I LOVE YOU I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin.

I always thought of him as a friend until last year when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers. However, we love each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl Jin, do you want to go watch a movie? I asked. I cant Why? You need to study at home? I felt disappointment grabbing me. No I am going to meet a friend He was always like that. He met girls in front of me like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word love only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say I love you before. To us, there werent any anniversaries at all. He didnt say anything from the first day and it continued till the 100th day 200th day Everyday before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday without fail. I dont know why Then one day Me: Um, Jin, I Jin: What Dont drag, just say... Me: I love you. Jin: ...You... Um, just take this doll and go home. That was how he ignored my three words and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday filled my room, one by one. There were many Then one day my 15th year old birthday arrived. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him. Hence I stayed at home in my room and waited for his call. Lunch passed... Dinner passed And soon the sky was dark He still didnt call. I was already tired from looking at the phone for the whole day. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily. Me: Jin Jin: Here Take this Again, he handed me a little doll. Me: Whats this? Jin: I didnt give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. Im going home now, bye. Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what day is today? Jin: Today? Huh? I felt devastated, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen. Then I shouted Wait Jin: You have something to say?

Me: Tell me, tell me you love me Jin: What?! Me: Tell me I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he simply said, I dont want to say that I love someone so easily... If you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else. That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb I collapsed to the ground. He didnt want to say it easily How could he At that moment, I felt that Maybe he is not the right guy for me After that day, I found myself stranded at home crying everyday. He didnt call me even though I waited for his call. He continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. Thats how those dolls piled up in my room Everyday. After a month, I pull myself together and went to school. But the pain resurfaced when I saw him on a street with another girl He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room. Tears fell Why did he give these to me Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him and this is going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll. Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came? I couldnt help hating himfor acting like nothing had happened and making a joke out of it. Soon, he held out the doll as usual to hand it over to me. Me: I dont need it. Jin: What? Why? I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road. Me: I dont need this doll, I dont need it anymore!! I dont want to see a person like you again! I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, he was shaking. Im sorry He apologized in a tiny voice. He walked over to the road to pick up the doll Me: You are so stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!! But he ignored me and went to pick the doll. Then Honk~ Honk~ With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him. Jin! Move! Move away! I shouted But he didnt hear me as he squatted down and picked up the doll. Jin, move! HONK~!! Boom! A terrifying sound rang through the whole neighbourhood.. Thats how he left me. Thats how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me. Since that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and sadness of losing him.

After spending two months in despair, I took out the dolls. Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the number days when we were in love One Two Three That was how I started to count the dolls Four hundred and eighty four Four hundred and eighty five It ended with 485 dolls. I started to cry again with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly and then suddenly I love you~, I love you~ I dropped the doll in shock. I. lo..ve you?? I picked up the doll and pressed it's stomach. I love you~ I love you~ It cant be! I pressed all the dolls on their stomachs. I love you~ I love you~ I love you~ Those words came out non-stop. I love you Why didnt I realize that? His heart was always by my side protecting me! Why didnt I realize that he loved me this much? I took out the doll under the bed and pressed its stomach. That was the last doll. The one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. I recognized the voice that I was missing so much. Jo Do you know what day is today? Weve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldnt say I love you. Um Since I was too shy If you will forgive me and take this doll, I will say I love you everyday till I die Jo I love you The tears came flowing out of my eyes. Why? Why? I asked god. Why do I only know about all this now? He cant be by my side but he loved me until his last minute For that reason To me It became courage To live a beautiful life. If you love someone, let him/her know. Live a life bravely and truthfully and you will have no regrets.

During my freshman year in high school, I met a young man by the name of Chang Yang. I didn't necessarily meet him at school I met him at a friend's birthday party. He was 16 and I was 14, we were young and amateur. The first time I saw him in my life was when he was walking through the front door with his friends. They were nice looking and seems like they were going to be fun knowing. I spotted the guy in the middle, he had a great smile on his face and was attractive. At first I was persistance to go ask him for his name but I was like "what the heck" so I got up all my courage and asked him for his name. He gave me his name and asked for mine. I told him my name. We hung out together through out the birthday party. As our conversations proceed, I found out that we had alot in common we have a share of interests. At the end of the party we exchanged phone numbers.He called me later the next day we talked for hours. His voice on the phone was so sweet and beautiful I just fell in love with him instantly. Our conversations was going great until he had to get off the phone. Our phone conversations

went on for about 4 months until we decide to meet up with each other again. We set a meeting place at the park near the river area. So we met. We talked and talked until we had nothing more to say. We sat in silence and stared out to the water. I still remember it like it was yesterday, he took my hand looked me in the eye and ask if I will be willing to give my heart to him. I was completely stunned with the question. I knew I love him and wanted every right to be with him but I was too young and understand love and I felt that I'm not ready for love yet. So I gave my honest answer, "I'm not ready." I can still feel that moment when I gave him my answer. His happy face was suddenly saddened and he didn't even say a word. He dropped my hand down and walked away from me. I didn't know what to do so I followed him and joked about us. If I could turn back the hand of time I would change What I said to him. I say to him that "if you don't recieve love back from the one person you love there's nothing to lose but your life." Gosh! I was so stupid. He never called me back and neither did I. I felt that I did nothing wrong because I told him what I thought and felt. So as days went to weeks, weeks into months and months into year I saw him again at the Hmong New Year in fresno. I was a sophomore that year. I went up to him and greet him. He said Hi and smile back. I don't know if he forgave me for what happened a year ago but he asked me to walk around with him. So we started chatting up on those lost times. He talked about his senior year in high school and I talked about mine. The day went by so fast that I thought I only spent two hours with him. I can't believe the time and I can't believe that he's finally talking to me again. We said good bye and gave each other hugs. He told me that he's going home the next day because his parents had to work. I was wondering why he can't come the next day when he lives in fresno only. He told me that he moved to San Jose. I was disappointed and sad and I won't see him. He said he'll call sometimes and he did. We only hear each others vioces on the phone.