Brutal were the calla lilies, Brutal the recess bells of school. It's all the same.

-Charles Bukowski

Characters: Linus McBride, The History Teacher Marion McNeely, A Student Judy Bench, The Principal Harold Carson, An Algebra Teacher A public school in the city and a farm outside the city.

(A pool of moonlight. LINUS enters. He carries a rifle. He looks off into the distance. He aims. After a moment, he fires. The shot echoes for miles. He exits in the direction that he fired the shot. Silence.) (A school bell rings. MARION enters lighting a cigarette. She is a high school student dressed in thrift store clothes who carries herself as a much older woman. She stands outside a massive high school campus. We can hear the sounds of hundreds of high school students walking into the building. They all ignore her. JUDY enters, carrying several books and clipboards, pants-suit askew, having a bad hair day. She is walking toward the school. She sees MARION and stops.) Hi. Hello. What are you doing? What's it look like? JUDY Looks like you're smoking. MARION Yeah, I'm sorry it's my last one so, better luck with someone else. JUDY That was the bell, it's time for class. MARION The first bell or the second bell? The first. That was a close one. MARION JUDY MARION JUDY MARION JUDY

2. JUDY You're expecting to smoke that entire cigarette and make it to class in time? MARION It's not an apple pie, it's a cheap cigarette. JUDY I'm Judy Bench, the new principle. MARION Congrats on the new job, who'd you have to fuck? (Pause) JUDY Why don't you put that out and go inside? MARION Just a few more drags, okay? What's your name? Kristy McNicol. Marion McNeely, right? How'd you know that? JUDY You're my transfer from The Stephenson Center? (LINUS enters walking toward school. Judy spots him.) Linus. Hi. JUDY (CONTD) Wait right there. (He stops.) MARION Linus, like the Charlie Brown guy? JUDY (To Marion) From The Stephenson Center? MARION JUDY MARION JUDY

Right?

MARION You're kind of in my face right now, all I'm doing is smoking-

3. JUDY Marion this is my first year as principle and I'm already out of patience. That was the first bell of the first class of the first semester and my patience is already worn thin so why don't you put out that little cigarette of yours, run inside and let's all enjoy our learning experience. (She puts out her cigarette and starts to exit.) JUDY (CONTD) And come by my office after your classes today, we need to talk. Where's your office? Follow the signs. Sure. Bye, Linus. (MARION exits. Linus, how are you? (He stares at her.) I'm sorry? How are you? Fine. Yes. LINUS What is it? JUDY LINUS JUDY JUDY turns to LINUS.) MARION JUDY MARION

JUDY I was just... You know your first class isn't for another forty-five minutes? Yes. JUDY Good, good, okay. I knew your commute was going to be a lot this year so I thought I'd give you a little more time in the morning. Fine. LINUS LINUS

4. JUDY How was the drive from the farm? It's a ranch. Oh. LINUS Except the sheep. The sheep grow. But I don't... there's no harvest season or anything, except when I shear them, but that's more in the spring instead of early fall soLinus. Yes? JUDY How was the drive from the ranch? Couple of hours. Wow. JUDY You're going to do that every day? LINUS What else would I do? (There is an uncomfortable silence.) JUDY I'm sorry about your father. funeral, I couldn't. I didn't make it to the LINUS LINUS JUDY LINUS I just have sheep, I don't grow anything. JUDY

LINUS He was a terrible man, I'm glad he's dead. He'd been wishing for it his whole life. (Beat)

Glad for him.

JUDY That's a little more severity than I need this early in the morning, Linus. Look, I need to talk to you about this year. I wanted to talk to you this summer but you moved to your dad's farm, obviously, and you never gave us a forwarding address or phone number. I don't have a phone. LINUS

5. JUDY Well, we need some way of getting in touch with you. Write a letter. JUDY I don't want to write you a letter. LINUS It worked for Thomas Jefferson. JUDY Yes, and he's dead along with all of the people he used to write letters to so let's live in the now, okay? Fine. LINUS What did you want to talk to me about? LINUS

JUDY I'm going to-... and I want to say that this is not about you or your ability as a teacher, you're doing everything you can to... it's an uphill battle, I know. History, right? It's... It's very... you're doing great. Okay? (Beat) I've had to reduce your class load. A little. Three classes on Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Two on Tuesday/Thursday. (Uncomfortable. her.) He just stares at

JUDY (CONTD) I know that's a surprise. I know they reduced your classes last year too but it's... it's just something that has to happen so... (Still uncomfortable. her.) Still staring at

JUDY (CONTD) And I think something like this is an opportunity. Right? You can really focus on those students now, you can really, you know, do a job... (Yep, still uncomfortable. staring.) Still

JUDY (CONTD) Also, when the time comes for the standardized testing I'm going to need you to uh... set aside your cirriculum, just for a bit just to... I'll need you to focus on language skills. You've always been good with language... Not a this particular moment, but in general.

6. LINUS I'm a history teacher, Judy. JUDY Linus, we both know how many history questions there are on standardized testing. Right? Zero. So... desperate times, desperate measures, okay? We are the bastard red-headed stepchild of the entire school district. We have no money and bad scores and that's going to change. You know that. I have to get these scores up. LINUS And then what? The students are suddenly siphoned into history classes again like it's some kind of exotic elective. "Congratulations children, you get to know what happened." JUDY Linus, I realize we've been through a lot together, and when I got this promotion last year and everyone else was grumbling about it, you stood by me and I appreciate that. And I want to be all "Italian" about that and say "hey I got your back cause you had mine" but this is the reality. The barbarians are at the gate. This is how the system works. LINUS The existence of a system, does not justify its existence. JUDY It's the first day, I already want to kill you! (Beat) This year's going to go a lot smoother for me if you don't talk like your giving a stump speech in 1790. Linus! LINUS There were no stump speeches in 1790Oh my god! (Pause) LINUS This is the first conversation I've had with another human being since the beginning of summer. It's not going well. JUDY

(Another loud bell. LINUS crosses into his classroom. The sound is deafening. Students back from summer yelling and screaming and talking about god knows what. MARION sits in the back of the class. The sound doesn't subside with Linus' entrance. In fact it get louder.

7. Linus stands at his desk as the cacophony escalates, the sound is almost deafening, until...) LINUS (CONTD) THE PRUSSIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANS!! (The class falls deadly silent.) Anyone? They inhabited most of eastern Europe. Eventually became the German Empire. (Linus walks the aisles of desks, not unlike a German.) LINUS (CONTD) You remember the German Empire. What would academy Award Winning documentaries be without the German Empire? Anyway. The Prussians, before they became the Germans, had an idea or two. Ideas like "Hey let's go to war with Denmark!". Who does that? They Had a ruler named Otto. Otto Von Bismark. He had an iron helmet with a big iron spike on the top and a curly mustache that made his face look like a push-broom. (Nervous laughter in the classroom.) The Prussians had an idea about school. They decided a really great way to better control the people of their empire was through a school system. Go to the source, right? The goal of the school system was to"create predictable individuals" so that they would better serve the empire. Why? LINUS (Looking around.) What was that sound? Was that the sound of someone asking a question? MARION What's the point of predicting someone's behavior? LINUS (Looking at her suspiciously.) Am I imagining you? I hope not. MARION MARION

8. LINUS Because, you see, there was great change looming on the horizon: The Industrial Revolution. Soon people would be plucked from their dainty little farms and villages and marched in a single file line into a... tomb, really. Steel and oil and... missing fingers. It's what the ruling class needed: more workers. Workers who would have a regimented day doing repetitive tasks over and over again and changing duties when a bell rang. Sound familiar? This is a pretty minor point of historical fact, or at least it would be if this system created by the Prussians and their push-broom faced emperor over one hundred and fifty years ago hadn't been adopted at the turn of the century by a country known as the United States of America. Has anyone heard of the United States of America? (There is snickering and whispering in the class. MARION raises her hand.) Good. We have one. LINUS (CONTD) Your name, miss? MARION Marion. LINUS Marion, where would you find the United States of America on a map of the world? (There is more snickering and whispering.) Um. MARION In the middle part of it? LINUS And why is it in the middle?

Good.

MARION I don't know, cause we're awesome? Yes. LINUS That's exactly right. It's because we're awesome. (Pause.) (No one seems to know what's going on right now. There is more whispering.)

9. MARION (Mumbling to the students around her.) Is this guy totally having a meltdown right now? LINUS What's that, Marion? Did you have a comment? (Beat) MARION I was just asking if your totally having a meltdown right now. (The class laughs.) Possibly. (Beat) LINUS (CONTD) What was I talking about? No one really knows. Someone pick something. MARION (Raising her hand.) I heard Abraham Lincoln was gay, is that true? (Uproars of laughter.. at the chaos.) It's absolutely true. the 1860s. (Beat) Marion smiles LINUS MARION (They laugh more.) LINUS

LINUS Stove-pipe hats were the gold lamay of

LINUS (CONTD) I've lost my way. I don't know where I am. like an alien race to me. But that's okay. Do you know why Marion? MARION It's on the tip of my tongue.

You all look Do you know why?

LINUS Because this is a history class. You can never loose your way in a history class. You can only go backward.

10. So, let's start at the beginning. did all this start again? Christopher Columbus? LINUS Right. Him. Sort of. There was Amerigo Vespucci before him. Before him there was Erick the Red. One thousand AD Erick the Red discovered Canada. Promptly left when he found that it was... Canada. Even to this day in The Gulf of Mexico treasure hunters will discover ancient Chinese ship anchors. Dating as far back as four hundred AD.. There's an Island off the north pacific coast. The natives there look unmistakably Chinese, still have customs that are unmistakably Chinese. But... We've decided to go with the Italian guy. It's the golden rule of textbooks, "when in doubt, go Anglo.". So... open your textbooks students and let us cut ourselves a delicious slice of hegemony. There were three ships. The Nina, the pinta, and the goddamn Santa Maria... (The class laughs as the scene shifts to the principal's office. HAROLD stands and watches JUDY do some paperwork at her desk.) HAROLD God I love it when you sit a your desk and write it just makes me want toHarold. HARLOD Are we ever going to do it in here? No. Not even a quickie? JUDY As opposed to what, Harold? Hey. I'm working. JUDY HAROLD HAROLD JUDY JUDY MARION Right, the beginning, how

11. HAROLD I'm fucking Godzilla in the sack and you know it. JUDY Yes, a gigantic lumbering lizard who is often misunderstood. What the fuckJUDY Harold, come on. I'm the principal now. anymore make out sessions in room 213. Judy that's not fair. much hotter. We can't have HAROLD

HAROLD You're the principal now and that's so

JUDY I've got a lot of work to do. home from now on.

I'm leaving my sex drive at

HAROLD I'm having a little trouble finding it there too. (Beat) Are you? Yes. Kind of. JUDY I forget you think I'm a whore. HAROLD Judy. What? JUDY No I haven't forgotten. HAROLD JUDY

Well, I'm sorry.

HAROLD I can't believe you're still upset about that. JUDY Well, why don't I bend YOU over the kitchen table and call YOU a fucking whore and see how long you hold onto it. (Uncomfortable pause.) HAROLD I want to have an open and honest relationship here. JUDY What do you think I'm doing?

12. HAROLD Why do I have to censor myself? What? Sure.

Why can't we just. . .

JUDY Call each other fucking whores and not worry about it? HAROLD Why is it such a big deal? You want to have

JUDY Well, let's really dissect this Harold. openness and honesty. Yes. HAROLD

JUDY Being open and honest for you is holding someone face down on the kitchen table and calling them a fucking whore. HAROLD It was during sex, I wasn't thinking about it. JUDY You mean you weren't censoring yourself. Yes. JUDY So you were saying what you mean. (Beat) HAROLD I can't talk to you when you're like this. Rational. JUDY You can't talk to me when I'm rational? HAROLD Alright, I'm leaving. (HAROLD exits the office and sees MARION waiting to talk to the principal.) Marion, right? Right. HAROLD Good work in class today. MARION HAROLD (CONTD) HAROLD

13. MARION Huh? HAROLD In Algebra class, good work. Yeah? Yeah. I just sat there. HAROLD Well, you do a good job of just sitting there. Okay. (JUDY steps out of her office and sees them talking.) See ya. Okay. Marion. Come inside. (HAROLD exits. office.) Sit down. (JUDY realizes there's no chair for her to sit on.) Oh, uh. Looks like I don't have a chair yet. Uh, we'll both stand okay? So. (They both awkwardly stand.) How was the first day of school? MARION Fine. JUDY When the bell rings you need to go to class not smoke a cigarette. Okay. MARION They walk inside her JUDY MARION HAROLD MARION MARION HAROLD MARION

14. JUDY I'd really appreciate it. Sure. (Beat) Was there anything else? JUDY I know this is a difficult transition for you. I'm not asking you to work miracles, okay? I just want you to take it one step at a time. MARION What are you talking about? JUDY Is anyone bothering you? No. MARION They're ignoring me. JUDY I guess that's not so bad. MARION

Okay.

MARION Yeah, being ignored is great. JUDY If you feel the need to get someone's attention, think about doing it in a positive way. MARION Instead of what, fucking their brains out Mrs. Bench? Okay Marion, listenMARION I've still got my shiv from Stephenson, should I make someome my bitch? JUDY You know Marion you're not the only child in this school who's living in a foster home. MARION Step two, get the student to feel like they are part of a community. JUDY I'm just saying that others have gone through what you're going through. JUDY

15. MARION You think I feel alone? You might. MARION Mrs. Bench I was in a lock down facility for a year, there were lots of girls like me. JUDY And I can't possibly understand what that's like, I know. You can't. JUDY I was in a foster home for two years when I was even younger than you. Okay? I did go through that and I know how hard that is. MARION Step three, try and relate to the student using your own experiences. JUDY Why are you doing that, what are you doing? MARION Stephenson sent you a pamphlet about how to deal with kids like me. You left it outside. I read it. Great. JUDY What's step four? MARION Straight-up violence. (Beat) JUDY I'm going to sit down now. Good call. (She sits.) How is the foster home? Fine. MARION JUDY MARION MARION JUDY

16. JUDY Are they nice people? I don't know. JUDY Are they treating you okay? MARION They're ignoring me too. JUDY Maybe you're a little hard to get to know, Marion? MARION I'm great, okay? They should be happy to have me in their home, I'm awesome. I agree. MARION They're fine. The dad has this room where he does all his stuff. Like his bills and stuff and work and. . . It's just crammed with all these bills and papers. And the furniture is all seventies and smells like old cigarettes because they were both chain smokers and then they quit and. . . I don't know. JUDY But there's no abuse this time? MARION (Sighing.) There's no abuse I really lucked out JUDY MARION

No.

JUDY Marion I know someone like youSomeone "like me". JUDY Someone in your position, is not going to be prone to looking on the bright side. But maybe. . . just maybe things are going to get better from this point. They are, huh? JUDY What do you think about that? MARION MARION

17. MARION Sky's the limit.

I think. . .

JUDY You're not just telling me what I want to hear are you? MARION Do you want me to do a cheer or something? No, I think we're fine. JUDY Do you like your classes?

MARION What's not to like about Calculus? JUDY You know, you use math in everyday life, Marion. MARION I use a calculator in everyday life. JUDY Well, what if you're stranded in the woods or something and you don't have your calculator? MARION I think if I'm stranded in the woods I've got bigger problems than the square root of eighty-two. Problems such as: "Oh fuck! A bear!" JUDY Okay that was a bad exampleHISTORY! MARION I like my history class. History. Okay?

Okay great.

JUDY Why do you like history?

MARION Well, I don't like history but the whack-job you've got teaching it is a real piece of work. JUDY Let me guess, Mr. McBride. MARION Yeah, he was telling us about the Prussians and the school system and how it was going to turn us all into predictable individuals, and then he talked about Columbus for a while and then just kind of stopped talking and we sat there for a while. It was like performance art.

18. JUDY Oh, Jesus. Yeah. Great. Okay. MARION That guy's a nut. JUDY That's great news. Why don't you head home, Marion. MARION Thanks for the chat. JUDY No problem. MARION So, you'll call my caseworker and tell her that everything's cool. JUDY I'll tell her you're class president and dating the captain of the football team. MARION I can't date boys, it's a condition of my release. JUDY Then I'll tell her you're on the abstinence drill team or something. Thanks. (MARION exits. classroom. Linus. Hey. How are you? I'm fine. Great. HAROLD How was the first day? LINUS HAROLD LINUS HAROLD HAROLD enters LINUS' MARION

19. LINUS Fine. Come in. Thanks. (HAROLD walks further into the room.) HAROLD (CONTD) So, I've got seven of ten varsity cheerleaders in total. many did you get? I don't know. Yeah. LINUS You can spot them that easily? How HAROLD (Beat)

HAROLD They all stick together like Zebras.

LINUS It's disturbing when you use safari terminology regarding your students. HAROLD I know, I should get one of those hats. (Beat) I didn't hear from you all summer. I don't have a phone. HAROLD Thought I'd give you your space. I don't have a phone. HAROLD But that was the beginning of summer. And I think it's stupid of me to give someone space when they live on a 25 acre farm. (Beat) LINUS I never thanked you for coming to the funeral. No, you didn't. I appreciate it. everything. LINUS I'm sure you were busy with finals and HAROLD LINUS LINUS Khaki shorts.

20. HAROLD No problem. LINUS I know how much teaching means to you, and it must've been hard to tear yourself away from something you're so passionate about. (Beat) HAROLD Are you fucking with me? Of course not. LINUS It was nice to have a friendly face there.

HAROLD Yeah, that was quite an assortment of characters you had sitting in the pews. LINUS My father's fucking family. Future UFO abductees of America. Half of them didn't show, they were all pissed that I got the farm. Yeah? LINUS I guess they assumed since my father and I were oil and water that he would give it to one of his toothless brothers. But I was the lucky winner. HAROLD And you're just out there on your own, just... Did you see anyone? I had to get supplies. HAROLD Okay, so you had the weekly trip down to the General Store to buy oats and gunpowder? I just went once. LINUS I had to stock up for the summer. LINUS All summer? HAROLD

HAROLD Are you telling me that this is the first conversation you've had with another human being since the beginning of summer? No. It's the second. LINUS

21. HAROLD Linus. What? Is that weird? HAROLD I can't believe you're asking me that question. LINUS

Is it weird?

LINUS It didn't seem weird. I woke up, the sheep were there, I fed them. There was a lot of work to do, my father had really let the place go toward the end. I would read at night. Then suddenly, there was September. HAROLD Yeah, that doesn't seem weird at all, Linus. LINUS It didn't feel weird until I ran into Judy this morning. That didn't go well. Oh, right. HAROLD Standardized testing. Sorry about that. It's already

It's alright. happened.

LINUS Who needs history anyway? (Beat)

LINUS (CONTD) How are things with Judy? What? Are you two still. . . HAROLD I don't know what you're talking about. LINUS You were drunk last year and you told me you were seeing her. I did? LINUS You were a little more explicit than that. But yes, you did tell me. Unfortunately. HAROLD LINUS HAROLD

22. HAROLD Oh. Well, fine I guess. Listen, It was a big secret when we were both teachers and now that she's the Head Honcho it's elevated to this Watergate scale. She's driven y'know? Like sharks, right, they have to keep moving or they die? (Beat) So, don't tell anyone about us okay? LINUS Do you think anyone would care? Just don't okay? Okay. HAROLD In fact I think you better tell me a secret of yours for insurance. What? HAROLD If I have a secret of yours you won't tell my secret. How is that the case? It's like an arms race. move is not to play. HAROLD Right? War Games. The only winning LINUS LINUS LINUS HAROLD

LINUS I've kept it a secret for months already. HAROLD Don't make me invent something. LINUS Did you graduate from High school, or did you just hang around until you were old enough to teach? (Beat) I shot a wolf the other night. I'm sorry? I shot a wolf. Wait a minute. HAROLD You shot it? LINUS HAROLD

23. LINUS Yes. Why? LINUS It was a wolf, I have sheep, do the math, don't you teach math? So you just shot it. I shot it. (Beat) HAROLD Since when can you shoot a gun? LINUS I grew up on a farm, Harold. Jesus. What? HAROLD We're high school teachers, Linus. LINUS He was inside the fence. HAROLD Well shit, hard to argue with that logic. Everyone on the faculty's going to start calling you Hawkeye, you realize that don't you? You can't tell anyone. What do you mean? water cooler. HAROLD This is huge, this is a trump card at the LINUS We don't shoot things. LINUS HARLOD LINUS HAROLD HAROLD

LINUS You can't tell anyone, it's illegal. water cooler. HAROLD What do you mean, it's illegal?

We don't even have a

24. LINUS I could go to jail. For shooting a wolf? They're protected. HAROLD It's a wild animal with teeth.

LINUS They're endangered.

HAROLD You shot an endangered species? LINUS It's a big issue out in the countryside. we can't shoot them. But you did. Yes. So keep it quiet. HAROLD Because I could have you arrested right? LUNIS HAROLD Wolves eat sheep,

I will.

LINUS I think so. Fined at least. That was the whole point, right? I'm supposed to tell you a secret. HAROLD So my secret is not nearly as big as yours. LINUS I don't know. Sexual harassment is money in the bank these days, all I have to do is feel uncomfortable and I've suddenly got a cottage in Bordeaux. (MARION enters. She smokes a cigarette outside the school.) HAROLD It's good to see you again, Linus. Yeah. HAROLD This is the year, okay? We go out, we get our swerve on. Tequila. Strip club. Like it's going out of style. LINUS I think it actually is going out of style. LINUS

25. HAROLD Soon, okay? Okay. (HAROLD exits. He walks outside the school and sees MARION smoking. He approaches her.) Hi. HAROLD Is there one for me in there? Sure. (She hands him the pack and a lighter, he takes out a cigarette and smokes.) You do this with all your students? No. MARION What makes me so special? HAROLD You smoke in front of the building instead of behind it, you're an easy target. MARION I guess I'd blend in better behind the building. Like Zebras. Huh? HAROLD Zebras. The black and white stripes. The reason why they all have black and white stripes is so a cheetah can't single one of them out, it just looks like a wall of stripes. Okay. HAROLD So watch out for cheetahs. MARION MARION HAROLD HAROLD MARION MARION LINUS

26. MARION Oh, I will. (Beat) HAROLD So, it was your first day and you were already sent to the Principals office? MARION I'm a very bad girl Mr. Carson. I guess so. MARION She was just checking in. Checking what in? Checking in with me. MARION First day, new school. HAROLD HAROLD

HAROLD It was "First day. New School" For a lot of kids today did she meet with all of them? MARION Is that what you're calling us? old, you're calling me a kid? Kids? I'm sixteen years

HAROLD You bet your ass I'm calling you a kid. Fine, whatever. HAROLD You know what? I've been at this school for seven years and I swear to god if I hear the word "whatever" one more timeYou'll what? MARION Do something drastic? MARION

HAROLD Yes, what do you suggest? MARION Why don't you bend me over a kitchen table and call me a fucking whore? (Beat) Walls are a bit thin in the principals office, ain't they?

27. HAROLD You're how old, again? Sixteen. (JUDY enters on her way home.) Harold? Well, Ms. Bench. school? Just fine. HAROLD How are you? How was the first day of JUDY MARION

JUDY What are you up to?

HAROLD Just enjoying a cigarette with one of our new students. Marion, was it? Marion. HAROLD Marion, these cigarettes are terrible. MARION Maybe you should buy me some quality tobacco. Maybe. Bye. (MARION exits.) JUDY What in your brain makes you think it's okay to share a cigarette with a student outside the school? HAROLD Marion, c'mon I teach Algebra. It's a dark cloud over their heads I have to put a human face in it somehow. JUDY That face doesn't need to have a cigarette in its mouth. This is about tobacco? HAROLD See ya. MARION HAROLD MARION

28. JUDY So this is how it's going to work? Your behavior is going to get increasingly more dangerous and all because I'm not giving you what you want? HAROLD My life would be a lot easier if you didn't cut to the chase so quickly. JUDY You want me to talk about meaningless bullshit for a while? HAROLD I like meaningless bullshit, Judy, I teach Algebra. JUDY You can't tell me there is anything healthy about what you were just doing. HAROLD I really hate you being my boss. JUDY Now who's cutting to the chase? HAROLD I mean, you always acted like it before, but now that it's official it's been increased to the power of ten. JUDY We need to spend some time apart. You don't say? JUDY Obviously things aren't working the way they should. HAROLD I'm failing the standardized testing Judy? JUDY Yes. Yes, Harold, you're failing. idiot could pass that test. And you know what? An HAROLD

(JUDY exits. HAROLD puts out his cigarette. MARION walks into LINUS' empty class. She sees LINUS is asleep on the desk. She tiptoes to her desk and sits. LINUS wakes up and sees her.) LINUS Did you teach class for me?

29. MARION It hasn't started yet. LINUS Oh, what are you doing here? I'm early. LINUS Oh. I don't think you can be in here I think you need a pass or somethingMARION Can I just sit here please? Fine. (LINUS looks around, a bit delirious.) Do you have a cup of coffee on you? MARION no I don't think so. (Beat) Are you okay? Um... LINUS I'm just now discovering the ramifications of not talking to anyone for an entire summer. I'm having re-integration issues. MARION I don't know what that means. LINUS Where'd you transfer from? What? LINUS I assume you came from some other school, everyone seems to treat you like you're new, and I don't see you talking to anyone after class. MARION Are you watching me, Linus? LINUS You're my star pupil, you know where the United States is, and it's Mr. McBride by the way. MARION LINUS MARION

30. MARION The Stevenson Center. Stevenson? Yep. That's a prison. MARION It's a lock down facility. What's the difference? We keep our shoelaces. (Beat) Okay. Welcome back. MARION Thanks. LINUS Are you hiding from someone? MARION There's something creepy going on out there. What do you mean? MARION There are these two guys dressed in army uniforms. Oh, right. MARION They have like, swords and the whole get up and they keep talking to people. They're Marines. MARION Are they recruiting or something? LINUS LINUS LINUS LINUS MARION LINUS LINUS MARION LINUS

31. LINUS Yes. MARION The last time I was in high school I don't remember Marines. LINUS Yes, well when your high school starts failing standardized testing the vultures begin to circle. Some of those vultures have swords and epaulettes. What do you mean? LINUS I mean if you don't graduate from high school they won't let you manage a Taco Bell, but they will let you cross an ocean and shoot somebody. MARION I didn't know what to expect when I came back to school but I didn't expect it to be worse. LINUS Here's to life defying expectation. (Beat) MARION I really hate being back. LINUS Look, it's no picnic but I'm sure it's better than a place where shoelaces are a luxury. MARION It was just a bunch of girls like me in there. I mean, we hated each other, but we got each other y'know? There was this huge black girl named Shonda. Nearly every night she would steal my dessert and say it was hers. And I'd have to go over there and start a bunch of shit with her and everybody loved it. It was like prime time. They'd gather around and egg us on. It must've looked pretty stupid. I'm like 9 pounds and she looked like a bouncer. Like, who's that guy in the bible? David. LINUS MARION

MARION Yeah, like David and Goliath. LINUS Did she ever give it back?

32. MARION No. I didn't even want it. It was just something to do. LINUS Well, it sounds like a real Algonquin Roundtable you left behind, Marion, sorry. Al-what? MARION

LINUS Algonquin... Never mind. There's a writer named Dorothy Parker. She's in your future. Trust me. (Pause) MARION The principal has a pamphlet about how to handle me. I get these dirty looks from the cheerleaders. There's a group of boys that watch me while I smoke outside and it's only a matter of time before... y'know. LINUS I actually kind of like the idea of people coming with pamphlets. Break people down into bullet points, what to expect what not to expect, a special page for troubleshooting. (Beat) MARION Anyway, I hate being back. Me too. LINUS

MARION You're a teacher, aren't you supposed to be passionate? LINUS It's been a long summer. MARION Did you have to work at a McDonalds or something? I worked on a farm. Well, yee-haw. Cleaned up. MARION What'd you do? LINUS

LINUS Fixed a gate.

33. MARION Make any money? LINUS I didn't make any money, it's my farm. It's yours? MARION You're a farmer?

LINUS Do you want me to wear overalls or something? Kind of. MARION I've never met a farmer before. It's not a nation of

LINUS There are farmers in America, you know? graphic designers. Why do you own a farm? (Beat) I don't know. LINUS MARION

MARION You just woke up one day with a pitchfork in your hand? LINUS It feels that way. (Beat) My father died a the beginning of summer. Sorry. LINUS I lived there the first eighteen years of my life, he taught me all the things I need to know. I signed the papers at the beginning of summer, got up the next morning and started to do all those things he taught me. And suddenly I was that kid again. That teenager biding his time to escape to the city. But I'm not biding my time anymore. That's my home, there's nowhere I'm going. MARION That sounds really shitty. It is. Why don't you sell it? MARION LINUS MARION

He left it to me.

34. LINUS I don't know. (Beat) MARION You're a fucked up guy, Linus. LINUS You just got out of prison, I'm fucked up? A lockdown facility. LINUS Pardon me. What is the difference again? Shoelaces. Right. MARION We can have visitors, they bring us candy. Really? LINUS They don't see the irony in that? LINUS MARION MARION

MARION Of course I never got any visitors or candy. What did you get? Bored. What did you do? MARION Crossword puzzles mostly. I mean to get in there. Oh. I ran away. LINUS What were you in for? LINUS MARION LINUS

MARION I was a runaway.

LINUS Why didn't they just give you back to your parents?

35. MARION I was in a foster home. A few of them. I kept running away from them, it was my third in two years. So they put me in Jail. I see. away? LINUS Let me ask you this: MARION Where did I go? Yes. MARION That's a weird question. LINUS Yes. As a child I often fantasized about running away but I'd say, you know "where would I go?". You actually went somewhere, I'm just curious, you know, the nuts and bolts of the thing. MARION Um, Hawthorne Bridge. There was this group of boys that would hang out underneath it. They were older so they had beer and stuff so... I went there mostly. LINUS Did you ever take your things and put them in a handkerchief and then tie that handkerchief to a stick? No. Interesting. LINUS Why did you keep running away? MARION LINUS Where does one go when one runs

MARION Have you ever been in foster care? No. MARION It's like, you're born into this world that you don't belong in so they try to help you through that difficult time by putting you in a house that you don't belong in. LINUS Thats the whole reason? LINUS

36. MARION

Yeah, what?

LINUS Well its just... Some people, most people, would be grateful that there was a family willing to take them in in their time of need. Right? But you saw it as, what? An insult? Some sort of abstract insult from God or something? MARION You know what my favorite thing is? What? LINUS

MARION People who talk about things like theyre smart, but sound like dumbasses. LINUS I sense youre talking about me right now. MARION I slept in a closet the first time. That was my room. There was a sleeping bag on the floor and one old suit hanging on the... thing. Wrapped in dry-cleaners plastic. That was my room. A closet. And I said well, my caseworkers going to see this and put me in another home. But then she came by, and she saw it and said we really need to try and get her a room of her own with a bed. We. Like were all in this together. And the mom and dad nodded and acted concerned and then as soon as she left, they forgot about me again. You see, I was four hundred bucks a month to them, thats what I was. Who wouldnt run away from that? I wouldnt. Really? LINUS MARION

LINUS Its a roof over your head. Im sorry it wasnt perfect. Get over it. Get over it? MARION

LINUS Im sure it was difficult to resist the siren-like call of beer cans under a bridge, but yes, grow up a little. (MARION starts gathering her things.)

37. MARION LINUS MARION

Fuck you. Im sorry? Fuck. You.

LINUS Well look whos all grown up. MARION You know what your problem is? Oh please, tell me. LINUS

MARION You know a lot about one thing, and because of that you think you know everything. Thats your problem. LINUS Arent you doing the same thing right now? MARION In my world, the person whos slept under a bridge knows more than the fuckface who talks about Otto Von Bismarck and his fucking mustache. (MARION starts to leave.) LINUS Marion, storming out of the classroom is much more dramatic when done in front of the student body, are you sure you dont want to wait until everyones here? (She storms out. He calls after her.) They're

LINUS (CONTD) May I suggest the debate club on the second floor! dying for someone with your love of forensics! Fuck you! LINUS Id like that pamphlet now! MARION

(She walks out of the classroom and out the front door of the school, she is searching her bag for her cigarettes and doesn't see HAROLD. She runs into him.)

38. (She walks out of the classroom and out the front door of the school, she is searching her bag for her cigarettes and doesn't see HAROLD. She runs into him.) Whoa. Hi. Everything okay? Fine. What? Mr. McBride. Linus? HAROLD Oh, come on, he's a teddy bear what's wrong? MARION Is it wrong to want to talk to a human HAROLD Yes, I'm afraid so. MARION Telling me to watch my language. Yeah, fuck him. MARION Whatever, like I care, where are my fucking cigarettes?! Here. (HAROLD takes out a pack of very expensive, unopened cigarettes.) MARION Where'd those come from? My pocket. HAROLD HAROLD HAROLD Fuck him. MARION MARION Everything's fine. Fucking asshole teachers. HAROLD HAROLD Hey there. MARION HAROLD

Nothing, he just. . . being around here?

39. MARION What else you got in there? I bought them for you. Why? HAROLD So I could steal one from you from time to time. That's very crafty. That's me. MARION You know I'm not supposed to take candy from strangers. HAROLD Good thing it's tobacco, then. MARION Mr. Carson can I offer you a cigarette? Please, call me Harold. HAROLD And yes, you can. (She opens the pack and gives him one.) MARION Wow, these are like James bond cigarettes, where'd you get them? HAROLD There's an old tobacconist downtown, sells all kinds of wonderful exotic things. To a smoker it's a wonderful place to buy quality products and to a former smoker such as myself it's nothing short of an entire library of hard-core pornography. (They smoke.) So, troubles with Mr. McBride, eh? Yeah, whatever. HAROLD You know, you have to cut him some slack, he's had a really weird year. MARION HAROLD MARION MARION HAROLD

40. MARION So? HAROLD He's going through a difficult time. Who isn't? His fatherMARION Yeah, I know, his father died, big deal. He told you that? Yeah. HAROLD I think that's a good reason. No it's not. MARION Do I get special treatment? HAROLD Is your father dead? Fuck, I hope so. (Beat) Listen it's... alright... What? HAROLD His dad was... They had a complex relationship he... y'know shit went on. Like fucked up shit like... y'know... shit that happens on a farm. A remote farm. In Oregon. Y'know. MARION I don't know what goes on, on a farm in Oregon. HAROLD He told me... Every once and a while Linus and I will go out and get pretty hammered. HAROLD Look, don't- you gotta keep this to yourself MARION MARION MARION HAROLD HAROLD MARION

41. Like once every nine months, and it's weird because we don't hang out much between that, just every once and a while we go out, drink, argue about the nature of humanity and go home. But there was this one time a couple of years ago when he had too much. Like way too much, it really snuck up on him. We're standing there in the parking lot trying to sober up and. . . suddenly he was just crying. Crying and crying. Couldn't stop. And he told me a story. A story that I will not repeat. Not out of respect or secrecy or anything but ... I literally can't say the words. But it was bad. I can say that. (Beat) So, take it easy on him okay? Fine. HAROLD But keep your distance too. What do you mean? HAROLD I don't think he knows how to interact with humans very well, it may cause him to act. . . I don't know, you just may want to keep your distance. MARION So, fucked up people are diseased or something? It's not thatMARION Let's put them all on an island somewhere. HAROLD That's not what I'm saying. MARION But if someone's all fucked up you should keep your distance from them. I think. MARION Why are you buying me cigarettes, then? Are you fucked up? HAROLD HAROLD HAROLD MARION MARION

42. MARION Mr. Carson I am a Super-fund site. exactly keeping your distance. Should I be? (She shrugs.) Do you not like it when I buy you cigarettes? MARION You can buy me anything you want. (Beat) I want you to tell me what he said. No. HAROLD Look, it's just not cool alright. (She stares at him, making him a bit uncomfortable.) MARION Fine. Look, I think it's going to rain can you give me a ride home? Uh, yeah, sure. MARION And while you're driving you can tell me Linus' big secret. Yeah very funny. MARION You know you're gonna tell me. HAROLD Go to the gas station across the street and I'll pull my car around. But I'm not going to tell you. Yes, you will. (They exit in opposite directions. Thunder. The scene shifts to morning. LINUS sits out on the school steps drinking gas station coffee. JUDY approaches and sits next to him.) You're early. JUDY MARION HAROLD HAROLD HAROLD

And yet here you are, not

43. LINUS Yeah. JUDY If I do the math, you being here now means that you left your house at five AM. Five AM. JUDY Which means you got up at what? Four? LINUS

LINUS You never expect to encounter cliches in the real world, but sure enough somewhere on my farm is a rooster. And he crows at the break of dawn. Wow. And you? Why so early? Helps me focus. LINUS JUDY I like to walk the halls in the morning. (She looks up.) Early autumn rain. Yeah. So, how is the farm? LINUS I'm getting really sick of people asking me that question. Sorry. LINUS It'd be fine if they weren't so fucking transparent when they asked. What do you mean? LINUS "How's the farm Linus?" Translates into "You're a fucking whack job Linus, and I'd like to know if today is the day you will be roaming the halls with a shotgun". JUDY JUDY JUDY LINUS JUDY

44. JUDY I see. (Beat) Why DID you decide to keep the farmI don't know. (Beat) JUDY I remember my first day at this school. You were sitting on the steps just like this. You actually came up and introduced yourself, you were almost gregarious. Almost. Almost. And now. . . JUDY LINUS Things were different back then. They were. LINUS The schools had money, Predator drones weren't dotting the sky, and I didn't own a goddamn sheep ranch. JUDY And all that led to right here? I guess. JUDY Not many people track changes in their personality through foreign policy and sheep. LINUS I haven't fully tracked my downward spiral yet, I'll get back to you. JUDY You're not curious aboutLINUS Jesus, Judy can we get this over with please, I know you're not concerned about my emotional state you just want to try and make yourself feel better for cutting my classesLINUS JUDY LINUS LINUS

45. JUDY How do you know that? Maybe I'm just trying to see how you're doing. I'm not an automaton LinusLINUS Yes you are, of course you are, and so am I, that's why we get along with each other, we're like two robots pounding away at each other. Just say what you have to say and leave. (Beat) JUDY I was watching A&E Biography last night, do you ever watch that? LINUS No, I think it's pandering. JUDY Well, so there I was last night being pandered to. about Mother Theresa. Are you familiar? LINUS I'm a history teacher, she's a historical figure. JUDY What I didn't know is that some people have a problem with Mother Theresa, she worked in areas that were run by fascist regimes. And she did it without speaking out against the regime. She worked within that system to do good work. Or something like that. LINUS Judy, a word of advice, when you're trying to undo me with an analogy, maybe don't end it with "or something like that". Okay, I'm done. (She gets up to leave.) That's it? LINUS That was a weak attempt. JUDY It was

JUDY I only have so much RAM to devote to a stubborn, insensitive, misanthropicThis is quite a listParanoid, SNOB! JUDY LINUS

46. LINUS I object to that last one.

I am not a snob. fine.

The rest are

(He goes back to his coffee.) JUDY You're not going to let me live this down are you? I hadn't planned on it. Why? LINUS Because I'm right and you're wrong, and you're in power and I'm not. All I have left is this gas station coffee and my grudge. You're enjoying this. LINUS Well, they've got this new hazelnut creme flavoring that I like, so yes, things are looking up. JUDY You're a fucking asshole, Linus. After all we've been through, you're going to treat me like this? LINUS I'm sorry, were you recalling our long history together when you gutted my class schedule? JUDY You had to lose those classes. To make room for what? English Lab. LINUS Lab? English Lab? Are they conjugating verbs on bunsen burners or something? JUDY It's the way it has to be, Linus. It's the system that's in place and we have to go along with it. JUDY LINUS JUDY JUDY LINUS

47. LINUS Oh Christ, we do not. Thank God there weren't people like you around in Nazi Germany. Oh wait. There were. (Pause) JUDY Have you heard of "Goodwin's Law"? No. JUDY It states that as a discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one. (Beat) (Linus laughs. So does she.) LINUS

JUDY (CONTD) That's math, by the way, not history. (Beat) Linus, there's nothing I can do about this. barbarians are at the gate.

Like I said, the

LINUS Do you know why we have the saying "The Barbarians are at the Gate"? Oh. Why, Linus. JUDY Please tell me.

LINUS The Rhine River. The waning days of the Roman Empire. A harsh winter. On one side, the impoverished Gauls, starving from a bitter harvest. On the other side, The Romans, behind walls. Warm, safe, fed... And then the river froze. And the starving barbarians walked across. And the Barbarians were at the Gate. (Beat) They burned the history books. After they sacked the city, they burned it all. Maybe so we couldn't learn from it. (Beat) Judy, maybe it's because I spent the summer taking care of sheep, but I've come back feeling a bit protective. I see these Marines roaming the campus, looking for new recruits, and I feel like History is alive. And it's roaming the streets. And it's trying to kill them. And the only weapon I can give them is "what's gone before". And I can't even do that now. I suppose in teaching history, I never expected to become it. (Beat) I don't know if I can be a part of this anymore. I think it might be killing me.

48. JUDY Have I ever argued that this is a perfect system? Ever? Linus, look back at this building. It may as well be ruins. I know that. But it's not a perfect world we're sending them into, why should this world be perfect? (Beat) I'm not going to fire you, Linus, and I know for a fact you can't quit. I quit. LINUS Have a nice day. (He exits. JUDY sits on the steps and lets her briefcase fall to the ground. MARION walks up to the steps, smoking. JUDY stares at her. MARION stops.) What? Give me one of those. One of these? Yes. My cigarettes? JUDY You know what the hell I'm talking about. Fine. (MARION hands he the cigarettes and a lighter.) What is this? Yeah. JUDY You're a sixteen year old just released from a lockdown facility staying in a foster home and you're smoking Dunhills? Yeah. MARION JUDY Dunhills? You smoke Dunhills? MARION MARION MARION JUDY MARION JUDY MARION

49. JUDY How's you're stock portfolio? Great. MARION Biotech all the way. (She lights one suspiciously and hands them back.) You're early. I know. JUDY Doing some extra credit in the library? There's a library? JUDY Is your watch broken or something? I have a watch? JUDY What are you doing here? MARION None of your fucking business. I don't know. MARION I'm not officially on the school grounds yet, you don't have to act like the Principal. JUDY Does it look like I'm acting like the principal? (Beat) MARION What's going on with you today, Mrs. Bench? Miss Bench. Mizzz. JUDY I'm not married. JUDY I'm here early. Who cares? MARION MARION MARION JUDY

MARION I think of all authority figures as married.

50. JUDY Well, I'm not married. I'm recently re-released back into the dating pool and it's a glamorous life. MARION I thought you and Mr. Carson were a thing? Mr. Carson? (Beat) Where did you hear that? Nowhere. Did he tell you? No. Where'd you hear it? Nowhere. (Beat) JUDY No, we're not a thing, we've never been a thing, I don't know what you're talking about. It's supposed to rain today, you don't have a raincoat? MARION Yes, I'm wearing it right now, it's invisible to the naked eye, did you know I'm a wizard at Hogwarts? JUDY Marion it's a simple questionMARION I have a suitcase, Mizz Bench. One suitcase. Some girls have a closet, some girls have their own bathroom, I have a suitcase. You remember those days right? Back in foster care, wondering if you're ever going to see your stuff again? Anyway, there wasn't room for a raincoat. JUDY Sometimes they put those things in storage. MARION Oh, they do? Where were you in foster care? I'm not going to see my stuff again. Beverly Hills? MARION JUDY MARION JUDY MARION JUDY

51. Not that it matters at this point, I was twelve years old when I left it, I wouldn't get much use out of it now. (Beat) JUDY I remember the social worker hovering over me while I packed. I could take one suitcase and one toy. I had this stuffed yellow kitty and this red teddy bear. I could only take one and I had about thirty seconds to make the decision. It was like Sofie's Choice or something. I took the yellow kitty and I never saw the teddy bear again. And I picture him out there somewhere. Maybe he joined the circus, worked on the railroad. Does he ever think of me? I wouldn't have much use for him today, but I sure do miss him. How old were you? Eight. MARION What's "Sophie's Choice"? Never mind. (Beat) MARION So what happened to you? What? MARION Why were you in foster care? Um. . . JUDY Maybe the bonding time should stop here. JUDY JUDY JUDY MARION

MARION Come on, don't be a prude. I'm not. MARION I gave you a cigarette and I get nothing in return? JUDY This is my personal business. JUDY

52. MARION My personal business was handed to you in a manila folder by a government official. I think you need to pony up to balance the scales. JUDY I don't think I do, Marion. This is so unfairJUDY It's none of your business Marion. I'm serious. (Pause) You haven't been able to sleep have you? That's why you're here so early. MARION It's a new place, I can't sleep in a new place. That'll pass. Right, whatever. JUDY So what do you do at night, watch TV? They don't have one. JUDY Oh my God, you're kidding. No, it's hell. JUDY What do you do at night? MARION I took a book out of the Dad's library. (Pronouncing the "S") Camus. Uh, It's Ca-moo. MARION Why is there an "s" there? JUDY MARION MARION MARION JUDY MARION

53. JUDY They lead the world in unnecessary letters. MARION "The Stranger." JUDY Oh, that's a nice little toe-tapper, That'll keep your spirits up. MARION I'm really into it, actually. intense. Everything is nothing. Pretty

He's French. Which one?

JUDY Have you thought about Watership Down? searching for alfalfa? No thanks. Well, enjoy. MARION You used to be a teacher? Yes. What'd you teach? English. Do you miss it? MARION JUDY MARION JUDY JUDY MARION

Little bunnies

JUDY Kind of. All I have this year is an office. Last year I had a room full of desks. There's a lot of paperwork but I don't have to constantly convince children who wake up and go to sleep with a smartphone in their hand that the sonnets of Elizabeth Barrett Browning are "totally awesome". So you don't miss it? No, I guess I don't. JUDY MARION

54. MARION We've been reading for thousands of years, don't you think it's time for something new? JUDY You're right Marion. Let's let the whole system break down. No more language, no more written word. After all what's the use of talking about the nature of human consciousness, or the glory of loveMARION Or the reason why you were in foster care as a child. Exactly. JUDY What's the point?

MARION It's nice to hear some French guy say that life sucks. It's nice to hear your teacher say it. Your principal. The first thing I feel when something bad happens is loneliness. JUDY I think bad things bring us together. MARION Not if we don't talk about them. (Beat) JUDY My mom and dad tried to kill each other. Right in front of me, I was huddled in a corner. I don't remember much about it. I remember her with a carving knife in her hand, screaming at him. And he was just laughing at her. One of his arms was completely red with blood. I don't know if it was his or hers. (Beat) My dad went to jail and I went into foster care. Two years later my mom cleaned up. Sort of. And she got me back. MARION Do you still talk to your dad? JUDY I'm done with him. (Beat) So there. I shared. You happy? No. As a clam. (The bell rings.) Well, look at that, I'm going to be late to class. MARION

55. JUDY Marion, I don't have a file on you. You said before someone gave me a file. I don't have one. I got a letter from your case worker a week before school started. I don't know anything about you. (Beat) You can ask. MARION It's okay. JUDY What happened to you? MARION They fucked me. My parents. Sometimes they invited their friends. (Beat) And here I am now. What is it, three years later? Four? (Beat) It's fine. It's over. (Beat) Look I've got to go to class. Marion, I'm sorry. Yeah. I've got to go. JUDY Marion. What? JUDY Thank you for the cigarette. MARION Aren't you supposed to tell me "chin up" or something? Marion, I really... MARION It's okay. No one ever knows what to say. Look I've got to go, if the principal catches me out here she might tell my caseworker. MarionI know, you're sorry. MARION Bye. JUDY JUDY MARION MARION JUDY

56. (MARION crosses into LINUS' class and sits in her chair. He is teaching.) LINUS William Tecumseh Sherman, 1820 to 1891, was a leading Union general in the American Civil War from 1861 to 1865. Sherman is best known for his campaign through Georgia that came to be called "The March to the sea". It had become clear to President Lincoln that if he was to reclaim the South he would have to do it not by holding the south hostage with barricades and blockades, but by destroying it. Sherman was ordered to capture the city of Atlanta, burn it to the ground, then begin a slow March through towns and countryside burning everything in his path: farms, houses, entire fields of cotton. By the time Sherman reached Savannah he had created a line of flame through the southern states so large that it would've been visible from space. What's the contradiction here? Somebody, anybody? Geography wiz Marion? Any bright ideas? MARION If Lincoln wanted the South back so bad, why'd he set it on fire? That'll work. LINUS That'll be fine. Why would you?

MARION I don't know I was asking a question. And I'm asking you one. I don't know. LINUS Sometimes to reclaim a thing, you have to destroy a thing. Slowly, one foot over the other, torch in hand, one row of cotton at a time. (The bell rings.) LINUS (CONTD) Okay everyone, off you go, sally fourth unto ignorance. (We hear the sound of the class gathering up their things, chatting, and stomping down the hall. MARION stays seated at her desk. So does LINUS. The class empties.) (Pause) MARION LINUS

57. (We hear the sound of the class gathering up their things, chatting, and stomping down the hall. MARION stays seated at her desk. So does LINUS. The class empties.) (Pause) MARION Sorry I told you to go fuck yourself. LINUS I believe it was more to the point than that. "Fuck you". Wasn't it? "Fuck you Linus". Very straightforward. You were being a dick. MARION

LINUS Marion, can we go over the fundamentals of an apology. Whatever. No. MARION You were. (Beat) LINUS Well like I said, I was having re-integration issues. MARION Im sorry, WHICH one of us needs to go over the fundamentals of an apology? (Beat) LINUS Apology accepted. I was being insensitive, and I'm sorry. So. . . Are we hiding out from the armed forces again? No. MARION They just talk to the boys, anyway.

LINUS Maybe you should consider a life in the armed forces. A little structure might do you good. A couple of years of your life. Learn how to make hospital corners and scrape barnacles off the side of a battle cruiser. MARION I have a problem with authority. Yeah, no shit. LINUS

58. MARION It sounds funny when you curse. LINUS It sounds funny because it's not part of my standard vocabulary. I use it sparingly so it's more effective. can offer that mild suggestion. (Beat.)

If I

(MARION raises her hand as if class is still in session.) LINUS (CONTD) Ms. McNelly, you have a question? Can I smoke in here? Absolutely not. (She raises her hand again.) Yes? What's changed? What do you mean? MARION In the whole history of the world, what's changed? People are just as shitty to each other now as they were in what? 10 AD? How have things gotten better? I mean, isn't that the big claim to fame of you history teachers? "We must study History so it will never be repeated." But it does. It repeats itself and you can't tell me it's because people aren't studying History enough because they've got a whole channel devoted to it. It's the History channel. Every day it runs down the atrocities of man like a grocery list and then you flip over to CNN and the same thing is happening just with different weapons and different skin color. LINUS I find it hard to believeMARION You find it hard to believe a sixteen year old has a valid point? LINUS MARION LINUS (CONTD) LINUS MARION

59. LINUS I find it hard to believe a sixteen year old watches the History Channel. MARION There was a TV back at Stephenson and all the cool channels were blocked. And don't make jokes while I'm making a point, it pisses me off. LINUS Well excuse me, I'll allow you the illusion that you're the first person in the world to make that argument. MARION Seriously, you're an asshole. How are you like this? Are you like this to everyone? How have they not fired you? LINUS It's one of the benefits of working in a failed system. MARION I think you're stalling because you know I'm right. (Beat) LINUS Do you know who Mark Twain is? Yeah. LINUS He said "History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme." I'll admit, it's easy to see the world that way. Things happening over and over again like some kind of sick joke. Ha. LINUS Stop it. It's about faith, Marion. MARION Oh, God, are you a "Jesus" person? LINUS I'm not talking about God. You're saying studying history doesn't prevent anything. Yeah. MARION MARION MARION Please say yes.

60. LINUS How do you know? People don't write things down if they didn't happen. History books aren't filled with people saying "Boy that was a close one". You can't track things that are prevented. No historian ever put pen to paper to say "There once was a farmer in Mesopotamia. He loved his wife and children and died a happy man on the banks of the Tigris." (Beat) I like to think that good happens in the world. It's just not worth writing about. That sounds too easy. LINUS Yeah. You're probably right, Marion. Life is shit. What's the point. I'm going to go home and impale myself on my weathervane. (She laughs.) MARION I think that's not the question I wanted to ask you. I didn't think so. (She raises her hand again.) You. In the back. (Pause) LINUS (CONTD) LINUS MARION

MARION Bad shit happened to me. And I don't want it to... I don't want it to happen again, I don't want history to repeat itself, y'know, but if I want to stop it I have to... to go back and look at it. And it's all so bad just so... fucked up... I want to learn from history... I want to... I can't even look at it.... How... Marion, Marion stop. (She takes a breath.) MARION Don't ask me what happened, okay? I won't. I wouldn't. (Beat) LINUS LINUS

61. MARION Can I smoke now? Absolutely. (She takes out her cigarettes.) MARION So what's the answer to my question? Tagat Vachik. MARION What the fuck does that mean? LINUS He was a professor of mine in college. He laughed, he loved his wife, God, he smoked a pipe he was Jolly... And, He was an expert on the Armenian Genocide. His life's work was studying accounts of children being hurled off cliffs and other stories worse than that. I asked him once "How could you be happy? Look at what you study all day?" He said that when you look at history it's important to not look at it in terms of good things and bad things. Rather just. . . This happened and that happened. Why? LINUS Because History is a river of blood. About knee deep. And being a historian is like wading upstream in that river, trying to find its source. Right and wrong tend to weigh you down a bit. (Pause.) MARION Will that be on the mid-term? I wouldn't know. MARION What, someone write the midterms for you or something? I quit this morning. LINUS I won't be around for mid-terms. LINUS MARION LINUS LINUS

MARION What do you mean you quit?

62. LINUS There's no complexity to that statement. MARION When? This morning. MARION The school year just started. LINUS Then no one will miss me. MARION What are you talking about, Linus? It's Mr. McBride Not anymore apparently. LINUS I'm not up to this job anymore, it's time for me to move on. The sheep farm calls? LINUS The sheep farm calls, I'm going to get a border collie and a long curvy staff and finally be the dark introspective character I've been longing to be my whole life. MARION Why were you just telling me how important all this is when you're leaving? LINUS This is important. History. Without it the Statue of Liberty is a hood ornament and Washington crossing the Delaware might as well be dogs playing poker. But this. . . Is not. (He gestures to the classroom.) This class, this school. The whole idea of this. MARION MARION LINUS LINUS

I quit.

MARION What are you talking about? LINUS Do you like going to school?

63. MARION No. Why? Because it sucks. Why does it suck? It just does. LINUS See? Why aren't we going any further than that? it sucks. That's just the way school is." MARION And that's why you're quitting? Yes. You're an idiot. What? MARION You're just going to quit? Yes. MARION Because it's not exactly the way you want it to be? Why don't you stamp your feet on the floor you big baby? LINUS Marion, I know you're a woman of the world and everything but don't act like you understand this. Baby. LINUS You do something incorrect for long enough and it eventually takes its toll on your sanity. Wah-wah-wahMARION MARION LINUS LINUS MARION LINUS "Oh, well, MARION LINUS MARION LINUS

64. LINUS I'M GOING INSANE! (Beat) And I don't mean insane like "I think I'm Napoleon" insane. Bad insane. Like, "I don't know what I'm going to do next", insane. So I've got to protect myself. One of the ways I'm doing that is by getting out of here. (Beat) I think youre scared. Am I? MARION

LINUS What am I scared of? (Beat)

MARION What was that guys name? Sherwin? Sherman. LINUS General Sherman.

MARION Right. So I kept running away from my foster homes, right? And, I didn't run away because they were bad places I ran away because there would always come a time when I would be sitting there late at night on the sofa-bed or sleeping bag in the closet or wherever, and I would get this urge to set the whole house on fire. And then I would get the urge to go to every place I've ever been in my life and set that on fire too. My elementary school, my pre-school, the park I used to play in as a kid. One foot over the other, torch in hand, one row of cotton at a time. Trying to eliminate any trace of me. The flames would be visible from space. (Beat) And I think that's why you're leaving. You want to burn it to the ground. You feel like everything you've ever touched is poisoned. Right? (Beat) LINUS What are you talking about? MARION Harold told me about your Dad. (Pause) LINUS Why did he tell you that? MARION 'Cause I convinced him to. (Beat) About the things he did.

65. LINUS MARION LINUS MARION

Get out. No. Get out! NO!

LINUS Let me ask you Ms. McNeely, did your therapist ever mention the word "Narcissism"? MARION Yeah, she said it all the time. LINUS Yes, she did, didnt she? I know you think you know everything because youve got no one in your life to tell you otherwise, but Im not going to sit here and receive platitudes from some 16 year old idiot! MARION (Laughing at him.) Oh Jesus! First of all, what the fuck is a platitude, second of all idiot? Really? A month ago I had to face off with two hundred pound teenage runaways and Im supposed to shiver when you call me an idiot? (LINUS silently begins packing up his things. MARION gets nervous.) MARION (CONTD) I fucking opened up to you, okay? And then its like, See ya! Good luck with your shitty life, Ms. McNeely. LINUS He had no right to tell youMARION Look, I know! People are shitty. They suck. They do things that are... Its embarrassing. The, the shame of it, right? Its just... (LINUS has packed his briefcase but he still stands at his desk.)

(Beat) Look Ill spare you the details of the manure trail that Ive walked up to this point in my life but... You know why the police showed up at my parents house finally? Cause someone... one time somebody taped it. Me.

66. With a ten year old video camera, they taped it and... this guy was like, watching it at home, yknow? And he... fuck, he fell asleep. And his window was wide open, right? And neighbors were walking by... When the police kicked his door in I was... there I was on his television. (Beat) You want to talk about embarrassing? Seriously? LINUS Why does any of this matter? MARION I don't know. It doesn't. Who cares, right? you're going to leave I'm leaving too. Don't be ridiculous. MARION I'm going to Florida or something. Someplace with sand. go to the farm, I'll go to the beach and we'll call it a life. Fine. Go. LINUS MARION Quitter. You're going to chicken out because you're afraid of turning us into predictable individuals? Well guess what? Too late. We're all predictable. Every single goddamn one of us. C'mon, predict me. Give it a shot. MarionMARION Okay, I'll do you first. Linus McBride. Linus McBride will disengage from the world rather than deal with his own bullshit and will live on his father's sheep farm until he dies. Okay now me. MarionMARION Marion McNeely. Marion will spend her remaining two years as a minor in various foster homes and lockdown facilities. She will then begin to date a drug dealer if she hasn't already and this will somehow be parlayed into an awkward and uncomfortable career in the adult film industry. She will change her name to Heather Humper and die at 29 from an overdose of god-knows what. (Beat) LINUS LINUS You LINUS Fuck it. If

67. I want to run away too. I don't want to fit in here. leave that means I get to leave too. No, it doesn't. Yes it does. LINUS We're not Bonnie and Clyde. MARION If this is your last day, it's my last day. to stay, then I'll promise to stay. (Beat) No deal. You paused! No, I'm not. MARION C'mon, think of the alternative. A run in my stockings, my lipstick smeared, a bottle of paint thinner in my hand, stumbling blindly down the boulevard of broken dreams. You're really several small written and I so let's just that. LINUS a talented girl, you know that? I know there's press novels inside you just waiting to be would hate to take the impetus for those away, both go our separate ways and we'll leave it at (LINUS begins his exit.) Linus. MARION Please? (He stops.) MARION You hesitated! You're thinking about it! LINUS LINUS If you promise MARION LINUS If you

LINUS I think you've turned me into some confidant of yours, some brother in arms or something but I'm not that. MARION I don't think that's true. Some troubled girl who you hardly know is sitting in your classroom and suddenly you're telling her about your father and this farm and how it sucks to be back? When was the last time you did that? (Beat)

68. I'm begging you. Please. (Beat) You know what you need? What? A cigarette. C'mon. MARION (MARION picks up her bag and pulls him by the arm outside onto the steps.) All farmers smoke. Right? Marlboro Man? The sun is setting behind the hills, you've finished bailing the hay, the sheep are settling in for a nice evening. You whip out a pack of cigarettes and an old beat up Zippo. The smoke puffs out of your mouth like a simmering tea kettle. (She hands him the cigarettes and a lighter.) Here, practice. (Beat) C'mon, it's fun. Everybody's doing it, don't you want to be cool? (He takes out a cigarette, lights it and smokes it awkwardly.) What's the appeal here? MARION The appeal is to be a cool-ass motherfucker that's the appeal. Right, of course. LINUS Cool-ass motherfucker. (JUDY exits out the front of the school and sees LINUS smoking with MARION's cigarettes in his hands. He turns to see JUDY.) Cigarette? JUDY (To MARION.) Do you work for Phillip Morris or something? MARION Mizzzz Bench, Mr. McBride isn't going to quit. He's staying. He's decided to stay. Right? Isn't that right Linus? Is that the case? JUDY LINUS LINUS

69. MARION It's the case. LINUS I could just quit next week. MARION But he won't because he's a man of principle. JUDY Really? Do I need to know the reason for this sudden turnaround? LINUS I don't know the reason for this sudden turn around. Well. . . (JUDY takes Linus' cigarette and smokes it.) Okay. JUDY (CONTD) Monday morning, bright and early. (JUDY exits smoking.) LINUS There'll be no preferential treatment, you'll get nothing short of an A plus in my class and if you don't, no amount of intimate chats after the bell rings will save you. We'll see if you can exist on anything other than charm and your ability to say "Fuck Off." Yes sir. I'm serious. I'm not? (Beat) LINUS I was having some pretty fantastic fantasies about quitting this job. MARION I'm sorry to ruin all that for you. It's okay. LINUS MARION LINUS MARION JUDY

70. MARION You won't regret this, Linus. LINUS Of course I will. (Beat) Well, it looks like I will see you Monday. And even though it sounds more ridiculous each time I say it, I'm going to go home and feed the sheep. Okay. MARION Tell them I said hi. (LINUS exits. MARION stands there for a moment. HAROLD enters from the school. They look at each other and smile. She offers him the cigarettes, he takes them and lights one. He hands them back. He takes a deep drag and exhales into the air. They look at each other.) So. . . Blackout. END OF ACT ONE HAROLD

71. ACT TWO. (LINUS' farm. Dusk. Two years later. MARION stands just outside the house. She looks a bit older and mature. She holds a glass of wine in her hand and a lit cigarette in the other. She talks to the sheep.) MARION Hello little sheep. So, you are Linus' sheep, I've heard so much about you. You look pretty silly there with your black faces and long noses, staring at me blankly. What does he see in you? (Two of the sheep start to "do it".) Oh hey, hey guys stop that's so inappropriate, guys please. (They don't stop.) A little decency? No? Well, spring is in the air, I guess. Jeez, that must be what it looks like when Eskimos do it. (They stop.) What? What that's it? That was like thirty seconds. knew sheep were such pigs? Who

(In the distance, a coyote howls.) Oh shit. MARION (CONTD) Shit, hey Linus! (LINUS calls from somewhere inside the house.) What? MARION There's a fucking wolf out here! No there's not. Yes there is. It's a coyote. A coyote? Yeah. LINUS MARION LINUS MARION LINUS LINUS

72. MARION That's not as cool is it? LINUS It's not. (LINUS enters. He is inside the house setting up the dining room table.) MARION How can you tell the difference? LINUS Does it sound lonely and wimpy and stupid? Yeah. There you go. (She enters the house.) MARION What does a wolf sound like? LINUS Like it's going to get you. MARION I see. So are you going to drink this wine with me or are you afraid of getting fired? LINUS Considering you're the only reason I've been teaching for the last two years and in one week you will leave High School behind forever, I don't care if a SWAT team descends on this entire farm. MARION Well, c'mon, drink up Mr. McBride. (LINUS pours himself a glass of wine from a bottle on the dining room table.) LINUS My neighbor gave me this wine. You have neighbors? I do. LINUS They're about five miles away but I have them. MARION LINUS MARION

Oh.

73. MARION And who is this neighbor? LINUS She owns a small winery. She gave me a sneak peek at her newest vintage last year and it's sat here on the table ever since. A woman? LINUS Oh yes. She brings by little presents all the time. A bottle of wine here, some goat cheese there. I must admit, when I speak with her I'm almost charming. I don't approve. LINUS Drown your sorrows, then. (He raises his glass. hers.) Happy graduation. (They toast and drink.) Don't get me wrong but I never thought we'd make it to this point. You think I did? MARION I thought you'd quit way before me. She raises MARION MARION

LINUS I thought you'd quit before me. I was waiting for you to confirm my suspicions about the youth of America. MARION No way. I'm going to be their poster child. their Joan of Arc. LINUS Remind me to tell you how that story ends. underestimating each other. (Beat) I'm going to be

Here's to

MARION You went to High School somewhere around here, didn't you? About ten miles north. You ever go back? MARION LINUS

74. LINUS When I first moved in. It's changed a lot, but so has the land. It's all wineries and fine cheeseries now. When I was a kid it was livestock and farming and poverty. Some kids would get dropped off from school riding on the back of a tractor. Did you know that Summer vacation exists because of farms? Oh, do tell, Linus. LINUS The kids were needed back on the farm for harvest season. Schoolteachers knew they wouldn't show up anyway so they just stopped school all together. Well, I'll be damned. LINUS I ran into one of them a couple of months ago. Friend from High School. Saddled with his father's farm just like me. He looked beaten down. Worn down to just a shadow of himself. He was one of those guys who was full of life but now he was just tired. Didn't even have the strength to make a joke. He'd spent the majority of his life on the same strip of dirt road his father did. That can't be healthy. And yet here you are. Good point. What? MARION Sometimes you go off on a tangent and you forget you're talking out loud. I think it's cute. LINUS I have something for you. Really? Is it cash? (He exits.) I only accept gifts of cash. (He re-enters with a colorful folder. He hands it to her. She looks at it then looks at him.) What are you doing? MARION (She's smiling at him.) LINUS MARION MARION MARION

75. LINUS I know. I know you've made up your mind but it's a good school and their application deadline is much later than the others. MARION If you know I've made up my mind, why are you giving me this? LINUS In case you changed your mind. MARION If you know I've made up my mind why would you give me this application "in case I changed my mind"? LINUS Sometimes you only miss something when it's gone. I was wondering if you felt any pangs of regret as the application deadlines began to pass you by. No regret. None? None. (Beat) Where did you get this? LINUS I was passing by the counseling office, I started leafing through it. Because of me. I suppose. Nothing. LINUS What's the big deal? MARION MARION LINUS MARION

MARION Are you trying to get rid of me?

LINUS You're leaving regardless, you can either leave and work at Wal-Mart or you can leave and better yourself as a citizen of the world. MARION Who says I'm leaving, maybe I'm staying here. (Beat) Linus, I'm going to college. I promise. I just want to take a year off, it's not the end of the world.

76. LINUS I had friends in college. I had a lot of friends who took a year off and ended up taking two, then three, then suddenly there they were at thirty-five with a year and a half of college under their belt and nowhere to go but sideways through life. I'm going to be fine. LINUS I think you should stop acting like you're twenty-seven years old and know more about life than I do. MARION I think you should stop acting like you had friends in college. (Beat) I'm going to college. I am. What's the point of going if I don't know what the hell I want to study anyway? I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Neither do you. Look at you, you don't know if you're a farmer or a teacher. Rebellious to the end. MARION We former runaways do not disappoint. (She raises her glass.) Here's to me not disappointing by disappointing you. Cheers. I should set the table. (He starts to set the table.) What's for dinner? Guess. Lamb. Are you joking? MARION It saves a trip to the store. LINUS MARION LINUS MARION (They drink.) LINUS LINUS MARION

77. LINUS I would never do such a thing. MARION Linus, you've got livestock just sitting out there in your yard. LINUS That's like saying "welcome to dinner everyone, tonight we shall dine on cousin Jeff". Oh Jesus. LINUS Those sheep are my friends, I could never carve one of them up and eat them. You're so sentimental. LINUS Have you ever slaughtered a sheep? Okay, gross. It's horrific. Yeah. LINUS "Have the lambs stopped screaming Clarisse?" Okay. And the smell. LINUS God, the smell is the worst thing. MARION Okay, never mind. LINUS It's damp and thick andOkay, I give up. Thank you. (Beat) LINUS MARION MARION LINUS Haven't you seen that movie? MARION MARION MARION MARION

78. MARION Does it really sound like children. (Beat) It sounds like nothing. What do you mean? LINUS They make no sound at all. Completely silent. Going through the worst moment of their lives and no one knows it except the slaughterer. I'm surprised all ranchers aren't vegetarians. MARION So what are we having, then? Soy burgers? Turkey. Oh, but that's okay? LINUS Yes. First of all I never met a Turkey I would consider my friend, second of all someone else killed it, not me. Third of all Turkeys they all. . . they all walk around big and fat with all those dark feathers and they just remind me of Queen Victoria. Big fat and sullen and she was never very happy so I figure I'm putting them out of their misery. MARION The sheep are your friends? LINUS They know my face. They depend on me. They all flock to me when I have special treats for them. How is that not friendship? MARION Do you think they would be your friends if you didn't care for them? LINUS Would you be my friend if I didn't care for you? I thinkNo, you wouldn't. LINUS MARION MARION LINUS MARION LINUS

When you do it?

79. MARION So am I just a sheep to you then? You wouldn't kill me and eat me and you would give me little treats. What is a sheep treat, by the way? (A howl from outside. This time it's a wolf. LINUS stops. They both listen.) Okay, that was a wolf. Yeah, it was. Christ. (LINUS exits.) What's wrong? LINUS I haven't heard one in a while. MARION There goes the neighborhood, huh? In a way, yes. (He re-enters with a rifle. He opens the chamber and checks to see if it's loaded.) What are you doing? MARION Linus, that's a gun what are you doing? LINUS MARION LINUS MARION LINUS

LINUS What do you think I'm doing? MARION You're going to shoot it? If he shows his face. No you're not. I am. LINUS MARION LINUS

80. MARION Linus, no you're not. LINUS I have sheep out there, what would you do? (LINUS walks outside. him.) If you killShh. (Beat) MARION (Whispering) This is ridiculous, wolves have to eat, too. LINUS Well he can eat someone else's sheep or he can go veggie but he's not coming on my land. MARION How do you know it's a "he" you sexist farmer? LINUS They travel in packs. A pack is just an extended family. Every summer the eligible bachelors of the family strike out on their own to try and start their own pack. MARION Why can't it be a female striking out on her own to start a family? LINUS Marion, the women's movement hasn't reached the wolves yet, I don't know what to tell you. Hand out some pamphlets. MARION I refuse to believe that the only way to control this problem is with bullets. Llamas. Excuse me? LINUS Apparently llamas and wolves are natural enemies. ranchers throw a few llamas in with the mix. Some MARION LINUS LINUS MARION MARION follows

81. MARION Let's do that. LINUS Okay, do you have any llamas on you? MARION Linus, c'mon don't shoot the wolf. (Beat) LINUS I think he's gone anyway. (They wait and listen. MARION looks off in the opposite direction.) Is that a barn? Yes. (LINUS goes inside.) Is it your barn? LINUS You think someone just left it there? MARION Linus, put the sheep in the barn. No. MARION isn't that what the barn is for? Yes. Put them in the barn. No. MARION It'll keep them a lot safer than your sharp-shooting. LINUS Forget it, they'll be fine. LINUS MARION LINUS LINUS MARION LINUS MARION

82. MARION Now you've got me worried about the sheep. I should never meet livestock face to face it screws up my entire perspective. LINUS Who are you worried about, the sheep or the wolf? Both. LINUS I'm afraid there's no way out of that dilemma. MARION If we put them in the barn then they won't get eaten and the wolf won't get shot. How is that not a solution? LINUS Well played sir, you've bested me again, could you come inside now please? MARION I'm freaking out out here Linus. Marion. Come inside. (MARION walks back in the house.) MARION I need more wine to deal with that traumatic experience. (He pours her more wine.) LINUS The wolves are going to survive without you. sheep. Are you sure? I'm sure. (LINUS continues to set the table.) MARION Why won't you put the sheep out in the barn? I don't go in the barn. LINUS LINUS MARION So are the LINUS MARION

83. MARION What do you mean? LINUS What do you think I mean? LinusI don't go in the barn. (Beat) Ever? I don't. What's in there? LINUS There could be a brass band in there for all I know. LinusIt's fine. (Beat) MARION So, it just sits out there in the field? Yes. MARION When's the last time you were there? A long time ago. When? LINUS I don't remember. I mean I... It's... it's not there. (Pause) can't. I can't remember. MARION LINUS LINUS LINUS MARION MARION LINUS MARION LINUS MARION

84. MARION What happened in the barn? (Beat) LINUS I don't think there's enough wine. In the whole world? In the whole world. MARION We've never talked about this. We're not going to. MARION Well, that's progress. (Beat) You know what I was thinking? What? MARION We were driving here and I was looking out the window, watching the trees and houses go by and then I was looking over at you and you were focused on the road like a Samurai warrior. And I suddenly thought of the end of my Junior year. Do you remember? No. MARION It was the last day of school and I was lingering behind in your class. My last class of the day. My best class. My favorite class. We talked about something. I don't remember what it was. It was weird and strange and meandering. But we talked for an hour I think and we were headed out the door and you put your hand on my shoulder. You looked at me and said "Good work, Marion. Well done." And suddenly it felt like I had a road flare burning inside my chest. That's the only time I can think of when you touched me. It's the only time I could think of. So? LINUS LINUS LINUS LINUS LINUS MARION

85. MARION So I want to hug you right now and I don't want it to be a burden to you, I want it to be the right thing. (Beat) Fine. Fine. (She puts down her glass of wine. They look at each other. She walks to him and they hug each other. It lasts for several seconds.) Thank you. You're welcome. MARION I need another glass of wine. LINUS Maybe you should slow down a little? One more please? Thanks. (She drains the glass of wine in one long drink and puts the glass down on the table.) Okay, there's something else I need to talk to you about. Sit down. Hi. Hello. MARION So, I'll be graduating from High School next week. Congratulations. MARION And I'll be taking a year off. LINUS LINUS (He sits.) (He pours her another glass of wine.) MARION LINUS MARION LINUS

86. LINUS To work at McDonalds and act like a moron. Yes. And. So. . . So. MARION So Linus, I'm eighteen. I'm eighteen now. And that changes things for me. I can smoke now if I want to. Ha ha. I'm allowed to kill foreigners if my government says it's okay. I can vote. And there's a whole world of legally consensual sex out there that I have yet to explore. That's a long list. MARION I warned you two years ago that by the time I was eighteen I was going to be dating a drug dealer and changing my name to Heather Humper. I remember. MARION I'm not taking a year off to do either of those things. That's good news. (Beat) MARION Are you going to make me say this out loud? Yes. I'm in love with you. (Beat) KABOOM! (LINUS exits.) MARION LINUS LINUS LINUS LINUS LINUS MARION And. . . LINUS MARION

87. Where are you going? Get the champagne Linus, I'm in love with you! I want to be an autumn bride, how does that sound? (LINUS enters opening another bottle of wine. He pours some in his glass.) Okay, That'll do if there's no champagne. Sit down. (She sits back down.) MARION Are you going to yell at me now? LINUS Stop making jokes, this isn't funny. (Beat) You can't go though life falling in love with everyone who's nice to you. Don't give me a lesson. LINUS This is a fact, Marion it's a statement of fact. MARION It's a statement of bullshit, Linus. How do you knowMARION Yeah yeah, how does one so young know what love is? can't possibly. I think that's true. MARION Forget about that. I don't want to argue about that. I want you to give me the benefit of the doubt and believe in my feelings. I won't. LINUS You're a child. I'm a goddamn woman LINUS She LINUS MARION LINUS

MARION Fuck you! I hate it when you say that. you fucking Farmer!

88. LINUS You think you cross some magical threshold on your eighteenth birthday and you've suddenly got all the traits of a woman? Is that what you think? MARION I think I've gone through more in my first eighteen years than a lot of women will go through their entire life, that's what I think. That's no excuse. Excuses? excuse? MARION Is that what we're looking for? You need an LINUS

LINUS You think you can argue me into loving you? MARION I don't think I have to. (Beat) How about you love me too? How's that for an excuse? A lot of students are graduating this year, how many of them are here tonight? How many of them are drinking wine and having an intimate dinner with you? How about you love me too? LINUS How many plates are on this table? (She looks at the table. four plates.) Who else is coming? Judy and Harold. Harold? Yes. (Beat) Marion, I think I give you the wrong ideaFuck you. MARION You gave me the right idea. LINUS I think you're a wonderful personLINUS LINUS They wanted to congratulate you, too. MARION MARION There are

This is. . .

89. MARION Oh, god, shut up. (Beat) What time are they coming over? Any time now. Fine. (Beat) So Harold and Judy are back together, huh? Yes. MARION How long's that been going on? I don't know. A while. (Beat) I really regret coming here, Linus, so. . . So I'm going to have to make you regret it, too. I'm sorry. (MARION picks up the bottle of wine and her glass.) MarionMARION I'm fine. I'm going to go smoke it off outside. when it's Turkey time. LINUS Marion, listen to me for a second. MARION I DIDN'T COME HERE TO FLATTER YOU! LINUS What the hell did you expect me to do? I don't know. Tell me. LINUS MARION What did you expect? Let me know LINUS A while. MARION LINUS LINUS MARION LINUS

I'm very flattered-

90. MARION For the world to be different. (MARION walks outside and sits. She pours a glass of wine and lights a cigarette. She addresses the sheep. LINUS begrudgingly continues preparations for dinner.) Hello little sheep. Looks like we're all up past our bedtime. Are you scared of the wolf? I guess the call of a wolf is enough for a sheep to get a bit of insomnia. Try counting sheep, ha HA! (Beat) Well, my woolen friends, it seems that there actually is no difference between you and I. He's just looking out for all of us, trying to keep the wolves away. Next thing you know he'll be putting a llama in my bedroom. (Beat) No offense, but I hope every single one of you gets eaten tonight. I hope the sun rises on a field of empty sheepskin. I hope there's a nationwide epidemic of sheep slayings. I hope the wolves overrun the earth and become the dominant species. No offense. (There is the sound of an automobile.) Hark. Methinks I hear the distant sound of the Principal's Toyota Corolla. This is going to be quite an assembly of characters tonight, perhaps you can watch through the windows. I'm going to put on quite a show. (JUDY and HAROLD knock once then enter.) Hello? Hello? Hi there. Welcome. LINUS Come in. HAROLD This quite a place. LINUS Did you find it alright? HAROLD I looked for your gigantic truck after we hit the gravel road. JUDY And we missed it three times. JUDY HAROLD

91. LINUS I still miss it a couple of times myself.

Perfect.

JUDY Where's the guest of honor? LINUS She's outside talking to the sheep. Where's outside? That way. (JUDY heads outside. She sits down next to MARION. They say nothing. As HAROLD and LINUS talk they share the glass of wine as JUDY drapes her arm over MARION's shoulder.) That's a wine bottle. LINUS It's a special occasion. Right. Would you like some? HAROLD More than anything in the world. One second. (LINUS exits. HAROLD watches JUDY and MARION as soon as he exits.) LINUS (CONTD) I have red and I have white, which can I get you? HAROLD Do you have any tequila? Straight up, no lime? I'm sorry I don't. Well why not? HAROLD LINUS LINUS LINUS HAROLD HAROLD LINUS JUDY

92. LINUS Because this isn't a Hooters. HAROLD You have no hard liquor at all? LINUS What is wrong with wine again? Wine's fine. Red. LINUS enters with a bottle of red. LINUS It's a delightful Shiraz. Pour the wine. What's wrong with you? HAROLD Nothing, I'm fine. Two hours in a car with Judy, y'know? It's like listening to avant garde symphony music, you know it's important to listen but in the end, it just gives you a headache. (They drink.) So, this is the place. This is it. It's nice. LINUS Thank you, thank you, I've worked very hard to make it so. HAROLD So are you going to sell it or what? Nah. LINUS I think I'll keep her. HAROLD Well, cheers then. Cheers. (Beat) So, how are things with Judy? LINUS I always hated the city anyway. HAROLD LINUS LINUS HAROLD HAROLD

93. HAROLD Fine. They're fine. LINUS Back together again. Back together. Good. Yeah. HAROLD What are you getting at, are you hinting at something? LINUS No, no I'm not. HAROLD A surprise that we're back together? LINUS A little, but that's not what I'm talking about. HAROLD I thought you weren't talking about anything. Harold? Sorry. Long car ride. LINUS I guess so. (Beat) So, how did all that happen? Me and Judy? Yes. HAROLD The same way people normally get back together, you pool your collective fear of being alone for the rest of your life. LINUS So it was destiny, then. Fate. You could deny it no longer. LINUS HAROLD HAROLD LINUS LINUS HAROLD

HAROLD Shut up. You try dating someone some time, it's not romantic literature it's cold hard negotiation.

94. LINUS Sure, I'll give that a try. HAROLD When is the last time you were with someone? Let's not. HAROLD Not since I've known you anyway. Don't be so sure. while. Were you? LINUS She'd come to my door dressed only in Mink. Really? LINUS And in the morning she would be gone. years. So, it's been a while. Yes. HAROLD And you and Marion are just hanging out here at your farm, drinking delightful Shiraz. (Beat) What? Nothing. What is it? Nothing. Then shut up. LINUS HAROLD LINUS HAROLD LINUS LINUS HAROLD That went on for HAROLD LINUS I was dating a Russian diplomat for a HAROLD LINUS

95. HAROLD Now who's in a bad mood? LINUS Don't insinuate things like that, it's disgusting. HAROLD What's disgusting, she's eighteen. LINUS That doesn't make it not disgusting. HAROLD You're telling me that the thought of being with Marion is disgusting to you. Yes. HAROLD How? She's a beautiful young woman, you're a weird introverted older man, what could be wrong with that? want you to be happy, Linus. I'm great. Hey Linus. What? JUDY Am I crazy or did you mention that your father had a first edition Grapes of Wrath? Follow me. (JUDY kisses MARION on the cheek then follows LINUS off stage. MARION gets up and walks inside. HAROLD looks at her.) HAROLD Hitting that wine pretty hard young lady. MARION I'm trying to phase into another dimension. How's it coming? HAROLD LINUS LINUS JUDY LINUS LINUS

I just

96. MARION I'm halfway there. (Beat) Where's your girlfriend? HAROLD In the bedroom with your boyfriend. (Beat) MARION I thought of you the other day. You don't say. MARION Yes. I got my period and I remembered a year ago when that used to bring me such relief and then I thought of you. (Beat) HAROLD You're determined to make this night longer than it has to be, aren't you? MARION I want this night to last forever. It's one of those nights where you don't want to go to sleep because you know tomorrow you'll wake up as someone else. HAROLD Who are you going to wake up as? MARION Maybe I won't wake up at all. Maybe the lights will suddenly snap into darkness and a single shot will ring out. Candlelight will reveal my still bleeding corpse on the floor. That'd be really something wouldn't it? Watch all your secrets die with me. HAROLD I left my revolver at home. MARION It's okay. Linus has a great big gun, I'm sure you can borrow it. He uses it to eliminate the wolves from his life. You can do the same. I don't need to. Oh really? MARION HAROLD HAROLD

97. HAROLD Yeah. MARION Did you put a bomb in my locker or something? Bull? Poison my Red

HAROLD If Linus ever found out about us he'd be done with you. You know that, I know that. I know that's why you broke it off a year ago. 'Cause of him. 'Cause you were afraid of what he'd think. So you can sit there and drink wine and be a smart ass but if he finds out about us, you'll just be a piece of trash to him. MARION It's good to see you're still a sweet talker Harold. (We hear Judy in Linus' library, reveling in the literature.) JUDY (Off-stage.) Here it is, this is my favorite part: "Before I knowed it, I was sayin' out loud, 'The hell with it! There ain't no sin and there ain't no virtue. There's just stuff people do. It's all part of the same thing.'". . . MARION Maybe I need to tell him. Maybe I have to set him free. (JUDY enters followed by LINUS.) JUDY That was like a spoon of heroin, seeing that book. Dinner time. LINUS Sit down, it's been ready for a while. JUDY What are we having? Queen Victoria. What? Turkey. (They sit. LINUS goes to get dinner.) LINUS JUDY MARION

98. JUDY So, let's have a toast. Marion, High School sucks. I applaud anyone who can make it through without resorting to machine gun fire. Here's to you. (They drink.) So, Marion I've been thinking. What? JUDY You sitting here at this dinner table with us is a really big deal. Harold is a mathematician and I'm sure he will tell you the probability of someone with your background graduating with a four point average. It's a miracle. JUDY And for that, I should be grateful. And I should stop being such a whiner about the fact that you are taking a year off. Shouldn't I Linus? LINUS I gave her an application just a second ago. JUDY Ooh, for that place in Michigan? Yes. What did you think? MARION You just said no whining. JUDY I'm not whining, it's casual. I'm totally being casual right now. Hey Marion, not that it's important, but what did you think of the place in Michigan? HAROLD What's the reason for the year off, Marion? JUDY She doesn't know what she wants to study. Neither did I. HAROLD JUDY LINUS HAROLD MARION

99. JUDY Neither did I. I didn't. MARION And that's quite a round Robin of examples to follow guys but really, I just want to take my time with it. Quitter. JUDY Oh, my, looks like Linus has called you a quitter. MARION What did you just call me? A quitter. HAROLD Guns on the table everybody, this is a gentlemen's game. MARION You know what it really is? I can't stand to be away from Linus. The thought of graduating and leaving him behind forever is the most terrifying thought I've ever had. So, I was going to ask him if he needed any help down on the farm. I could slop the hogs, do you have hogs? No. MARION Well, I could slop something. Wear those big boots, traipse around in the mud. Braid my hair, get some freckles. Of course I'd overstay my welcome by several years. Next thing you know I'm twenty-seven and his common-law wife. We'd have lots and lots of kids and we'd never screw them up. That's a. . . JUDY strong teacher-student relationship. LINUS LINUS LINUS LINUS

MARION Oh, it's downright scandalous. Long afternoons in Linus' empty classroom. Just him and me and thousands of years of history, it was delicious. JUDY Well, whatever gets you to a diploma.

100. MARION Oh, it got me there. But all that's over now. It's Graduation Day. Time to move on. Hey, let me ask you a question Mizz Bench. Yes? What happened to you? What do you mean? MARION I mean, you used to be a real badass, what happened? You didn't take no shit from nobody. Then you changed and it's like. . . I don't know, Principal Lite. Like decaf Principal. What happened? JUDY What are you talking about Marion? MARION I don't know. I kind of miss the good old days. I miss you desperately bumming a cigarette off me outside campus. I miss Linus going postal in front of his 7th period class. It's all gotten so parental. I sometimes even miss the blonde wig that Harold would have me wear. Marion, shut up. JUDY What are you talking about? (Beat) MARION You know the one. He keeps it at the top of his closet. Blonde wig, on a Styrofoam head. He said it reminded him of his high school girlfriend. Don't tell me he never had you wear it. It didn't fit me very well but he didn't seem to mind. Then one time he gave me cash to go and buy lingerie. Then one time he told me to walk down a certain street at a certain time and he would drive by and pick me up, like I was a hooker. Then one time he covered my mouth and my nose while he was on top of me. (Beat) I almost miss it. It was fucked up and messy, and I guess I understood that. (A long pause. Nobody moves.) HAROLD JUDY MARION JUDY

101. JUDY Is she... She's lying. MARION You want me to get specific? I don't think you can handle it Mizz bench. Birthmarks, favorite positions, the sound his bed makes. (Then suddenly JUDY gets up, crosses away from the table, up to the kitchen sink and vomits. Still no one moves.) She's lyingNo she isn't. (Pause) Let me explain. Marion, stopMARION No, not about me and Harold. About you. I want to explain you. See, it was the bear, Judy. The bear. When you were eight years old and you had to choose. The red bear or the yellow cat. The bear left you. Your father dragged away by police with one bloody arm. Your mother loaded into the back of an ambulance. "No one can ever leave again." That's what you said to yourself. I bet. "No one can ever leave". So when undeserving men come around and they climb into bed with you and you know there's something not right, you know they shouldn't be there... but it's better than them leaving. Right? It's okay. I understand. So does Linus. Funny how we find each other. Like Zebras right, Harold? People just see a wall of stripes. (Beat) You three are really something. (Beat) You should've left me the fuck alone. (JUDY storms out of the house. We hear her car starting and pulling away.) Jesus! HAROLD JUDY MARION JUDY HAROLD HAROLD

102. (HAROLD takes off out the door as well, chasing after Judy. We hear the faint sounds outside of the car pulling away and then stopping, pulling away and then stopping, with Judy and Harold arguing in-between. Marion lights a cigarette.) MARION One foot over the other. Torch in hand. One row of cotton at a time. The flames would be visible from space. (LINUS and MARION are left at the table. She exhales smoke.) So. . . (Blackout.) MARION (CONTD)

103. (The sound of a loud school bell and students exploding out of classrooms. The lights come up on LINUS' classroom. We can her the students begin to sit in their seats and calm down. LINUS enters, walking between the students' desks and stands in front of his own desk. The students calm down and wait for him to speak.) LINUS Like it's branded on your foreheads, I can see it: "Oh God, another year." For those of you who were wondering if you got "The Weird Guy" for history, let me assure you that you have. You know, a few years ago I was the only History teacher on campus. I was unavoidable. Now, things have changed. Believe it or not we have an entire History Department. To you that means nothing. To me it's as if I've discovered Confederate Gold. We'll cover Confederate Gold at another time by the way. You've heard lots about me. You've heard I was sleeping with a student. You've heard I was sleeping with the principal. You've heard I was, this is my favorite one, I was a fugitive from the Canadian Government. Let me assure you that my life has never been so interesting as it is in the text messages you send across campus. Sorry to disappoint you. But let's make haste before the Mounties break down the door and drag me back to Saskatchewan. It was 1930. Poverty was already gripping America when suddenly the Great Plains themselves rose up into great storms. One hundred million acres took off into the sky and blackened the horizon for hundreds of miles. They called it The Dust Bowl. A lack of crop rotation, a removal of the grasses that kept the soil in place, drought, and then a great wind. For years, a giant patch of this country may as well have been the surface of the Moon. The earth had risen up to kill them.

104. The good people of the plains, their livelihood stripped, piled into broken down cars and went west. Complete strangers jumping into cars with families they've never met, at times not even introducing themselves. A group of strangers, trying to leave the wasteland behind them. Their only currency was their shared tragedy. (Beat) So, what am I talking about, right? Why should you care? That message that's branded on all your foreheads... Well it's branded on my forehead, too. (A light comes up on MARION's empty desk.) "Oh God, another year." Our surroundings have risen up to kill us, kids. And as we head west for more fertile ground, our only currency is each other. It's what happens when things break. Long story short: It sucks for me too. So keep that in mind. Let's begin. turn to chapter one... The New World. Open your text books,

(We hear the sound of the students pulling out their textbooks and notebooks as Linus sits at his desk. The sound of the classroom fades out. After a moment, JUDY enters.) Linus. LINUS Well, well, Principal Bench, come in. How are you? LINUS Good, how was the conference? JUDY It was fine. The usual. Underfunded, underpaid, nonfuctioning curriculums, fully functioning alcoholism. These are the Principals of America. I see. LINUS JUDY JUDY

105. JUDY So, the students are okay, the year's going okay? LINUS I count the days to Christmas, I count the days to spring, I count the days to summer. Every once and a while there's a moment of enjoyment. JUDY How are the new history teachers? LINUS Good I think. One thinks he's Stephen Ambrose the other thinks she's Doris Kearns Goodwin. The students will teach them otherwise. JUDY So now that there's an actual history department are you finally going to forgive me for cutting your class load back then? LINUS Yes, I forgive you. And while we're on the subject do you think you can give me fewer classes? I'm feeling overwhelmed. (JUDY sits in MARION's desk.) JUDY This is the desk, right? That's it. -That sucked us all in. JUDY Down the rabbit hole. LINUS

LINUS I've been using a black hole analogy, but that works too. (Judy raises her hand as if she has a question.) You, in the back. Why'd we do it? up more? JUDY We tried to save her and we just fucked her LINUS (CONTD)

LINUS Cut to several years later and you want to have a follow up conversation about this?

106. JUDY As if you've thought about anything else. (Beat) LINUS We avoid the mess of fixing ourselves.

Why Linus?

We fix her.

JUDY See, but what's wrong with that? That's "two birds with one stone", multitasking! I can fix a whole school but not... LINUS It defies explanation. (Beat) Judy what's this all about? That last time you were in my class was to tell me about the new copier. Six months ago. I'm leaving, Linus. JUDY I'm taking a job out of state.

LINUS You're kidding, where are you going? JUDY There was a superintendent from Georgia at the conference. He offered me a job, I accepted. Georgia? Yes. Georgia? The Peach State. When? JUDY I'll stay through the year. I just wanted you to know first. LINUS JUDY LINUS JUDY LINUS

LINUS Judy you built this school. Rebuilt it. We were the worst school in the district until you stepped up to the plate. I know. LINUS And you're just going to, what? JUDY

107. JUDY They still talk about it, Linus. LINUS Judy, no they don't. JUDY Yes, they do. It's five years later and they're still calling me the Mary Jo Buttafuoco of the public school system. (Beat) I overheard someone in the bathroom. (Beat) I'm never going to live it down, no matter how good my record is. The school's back on its feet. Now I want to go where no one knows me. I'm going to miss you. JUDY You'll get by. Besides, I've got months to wean you off of me. It's the person taking my place that I'm worried about. They're going to walk into this classroom not knowing they have Linus the Terrible as the head of their history department. LINUS I promise to make mince-meat of them. you. Thank you. (Beat) (JUDY raises her hand.) LINUS Ms. Bench, did you have a question? Am I a quitter? No. JUDY Just checking. (Beat) I'm sorry to leave you here. Okay. LINUS I like it here. Just me, the faceless students and thousands of years of history. It's enough. LINUS JUDY JUDY If only in homage to LINUS

Start over.

I need to.

108. (She gets up and exits. LINUS picks up his things and exits out the front of the school. MARION is waiting for him, smoking a cigarette. He takes a long look at her.) MARION So, I have this big apartment now. Since I moved in, I've been buying furniture. Didn't matter if it matched or even if I liked it. Chair after table after chair. My living room looks like an antique store. And it still feels empty. And I realized that yesterday and I got on a plane and I came here. I wondered for a second if you still worked here but then I thought, "who am I kidding?". What happened to you? MARION I did what I said I was going to do. Where? New Orleans. New Orleans. Oh god. LINUS Tulane? MARION It's a good school. LINUS A good school for the beer industry. Linus. (Beat) LINUS Just promise me you'll be one of those Louisiana spinsters, alright? On your porch with a mint julep and a cat with one blind eye? One blind eye. MARION I promise. MARION MARION LINUS I'm in college. LINUS

LINUS And stay away from the Beads, and Bourbon street.

109. MARION That's not my scene, Linus. You know that. (Beat) How's the house of pain treating you? First in the district. Progress. (Pause) It's good to see you. It's good to see you. MARION You look like an old man. You look all grown up. LINUS MARION LINUS

LINUS I've always looked like an old man. I don't feel grown up. One never does. MARION You still talk in the third person. LINUS MARION

LINUS You still smoke. We're even. (Pause.) So did you forget something in your locker? No. LINUS A postcard would've been nice from time to time. I know. LINUS Any kind of correspondence, I was worried about you. I know. Judy was too. LINUS MARION MARION MARION

110. MARION I needed to not talk to you. (Beat) Harold got out early. No. LINUS Time off for good behavior. He was released two months ago. Moved to Ohio, he had a cousin there or something. (Beat) He said if I ever saw you, I was supposed to tell you he's sorry. For what it's worth. Thanks. (Beat) So I'm just going to get this over with, okay? What? Did you love me? MARION At all? LINUS MARION LINUS I don't know if you heard. MARION

LINUS I'm not really used to that line of questioning, Marion especially when we're talking about yearsMARION I came all the way here, Linus. answer it. I have one question, please

LINUS Marion, I can't just drag up all the oldLinus! Stop! MARION For once you your life!

LINUS Stop it! (Pause) You had become this person. This person that I admired, that I thought the world of. And I was your teacher. And I felt responsible for that person. The creator of that person. And for us to be together would've been... MARION Like what my father did to me.

111. LINUS Yes. MARION And what your father did to you? (Beat) Yes. (Beat) It stops with us. It stops here. MARION How long are we going to be prisoners of this? (Beat) Is it always going to be like this? (Beat) LINUS I finally went in the barn. You did? I did. What was in there? LINUS A little kid named Linus. He's nice we've been getting to know each other. He's moved into the house now. I tore down the barn and bought some llamas. So that's something, I guess. (Beat) MARION I didn't come back here to be a part of your life again. Okay. MARION It hurts to talk to you for some reason. Okay. MARION I just don't think I ever said "thank you" or I'm sorry". LINUS Remember what I said to you about History? LINUS LINUS MARION LINUS MARION LINUS

112. MARION No good things or bad things. happened. Right. Does that always work? No. Well, thank you anyway. You're welcome. (Beat) I'm going to go now. LINUS Marion. I spoke to you once of a farmer. Do you remember? There once was a farmer in Mesopotamia, he loved his wife and children, he died a happy man on the banks of the Tigris. I remember. LINUS There is a world out there. A happy one. Are you sure? I have faith. (Beat) I have to go. Take care of yourself. I will. Goodbye, Marion. LINUS MARION LINUS MARION LINUS MARION It exists. MARION MARION LINUS MARION LINUS MARION LINUS

Just this happened and that

113. MARION Goodbye, Linus. (MARION exits. LINUS sits on the steps of the school by himself. The lights slowly fade to black.) THE END