Many types of listening

Techniques > Listening > Many types of listening

There are many names for different types of listening. Here is a collection of types and the different names that get ascribed to them, along with a brief description of each. Name Active listening Description Listening in a way that demonstrates interest and encourages continued speaking. Looking for ways to accept and appreciate the other person through what they say. Seeking opportunity to praise. Alternatively listening to something for pleasure, such as to music. Listening obviously and carefully, showing attention. Listening through the filter of personal bias. Listening without obviously showing attention. Actual attention may vary a lot. Listening to understand. Seeking meaning (but little more). Listening to understand. Seeking meaning (but little more). Listening in order to evaluate, criticize or otherwise pass judgment on what someone else says. Seeking to understand the person, their personality and their real and unspoken meanings and motivators. Finding meaning through conversational exchange, asking for clarity and testing understanding. Listening for something specific but nothing else (eg. a baby crying). Seeking to understand what the other person is feeling. Demonstrating this empathy. Listening in order to evaluate, criticize or otherwise pass judgment on what someone else says. Pretending to listen but actually spending more time thinking. Listening to understand. Seeking meaning. Listening from a position of integrity and concern. Pretending to listen but actually spending more time

Appreciative listening Attentive listening Biased listening Casual listening Comprehension listening Content listening Critical listening Deep listening Dialogic listening Discriminative listening Empathetic listening Evaluative listening False listening Full listening High-integrity listening Inactive listening

thinking. Informative listening Initial listening Judgmental listening Partial listening Reflective listening Relationship listening Sympathetic listening Therapeutic listening Total listening Whole-person listening Listening to understand. Seeking meaning (but little more). Listening at first then thinking about response and looking to interrupt. Listening in order to evaluate, criticize or otherwise pass judgment on what someone else says. Listening most of the time but also spending some time day-dreaming or thinking of a response. Listening, then reflecting back to the other person what they have said. Listening in order to support and develop a relationship with the other person. Listening with concern for the well-being of the other person. Seeking to understand what the other person is feeling. Demonstrating this empathy. Paying very close attention in active listening to what is said and the deeper meaning found through how it is said. Seeking to understand the person, their personality and their real and unspoken meanings and motivators.

See also
Types of listening, Depth of listening, Active listening

Depth of listening
Techniques > Listening > Depth of listening False listening | Initial listening | Selective listening | Partial listening | Full listening | Deep listening | See also
There are several different types of listening, based on how deeply you are listening to the other person. If you can identify these, then you can choose which you want to use.

False listening
False listening occurs where a person is pretending to listen but is not hearing anything that is being said. They may nod, smile and grunt in all the right places, but do not actually take in anything that is said. This is a skill that may be finely honed by people who do a lot of inconsequential listening, such as politicians and royalty. Their goal with their audience is to make a good impression in very short space of time before they move on, never to talk to that person again. It is also something practiced by couples, particularly where one side does most of the talking. However, the need for relationship here can lead to this being spotted ('You're not listening again!') and consequent conflict.

Initial listening
Sometimes when we listen we hear the first few words and then start to think about what we want to say in return. We then look for a point at which we can interrupt. We are also not listening then as we are spending more time rehearsing what we are going to say about their initial point.

Selective listening
Selective listening involves listening for particular things and ignoring others. We thus hear what we want to hear and pay little attention to 'extraneous' detail.

Partial listening
Partial listening is what most of us do most of the time. We listen to the other person with the best of intent and then become distracted, either by stray thoughts or by something that the other person has said. We consequently dip inside our own heads for a short while as we figure out what they really mean or formulate a question for them, before coming back into the room and starting to listen again. This can be problematic when the other person has moved on and we are unable to pick up the threads of what is being said. We thus easily can fall into false listening, at least for a short while. This can be embarrassing, of course, if they suddenly ask your opinion. A tip here: own up, admitting that you had lost the thread of the conversation and asking them to repeat what was said.

Full listening
Full listening happens where the listener pays close and careful attention to what is being said, seeking carefully to understand the full content that the speaker is seeking to put across. This may be very active form of listening, with pauses for summaries and testing that understanding is complete. By the end of the conversation, the listener and the speaker will probably agree that the listener has fully understood what was said. Full listening takes much more effort than partial listening, as it requires close concentration, possibly for a protracted period. It also requires skills of understanding and summary.

Deep listening
Beyond the intensity of full listening, you can also reach into a form of listening that not only hears what is said but also seeks to understand the whole person behind the words. In deep listening, you listen between the lines of what is said, hearing the emotion, watching thebody language, detecting needs and goals, identifying preferences and biases, perceiving beliefs andvalues, and so on. To listen deeply, you need a strong understanding of human psychology (which this site seeks to give you) and to pay attention not just to the words by the whole person. Deep listening is also known as 'Whole person' listening.

See also
Explanations

Active listening
Techniques > Listening > Active listening Positive encouragement | Attentive listening | Total listening | Reflecting | Summarizing | Testing | Demonstrate respect | See also

Positive encouragement
To listen actively, you should help the other person to speak, using attentive body language and encouraging words. Especially when they are uncertain, supporting them with nods, 'yeses' and eyebrows raised in anticipation can be very effective. Sometimes encouragement is best with silent attention, given them space in which to find the word they need, quietly sitting through the pauses. If they are emotional, accept their emotional state without criticism and without saying 'please don't cry' when we really mean 'please don't upset me'. If someone is moved to tears, one of the most powerful things you can do is to allow them to cry.

Attentive listening
In attentive listening you pay obvious attention to the other person so they can see that you are interested in what they have to say.

The opposite of attentive listening is inattentive or casual listening, where you are not obviously paying attention to the person but you may (or may not) actually be listening carefully.

Total listening
Rogers and Farson (1979) describe active listening as 'an important way to bring about changes in people.' They recommend three activities: Listen for total meaning: Listen both for content and also for the underlying emotions. Respond to feelings: Sometimes the real message is in the emotion rather than the surface content. In such cases, you should respond to the emotional message. Note all the cues: Not all communication is verbal, so watch for the non-verbal messages.

Reflecting
When you reflect what you hear back to the other person, you are demonstrating that you have heard what they have said. What you reflect should match the key aspects of what the other person is communicating. You can reflect data and factual information. You can also reflect feelings. Feelings are more difficult to read but are more powerful in the bond that is created with the other person as this indicatesempathy and implied concern.

Summarizing
Reflect back what you hear not by parroting back the same words but by paraphrasing, using your own words to rephrase what they have said. A good way of doing this is to summarize what they have said in fewer words.

Testing
When a person says something, even with careful understanding you may miss the point. It can help when reflecting and summarizing to add testing questions, asking whether your summary is correct. For example: So, I think what you are saying is ... Is this right? This gives them control and hence makes it easier for them to accept what you say.

Demonstrate respect
As Rogers and Farson point out, 'although it is most difficult to convince someone that you respect him by telling him so, you are much more likely to get this message across by really behaving that way...Listening does this most effectively'.

Listen to the inner person

Techniques > Listening > Listen to the inner person Needs | Beliefs | Values | Goals | Emotional intelligence | Preferences | See also
Listening to the inner person means listening for specific signals within what they say and do that indicate their deeper motivations.

Needs
Listen to their needs, including statements they make about themselves, about safety, aboutbelonging, etc. Listen to needs, wants and likes.

For example, if they say 'I like working here' then this is a statement about belonging.

Beliefs and models

Listen for beliefs, assumptions and other leaps. Listen for assertions of truth that the make. Watch for their reactions to the ideas of others. For example, if they say 'This will make it work' then they are making assumptions about how things work.

Values
Listen for musts, shoulds etc. that indicate their values. Listen for judgment, especially of others. For example, if they say 'That is wrong' then this indicates that they have a right-wrong value about this domain.

Goals
Listen to what is being done and seek to find the stated goal that is driving action. Distinguish goals from needs: goals are set to achieve needs. For example, if they say 'I am going to visit RHR tomorrow' then ask what purpose that visit will achieve and what objective or goal will be achieved by the visit.

Emotional intelligence
Listen for their level of emotional intelligence, for example in whether they just react or are aware of and control their own emotions. Their level or emotional control may be evident in speech, whether it is lack of control, over-control or comfortable acceptance. For example, if they say in a reasonably level tone 'I feel annoyed by that' they are demonstrating awareness of their emotions and also control.

Preferences
Look for the preferences and biases that they show. For example, if they say 'Let's look at the big picture' then this may indicate a preference for ideas and large-chunk viewpoint rather than diving into the tactical detail.

See also

Opening the conversation

Techniques > Conversation techniques > Opening the conversation > Opening the conversation

How do you open the persuasive conversation? The first few seconds are terribly critical and the following interaction contains many moments of truth. Here's a few pointers on how to open positively. Ask them easy questions: Keep the tough stuff until later. Ask them about themselves: A very powerful technique. Check your list: Be ready to ask and answer. Use environmental triggers: Look for ideas around you. Get to the point: In some conversations, niceties are not nice. Greeting: Get the formal start done well. Introduce yourself: Tell them a bit about you. Say something wrong: So they can correct you. Script the start: Write out the first few words beforehand. Shock and awe: Surprise them with something different. Wit and wisdom: Amaze them with your wit.

See also
Questioning techniques, Using Statements

Their Name
Techniques > Conversation techniques > Their Name

In conversation, the name of the other person is one of the most important things to remember and use. It is easy to get this wrong, so this section gives you a number of things you can do and methods you can use. Personal name: The most important thing for them. Finding their name: An important initial task. Remembering their name: Which is easily forgotten! Short name: Be careful about contractions. Using their name: To connect with them.

See also
Personal Name, Memory, Bonding principle, Identity, Verifying the person, Your Name

Building Rapport
Techniques > Conversation techniques > Building Rapport

'Rapport' is 'a feeling of sympathetic understanding', where two people feel a bond between one another, such that they will more easily trust one another. Active Care: Don't wait to be asked. Co-location: Just be nearby. Encouraging: Getting them to speak. Holding Gaze: eye-to-eye attraction. Listening: A powerful method of creating a bond. Mirroring: Direct copying of their actions. Matching: Indirect copying of actions. Open Honesty: Exposing your own vulnerability. Paraphrasing: Rephrasing in your own words. Parroting: Simple repetition of what they say. Passive Care: Do no harm. Reflecting Verbal Style: Use their overall modes of speech. Reflecting Words: Echo individual words they say. Be Reliable: Deliver on your promises. Seek Advice: Rather than opinion. Synergizing: Combine ideas for an even better idea. Use Their Name: Show you know them.

See also

Reflecting
Techniques > Conversation techniques > Reflecting Testing understanding | Building | Creating rapport | Non-verbal reflecting | And... | See also
The term 'reflecting' can be interpreted in two ways: sitting back and thinking or bouncing back to the other person what they have communicated to you. This section is about the latter. When you reflect back to the other person what they have said, it not only makes sure that you have understood, it also shows your interest in the other person and helps to build a relationship with them. In psychoanalysis, identity is first formed in the mirror phase, where we first see an image of ourselves. This can be the beginning of a life-long process of fascination with our own selves and is at the root of narcissism. Reflecting back to the other person something of themselves is thus a powerful process.

Testing understanding
You can use reflection to test your understanding of what the other person has said. This also will act to build rapport with the other person.

Parroting: Simple repetition. Paraphrasing: Rephrasing in your own words.

Building
A constructive way of reflecting what a person has said back to them is do add to what they have said in some way. This helps both testing understanding and also building rapport. If you build something between you, you will both feel a sense of ownership of it and hence will be more ready to share more.

Extrapolating: Extend their thinking into the future. Synergizing: Combine ideas for an even better idea.

Creating rapport
Reflecting what a person says to you back to them also builds rapport, creating a bond between you both. Reflecting can be used primarily for this purpose. It should always be kept in mind in any case, as poor reflection (or no reflection) can have the opposite effect.

Reflecting words: Echo the words they say. Reflecting verbal style: Use their overall modes of speech.

Non-verbal reflecting
You can also reflect non-verbal 'body language' back to the other person, repeating what they do, rather than what they say.

Mirroring: Direct copying of their actions. Matching: Indirect copying of actions.

And...
Reflecting does not always work as intended and you need to be vigilant to ensure you do not fall into any of the traps.

Traps in Reflecting: Ways it can go wrong.

And here's some other thinking about feedback..

Rogers' Five Feedback Types

Techniques > Conversation techniques > Reflecting > Rogers' Five Feedback Types Evaluative | Interpretive | Supportive | Probing | Understanding | See also
Humanist Carl Rogers listed five types of feedback. The sequence is important: they are given in order of frequency of use (which is not necessarily the same order of effectiveness):

Evaluative
Evaluative feedback makes a judgment about the other person, evaluating worth or goodness. There is a big difference between judging a person and their actions. A personal evaluation judges the whole person and implies that this is a personal and unchangeable attribute. Negative personal evaluation can be very uncomfortable for the other person. Positive personal evaluation, on the other hand, is very flattering. You are not a very nice person. You are a lovely person. Behavioral evaluation judges the action, but not the person. This makes negative evaluation easier for the other person to accept. That was not a very nice thing to do.

Interpretive
In interpretive evaluation, you seek to test your understanding of what has been said by interpreting and paraphrasing back to the other person what you think has been said. This is typically followed by a question to allow the other person to agree with your interpretation or offer a correction. So you are interested in joining the club -- is this right? Understanding is not perfect and testing understanding is generally a very good thing to do. It is generally flattering too, as you are showing active interest in what they are saying.

Supportive
In supportive evaluation, you seek to support the other person in some way. In flattery, you support the other person's ego by telling them they are good in some way (whether or not this is true). That was truly awesome! Can you sing it again, please? You look wonderful! With developmental supportive feedback, you seek to help the other person change in some way. This is not always easy, as some criticism may be involved. Your singing is improving. You could try recording it and listening to the opening few notes. Hmm. I think the red dress suits you better. Supportive feedback can be reversed with the deliberate purpose of damaging the other person's ego in a personal attack: That was awful! You should give up singing. You look dreadful.

Probing
Probing seeks to find more information by asking deeper questions that seek specific information. Seeprobing questions for more details. Could you tell me more about what happened? ... What happened next? ... What size was it? ... Why do you think that happened?

Understanding
At the 'understanding' level, you are seeking to understand not just what was said, but the whole person underneath. This asks questions not only shows that you are listening to the inner person, but also that you truly understand. It sounds like you have personal experience of this. Would you like to talk about it?

Interrupting
Techniques > Conversation techniques > Steering the conversation > Interrupting Interruption techniques | Articles about interrupting | See also
Interrupting the the other person is one of the key skills of conversation, particularly where you want to change the other person's mind.

Interruption techniques
There are a number of interruption techniques you can use to 'grab the baton', taking control of the conversation. Here are some of the common methods available:

Agreement Interrupt: Enthusiastically agree. Body Language Interrupt: Non-verbal signal intent to butt in. Clarification Interrupt: Ask for clarification. Check you understand. Continuation Interrupt: Pick up where they might leave off. Disagreement Interrupt: Disagree with what is said. Disinterest Interrupt: Appear disinterested in what they say. Distraction Interrupt: Become distracted by something else. Encouragement Interrupt: Keep them talking. External Interrupt: Use a third party to interrupt. Identity Interrupt: Prod the identity of the person. Loudmouth Interrupt: Talk more loudly than the other person. Motormouth Interrupt: Jumpinandtalkquickly. Question Interrupt: Just ask them a question. Power Interrupt: Use your power to grab control. Permission Interrupt: Ask if you can interrupt. Touch Interrupt: Touch them gently as you interrupt. 'Yes, and' Interrupt: Say 'Yes, and,...' 'Yes, but' Interrupt: Say 'Yes, but...'

Articles about Interrupting

Interrupting can be a tricky subject. Here are some more tips and observations.

When to interrupt: So they let you in and listen. When not to interrupt: Sometimes it best to listen for a while. When to let others interrupt: Going the other way. When not to let them interrupt: Sometimes you need to keep talking. How to stop people interrupting: Useful when you want to finish. Overlapping speech: We often start before others stop. Technology and interruption: It grabs you, doesn't it?

See also
Interruption principle

Interruption principle
Principles > Interruption principle Principle | How it works | So what?

Principle
Allow or create a familiar pattern and then interrupt it. Then use the confusion of the interruption to change minds.

How it works
We live most of our lives by following familiar patterns, often enacting rituals and playing social games without realizing that we are doing this. These help us cope and allow us to handle things without too much thinking. When a pattern is broken, then we become confused and start to seek new patterns in order to re-establish our sense of control. In this brief period of seeking, we are open to new ideas and will grasp at straws.

Stories
Many stories fall into familiar patterns. Indeed, there are views that there are a limited number ofplots across all stories. Authors can both play to the comfort of the familiar plot and also add new interest by interrupting and diverting attention, adding diversions, new themes, twists and other plot variations.

Therapy
A common purpose in therapy is to break dysfunctional patterns. A way of doing this is to allow the client to describe the pattern and then repeatedly interrupt their description with questions about what does or does not happen, thereby destroying the one-way pattern and offering alternatives at every step. Likewise with problematic games, interrupting the actual flow of behavior can help to reframe and reorganize possibilities and actions.

Conversation
In conversations when one person interrupts another, the first person has to pause in order to determine whether the interruption is legitimate. But by the time this is understood, the second person may well have moved the subject, making it difficult for the first person to interrupt in order to return to the original topic -- although this often does happen and can result in multiple interwoven conversations occurring simultaneously.

So what?
Use interruption as a device to make people pause and consider alternative options. When they get to the point of confusion and seeking alternatives, offer them yours.

See also

erkes-Dodson Law
Explanations > Motivation > Yerkes-Dodson Law Description | Discussion | See also

Description
Human performance at any task varies with arousal in a predictable parabolic curve. At low arousal, people are lethargic and perform badly. As arousal increases, performance also increases - but only to a point, after which increasing arousal actually decreases performance.

Arousal in this context can also be thought of as stress, which is felt as an inner motivating tension.

Discussion
Without some motivating tension we have no reason to act. In this way, stress can be thought of as a good thing. We are built to be motivated by stress so this often happens. The problem is that too much stress results can cause performance to decline again, sometimes sharply if cognitive or nervous breakdown is triggered. A downturn can also be caused by excessive attention to a task such that extra factors that are important get missed. The behavior in the downturn has been called satisficing and is quite differently motivated from the earlier stages. Rather than gain satisfaction or reward from actions, the person who is is satisficing seeks any way of reducing their stress. This can lead to sub-optimal solutions being used, which accounts in part for the performance decline.

The original research by Yerkes and Dodson was based on rats in mazes. There was one right way through the maze and wrong routes gave electric shocks. They were looking for the optimum punishment where the rats learned quickest. And indeed, as voltage increased, learning increased also But beyond a certain voltage, performance went down as rats started to slow down, freeze and retreat rather than risk more nasty jolts. They even started forgetting where was safe and where was dangerous.

So what?
So when motivating people, find ways to increase their arousal level but only to the point where performance is maximized. Different people have different overload points so do be careful about this.

See also
Arousal, Tension principle, Stress, Satisficing