Managing

Difficult People

Dr. Seema Arif

Associate Professor
UMT
Managing Difficult People
 Managers deal with a wide range of
personalities. Most people are cooperative
and reasonable.
 They cause tension and conflicts. Difficult
people absorb a lot of a manager's time and
attention."

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rx6Abkn--
Zc
Three types of difficult people are:

- The aggressor
- The victim
- The rescuer
The Aggressor
Aggressive people are demanding and
loud.

 They don't listen and they talk over

people. Their attitude is, "I'm right,
you're wrong.“

Their view of the world is win/lose, and

of course, they must "win.“
The Aggressor
Some of the words used to describe
aggressive people include: "Sherman
tank,"
"bull in the china shop," and "bullies."
"Aggressive people talk down to people.
They're know-it-alls. They make rude
comments, followed by biting sarcasm."
Some of the comments aggressive
people make
· "If you don't like it, leave. It's my way or the
highway."
· "You don't know what you're talking about.
I'm right."
· "Drop whatever you're doing - I need this
completed ASAP."
Dealing with aggressive people
 When, start by letting them vent. They often are
angry and need to blow off steam.
 Use active listening skills to indicate you're trying
to understand their views.
 Aggressive people aren't used to people really
listening to them. Most often it's point,
counterpoint, reload, and attack again.
“Clipping"
 Sometimes it's hard to get a word in when the
aggressor is verbally attacking. Clipping is the
technique which allows you to get a few words in
such as "Yes," "No," "I agree," "No, you're
wrong." This often causes the attacker to back off
and take a breath.
 Aggressive people are often tolerated
because they do get things done.
 The problem is that they also cause tension
and upset people.
 In addition, because they dominate the
conversation, other people don't contribute,
which results in lost input.
Aggressive people need to
realize there is more than one
right answer. Their opinions are
valid and valued, but other
people have equally valid ideas.
Victims

Harvard researchers describe

victims as "BMW" people.
They bitch, whine and moan.
They blame others for their
problems and come across as timid
and helpless.
The Victim
 Victims like to "blamestorm.“
 They're very good at discovering reasons
and finding people to "blame" for their
performance shortfalls.
 Their stories and explanations are
purposefully incomplete. They leave out
the details that indicate their inability to get
the job done.
Comments victims make include:

Some of the · "Why does this always

happen to me?"
· "I can't get it done. I never have time for
myself."
· "They won't give me the information I
need."
Victims
 Their attitude is:
 "People don't understand how bad I have
it."
 "Victims are depressing to be around.
 They feel sorry for themselves and blow
problems out of proportion.
 They waste a lot of time and don't take any
responsibility for making changes."
Dealing with “Victims"
 Victims need to realize they are not helpless.
 Find ways to help them achieve some short-term
wins.
 A colleague states, "Victims have strong
psychological needs for attention and
recognition. Recognize them for taking
responsibility and achieving success, not for
winning."
Dealing with “Victims"
 Take the time to listen to their complaints.
 A middle manager states, "Victims complain so
much, no one really takes the time to listen to them.
 They feel neglected." Feed back your understanding
of what the victim has said.
 Try to force the victim to prioritize his or her
problems.
 Next, facilitate a discussion to help him/her choose
an appropriate course of action to solve the problem.
The Rescuer
The rescuer is the person who's
always willing to help other people.
Rescuers are very good at
recognizing when other people need
help, and they know how to jump in
to save the day.
Comments rescuers make include:
 Their major need is to be liked and appreciated. "I'll
help" are their favorite words.
 "I hesitated to fire non-performers. I was afraid of
ruining someone's life."
· "It was my responsibility to take care of people."
· "I habitually took care of other people's problems."
· "I know this is your project, but let me add it to my list
to take the burden off of you."
The Rescuer….contd…
 "The rescuer avoids confrontation.
They're 'yes' people.
They say 'yes' without thinking
through the implications.
Often times they over commit and
their own work doesn't get done."
The Rescuer….contd…

 When dealing with rescuers it's important to hold

them accountable to performing all of their job
responsibilities. If they have excess capacity the
manager should assign them bigger bricks to carry.
 Interrelationships
Aggressive people find, and sometimes create
victims.
 Victims are easy prey for the bully.
 Victims don't get the job done but always have
excuses why it's not their fault.
 Rescuers jump in to save the victim.
 Everyone wins! This cycle can go round and round,
each playing his/her role and in effect supporting
the behavior of the other two.
Dealing with difficult people.
1. Listen to them. Let them know you want to
understand their point of view.
2. Make them feel valued and appreciated.
3. Indicate we all play these roles to some degree.
Ask them which role they play most often.
Discuss the impact that role has on others.
4. Indicate what you would like to see them do
more of and less of.
5. Ask them to commit to making one or two
changes
Summary
Dealing with difficult people is a
challenge. However it's possible to
help them be more productive and
effective in doing their job

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmVF23QX
Y10
Further Listening

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=
-PPSV0odCLE