed awful examples to direct us or deter.
Have we not seen the arms of the mighty overpowered, and the counsels of
the wise confounded? Have not the swords of licentious conquest, and the
fasces of perverted law, covered Europe with blood, and tears, and
mourning? Have not priests and princes and nobles been driven in beggary
and exile to implore the protection of rival thrones and hostile altars?
Where is the sacred magnificence of Rome? Where the wealth and
independence of Holland? Where the proud titles of the German Cæsars?
Where the mighty dynasty of Bourbon? But is there yet one nation which
has retained unimpaired its moral and political strength? One nation, whose
shores have ever been accessible to a suppliant, and never to an enemy?
One nation which, while the banners of her foes have been carried in
triumph to half the capitals of the world, has seen them only suspended over
her shrines as trophies? One nation, which, while so many cities have been
a prey to hostile fires, has never seen her streets lighted up but with the
blaze of victorious illumination? History and posterity will reply, ‘That
country was England.’ Let them not talk to us of their philosophy and their
philanthropy, their reason and their rights! We know too well the oratory of
their Smithfield meetings, and the orgies of their midnight clubs! We have
seen the weapons which arm, and the spirit which nerves them. We have
heard the hyæna howl, till the raving which excited dismay provokes
nothing but disgust. Amid the railings of disappointed ambition, and the
curses of factious hate; amid the machinations of the foully wicked, and the
sophistries of the would-be wise, we will cling to our fathers’ banner—we
will rally round our native rock. Mr. President, that banner is the Charta of
our rights—that Rock is the British Constitution!”
“Bravo!” “Can’t say I quite caught the line of argument.” “Argument!
Fiddlestick! Quite gone out except for opponencies; and then for the
language, and the feeling, and the style, and all that sort of thing—oh!
nobody can deny that it was all
Oratoric,
Metaphoric,
Similes of wondrous length;
Illustration,
Conflagration,
Ancient Romans,
House of Commons,
Clever Uriel
And Ithuriel,
Good old king,
Everything!—
How I love a loud debate!”
With his sayings and saws, his hems and his haws,
Another comes up to the scratch;
While Deacon and Law unite in a yaw! [Yawning.
And the President looks at his watch.
Admirable,
Bang the table,
‘Sir, although its getting late,’
Opposition,
Repetition,
Endless speeches,
Leather breeches,
Taxes, hops,
Turnip-tops,
Leather ’em, lather ’em,
Omnium-gatherum—
How I love a loud debate!”
Quite divine
Peregrine,
Never shall we see his mate;
Fun and flams,
Epigrams,
Leering, lying,
Versifying,
Nodding, noting,
Quibbling, quoting,
‘Thief!’ and ‘Bore!’
‘Lie!’ no more—
How I love a loud debate!”
Then up gets the glory of us and our story,
Who does all by logic and rule,
Who can tell the true diff’rence ’twixt twopence and threepence,
And prove Adam Smith quite a fool.
“Do you take trifle?” said Lady Olivia to my poor friend Halloran.
“No, Ma’am, I am reading philosophy,” said Halloran; waking from a fit
of abstraction, with about as much consciousness and perception as exists in
a petrified oyster, or an alderman dying of a surfeit. Halloran is a fool.
A trifle is the one good thing, the sole and surpassing enjoyment. He
only is happy who can fix his thoughts, and his hopes, and his feelings, and
his affections, upon those fickle and fading pleasures, which are tenderly
cherished and easily forgotten, alike acute in their excitement and brief in
their regret. Trifles constitute my summum bonum. Sages may crush them
with the heavy train of argument and syllogism; schoolboys may assail
them with the light artillery of essay and of theme; Members of Parliament
may loathe, doctors of divinity may contemn—bag wigs and big wigs, blue
devils and blue stockings, sophistry and sermons, reasonings and wrinkles,
Solon, Thales, Newton’s “Principia,” Mr. Walker’s “Eidouranion,” the
King’s Bench, the bench of Bishops—all these are serious antagonists; very
serious! But I care not; I defy them; I dote upon trifles; my name is Vyvyan
Joyeuse, and my motto is “Vive la Bagatelle!”
There are many persons who, while they have a tolerable taste for the
frivolous, yet profess remorse and penitence for their indulgence of it; and
continually court and embrace new day-dreams, while they shrink from the
retrospect of those which have already faded. Peace be to their everlasting
laments and their ever-broken resolutions! Your true trifler, meaning your
humble servant, is a being of a very different order. The luxury which I
renew in the recollection of the past is equal to that which I feel in the
enjoyment of the present, or create in the anticipation of the future. I love to
count and recount every treasure I have flung away, every bubble I have
broken; I love to dream again the dreams of my boyhood, and to see the
visions of departed pleasures flitting, like Ossian’s ghosts, around me, “with
stars dim twinkling through their forms.” I look back with delight to a youth
which has been idled away, to tastes which have been perverted, to talents
which have been misemployed; and while in imagination I wander back
through the haunts of my old idlesse, for all the learning of a Greek
professor, for all the morality of Sir John Sewell, I would not lose one
single point of that which has been ridiculous and grotesque, nor one single
tint of that which has been beautiful and beloved.
Moralists and misanthropists, maidens with starched morals and matrons
with starched frills, ancient adorers of Bohea and scandal, venerable
votaries of whispering and of whist, learned professors of the
compassionate sneer and the innocent innuendo, eternal pillars of gravity
and good order, of stupidity and decorum—come not near me with your
spare and spectacled features, your candid and considerate criticism. In you
I have no hope, in me you have no interest. I am to speak of stories you will
not believe, of beings you cannot love; of foibles for which you have no
compassion, of feelings in which you have no share.
Fortunate and unfortunate couples, belles in silks and beaux in
sentimentals, ye who have wept and sighed, ye who have been wept for and
sighed for, victims of vapours and coiners of vows, makers and marrers of
intrigue, readers and writers of songs—come to me with your attention and
your salts, your sympathy and your cambric; your griefs, your raptures,
your anxieties, all have been mine; I know your blushing and your paleness,
your self-deceiving and your self-tormenting.