Effective Communication at Work:

Achieving Results & Enhancing Relationships

With Dr. Janet Mills

A good example of a bad example

People have memoriesand mouths

People happy with you

People unhappy with you

Three stages of interaction

1. Greeting

Three stages of interaction

2. Transaction

Three stages of interaction

3. Parting

4 Things people want from YOU

1. Attention

4 Things people want from YOU

2. Acceptance

4 Things people want from YOU

3. Assertion

4 Things people want from YOU

4. Appreciation

1. Attention
S = face person SQUARELY O = Adopt an OPEN posture L = LEAN forward slightly E = Maintain EYE CONTACT

R = RELAX

1. Attention

Lousy listeners

1. Attention
Verbal Following
Mary was a sensible and giddy young lady, wise and silly beyond compare. She was a slight and small creature, yet so large that everyone who knew her loved her. She felt rather lonely, because she lived in a Town with no other houses or people for miles around.

1. Attention
Multi-channel Nonverbal Following Percent of impact in face-to-face comm: Verbal = 8% Facial = 54% Vocal = 38%

1. Attention
Multi-channel Nonverbal Following
Posture, posture shifts Interpersonal distance Eye/looking behaviors Physical appearance Body movement Gestures Voice (vocalics) Touch (tactile) Body orientation Facial displays Dress Object communication

Odor (olfactory)

Breathing patterns

BMIRS: behavioral manifestations of internal states

1. Attention
Back-channeling Vocalizations Head nodding Gestures

Facial expression Eye contact Questions

2. Acceptance
Affirm the Nature of the Relationship
Hierarchical indicators Whos up? Down?

Immediacy indicators
Basic respect Earned respect

How close or far?

I see you High esteem

2. Acceptance
Developing and Maintaining Rapport
Posture echo Vocal echo Interaction synchrony

2. Acceptance
Responding Verbally to Accept Messages Paraphrase ideas Paraphrase feelings Express empathy Prompt and probe Summarize

Defensiveness
The NUMBER ONE PROBLEM in communication at work
Defensiveness arises when we feel: Threatened Attacked Punished Unjustly accused When defensive we are likely to experience: Emotional agitation Estrangement Confusion Aggressive and/or passive impulses

Defensiveness

3. Assertive & supportive communication

Focus on problems Not people

3. Assertive & supportive communication

Be congruent Not incongruent

Verbal Nonverbal comm comm

Ver

Thoughts & feelings

Match these!

3. Assertive & supportive communication

Be descriptive Not evaluative

3. Assertive & supportive communication

Validate Dont invalidate

3. Assertive & supportive communication

Be specific Not global

3. Assertive & supportive communication

Be conjunctive Not disjunctive

3. Assertive & supportive communication

Own your
Statements Actions Feelings Wants Needs

Dont
Deny what youve said Blame others for what you did Stuff your feelings Ignore what you want Forget your needs

3. Assertive & supportive communication

Make it two-way Not one-way

Assertive Skill 1: Clear Message Format

Use to:
State a complaint or problem Request a change of behavior, policy or procedure Express hopes, wishes, desires

Tool 1: Clear Message Format

Elements:
Describe

Interpret
Express/Own Consequences Intentions

Tool 2: Responding to feedback that is ON TARGET

Use: To respond non-defensively to feedback that is accurate and true

Tool 2: Responding to feedback that is ON TARGET

Elements:
Listen actively Acknowledge your error or fault Seek more information Create plan for positive action Appreciate the other

Tool 3: Responding to feedback that is OFF TARGET

Use: To respond non-defensively to feedback that is inaccurate or untrue

Tool 3: Responding to feedback that is OFF TARGET

Elements:
Listen actively Fog the criticism Assert

Appreciate

4. Appreciation
Forms of appreciation

Thank

Praise
Commend

Reward

Compliment
Recognize Stick up for

Approve
Notice Recommend

Value Refer

Dr. Janet Mills