PREFACE

…
A Personal Journey of Trauma,
Resilience, and Growth

I n the Colorado foothills where I live, we have a path that traverses

an area of the forest that burned down several years ago. Now, under
the burnt remains of trees, lies a lush underbrush, bursting with new
life that flourishes in the fertile earth. Each time I walk this trail I am
reminded that even though traumatic life experiences can be devastating,
they can also become a powerful force that awakens us to an undercurrent
of our own aliveness. Painful events inevitably shape who we are, but it is
essential that we learn to look beyond the blackened trees of our internal
landscape and trust in our capacity for new growth. The work of trauma
recovery is difficult, but this same work can uncover wisdom and awaken
the heart.
The motivation for writing this book comes from both personal
and professional experiences. As a psychologist, I specialize in helping
people recover from the pain of traumatic events. I have also walked my
own healing path. These two roads have converged into a passion for
resilience and post-traumatic growth. We adapt to adversity by orienting
to our strengths, attending to our pain, and taking charge of the narrative
that defines our lives. I believe that we all have the capacity to overcome
adversity. However, this requires that we have compassionate support and
intelligent guidance. Our injuries do not occur in a vacuum, so our healing
cannot occur in one either. Our hurts and losses need to be repaired
interpersonally. We cannot heal alone.

xv
xvi The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

What to Expect in This Book

I began writing the material for book as a series of weekly reflections

that focused on themes related to my own healing journey and my
observations as a therapist working with others. These reflections explore
themes such as developing resources, building boundaries, attending
to shame, working with the shadow, strengthening your resilience,
cultivating self-compassion, and making meaning out of suffering. These
separate, introspective moments of reflection have been strung together,
culminating in a comprehensive and integrative mind-body approach
to healing from trauma and cultivating your resilience. Each brief
composition provides a practice that invites you to deepen self-awareness
by journaling about the theme that has been shared.
Within these chapters, you will be guided through 60 practices that
illuminate a path to trauma recovery with effective, research-based strategies
that facilitate resilience and enhance post-traumatic growth. The initial
practices in Chapters 1 and 2 encourage you to build resources that help
you feel grounded, safe, and calm. Once you feel ready, Chapter 3 contains
practices that focus on releasing the impact of painful losses or traumatic
events. You will be guided to cultivate self-compassion and find freedom
from the inner critic. Through the lens of resilience and post-traumatic
growth, I invite you to see yourself as the hero or heroine of your own
life journey. In Chapter 4, you will find practices that guide you to move
beyond the pain of your past by helping you discover a sense of meaning
and purpose in your life. You become the alchemist who is capable of
turning the lead of difficult life experiences into the gold of self-awareness.
And, when you feel prepared, Chapter 5 invites you to explore how you
can give your unique gifts back to the world.
Reading a book on trauma recovery is in itself an act of courage
and resilience. You may have picked up this book to guide you on your
own healing journey. Or, if you’re reading this book as a therapist, these
words can provide guidance for your work. However, most of us who work
 A Personal Journey of Trauma, Resilience, and Growth xvii

as healers have also had to walk through our own darkness. Therefore,
this book is for all of us. Most importantly, the practices offered within
this book are not just prescriptions for clients. Rather, they will help you
to cultivate your authentic human presence—a quality that is so deeply
needed in this world.
There is no single right way to approach this book. If you are reading
this book to guide you on your own healing journey, then you might
choose to work with a psychotherapist trained in trauma recovery. Having
support will be especially important if you have never been in therapy
and are choosing to work through traumatic events for the first time. If
you are a therapist, then you might use this book while working with
individual clients. You will find a step-by-step approach to trauma
recovery that integrates relational therapy, parts work therapy, EMDR
therapy, somatic psychology, mindfulness, yoga, and strength-based
psychotherapy. You can also apply this book within a group therapy
format to facilitate a healing community based upon authenticity and
compassion.
Within this preface, I offer you a brief view of my own healing
journey, which I share through the lens of a “hero’s journey”—a process
which involves going into our own dark night of the soul on a quest for
wholeness (Campbell, 2008). Sharing our personal stories is powerfully
vulnerable. It can open us up to profound healing, both as the storyteller
and as the witness to each other’s stories. Through my story, you will learn
some of the challenges that I have faced and the resources that helped me
overcome these obstacles. As you read this preface, I ask that you receive
this story compassionately. I ask that you read slowly and allow yourself
to sense your breath and feel your heartbeat. Perhaps you feel touched or
moved by the words of my story. If so, I ask that you pause and take this
moment as an opportunity to sense how the raw, tender, and beautiful
moments can remind us of our shared humanity. My hope is that my story
encourages you to find the courage to face your fears and emerge with
your own self-discoveries.
xviii The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

My Hero’s Journey

When I was in my early twenties, I felt lost to myself and in the world.
I was anxious and depressed. I struggled with my health and sometimes
felt as though I was living in a fog. Initially, I tried to ignore my pain, but I
finally admitted to myself and others that I was struggling. This is when I
stepped onto the healing path by entering into Jungian therapy. Through
dream work I began my deep dive of opening up to the underworld of
my psyche. I began to feel connected to a profound sense of inner strength
and wisdom.
As therapy progressed, I began to confront experiences of fear that
I had as a child, which were fueling the anxiety that dominated my life.
I recalled how the fights within my home led to a contentious divorce
when I was 4 years old. By the time I was 7, my family had grown more
complicated with stepparents and stepsiblings. As a sensitive child,
I felt lost at sea amidst penetrating emotions of jealousy, resentment,
anger, and abandonment. I remembered how my childhood home
caught on fire when I was 7. My home had blackening soot that
covered the walls—an external representation of how I felt internally.
I was unable to process the magnitude of these painful events as they
accumulated within me, causing my unprocessed grief to manifest
physically. I had chronic sore throats, bronchitis, and asthma.
By the time I was an adolescent, I felt immense despair. I coped by
pushing people away, even those who cared for me. My posture, mood,
and thoughts reflected the accumulated burdens of my childhood. I carried
tension in my shoulders and upper back in the form of chronic nagging
pain. My confidence and self-esteem suffered. Compensating for my
vulnerabilities, I began to act out recklessly, which came to a tipping point
when I was 15 years old. That summer, my family and I went on vacation
to a seaside resort. I had snuck out of my hotel room one night and gone to
the bar. This was no place for a 15-year-old; nonetheless, an older man
bought me a drink and invited me to his place. These kinds of stories never
 A Personal Journey of Trauma, Resilience, and Growth xix

end well. I woke up the next morning feeling immeasurable sadness and
shame. I sat alone on a dock looking out over the ocean, feeling hopeless.
I couldn’t see a way past my pain. Thankfully, the story does not end here.
In fact, what happened next became a profound turning point in my life.
A man approached me and asked if he could sit next to me on the
dock. I shrugged my shoulders. Apparently, he had been at the bar the
night before and was concerned by what he had witnessed. More
importantly, this complete stranger took the time to say something. He
remarked that I seemed lost. I simply nodded as the tears began to pour
down my checks. It was the first time I had cried in many years. He spoke
about how our lives are like the boats we could see on the water. That
we all need to orient toward a point on the horizon or we will hopelessly
drift. He suggested that it was time for me to realize that I was here for a
purpose. I listened and felt a tender release of my pain. He continued to
speak about finding a balance between risk and safety. Too much risk sets
us back. Too much safety and we can’t progress forward.
It is remarkable how one courageous conversation can save a life.
I never found out who this man by the ocean was and never saw him
again. However, he helped me to discover an inner compass that would
eventually help me come back to my true north. With time, therapy helped
me gain traction and create more stability. Although my path forward wasn’t
completely straight and narrow, I slowly began to emerge with greater
confidence and hope.
When I graduated from college, I accepted a position working for
a wilderness therapy program in southern Utah. I spent the next two
years working with adjudicated youth—adolescents who had also faced
extensive challenges and gotten off track in their short lives. Through this
experience, I got my first taste of how it felt to be a guide for others. One day,
a friend invited me to attend a workshop on Body-Mind Centering, which
is an integrative approach that focuses on how the mind is expressed
through the body via movement. In one particular practice we were
instructed to lay on our backs while gently, rhythmically rocking our
xx The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

bodies back and forth by pressing our feet into the floor. Suddenly,
I was overtaken with tears as I reconnected to a felt experience I had
known intuitively as a child. I remembered how I had coped with my
chaotic childhood by rhythmically rocking myself to sleep until I felt a
calm come over my body and mind. Rediscovering the healing power of
movement initiated a quest to learn as much as I could about embodiment.
As I started on this quest, I left Utah for Massachusetts, where I
completed yoga teacher training at the Kripalu Center. This experience
taught me the importance of slowing down and becoming mindful,
which helped me get in touch with how much I was still running away
from myself. My quest for embodiment then continued to Naropa
University, where I pursued a Master’s degree in somatic, or body-centered,
psychology. The next three years of experiential, body-centered,
therapeutic process involved profound personal transformation. I returned
to therapy, where I released old beliefs, grieved losses, and let go of
outgrown habits. I learned that having a history of trauma requires a slow,
gentle approach to befriending the body.
Shortly after graduation, I was in a car accident that totaled my vehicle.
I stepped out of my vehicle stunned and shaken but grateful to be alive. As a
somatic therapist, I knew the value of releasing the shock from my body and
allowed my body to shake and tremble. However, in the months following
the accident, my anxiety spiked. I became fearful of driving at night and
began avoiding the intersection where it happened. Upon recommendation
from a colleague, I sought out Eye Movement Desensitization and
Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy and discovered a further unwinding of my
childhood trauma through this process. I was so impressed with the power
of this therapy that I entered a doctoral program in clinical psychology in
order to integrate my professional interests and research the use of mind-
body therapies.
Within the next year, I got married and begin talking with my
husband about having a child. However, only nine months after our
wedding, there was another loss. My husband’s brother, a military pilot,
 A Personal Journey of Trauma, Resilience, and Growth xxi

was aboard a helicopter that went down. As if in a dream, we went to the

memorial service, and three months later, my husband and I conceived our
first child. Pregnancy and grief are a demanding combination. It was even
more disorientating when I was told that our child’s due date was the one-
year anniversary of my brother-in-law’s death. Although I did go into labor
on the anniversary of his death, our daughter arrived early the next morning.
She had her own day, a new day. Through these events, I discovered that I
was stronger than I had realized.
Since my hero’s journey began over 20 years ago, I have continued to
walk a path of personal development. Initially, the nourishing and toxic
events of my life were tangled together like a tightly wound ball of yarn.
I couldn’t focus on the good experiences without feelings of restriction,
repulsion, or resentment taking over. As I addressed my wounds, I
noticed that it became easier to accept the love, care, and generosity that
accompanied the difficult events of my childhood. I learned to surf the
waves of painful emotions and embraced a capacity for joy and pleasure.
I realized that attending to losses, disappointments, and the pain
of traumatic events can eventually lead to acceptance. In all, it is the
accumulation of many glorious and awful moments that shape us and
make us who we are. It is important to embrace these complexities, for
they enhance the unique expression of self that we offer to the world.
Through this transformational work, I have also been able to
acknowledge my own imperfections with humility and self-compassion.
Becoming a parent has helped me to accept that I will be an imperfect
parent for my children. I recognize that my parents did the best they could
with unresolved pain that had been passed down across generations. I
carried these wounds in my fears, insecurities, and shame. I can’t change
the past, but I can change myself. Perhaps, in doing so, I can create a
different future for myself and my children.
It takes great courage to walk this path. A hero’s journey is not a path
that one walks alone. It has been said that it takes a village to raise a child.
Likewise, it takes a village to navigate trauma recovery, especially when
xxii The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

the trauma begins in childhood. Successful navigation of a hero’s journey

provides opportunities to discover that we are more powerful than we had
previously realized. And, as we come full circle, we have an opportunity to
return to the world with these discoveries; these become the gifts that we can
give to the world.
I have spent many years reflecting upon the stranger who spoke to
me at the seaside resort when I was 15 years old. For many years, I thought
that this stranger was a guardian angel—maybe he was. He reminded
me that I was here for a purpose. However, at this point in my life,
I have come to believe that we are all meant to be each other’s angels.
I believe that we have endless opportunities to pay attention to each
other and to respond with compassion. I believe that our personal
growth is meant to serve a larger purpose. For me, this involves living
with an open heart, being kind to others, and taking care of our earth.
My hope is that this book will allow you to hear your own voice and
align with your purpose.
In closing, I share a poem that I wrote as part of my own healing
process. May it serve as an invitation to enter the unknown territory of
your own healing path.

Into the Light

I thought my work in the world was to carry the wound.
Now I understand, to honor you is to release you.
I release the dark shadows of our collective past,
the pain,
the fear,
the loss,
the insecurity,
the lack of trust in humanity and in this world.
Now, I understand, that to honor you is to release myself.
All my ancestors,
my grandmothers and grandfathers,
 A Personal Journey of Trauma, Resilience, and Growth xxiii

all you have ever wanted is for me to become whole.

You never wanted me to live inside the fear,
to remain hidden, or to stay small.
You have offered me this life.
Now, it is my turn to step into the light.
But, sometimes I am afraid,
brought to my knees,
swirling in between
the comfort of a constricting, yet recognizable past
and the uneasiness of an unpredictable future.
How then, do I choose freedom?
Oh, Great Unknown,
You are my source of wisdom.
I bow to you.
You are here to help me grow,
to learn how to trust in this moment.
I sit at your feet,
a child of the world,
with a soft smile,
and an open heart.
It is my turn to step into the light.
xxiv The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

A Personal Manifesto

A personal manifesto is a statement of values, beliefs, and intentions that

provide a guiding compass for life. You will have an opportunity to write
your own personal manifesto at the conclusion of this book. To conclude
this preface, I share my own personal manifesto with you. These are
the principles that provide the motivation for this book. Thank you in
advance for allowing me to be your guide.

I treat myself and others with kindness, care, and respect. I attend to
my emotional and mental well-being by being vulnerable enough to
express my feelings and talk through difficult moments in life. I believe
that all experiences, including the challenging ones, offer opportunities
for growth and learning. I listen with care to the concerns or distress
of others and respond with empathy by speaking from my heart. I live
with integrity by admitting when I am wrong, asking for feedback
from others, taking responsibility for ways that I have hurt others,
and making amends whenever possible. I tread lightly by attending
to the impact of my human footprint upon our earth. I am willing
to learn from my mistakes. I protect myself and honor my sensitivity
by honoring my boundaries and saying “no” as needed. I trust my
intuition and listen to my inner voice. I focus on living in the present
and offer my presence to the world. I engage in actions that enhance my
physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual resilience each and
every day. I consciously savor the pleasurable moments of life by taking
time to be grateful and allowing myself to express joy, excitement, and
happiness. I am willing to try new things even if I feel afraid. I know
my worth and express my strengths while encouraging others to do the
same. I welcome guidance and support in my life and gratefully offer
guidance and support for others.
 The Journey of Practices

1: Mindfulness of the Moment

2: Reflecting on Resilience
3: Understanding the Path Ahead
4: The Seasons of Change
5: Self-Awareness of Symptoms
6: The 6 Rs of Healing Trauma
7: Therapy and the Healing Relationship
8: Relating to Change
9: Recognize and Replace Healing Myths
10: Hearing the Call
11: Reflect on Your Past
12: Orient to Your Present Circumstances
13: Looking Ahead to the Future
14: Sensing Your Body
15: Safe or Peaceful Place
16: Identify Your Allies
17: Create Your Container
18: Feeling Protected
19: Orienting to Safety
20: Balanced Breath
21: Relaxing Breath
22: Invigorating Breath
23: Reclaiming Safety in Mind and Body
24: Grounding into the Floor
25: Grounding in Nature
26: Grounding in Relationships
27: Body Awareness of Boundaries
xxv
xxvi The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

28: Embracing Authenticity

29: Self-Acceptance
30: Create Your Resilience Recipe
31: Explore Your Window of Tolerance
32: Build Tolerance for Your Emotions
33: Develop an Empowerment Resource
34: Reprocessing the Past
35: Pendulation
36: Dialogue with Your Inner Critic
37: Self-Compassion
38: Embodied Compassion for Shame
39: Healing Through Movement
40: Working with a Story Memory
41: Working with an Unknown Memory
42: Transgenerational Healing
43: Working with the Shadow
44: Making Meaning Out of Suffering
45: Identifying Your Values
46: Exploring Your Strengths
47: Setting Your Intention
48: Relax and Restore
49: Enhancing Positive Emotions
50: Growing Through Gratitude
51: Creative Self-Expression
52: Claim Your Worth
53: Write Your Hero(ine)’s Journey
54: Create a Personal Meditation Practice
55: Loving-Kindness Meditation
56: The Forgiveness Letter
57: Giving and Receiving Support
58: Nonviolent Communication
59: Asking for Feedback
60: Write Your Personal Manifesto
 CHAPTER 1
…
The Invitation

T raumatic life events come in many forms. Trauma can occur as a

result of being raped, being in a car accident, having been a combat
soldier, or having been exposed to an act of violence or terrorism. It can
arise as a result of the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship.
The experience of childhood abuse, neglect, or exposure to domestic
violence can lead to relentless traumatic stress as well. Trauma can also
occur as a result of environmental events that are increasingly occurring
as part of climate change, such as a fires or floods. Or, in our complex
political climate, trauma can result from the ongoing cultural barriers
that many individuals must face, such as the stress of discrimination,
oppression, or threats of deportation. There are also times when the
causes of trauma symptoms are more difficult to understand. The
traumatic event may have happened when someone was very young or
it may have been shrouded in secrecy. Or it may have involved a series
of small and almost imperceptible injuries that created an accumulated
burden on the self.
Regardless of the source of the trauma, it is important to realize
that the very definition of trauma assumes that the person experiencing
it did not have the resources to handle the situation at the time that it
occurred. Trauma makes people feel powerless, helpless, and groundless. It
interferes with their ability to feel real in body and mind, and it disrupts
their very sense of existence (Winnicott, 1990). If this distress remains

1
2 The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

unprocessed, it can lead to the development of post-traumatic stress

disorder (PTSD), which is associated with intrusive symptoms
(e.g., nightmares, flashbacks), distorted beliefs surrounding the trauma,
hyperarousal, and avoidance of people or places connected to the
trauma. When trauma occurs as a result of chronic, repeated, and ongoing
traumatic events—particularly in childhood or early adolescence—it
can also result in complex PTSD (Schwartz, 2016), which involves more
severe and widespread psychological harm.
If you have experienced trauma, then you may have developed
defenses to protect you from feeling your pain. Protective defenses take
many forms. You may minimize your pain and pretend that you are fine
when you aren’t. Or you may wear armor in the form of tension in your
body, which helps you to build strong walls around your most vulnerable
feelings. You may also protect yourself by pushing away those who care
about you when they get too close. Or perhaps you carry inaccurate beliefs
about yourself, such as “I’m not enough,” “I’m unworthy,” or “I’m too
much.” These defense mechanisms can also take the form of becoming
overly self-reliant or, conversely, overly dependent on others.
Over time, the accumulation of these protective defenses can lead
you to feel depressed, hopeless, helpless, or shut down. It is important to
have support to work through the shakiness, panic, grief, disorientation,
or numbness that arises as a result of traumatic events. Without sufficient
support, the distressing symptoms will typically persist until you have an
opportunity to process your experiences. Getting support often involves
finding a therapist whom you trust to help you work through difficult
memories and emotions. It is important to have hope and to know
that experiencing a loss or traumatic event does not mean that you are
destined to live a life of despair. You have the capacity to be resilient
and courageous in the face of difficult life events. You can cultivate a
meaningful, purposeful life.
This chapter provides you with an overview of the stages of healing,
from the initial steps of self-awareness to the transformational work
 The Invitation 3

of trauma processing, and eventually toward awakening you to your

potential. Acknowledging that you feel stuck is an important first step in
asserting your readiness to heal. However, a healing journey is not linear.
You might take a circuitous path, forging new trails as you loop around
landmarks until they become familiar. While you may initially endeavor
to find the end, you might discover that a healing journey is vast and
unlimited. Nonetheless, you must start where you are. Each step of this
guided journey is accomplished by focusing on the present moment,
bringing awareness to your sensations, attending to your inner experience,
and remembering to breathe. With that in mind, we begin. You have
received the invitation. Are you ready to embark upon your hero’s journey?

Start Where You Are

In our modern, fast-paced world, autopilot can easily take over. We

mindlessly multitask our way through the day while texting and scrolling
through social media. We head from work to the gym and eat on the go.
In contrast, to “start where you are” encourages you to live in the present
moment. In Buddhism, this practice is referred to as beginner’s mind, which
involves cultivating an attitude of openness and a willingness to learn as if
each moment is new and fresh. You develop such a state by slowing down,
focusing on the sensory details of your environment, bringing awareness to
your body, and noticing your breath.
To “start where you are” can become a daily mindfulness practice
that builds a foundation of presence within you. You can start cultivating
this practice by noticing the moment-to-moment changes in your
thoughts, emotions, and sensations. Such awareness allows you recognize and
attend to your emotional and physical needs as they occur. In this mindful
pause, you learn to become curious about what best serves you right now.
With this awareness, you may be more likely to put down your phone, go for
a walk, reach out to a friend, or simply focus on eating your dinner without
any distractions.
4 The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

Mindfulness is not a religion, nor is it a forced activity. Being

mindful is not about becoming enlightened, nor is it driven by an
agenda. Rather, mindfulness asks you to reflect on yourself, your choices,
and your interactions without judgment. It involves observing your
experiences without labeling them as “good” or “bad.” Mindfulness is
about acknowledging things just as they are. Approach this practice
with patience and without pressure to be perfect. By adopting a
nonjudgmental stance, you can view your strengths and vulnerabilities
with equal acceptance—with the recognition that you are imperfectly and
beautifully human.
 1.
Mindfulness of the Moment

Take the next several minutes to cultivate an attitude of

mindful awareness. Be curious and nonjudgmental about
your experiences. What are the thoughts that you are having?
Are you experiencing any emotions? What sensations are you
noticing in your body right now? How is your breath moving
through you? Do you feel energized or fatigued? If your mind is
wandering (as minds inevitably do), notice where it takes you.
Are you distracted by thoughts of the past or the future? That
is okay. If possible, bring your attention back to your breath
and to your sensations.
There is no right or wrong response to this practice. This
is just one moment in time. No single moment can define
the totality of you. Take a few minutes to write about your
observations on the following lines. You can return to this
practice each and every day.
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________

Each day is an opportunity

to begin again, to start where I am.

5
6 The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

Understanding Resilience and

Post-Traumatic Growth

Resilience is defined as the ability to flexibly adapt to challenging, adverse,

or traumatic life events (Luthar, 2003). This ability to “bounce back” from
traumatic events is deeply connected to having the opportunity to work
through difficult life experiences, as growth and wisdom can be gained out
of the darkness. Resilience is not a trait that you either have or do not have;
rather, it is a set of strategies that can be learned and practiced (Maddi, 2013).
Importantly, resilience is also not the same as optimism. In fact, being overly
focused on positivity and happiness has its drawbacks. Sometimes, trying to
stay positive can override your authentic feelings and leave you feeling ashamed
about the very symptoms that require compassionate and caring attention.
Rather, resilience is grounded in realistic optimism, which
involves maintaining a positive outlook on life while simultaneously
acknowledging the challenges that will occur along the way. Too much
realism can lead to skepticism or negativity, which can squash your dreams
and hinder your ability to move forward. Similarly, too much optimism
can result in fantasy or idealism, which can cause you to turn a blind eye to
actual barriers that are present in your life. In contrast, realistic optimism
allows you to have your dreams while also setting attainable goals about
how to achieve them. From here you are better able to acknowledge any
potential barriers that might get in the way without becoming immobilized.
Having a hopeful perspective is invaluable in trauma recovery, and realistic
optimism will help you take the necessary steps to walk the healing path.
You can foster resilience by focusing your attention to that which supports
your physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual well-being (McGonigal,
2015). You can build physical resilience by getting enough exercise, eating a
healthy diet, and attending to the impact that traumatic life events have had
on your body. You can build mental resilience by adopting a mindset that
recognizes your capacity to grow, even through challenges. You can build
emotional resilience by processing traumatic events in therapy and through
 The Invitation 7

personal journaling. You can build social resilience by staying connected to

other people instead of isolating. You can build spiritual resilience by attending
to a deeper sense of personal meaning and purpose. Most importantly, you
support your resilience with the belief that your choices and behaviors
make a difference in the outcome of your life. This gives you the confidence
that you are in charge of actively creating opportunities that allow you to
overcome barriers in your life.
Resilience is both a process and an outcome. As a process, resilience
involves engaging in behaviors that support your well-being each and every
day. For example, you might go to therapy, learn to meditate, write in a
journal, take daily walks in nature, or develop a creative practice. In doing
so, you learn to turn toward uncomfortable emotions and sensations. You
have an opportunity to realize that feeling and expressing painful emotions
is part of the path of self-discovery. Being resilient does not mean that you
won’t experience difficulty. Rather, it means that you can cultivate the skills
needed to respond effectively to difficult experiences. You learn to break
down overwhelming experiences into smaller, more accessible chunks, which
allows you to gradually process painful events. You learn to attend to difficult
life events of your past without allowing your history to define you. In this
way, you expand your lens to focus on possibilities instead of just problems.
As an outcome, resilience involves experiencing yourself as capable
of handling life’s challenges and the choices you’ve made that determine
the outcome of your life. You are able to look at your most difficult events
and say, “This happened to me—and it is over now.” Turning toward pain
builds character. It provides you with an opportunity to realize that you
are stronger than you previously believed, which facilitates post-traumatic
growth (Tedeschi et al., 2018). As you feel stronger, you are more likely to
see yourself as able to bring your gifts and contributions to the world. In
turn, you are more likely to accept yourself as you are, have an increased
appreciation for life, develop new interests or passions, and discover a new
spiritual framework for your life. Just as the phoenix rises from the ashes,
you have the capacity to rise again.
 2.
Reflecting on Resilience

Take some time to reflect upon and write about your own
resilience and post-traumatic growth. In what ways do you
already feel capable of handling the challenges that you have
faced in your life? Do you have a tendency to isolate or do you
reach out when you feel vulnerable? Do you notice that you
have difficulty maintaining a hopeful outlook in your life? Do
you believe that your decisions and actions make a difference?
What additional supports do you need to help you respond
in a flexible or adaptive manner to the challenges in your life?
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I am capable of growth, even in the

face of challenge. I am resilient.

8
 The Invitation 9

Healing in Stages

Traumatic events tend to evoke profound questions. Perhaps you wonder

why things happened or why you responded the way that you did. Maybe
you don’t understand why you are still reacting to something that happened
a long time ago. Or you might question whether you can stay open to
life knowing that loss or pain can and will happen again. You can find
resolution with these questions and get on the path to healing by seeking
out trauma treatment, which occurs in three stages (Herman, 1992).
The first stage involves developing the resources to handle
challenging emotions, disturbing symptoms, and distressing memories.
The goal is to reestablish a sense of safety and stability. Perhaps you feel
stuck in high alert, unable to relax, or locked down in exhaustion. These
symptoms indicate that you need resources to stabilize your symptoms
and restore a sense of safety in the here-and-now. Resources include the
people and personal practices that help you feel confident, calm, clear,
grounded, empowered, and supported. Within this book, you will find
practices to help you find stability as you prepare to process traumatic
experiences.
The second stage of trauma treatment involves processing the
emotions, sensations, memories, and beliefs associated with the trauma.
The goal is to restructure the role that the trauma has played in your
life and, in turn, lessen its emotional impact. Most often, this requires a
supportive relationship with a psychotherapist who is trained in working
with trauma. By processing the traumatic event, you free yourself from
the negative beliefs, emotions, and somatic experiences associated with
the trauma. Working through traumatic events can feel as though you are
walking into a transformational fire. This fire has the power to help you
burn away limiting beliefs and unhealthy behaviors. It is normal to feel
afraid of this process. Therefore, the practices in this book will help you
to let go of your defenses at a pace that you can tolerate. In time, you can
10 The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

learn to trust that releasing these remnants of your painful past allows for
new growth.
The third stage of trauma recovery focuses on creating a new sense
of self that is not defined by the trauma. The goal is to reconnect with
other people, engage in meaningful activities, and lead a life worth
living. Although this is where traditional trauma therapy comes to a close,
this book invites you to walk further on the transformational path by
reflecting on your values, passions, and purpose. For example, you might
feel a longing to open yourself up in relationships, to share the knowledge
you have gained by mentoring others, or to give back by contributing to
society. Here lies the intersection between personal healing, the well-being
of your community, and the health of our planet.
It is important to remember that the healing path is not linear. There
is no stage of trauma recovery that is better or worse than any other.
Healing does not exist on a hierarchy, and there is no rush to a finish line.
Moreover, growth is often uneven. You might discover parts of yourself
that feel tender and in need of care, whereas other more resolved parts are
ready to expand and grow.
 3.
Understanding the Path Ahead

Reflect upon your own relationship to the stages of healing

from trauma. Are you currently feeling overwhelmed or in
the midst of a crisis? If so, you will want to take your time
getting support and building your resources. Alternatively,
perhaps you have established a feeling of stability and are
ready to work with your traumatic memories. Perhaps you are
at a stage where you feel ready to spread your wings and fly. Or
maybe you find yourself relating to more than one stage. This
is equally valid. Take several minutes to reflect upon and write
about your relationship to these stages of growth.
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I can heal, one step at a time.

11
12 The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

Seasons and Cycles

The seasons in our natural world offer many rich metaphors for healing.
These seasons exist around you and within you. Once again, we see that
each stage of growth has its own timing. Recognizing these rhythms and
cycles can help you orient to the tasks of growth and change.
Autumn can be seen as an invitation to let go and release that which
no longer serves you, like the trees releasing the leaves from last season. If
you are in a personal season of autumn, then you might discover that it is
time to let go of something that is preventing you from growing. Perhaps
this is a time to let go of the beliefs or behaviors that keep you small, such
as doubting your self-worth or living inside of fear. These beliefs may have
once helped you survive, but they are no longer needed.
Winter asks you to embrace the darkness and to connect internally
with yourself. If you are in a personal season of winter, then you might
feel drawn to honor your need for stillness and quiet. Like the bear in
hibernation, you might feel the desire to draw your attention inside and
rest. During this time of the year, the sun sits lower in the sky, casting
longer shadows. Maybe this is a time to reflect upon your own shadow—
the parts of yourself that can sometimes be denied. This might be a time
where you attend to the pain of traumatic memories. An extended period
of darkness can also ask you to trust that all things have their own timing
and that your healing cannot be rushed.
Spring invites you to plant new seeds and embrace the tender shoots
of new growth. If you are in a personal season of spring, then you might
notice feelings of readiness for something more. You may feel reenergized
or sense an emerging spark of creativity. Sometimes new growth can bring
feelings of excitement or anxiety. You may discover new parts of you that
are reaching toward the light of your awareness. The intensity of this
awakening might evoke a quickening—a sense of urgency as you make
way for the new life that is ready to be born within you.
 The Invitation 13

Summer provides an opportunity to expand into your full bloom.

If you are in a personal season of summer, then you might explore the
parts of you that are ready to express their full potential. This season is an
expansive time. However, under the hot summer sun, everything grows,
including flowers and weeds. Although weeds are not inherently bad,
you may not want them in your garden. Given this, it is wise to choose
carefully where you place your energy so that you grow the thoughts and
actions that support your true self. Allow yourself to shine the light of
your awareness on that which you want to grow and flourish.
The length of time that you spend in any season can vary. Sometimes
a personal season might only last for a few minutes or days. For example,
you might feel temporarily elated and expansive after taking a healthy risk
in your life. However, you might notice a subsequent period of contraction
that can lead to another wintery cycle of self-reflection. Other times you
might be working through a dominant season across several years. You
might also discover that you are in different seasons across personal, social,
and professional domains of your life. These cycles might overlap easily,
or you might sense conflicting needs within yourself. Most importantly,
the practice of honoring these seasons can help you trust the phases that
accompany trauma recovery.
 4.
The Seasons of Change

Take a few minutes to reflect on the seasons and their

metaphors. Is there a season that most reflects your life
right now? Can you recall times in which other seasons were
primary? Are there seasons that feel easier for you? Are
there seasons that you experience as more difficult or
uncomfortable? Do you notice if different seasons dominate
your personal life, relationships, and work? What does this
exploration help you learn about yourself? Take some time to
write your responses to these questions.
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I honor the seasons and

cycles of my life.

14
 The Invitation 15

Mind and Body in Healing

Recall that the definition of resilience is the ability to flexibly adapt to

challenging, adverse, or traumatic life events. Importantly, resilience
is not just a mindset or a set of behaviors. The human body is also
equipped with an innate physiological resilience system, which is
your autonomic nervous system. Your breathing, heart rate, and body
temperature are regulated by this system. As you can imagine, your
autonomic nervous system can function without you having to think
about it consciously.
According to Dr. Stephen Porges’s Polyvagal Theory (2011), the
autonomic nervous system comprises a three-part hierarchical structure:
the dorsal vagal system, the sympathetic nervous system, and the ventral
vagal system. The dorsal vagal system, which is oldest of the systems,
is part of the parasympathetic nervous system. The dorsal vagal nerve
immobilizes the body in response to life-threatening situations by
facilitating a shut-down response. In contrast, the sympathetic nervous
system, which is comparatively newer to evolve, mobilizes the body
in response to threat by activating the fight-or-flight response. Finally,
the ventral vagal system, which is the newest and most evolved of the
structures, reflects what Porges refers to as the “social engagement” system.
It is the branch of the parasympathetic nervous system that helps you
relax and connect to others when you feel safe. You know that your social
engagement system is activated when you feel a warmth in your smile or
a sparkle in your eyes.
The Polyvagal Theory system is hierarchical in that each branch of
the nervous system is activated sequentially in response to the perceived
safety of the environment. When we feel threatened, we initially attempt to
reestablish a sense of safety and connection through the social engagement
system. If this is unsuccessful, we typically engage the sympathetic nervous
system, which prepares us to flee the dangerous situation or fight off the
threat. However, if the situation feels overwhelming with no way out, then
16 The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

the dorsal vagal complex becomes activated, which engages a primitive

expression of the parasympathetic nervous system and causes a “shut down”
or immobilization response to occur.
Importantly, unresolved traumatic stress disrupts equilibrium
in the autonomic nervous system, causing an imbalance between the
sympathetic and parasympathetic functions. In particular, you might be
caught in a chronic state of “fight or flight,” which can lead to high levels
of anxiety, stress, or panic. Alternatively, you might be stuck in chronic
“shut down” mode, which can lead to feelings of fatigue, depression,
fogginess, dizziness, or nausea. These imbalances can also disrupt physical
health, as chronic activation of the sympathetic nervous system can lead to
high blood pressure, blood sugar imbalances, increased cravings for salty
or sugary snacks, obesity, sluggish digestion, and a suppressed immune
system. Similarly, when the dorsal vagal complex is engaged for extended
periods of time, it can lead to digestive disturbances (e.g., gastric reflux
or irritable bowel syndrome), chronic pain (e.g., migraine headaches or
fibromyalgia), and the development of autoimmune disorders.
The good news is that the practices provided in this book can help
you to find balance in these systems. While your autonomic nervous
system can function without you having to think about it consciously, you
can learn tools that allow you to consciously influence your physiology.
Throughout this book, you will be guided to explore a variety of mind-body
therapies that can help regulate your nervous system and strengthen your
mental and physical health. Most importantly, it is the repeated practice of
these tools that creates change.
 5.
Self-Awareness of Symptoms

Explore how traumatic stress shows up in your mind and

body using the following self-assessment checklist of mental,
emotional, and physiological symptoms. This first group of
symptoms indicates that your sympathetic nervous system
may be stuck in defensive mode.

I find myself thinking about the trauma at

inconvenient times.
I expect the worst to happen.
I have difficulty relaxing or sleeping.
I feel irritable or angry often.
I sometimes cry uncontrollably or feel completely
overwhelmed.
I feel restless or jittery.
I feel anxious or panicky.
I have nightmares or wake up in a fright.
I experience daytime “flashbacks.”
I feel “on guard” or hyperaware of people’s body
language or tone of voice.
I experience shortness of breath or feel like I
cannot get enough oxygen.
I feel my heart beating rapidly or feel pains in my
chest.
I sweat profusely.
I have frequent food cravings for sweet or salty
foods.

17
 I have a hard time regulating my blood sugar.
I get frequent colds.
I grind my teeth or clench my jaw.
I experience muscle tension in my arms and legs.
I have difficulty focusing my mind at work or in
school.

This second grouping of symptoms is related to your

parasympathetic nervous system’s more primitive dorsal vagal
complex.

I often feel tired or lethargic.

I feel hopeless or depressed.
I feel emotionally dull or numb.
I feel ineffective or powerless.
I feel shame or unworthiness.
I feel foggy or dizzy.
I feel disoriented.
I have difficulty remembering things.
I find it difficult to talk sometimes.
I sometimes “go away.”
I have indigestion or acid reflux.
I often feel nauseous.
After eating, I have indigestion or diarrhea.
I have been diagnosed with an autoimmune
condition.

Perhaps you notice that you alternate between these two types
of symptoms—for example, being keyed up sometimes and
exhausted at other times. Take some time to write about your
experiences here with an intention of increasing self-awareness
of your symptoms.

18
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Self-knowledge about my body and mind

provides a foundation for my healing.

19
20 The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

The Neurobiology of Personal Transformation

When beginning the transformational work of processing through

trauma, it is important to enter this work with the knowledge that change
is possible. Talking about difficult memories takes courage. You might
wonder what the point of rehashing the past or stirring up painful feelings
is. Or you might feel worse in the beginning phases, when you initially
start to confront traumatic memories, and wonder if it is worth all the
hard work. You might not see a way through your pain. However, the
neurobiology of personal transformation helps to illuminate the path
to healing.
Research indicates that it is possible to change your brain’s
neurocircuitry, as your brain changes every time you learn something new
(Amen, 2015; Doige, 2007). Even more heartening is the fact that changes
to the brain occur continuously throughout your entire lifespan—a process
referred to as neuroplasticity. What does changing the brain look like?
Your memories are stored in neural networks, which are groups of brain
cells called neurons that fire together (Siegel, 1999). Because these neural
networks are malleable, when you recall a traumatic memory in a new, safe
context, you can change how this memory is stored in your brain.
Ideally, the neural networks of your memories connect across various
areas of your brain. This is called memory consolidation, and it allows
each singular event to become integrated with the thousands of other
previous experiences already held within your brain. For example, the
right hemisphere of the brain is more likely to hold negative perceptions
and emotions about the past, whereas the left hemisphere is specialized
for positive emotions. Neural networks that communicate across the left
and right hemispheres of the brain can help you express your feelings with
words and integrate positive and negative perceptions of the past. In
contrast, traumatic memories can be thought of as impaired encoding
of neural networks. These memories are not integrated with positive
experiences and are limited in their ability to accommodate new
 The Invitation 21

information. This disconnection can impair your ability to be emotionally

or cognitively flexible when thinking about difficult life events.
In order to modify these maladaptive neural networks, it is necessary
to connect the distressing images, thoughts, sensations, and emotions
associated with the trauma to your positive resources. You can do so by
reprocessing the trauma memory with EMDR therapy (Shapiro, 2018),
which helps you change how the memory is stored in your brain. Lasting
change happens as you become more aware of the trauma and release the
hold that it has on your body (van der Kolk, 2015). Working through
the trauma memory allows you to feel freedom in your body and gives
you a greater sense of choice about the narrative that defines your past
and your future. Throughout this book, you will explore trauma recovery
from the perspective of both neuroscience and psychological research.
I offer an introduction to the integrative mind-body approach to
healing that is offered in this book using the following 6 Rs: Relating,
Resourcing, Reprocessing, Repatterning, Reflecting, and Resilience.
Let’s take a closer look.

Relating: One of the most profound ways that we rewire

the brain is through a healing relationship, one that allows
us to feel cared for and understood. According to Louis
Cozolino (2010), author of The Neuroscience of Psychotherapy,
our brains are wired for connection, are strengthened by
connection, and cannot be fully understood outside of
the context of relationships. Furthermore, a supportive
therapeutic relationship helps you to connect to your
social engagement system. Here you use the resource of a
relationship to establish that you are safe and connected while
you work through traumatic memories. Moreover, through
healthy relationships, we have an opportunity to rewire how
the brain maintains our memories of our earliest attachment
wounds.
22 The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

Resourcing: The initial stage of healing from trauma

focuses on strengthening the neural networks associated
with positive sensations, emotions, and cognitions. These
resources might include moments of loving others, feeling
loved by others, feeling comforted or protected, feeling
competent or successful, or recalling experiences of safety,
peace, or relaxation. Resources can also involve breath,
movement, and embodied states that help you feel strong
and empowered. Each positive state initiates a release of
your natural feel-good chemicals by increasing dopamine,
oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins. Through repeated
practice, you can strengthen the neural networks associated
with positive sensations, emotions, and cognitions in
preparation for trauma reprocessing.

Reprocessing: Reprocessing involves recalling a traumatic

event and the related images, beliefs, emotions, and feelings
in your body. Doing so reactivates the neural networks
associated with that event and allows you to focus on
finding reparative experiences that facilitate integration
and resolution of the traumatic event (Shapiro 2018). As
you reprocess the trauma, you also have an opportunity
to challenge faulty beliefs by offering your knowledge of
factual information that contradicts these beliefs. Even more
importantly, you can arrive at new conclusions about your
past and discover new possibilities for your future. Once
you have successfully reprocessed the trauma memory, you
have an opportunity to change how it is held in your brain
and body.

Repatterning: Healing from trauma requires more than

modifying the neural networks in your brain. In particular,
 The Invitation 23

it is equally important to attend to the impact of traumatic

events on the body. Trauma resolution involves integrating
new movement resources that may not have been available
to you at the time of the traumatic event. For example, if
you weren’t able to run away from a dangerous situation,
then you might feel the impulse to move your legs when
you think about that situation now. Sometimes, somatic
repatterning can result in trembling or shaking in your
arms and legs. This is a sign that you are releasing traumatic
activation from your body.

Reflecting: Trauma asks you to come to terms with the lack

of reason or overpowering senselessness that often surrounds
acts of violence, abuse, or even natural disasters. It can feel
nearly impossible to comprehend such events, especially
when they are delivered by fellow humans. However, this
is the task set before you: to reflect upon your unique
life experiences and begin to develop a personal sense of
meaning. Although meaning making is a very personal
process, it is also best served when held in connection
to another person. For example, within a trusting and
compassionate relationship, such as with a therapist, you
might engage in a search for meaning together. The more
difficult the challenge, the harder you will have to work to
find your inner strength, courage, or sense of hope. Most
importantly, you have the freedom to reflect on the meaning
that you attribute to your life. Ultimately, this gives you the
power to choose how you respond to your circumstances.

Resilience: As previously discussed, the autonomic nervous

system serves as the body’s own physiological resilience
system. You can increase the health of your brain (and
24 The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

increase your autonomic nervous system’s innate capacity

for resiliency) by engaging your ventral vagal system. When
driving a car, if you press on the brakes too quickly, you will
come to a hard, fast stop. This is what happens when we
move abruptly between the sympathetic nervous system and
the dorsal vagal system. In contrast, your ventral vagal system
allows you to “slow down” when you feel amped up, or to
“rev the engine” when you feel shut down or immobilized.
The most direct way to engage your ventral vagal system
is through the breath, although mind-body therapies such
as yoga, meditation, or relaxation can also help you to
simultaneously attend to your emotions, thoughts, and body
sensations.

Throughout this book, you will be guided through practices based

upon the 6 Rs. It is possible to find freedom from the impact of traumatic
events.
 6.
The 6 Rs of Healing Trauma

Take a moment to reflect upon this explanation of the

neurobiology of personal transformation. Do you have an
increased sense of the path forward? In what ways have you
already had experiences with the 6 Rs of Relating, Resourcing,
Reprocessing, Repatterning, Reflecting, and Resilience?
Knowing that you will be walking through these steps in the
chapters that follow, how do you feel about the process of
healing? Take some time to write your thoughts below.
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I am empowered by knowledge to take

an active role in healing from trauma.

25
26 The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

Healing in Relationships

Connection is at the core of human experience. We all share the need to

be seen and understood. We have the desire to belong and to experience
ourselves within the context of loving, nurturing relationships. If you
experienced childhood neglect or abuse, this can betray your trust in
others and impair your ability to form healthy relationships into
adulthood. This is because we tend to recreate relationships that match
what we know. For example, if deep inside we expect to be rejected, then
we might choose partners who are rejecting, or we might behave in ways
that lead people to reject us. We then use these experiences to reinforce
our core beliefs about ourselves.
Recall that the brain and body cannot be fully understood outside
of the context of relationships (Cozolino, 2010). In fact, our very sense of
self develops in early childhood at a time when we are completely
dependent upon others to help us feel safe, connected, and calm. Ideally,
parents and caregivers are caring and well-attuned, which helps us
develop a secure attachment. The term “attachment” refers to the
emotional security that is built between a parent and infant, which
provides a foundation for our sense of self. Secure attachment forms
when caregivers are predictable, consistent, safe, and capable of
sensitively responding to the needs of a young child. Of course,
parents don’t need to be perfect; they only need to be “good-enough”
(Winnicott, 1990).
But, what if this good-enough situation was not available for you?
What if the care you received was inconsistent or unreliable? What if you
experienced toxic amounts of stress, abuse, or neglect? What if, when you
felt afraid as a child, your mom or dad became angry instead of comforting
you? These situations can all result in a variety of attachment wounds that
lead to anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment styles. For example,
children who had a parent who was unpredictable, inconsistent, or intrusive
 The Invitation 27

may develop an anxious attachment style. As adults, they tend to suffer

from abandonment anxiety or a sense that relationships are unreliable.
In contrast, children who grew up with a parent who was distant, disengaged,
or rejecting may develop an avoidant attachment style. As adults, they
tend to compensate by becoming overly self-reliant, withdrawing from
others, and avoiding intimacy. Finally, children who grew up with a parent
who was threatening, chaotic, and abusive may develop a disorganized
attachment style. Growing up in an abusive household creates an
extraordinary dilemma for a child who is caught between a biological
drive to seek closeness with the very parent who is also a source of terror.
As adults, they are likely to repeat the very dynamics that parallel their
childhood experience. They might choose abusive partners, or they might
act abusive because it feels familiar. These insecure attachment patterns
contribute to long-lasting patterns of emotional and physiological distress
that interfere with intimacy, parenting, and meaningful friendships.
If you have attachment wounds, psychotherapy is instrumental in
helping you heal and form healthy relationships as an adult. However,
therapy that focuses solely on talking and skill building can be limited
because this approach is not as transferable to the relational world. In
contrast, healing early developmental trauma requires paying attention to
the relational exchange between you and the therapist. When looking for
a therapist, it is important to find someone with whom you feel safe. In a
trusting relationship, you can share your fears, make mistakes, be vulnerable,
and, most importantly, learn that you will not be rejected or harmed.
It is important to recognize that even competent therapists will make
mistakes sometimes. They might inadvertently reject your subtle longings
for connection and amplify feelings of rejection. Without a relational
approach, though, these ruptures will not be adequately addressed or
repaired in therapy, which can result in feelings of confusion and lead you
to lose faith in therapy over time. Ideally, the therapist you choose offers
a firm commitment to the process of repair and encourages you to do the
28 The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

same until you both successfully achieve reconnection. This process of

tolerating stress and disconnection tones your nervous system and helps
you to form new expectations about relationships outside of therapy.
Healing attachment wounds also requires attending to the body.
Within this process, you develop a capacity to notice moment-by-moment
changes in a variety of sensory experiences in your body, including feelings
of tension, changes in temperature, or energy levels. For example, you
might notice a pressure building in your chest or a tightness in your throat
when talking about events from your childhood. Rather than overriding
these signals, you learn to slow down the process and pay attention.
Healing early attachment wounds takes time. It is not easy to feel the
pain of loss, rejection, or abandonment. It is also common to feel shame
around these experiences. However, it is possible to heal, whether from
a single traumatic event or from the complex wounds that accompany
ongoing child abuse or neglect. In truth, we all have relationship
vulnerabilities and imperfect attachments to varying degrees. As a result,
we all need each other to heal the wounds of the painful disconnections
from the past. Remember, you are not alone.
 7.
Therapy and the
Healing Relationship

If you are already in psychotherapy, then you probably already

know how important your therapist is during the process
of healing trauma. If you are not currently working with a
therapist, then you can think of this person as an ally or guide
for your hero’s journey. If you have lost faith in therapy or have
never been in therapy, then you might wonder how to find the
right therapist for you. If you want someone who focuses on
healing trauma, you can look for someone trained in EMDR.
You might also look for someone trained in somatic psychology
who can help you work with body sensations related to your
traumatic experiences. In some areas, you can find someone who
uses an integrative approach that combines several approaches.
When seeking a therapist, it is important to know that you
can interview several practitioners until you find someone with
whom you feel comfortable to be yourself. Most importantly,
when you sit with a potential therapist, trust your intuition.
While this person is new to you and it is normal to feel nervous,
ask yourself if you feel safe enough. How do you feel in your
body? Do you resonate with the way that they express care?
Take several minutes to write about your historical or
current experiences in therapy. What has worked for you?
What hasn’t worked? Or, if you have not begun working with
a therapist, take some time to reflect upon the kind of therapy
you would like to have to support your healing journey.

29
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I am capable of finding the therapeutic

support that is right for me.

30
 The Invitation 31

A Transformational Path

The transformational work of healing from trauma asks you to embrace

change—to live in limbo and stand in the transitional space between
the person you have been in the past and the person you are becoming.
Transformation might initially feel as if you are falling apart, like you are
experiencing a breakdown and not a breakthrough. This process can feel
unsettling, indeterminate, and undefined. It is common to feel afraid if
you sense that change is coming. You simply cannot see what lies around
the next bend. However, transitional spaces are also full of potential. While
you may feel as though life is pulling you backward, imagine that like the
arrow held by the bow, life is actually preparing you to fly forward. What
if that scary feeling is actually getting you ready for an updated version of
yourself and your life?
It is common to experience a combination of trepidation and excitement
during a transformational process. Like the caterpillar changing into a
butterfly, you too must let go of old forms and enter into the unknown
in order to emerge anew. While inside the chrysalis, you can learn to
recognize that you are living inside of a transitional space between the
past and the person you are becoming. Living within an undefined and
indeterminate reality can feel unsettling, but over time you become more
comfortable with letting go and surrendering to the inevitable changes
that accompany life.
This transformational path might take time, but recovery is
possible. Just like planting a garden, you must start by preparing the
earth so the soil can support the seeds in growing. With proper light,
water, and nutrients, the seeds can grow and thrive. Similarly, you can
prepare yourself to undertake this transformational journey by reflecting
on your current relationships, the kinds of support that you have in
your life, and the degree to which you feel understood. Sometimes you
might need to make changes to your environment, such as surrounding
yourself with people who support you in becoming the best version
32 The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

of yourself. Or you may need to change how you treat your body by
embracing new ways of eating, exercising, or sleeping. In doing so, you
learn to take an active role in your healing journey by building your
capacity to tolerate small amounts of discomfort and change. The
mindfulness practices offered throughout this book will help you to
learn that difficult experiences do not necessitate reactivity. You learn to
become the witness to your mental and emotional reactions and cultivate
a connection to your inner source of wisdom. These changes are worth it;
you are worth it.
 8.
Relating to Change

Take some time to reflect on your relationship to the concept

of change. Can you identify changes that you would like to
make? Are you aware of ways in which you are frightened of
change? Can you identify the kind of support or resources that
would help you feel safe enough to embrace change? What
helps you to trust the unknown?
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With support, I can step

into the unknown.

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34 The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

Truth or Consequences

There is a small town in New Mexico called Truth or Consequences that

is known for its unusual name and for the healing hot springs that the
town is built around. When driving through there, I am always reminded
of the consequences that can arise when we are deceived or misled.
Unfortunately, many of us have been misled about the process of healing
from trauma. These misconceptions or myths are not only untrue, but
they also create confusion and can interfere with healing. By confronting
these healing myths in ourselves, we have an opportunity to develop
affirmations that support the healing journey.
One such myth is that time heals all wounds. The idea that it
simply takes time to heal is a concerning misunderstanding about what is
required to recover from trauma. While time can lessen the intensity of
pain, you need to take an active role in your healing process in order to
recover from trauma. This might involve creating a safe space to talk about
difficult life events, to experience related emotions, and to turn toward
your pain rather than avoiding it. You cannot simply let time pass by and
expect healing to follow.
A second myth is the idea that you must aggressively confront the
most disturbing parts of traumatic events by reviewing them in great
detail. Exposure techniques can be too direct for many individuals and,
in some cases, they can lead to re-traumatization. A balanced approach
to healing involves building sufficient resources that help you skillfully
respond to the disturbing emotions and sensations that arise when you
think about traumatic memories. It is important that you feel safe with
your therapist so that the two of you can work together to understand
your current social situation, including the presence of support systems
or recent stressors. This will help you to find an appropriate pace to your
healing journey. Most importantly, know that you can heal the past without
becoming overwhelmed in the process.
 The Invitation 35

A third myth is the belief that you “should be over this by now.”
If you struggle after a traumatic event or do not rebound quickly, you
might feel as though there is something wrong with you. In reality, most
people feel frightened or shocked after exposure to a traumatic event.
It is a normal human reaction. The fact that you are hurting is not a
sign that you are doing anything wrong. Talking about your loss might
bring difficult feelings to the surface, but it does not mean that you are
perpetuating your pain. In actuality, when you have sufficient resources,
staying engaged with difficult feelings is essential to healing. Remember
that you are in charge of the pace of your healing journey and that you
can build your resources to increase your capacity to effectively respond to
your vulnerable emotions. There is no timeline for healing from traumatic
life events. Rest assured, actively engaging in your healing process will
ultimately help you recover.
 9.
Recognize and Replace
Healing Myths

Take a few minutes to look over the healing myths presented

earlier. Use this space to talk about the ones you relate to
or to describe any other unlisted myths that interfere with
your ability to heal. Reflect on how the following positive
statements support your healing journey: “I am taking an active
role in my healing,” “I trust my own pacing and timing,” and
“Having feelings is a sign of strength.” You can also experiment
with creating your own positive statements. How does it feel
to release unrealistic expectations about yourself and replace
these myths with new, positive messages that support your
healing journey?
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I embrace positive messages to

support my healing journey.

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 The Invitation 37

Your Hero(ine)’s Journey

American mythologist Joseph Campbell (2008) describes personal

transformation as a hero’s journey. The hero must enter the darkness, face
challenges, slay the dragon, retrieve the treasure, and emerge stronger. As
applied to trauma recovery, we understand that challenging life events
can also serve as a call to enter the hero’s journey. You may feel as though
you have been thrown into an abyss. The dragons you must slay are the
inner demons that remain as a result of the painful memories from your
past. You walk into the darkness in order retrieve the treasures that exist
within you, such as inner strength, wisdom, and hope. You emerge with
an enhanced sense of meaning and purpose, which become the gifts that
you have to offer to the world.
Campbell described the hero’s journey as a “monomyth,” which
serves as a blueprint for many of our fairytales, books, and movies. The
monomyth is described as a cycle that begins with a phase of freedom and
innocence. This period of ease is tragically disrupted by a crisis that sends
the hero into exile. To overcome these challenges, the hero must seek
out the resources needed to face his fears and inner demons. Eventually,
the hero saves the princess, retrieves the treasure, and returns to the
community with new gifts and healing capabilities. Transformed by this
journey, the hero becomes a mature adult capable of holding complex
feelings and ideas in a world that can cause harm. Eventually, the hero
comes full circle and can become a leader, healer, or guide for others.
Perhaps you can relate to this journey in your own life. Maybe you’ve
been launched into crisis due to a shocking traumatic event, the end of
a relationship, or a debilitating physical illness. Or maybe your journey
was set in motion as a result of childhood abuse or neglect. The hero’s
journey can guide your process of trauma recovery by encouraging you to
transform your pain into a source of wisdom.
You might have uncomfortable places that you don’t like to
acknowledge or feel. As a result, you might want to reject the call to
38 The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook

enter the hero’s journey. The desire to avoid peering into the darkness is
normal. It is human instinct to move away from pain. However, getting in
touch with the hidden or unconscious parts of yourself (your “shadow”)
is an important step in healing from trauma (Jung, 1981). Even though
you might want to run away, explore the resources that help you to step
forward toward the discomfort. Psychotherapy, community support
groups, journaling, time in nature, or mindful embodiment practices can
all help you lean into discomfort at a pace that is right for you.
Throughout this book, you will find practices to help you walk a
hero(ine)’s journey. You will be guided to walk slowly and gently face your
fears. In turn, you will learn to trust in your capacity to walk through
the darkness and return to the light. Successfully navigating the hero’s
journey gives you the opportunity to discover that you are more powerful
than you previously realized. It allows you to feel more grounded, real,
and whole because—in truth—transformation is about revealing who
you truly are. In the later stages of the hero’s journey, you may also
discover an inseparable relationship between your personal happiness
and the well-being of others. In turn, you may feel a desire to emerge
back into the world by sharing your unique contributions with others and
the world.
 10.
Hearing the Call

In truth, each of us faces at least one major loss or traumatic

event at some point in our lives. This may come in the form of
a personal loss or a collective wound in your community. The
feelings of shock and confusion that commonly occur after
traumatic events tend to disrupt your orientation to the world
as you have known it. Often it is impossible to go back to
the old ways of living. You have been thrust into a process of
self-discovery and a requisite redefining of your life.
In what ways have events in your life served as an invitation
to enter a hero’s journey? In what ways have you already
engaged with this inner transformational journey? In contrast,
maybe you have you noticed a desire to reject the call to enter
a hero’s journey. Perhaps you have avoided confronting the
pain of traumatic events or maybe you have been overwhelmed
by anxiety without the resources to help you find a path
forward. If so, what support do you need in order to accept
the invitation? What helps you recognize your ability to rise
up to the challenge?
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I am the hero of my own life story. With support,

I can overcome the obstacles of my life.

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 The Invitation 41

Chapter Review

As this chapter comes to an end, take a moment to reflect on the initial

steps that you have taken on your transformational path to resilience
and post-traumatic growth. The practices thus far have offered an
overview of what to expect on your healing journey. With an attitude of
mindfulness, you have been encouraged to start where you are. You have
learned the beliefs and behaviors associated with resilience and post-
traumatic growth. Recognizing that healing happens in stages, you have
explored perspectives on personal transformation through the lens of
neurobiology. You have had an opportunity to challenge healing myths
and identify new, affirming beliefs. Most importantly, you have received
the invitation; you have been called to begin your hero’s journey.
 Review and Reflect

Before continuing on to Chapter 2, take a few minutes to

review your responses to the self-reflection practices of this
chapter. What have you learned about yourself thus far?
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