Conflict Resolution

in the workplace

CREATE BETTER WORK CLIMATES AND

MORE FULFILLING RELATIONSHIPS
Conflict
Normal and healthy part of relationships
When mismanaged, can harm relationships
When handled in a respectful and positive way, provides opportunity
for growth
The Fundamentals
of conflict resolution
Fundamentals
Conflict arises from differences.
◦ Values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires

Sometimes these differences may seem trivial to you, but when a confli
ct
triggers strong feelings, a deep personal and relational need is at the cor
e of the problem
◦ a need to feel safe and secure
◦ a need to feel respected and valued
◦ a need for greater closeness and intimacy.
Fundamentals
Recognize the legitimacy of conflicting needs
Be willing to examine them in an environment of compassionate
understanding
This will open pathways to creative problem solving, team building,
improved relationships, and trust
Fundamentals
Successful conflict resolution depends on your ability to:
◦ Manage stress while remaining alert and calm.
◦ Control your emotions and behavior.
◦ Pay attention to the feelings being expressed.
◦ Be aware of and respectful of differences.
Conflict Resolution
Tool Kit
Win-Win Approach
Cooperation
I want to win and I want you to win, too.
Discuss underlying needs
◦ Orange example
◦ Ask probing questions to find out needs

Recognize individual differences

Be open to adapting your position in light of shared information and
attitudes
Attack the problem, not the people
 Creative Response
Turn problems in to possibilities
Attitude colors thoughts
◦ Perfection (winners and losers)
◦ Discovery (winners and learners)
 Empathy
Information
◦ Getting a clear picture

Affirmation
◦ Affirming, acknowledging, exploring the problem

Inflammation
◦ Responding to a complaint or attack on you
Appropriate
When to use “I” statementsAssertiveness
◦ How it is on my side, how I see it, and how I
would like it to be.
◦ You need to let the other person know you are
feeling strongly about the issue
◦ Others often underestimate how hurt or angry or put out
you are, so it’s useful to say exactly what’s going on for you
—making the situation appear neither better nor worse.
Cooperative Power
Responding to resistance from others
◦ Ask open questions to reframe resistance

Find options
Redirect
◦ Move to the positive

Go back to legitimate needs and concerns

 Managing Emotions-Handling
Yourself
•5 questions
• Why am I feeling so
angry/hurt/frightened?
• What do I want to change?
• What do I need in order to let
go of this feeling?
• Whose problem is this, really?
• What is the unspoken
message I infer from the
situation?
• 5 goals
• Aim to avoid the desire
to punish or blame.
• Aim to improve the
situation.
• Aim to communicate
your feelings
appropriately.
• Aim to improve the
relationship and increase
communication.
• Aim to avoid repeating
the same situation.
 Managing Emotions-Handling
Others
People’s behavior occurs for a purpose. They are looking for ways
to belong, feel significant, and self-protect.
◦ Avoid attention-seeking behaviors.
◦ Disengage from the struggle for power.
◦ Convince them that you respect their needs.
◦ Encourage any positive attempt, no matter how small.
Negotiation
Be hard on the problem and soft on the person.
Focus on needs, not positions.
Emphasize common ground.
Be inventive about options.
Make clear agreements.
Where possible prepare in advance.
Mediation
These attitudes are relevant when you are advising a conflict that is not
your own.
◦ Be objective and supportive
◦ No judging
◦ Steer the process, not the content
◦ Win/win

This may be an informal chat with both conflicting people or a formally

organized mediation session.
Broadening Perspectives
Respect and value differences.
Recognize a long term timeframe.
Assume a global perspective.
Deal with resistance to the broader perspective.
Be open to the idea of changing and risk-taking.
Responses to conflict
Unhealthy Responses
Inability to recognize and respond to matters of great importance to the
other person.
Explosive, angry, hurtful, and resentful reactions.
Withdrawal, resulting in rejection, isolation, shaming, and fear of
abandonment.
Expectation of bad outcomes.
Fear and avoidance of conflict.
Healthy Responses
The capacity to recognize and respond to important matters
A readiness to forgive and forget.
The ability to seek compromise and avoid punishing.
A belief that resolution can support the interests and needs of both
parties.
Four Key Conflict Resolution
Skills
1. Quickly relieve stress.
2. Recognize and manage your emotions.
3. Improve your nonverbal communication skills.
4. Use humor and play to deal with challenges.
Quick tips
for conflict resolution
tips
Make the relationship your priority.
Focus on the present.
Pick your battles.
Be willing to forgive.
Know when to let something go.
Tips
Fair fighting: Ground rules
◦ Remain calm.
◦ Express feelings in words, not actions.
◦ Be specific about what is bothering you.
◦ Deal with only one issue at a time.
◦ No “hitting below the belt.”
◦ Avoid accusations.
◦ Don’t generalize.
◦ Avoid “make believe.”
◦ Don’t stockpile.
◦ Avoid clamming up.
Learn How to Listen
Tips to be a better listener
◦ Listen to the reasons the other person gives for being upset.
◦ Make sure you understand what the other person is telling you—from his
point of view.
◦ Repeat what the person said in your own words, and ask if you have
understood correctly.
◦ Ask if anything remains unspoken, giving the person time to think before
answering.
◦ Resist the temptation to interject you own point of view until the other
person has said everything he or she wants to say and feels that you have
listened to and understood his or her message.
Active Listening
Encourage the other person to share his or her issues as fully as
possible.
Clarify the real issues, rather than making assumptions.
Restate what you have heard.
Reflect feelings.
Validate the concerns of the other person.
References
Conflict Resolution Network http://www.crnhq.org
The Counseling and Mental Health Center at The University of Texas at
Austin, University of Wisconsin, Madison
http://www.edcc.edu/counseling/documents/conflict.pdf