Lecture 3

Unit 3
Steps to effective business
writing (2)
WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS

REVISING & PROOFREADING

REVISE – review (check) & revise (improve)

PROOFREAD – focus on spelling, grammar,

format
WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS

Texts written directly and efficiently are easier to

read and understand.

Focus on concise wording:

* eliminate wordy phrases, long lead-ins, outdated
expressions, needless adverbs, repetitious and
redundant words
* use jargon carefully
* avoid slang and clichés
* use precise verbs, concrete nouns, & clear
adjectives
 Revising for Conciseness
Eliminate Wordy Phrases

Avoid Long Lead-ins

Avoid Clichés Use CONCRETE NOUNS

Avoid Needless Adverbs

Use PRECISE VERBS Avoid Slang

Avoid Redundant Words

Avoid Jargons Use VIVID ADJECTIVES

Eliminate Outdated Expressions Avoid Repetitious Words

 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS

Revising for Conciseness

1. Eliminate Wordy Phrases

A wordy phrase can be replaced with a single

word.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Example 1

Wordy : In addition to the above, concise

messages save reading time.
Concise : Also, concise messages save reading time.

Example 2

Wordy : The sales representative approached the

manager in a careful manner.
Concise : The sales representative approached the
manager carefully.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Example 3

Wordy : Due to the fact that the contract was not

renewed, the new manager had to leave.
Concise : Since the contract was not renewed, the
new manager had to leave.

Example 4

Wordy : In addition, this policy is of a confidential

nature.
Concise : In addition, this policy is confidential.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Revising for Conciseness

2. Eliminate Outdated Expressions

Replace outdated expressions with modern, concise

phrasing.

attached hereto, enclosed please find, thanking you

in advance, are in receipt of, under separate cover,
pursuant to your request…
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Example 1

Wordy : Thanking you in advance for your

consideration.
Concise : Thank you for your consideration.

Example 2

Wordy : Attached hereto is the application letter

and resume.
Concise : Attached is the application letter and
resume.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Example 3

Wordy : I trust that you will find my report

acceptable.
Concise : I believe you will find my report
acceptable.

Example 4

Wordy : In accordance with your request, you will

receive the catalogue this Monday.
Concise : As requested, you will receive the
catalogue this Monday.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Revising for Conciseness

3. Avoid Long Lead-ins

Delete unnecessary introductory words and

phrases. Long lead-ins delay readers from
reaching the meaning of the sentence. The main
idea of the sentence often follows the words
that or because.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Example 1
Wordy : I am sending you this announcement to
let you know that the office will be closed
during public holidays.
Concise : The office will be closed during public
holidays.

Example 2
Wordy : I am writing this letter because Mr. Brown
suggested me to conduct the training in
your organisation.
Concise : Mr. Brown suggested me to conduct the
training in your organisation.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Example 3
Wordy : This is to inform you that you will receive
your books this week.
Concise : You will receive the Business Writing
books this week.

Example 4
Wordy : It goes without saying that we agree to
the terms and conditions of this company.
Concise : We agree to the terms and conditions of
this company.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Revising for Conciseness

4. Avoid Needless Adverbs

Delete adverbs (very, extremely, really,

actually,…) to make your text more credible.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Example 1

Wordy : We are extremely pleased to offer you

the position QA Manager in our company.
Concise : We are pleased to offer you the position
QA Manager in our company.

Example 2
Wordy : The work offers extraordinary challenges
and a large salary.
Concise : The work offers challenges and a large
salary.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Example 3

Wordy : The salesperson is trying very hard to

reach the sales target.
Concise : The salesperson is trying hard to reach
the sales target.

Example 4
Wordy : I am extremely interested in this position.
Concise : I am interested in this position.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS

Revising for Conciseness

5. Avoid Repetitious Words

Avoid unintentional repetition.

 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Example

Wordy : Our branch office currently employs five

tellers. These five tellers do an excellent
job from Monday to Thursday. However,
these five tellers cannot keep up with the
rush on Friday and Saturday .

Concise : Our branch office currently employs five

tellers, who do an excellent job from
Monday to Thursday. However, they
cannot keep up with Friday and Saturday
rush periods .
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Revising for Conciseness

6. Avoid Redundant Words

Many pairs of words imply each other. Finish

implies complete, so the phrase completely finish is
redundant in most cases. Redundancies conveys
meaning more than once.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Example 1
Wordy : The travel agent was completely able to finish
explaining the various vacation packages.
Concise : The travel agent finished explaining the
various vacation packages.

Example 2
Wordy : Many people preferred cars that were silver in
color and shiny in appearance .
Concise : Many people preferred silver, shiny cars.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS

Example 3
Wordy : Please refer back to the contract.
Concise : Please refer to the contract.

Example 4
Wordy : The latest Dell “Inspire 1300” laptop is
small in size.
Concise : The latest Dell “Inspire 1300” laptop is small.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS

Revising for Clarity

7. Avoid Jargons

Words which are familiar in certain profession

should be used wisely and should be reserved
for individuals who understand it.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS

Sample Jargon

1. He presented a new action plan at the meeting.

2.
Quality Management – Accreditation, Audit, Auditor, …

Business – Merger, MLM, Outsourcing, Trademark, …

Telecommunication – Protocol, Mode, …

Law – Dependent, Interim, Hearing

 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS

Revising for Clarity

8. Avoid Slang

Words that are informal and are used by people

of same interest.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Example 1

Wordy : To achieve success, you must work like a

horse.
Concise : To achieve success, you must work hard.

Example 2

Wordy : Our beloved Vice President, Mr. James, will

contact your department soon.
Concise : Mr. James Khoo, Vice President of AVIS
Corporation will visit your department on
Monday afternoon.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Revising for Clarity

9. Avoid Clichés

Dull overused expressions

first and foremost, last but not least, pass with

flying colours, better than new…
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS

Example

Wordy : First and foremost, we need to train the

new employees.

Concise : First, we need to train the new

employees.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS

Revising for Preciseness

10. Use PRECISE VERBS

Choose accurate and clear verbs. Create

meaningful images in the reader’s mind.
WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Example 1
General : The admin officer will contact you this
Friday.
Precise : The admin officer will contact (telephone /
e-mail / visit) you this Friday.

Example 2

General : When we first started the business, I plan to

contact potential partners.
Precise : When we first started the business, I took
the initiative to contact potential partners.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Example 3

General : The principle investors looked at the

business plan.
Precise : The principle investors revised the
business plan.

Example 4

General : The negotiation was a disaster.

Precise : The negotiation was unsuccessful.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Revising for Concreteness

11. Use CONCRETE NOUNS

Nouns helps readers to visualize meaning of

words.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Example 1

General : Someone in authority will be calling you.

Concrete : Mr. Jamal Hashim, the Executive Director, will
be calling you.

Example 2
General : That company’s advertisement won the award.
Concrete : Telekom Malaysia’s advertisement won
the award.
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Revising for Concreteness

12. Use VIVID ADJECTIVES

Dynamic, clear adjectives make writing more

concrete
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Example 1

Wordy : They were satisfied with the new plan.

Concise : They were satisfied with the innovative plan.

Example 2

Wordy : The new pantry really meets our needs .

Concise : The spacious pantry meets our needs.
WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Spelling
Format
Grammar
PROOFREADING Punctuation
Facts & Figures
Check for: Coherence
Consistency
Tone Mechanics
 WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
PROOFREADING

Delete Insert

Capitalize Insert Space

Lowercase Insert
Punctuation
Transpose Insert Period

Close up Start Paragraph

WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS
Edit and draft into an effective business text

This is to inform you that beginning

september 1 the doors leading to the West
side of the building will have alarms.
Because of the fact that these exits also
functions as fire exits they can not actually
be locked. Please utilize the east side
exists to avoid setting off the ear-piercing
alrams.
WRITING EFFECTIVE BUSINESS TEXTS

Beginning September 1 the doors leading

to the west side of the building will have
alarms. Since these doors also function as
fire exits, they cannot be locked. So, please
use the east side exits to avoid setting off
the ear-piercing alarms.