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The Practice of Emotionally Focused

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“Susan M. Johnson’s 15-year update of emotionally focused couple therapy
shows how powerful systematic research can be in developing a great theory.
This book is a must read for all therapists.”
—John Gottman, author of 8 Dates: Essential Conversations for a
Lifetime of Love

“In this remarkable book, Susan M. Johnson provides the definitive summary
of state-of-the-art practice in what is surely now the most widely disseminated
form of couple therapy. The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy
not only comprehensively describes how to do emotionally focused couple
therapy, but also concisely summarizes the substantial evidence about
emotion and attachment upon which this approach is based and the extensive
research demonstrating its impact. This significantly revised and expanded
new edition of a classic book highlights the many significant advances in this
evidence-based approach since its second edition. Speaking in a voice that is
accessible and clinically meaningful to couple therapists, beautifully written,
and filled with compelling clinical examples, this book should be an essential
part of every couple therapist’s library.”
—Jay L. Lebow, Ph.D., ABPP, senior scholar and clinical professor,
Family Institute at Northwestern, Evanston, IL
The Practice of Emotionally
Focused Couple Therapy

Since its original publication in 1996, The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple
Therapy has been the definitive guide for couple therapists, supervisors, and
students wishing to practice emotionally focused therapy.
This cutting-edge third edition addresses recent changes in the field
of couple therapy, including updated research results relating to clinical
interventions, expanded understandings of emotion regulation, adult
attachment and neuroscience, and dynamic EFT applications for a range of
issues such as depression, anxiety, sexual disorders, and PTSD. Chapters
introduce micro-interventions for use in EFT couple sessions, as well as a
systematic presentation of a macro set of interventions called the EFT Tango.
Clinical examples are included throughout, bringing the in-session process of
change alive, and two case chapters offer in-depth commentaries of Stage 1
and Stage 2 EFT sessions.
Written by the leading authority on emotionally focused therapy, this
third edition is an essential reference on all aspects of EFT and its uses for
mental health professionals in the field of couple and marital therapy.

Susan M. Johnson, Ed.D., is the leading developer of Emotionally Focused


Therapy (or EFT). She is a Professor Emeritus of Clinical Psychology at the
University of Ottawa, Distinguished Research Professor in the Marital and
Family Therapy Program at Alliant University in San Diego, and Director of
the International Centre for Excellence in EFT (www.iceeft.com).
The Practice of
Emotionally Focused
Couple Therapy
Creating Connection
Third Edition

Susan M. Johnson
Third edition published 2020
by Routledge
52 Vanderbilt Avenue, New York, NY 10017
and by Routledge
2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon, OX14 4RN
Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business
© 2020 Susan M. Johnson
The right of Susan M. Johnson to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in
accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilised in any form or by
any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying
and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the
publishers.
Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used
only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe.
First edition published by Routledge 1996
Second edition published by Routledge 2004
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
A catalog record for this book has been requested
ISBN: 978-0-8153-4800-9 (hbk)
ISBN: 978-0-8153-4801-6 (pbk)
ISBN: 978-1-351-16836-6 (ebk)
Typeset in Palatino
by Apex CoVantage, LLC
This book is dedicated, as in previous editions, to my generous and
loving partner, John Palmer Douglas—the love of my life.
And to all of my amazing colleagues in the International Center for
Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT), who are taking
EFT all over the world with such passion and grace.
Contents

Introduction�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������1

1 The Field of Couple Therapy and EFT���������������������������������������������������������3


The Emergence and Growth of EFT���������������������������������������������������������������6
The EFT Approach�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������14
What Is EFT?�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������14
How Is EFT Different From Other Approaches? ���������������������������������������16
Role of the Therapist �����������������������������������������������������������������������������16
A Primary Focus on the Present�����������������������������������������������������������16
Treatment Goals—Secure Bonding������������������������������������������������������17
An Emotional Focus�������������������������������������������������������������������������������17
Taking People As They Are�������������������������������������������������������������������18
Where Does the EFT Theory of Change Come From?�������������������������������18
What Does EFT Look Like?���������������������������������������������������������������������������20
Stage 1: The De-Escalation of Negative Cycles of
Interaction—Relationship Stabilization�������������������������������������������21
Stage 2: Changing Interactional Positions�������������������������������������������21
Stage 3: Consolidation and Integration�����������������������������������������������21
The Process of Change �����������������������������������������������������������������������������������22
A Typical Change Process: Snapshots ���������������������������������������������������������23
Cycle De-Escalation �������������������������������������������������������������������������������23
Withdrawer Engagement�����������������������������������������������������������������������24
Blamer Softening�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������24

2 An Attachment View of Love: The EFT Approach ���������������������������������26


The EFT Perspective on Adult Love�������������������������������������������������������������27
The Tenets of Attachment Theory �������������������������������������������������������27
Adult Attachment—A Note �����������������������������������������������������������������33
Attachment as an Integrative Perspective�������������������������������������������35
Changes in Attachment�������������������������������������������������������������������������37
The Significance of Attachment Theory for Couple Therapy����������38

3 The EFT Theory of Change: Within and Between�����������������������������������40


The Experiential Viewpoint—Changing Inner Experience�����������������������41
Systems Theory: Changing Interactional Patterns�������������������������������������45
Integrating Systemic and Experiential Perspectives ���������������������������������47
Summary: The Primary Assumptions of EFT���������������������������������������������49
x ◆ Contents

4 The Basics of EFT Interventions: Emotions and the


Macro-Intervention, the EFT Tango �����������������������������������������������������������51
Expanding Experience and Shaping Dances�����������������������������������������������51
The Key Role of Empathy�������������������������������������������������������������������������������53
Task 1: The Creation and Maintenance of a Therapeutic Alliance�����������55
Task 2: The Accessing and Reformulating of Emotion������������������������������59
Emotion in EFT���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������60
Which Emotion to Focus On? �����������������������������������������������������������������������66
Example: A Therapist Piecing Together the Elements
of Emotion�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������71
The EFT Tango: Changing Self and Relational System �����������������������������73
Tango Move 1—Mirroring Present Process����������������������������������������75
Tango Move 2—Affect Assembly and Deepening�����������������������������76
Tango Move 3—Choreographing Engaged Encounters�������������������80
Tango Move 4—Processing the Encounter�����������������������������������������81
Tango Move 5—Integrating and Validating���������������������������������������82
The Therapist’s Stance in the EFT Tango��������������������������������������������83

5 Basic EFT Micro Skills: Experiential and Systemic���������������������������������85


Skills and Micro-Interventions: Task 2: Accessing, Regulating,
and Restructuring Emotion�����������������������������������������������������������������������86
1. Reflection���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������86
2. Validation �������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������86
3. Evocative Responding: Reflections and Questions�����������������������87
4. Heightening ���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������89
5. Empathic Conjecture/Interpretation ���������������������������������������������91
6. Self-Disclosure�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������94
Summary�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������95
Task 3: Restructuring Interactions Toward Positive Connection�������������95
1. Tracking and Reflecting �������������������������������������������������������������������96
2. Reframing�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������98
3. Restructuring and Shaping Interactions���������������������������������������100
Techniques Specific to Difficult Therapeutic Impasses���������������������������105
Diagnostic Pictures or Narratives�������������������������������������������������������106
Individual Sessions���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������107
Summary���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������108
The How of Interventions ���������������������������������������������������������������������������109
In-Session Processes and Interventions��������������������������������������������� 111

6 Assessment: Defining the Dance and Listening to the Music������������� 113


Process Goals������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 114
The Therapy Process������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 116
Personal Landmarks or Defining Incidents and Injuries������������������������� 117
Interactional Landmarks ����������������������������������������������������������������������������� 118
Contents ◆ xi

Individual Sessions���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������120
Therapeutic Processes�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������121
Therapeutic Markers ���������������������������������������������������������������������������121
Intrapsychic Markers���������������������������������������������������������������������������122
Interpersonal Markers�������������������������������������������������������������������������123
Interventions �������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������124
The EFT Tango in Early Sessions�����������������������������������������������������������������124
Move 1: Mirror and Reflect Present Process�������������������������������������124
Move 2: Affect Assembly and Deepening�����������������������������������������125
Micro-Interventions in Early Sessions�������������������������������������������������������127
1. Reflection�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������127
2. Validation �����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������127
3. Evocative Reflections and Questions �������������������������������������������127
4. Tracking and Reflecting Interactions �������������������������������������������128
5. Reframing�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������129
Couple Process and End State of Early Sessions���������������������������������������129

7 Changing the Music: Toward De-Escalation/Stabilization �����������������131


Markers�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������133
What Does the EFT Tango Typically Look Like at This Point
in Therapy?�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������135
Micro-Interventions���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������137
1. Validation �����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������138
2. Evocative Reflections and Questions �������������������������������������������139
3. Heightening �������������������������������������������������������������������������������������139
4. Empathic Conjecture�����������������������������������������������������������������������140
5. Tracking and Reflecting Patterns and Cycles of
Interaction ������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������ 141
6. Reframing of the Problem in Terms of Contexts
and Cycles�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������141
Couple Process and State at the End of Stage 1 ���������������������������������������142
End of Stage 1: Snapshot and Exercise ���������������������������������������������146

8 Deepening Engagement: The Beginning of Stage 2 �����������������������������148


Markers�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������151
The EFT Tango in Stage 2�����������������������������������������������������������������������������154
Micro-Interventions in Stage 2���������������������������������������������������������������������156
1. Evocative Responding���������������������������������������������������������������������156
2. Heightening �������������������������������������������������������������������������������������157
3. Empathic Conjecture�����������������������������������������������������������������������159
4. Restructuring Interactions �������������������������������������������������������������162
Couple Process and End State���������������������������������������������������������������������163
xii ◆ Contents

9 Reaching for Secure Connection���������������������������������������������������������������169


EFT Change Events in Stage 2: Re-Engagement and Softening�������������169
Markers�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������172
The Tango in Change Events—Re-Engagement and Softening
in Stage 2�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������173
Interventions �������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������175
Evocative Responding: Reflections and Questions�������������������������176
Empathic Conjecture ���������������������������������������������������������������������������176
Tracking and Reflecting the Cycle�����������������������������������������������������177
Reframing����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������178
Restructuring Interactions�������������������������������������������������������������������178
Change Events�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������179
Withdrawer Re-Engagement���������������������������������������������������������������180
Softening �����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������181

10 The Consolidation of a Secure Base: Stage 3 �����������������������������������������184


The Beginning of Stage 3 �����������������������������������������������������������������������������184
Markers: The Beginning of Consolidation�������������������������������������������������186
Consolidating New Positions, Stories, and Visions���������������������������������187
In the Final Sessions �������������������������������������������������������������������������������������188
Interventions in the Consolidation Stage���������������������������������������������������189
Reflection and Validation of New Patterns and Responses�����������189
Evocative Responding�������������������������������������������������������������������������190
Reframing����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������190
Restructuring Interactions�������������������������������������������������������������������190
Couple Process and End State���������������������������������������������������������������������191
The Nurturing and Maintenance of a More Secure Bond�����������������������193

11 Key Clinical Issues and Solutions: Becoming an EFT Therapist�������195


Becoming an EFT Therapist�������������������������������������������������������������������������195
Question: What Types of Couples/Individuals Is EFT Particularly
Suited For/Not Suited For?���������������������������������������������������������������������196
Question: When Is EFT Contraindicated?�������������������������������������������������200
Question: What Is the General EFT Stance on Addressing
Diversity?���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������201
Question: How Does the EFT Therapist Deal With Impasses
in Therapy?�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������202
Question: How Does the EFT Therapist Deal With
Past Experiences?���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������204
Question: Does the EFT Therapist Ever Contain Emotion? �������������������205
Contents ◆ xiii

Question: Do Individuals Change in the Course of EFT?�����������������������206


Question: How Does the EFT Therapist Know Which Emotion
to Focus On?�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������209
Question: How Does Emotional Experience Evolve in EFT?����������������� 211
Engagement Expands Emotion���������������������������������������������������������� 211
Specific Interactional Tasks Create New Experience
and a New Story�������������������������������������������������������������������������������212
Emotional Processing Naturally Evolves and Has Its
Own Pathways ���������������������������������������������������������������������������������212
Comment�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������213
Question: What Do We Know of the Process of Becoming
an EFT Therapist?�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������214

12 EFFT: Emotionally Focused Family Therapy �����������������������������������������218


Restructuring Attachment���������������������������������������������������������������������������218
Basic Goals and Techniques�������������������������������������������������������������������������219
Format ���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������220
Prerequisites and Contraindications�������������������������������������������������221
First Sessions (1–2)�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������221
Working Through Sessions�����������������������������������������������������������������222
First Case Example of EFFT: My Daughter, I Just Want to
Protect You�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������223
A Typical Session ���������������������������������������������������������������������������������224
Reflection of Experience�����������������������������������������������������������������������227
Reflection of Pattern�����������������������������������������������������������������������������227
Validation�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������227
Evocative Responding�������������������������������������������������������������������������228
Heightening�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������228
Empathic Conjecture ���������������������������������������������������������������������������228
Reframing����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������228
Restructuring Interactions�������������������������������������������������������������������229
Termination Sessions���������������������������������������������������������������������������229
Differences From EFT for Couples�������������������������������������������������������������229
Second Case Example of EFFT: Hold Me Tight Before I Go�������������������231
Present Status of EFFT ���������������������������������������������������������������������������������237

13 Relationship Traumas: Addressing Attachment Injuries���������������������239


Forgiveness and Reconciliation�������������������������������������������������������������������239

14 Live at an EFT Externship: A Stage 1 EFT Session���������������������������������247


xiv ◆ Contents

15 A Stage 2 EFT Session���������������������������������������������������������������������������������270


Stage 2 Session�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������273
The Tsunami of Disapproval�����������������������������������������������������������������������287
Incident���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������287
Move 1—Mirror Present Process �������������������������������������������������������287
Move 2—Affect Assembly and Deepening���������������������������������������287
Move 3—Choreograph New Encounters �����������������������������������������288
Move 4—Process the Encounter���������������������������������������������������������288
Move 5—Integrating and Validating�������������������������������������������������288

Epilogue���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������289

EFT Learning Resources ���������������������������������������������������������������������������������293


Relationship Education Programs�����������������������������������������������������������293
For Professionals �����������������������������������������������������������������������������293
For the Public�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������293
References���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������294
Additional Readings�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������310
Books�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������310
Key Outcome and Follow-Up Studies on EFT in the Last Decade���������310
Outcome Research���������������������������������������������������������������������������310
Process and Predictors Research �����������������������������������������������������312
EFT Relationship Education Program Research�����������������������������313
Index�����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������314
Introduction

It is now 15 years since the 2004 edition of this book came out. So much has
happened in this decade and a half that, indeed, it is time for a substantial
revision. The model, EFT, for which this book provides the basic manual for
clinical practice, has grown enormously.
It has grown in conceptual depth, expanding along with adult attachment
theory, as an integrated way of understanding our basic vulnerabilities and
needs and how they play out in our most intimate relationships. Books for the
public, Hold Me Tight (2008) and Love Sense (2013), based on this model have
also taken attachment science into the popular conversation about love and
loving. EFT has expanded significantly in terms of its research base. In terms
of the number of positive outcome studies, investigations into the process of
change, and positive follow-up studies, this model now represents the gold
standard for empirical interventions in the couple therapy field.
The model has also grown in terms of its generalizability, that is the differ-
ent populations and problems to which it is applied. It is now used routinely
to address relationship distress compounded by clinical depression, anxiety,
and post-traumatic stress disorder, and has been used as a bridge between
couple and sex therapy modalities. It is used across cultures and different
racial groups, for both gay and straight, secular and faith oriented couples,
and for very educated and blue collar couples. Recently the educational pro-
gram based on this model, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of
Love, has been tested and formulated especially for couples facing cardiac
problems, and this program is also being applied to other physical health
issues. An educational program based on the creation of secure attachment
also has obvious relevance for, and is routinely used with, military couples
facing the stressors of separation and deployment. The training programs
teaching this approach have become systematic and highly successful, result-
ing in a large number of professionals not only taking externships and other
trainings but, becoming certified therapists with the International Center for
Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (www.iceeft.com) with more
than 65 affiliated centers supporting learning and research worldwide.
It is also worth noting that in a recent study, EFT was shown to impact
not only relationship distress but the attachment orientation of individual
partners, supporting the attachment concept that love relationships provide
fertile ground for the development of a more secure and integrated sense
of self and a sense of connection to and trust in others. This orientation to
2 ◆ Introduction

attachment science has facilitated the extension of EFT, as laid out in my most
recent book (Johnson, 2019a), to both individual and family therapy modal-
ities. EFT has always treated both self and system, the individual who con-
structs his or her emotional reality and the relational drama that shapes and
reflects this reality. It appears that this model with its focus on attachment as
a developmental model of the social self and on the compelling and transfor-
mational nature of emotion can contribute not just to the growth of the field
of couple intervention but also to psychotherapy in general.
In this volume, you will find micro-interventions that can be used in EFT
couple sessions, as well as a systematic presentation of a more macro set of
interventions titled “the EFT Tango.” The conceptual platform of attachment
theory and recent understandings of emotion and emotion regulation have
also been significantly expanded. You will find many clinical examples to
bring the in-session process of change alive.
As always, however, the essence of EFT and the reason it inspires such
passion in its practitioners remains the same. It offers a compelling way of
seeing our stuck places and a vibrant model of health for which to aim, a clear
set of interventions, and a way of being with our clients that is enlivening for
both therapist and client. In a world of quick fixes, it follows the dictum of Sir
William Osler (1849–1919), who suggests that “the good physician treats the
disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease.” It allows
therapists to, as Rogers states, revel in finding the “order in experience,” and
to grow with their clients.
The last years have been an intoxicating journey of discovery for the EFT
community of dedicated clinicians, supervisors, researchers, and trainers. My
own trust in the power of deliberately crafted emotional experience and the
map to human functioning offered by attachment theory grows with every
client, workshop, and research study. Therapy is so much easier when we can
tap into the innate power of emotion and potent motivations, like the longing
for connection, to fire up the change process. My hope is that this book will
inform and inspire you and open the door to confidence in our joint ability
to understand ourselves as relational beings and to finally bring each other
home.
1
The Field of Couple Therapy and EFT

From the beginning I had known that the pure forcefulness of my argument would
not penetrate deep enough to affect change. It almost never does. . . . Only when
one feels an insight in one’s bones can one own it. Only then can one act on it and
change. . . . [I]t is extraordinarily hard, even terrifying to own the insight that you and
only you can construct your own life design. . . . [I]t is only when therapy enlists deep
emotions that it becomes a powerful force for change.
Irvin Yalom, Love’s Executioner (1989)

A revolution is occurring in the field of couple therapy (Johnson, 2003a, 2013).


As I noted in the last edition of this text, many different kinds of insights
and formal research studies are converging and creating the momentum for
this revolution. Recent research that describes marital distress and satisfac-
tion is congruent with research that outlines the impact of negative and pos-
itive relationships on people’s health and functioning and with research on
effective clinical interventions. All this research also ties in with the hundreds
of studies on the nature of the bonds of adult love. At last, many different
kinds and levels of thinking and investigation are all pointing in the same direction
and forming a cohesive picture. Our understanding of the importance of close
relationships and how they become distressed, our ability to specify effective
interventions and outline the process of change, and our ability to explain the
processes that define adult love have now reached a critical point where we
4 ◆ The Field of Couple Therapy and EFT

can truly talk about couple therapy as an art and a science, based on descrip-
tion, prediction, and explanation. EFT has emerged from and contributed to
this revolution, and, as a model, it continues to evolve and grow.
The beginning couple therapist no longer has to accept the idea that, to
quote the songwriter Lynn Miles, “Love is a warm wind—you can’t hold it in
your hand,” and that the process of the repair of love relationships is therefore
a nebulous and random affair. There are now empirically validated patterns
of marital distress and road maps of adult bonding to help the therapist jour-
ney with a distressed couple toward a more stable and satisfying relationship.
This text offers the EFT clinical road map in a format updated from the 2004
edition and revised in light of the recent book, Attachment in Practice: Emo-
tionally Focused Therapy With Individuals, Couples and Families (Johnson, 2019a).
The goals of this new edition are to:

1. Offer the couple therapist an elegant, clear, and well-researched con-


ceptualization of adult love and bonding processes.
2. Outline the principles of EFT and the stages and steps in relationship
repair and recovery.
3. Describe the sequence of a key macro-intervention (the EFT Tango),
more specific micro-interventions, and crucial change events in EFT
that are focused on increased emotional responsiveness between
partners.
4. Elaborate on how EFT can be applied to different kinds of partners
and couples as well as to families (EFFT).
5. Offer a road map to the resolution of common blocks and impasses
in the process of relationship repair—for example, outlining the for-
giveness of injuries intervention.

In the twenty-first century, therapists can be clearer about the nature of


marital distress: That it is essentially about being flooded by negative emotions
and trapped in narrow, constricting interactions (Gottman, 1994). They can
find in the couple therapy literature clearly specified technologies for change
in the form of empirically validated treatment interventions (Snyder & Wills,
1989; Johnson, Hunsley, Greenberg, & Schlinder, 1999; Jacobson, Christensen,
Prince, Cordova, & Eldridge, 2000; Burgess-Moser et al., 2015). They can read
the vast and growing literature that now exists on the nature of adult love
(Feeney, 1999; Johnson, 2013)—a phenomenon that, until recently, has been
very much neglected in the couple therapy field (Roberts, 1992). In addition,
new elaborations on important aspects of couple therapy, such as the role of
emotion in the change process (Johnson, 2018) and key interventions in change
events (Bradley & Furrow, 2004; Greenman & Johnson, 2013), are available.
The Field of Couple Therapy and EFT ◆ 5

Couple therapy as a discipline seems to be coming of age (Johnson &


Lebow, 2000; Johnson, 2013). Its application is also widening; it is now used
to address more and more “individual” symptomatology, such as depres-
sion, anxiety disorders, and chronic illness (Johnson, 2002; Kowal, John-
son, & Lee, 2003; Dessaulles, Johnson, & Denton, 2003). This makes sense
in light of research that links the quality of intimate relationships and social
support to individual physical and psychological health, through mecha-
nisms such as effective immune system functioning and the amelioration
of life stress and trauma (Pietromonaco & Collins, 2017; Kiecolt-Glaser &
Newton, 2001; Whisman, 1999). A strong loving relationship also potenti-
ates individual growth and self-actualization and is associated with a coher-
ent positive sense of self (Ruvolo & Jobson Brennen, 1997; Mikulincer, 1995;
Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007).
In fact, there is more and more evidence that the “nurturant solace”
offered by close relationships protects us from physical and emotional dis-
ease and improves resilience (Taylor, 2002). This research offers both very
general conclusions, such as that isolation is more dangerous for human
beings than smoking (House et al., 1988), and very specific conclusions,
such as that confiding in others has a positive effect on the cardiovascular
system, preventing specific adverse effects of aging (Uchino, Cacioppo, &
Kiecolt-Glaser, 1996) and that social support tends to optimize health behav-
iors (Pietromonaco & Collins, 2017). This research is also beginning to focus
on the neurobiology of close relationships and identify specific mechanisms,
such as levels of the so-called cuddle hormone, oxytocin (Taylor et al., 2000),
that appear to protect us from disease. It is generally becoming more and
more widely acknowledged that loneliness and lack of social support are
risk factors for health problems, while conversely, secure connection with a
loved one sets the stage for physical health, impacting physiological factors
such as blood pressure and cortisol regulation, emotional factors such as
reactivity to stress, and behavioral factors such as health practices. It is not
surprising then that lack of emotional connection with others is now viewed
as a public health risk (Holt-Lunstad, Robles, & Sbarra, 2017) and interven-
tions focused on life partners as a resource for recovery from illnesses such
as heart disease are being developed and tested (Tulloch, Greenman, Dimid-
enko, & Johnson, 2017).
Couple therapy is also becoming more and more recognized as a major
mental health intervention, perhaps because of the recognition of the nega-
tive impact of divorce on couples, families (Cummings & Davis, 1994; Het-
herington & Kelley, 2002), and communities, or perhaps because, in North
American societies, other sources of community seem to be rapidly dwindling
(Putnam, 2000). The loss of “social capital” has been linked to the escalation
6 ◆ The Field of Couple Therapy and EFT

in levels of depression and anxiety in these societies (Twenge, 2000). Many


of us have no choice but to depend on our intimate partners for support and
connection. Many of us, in fact, appear to now functionally live in a commu-
nity of two. In this context, the quality of their closest relationship becomes
increasingly significant in people’s lives.
The general public is also becoming more and more aware of the value
of using consultation and professional advice to help repair distressed cou-
ple and family relationships. Adult love is beginning to be seen as a process
that can be understood, influenced, and repaired. A marriage partnership is
being framed as intentional (Douherty, 2001), rather than something that rests
in the hands of romantic whim, chance, and fate. As more and more thera-
pists report that they routinely see couples as part of their practice, while also
acknowledging that this modality is a particularly challenging one, the need
for rigorous training in tested models of couple therapy, especially models
that are based on our new scientific understanding of adult love, is becom-
ing more and more urgent. This book is then part of the movement toward a
more delineated, scientific, and impactful set of interventions and more and
more rigorous professional training in the expanding field of couple therapy.

The Emergence and Growth of EFT


Emotionally focused couple therapy (EFT) was formulated in the early 1980s
(Johnson & Greenberg, 1985) as a response to the lack of clearly delineated
and validated couple interventions—particularly more humanistic and less
behavioral interventions. It was called EFT to draw attention to the crucial
significance of emotion and emotional communication in the organization of
patterns of interaction and key defining experiences in close relationships. It
also focused on emotion as a powerful and necessary agent of change, rather
than as simply part of the problem of marital distress. This focus on the need
to address emotion and the power of emotion to create change in marital ther-
apy was not part of the established literature on couple therapy at the time.
In fact, the field of couple therapy could be seen then, and even now, as being
almost affect phobic. Emotion has often been viewed overall as a secondary
complication arising during the course of behavior and/or cognition, as a
dangerous disruptive force in therapy, or as simply an inefficient agent of
change. On some level, it was always clear to couple therapists that changes
in affect were an essential part of relationship repair, but such changes were
presumed to arise through cognitive and behavioral means.
In recent years, however, the compelling role of emotion in marital dis-
tress and couple therapy has become much more accepted (Gottman, 1994).
The Field of Couple Therapy and EFT ◆ 7

The study of emotion has continued to advance (Plutchik, 2000; Gross, 1998;
Gross, Richards, & John, 2006; Lewis & Haviland-Jones, 2000; Sbarra & Coan,
2018). The key role of emotional regulation and engagement in marital hap-
piness and distress (Johnson & Bradbury, 1999), and the emotional nature of
human attachments (Bowlby, 1980, 1988; Johnson, 2003c), have become more
elaborated. Other approaches besides EFT have also begun to incorporate a
focus on emotion (Cordova, Jacobson, & Christensen, 1998; Gottman, 1999),
although many others do not address this issue at all. In general, in the last
decade, the necessity of addressing emotion in the process of relationship
repair has been clarified, and specific methods and interventions to address it
effectively have become more available.
As a model of intervention, EFT arose from systematic observation of
couples in therapy and the process by which they succeeded in repairing
their relationships. Recent models of marital distress, such as Gottman’s
model, also have a grounding in the observation and the coding of specific
interactions between intimates, as do models of adult close relationships
such as attachment theory. It is perhaps not surprising, then, that there is
consonance among EFT as a model of intervention, researched descriptive
models of distress, and relational theories such as attachment. Distressed
couples taught this author and the original research team how to describe the
process of change outlined in EFT and the interventions that promoted this
change process. The first EFT manual was written as part of the first outcome
study, which was this author’s doctoral dissertation, and compared EFT to
untreated couples and couples who completed a behavioral communication
and skills training intervention (Johnson & Greenberg, 1985). The results of
EFT in this first study were impressive enough to spark another three decades
of research on EFT.
At this point, there are 21 studies from North American researchers show-
ing consistently positive outcomes for EFT in terms of the power of this model
to reduce marital distress and shape relationship satisfaction (see the website
www.iceeft.com for a list of these and all other studies and Wiebe & Johnson,
2016, for a summary article focused on this research). Outcome studies also
suggest that EFT can be effective in reducing traumatic stress symptoms and
depression when these issues co-occur with marital distress. The most rig-
orous of these studies have also been integrated into four meta-analyses. It
is worth noting that in the last large study of outcome (Burgess-Moser et al.,
2015) unique results were found in that EFT couple therapy interventions
were shown to increase attachment security, reducing attachment anxiety and
attachment avoidance on self-report measures and on the coding of interac-
tional behaviors focused on attachment. An fMRI brain scan study found that
female partners’ brains’ response to threat changed when holding the hand
8 ◆ The Field of Couple Therapy and EFT

of a partner after the bonding conversations in EFT (Johnson et al., 2013).


The significance of moving partners in the direction of a felt sense of secure
attachment is clear when we consider the myriad positive mental health vari-
ables that are associated with a secure attachment orientation (Mikulincer &
Shaver, 2007). For example, more securely attached individuals report a more
positive, articulated, and coherent sense of self, are more empathic to others,
and also more assertive and resilient to stress. Good couple therapy guides
partners into bonding interactions that foster personal growth and healing.
Follow-up data on this changing attachment study, and two other studies,
also found that the effects of EFT remain stable two or three years after ter-
mination in therapy, and some studies even showed that satisfaction contin-
ues to improve. Since relapse is a key issue in the couple therapy field, these
results are very encouraging and are, we believe, the result of the power of
the bonding conversations set up in EFT and the fact that such positive core
moments of emotional connection are extremely significant corrective expe-
riences in clients’ lives. Such moments create change that is held in mind
and referred back to as a resource—a touchstone that speaks to the inherent
longing to be securely connected to a life partner and the transforming effects
of this kind of belonging.
In terms of exactly how change occurs, there are also nine process of
change studies (Greenman & Johnson, 2013) which show that, as the theory
of EFT predicts, factors such as clients moving into deeper emotion and ther-
apists shaping more open, empathic, and responsive interactions that build
more secure bonds consistently predict relationship repair at the end of ther-
apy and at follow-up. To date, three recent studies outline the effectiveness
of the popular relationship education program: Hold Me Tight®: Conversa-
tions for Connection, based on EFT, and the best-selling book Hold Me Tight:
Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (Conradi, Dingemanse, Noordhof,
Finkenhauer, & Kamphuis, 2017; Kennedy, Johnson, Wiebe, & Tasca, 2018;
Wong, Greenman, & Beaudoin, 2017). There is also positive pilot data on the
adaptation of this program for couples where one person is a cardiac patient
(Tulloch et al., 2017) and the couple needs to form a team to deal effectively
with this health problem. While the Hold Me Tight® program is formulated
for less distressed couples, there is evidence that it also helps more distressed
couples with their relationships.
In the general set of outcome studies, three also examine the positive impact
of EFT on intimacy enhancement and two examine sexual satisfaction (Wiebe
et al., 2019), and there is one small study showing the effectiveness of emotion-
ally focused family therapy (EFFT; Johnson, Maddeaux, & Blouin, 1998) for
families struggling with issues around bulimia (see www.iceeft.com for full
list of studies). In general, these studies are rigorous with adherence checks to
The Field of Couple Therapy and EFT ◆ 9

ensure that therapists were, in fact, following the EFT protocol. Two studies
also exist examining the impact of the core training—the EFT externship—on
therapist’s sense of competence, confidence, and on their personal lives (Sand-
berg, Knestel, & Schade, 2013; Montagno, Svatovic, & Levenson, 2011).
All of these studies give EFT the status of being the gold standard in terms
of empirical validation in the couple therapy field. Regarding the standards
for this validation laid out by the recent APA committee (Sexton et al., 2011),
EFT is the only approach that meets the criteria and so qualifies for placement
in the highest category outlined by this committee. In general, in the couple
therapy field there is a dearth of outcome data on nearly all models of inter-
vention. Indeed the behavioral models, TBCT and IBCT (Christensen et al.,
2004), are the only other models that have published data on the outcome of
couples interventions.
For the practicing clinician, the most significant facts about the research
on EFT appear to be:

◆ The original meta-analysis (Johnson et al., 1999) found that EFT


demonstrates a very healthy and encouraging effect size. Couples
included in this analysis showed a 70 to 73 percent recovery rate
from marital distress in 10 to 12 sessions of EFT therapy (albeit with
clinical supervision provided for therapists), and a 90 percent rate
of significant improvement. This compares with a 35 percent recov-
ery rate for couples receiving traditional behavioral interventions
(Jacobson et al., 1989). The trained EFT clinician, supported by the
knowledge that again and again EFT has been tested and found to be
effective, that results are generally stable over time, and that specific
interventions and the shaping of key change events as laid out in
the model predictably lead to positive outcomes, can be confident of
success with the majority of couples and rely on the model as a compass and
guide with a sense of certainty and conviction. This confidence is also
reassuring for clients and aids in the building of a positive alliance.
◆ In general, EFT does not seem to have a problem with relapse after
treatment termination. This has been identified as a major problem
in the traditional behavioral interventions (Jacobson & Addis, 1993).
In perhaps the most at-risk for relapse population included in an
EFT study, namely the parents of chronically ill children, results
were stable after two years (Clothier, Manion, Gordon-Walker, &
Johnson, 2002). The therapist can then reassure clients or referring
organizations that results are significant in nature and not simply a
brief alleviation of the symptoms of distress and can terminate with
clients without undue anxiety.
10 ◆ The Field of Couple Therapy and EFT

◆ There is clear evidence that the alliance with the therapist is import-
ant in predicting the outcome of EFT, and a female partner’s faith
in her partner’s caring is also very predictive. Initial distress level,
usually the most important predictor of outcome in psychotherapy,
was not found to be very powerful in predicting couples’ levels of
satisfaction four months after the end of therapy. Active engagement
in the tasks of therapy seems to be more linked to outcome than
initial distress level. EFT also seems to be effective with traditional
couples and with men who have trouble with withdrawal and diffi-
culty in expressing emotion (Johnson & Talitman, 1997). These kinds
of results emphasize the model’s focus on shaping and maintaining
safe connection with both clients all through therapy and reminds
the therapist that it is the level of client engagement moment to
moment in therapy that matters, not the interventions per se. The
therapist engages each client where they are at present rather than
focusing on where they should be, and leads each client forward,
small step by small step, so that the client is fully engaged in the
process. This research also assures the therapist that with the meth-
ods of EFT, it is not difficult to help clients connect with and “assem-
ble” their emotions and then begin to use the power of emotion to
literally “move” people into new ways of seeing self and other and a
new interpersonal dance.
◆ There is considerable research on the process of change in EFT.
The question of how change occurs is particularly important to the
practitioner, especially since studies have made it clear that the key
variables set out in a model of therapy may not be the active agents
that create change at all. In a famous behavioral study on methods
of alleviating depression, confronting clients’ dysfunctional beliefs
was, contrary to theory, not associated with change. In fact, it was
associated with ongoing dysfunction. However, deepening of
emotion in session did predict positive change. Key change events
leading to positive outcomes have been studied in EFT and key
interventions identified (Bradley & Furrow, 2004; Johnson, 2003d).
New tasks and processes, such as the resolution of attachment
injuries by a forgiveness and reconciliation procedure, have been
identified and tested (Makinen & Johnson, 2006). The EFT therapist
knows specifically what is necessary and sufficient to create the
change in affect regulation—models of attachment and interactional
responses that make for significant and lasting improvements in
relationship satisfaction.
The Field of Couple Therapy and EFT ◆ 11

In general, research on the nature of marital distress (Gottman, 1994) and


adult attachment (Cassidy & Shaver, 2016; Johnson, 2013) also strongly vali-
dates the focus of the EFT therapy process and the targets of intervention. The
key to successful therapy, according to system theorist Bertalanffy (1968), is
for the therapist to focus in on the key variables that define and organize a living
system. In the case of EFT, the therapist knows to constantly focus on emotion,
the music of a dance between intimates, patterns of disconnection, and the
gradual creation of more secure connection between partners. It is then hard
to lose your way as a therapist in EFT, even in the constantly changing intense
drama of a distressed relationship.
There are then clear, substantiated answers to the four key questions for
any intervention, namely: Does it work consistently and over time?; exactly
how does it work (that is, what has to happen in therapy sessions for change
to occur)?; what precisely does the therapist have to do to create change?; and
is the therapy practical and generalizable to different therapists (that is, can
it be learned and is training available and effective) and to different kinds of
clients, especially clients with varied symptoms and co-morbidities?
At the same time as new research into the effects of EFT interventions was
being conducted, the theoretical conceptualization of adult love relationships
underlying EFT was also expanding and becoming more research based. EFT
always focused on the relationship between partners in terms of an emotional
bond, rather than a bargain to be renegotiated as in traditional behavioral
couple therapy. It always focused on emotional engagement and shaping cor-
rective emotional experiences rather than teaching skill-building sequences
or creating insight. However, the relevance of attachment theory (Bowlby,
1969, 1988) for adult love relationships has become more and more apparent,
and has dovetailed with the continuing delineation of EFT interventions and
change processes (Johnson, 2003d). Social psychologists have continued to
contribute to the study of adult love, and attachment theory is now clearly
the most promising perspective on adult love relationships (Johnson, 2013).
In general, attachment theory is now recognized as “one of the broadest, most
profound and most creative lines of research in 20th century psychology”
(Cassidy & Shaver, 2016). Romantic love is now understood as an ancient,
wired-in-survival code designed to keep those we count on close and avail-
able to us, rather than an intoxicating mixture of sex and sentiment that no
one can understand, let alone shape. Adult attachment theory has grown
exponentially and has become a more and more vital part of EFT, offering the
therapist a map to the terrain of adult love relationships. This map clarifies
the nature of love relationships, what goes wrong in such relationships, and
what is needed to repair and enhance the bonds between partners. EFT is the
12 ◆ The Field of Couple Therapy and EFT

only approach to couple and family therapy that is based on a clear, develop-
mental theory of relationship bonds that is substantiated by many thousands
of studies on the nature of attachment focusing on infant and mother bonds,
and also hundreds of more recent studies on adult romantic attachment.
The purpose of this book is to teach clinicians how to implement EFT in as
systematic a way as possible, given the uniqueness of every couple and every
relationship, and the intricacies of the therapy process.
The strengths of EFT can be summarized as follows:

◆ Its assumptions, strategies, and interventions are clearly speci-


fied and delineated. It is brief, being usually implemented in 8
to 20 sessions; replicable; and has been used to successfully train
countless practicing couple therapists. Many approaches in C&FT
are guru models where the chief proponent of the approach can
purportedly perform “magic,” but magic is not replicable by the
majority of therapists. The EFT approach fits the definition of a sci-
entific model, it offers a focused relevant description of a phenom-
ena, relationship distress and healthy bonding, a prediction of how
key variables impact and define each other so that these variables
can be actively shaped, and an explanation, a coherent framework
that outlines the logical unfolding of the phenomena as described.
At the same time it is a down to earth, practical model that deals
effectively in session with conflict, distance, blocks, and injuries
between partners.
◆ There is empirical support for its effectiveness with general and spe-
cific populations, for example, with parents of chronically ill children
(Walker et al., 1996), and it is associated with large treatment effects
(Johnson et al., 1999). It has also given rise to research on the pro-
cess of change and the delineation of key change events and client
variables associated with treatment success, which allows therapists
to tailor treatment to particular clients and to maintain their focus
on treatment goals, the main goal being the gradual creation of the
emotional accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement that charac-
terizes secure bonds that nurture partners throughout life.
◆ The process of the couple’s journey through therapy is clearly out-
lined in three stages and nine steps, and a repeated intervention
sequence—the EFT Tango—is described that is relevant for all stages
and steps.
◆ In terms of interventions, this approach is grounded in a clear the-
oretical base. This base consists of a theory of change, which arises
from a synthesis of humanistic experiential therapy and systems
The Field of Couple Therapy and EFT ◆ 13

theory. This synthesis integrates a focus on self and relational system


and a clear set of interventions that prioritize working with clients
emotional realities. Experiential interventions have a substantial and
growing research base (Elliot, 2002).
◆ All of the above strengths are in terms of intervention but these
interventions are implemented within the framework of attach-
ment theory and science, and the greatest strength of EFT is indeed
the grounding of this model in the view of human beings as social
bonding mammals who require close relationships with depend-
able others to survive and thrive (Brassard & Johnson, 2016; John-
son, LaFontaine, & Dalgleish, 2015). Our nervous systems are wired
by the extreme and lengthy period of vulnerability that constitutes
human infancy and childhood to seek safe haven others and the
need for such others goes from the cradle to the grave. Romantic
love is then viewed as an attachment process (Mikulincer & Shaver,
2007), and the couple therapist has as a resource the extensive
developmental and social psychological enquires of the last two
decades to clarify the human fears and longings and to make sense
of key variables such as the impact of specific relational behaviors,
both negative behaviors such as criticism or stonewalling, and
positive behaviors such as confiding and empathic responsiveness.
The couple and family field have clearly suffered from the lack of a
clear theoretical and science based understanding of intimate rela-
tionships. It is hard to be truly on target in terms of interventions,
even to know what changes are necessary and sufficient, without
such a map. Attachment is addressed more specifically in a later
chapter.
◆ EFT is also applicable to many different kinds of clients. It is used
for a wide variety of couples and partners, including partners from
different cultures and social classes (Denton, Burleson, Clark, Rodri-
guez, & Hobbs, 2000; Parra-Cardona, Cordova, & Holtrop, 2009),
same sex couples (Josephson, 2003; Hardtke, Armstrong, & Johnson,
2010; Allan & Johnson, 2016), couples dealing with sexual problems
(Wiebe et al., 2019; Johnson, 2017a), older couples (Bradley & Palmer,
2003), and couples suffering from chronic illness (Kowal et al., 2003),
or from depression and anxiety disorders such as post-traumatic
stress disorder (Johnson, 2002; Priest, 2013). There is evidence that
EFT also reduces depression in partners (Dessaulles et al., 2003; Den-
ton, Wittenborn, & Golden, 2012), and effectively reduces attachment
insecurity in both anxious and avoidant partners (Burgess-Moser
et al., 2015).
14 ◆ The Field of Couple Therapy and EFT

◆ EFT as a model is not confined to couple therapy. As mentioned


above, there is now a group relationship education and enhancement
program (Hold Me Tight®: Conversations for Connection) that
has also been adapted to Christian couples (Johnson & Sanderfer,
2016; Created for Connection), and to cardiac patients and their
partners (Tulloch et al., 2017; Healing Hearts Together); the original
program and both of these adaptations are available on the ICEEFT
website. This program is now available as an online program
(holdmetightonline.com). EFT is also used with individuals (EFIT)
and families (EFFT) as outlined in the text Attachment in Practice: EFT
With Individuals, Couples and Families (Johnson, 2019a). The skills of
working with emotion and using it to shape change, and creating
transformative encounters with significant others, whether in real
interactions or in dialogue with the mental representations of such
figures, generalize across contexts and modalities.
◆ Consonant with the attachment framework on which EFT is based,
the practitioners of this model have intentionally created support-
ive learning EFT communities in major cities in North America and
across the globe (see www.iceeft.com for a list). These communities
offering support, supervision, and ongoing training to profession-
als number 65 at the present time. The basic four-day externship on
EFT is offered at these sites, and therapists are supported to improve
their skills and to continue their training toward formal certification
with ICEEFT (the International Center for Excellence in Emotionally
Focused Therapy), as well as to become registered supervisors in this
model. The externship is offered across the globe by ICEEFT regis-
tered trainers—the most recent new sites include Dubai, Hungary,
South Africa, and Iran. The majority of participants rate the extern-
ship extremely highly as a learning experience and choose to go on
for further training. The path to certification is clearly laid out on the
ICEEFT website, and a myriad of training resources, such as training
DVDs showing live sessions, are also available on this site (for a sum-
mary of EFT training, see Johnson, 2017b).

The EFT Approach


What Is EFT?
EFT is integrative; it looks within and between. It integrates an intrapsychic focus on
how individuals process their experience, particularly their key attachment-
oriented emotional responses, with an interpersonal focus on how partners
Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
tener entendido lo mal que le
succedia, siendo de otra manera:
y a mí Dios sabe si me costaba
lagrimas, porque fueron tantas las
que yo delante de Çelia derramé,
suplicandole no tratasse mal a
quien tanto le queria, que bastara
esto para que don Felis me
tuuiera la maior obligaçion, que
nunca hombre tuuo a muger. A
Çelia le llegauan al alma mis
lagrimas, assi porque yo las
derramaua, como por parescelle
que si yo la quisiera lo que a su
amor deuia, no sollicitara con
tanta diligençia fauores para otro:
y assi lo dezia ella muchas ueces
con una ansia, que parescia que
el alma se le queria despedir. Yo
biuia en la mayor confusion del
mundo porque tenía entendido
que sino mostraua quererla como
a mí me ponia a riesgo que Çelia
boluiesse a los amores de don
Felis; y que boluiendo a ellos, los
mios no podrian auer buen fin: y
si tambien fingia estar perdida por
ella, sería causa que ella
desfauoresciesse al mi don Felis,
de manera que a fuerça de
disfauores perdiesse el
contentamiento, y tras él la uida.
Y por estoruar la menor cosa
destas, diera yo cien mil de las
mias, si tantas tuuiera. Deste
modo se passaron muchos dias,
que le seruia de tercera, a
grandissima costa de mi
contentamiento, al cabo de los
quales los amores de los dos
yuan de mal en peor, porque era
tanto lo que Çelia me queria, que
la gran fuerça de amor la hizo que
perdiesse algo de aquello que
deuia a sí misma. Y un dia
despues de auer lleuado y traydo
muchos recaudos, y de auerle yo
fingido algunos, por no uer triste a
quien tanto queria, estando
supplicando a la señora Çelia con
todo el acatamiento possible, que
se doliesse de tan triste uida,
como don Felis a causa suya
passaua, y que mirasse que en
fauorescelle, yua contra lo que a
si misma deuia, lo qual yo hazia
por uerle tal que no se esperaua
otra cosa sino la muerte, del gran
mal que su pensamiento le hazia
sentir. Ella con lagrimas en los
ojos, y con muchos sospiros me
respondio: Desdichada de mí, o
Valerio, que en fin acabo de
entender quan engañada biuo
contigo. No creya yo hasta agora,
que me pedias fauores para tu
señor, sino por gozar de mi uista
el tiempo que gastauas en
pedirmelos. Mas ya conozco, que
los pides de ueras, y que pues
gustas de que yo agora le trate
bien, sin duda no deues
quererme. O quán mal me pagas,
lo que yo te quiero, y lo que por ti
dexo de querer. Plega a Dios, que
el tiempo me uengue de ti, pues
el amor no ha sido parte para ello.
Que no puedo yo creer que la
fortuna me sea tan contraria, que
no te dé el pago de no auella
conoçido. E di a tu señor don
Felis, que si biua me quiere uer,
que no me uea, y tú, traydor
enemigo de mi descanso, no
parezcas más delante destos
cansados ojos: pues sus lagrimas
no han sido parte para darte a
entender lo mucho que me deues.
Y con esto se me quitó delante
con tantas lagrimas, que las mias
no fueron parte para detenella:
porque con grandissima priessa
se metio en un aposento, y
cerrando tras si la puerta, ni bastó
llamar, suplicandole con mis
amorosas palabras, que me
abriesse, y tomasse de mí la
satisfaçion que fuesse seruida, ni
dezille otras muchas cosas, en
que se mostraua la poca razon
que auia tenido de enojarse, para
que quisiesse abrirme. Mas antes
desde allá dentro me dixo (con
una furia estraña): ingrato y
desagradecido Valerio, el más
que mis ojos pensaron uer, no me
ueas, no me hables: que no hay
satisfaçion para tan grande
desamor, ni quiero otro remedio
para el mal que me heziste, sino
la muerte, la qual yo con mis
proprias manos tomaré, en
satisfaçion de la que tú mereçes.
Y yo uiendo esto, me uine a casa
del mi don Felis, con más tristeza
de la que pude dissimular: y le
dixe, que no auia podido hablar a
Çelia, por çierta uisita en que
estaua occupada. Mas otro dia de
mañana supimos, y aun se supo
en toda la çiudad, que aquella
noche le auia tomado un
desmayo con que auia dado el
alma, que no poco espanto puso
en toda la corte. Pues lo que don
Felis sintio su muerte y quanto
llegó al alma, no se puede dezir,
ni ay entendimiento humano que
alcançallo pueda: porque las
cosas que dezia, las lastimas, las
lagrimas, los ardientes sospiros
eran sinumero. Pues de mí no
digo nada, porque de una parte la
desastrada muerte de Çelia me
llegaua al alma, y de otra las
lachrimas de don Felis me
traspassauan el coraçon. Aunque
esto no fue nada, segun lo que
despues senti, porque como don
Felis supo su muerte, la misma
noche desparesció de casa, sin
que criado suyo ni otra persona
supiesse dél. Ya ueys, hermosas
Nimphas, lo que yo sentiria:
pluguiera a Dios que yo fuera la
muerta, y no me sucediera tan
gran desdicha, que cansada
deuia estar la fortuna de las de
hasta alli. Pues como no bastasse
la diligençia que en saber del mi
don Felis se puso (que no fue
pequeña), yo determiné ponerme
en este habito en que me ueys:
en el qual ha mas de dos años,
que he andado buscandole por
muchas partes, y mi fortuna me
ha estoruado hallarle, aunque no
le deuo poco, pues me ha traydo
a tiempo, que este pequeño
seruicio pudiesse hazeros. Y
creedme (hermosas Nimphas)
que lo tengo (despues de la vida
de aquel en quien puse toda mi
esperança) por el mayor contento
que en ella pudiera reçebir.
Quando las Nimphas acabaron de
oyr a la hermosa Felismena, y
entendieron que era muger tan
principal, y que el amor le auia
hecho dexar su habito natural, y
tomar el de pastora, quedaron tan
espantadas de su firmeza, como
del gran poder de aquel tirano,
que tan absolutamente se haze
seruir de tantas libertades. E no
pequeña lastima tuuieron de uer
las lagrimas y los ardientes
sospiros con que la hermosa
donzella solenizaua la historia de
sus amores. Pues Dorida, a quien
más auia llegado al alma el mal
de Felismena, y más affiçionada
le estaua que a persona a quien
toda su uida uuiesse conuersado,
tomó la mano de respondelle, y
començó a hablar desta manera:
¿Qué haremos, hermosa señora,
a los golpes de la fortuna qué
casa fuerte aurá adonde la
persona pueda estar segura de
las mudanças del tiempo? ¿Qué
arnes ay tan fuerte, y de tan fino
açero, que pueda a nadie
defender de las fuerças deste
tirano, que tan injustamente
llaman amor? ¿Y qué coraçon ay,
aunque más duro sea que
marmol, que un pensamiento
enamorado no le ablande? No es
por çierto essa hermosura, no es
esse ualor, no es essa discreçion,
para que merezca ser oluidada de
quien una uez pueda uerla: pero
estamos a tiempo[1246], que
merescer la cosa es principal
parte para no alcançalla. Y es el
crudo amor de condiçion tan
estraña, que reparte sus
contentamientos sin orden ni
conçierto alguno: y alli da
mayores cosas donde en menos
son estimadas: medecina podria
ser para tantos males, como son
los de que este tirano es causa, la
discreçion y ualor de la persona
que los padesce. Pero ¿a quién la
dexa tan libre, que le pueda
aprouechar para remedio? ¿o
quién podra tanto consigo en
semejante passion, que en
causas agenas sepa dar consejo,
quanto más tomalle en las suyas
proprias? Mas con todo eso,
hermosa señora, te suplico
pongas delante los ojos quién
eres, que si las personas de tanta
suerte y valor como tú no
bastaren a suffrir sus
aduersidades, ¿cómo las podrian
suffrir las que no lo son? Y demas
desto, de parte destas Nimphas, y
de la mia, te suplico en nuestra
compañia, te uayas, en casa de la
gran sabia Feliçia, que no es tan
lexos de aquí, que mañana a
estas horas no estemos alli[1247].
Adonde tengo por aueriguado,
que hallarás grandissimo remedio
para estas angustias como lo han
hallado muchas personas, que no
lo merescian. De mas su sciencia,
a la qual persona humana en
nuestros tiempos no se halla que
pueda ygualar su condiçion, y su
bondad no menos la
engrandesce, y haze que todas
las del mundo, desseen su
compañia. Felismena respondio:
No sé (hermosas Nimphas) quién
a tan graue mal puede dar
remedio, si no fuesse el proprio
que lo causa. Mas con todo esso
no dexare de hazer uuestro
mandado, que pues uuestra
compañia es para mi pena tan
gran aliuio, injusta cosa sería
desechar el consuelo en tiempo
que tanto lo he menester. No me
espanto yo, dixo Çinthia, sino
cómo don Felis, en el tiempo que
le seruias, no te conoció en esse
hermoso rostro, y en la gracia, y
el mirar de tan hermosos ojos.
Felismena entonces respondio:
tan apartada tenia la memoria de
lo que en mí auia uisto, y tan
puesto en lo que ueya en su
señora Çelia, que no auia lugar
para esse conoscimiento. Y
estando en esto, oyeron cantar
los pastores que en compañia de
la discreta Seluagia yuan por una
cuesta abaxo los mas antiguos
cantares que cada uno sabia, o
que su mal le inspiraua, y cada
qual buscaua el uillancico que
más hazia a su proposito, y el
primero que començo a cantar fue
Syluano, el qual cantó lo
siguiente:

Desdeñado soy de amor,


guardeos Dios de tal dolor.
Soy del amor desdeñado
de fortuna perseguido;
ni temo uerme perdido,
ni aun espero ser ganado:
un cuydado a otro cuydado
me añade siempre el amor,
guardeos Dios de tal dolor.
En quexas me entretenia,
ued qué triste passatiempo:
ymaginaua que un tiempo,
tras otros tiempos uenia:
mas la desuentura mia
mudóle en otro peor,
guardeos Dios de tal dolor.

Seluagia que no tenia menos


amor, o menos presumpçion de
tenelle al su Alanio, que Syluano
a la hermosa Diana, tan poco se
tenia por menos agrauiada, por la
mudança que en sus amores auia
hecho, que Syluano en auer tanto
perseuerado en su daño;
mudando el primero verso, a este
villançico pastoril, antiguo, lo
començó a cantar aplicandolo a
su proposito desta manera:

Di, ¿quién te ha hecho


pastora
sin gasajo y sin plazer,
que tú alegre solias ser?
Memoria del bien passado
en medio del mal presente,
ay del alma que lo siente,
si está mucho en tal estado:
despues que el tiempo ha
mudado
a vn pastor por me ofender,
jamás he visto el plazer.

A Sireno bastara la cançion de


Seluagia, para dar a entender su
mal, si ella y Syluano, se lo
consintieran: mas persuadiendole
que él tambien eligiesse alguno
de los cantares que más a su
proposito huuiese oydo, començo
a cantar lo siguiente:

Oluidastesme señora,
mucho mas os quiero agora.
Sin ventura yo oluidado
me veo, no sé por qué,
ved a quien distes la fe,
y de quien la aueys quitado,
El no os ama, siendo amado,
yo desamado, señora,
mucho más os quiero agora.
Paresceme que estoy
uiendo
los ojos en que me ui,
y uos por no uerme assi,
el rostro estays escondiendo,
y que yo os estoy diziendo:
alça los ojos, señora,
que muy mas os quiero agora.

Las Nimphas estuuieron muy


atentas a las cançiones de los
pastores, y con gran
contentamiento de oyllos: mas a
la hermosa pastora no le dexaron
los sospiros estar oçiosa en
quanto los pastores cantauan.
Llegado que fueron a la fuente, y
hecho su deuido acatamiento,
pusieron sobre la yerua la mesa,
y lo que del aldea auian traydo, y
se assentaron luego a comer,
aquellos a quien sus
pensamientos les dauan lugar, y
los que no, importunados de los
que más libres se sentian, lo
uuieron de hazer. E despues de
auer comido, Polidora dixo ansi:
Desamados pastores (si es licito
llamaros el nombre que a uuestro
pesar la fortuna os ha puesto) el
remedio de uuestro mal está en
manos de la discreta Feliçia, a la
qual dio naturaleza lo que a
nosotras ha negado. E pues ueys
lo que os importa yr a uisitarla,
pidoos de parte destas Nimphas,
a quien este dia tanto seruiçio
aueys hecho, que no rehuseys
nuestra compañia, pues no de
otra manera podeis reçebir el
premio de uuestro trabajo: que lo
mismo hará esta pastora, la qual
no menos que uosotros lo ha
menester. E tú, Sireno, que de un
tiempo tan dichoso, a otro tan
desdichado te ha traydo la
fortuna, no te desconsueles: que
si tu dama tuuiese tan çerca el
remedio de la mala uida que
tiene, como tú de lo que ella te
haze passar, no seria pequeño
aliuio para los desgustos y
desabrimientos que yo sé que
passan cada dia. Sireno
respondió: Hermosa Polidora,
ninguna cosa da la hora de agora
mayor descontento, que auerse
Diana uengado de mí, tan a costa
suya, porque amar ella a quien no
le tiene en lo que meresce, y
estar por fuerça en su compañia,
ueys lo que le deue costar; y
buscar yo remedio a mi mal,
hazerlo ía, si el tiempo, o la
fortuna, me lo permetiessen, mas
ueo que todos los caminos son
tomados y no sé por donde tú y
estas Nimphas pensays lleuarme
a buscarle[1248]. Pero sea como
fuere nosotros os seguiremos, y
creo que Syluano y Seluegia
harán lo mismo, si no son de tan
mal conoscimiento, que no
entiendan la merçed que a ellos y
a mí se nos haze. Y remitiendose
los pastores a lo que Sireno auia
respondido, y encomendando sus
ganados a otros, que no muy
lexos estauan de alli, hasta la
buelta, se fueron todos juntos por
donde las tres Nimphas los
guyauan.

Fin del segundo libro.


NOTAS:
[1235] M., pradecillo.
[1236] Falta el un en la edición de Milán.
[1237] M., acaballo.
[1238] Dellos añade la edición de Milán.
[1239] M., Hermana Cinthia.
[1240] M., quiso hablar, mas no habló.
[1241] M., apuntándole.
[1242] M. Deesas.
[1243] M., fui.
[1244] M., volvieron.
[1245] M., la avisan.
[1246] M., en tiempo.
[1247] M., allá.
LIBRO TERÇERO
DE LA DIANA DE
GEORGE DE
MONTEMAYOR

Con muy gran contentamiento


caminauan las hermosas
Nimphas con su compañia por
medio de un espesso bosque, y
ya que el sol se queria poner,
salieron a un muy hermoso ualle,
por medio del qual yua un
impetuoso arroyo, de una parte y
otra adornado de muy espessos
salces y alisos, entre los quales
auia otros muchos generos de
arboles más pequeños, que
enredandose a los mayores,
entretexendose las doradas flores
de los unos por entre las uerdes
ramas de los otros, dauan con su
uista gran contentamiento. Las
Nimphas y pastores tomaron una
senda que por entre el arroyo y la
hermosa arboleda se hazia, y no
anduuieron mucho espaçio,
quando llegaron a un uerde prado
muy espaçioso, a donde estaua
un muy hermoso estanque de
agua: del qual proçedia el arroyo
que por el ualle con gran[1249]
impetu corria. En medio del
estanque estaua una pequeña
isleta adonde auia algunos
arboles por entre los quales se
deuisaua una choça de pastores:
alrededor della andaua un rebaño
de ouejas, pasciendo la uerde
yerua. Pues como a las Nimphas
paresciesse aquel lugar
aparejado para passar la noche
que ya muy cerca venía, por unas
piedras que del prado a la isleta
estauan por medio del estanque
puestas en orden, passaron
todas, y se fueron derechas a la
choça, que en la isleta parescia. Y
como Polidora, entrando primero
dentro, se adelantasse un poco,
aun no huuo entrado, quando con
gran priessa boluio a salir, y
boluiendo el rostro a su
compañia, puso un dedo ençima
de su hermosa boca, haziendoles
señas que entrassen sin ruido.
Como aquello uiessen las
Nimphas y los pastores, con el
menes rumor que pudieron
entraron en la choça: y mirando a
una parte y a otra, uieron a un
rincon un lecho, no de otra cosa
sino de los ramos de aquellos
salces, que en torno de la choça
estauan, y de la uerde yerua, que
junto al estanque se criaua.
Ençima de la qual uieron una
pastora durmiendo, cuya
hermosura no menos admiraçion
les puso, que si la hermosa Diana
uieran delante de sus ojos. Tenia
una saya azul clara, un jubon de
una tela tan delicada, que
mostraua la perfeçion y compas
del blanco pecho, porque el
sayuelo que del mesmo color de
la saya era, le tenia suelto, de
manera que aquel graçioso buelto
se podia bien diuisar. Tenía los
cabellos, que más ruuios que el
sol parescian sueltos y sin orden
alguna. Mas nunca orden tanto
adornó hermosura, como la
desorden que ellos tenian, y con
el descuydo del sueño, el blanco
pie descalço, fuera de la saya se
le parescia, mas no tanto que a
los ojos de los que lo mirauan
paresciesse deshonesto. Y segun
parescia por muchas lagrimas,
que aun durmiendo por sus
hermosas mexillas derramaua, no
le deuia el sueño impedir sus
tristes imaginaciones. Las
Nimphas y pastores estauan tan
admirados de su hermosura y de
la tristeza que en ella conoscian,
que no sabian qué se dezir, si no
derramar lagrimas de piedad de
las que á la hermosa pastora
ueyan derramar. La qual estando
ellos mirando, se boluio hazia un
lado, diziendo con un sospiro que
del alma la salia: ¡ay desdichada
de ti, Belisa, que no está tu mal
en otra cosa, sino en ualer tan
poco tu uida, que con ella no
puedes pagar las que por causa
tuya son perdidas! Y luego con
tan grande sobresalto despertó,
que paresció tener el fin de sus
dias presente, mas como uiesse
las tres Nimphas, y las hermosas
dos pastoras, juntamente con los
dos pastores, quedó tan
espantada, que estuuo un rato sin
bolver en sí, boluiendo a mirallos,
sin dexar de derramar muchas
lagrimas, ni poner silençio a los
ardientes sospiros que del
lastimado coraçon embiaua,
començo a hablar desta manera.
Muy gran consuelo sería para tan
desconsolado coraçon como este
mio, estar segura de que nadie
con palabras, ni con obras
pretendiesse darmele, porque la
gran razon, ¡o hermosas
Nimphas! que tengo de biuir tan
embuelta en tristezas, como biuo,
ha puesto enemistad entre mí y el
consuelo de mi mal. De manera
que si pensasse en algun tiempo
tenelle, yo misma me daria la
muerte. Y no os espanteys
preuenirme yo deste remedio,
pues no ay otro para que me dexe
de agrauiar del sobresalto que
reçebi en ueros en esta choça
(lugar aparejado no para otra
cosa, sino para llorar males sin
remedio), y esto sea auiso, para
que qualquiera que a su tormento
le esperare, se salga dél: porque
infortunios de amor le tienen
cerrado, de manera que jamás
dexan entrar aqui alguna
esperança de consuelo.
Mas ¿qué uentura ha guiado tan
hermosa compañia do jamás se
uio cosa que diese contento?
¿Quién pensays que haze cresçer
la uerde yerua desta isla, y
acresçentar las aguas que la
çercan, si no mis lagrimas?
¿Quién pensays que menea los
arboles deste hermoso ualle, sino
la boz de mis sospiros tristes, que
inchando el ayre, hazen aquello
que él por sí no haria? ¿Porqué
pensays que cantan los dulçes
paxaros por entre las matas,
quando el dorado Phebo está en
toda su fuerça, sino para ayudar a
llorar mis desuenturas? ¿A qué
pensays que las temerosas fieras
salen al uerde prado, sino a oyr
mis continuas quexas? ¡Ay
hermosas Nimphas! no quiera
Dios que os aya traydo a este
lugar uuestra fortuna para lo que
yo uine a él, porque çierto
paresce (segun lo que en él
passó), no auelle hecho
naturaleza para otra cosa, sino
para que en él passen su triste
uida los incurables de amor. Por
esso si alguna de uosotras lo es,
no passe más adelante: y vayase
presto de aqui: que no sería
mucho que la naturaleza del lugar
le hiciesse fuerça. Con tantas
lagrimas dezia esto la hermosa
pastora, que no auia ninguno de
los que alli estauan, que las suyas
detener pudiesse. Todos estauan
espantados de uer el spiritu que
con el rostro y mouimientos daua
a lo que dezia, que çierto bien
pareçian sus palabras salidas del
alma: y no se suffria menos que
esto, porque el triste successo de
sus amores, quitaua la sospecha
de ser fingido lo que mostraua. Y
la hermosa Dorida le habló desta
manera: Hermosa pastora, ¿qué
causa ha sido la que tu gran
hermosura ha puesto en tal
estremo? ¿Qué mal tan estraño te
pudo hazer amor, que aya sido
parte para tantas lagrimas
acompañadas de tan triste y tan
sola uida, como en este lugar
deues hazer? Mas ¿qué pregunto
yo? Pues en uerte quexosa de
amor, me dizes más de lo que yo
preguntarte puedo. Quesiste
assegurar quando aqui entramos,
de que nadie te consolasse: no te
pongo culpa, officio es de
personas tristes, no solamente
aborrecer al consuelo, mas aun a
quien piensa que por alguna uia
pueda darsele. Dezir que yo
podria darle a tu mal, ¿que
aprouecha si él mismo no te da
liçençia que me creas? Dezir que
te aproueches de tu juyzio y
discreçion bien sé que no le
tienes tan libre, que puedas
hazello. Pues ¿qué podría yo
hazer para darte algun aliuio, si tu
determinaçion me ha de salir al
encuentro? De una cosa puedes
estar çertificada, y es que no
auria remedio en la uida, para que
la tuya no fuesse tan triste, que yo
dexase de dartele, si en mi mano
fuesse. Y si esta uoluntad alguna
cosa meresçe, yo te pido de parte
de los que presentes están, y de
la mia, la causa de tu mal nos
cuentes, porque algunos de los
que en mi compañia uienen,
estan con tan gran neçessidad de
remedio, y os tiene amor en tanto
estrecho, que si la fortuna no los
socorre, no sé que sera de sus
uidas. La pastora que de esta
manera uio hablar a Dorida,
saliendose de la choça, y
tomandola por la mano la lleuó
cerca de una fuente que en un
uerde pradezillo estaua, no muy
apartado de alli, y las Nimphas y
los pastores se fueron tras ellas, y
juntos se assentaron en torno a la
fuente, auiendo el dorado Phebo

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