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How to Combine the “Personal” and the
“Academic” in an Introductory Paragraph

Jeffrey Neilson
English Summer Immersion Program,
Richmond High School
July 12, 2016
 Today’s Itinerary
O Today’s Goals: To reflect on, analyze, and produce
examples of good introductions that combine the
engagement of personal writing with academic
clarity.
O 1) Freewriting
O 2) Brainstorm differences between personal and
academic writing.
O 3) Read and analyze an introductory paragraph from
a recent article
O 4) Re-write” this paragraph using academic “frames”
O 5) Share and reflect: Think about the choices we
make, and the effects those choices have, when
writing an introduction paragraph.
Q: What makes a good
“introduction” in
general?

Q: What makes a good

“introduction” in an
essay?
 Freewrite (5-10 min)

O 1. Think of one of your relationships (a family

member, friend, teacher, significant other, etc.)
O 2. Write a letter to that person, trying to get
them to understand the problem, as you see it,
and explore ways to see it another way, or
transcend it
O 3. Don’t worry about your grammar, syntax
(word order), sentence style…just keep writing
and don’t be critical of your thoughts as you go
Writing for Different Occassions:
Common Expectations
O Personal Writing O Academic Writing
* “Fun” * Forced 
* Natural * Formal
* Informal * Objective / Detached
* Interested/Interesting
* Abstract
* Direct
* Schematic
* Narrative
* Conversational
* “Official” Style
* Expression-centered * Communication-
centered
 Making a “Hybrid”: Personal and
Academic
Groups of Four (assign a role for each member):
a) Reader (of example paragraph) b) Recorder (of re-written
paragraph) c) Reader (of new paragraph to class) d) Recorder (to
take notes on the changes you made in your personal/academic
hybrid)

1) Read the example out loud (a)

2) Discuss the different parts of the introduction as an introduction
(thesis, setting, tone, word choice, speaker/audience, sentence
style). Go sentence by sentence (all students work on 2-4)
3) Re-write this introduction as a conventional, communication-
centered, academic introduction (b)
4) Compile a list of what effects are achieved with this change (d)
5) Share new paragraphs with the class (c)
Don’t Blame the Eater (2002)
David Zinczenko

If ever there were a newspaper headline

custom-made for Jay Leno’s monologue, this was it.
Kids taking on McDonald’s this week, suing the
company for making them fat. Isn’t that like middle-
aged men suing Porsche for making them get
speeding tickets? Whatever happened to personal
responsibility?
I tend to sympathize with these portly fast-food
patrons, though. Maybe that’s because I used to be
one of them. […]
Marrying the Academic and
Person Styles
O What are some “opening moves” for
combining the two styles?

 Begin with a gripping anecdote, a

bracing fact, or a telling example
 Focus your readers attention on a specific
problem
 Note a common misconception
 Raise a question
 Make a bold assertion