101 Things to Do at Wal-Mart 6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap. 9.

When there are people behind you walk REALLY SLOW, especially in thin, narrow aisles. 11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to “10″. 12. Play with the automatic doors. 13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long…” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment. 14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who BUYS this junk, anyway?” 17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department. 19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!” 20. Put M&M’s on layaway. 21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas. 25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, ”I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!” 27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles. 29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?” 30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?”

You kissed ME darling.” and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them 63. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission: Impossible. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through. Two words: “Marco Polo. saying “Good girl. 65. Joes vs. say things like “the fat man walks alone. the X-Men. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full-scale battlefield with G. “No. While walking around alone.I. “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?” 42. . but I thought I had won. 40.” 75. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him ” I need some tampons!!” 37. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that you’re a cat. Ex: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying “How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl. rub up against their legs.31.” Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.” 48. Say things like. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker. Meow when people walk by. 34. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly.” 35. Try on bras over top of your clothes. assume the fetal position and scream. etc. good Bessie. pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. no! It’s those voices again!” 62.

try to act as valley-girl-like as you can 97. You disgust me.82. Walk up to a guy and say “Oh my god. is it you? Oh my god it is!!! I haven’t seen you in so long!!!!” Then kiss him. Then when they say that they can’t give it to you say “Oh. Stand next to a mannequin and pretend that your a mannequin. but not Wal-Mart.” then walk away mumbling to yourself. People who are gay are just like everyone else you know.” And when they start to talk. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. If your a guy. Then finally as someone is walking by. Walk up to the customer service and when they say “Hello. how may I help you?” say “Yes. say “Oh. to go”. one strawberry shake. “Why didn’t you ever call me??” Then walk away. “Finally. check your watch and say. I really don’t get paid enough to do this” . my shift is done. 98. Then slap and him say. This is much more affective if you’re a guy. a large order of French fries and a diet coke. This is because I’m gay isn’t it? I’d expect this from Target. I’ll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese.