One morning after recess, a team of health personnel came to my school to give all pupils free Dengue vaccinations.

The sight of them toting medical tools and equipment into the the school's resource room gave almost everyone in my class the heebie-jeebies. Despite our form teacher's repeated reassurance that the injection pain would be as slight as an ant bite, many so-called tough boys and tough girls in my class grimaced and squealed in apprehension. Having a low pain threshold, I could not help shaking from head to toes. An overpowering sense of dread and foreboding washed over me. I had ever been bitten by fire ants before and the vicious pain was no joke. While waiting for our turn to have the vaccinations, I kept thumbing through my Chinese textbook in a futile effort to calm myself down. Many minutes slipped by. A school prefect walked into our classroom and told us to be ready for the vaccinations. All of us erupted in groans. Having hushed us and made us stand in a single file according to the alphabetical order of our names, Mdm Chai led us out of the classroom towards the resource room. Our long queue of fifty-five pupils spanned three classrooms from the front door of the makeshift injection room . I stood in the middle of the line, feeling like a criminal going to the gallows. A short, heavy-set nurse was waiting for us at the door with our name list in her hand. Her job was to call us one by one into the room. Every time she called out a pupil's name in her stentorian voice, there would be gasps of panic rising from the front of our line. It did not take long for each pupil to be injected. I exchanged fretful looks with a boy behind me whenever we saw one after another of our friends exiting the room. Most of them snivelled all the way back to the classroom. As I was busy counting the gradually-shrinking number of pupils before me, a chirpy womanish voice rang out behind me . I looked over my shoulder and saw Miss Chiew talking to Man zhou, the boy who stood behind me. " Are you afraid, Man Zhou?" asked Miss Chiew, a young and bubbly

temporary teacher who taught us Civic Education. She liked telling us jokes. "A little, Miss." answered ManZhou. He was wiping beaded sweat off his forehead with the back of his arm. It was quite hot that day, without a breath of wind. The air reeked of body odours. "What makes you afraid, ManZhou?" the teacher went on, smiling. "The needle might not be clean," said Man Zhou, looking up at Miss Chiew. " It could have germs." " The syringe is clean, don't worry," said the teacher, patting his back. "How clean is it, teacher?" I chimed in.

Miss. Chew tipped her head slightly towards me and said, " Every needle is sterilized over a fire." The word fire shocked the bejeebers out of me! Did the nurses have bunsen burners with them in the resource room? How would it be like to have a hot needle shot into my deltoid? I felt like crying. Were the Dengue epidemic in Malaysia really so bad that everyone must have the injection? Could I say no to it? Time tiptoed past without notice. I found myself moving closer and closer to the fat nurse at the door. Fifteen to twenty restless pupils were yammering behind me along the corridor. The cacophony of their chatters made me all the more nervous. By the time I came face to face with the nurse, I knew the dreadest moment had come. My palms turned cold from fright. Stepping into the resource room, I roved my eyes around every corner timorously. Several male medical assistants and female nurses were stacking piles and piles of injection kits on a long table. A wave of panic surged deep in the pit of my stomach. My legs buckled and I staggered backwards. Sensing my uneasiness, a fair-complexioned, bob

hair woman whom I gathered as a staff nurse came up to me and said, "Calm down, Xiaodidi(little kid). There's nothing scary about the injection." She took my hand in hers and led me gently to the equipment-laden table. Her words did not take the edge off my fear. To me, every thing in the room smacked of doom. I would be injected by a firesterilized needle and suffering great pain! The staff nurse told a young nurse to administer my injection. I saw her taking out a syringe and a small bottle of fluid from a kit. She uncapped the bottle and inserted the syringe into it. The fluid was drawn into the syringe as she retracted the plunger with her deft hand. Holding the syringe in one hand and a spirit-soaked cotton ball in the other, she said, "Pull up your sleeve, boy. I am going to inject you." I drew a deep breath and cast a frightened look at the syringe. The light of the fluorescent tubes on the ceiling glinted off the needle tip, making it appear even more frightening. Shaking like a leaf, I willy-nilly did what I was told. The nurse dabbed the wet cotton ball on my arm in a circular motion and said, "Relax, don't get yourself tensed up." Unable to suppress my fear any more, I shouted no at the top of my lungs and shook her hand off my shoulder. I rushed headlong to the open door but a tall, quickreacting male medical assistant blocked the way out with his outstretched arms, commanding me to get back to the astonished nurse in a stern voice. I wheeled round and almost bumped into the body of the staff nurse. I pushed her aside with all my might and ran towards the closed back door. A Malay nurse in a white headscarf flung herself forward and grabbed my left hand. As she dragged me back to the table, I resisted furiously and managed to wrench my hand out of her grip after biting her. I ran around the room with four to five nurses chasing after me. Our noise attracted many pupils. They pressed their faces against the windows, laughing and cheering. Nobody cared to stay in their line.

My attempt to escape came to an end when a stout male medical assistant

caught hold of my shoulders. Despite my struggle, he lifted me up effortlessly and put me down on a chair as if I were weightless. The others quickly surrounded me from all sides. I could hardly move a limb in their press. I kept cursing in anger. Saliva foamed at the corners of my mouth. No matter how I stamped my feet and flailed my arms, there was no way I could run away from them. I buried my face in my hands and burst out crying. Leave the boy alone, said the staff nurse.

The grips on my shoulders and arms became loosen at once. The staff nurse stooped down and circled her arms around me. She tapped the small of my back and whispered in my ear: " Don't cry. We will not cause you harm." Her motherly voice and hug had a gentle calming effect on me. I gradually settled into a quiet sob. She wiped my tear-streaked face with a soft piece of tissue paper and stroked my ruffled hair smooth. When I sobbed no more, she filled a plastic cup with water and passed it to me. Feeling unbearably thirsty, I finished it with a swig. The nurse smiled and said, "Are you feeling okay now?" "Yes," my voice wavered as I answered. "What makes you so afraid to receive the injection?" " I --don't -- want to be --injected by a fire-sterilized needle," I said under the tremour of my emotion. "Who told you that?" The nurse's eyes widened in surprise. "There's no such thing." Her colleagues exchanged looks and grinned. I did not answer. I bowed my head down again. Miss Chiew had told me that! "We use disposable needles. They are hygienic and convenient to use," the nurse explained patiently.

"So the needle won't be hot?" I asked doubtfully, raising my eyes to meet

hers. "No, it won't." she said, giving me a reassuring nod. "Are you ready to receive the injection now?" I did not know how to answer. " Don't hesitate any more. Dengue fever is spreading very fast recently and many kids have been infected and admitted to hospitals. Your life will be safer if you have the injection. Do you see how important it is to you?" advised the concerned nurse. I nodded my understanding and let the staff nurse inject me. The injection was not as painful as what I had expected. It felt like a pinch for only a second. Guilt and shame were creeping up on me. What a havoc I had caused in the resource room. I remember saying sorry to the staff nurse and her coworkers. They smiled and accepted my apology. When I came out of the room, many pupils were pointing and laughing at me. My form teacher gave me some scolding. Miss Chiew shook her head at me. A few other teachers described me as silly. I was too emotionally-spent to be bothered. Before going home, I picked up a few stones and threw them in the direction of Miss Chiew s car when nobody was noticing. I fled as fast as I could out of the school gate. Thirty years have passed, and I still have a deep-seated fear of injections. Once in two weeks, I go to the psychiatric clinic for Risperdal Consta injection. I have never grown used to it. Of course, I don t quail like what I did as a kid. I bear with it in utter silence. The moment the needle pierces through my skin, my face will contort in a paroxym of pain. I inhale as deeply as possible to calm down my nerves.