Conflict Resolution

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Conflict defined

Essence of conflict is Difference

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• We all experience conflict every day, with family or friends; co-
workers or customers
• Since conflict will occur, what is important is how we
understand, resolve and learn from it
• A conflict is not a battle, there does not have to be a loser
• There are techniques than can be used to work through a
conflict successfully so everyone is a winner
• Focus must remain on personal safety and professionalism

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Why Conflict Resolution?
To;
•Understand the effect conflict has on you.
•Recognise when it is appropriate to communicate with an angry person using a range of
techniques
•Understand how to diffuse negative encounters and make a positive out of a negative
•Learn how to speak with others about uncomfortable or potentially “hot topics” and
maintain a professional approach
•Understand the motivators to violence and understand how and why colleagues become
angry
•Recognise when it is no longer safe to communicate and the only safe response is to walk
away
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 Mirror Mirror…On the wall…
People are mirrors. Our response to others is often dictated
by how they approach us.
• How do you approach others?
• Do you respect other people’s opinions?
• What makes you angry?
• What are the warning signs of your anger?
• What do you do… do you walk away or do you take a moment or do
you explain that you need to continue the discussion later, or do
you agree with the other person and “give in”?

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Clues – agitation and aggression
Do you recognise when someone is becoming irritated
Some clues
• Voice changes pitch
• Skin tone flushes or goes pale
• Breathing rate changes
• Tense body posture
• Eye contact changes – either more direct
and challenging or avoiding eye contact
completely

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TYPES OF CONFLICT
• Intrapersonal Conflicts - Conflicts within one’s self.
• Interpersonal Conflicts: Conflicts between two or more people that
are caused by personal factors.
• Intragroup Conflict – Conflict between people within the group.
• Intergroup Conflict – Conflict between people outside the group

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What do people do?
Five basic ways of addressing conflict
• Avoidance
• Collaboration
• Compromise
• Competition
• Accommodation

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Avoidance
People who avoid conflict are generally
unassertive and uncooperative.

• Avoid the conflict entirely or delay their

response instead of voicing concerns
• Can create some space in an emotional
environment
• Not a good long-term strategy
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Collaboration
Collaborators are both assertive and cooperative.

• Assert own views while also listening to other views and

welcoming differences
• Seek a “win-win” outcome
• Identify underlying concerns of a conflict
• Create room for multiple ideas
• Requires time and effort from both parties

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Compromise
Compromisers are moderately assertive and moderately
cooperative.

• Try to find fast, mutually acceptable solutions to conflicts

that partially satisfy both parties
• Results in a “lose-lose” approach
• Appropriate temporary solution
• Considered an easy way out when you need more time to
collaborate to find a better solution

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 Competition
People who approach conflict in a competitive way assert themselves
and do not cooperate while pursuing their own concerns at another’s
expense.

• Takes on a “win-lose” approach where one person wins and one

person loses
• Does not rely on cooperation with the other party to reach outcome
• May be appropriate for emergencies when time is important

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Accommodation
People who accommodate are unassertive and
very cooperative.

• Give in during a conflict

• Acknowledge they made a mistake/decide it
was no big deal
• Put relationships first, ignore issues, and try to
keep peace at any price
• Effective when the other person or party has a
better plan or solution 13
Which one is best?
There is no BEST way to handle conflict. Each conflict is different and
requires a different response.

As a society, we teach:
“Two heads are better than one.” (Collaborating)
“Kill your enemies with kindness.” (Accommodating)
“Split the difference.” (Compromising)
“Leave well enough alone.” (Avoiding)
“Might makes right.” (Competing)
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Tool box :tools and techniques
Empathy
• Walk a mile in the other person’s shoes
(figuratively speaking)

Active listening
• Use good eye contact, body posture, nodding and
acknowledgement when someone is talking to
you
• Summarise and paraphrase what you hear and
repeat it back without changing language styles
to make sure you are on the same page and
understand what has been said

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Do…. Empathize with them
• The focus of your listening is to understand the other party – for you to “get it”

• Work to let them know what it is you “got”

• Use communication skills such as – paraphrasing and summarising

• Use the same sorts of words they

are using (not the expletives)

• Check your understanding

• Acknowledge what has been said

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Do…. Listen
• This is not the easiest thing to do, especially on those occasions when you are bursting
to give someone a piece of your mind!
• Work to show that you are focused on understanding the other person’s point of view.
• Focus on the words you choose, your tone
of voice, your hand movements and
body language
• Always show respect
• No matter how much you disagree with
someone – your challenge is with the subject,
context, circumstance or argument NOT
with the person
Consider
• How does it affect you, when you do not feel you are being listened to…someone
stands over you…raises their voice….speaks over you….wags their finger at you….tells
you off? 17
 Do….Take your time
• The only person you can control is you

• If you start to get angry take a break to reduce

your emotional level and give
you a chance to think about how to handle the
situation

• Ask questions and keep an open mind

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Do….Explain with care
• How can you do this when your point of view is very different from theirs?
• Use “I” statements rather than “you” statements
• Instead of “you don’t know what you’re talking about” try “I’d like to
explain my perspective to you”
• Blaming and judging people is not helpful and will not effectively find a
solution
• Avoid discussing attitudes and personalities

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And Finally….
• Accept the situation
• Conflict cannot always be avoided
• Not all conflict is negative

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And Finally…. Conflict cannot always be solved or
avoided
The Swiss psychologist Carl Jung
once wrote that
“the greatest and most important
problems of life are all
fundamentally insoluble. They can
never be solved but only
outgrown”

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 • We all experience conflict every day

What did we learn? • Approaches to Conflict Resolution include;

• Avoidance
• Collaboration
• Compromise
• Competition
• Accommodation
• Win Win solutions build relationships and aid
solutions
• Conflict is not mathematics
• There is not always a solution waiting to be found
• If there is a solution – it is very unlikely to be the
only one

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