Improving Self-

esteem
Self-esteem can be define as
a positive feeling and
respect for oneself. It is
essentially a measure of
self-worth and importance.
Self-esteem is an important part of the
personality that has been shaped from
very early years. During childhood, if an
individual’s feelings are respected,
thoughts valued, and abilities
recognized, the child’s self-esteem gets
strengthened.
 When feelings are trampled upon
( “ I don’t care about what you
think/want” ), thoughts belittled ( “
What a lousy idea” ), and abilities
criticized ( “ You can never do
anything correctly” ), the child’s
self-esteem remains at a low point of
development and is therefore weak.
During the course of time, an individual
faces many life situations. Depending
upon the success or failure and one’s
reaction to every significant situation in
life, self-esteem either grows stronger or
gets considerably weakened.
An individual with a strong self-
esteem is able to act towards
others in non-threatening ways,
build healthy relationships and
finds himself successful. He is
confident, dynamic, appreciative,
achievement oriented, contented
and open to change.
 An individual with a weak self-esteem
has a negative self-image and poor
self-concept. These come in the his way
of his ability to build relationships,
and to be successful. He is Critical,
self-centered, cynical and diffident.
 Some individuals who have a low
self-esteem, may try to project
themselves as persons with adequate
self-esteem. These individuals
usually talk in superlatives, are over-
confident and make unrealistic
statements.
A person who has a
low self-esteem,
manifests itself in
the following ways:
 Self-centered
The individual gives importance only to
his own feelings, likes and dislikes. He is
not willing to consider the feelings and
needs of others. This self-centeredness
alienates him from others.
 Critical
This person makes critical judgments
about others’ behavior in order to cover
up his own mistakes. Nothing seems to
satisfy his expectations and minor slips
are singled out for severe condemnation.
 Cynical
This person firmly believes that everyone is unjust; he is ready
to believe the worst of others. He carries a huge load of past
resentments based on real or imagined injustices. He
misinterprets others’ thoughts and actions and makes himself
and others miserable.
 Diffident
This person starts thinking that nobody
cares about him. He suffers from feelings of
self-doubt and insecurity. He sees even small
failures as proof of his inadequacy. Even if
he has abilities, he fails to utilize them
because he is convinced that he will fail.
Guidelines to improve the self-
esteem
Developing a strong self-esteem is of crucial
importance for weakened self-esteemed
person. He should be reassured that self-
esteem is a quality that can be strengthened
at any point in his lifetime.
Give positive strokes
generously
 Appreciation through words, facial
expressions and gestures are termed
positive strokes. Positive strokes help
increase self-esteem of both the recipient
and giver. Giving positive strokes is a
healthy exercise and calls for recognition
of worth in other people.
When a person treats other people with
dignity, respect and love, his own self-
esteem automatically grows stronger. It
helps him learn to recognize merits in
the actions of people around and
express appreciation explicitly.
 Muthu’s son had won a prize in a
drawing pompetition. Muthu took
great pride in relating this to all his
colleagues the very next day.
Suprisingly, he did not say a word of
appreciation to is son.
Mathu felt proud about his son. But
never voiced his feelings openly to
him. A positive atke expressed
explicitly and directly, surely helps
to strengthen the relationship and
build self-esteem.
Avoid plastic
strokes
 Compliments which are excessive or not
genuine, can be referred to as, “plastic
stroke”. Like counterfeit money, which has
no market value, fabricated compliments
do nothing to improve the self-esteem of
giver or the receiver. This dishonest
‘underhand exercise’ harms the giver as he
loses the ability to pay honest compliments.
Receive positive
strokes
gracefully
A person should be tought to receive
positive strokes with grace. Many
people feel uncomfortable while
receiving positive strokes. Refusal to
accept them, is a serious drawback
in character that discounts feelings
of self-worth.
 Positive strokes are necessary for us to
maintain a strong self-esteem. The are as
necessary as water is for the plants.
Positive strokes are extremely vital for
emotional wellbeing. Positive strokes are
invaluable gifts given to us in recognition
of our worth. They need to be treated as
such and accepted gracefully. Refusal to
accept them, is as ludicrous as throwing
 Kumar’s manager said, “ you have
done an excellent job of the
brochure”. Kumar responded
saying, “ well frankly speaking, I am
not totally satisfied with the
outcome. I feel I could have
improved upon the cover page. I
hope that the Chairman will like it”.
 Kumar could have been more
gracious in receiving the
compliment by saying …
“ Thank you for your
encouragement, sir. I am happy
that the extra efforts I had put in
have proved valuable.
 In the above example, positive
strokes have been examined with
suspicion and found to be wanting.
Such as approach prevents a person
from utilizing these positive strokes
towards the development of a
healthy personality.
 Even a person with strong self-
esteem may experience periods of
uncertainty. During such moments,
sharing one’s feelings with someone
who is empathetic and
compassionate will help in
strengthening self-esteem.