MANAGING CONFLICTS

MARIA SHEILA GARCIA- MEDINA

Objectives

•Identify the causes of conflict

•Understand the benefits of
conflict resolution
•Identify the do’s and donts of
conflict resolution
•List the steps in the conflict
resolution process
What is Conflict?

Conflict is defined as two or more

people having opposing views on the
same issue
• All relationships, personal and professional,
experience some kind of conflict.

• Conflicts are normal and natural

• Conflicts are sometimes necessary for growth and

development
 What Causes Conflict?

• Distress
• Diversity in background and perspective
• Needs- ignoring other people’s needs
• Perceptions - often personal
• Power- wanting to control the behaviour of
others
• Increased demand on teamwork rather than
the individual
• Generation gap
 Conflict

Conflict does not always have to be negative. When

employees are able to challenge one another’s ideas in
a supportive environment, new ideas are generated and
fostered.

It is important to remember that conflict will always exist

between/ among individuals. Effective leaders have the
skills to manage the conflict process and turn
disagreements into ideas.
 Examples of Healthy vs.
Damaging Conflict
HEALTHY CONFLICT
- Disagreements that are communicated in a supportive
environment that foster the generation of new ideas or ways to
problem solve.
- Tension that increases awareness or sheds light on a growing
class/ team problem.

DAMAGING CONFLICT
- Name Calling
- Personal Attacks.
- Silent and Withdrawn, afraid to speak up
- Cliques, gossip and rumours
- Lack of Mutual Respect.
NEGATIVE STYLES OF CONFLICT

• FIRECRACKER- they usually apologize but you

know it will happen again

• COLD SHOULDER - two people who take pride in

not talking to each other

• BACKSTABBING- positive to your face/ knife at

your back
NEGATIVE STYLES OF CONFLICT

• SOCIAL ZINGER- throw verbal darts in front of

others, then say “I’m just teasing”

• TRIVIA FIGHTS - those who battle over little things,

not the real issue

• HAVING THE LAST WORD - must have the last

remark, conflict is seldom over
 COMMON MISTAKES IN
CONFLICT RESOLUTION:

• Ignoring the situation - most common

response

• Becoming aggressive - in your face

 STYLES IN MANAGING
CONFLICT
• AVOIDANCE - if others can resolve the conflict
more effectively, or if parties need a cooling off
period

• ACCOMMODATION- preserving the relationship

vs. arguing the issue, when you want others to
express their point of view and learn by their
choices
 STYLES IN MANAGING
CONFLICT

• COLLABORATION - merging experiences from

people who have different backgrounds, being
creative in exploring solutions

• COMPROMISE - to find a common ground and

achieve a temporary settlement on a complex
issue
Benefits of Conflict Resolution

Increased morale
Increased productivity
Decreased absenteeism and turnover
Do’s & Don’ts of Resolving Conflict

Do…
Understand that conflicts are inevitable.
Resolve to address conflict quickly.
Focus on the problem.
Be open to solutions.
Acknowledge how others are feeling.
Listen actively.
Do’s & Don’ts of Resolving Conflict (cont’d)

Don’t…
Focus on personality traits that cannot be
changed.
Interrupt.
Attack.
Disregard the feelings of others.
Avoid the conflict.
Focus on “hot issues” (religion,politics,gender)
Allow emotions to take over the conversation.
Impose personal values or beliefs
 7 Steps to Conflict Resolution

There are 7 steps to the Conflict Resolution Process:

1. Create an effective atmosphere

2. Clarify what the disagreement is. - clarify perceptions
3. Establish a common goal for both parties.
4. Discuss ways to meet the common goal.
5. Determine the barriers to the common goal.
6. Agree on the best way to resolve the conflict.
7. Acknowledge the agreed solution and determine the
responsibilities each party has in the resolution.

This process should be completed by all parties in the

conflict together.
 RELATIONSHIPS

MARIA SHEILA GARCIA- MEDINA, RGC, RPM, LPT

4 significant relationships

1.  God/ Creator

2.  Self

3.  Other people

4.  Life situations

MY RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHERS
We need to learn new skills for building
better relationships most especially in the
workplace.
 CATEGORIES

The CRITIC constantly complains and give unwanted
advice
The MARTYR is forever the victim and is wrecked with
self- pity
The SPONGE is constantly in need but gives nothing
back
The GOSSIP spreads rumors and leaks secrets
The GREEN – EYED MONSTER seethes with envy
1. THE CRITIC
The one who constantly complains and gives
unwanted advice.
Who are the Critics?
-  self-appointed people who size you up and say
that you are too conservative, too liberal, too
serious or too easygoing
-  they second- guess your decisions and take pride in
pointing out your mistakes
-  the tone of their voice conveys their disappointment
in your misguided aspirations and without raising a
finger, they can shoot down any one of your good
ideas.
 ANATOMY OF A CRITIC

¨ Perfectionist
¨ Driven

¨ Arrogant

¨ Pedantic

Do you know a Critic?
1.  If there is a flaw, this person will definitely find it.
2.  Being around this person is often like being in a
trial.
3.  This person has no problem telling people what,
when and how to do just about anything.
4.  You can count on this person to complain or point
out a flaw about something nearly every day.
5.  Even when you think things are going smoothly, this
person will find a problem.
UNDERSTANDING CRITICS
¨  Critics often believe their criticism is helpful.
¨  Critics are often motivated by a simple desire

to solve problems.
¨  Critics often feel it is their duty to find

something wrong.
¨  Many critics were raised to be critical.
COPING WITH CRITICS

1.  Put yourself in the Critic’s shoes.
2.  Don’t close your ears. (Mommy Deafness)
3.  Limit the criticism you’ll accept.
4.  Institute a ‘Complaint Session”.
5.  Beware of the Critic’s Triangle
6.  Keep your goals/ dreams alive
7.  Know your toughest Critic… and accept His grace.
Remember:
Not all Critics are the same.
THE MARTYR

Forever the victim and wrecked with self- pity

Who are the martyrs?
¨  People who refuses help but feels all the more
persecuted when friends/ loved ones don’t stop by.
¨  They wallow in self- pity.

¨  Solutions to their problems, no matter how powerful,

can’t seem to get through to their complaining.

ANATOMY OF A MARTYR

¨ Defeated
¨ Passive

¨ Self- blaming

¨ Helpless

¨ Worrisome
Do you know a Martyr?
¨  Whatever advice is offered, this person has a
reason why it won’t work.
¨  This person can often be heard saying.. “ If only…”

¨  This person is doing nearly nothing to find solutions

for his/ her own problems.

¨  This person’s general attitude is “Poor me.”
UNDERSTANDING MARTYRS

¨  Martyrs feel diminished by whatever

they accept from others.
¨  Martyrs feel losing control.

¨  Fear of rejection is another thing

Martyrs battle.- “I am unworthy”
COPING WITH MARTYRS

¨ Don’t expect much change.

¨ Get martyrs laughing.

¨ Stay clear of advice.

¨ Find the problem, if you can.

¨ Avoid the Guilt Trap

¨ Keep your tank full.

THE SPONGE
Constantly in need but gives nothing
back
ANATOMY OF A SPONGE

¨ Clingy
¨ Stifling

¨ Guilt - inducing

¨ Egocentric

¨ Smothering
UNDERSTANDING A SPONGE
¨  Sponges suffer from terribly low self-
esteem
¨  They don’t possess enough self- worth to

stand on their own two feet, so they try to

stand in yours.
COPING WITH A SPONGE

1.  Examine your desire to help.
2.  Deflate the crisis.
3.  Accept the bottomless pit of needs
4.  Say No, and don’t feel guilty.
5.  Build good boundaries.
6.  Confront when necessary.
THE GOSSIP
UNDERSTANDING A GOSSIP
¨  For them, gossip serves as the key to social acceptance.
¨  A juicy piece of news tends to normalize their life.
¨  They find it a way to influence or change the behavior of others
without confronting them directly and appearing accusatory or
risking hurting feelings.
¨  Sometimes Gossips can’t keep a secret because they simply don’t
understand why it’s a secret.
¨  Some Gossips tell secrets to gain power.
ANATOMY OF A GOSSIP
¨  Talkative
¨  Pseudosecretive

¨  Negative

¨  Intrusive

¨  Superficial-little depth

¨  Self- righteous
COPING WITH A GOSSIP

¨  Don’t just sit there. Say something.
¨  Assess your “climate”.

¨  Create your own climate.

¨  Leave no dirt to dish.

¨  Know whom to tell your secrets

¨  If it’s serious and personal, act quickly.

THE GREEN- EYED MONSTER

Seethes with envy

ANATOMY OF A GREEN-EYED MONSTER

¨  Hurtful
¨  Angry

¨  Competitive

¨  Greedy

¨  Fault- finding

¨  Self- pitying
UNDERSTANDING A GREEN-EYED MONSTER

¨  In many cases, the seeds of envy can be found in

early childhood.
¨  They rear their heads because they feel deprived.

¨  People often envy what is close to them, not what

is distant. (the sin against the brother)

¨  At the center of the psychological struggle for
them is an empty sense that life is passing them
by.
COPING WITH A GREEN-EYED MONSTER

¨  Don’t take envy attacks personally.

¨  Don’t hide your hard work.
¨  Catch Green-eyed monsters succeeding.
¨  Accept a little envy as the price you pay for success.
¨  Take special care if you are a ‘Young Buck”
¨  Shower the people who envy you with prayer.
REMEMBER
Everything else of value is not to be obtained easily.
It must be worked for, studied for, thought for, and,
more than that , must be prayed for.
- Thomas Arnold (1795 - 1842)
 
THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS!
 stress
maria sheila garcia- medina, rgc, rpm, lpt
TRIGGER POINTS
 INSTRUCTION

Name 3 priority stress areas which you find

difficult to handle.
 CAUSES OF TEEN/ YA STRESS

SIGNIFICANT LIFE CHANGES

WORLD EVENTS
ACADEMIC
SOCIAL STRESS

TRAUMATIC EVENTS

FAMILY DISCORD
definition
 Stress

Stress: The human reaction to events in our

environment
“Stress is the non- specific response
of the body to any changes or
demands made upon it.”
– Hans Selye , 1974
SYMPTOMS
 USUAL STRESS SYMPTOMS

Yawning
Talking too fast
Talking too loud
Fiddling
Nail biting
Increased sweating
Drumming fingers
Faster heart rate
Pacing
 Long Term Physical Stress
Symptoms

Insomnia
Change in Appetite
Aches and pains
Frequent colds
Feelings of intense and
long-term tiredness
Prone to illness
BEHAVIOR STRESS SYMPTOMS

These symptoms will have a negative affect on

your performance

By reducing your effectiveness

Making you accident prone
Causing you to be forgetful
Causing you to be very negative
You may neglect your appearance
You may make poor judgments
Causing you to make more mistakes
Increasing your absenteeism
 PERFORMANCE STRESS
SYMPTOMS
You may not make good decisions
Your fine motor skills are affected
You may no longer enjoy your work
Your attention span may be affected
You may have more negative thoughts
Your self confidence will suffer
You may have difficulty concentrating
All of your positive energy is consumed
Stress is not
always a
BAD thing.
Two kinds of Stress
 EUSTRESS
- positive stress
- motivates us to focus our energy
- can be exciting
- improves performance
examples:

starting a job, meeting new clients, making presentations, getting married, having a baby,
holiday preparations
 DISTRESS

- negative stress
-causes anxiety, usually
for a long period of time
- unpleasant
- decreases performance
death of a loved one,
relationships falling apart,
filing for divorce,
unemployment, illness or
injury, legal problems,
bankruptcy
Why do we experience
Distress?
STRESS = Pressure > Resource
BECAUSE WE CARE.
 CAUSES OF STRESS

ACUTE PRESSURE - pressure that only lasts

for a short period of time
 CAUSES OF STRESS

CHRONIC PRESSURE - constant pressure

that persists over an extended period of time and
is caused by everyday stressors
 CAUSES OF STRESS

IMAGINED PRESSURE - subconscious mind

couldn’t distinguish between a real or imagined
event
some considerations
 consideration no. 1

One person’s DISTRESS may

be another person’s
EUSTRESS.
 consideration no. 2

An event that is distressful

at one time may be
eustressful at another and
vice versa.
 consideration no. 3

Human capacities
that are not stressed
will atrophy.
 consideration no. 4

Because of genetic background

and socialization, the duration and
intensity of a stimulus that leads to
distress will vary from person to
person.
KEY: SELF - AWARENESS
 MEASURES

CURATIVE measures

PREVENTIVE measures

STRESS AUDIT
STRESS AUDIT
1. Is what you are doing effective?
Are you a lifelong learner?
3. Do you have the mentality of a junkyard dog ?
Do you focus on the solution or
the problem?
5. Do you like working with people ?
 CURATIVE &
PREVENTIVE MEASURES
REST
 1. Wake up early.
Wake up early.
 PRIOTIZE.

make a list of the things that

we need to accomplish, and
identify those that need to
be done first.

ARAL O WALWAL?
Work fast, work hard, but work smart.
FB? IG? Twi9er? ML?
Eat less but eat right!
PLAY.
Learn to listen.
It is okay to say “NO”.
Don’t be afraid to ask for
help.
Find friends who can make you laugh
Find your FLOW.
Forgive.
Be grateful all the time.
Pray.
Thank you.
MARIA SHEILA GARCIA-MEDINA, RGC,
RPM, LPT

THEORIES OF ROMANTIC LOVE

TEXT

THEORIES OF ROMANTIC LOVE

▸ Zick Rubin’s Theory of Liking vs. Loving

▸ Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
▸ John Lee’s Color Wheel
▸ Robert Zajonc’s Mere Exposure Effect
▸ Matching hypothesis
▸ Caryl Rusbult’s Investment Model
ZICK RUBIN

LIKING VS LOVING
TEXT

RUBIN’S THEORY OF LIKING VS LOVING

▸ 3 Main principles:

▸ Attachment

▸ Caring

▸ Intimacy

▸ (enjoying another person’s presence and enjoying time

with them vs strong desire for intimacy, contact and care
for needs)
ROBERT STERNBERG’S TRIANGULAR
THEORY OF LOVE (2004)
TEXT

ROBERT STERNBERG’S TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE (2004)

Love consists of three components:

1. Intimacy (emotional closeness)
2. Passion (sexual and romantic
attraction)
3. Commitment
TEXT

ROBERT STERNBERG’S TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE (2004)

other combinations:

ROMANTIC LOVE - intimacy + passion without

commitment
TEXT

ROBERT STERNBERG’S TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE

CONSUMMATE LOVE
- ideal form of love for a romantic couple,
which involves all 3 components, but it is
not easy to maintain
TEXT

ROBERT STERNBERG’S TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE

▸ NON- LOVE - absence of three components

(casual interactions)

▸ FRIENDSHIP - intimacy is present

TEXT

ROBERT STERNBERG’S TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE (2004)

COMPANIONATE LOVE -
intimacy + commitment without passion
typical of close friends, and sometimes in
long-term marriages
TEXT

ROBERT STERNBERG’S TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE (2004)

INFATUATED LOVE
- passion only
TEXT

ROBERT STERNBERG’S TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE (2004)

EMPTY LOVE
- involves commitment with no
intimacy or passion,
TEXT

ROBERT STERNBERG’S TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE (2004)

FATUOUS LOVE
- passion + commitment, but no deeper
intimacy
JOHN LEE’S
COLOUR WHEEL
TEXT

JOHN LEE’S COLOR WHEEL

EROS -characterized by idealisation of one’s

partner and strong romantic feelings

LUDUS- characterised by a need for excitement

and view of love as a game
TEXT

▸ STORGE - characterised by stability and

friendship, similar to companionate love

PRAGMA - characterised by practical

considerations, such as looking for a “checklist of
traits”
TEXT

MANIA - involves obsession, jealousy, and

extreme ups and downs
AGAPE - refers to selflessness and
unconditional compassion
ROBERT ZAJONC’S MERE
EXPOSURE EFFECT
TEXT

ROBERT ZAJONC’S MERE EXPOSURE EFFECT

- refers to our tendency to like things that

are familiar to us - those things and people
that we are exposed to most often
PROPINQUITY - one of the main
determinants of interpersonal attraction is
physical proximity
MATCHING
HYPOTHESIS
TEXT

MATCHING HYPOTHESIS

This states that although individuals may prefer

a more attractive person in the abstract, they
end up choosing someone who is close to their
level of attractiveness.
CARYL RUSTBULT’S
INVESTMENT MODEL
TEXT

INVESTMENT MODEL

Caryl Rusbult

Your commitment to your partner depends on 3 main

factors:

1. How invested you are in the relationship ( what

you’ve sacrificed/ costs of leaving the relationship)

2. How much you get out of the relationship

3. whether there are attractive alternatives

TEXT

INVESTMENT MODEL

COMMITMENT =
investment + (rewards-costs)-
attractive alternatives
TEXT

INVESTMENT MODEL

this model helps to explain why people

might stay in abusive or unhappy
relationships