Palm up cue -> openness, trust - make people collaborative and open
Palm down -> to command - power
Head tilt -> show I am listening
No blocking (arms or objects protecting me)
Quando alguém faz merda e tenta mentir, vai tentar distanciar-se - talvez mexer a cabeça
para traz, olhar pro lado
Usar o meu mood como uma arma - emoções são contagiosas, se estiver super
entusiasmado/depressivo, vou conseguir colocar a outra/outras pessoas
entusiasmadas/depressivas - o que afeta as decisões e colaboração delas
How we say we feel, how our face is shaped (happy, tired, energetic), and how others show
those cues → that affect us directly. The way I can use this is by making my facial muscles,
my smile, my energy flowing throw me, my internal talk- make all of that energetic, happy
If I notice someone sending negative cues, I can (because I have the power) flip those cues
into positive ones - spread powerful feeling
We can learn to DECODE (read) other's cues and ENCODE (send) the cues we want to
send them (our body language). INTERNALIZE is how those cues affect our own behavior,
our success, and our mood.
The motivation cycle: ACTION > INTENTION > MOTIVATION - in no order. I don’t need to
be always motivated to act. Because most of the time I won’t be motivated. But I can create
motivation through every step I take, and every action I do. With the right self-talk, the callus
in my mind, the proof of what I have done, and the standards I will never break, like my
word, are the self-motivation I can create and leverage to get the most out of my actions. No
fucking motivational video. I don’t need it. And to finish, don’t forget feelings are like a virus,
they affect from person to person. If our interactions with others, the people we are near, are
positive and powerful, and energetic, we will be affected with those emotions. But if I am
surrounded by unmotivated, unpurposefull people, that’s a very hard fight I don’t have
energy to fight now. It’s better to be alone, feeding myself with the right nutrients than eating
junk food with other people. There are several mistakes I am making right now that I can
take from the data I just wrote. I have to be around and feed myself with the right people, the
right success mentality. Iven if for just a moment, if I contact with a cancer cell, I will be
fucked up. Be aware.
Lean to show I am listening to them, to make an important point, to agree with them.
EASY way to look and feel interested
When I am in a room, my feet tend to either align in the direction of the leader, or someone
that’s on my mind.
When I am speaking, if the other person is not aligned with me, face to face, torso to torso,
feet to feet, he doesn’t want to be here. Maybe he has something he has to do, and he is
pointing his feet away from me for that reason.
A linguagem corporal de durante a conversa estar 100% virado para a pessoa é
carismatico, mostra que estou 100% focado nessa pessoa
Se quero ser abordado num bar, ficar contra a mesa alta com body language aberta, como o
James Bond
Se quero abordar alguém, ter a certeza que as pessoas desse grupo não estão viradas
100% umas para as outras, isso significa que estão a ter uma conversa profunda e não
querem ser interrompidos. Se, em contraste, estiverem com os pés virados para fora e não
para a pessoa que estão a falar, estão abertos á minha abordagem.
Quando invado a zona intima ou pessoal de alguém, isto é-chegar muito perto, posso usar o
chamado “bridging” temporario, que significa tocar na pessoa temporariamente com a mão
(zona intima) - ex: high-fives; when you reach out and shake hands, touch their arm, give
them a fist bump, or tap them on the shoulder - an extension of the hand or arm; Gestos
como o "you and I", em que a mão vai na direção da pessoa; lean towards them (inclinar um
pouco a cabeça). Existem muitas outras pontes, como dar a caneta á pessoa, que posso
usar.
Para entrar na zona intima (open them…), andar ou sentar ao lado da pessoa
In photos, Gaze up and to the right in your photos. . associated with positive characteristics,
like being upbeat, future-oriented, and successful
Tilt my head - Mostra que sou bom ouvinte, que quero saber o que eles estão a falar
Em fotos -> tilt my head
HEAD TILT não deve ser usado se quiser mostrar competencia/poder (A.jugular=vulneravel)
Uso para mostrar que estou a ouvir, faze-los abrirem-se
Nodding é uma ótima forma de concordar, e incentivar as outras pessoas a falar mais
durante a conversa
NOD UP-what’sup (friends) NOD DOWN-respect (to strangers)
The eyebrow raise is the fastest way to show interest and curiosity and capture attention,
and to make a point
Match other people mood - meaning -> don’t be super exited to a mother who’s sun blow his
ehad off with a shotgun. Get to their level
The bigger the audience, the bigger the gestures can be - even if they go beyond the ideal
gesture box
Exercicio : Gravar vídeo onde:
1ºRecall Task (nada de mais)
2ºEmbarassant recall task (aumenta stress, cria a baseline para detetar)
3ºLie (mudagem linguagem corporal?)
BONUS CHALLENGE: Ask five people in your life to play the Lie to Me game with you.
(question inflection, lie)
Powerful people don’t waste energy on purposeless movements. They gesture to explain,
they lean in to emphasize, they’re still unless they have a reason to move.
Be sure you’re not smirking in most situations, use a genuine smile instead
RESUMO ATÉ AGORA
Usar um tom de voz mais baixo, inspirando profundamente e falando ao longo da expiração
CONTROL your volume, not too loud not too low
Don’t hold your breath while saying hello - and make that hello with confidence.
Sound friendly, with a confident positive energetic voice -
When someone calls? Hello, [insert name]! Good to hear from you.
Hi, [insert name]! What’s good in your world?
Entusiasmado por estar aqui ; Está um dia excelente lá fora ; Ótimo ter notícias tuas
EXERCÍCIO - Numa apresentação → No meu script-Struggle with pauses or speak too
fast? Add pause lines. Speak too slow? Print slow sections in a different color. I like green
for fast (as in a green light) and red for slow. Forget to smile? Type or draw a smiley face in
your notes. Want to lean in, nod, or add emphasis to a certain section? Bold it or add the cue
in the margins. Find it difficult to make eye contact with the audience? Add “LOOK UP →”
cues to your script.
The best way to use a nonverbal script is to help you remember where you need to add
vocal variety, nonverbal emphasis, or helpful gestures. “Good morning [smile].
Encouraging words to keep them vomiting words : “Yes,” “Wow,” “Go on,” “Tell me more,”
“Interesting,” “Really?,” “Great,” “Fascinating,” “I see,” and “Keep going,”
EXERCÍCIO: channeling speaking role models as one of the fastest ways to improve public
speaking - i somehow get their body language and charisma
EXERCICIO: Do you like the way you sound? Do you sound bored? Rerecord it with
emotion and confidence. Here’s how:
-Take a deep breath and say hello a few times in your lowest range. This
way, you can speak and record in that same register.
Think about someone you love talking to and imagine greeting them.
Take that positive feeling and smile if it feels natural.
Keep your language simple. I recommend saying a greeting, your name,
and your request to callers.
Use Warm words to convey friendliness, trust, and optimism. These are words
like connect, collaborate, happy, both, together, welcome, support, caring, nurture, gentle,
encouraging, reliable, joyful, trustworthy, bond, enthusiastic, pleasant, welcoming,
Use competent words to cue power, knowledge, and
effectiveness - they make us feel motivated, capable and like we're in the right hands. These
are words like brainstorm, effective, productive, science, analyze, competent, data, effective,
functional, optimize, robust, strategic, validate, capability, decision, efficient. generate,
implement, justify, leverage, precision, visionary, develop, execute, maximize, perform,
transform, clarity, impact, manage, progressive, request, Request
-suggestion, may I, process, let's get back to you, unpacking, choose, partnership, discover,
explore
Charismatic words that successfully blend both warmth and competence, triggering feelings
of optimism, interest, and reliability: Confident, Great, Creative, Inspiring, Dynamic,
Visionary, Passionate, Influential, Motivating, Brilliant, Exceptional, Positive, Resourceful,
Dedicated, Genuine, Progressive, Supportive, Trustworthy, Empathetic, Accomplished.
examples from email: “Your expertise is requested.”- competent; “LinkedIn would like to hear
from you!” - wormer ; “We appreciate your time. Best regards”—a great blend of warmth and
competence.
Each of the underlined words are charisma cues. The email has both warm
words like goal, together, happy, and desire as well as competent words like
forward, outcome, and power through. When people hear phrases like
together and happy, they’re more likely to actually feel happy together.
As we know, when we read words like collaborate, we’re more likely to
be collaborative. When we hear words like together, we, our, us, and both,
we’re more likely to feel connected. When someone tells us they’re “happy to
answer our questions,” we’re more likely to feel safe asking questions.
EXERCISE: In my emails, have a balance of warm and competent words. Think of how I
want them to feel.
Em conversas que tenha, afastar-me sempre das conversas basicas comuns, sem energia,
sem emoção, sem excitação. Afastar-me desse tipo de “talk” de pessoas aborrecidas.
Nas aberturas de conversas, ser o mais carismatico possivel:
Melhores conclusões:
Dependendo da pessoa que estou a falar, por exemplo um amigo mais “worm” ou
“competent” na escala do carisma, usar certas frases que têm mais intensidade se
direcionadas para eles. Se é uma pessoa mais competente, dizer algo mais competente na
escala:
RED → ACTION
BLUE → calm, productivity, and trust
GREEN → positive associations of nature and relaxation
YELLOW → happy, joyful, Yellow is like sunshine—it makes us feel warm and lovely, but too
much and you get a sunburn
—----------------------
NEVER skip a handshake - not a fucking fist bump or nothing at all, always a handshake
Put a reminder, I don’t care - but always walking with a constant pace, as a driven alpha man
Quando pegar no telemovel, não fazer a venia de inclinar a cabeça - BETA.
Most conversations go something like this
What do you do? Oh, that’s nice. Where are you from? Mmm, never been there. So, what
brings you here? Good, good. Well, I’m going to get another drink . . .BORING/forgetable
Best to worst in ranking - questions starters:
1. What was the highlight of your day?
2. What personal passion project are you working on?
3. Have anything exciting coming up in your life?
4. What’s your story?
5. What brings you here?
6. What do you do?
7. How are you?
Instead of "Hey, hello, hi" (fucking boring) → "Hola, howdy3, yo, how's it going1, what's up2"
Look for someone’s hot-button issues (a topic, hobby, or activity that lights someone up) and
shoot at it until they vomit everything about it. Then look for new buttons to pull.
The more specific in conversations, the better.
They looked at a user’s profile and guessed what might be a dopamineworthy conversation
sparker. “You mention,” “good taste”, “noticed that”, “Your name”, and “Curious what” all
have great reply rates.
You can search for hot buttons in conversation. I bolded the potential hot
buttons in these questions:
You mentioned that you volunteer with Big Brothers—have you
always done that?
You asked for Argentinian wine—are you a wine aficionado?
I noticed that your purse is handwoven—did you make it?
I was curious about your accent—are you from here?
I was just looking at your bookshelf—you have great taste in reading
materials!
Your name is beautiful—is it a family name?
I saw you posted some great pictures of your new dog on Facebook—
what made you decide to get a dog?
The moment someone lights up, you know you have just pushed a hot
button. This is when you can ask for background stories, details, and dig
deeper. That produces both great conversation and more dopamine, which
makes you more memorable
Be unique, creative
- I am not just an entrepreneur, I help people fix this problem
-My Instagram content is not just boring pictures of me, it’s stuff most people have never
seen before, it’s a pleasant experience they go through when clicking on my profile
-Ask unique questions to people
-in everything I do, think in ways I can creatively be different
-
Don’t use social scripts, ignite conversational sparks. Stop passively listening and push hot
buttons.
CHALLENGE: Make a bag of cards with writen sentences like “I notice how awesome you
are.”, where I give both compliments and truth.
It will make their day!
To highlight people:
Give clear labels to people: Here are some examples you could use: “You know
everyone—you must be a great networker!” “I’m amazed by your dedication to this
organization—they are lucky to have you.” “You are so knowledgeable in this subject—thank
goodness you are here.”
Another way of highlighting is to celebrate the victories of others as if they were your own.
You can say something simple: “I am very happy for you, congrats!”
When I see something—anything, that’s awesome, I always take the opportunity to highlight.
I tell my barista his latte art is gorgeous. I gush over my friends’ new haircuts.
Raving introductions - “It’s so nice to meet you! I have heard that you have an incredible
blog. Please tell me all about how you got all of your success.” “Great to know you, a friend
of John is a friend of mine. He always knows the most interesting people.”
Being memorable is not about bringing up your high points. It’s about highlighting theirs.
They will love you for it.
Being an amazing listener is not just about what you hear, it’s how you respond to what you
hear.
CHALLENGE: Tell 3 people for 3 days random surprising fun facts
CHALLENGE: Network exercise: Find people I would like to be mentored by, and find at
least three things we share—usually a mutual connection, a mutual interest, and a mutual
organization, like a school, league, or sports team. Craft a short direct-to-the-point message.
“I am really inspired by what you created, I’d love to learn your story of success.”
Last, ask people what they need and how I could help
“Not me!” phrases tend to push people way: You know, I never really got into Orange Is the
New Black. I thought it was kinda boring. You’re one of those gluten-free people? Don’t you
think that’s a fad? I’m not a big traveler. Sports? No, thank you! I would rather read a book or
watch the news. You’re into rock climbing? Not me! I’m afraid of heights.
Don’t fall into the “Not me!” trap; instead, find a way to say “Me too!”
There are three main categories of commonalities that you can pull from at any time:
People: Mutual contacts - How do you know the host?
Context: Think about the context of your meeting. – Great venue, right? Have you ever been
to this conference / restaurant / event before?
Interests: Common interests
If you ask one of these questions and don’t find a similarity, it’s totally okay. For example, if
someone says, “Oh, I don’t know her,” or “Nope, never been here before.” No worries! Use
that as an opener. You can say, “Yeah, it is a pretty big school. I think she studied political
science. What did you study?” or “Me neither! Do you have any favorite local watering holes
you go to?”
After I pass that small talk, get a conversation to go much deeper much faster using the
spirit of the Five Whys. When you find a commonality, don’t let it pass by, ask the other
person why it’s important to them. When you stumble upon a similarity, don’t jump to the next
topic; take it a step further and find out how they got started. If you hear a shared interest,
don’t let it hang without comment; dig a little deeper. Basically, ask them WHY as a follow
up question,
The last nugget: Every time you offer help, support, and advice, you create a deeper bond
with someone and a permanent similarity. I either find ways to help them or I just ask “Can I
help you with anything? “
What if you can’t find a thread? What if there are no authentic opportunities for “Me too”?
Here are some ways you can make “Teach me?” a thread: I have never heard of that
book—what is it about? What an interesting career—I have never met anyone in your line of
work before. Tell me about it! I’ve actually never been out of the country, but would love to
travel more. Have any insider tips for a beginner?
Always be on the lookout for ways to say, “Me too!” Dig and find things in common in first
minutes of interaction, starting with that small talk, getting deeper emotionally, finding the
“me too” ,asking their opinions or advice, listening careful, following up with deeper
charismatic great unique questions, and at the end of the conversation, if I noticed they have
a problem, ask “how can I help you with x? and If I dont, ask “Is there anything I can help
you with?”
Quando estou a falar com alguém, ter em atenção a personalidade da pessoa que estou a
falar:
Asking an introvert, “Do you know anyone else here?” might make her nervous so that she
flashes fear. Encouraging a low open friend to try a new restaurant or order something
different might make them irritated so that they flash an anger microexpression at you.
Pitching a low conscientious client with a long, detailed proposal might overwhelm them so
they flash contempt when you hand them a large packet.
OPENNESS Possible Questions: Have any big vacations coming up? I just tried ____ for the
first time. Have you ever done that? Tried any new restaurants lately? - dependendo da
resposta, da para concluir se é aberto ou fechado
CONSCIENTIOUSNESS Possible Questions: Have any big projects coming up? What’s the
plan? Did you make any goals or New Year’s resolutions this year?- se forem high, são
perfeccionistas, estão em controlo da vida, planeadores, etc
EXTROVERSION Possible Questions: Know anyone else here? What are you up to this
weekend? What’s your ideal day look like?
NEUROTICISM Possible Questions: How has your week been? Is this your busy season?
Anything else I should know?
—--para persuadir, ter em atenção a pessoa com que estou a falar:
Openness
This trait describes your curiosity and affinity for new ideas. Check off the
statements that sound like you:
If you are high in openness you:
___ Are very curious
___ Love to try new things
___ Are adventurous and a bit of a dreamer
___ Can be seen as unrealistic or not focused
If you are low in openness you:
___ Love habits, rituals, and routines
___ Honor and follow traditions
___ Are more pragmatic and data-driven
___ Can be seen as closed-minded and inflexible
Conscientiousness
This trait involves the way you get things done. Check off the statements that
sound like you:
If you are high in conscientiousness you:
___ Are very organized and detail-oriented
___ Love to-do lists, plans, and schedules
___ Are a perfectionist
___ Can be seen as controlling and rigid
If you are low in conscientiousness you:
___ Love broad ideas and don’t get bogged down in details
___ Are very flexible
___ Hate being boxed in with a plan or schedule
___ Can be seen as sloppy and unreliable
Extroversion
This trait is all about how you relate to people. Check off the statements that
sound like you:
If you are high in extroversion you:
___ Are very talkative and tend to initiate conversations
___ Are assertive and expressive with your opinions
___ Feel energized and refreshed being around other people
___ Can be seen as opinionated and attention seeking
If you are low in extroversion you:
___ Are more shy and reserved
___ Enjoy alone time; being with lots of people can feel draining
___ Like your privacy and are more hesitant to share personal information
___ Can be seen as aloof
Agreeableness
This trait taps into your attitudes toward teamwork and decision-making.
Check off the statements that sound like you:
If you are high in agreeableness you:
___ Tend to get along with people easily
___ Are trusting of others and love being on teams
___ Default to saying yes when someone asks you to do something
___ Can be seen as a pushover or passive
If you are low in agreeableness you:
___ Have a harder time working in groups
___ Are frequently suspicious of others’ motives
___ Default to saying no when someone asks you to do something
___ Can be seen as competitive or challenging
Neuroticism
This trait speaks to your emotional stability and tendency to worry. Check off
the statements that sound like you:
If you are high in neuroticism you:
___ Are a worrier
___ Tend to be moody
___ Are sensitive
___ Can be seen as too emotional or insecure
If you are low in neuroticism you:
___ Are stable and balanced
___ Are usually calm
___ Have faith that everything always “works out in the end”
___ Can be seen as unemotional or cold
—---- EXERCICIO: CADA PESSOA QUE CONHEÇO TEM A SUA, VER A MELHOR
FORMA DE PERSUADIR CADA PESSOA TENDO EM CONTA A SUA PERSONALIDADE
Tendo em conta essas caracteristicas e tendo em conta os love language… :
1. Words of Affirmation: People with this love language express their
care through spoken or written word—love letters, texts, and verbal
expressions of love.
2. Gifts: People with this love language express their care through small
gifts or tokens of appreciation—jewelry, candy, or flowers.
3. Physical Touch: People with this love language express their care
through touch—hugs, cuddles, pats on the back, loving embraces.
4. Acts of Service: People with this love language express their care by
doing things for others—cooking their spouse dinner, running errands,
or crafting something for them. (If you couldn’t tell from the story
about my dad, this is mine.)
5. Quality Time: People with this love language express their care with
their time. They want to simply be in the presence of the people they
care about.
: … tenho data suficiente para saber “what to ask for”, exemplo: If you are high open with
Quality Time, you might ask your colleague to try a new coffee place once a month
Zone Three Touch- Hug Back pat and Arm over the shoulder
Don’t be predictable. Don’t answer literally everything. Bring mystery. BE mysterious. Don’t
ask people to go on boring adventures, like “want go on take a coffee”.
Value is an attribute of each person eye. When I discover what drives him, what he truly
wants, then conversations become easy.That’s why it’s so easy to connect with deep
conversations talking about values.
—------------
Add a “because” to your next requests—even if they are silly. See what people do
When dealing with difficult people, name the emotion, understand the feeling, and transform
the fear.
Saying no :
Thank you for asking, it's a great idea! Though, I won't be able to join!
If I want, I can counteroffer: I can't make to the party, but let's grab a coffe instead./I
can’t go to the party, I will be travelling to Tailand/surfing next tuesday, you should join me”
Turn people on by making them feel wanted, liked, and known.
RESUMO
Hack #1: The Social Game Plan: When you say no to survive
situations and embrace thrive situations, you encourage people to also
interact in a way that works for them.
Hack #2: The Triple Threat: When you show up with trusting,
confident body language, you inspire the people you are with to be
more trusting and confident.
Hack #3: Conversational Sparks: When you break social scripts
with conversation sparks, you engage your partner’s need to respond
in kind—with more interesting, exciting tidbits.
Hack #4: Highlighter: When you highlight people’s strengths, you
not only bring out the best in them, you also encourage them to see
the best in you.
Hack #5: Thread Theory: As you search for threads of similarities,
you inspire people to hop on the “me too” bandwagon.
Hack #6: The Decoder: As you tap into and respond to people’s true
emotions, they are more incentivized to be direct and learn about
yours.
Hack #7: Speed-Read: When you respect someone’s true personality
orientation, you show how you would like to be treated.
Hack #8: The Appreciation Matrix: Finding the energy to
appreciate someone on their terms teaches them how to truly care
about someone—so they can return it to you in kind.
Hack #9: Primary Value: When you show someone you value them,
they are more inclined to respect your primary value.
Hack #10: The Story Stack: The more great, witty, clever stories
you share, the more people will want to tell you theirs.
Hack #11: Own It!: The more you empower others, the more they
will see you as a leader.
Hack #12: The Franklin Effect: The more vulnerable you are, the
more vulnerable people will be with you.
Hack #13: The NUT Job: Your calm and direct communication both
calms the people you are with and shows them how to direct
communication back to you.
Hack #14: Attunement: The more you show you are interested in
someone, the more interested they will be in you.
Law of reciprocity: The more you show you are interested in someone, the more interested
they will be in you.
Shoot with questions about their motivations, values - Be creative
CHALLENGE
1. Compliment Challenge: Approach someone you know or even a stranger and give them a
genuine compliment. It could be about their outfit, their smile, or something you appreciate
about them.
2. Coffee Shop Chat: Strike up a conversation with a fellow coffee shop customer. Ask about
their favorite coffee or simply share your thoughts on the coffee you’re enjoying.
3. Networking Event: Attend a networking event or virtual meetup related to your interests or
industry. Challenge yourself to introduce yourself to at least three new people and engage in
meaningful conversations.
4. Elevator Pitch: Prepare a 30-second elevator pitch about yourself, including your name,
what you do, and one interesting fact about you. Practice it and use it when meeting new
people.
5. Ask for Recommendations: Approach someone you admire or want to connect with and
ask for book or movie recommendations. It’s a great way to start a conversation and
discover common interests.
6. Volunteer Together: Join a volunteer group or activity, where you can interact with others
while working toward a common goal. It’s an excellent way to build relationships.
7. Group Game Night: Organize a game night with friends or colleagues. Games like
charades or Pictionary encourage communication and laughter.
8. Attend a Workshop: Sign up for a workshop or class on a topic you’re curious about. You’ll
meet people with similar interests and have a shared learning experience to discuss.
9. Lunch Buddies: Invite a coworker you don’t know well to have lunch together. It’s an
opportunity to get to know your colleagues better.
10. Mindful Listening: Challenge yourself to listen actively during conversations. Instead of
thinking about your response, focus on truly understanding what the other person is saying.
11. Join a Social Club: Explore local social clubs or online communities that align with your
hobbies or passions. This can lead to meaningful connections with like-minded individuals.
12. Random Acts of Kindness: Do something kind for a friend or stranger without expecting
anything in return. Acts of kindness can lead to heartwarming conversations.
13. Storytelling Challenge: Share a personal or funny story with friends or family. Storytelling
is a great way to connect and entertain.
14. Attend Meetup Groups: Join Meetup.com or a similar platform to find groups centered
around your interests. Attend their events and engage with fellow enthusiasts.
15. Team Building Activities: Participate in team-building activities at work or in a social
setting. These activities are designed to promote collaboration and communication.
