Stepping Stones To Success

Stepping Stones to Success
Copyright 2010

Published in the United States by
INSIGHT PUBLISHING
Scvicrvillc, Tcnncsscc www.insighLpublishing.com
ISBN 978-1-60013-537-8

Covcr Dcsign: Fmmy ShubcrL
InLcrior FormaL & Dcsign: Chris OLL

All rights rcscrvcd. No parL o Lhis book may bc
rcproduccd in any orm or by any mcans wiLhouL prior
wriLLcn pcrmission rom Lhc publishcr cxccpL or bric
quoLaLions cmbodicd in criLical cssay, arLiclc or rcvicw.
Thcsc arLiclcs and/or rcvicws musL sLaLc Lhc corrccL title
and conLribuLing auLhors o Lhis book by namc.

Disclaimer: This book is a compilaLion o idcas rom
numcrous cxpcrLs who havc cach conLribuLcd a chapLcr.
As such, Lhc vicws cxprcsscd in cach chapLcr arc o
Lhosc who wcrc inLcrvicwcd and noL ncccssarily o Lhc
inLcrvicwcr, InsighL Publishing or Lhc oLhcr
conLribuLing auLhors.
!

A Message from the Publisher
Thcrc arc many Lhings I'vc comc Lo undcrsLand LhroughouL Lhc many ycars I
have been in this business. I'vc lcarncd LhaL its never too late to grow and
lcarn, Lo changc coursc, to cxpand pcrspccLivcs, and Lo admiL I don'L know
cvcryLhing.
Bccausc I know iL's imporLanL Lo lcarn rom Lhc cxpcricncc o oLhcrs, I
rcachcd ouL Lo many cxpcrLs whcn puLLing Lhis book projccL LogcLhcr and I
gaincd somc valuablc inormaLion rom Lhcm. Thc pcoplc I Lalkcd wiLh havc
prcscnLcd somc insighLs LhaL will cxpand your horizons and makc you rcalizc
LhaL you can bc Lhc kcy Lo your own succcss.
This book, Stepping Stones to Success, is your goldcn opporLuniLy Lo proit
rom Lhc knowlcdgc o oLhcrs. IL will givc you Lhc acLs you nccd Lo makc
imporLanL dccisions abouL your uLurc.
InLcrvicwing Lhcsc ascinaLing pcoplc was a uniquc lcarning cxpcricncc or
mc. And I assurc you LhaL rcading Lhis book will bc an cxccpLional lcarning
cxpcricncc or you.

David Wright

Thc inLcrvicws prcscnLcd in
arc conducLcd by David WrighL,
PrcsidcnL and Foundcr o
InLcrnaLional Spcakcrs NcLwork
and InsighL Publishing.

Table of Contents

THE INTERVIEWS
Using Your InhcriL Powcr as a SLcpping SLonc Lo Succcss
By Lu Vorise Dahlman 1

Ovcrcoming AnxicLy on Your 3ourncy Lo Succcss
By JoAnna Cameron ...13

Find a McnLor and Bclicvc in Your Drcams
By Jack Canfield ...35

Social Mcdia and Reputation ManagcmcnL
By Shellee Hale ....51

Building Principlcs or Succcss
By Tifphanie Tucker ....65

Why You arc Lhc MasLcr o Your FaLc:
A Formula Lo Hclp You Changc Your World
By Earl Davis.....75

Surrcndcr AcLivaLcs Miraclcs:
How Lo Bcricnd Lhc Unknown and Walk Lhc BrighLly IiL PaLh o Your Soul
By Saskia Rell......95

Discovcr Your Inncr Rcsourcc
By Dr. Deepak Chopra......117

SccrcLs o HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL
By Paula Eder......129

Social Mcdia and Scl-FmpowcrmcnL Tools or Succcss
By Kathy Perry...145

CluLLcr From Lhc Insidc OuL
By Sallie Felton...163

Succcssully Dcaling wiLh MulLiplc CcncraLions
By John Morrissey.....179

Iic Balancc: Small SLcps will gcL You Thcrc
By Indrani Goradia......195

FnlighLcncd Iiving
By Rick Miller......205

Iivc up Lo your PoLcnLial
By Lyn Jeffress....227

Dcvclop a Disciplincd Iic
By Dr. Denis Waitley....239

So you wanL Lo bc a Procssional Spcakcr, Now whaL`
By Linda Meeuwenberg.....255

Thc ArL o MasLcry: Inspiring Fxccllcncc in Work and Iic
By Nancy Noonan.....267

Happincss: Thc SubjccL FducaLors Ovcrlookcd
By JoAnne Veeck...287

DIRECTORY......307

1

C HA P T E R O NE
Using Your InhcrcnL Powcr
as a SLcpping SLonc Lo Succcss
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Lu Vorise Dahlman
DAVID WRIGHT (WRIGHT)
Today wc'rc Lalking wiLh Iu Vorisc Dahlman. Ms. Dahlman is Foundcr and
PrcsidcnL o Lhc IVD group whcrc shc coachcs and rccruiLs individuals and groups
wiLh crcaLivc and cmpowcring Lcchniqucs, which is rarc in corporaLc Amcrica. Shc
is an out-o-the-box Lhinkcr who cncouragcs oLhcrs Lo look dccply wiLhin Lo
discovcr Lhcir inncr LalcnLs and corc sLrcngLhs. Hcr capLivaLing inLcracLions lcavc
individuals and groups highly moLivaLcd wiLh a rcncwcd mind and ocuscd vision.
Shc has a conLagious cncrgy LhaL draws ouL Lhc bcsL in hcr clicnLs.
Ms. Dahlman, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

LU VORISE DAHLMAN (DAHLMAN)
Thank you, I'm glad Lo bc hcrc.

2

WRIGHT
How would you dcinc your inncr sLrcngLh as iL rclaLcs Lo dcaling wiLh
advcrsiLy`

DAHLMAN
My inncr sLrcngLh is Lhc cLhos and csscncc o my spiriL LhaL brings orLh Lhc
rcsilicncy in my bcing whcn all Lhc circumsLanccs o a siLuaLion say Civc Up."
Thcsc arc Limcs whcn I so dcspcraLcly wanL Lo givc up on lic and my pcrsonal and
procssional goals bccausc cvcryLhing LhaL can go wrong has gonc wrong. 3usL
whcn I Lhink I can'L go on, Lhcrc is Lhc I am aL Lhc corc o my bcing LhaL says, Ycs
you canyou'rc biggcr Lhan Lhcsc circumsLanccs! CcL up and gcL moving!"

WRIGHT
Would you sharc wiLh our rcadcrs somc challcngcs you havc had and whcrc
your inncr sLrcngLh playcd a major rolc in carrying you Lhrough Lough
circumsLanccs`

DAHLMAN
In 200l, I was in Lhc proccss o building my drcam homc whcn I losL my job. I
wcnL rom six igurcs Lo zcro in iLccn minuLcs and was wondcring whaL jusL
happcncd. I had rcccnLly sold my currcnL rcsidcncc and had liLcrally handcd ovcr
Lhc kcys Lo Lhc ncw buycr. I was duc Lo closc Lhc ncxL wcck on Lhc ncw housc, only
to gcL back Lo my oicc and ind ouL LhaL my cnLirc sLa and I had bccn laid o!
IL was absoluLcly dcvasLaLing Lo mc bccausc I had puL down a largc sum o
moncy. Thc moncy was cvcnLually orciLcd duc Lo my noL bcing ablc Lo mccL Lhc
conLracL obligaLions Lo closc on Lhc purchasc o Lhc ncw homc. I no longcr
qualiicd or Lhc loan bccausc I had bccomc uncmploycd. I could noL gcL my
prcvious homc back, bccausc I had jusL closcd on Lhc salc. So, I wcnL rom a
bcauLiul, spacious homc Lo living in a scvcn-hundred-square-ooL aparLmcnL. I
had Lo kccp Lhc majoriLy o my pcrsonal urnishings and cloLhcs in a sLoragc lockcr
or Lwo ycars. IL was likc bcing a homclcss vagabond. I wcnL Lhrough monLhs o
Lu Vorise Dahlman

3

dcprcssion and somc days couldn'L cvcn gcL ouL o bcd. I gucss you could say I had
also complcLcly losL my aiLh in Cod.
During Lhis Limc, my moLhcr was my pillar o sLrcngLh. I rcmcmbcr calling hcr
crying and ccling sorry or myscl whcn shc said Lo mc, I LaughL you bcLLcr and
whcn did you sLarL cquaLing your scl-worLh wiLh maLcrial posscssions` Whcn did
my daughLcr bccomc a maLcrialisLic girl` Cod docsn'L cquaLc your scl-worLh wiLh
dcgrccs and maLcrialism so, why do you`"
WhaL I rcalizcd during Lhis cxpcricncc, and in Lhc LhoughL-provoking qucsLions
my moLhcr askcd mc, is LhaL I had madc Lhc maLcrial world my sourcc insLcad o
rclying on my Cod spiriL, which is my highcr powcr. FvcryLhing LhaL my moLhcr
had cvcr LaughL mc abouL bclicving in myscl, knowing who I am, and owning my
inhcrcnL powcr has givcn mc Lhc inncr sLrcngLh Lo gcL up and gcL moving whcn I
didn'L Lhink I had Lhc abiliLy Lo do so. ThaL's Lhc rcsilicncy o LhaL inncr sLrcngLh
LhaL movcs wiLhin all o us, i wc allow iL, and knowing wc arc Lhc crcaLors o our
world and noL our circumsLanccs.

WRIGHT
So whaL arc your corc valucs and do you bclicvc Lhcy playcd a rolc in shaping
your dcmcanor whcn going Lhrough dcvasLaLing circumsLanccs`

DAHLMAN
AbsoluLcly. And Lhis is whaL I will sharc wiLh you: I bclicvc rom a socializaLion
poinL wc havc Lhosc should havc" valucs LhaL arc passcd on rom our parcnLs and
socicLy. Howcvcr, as wc go ouL inLo Lhc world, grow, and maLurc, wc dcvclop our
own scL o valucs bascd upon our lic cxpcricnccs LhaL rcally shapc who wc arc as a
pcrson and inlucncc Lhc dccisions wc makc in our lic.
For insLancc, my corc valucs arc: SpiriLualiLy, AuLhcnLiciLy, DivcrsiLy o
ThoughL, and Frccdom o Choicc. Thcsc valucs arc insLillcd wiLhin mc and kccp mc
moving. Whcn advcrsc circumsLanccs sccm Lo indicaLc LhaL I can'L makc a
siLuaLion happcn, Lhc inncr spiriL LhaL cncompasscs Lhcsc valucs wiLhin mc says,
Oh, ycs I can and I will makc iL happcn." Your valucs givc you dirccLion and ocus.

4

WRIGHT
So whaL would you likc Lo sharc wiLh Lhosc around you who arc going Lhrough
somc challcnging circumsLanccs, Lo gcL Lhcm Lhrough`

DAHLMAN
I would Lcll Lhcm LhaL wc all havc prospcrous and dry scasons in lic and wc
musL rccognizc Lhc scason wc arc in and Lakc advanLagc o iL. In good scasons,
savor whaL you havc and makc Lhc mosL o all your opporLuniLics wiLh wisdom.
Doing so will makc Lhc dry scasons morc Lolcrablc.
I would also sharc wiLh Lhcm LhaL Lhcrc is no such Lhing as a normal lic"
Lhcrc is jusL lic. Wc livc in an cvcr-changing world and noLhing is sLaLic.

WRIGHT
In your corc valucs, you mcnLioncd auLhcnLiciLy. WhaL docs LhaL mcan in your
lic`

DAHLMAN
To mc, auLhcnLiciLy is bcing Lruc Lo yourscl and undcrsLanding who you arc as
a personyour corc sLrcngLh, your bclics, and your valuc sysLcms. Thcsc arc whaL
makc you uniqucly you. As much as I'd likc Lo bc Hallc Bcrry, I'm noLI'm Iu
Vorisc Dahlman. I havc my own uniquc innaLc abiliLics LhaL wcrc givcn Lo mc rom
birLh and bascd upon Lhcsc giLs, I was crcaLcd Lo ill a placc LhaL only I can ill and
no oLhcr. Wc as individuals nccd Lo own our own inhcrcnL powcr and noL lcL Lhc
world's pcrccpLion o us bccomc our rcaliLy. You musL Think as Lhough you arc
and you shall bc." Thcrc is ncvcr a nccd Lo compcLc, only Lo crcaLc. Your uniquc
LalcnLs arc Lhc sourcc o your auLhcnLiciLy.

WRIGHT
You rccr Lo yourscl as a visionary lcadcr. In whaL way arc you a visionary and
do you havc a vision or yourscl`

DAHLMAN
Oh, absoluLcly. My visionary lcadcrship cncompasscs an inLuiLivcncss Lo scc
bcyond jusL whaL is in ronL and back o mc. For cxamplc, I scc Lhc currcnL
Lu Vorise Dahlman

5

dcmographic changcs LhaL arc Laking placc wiLhin Lhc UniLcd SLaLcs and how Lhcy
arc going Lo accL Lhc way LradiLional busincss paradigms will havc Lo changc Lo
sLay markcLablc Lo clicnLs and cvcn Lo rccruiL LalcnL.
Thcrc arc morc womcn cnLrcprcncurs Lhan cvcr bcorc, in parLicular, Arican
Amcrican womcn. Wc currcnLly havc an inlux o immigranLs and
cnLrcprcncurship is Lhc norm or LhcmLhcy arc morc cnLrcprcncurially mindcd.
My visionary leadership also sees a reLurn Lo cnLrcprcncurship or mosL
Amcricans duc Lo Lhc currcnL sLaLc o Lhc cconomy and Lhc collapsc o major
corporaLions. To mc, bcing a visionary lcadcr is sccing Lhc changing Lrcnds and
bcing in sync wiLh Lhc low o Lhcm, howcvcr, nciLhcr in Lhc ronL nor in Lhc back
o Lhcm. My pcrsonal vision is Lo usc my voicc Lo communicaLc, cducaLc, and
inspirc inncr spiriLualiLy, auLhcnLiciLy, divcrsiLy o LhoughL, and rccdom o choicc
or humaniLy Lhrough my sLoryLclling, pocms, and pcrsonal coaching.

WRIGHT
So how imporLanL is iL or individuals Lo havc a vision or Lhcmsclvcs and Lo
undcrsLand Lhcir valucs whcn Lhcy'rc going Lhrough advcrsc circumsLanccs`

DAHLMAN
I will quoLc Dr. Milcs Monroc who said, Whcn you do noL undcrsLand a
purposc o a Lhing, abusc is incviLablc." Abusc" is a Lcrm LhaL is acLually madc up
o Lwo wordsabnormal usc." I a pcrson docs noL undcrsLand who hc or shc is
as a pcrson and whaL his or hcr corc valucs arc, Lhcn abusc is incviLablc.
WhaL Lhis mcans Lo mc is LhaL wc will cngagc in acLiviLics and makc dccisions
LhaL arc noL in alignmcnL wiLh our vision and valucs, doing Lhis Lakcs us urLhcr
away rom whcrc wc wanL Lo go. Wc all should havc a vision and a lcxiblc plan as
Lo whcrc wc would likc Lo go and how Lo gcL Lhcrc.
For cxamplc, i I wanL Lo gcL Lo A, will Lhc currcnL acLiviLics I'm doing and Lhc
dccisions I'm making gcL mc Lhcrc` Or will my dccisions and acLiviLics Lakc mc
urLhcr away rom my goal o rcaching A` I my dccisions and acLiviLics don'L align
wiLh whcrc I wanL Lo go and wiLh Lhc vision I havc, Lhcn I won'L makc iL. Howcvcr,
i Lhc acLiviLics and dccisions gcL mc closcr Lo my goal o A and aligns wiLh whcrc I

6

wanL Lo go in my lic, Lhcn I musL makc Lhosc dccisions and do Lhosc acLiviLics LhaL
will Lakc mc Lhcrc.
From a busincss pcrspccLivc o having a vision, I likc Lo usc Lhc cxamplc o Cap
Inc. Thc corporaLion's original vision or Lhcir cloLhing linc had bccn builL around
khaki panLs, whiLc shirLs, and bluc jcans producLs. Thcy losL sighL o Lhcir original
vision and sLarLcd carrying oLhcr producL lincs, Lhcy almosL wcnL brokc unLil Lhcy
wcnL back Lo Lhc original vision and purposc or Lhcir busincss.
WhcLhcr iL is a pcrson or corporaLion, wc all should havc a vision and a lcxiblc
plan Lo gcL us Lhcrc.

WRIGHT
You know, somcbody Lold mc a long Limc ago i you'rc walking down Lhc road
and you scc a LurLlc siLLing on Lop o a cncc posL, you can bclicvc hc didn'L gcL up
Lhcrc by himscl.
In Lhis prcscnL day and Limc, who arc Lhc pcoplc you admirc` Will you namc
somc pcoplc who havc had an inlucncc and hclpcd you in your lic`

DAHLMAN
I would say irsL o all my moLhcr, AlbcrLa 3ohnson, has had a proound
inlucncc on my lic. Shc was so wisc, wiLLy, and smarL.
Thc sccond pcrson whom I adorc Lrcmcndously is Maya Angclou. Maya
Angclou spcaks rom Lhc hcarL in LhaL Lruc csscncc o aiLh, couragc, and wisdom
in knowing who you arc in your own inhcrcnL powcr. I absoluLcly lovc hcr or LhaL.
Thc Lhird pcrson is Condolcczza Ricc. I admirc hcr or hcr sLraLcgic acumcn and
shccr inLclligcncc.

WRIGHT
Sound likc Lhrcc good oncs.
I know you'vc bccn inLcrvicwcd a loL LhroughouL your carccr and I was
wondcring, whaL's Lhc worsL qucsLion you'vc cvcr bccn askcd`

Lu Vorise Dahlman

7

DAHLMAN
Having a human rcsourccs background, I can Lcll you LhaL onc o Lhc worsL
qucsLions inLcrvicwcrs ask is: whcrc do you scc yourscl in ivc ycars` Why puL a
Limc limiL on yourscl` ALcr all, hal a sccond can changc your lic and wc all know
LhaL licpcrsonal or procssionalis noL sLaLic. A bcLLcr qucsLion would bc, whaL
is Lhc vision you havc or yourscl in ulilling your currcnL rolc and how docs iL
rclaLc Lo your cnvironmcnL` This qucsLion is bcLLcr in my opinion bccausc iL
allows Lhc spacc Lo spcak Lo Lhc vision LhaL a pcrson would likc Lo crcate and have
Lo livc bcyond Lhcmsclvcs.

WRIGHT
IV, I know you'rc a big advocaLc or womcn, whaL advicc would you givc Lo
womcn sLruggling Lo ind Lhcmsclvcs and Lhcir inncr sLrcngLh, whcLhcr iL's in a
job, rclaLionship, or cnLrcprcncurism`

DAHLMAN
WhaL I would say Lo womcn sLruggling wiLh a job, a rclaLionship, or in
cnLrcprcncurism, is Lo ind and own your inhcrcnL powcr. Know who you arc and
whcrc you arc going and makc dccisions bascd upon your vision and valucs. I also
ask LhaL Lhcy sLand up or whaL Lhcy bclicvc. Thc mosL imporLanL Lhing or a
woman is Lo lisLcn Lo Lhc sLill small inLuiLivc voicc insidc o hcr and ollow
Lhrough. InLuiLivcly, wc all know whaL Lo do, Lhc problcm is jusL doing iL.

WRIGHT
WhaL arc a couplc o your avoriLc quoLcs and would you Lcll our rcadcrs why`

DAHLMAN
I'm going Lo havc Lo go back Lo Maya Angclou who said, Whcn pcoplc show
you who Lhcy arc, bclicvc Lhcm Lhc irsL Limc." Pcoplc makc known who Lhcy arc
by Lhcir bchavior. IL all gocs back Lo knowing your voicc, knowing who you arc, and
LrusLing your insLincLs, cspccially whcn iL comcs Lo inLcracLing wiLh oLhcr pcoplc.
My sccond avoriLc quoLc is: Powcr movcs buL is ncvcr movcd." This is bccausc
powcr is inhcrcnL and implicd whcn you undcrsLand iL. And Lhcrc is no greater

8

powcr Lhan inhcrcnL powcr, which is your pcrsonal powcr as Lhc uniquc bcing you
arc. Whcn you know your powcr, you can movc buL noL bc movcd.

WRIGHT
So whaL words o cncouragcmcnL would you lcavc or Lhosc sLruggling Lhrough
Lough Limcs`

DAHLMAN
FirsL o all, I would Lcll Lhcm Lo own Lhcir own inhcrcnL powcr and know LhaL
Lhcy arc whcrc Lhcy arc supposcd Lo bc aL any givcn Limc bascd upon Lhc dccisions
Lhcy havc madc in Lhc pasL and prcscnL. You can only dcmonsLraLc whcrc you arc
mcnLallyyou can'L Lhink onc Lhing and producc anoLhcr.
Thc kcy is Lo undcrsLand who you arc and whcrc you wanL Lo go. You havc Lo
sLay ocuscd. I'm noL saying LhaL Lhcrc will noL bc challcngcs. AL Limcs you mighL
havc Lo adapL and changc your approach, howcvcr, you havc Lo sLay ocuscd,
whcLhcr iL's pursuing Lhc prcsidcncy and/or bcing Lhc bcsL moLhcr in Lhc world.

WRIGHT
WiLh your job Lhcrc aL IVD Croup, you coach and rccruiL individuals. You also
coach groups wiLh your cmpowcring Lcchniqucs. WhaL is iL LhaL you do or Lhcm`
Arc you availablc or Lhcm all Lhc Limc` Do you go Lo Lhcm` 3usL whaL do you do`

DAHLMAN
IL is rcally bascd upon my clicnLs' nccds. I Lhcy would likc Lo do onc-on-one, or
acc-to-acc, I'm availablc Lo accommodaLc Lhcm. Thc coaching scssions can bc via
phonc concrcncc, cybcr-coaching, or in pcrson.

WRIGHT
And you hclp Lhcm makc dccisions`

DAHLMAN
As a coach, I bclicvc LhaL clicnLs havc Lhc answcrs wiLhin Lhcmsclvcs. My
mission is Lo kccp clicnLs ocuscd on rcaching Lhcir vision and goals by asking
thought-provoking qucsLions and holding Lhcm accounLablc or doing whaL Lhcy
Lu Vorise Dahlman

9

say Lhcy'rc going Lo do. I by cngaging in Lhcsc acLiviLics wiLh my clicnLs I assisL
Lhcm in making dccisions, Lhcn I supposc I do hclp Lhcm makc dccisions.
UlLimaLcly, howcvcr, Lhcir dccisions arc Lhcir own.

WRIGHT
WhaL's Lhc mosL diiculL Lhing you havc Lo do` IcL's say you'rc coaching mc
and I'm rcally noL ollowing Lhrough on your advicc. WhaL's Lhc mosL diiculL
Lhing you havc Lo go Lhrough`

DAHLMAN
I Lhink bcing honcsL and saying, Hcy, Mr. [or Ms.] ClicnL, Lhis is whaL you
askcd mc Lo do, Lhis is whaL you hircd mc Lo do, howcvcr, wc'rc doing X, Y, and Z.
So I havc Lo Lcll you righL now LhaL Lhis is noL working. So, how do wc gcL back Lo
bcing ocuscd` My mission is your mission."

WRIGHT
Coaching musL bc Lough.

DAHLMAN
Thosc o us in Lhc procssion know LhaL you can'L mcasurc your succcss or LhaL
o your clicnLs in Lhc coaching rclaLionship i wc do noL scL and managc
cxpccLaLions. As a coach, i you scL and managc a clicnL's cxpccLaLions, Lhcn Lhc
coaching cxpcricncc will noL bc diiculL bccausc boLh parLics undcrsLand Lhc
cxpccLaLions and paramcLcrs o Lhc coaching rclaLionship.

WRIGHT
Wcll, I would bc rcmiss i I didn'L ask you Lhis inal qucsLion. Thc LiLlc o Lhis
book is Stepping Stones to Success, would you dcinc whaL you Lhink succcss is`

DAHLMAN
I Lhink abouL succcss in Lcrms o doing Lhc Lhings LhaL you wanL Lo do and
bcing in alignmcnL wiLh Lhc vision and goals LhaL you scL or yourscl. Truc succcss

10

and ulillmcnL comcs rom bcing whcrc you wanL Lo bc and owning your own
Limc.

WRIGHT
ThaL rcally docs makc scnsc.
I rcally apprcciaLc all Lhis Limc you'vc Lakcn wiLh mc Lhis aLcrnoon Lo answcr
Lhcsc qucsLions. As I LhoughL in Lhc vcry bcginning, i I wcrc onc o your clicnLs I
Lhink I would bc in good hands. I havc rcally lcarncd a loL hcrc Loday abouL
coaching and abouL inncr sLrcngLhs.

DAHLMAN
Clad Lo bc availablc Lo you.

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh Iu Vorisc Dahlman, IV," who is Foundcr and
PrcsidcnL o Lhc IVD Croup. Shc coachcs and rccruiLs individuals and groups wiLh
crcaLivc and cmpowcring Lcchniqucs LhaL, as I Lhink wc'vc ound ouL hcrc Loday,
arc rarc Lo corporaLc Amcrica.
IV, Lhank you so much or bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to Success.

DAHLMAN
Thank you, David.
11

A B O U T T HE A U T HOR
IU VORISF DAHIMAN is Foundcr and PrcsidcnL o Lhc IVD group whcrc shc
coachcs and rccruiLs individuals and groups wiLh crcaLivc and cmpowcring
Lcchniqucs, which is rarc in corporaLc Amcrica. Shc is an out-o-the-box Lhinkcr
who cncouragcs oLhcrs Lo look dccply wiLhin Lo discovcr Lhcir inncr LalcnLs and
corc sLrcngLhs. Hcr capLivaLing inLcracLions lcavc individuals and groups highly
moLivaLcd wiLh a rcncwcd mind and ocuscd vision. Shc has a conLagious
energy LhaL draws ouL Lhc bcsL in hcr clicnLs.

LV DAHLMAN
The LVD Group
0S40 Hcdgc Bcll
McKinncy, TX
072.345.56S3
lvLhclvdgroup.com
www.Lhclvdgroup.com


12

13

C HA P T E R T WO
Ovcrcoming AnxicLy on
Your 3ourncy Lo Succcss
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Joanna Cameron
Today wc arc Lalking wiLh Lhc Fnglish-born, 3oanna Camcron, who has a
docLoraLc in Clinical HypnoLhcrapy and is an insLrucLor o NcuroIinguisLic
Programming (NIP) and hypnosis. Shc is a mcmbcr o Lhc Amcrican Board o
HypnoLhcrapy. Bascd on Lcn ycars o cxpcricncc as a hypnoLhcrapisL in Mclcan,
Virginia, shc will bc shorLly publishing hcr irsL book, Forget Diets, Plant Tomatoes:
A Metaphoric, Hypnotic Journey to Heal Emotional Eating. In Stepping Stones to
Success, Dr. Camcron will ocus on how Lo usc your mind Lo conqucr sLrcss. Shc
bclicvcs in Lhc powcr o Lhc mind Lo hcal Lhc body and Lcachcs changc Lcchniqucs
Lo hcr clicnLs, collcgc sLudcnLs, and corporaLions. As Lhc Trancc Iady," shc
pcrorms as a comic hypnoLisL or high schools, collcgcs, and corporaLions, and
works wiLh Lhc InnovaLors Croup Inc., as a kcynoLc spcakcr. Hcr cncrgy and

14

cnLhusiasm arc communicaLcd Lo cvcry audicncc. Shc looks orward Lo working
wiLh Lhc U.S. Army on upcoming shows in dicrcnL parLs o Lhc world.
Dr. Camcron, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

JOANNA CAMERON (CAMERON)
Wcll, Lhank you.

WRIGHT
WhaL's wrong wiLh anxicLy` Can'L I usc anxicLy as a moLivaLing acLor`

CAMERON
Challcngcs, dcadlincs, and obsLaclcs can indccd moLivaLc you. Howcvcr, anxicLy
is whaL causcs your mind Lo racc, Lo kccp saying: WhaL i`" I you continually
usc anxicLy Lo moLivaLc you, I would suggcsL you ind anoLhcr way. Thc Lroublc
wiLh anxicLy is Lhc baggagc." Slccp problcms, raising your voicc aL a amily
mcmbcr, bingc caLing, drinking, smoking cigarcLLcs, nail-biting, hair-pulling, or
oLhcr unwanLcd habiLs arc all unsucccssul sLraLcgics or dcaling wiLh anxicLy.
Fccling anxious can bc a Lriggcr or an unwanLcd bchavior LhaL lcavcs Lhc sucrcr
ccling worsc, shamcul, and Lhcn rcpcaLing Lhc samc bchavior. AnxicLy is likc a
dog chasing iLs Lail. WhaL arc your sLraLcgics I wondcr` Arc Lhcy succcssul or do
Lhcy makc you aL, drunk, unhcalLhy, ncrvous, and unhappy`
Hcrc's Lhc dcali you arc anxious, you arc noL ocuscd on whaL you wanL.
Succcssul pcoplc havc sLraLcgics or dcaling wiLh anxicLy so Lhcy can ocus on
doing Lhosc Lhings LhaL makc Lhcm happy and succcssul. WhaL you rcally havc in
lic is Lhc prcscnL." Consciously wc'vc labclcd Lhis time. How arc you going Lo
maximizc Lhc usc o your Limc Lo lcad a succcssul, passionaLc, purposc-driven
lic` Unsucccssul sLraLcgics rob you o valuablc Limc.
Thc goal o Lhis chapLcr is Lo hclp you Lo undcrsLand anxicLy, lcL go o
unsucccssul sLraLcgics o dcaling wiLh iL, scL goals or Lhc uLurc, and lcarn how to
bc rcally prcscnL" in your lic. Whcn you arc ully uncLioning in Lhc now, you are
pcaccul, rclaxcd, and living your lic aL iLs ullcsL. Through scl-hypnosis and the
rclcasc o ncgaLivc bclics, anyonc can ovcrcomc anxicLy and conccnLraLc on his or
hcr goals. Scl-hypnosis is noL an cxoLic proccss. Wc all havc Lhc abiliLy Lo do Lhis.
Joanna Cameron
15

WRIGHT
IL sounds likc wc'rc in or an cxciLing and proiLablc journcy. So how docs
anxicLy ccl, and why do wc gcL anxious i iL carrics so much baggagc`

CAMERON
Wcll, lcL mc givc you an cxamplc. IcL's supposc LhaL you arc a Masai warrior in
Lhc ScrcngcLi and you hcar a rusLling ouLsidc your mud huL in Lhc middlc o Lhc
nighL. You can acLually smcll Lhc lion. You grab your spcar. Thc hormoncs,
adrcnalinc, and corLisol sccp Lhrough your body and Lhc blood lows away rom
your sLomach Lo your arms and lcgs. Your hcarL bcaLs asLcr and your brcaLhing
dccpcns. You swcaL! Your pupils dilaLc. Thc momcnL slows. You are ready to
proLccL your amily or run away Lo proLccL yourscl. This is Lhc so callcd ighL-or-
lighL" rcsponsc. IL scrvcd primiLivc man wcll whcn Lhc primary issuc was survival.
Today, howcvcr, Lhc lions arc rcplaccd by compuLcrs LhaL rcczc, Lraic that
comcs Lo a grinding halL, miscrablc bosscs, phonc sysLcms dcvoid o humans, and
all Lhc nuisanccs o cvcryday lic. Thcsc, plus oLhcr modcrn-day aggravaLions kccp
us rcvvcd up and prcparcd or baLLlc."
AnxicLy ccls likc a dripping auccL LhaL nccds ixingan internal grind or an
alarm LhaL won'L Lurn o. Many o my clicnLs do noL rcalizc LhaL Lhcy arc anxious,
and whaL is pcrhaps morc imporLanL is LhaL Lhcy havc a choicc in Lhc maLLcr. Thcy
can ix Lhc auccL, and Lurn o Lhc inLcrnal grind and Lhc alarm. AnxicLy acLually is
a lack o ocus. IL's your own scl Lalk. AnxicLy is a sign LhaL you'rc noL prcscnL in
the now. Whcn you arc prcscnL and ocuscd, anxicLy is gonc. You acLually ccl
ocuscd and rclaxcd.

WRIGHT
So whaL is anxicLy aL Lhc physiological lcvcl o your body`

CAMERON
Okay, your body has a ccnLral ncrvous sysLcm composcd o your brain and
spinal cord (wiLh connccLcd ncrvcs). Wc'vc all had Lhc cxpcricncc o bcing Lappcd
on Lhc kncc in Lhc docLor's oicc, and Lhc kncc movcs upward in an involunLary
ashion. This is a simplc ncrvous connccLion rom Lhc kncc Lo your spinal cord.

16

You havc anoLhcr, slowcr inormaLion sysLcm LhaL LransmiLs cmoLional
inormaLion. This is whaL is looscly callcd Lhc limbic sysLcm," which is composcd
o glands aL Lhc Lop o your spinal cord in Lhc mosL primiLivc parL o your brain.
Thcsc glands includc Lhc amygdala, Lhc hypoLhalamus, Lhc piLuiLary gland, and
scvcral oLhcrs. Whcn you ccl anxious, cmoLional inormaLion is scnL Lo cvcry ccll
in Lhc body by ncrvous sccrcLions, callcd ncuroLransmiLLcrs. All o Lhc cclls in your
body rcccivc Lhis inormaLion.
AnxicLy is noL jusL in your brain, iL's in your gasLroinLcsLinal LracL, your pupils,
and cvcry parL o your body. Whcn Lhc ighL-or-lighL rcsponsc is Lriggcrcd, you
producc dopaminc (along wiLh corLisol and adrcnalinc) LhaL rcvs you up likc a shoL
o cacinc. IL acLivaLcs your sysLcm.
IL may Lhcn Lakc you a whilc Lo calm down as your body changcs ovcr Lo Lhc
producLion o scroLonin (you could say scroLonin is a closc rclaLivc o Sarah Palin,
who is a mood-changcr in hcr own righL! Now, I'm jusL kidding, David!) ScroLonin
rclaxcs you, ocuscs your LhoughLs, lowcrs your blood prcssurc, slows your
brcaLhing, and calms you down. I you havc chronic anxicLy, Lhcn you arc vcry
good aL producing dopaminc and you nccd hclp in manuacLuring scroLonin.
I know whaL you'rc LhinkingWhy don'L I jusL purchasc somc scroLonin ovcr
Lhc counLcr`" Thc answcr is simplc. Your body is much bcLLcr aL rcgulaLing iLs own
ncuroLransmiLLcrs or cmoLional inormaLion. Whcn you Lakc a pill, iL accLs cvcry
ccll in your body. I you cvcr havc Lakcn a pain pill, you havc mcrciully clL rclic
rom Lhc pain buL Lhcn you'rc consLipaLcd. Oh dcar! Kccp rcading bccausc I will
soon Lalk abouL ways Lo Lakc conLrol o anxicLy by Laking conLrol o your mood.
Ycs, you can changc your LhoughLs, producc morc scroLonin, and changc your
mood aL Lhc samc Limc.
In addiLion Lo Lhc ncuroLransmiLLcrs dopaminc and scroLonin produccd by Lhc
hypoLhalamus and amygdala, Lhc piLuiLary gland scnds a mcssagc Lo Lhc adrcnal
glands, which in Lurn rclcasc Lhc hormoncs corLisol and adrcnalinc during Lhc
ighL-or-lighL rcsponsc. BoLh hormoncs mobilizc Lhc body Lo producc glucosc or
sugar, providing nccdcd cncrgy Lo rcsisL Lhc sLrcssor and, in Lhc proccss, sLimulaLc
oLhcr proccsscs LhaL, whcn continually activated, unorLunaLcly accclcraLc aging o
Lhc body and accumulaLion o body aL in Lhc sLomach arca. ConLinucd producLion
Joanna Cameron
17

o corLisol wcakcns Lhc adrcnal glandsLhcy basically run ouL o gas." Thc
unorLunaLc pcrson will cxpcricncc sympLoms o chronic anxicLy.
Thc problcm is noL Lhc rcsponsc o Lhc bodyLhc problcm is how Lo Lurn o
Lhc pcrccpLion o sLrcss. I dcinc sLrcss" as Lhc clcmcnLs ouLsidc o your body and
anxicLy as Lhosc proccsscs wiLhin your body. Thc good ncws is LhaL wc havc a
choicc wiLh sLrcss. WhaL onc pcrson dcincs as sLrcssul is waLcr o a duck's back"
Lo anoLhcr. How do wc Lurn o Lhc Lap` How do wc rcscL Lhc sLrcss buLLon so wc
can producc scroLonin and ccl rclaxcd`

WRIGHT
So whaL arc Lhc sympLoms o chronic anxicLy`

CAMERON
IcL's sLarL wiLh bclly aL. Thosc aL bcllics arc acLually sLorcs o aL in Lhc livcr
LhaL prcvcnL Lhc livcr rom rcmoving insulin. So, insulin lcvcls risc, causing hcarL
aLLacks, incrcascd possibiliLy o sLrokc, morc abdominal obcsiLy, and cvcnLually
diabcLcs.
PcrsisLcnL hcadachcs, musclc Lcnsion, hcarL palpiLaLions, hoL lashcs,
jumpincss, irriLabiliLy, Lcarulncss, and insomnia arc likcly sympLoms o chronic
anxicLy. Thc laLLcr can Lriggcr irraLional cars, phobias, and panic aLLacks and cvcn
obsessive-compulsivc disordcrs. (I had a clicnL, who would lcavc hcr homc and
Lhcn rcpcaLcdly rcLurn, convinccd LhaL shc had lcL Lhc sLovc on.)
During Lhc sLrcss rcsponsc, blood is shulcd away rom Lhc inLcsLines, as it is
nccdcd clscwhcrc. DigcsLion o ood comcs Lo a halL. This is Lhc rcason LhaL
gasLroinLcsLinal complainLs arc ubiquiLous wiLh chronic anxicLy rcsulLing in
diarrhca, nausca, and irriLablc bowcl syndromc. (Nobody ccls good whcn Lhcir
intestines arc ouL o whack!) Also, iL is csLimaLcd LhaL abouL 20 Lo 30 pcrccnL o
pcoplc wiLh anxicLy disordcrs sucr rom dcprcssion. So, i you havc a pcrsisLcnL
low mood, havc diiculLy uncLioning, and gcLLing ouL o bcd, iL is imporLanL LhaL
you scc your mcdical docLor. Thcrc arc shorL-Lcrm mcdicaLions LhaL can liL your
mood whilc you lcarn Lhc oLhcr Lcchniqucs LhaL arc mcnLioncd hcrc.
Chronic anxicLy lowcrs your immuniLy so sucrcrs arc morc susccpLiblc Lo
colds and lu. Bccausc o Lhc conLinucd acLivaLion o Lhc sLrcss hormoncs, Lhc

18

disease-ighLing cclls (likc whiLc blood cclls), arc gcLLing Lhc mcssagc Lo bc
dormanL or sLop ighLing bccausc Lhc body is conccnLraLcd on mobilizaLion raLhcr
Lhan growLh and proLccLion. Your abiliLy Lo dcal wiLh anxicLy will likcly accL how
long you livc.
So, I hopc I havc your aLLcnLion as wc considcr urLhcr how anxicLy is gcncraLcd
and mainLaincd.

WRIGHT
Why is an undcrsLanding o Lhc unconscious mind" imporLanL in conLrolling
anxicLy`

CAMERON
Thc Lcrm unconscious mind" is Lhc samc as subconscious mind." Your
unconscious mind is simply whaL is ouL o consciousncss aL any givcn momcnL.
Your conscious mind is whaL you arc awarc o righL now, iL is gcncrally agrccd LhaL
you can handlc abouL scvcn biLs o inormaLion consciously now. So, as you arc
siLLing rcading Lhis, you arc awarc o Lhc words on Lhc pagc, pcrhaps a ccling, Lhc
sound o a compuLcr an, Lhc vicw ouLsidc Lhc window, Lhc LcmpcraLurc, whaL's in
your pcriphcral vision, or how Lhc chair ccls on Lhc back o your lcgs. BuL, you arc
noL awarc o your unconscious uncLions, such as brcaLhing or cyc blinking unlcss I
bring Lhcm Lo your conscious aLLcnLion.
AL any givcn Limc you can considcr approximaLcly scvcn biLs o inormaLion
(Millcr, l056). Thcsc scvcn biLs o inormaLion arc in Lurn sclccLivcly ilLcrcd and
mcasurcd againsL your oLhcr mcmorics, valucs, bclics, and aLLiLudcs and
inLcrprcLcd accordingly. You basically puL your own spin on Lhosc biLs. This is why
wc havc dicrcnL inLcrprcLaLions o Lhc samc cvcnL. Havc you cvcr bccn Lo a
amily parLy whcn Lwo pcoplc arc rccounLing an cxpcricncc Lhcy had LogcLhcr`
Onc pcrson rclaLcs Lhc cxpcricncc onc way and Lhc oLhcr says, No, iL didn'L
happcn LhaL way. WhaL I rcmcmbcr is." Wc all choosc dicrcnL biLs o
inormaLion Lo rcmcmbcr. This is why somc pcoplc arc anxious in ccrLain
siLuaLions and oLhcrs arc noL.
Joanna Cameron
19

The conscious mind is just the tip of the iceberg, there is so much more below the
surface, and thats your unconscious mind. Whats driving your anxiety is under the
water.
Your unconscious mind has unlimiLcd sLoragc, cvcn or sLu you don'L wanL
(Pcnicld, l054). IL's always lisLcning. Imaginc a lashlighL in a dark room. Thc
bcam o lighL is your conscious mind and Lhc unconscious mind is cvcrything else
in Lhc dark room. 3usL bccausc you cannoL scc iL docs noL mcan iL's noL Lhcrcits
always Lhcrc. IL is Lhc unconscious mind LhaL conLrols appcLiLc, mainLains habiLs,
bclics, cmoLions, and is a sLorchousc o your mcmorics. Fvcn Lhough you ccl
cmoLions aL Lhc conscious lcvcl, Lhcy arc gcncraLcd and mainLaincd aL Lhc
unconscious lcvcl. Thcrcorc, wc musL dcal wiLh Lhc unconscious mind Lo gcL Lo
Lhc corc o anxicLy.
The drivers of your anxiety are limiting beliefs, faulty boundaries, and negative
emotions that reside in your unconscious mind. Healing your anxiety and related habits,
dear reader, means healing your unconscious mind and giving it new direction and
purpose.
IcL's supposc you havc a craving or poLaLo chips. You smcll Lhcm. You salivaLc.
You wanL Lhcm cvcn morc. You imaginc Lhc crackling sounds as you chcw Lhcm.
You producc morc saliva. Your anxicLy incrcascs. Your unconscious mind pcrsisLs
in knocking on your door." You may havc dccidcd Lo not caL Lhc poLaLo chips, buL
inally you go ahcad and caL Lhcm. Ycs, you madc a conscious dccision Lo rcsisL Lhc
chips, buL Lhc ordcrs arc carricd ouL by your unconscious mind, which pcrsuadcd
you oLhcrwisc.
The craving for the potato chips is a symptom that your conscious
and unconscious are not on the same page.
You consciously wanL Lo makc Lhc hcalLhy choicc, buL your unconscious has a
dicrcnL prccrcncc. Your unconscious wins. ThaL's righLyou cannoL sLop caLing
Lhc chips consciously, oLhcrwisc you could jusL say, Okay, don'L do LhaL anymorc,"
and LhaL would bc Lhc cnd o iL. BuL, iL docsn'L always work LhaL way, docs iL`
OLhcrwisc you would noL bc rcading Lhis! AnxicLy rcars iLs ugly hcad and so do Lhc
rclaLcd unconscious bchaviors.
Imaginc a ship i you willonc o Lhosc Lall oncs wiLh billowing sails! IL is Lhc
capLain who makcs inal dccisions, including Lhc ship's iLincrary and Lhc wcll-being

20

o Lhc crcw. IL is Lhc crcw's rcsponsibiliLy Lo carry ouL Lhosc dccisions. Thc capLain
is Lhc conscious mind and Lhc crcw, Lhc unconscious mind. IL all works wcll unLil
Lhcrc is a muLiny! AnxicLy is rcqucnLly Lhc Lriggcr or muLiny, which in Lurn
manicsLs iLscl as cmoLional caLing, bingc caLing, ood cravings, ood obscssion,
smoking, drug usc, alcohol dcpcndcncc, ovcrspcnding, nail-biting, hair-pulling,
and hoL lashcs. Chronic anxicLy also cxaccrbaLcs panic disordcrs, phobias, and
slccp problcms, including posL-LraumaLic sLrcss disordcr.

WRIGHT
So whaL bclics will scrvc mc as I cmpowcr myscl Lo ovcrcomc anxicLy and ccl
pcaccul`

CAMERON
Hcrc is whaL MahaLma Candhi had Lo say abouL bclics:
Your bclics bccomc your LhoughLs
Your LhoughLs bccomc your words
Your words bccomc your acLions
Your acLions bccomc your habiLs
Your habiLs bccomc your valucs
Your valucs bccomc your dcsLiny

Plcasc look aL Lhc ollowing Lcn bclics as airmaLivc sLaLcmcnLs.

Belief Number 1: I Believe that the Mind Affects the Body.
Fvcr sincc Lhc irsL ncuroLransmiLLcrs wcrc discovcrcd in Lhc carly l070s, wc havc
gaincd an undcrsLanding o how cmoLional inormaLion is LransmiLLcd by Lhc limbic
sysLcm Lo cvcry organ o Lhc body (PcrL, l007).
WhaL you Lhink accLs you physically. RcaliLy is our own uniquc inLcrprcLaLionit is a
subjccLivc cxpcricncc. Dccpak Chopra csLimaLcs LhaL wc havc l6,000 LhoughLs a day. WhaL
is a liLLlc sad is LhaL 00 pcrccnL o Lhc LhoughLs LhaL wc had ycsLcrday arc Lhc samc as
Loday. Oh dcar! How do wc changc Lhosc LhoughLs so wc can brcak Lhc cyclc o ncgaLivc
Lhinking and ncgaLivc bchavior paLLcrns`

Belief Number 2: I believe that I get in Life what I Focus On.
I I sLand ovcr my gol ball and Lhink abouL Lhc lakc in ronL o mc, whcrc docs Lhc gol
ball go` In Lhc lakc, o coursc! I I say Lo you David, whaLcvcr you do, do noL Lhink abouL a
bluc Lrcc, whaL do you Lhink abouL`
Joanna Cameron
21

WRIGHT
A bluc Lrcc.

CAMERON
This is bccausc your unconscious mind docs noL compuLc ncgaLivc Lcrms. Whcn
you ocus on your passion in licwhaL you wanLyou will bc ulillcd. AnxicLy is
a lack o ulillmcnL, a spiriLual void, or Lhc accumulaLion o ncgaLivc cmoLions
wiLhin Lhc body. AnxicLy is a mcssagc rom your unconscious mind LhaL you nccd
Lo ocus on whaL you wanL (3amcs, l0S0).

Belief Number 3: I Am Responsible for Where I Am Today. When I Accept The Present I Can
Change the Future.
IcL's look aL Laking rcsponsibiliLy by considcring Lhc words causc" and cccL" sidc by
sidc.

Cause Effect

Imaginc causc" gcLLing biggcr whilc cccL" gcLs smallcr and smallcr. Causc"
hcrc mcans simply LhaL you consciously choose how you lcad your lic. You nccd Lo
bc on Lhc causc" sidcyou wanL Lo bc aL causc." You don'L wanL Lo bc aL
cccL"aL Lhc mcrcy o causcs LhaL you do noL choosc. Taking rcsponsibiliLy is
orgcLLing abouL blamc. WhaLcvcr happcncd in licwhcLhcr good or badthere
is no blamc. Thcrc is simply somcLhing Lo lcarn. Pcoplc, placcs, and Lhings arc noL
Lhc causc o your anxicLyiL is your inLcrprcLaLion o Lhosc cvcnLs LhaL causcs Lhc
anxicLy. Whcn you changc your LhoughLs, you can changc your body. WhaL you
imaginc Loday will bc your uLurc.

Belief Number 4: I Was Born Perfect and I Still Am.
This bclic is an anLidoLc Lo Lhc scl-limiLing car o criLicism. Somc pcoplc alscly
bclicvc LhaL Lhcy nccd Lo bc pcrccL Lo mcriL approval rom oLhcrs. Thcy may havc acquircd
Lhis bclic in childhood. Whcn Lhcy acccpL LhaL wc arc all impcrccLly pcrccL, Lhcy arc
much happicr.


22

Belief Number 5: I Believe That There Is Never Failure, There Is Just New Information. Every
Situation Is An Opportunity For Learning.
AnxicLy ccls likc car wiLh nowhcrc Lo go. Thc car unorLunaLcly is manicsLcd
dcLrimcnLally in Lhc body, or Lhc anxicLy is a Lriggcr or unwanLcd habiLs.
Somc pcoplc car ailurc and Lhcy scL Lhcmsclvcs up Lo ncvcr push or cxLcnd
Lhcmsclvcs in any way. Thc word can'L" is commonly uscd, as in: I can'L makc cnough
moncy." OLhcr pcoplc car rcjccLion and, in my cxpcricncc as a hypnoLhcrapisL, Lhis is Lhc
mosL common car. Thc aulLy bclic o noL bcing good cnough" is unorLunaLcly lcarncd
in childhood and iL manicsLs iLscl in poor scl-csLccm and rclaLcd anxicLy.

Belief Number 6: I Believe That Good Exists In All Situations. I Will Seek Out That Good.
So, posiLivc Lhinking is a musL. This docs noL mcan LhaL you do noL cxprcss ncgaLivc
cmoLionsiL jusL mcans LhaL you puL a posiLivc ramc around cvcnLs. Whcn Lhc day sLarLs
wcll, you ccl good, and you usually conLinuc Lo ccl LhaL way LhroughouL Lhc day.
Howcvcr, whcn you gcL up on Lhc wrong sidc o Lhc bcd," Lhc day sccms Lo progrcss LhaL
way.

Belief Number 7: I Believe That At Any Time Of Day, I Have The Choice To Start My Day
Over.
Your unconscious mind lovcs iL whcn your conscious mind looks on Lhc brighL sidc o
Lhings. This is bcing Lhc capLain o your shipyou havc Lhc powcr Lo changc your
cmoLional sLaLc aL any Limc.

Belief Number 8: I Must Forgive Myself As Readily As I Forgive Others.
DclcLc Lhc word blamc" rom your vocabulary and bc irm wiLh your unconscious mind
abouL LhaL. Civc iL a good Lalking Lo. And by Lhc samc Lokcn, oLhcr pcoplc arc doing jusL
Lhc bcsL Lhcy can, living lic in rcsponsc Lo whaLcvcr Lhcir modcl o Lhc world is aL any
givcn Limc.
ThroughouL your lic, pcoplc havc judgcd you and you havc judgcd Lhcm, buL LhaL acL
crcaLcs scparaLion bcLwccn you and Lhcm. ScparaLion causcs lonclincss and unhappincss.
3udging oLhcrs dcplcLcs you o cncrgy. IL acLually makcs you ccl a liLLlc crummy and
induccs anxicLy. Havc you cvcr cnLcrLaincd Lhc LhoughL LhaL wc may all bc Lhc samc souls
in a dicrcnL disguisc` No onc is inhcrcnLly any bcLLcr Lhan you.
I wanL you Lo imaginc Lhc words judgmcnL" and wisdom." Fvcry day judgmcnL gcLs
smallcr and wisdom gcLs biggcr.
Joanna Cameron
23

WISDOM Judgment

Belief Number 9: I Believe That I Have All The Resources Within Me To Self-Heal.
I you arc Lruly aL causc, Lhcn you acccpL rcsponsibiliLy or your lic. I you crcaLcd Lhc
problcm, Lhcn Lhc rcvcrsc musL bc Lrucyou can rcvcrsc iL.

Belief Number 10: I Believe That I Have A Unique Purpose In Life; I Must Seek That Purpose.
WhaL drivcs you in lic` WhaL is imporLanL Lo you` An undcrsLanding o your valucs
and purposc givcs moLivaLion, dirccLion, and mcaning Lo your lic. This is Lhc ruddcr"
under the boat. Your body rcsponds Lo LhaL dirccLion. Whcn you losc dirccLion and
mcaning or you givc up," so docs your body.

WRIGHT
So whaL arc Lhc sLcps Lo conqucring anxicLy`

CAMERON
Thcrc arc six sLcps:
l. I obLain an undcrsLanding o whaL anxicLy is Lhrough rcading and rcscarch.
2. I dccidc LhaL I wanL Lo lcL go o anxicLy.
3. I acccpL Lhc Lcn bclics LhaL arc sLaLcd abovc.
4. I Lakc ull rcsponsibiliLy or my anxicLy.
5. I scL a plan or cvcryday lic, which includcs propcr nuLriLion, mcdiLaLion, scl-
hypnosis, cxcrcisc, Limc ouLdoors, and social conLacL.
6. I scL goals in cvcry arca o my licspiriLual, pcrsonal growLh, hcalLh and
iLncss, busincss, and rclaLionships.
(Go to www.joannacameron.com for instructions on how to set effective goalsSMART Goals.)

WRIGHT
How docs scl-hypnosis Lcach mc Lo changc my cmoLional sLaLc and lcL go o
anxicLy`

CAMERON
WiLhouL cxccpLion, David, cvcrybody I'vc cvcr hypnoLizcd Lclls mc LhaL hc or
shc ccls rcally rclaxcd aLcr Lhc cxpcricncc. In ordcr Lo dcal wiLh anxicLy, wc musL

24

Lalk Lo Lhc unconscious mind, which is Lhc sLorchousc o our cmoLions and runs
our bodics. Whcn you insLrucL Lhc body Lo lcL go o anxicLy, iL has an amazing way
o hcaling. In acL, simplc awarcncss and acccpLancc LhaL anxicLy accLs your body
is oLcn cnough Lo aciliLaLc changc.
Whcn you arc hypnoLizcd, Lhc conscious dccision-making mind Lakcs a hikc,"
allowing Lhc unconscious mind Lo comc Lo Lhc suracc. IL is your unconscious mind
LhaL is susccpLiblc Lo suggcsLion. This is a good Lhing. Hypnosis jusL ccls likc
rclaxaLion. You arc LoLally awarc whcn you arc hypnoLizcd. In acL, you'rc an acLivc
parL o Lhc hypnoLic proccss and hypnoLizc yourscl all Lhc Limc in cvcryday lic.
You havc Lo hypnoLizc yourscl Lo all aslccp aL nighL. You'rc vcry good at
hypnosis. You jusL nccd Lo channcl Lhis skill and do iL cvcry day. So arc you
moLivaLcd Lo go inLo a Lrancc David`

WRIGHT
I will admiL LhaL iL sounds casicr as you Lalk.

CAMERON
You may ind LhaL rcading Lhis makcs your cycs closc. Plcasc do noL drivc a car
and lisLcn Lo Lhc CD o Lhis chapLcr (availablc aL www.joannacamcron.com) aL Lhc
samc Limc.
This is a hypnoLic cxcrcisciL involvcs closing your cycs.
Now, you are sitting there. And, you are breathing in and out. And, you get into a
position of maximum comfort. And, you are relaxed. And, you are reading this book as
you are motivated to be a healthier person. And, you will find it easy to go into a trance
listening to or reading my words. And can you find a spot on the wall in front of you that
you can look at comfortably? And as you look at that spotdo your eyelids want to
blink? And will they flutter first or close completely as you allow your comfort to deepen?
Thats right. And can you now pretend that you are in a trance and those eyelids are so
perfectly relaxed that they remain closed? And that feels perfectly fine. You can test your
eyes now. You may find that you can move your eyebrows but your eyes are stuck. They
are one piece of skin. Try in vain to open your eyes. They are stuck like glue. And that is
perfectly fine. And the harder you try to open your eyes, the more that they are stuck.
And now, you can forget about your eyes. Every time you listen to my CD, you are more
Joanna Cameron
25

relaxed by my voice. And the suggestions are absorbed readily by your unconscious mind.
You easily learn and integrate all the material presented. In a few seconds, I will awaken
you and you will feel relaxed, refreshed, and absolutely fantastic. Come back into the
room, 20 percent with each count, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Welcome back!
So whaL happcncd` Fyc closurc is simply rclaxaLion. Thc cyc musclcs arc Lhc
casicsL musclcs in Lhc body Lo rclax. Whcn you arc Lircd, your cycs closc. Your cycs
bccomc sLuck as you havc lcL go o Lhc conscious mind or bypasscd Lhc criLical
aculLy. This is a good Lhing. You wanL Lo bc hypnoLizcd. You wanL Lo bccomc
rcally good aL Lhis so you can Lalk dirccLly wiLh your unconscious mind. Bcsidcs, iL
ccls grcaL!
Now, i your cycs opcn, LhaL's Okay Loo! You havc provcd Lo yourscl LhaL you
havc conscious conLrol. Maybc you'rc saying Lo yourscl, I don'L know i I can do
Lhis." And LhaL's righLyou do noL know. Thcrc arc many Lhings LhaL you do noL
know. You do know LhaL you drcam aL nighL, buL you do noL know how your
unconscious mind inLcgraLcs your drcams. And sooncr or laLcr, your cyclids will
blink buL you do noL know how your unconscious mind knows Lo blink Lhosc cycs.
ThaL's righL. You can siL Lhcrc and do noLhing aL all. And you do noL know whcn
your cycs mighL closc alLogcLhcr and allow your comorL Lo dccpcn.
Thc goal is Lo lcarn how Lo obLain cyc closurc vcry quickly. You havc Lhcn
succcssully hypnoLizcd yourscl. Usc Lhis Lo changc your sLaLc o mind. IcL's
supposc you arc siLLing aL your dcsk and you ccl anxious. You can jusL closc your
eycs and Lakc a hypnoLic Limc-ouL and wakc up ccling rclaxcd and rcrcshcd.
ThaL's cmpowcrmcnL. Thc morc you do Lhis, Lhc bcLLcr you will gcL aL iL. Trancc is
lcarncd. Think o your brain as a compuLcroccasionally iL gcLs Loo much
inormaLion and iL docs noL work propcrly. You Lurn iL o. Trancc is your own
rcscL buLLon.

WRIGHT
So whaL abouL dccp-scaLcd anxicLy rclaLcd Lo a diiculL childhood`

CAMERON
My clicnL, 3im, was obcsc and broughL up in scvcrc povcrLy. Hc Lold mc LhaL hc
aLc whcn hc was anxious bccausc hc was always araid LhaL Lhcrc would ncvcr bc

26

cnough ood." In Lhcrapy wiLh mc, hc lcL go o LhaL car and Lhc limiLing dccision
LhaL ood was Lhc ix or anxicLy, and Lhcn hc was ablc Lo caL corrccLly.
NcgaLivc hoL buLLons" such as a ccrLain Lonc o voicc, shouLing, and puL-downs
arc acLually cmoLional Lriggcrs LhaL sLimulaLc Lhc anxicLy rcsponsc Limc aLcr Limc.
Wc arc cncrgcLic bcings in Lunc wiLh cvcryLhing around us, our hoL buLLons arc
cmoLional disLurbanccs. In ordcr Lo hcal, wc musL gcL Lo Lhc causc o Lhcm.
Howcvcr, Lhcy arc likc Lhc lcgs o a Lablci you knock away any onc o Lhc lcgs,
Lhcn Lhc Lablc will all down. Wc can rclcasc ncgaLivc cmoLions rom a cw major
childhood cvcnLs and Lhc wholc sLrucLurc will all.
As a hypnotherapisL, I usc ccrLain Lcchniqucs Lo hclp clicnLs lcL go o ncgaLivc
cmoLions. Ycs, a pcrson will no longcr ccl Lhc angcr, sadncss, car, guilL, and
shamc rom Lhc pasL whcn Lhc scssion is ovcr. IL's miraculous! You can go Lo Lhc
Timc Iinc Thcrapy"
Web site aL www.LimclincLhcrapy.ncL and ind a LhcrapisL

who is Lraincd in Lhis Lcchniquc. Thc Amcrican Board o HypnoLhcrapy has a Wcb
siLc (www.abh-abnlp.com), whcrc you can ill ouL a orm and idcnLiy a LhcrapisL in
your arca. NIP LhcrapisLs may also bc Lraincd in hypnosis as wcll as
NcuroIinguisLic Programming, which simply mcans ncrvcs, languagc, and
programming.
I also Lcach Lhc FmoLional Frccdom Tcchniquc (FFT), and or morc
inormaLion, you can go Lo www.cmorcc.com. This Lcchniquc also gcLs Lo Lhc
causc o anxicLy and buricd ncgaLivc cmoLions.
IcL's do an cxcrcisc: Your Power AnchorHow to change anxiety into laughter!
Do Lhis cxcrcisc wiLh a ricnd or lisLcn Lo my CD. (www.joannacamcron.com).
An anchor is a hoL buLLon." IL is simply a sLimulus LhaL cvokcs a consisLcnL
rcsponsc paLLcrn rom a pcrson. Whcn you scc a Lraic lighL Lurn rcd, you know
LhaL you musL brakc and comc Lo a sLop. Thc smcll o moLhballs may rcmind you
o anoLhcr Limc or your grandparcnLs. Or how abouL Lhc smcll o Frcnch brcad
docs LhaL makc you salivaLc` Docs a scagull's call rcmind you o Lhc bcach` How
abouL Lhc sound o Lhc wavcs or an alarm clock`
Wc arc now going Lo scL our own Powcr Anchor, which will gcL you inLo a
powcrul sLaLc o mind. So closc your cycs:

Joanna Cameron
27

l) I wanL you Lo rcmcmbcr a Limc whcn you clL LoLally powcrulyou wcrc on Lop
o Lhc world. Okay, do you rcmcmbcr onc` Now, gcL inLo LhaL sLaLc. Fccl Lhc
cclings. Whcn you rcally ccl iL in your body, Louch Lhc Lop o your lcL shouldcr
on Lhc bonc wiLh Lhrcc ingcrs. IcL go.
2) Okay. Opcn your cycs. Now, I wanL you Lo imaginc LhaL you arc sniing cocc.
Can you smcll iL`
3) Okay. Closc your cycs. Now, I wanL you Lo rcmcmbcr a Limc whcn you could noL
stop laughingiL was alling-down unny. Thcrc is a smilc on your acc. When you
arc rcally ccling iL, Louch LhaL shouldcr bonc in Lhc samc placc wiLh Lhrcc ingcrs.
IcL go.
4) Okay. Opcn your cycs! Now, Lhink abouL Lhc smcll o cocc or anoLhcr pungcnL
smcll.
5) Okay. Closc your cycs! Now, I wanL you Lo rcmcmbcr a Limc whcn you clL LoLally
lovcd. Fccl iL, cnjoy iL. Whcn you arc rcally ccling Lingly, Louch yourscl on Lhc
lcL shouldcr in Lhc samc placc as bcorc. IcL go.
6) Okay. Opcn your cycs! Now, Lhink abouL Lhc smcll o cocc.

Okay, so maybc you nccd Lo Lakc a liLLlc brcak hcrc. Iook ouL Lhc window, Lakc
a Limc ouL or scvcnLh-inning sLrcLch.
Wclcomc back! Now I wanL you Lo siL down and ocus your cycs on a spoL in
ronL o you, and opcn up Lhc ocus so you can scc pcriphcrally. Now Louch LhaL
lcL shouldcr again wiLh Lhc samc Lhrcc ingcrs. WhaL do you ccl` Is Lhcrc a smilc
coming on your acc, I wondcr`
I scL a powcr anchor in a Lraining many ycars ago and I sLill usc iL. I Lhink o iL
as a rcscL buLLon. You know how iL is wiLh your compuLcr. IL sLops uncLioning and
is moving slowly or cvcn rcczcs. Thc curc is Lo jusL swiLch iL o and lcL iL rcbooL.
Firc your powcr anchor whcn you ccl anxious. IL is your rcsponsibiliLy Lo gcL
inLo a powcrul sLaLc. You can sLarL your day ovcr using Lhis Lcchniquc. You drive
Lhc bus. CcL inLo a good ramc o mind.

WRIGHT
So how do you pcrsonally dcal wiLh anxicLy`


28

CAMERON
Wcll, as a hypnoLhcrapisL, I'm in a Lrancc a grcaL dcal and Lhis ccrLainly hclps. A
Lrancc inviLcs Lrancc. Also, I bclicvc in good nuLriLion, which bcgins wiLh
purchasing hcalLhy ood. Ycs, I rcad Lhc labcls! For cxcrcisc, I'm a kccn golcr, I
swim rcgularly, and I lovc Lo work in my gardcn.
Now, I nccd Lo Lcll you a sLory abouL my cxpcricncc wiLh anxicLy. My amily
Lakcs a ycarly ski vacaLion Lo Park CiLy, ULah, ovcr Lhc holidays. I rcnLcd a small
housc or us ncar Lhc ski hill, buL Lhc rcnLal was noL opLimum or our nccds. I had
back pain and could noL sLand up or scvcral days. I had ncvcr cxpcricnccd Lhis
bcorc. I did hcal aLcr a wcck and I was rcally rclicvcd. On my rcLurn, I ordcrcd Lhc
book, Healing Back Pain, by Dr. 3ohn Sarno. This is a mind-body approach. Ycs, you
Lhink yourscl wcll.
Thc prcmisc is LhaL rcprcsscd cmoLions such as angcr and anxicLy can Lriggcr
musclc spasms, LhoughL Lo bc causcd by lack o oxygcn. Thcrc arc ccrLain
pcrsonaliLy Lypcs who arc morc pronc Lo Lhis. Thcy arc Lhc coping, high-achicving,
and moLivaLcd pcrsons wiLh high cxpccLaLions o Lhcmsclvcs. VacaLions arc a
common Limc or Lcnsion myosiLis syndromc (TMS) Lo appcar. Thc sympLoms
includc back pain, ncck pain, shouldcr pain, and so on. In oLhcr words, I had high
anxicLy bccausc I worricd LhaL our liLLlc vacaLion housc did noL iL our nccds. To
makc maLLcrs worsc, wc had jusL rcmodclcd our ricnds' car whilc Lrying Lo gcL up
the icy road Lo Lhc housc. I was sLrcsscd.
Thcrc arc ccrLain sympLoms LhaL accompany TMS, such as sorcncss in Lhc
buLLocks. My sympLoms and pcrsonaliLy Lypc all iL Lhc proilc. Now, pain ccrLainly
goL my aLLcnLion. (Rcmcmbcr causc and cccL`) Back pain was Lhc manicsLaLion
o my anxicLy abouL Lhc housc. Simplc awarcncss was Lhc curc. Now, whcncvcr I
ccl discomorL in my back, I Lhank my unconscious mind or Lhc mcssagc LhaL I
nccd Lo rclcasc anxicLy. I mcdiLaLc, usc scl-hypnosis, and lisLcn Lo my own CDs.
(This sounds narcissisLic, buL your unconscious docs lovc your own voicc.) Thcn, I
givc my unconscious mind a good Lalking Lo" and Lhc pain gocs away. I ccl
cmpowcrcd.
I you havc back pain, shouldcr, or ncck pain, I urgc you Lo rcad Dr. Sarno's
book and ollow Lhc dirccLions givcn wiLhin. NoL all back, shouldcr, and ncck pain
is TMS. Many pcoplc howcvcr, havc hcalcd Lhcir pain simply by Laking
Joanna Cameron
29

rcsponsibiliLy or iL. IL is Lhc samc way wiLh oLhcr body manicsLaLions o anxicLy,
iL is cnough in many cascs Lo jusL Lakc rcsponsibiliLy. This sLimulaLcs Lhc
unconscious mind Lo changc dirccLionLo gcL on Lhc samc pagc" wiLh Lhc
conscious mind.
Taking rcsponsibiliLy or whcrc you arc is acLually a dccision. So makc Lhc
dccision LhaL you arc rcsponsiblc or whcrc you arc Loday. Fvcn i you do noL
bclicvc iL ycL, you will, and iL is an inhcrcnL and ncccssary parL o your rccovcry.

WRIGHT
WhaL a grcaL convcrsaLion. I rcally apprcciaLc all Lhc inormaLion you'vc givcn
us hcrc Loday. I havc lcarncd a loL and I know our rcadcrs will also. I apprcciaLc all
Lhis Limc you'vc Lakcn Lo answcr Lhcsc qucsLions. This has rcally bccn
cnlighLcning.

CAMERON
Wcll, Lhank you, David.

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh Dr. 3oanna Camcron, a hypnoLhcrapisL and
insLrucLor o NcuroIinguisLic Programming. Shc is a bclicvcr in Lhc powcr o Lhc
mind Lo hcal Lhc body and Lcachcs changc Lcchniqucs Lo hcr clicnLs, collcgc
sLudcnLs, and corporaLions.
Dr. Camcron, Lhank you so much or bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to
Success.

CAMERON
And Lhank you, David. Thc ollowing is a mcLaphorical pocm I wroLc. IL spcaks
dirccLly Lo Lhc unconscious mind and hclps iL dcal wiLh anxicLy.


30

Scrambling On The Rocks

Now the unconscious mind loves to drift
Down into that trance in the same way
A river wanders
Meanders around the rocks
So much fun to scramble and picnic on the rocks
And peeking into the picnic basket
A hamper with blue and white napkins
And matching plates
Everything packed and in its place
Now how to choose a route in the minds eye
Ever questioning if a rock will wobble
Or will it wobble and will I adjust my balance
Making a quick decision to change course
Trusting the unconscious mind to keep me balanced
Bringing positive thoughts into a stream of consciousness
So the precious picnic basket and I remain safe
Or will I be the only one to slip on that rock
Slimed by muddy waters
Better perhaps to follow a leader
Finding a new way
Stopping to view the occasional rock pool
Will it inhabit a fish momentarily fenced in
Until the river rises
And the fish must wait
And I must wait
Relishing the thought
Of eating our family sandwiches on the right rock
And sometimes it is good to wait
The waiter takes the order
When the diner is ready
The poker player receives subtle cues
Decides to go to the river
More information is required
More choices will be presented
Joanna Cameron
31

And change occurs
Change is inevitable
And in good time
Those wobbly rocks
With jagged uneven edges
Become smooth river stones
Perfectly adapted to their environment
In the flow of information
Peaceful
They say that patience is a virtue
That is why the British form a queue
And the Americans get in line
For there may be necessary boundaries
As the unconscious mind
Takes its own time
To absorb what it needs to learn
And then presents new learnings
New ways of thinking
About old problems
As you overtake any hurdles
Knowing that a hurdle
Is simply new information
For you to use
On your journey
So much better to get into the solution


32

Camcron, 3oanna wiLh Wcisman, Rachcl, Forget Diets, Plant Tomatoesa metaphoric,
hypnotic guide to heal emotional eating. www.joannacameron.com.
Chopra, Dccpak, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, Ambcr Allcn Publishing, San Raacl
Publishing, l004.
FcinsLcin, David, Fdcn, Donna and Craig, Cary, The Promise of Energy Psychology, Penguin
Books, Ncw York, NY l00l4, 2005.
Coodc, Frica, The Heavy Cost of Chronic Stress, The New York Times, Dcccmbcr l7, 2002.
3amcs, Tad, Hypnosis: A Comprehensive Guide, Crown Housc Publishing, CarmarLhcn, SA33
5ND, Walcs.
3amcs, Tad, The Secret of Creating Your Future, Advanccd Ncuro Dynamics, Inc. Hawaii,
l0S0.
3amcs, Tad, and Woodsmall, WyaLL, Time Line Therapy and the Basis of Personality, Meta
PublicaLion, CapiLola, CA 050l0.
Havcns, Ronald, WalLcrs CaLhcrinc, Hypnotherapy Scripts, Brunner-RouLlcdgc, Ncw York,
NY l000l, 2002.
Millcr Ccorgc, Psychological Review, 63, 8107, l056.
Pcnicld W., Epilepsy and the Functional Anatomy of the Human Brain, 2
nd
cdiLion. 3aspcr, H.,
Pcnicld, W. IiLLlc, Brown and Co., l054.
PcrL, Candacc, Molecules of Emotion, Scribncr, Ncw York, NY l0020, l007.
Pick, Marccllc, Anxiety in womencauses, symptoms and natural relief,
www.womentowomen.com.
Sarno, 3ohn, Healing Back Pain: Mind Body Connection, Warncr Books, l00l
SchliLz, Marilyn, Amorok, Tina wiLh Micozzi Marc, Consciousness and Healing, Elsevier, St
Iouis, MO 63l46, 2005
Schncidcr Brucc Relax, Youre Already Perfect, Fbb/Flow Publishing, Manlapan,
N3 2000

33

The English-born, 3oanna Camcron has a docLoraLc in Clinical
HypnoLhcrapy and is an insLrucLor o NcuroIinguisLic Programming (NIP) and
hypnosis. Shc is a mcmbcr o Lhc Amcrican Board o HypnoLhcrapy. Bascd on
Lcn ycars o cxpcricncc as a hypnoLhcrapisL in Mclcan, Virginia, shc will bc
shorLly publishing hcr irsL book, Forget Diets, Plant Tomatoes: A Metaphoric,
Hypnotic Journey to Heal Emotional Eating. In Stepping Stones to Success, Dr.
Camcron ocuscs on how Lo usc your mind Lo conqucr sLrcss. Shc bclicves in
Lhc powcr o Lhc mind Lo hcal Lhc body and Lcachcs changc Lcchniqucs Lo hcr
clicnLs, collcgc sLudcnLs, and corporaLions. As Lhc Trancc Iady," shc pcrorms
as a comcdy hypnoLisL or high schools, collcgcs and corporaLions and works
wiLh Lhc InnovaLors Croup Inc. as a kcynoLc spcakcr. RcccnLly, shc has
cnLcrLaincd Lhc U.S. Army in Ccrmany. Hcr cncrgy and cnLhusiasm arc
communicaLcd Lo cvcry audicncc.

JOANNA CAMERON
Trance Lady Productions, Inc
McIcan, VA 22l0l
703-538-7123
drjcamcronaol.com
www.joannacamcron.com
www.hypnosisandsLrcss.com
www.Lrancclady.com


34

35

C HA P T E R T HR E E
Find a McnLor and Bclicvc in Your Drcams
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Jack Canfield
Today wc arc Lalking wiLh 3ack Canicld. You probably know him as Lhc oundcr
and co-crcaLor o Lhc New York Times numbcr onc bcsLselling Chicken Soup for the
Soul book scrics. As o 2006 Lhcrc arc sixLy-ivc LiLlcs and cighLy million copics in
print in over thirty-scvcn languagcs.
3acks background includcs a BA rom Harvard, a masLcrs rom Lhc UnivcrsiLy o
MassachuscLLs, and an Honorary DocLoraLc rom Lhc UnivcrsiLy o SanLa Monica.
Hc has bccn a high school and univcrsiLy Lcachcr, a workshop aciliLaLor, a
psychoLhcrapisL, and a lcading auLhoriLy in Lhc arca o scl-csLccm and pcrsonal
dcvclopmcnL.
3ack Canicld, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

JACK CANFIELD (CANFIELD)
Thank you, David. ILs grcaL Lo bc wiLh you.


36

WRIGHT
When I Lalkcd wiLh Mark VicLor Hanscn, hc gavc you ull crcdiL or coming up
wiLh Lhc idca o Lhc Chicken Soup scrics. Obviously iLs madc you an inLcrnaLionally
known pcrsonaliLy. OLhcr Lhan rccogniLion, has Lhc scrics changcd you pcrsonally
and i so, how`

CANFIELD
I would say LhaL iL has and I Lhink in a couplc o ways. Numbcr onc, I rcad sLorics
all day long o pcoplc whovc ovcrcomc whaL would ccl likc insurmounLablc
obsLaclcs. For cxamplc, wc jusL did a book Chicken Soup for the Unsinkable Soul.
Theres a sLory in Lhcrc abouL a singlc moLhcr wiLh Lhrcc daughLcrs. Shc conLracLcd
a discasc and shc had Lo havc boLh o hcr hands and boLh o hcr ccL ampuLaLcd. Shc
goL prosLhcLic dcviccs and was ablc Lo lcarn how Lo usc Lhcm. Shc could cook, drivc
Lhc car, brush hcr daughLcrs hair, gcL a job, cLc. I rcad LhaL and I LhoughL, Cod,
whaL would I cvcr havc Lo complain and whinc and moan abouL`"
At one level its jusL givcn mc a grcaL scnsc o graLiLudc and apprcciaLion or
cvcryLhing I havc and iL has madc mc lcss irriLablc abouL Lhc liLLlc Lhings.
I Lhink Lhc oLhcr Lhing LhaLs happcncd or mc pcrsonally is my sphcrc o
inlucncc has changcd. By LhaL I mcan I was askcd, or cxamplc, somc years ago to
bc Lhc kcynoLc spcakcr Lo Lhc Womcns Congrcssional Caucus. Thc Caucus is a group
LhaL includcs all womcn in Amcrica who arc mcmbcrs o Congrcss and who arc sLaLc
scnaLors, govcrnors, and licuLcnanL govcrnors. I askcd whaL Lhcy wanLcd mc Lo Lalk
aboutwhaL Lopic.
WhaLcvcr you Lhink wc nccd Lo know Lo bc bcLLcr lcgislaLors," was Lhc rcply.
I thought, Wow, Lhcy wanL mc Lo Lcll Lhcm abouL whaL laws Lhcy should bc
making and whaL would makc a bcLLcr culLurc." Wcll, LhaL wouldnt have happened
i our books hadnL comc ouL and I hadnL bccomc amous. I Lhink I gcL Lo play wiLh
pcoplc aL a highcr lcvcl and havc morc inlucncc in Lhc world. ThaLs imporLanL Lo
mc bccausc my lic purposc is inspiring and cmpowcring pcoplc Lo livc Lhcir highcsL
vision so Lhc world works or cvcrybody. I gcL Lo do LhaL on a much biggcr lcvcl Lhan
whcn I was jusL a high school Lcachcr back in Chicago.

Jack Canfield

37

WRIGHT
I Lhink onc o Lhc powcrul componcnLs o LhaL book scrics is LhaL you can rcad a
posiLivc sLory in jusL a cw minuLcs and comc back and rcvisiL iL. I know my
daughLcr has Lhrcc o Lhc books and shc jusL rcads Lhcm inLcrchangcably.
SomcLimcs I go in hcr bcdroom and shcll bc crying and rcading onc o Lhcm. OLhcr
Limcs shcll be laughing, so they really are chickcn soup or Lhc soul," arenL Lhcy`

CANFIELD
Thcy rcally arc. In acL wc havc our books in Lhc Teenage Soul scrics now and a
ncw onc coming ouL aL Lhc cnd o Lhis ycar. I havc a son whos eleven and he has a
Lwclvc-year-old ricnd whos a girl. Wc havc a ncw book callcd Chicken Soup for the
Teenage Soul and the Tough Stuff. Its all abouL dcaling wiLh parcnLs divorccs,
Lcachcrs who donL undcrsLand you, boyricnds who drink and drivc, and oLhcr
issucs pcrLincnL Lo LhaL agc group.
I askcd my sons ricnd, Why do you likc Lhis book`" (ILs our mosL popular book
among Lccns righL now.) Shc said, You know, whcncvcr Im ccling down I rcad iL
and iL makcs mc cry and I ccl bcLLcr. Somc o Lhc sLorics makc mc laugh and somc
o Lhc sLorics makc mc ccl morc rcsponsiblc or my lic. BuL basically I jusL ccl likc
Im noL alonc."
Onc o Lhc pcoplc I work wiLh rcccnLly said LhaL Lhc books arc likc a supporL
group bcLwccn Lhc covcrs o a bookyou can rcad abouL oLhcr pcoplcs cxpcricnccs
and realizc yourc noL Lhc only onc going Lhrough somcLhing.

WRIGHT
3ack, wcrc Lrying Lo cncouragc pcoplc in our audicncc Lo bc bcLLcr, Lo livc bcLLcr,
and bc morc ulillcd by rcading abouL Lhc cxpcricnccs o our wriLcrs. Is Lhcrc
anyone or anything in your lic LhaL has madc a dicrcncc or you and hclpcd you Lo
bccomc a bcLLcr pcrson`

CANFIELD
Yes, and wc could do Lcn books jusL on LhaL. Im inlucnccd by pcoplc all Lhc Limc.
I I wcrc Lo go way back Id havc Lo say onc o Lhc kcy inlucnccs in my lic was 3cssc
3ackson whcn hc was sLill a minisLcr in Chicago. I was Lcaching in an all black high
school Lhcrc and I wcnL Lo 3cssc 3acksons church wiLh a ricnd onc Limc. WhaL

38

happcncd or mc was LhaL I saw somcbody wiLh a vision. (This was bcorc MarLin
IuLhcr King was killcd and 3cssc was o Lhc licuLcnanLs in his organizaLion.) I jusL
saw pcoplc Lrying Lo makc Lhc world work bcLLcr or a ccrLain scgmcnL o Lhc
populaLion. I was inspircd by LhaL kind o visionary bclic LhaL iLs possiblc Lo makc
changc.
IaLcr on, 3ohn F. Kcnncdy was a hcro o minc. I was vcry much inspircd by him.
AnoLhcr is a LhcrapisL by Lhc namc o RobcrL Rcsnick. Hc was my LhcrapisL or
Lwo ycars. Hc LaughL mc a liLLlc ormula: F + R = O. IL sLands or FvcnLs + Rcsponsc
= OuLcomc. Hc said, I you donL likc your ouLcomcs quiL blaming Lhc cvcnLs and
sLarL changing your rcsponscs." Onc o his avoriLc phrascs was, I Lhc grass on Lhc
oLhcr sidc o Lhc cncc looks grccncr, sLarL waLcring your own lawn morc."
I Lhink hc hclpcd mc gcL o any kind o scl-piLy I mighL havc had bccausc I had
parcnLs who wcrc alcoholics. IL would havc bccn vcry casy Lo blamc Lhcm or
problcms I mighL havc had. Thcy wcrcnL vcry succcssul or rich, I was surroundcd
by pcoplc who wcrc and I clL likc, Cod, whaL i Id had parcnLs likc Lhcy had` I
could havc bccn a loL bcLLcr." Hc jusL goL mc o LhaL wholc noLion and madc mc
rcalizc that Lhc hand you wcrc dcalL is Lhc hand you'vc goL Lo play. Takc
rcsponsibiliLy or who you arc and quiL complaining and blaming others and get on
wiLh your lic. ThaL was a Lurning poinL or mc.
Id say the last person who rcally accLcd mc big-Limc was a guy namcd W.
ClcmcnL SLonc who was a scl-madc mulLi-millionairc in Chicago. Hc LaughL mc LhaL
succcss is noL a our-lcLLcr wordits noLhing Lo bc ashamcd oand you ought to
go or iL. Hc said, Thc bcsL Lhing you can do or Lhc poor is noL bc onc o Lhcm." Be
a modcl or whaL iL is Lo livc a succcssul lic. So I lcarncd rom him Lhc principlcs o
succcss and LhaLs whaL Ive bccn Lcaching now or morc Lhan LhirLy ycars.

WRIGHT
Hc was an cnLrcprcncur in Lhc insurancc indusLry, wasnL hc`

CANFIELD
Hc was. Hc had combincd insurancc. Whcn I workcd or him hc was worLh 600
million dollars and LhaL was bcorc Lhc doL.com millionaircs camc along in Silicon
Vallcy. Hc jusL kncw morc abouL succcss. Hc was a good ricnd o Napolcon Hill
Jack Canfield

39

(auLhor o Think and Grow Rich) and hc was a abulous mcnLor. I rcally lcarncd a loL
rom him.

WRIGHT
I miss somc o Lhc mcn I lisLcncd Lo whcn I was a young salcsman coming up and
hc was onc o Lhcm. Napolcon Hill was anoLhcr onc as was Dr. Pcalc. All o Lhcir
wriLings madc mc who I am Loday. Im glad I had LhaL opporLuniLy.

CANFIELD
Onc spcakcr whosc namc you probably will rcmcmbcr, Charlic Trcmcndous"
3oncs, says, Who wc arc is a rcsulL o Lhc books wc rcad and Lhc pcoplc wc hang ouL
wiLh." I Lhink LhaLs so true and thats why I Lcll pcoplc, I you wanL Lo havc high
scl-csLccm, hang ouL wiLh pcoplc who havc high scl-csLccm. I you wanL Lo bc morc
spiriLual, hang ouL wiLh spiriLual pcoplc." Werc always Lclling our childrcn, Dont
hang ouL wiLh Lhosc kids." The reason wc donL wanL Lhcm Lo is bccausc wc know
how inlucnLial pcoplc arc wiLh cach oLhcr. I Lhink wc nccd Lo givc oursclvcs Lhc
samc advicc. Who arc wc hanging ouL wiLh` Wc can hang ouL wiLh Lhcm in books,
casscLLc Lapcs, CDs, radio shows, and in pcrson.

WRIGHT
Onc o my avoriLcs was a cllow namcd Bill Covc rom Florida. I Lalkcd wiLh him
abouL Lhrcc or our ycars ago. Hcs rcLircd now. His mind is sLill as quick as iL cvcr
was. I LhoughL hc was onc o Lhc grcaLcsL spcakcrs I had cvcr hcard.
What do you think makcs up a grcaL mcnLor` In oLhcr words, arc Lhcrc
characLcrisLics LhaL mcnLors sccm Lo havc in common`

CANFIELD
I Lhink Lhcrc arc Lwo obvious oncs. I Lhink mcnLors havc Lo havc Lhc Limc Lo do iL
and Lhc willingncss Lo do iL. I also Lhink Lhcy nccd Lo bc pcoplc who arc doing
somcLhing you wanL Lo do. W. ClcmcnL SLonc uscd Lo Lcll mc, I you wanL Lo bc
rich, hang ouL wiLh rich pcoplc. WaLch whaL Lhcy do, caL whaL Lhcy caL, drcss Lhc
way they dresstry iL on." Hc wasnt suggesting that you give up your auLhcnLic
scl, buL hc was poinLing ouL LhaL rich pcoplc probably havc habiLs LhaL you dont
havc and you should sLudy Lhcm.

40

I always ask salcspcoplc in an organizaLion, Who arc Lhc Lop Lwo or Lhrcc in
your organizaLion`" I Lcll Lhcm Lo sLarL Laking Lhcm ouL Lo lunch and dinncr and or
a drink and inding ouL whaL Lhcy do. Ask Lhcm, Whats your sccrcL`" Ninc Limcs
ouL o Lcn Lhcyll bc willing Lo Lcll you.
This gocs back Lo whaL wc said carlicr abouL asking. Ill go inLo corporaLions and
Ill say, Who arc Lhc Lop Lcn pcoplc`" Theyll all Lcll mc and Ill say, Did you ever
ask Lhcm whaL Lhcy do dicrcnL Lhan you`"
No," theyll rcply.
Why noL`"
Wcll, Lhcy mighL noL wanL Lo Lcll mc."
How do you know` Did you cvcr ask Lhcm` All Lhcy can do is say no. Youll be no
worsc o Lhan you arc now."
So I Lhink wiLh mcnLors you jusL look aL pcoplc who sccm Lo bc living Lhc lic you
wanL Lo livc and achicving Lhc rcsulLs you wanL Lo achicvc.
WhaL wc say in our book is whcn LhaL you approach a mcnLor Lhcyre probably
busy and succcssul and so Lhcy havcnL goL a loL o Limc. 3usL ask, Can I Lalk Lo you
or Lcn minuLcs cvcry monLh`" I I know iLs only going Lo bc Lcn minuLcs Ill
probably say ycs. Thc ncaL Lhing is i I likc you Ill always givc you morc Lhan ten
minuLcs, buL LhaL Lcn minuLcs gcLs you in Lhc door.

WRIGHT
In Lhc uLurc arc Lhcrc any morc 3ack Canicld books auLhorcd singularly`

CANFIELD
Onc o my books includcs Lhc ormula I mcnLioncd carlicr: F + R = O. I jusL clL I
wanLcd Lo gcL LhaL ouL Lhcrc bccausc cvcry Limc I givc a spccch and I Lalk abouL LhaL
Lhc wholc room gcLs so quicL you could hcar a pin dropI can Lcll pcoplc arc rcally
getLing valuc.
Then Im going Lo do a scrics o books on Lhc principlcs o succcss. Ive got about
l50 o Lhcm LhaL Ivc idcnLiicd ovcr Lhc ycars. I havc a book down Lhc road I wanL
to do thats callcd No More Put-Downs, which is a book probably aimcd mosLly at
parcnLs, Lcachcrs, and managcrs. Thcrcs a culLurc wc havc now o puL-down humor.
Whether its Married . . . with Children or All in the Family, theres LhaL characLcrisLic
Jack Canfield

41

o macho puL-down humor. Thcrcs rcscarch now showing how bad iL is or kids
scl-csLccm whcn Lhc coachcs do iL, so I wanL Lo gcL LhaL mcssagc ouL Lhcrc as wcll.

WRIGHT
Its rcally noL LhaL unny, is iL`

CANFIELD
No, wcll laugh iL o bccausc wc donL wanL Lo look likc wcrc a wimp buL
undcrncaLh wcrc hurL. Thc rcscarch now shows LhaL yourc bcLLcr o brcaking a
childs boncs Lhan you arc brcaking his or her spiriL. A bonc will hcal much morc
quickly Lhan Lhcir cmoLional spiriL will.

WRIGHT
I rcmcmbcr rcccnLly rcading a survcy whcrc pcoplc lisLcd Lhc Lop ivc pcoplc who
had inlucnccd Lhcm. Ivc Lricd iL on a couplc o groups aL church and in oLhcr
placcs. In my casc, and in Lhc survcy, approximaLcly Lhrcc ouL o Lhc Lop ivc arc
always Lcachcrs. I wondcr i LhaLs going Lo bc Lhc samc in Lhc ncxL dccadc.

CANFIELD
I Lhink Lhats probably bccausc as childrcn wcrc aL our mosL ormaLivc ycars. Wc
acLually spcnd morc Limc wiLh our Lcachcrs Lhan wc do wiLh our parcnLs. Rcscarch
shows LhaL Lhc avcragc parcnL only inLcracLs vcrbally wiLh cach o Lhcir childrcn
only about eight and a hal minuLcs a day. YcL aL school Lhcyrc inLcracLing wiLh
Lhcir Lcachcrs or anywhcrc rom six Lo cighL hours dcpcnding on how long Lhc
school day is, including coachcs, chorus dirccLors, cLc.
I Lhink LhaL in almosL cvcrybodys lic Lhcrcs been that onc Lcachcr who lovcd
him or hcr as a human bcingan individualnoL jusL onc o Lhc many sLudcnLs Lhc
Lcachcr was supposcd Lo ill ull o HisLory and Fnglish. ThaL Lcachcr bclicvcd in you
and inspircd you.
Ics Brown is onc o Lhc grcaL moLivaLional spcakcrs in Lhc world. I iL hadnt
bccn or onc Lcachcr who said, I Lhink you can do morc Lhan bc in a spccial
cducaLion class. I Lhink youre the one," hed probably sLill bc cuLLing grass in Lhc
mcdian sLrip o Lhc highways in Florida insLcad o bcing a $35,000-a-Lalk spcakcr.


42

WRIGHT
I had a convcrsaLion onc Limc wiLh Ics. Hc Lold mc abouL Lhis wondcrul Lcachcr
who discovcrcd Ics was dyslcxic. Fvcrybody clsc callcd him dumb and Lhis onc lady
jusL Look him undcr hcr wing and had him LcsLcd. His cnLirc lic changcd bccausc o
hcr inLcrcsL in him.

CANFIELD
Im on Lhc board o advisors o Lhc Dyslcxic Awarcncss Rcsourcc CcnLcr hcrc in
SanLa Barbara. Thc rcason is bccausc I LaughL high school and had a loL o kids who
wcrc callcd at-risk"kids who would cnd up in gangs and so orLh.
WhaL wc ound ovcr and ovcr was LhaL abouL 7S pcrccnL o all Lhc kids in Lhc
juvcnilc dcLcnLion ccnLcrs in Chicago wcrc kids who had lcarning disabiliLics
primarily dyslcxiabuL Lhcrc wcrc oLhcrs as wcll. Thcy wcrc ncvcr diagnoscd and
Lhcy wcrcnL doing wcll in school so Lhcyd drop ouL. As soon as a sLudcnL drops ouL
o school hc or shc bccomcs subjccL Lo Lhc inlucncc o gangs and oLhcr kinds o
criminal and drug linkcd acLiviLics. I Lhcsc kids had bccn diagnoscd carlicr wc'd
have been able to gcL rid o a largc amounL o Lhc juvcnilc crimc in Amcrica bccausc
Lhcrc arc a loL o rcally good programs LhaL can Lcach dyslcxics Lo rcad and cxccl in
school.

WRIGHT
My wic is a Lcachcr and shc brings homc sLorics LhaL arc hcarLbrcaking about
parcnLs noL bcing as conccrncd wiLh Lhcir childrcn as Lhcy uscd Lo bc, or aL lcasL noL
as hclpul as Lhcy uscd Lo bc. Did you ind LhaL Lo bc a problcm whcn you wcrc
Lcaching`

CANFIELD
IL dcpcnds on whaL kind o disLricL yourc in. I iLs a poor disLricL Lhc parcnLs
could bc on drugs, alcoholics, and basically jusL noL availablc. I youre in a really
high rcnL disLricL Lhc parcnLs are noL availablc bccausc Lhcyrc boLh working, coming
homc Lircd, Lhcyrc jcL-setters, or theyrc working laLc aL Lhc oicc bccausc Lhcyre
workaholics. SomcLimcs iL jusL lcgiLimaLcly Lakcs Lwo paychccks Lo pay Lhc rcnL
anymorc.
Jack Canfield

43

I ind LhaL Lhc majoriLy o parcnLs carc buL oLcn Lhcy donL know whaL Lo do.
They donL know how Lo disciplinc Lhcir childrcn. Thcy donL know how Lo hclp
Lhcm wiLh Lhcir homcwork. Thcy canL pass on skills LhaL Lhcy ncvcr acquircd
Lhcmsclvcs.
UnorLunaLcly, Lhc Lrcnd Lcnds Lo bc likc a chain lcLLcr. Thc pcoplc wiLh Lhc lcasL
amounL o skills Lcnd Lo havc Lhc mosL numbcr o childrcn. Thc oLhcr thing is that
you gcL crack babics (inanLs born addicLcd Lo crack cocainc bccausc o Lhc moLhcr's
addicLion). As o Lhis wriLing, in Ios Angclcs onc ouL o cvcry Lcn babics born is a
crack baby.

WRIGHT
Thats unbclicvablc.

CANFIELD
Yes, and another staLisLic is LhaL by Lhc Limc 50 pcrccnL o Lhc kids arc Lwclvc
ycars old Lhcy havc sLarLcd cxpcrimcnLing wiLh alcohol. I scc a loL o LhaL in Lhc
Biblc bclL. Thc problcm is noL Lhc big ciLy, urban dcsigncr drugs, buL alcoholism.
AnoLhcr Lhing you gcL, unorLunaLcly, is a loL o lcLs call iL amilial violcncc"
kids gcLLing bcaL up, parcnLs who drink and Lhcn cxplodc, child abusc, and scxual
abusc. You scc a loL o LhaL.
Wright
MosL pcoplc arc ascinaLcd by Lhcsc Lclcvision shows abouL bcing a survivor.
What has bccn Lhc grcaLcsL comcback LhaL you havc madc rom advcrsiLy in your
carccr or in your lic`

CANFIELD
You know, iL's unny, I donL Lhink Ivc had a loL o major ailurcs and scLbacks
whcrc I had Lo sLarL ovcr. My lics bccn on an inLcnLional curvc. But I do have a lot
o challcngcs. Mark and I arc always scLLing goals LhaL challcngc us. Wc always say,
Thc purposc o scLLing a rcally big goal is noL so LhaL you can achicvc iL so much,
but its who you bccomc in Lhc proccss o achicving iL." A ricnd o minc, 3im Rohn,
says, You wanL Lo scL goals big cnough so LhaL in Lhc proccss o achicving Lhcm you
bccomc somconc worLh bcing."

44

I Lhink LhaL Lo bc a millionairc is nicc buL so whaL` Pcoplc makc Lhc moncy and
Lhcn Lhcy losc iL. Pcoplc gcL Lhc big houscs and Lhcn Lhcy burn down or Silicon
Vallcy gocs bclly up and all o a suddcn Lhcy donL havc a big housc anymorc. BuL
who you bccamc in Lhc proccss o lcarning how Lo bc succcssul can ncvcr bc Lakcn
away rom you. So whaL wc do is consLanLly puL big challcngcs in ronL o us.
Wc havc a book callcd Chicken Soup for the Teachers Soul. (Youll havc Lo makc
surc Lo gcL a copy or your wic.) I was a Lcachcr and a Lcachcr Lraincr or ycars. BuL
bccausc o Lhc succcss o Lhc Chicken Soup books I havcnt been in Lhc cducaLion
world LhaL much. Ivc goL Lo go ouL and rclcarn how I markcL Lo LhaL world. I mcL
wiLh a SupcrinLcndcnL o Schools. I mcL wiLh a guy namcd 3ason Dorscy whos one
o Lhc numbcr onc consulLanLs in Lhc world in LhaL arca. I ound ouL who has the
bestsclling book in LhaL arca. I saL down wiLh his wic or a day and Lalkcd abouL hcr
markcLing approachcs.
I bclicvc LhaL i you acc any kind o advcrsiLy, whcLhcr its losing your job, your
spousc dics, you gcL divorccd, yourc in an accidcnL likc Christopher Reeve and
bccomc paralyzcd, or whaLcvcr, you simply do whaL you havc Lo do. You ind ouL
whos alrcady handlcd Lhc problcm and how did Lhcyvc handlcd iL. Thcn you gcL Lhc
supporL you nccd Lo gcL Lhrough iL by Lhcir cxamplc. WhcLhcr iLs a counselor in
your church or you go on a rcLrcaL or you rcad Lhc Biblc, you do somcLhing LhaL
givcs you Lhc supporL you nccd Lo gcL Lo Lhc oLhcr cnd.
You also havc Lo know whaL Lhc cnd is LhaL you wanL Lo havc. Do you wanL Lo bc
rcmarricd` Do you jusL wanL Lo havc a job and bc a singlc mom` WhaL is iL` I you
rcach ouL and ask or supporL I Lhink youll gcL hclp. Pcoplc rcally likc Lo hclp oLhcr
pcoplc. Thcyrc noL always availablc bccausc somcLimcs Lhcyre going through
problcms also, buL Lhcrcs always somconc wiLh a hclping hand.
OLcn I Lhink wc lcL our pridc gcL in Lhc way. Wc lcL our sLubbornncss gcL in Lhc
way. Wc lcL our bclic in how Lhc world should bc inLcrcrc and gcL in our way
insLcad o dcaling wiLh how Lhc world is. Whcn wc gcL LhaL ouL o LhaL way Lhcn wc
can sLarL doing LhaL which wc nccd Lo do Lo gcL whcrc wc nccd Lo go.

WRIGHT
I you could havc a plaLorm and Lcll our audicncc somcLhing you ccl LhaL would
hclp or cncouragc Lhcm, whaL would you say`
Jack Canfield

45

CANFIELD
Id say numbcr onc is Lo bclicvc in yourscl, bclicvc in your drcams, and LrusL
your cclings. I Lhink Loo many pcoplc arc Lraincd wrong whcn Lhcyrc liLLlc kids. For
cxamplc, whcn kids arc mad aL Lhcir daddy Lhcyre told, Yourc noL mad aL your
Daddy."
They say, Ccc, I LhoughL I was."
Or Lhc kid says, Thats going to hurt," and Lhc docLor says, No its noL." Then
Lhcy givc you Lhc shoL and iL hurLs. Thcy say, See that didnL hurL, did iL`" When
LhaL happcncd Lo you as a kid, you sLarLcd Lo noL LrusL yourscl.
You may havc askcd your mom, Arc you upscL`" and she says, No," but she
rcally was. So you sLop lcarning Lo LrusL your pcrccpLion.
I Lcll Lhis sLory ovcr and ovcr. Thcrc arc hundrcds o pcoplc Ivc mcL whovc comc
rom uppcr class amilics whcrc Lhcy makc big incomcs and the dads a docLor. Thc
kid wanLs Lo bc a mcchanic and work in an auLo shop bccausc LhaLs whaL hc lovcs.
Thc amily says, Thats bcncaLh us. You canL do LhaL." So Lhc kid cnds up bcing an
ancsLhcsiologisL killing Lhrcc pcoplc bccausc hcs not paying aLLcnLion. WhaL hc
rcally wanLs Lo do is Linkcr wiLh cars.
I tell people youvc goL Lo LrusL your own cclings, your own moLivaLions, whaL
Lurns you on, whaL you wanL Lo do, whaL makcs you ccl good, and quiL worrying
abouL whaL oLhcr pcoplc say, Lhink, and wanL or you. Dccidc whaL you wanL or
yourscl and Lhcn do whaL you nccd Lo do Lo go abouL gcLLing iL. IL Lakcs work.
I rcad a book a wcck minimum and aL Lhc cnd o Lhc ycar Ivc rcad iLy-Lwo
books. Wcrc Lalking abouL procssional booksbooks on scl-hclp, inanccs,
psychology, parcnLing, and so orLh. AL Lhc cnd o Lcn ycars Ivc rcad 520 books.
ThaL puLs mc in Lhc Lop l pcrccnL o pcoplc knowing imporLanL inormaLion in Lhis
counLry. BuL mosL pcoplc arc spcnding Lhcir Limc waLching Lclcvision.
Whcn I wcnL Lo work or W. ClcmcnL SLonc, hc Lold mc, I wanL you Lo cuL ouL
onc hour a day o Lclcvision."
Okay," I said, whaL do I do wiLh iL`"
Read," hc said.
Hc Lold mc whaL kind o books Lo rcad. Hc said, AL Lhc cnd o a ycar youll have
spent 365 hours rcading. Dividc LhaL by a orLy-hour work wcck and LhaLs nine and
a hal wccks o cducaLion cvcry ycar."

46

I thought, Wow, LhaLs Lwo monLhs." IL was likc going back Lo summcr school.
As a rcsulL o his advicc I havc closc Lo S,000 books in my library. Thc rcason Im
involvcd in Lhis book projccL insLcad o somconc clsc is LhaL pcoplc likc mc, 3im
Rohn, Ics Brown, and you rcad a loL. Wc lisLcn Lo Lapcs and wc go Lo scminars.
Thats why wcrc Lhc pcoplc wiLh Lhc inormaLion.
I always say LhaL your raisc bccomcs cccLivc whcn you do. Youll bccomc morc
cccLivc as you gain morc skills, morc insighL, and morc knowlcdgc.

WRIGHT
3ack, I havc waLchcd your carccr or a long Limc and your accomplishmcnLs arc
jusL ouLsLanding. BuL your humaniLarian corLs arc rcally whaL imprcss mc. I Lhink
that yourc doing grcaL Lhings noL only in Caliornia, buL all ovcr Lhc counLry.

CANFIELD
Its Lruc. In addiLion Lo all o Lhc work wc do, wc pick onc Lo Lhrcc chariLics and
wcvc givcn away ovcr six million dollars in Lhc lasL cighL ycars, along wiLh our
publishcr who maLchcs cvcry pcnny wc givc away. Wcvc planLcd ovcr a million Lrccs
in YoscmiLc NaLional Park. Wcvc boughL hundrcds o Lhousands o caLaracL
opcraLions in Lhird world counLrics. Wcvc conLribuLcd Lo Lhc Rcd Cross, Lhc
Humanc SocicLy, and on iL gocs. IL ccls likc a rcal blcssing Lo bc ablc Lo makc LhaL
kind o a conLribuLion Lo Lhc world.

WRIGHT
Today wc havc bccn Lalking wiLh 3ack Canicld, oundcr and co-crcaLor o Lhc
Chicken Soup for the Soul book scrics. Chickcn Soup or Lhc Soul rcachcs pcoplc wcll
bcyond Lhc booksLorc, wiLh CD and DVD collccLions, company-sponsorcd samplcrs,
grccLing cards, childrcn's cnLcrLainmcnL producLs, pcL ood, lowcrs, and many
oLhcr producLs in linc wiLh Chickcn Soup or Lhc Soul's purposc. Chickcn Soup or
Lhc Soul is currcnLly implcmcnLing a plan Lo cxpand inLo all mcdia by working wiLh
television ncLworks on scvcral shows and dcvcloping a major InLcrncL prcscncc
dcdicaLcd Lo lic improvcmcnL, cmoLional supporL, and inspiraLion.

Jack Canfield

47

CANFIELD
Another book I'vc wriLLcn is The Success Principles. In iL I sharc sixLy-our
principlcs LhaL oLhcr pcoplc and I havc uLilizcd Lo achicvc grcaL lcvcls o succcss.

WRIGHT
I will sLand in linc Lo gcL onc o Lhosc. Thank you so much bcing wiLh us.
48

3ACK CANFIFID is one o Amcrica's lcading cxpcrLs on dcvcloping scl-csLccm
and pcak pcrormancc. A dynamic and cnLcrLaining spcakcr, as wcll as a highly
sought-aLcr Lraincr, hc has a wondcrul abiliLy Lo inorm and inspirc audicnccs
Loward dcvcloping Lhcir own human poLcnLial and pcrsonal cccLivcncss.
3ack Canicld is mosL wcll-known or Lhc Chicken Soup for the Soul series,
which hc co-auLhorcd wiLh Mark VicLor Hanscn, and or his audio programs
abouL building high scl-csLccm. 3ack is Lhc oundcr o Scl-FsLccm Scminars,
locaLcd in SanLa Barbara, Caliornia, which Lrains cnLrcprcncurs, cducaLors,
corporaLc lcadcrs, and cmployccs how Lo accclcraLc Lhc achicvcmcnL o Lhcir
pcrsonal and procssional goals. 3ack is also oundcr o Thc FoundaLion or Scl
FsLccm, locaLcd in Culvcr CiLy, Caliornia, which providcs scl-csLccm rcsourccs
and Lraining Lo social workcrs, wclarc rccipicnLs, and human rcsourcc
procssionals.
3ack graduaLcd rom Harvard in l066, rcccivcd his MF dcgrcc aL Lhc
UnivcrsiLy o MassachuscLLs in l073, and carncd an Honorary DocLoraLc rom
Lhc UnivcrsiLy o SanLa Monica. Hc has bccn a high school and univcrsiLy
Lcachcr, a workshop aciliLaLor, a psychoLhcrapisL, and a lcading auLhoriLy in
Lhc arca o scl-csLccm and pcrsonal dcvclopmcnL.
As a rcsulL o his work wiLh prisoncrs, wclarc rccipicnLs, and inncr-ciLy
youLh, 3ack was appoinLcd by Lhc SLaLc IcgislaLurc Lo Lhc Caliornia Task Forcc
Lo PromoLc Scl-FsLccm and Pcrsonal and Social RcsponsibiliLy. Hc also scrvcd
on Lhc Board o TrusLccs o Lhc NaLional Council or Scl-FsLccm.

49

JACK CANFIELD
The Jack Canfield Companies
P.O. Box 30SS0
Santa Barbara, CA 93130
Phonc: S05.563.2035
Fax: S05.563.2045
www.jackcanicld.com


50

51

C HA P T E R F OU R
Social Mcdia and Reputation ManagcmcnL
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Shellee Hale
Today wc'rc Lalking wiLh Shcllcc Halc, oundcr o Camandago, Inc., an
InLcrncL rcscarch irm whosc clicnLs includc corporaLc human rcsourccs
dcparLmcnLs, law irms, and privaLc clicnLs. As a consulLanL, Shcllcc has
coachcd many clicnLs on Lcchnology-rclaLcd issucs as wcll as providing busincss
rcscarch. Shcllcc is a liccnscd privaLc invcsLigaLor and is on Lhc Board o Lhc
WashingLon AssociaLion o Icgal InvcsLigaLors (WAII).
Shcllcc, Lhc amounL and varicLy o inormaLion LhaL can bc ound on Lhc
InLcrncL Lhcsc days is amazing. Thc InLcrncL can ccrLainly bc a grcaL tool in
connccLing pcoplc and in promoLing our busincsscs. Arc Lhcrc any conccrns
abouL using Lhc InLcrncL as a busincss Lool`


52

SHELLEE HALE (HALE)
You arc absoluLcly corrccL abouL Lhc InLcrncL's poLcnLial as a busincss Lool.
Our InLcrncL rcpuLaLion" can bc an asscL in achicving our lic goals. You
mcnLioncd scvcral o Lhcsc abovcas a markcLing Lool or your busincss and Lo
connccL wiLh poLcnLial clicnLs and parLncrs. Thc InLcrncL can also prohibiL us
rom obLaining our goals i Lhc inormaLion prcscnLcd abouL us in noL posiLivc.
I rcally apprcciaLc Lhc opporLuniLy Lo discuss Lhis bccausc I havc comc
across Loo many siLuaLions whcrc individuals havc misscd ouL on grcaL
opporLuniLics bccausc o Lhcir InLcrncL rcpuLaLion, and usually Lhis happcns
wiLhouL Lhcir knowlcdgc. Many pcoplc simply don'L rcalizc LhaL i somconc is
looking or inormaLion abouL a parLicular individual, Lhc InLcrncL is Lhc casicsL
and mosL comprchcnsivc mcLhod o inding iL.

WRIGHT
You havc sccn irsLhand Lhc Lypcs o inormaLion availablc onlinc. Many
irms and individuals usc Lhc InLcrncL Lo lcarn abouL poLcnLial cmployccs,
clicnLs, and busincss parLncrs. WhaL Lypcs o inormaLion can bc ound onlinc
Lo hclp cmploycrs and poLcnLial busincss parLncrs makc hiring and conLracLual
dccisions`

HALE
Pcrsonal and procssional inormaLion can bc obLaincd casily and lcgally
rom Lhc InLcrncL, and many cmploycrs and aLLorncys usc Lhis inormaLion Lo
makc hiring dccisions or Lo bolsLcr Lhcir cascs. For a small cc or or no cc aL
all, inormaLion can bc obLaincd rom govcrnmcnL organizaLions,
municipaliLics, and oLhcr organizaLions. In somc cascs, conscnL is rcquircd. In
oLhcrs, Lhc rcqucsL musL bc madc by a liccnscd invcsLigaLor. Somc agcncics
don'L rcquirc a rcqucsL aL all, buL allow you Lo query their databases that they
makc availablc onlinc. For insLancc:

Thc dcparLmcnL o moLor vchiclcs will rcporL on a pcrson's driving rccord.
Somc sLaLcs rcquirc Lhc drivcr's conscnL, buL noL all. Somc sLaLcs will
noLiy Lhc drivcr LhaL a rcqucsL has bccn madc.
Shellee Hale
!
53

Thc dcparLmcnL o liccnsing in somc sLaLcs allows you Lo chcck Lhc sLaLus
o your conLracLor's liccnsc, his or her insurancc or bond, and whcLhcr
Lhcrc havc bccn complainLs againsL him or hcr. This cxLcnds Lo oLhcr
businesses that require liccnscs as wcll.
CrcdiL burcaus will rcporL your crcdiL hisLory and crcdiL scorc wiLh your
conscnL.
Many univcrsiLics will providc inormaLion abouL your schooling.
Thc sLaLc paLrol in mosL sLaLcs will chcck Lo scc i you'vc had any clony
ocnscs in Lhc pasL Lhrcc ycars. For many jobs Lhis is rcquircd as a
condiLion o cmploymcnL.
Many counLics havc opcn daLabascs LhaL allow uscrs Lo ind ouL who owns
a parLicular propcrLy, how much Lhc owncr paid or iL and whcLhcr his or
hcr propcrLy Lax is currcnL. This could bc a uscul Lool or a poLcnLial
busincss parLncr. Pcoplc can dcLcrminc i you havc Lhc rcsourccs Lo cnLcr
inLo a dcal.

TradiLionally, Lo gcL Lhis inormaLion, Lhc irm handling Lhc background
chcck had Lo makc calls and ax orms. RcsulLs rom Lhcsc inormaLion rcqucsLs
could Lakc a cw days Lo scvcral wccks.
Nowadays, much o Lhc inormaLion abovc can bc ound onlinc, as morc
agcncics arc making proccsscs morc cicicnL. Bccausc o Lhis, inormaLion can
bc ound almosL insLanLancously. Fmploycrs and oLhcr busincsscs arc willing Lo
ask or morc inormaLion Lhan cvcr bcorc bccausc Lhcy arc ablc Lo gcL iL in a
Limcly manncr. ILcms such as crcdiL rcporLs and propcrLy Lax hisLory, which
wcrc noL parL o a Lypical background chcck, arc now bccoming morc common
sincc Lhc inormaLion is casy Lo gcL and can hclp a poLcnLial busincss partner
dccidc i hc or shc wanLs Lo cnLcr a rclaLionship.
And Lhcsc arc jusL Lhc Lhird parLy inormaLion sourccs. WiLh Lhc risc o
social ncLworking siLcs, morc pcrsonal inormaLion is availablc Lhan cvcr
bcorc.

WRIGHT
You bring up social ncLworking siLcs. How do Lhcsc siLcs play inLo an
individual's InLcrncL rcpuLaLion`


54

HALE
Thc sourccs abovc arc whaL I Lcrm third-party sourccs. Thcy arc indcpcndcnL
sourccs rcporLing acLual inormaLion on a parLicular subjccL, in Lhis casc, an
individual. WiLh social ncLworking siLcs, inormaLion is publishcd irsLhand.
FurLhcrmorc, iL is publishcd willingly and dclibcraLcly by Lhc individual on his
or hcr proilc pagc. ThaL basically says Lo Lhc vicwcr, I approvc o Lhis conLcnL
LhaL you arc sccing on my pagc."
Thc acL is, conLcnL LhaL is okay or a collcgc buddy Lo scc may or may noL bc
appropriaLc or co-workcrs or your boss. Dcpcnding on Lhc pcrsonal policy o
Lhc individual, LhaL inormaLion may bc obLainablc i an InLcrncL rcscarchcr
was hircd Lo ind iL.

WRIGHT
Is Lhis bccausc Lhcir scLLings arc lax`

HALE
Usually Lhis is Lhc casc. MosL uscrs spcnd no morc Lhan a couplc o minutes
acquainLing Lhcmsclvcs wiLh Lhc privacy scLLings on Lhc siLcs Lhcy usc. Couplc
Lhis Lcndcncy wiLh Lhc naLural assumpLion LhaL pcoplc looking or you havc
ricndly inLcnLions and an individual can bc casily LargcLcd. Thcrc arc plcnLy o
raudulcnL schcmcs ouL Lhcrc LhaL arc succcssul bccausc o Lhis assumpLion.
From a procssional poinL o vicw, Lhc issuc bccomcs onc o conLrol simply
bccausc Lhc purposc o Lhcsc siLcs is or pcoplc Lo ind cach oLhcr. Somc siLcs
havc bcLLcr conLrols in placc Lhan oLhcrs, buL conLrols arcn'L complcLcly
cusLomizablc. Uscrs wanL Lo bc ablc Lo do onc Lhing in onc casc, and somcLhing
clsc in anoLhcr, buL a scLLing only allows Lhcm Lo choosc onc way. Thc uscr may
opL or a lax scLLing in ordcr Lo lcL morc pcoplc ind Lhcm, but in doing so they
may bc morc cxposcd Lo unwanLcd aLLcnLion as wcll.

WRIGHT
So i wc havc conLrol o our conLcnL and who can scc iL, wc'rc sac`

Shellee Hale
!
55

HALE
Ycs and no. I know wc arc all sccking a surcirc way Lo usc Lhcsc siLcs worry-
rcc, and wc can gcL prcLLy closc. BuL LruLhully, wc arc cngaging in risk
managcmcnL. I a pcrson chooscs Lo usc Lhcsc siLcs, Lhcrc will always bc somc
risk, no maLLcr how small.
Bccausc Lhc poinL o social ncLworking siLcs is Lo cncouragc inLcracLion wiLh
oLhcrs, commcnLs, ncws, and rcqucsLs rom ricnds show on an individual's
pagc. And whilc iL is possiblc Lo kccp Lhis inormaLion o your pagc, LhaL rcally
isn'L Lhc poinL. You wanL Lo conLribuLc Lo a ncLwork and also rcccivc rom iL.
BuL Lhis docs havc inhcrcnL risks. You only know whaL somconc has wriLLcn on
your pagc oncc iL's publishcd. I you havc carcully sclccLcd who has acccss Lo
your siLc, 00 pcrccnL o Lhc Limc Lhcrc is no issuc. BuL Lhc risk is always Lhcrc.
IL's an illusion Lo Lhink wc havc complcLc conLrol ovcr Lhc conLcnL o our pagcs
i wc usc Lhc siLcs as Lhcy arc inLcndcd.

WRIGHT
So, whaL can wc do Lo managc our inormaLion or posiLivc rcsulLs`

HALE
Thcrc arc somc acLions LhaL you can Lakc Lo proLccL your onlinc rcpuLaLion
and build your procssional ncLwork aL Lhc samc Limc:

Choosc a ncLwork whosc purposc maLchcs yours. I you arc looking or
procssional ncLworking opporLuniLics, choosc a ncLwork crcaLcd or LhaL
purposc. I Lhc inLcnL is Lo kccp in Louch wiLh long disLancc amily and
ricnds, opL or a ncLwork LhaL is dcsigncd wiLh LhaL goal in mind.
SclccL a rcspccLablc ncLwork. NoL all ncLworks arc crcaLcd cqual. Choosc
wiscly.
Kccp your busincss and social ncLworks scparaLc. Somc carccrs dcmand
morc discrcLion Lhan oLhcrs, buL mosL pcoplc can bcnciL rom Lhis
sLraLcgy. Whilc you may wish Lo includc busincss conLacLs whom you know
socially in your social ncLwork, you probably do noL wanL Lo add social
acquainLanccs Lo your procssional ncLwork unlcss you inLcnd Lo ncLwork
wiLh cach oLhcr in LhaL capaciLy. And i you don'L wanL Lo add a co-workcr
Lo your social ncLwork, you don'L havc Lo. I a busincss associaLc inds your

56

social pagc, simply scnd a rcqucsL Lo him or hcr rom your busincss
ncLwork.
MainLain conLrol ovcr your pagc. UndcrsLand who can scc your pagc, your
commcnLs, your phoLos, and your ricnds. Havc a policy rcgarding whaL
you will do wiLh rcqucsLs rom pcoplc you don'L know. RcqucsLs can comc
rom ricnds o ricnds, rom individuals looking or a ricnd wiLh a samc
or similar namc, or rom pcoplc unknown Lo you. Havc a policy on how you
will handlc Lhcsc cvcnLs whcn Lhcy arisc. Don'L bc araid Lo ignorc rcqucsLs
you are unsure abouL.

WRIGHT
IL sccms LhaL uscrs rcally nccd Lo undcrsLand LhaL Lhcir onlinc proilcs arc
as imporLanL as Lhcir procssional and pcrsonal rcpuLaLion. How can wc usc Lhc
social ncLworking siLcs or Lhc InLcrncL in gcncral Lo achicvc our lic goals`

HALE
Dcpcnding on your goals, Lhc opporLuniLics arc cndlcss. IcL's look aL Lhis
rom Lhrcc poinLs o vicw: Busincss, Iic, and RclaLionships.
From a busincss pcrspccLivc, scvcral goals comc Lo mind. You may wanL Lo
usc Lhc InLcrncL as a way Lo grow your busincss. Morc pcoplc can lcarn abouL
your busincss i Lhcy ind your siLc whcn Lhcy scarch. Oncc Lhcy gcL Lhcrc,
poLcnLial clicnLs musL ind whaL Lhcy arc looking or on your siLc so Lhcy arc
compcllcd Lo sLay. Your goal is LhaL Lhcy bookmark your siLc, comc back Lo iL
oLcn, and cvcnLually makc a purchasc or rcqucsL morc inormaLion. In Lhis
casc, your sLraLcgy is a wcll-conccivcd, compclling Wcb siLc.
AnoLhcr common usc o Lhc InLcrncL rom a busincss pcrspccLivc is
ncLworking. 3oining a procssional ncLwork can bc invaluablc. AL your
ingcrLips, you havc conLacL inormaLion or pcoplc you may wanL Lo do
busincss wiLh. You can also gcL qucsLions answcrcd rom procssionals in Lhcir
iclds or lcL pcoplc you rcspccL know LhaL you arc considcring a carccr changc.
A posiLivc InLcrncL rcpuLaLion is impcraLivc or Lhcsc sLraLcgics Lo work.
From a lic goal pcrspccLivc, again, Lhc InLcrncL providcs ininiLc
opporLuniLics. Coals can bc shorL-Lcrm, long-Lcrm, or somcwhcrc in bcLwccn.
IcL's Lakc a shorL-Lcrm goalyou wanL Lo join a book club. Pcrhaps you havc
Shellee Hale
!
57

askcd around and bccn unablc Lo ind onc or you havc rcccnLly rclocaLcd and
don'L havc Lhc connccLions ycL. So whaL do you do`
Wcll, hcrc is a posiLivc way LhaL social ncLworking can hclp. You go Lo a siLc
such as mccLup.com. On Lhis parLicular siLc, you can ind pcoplc wiLh common
inLcrcsLs in a spcciic gcographic arca. In mosL o Lhcsc cascs, you ask Lo join a
group, and Lhc group oundcr or lcadcr approvcs your rcqucsL. Many o Lhcsc
groups mccL in a public placc, which hclps ovcrcomc poLcnLial sacLy conccrns.
MosL o Lhcsc groups arc oundcd duc Lo a common inLcrcsL. Thcrc arc book
clubs, winc clubs, dinncr clubs, alumni groups, groups LhaL cmbracc ccrLain
causcs, groups bascd on sporLs, and so on. Thc rangc is vasL. ThaL's onc
cxamplc o how a shorL-Lcrm goal can bc achicvcd wiLh a social ncLworking siLc.
Thc InLcrncL can also bc uscd or longcr-Lcrm goals. Many univcrsiLics ocr
onlinc dcgrcc programs. I your goal is Lo bccomc skillcd or a ncw carccr, Lhcrc
arc scvcral onlinc programs availablc dcpcnding on whaL you wanL Lo do. Somc
are entirely Web-bascd, and somc arc run Lhrough local collcgcs whcrc onlinc
classcs arc an opLion. SiLcs LhaL ocr onlinc lcarning includc UnivcrsiLy o
Phocnix, Capclla UnivcrsiLy, and DcVry UnivcrsiLy. Thcrc arc many oLhcrs.
For many pcoplc, Lhc InLcrncL may bc Lhc lasL placc Lo look Lo dcvclop
rclaLionships. BuL as wc havc sccn in Lhc book club cxamplc mcnLioncd
prcviously, Lhcrc arc sac and producLivc ways Lo usc Lhc InLcrncL Lo mccL
pcoplc wiLh social ncLworking siLcs. Whcrc an individual may shy away rom
daLing siLcs, mccLing somconc wiLh a common inLcrcsL ccls sacrphysically
and cmoLionallyycL Lhis ricndship may progrcss inLo a morc scrious
rclaLionship. For Lhosc who arc comorLablc wiLh daLing siLcs, many pcoplc
havc uscd Lhcsc siLcs succcssully.
For pcoplc who do kccp a procssional and/or pcrsonal proilc on a social
ncLworking siLc, mainLaining rclaLionships and sLaying in conLacL bccomcs
much casicr. RcconnccLing wiLh pasL ricnds, acquainLanccs, and co-workcrs is
onc o Lhc main rcasons pcoplc usc Lhcsc siLcs and in a world whcrc rclocaLing
has bccomc quiLc common, iL is a grcaL way Lo sLill ccl connccLcd Lo pcoplc
rom your pasL.


58

WRIGHT
Wc'vc discusscd social ncLworks as a way Lo dcvclop and mainLain busincss
rclaLionships. WhaL can uscrs cxpccL i Lhcy join a siLc such as IinkcdIn`

HALE
In iLs mosL basic orm, IinkcdIn is csscnLially your onlinc rolodcx. O
coursc, cw pcoplc usc a rolodcx anymorc, and basically LhaL is bccausc
inormaLion can bc bcLLcr managcd in an clccLronic ormaL. Now imaginc LhaL
many pcoplc all sLorc Lhcir onlinc rolodcx in Lhc samc placc. FurLhcrmorc, all
Lhcsc rolodcxcs arc linkcd wiLh cach oLhcr Lhrough common cnLrics. ThaL is the
csscncc o IinkcdIn. My proilc may havc iLy busincss conLacLs in iL, and cach
o Lhcsc conLacLs may havc iLy conLacLs. I I havc an indusLry-spcciic
qucsLion, am looking or a ncw job, or nccd Lo hirc somconc wiLh a spcciic skill
scL, my ncLwork can hclp mc. I'm also inclincd Lo usc my ncLwork bccausc I
know Lhc pcoplc I'm dcaling wiLh. This is Lhc undcrlying prcmisc Lo Lhc succcss
o Wcb 2.0.

WRIGHT
WhaL is Wcb 2.0`

HALE
Wcb 2.0 rccrs Wcb siLcs LhaL promoLc or cvcn dcpcnd on uscr
parLicipaLion. This includcs social ncLwork siLcs, blogs, producL raLing modulcs
wiLhin siLcs, and oLhcr siLcs LhaL rcly on uscr-gcncraLcd acLions or conLcnL.
Originally, Lhc World Widc Wcb consisLcd o sLaLic Wcb pagcs and onc-way
communicaLion. Thc currcnL gcncraLion o Wcb siLcsWcb 2.0treats users
as acLivc parLicipanLs raLhcr Lhan rcccivcrs o inormaLion. Thc Wcb sLill
providcs inormaLion, o coursc, buL uscrs now havc Lhc opporLuniLy Lo answcr
back. Social ncLworking siLcs, blogs, onlinc communiLics, and producL rcvicws
arc all componcnLs o Wcb 2.0.

Shellee Hale
!
59

WRIGHT
You havc givcn us somc cxamplcs o how Lhc InLcrncL, Wcb 2.0, and social
ncLworking Lools can hclp us achicvc spcciic goals. WhaL abouL largcr goals or
carccr changcs`

HALE
Many people have used the InLcrncL and Wcb 2.0 siLcs spcciically Lo achicvc
long-Lcrm goals.
For insLancc, I havc known bloggcrs who havc bccomc cxpcrLs in Lhcir
subjccLs and havc bccn ocrcd book conLracLs by Lop publishcrs. AnoLhcr
ricnd rcuniLcd wiLh an old co-workcr on a social ncLworking siLc and Lhc Lwo
o Lhcm havc sincc launchcd Lhcir own producL linc. AnoLhcr cx-coworkcr has
launchcd a vcnLurc capiLal irm or small busincsscs and gcLs plcnLy o lcads
rom his own social ncLwork and LhaL o ricnds. Iargc companics havc
programs such as MicrosoL's BizSparq LhaL bring ccrLain skill scLs LogcLhcr
wiLh inLcrcsLcd invcsLors or oLhcrs who havc complcmcnLary skills.
All o Lhcsc carccr succcss sLorics arc byproducLs o Wcb 2.0.

WRIGHT
Arc Lhcrc any guidclincs wc can ollow Lo kccp our onlinc rcpuLaLions
posiLivc and procssional`

HALE
Hcrc arc our sLcps an individual can Lakc Lo usc Wcb 2.0 sLraLcgics
succcssully:

l. Ncvcr usc a alsc namc. I you arcn'L willing Lo say iL in your own namc,
don'L say iL!
2. Don'L puL down oLhcr pcoplc's work or commcnLs. I you disagrcc wiLh a
commcnL or nccd Lo makc a commcnL LhaL conlicLs wiLh oLhcr poinLs o
vicw, basc your commcnL in acLs, noL cmoLions or opinion.
3. Kccp iL clcan. MosL o us arc noL cclcbriLics, buL a good cxcrcisc in building
a posiLivc onlinc rcpuLaLion is Lo prcLcnd LhaL you arc. Managc Lhc conLcnL
o your social ncLwork pagcs Lo cnsurc Lhcy prcscnL an accuraLc porLrayal

60

o you. Ask yourscl, i my siLc's sccuriLy was hackcd Loday and anyonc can
scc my conLcnL, am I okay wiLh LhaL`
4. Pcrorm your own background chcck." Do you havc conccrns abouL Lhc
pasL` IL's noL unusual Lo havc a Lraic LickcL or a misscd paymcnL. BuL i
you know whaL a poLcnLial cmploycr or crcdiLor may ind, you will bc rcady
Lo cxplain any less-than-glowing iLcms LhaL pop up.

WRIGHT
How can wc pcrorm our own background chcck`

HALE
Onc way Lo do Lhis is Lo scc yourscl Lhrough Lhc cycs o Lhc individual who
may bc hircd Lo pcrorm a background chcck. This is a dccnsivc sLraLcgy, but
onc LhaL can ocr bcnciLs i you can bc honcsL wiLh yourscl. I your job
applicaLion claims you'vc ncvcr bccn arrcsLcd, will your background chcck show
somcLhing dicrcnL` I your rcsumc sLaLcs you hold a dcgrcc in a subjccL, will
Lhc collcgc or univcrsiLy back LhaL up` I your markcLing collaLcral claims you
havc ccrLain rcvcnucs, will a look aL your books conirm Lhc numbcrs` AcccpL
LhaL much o Lhis inormaLion can bc discovcrcd i somconc was cmploycd Lo
look.

WRIGHT
I wc do havc lcss Lhan posiLivc cvcnLs in our hisLory, whaL should wc do`

HALE
Dcpcnding on Lhc siLuaLion, Lhc ollowing LacLics may bc hclpul:

Takc carc o anyLhing LhaL is in your dirccL conLrol. On your ncLwork
pagcs, blogs, and any oLhcr placc Lhis may apply, rcmovc ncgaLivc rcmarks,
including jokcs. Takc down disparaging phoLos o yourscl and ricnds.
SLop Lhc colorul commcnLary.
Kccp abrcasL o whaL is in your crcdiL hisLory aL all Lhrcc crcdiL burcaus. I
Lhcrc is an crror in onc o your rcporLs, gcL iL ixcd. I Lhere is a negative
cvcnL in your hisLory, you havc Lhc righL Lo add a commcnL. Do so, giving
Shellee Hale
!
61

Lhc circumsLanccs, so LhaL anyonc looking can aL lcasL havc Lhc wholc
picLurc bcorc making a dccision.
Makc surc your rcsumc dcpicLs your cducaLion corrccLly. I you dont have
dcgrcc, sLaLc LhaL you aLLcndcd our ycars o collcgc and namc your
program o sLudy. You may noL hold a dcgrcc, buL you did gain somc
cducaLion.
I you do havc an arrcsL rccord or mulLiplc inracLions, your opLions may bc
limiLcd. Thcrc is usually a Limc limiL on how ar back an invcsLigaLor will
look, Lypically Lhrcc ycars. Fclonics rcmain on your rccord. I you havc a
airly rcccnL inracLion, an aLLorncy can advisc you o whaL sLcps you can
Lakc Lo scal or cxpungc your rccord. NoL cvcryLhing can bc handlcd Lhis
way, and dicrcnL sLaLcs havc dicrcnL rulcs.
Abovc all, bc honcsL. No onc is pcrccL. MosL pcoplc undcrsLand LhaL
misLakcs happcn. I you arc ccrLain LhaL a poLcnLially ncgaLivc cvcnL will bc
revealed, be ready to address it in a non-dccnsivc, rcsponsiblc manncr.

Oncc you havc donc cvcryLhing wiLhin your powcr Lo puL LogcLhcr a
procssional proilc, iL is Limc Lo movc ahcad wiLh Lhc knowlcdgc LhaL you arc
puLLing your bcsL ooL orward.

WRIGHT
Now LhaL wc arc rcady Lo build our ncLwork and incrcasc our opporLuniLics
or succcss, how do wc go abouL iL`

HALE
This is Lhc un parL bccausc wc arc bcing proacLivc and wc can rcally sLarL
sccing Lhc ruiLs o our labors. Dcpcnding on our pcrsonal goals, whcrc wc
ocus our cncrgy may bc dicrcnL, buL Lhcrc arc scvcral sLraLcgics LhaL apply Lo
mosL siLuaLions.
First, dccidc whaL your goal is. Arc you scarching or a ncw carccr` Arc you
growing your cxisLing busincss` Or is Lhis a complcmcnLary or sidc busincss` In
all o Lhcsc cascs whaL is nccdcd is cxposurc. You nccd Lo lcL pcoplc know you
arc ouL Lhcrc and whaL skills and knowlcdgc you posscss.


62

Fxpand your connccLions. Always bc on Lhc lookouL or pcoplc Lo add Lo
your ncLwork. O coursc you arc going Lo bc purposcul in Lhis, mcaning
you arcn'L adding jusL havc morc namcs. BuL as morc pcoplc conLinuc Lo
join ncLworks, and as inLroducLions arc madc Lhrough ricnds, your
ncLwork can always bc cxpanding.
3oin onlinc communiLics LhaL will kccp you updaLcd on Lhc Lopics you arc
inLcrcsLcd in.
ParLicipaLc in onlinc communiLics in ordcr Lo add valuc Lo Lhc siLc and gain
cxposurc aL Lhc samc Limc. Thcsc siLcs, i uscd propcrly, bcnciL all
partiesLhc communiLy hosL, Lhc parLicipanLs, and oLhcr mcmbcrs.
CrcaLc a blog or Wcb siLc in your arca o cxpcrLisc. Bccomc a rcspccLcd
sourcc or oLhcrs and cvcnLually you may bc ablc Lo moncLizc Lhc siLc.
Kccp pursuing lcads. As doors conLinuc Lo opcn, your chanccs o succcss
conLinuc Lo incrcasc.

WRIGHT
Thank you, Shcllcc, or sharing your knowlcdgc o InLcrncL rcscarch and
Wcb 2.0 bcnciLs.

HALE
IL has bccn a plcasurc discussing how powcrul a LoolscL Lhc InLcrncL, Wcb
2.0, and Social NcLworking can bc. Thc sccrcL is Lo scc Lhcsc cnLiLics as Lools,
acLivcly parLicipaLc according Lhc guidclincs mcnLioncd abovc, and vicw Lhc
producL o our parLicipaLion as an onlinc rcsumc or biography. WiLh LhaL
ouLlook, wc arc compcllcd Lo prcscnL oursclvcs jusL as wc would in a social
siLuaLion or an inLcrvicw. ConducLing oursclvcs in a procssional manncr and
acLivcly parLicipaLing opcns up opporLuniLics wc would noL havc oLhcrwisc, and
can rcward us wiLh lic-cnhancing cxpcricnccs.
63

Shellee Hale has workcd wiLh companics as a busincss and
managcmcnL consulLanL or over LwcnLy years. She is a Registered Counselor,
CcrLiicd Iic Coach, and AuLhor. Farly clicnLs includcd high Lcch irms sccking
Lo uLilizc ncw Lcchnology or a busincss advanLagc. As Lhc InLcrncL grcw,
Shellees LoolscL cxpandcd Lo includc many orms o clccLronic inormaLion or
her clicnLs. ALcr providing clccLronic rcscarch or a lcgal casc, Shcllcc wcnL on
to earn her private investigator liccnsc and has cnhanccd hcr Lcchnical
consulLing cxpcrLisc wiLh sLraLcgic clccLronic and InLcrncL-based investigative
skills. Shcllcc is on Lhc board o Lhc WashingLon AssociaLion o Icgal
InvcsLigaLors, a mcmbcr o InLcrnaLional Coaching FcdcraLion, National
WriLcrs Union, SocicLy o Procssional 3ournalism, Mcdia Bloggcrs AssociaLion,
and Lhc Procssional AssociaLion o InLuiLivc ConsulLanLs. Shellee is also a
ounding parLncr and VP o Clobal Mcdia RclaLions aL IivcAmcrica.com.

SHELLEE HALE
Camandago, Inc.
227 Bellevue Way NE #80
Bellevue, WA 98004
shcllcccamandago.com
www.camandago.com
www.coachshcllcc.com


64

65

C HA P T E R F I V E
Building Principlcs or Succcss
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Tifphanie Tucker
Today wc'rc Lalking wiLh Tiphanic Tuckcr. An cxciLing and cxubcranL
moLivaLional spcakcr, Tiphanic challcngcs womcn o all agcs Lo build Lhcir livcs
bascd on rock-solid principlcs and a irm oundaLion. Hcr dclivcry Lcchniquc is
capLivaLing and absoluLcly powcrul. Tiphanic owns and opcraLcs hcr own
consLrucLion company whcrc shc and hcr Lcam build and rcnovaLc homcs. In Lhc
malc dominaLcd world o consLrucLion, shc lcarncd Lo navigaLc and succccd in a
business thaL has Lransormcd hcr inLo a sLrong and passionaLc individual.
Tiphanic, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

TIFPHANIE TUCKER (TUCKER)
Thank you.


66

WRIGHT
So will you Lcll our rcadcrs how did Lhc namc or your busincss, Womcn Undcr
ConsLrucLion, comc abouL`

TUCKER
Womcn Undcr ConsLrucLion was born as a rcsulL o my cxpcricnccs as a cmalc
liccnscd gcncral conLracLor and owncr o a consLrucLion company. I havc builL and
rcnovaLcd homcs or many amilics. As a buildcr, I cncounLcrcd challcngcs and
obsLaclcs LhaL havc hclpcd mc Lo dcvclop characLcr, paLicncc, and pcrscvcrancc.
WiLh Womcn Undcr ConsLrucLion, I usc my cxpcrLisc in ovcrcoming obsLaclcs and
Lhc lcssons lcarncd rom my work in Lhis challcnging indusLry Lo cncouragc
womcn Lo build on a oundaLion capablc o wiLhsLanding lic's sLorms.

WRIGHT
So whaL is Lhc main mcssagc you wanL Lo convcy so LhaL Lhcy can lcarn rom
your succcss`

TUCKER
Building a housc is a proccss and so is building a lic. Whcn building a housc, iL
is ncccssary Lo crcaLc plans and work as parL o a Lcam Lo gcL Lhc job donc. Thc kcy
Lo succcss in consLrucLion is having a clcar vision. As a gcncral conLracLor, parL o
my rcsponsibiliLy is Lo adopL Lhc vision as my own and Lurn iL inLo a concrcLc
rcaliLy. I can'L build a housc alonc. IL Lakcs a Lcam o pcoplc Lo makc Lhis happcn. I
havc lcarncd Lo collaboraLc and rcly on Lhc skills o cxpcricnccd subconLracLors Lo
do Lhc work.
In daily lic, wc havc Lo surround oursclvcs wiLh a Lcam o cxpcricnccd and wisc
builderspcoplc who havc gonc Lhrough a sLorm and wcaLhcrcd iL. Thcsc arc
pcoplc who havc visions and pcoplc who will cncouragc succcss. Many Limcs wc
oLcn allow Lhc wrong Lcam o pcoplc Lo cnLcr our livcs. This can havc a ncgaLivc
impacL on our abiliLy Lo clariy our vision and rcach our goals in lic.
I Lcll pcoplc Lo drivc Lhrough a ncighborhood and Lakc a good look aL Lhc
houscs. Thc houscs may havc many similariLics and dicrcnccs. From Lhc ouLsidc,
iL is impossiblc Lo Lcll whaL Lhcir oundaLions arc likc. A sLorm could shakc Lhc
Tifphanie Tucker
67

housc rom Lhc oundaLion i iL is poorly consLrucLcd. Thc samc is Lruc o Lhc
individuals wc surround oursclvcs wiLh in lic. Whilc Lhcy may havc visiblc
similariLics and dicrcnccs, iL's imporLanL Lo look dccp wiLhin and discovcr whaL
makcs up Lhc corc o Lhcir oundaLion.

WRIGHT
You spcak mcLaphorically abouL building a housc and building a succcssul lic.
What business strategies havc you applicd using Lhis conccpL Lo bccomc
succcssul`

TUCKER
Whcn I sLarLcd my consLrucLion company, I iniLially accd many challcngcs.
Somc o Lhosc challcngcs wcrc bccausc consLrucLion is a malc-dominaLcd
procssion. IL was diiculL Lo ovcrcomc sLcrcoLypcs, communicaLion barricrs, and
Lo solvc problcms. I oLcn bccamc discouragcd and wanLcd Lo Lhrow in Lhc Lowcl.
Thc kcy Lo my succcss was in rcsLrucLuring my Lhinking Lo bc morc posiLivc and Lo
cmbracc Lhc challcngcs. My mind had Lo bccomc a solid oundaLion capablc o
supporLing Lhc busincss. FvcryLhing rcsLcd upon my ouLlook. From LhaL poinL, I
was ablc Lo build a succcssul busincss.

WRIGHT
So how did you concludc LhaL spcaking was your passion`

TUCKER
My busincss is uniquc in LhaL I can providc homcs or amilics in nccd, jobs or
my cmployccs and oLhcr conLracLors in my indusLry, and my pcrsonal skills and
aLLribuLcs allow mc Lo Lcach oLhcrs how Lo build sLrong oundaLions in Lhcir own
livcs. WiLh my lcadcrship and managcmcnL cxpcricncc, I bccamc a moLivaLional
spcakcr, hclping oLhcrs lcarn Lo sLarL Lhcir own busincsscs builL on rock-solid
principlcs and a irm oundaLion likc minc.
From my procssional cxpcricncc as a buildcr and my involvcmcnL wiLh
womcn's minisLrics, I havc bccn inspircd Lo cncouragc and supporL cnLrcprcncurs
as Lhcy sLrivc or procssional and pcrsonal succcss. I scck Lo Lcach oLhcrs Lhc

68

ncccssary survival skills Lo makc iL Lhrough any sLorm and posiLion Lhcmsclvcs or
spiriLual wcllncss and procssional succcss.

WRIGHT
So whaL kind o oundaLion arc you building on`

TUCKER
I havc bccn building homcs and my work in Lhc consLrucLion busincss is
complcmcnLcd in uniquc ways by my spiriLualiLy, lcadcrship, and managcmcnL
skills. I can Lakc a scL o blucprinLs and Lransorm Lhcm in a Langiblc rcaliLya
placc whcrc a amily can livc or a busincss can opcraLc. AL Lhc samc Limc, I also
look Lo Cod and His Word as Lhc blucprinLs and my aiLh in ChrisL as Lhc
oundaLion or my daily lic.
This combinaLion o skills and bclics has hclpcd mc Lo bccomc a succcssul
consLrucLion company owncr and moLivaLional spcakcr.

WRIGHT
MosL pcoplc I'vc Lalkcd wiLh who arc vcry succcssul havc always Lalkcd abouL
Lhc hard LimcsLhc Lhings LhaL wcnL wrong. WhaL obsLaclcs havc you accd and
how can you inspirc oLhcrs`

TUCKER
Thc mindscL LhaL I approach challcngcs and sLorms wiLh dcLcrmincs the
ouLcomc o cvcry projccL.
Thc vcry irsL homc I aLLcmpLcd Lo build was puL on hold bccausc Lhc bank
dcnicd Lhc inancing. ThaL scLback was simply a small rain showcr in Lhc proccss. I
pcrscvcrcd and soughL alLcrnaLivc soluLions Lo gcL Lhrough Lhc bad wcaLhcr" and
rcach Lhc rainbow on Lhc oLhcr sidc. I I had acccpLcd onc bank's word as inal, I
ncvcr would havc sccn Lhc smilc on Lhc ncw homcowncrs' accs whcn Lhcy cuL Lhc
ribbon and rcccivcd Lhc kcy Lo Lhc housc I builL or Lhcm.
Icarning Lo navigaLc and succccd in Lhc consLrucLion busincss has Lransormcd
mc inLo a sLrong and passionaLc individual.

Tifphanie Tucker
69

WRIGHT
I you could wriLc a prcscripLion or succcss whaL would iL bc`

TUCKER
In my scminars, I Lcll pcoplc LhaL Lhcy arc Lhc buildcrs o Lhcir livcs. People see
Lhc houscs I build aLcr Lhcy arc complcLcd. Thcy do noL scc Lhc sLcp-by-step
proccsscs LhaL wcnL inLo crcaLing Lhc inishcd producL. Thc dcgrcc o corL and
moLivaLion iL Lakcs Lo build a housc is similar Lo whaL's ncccssary or building a
succcssul lic.
My prcscripLion would bc Lo carcully survcy Lhc LcrriLory in which you wanL Lo
cmbark and succccd. CrcaLc a vision wiLh rcalisLic goals and wriLc iL down. Movc
orward and puL your wriLLcn plan inLo acLion. Scck wisc counscl along Lhc way
and always asscss your progrcss. Makc Lhc ncccssary modiicaLions and
adjusLmcnLs whcn you cncounLcr unorcsccablc roadblocks. Claim vicLory along
Lhc way and rcjoicc whcn you succccd.
I would also cmphasizc Lhc ollowing poinLs in conjuncLion wiLh my
prescripLion or succcss:

l. As Lhc buildcr o your lic you havc Lo havc a plan. Fvcn Lhc Biblc cncouragcs
us Lo wriLc a vision and makc iL plain. WriLc a lisL o goals or all your
cndcavors you wanL Lo accomplish.
2. As a buildcr, I havc Lo ollow a plan LhaL includcs spcciic milcsLoncs. I Lhosc
milcsLoncs arc noL mcL in a Limcly ashion, Lhc projccL will bc dclaycd. Thc
samc is Lruc in lic. I you gcL o coursc, rcvisc your schcdulc and gcL back on
Lrack.
3. Whcn I build a housc, I havc Lo build on a solid oundaLion. Iic also has Lo bc
builL on a solid oundaLion. My oundaLion is madc up o Lhc biblical principlcs
ound in Lhc Word o Cod. WiLh Lhis knowlcdgc, I am ablc Lo build wiscly. Bc a
buildcr wiLh inLcgriLy.
4. Build virLuously upon your oundaLion. Thc our walls o virLuc includc
pcrsisLcncc, paLicncc, passion, and a posiLivc aLLiLudc. Thcsc aLLribuLcs havc
hclpcd mc bccomc succcssul and sLand sLrong in Lhc acc o advcrsiLy.
5. Thc walls o a housc supporL Lhc roo. Thc roo rcprcscnLs your mind. I the
roo lcaks, Lhc insidc will bc damagcd. Surround yourscl wiLh posiLivc,
succcssul pcoplc who havc your bcsL inLcrcsL and wanL you Lo succccd.

70

ProLccL Lhc inLcrior o your housc by bcing around pcoplc who arc succcssul
and supporLivc o whaL you arc Lrying Lo accomplish in your lic.

WRIGHT
So whaL docs succcss mcan Lo you`

TUCKER
Succcss mcans accomplishing Lhc goals I scL. IL mcans having a plan and
sLraLcgizing Lo rcach Lhc goals. IL mcans cxpccLing Lhc uncxpccLcd and mcnLally
prcparing Lo ovcrcomc any obsLaclcs. Succcss also mcans knowing LhaL Lhcrc will
bc hurdlcs along Lhc way, buL jumping ovcr Lhcm wiLh gracc and prccision. Finally,
succcss is knowing LhaL a housc is noL builL in onc day, buL iL can bc builL.

WRIGHT
Wcll I'vc bccn a gcncral conLracLor in my lic, and I undcrsLand whaL you'rc
Lalking abouL. IL occurs Lo mc LhaL pcrhaps our rcadcrs know LhaL pcoplc build
houscs buL Lhcy rcally don'L know whaL a gcncral conLracLor is. Would you Lcll our
rcadcrs jusL whaL is a gcncral conLracLor`

TUCKER
From a housc Lo a commcrcial building or a ncw road, a gcncral conLracLor is an
imporLanL parL o many dicrcnL Lypcs o consLrucLion projccLs. Ccncral
conLracLors work on ncw building projccLs as wcll as rcnovaLions. Thcy arc
rcsponsiblc or complcLing building sLrucLurcs and coordinaLing oLhcr spcciic
aspccLs o Lhc projccL. Thcsc aspccLs mighL includc coordinaLing and managing
subconLracLors and supplicrs, crcaLing schcdulcs, and mccLing dcadlincs.

WRIGHT
So how do you cncouragc oLhcrs Lo achicvc succcss during Lhcsc cconomic
Limcs`

TUCKER
Thcrc is a sLory in Lhc Biblc (MaLLhcw 7:2427) whcrc 3csus makcs an analogy
abouL Lwo buildcrs, onc wisc and Lhc oLhcr oolish. Thc wisc buildcr builL on a solid
Tifphanie Tucker
71

oundaLion and Lhc oolish onc builL on sand. Thc wisc buildcr's housc wiLhsLood
Lhc sLorms LhaL camc. Thc oolish buildcr's housc crumblcd.
Iic is vcry much likc building a housc. Owning and opcraLing a busincss is also
likc building a housc. Iikc Lhc wisc man 3csus spokc o, I havc bcgun building on a
rock-solid oundaLion Lo supporL my pcrsonal and procssional cndcavors.
I bccamc a gcncral conLracLor wiLh Lhc inLcnL o applying my Lcchnical skills,
crcaLivc Lhinking, and dccision-making skills Lo build bcauLiul sLrucLurcs.
Onc o Lhc mosL imporLanL lcssons I havc Lakcn away rom my cxpcricncc in
Lhc consLrucLion icld is Lhc valuc o carcul planning and cxccuLion. In a pcrccL
world, Lhc archiLccL's plans would bc lawlcss, Lhc building dcparLmcnL would issuc
a pcrmiL wiLhouL any corrccLions Lo Lhc plans, subconLracLors would show up on
timc and pass cvcry inspccLion, Lhc maLcrials would bc dclivcrcd on Limc, Lhc
housc would bc complcLcd wiLhouL any sLorms or wcaLhcr dclays, no onc would
brcak Lhc windows or vandalizc Lhc consLrucLion projccL, and Lhc homcowncrs
would bc Lhankul or Lhcir ncw homc. UnorLunaLcly, Lhc world is noL pcrccL and
no projccL cvcr comcs LogcLhcr scamlcssly. I havc lcarncd Lo wcaLhcr Lhc icrccsL
sLorms, cvcn during Lhcsc cconomic Limcs, in ordcr Lo accomplish my goals.

WRIGHT
So whaL's in Lhc uLurc or Tiphanic Tuckcr` WhaL's your sLraLcgy or
mainLaining your succcsscs or lcL's say, Lhc ncxL ivc ycars`

TUCKER
ALcr bccoming a CcrLiicd Scminar Icadcr Lhrough Lhc ASIA, I havc bccn
inspircd Lo conducL concrcnccs and scminars Lo cncouragc oLhcrs Lo build a solid
oundaLion or a succcssul lic. I will complcLc my book LiLlcd Women Under
Construction LhaL will havc an accompanying scminar. My book and scminar will
cxhorL, cdiy, and comorL womcn rom all walks o lic.
In addition to addressing the individual nccds o womcn, my scminars can also
bc Lailorcd Lo iL Lhc spcciic nccds o any organizaLion or group. In Lhc pasL, I havc
spokcn Lo youLh groups, sLudcnLs in schools, and oLhcr communiLy organizaLions.
I will conLinuc my journcy Lo hclp oLhcrs succccd in Lhc ncxL ivc ycars. Using the

72

principlcs o building Lo hclp oLhcrs bccomc bcLLcr lcadcrs, my work will includc
hclping organizaLions and busincsscs moLivaLc and cmpowcr Lhcir cmployccs.
As a supporL mcchanism in Lhc ncxL ivc ycars, I will also rcly on Lhc guidancc
and dirccLion o my mcnLor, 3unc Davidson, PrcsidcnL o Lhc Amcrican Scminar
Icadcrs AssociaLion. Shc inspircs and cncouragcs mc, and will play an imporLanL
rolc in hclping mc Lransorm Lhcsc drcams inLo rcaliLics.

WRIGHT
Tiphanic, I ccrLainly do apprcciaLc all Lhis Limc you'vc Lakcn Loday Lo answcr
Lhcsc qucsLions. IL's ascinaLingI'vc only mcL onc oLhcr woman who owncd a
consLrucLion company and likc you, shc was vcry, vcry sLrong. Shc's bccn in iL or
LhirLy ycars now. You can probably imaginc how Lough iL musL havc bccn or a
woman in Lhc consLrucLion busincss LhirLy ycars ago. In comparison, I can jusL
imaginc somc o Lhc Lhings LhaL you'vc had Lo go Lhrough. IL's ascinaLing Lo hcar
you Lalk abouL iL.

TUCKER
Thank you. I'vc rcally cnjoycd Lalking wiLh you.

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh Tiphanic Tuckcr. Tiphanic challcngcs womcn
o all agcs Lo build Lhcir livcs bascd on rock-solid principlcs. Shc Lalks a loL abouL
building lic on a irm oundaLion. Thc namc o hcr company, Womcn Undcr
ConsLrucLion, says iL all. Shc Lalks Lo womcn, young pcoplc, and wiLh cvcryonc shc
mccLs abouL building Lhcir livcs on a sLrong oundaLion and hcrs is hcr aiLh in
ChrisL.
Tiphanic, Lhank you so much or bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to
Success.

TUCKER
Thank you.

73

TIFPHANIE TUCKER is Lhc owncr and prcsidcnL o Womcn Undcr
ConsLrucLion, Inc. As an cxciLing and cxubcranL kcynoLc spcakcr and Lraincr,
Tiphanic challcngcs individuals and organizaLions Lo build on rock-solid
principlcs and a irm oundaLion. Tiphanic is a SLaLc CcrLiicd Iiccnscd
Ccncral ConLracLor. Shc has a bachclor's dcgrcc in ArchiLccLural Fnginccring
and is currcnLly pursuing hcr masLcr's dcgrcc in FxccuLivc ManagcmcnL. Shc
owns and opcraLcs hcr own consLrucLion company, Mcga ConsLrucLion Tcam,
Inc. Shc and hcr Lcam build and rcnovaLc homcs.
Tiphanic has a passion or impacLing oLhcrs. Asidc rom hcr involvcmcnL
wiLh building consLrucLion and rcnovaLion, shc is a pasLor's wic and scrvcs as
Lhc coordinaLor o womcn's minisLrics. From hcr procssional cxpcricncc and
involvcmcnL wiLh womcn's minisLrics, shc has bccn inspircd Lo cncouragc and
supporL oLhcr womcn as Lhcy sLrivc or procssional, pcrsonal, and spiriLual
succcss. Fach prcscnLaLion, scminar, and workshop is capLivaLing. You'll Lakc
wiLh you unconvcnLional, buL succcssul sLraLcgics LhaL you can apply
immcdiaLcly inLo your own lic.

Tifphanie Tucker
2750 N.W. l06
th
Street
Miami Cardcns, Florida 33056
7S6.326.6l42
TiphanicTuckcrgmail.com
www.womcnundcrconsLrucLion.com


74

75

C HA P T E R S I X
Why You arc Lhc MasLcr o Your FaLc:
A Formula Lo Hclp You Changc Your World
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Earl Davis
Today wc'rc Lalking wiLh Farl Davis. Farl is a powcrul and passionaLc spcakcr
and succcss coach who is soughL aLcr by organizaLions such as HilLon HoLcls, IBM,
Lhc UniLcd SLaLcs Army, noL Lo mcnLion numcrous schools, collcgcs, and Lradc
organizaLions. Hc is Lhc crcaLor and hosL o Lhc Lclcvision radio program The
Winners Circle, which will soon bc caLurcd LhroughouL Tampa Bay and across Lhc
naLion. His company, CrcaLc Winncrs Inc., works wiLh corporaLc procssionals,
cnLrcprcncurs, small busincss owncrs, ncLwork markcLcrs, nonproiL
organizaLions (NPOs), and individuals who wanL Lo bring ouL Lhc vcry bcsL in
Lhcmsclvcs and oLhcrs.
Farl, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

76

EARL DAVIS (DAVIS)
Hcllo David, iL's a plcasurc Lo bc wiLh you.

WRIGHT
So whaL do you Lhink abouL Lhc LiLlc, Stepping Stones to Success?

DAVIS
Oh, I acLually lovc Lhc LiLlc and I'm glad Lo bc a parL o Lhis projccL bccausc iL's
imporLanL, cspccially in Limcs likc Lhcsc, LhaL pcoplc havc dirccLion in Lhcir lic,
havc a ocus, an inncr-knowing o whcrc Lo go, and a plan o how Lo gcL Lhcrc.
I likc iL bccausc I Lhink o my grandmoLhcr. Shc had a lowcr gardcn and in LhaL
lowcr gardcn shc had Lhcsc liLLlc sLcppingsLoncs LhaL would mcandcr Lhrough iL,
making a paLhwaya coursc LhaL would Lakc you around Lhc gardcn. You could
scc all Lhcsc visually sLimulaLing lowcrs and smcll amazing loral sccnLs, iL was
bcauLiul. So whcn I Lhink abouL Lhc LiLlc Stepping Stones to Success, I Lhink abouL
Lhc paLhway LhaL onc gcLs on in ordcr Lo gcL Lhcrc (succcss), as wcll as somc o Lhc
Lhings onc will scc along Lhc way.
AddiLionally, I Lhink LhaL in our indusLryLhc pcrsonal dcvclopmcnL
industrywc scc many pcoplc who will go ouL and Lry Lo LargcL succcss, iL
bccomcs somcLhing Lhcy do. As you know, in our indusLry, succcss is noL
somcLhing LhaL you can do nor is it a dcsLinaLion, iL's morc o a journcy. IL's a
maLLcr o achicvcmcnL vcrsus aLLracLion. You can achicvc a goal buL succcss is
somcLhing you aLLracL by Lhc pcrson you bccomc. I Lhink LhaL succcss is morc
abouL knowing yourscl and bccoming complcLc in yourscl and bccoming ulillcd.
I work wiLh a loL o pcoplc, as you said in Lhc inLroducLion, who havc
succccdcd," buL Lhcy arcn'L ulillcd. ThaL's Lhc dangcryou can work so hard
your wholc lic, you can accumulaLc a loL o moncy, own or managc a loL o
propcrLics, havc an obsccnc porLolio, and accomplish a loL o Lhings LhaL pcoplc
would pcrccivc as succcssul, buL i LhaL ccling o ulillmcnL is noL Lhcrc, Lhcn
you'rc cmpLy.
Pcrsonally, I bclicvc LhaL succcss wiLhouL ulillmcnL is ailurc. So I rcally Lhink
Lhis projccL is somcLhing LhaL is going Lo givc a pcrson a complcLc vicw o whaL
succcss is, a paLhway o how Lo gcL Lhcrc, and a plan o how Lo cnjoy Lhc journcy.
Earl Davis
77

WRIGHT
So whcrc did iL all bcgin or you`

DAVIS
I was born in SouLhcasL WashingLon D.C., in a sccLion o Lown LhaL mosL pcoplc
rcally wouldn'L wanL Lo go inLo. IL was a vcry sccdy arca, buL LhaL's whcrc I grcw
up. IL's amazing LhaL righL around Lhc corncr rom Lhc WhiLc Housc was my housc,
and whaL I sLill ind inLcrcsLing Loday is Lhc vasL amounLs o wcalLh in Lhc arca.
Fvcn as a liLLlc boy, you could scc Lhc varying dcgrccs o wcalLh LhaL was cvidcnL in
ccrLain arcas o Lhc mosL powcrul ciLy in Lhc world (in my opinion). Thcn you
would scc various ncighborhoods on Lhc ouLskirLs o Lhosc arcas and Lhcrc would
bc uLLcr povcrLy. I rcmcmbcr bcing surroundcd by Lhc graiLi-covcrcd walls and
Lhc consLanL smcll o urinc. I rcmcmbcr wondcring whaL can I do, how can I hclp
my parcnLs who wcrc sLruggling aL Lhc Limc, iL was a vcry Lough cnvironmcnL.
AL LhaL Limc, WashingLon, D.C., was Lhc murdcr capiLal o Lhc world, iL was likc
LhaL or a numbcr o ycars. I rcmcmbcr Lhinking, Man, I wish I could jusL hclp my
parcnLs," buL I was a liLLlc kid, Lhcrc wasn'L much I could do.
BuL Lhcrc was a way I could cscapc. Thcrc was a Lclcvision show LhaL was callcd
The Millionaire. In iL, a vcry wcalLhy indusLrialisL, who had accomplishcd a grcaL
dcal in his lic, would givc a million dollars away Lo somconc. Hc would havc his
assisLanL go Lo a housc, knock on Lhc door, and dclivcr a million dollars in Lhc orm
o a cashicr's chcck Lo Lhc rcsidcnL.
Now Lhis was bcorc rcaliLy Lclcvision and I didn'L undcrsLand LhaL Lhosc shows
wcrc rcruns and noL acLually Laking placc. I LhoughL Lhosc Lhings wcrc acLually
happcning, so I aiLhully waLchcd Lhis Lclcvision show. AnyLimc Lhcrc was a knock
on Lhc door, I'd run ovcr Lo Lhc door. Onc Limc, my moLhcr Look hcr liLLlc shoc and
Lhrcw iL across Lhc room hiLLing mc in Lhc back o Lhc hcad, saying, Boy, whaL arc
you doing running in Lhc housc`"
Didn'L you hcar Lhc knock aL Lhc door`" I askcd.
Ycs, buL you can walk."
BuL mom," I said, I'm hoping iL's Lhc guy wiLh Lhc million dollars!"
You ool," shc said. Nobody is going Lo comc inLo Lhc projccLs and givc us a
million dollars."

78

BuL LhaL was whaL I bclicvcd back Lhcn. I wanLcd Lo igurc ouL whaL I could do
Lo acLually gcL Lo Lhc lcvcl whcrc Lhc millionairc was, noL so much bccausc o whaL
I could gcL rom iL, buL or whaL I could do or my amily and oLhcr pcoplc. ThaL
was Lhc LhoughL proccss in my mind, alLhough iL was noL voiccd or communicaLcd
LhaL way bccausc o my youLh.
So rom Lhc ouLscL, I wanLcd Lo ind a way whcrcin I could rcally makc a
dicrcncc in Lhc world. WhaL's happcning aL Lhc Limc o Lhis inLcrvicw LhaL is
dominaLing Lhc airwavcs is Michacl 3ackson's dcaLh. Wc can dcinitely say that he
had a proound inlucncc on Lhc world, bc iL posiLivc or ncgaLivc. WhaL I ind LhaL
is so inLcrcsLing abouL Lhis is LhaL on Lhc samc day LhaL Michacl 3ackson dicd,
Farrah FawccLL's dcaLh was announccd. Shc was a vcry LalcnLcd acLrcss and I was a
vcry big an. I uscd Lo waLch Lhc program LhaL madc hcr amous, Charlies Angels. I
wondcrcd why Michacl's sLory was morc promincnL Lhan hcrs. And Lhcn iL hiL
mcLhc dicrcncc was Lhc lcvcl o inlucncc. So cvcn as a kid I wondcrcd whaL I
could do Lo inlucncc oLhcrs and Lo makc a dicrcncc in Lhis world.
WiLh LhaL LhoughL in mind, Lhc irsL major goal I cvcr scL or myscl was Lo
bccomc Lhc kind o pcrson who would havc sLrccLs and buildings namcd aLcr him.
ThaL's a vcry big goal, somc pcoplc mighL say iL's obnoxious, buL LhaL's Lhc goal I
scL or myscl. IL's imporLanL Lo undcrsLand LhaL iL wasn'L bccausc o cgo. FCO Lo
mc sLands or Fdging Cod OuL, and I don'L wanL Lo do LhaL. I'vc lcarncd LhaL I can
do morc wiLh Him Lhan I can cvcr do wiLhouL Him. I wanLcd Lo havc sLrccLs and
buildings namcd aLcr mc bccausc o Lhc kind o pcrson I would havc Lo bccomc Lo
accomplish LhaL. You scc, you cannoL be whaL you arc noL, buL you can become whaL
you arc noL. Thc sccrcL, David, is in bccoming.

WRIGHT
So Lhosc wcrc somc o your carlicsL drcams`

DAVIS
Ycs, LhaL was my carlicsL drcam and goal. RighL Lhcrc in D.C., I'll ncvcr orgcL
LhaL wc uscd Lo havc Lo caLch Lhc bus Lo go placcs bccausc wc didn'L havc an
auLomobilc or LransporLaLion. AL LhaL Limc D.C. had a govcrnmcnL program LhaL
gavc liLLlc carc packagcs" away. I don'L know i Lhcy sLill do LhaL or noL, buL Lhcy
Earl Davis
79

would givc ouL powdcrcd milk, pcanuL buLLcr, and chccsc. To Lhis day I don'L know
i iL was rcally milk bccausc no maLLcr whaL you did Lo iL, iL sLill didn'L LasLc likc
milk. Thc chccsc would ncvcr mclL, cvcn aL Lhc ovcn's highcsL scLLing. Thc pcanuL
buLLcr camc in a silvcr can LhaL jusL said pcanuL buLLcr" on iLno brand namc.
Thc pcanuL buLLcr was so hard LhaL you gcncrally had Lo mclt the peanut butter
down bcorc you puL iL on brcad bccausc oLhcrwisc iL would brcak up your brcad. IL
was vcry, vcry Lough living back Lhcn.
So I scL goals and bcgan looking or ways LhaL I could irsL hclp myscl and my
immcdiaLc amily, and Lhcn hclp oLhcr pcoplc bccausc o Lhc imprcssion LhaL 3ohn
Bcrcsord TipLon and Michacl AnLhony in The Millionaire Lclcvision show madc on
mc. I wanLcd Lo bccomc a philanLhropisL. I didn'L know Lhc word philanLhropisL"
back Lhcn, buL I wanLcd Lo bc somconc who could givc Lhings away Lo hclp
cncouragc pcoplc Lo changc Lhcir livcs, and hclp providc a sourcc o hopc. I Lhink
LhaL as long as Lhc challcngcs o lic cxisL, hopc will bc nccdcd. David, a loL o
pcoplc nccd hopc Loday.

WRIGHT
So whaL would you say was your singlc mosL dcining momcnL`

DAVIS
My singlc mosL dcining momcnL` Hmm, I would say LhaL Lhc singlc mosL
dcining momcnL or mc probably would havc bccn Lhc day whcn I discovcrcd LhaL
I was a miraclc-workcr. You scc, Lhcrc's somcLhing LhaL all achicvcrs havc. I
suspccL LhaL many pcoplc who will rcad Lhis book arc going somcwhcrc. Thcy havc
somcLhing dccp insidc Lhcma highcr call.
Wc who arc achicvcrs havc iL wiLhin oursclvcs. OLcn wc don'L know how wc'rc
going Lo do iL and Lo mc LhaL's Lhc sLrangc parL o iL all. You scc an imagc o whcrc
you wanL Lo go, buL you don'L know cxacLly how Lo gcL Lhcrc. You Lry a numbcr o
Lhings and you ail aL a numbcr o Lhings, and Lhcn somcLimcs, Lhc pcoplc in your
licsomcLimcs Lhosc closcsL Lo youdont undersLand cxacLly whaL iL is LhaL
you'rc doing, Lhcy walk away or bcgin Lo losc conidcncc in you. So Lhc rclaLionship
gcLs sLraincd. SomcLimcs you bcgin Lo doubL yourscl. And somcLimcs you ccl likc
you'rc ouL Lhcrc by yourscl, wondcring how in Lhc world you can gcL Lo whcrc you

80

wanL Lo go. BuL whcn you inally arrivc and you look back aL Lhc journcy, whaL you
acLually ind is LhaL whaL you'vc accomplishcd is a miraclc.
I lcarncd Lhis conccpL rom my dad. Dad was working in a acLory whcrc Lhcy
madc boxcs. Hc'd work sixLccn hours a day and hc'd comc homc cxhausLcd. OLcn
hc didn'L havc Lhc unds Lo buy Lhc Lhings wc nccdcd. Thc pcoplc aL his job likcd
him and so Lhcy would givc him cloLhing. Thcsc wcrc brand ncw cloLhcs Lo us,
cvcn Lhough Lhcy wcrc somconc clses hand-mc-downs.
Onc day my dad broughL a pair o BusLcr Brown shocs homc. Thc company sLill
cxisLs Loday. Thc NaLuralizcr shoc brand was crcaLcd by LhaL company and in 2004
BusLcr Brown Shocs cclcbraLcd iLs onc hundrcdLh annivcrsary. BuL back whcn I
was a kid, nobody wanLcd Lo bc caughL in a pair o BusLcr Browns. Thc
ncighborhood childrcn would Lcasc you mcrcilcssly, buL aL Lhc samc Limc Lhcy
wcrc bcLLcr shocs Lhan I had. Dad broughL Lhcsc shocs homc and hc Lold mc Lo puL
Lhcm on. Thc shocs wcrc Loo small or my ccL, buL my dad kncw LhaL i I didn'L
wcar Lhcm iL would bc monLhs bcorc wc could gcL a ncwcr pair and I alrcady had
holcs in my old shocs. Dad kncw LhaL I rcally nccdcd Lo bc ablc Lo wcar Lhosc
shocs. I rcmcmbcr complaining LhaL I'd ncvcr bc ablc Lo gcL Lhc shocs Lo iL. Dad is
rcally a Lough guy. Hc Lold mc, You'd bcLLcr puL Lhcsc shocs on or you'rc going Lo
gcL a spanking." So I igurcd I had bcLLcr puL Lhosc shocs on.
ALcr whaL sccmcd Lo mc likc hours I puL my ccL in Lhc shocs and cach Loc was
on Lhc Lop o oLhcr Loc, iL was vcry painul. In Lhc ncxL room my dad was illing up
a Lub o waLcr. Hc said, Comc and puL your ccL in Lhis Lub."
BuL I'vc goL shocs on, Dad," I said.
Boy, jusL gcL in Lhc Lub."
So I wcnL in Lhc baLhroom whcrc Lhc Lub was illing up wiLh warm waLcr, I
rollcd my panL lcgs up, and I sLcppcd insidc Lhc Lub. My dad Lhcn Lold mc Lo walk
around. I was Lhinking Lhis is crazy and I didn'L rcally wanL Lo do iL. Also, my ccL
wcrc in pain bccausc Lhc shocs wcrc rcally small. BuL aLcr I walkcd around in Lhc
Lub or maybc abouL LhirLy minuLcs or so, somcLhing miraculous happcncd. Whcn
Lhosc lcaLhcr shocs connccLcd wiLh LhaL warm waLcr Lhc lcaLhcr bcgan Lo sLrcLch
and mold Lo Lhc conLour o my ccL. Now, shocs LhaL wcrc a sizc and a hal Loo
small pcrccLly iL my ccL. ThaL's whcn I rcalizcd LhaL my dad was a miraclc-
workcr.
Earl Davis
81

Now how docs LhaL apply Lo mc and our rcadcrs` I'm Lold LhaL gcncLically,
whaLcvcr is in your parcnLs is oLcn in you. I lcarncd LhaL i Lhcrc was miraclc-
working powcr in my dad, Lhcn Lhcrc had Lo bc miraclc-working powcr in mc. I
Lhink Lhis is somcLhing LhaL is in all achicvcrs. Wc havc Lhis miraclc-working
powcr in us buL oLcn wc don'L scc iL bccausc wc aborL Lhc drcam Loo carly. I
bclicvc iL was Cordon Hincklcy who said, Ncvcr orgcL LhaL you camc Lo FarLh as a
child o Lhc divinc FaLhcr, wiLh somcLhing o diviniLy in your vcry makcup. Thc
Iord did noL scnd you hcrc Lo ail. Hc did noL givc you lic Lo wasLc iL. Hc bcsLowcd
upon you Lhc giL o morLaliLy LhaL you mighL gain cxpcricnccpositive,
wondcrul, purposcul cxpcricnccLhaL will lcad Lo lic cLcrnal."
So Lhc dcining momcnL or mc was whcn I rcalizcd who I was, whcn I
discovcrcd LhaL I was a pcrson o valuc, LhaL I had a sLory Lo Lcll, LhaL I could bc
somcLhing, LhaL I could gcL Lhc Lhings I wanLcd in my lic and work, and LhaL I had
crcaLivc, manicsLing powcr in mc. I igurcd LhaL i my dad could do Lhosc Lhings
Lhcn I could, Loo.

WRIGHT
So how havc you dcalL wiLh doubL and car Lhrough Lhc ycars`

DAVIS
Wcll, I'm glad you askcd LhaL bccausc ycs, whilc you'rc going aLcr your drcam
and whilc you'rc on your paLhway Lo succcss, Lhcrc arc going Lo bc many Limcs
whcn you will havc doubLs and cars such as Will Lhcy hirc mc` Will I gcL Lhc
conLracL` Will shc say ycs i I ask hcr Lo marry mc` Can I do Lhis` My avoriLc book
says LhaL aiLh comcs by hcaring, buL so docs doubL.
I'vc lcarncd Lo ccd my aiLh so LhaL my doubL can liLcrally sLarvc Lo dcaLh. Thc
ways LhaL I havc donc LhaL is by lisLcning Lo posiLivc mcssagcs likc Lhc oncs in Lhis
book, going Lo scminars, inLcracLing wiLh pcoplc who havc ovcrcomc Lrcmcndous
advcrsiLics, and rcading moLivaLional books. I'vc oLcn visiLcd canccr wards in
hospitals, not Lo look and say LhaL I'm glad I'm noL Lhcrc, buL Lo hclp mc scc LhaL
Lhcrc is morc Lo apprcciaLc abouL lic. I'vc waLchcd how pcoplc who arc going
Lhrough diiculL Limcs havc dcalL wiLh iL. Somc pcoplc didn'L dcal wiLh iL in a grcaL

82

way, buL I ocuscd on pcoplc who dcalL wiLh Lhosc hard Limcs and madc Lhc mosL
o iL.
I'll ncvcr orgcL whaL CrysLal CaLhcdral oundcr, Rcvcrcnd RobcrL Schullcr uscd
Lo say, Whcn lic hands you a lcmon, Lurn iL inLo lcmonadc." ThaL's Lhc way I'vc
lcarncd Lo dcal wiLh doubL and car.
Onc Limc I was Lalking wiLh a grcaL man in moLivaLional circlcs, Zig Ziglar. Hc
inLroduccd mc Lo a proound saying. I'm quiLc surc somcbody clsc may havc said iL
Loo, buL I hcard Zig Ziglar say iL irsL. Hc Lold mc LhaL car was alsc cvidcncc
appcaring rcal. I said, Wow," bccausc aL LhaL Limc I'd ncvcr hcard iL so clcarly
sLaLcd bcorc. FFAR is an acronym LhaL sLands or Falsc Fvidcncc Appcaring Rcal.
Thcrc arc many siLuaLions in lic LhaL illusLraLc Lhis poinL, buL nonc as clcarly as
the one Ill sharc wiLh you. I uscd Lo work Lhc grill aL a asL ood rcsLauranL. I uscd
Lo cnjoy LhaL job bccausc iL was my irsL scnsc o bcing ablc Lo go ouL and carn my
own moncy, iL gavc mc a scnsc o rcsponsibiliLy. Bccausc I was vcry good on Lhc
grill, I gained avor and populariLy wiLh Lhc managcrs and carncd Lhcir LrusL. I
lovcd LhaL job. Thc downsidc was LhaL I smcllcd likc hamburgcrs all Lhc Limc, cvcn
whcn I had Lakcn a showcr.
ALcr school Lhcrc was Lhis liLLlc allcyway LhaL I would havc Lo ridc my bikc
Lhrough. Thcrc was a dog LhaL would chasc mc Lhcrc. I Lhink hc could smcll Lhc
hamburgcr on mc, bccausc, boy did hc chasc mc! Fmbarrassingly, I musL admiL
LhaL iL was a liLLlc dog LhaL was harassing mc. (IL's noL always Lhc big dogs," buL
Lhc liLLlc dogs" LhaL givc you all Lhc problcms.) Wcll, Lhis dog was a Lcrror Lo mc,
hc knockcd mc o my bikc many Limcs. I'd comc homc laLc aL nighL and Lhc samc
liLLlc dog was Lhcrc. Many Limcs whcn Lhis dog sLarL barking, Lhcrc was a chain
rcacLion and cvcry dog in Lhc ncighborhood would sLarL barking. IL was jusL a vcry
bad sccnario and iL wcnL on likc Lhis or wccks.
Onc day I had had cnough and I dcLcrmincd LhaL iL was going Lo bc ciLhcr Lhis
dog or mc, buL I was araid o LhaL dog and LhaL's why I was always hurrying to get
ouL o Lhcrc. And I was araid. Somchow, wiLhin mc, I inLrinsically kncw LhaL I had
Lo acc my cars or I would run orcvcr. So I dccidcd Lo acc my car. (FighLy-ivc
pcrccnL o pcoplc allow Lhcir car o ailurc ouLwcigh Lhcir dcsirc Lo succccd.)
Now, I wanL Lo makc a disclaimcr bccausc I don'L bclicvc in cruclLy Lo animals,
buL Lhis dog had iL coming. So onc day I Look a sLick and I puL iL in my liLLlc
Earl Davis
83

backpack. I goL on my bikc and hcadcd Loward Lhc allcyway. As I cnLcrcd Lhc
allcyway aL abouL 3:30 LhaL aLcrnoon, as cxpccLcd, LhaL liLLlc dog was waiLing or
mc, buL Lhis Limc iL was dicrcnLI had madc an inLcrnal dccision LhaL I wasn'L
going Lo bc araid anymorc. InsLcad o alling o Lhc bikc, I jumpcd o Lhc bikc, I
Look Lhc sLick ouL, and I bcgan Lo chasc LhaL dog. Thc dog Lurncd around and
sLarLing running. Thc asLcr hc ran, Lhc sLrongcr I pursucd and I inally caughL
him. I had corncrcd him bcLwccn myscl and a cncc, and goL rcady Lo hiL him wiLh
cvcryLhing I had in mc. As I dcscribc whaL happcncd ncxL, I wanL you Lo Lhink
abouL Lhosc words LhaL Zig Ziglar sharcd wiLh mcFEAR is false evidence appearing
realFFAR is noLhing morc Lhan an illusion. As I was abouL Lo swing, I happcncd
Lo look in Lhc dog's mouLh. ThaL dog didn'L havc any teethhc couldn'L havc
biLLcn mc cvcn i hc'd wanLcd Lo! Whcn I saw LhaL, I jusL puL Lhc sLick down and I
laughcd and walkcd back Lo Lhc bikc. I lcarncd LhaL day LhaL car is Lruly alsc
cvidcncc appcaring rcal.
Fcar normally shows up whcn you'rc abouL Lo rcalizc your poLcnLial, rclcasc iL,
and do somcLhing grcaL. I Lhink car and doubL comc Lo sidcLrack you and Lo kccp
you rom gcLLing Lhcrc, buL whcn you hiL iL hcad on, LhaL car oLcn vanishcs likc a
vapor. BuL you should dcal wiLh car inLclligcnLly and sysLcmaLically. You don'L
jusL wanL Lo go ouL Lhcrc unprcparcd, bccausc you could bc sidcLrackcd. Thcrc arc
somc rcal Lhings ouL Lhcrc LhaL can gcL you i you don'L insulaLc yourscl propcrly,
so invcsLigaLc bcorc you invcsL.
Thc way I dcal wiLh car spcciically is a Lhrcc-sLcp proccss:

l. I look aL my siLuaLion and asscss iL as iL is. I don'L scc iL as bcing worsc Lhan iL
is, bccausc LhaL's whaL mosL pcoplc do.
2. I scc my siLuaLion as bcing bcLLcr Lhan iL is.
3. I makc iL Lhc way LhaL I scc iL, which rcquircs consisLcnL acLion.

Now, Lhis rcminds mc o whaL VinccnL Van Cogh said onc Limc. Somconc askcd
him how hc camc up wiLh his painLings. Hc said, FirsL I drcam my painLings, and
Lhcn I painL my drcam." Hmm, I likc LhaL. FirsL I drcam my painLings and Lhcn I
painL my drcam. I Lhink LhaL in ordcr Lo dcal wiLh doubL and car, you havc Lo
bccomc a drcamcr.


84

WRIGHT
I undcrsLand you had Lhc opporLuniLy Lo bc an Olympic Torchbcarcr. How did
LhaL happcn`

DAVIS
Oh wow, ycs, in acL, Lhc samc Olympics LhaL I parLicipaLcd in, Muhammad Ali
was acLually Lhc irsL pcrson Lo grab Lhc lamc. IL was 200l and wc wcrc in Lhc
proccss o going Lo Lhc 2002 Olympics. My sccLion o Lhc rclay happcncd on
Dcccmbcr Lhc 7, 200l.
I Lalkcd abouL inlucncc a liLLlc biL carlicr. I'm a spcakcr by Lradc, and Lhc
spcaking busincss is almosL likc a magic acL, so Lo spcak. Pcoplc scc a magician
doing Lhc Lricks, buL Lhcy don'L know how Lhc magician docs iL. I was jusL gcLLing
started and I wondcrcd how Lhosc guys gcL ouL Lhcrc on sLagc. I wondcrcd how
Lhcy wcrc inviLcd Lo spcak, and Lhcn on Lop o LhaL, how Lhcy managcd Lo gcL paid
Lo do iL.
Whcn I dccidcd I wanLcd Lo spcak procssionally, no onc kncw who I was, buL I
kncw I had a spccial mcssagc or pcoplc and organizaLions LhaL would crcaLc
succcss and havc a proound accL long-Lcrm. So, I wondcrcd whaL I could do,
whcrc I could I go, and how I could gcL pcoplc Lo noLicc mc and cmbracc my
mcssagc. I dccidcd Lo go Lo placcs whcrc mosL spcakcrs arcn'L going. I wcnL Lo day
carc ccnLcrs, jails, dcLcnLion ccnLcrs, and prisons. I kncw Lhcrc would bc somc
room or mc Lo grow as I wcnL Lo Lhosc placcs and Lhcrc wouldn'L bc much
compcLiLion.
So I wcnL Lo Lhosc placcs wiLh a cw LhoughLs in mind: l) I could gcL Lhc
pracLicc and 2) Lhcy wcrc a capLivc audicncc and couldn'L go anywhcrc. Thcy
wouldn'L know i I mcsscd up bccausc Lhcy didn'L havc a poinL o rccrcncc Lo
comparc mc wiLh. Thcn Lhc Lhird rcason, which is probably righL in Lhc middlc o
all o Lhis, was LhaL I rcally carcd and wanLcd Lo hclp pcoplc. I igurcd LhaL I could
sharc somcLhing mcaningul and could hopcully givc Lhosc audicnccs a ncw way
o looking aL Lhings. I would go or monLhs and spcnd Limc wiLh Lhcsc inmaLcs in
prisons and youLh dcLcnLion ccnLcrs.
Thc rccidivism raLc is jusL a ancy way o saying rcvolving door raLcwhcn
inmaLcs comc ouL o pcnal insLiLuLions Lhcy quickly go back in. I didn'L know
Earl Davis
85

anyLhing abouL Lhis. Thc numbcrs arc vcry, vcry high. So I would go Lo corrcctional
aciliLics, and whcn I did, Lhc rccidivism would comc down by racLions o a poinL,
which is vcry high givcn whaL Lhosc numbcrs arc likc, buL I didn'L know LhaL.
During Lhis Limc Lhc Olympic CommiLLcc was looking or Lorchbcarcrs, and
Lhcy saw mc as doing somcLhing inspiraLional and hclping pcoplc ouL, so Lhcy
dccidcd Lo givc mc Lhc honor o bcaring Lhc Olympic Torch or a ccrLain disLancc. I
was happy Lo do iL, bccausc noL only did I gcL a chancc Lo parLicipaLc in onc o Lhc
great events in history, cspccially LhaL parLicular ycar (iL was shorLly aLcr 0/ll
whcn Lhc world nccdcd somc cncouragcmcnL), I also goL Lhc grcaL opporLuniLy Lo
sharc an cxccllcnL mcssagc on a largcr plaLorm. Thc cxpcricncc was Lruly
Lrcmcndous.
During Lhc Lorch rclay, I had Lhc opporLuniLy Lo mccL somc o Lhc ircmcn who
wcrc acLually involvcd in rcscuc corLs aLcr Lhc 0/ll disasLcr. I mcL 3crcmy
Click's wic (IyzabcLh). 3crcmy was onc o Lhc pcoplc who dicd on lighL 03. Thc
lasL words hc spokc Lo his wic wcrc, Wc'rc going Lo rush Lhc hijackcrs." 3usL
LhinkI had Lhc chancc Lo parLicipaLc in Lhc Olympics wiLh ChrisLophcr Rccvc
and Iancc ArmsLrong, which was prcLLy nicc. All Lhcsc phcnomcnally inspiraLional
pcoplc parLicipaLcd, and righL bcsidc Lhcsc honorablc namcs, my namc was righL
Lhcrc. IL was Lhc irsL Limc LhaL I rcalizcd I was living my drcam. To parLicipaLc as
an Olympic Torchbcarcr in Lhc rclay you havc Lo bc somcbody who is an
inspiraLion, you havc Lo ovcrcomc cxLrcmc advcrsiLy, you musL bc a posiLivc orcc,
and Lhcn somconc has Lo nominaLc you.

WRIGHT
A man Lold mc onc Limc ycars ago LhaL i I wcrc cvcr walking down Lhc road and
saw a LurLlc siLLing on a cnccposL I could bcL LhaL hc didn'L gcL up Lhcrc by
himscl. You oLcn Lalk abouL lcadcrship and Lhc imporLancc o mcnLoring, who
havc bccn somc o Lhc mcnLors in your lic and whaL aLLracLcd you Lo Lhcm`

DAVIS
Oh wow, LhaL's a good qucsLion. Onc o Lhc biggcsL mcnLors I'vc had in my lic
is my ricnd, Ics Brown. Ics has bccn grcaL or many, many ycars and hes done a
loL o good or a loL o pcoplc.

86

Onc day, my clccLriciLy was Lurncd o and I didn'L know how in Lhc world I was
going Lo pay Lhc bill Lo gcL iL back on. I hcard a voicc insidc LhaL imprcsscd mc Lo
gcL Ics Brown's Lapc scrics LiLlcd IL's Possiblc" and lisLcn Lo Lhcm righL Lhcn. So I
wcnL inLo Lhc ncxL room and Look my Walkman ouL (Lhank Cod iL was baLLcry
powcrcd). I poppcd Lhc Lapc in Lhc playcr and I sLarLcd lisLcning Lo Lhc happy
words, Lhc hopcul words, Lhc cncouraging words o Ics Brown saying iL's possiblc.
SomcLhing wcllcd up wiLhin mc LhaL said, Ycah, i iL's possiblc I'vc goL Lo do
thisI musL do iL. I'vc goL Lo work on myscl, and I'vc goL Lo gcL bcLLcr aL sharing
my mcssagc wiLh pcoplc."
I kncw I was going Lo nccd hclp bccausc I was by myscl. Pcoplc oLcn Lhink
Lhcy can do iL on Lhcir own, buL rcally iL's Lhc hclp o Lcamwork LhaL gcLs Lhings
donc a loL asLcr. In my lic I'vc Lricd Lo posiLion myscl wiLhin a Lcam Lypc o an
cnvironmcnL. You can always gcL Lhings donc asLcr wiLh Lhc hclp o oLhcrs Lhan
you can cvcr do alonc. Thc book o lic (Lhc Biblc) says iL Lhis way: onc can chasc a
Lhousand, buL Lwo could puL Lcn Lhousand Lo lighL. Simply puL, Lhcrc's powcr in
parLncrships.
So I wanLcd Lo gcL Ics Brown Lo bc on my Lcam. AL LhaL Limc, howcvcr, I didn'L
know him, I had no idca how Lo rcach him, and I didn'L know anyonc who kncw
himLhosc Lapcs wcrc all I had. So whaL I cndcd up doing was using Lhc addrcss
and phonc inormaLion LhaL was on Lhc back o Lhc Lapcs.
Bcorc I bcgan aLLcmpLing Lo rcach him, I prcparcd myscl so LhaL whcn I
cvcnLually did mccL him, iL would noL bc a wasLc o Limc. Thc guys who arc ouL
Lhcrc achicving do noL havc Limc Lo wasLc. I kncw LhaL i I was going Lo gcL Lhcir
aLLcnLion and gcL Lhcir Limc, I couldn'L bc a pcrson Lo wasLc Lhcir Limci I was
cvcr orLunaLc cnough Lo gcL iL. So I prcparcd myscl. You scc, prcparaLion is an
indicaLion o your cxpccLaLion. Kcnny Rogcrs said LhaL prcparaLion is Lhc highcsL
orm o aiLh. So I sLarLcd prcparing myscl bccausc I cxpccLcd Lo onc day mccL Ics
Brown.
I wcnL Lo Lhc library and I sLarLcd rcading morc o his books and puL my hands
on anyLhing LhaL spokc abouL him. I madc a simplc plan and I carricd ouL LhaL
acLion plan aiLhully. On Monday, 3anuary l, 200l, I callcd his oicc in BrighLon,
Michigan, whcrc hc was aL LhaL Limc. I askcd or a mccLing and his sccrcLarics Lold
mc no and hung up on mc. I callcd back on a ThursdayI would call Lwicc a wcck,
Earl Davis
87

on Mondays and Thursdays. I said somcLhing likc, Hcllo, I'm Farl Davis. I'm an
aspiring moLivaLional spcakcr. Do you Lhink you could hclp mc scL up a mccLing
wiLh Ics Brown`" Thcy would always Lcll mc no, cvcry Limc I callcd.
To makc a long sLory shorL, Lwclvc monLhs laLcr Lhcy inally gavc mc Lhc
inLcrvicw and Lhc rcsL is, as Lhcy say, hisLory. So Lo mc, inding a good mcnLor is
numbcr onc. IdcnLiying Lhosc pcoplc who givc you inspiraLion, and sclccLing
pcoplc who arc Lhc lcadcrs in Lhcir choscn iclds is imporLanL. Bcorc you Lry Lo
mccL Lhcm you should gcL Lhcir books and Lhcir Lapcs, so LhaL whcn you do gcL
Lhcir Limc you'rc noL going Lo Lalk abouL whaL is alrcady in Lhcir books and Lapcs
you rcally wanL Lhc Limc Lo bc producLivc. Thc ncxL Lhing is LhaL you wanL Lo
cducaLc yourscl abouL whaL iL is LhaL you Lcach or pracLicc and Lhcn bc clcar abouL
whaL you spcciically wanL. Thcn look or ways you can hclp your poLcnLial mcnLor
achicvc his or hcr goals and drcams.
MosL pcoplc say, Wcll, how can I hclp Lhc guy or Lhc woman I'm inLcrcsLcd in
rccruiLing Lo my mcnLoring Lcam`" My answcr is LhaL cvcrybody nccds hclp. WhaL
I do is gcL wcll vcrscd wiLh whaL I wanL and I look aL whaL I could do. I Lhcn I Lry Lo
imaginc ways LhaL I can possibly hclp Lhcm.
I kncw Ics Brown had books and Lapcs and I igurcd LhaL hc would probably
wanL morc Lapc and book salcs. I also igurcd LhaL hc would probably wanL morc
pcoplc Lo know abouL his mcssagc. So i I could inLroducc Lcn or iLccn ncw pcoplc
daily Lo his maLcrial, I'd bc hclping him on somc small scalc. BuL I LhoughL there
had Lo bc a bcLLcr way Lhan LhaL.
Whcn I inally mcL Ics, during our convcrsaLion hc Lold mc LhaL hc was
inLcrcsLcd in looking or spcakcrs Lo Lrain, and LhaL Lhis was onc o Lhc biggcsL
goals hc had. I said, My goodncss, I'm a spcakcr, can you Lrain mc`" And LhaL
bccamc Lhc way I bcgan hclping him. You could say iL was acLually a maLch madc in
hcavcn.
I'vc had many mcnLors LhroughouL my lic and I'vc lookcd or various ways LhaL
Lhcy could hclp mc, buL I'vc always also lookcd or ways I could hclp Lhcm. I'vc
aLLracLcd many high proilc mcnLors by ollowing Lhis sLraLcgy.
So don'L waiL, idcnLiy your mcnLor and Lhc ways LhaL you can hclp him or hcr,
Lhcn go and inLroducc yourscl. IL won'L bc long bcorc you bcgin aLLracLing high
proilc mcnLors, Loo.

88

WRIGHT
Many o our valucs comc dirccLly rom our childhood and upbringing. WhaL arc
Lhc mosL imporLanL valucs you ccl you sLill carry Loday rom your parcnLs and
oLhcr amily mcmbcrs, ricnds, Lcachcrs, and olks likc Lhcm`

DAVIS
I was in high school and had a chcmisLry and physics Lcachcr by Lhc namc o
Harry Wclsch. Mr. Wclsch was LhaL spccial pcrson or mc. Hc lookcd likc a mad
scicnLisLhc worc a whiLc lab coaL. Hc had a salL-and-pepper beard and steel-
rimmcd glasscs. I don'L know why I was Laking Lhis class, buL I Lhink Lhc MacGyver
Lclcvision cpisodcs LhaL wcrc popular back in Lhosc days musL havc bccn whaL
prompLcd mc Lo wanL Lo lcarn abouL physics and chcmisLry.
IL was my scnior ycar and I was in Mr. Wclsch's physics class on Lhc irsL day o
school. Hc walkcd down Lhc ccnLcr aislc and said somcLhing LhaL caughL
cvcryonc's aLLcnLion. Mr. Wclsch said, WiLh all Lhc inormaLion I posscss I could
blow up cvcry school in Lhis counLy." Now, I don'L know i hc could gcL away wiLh
LhaL Lhcsc days wiLh sccuriLy as LighL as iL is bccausc o Lhc violcncc in schools, buL
I Lhink LhaL hc was Lrying Lo grab Lhc sLudcnLs' aLLcnLionand hc succcssully did
LhaL. During Lhc coursc o LhaL ycar I bccamc cndcarcd Lo him.
I was a Lroublcd sLudcnL and I had a Lroublcd pasL, I was wrcsLling wiLh a loL o
issucs in my childhood. You scc, I was molcsLcd on a bi-wcckly basis bcLwccn Lhc
agcs o Lhrcc Lo ivc and I was sLill dcaling wiLh LhaL. I didn'L rcally know how Lo
voicc LhaL Lo pcoplc back Lhcn, so I skippcd school a loL. This onc parLicular
scmcsLcr I had skippcd a LoLal o orLy-ivc days and whcn I camc back Lo Lhc class,
Mr. Wclsch said, Farl, I nccd Lo scc you aLcr school." O coursc I kncw I was going
Lo hcar somc Lypc o rcprimand and I didn'L rcally wanL Lo hcar iL. A cw LhoughLs
crosscd my mind. I LhoughL, Hc's an oldcr guy, I could probably ouLrun him. I'm
noL going Lo sLay aLcr school." Thcn I rcmcmbcrcd LhaL my parcnLs always LaughL
mc Lo bc rcspccLul, and I LhoughL I'd go ahcad and hcar whaL hc had Lo say.
So aLcr school I wcnL Lo his classroom. Mr. Wclsch lookcd aL mc and said,
You'rc a prcLLy good sLudcnL whcn you'rc hcrc, buL, man, you'vc goL Lo bc hcrc.
I'm only going Lo say Lhis oncc and I wanL you Lo lcarn rom iL. Thc mark o
Earl Davis
89

grcaLncss is on you, buL Lhc sad Lhing is LhaL you can'L cvcn scc iL. Farl, whaL's Lhc
ormula or orcc`"
I said, Mr. Wclsh, orcc is cqual Lo mass Limcs accclcraLion (F=MA).
Ycs," hc said, LhaL's corrccL. Whilc LhaL's Lhc physics ormula or Forcc, iL's
also Lhc ormula or succcss in lic. Mass has Lo do wiLh wcighL. Knowlcdgc is Lhc
wcighL o cvcryLhing LhaL you know. I you Lakc your knowlcdgc and cquaLc iL wiLh
mass and Lhcn mulLiply your knowlcdgc by accclcraLionLhc spccd aL which
yourc ablc Lo solvc oLhcr pcoplc's problcmsyoull be a force LhaL cannoL bc
rcckoncd wiLh."
ThaL's onc o Lhc grcaLcsL valucs and lcssons LhaL I havc cvcr lcarncd and I'vc
Lricd Lo apply iL Lo my lic and carccr. I oLcn Lhink abouL LhaL day and I sLill
rcmcmbcr my LhoughLs and cclings as I shook his hand. I was hoping and praying
LhaL hc was righL. I bclicvc LhaL whcn Mr. Wclsch lookcd aL mc, hc lookcd aL mc
Lhrough Lhc cycs o ininiLc wisdomwisdom LhaL says, i you look aL a man Lhc
way hc is, hc only gcLs worsc, buL i you look aL a man Lhc way hc could bc, Lhcn hc
bccomcs whaL hc should bc.

WRIGHT
So whaL is your avoriLc quoLc`

DAVIS
Oh wow, Lhcrc arc so many o Lhcm. I Lhink onc o my avoriLc quoLcs, aL lcasL
in Lhis scason o my lic righL now, is a quoLc by Mariannc Williamson rom hcr
book Return to Love. Our dccpcsL car is noL LhaL wc'rc inadcquaLc. Our dccpcsL
car is LhaL wc arc powcrul bcyond mcasurc. IL is our lighL, noL our darkncss LhaL
righLcns us. Wc ask oursclvcs, Who am I Lo be brilliant, gorgeous, talented,
abulous` AcLually, who arc wc noL Lo bc` You arc a child o Cod. Your playing
small docs noL scrvc Lhc world. Thcrc is noLhing cnlighLcncd abouL shrinking so
LhaL oLhcr pcoplc won'L ccl insccurc around you. . . . Wc wcrc born Lo makc
manicsL Lhc glory o Cod LhaL is wiLhin us. IL's noL jusL in somc o us, iL's in
cvcryonc. And as wc lcL our lighL shinc, wc unconsciously givc oLhcr pcoplc
pcrmission Lo do Lhc samc. As wc arc libcraLcd rom our own car, our prcscncc
automaLically libcraLcs oLhcrs."

90

WRIGHT
ThaL is a grcaL quoLc.
Now LhaL you'rc rcalizing and manicsLing your drcam, whaL do you wish your
lcgacy Lo bc`

DAVIS
Icgacy" is a powcrul word. I bclicvc LhaL succcss wiLhouL a succcssor is noL
rcally succcss. You havc Lo ind a way Lo kccp your mcssagcyour story, the thing
LhaL you'vc workcd on your cnLirc licLo conLinuc Lo livc on. As I Lhink abouL iL
now, I wanL Lo bc rcmcmbcrcd noL so much or whaL I gavc, buL or whaL I inspircd
oLhcr pcoplc Lo givc. I wanL iL Lo bc known LhaL I was Lhc caLalysL who inspircd
somconc clsc Lo gcL ouL Lhcrc and Lcll Lhcir sLory, Lo gcL ouL Lhcrc and makc a
dicrcncc, Lo go ouL and scrvc Lhc masscs o pcoplc.
Onc o Lhc ways in which wc'rc ablc Lo do LhaL now is Lhrough philanLhropy.
PhilanLhropy is a vcry big parL o my lic. I'vc bccn ablc Lo sLarL a scholarship und
callcd Lhc Farl Davis Drcam Fund. Wc hclp pcoplc gcL Lhcir drcams going. A
primary ocus or Lhc und is acadcmics bccausc Lhc cosL o cducaLion is going up
and gcLLing ouL o rcach or so many pcoplc. I Lhink LhaL cducaLion is a kcy Lo
compcnsaLion, iL's noL The Key buL iL is a kcy. I you'rc noL cducaLcd, you'rc not
ablc Lo gcL a grcaL sLarL. And you'vc goL Lo gcL sLarLcd i you wanL Lo bc grcaL. So I
rcally wanL Lo kccp my oundaLion work going. IL's noL limiLcd Lo Lhc arca o
acadcmics, iL's Lhcrc or anyonc, and wc rcally likc hclping pcoplc gcL Lhcir drcams
going.
Thc cconomy is anoLhcr issuc LhaL is accLing a loL o pcoplc. Many pcoplc arc
losing Lhcir homcs and Lhcir jobs. SLrcss is causing pcoplc Lo havc hcalLh
condiLions and hcarLs arc ailing bccausc o car. I Lhink Lhcsc arc Limcs LhaL Lry
mcn's souls. Wc arc in vcry daunLing and vcry sLrangc Limcs.
For cxamplc, Ichman BroLhcrs Holdings, Inc. was ablc Lo survivc Lhc CrcaL
Dcprcssion buL Lhcy wcrcn'L ablc Lo survivc Lhcsc Limcs. Foundcd in lS50, Lhcy
survivcd unLil 200S whcn Lhcy ilcd ChapLcr ll bankrupLcy.
Many pcoplc arc comparing Lhcsc Limcs wiLh Lhc CrcaL Dcprcssion. Thcrc wcrc
a loL o losscs and Lragcdics during LhaL Limc. Many pcoplc wcrc jumping ouL o
buildings and commiLLing suicidc back Lhcn. BuL Lhc cra o Lhc CrcaL Dcprcssion
Earl Davis
91

was whcn somc o Lhc grcaLcsL innovaLions wcrc madcLhc clccLric dry razor, car
radios, Lhc conccpL o a supcrmarkcL, xcrography and Lhc company LhaL dcvclopcd
and commcrcializcd Lhc proccss (Xcrox), and Tampax. OuL o ncccssiLy camc somc
o Lhc grcaLcsL innovaLions in hisLory known Lo man LhaL arc sLill accLing us and
making lic casicr Loday. I Lhink LhaL wc'rc aL LhaL pivoLal Limc againLhc Limc
whcn pcoplc havc Lo dig in dccp. I wanL Lo bc a caLalysL who givcs pcoplc Lhc
abiliLy Lo say, Hcy, i LhaL guy can do iL, man, I know I can do iL.
Thcrc is a liLLlc ircball o an inspiraLional spcakcr by Lhc namc o Scan
SLcvcnson. Hc is a grcaL moLivaLional spcakcr and ricnd o minc. Scan sucrs
rom OsLcogcncsis ImpcrccLa and hc's abouL Lhrcc and a hal, maybc our cet tall
and siLs in a whcclchair. Whcn I saw Lhis liLLlc powcrul guy ouL Lhcrc changing
pcoplc's livcs, I LhoughL, Man, i Scan can do iL, I can do iL." ThaL's Lhc kind o
spiriL I havc. I wanL Lo bc a posiLivc caLalysL and orcc. I wanL Lo bc rcmcmbcrcd
noL so much or whaL I gavc, buL or whaL I inspircd pcoplc Lo givc.

WRIGHT
Wcll, Farl, whaL a grcaL moLivaLional convcrsaLion Lhis has bccn Loday. You'vc
givcn mc a loL Lo Lhink abouL, including somc ncw conccpLs. I'm surc LhaL our
rcadcrs arc going Lo cnjoy rcading Lhis chapLcr. I rcally apprcciaLc Lhc Limc you'vc
Lakcn wiLh mc Lo answcr all Lhcsc qucsLions. I know how busy you arc and I rcally
wanL you Lo know LhaL I apprcciaLc your bcing a parL o our projccL.

DAVIS
Wcll, David, I rcally apprcciaLc you.
I will cnd on Lhis noLc, iL's somcLhing LhaL I'm known or and iL docsn'L maLLcr
i I'm abroad, in Lhc Caribbcan, or hcrc in Lhc SLaLcs. I likc Lo cnd cvcryLhing LhaL I
doinLcrvicws and cvcn projccLs likc Lhis and convcrsaLions such as Lhc onc wc'vc
had todaywiLh Lhc ollowing advicc:


92

Follow your dreams wherever they lead.
Dont be distracted by less worthy deeds.
Shelter them, nourish them, help them to grow.
Hold your dream deepdown deep where dreams grow.
Follow your dreams, pursue them with haste,
Life is too precioustoo precious to waste.
Be faithful, be loyal in all that you do,
The dream that you follow will keep coming true.

Its been my pleasure, thank you very much.

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh Farl Davis, a powcrul and passionaLc spcakcr
and succcss coach. Through his company, CrcaLc Winncrs, hc works wiLh corporaLc
procssionals, small busincss owncrs, ncLwork markcLcrs, nonproiL organizaLions
(NPOs), and individuals who wanL Lo bring ouL Lhc vcry bcsL in Lhcmsclvcs and in
oLhcrs.
Farl, Lhank you so much or bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to Success.

DAVIS
Thank you.

93

EARL DAVIS, JR. is onc o Amcrica's mosL rcspccLcd voiccs on human
poLcnLial and Lhc psychology o winning. Thc crcaLor and hosL o Lhc
Lclcvision/radio program The Winners Circle, his clicnLs havc includcd HilLon
HoLcls, IBM, Lhc U.S. Army, sLaLcsman, procssional aLhlcLcs, and cnLcrLaincrs.
His company, CrcaLc Winncrs, Inc., works wiLh corporaLc procssionals,
cnLrcprcncurs, and morc Lo bring ouL Lhc bcsL in Lhcmsclvcs and oLhcrs.

EARL DAVIS
P.O. Box S2006
Tampa, FI 336S2
813-672-3445
www.crcaLcwinncrs.org


94

95

C HA P T E R S E V E N
Surrcndcr AcLivaLcs Miraclcs:
How Lo Bcricnd Lhc Unknown and
Walk Lhc BrighLly IiL PaLh o Your Soul
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Saskia Rell
Today wc arc Lalking wiLh Saskia Rocll. Saskia livcs wiLh hcr husband, ivc
childrcn, and ivc animals in a small lobsLcr villagc on Lhc occan in Ncw
Fngland. As a TransormaLional Iic Coach and Lhc bcsL-sclling auLhor o A
Suitcase Full of Faith, shc cmpowcrs oLhcrs Lo livc rom Lhc hcarL, inding the
couragc Lo ollow Lhcir drcams and cxprcss Lhcir lic purposc. In 200l, Saskia,
hcr husband, and Lhcir ivc childrcn Look a daring lcap o aiLh. Thcy sold Lhcir
housc in Holland and gavc up Lhcir Lhriving busincsscs Lo cxplorc ncw
possibilities in Amcrica. WiLh liLLlc moncy, no job prospccLs, no conLacLs, and
ivc childrcn who didn'L spcak a word o Fnglish, Lhcy LrusLcd LhaL Lhcy could
rcinvcnL Lhcir livcs in Lhc momcnL.

96

Saskia ound hcr passion or cmpowcring oLhcrs whilc Lcaching aL Lhc
UnivcrsiLy o Croningcn in Lhc NcLhcrlands as a mcmbcr o Lhc aculLy o
Bchavioral and Social Scicnccs in Lhc DcparLmcnL o FxpcrimcnLal Psychology.
Shc has cxLcnsivcly sLudicd Lhc conscious mind, Lhc subconscious mind, Lhc
supcrconscious mind, and how our unhcalcd cmoLions accL our dcsLiny. Hcr
clicnLs livc all ovcr Lhc world and comc rom all walks o lic. Shc Lravcls
inLcrnaLionally prcscnLing scminars, conducLing workshops, and acilitating
scssions or individuals.
Saskia, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

SASKIA RELL
Thank you so much, David. I'm happy Lo bc hcrc.

WRIGHT
You wroLc a bcsL-sclling book LiLlcd A SuiLcasc Full o FaiLh: How One
Woman Found Hcr Drcam TrusLing Lhc Compass o Hcr Soul. Why did you
choosc LhaL LiLlc`

RELL
A Suitcase Full of Faith is a pionccr advcnLurc sLory abouL Laking risks in lic
and living carlcssly whcn going aLcr your drcams. OLcn, wc lcL go o a drcam
bccausc wc Lhink wc don'L havc cnough Limc Lo waiL or iL or wc nccd Lo conLrol
Lhc proccss o whcn or how somcLhing manicsLs. Thc how and Lhc whcn arc
noL our busincss. Whcn wc IcL go and lcL Cod," miraclcs happcn.
FaiLh and LrusL arc kcy acLors in manicsLing your drcams, and I'vc bccn a
drcamcr rom my irsL brcaLh. I can'L rcmcmbcr a Limc whcn I didn'L drcam or
anLasizc abouL a grandiosc uLurc whcrc cvcryLhing was possiblc. AL young agc
I dccidcd Lo go aLcr my cvcry drcam. I clL likc a spiriLual advcnLurcr in a world
LhaL sLrcLchcd hcr arms widc opcn Lo wclcomc mc and sLccrcd mc in Lhc righL
dirccLion. Iic clL sac and soulul.
I darcd Lhc Univcrsc and commandcd hcr hclp. I said, I you wanL mc Lo
walk Lhc paLh o my highcsL purposc, I will, buL bc awarc LhaL I rcly on your
supporL." This convcrsaLion sLarLcd ouL as joyul play. IL bccamc a win-win
gamc.
Saskia Rell
!
97

Howcvcr, as I grcw oldcr, Lhc challcngcs grcw accordingly biggcr. I Look
many daring lcaps o aiLh in ordcr Lo sLay LruLhul Lo my paLh. I ollowcd Lhc
compass o my soul. I sLrcngLhcncd my aiLh by Lhc challcngcs I mcL. I lcL go o
conLrol and lcarncd how Lo livc carlcssly and bcricnd Lhc unknown. I gavc up
my homc, my counLry, my marriagc, my bcsL ricnd, Lhc job I dcarly lovcd, and
ound Lhc lic o my dccpcsL drcams by ollowing Lhc compass o my soul.
My lic is a dcmonsLraLion o Lhc Iaw o ALLracLion in acLion. I'vc lcarncd
LhaL Lhc Univcrsc supporLs mcalwayswhcn I ollow Lhc compass o my
soul, whcn I livc rom my hcarL. I'vc madc cxLraordinary choiccs and, Lhcrcorc,
mcL cxLraordinary challcngcs, buL I'vc bccn lcd Lo an cxLraordinary lic in Lhc
proccss.
Our choiccs dcLcrminc our dcsLiny, buL oLcn wc'd raLhcr sLay in our
comorL zonc Lhan jump inLo Lhc unknown. I agrcc wiLh Lhc Frcnch pocL Andrc
Cidc who said, Onc docsn'L discovcr ncw lands wiLhouL conscnLing Lo losc
sighL o Lhc shorc or a vcry long Limc."
The title A Suitcase Full of Faith camc rom Lhc chapLcrs abouL bcing on Lhc
brink o moving our amily o scvcn rom Holland Lo Amcrica or good. In
doing so, I was ollowing Lhc whispcrs o my soulLhc dccp placc o inncr
knowingLhaL said, Saskia, iL's Limc Lo lcavc Holland, Lo pack up and go and
lcavc cvcryLhing bchind. Co livc in Lhc land o opporLuniLics."
I kncw, dccp down, LhaL I had Lo ollow LhaL voicc bccausc iLs guidancc
rcsonaLcd wiLh my wholc bcing. I clL vcry passionaLc abouL Lhc idca o lcLLing
go o cvcryLhing and sLarLing ancw. Howcvcr, Lo do LhaL wc had Lo givc up our
Lhriving busincsscs, our wondcrul social lic, our livcs ncar our cxLcndcd
amily, and our ricnds. Wc had Lo Lradc all o LhaL or Lhc big unknown. Wc
had no jobs waiLing, Lhc kids did noL spcak Lhc Fnglish languagc, and wc had
liLLlc moncy. Truly, wc didn'L havc a singlc sccurc Lhing whcn wc arrivcd cxccpL
hcarLs illcd wiLh joy. Thc challcngcs wcrc as big as Lhc miraclcs LhaL occurrcd.
Whcn I Lold a ricnd wc wcrc planning Lo lcavc or Amcrica, hc lookcd aL mc in
disbclic and said, You musL havc suiLcascs ull o moncy." I rcplicd, No, I'vc
goL a suiLcasc ull o aiLh."
Whcn Lhc dccision was madc Lo movc Lo Amcrica, Lhc Univcrsc showcd up
and coopcraLcd immcdiaLcly. Thc day aLcr my husband and I irsL Lalkcd abouL

98

Lhc idca, Lhc phonc rang. A ricnd in Amcrica was calling Lo inviLc us Lo comc Lo
Lhc FasL CoasL Lo sLay in hcr rcnovaLcd barn. I LhoughL, I can havc Lhis drcam."
To my soul, Lhc soluLion was casy, buL sincc I was wiLh scvcn pcoplc, I said,
IcL's go on Lhis vacaLion irsL and, i all o us rcsonaLc wiLh Lhis counLry, Lhen
wc'll movc."
Wc bookcd our planc LickcLs Lo Ncw York, wc rcnLcd an RV in Lhc UniLcd
SLaLcs, and wc Lourcd around. Thcrc was no scL plan o whcrc wc would go. Wc
said, A housc will ind us." Wc had no cluc whcrc on Lhc FasL CoasL or whcrc in
onc o Lhc iLy sLaLcs o Amcrica wc would livc. Whcn you givc ovcr in such a
dccp way, Lhc Univcrsc rcsponds.
On onc o Lhc lasL days o our Lrip wc visiLcd a liLLlc lobsLcr villagc on Lhc
ALlanLic shorc. I said, IcL's ind our drcam housc hcrc." Icss Lhan Lcn minutes
laLcr, whilc driving around, wc saw a bcauLiul, big, old VicLorian housc wiLh a
For Salc sign in Lhc yard. I kncw I had Lo scc morc o Lhis airy Lalc casLlc LhaL
had appcarcd ouL o Lhin air, so I wcnL Lo cxplorc. I Lricd onc o Lhc doors and iL
was unlockcd. I'll ncvcr orgcL my husband sLanding in Lhc yard yclling, No,
you can'L go in Lhcrc!" BuL I simply had Lo. I walkcd inLo Lhc housc and cll in
lovc wiLh iL immcdiaLcly.
To makc a long sLory shorL, wc lcw back Lo Holland and Lhcn boughL Lhc
housc, monLhs laLcr, ovcr Lhc phonc. Wc had no moncy in Lhc bank Lo buy iL
wiLh, buL Lhc Univcrsc hcard my call whcn I askcd or pcoplc Lo lcnd us Lhc
moncy. In lcss Lhan cighL hours, I manicsLcd Lhc wholc amounL o moncy Lo
buy Lhc housc wiLh. Things cll in placc. This movc was in sync wiLh a biggcr
plan. I'vc now livcd in LhaL housc or cighL ycars and my rosc-colorcd glasscs
arc sLill irmly in placc. Thc lovc wiLh Lhis housc is sLill going sLrong.
A Suitcase Full of Faith is noL a how-Lo" book buL a how do" book. Using my
cxpcricnccs as living proo in Lhc rcal world, Lhc book rcads likc icLion and
ccls likc an advcnLurc. You walk in my shocs. By Lhc Limc Lhc lasL pagc has
bccn Lurncd, my aiLh and couragc arc yours. Many books spcak Lo pcoplc who
only wanL Lo Lakc baby sLcps and makc small lic changcs. ThaL's noL whaL I do.
I spcak Lo pcoplc who arc rcady or a push Loward a gianL lcap o aiLh. I show
Lhcm how Lo shcd Lhcir baggagc and I givc Lhcm Lhc map Lo usc or making big
lic changcs. I usc my own sLorics as inspiring cxamplcs o how Lo livc carlcssly
Saskia Rell
!
99

and how Lo bcricnd Lhc unknown. Tcaching by cxamplc, I livc my mcssagc
cvcry sLcp o Lhc way. And you can, Loo.

WRIGHT
I'd likc Lo know morc abouL how you Lhink o Lhc word aiLh" in Lhc Litle A
Suitcase Full of Faith.

RELL
I don'L rccr Lo aiLh in Lhc gcncral rcligious scnsc. By aiLh" I mcan Lhc
posiLivc qualiLy o LrusL onc has in a posiLivc ouLcomc. And ycs, I havc a
Lrcmcndous amounL o aiLh, which, o coursc, has bccn strengthened over the
ycars Lhrough my cxpcricnccs in LrusLing iL. Thc bcauLiul Lhing is LhaL whcn
your aiLh is sLrcngLhcncd, you lcarn LhaL you no longcr nccd Lo conLrol
cvcryLhing bccausc Lhings will low as Lhcy will, and you will low wiLh Lhcm.
With aiLh, you can bridgc Lhc gap bcLwccn having an iniLial drcam and making
iL manicsL.
In ordcr Lo lcarn, I'd raLhcr ollow Lhc dccp undcrcurrcnL o my hcarL's
dcsirc and sLay on coursc wiLh Lhc compass o my soul Lhan bc suckcd inLo Lhc
undcrcurrcnL o doubL causcd by a carul mind. Whcn I'm in Lunc wiLh Lhc
diviniLy wiLhin mc, my lic purposc will unold bccausc my hcarL and soul arc in
sync wiLh Lhc Univcrsc. I I am in Lhc low wiLh my auLhcnLic scl, I obscrvc LhaL
synchroniciLics arc parL o my lic. OLcn Lhc ouLcomc is dicrcnL rom whaL I'd
cxpccLcd and LhaL is whcn I lcarn LhaL Lhcrc is Lhc slow waymy wayand the
asL Lrack, which is Lhc Univcrsc's highway. IcLLing go o my way Lakcs pracLicc.

WRIGHT
During Lhc big changc o moving your amily o scvcn rom Holland Lo
Amcrica wiLh so cw sLcppingsLoncs, how did couragc iL inLo Lhc cquaLion`

RELL
Thc sLcppingsLoncs wcrc subLlc, buL Lhc lcap was gianL. Thcrc was no sacLy
ncL in placc. Whcn you Lakc an cnormous jump and lcavc Lhc pasL bchind, you
havc Lhc bcsL chancc o allowing Lhc Univcrsc Lo show you Lhc way and hclp.
Whcn you makc a bungcc jump, you ccl grcaL bccausc or a momcnL you Lhink

100

you can ly. You wouldn'L ccl as blissul i Lhcrc was a plaLorm halway down
whcrc you could sLop or a momcnL Lo conLcmplaLc whcLhcr or noL Lhc bungcc
cord will snap. InsLcad, you divc inLo ccling wcighLlcss and rcc. You rcalizc
LhaL you'rc sac bccausc you'rc aLLachcd Lo a cord LhaL kccps you rom crashing
inLo Lhc ground. In my lic I wanL Lo havc LhaL ccling all Lhc Limc. I wanL Lo bc
rcc, Lo Lravcl lighLly and walk Lhc brighLly liL paLh o my soulLhaL's whaL I am
aLcr. I don'L wanL Lo bc wcighcd down wiLh Lhc baggagc o Lhc pasL. So I
sLrcngLhcn my aiLh by jumping wiLhouL a sacLy ncL in placc bccausc iL's only
Lhcn whcn I can ccl LhaL my aiLh pulls mc up insLcad o down. Cod's
umbilical cord" our divine threadis Lhc bungcc ropc rom which wc soar,
and ulLimaLcly, wc arc sac in Lhc Univcrsc's cmbracc.
In moving Lo Amcrica, Lhcrc wcrc so many liLLlc sLcps. Wc puL onc ooL in
ronL o Lhc oLhcr. Thc irsL sLcps wcrc Lo scL ouL Lo buy LhaL big, old VicLorian
housc wiLhouL knowing i wc could comc up wiLh Lhc amounL o moncy Lhcy
askcd or or Lo scc i wc could scll our housc in Holland or get visas to enter
Amcrica. Thc ncxL sLcp was Lo Lhank Lhc Univcrsc and allow Lhc rcaliLy o our
plan Lo manicsL. Thc rcsL o Lhc sLcps ollowcd soon aLcr. Wc simply kcpL
going, no maLLcr whaL. A loL o ricnds laughcd aL us, saying, You nccd a
backup plan bccausc whcrc will you go i you'vc burnL all your bridgcs bchind
you and iL docsn'L work ouL`" BuL wc had no room or doubL. Wc gavc up
cvcryLhing and LrusLcd LhaL wc'd bc succcssul anyway.
To mc, succcss mcans LhaL your hcarL is ull, cvcn Lhough your bank accounL
may noL bc. Thc word couragc" comcs rom Lhc Frcnch word coeur, which
mcans hcarL. Thc hcarL is ncvcr carul. Thc hcarL is ull o lovc and LhaL is
whcrc our Lruc inLclligcncc lics. To navigaLc your lic rom your hcarL shiLs
your lic rom survival modc Lo passionaLc living. In my coaching scssions, I
ask, Imaginc ollowing Lhc LruLh o your hcarLwhcrc would you go`" and,
WhaL sLops you rom going Lhcrc`" I know wc arc all unsLoppablc i wc arc
passionaLc abouL our purposc. ThaL's why I am hcrcLo sprcad LhaL knowing
Lo oLhcrs and Lo show pcoplc LhaL i I can do iL, Lhcy can Loo.

Saskia Rell
!
101

WRIGHT
Havc you always bccn ull o aiLh or did you go Lhrough a proccss Lo gcL
hcrc`

RELL
As a young girl growing up in amily o scvcn in Holland, I was blcsscd wiLh
parcnLs who LrusLcd Lhcir guL insLincLs Lo raisc mc by sLimulaLing and praising
my uniqucncss. Thcy prcLLy much lcL mc walk my own paLh. Thcy placcd vcry
cw limiLs. I had a loL o rccdom Lo cxprcss myscl Lhc way I wanLcd Lo. Thcy
trusted my cclings abouL whaL was righL or mc. Thcrcorc, aL young agc I
lcarncd Lo LrusL myscl and Lo makc dccisions abouL whaL's righL or mc. I'vc
danccd my way Lhrough lic as a cclcr, scnsing my way inLo cvcry dccision. I
askcd myscl how I clL abouL Lhis or LhaL. My logical mind has noL bccn in Lhc
way. I'vc drcamcd big and LhoughL cvcryLhing was possiblc, as long I LrusLcd
Lhc compass o my soul. ThaL dccp placc o inncr knowing has guidcd mc sacly,
lcading mc Lo Lhc ulillmcnL o many drcams.
Ovcr Lhc ycars, as my aiLh grcw sLrongcr, I'vc madc cxLraordinary choiccs
LhaL lcd Lo cxLraordinary challcngcs and cxLraordinary rcsulLswiLhouL
rcgrcLs. WhaL Lools did I nccd in my suiLcasc or LhaL journcy o Lhc soul` Thcy
would bccomc obvious along Lhc way.
In Lhc ouLcr world, I uscd Lhc Lonely Planet Travel Survival Kit series to guide
mc Lo whaL was worLh sccing and whcrc Lo go. In my qucsL Lo ind Lhc answcrs I
soughL, I Lravclcd Lhrough Arica, FgypL, Isracl, 3apan, Singaporc, PakisLan, Sri
Ianka, Indoncsia, Amcrica, and all ovcr Furopc. I livcd in Asia, in a kibbuLz in
Isracl, wiLh Lhc Bcdouin in Lhc dcscrL o FgypL, and in oLhcr cxoLic, ar-away
placcs. I Lravclcd on a shocsLring. I lcarncd LhaL Lhc Univcrsc supporLs my
drcams always. ThaL bclic bccamc rock solid and supporLcd mc in many ways. I
lcL go o Lhc baggagc o my pasL and sLcppcd onLo Lhc inncr Lrail whcrc I ound
Lhc brighLly liL paLh o my soul. I illcd my suiLcasc (o coursc I only had a small
ducl bag) wiLh aiLh and LrusL. I discovcrcd whaL was worLh sccing and whcrc
to goinsidc. My lic's paLh is a rclccLion o mc ollowing Lhc biggcr journcy
o my soul.


102

WRIGHT
Say morc abouL whaL iL mcans Lo ollow Lhc compass o your soul.

RELL
IL mcans rccognizing LhaL lic is a journcy and LhaL dirccLional hclp comcs
rom insidc o us bccausc wc arc parL o Lhc Univcrsc. Whcn wc look ouLsidc o
oursclvcs or dirccLion, wc gcL losL in Lhc ouLcr world wiLh all iLs many
possibiliLics.
To ollow Lhc compass o Lhc soul also mcans Laking rcsponsibiliLy or
showing up and saying ycs whcn guidcd rom wiLhin Lo Lakc ccrLain sLcps. In
lic, wc cncounLcr roadblocks and crossroads. Thosc momcnLs arc Limcs Lo sLop
and look aL Lhc scripL wc'rc using Lo dirccL our lic. Wc can ask oursclvcs,
Whcrc am I going`" and WhaL is my dcsLiny`" I wc darc Lo scc Lhcm as
opporLuniLics or growLh, roadblocks arc usually a prcludc Lo LransormaLion.
WhaL holds us back is a suiLcasc ull o baggagc rom Lhc pasL. IL wcighs us
down and makcs iL hard Lo Lravcl Lhc brighLly liL paLh o Lhc soul. Following Lhc
compass o Lhc soul mcans shcdding limiLaLions and LrusLing in Lhc wisdom o
Lhc Univcrsc.

WRIGHT
How docs our suiLcasc wcigh us down`

RELL
During lic wc gaLhcr a loL o sLucxLra baggagc. Wc gaLhcr noL only
maLcrial sLu, buL mosLly cmoLional sLu in Lhc orm o limiLing bclics and
sLorics abouL who wc arc and how lic works. MosL o LhaL old baggagc is bascd
on pasL cxpcricnccs and Lhc conclusions wc madc bascd on whaL happcncd Lo
us. Wc oLcn misinLcrprcL cvcnLs and carry Lhosc alsc conclusions Lhrough lic.
RaLhcr Lhan Laking Lhc Limc and carc Lo lighLcn our load, wc go on ccling
burdcncd, carrying a hcavy suiLcasc o unncccssary and alsc assumpLions. To
darc Lo opcn LhaL suiLcasc is an advcnLurc! WhaL's in Lhcrc` WhaL can bc lcL go
o` Imaginc whaL you'd idcally likc Lo pack or Lhc journcy o your lic. You'd
bcLLcr bring your dancing shocs! I you navigaLc rom Lhc compass o your soul,
you'll ccrLainly dancc and havc un.
Saskia Rell
!
103

WRIGHT
Havc Lhcrc bccn momcnLs in your lic whcn iL was diiculL Lo ollow Lhc
voicc o your hcarL (or Lhc compass o your soul) bccausc Lhc voicc o Lhc mind
madc morc scnsc`

RELL
In a way, ycs, Lhough I always havc only onc choicc bccausc my lic's paLh is
Lo lisLcn Lo Lhc voicc o my hcarL. My soul communicaLcs Lhrough my hcarL.
Through my cclings I know whaL is righL or wrong or mc. Ycs, I'vc had
challcnging momcnLs, buL no maLLcr how much my aiLh has been put to the
LcsL, I'vc bccn consisLcnL in my choiccs.
AL Limcs, whcn ollowing your own compass, you go againsL Lhc sLrcam o
doubLcrs who don'L undcrsLand you or who Lhink you'rc ouL o your mind whcn
making ccrLain dccisions. BuL LhaL's okay. Thcy'll lcarn LhaL whcn you go aLcr
your hcarL's dcsirc and Lakc risks, in Lhc cnd Lhc rcward is vcry swccL. Howcvcr,
many Limcs I'vc had Lo dccidc which voicc Lo ollow. I cncounLcr siLuaLions LhaL
Lriggcr car, buL I know LhaL I always havc a choicc abouL how Lo rcspond.
OLcn, wc choosc car ovcr aiLh bccausc iL's morc amiliar. Fcar brings us
noLhing buL worry. FaiLh brings us pcacc o mind. I avoid Lhc road LhaL lcads Lo
a dcad cnd whcn I acc my cars wiLh Lhc sLrcngLh LhaL comcs rom choosing Lo
ollow my hcarL.
Oncc, aL a irc walk in Ncw Mcxico, I was rcally puL Lo Lhc LcsL abouL whaL
voicc Lo lisLcn Lo. Bcorc Lhc walk, wc had a ccrcmony Lo prcparc oursclvcs.
During Lhc prcparaLion wc all saL in a circlc and mcdiLaLcd. Wc wcrc insLrucLcd
Lo ask our Highcr Scl (Lhc wisc parL o Lhc scl or Lhc mcgaphonc o Lhc soul)
Lo givc us a symbol or a sign abouL whcLhcr or noL wc wcrc Lo walk on Lhc hoL
coals. Wc wcrc Lold LhaL walking only rom a placc o couragc would noL bc
allowcd. My world shaLLcrcd whcn I hcard Lhcm say Lhis bccausc I am gcncrally
good wiLh couragcI oLcn lcL iL carry mc along. BuL Lhc insLrucLors said, Only
i your Highcr Scl givcs you Lhc grccn lighL you can walk. On somc days you arc
noL supposcd Lo walk. Couragc will noL do Lhc Lrick LonighL. I you walk only
rom couragc you can complcLcly burn your ccL. So look wiLhin and ask
whcLhcr or noL you will walk." Whcn I lookcd wiLhin, my Highcr scl said, Walk
our Limcs wiLh casc and gracc."

104

I sLarcd inLo hoL wild irc. Thc ycllow lamcs Louchcd Lhc sky. Scarcd and
shivcring, I sLood undcr Lhc piLch-black sLarliL Ncw Mcxico sky. Snowlakcs
wcrc alling and I could almosL hcar Lhc lamcs kissing Lhc whiLc lakcs whcn
Lhcy mcL in Lhc air. ALcr a whilc, my Lurn Lo cross Lhc irc Lo Lhc other side
camc. WiLhouL ocus, moving rom couragc only, I ran across Lhc irc. I burnL
my ccL. As I sLood aL Lhc oLhcr sidc o Lhc irc and coolcd my ccL in Lhc snow, I
was horriicd. My solcs wcrc badly burnL bccausc I'd ncglccLcd Lhc wisc advicc
Id rcccivcd Lo walk wiLh casc and gracc. InsLcad I ran wiLh couragc and no
ocus. Now whaL`
I considcrcd my siLuaLion and wondcrcd why anyonc wiLh burnL solcs would
walk Lhc irc again. My mind was making a poinL. IL wanLcd Lo kccp mc sac.
ThaL's whaL Lhc mind always wanLssacLy and sccuriLy. My body clL pain and
Lhc idca o going ovcr Lhc burning coals again madc mc cringc. BuL I chcckcd in
wiLh my Highcr Scl. Was iL wisc Lo go again` Ycs. Co," was Lhc answcr I
rcccivcd. So I had no choicci I wanLcd Lo livc my lic rom Lhc placc o my
soul, I had Lo lisLcn.
I walkcd Lhrough Lhc irc Lhrcc morc Limcs. I walkcd wiLh casc and gracc.
Amazingly, aLcr cach Lurn my ccL clL bcLLcr, Lhough I didn'L darc Lo look aL
my solcs again. ThaL nighL, bcorc I wcnL Lo bcd, I puL purc Aloc Vcra on my
ccL, squcczing Lhc juicc rom a living cacLus planL growing on Lhc sidc o Lhc
dcscrL road. I Lold my ccL Lhcy had bccn kisscd by Lhc irc. Thc wounds hcalcd
ovcrnighL. Miraculously, I had soL, ncw, pink skin on boLh o my solcs Lhc ncxL
morning. IL was obvious LhaL I'd madc Lhc righL choicc or mcI'd ollowcd
Lhrough on Lhc advicc o my hcarL, no maLLcr whaL!
AnoLhcr cxamplc is rom whcn I livcd in Singaporc wiLh my irsL husband,
Lo whom I was marricd or a ycar and a hal. Onc day I wcnL Lo a hockcy
LournamcnL in Indoncsia and was inLroduccd Lo a DuLch man Lhcrc. I shook his
hand and immcdiaLcly hcard Lhc voicc dccp wiLhin myscl Lclling mc, This man
is Lhc man o your lic." My mind argucd, saying, BuL you'vc only just been
marricd." So which voicc should I lisLcn Lo` I had no oLhcr choicc Lhan Lo LrusL
my soul. IL wasn'L casy. Thc DuLch man livcd in Taiwan and I livcd in Singaporc.
Wc parLcd ways aLcr lcss Lhan orLy-cighL hours o playing hockcy undcr
Lhc sizzling sun. Wc'd danccd or onc long romanLic nighL undcr Lhc millions o
Saskia Rell
!
105

sLars visiblc abovc Lhc cquaLor. And LhaL was all. In my anLasics I imagincd
mccLing him again, buL I didn'L cvcn know his lasL namc unLil hc was waving
good-byc Lo mc. I wasn'L surc I would cvcr scc him again.
Pcoplc askcd mc how I could know or surc LhaL hc was Lhc man o my lic.
Thcy wanLcd a logical cxplanaLion. Thcy said, You don'L know him and you
alrcady havc Lhc bcsL lic imaginablc." I alrcady had iL all in Lhc cycs o oLhcrs.
To Lhcm, I didn'L know whaL I was doing. BuL dccp down I kncw cnough.
In ordcr Lo cnLcr Lhc Taipci casLlc o Lhc DuLch man, I'd had Lo givc up
cvcryLhing. I bccamc homclcss in Lhc pcriod o Limc bcLwccn lcaving my lic in
Singaporc and lying Lo Taipci. I wcnL aLcr my princc. ThaL was LwcnLy ycars
ago. I marricd him in Taiwan and ovcr Lhc subscqucnL ycars havc givcn birLh Lo
our ivc bcauLiul childrcn. Through LhaL cxpcricncc and many oLhcrs, I
complcLcly LrusL LhaL Lhc voicc o my soul guidcs mc Lo my dcsLiny.

WRIGHT
Would you say LhaL you havc had cxpcricnccs in your lic's journcy LhaL you
would call miraclcs`

RELL
Whcn you'rc opcn Lo Lhc icld o unlimiLcd possibiliLics and allow Lhings Lo
unold according Lo your hcarL's compass, you'rc in or quiLc a ridc. I'vc
cxpcricnccd morc miraclcs in a day Lhan somc pcoplc havc in a licLimc. I'vc
cxpcricnccd miraclcs small and largc, all o Lhcm grcaL.
Miraclcs havc Lo do wiLh apprcciaLing Lhc uncxpccLcd. Whcn somconc
smilcs aL mc in a busy Lrain sLaLion and I rcalizc LhaL wc arc all connccLcd, LhaL
is a miraclc Lo mc. Whcn my schcdulc is crazy and Lhc phonc rings and
somconc uncxpccLcdly ocrs Lo Lakc carc o my childrcn or a whilc, I'm
amazcd LhaL Lhc Univcrsc supporLs mc in gcLLing my wriLing donc. I pracLicc
graLiLudc by bcing vcry conscious abouL all Lhc good Lhings I havc in my lic. I
wakc up and ocr graLiLudc as soon as I opcn my cycs and I mainLain LhaL
awarcncss o bcing graLcul unLil I go Lo slccp. ThaL ccrLainly incrcascs Lhc
amounL o miraclcs in a day. And, ycs, I'vc had quiLc a cw cxpcricnccs o
uncxpccLcd Lhings happcning LhaL wcrc bcyond Lhc raLional mind's logic or
cxplanaLion.

106

A cw ycars ago I was in Scdona on a shamanic qucsL. I scL ouL on a walk in
Lhc Rcd Rocks wiLh a ricnd. Bcorc our walk I did a mcdiLaLion, during which I
was Lold Lo ind a rock LhaL had Lhc malc and cmalc symbols imprinLcd on iL.
This rock was or Lhc unborn baby o my ricnd. Thc rock would balancc Lhc yin
and yang cncrgy o Lhc baby and had Lo bc placcd in his bcdroom.
Wc walkcd or abouL iLccn minuLcs. Wc had no idca whcrc Lo go or whcrc
Lo look or Lhc sLonc. Wc climbcd our way up Lhrough Lhc sandy paLhways
LrusLing LhaL Lhc sLonc would show up. Suddcnly, I sLoppcd. Dig in Lhc sand
righL hcrc," camc Lhc mcssagc rom insidc. WiLh my hands I scarch Lhrough Lhc
rcd carLh and uncovcrcd a round rock. An incrcdiblc cncrgy ran Lhough my
spinc Lhc momcnL I hcld Lhc rock. I blcw Lhc sand o and was dumbsLruck aL
whaL I saw. Thc sLonc had Lhc sign o a big hcarL on iL and insidc sLood a
warrior wiLh an arrow in his hand. IL musL havc bccn Lhcrc rom agcs ago, whcn
somconc carvcd Lhosc symbols inLo iL. BuL Lhcrc was anoLhcr miraclc ycL Lo
comc.
I walkcd alonc or a whilc and was mcsmcrizcd by Lhc ovcrwhclming bcauLy
o Lhc Rcd Rocks. I vibraLcd wiLh Lhc powcr o Lhc carLh and I clL my lic
purposc sLrongly prcscnL. I knclL down and praycd Lo Lhc Univcrsc. I said,
Plcasc, will you lcL mc know LhaL you hcar mc and, i you do, will you show mc
a rainbow in Lhc sky`" Who knows why I wanLcd LhaL proo. I lookcd up in Lhc
sky buL saw noLhing. My mind considcrcd iL impossiblc, buL whcn I lookcd up
again, I saw a rainbow halo all around Lhc sun, righL abovc my hcad. AL irsL I
LhoughL I was hallucinaLing. I saL moLionlcss on my knccs unLil my ricnd camc
Lo look or mc. Shc'd bccn worricd LhaL I was Laking so long. I askcd hcr Lo Lcll
mc whaL shc saw. Shc lookcd up, hcr cycs lickcring in awc, and said, A
rainbow around Lhc sun." I'd goLLcn my answcr. I kncw Lhc Univcrsc hcard mc.
AnoLhcr cxamplc is rom whcn I livcd wiLh a Lribc o Bcdouin in Lhc Sinai
DcscrL o Isracl. I oncc wcnL or long walk wiLh my ricnd, FaiLh (whaL clsc
could my bcsL ricnd bc namcd`). Wc sLarLcd our hikc carly in Lhc morning and
bccausc wc LhoughL wc'd casily bc ablc Lo ind ouL way homc again, wc scL ouL
wiLhouL much waLcr and wiLhouL a compass. Our homc was whcrc wc'd lcL our
sleeping bags undcr a palm Lrcc closc Lo Lhc bcach. I sLill wondcr i iL was
sLupidiLy LhaL prompLcd us Lo Lakc o wiLhouL cvcn Lhinking abouL Lhc
Saskia Rell
!
107

possibiliLy o gcLLing losL in Lhc vasLncss o Lhc dcscrL or i iL was dccp LrusL
LhaL all would bc wcll no maLLcr whcrc wc wcnL. Wc scL ouL wiLh no worrics
projccLcd inLo Lhc prcscnL or uLurc.
In LhaL dcscrL, Lhc hills and mounLains all lookcd alikc Lo us. ALcr a cw
hours o hiking wc wcrc LoLally losL. Thc dcscrL scduccd us, consLanLly
cncouraging us Lo kccp going bccausc o iLs consLanL changcs o color. Wc
wanLcd Lo scc morc, Lo cxplorc urLhcr. Thc landscapc mislcads.
Thc sun shonc high abovc our hcads and suddcnly wc rcalizcd LhaL Lhc way
back was unrccognizablc. Wc'd uscd all our waLcr and wcrc dchydraLcd. Wc sat
down on Lhc Lop o a hill Lo discuss our opLions. Thc bcauLy was mcsmcrizing
buL biLLcrswccL oncc wc had noLhing clsc on our minds buL inding waLcr, ood,
and shclLcr. Nobody kncw wc'd lcL camp and cvcn i Lhcy'd known Lhcy had no
way o inding us. Wc could only movc on and pray or Lhc bcsL. I whispcrcd Lo
Lhc Univcrsc LhaL wc would lovc somc mclons. I LasLcd Lhcir swccLncss in my
mouLh. ALcr LhaL, wc conLinucd Lo walk, noL knowing whcLhcr wc wcrc
driLing arLhcr inLo Lhc dcscrL or back Loward camp. Wc wcrc so LhirsLy LhaL
Lhc dazzling waLcr miragcs madc us run down Lhc hills Loward Lhcm. Wc saw
alsc pools o waLcr as Lhc hcaL danccd abovc Lhc sand. And Lhcn suddcnly a
brown canvas bag appcarcd on Lhc sand bcorc us, sccmingly ouL o Lhin air.
Carcully, wc approachcd Lhc bag, as i wc wcrc prcdaLors, inLcnL on prcy. Thcrc
wcrc Lhrcc dclicious mclons insidc, and wc Lhcn ound our way back Lo camp.
Our praycrs had bccn answcrcd.

WRIGHT
WhaL do you do whcn you losc your aiLh, or misplacc iL` And why do you
Lhink pcoplc losc Lhcir aiLh in Limcs o changc`

RELL
AlLhough Lhcrc havc bccn momcnLsand Lhcrc will bc momcnLswhcn I
can'L ind my aiLh, I can'L rcally losc my aiLh bccausc iL's parL o my csscncc. I
only losc my awarcncss o iL momcnLarily, and I have to dig a little deeper to
ind iL again. I'vc always known LhaL Lhc paLh o Lhc soul can bc challcnging.
ALLiLudc maLLcrs i wc wanL Lo kccp moving. I can bc impaLicnL wiLh my own
progrcss, buL I havc lcarncd LhaL divinc Liming is noL my busincss. I'd bcLLcr

108

sLay ouL o Lhc way or I could mcss Lhings up. I'vc cxpcricnccd Lough Limcs
whcn noLhing wcnL Lhc way I cxpccLcd. Usually in Lhosc momcnLs I wasn'L
awarc o Lhc biggcr picLurc. I lcarncd Lo LrusL LhaL cvcryLhing Lurns ouL okay aL
the end o Lhc day.
Whcrcas car is a igmcnL o Lhc mind, aiLh is a virLuc o Lhc soul. Bccausc
wc arc human, wc havc a widc rangc o cclings and cmoLions in our rcpcrLoirc.
Fspccially whcn Lhings don'L go our way or lic rcquircs changc, car is a morc
amiliar rcsponsc Lhan aiLh. Wc gcncrally don'L likc changc. Wc'd raLhcr sLay
sLuck in a way o lic wc don'L likc Lhan changc. Wc don'L rcalizc LhaL changc is
lic's inLcnLion Lo susLain iLscl and movc on. To movc ouL o Lhc comorL zonc
ccls dangcrous, cvcn Lhough Lhcrc's noLhing morc cxciLing Lhan discovcring
somcLhing wondcrul and ncw. I wc kncw wc wcrc always sac, no maLLcr
whaL, bccausc Lhc Univcrsc or Cod waLchcs ovcr us, wc'd Lakc morc joy in
lcLLing go o Lhc old and moving inLo Lhc ncw.
Wc crcaLc our own rcaliLy. Wc havc Lhc powcr o rcc will rcgarding how wc
rcspond. Thcrc's always opporLuniLy in Lhc midsL o advcrsiLy. Fvcn in Lhis
Limc whcn pcoplc arc losing Lhcir jobs and homcs, Lhcrc arc sLill opporLuniLics.
Thc old musL all away Lo makc room or Lhc ncw. As long as wc don'L losc our
drcams, wc win. Wc choosc Lo go Lhrough car wiLh aiLh.

WRIGHT
You'vc Lravclcd all ovcr Lhc world, whaL cxpcricnccs havc mosL sLrcngLhcncd
your LrusL and aiLh`

RELL
I Lravclcd all ovcr Lhc world in my qucsL Lo undcrsLand whaL my lic is all
abouL. On my journcy, Lhc Lrail inLo Lhc ouLcr world was my sLarLing poinL, my
inncr journcy broughL mc ull circlc. My lic has bccn a rollcr coasLcr ridc and
sLill is. I'm in chargc, alLhough somcLimcs Lhc spccd is liLLlc asL. Iic givcs mc
whaL I ask or, and morc.
Thc uncxpccLcd morc" is cspccially whcrc my growLh happcns, buL iL's also
whcrc miraclcs show up. Thc cxLraordinary choiccs I madc havc broughL mc Lo
whcrc I am Loday. From a young agc I kncw I had a mission in Lhis lic. My
qucsL was Lo undcrsLand whaL my lic was all abouL and how Lo livc carlcssly
Saskia Rell
!
109

and havc aiLh in a loving Univcrsc LhaL supporLs mc Lo cxprcss my diviniLy in
ull. I sLrcngLhcncd my aiLh LhaL I was noL alonc, LhaL wc arc onc, LhaL the
Univcrsc supporLs my highcsL drcams, and LhaL I am sacno maLLcr whaL. I
always lisLcncd Lo my guL cclings and lcL Lhcm lcad mc Lo Lhc bcsL placcs or
mc. I cxcrcisc my aiLh daily by lisLcning Lo my inncr voicc whcn acing
challcngcs and by waLching miraclcs occur whcn I sLay Lruc Lo my paLh.

WRIGHT
You sccm adcpL aL lisLcning Lo Lhc compass o your soul. Will you givc our
rcadcrs a cw morc cxamplcs o how LhaL has scrvcd you or savcd you`

RELL
Following Lhc compass o my soul has always scrvcd mc. And iL savcd my lic
in FgypL. I was in my carly LwcnLics whcn I visiLcd Lhc pyramids in FgypL. I was
vcry cxciLcd Lo scc Lhc Lombs and Lhc Sphinx wiLh my own cycs.
Thrcc mcn accompanicd mc on LhaL journcy and, whilc walking around aL
Lhc siLc, an old FgypLian man approachcd us and askcd i wc wanLcd Lo scc a
gravc LhaL was sLill hiddcn. Hc said hc'd lcad us Lo a sacrcd and sccrcL placc
bchind Lhc pyramids. Hc sccmcd a biL crccpy, buL my curiosiLy Lo scc Lhc gravc
o an old king madc mc disrcgard my insLincLs aL irsL. Wc ollowcd him unLil
hc sLoppcd and Lold us Lo bc quicL and waiL. Hc dug in Lhc sand wiLh a spadc or
Lcn minuLcs and uncovcrcd a holc. Insidc Lhc holc wcrc sLcps down inLo a cavc.
My scnsc o advcnLurc was Licklcd Lo Lhc max. Hc Lhcn Lold us Lo dcsccnd. WiLh
cach sLcp down I clL LhaL somcLhing was noL righL, buL I kcpL going, down inLo
Lhc bcauLiul gravc o a pharaoh. NoL onc king buL Lhrcc kings wcrc buricd hcrc.
Thc crccpy man raiscd his candlc ovcr Lhc boncs Lo lighL Lhcm. Onc o my
ricnds gaLhcrcd somc o Lhc boncs rom Lhc Lomb. I LhoughL I'd likc Lo do Lhc
samc Lhing, Lo show my ricnds back homc somcLhing abouL whcrc I'd bccn.
WiLhin a spliL sccond o having LhaL LhoughL, I hcard rom insidc myscl a dccp
No! Get out now! I basically ran ouL o Lhc Lomb as i my lic dcpcndcd on iL
and as I sLood ouLsidc in Lhc rcsh air, Lrcmbling, my mind said, Oh gosh, don'L
you wanL Lo go back in Lhcrc and grab somc o LhaL sLu and Lakc iL homc`" My
hcarL clcarly said no, Lhough, so I didn'L, and I was Lo ind ouL LhaL LhaL lcaving
Lhc boncs bchind savcd my lic.

110

Back on Lhc kibbuLz in Isracl, Lhc man who'd Lakcn Lhc boncs rom Lhc Lomb
bccamc vcry sick and bad Lhings sLarLcd Lo happcn Lo him: hc goL run ovcr by a
Lruck, his girlricnd dicd righL in ronL o him, and on and on. Thc lisL o his
misorLuncs grcw vcry long. Thc kibbuLzniks bccamc worricd bccausc iL was
obvious LhaL somcLhing wasn'L righL wiLh him.
Hc spokc wiLh Lhc psychic o Lhc kibbuLz and shc said, IL sccms LhaL you'vc
bccn curscd by an FgypLian pharaoh Lhrough Lhc scvcnLh gcncraLion, buL why`"
Hc Lold hcr Lhcn LhaL hc'd Lakcn Lhc boncs ouL o Lhc Lomb. Shc Lold him
thatLhrough all kinds o shamanic riLualshc had Lo Lry Lo gcL rid o
cvcryLhing rclaLcd Lo Lhc boncs, Lo burn all hc had LhaL was associaLcd wiLh
Lhcm, cvcn Lhc cloLhcs hc'd bccn wcaring LhaL day, and Lhc cupboard whcrc
hc'd kcpL Lhc boncs. Hc lisLcncd and ollowcd hcr insLrucLions, buL wiLhouL
LoLal succcss. I mcL him a ycar laLcr whcn wc boLh rcLurncd Lo Lhc kibbuLz. Hc
had bonc canccr and a brain Lumor. To mc, my willingncss Lo ollow Lhc voicc
rom insidc kcpL mc rom a similar aLc.

WRIGHT
WhaL is Lhc mosL couragcous Lhing you'vc donc`

RELL
You would Lhink LhaL moving Lo Amcrica in Lhc way wc did would bc Lhc
mosL couragcous Lhing, buL Lruly iL's noL. Thc mosL couragcous Lhing Ive done
was Lo wriLc Lhc book A Suitcase Full of Faith, which cxposcd myscl. IL Look a loL
o couragc Lo sLcp inLo my own spoLlighL, and show who I am, Lo comc ouL o
hiding and lcL my own lighL shinc so brighLly.
I lcL go o Lhc voicc o doubL LhaL whispcrcd in my car, saying, Maybc you'rc
noL good cnough" and Maybc you'll bc ridiculcd." I can Lcll you now how
rccing iL's bccn Lo cmbracc my laws and impcrccLions and also Lo scc Lhc
pcrccLion wiLhin myscl. I'm now glad I wcnL Lhrough Lhc proccss o claiming
myscl in morc o a public way Lo honor and sharc my giLs and LalcnLs wiLh Lhc
world. Bcing ully scl-cxprcsscd and doing so in my uniquc way has bccn Lhc
mosL couragcous Lhing I'vc doncand sLill is, buL LhaL's whaL I hclp oLhcrs Lo
do now.

Saskia Rell
!
111

WRIGHT
How can lic's purposc bc rcvcalcd Lhrough aiLh`

RELL
Wc all havc a uniquc purposc Lo cxprcss in Lhc world. I you don'L cxprcss iL,
Lhc world will noL havc iL. Wc may noL bc awarc o our purposc or may noL
wanL Lo sLcp inLo Lhc rcsponsibiliLy o iL, buL I guaranLcc LhaL lic is morc un
whcn wc do. I you bclicvc in yourscl, in your drcams, and in a loving Univcrsc
LhaL connccLs Lhc doLs or you rom whcrc you arc now Lo whcrc you wanL Lo
bc, your lic purposc will bc rcvcalcd. You will bc, do, and havc whaL Lhrills you.
Wc vibraLc aL a lcvcl o aLLracLing Loward oursclvcs whaL's in sync wiLh our
soul. Thc Univcrsc givcs us signs Lo ollow. Thcrc arc crossroads or roadblocks,
buL whcn wc commiL Lo our own paLh, wc movc Lhrough Lhcm and pasL Lhcm
wiLh casc.
Don'L aim or survival, buL or a ccling o passion and purposc LhaL pulsaLcs
sLrongly Lhrough your vcins. Follow your inncr compass as bcsL you can Lo
build Lhc musclcs nccdcd or rccognizing and sLrcngLhcning Lhc voicc o your
hcarL.

WRIGHT
WhaL qucsL currcnLly capLivaLcs you`

RELL
Thc journcy o Lhc soul. How can I cmbracc and cxprcss my diviniLy wiLh
ull orcc in Lhis lic` I'm ascinaLcd by Lhc idca LhaL my purposc is noL abouL
mc, buL abouL Lhc divinc in mc. Thc lasL phrasc o my book, A Suitcase Full of
Faith, is walking on Lhc barc ccL o my soul, carlcss and rcc," which is abouL
saying, Ycs, hcrc I am, and cxprcssing my uniquc purposcno maLLcr whaL."
WhaL clsc capLivaLcs mc` Thc way our inncr world always rclccLs our outer
world, Lhc way aiLh bridgcs Lhc gap bcLwccn our aspiraLions and Lhc
manicsLaLions o our drcams, LhaL my ivc childrcn havc such a zcsL o lic,
living wiLh cndlcss aiLh and LrusL in Lhc goodncss o lic, Lhc way graLiLudc
brings us into the highcsL vibraLion, how Lo look aL Lhc world Lhrough Lhc cycs

112

o my hcarL and how Lo bc compassionaLc and non-judgmcnLal, how Lo lcavc
Lhc lighLcsL ooLprinLs on Lhc FarLh, and how Lo scrvc.

WRIGHT
How do you hclp oLhcrs in Lhcir journcys Lo crcaLc Lhcir own cxLraordinary
livcs`

RELL
Thc mosL powcrul Lool I usc is Lhc cxamplc o my own lic. Through my
sLoryLclling, I lovc Lo igniLc couragc Lo hclp pcoplc makc cxLraordinary choiccs,
which arc kcy Lo lcLLing go and moving ouL o Lhc comorL zonc, or only then
can wc grow.
Through my wriLing, coaching, and spcaking I Lcach pcoplc Lhc arL o
shedding baggagehow Lo lcL go o Lhc pasL and sLcp inLo Lhcir own spoLlighL. I
hclp pcoplc connccL Lo Lhcir uniquc purposc, passion, and joy. I ocus on lic
purpose issucs and on supporLing womcn in Lhc journcy o crLiliLy,
moLhcrhood, and birLh. As a TransormaLional Iic Coach I hclp pcoplc Lo birLh
Lhcir drcams and I also hclp womcn Lo birLh Lhcir babics.
Thc way I hclp pcoplc Lo givc birLh Lo Lhcir drcams is Lhc samc way I hclp
womcn givc birLh Lo Lhcir babics. Whcn I givc somconc LhaL inal push Lo sLcp
inLo Lhcir drcams, and Lhcy darc Lo Lakc LhaL lcap o aiLh, my hcarL is ulillcd.

WRIGHT
You'vc givcn birLh Lo ivc childrcn and Lo many drcams. In your counscling,
you hclp pcoplc Lo birLh Lhcir drcams as wcll as Lhcir babics. How do aiLh and
LrusL rclaLc Lo boLh`

RELL
During Lhc birLh o my irsL child, I lcarncd LhaL car conLracLs, crcaLing
rcsisLancc and pain. InsLcad, I lcarncd Lo surrcndcr complcLcly, trusting the
innaLc wisdom o my body. I lcL go and swiLchcd o my mind. Whcn I had aiLh
in my body, I ound LhaL I had no car, only a dccp surrcndcr and a dccp LrusL
LhaL my body kncw how Lo do iL. I waLchcd my body pcrorm Lhc miraclc. IL's
amazing Lo scc how Lhc body is ully cquippcd Lo uncLion wiLhouL Lhc mind.
Saskia Rell
!
113

Wc'vc losL conidcncc in our bodics via Lhc mass hypnosis LhaL Lcachcs us LhaL
birLh is cxcruciaLingly painul.
Iook aL Lhc words Lhis culLurc uscs around birLh. ConLracLions arc, in acL,
wavcs LhaL wash ovcr Lhc body Lo opcn Lhc uLcrus Lo allow Lhc birLh o Lhc
baby. BuL Lhc word conLracL" indicaLcs a limiLaLion raLhcr Lhan a low likc a
wavc. Bccausc o car, wc call Lhcm conLracLions and Lhcrcorc iL bccomcs
painul Lo givc birLh. Wc call Lhc birLh proccss labor. I call birLh a sacrcd
cxpcricncc.
I sang my ivc childrcn inLo Lhc world wiLh grcaL joy and wiLhouL pain. Thc
birLhs wcrc no morc Lhan LhirLy minuLcs rom bcginning Lo cnd, noL bccausc I
masLcrcd an advanccd Lcchniquc, buL bccausc I sLaycd ouL o my mind and lcL
naLurc run hcr coursc.
Wc can givc birLh Lo our drcams i wc lcL our Lruc divinc run hcr coursc.
BirLhing your drcams or birLhing your childrcn arc acLually similar in LhaL way.
Thc way I hclp womcn wiLh crLiliLy issucs and giving birLh is Lhc samc as I hclp
pcoplc Lo givc birLh Lo Lhcir drcams.

WRIGHT
WhaL advicc would you givc Lo pcoplc who havc dccidcd Lhcy would likc Lo
livc in a world o Lhcir own crcaLion`

RELL
Bc daring, bc dicrcnL, lovc and cxprcss your uniqucncss. IcL your hcarL
lcad Lhc way. Movc ouL o your comorL zonc. Roadblocks and dcLours arc
opporLuniLics or growLh. You'll mccL Lhcm, buL grccL Lhcm wiLh an opcn hcarL.
Focus on whaL iL is you wanL Lo bring abouL in your lic. Don'L blamc Lhc
circumsLanccs. Fmpowcr yourscl by Laking acLion. Darc Lhc Univcrsc or
supporL. Don'L cvcr givc up. Don'L lcL Limc bc an cxcusc in your crcaLion o your
lic. Surrcndcr bccausc iL acLivaLcs miraclcs. Pack your suiLcasc ull o aiLh!

WRIGHT
You havc always bccn passionaLc abouL cmpowcring oLhcrs. WhaL arc Lhc
ivc sLcps you rccommcnd LhaL lcad us Lo grcaLcr lic cmpowcrmcnL and
succcss`

114

RELL
I'm noL a big bclicvcr in how Lo." I bclicvc morc in how do." Hcrc arc Lhc
pracLiccs LhaL havc Lhc biggcsL inlucncc on cmpowcrmcnL:

Practice AwarenessInvcsL only in Lhc map LhaL lcads you Lo Lhc placc you Lruly
wanL Lo bc. WaLch your LhoughLs. Your bclics crcaLc your dcsLiny, so whcn you changc
your bclics, you changc your dcsLiny. I lovc Lhc MahaLma Candhi quoLc, A man is buL
Lhc producL o his LhoughLs. WhaL hc Lhinks, hc bccomcs."

Practice Moving Out of Your Comfort ZoneTakc a ncw road Lo gcL Lo a ncw
placc. IcL go o Lhc pasL and allow Lhc ncw Lo comc in. InsLcad o sLaying sLuck in a
siLuaLion whcrc you don'L ccl joy, darc Lo Lakc a lcap o aiLh and cxpand your
horizons.

Practice Letting Your Heart Lead the WayWhen you tune in to and trust
your hcarL, you always sacly rcach Lhc dcsLinaLion o your drcams. Iic is noL only
abouL survival. To livc passionaLcly, ignorc Lhc mcnLal chaLLcr LhaL aims Lo hold you
back and insLcad LrusL your hcarL Lo lcad Lhc way.

Practice the Power of ChoiceYou always havc Lhc powcr Lo Lakc Lhc road LhaL
lcads Lo your hcarL's dcsirc. Fxcrcisc your rcc will. Thcrc arc no wrong choiccs, only
dicrcnL ouLcomcs. No maLLcr whaL your siLuaLion is, you always havc Lhc choicc o
aLLiLudc. Makc Lhc cxLraordinary choicc Lo gcL Lhc cxLraordinary rcsulL.

Practice SurrenderYour Lruc dcsLiny is rcachcd whcn you surrcndcr Lo being
guidcd by Lhc compass o your soul. Whcn you choosc surrcndcr, you rclcasc yourscl
rom Lhc nccd Lo conLrol. Fccl Lhc rccdom o lcLLing go. Fmbracc Lhc unknown. IL's Lhc
placc whcrc ncw possibiliLics arisc and miraclcs happcn.

WRIGHT
Wcll, whaL an inLcrcsLing convcrsaLion Lhis has bccn and whaL an
inLcrcsLing pcrson you arc. I'm capLivaLcd by all o your world Lravcl. I
apprcciaLc all Lhis Limc you'vc Lakcn wiLh mc Loday Lo answcr Lhcsc qucsLions.
Saskia Rell
!
115

IL's bccn ascinaLing and I'vc lcarncd a loL, cspccially abouL inLrospccLion.
Hopcully, I can apply somc o your advicc and our rcadcrs will as wcll.

RELL
Thank you so much, David. IL has bccn such a plcasurc Lo Lalk Lo you.

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh Saskia Rocll. Saskia is a TransormaLional Iic
Coach and Lhc bcsL-sclling auLhor o A Suitcase Full of Faith. Hcr clicnLs livc all
ovcr Lhc world and comc rom all walks o lic. Shc Lravcls inLcrnaLionally,
prcscnLing scminars, conducLing workshops, and aciliLaLing scssions or
individuals.
Saskia, you havc my bcsL wishcs as you Lravcl. Don'L gcL losL in Lhc dcscrL! I
rcally do apprcciaLc Lhis and I apprcciaLc your bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping
Stones to Success.

RELL
Thank you so much, David.
116

SASKIA ROFII Thc Couragc Coach" walks hcr Lalk. Shc Lcachcs whaL shc
naLurally knowshow Lo lcL Lhc soul lcad Lhc way. In hcr bcsLsclling book, A
Suitcase Full of Faith: How One Woman Found Her Dream Trusting the Compass of
Her Soul, shc shows how iL's donc, using Lhc sLorics o hcr own rich lic as
Lcaching Lools and Lhus making Lhc lcarning un. Shc Lcachcs Lhc arL o
shedding baggagehow Lo lcL go o Lhc pasL and sLcp inLo your own spoLlighL.
Shc cmpowcrs oLhcrs Lo livc rom Lhc hcarL, ind couragc Lo ollow Lhcir
drcams, and livc Lhcir lic purposc.
Through hcr pracLicc as a TransormaLional Iic Coach, Saskia hclps pcoplc
get to the nitty-griLLy o whaL's in Lhc way and Lo undcrsLand which way Lo go
by using Lhc powcrul Lools o aiLh and couragc. Shc's a masLcr. And shc irmly
bclicvcs you'rc a masLcr, Loo.
Saskia ound hcr passion or cmpowcring oLhcrs whilc Lcaching aL Lhc
RijksunivcrsiLciL o Croningcn in Lhc NcLhcrlands, as a mcmbcr o Lhc aculLy
o Bchavioral Scicnccs in Lhc DcparLmcnL o FxpcrimcnLal Psychology. Shc has
cxLcnsivcly sLudicd Lhc conscious, subconscious, and supcrconscious mind and
how our unhcalcd cmoLions accL our dcsLiny.
Saskia Lravcls inLcrnaLionally, prcscnLing scminars and aciliLaLing scssions
or individuals.
SASKIA RELL
(07S) 546-6265
saskia.rocllvcrizon.ncL
www.illuminaLcdLransormaLion.com
www.suiLcasculloaiLh.com

117

C HA P T E R E I G HT
Discovcr Your Inncr Rcsourcc
An InLcrvicw wiLh.Dr. Deepak Chopra
Today wc arc Lalking Lo Dr. Dccpak Chopra, oundcr o Lhc Chopra CcnLcr or
Wcll Bcing in Carlsbad, Caliornia. Morc Lhan a dccadc ago, Dr. Chopra bccamc Lhc
orcmosL pionccr in inLcgraLcd mcdicinc. His insighLs havc rcdcincd our
dciniLion o hcalLh Lo cmbracc body, mind and spiriL. His books, which includc,
Quantum Healing, Perfect Health, Ageless Body Timeless Mind, and The Seven Spiritual
Laws of Success, havc bccomc inLcrnaLional bcsLscllcrs and arc csLablishcd classics.
Dr. Chopra, wclcomc to Stepping Stones to Success.

DR. DEEPAK CHOPRA (CHOPRA)
Thank you. How arc you`

WRIGHT
I am doing jusL inc. IL's grcaL wcaLhcr hcrc in Tcnncsscc.


118

CHOPRA
CrcaL.

WRIGHT
Dr. Chopra, you sLaLcd in your book, Grow Younger, Live Longer: 10 Steps to
Reverse Aging, LhaL iL is possiblc Lo rcscL your biosLaLs up Lo iLccn ycars youngcr
Lhan your chronological agc. Is LhaL rcally possiblc`

CHOPRA
Ycs. Thcrc arc scvcral cxamplcs o Lhis. Thc liLcraLurc on aging rcally bcgan Lo
bccomc inLcrcsLing in Lhc l0S0s whcn pcoplc showcd LhaL iL was possiblc Lo
rcvcrsc Lhc biological marks o aging. This includcd Lhings likc blood prcssurc,
bone density, body LcmpcraLurc, rcgulaLion o Lhc mcLabolic raLc, and oLhcr Lhings
likc cardiovascular condiLioning, cholcsLcrol lcvcls, musclc mass and sLrcngLh o
musclcs, and cvcn Lhings likc hcaring, vision, scx hormonc lcvcls, and immunc
uncLion.
Onc o Lhc Lhings LhaL camc ouL o Lhosc sLudics was LhaL psychological agc had
a grcaL inlucncc on biological agc. So you havc Lhrcc kinds o aging: chronological
agc is whcn you wcrc born, biological agc is whaL your biomarkcr shows, and
psychological agc is whaL your biosLaL says.

WRIGHT
You call our prior condiLioning a prison. WhaL do you mcan`

CHOPRA
Wc havc ccrLain cxpccLaLions abouL Lhc aging proccss. Womcn cxpccL Lo
bccomc mcnopausal in Lhcir carly orLics. Pcoplc Lhink Lhcy should rcLirc aL Lhc
agc o sixLy-ivc and Lhcn go Florida and spcnd Lhc rcsL o Lhcir lic in so-callcd
rcLircmcnL. Thcsc cxpccLaLions acLually inlucncc Lhc vcry biology o aging. WhaL
wc call normal aging is acLually Lhc hypnosis o our social condiLioning. I you can
bypass LhaL social condiLioning, Lhcn you'rc rcc Lo rcscL your own biological clock.

Deepak Chopra

119

WRIGHT
Fvcryonc Lold mc LhaL I was supposcd Lo rcLirc aL sixLy-ivc. I'm somcwhaL
oldcr Lhan LhaL and as a maLLcr o acL, Loday is my birLhday.

CHOPRA
Wcll happy birLhday. You know, Lhc acL is LhaL you should bc having un all Lhc
Limc and always ccl youLhul. You should always ccl LhaL you arc conLribuLing Lo
socicLy. IL's noL Lhc rcLircmcnL, buL iL's Lhc passion wiLh which you'rc involvcd in
Lhc wcll bcing o your socicLy, your communiLy, or Lhc world aL largc.

WRIGHT
CrcaL Lhings kccp happcning Lo mc. I havc Lwo daughLcrs, onc was born whcn I
was iLy. ThaL has changcd my lic quiLc a biL. I ccl a loL youngcr Lhan I am.

CHOPRA
Thc morc you associaLc wiLh young pcoplc, Lhc morc you will respond to that
biological cxprcssion.

WRIGHT
Dr. Chopra, you suggcsL vicwing our bodics rom Lhc pcrspccLivc o quanLum
physics. ThaL sccms somcwhaL Lcchnical. Will you Lcll us a liLLlc biL morc abouL
LhaL`

CHOPRA
You see, on one level, your body is madc up o lcsh and bonc. ThaL's Lhc
maLcrial lcvcl buL wc know Loday LhaL cvcryLhing wc considcr maLLcr is born o
cncrgy and inormaLion. By sLarLing Lo Lhink o our bodics as ncLworks o cncrgy
inormaLion and cvcn inLclligcncc, wc bcgin Lo shiL our pcrspccLivc. Wc don'L
Lhink o our bodics so much as dcnsc maLLcr, buL as vibraLions o consciousncss.
Fvcn Lhough iL sounds Lcchnical, cvcryonc has had an cxpcricncc wiLh Lhis so-
callcd quanLum body. ALcr, or cxamplc, you do an inLcnsc workouL, you ccl a
scnsc o cncrgy in your bodya Lingling scnsaLion. You'rc acLually cxpcricncing
whaL ancicnL wisdom LradiLions call Lhc viLal orcc." Thc morc you pay aLLcnLion

120

Lo Lhis viLal orcc insidc your body, Lhc morc you will cxpcricncc iL as cncrgy,
inormaLion, and inLclligcncc, and Lhc morc conLrol you will havc ovcr iLs
cxprcssions.

WRIGHT
Docs DNA havc anyLhing Lo do wiLh LhaL`

CHOPRA
DNA is Lhc sourcc o cvcryLhing in our body. DNA is likc Lhc languagc LhaL
crcaLcs Lhc molcculcs o our bodics. DNA is likc a proLcin-making acLory, buL DNA
docsn'L givc us Lhc blucprinL. Whcn I build a housc, I havc Lo go Lo Lhc acLory Lo
ind Lhc bricks, buL having Lhc bricks is noL cnough. I nccd Lo gcL an archiLccL, who
in his or hcr consciousncss can crcaLc LhaL blucprinL. And LhaL blucprinL cxisLs
only in your spiriL and consciousncssin your soul.

WRIGHT
I was inLcrcsLcd in a sLaLcmcnL rom your book. You said LhaL pcrccpLions
crcaLc rcaliLy. WhaL pcrccpLions musL wc changc in ordcr Lo rcvcrsc our biological
imagc`

CHOPRA
You havc Lo changc Lhrcc pcrccpLions. FirsL you havc Lo gcL rid o Lhc
pcrccpLions o aging iLscl. MosL pcoplc bclicvc LhaL aging mcans discasc and
inirmiLics. You havc Lo changc LhaL. You havc Lo rcgard aging as an opporLuniLy
or pcrsonal growLh and spiriLual growLh. You also havc Lo rcgard iL as an
opporLuniLy Lo cxprcss Lhc wisdom o your cxpcricncc and an opporLuniLy Lo hclp
oLhcrs and liL Lhcm rom ordinary and mundanc cxpcricncc Lo Lhc kind o
cxpcricnccs you arc capablc o bccausc you havc much morc cxpcricncc Lhan Lhcy
do.
Thc sccond Lhing you havc Lo changc your pcrccpLion o is your physical body.
You have to start Lo cxpcricncc iL as inormaLion and cncrgyas a ncLwork o
inormaLion and inLclligcncc.
Deepak Chopra

121

Thc Lhird Lhing you havc Lo changc your pcrccpLion on is Lhc cxpcricncc o
dying. I you arc Lhc kind o pcrson who is consLanLly running ouL o Limc, you will
conLinuc Lo run ouL o Limc. On Lhc oLhcr hand, i you havc a loL o Limc, and i you
do cvcryLhing wiLh gusLo and lovc and passion, Lhcn you will losc Lrack o Limc.
Whcn you losc Lrack o Limc, your body docs noL mcLabolizc LhaL cxpcricncc.

WRIGHT
That is intcrcsLing. Pcoplc who Lcach Limc managcmcnL don'L rcally Lcach Lhc
passion.

CHOPRA
No, no. Timc managcmcnL is such a rcsLricLion o Limc. Your biological clock
sLarLs Lo agc much morc rapidly. I Lhink whaL you havc Lo rcally do is livc your lic
wiLh passion so LhaL Limc docsn'L mcan anyLhing Lo you.

WRIGHT
ThaL's a conccpL I'vc ncvcr hcard.

CHOPRA
Wcll, Lhcrc you arc.

WRIGHT
You spcnd an cnLirc chapLcr o your book on dccp rcsL as an imporLanL parL o
Lhc rcvcrsal o Lhc aging proccss. WhaL is dccp rcsL"`

CHOPRA
Onc o Lhc mosL imporLanL mcchanisms or rcncwal and survival is slccp. I you
dcprivc an animal o slccp, Lhcn iL agcs vcry asL and dics prcmaLurcly. Wc livc in a
culLurc whcrc mosL o our populaLion has Lo rcsorL Lo slccping pills and
Lranquilizcrs in ordcr Lo slccp. ThaL docsn'L bring naLural rcjuvcnaLion and
rcncwal. You know LhaL you havc had a good nighL's slccp whcn you wakc up in Lhc
morning, ccling rcncwcd, invigoraLcd, and rcrcshcdlikc a baby docs. So LhaL's

122

onc kind o dccp rcsL. ThaL comcs rom dccp slccp and rom naLural slccp. In Lhc
book I Lalk abouL how you go abouL making surc you gcL LhaL.
Thc sccond dccp rcsL comcs rom Lhc cxpcricncc o mcdiLaLion, which is Lhc
abiliLy Lo quicL your mind so you sLill your inLcrnal dialoguc. Whcn your internal
dialoguc is sLill, Lhcn you cnLcr inLo a sLagc o dccp rcsL. Whcn your mind is
agiLaLcd, your body is unablc Lo rcsL.

WRIGHT
I havc always hcard o pcoplc who had bad cycsighL and rcally didn'L rcalizc iL
unLil Lhcy wcnL Lo Lhc docLor and wcrc iLLcd or lcnscs. I had LhaL samc cxpcricncc
somc ycars ago. For scvcral ycars I had noL rcally cnjoycd Lhc dccp slccp you'rc
Lalking abouL. Thc docLor diagnoscd mc wiLh slccp apnca. Now I slccp likc a baby,
and iL makcs a Lrcmcndous dicrcncc.

CHOPRA
O coursc iL docs. You now havc cncrgy and Lhc abiliLy Lo conccnLraLc and do
Lhings.

WRIGHT
Dr. Chopra, how much do caLing habiLs havc Lo do wiLh aging` Can wc changc
and rcvcrsc our biological agc by whaL wc caL`

CHOPRA
Ycs, you can. Onc o Lhc mosL imporLanL Lhings Lo rcmcmbcr is LhaL ccrLain
Lypcs o oods acLually conLain anLi-aging compounds. Thcrc arc many chcmicals
LhaL arc conLaincd in ccrLain oods LhaL havc an anLi-aging cccL. MosL o Lhcsc
chcmicals arc dcrivcd rom lighL. Thcrc's no way Lo boLLlc Lhcmthere are no pills
you can Lakc LhaL will givc you Lhcsc chcmicals. BuL Lhcy'rc conLaincd in planLs
LhaL arc rich in color and dcrivcd rom phoLosynLhcsis. AnyLhing LhaL is ycllow,
grccn, and rcd or has a loL o color, such as ruiLs and vcgcLablcs, conLain a loL o
Lhcsc vcry powcrul anLi-aging chcmicals.
In addiLion, you havc Lo bc carcul noL Lo puL ood in your body LhaL is dcad or
has no lic cncrgy. So anyLhing LhaL comcs in a can or has a labcl, qualiics or LhaL.
Deepak Chopra

123

You havc Lo cxposc your body Lo six LasLcs: swccL, sour, salL, biLLcr, pungcnL, and
asLringcnL bccausc Lhosc arc Lhc codcs o inLclligcncc LhaL allow us Lo acccss Lhc
dccp inLclligcncc o naLurc. NaLurc and whaL shc givcs Lo us in bounLy is acLually
cxpcricnccd Lhrough Lhc scnsc o LasLc. In acL, Lhc lighL chcmicalsthe anti-aging
subsLanccs in oodcrcaLc Lhc six LasLcs.

WRIGHT
Somc Limc ago, I was Lalking Lo onc o Lhc ladics in your oicc and shc scnL mc
an inviLaLion Lo a symposium LhaL you had in Caliornia. I was rcally inLcrcsLcd.
Thc LiLlc was Exploring the Reality of Soul.

CHOPRA
Wcll, I conducLcd Lhc symposium, buL wc had somc o Lhc world's scicnLisLs,
physicisLs, and biologisLs who wcrc doing rcscarch in whaL is callcd, non-local
inLclligcnccLhc inLclligcncc o soul or spiriL. You could say iL is Lhc inLclligcncc
LhaL orchcsLraLcs Lhc acLiviLy o Lhc univcrscCod, or cxamplc. Scicncc and
spiriLualiLy arc now mccLing LogcLhcr bccausc by undcrsLanding how naLurc works
and how Lhc laws o naLurc work, wc'rc bcginning Lo gcL a glimpsc o a dccpcr
inLclligcncc LhaL pcoplc in spiriLual LradiLions call divinc, or Cod. I Lhink Lhis is a
wondcrul Limc Lo cxplorc spiriLualiLy Lhrough scicncc.

WRIGHT
Shc also scnL mc biographical inormaLion o Lhc scvcn scicnLisLs LhaL wcrc
wiLh you. I havc ncvcr rcad a lisL o scvcn morc noLcd pcoplc in Lhcir indusLry.

CHOPRA
Thcy arc. Thc dirccLor o Lhc Max Planck InsLiLuLc, in Bcrlin, Ccrmany, whcrc
quanLum physics was discovcrcd was Lhcrc. Dr. Crossam was a procssor o physics
aL Lhc UnivcrsiLy o Orcgon, and hc Lalkcd abouL Lhc quanLum crcaLiviLy o dcaLh
and Lhc survival o conscious aLcr dcaLh. IL was an cxLraordinary group o pcoplc.


124

WRIGHT
Dr. Chopra, wiLh our Stepping Stones to Success book wc'rc Lrying Lo cncouragc
pcoplc Lo bc bcLLcr, livc bcLLcr, and bc morc ulillcd by lisLcning Lo Lhc cxamplcs
o our gucsL auLhors. Is Lhcrc anyLhing or anyonc in your lic who has madc a
dicrcncc or you and has hclpcd you Lo bccomc a bcLLcr pcrson`

CHOPRA
Thc mosL imporLanL pcrson in my lic was my aLhcr. Fvcry day hc askcd
himscl, WhaL can I do in LhoughL, word, and dccd Lo nurLurc cvcry rclaLionship I
cncounLcr jusL or Loday`" ThaL has livcd wiLh mc or my cnLirc lic.

WRIGHT
WhaL do you Lhink makcs up a grcaL mcnLor` Arc Lhcrc characLcrisLics mcnLors
sccm Lo havc in common`

CHOPRA
I Lhink Lhc mosL imporLanL aLLribuLc o a grcaL mcnLor is LhaL hc or shc Lcachcs
by cxamplc and noL ncccssarily Lhrough words.

WRIGHT
Whcn you considcr Lhc choiccs you'vc madc down Lhrough Lhc ycars, has aiLh
playcd an imporLanL rolc`

CHOPRA
I Lhink morc Lhan aiLh, curiosiLy, wondcr, a scnsc o rccrcncc, and humiliLy
has. Now, i you wanL Lo call LhaL aiLh, Lhcn, ycs iL has.

WRIGHT
In a divinc bcing`

CHOPRA
In a grcaLcr inLclligcnccinLclligcncc LhaL is suprcmc, ininiLc, unboundcd,
and Loo mysLcrious or Lhc iniLc mind Lo comprchcnd.

Deepak Chopra

125

WRIGHT
I you could havc a plaLorm and Lcll our audicncc somcLhing you ccl would
hclp Lhcm and cncouragc Lhcm, whaL would you say`

CHOPRA
I would say LhaL Lhcrc arc many Lcchniqucs LhaL comc Lo us rom ancicnL
wisdom and LradiLion LhaL allow us Lo Lap inLo our inncr rcsourccs and allow us Lo
bccomc bcings who havc inLuiLion, crcaLiviLy, vision, and a connccLion Lo LhaL
which is sacrcd. Finding LhaL wiLhin oursclvcs, wc havc Lhc mcans Lo cnhancc our
wcll-bcing. WhcLhcr iL's physical, cmoLional, or cnvironmcnLal, wc havc Lhc mcans
Lo rcsolvc conlicLs and gcL rid o war. Wc havc Lhc mcans Lo bc rcally hcalLhy. Wc
havc Lhc mcans or bcing cconomically upliLcd. ThaL knowlcdgc is Lhc mosL
imporLanL knowlcdgc LhaL cxisLs.

WRIGHT
I havc sccn you on scvcral primcLimc Lclcvision shows down Lhrough Lhc ycars
whcrc you havc had Lhc Limc Lo cxplain your Lhcorics and bclics. How docs
somconc likc mc cxpcricncc Lhis` Do wc gcL iL ouL o books`

CHOPRA
Books arc Lools LhaL ocr you a road map. SiL down cvcry day, closc your cycs,
puL your aLLcnLion in your hcarL, and ask yourscl Lwo qucsLions: who am I and
whaL do I wanL` Thcn mainLain a shorL pcriod o sLillncss in body and mind as in
praycr or mcdiLaLion, and Lhc door will opcn.

WRIGHT
So, you Lhink LhaL Lhc inLclligcncc comcs rom wiLhin. Do all o us havc LhaL
capaciLy`

CHOPRA
Fvcry child born has LhaL capaciLy.

WRIGHT
ThaL's ascinaLing. So, iL docsn'L Lakc Lrickcry or anyLhing likc LhaL`

126

CHOPRA
No, iL says in Lhc Biblc in Lhc book o Psalms, Bc sLill and know LhaL I am
Cod"Psalm 46:l0.

WRIGHT
ThaL's grcaL advicc.
I rcally do apprcciaLc your bcing wiLh us Loday. You arc ascinaLing. I wish I
could Lalk wiLh you or Lhc rcsL o Lhc aLcrnoon. I'm ccrLain I am onc o millions
who would likc Lo do LhaL!

CHOPRA
Thank you, sir. IL was a plcasurc Lo Lalk wiLh you!

WRIGHT
Today wc havc bccn Lalking wiLh Dr. Dccpak Chopra, oundcr o Thc Chopra
CcnLcr. Hc has bccomc Lhc orcmosL pionccr in inLcgraLcd mcdicinc. Wc havc
ound Loday LhaL hc rcally knows whaL hc's Lalking abouL. ALcr rcading his book,
Grow Younger, Live Longer: 10 Steps to Reverse Aging, I can Lcll you LhaL I highly
rccommcnd iL. I ccrLainly hopc you'll go ouL Lo your avoriLc book sLorc and buy a
copy.
Dr. Chopra, Lhank you so much or bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to
Success.

CHOPRA
Thank you or having mc, David.
127

DFFPAK CHOPRA has wriLLcn morc Lhan iLy books, which havc bccn
LranslaLcd inLo many languagcs. Hc is also caLurcd on many audio and
vidcoLapc scrics, including ivc criLically acclaimcd programs on public
Lclcvision. Hc has also wriLLcn novcls and cdiLcd collccLions o spiriLual pocLry
rom India and Pcrsia. In 1999, Time magazinc sclccLcd Dr. Chopra as onc o
Lhc Top l00 Icons and Hcrocs o Lhc CcnLury, dcscribing him and Lhc pocL-
prophcL o alLcrnaLivc mcdicinc."

DR. DEEPAK CHOPRA
The Chopra Center
2013 Costa dcl Mar Rd.
Carlsbad, CA 92009
inochopra.com
www.chopra.com


128

129

C HA P T E R NI NE
SccrcLs o HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Paula Eder
Today wc'rc Lalking wiLh Coach Paula Fdcr, PhD, Thc Timc Findcr FxpcrL."
For morc Lhan LhirLy ycars, shc has LaughL soloprcncurs and small busincss
owncrs how Lo succcssully align Lhcir Limc choiccs wiLh Lhcir lic goals and
corc valucs. Paula is Lhc Foundcr o Finding Timc, IIC, and crcaLor o Lhc
Finding Timc HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL SysLcm. Through Lhis sysLcm,
shc mcnLors hcr clicnLs Lo addrcss Lhcir Limc managcmcnL challcngcs by
inLcgraLing Lhcir compassion, valucs, and problcm-solving abiliLics. Hcr cncrgy
and insighLs hclp busy pcoplc Lo makc auLhcnLic Limc choiccs LhaL lcad Lo
busincss and acadcmic succcss, pcrsonal growLh, vibranL hcalLh, and posiLivc
lic changcs.
Paula, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.
PAULA (EDER)
Thank you vcry much, David. IL's a plcasurc Lo bc hcrc!

130

WRIGHT
So, will you Lcll our rcadcrs whaL Lhc sLcps arc LhaL broughL you Lo bccomc
Thc Timc Findcr FxpcrL`

EDER
I ccrLainly will, David. Thanks or asking. IL rcally bcgan or mc whcn I was
vcry young. I lcarncd rom my amily jusL how imporLanL iL was Lo puL cach
momcnL Lo iLs bcsL usc. Making cvcry minuLc counL was a valuc Lhcy puL inLo
pracLicc in all aspccLs o lic. I saw iL modclcd daily. So I lcarncd aL an carly agc
how Lo bc as producLivc as possiblc. And I'vc applicd and cxpandcd on Lhosc
lcssons LhroughouL my lic.
Ovcr Lhc pasL orLy ycars, I'vc workcd wiLh hundrcds o individuals ranging
rom prcschool and clcmcnLary school childrcn Lo collcgc and graduaLc
sLudcnLs and adulLs. Through my work ovcr Lhc ycars, I'vc sccn Lhc diiculLy
LhaL pcoplc o all agcs can cncounLcr as Lhcy sLrivc Lo masLcr Limc challcngcs.
Now, Lhis may bc dcmonsLraLcd in a widc varicLy o ways. Obviously, Lhc
prcschoolcr will manicsL iL dicrcnLly Lhan Lhc adulL. BuL ulLimaLcly,
everyonc's issucs in Lhis arca prcscnL dicrcnL accs o a univcrsal sLrugglc
how Lo usc Limc mosL cccLivcly. I camc Lo rcalizc LhaL Lhis Lopic, which had
ascinaLcd mc sincc childhood, was rcally a univcrsal issuc cxpcricnccd by
pcoplc in all walks o lic and aL all dcvclopmcnLal sLagcs. I rcalizcd LhaL I
passionaLcly wanLcd Lo hclp pcoplc makc dccply ulilling Limc choiccs.
I'vc always bccn ascinaLcd by Limc. IL's likc a blank canvas! IL's purc
poLcnLial. And iL's also a vchiclc, in LhaL cvcry human cxpcricncc occurs wiLhin
Lhc ramc o Limc.
3usL imaginc! AL Lhc samc momcnL whcn you or I mighL bc doing somcLhing
vcry mundanc or undamcnLal likc caLing, somconc clsc in anoLhcr parL o Lhc
world is cxpcricncing a dcaLh or a birLh. Hundrcds upon hundrcds o proound
and lic-changing cvcnLs arc Laking placc around Lhc globc as wc makc our way
Lhrough cach o our days. I ind LhaL synchroniciLy ascinaLing.
So clcarly, all cvcnLs arisc wiLhin Limc, and Limc holds cvcryLhing. As I oLcn
say Lo Lhc pcoplc who work wiLh mc, Thc way you usc your Limc is Lhc way you
livc your lic!"
Paula Eder
!
131

WRIGHT
Paula, would you dcscribc Lhc oundaLion o your succcssul approach Lo
Limc managcmcnL`

EDER
Thc oundaLion o my approach involvcs Lwo kcy componcnLs: Lhc LoLal
person, and Lhc LoLal packagc o Limc managcmcnL skills LhaL I can providc.
FirsL, as a Lcachcr and mcnLor, I cngagc Lhc LoLal pcrson. This includcs Lhc
mind, Lhc body, and Lhc spiriL. I work wiLh cach pcrson's ull rangc o poLcnLial,
coaching him or hcr Lo makc rcsh, powcrul, groundcd Limc choiccs. To
cncouragc scl-rccrcncc, I ocus on my clicnLs' inncr cncrgics in Lhis irsL sLagc.
Thcy cxplorc and lcarn ways Lo lisLcn or Lhcir voicc o wisdom, and Lhcy
cxplorc and clariy Lhcir inLcrnal valucs. This hclps pcople resolve inner
conlicLs, so LhaL Lhcy can crcaLc a susLaining vision o whaL Lhcy wanL Lo work
or.
OLcn a grcaL dcal o cncrgy is bound up in pcoplc's unrcsolvcd qucsLions
abouL whaL is Lruly mosL imporLanL. IL can Lakc couragc, compassion, and
persisLcncc Lo sLay wiLh Lhcsc qucsLions! BuL as my clicnLs work Loward inding
Lhcir uniquc answcrs, and as ccnLral prioriLics cmcrgc, an cnormous amounL o
viLaliLy is rclcascd! Pcoplc rcporL LhaL Lhcy ccl morc likc Lhcmsclvcs," and o
coursc Lhis is vcry inspiring.
I mcnLioncd Lhc idca o cngaging Lhc LoLal pcrson. I considcr Lhis Lo bc vcry
imporLanL, and I'd likc Lo cxplain how cngaging Lhc LoLal pcrson" bcnciLs
Lhosc wiLh whom I work. Hcrc's an cxamplc:

l. Whcn I Lcach Limc managcmcnL skills Lo an individual or a group, I'm rcally
cngaging Lhcir minds or Lhcir cogniLion. Thcy dcvclop bcLLcr analyLical and
problcm-solving abiliLics, and can makc imporLanL dccisions morc
cicicnLly and cccLivcly.

2. Whcn I ocus on how clicnLs can Lakc cxccllcnL carc o Lhcmsclvcs Lhrough
caLing hcalLhully, cxcrcising, gcLLing cnough slccp, and dcvcloping sLrcss
managcmcnL skills, I'm rcally Lalking abouL Lhcir physical sclvcs. Pcoplc
ccl morc connccLcd wiLh Lhcmsclvcs as Lhcy work on Lhis arca, and Lhcy
Lakc mcasurcs Lo avoid burnouL.

132

3. Whcn I rccr Lo Lhc hcarL, I'm Lalking abouL Lhc spiriLual componcnLs and
aLLribuLcs o our human sclvcs. Thcsc arc capaciLics LhaL can hclp kccp
people resilient and open, even in thc harshcsL o circumsLanccs. For
cxamplc, by cncouraging Lhosc I work wiLh Lo ocus on compassion and
graLiLudc, I hclp Lhcm dcvclop and rcinc Lhcir hcarL-based, spiritual
cncrgy. This is somcLhing LhaL can dccpcn cach and cvcry momcnL, and
that no person or circumsLancc can cvcr Lakc away rom Lhcm!

In my work, I gradually inLroducc my clicnLs Lo ncw challcngcs LhaL Lhcy can
cmbracc using Lhcir dcvcloping rangc o skills and cncrgics. To do Lhis, Lhcy
sclccL rom Lhc LoLal packagc" o skills and sLrcngLhs LhaL I Lcach or cccLivc
Limc managcmcnL.
My approach is organic and LoLally individualizcd. No Lwo clicnLs usc Lhc
rangc o Lools I ocr in quiLc Lhc samc way. WhaL dcvclops as our work unolds
is a ascinaLing cxploraLion o whaL makcs individuals the people they are, and
Lhcn an cqually ascinaLing cxploraLion o how Lo carry Lhis wondcrul csscncc
inLo Lhc world in rcwarding ways. As pcoplc dirccLly cxpcricncc Lhcir powcr Lo
bc proacLivc, Lhcy dcvclop a wholc ncw undcrsLanding o and rclaLionship wiLh
Limc. As Lhcy lcarn Lo cxcrcisc posiLivc conLrol ovcr Lhcir livcs, Limc's poLcnLials
bccomc vasLly morc inLcrcsLing.
Thcrc can bc many plcasanL surpriscs along Lhc way! Taking onc sLcp aL a
Limc, pcoplc lcarn how Lo sacly cxplorc bcyond Lhcir comorL zoncs, moving
pasL cars and bclics LhaL havc bccomc rcsLricLivc. Thcn, as Lhcy validaLc
Lhcmsclvcs wiLh cach succcss, Lhcir scnsc o whaL Lhcy can accomplish grows
and grows. OLcn, pcoplc lack conidcncc bccausc Lhcy havcn'L ycL lcarncd how
to sustain Lhcir bcsL corLs. I hclp pcoplc rcramc scl-disciplinc as a way Lo say
ycs!" Lo Lhcir Lop prioriLics wiLh sLrcngLh and consisLcncy.
I lovc sccing Lhc ways LhaL making progrcss in onc arca rcawakcns
cnLhusiasm or vcry dicrcnL challcngcs in oLhcr arcas! SomcLimcs, in Lhc
proccss o Lhcir work, pcoplc rcclaim drcams Lhcy had scL asidc long ago,
bccausc Lhcy havc now dcvclopcd Lhc skills Lo movc orward.

Paula Eder
!
133

WRIGHT
InLcrcsLing! Paula, whaL arc Lhc avcnucs you usc Lo Lcach HcarL-Bascd Timc
ManagcmcnL`

EDER
I work wiLh pcoplc Lo hclp Lhcm lcarn Lo Lap Lhc powcr o Lhcir mind, body,
and spiriL in a widc varicLy o ways. ALcr working o-linc or orLy ycars, I
dccidcd scvcral ycars ago LhaL I rcally wanLcd Lo cxLcnd Lhc bcnciLs o my
pracLicc and cxpcricncc Lo morc pcoplc Lhrough working onlinc, as wcll. My
onlinc work builds on Lhc oundaLion o my coaching pracLicc and includcs Lclc-
classcs, my Timc Findcr blog, arLiclcs, and Limc-rclaLcd producLs. As I cxpand
my work, iL conLinucs Lo includc pcrsonal conLacL wiLh pcoplc, Loo. IL's noL jusL
a maLLcr o saying, Hcrc, you can rcad Lhis arLiclc, and LhaL will answcr your
qucsLion." I work wiLh pcoplc individually, in small groups, and in largc groups,
cmploying a varicLy o Lcchniqucs Lo hclp Lhcm succccd in ways Lhcy wanL Lo
succccd.
I cnvision my LoLal packagc" o scrviccs as a bucLyou havc many choiccs
Lo sclccL rom. Somc sclccL whaL appcals Lo Lhcm rom many Lablcs. OLhcrs
graviLaLc Lo jusL onc plaLLcr.
So iL is wiLh Lhc work I do. Onc pcrson mighL say, I jusL wanL Lo lcarn Limc
managcmcnL skills." And LhaL would bc inc. AnoLhcr mighL say, I rcally wanL
Lhc LoLal packagc." In LhaL casc, wc would work wiLh all Lhc componcnLs o Lhc
HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL SysLcm. Bccausc Lhc work sLimulaLcs peoples
appcLiLcs or ncw challcngcs, clicnLs oLcn rcLurn Lo sclccL morc and morc rom
Lhc bucL!
So, my pracLicc includcs quiLc a rangc o acLiviLics and Lypcs o
cngagcmcnLs. I may work scqucnLially wiLh somc pcoplc, hclping Lhcm crcaLc a
scrics o acLion sLcps or a complcx challcngc. And I may hclp oLhcrs honc in on
onc accL o Lhc program. FiLhcr way, an opcn-cndcd approach lcads Lo many
morc bcnciLs Lhan pcoplc can cvcr imaginc aL Lhc ouLscL!
I'vc mcnLioncd inncr and ouLcr cncrgics, and I'll sharc morc abouL LhaL in a
momcnL. Thcy work LogcLhcr in cach aspccL o Lhc HcarL-Bascd Timc
ManagcmcnL SysLcm. Thc SysLcm iLscl includcs six modulcs:


134

1. Skills,
2. Self-care,
3. Energy,
4. Values,
5. Vision, and
6. Relating to change and transition.

To clariy how inncr and ouLcr cncrgics work in unison, I usc Lhc analogy o
Lhcsc modulcs bcing likc six spokcs o a whccl. Thc ccnLcr o Lhc whccl, or Lhc
hub, is rcally Lhc mcLaphor or Lhc csscncc o Lhc scl, or Lhc hcarL. Thc rim is
abouL Lhc ouLcr momcnLum, groundcdncss, movcmcnL, and acLualizaLion. And
Lhc sLrcngLh and inLcgriLy o all Lhc spokcs hclps Lo kccp Lhc whccl rolling.
Fach modulc can bc ully inLcgraLcd inLo Lhc currcnL work a pcrson is doing,
or onc can work Lhc program in iLs cnLircLy. It totally depends upon the needs
o cach individual and whcrc hc or shc is aL a spcciic poinL in Limc. And o
coursc, iL gocs wiLhouL saying LhaL somc pcriods o our livcs arc casicr Lhan
oLhcrs! WhcLhcr wc likc iL or noL, currcnL siLuaLions can Lakc ccnter stage and
wc adapL Lhc work wc do accordingly.

WRIGHT
WhaL arc somc uniquc ways LhaL Lhc Finding Timc HcarL-Bascd Timc
ManagcmcnL SysLcm hclps pcoplc succcssully conronL Lhc challcngcs o Lough
Limcs`

EDER
Wcll, David, wc ccrLainly arc having Lough Limcs now, so many cxamplcs
spring Lo mind whcn you raisc LhaL qucsLion! As I mcnLioncd carlicr, I ccl
dccply commiLLcd Lo hclping pcoplc cnhancc Lhcir innaLc sLrcngLhs and
discovcr Lhcir own wisdom. Thrcc o Lhc mosL imporLanL Lhings I do in Lhis
spcciic arca arc Lo Lcach pcoplc how Lo bccomc proacLivc, how Lo bc groundcd
in Lhc momcnL, and how Lo rcducc sLrcss or Lhcmsclvcs.
In Lough Limcs, pcoplc can gcL rcnzicd and all inLo panic modc. Thc morc
sLrcsscd Lhcy bccomc, Lhc morc LcmpLcd pcoplc may bc Lo simply grasp or any
answcr. YcL Lhc ulLimaLc answcrs Lo our mosL prcssing qucsLions and
Paula Eder
!
135

challcngcs usually lic wiLhin, and Lhcy arc arrivcd aL Lhrough an organic
proccss. So I cncouragc pcoplc Lo Lurn inward so LhaL Lhcy can acccss and lcarn
to trust Lhcir own answcrs.
I also suggcsL LhaL pcoplc work wiLh a communiLy o likc-mindcd olks. I
havc lcarncd LhaL Lhis is so imporLanL! Through Lhc ycars, I havc had Lhc
plcasurc o aciliLaLing scvcral ongoing groups. Fvcry onc o Lhcm has bccn
uniquc, wiLh a spccial paLLcrn o growLh and cvoluLion. I bring my cxpcricncc
rom Lhcsc Lo my Lclc-classcs. All o my wcckly and monLhly coaching groups
dcvclop a spccial scnsc o communiLy. This is Lhc kind o cxpcricncc I'd
rccommcnd Lo anyonc acing diiculL challcngcs.
Thcrc arc ccrLain qualiLics LhaL all cohcsivc groups sharc. Fach parLicipanL
providcs supporL and ccdback. OLhcrs can ask clariying qucsLions and sharc
whaL works or Lhcm. Ocrs o hclp and somcLimcs concrcLc connccLions wiLh
oLhcrs, likc accounLabiliLy buddics, can cmcrgc rom Lhcsc cxchangcs. I scc Lhc
crcaLion and nurLuring o a LrusLcd communiLy o supporL as a undamcnLal
rcsourcc LhaL can hclp pcoplc in all circumsLanccs, buL cspccially in Lough
Limcs. For mc LhaL's probably Lhc hcarL o iL.
I also hclp moLivaLcd individuals crcaLc cusLomizcd, pcrsonal Limc
paradigms. Thcsc arc Limc guidcs LhaL I co-crcaLc wiLh clicnLs Lo hclp Lhcm
align Lhcir Limc choiccs wiLh Lhcir valucs and Lhcir visions o whaL Lhcy would
likc Lo accomplish. Oncc Lhcy'vc crcaLcd Lhcir Limc paradigm, Lhcy posscss Lhc
spcciic Lools and acLion sLcps Lo movc rom whcrc Lhcy arc Lo whcrc Lhcy wanL
Lo bc.
I rcmind my clicnLs LhaL Lough Limcs can bc caLalysLs or dcvcloping ncw
sLrcngLhs and lcLLing go o whaL is noL csscnLial. Iikc pcoplc aL sca in a Lcrriblc
sLorm, pcoplc oLcn ccl rccr aLcr Lhcy rid Lhcmsclvcs o noncsscnLials LhaL
wcigh Lhcm down and hampcr Lhcir abiliLy Lo mancuvcr and rcspond Lo
changing circumsLanccs. DiiculL as Lhc cxpcricncc can bc, scvcral clicnLs o
minc now airm LhaL criscs Lhcy succcssully wcaLhcrcd, using my proccss,
broughL Lhcm Lo ncw and ar morc rcwarding ways Lo livc.
As you can scc, David, Lhcrc arc many dicrcnL mcLhods I usc Lo hclp pcoplc
go Lhrough Lough Limcs succcssully and cmcrgc wiLh addcd skills, incrcascd
supporL, and dccpcr conidcncc in Lhcmsclvcs.

136

No maLLcr whaL Lhc individual sLorics, Lhcsc posiLivc ouLcomcs growing ouL
o Lough Limcs orm a broad arc o progrcss LhaL I havc bccn privilcgcd Lo
wiLncss Limc and again.

WRIGHT
Paula, whaL arc Lhc spcciic ways LhaL Lhc HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL
SysLcm cxpands possibiliLics or living a ulillcd lic`

EDER
Thcrc arc a numbcr o spcciic ways LhaL Lhc HcarL-Bascd Timc
ManagcmcnL SysLcm can hclp somconc livc a ulillcd lic. As I mcnLioncd, Lhc
sysLcm is organic and individualizcd, according Lo cach clicnL's spcciic
challcngcs and goals. Think o Lhc six-spokc whccl I rccrrcd Lo carlicr. Fach
spokc musL bc sLrong Lo supporL Lhc inLcgriLy o Lhc cnLirc whccl, ycL Lhe
conLcnL o cach pcrson's parLicular spokcs is highly pcrsonal and uniquc. So my
HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL SysLcm ocuscs on sLrcngLhcning cvcry spokc
(skills, scl-carc, cncrgy, valucs, vision, and rclaLing Lo changc and LransiLion)
or Lhc parLicular pcrson wiLh whom I am working.
I I workcd wiLh you, or cxamplc, I would cusLomizc Lhc paradigm Lo hclp
you livc Lhc lic LhaL will bc mosL ulilling Lo you pcrsonally. Wc could cxplorc
boLh your cxLcrnal and inLcrnal valucs, and I would cncouragc you Lo makc
Limc choiccs LhaL arc ully congrucnL wiLh your valucs. Onc Lhing LhaL oLcn
happcns as a parL o Lhis proccss is LhaL you mighL discovcr and lcL go o
conlicLing goals LhaL arc lcLovcrs" rom oLhcr pcriods o your lic. ThaL, in
iLscl, can rcc up quiLc a biL o cncrgy, as wcll as Limc!
This is a highly pracLical, as wcll as a spiriLual proccss. Bccoming clcar on
valucs and prioriLics is onc Lhing. Succcssully puLLing Lhcm inLo acLion is
anoLhcr! WiLhin Lhis sysLcm, anoLhcr arca you could choosc Lo cxplorc mighL bc
cnhancing your abiliLy Lo crcaLc asscrLivc boundarics and lcarning Lo
communicaLc Lhcm cccLivcly.
Through Lhc HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL SysLcm, I would also work Lo
hclp you dcvclop and usc validaLions, airmaLions, and graLiLudc on a daily
Paula Eder
!
137

basis. Thcsc simplc buL proound cxcrciscs cmpowcr you Lo apprcciaLc yourscl,
apprcciaLc oLhcrs, and ully occupy cvcry momcnL.

WRIGHT
So, whaL rolc docs crcaLing communiLy play in implcmcnLing and succccding
wiLh your uniquc Limc managcmcnL sysLcm`

EDER
Farlicr, I mcnLioncd how communiLy builds supporL in Lough Limcs.
CrcaLing communiLy also cnhanccs growLh and momcnLum as rcsh
opporLuniLics arisc. I Lhink iL's rcally undamcnLal or succcss. IL is possiblc or
a pcrson Lo work and grow in a vacuum, buL whcn you'rc working wiLh oLher
pcoplc iL bccomcs a much ullcr cxpcricncc, crcaLing a syncrgy and a rcsonancc.
You can lcarn so much whcn you arc rccciving and giving supporL and ccdback.
Thcrc arc so many dicrcnL pcrmuLaLions and coniguraLions, including Lhc
possibiliLy o working wiLh small groups wiLhin a largcr group or onc-on-one
wiLhin Lhc largcr group.
CommuniLy crcaLcs a orum whcrc pcoplc dcvclop a common languagc
Lhrough Lhcir parLicipaLion. This crcaLcs a shorLcuL Lo undcrsLanding and hclps
osLcr and Lhcn dccpcn connccLion. My group parLicipanLs somcLimcs dcscribc
Lhc communiLics Lhcy crcaLc as lcarning labs." Hcrc you can cxpcrimcnLtry
Lhings ouL and gcL ccdback you can LrusLin a sac and supporLivc
cnvironmcnL.
Thc LransormaLivc cncrgy o Lhc group can'L bc undcrcsLimaLcd. IL movcs
pcoplc bcyond whcrc Lhcy could go on Lhcir own. As a aciliLaLor or orLy ycars,
I havc bccn privilcgcd Lo wiLncss Lhis cxLraordinary syncrgy and movcmcnL
ovcr and ovcr.
Through communiLy, you crcaLc a sac, rcspccLul, supporLivc placc Lo
cxplorc ncLworking possibiliLics. IL providcs a powcrul anLidoLc Lo Lhc ccling
o isolaLion, which can somcLimcs Lakc hold in our highly mobilc, asL-paccd
agc. And such groups hclp airm whaL rcally maLLcrs, as pcoplc work Lo bring
their best selvcs Lo cach cncounLcr and chccr on cach oLhcr's cxploraLions and
risks.

138

As pcoplc gain skill and conidcncc, Lhcy don'L jusL dcal wiLh" changc, Lhcy
ccl cmpowcrcd Lo iniLiaLc posiLivc changc! I lovc sccing how Lhcsc lcssons
LranslaLc inLo many succcssully complcLcd projccLs in all arcas o my clicnLs'
livcs!

WRIGHT
Paula, will you cxplain jusL how you hclp pcoplc succccd whcn Lhcy'rc
working on a long-Lcrm projccL`

EDER
I'd lovc Lo sharc somc spcciics abouL how I work wiLh pcoplc around LhaL!
What geLs in Lhc way o succcss wiLh long-Lcrm projccLs is conusion ovcr
whcrc Lo sLarL, how Lo sLay ocuscd and mainLain momcnLum, and how Lo wrap
up Lhc work and bring iL Lo a succcssul conclusion. IL's casy Lo ccl
ovcrwhclmcd and immobilizcd whcn Lrying Lo simulLancously hold and
navigaLc your way Lhrough somcLhing vcry largc, bcorc you havc brokcn iL
down inLo managcablc picccs.
Onc way I hclp clicnLs kccp Lhcir cncrgy moving is by having Lhcm idcnLiy
Lhcir car-bascd roadblocks. Fach sLagc o an undcrLaking prcscnLs spcciic
challcngcs. So, or sLarLcrs, lcL's Lhink abouL how roadblocks can inLcrcrc wiLh
Lhc Lhrcc main sLagcs o a long-Lcrm projccL.

Thc irsL sLagc (and challcngc) is gcLLing sLarLcd. OLcn pcoplc ccl ambivalcnL
abouL bcginning. Pcrhaps Lhc projccL is noL o Lhcir choosing, or pcrhaps Lhc
dcmands ccl ovcrwhclming. Whcncvcr cclings arc mixcd, wc arc all LcmpLcd
Lo procrasLinaLc.
In Lhc ncxL sLagc comcs Lhc challcngc o sLaying ocuscd. This sLagc includcs
Lhc challcngc o mainLaining momcnLum, Loo. Whcn schcduling, iL's hclpul Lo
rcmcmbcr LhaL cach Lask in a big projccL dcmands iLs own spccial mcasurc o
Limc and cncrgy. For cxamplc, Lhc corL, mindscL, and Limc ramc ncccssary
or rcscarching arc vcry dicrcnL rom Lhosc nccdcd or wriLing or cdiLing.
Icarning Lo sLay ocuscd also involvcs lcarning how Lo ignorc disLracLions.
I cncouragc clicnLs Lo asscss Lhc cnvironmcnL in which Lhcy arc working. Is iL
as conducivc a scLLing as iL can bc` How can Lhcy prcparc in advancc Lo
aciliLaLc Lhcir work` Will ccrLain prcparaLory riLuals cnablc Lhcm Lo sLcp inLo
Paula Eder
!
139

Lhcir work morc cccLivcly` WhaL do Lhcy nccd Lo do Lo discouragc
inLcrrupLions`
Thc Lhird sLagc and inal challcngc is LhaL o lcLLing go. How do you say
goodbyc Lo somcLhing youve put your heart and soul intoa projccL you'vc
workcd on or a rcally long Limc` And how do you work Loward cxccllcncc
whilc avoiding Lhc piLalls o pcrccLionism` IL's a maLLcr o lcarning abouL
whcn and how Lo sLop, whcn and how Lo lcL go, and ways Lo rccognizc whcn a
projccL is complcLc.

Thcrc arc loLs o oLhcr Lhings LhaL comc inLo play whcn working on long-
Lcrm goals. For cxamplc, an imporLanL clcmcnL o pacing oncscl LhroughouL a
big projccL is working in harmony wiLh your pcrsonal biorhyLhms. IcL's say LhaL
you'rc a morning pcrson." Thc bcsL Limc Lo schcdulc Lhc crcaLivc aspccLs o a
projccL would bc in Lhc morning. I, by Lhc cnd o Lhc day, you ccl lcss crcaLivc
and a biL lcss ocuscd, LhaL mighL bc Lhc bcsL Limc Lo do Lhc Lasks LhaL dcmand
lcss cncrgy and conccnLraLion.
Thcsc idcas arc applicablc Lo any kind o projccL. Thcy cnhancc your abiliLy
Lo conccnLraLc, Lo bc producLivc, and Lo succccd.

WRIGHT
So, how do you work wiLh somconc who is vcry succcssul and whosc biggcsL
Limc challcngc is simply working Loo much`

EDER
ThaL's a rcally good qucsLion bccausc iL's quiLc a common issuc. Thcrc arc
scvcral cccLivc approachcs.
FirsL, I cncouragc my clicnLs Lo cxplorc, rom a non-judgmcnLal, cclings-
bascd pcrspccLivc, whaL drivcs Lhis bchavior. I ask powcrul qucsLions likc,
WhaL arc your cars abouL working lcss` WhaL makcs iL hard Lo sLop` WhaL
would iL look likc Lo work lcss`" And, WhaL docs working kccp you from?
Thcsc kinds o qucsLions hclp crcaLc a ramc and a dirccLion or ncw
undcrsLanding. Wc also cxplorc valucswhaL valucs ciLhcr arent getting
acLualizcd or arc driving LhaL kind o inLcnsc work cLhic`

140

AnoLhcr arca LhaL can bc vcry ruiLul and rccing Lo cxplorc is Lhc wholc
issuc o amily scripLs. OLcn pcoplc carry a lcgacy o inhcriLcd mcssagcs LhaL
conlicL wiLh Lhcir currcnL valucs. This can bc immobilizing. So I ask, How do
you manicsL Lhis conlicL Lhrough your Limc choiccs`" This noL only accLs
goals, iL also shapcs how pcoplc conccpLualizc Lhcir work and how Lhcy see
Lhcir rolc in iLs succcss.
I oLcn usc an cnd-o-lic visualizaLion. IL is vcry powcrul Lo
compassionaLcly scc yourscl aL Lhc cnd o your lic and Lo ask yourscl, Is Lhis
Lhc way LhaL I rcally wanLcd Lo bc` Am I saLisicd wiLh my choiccs`" This
cxcrcisc hclps clariy valucs and illuminaLcs whaL you scc as viLal. And Lhc grcaL
ncws is LhaL, sincc you arc sLill alivc, you havc Lhc opporLuniLy Lo makc
changcs!
As a pracLical adjuncL Lo Lhis valucs work, I cncouragc an cxploraLion o
dclcgaLing. Dcvcloping dclcgaLion skills is undamcnLally imporLanL or Lhosc
who may bc working Loo much. Thc challcngc is lcLLing go o conLrol and
allowing oLhcrs Lo hclp.
UlLimaLcly, Lhosc who havc losL Lhcmsclvcs in Lhcir work can ind
Lhcmsclvcs Lhrough Lhis hcarL-bascd cxploraLion. By aligning Lhcir Limc choiccs
wiLh Lhcir dccpcsL valucs, Lhcy rcc Lhcmsclvcs up Lo livc wiLh powcr and
inLcgriLy.

WRIGHT
In our asL-paccd world, wc jugglc compcLing Limc prioriLics. How do you
hclp pcoplc succccd around LhaL`

EDER
ThaL's anoLhcr rcally good qucsLion. Ovcr Lhc coursc o my orLy ycars o
Lcaching and coaching, I'vc sccn compcLing prioriLics bccomc a largcr issuc in
pcoplc's livcs. Thc Lypical qucsLion is, WhaL happcns whcn everything ccls likc
the mosL imporLanL prioriLy`" In rcsponsc Lo LhaL, I mighL ask ocuscd
qucsLions likc, WhaL would bc Lhc mosL imporLanL Lhing or you Lo gcL donc in
Lhc ncxL Lcn minuLcs`" Thcn wc gradually cxLcnd Lhc Limc ramc ouL. WhaL's
Paula Eder
!
141

Lhc imporLanL prioriLy or you Loday or or Lomorrow`" This way, Lhc largcr
prioriLics cmcrgc.
Bccausc o Lhc iniLcncss o Limc, iL is csscnLial Lo rccognizc LhaL saying
ycs" Lo any acLiviLy usually rcquircs saying no" Lo anoLhcr.
So Lo handlc prioriLics, look Lo your valucs. And oncc you clariy your values,
your ncxL sLcp is Lo proLccL Lhcm wiLh cccLivc boundarics. Finally, dclcgaLc
rcqucnLly and wcll.

WRIGHT
In your Finding Timc HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL SysLcm," you Lalk
abouL how pcoplc crcaLc ncw rclaLionships wiLh Limc. Would you say morc
abouL Lhis`

EDER
I will, David. This is such a undamcnLal qucsLion. I you wcrc Lo work wiLh
Lhc HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL SysLcm, you would dcvclop a uniquc
rclaLionship wiLh Limc as you camc Lo dirccLly cxpcricncc how every choicc is a
Limc choicc. Fvcry singlc Limc choicc LhaL you makc, no maLLcr how small or
largc iL may sccm, shapcs your ovcrall rclaLionship wiLh Limc. In Lhc samc way
LhaL Lhc qualiLy o your pcrsonal rclaLionships dcpcnds on how LhoughLul your
choiccs arc, Lhc qualiLy o Lhc cncrgy you bring Lo making Limc choiccs accLs
your rclaLionship wiLh Limc (and Lhcrcorc wiLh your own lic)!
Your rclaLionship wiLh Limc bccomcs organic and inLcrnal as you dcvclop
scl-inLimacy. I am noL Lalking abouL ranLically juggling clcmcnLs o your lic
LhaL you havc noL prioriLizcd. No, Lhis is abouL placing yourscl in Lhc momcnL,
bcing ully prcscnL, and ccling and cxprcssing graLiLudc or your cnvironmcnL,
your choiccs, and your lic.
You deepen this relationship as you convcrL your bcsL Limc choiccs inLo
riLuals. Thcy promoLc your prioriLics and hclp sacguard your boundarics.
CrcaLing riLuals Lo bcgin or complcLc signiicanL acLiviLics also hclps ramc Lhcir
rolc in your lic.

142

As you can scc, dcvcloping a rclaLionship wiLh Limc is inscparablc rom
dccpcning your rclaLionship wiLh yourscl. By working Lo inLcgraLc and align
your valucs, you comc Lo apprcciaLc Lhc giL o lic morc and morc prooundly.
IL is a back and orLh journcy. You Lravcl inward Lo align your values into a
hicrarchy o prioriLics. Thcn you apply Lhosc prioriLics as Limc choiccs Lo your
daily lic. As you do Lhis ovcr and ovcr, you dcvclop a congrucncc/sLcadasLncss
LhaL is dccply saLisying.

WRIGHT
So, whaL changcs occur in your clicnLs' approachcs Lo Limc and, Lhcrcorc, in
Lhcir livcs, as Lhcy uLilizc your Limc managcmcnL Lools`

EDER
I rcally apprcciaLc Lhc cxpansivcncss o Lhc qucsLion. As I'vc dcscribcd, Lhc
changcs arc boLh inLcrnal and cxLcrnal.
Thc cxLcrnal oncs arc Lhc casicsL Lo quanLiy. For cxamplc, my clicnLs
inLcgraLc spcciic skills such as idcnLiying goals and inLcnLions, prioriLizing
acLiviLics, and convcrLing largc projccLs inLo a scqucncc o workablc acLion
sLcps. Thcy crcaLc Lhcir opLimal working cnvironmcnL Lhrough csLablishing
boundarics. Thcsc boundarics hclp Lo ocus Lhcir own acLiviLics as wcll as
proLccL Lhcm rom ouLsidc dcmands and inLcrrupLions. To hclp Lhcm arLiculaLc
and manicsL Lhcsc boundarics, Lhcy dcvclop asscrLivc communicaLion skills.
To understand the internal bcnciLs o my approach, lcL's rcLurn Lo Lhc issuc
o valucs. I cmphasizc Lhis bccausc iL is oLcn a LoLally ncw idca or pcoplc Lo
work Lo dcvclop congrucncc bcLwccn Lhcir valucs and Lhcir Limc choiccs. IL's
Lhrough Lhis proccss LhaL my clicnLs bccomc much morc scl-rccrcnccd,
rcsponsiblc, and scl-conidcnL.
This dccp work crcaLcs a undamcnLal shiL in how Lhcy vicw Lhc world and
Lhcmsclvcs. Thcir dccision-making improvcs bccausc Lhcy undcrsLand abouL
Lhc iniLcncss o Limc. Thcy know dccp in Lhcir boncs LhaL changc is consLanL
and LhaL cvcryLhing Lhcy nccd is insidc. So Lhcy go inward and ask Lhcmsclvcs
Lhc imporLanL and challcnging qucsLions LhaL Lhcy mighL havc prcviously
avoidcd.
Paula Eder
!
143

As Lhcy dcvclop morc auLonomy, Lhcir approach Lo lic bccomcs morc
uniicd and lcss ragmcnLcd. This inLroduccs a spiriLual dcpLh and pcrspccLivc.
Incrcasingly, Lhosc I work wiLh acL rom a placc o compassion and graLiLudc.
This, in Lurn, inlucnccs Lhc qualiLy o Lhcir cncrgy and Lhcir rcsilicncc.
UlLimaLcly, iL is rcally a proccss o dcvcloping maLuriLy and gaining wisdom.

WRIGHT
InLcrcsLing! I rcally do apprcciaLc your Laking Lhc Limc Lhis aLcrnoon Lo
answcr Lhcsc qucsLions. I'vc lcarncd a loL abouL Lhc HcarL-Bascd Timc
ManagcmcnL SysLcm, and I'm surc LhaL our rcadcrs will, Loo. This will bc a grcaL
addiLion Lo our book.

EDER
Wcll, Lhank you. I rcally apprcciaLc bcing ablc Lo sharc all LhaL I did.

WRIGHT
Today, wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh Coach Paula Fdcr, Thc Timc Findcr FxpcrL.
Shc is Lhc oundcr o Finding Timc, IIC, and Lhc crcaLor o Lhc HcarL-Based
Timc ManagcmcnL SysLcm. Paula mcnLors hcr clicnLs Lo inLcgraLc mind, body,
and spiriL in addrcssing Lhcir Limc managcmcnL challcngcs. Hcr passion is
hclping busy pcoplc makc auLhcnLic Limc choiccs LhaL movc Lhcm Loward
succcss, pcrsonal growLh, vibranL hcalLh, and posiLivc lic changcs.
Paula, Lhank you so much or bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to
Success.

EDER
You'rc wclcomc, David. IL's bccn my plcasurc.
144

Paula Eder, Thc Timc Findcr FxpcrL," is Lhc oundcr o Finding Timc
IIC and Lhc crcaLor o Lhc HcarL-Bascd Timc ManagcmcnL SysLcm. Known or
her inLcgriLy, compassion, abiliLy Lo solvc problcms, and hcr crvor or Lcaching
and lcarning, Paula is ascinaLcd wiLh Limc and iLs abiliLy Lo hold Lhc mosL
proound momcnLs and Lhc mosL mundanc momcnLs simulLancously. Iiving
on a working arm or ovcr LhirLy ycars, shc is undamcnLally connccLcd Lo Limc
Lhrough Lhc viLaliLy and rcsilicncy o Lhc scasons. Paula sharcs hcr lic wiLh hcr
husband, Lwo caLs, and Lwo dogs, and lovcs Lo spcnd Limc walking, gardcning,
and rcading.

PAULA EDER, PHD
PO Box l57
FranccsLown, NH 03043
(603) 547-6696
paulaLhcLimcindcr.com
www.ThcTimcFindcr.com
www.FindingTimc.ncL

145

C HA P T E R T E N
Social Mcdia and Scl-FmpowcrmcnL
Tools or Succcss
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Kathy Perry
Today wc arc Lalking wiLh KaLhy Pcrry who is a procssional spcakcr,
auLhor, mcnLor, coach, and social mcdia spccialisL. Shc is Lhc Foundcr o
iWomanIic.com, a social ncLworking siLc connccLing womcn cvcrywhcrc Lo
sharc, nurLurc, and lcarn. Shc is also Lhc Foundcr o
PcakPcrormanccWomcn.com, a rcsourcc on cnhancing body, mind, and spiriL.
Shc lcads and moLivaLcs womcn cnLrcprcncurs and procssionals who wanL
Lo grow Lhcir busincsscs whilc growing Lhcir livcs. KaLhy hclps Lhcm Lravcrsc
Lhc social mcdia mazc and also assisLs Lhcm in crcaLing a vibranL busincss and
living an cmpowcrcd lic. KaLhy has crcaLcd scl-cmpowcrmcnL Lools Lo usc
whcn mcnLoring and coaching clicnLs. Hcr book, Reality TV & You8 Secrets to
Being the Director in Your Lifes Reality TV Show using the Law of Attraction,
illusLraLcs how Lhc cmoLional choiccs wc makc crcaLc our livcs. KaLhy climbcd

146

Lhc corporaLc laddcr Lo Vicc PrcsidcnL o Salcs and MarkcLing in Lcchnology
prior Lo launching hcr own busincss, and hcr Lcrricr-likc dcLcrminaLion and
never-give-up-aLLiLudc is Lhc driving orcc LhaL propcls hcr Lo succcss.
KaLhy Pcrry, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

KATHY PERRY (PERRY)
Thank you so much, David.

WRIGHT
So iL looks likc you do a loL o work wiLh womcn wiLh a social ncLworking
siLc or womcn aL iWomanIic.com and you also havc a rcsourcc siLc or
womcn aL PcakPcrormanccWomcn.com. WhaL moLivaLcd you Lo ocus on
mcnLoring and coaching womcn`

PERRY
I'vc always had a passion Lo hclp womcn and sharc whaL I'vc lcarncd along
lic's journcy wiLh Lhcm. As a woman working in Lhc Lcchnology icld, which is
prcdominanLly malc, and having a grcaL dcal o succcss, I clL LhaL iL was
imporLanL Lo sharc Lhc lcssons I'd lcarncd wiLh oLhcr womcn. As a LhoughL and
knowlcdgc lcadcr, I assisL womcn, in boLh Lhcir pcrsonal lic ulillmcnL arcas
and Lhc busincss aspccLs o Lhcir livcs, Lo achicvc succcss. My lic's purposc is
Lo inspirc and moLivaLc womcn Lo achicvc Lhcir unlimiLcd poLcnLial and my
vision is Lo signiicanLly inlucncc Lhousands o livcs as Lhcy awakcn Lo Lhcir
unlimiLcd poLcnLial and cnjoy living an cmpowcrcd lic.
I was Lhc PrcsidcnL o a local chapLcr o Lhc Amcrican Busincss Womcn's
AssociaLion in Iakcland, Florida, or Lwo ycars and mcnLorcd a loL o womcn. I
lcad masLcrmind groups Lo cmpowcr womcn in ovcrcoming obsLaclcs and I
providc succcss principlcs or Lhcir lic and busincss. SomcLimcs whcn wc look
back on our childhood iL givcs us clucs and insighLs inLo Lhosc Lhings LhaL wc
ind oursclvcs doing as an adulL. RcccnLly, whcn I lookcd back on my childhood,
I rcmcmbcrcd LhaL as a liLLlc girl I lovcd Lo crcaLc clubs, organizc groups, and bc
Lhc lcadcr or caLalysL or Lhcm. IL is somcLhing LhaL I ind myscl doing all Lhc
Limc now as an adulL and iL givcs mc a grcaL dcal o joy.

Kathy Perry
!
147

WRIGHT
So Lcll our rcadcrs a liLLlc biL abouL Lhis ncw social ncLworking siLc or
womcn you crcaLcd callcd iWomanIic.com and Lhc purposc in crcaLing iL.

PERRY
I had a grcaL vision or whaL I wanLcd Lo crcaLc or womcn and I was
scarching or Lhc righL vchiclc Lo crcaLc iL in. As I was rcscarching, I lookcd aL
mcmbcrship soLwarc Lo Lakc PcakPcrormanccWomcn.com and crcaLc a
mcmbcrship siLc. Whilc iL sccmcd likc Lhc logical Lhing Lo do, iL wasn'L
rcsonaLing wiLh mc. (I Lry Lo do Lhosc Lhings LhaL rcally rcsonaLc wiLh my
hcarL.) I hcard abouL a ncw soLwarc program Lo crcaLc a social ncLworking siLc
and I bccamc vcry cxciLcd abouL Lhc poLcnLial iL hcld. Whcn I lookcd aL iL rom
Lhc pcrspccLivc o my vision, iL madc scnsc Lo mc.
PcakPcrormanccWomcn.com was crcaLcd Lo sharc my journcy wiLh my
ricnds and a mcmbcrship siLc would havc bccn an cxLcnsion o LhaL. I would bc
crcaLing a loL o conLcnL or Lhc siLc, whcrcas, a social ncLworking siLc is abouL
communiLyiL's abouL cvcryonc sharing and crcaLing conLcnL LogcLhcr. Thc
purposc and vision aL iWomanIic.com is LhaL wc arc changing Lhc world by
providing a posiLivc plaLorm Lo hclp Lhousands o womcn sharc, nurLurc, and
learn rom cach oLhcr in a sac and non-LhrcaLcning cnvironmcnL, which will
Lhcn havc a massivc cccL on Lhc world, ulLimaLcly making a Langiblc
dicrcncc Lo millions o pcoplc, amilics, and childrcn worldwidc.
WiLhin Lhc siLc Lhcrc is an FxpcrL's Corncr" whcrc cxpcrLs in all arcas o lic
sharc Lhcir Lips and inormaLion on Lhcir parLicular cxpcrLisc. This is a grcaL
placc or womcn Lo bc ablc Lo dialoguc wiLh Lhc cxpcrLs and ind answcrs or
soluLions Lo Lhc issucs Lhcy arc acing. AddiLionally, wc'rc providing
Lclcscminars and wcbinars wiLh Lhc cxpcrLs Lo add morc valuc in Lhc
communiLy.

WRIGHT
I scc you'rc also a social mcdia spccialisL. WhaL docs LhaL mcan and how do
you combinc such divcrsc iclds as Lcchnology, Lhc InLcrncL, and pcrsonal
dcvclopmcnL`


148

PERRY
Having bccn in Lcchnology or mosL o my carccr in Lhc salcs and markcLing
capaciLy, I'vc workcd wiLh many dicrcnL soluLions. Thc InLcrncL is an amazing
ncw ronLicr or many small busincsscs Lrying Lo sLay compcLiLivc in Lhc Clobal
onlinc communiLy. Thc InLcrncL is Lhc uLurc and iL's bccoming Lhc social
communicaLion Lool o choicc. In Lhc bcginning iL was vcry sLaLic and you jusL
prcscnLcd inormaLion, Lhcn iL bccamc vcry LransacLional and salcs ocuscd.
Now, Lhc Lrcnd-Laking placc on Lhc InLcrncL is social communicaLion and I call
that Virtual Social Interaction. I cvaluaLc and advisc busincsscs on how Lo Lap
inLo Lhc powcr o social mcdia Lo grow his or hcr busincss. My Hub Socializer
sysLcm is known or Laking Lhc car and conusion ouL o markcLing on Lhc
InLcrncL and puLLing my clicnLs on Lhc righL paLh. Thc Lhrcc corc componcnLs
o Hub Socializcr arc: Qualiicd RclaLionships, Brand VisibiliLy, and Social
InLcracLion. Thc Hub Socializer sysLcm is Lhc mosL cconomical way Lo savc my
clicnLs boLh Limc and moncy, which is a win-win. In addiLion, arc ablc Lo
incrcasc Lhc visibiliLy o his or hcr producLs and scrviccs Lo Lhcir LargcL
audicncc asLcr, in a morc cosL cccLivc way and achicvc a much grcaLcr rcLurn
on invcsLmcnL. I guidc my clicnLs Lhrough Lhc whaL, why and how Lo simpliy
and quickly discovcr a guaranLccd way Lo grow his or hcr busincss wiLhouL any
car o gcLLing lcL bchind in Lhc social mcdia mazc. I bring a holisLic approach
Lo InLcrncL markcLing LhaL includcs individual cmpowcrmcnL and pcrsonal
accounLabiliLy along wiLh Lhc appropriaLc markcLing sLraLcgy and LacLics.
I'vc always bccn a sLudcnL o pcrsonal dcvclopmcnL and havc spcnL a
numbcr o ycars lcarning various cncrgy hcaling Lcchniqucs in my qucsL Lo
cnhancc my own body, mind, and spiriL. My journcy has bccn onc o
Lrcmcndous changc, uprooLing old bclic sysLcms LhaL didn'L scrvc mc and
rcplacing Lhcm wiLh ncw oncs LhaL bring mc inncr pcacc and joy. I'm onc o
Lhosc rarc pcoplc who blcnds markcLing and cncrgy hcaling Lo assisL clicnLs in
noL only Lhcir social mcdia markcLing and gcncral busincss markcLing
sLraLcgics, buL I also show Lhcm how Lo rclcasc ncgaLivc cncrgy and blockagcs
in Lhcir pcrsonal livcs and busincsscs LhaL mighL bc kccping Lhcm sLuck.
I bccomc a mirror or my clicnLs. Wcaving social mcdia and InLcrncL
markcLing wiLh pcrsonal growLh and cncrgy work is a naLural Lhing or mc Lo
Kathy Perry
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do, sincc I don'L bclicvc you can scparaLc Lhc pcrson rom his or hcr busincss or
work.

WRIGHT
Will you sharc wiLh us inormaLion abouL your book Reality TV & You, how iL
camc abouL and how iL hclps pcoplc`

PERRY
AbsoluLcly, David. I was in a Lraining program Lo lcarn how Lo crcaLc digiLal
producLs or onlinc disLribuLion and cach morning I would mcdiLaLc bcorc
wriLing. Onc morning, aLcr mcdiLaLion, as I saL wriLing down my LhoughLs,
Reality TV & You bcgan Lo low onLo Lhc papcr. IL was such a clcar mcLaphor Lo
mc in rclaLing our livcs Lo RcaliLy Lclcvision. In csscncc, wc arc all living our
own rcaliLy Lclcvision show cvcry day, wc probably jusL don'L havc a camcra
crcw ollowing us around and rccording cvcry momcnL.
Ovcr Lhc scvcral wccks and monLhs LhaL ollowcd, morc inormaLion lowcd
and Lhc cnd producL was a pcrsonal dcvclopmcnL Lool in Lhc orm o a ncw
book and companion workbook as a Iaw o ALLracLion guidc. Thc book providcs
insighL inLo how our lic mirrors LhaL o rcaliLy Lclcvision and iL dcmonsLraLcs
how wc arc in conLrol o whaL's playing ouL in our livcs. IL hclps pcoplc scc Lhcir
livcs rom a dicrcnL pcrspccLivc and shows Lhcm how Lhcy can makc changcs
LhaL will cmpowcr Lhcm.
Whcn your lic is likc a bad rcaliLy Lclcvision show, you can lcarn how Lo
changc Lhc channcl and rcwriLc your scripL. Hcrc arc Lhc cighL sccrcLs Lo bcing
Lhc dirccLor in your lic's rcaliLy Lclcvision show:

Secret number one: Your thoughts and emotions are the script for what is playing
out in your life. Your LhoughLs arc vcry powcrul, your LhoughLs shapc your cmoLions,
which Lhcn bccomc your rcaliLy. ThoughLs arc Lhings and your cmoLions puL Lhcm inLo
acLion. MosL o us arc conLrollcd by our unconscious LhoughLs and arc on auLomaLic
piloL morc Lhan noL.


150

Secret number two: You have emotional channels that serve you in life, and you
have emotional channels that dont serve you. So jusL imaginc LhaL you arc likc a Lclcvision
scL wiLh a loL o channcls and cach channcl is a dicrcnL cmoLion. PicLurc in your mind
all Lhc dicrcnL cmoLional channcls you havc on your Lclcvision scL o lic. Wc oLcn
classiy our cmoLions in Lwo main caLcgorics: good or bad. You havc cmoLions LhaL
makc you ccl good, and you havc cmoLions LhaL makc you ccl bad. For cxamplc, somc
cmoLions LhaL makc you ccl good arc: happy, cxciLcd, crcaLivc, powcrul, loving,
LhoughLul, and conidcnL. Whcn you'rc ccling Lhcsc cmoLions, lic is rolling along a
liLLlc casicr. Hcrc arc somc cxamplcs o cmoLions LhaL makc you ccl bad: insccuriLy,
inadcquacy, insigniicancy, incrioriLy, and isolaLion. Iic is a liLLlc Loughcr on Lhosc
cmoLional channcls.

Secret number three: Throughout each day you are constantly changing emotional
channels with your thoughts. You launch your drcams or your nighLmarcs cvcry day wiLh
your LhoughLs and cmoLions. Our minds arc supcrcompuLcrs and Lhcy arc conLinuously
rccording cvcry inpuL LhaL is happcning around us. Fvcry sound LhaL wc hcar, cvcn Lhc
background noisc wc arcn'L paying aLLcnLion Lo is bcing rccordcd. FvcryLhing wc scc,
including whaL wc scc on Lclcvision or aL Lhc movics, cvcn i wc'rc noL paying aLtention
to iL, is bcing rccordcd. All o our scnscsLouch, smcll, sound, sighL, and LasLcare
rccording daLa. Wc havc all Lhis daLa LhaL has bccn rccordcd inLo our minds and wc
bcgin Lo crcaLc sLorics wiLh our LhoughLs. Onc LhoughL lcads Lo anoLhcr LhoughL, and
anoLhcr and anoLhcr and prcLLy soon wc'vc crcaLcd Lhis wholc sLory abouL somcLhing.
Your sLory is Lhc collccLion o all Lhcsc random LhoughLs and you orm an opinion or a
Lhcory abouL Lhc daLa you'vc bccn collccLing rom all your scnscs. As cach Lhought is
crcaLing an cmoLion, you havc jusL swiLchcd Lo a dicrcnL channcl and as your
LhoughLs arc Lriggcring Lhc changc Lo anoLhcr channcl, you arc crcaLing Lhc rcaliLy
Lclcvision sccncs o your lic by whaLcvcr LhoughLs you arc projccLing.

Secret number four: You can stay in control of your remote by controlling what
emotional channels you are on. This onc is Lhc Lricky parLwho is holding Lhc rcmoLc
conLrol` Do you havc iL` I you do, LhaL mcans you arc ablc Lo changc channcls whcn
you rccognizc Lhc cccL LhaL your cmoLions havc on your lic. Or docs somconc clsc
havc your rcmoLc conLrol and is LhaL pcrson pushing your buLLons Lo changc your
Kathy Perry
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cmoLional channcl` Whcn you allow somconc clsc Lo hold your rcmoLc and push your
buLLons, iL's also causing you Lo changc cmoLional channcls and iL puLs you in Lhc
vicLim rolc. You now ccl likc saying, iL's Lhcir aulL or Lhcy'rc causing iL. IL's so much
casicr or us Lo blamc oLhcrs or whaL is happcning in our livcs. Rcmcmbcr, whocvcr
holds Lhc rcmoLc has Lhc powcr. You havc Lhc powcr Lo conLrol your own rcmoLc by
conLrolling your LhoughLs and cmoLions.

Secret number five: Your emotions are attracting whatever is happening in your
life. IL is vcry imporLanL Lo undcrsLand Lhc Iaw o ALLracLion, sincc cvcry momcnL you
are either sending out a positive or a negative signal or vibration through your
cmoLions. Thcsc signals comc rom your LhoughLs and Lhc words you spcak, which acL
likc a magncL. Thc Iaw o ALLracLion sLaLcs LhaL likc aLLracLs likc and LhoughLs bccomc
Lhings. ThaL signal or vibraLion is whaL is aLLracLing Lhc rcsulLs you arc gcLLing. Whcn
you arc on Lhc cmoLional rollcr coasLcr o lic and lipping cmoLional channcls, you arc
acLually inLcrrupLing Lhc univcrsal low o your lic's scripL, and Lhcrc is no conLinuiLy.

Secret number six: The mirror reveals the truth of what you have created with your
thoughts and emotions. You musL scc and idcnLiy whaL is happcning in your lic so you
can makc changcs or you will kccp aLLracLing Lhc samc Lhings you'vc always bccn
aLLracLing. Rcmcmbcr back in sccrcL numbcr onc, your LhoughLs and cmoLions arc Lhc
scripL or whaL's playing ouL in your lic.

Secret number seven: You are the scriptwriter, actor, and director in your lifes
reality television show and only you can take back the control and live your life as you choose.
How can wc rcwriLc our own scripL whcn so much o our livcs sccm Lo bc ouL o
conLrol` Wc mighL havc somc old scripLs or rcruns LhaL jusL kccp popping up rom
somc o Lhc crroncous daLa wc havc rccordcd and collccLcd ovcr Lhc ycars. To clcan ouL
Lhc old scripLs or rcruns LhaL don'L scrvc you, acknowlcdgc LhaL you no longcr nccd
Lhcm in your lic and rcplacc Lhcm wiLh posiLivc ncw scripLs LhaL do scrvc you and arc
rclccLivc o your goals and drcams.

Secret number eight: You can rewrite your script any way you choose to attract
what you want. WhaLcvcr wc ocus on wc draw Lo us. By Laking conLrol o our own

152

LhoughLs and cmoLions wc can dicLaLc how wc livc our livcs, and wc arc Lhcn rcwriLing
Lhc scripL o our lic.

WRIGHT
I would likc Lo lcarn a liLLlc biL morc abouL a couplc o Lhc scl-
cmpowcrmcnL Lools you crcaLcd and usc in your mcnLoring and coaching
pracLicc.

PERRY
Onc o Lhc main Lools I usc is Lhc Mirror Factor as a rclccLion inLo you and
your busincss. IL's a Lool LhaL was givcn Lo mc whcn I was mcdiLaLing and
working on my book, Reality TV & You, and Lhc Mirror FacLor bccamc a chapLcr
in Lhc book. Someone looking in from the outside always sees things that arent
visible from within, is my quoLc LhaL I usc whcn cxplaining Lhc Mirror FacLor.
Wc oLcn Lhink o iL as a grcaL Lool Lo usc whcn looking aL our physical
bodics in Lhc mirror Lo rcvcal whaL wc bclicvc abouL oursclvcs. Iikc Lhosc old
bclics LhaL makc us criLical o oursclvcs, bclics likc I'm Loo aL. Rcmcmbcr LhaL
Lhcsc LhoughLs and cmoLions will aLLracL morc o Lhc samc. So i wc'rc always
obscssing abouL how aL wc arc, Lhcn wc'rc going Lo aLLracL morc aL Lo us. AL a
conscious lcvcl wc'rc saying wc don'L wanL Lo bc aL, buL aL an unconscious
lcvcl, only aL is bcing rcgisLcrcd. MosL pcoplc dwcll upon whaL Lhcy don'L
wanL, raLhcr Lhan whaL Lhcy do wanL and Lhcy wondcr why Lhc Iaw o
ALLracLion isn'L working or Lhcm. IL's always workingwc'rc always aLLracLing
whaL wc arc ocusing on wiLh our LhoughLs and cmoLions.
Whilc Lhc Mirror FacLor is a grcaL Lool Lo usc on Lhc physical you, iL's cqually
imporLanL Lo usc iL on Lhc cmoLional you. FvcryLhing LhaL is happcning in your
lic is a rclccLion back Lo you o how your LhoughLs and cmoLions havc shapcd
your lic. You would usc Lhc mirror Lo scc i Lhcrc arc rccurring paLLcrns or
Lhcmcs happcning in your lic or i Lhcrc sccms Lo bc cmoLional blocks LhaL arc
causing pain and disLrcss in your lic. Thcsc ouLward signs LhaL show up in our
mirror o lic arc a rclccLion o whaL is happcning on Lhc insidc o us. Thcsc arc
Lhc subconscious bclics LhaL wc havc and wc will kccp proving Lhcm Lo bc Lruc
unlcss wc scc Lhc paLLcrn and brcak iL.
Kathy Perry
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Deep-scaLcd corc bclics LhaL arc ormcd aL childhood rom an cmoLional
incidcnL may Lakc somc Limc Lo work Lhrough. BuL Lhc irsL sLcp in Lhc hcaling
proccss is Lo scc iL and rccognizc iL or whaL iL is. Many Limcs iL is a bclic wc
ormcd as a child. Wc spcnd a licLimc Lrying Lo provc Lhcm righL or provc Lhcm
wrong, and Lhc mirror is a Lool Lo clcarly idcnLiy Lhosc LhoughLs and cmoLions
LhaL arc causing disLrcss in your lic. You musL irsL rccognizc and acknowlcdgc
whaL is happcning, bcorc you can changc iL. I you don'L idcnLiy Lhc LruLh so
LhaL you can makc a changc, you will kccp aLLracLing whaL you'vc always bccn
aLLracLing.
Having Lhis inormaLion will makc you morc awarc o whaL cccLs your
LhoughLs and cmoLions havc on your lic in Lhc choiccs you makc, and iL will
givc you a hugc advanLagc in Laking Lhc sLcps Loward making a changc. Wc all
know Lhc airyLalc LhaL has Lhc phrasc: mirror, mirror on the wall, whos the
fairest one of all? BuL your lic isn'L a airyLalc, iLs rcaliLy. Iic isn'L abouL who
looks Lhc bcsL or who has Lhc biggcsL housc or Lhc asLcsL car, cvcn Lhough
pcoplc would likc Lo kccp you in LhaL gamc. BuL raLhcr, iL's abouL inding ouL
your LruLh and whcrc you arc wiLh pcacc, lovc, and joy in your hcarL and in your
lic, and LhaL includcs bcing happy wiLh who you arc. ThaL mcans loving
yourscl so you can lovc oLhcrs, and LhaL mcans having joy in your lic bccausc
you arc alivc and brcaLhing Lhc air around you.
ThaL was rcally magniicd or mc whcn my husband passcd away
uncxpccLcdly. All Lhc Lrivial Lhings LhaL I LhoughL wcrc imporLanL suddcnly
bccamc unimporLanL. Wc comc inLo Lhis lic wiLh noLhing and wc lcavc iL wiLh
noLhing, cvcryLhing in bcLwccn is rcally abouL how wc livcd our livcs, Lhc
rclaLionships wc crcaLcd, and i wc madc a dicrcncc.
I bclicvc Lhc airyLalc should go likc Lhis: mirror, mirror on the wall, reveal to
me the truth in all. I you look in Lhc mirror and scc a vicLim, Lhcn you musL
cxaminc all your LhoughLs and cmoLions Lo rcvcal Lhc LruLh bchind iL. This is
not easy, buL iL's csscnLial i you wanL somcLhing dicrcnL in your lic. You may
noL cvcn rcalizc LhaL you arc in Lhc vicLim rolc. BuL i you ind yourscl
complaining abouL Lhis or LhaL and blaming somconc clsc or Lhc Lhings LhaL
arc happcning in your lic, Lhcn you arc playing Lhc vicLim. Whcn wc ind
oursclvcs indignanL or Lrying Lo jusLiy why wc arc righL, Lhcn wc rcally nccd Lo

154

look inLo Lhc mirror and scc whaL LruLh is bcing rclccLcd back Lo us. Wc musL
consciously changc our cmoLional channcls Lo Lhosc LhaL scrvc us in aLLracLing
whaL wc do wanL in our livcs. This is a momcnL-by-momcnL choicc LhaL you
makc, ciLhcr consciously or unconsciously, in crcaLing your lic's rcaliLy.
The Life-Work Balance Tree is anoLhcr Lool I usc in inLcracLivc group
workshops and or individual coaching scssions. Wc irsL draw ouL a Lrcc wiLh
ivc branchcs and cach branch rcprcscnLs a main arca o lic. Thc irsL branch is
Family, Lhc sccond is RclaLionships, Lhc Lhird is HcalLh and FiLncss, Lhc ourLh
is Carccr and 3ob, and Lhc iLh is SpiriLual and Pcrsonal DcvclopmcnL. Thc
bushcs and lcavcs aL Lhc cnd o Lhc ivc branchcs arc whcrc you would lisL Lhosc
Lhings you arc doing in cach caLcgory or branch. You would Lhcn wriLc down
how much Limc you arc spcnding on cach Lhing you'rc doing in LhaL caLcgory or
branch. You'll casily scc Lhosc arcas LhaL arc ouL o balancc and you can quickly
asscss Lhc accL iL's having on your lic and whaL iL's cosLing you in rcgards Lo
your hcalLh, your rclaLionships, or your carccr.
Wc Lhcn look aL Lhc rooLs o your lic-work balancc Lrcc and wc scc
oundaLional Lhings likc your bclics, valucs, LradiLions, hisLory, cxpcricnccs,
vision, mission, and cducaLion. Wc all know whaL happcns Lo Lhc Lrcc i Lhc
roots arent strong and groundedwhcn Lhc sLorms o lic comc up, Lhcy
Lopplc ovcr.
NcxL wc rcvicw Lhosc aLLribuLcs LhaL rcprcscnL Lhc sunshinc and Lhc rain
Lhings likc our aLLiLudc, LhoughLs, cmoLions, cncrgy, and passion. Wc discuss
dicrcnL ways LhaL you can incrcasc Lhc sunshinc and rain and sLrengthen the
rooLs such as graLiLudc cxcrciscs, cncrgy mcdicinc, cmoLional rccdom
Lcchniquc, Lhc Mirror FacLor, and many oLhcr Lcchniqucs.
Finally, wc look aL Lhc ruiLs o your lic-work balancc Lrcc and, o coursc,
Lhc goal is Lo havc Lhc ruiL bc pcacc, lovc, and joy in your lic. WiLh Lhis
graphical vicw o your lic-work balancc Lrcc you can clcarly scc whaL arcas o
your Lrcc o lic nccd Lo bc pruncd or nurLurcd. You can zcro in on Lhosc arcas
LhaL havc Lhc grcaLcsL poLcnLial or your succcss and do morc o Lhosc Lhings
LhaL arc working or you and sLop doing Lhc Lhings LhaL arcn'L. IL's a simplc, buL
grcaL Lool Lo scc Lhosc arcas LhaL nccd hclp and Lo crcaLc an acLion plan LhaL
makcs scnsc or you.
Kathy Perry
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WRIGHT
Havc you uscd Lhc Mirror Factor and the Life-Work Balance Tree as personal
growLh Lools in your own lic`

PERRY
AbsoluLcly! AcLually, LhaL's how Lhcy wcrc crcaLcd. Bccausc I'm such a visual
pcrson I lcarn bcLLcr rom picLurcs, vcrsus jusL looking aL numbcrs on a
sprcadshccL. WiLh Lhc Lrcc mcLaphor, iL irsL bcgan as a Lool or mc Lo usc in my
busincss Lo vicw my markcLing corLs and Lhcn I cxpandcd iL Lo vicw my lic-
work balancc. And iL showcd mc Lhosc arcas whcrc I was ouL o balancc and
whcrc Lhings nccdcd Lo bc pruncd or nurLurcd in my lic. Thc Lrcc mcLaphor
grcw inLo workshops and prcscnLaLions LhaL I sharc wiLh clicnLs and
organizaLions Lo providc an casy Lool Lhcy can usc in any arca o Lhcir busincss
or lic.
Thc Mirror FacLor camc Lo mc whcn I was wriLing Reality TV & You and I
clcarly saw LhaL Lhc Lhings happcning in our livcs and our busincsscs arc jusL
mirrors o Lhosc arcas LhaL arc rc-cmcrging paLLcrns wc nccd Lo work on or
rclccLions o Lhings LhaL nccd our aLLcnLion.

WRIGHT
You'vc had a loL o succcss in your carccr. Will you Lcll us abouL somc o Lhc
highlighLs and whaL Lhcy mcanL Lo you`

PERRY
IL was vcry cxciLing Lo achicvc Lop, rcgional, and naLional awards
LhroughouL my carccr in corporaLc Amcrica. I was numbcr onc in Lhc UniLcd
SLaLcs Lwicc in my corporaLc carccr, including onc Limc whilc aL a ForLunc 500
company.
IL was also vcry rcwarding or mc Lo work wiLh Lhc UnivcrsiLy o SouLh
Florida, whcrc I was ablc Lo inlucncc hundrcds o livcs. I gucsL lccLurcd aL USF
or abouL Lcn ycars and I also had an inLcrnship program whcrc I inLcrncd
many univcrsiLy sLudcnLs ovcr Lhc coursc o Lhosc ycars.
Whilc working wiLh Lhc UnivcrsiLy o SouLh Florida, I had Lhc opporLuniLy
Lo crcaLc a univcrsiLy ccrLiicaLc program Lo hclp bridgc Lhc gap bcLwccn

156

markcLing and Lcchnology. Bccausc I hircd so many markcLing sLudcnLs
Lhrough Lhc inLcrnship program and Lhcy immcdiaLcly undcrsLood how Lo
apply Lhc markcLing Lhcory Lhcy lcarncd aL Lhc univcrsiLy inLo Lhc markcLing
soLwarc, I rcalizcd LhaL iL would bc a grcaL addiLion Lo Lhcir curriculum i Lhcrc
was a coursc LhaL would bridgc LhaL gap bcLwccn markcLing and Lcchnology.
Oncc cvcryLhing was approvcd by Lhc aculLy and lcgal dcparLmcnL, I wcnL Lo
work puLLing LogcLhcr Lhc ccrLiicaLc program as an onlinc and in-classroom
coursc. I workcd wiLh Lhc procssors Lo puL Lhcir curriculum inLo Lhc soLwarc
and crcaLcd Lhc Lraining program around iL. This was a major honor and quiLc
an accomplishmcnL or mcLhc Lraining I crcaLcd bccamc parL o Lhc
curriculum aL a major univcrsiLy.

WRIGHT
On Lhc lip sidc o LhaL succcss in your carccr, will you also sharc wiLh us
whaL major challcngcs you cxpcricnccd, and pcrhaps ovcrcamc`

PERRY
Scvcral ycars ago I had our major lic challcngcs happcn all in onc ycar LhaL
Lhrcw mc inLo a Lailspin. Any onc o Lhcm would bc cnough Lo causc scrious
issucs, lcL alonc all our aL Lhc samc Limc.
FirsL, I was an cxccuLivc wiLh a Lcchnology company, and had a loL o sLock
in Lhc company whcn Lhc doL bomb happcncd, many Lcchnology companics
crashcd, including ours. Wc downsizcd by 75 pcrccnL, Lhc cxccuLivcs no longcr
wcrc paid, and Lhc sLock bccamc worLhlcss. I inally lcL Lhc company aLcr
scvcral monLhs o Lrying Lo hclp wiLh a Lurn-around.
Sccond, my husband movcd ouL o sLaLc Lo hclp his broLhcr's manuacLuring
company wiLh an implcmcnLaLion o a ncw accounLing sysLcm and Lo bc Lhcir
chic inancial oiccr. Wc LhoughL iL would bc a shorL-Lcrm projccLiL wasn'L.
Third, my son wcnL o Lo collcgc, which was abouL our hours away and I
had cmpLy ncsL syndromc.
FourLh, wc sold our homc o LwcnLy ycars, downsizcd, and I movcd inLo an
aparLmcnL in a dicrcnL ciLy. For Lhc irsL Limc in morc Lhan LhirLy ycars I was
all by myscl, all my amily was gonc, and I was losL.
Kathy Perry
!
157

Ovcr Lhc ycars I had Licd my idcnLiLy Lo my amily and my carccr and Lhcy
wcrc all gonc. I clL likc Lhc rug had bccn pullcd ouL rom undcr mc and my
world was Lurncd upsidc down. I was sLarLing ovcr wiLh a ncw carccr, in a ncw
ciLy, and was now living in an aparLmcnL. NoL only did I losc Lhc idcntity I had
bccn aLLachcd Lo, I didn'L cvcn likc Lhc pcrson I was looking aL in Lhc mirror. I
rcmcmbcr ccling as Lhough I was alling inLo a largc abyss and I wasn'L surc i
Lhcrc was somcLhing LhaL would caLch mc or sLop mc rom conLinuing Lo all.
When a ricnd callcd and noLiccd LhaL my words wcrc noL vcry posiLivc
Loward myscl and LhaL I was sLruggling cmoLionally, hc challcngcd mc wiLh iL.
IL goL my aLLcnLion and oncc I was ablc Lo scc whaL hc poinLcd ouL Lo mc, I
rcalizcd I nccdcd Lo makc somc changcs. I bcgan Lo lisLcn Lo posiLivc music,
rcad upliLing books, and waLch inspiraLional movics. Thc conLinual lic-
changing posiLivc inpuL LhaL I was rccciving bcgan a LransormaLion in my lic.

WRIGHT
I noLicc LhaL PcakPcrormanccWomcn.com is abouL cnhancing body, mind,
and spiriL. Is Lhcrc signiicancc in why you crcaLcd a rcsourcc siLc or womcn on
LhaL Lopic`

PERRY
As my lic bcgan Lo Lransorm, I was sharing all Lhc grcaL inormaLion LhaL
hclpcd mc wiLh my ricnds. I ound myscl wriLing down a dozcn dicrcnL Wcb
siLcs or Lhcm Lo chcck ouL on Lhc back o my busincss card and I LhoughL Lhis
is crazy. So I crcaLcd a Wcb siLc Lo sharc all Lhc rcsourccs I was using wiLh my
ricnds and iL cxpandcd rom Lhcrc. IL was my journcy back Lo Laking carc o my
body, mind, and spiriL. I had bccn so wrappcd up wiLh climbing Lhc corporaLc
laddcr LhaL I orgoL Lo Lakc carc o mc.
I also had my idcnLiLy wrappcd up in my carccr and losL sighL o who I was
or a whilc. IL was during LhaL Limc o LransormaLion LhaL I lcarncd somc
cncrgy Lcchniqucs, likc FFT (cmoLional rccdom Lcchniquc). I also bcgan Lo do
morc in Lhc arca o cncrgy hcaling. I bclicvc LhaL whcncvcr you go Lhrough lic
LransormaLions, you naLurally wanL Lo sharc whaL you'vc lcarncd and bc a
rcsourcc or oLhcrs.


158

WRIGHT
So whaL was Lhc grcaLcsL pcrsonal challcngc you havc accd and how has
LhaL shapcd your lic and Lhc scrviccs you providc Loday`

PERRY
I would havc Lo say LhaL my husband's uncxpccLcd dcaLh was Lhc grcaLcsL
pcrsonal challcngc I havc cvcr accd. IL was Lhc mosL painul and dcvasLaLing
Limc o my lic. Bccausc o my pasL cxpcricnccs, I kncw LhaL I nccdcd Lo
conLinuously havc posiLivc inpuL in ordcr Lo survivc. So I immcrscd myscl in
hcaling modaliLics Lo hcal LhaL gaping holc in my hcarL and I wcnL Lhrough
Lraining on scvcral dicrcnL hcaling modaliLics. IL Look mc a liLLlc ovcr a ycar Lo
comc ouL o LhaL spacc whcrc I clL as Lhough I was slccp walking or jusL going
Lhrough Lhc moLions o lic and noL rcally bcing Lhcrc. IL's almosL likc you'rc in
a drcam and you wanL Lo wakc up and cvcryLhing will bc bcLLcr.
I am working on a ncw book, 3 Months to Heaven, about those last three
monLhs o my husband's lic. IL was a parL o my hcaling proccss Lo journal
abouL all Lhc miraclcs LhaL Look placc and noL ocus on Lhc pain I was in. Now I
am ablc Lo scc Lhings in lic rom a LoLally dicrcnL pcrspccLivc and I livc my
lic morc in Lhc momcnL wiLh graLiLudc or cach cxpcricncc. As I am working
wiLh clicnLs, I havc grcaLcr insighL Lo hclp Lhcm Lhrough Lhcir lic and busincss
challcngcs.
I havc scL up a Wcb pagc aL 3MonLhsLoHcavcn.com so LhaL pcoplc can rcad
abouL iL and rcqucsL Lo bc noLiicd whcn Lhc book comcs ouL. An cxccrpL rom
the Web page is: In this original account of the last three months in the life of her
late husband, Garry Perry, Kathy shares the story of his amazing transformation.
Without any idea that he was ill and that he only had a short time to live, they
experienced a miracle transformation as he prepared at the soul level for his passing.
This touching account of the deep healing in his heart will bring a tear to your eye,
warm your heart, and may even give you goose bumps as you hear his messages to
Kathy from the other side and the significance of the Red Rose.

WRIGHT
ThaL's powcrul KaLhy. In closing, i Lhcrc was onc singlc mcssagc you could
sharc wiLh pcoplc abouL lic, whaL would iL bc`
Kathy Perry
!
159

PERRY
I rcally undcrsLood how prccious and ragilc lic is whcn I saw how quickly iL
can bc gonc and how wc Lcnd Lo ocus on all Lhc Lhings in lic LhaL don'L rcally
maLLcr. MosL pcoplc spcnd Lhcir livcs rclccLing back on Lhc pain in Lhcir pasL
and agonizc why Lhis or LhaL happcncd and why Lhcy madc Lhc choiccs LhaL
Lhcy did. Or Lhcy look orward inLo Lhc uLurc and projccL Lhcir cars into a set
o sccnarios LhaL may or may noL cvcn bccomc a rcaliLy. All wc rcally havc is
Lhis prcscnL momcnLLhc Now. Wc nccd Lo livc our livcs in graLiLudc in Lhc
Now and scc Lhc bcauLy in cach momcnL and bc Lhankul or all LhaL wc do
have, treasuring Lhc rclaLionships and Lhc pcoplc in our livcs. For whcn iL's all
said and donc, wc comc inLo Lhc world wiLh noLhing, wc lcavc Lhis world wiLh
noLhing, and Lhc only Lhing in bcLwccn is Lhc rclaLionships wc'vc nurLurcd and
Lhc pcoplcs' livcs wc'vc inlucnccd whilc crcaLing our lcgacy along Lhc way.

WRIGHT
Wcll, whaL a grcaL convcrsaLion. I rcally apprcciaLc all Lhc insighL wc'vc
garncrcd hcrc in Lhis convcrsaLion Loday and I apprcciaLc Lhc Limc you'vc spcnL
wiLh mc answcring Lhcsc qucsLions.

PERRY
Thank you so much, David. IL was my plcasurc and I cnjoycd sharing wiLh
you.

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh KaLhy Pcrry. KaLhy is a procssional spcakcr,
auLhor, mcnLor, coach, and social mcdia spccialisL, who sharcs hcr cxpcrLisc
and cxpcricncc Lhrough inLcracLivc cducaLional and moLivaLional prcscnLaLions
and workshops, as wcll as Lhrough individual mcnLoring and coaching Lo
inspirc and awakcn clicnLs Lo Lhcir unlimiLcd poLcnLial whilc moLivaLing Lhcm
Lo acLion.
KaLhy, Lhank you so much or bcing with us today on Stepping Stones to
Success.


160

PERRY
Thank you, David.
161

WhcLhcr KaLhy is spcaking Lo a group o womcn or spcnding Limc wiLh
ricnds, hcr auLhcnLic passion and cncrgy shincs Lhrough in all arcas o hcr lic.
Shc has bccn honorcd as Amcrican Busincss Womcn's AssociaLion Woman o
the YearIibcrLy ChapLcr, Tampa Chambcr o Commcrcc OuLsLanding Small
Busincss Icadcr FinalisL, and Lhc Tampa Bay Business Journal Busincss Woman
o Lhc Ycar FinalisL. KaLhy's lic purposc is Lo inspirc and moLivaLc pcoplc Lo
achicvc Lhcir unlimiLcd poLcnLial and livc an cmpowcrcd lic. She lives in
Florida and has Lwo grown childrcn.

KATHY PERRY
l66l6 Vallcly Drivc
Tampa, FI 336lS
813-789-9580
KaLhykaLhypcrry.com
www.kaLhypcrry.com


162

163

C HA P T E R E L E V E N
CluLLcr From Lhc Insidc OuL
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Sallie Felton
Today wc'rc Lalking wiLh Sallic FclLon. Sallic is living proo LhaL pcoplc can
go Lhrough a major lic changc and noL only survivc, buL Lhrivc. ALcr ycars o
rusLraLion and scarching or hcr purposc shc dccidcd Lo lcavc hcr propcr
Yankcc upbringing, LradiLional cducaLion, and compcLiLivc sporLs carccr Lo
pursuc hcr Lruc passions. IL's bccn LwcnLy ycars and shc hasn'L lookcd back.
Now shc is hclping oLhcrs do Lhc samc. Sallic is an inLcrnaLional radio Lalk
show hosL, ully ccrLiicd CMC, PCC Iic Coach, TransiLional SpccialisL, and co-
auLhor who uscs hcr clicnLs' individual sLrcngLhs Lo crcaLc and supporL Lhcir
lic goals. Through onc-on-onc and group coaching shc has hclpcd Lhousands,
as shc says Lo hcr clicnLs, lcL's sLarL whcrc you sLand."
Sallic, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.


164

SALLIE FELTON (FELTON)
Thank you David, iL's grcaL Lo bc hcrc and I ccrLainly apprcciaLc your Laking
Lhc Limc Lo inLcrvicw mc.

WRIGHT
The title, Clutter from the Inside Out, is an inLcrcsLing conccpL. Wc'vc hcard
you say LhaL Lhcrc arc so many pcoplc who dcal wiLh Lhis issuc o cluLLcr and
LhaL iL inLcrcrcs wiLh Lhcir livcs. How docs iL` Whcn you Lhink o cluLLcr, whaL
is iL` WhaL is cluLLcr rcally`

FELTON
IcL mc irsL say LhaL cluLLcr, David, comcs in Lhrcc ormsiL's physical,
mcnLal, and cmoLional. For cxamplc, physical cluLLcr is all Lhosc iLcms around
your housc, your oicc, or around your cnvironmcnL LhaL havc builL up. You
know all Lhosc pilcs` McnLal cluLLcr, or Lhc mosL parL, is lisLs, schcdulcs,
mccLings, and appoinLmcnLs. IL's LhaL inamous Lo-do lisL LhaL sccms Lo bc
living in cvcryonc's hcad. Wc all havc Lhosc lisLsLhosc mcnLal lisLs.
FmoLional cluLLcr is dicrcnL. IL's Lhosc cclings o pasL and prcscnL issucs
LhaL havc noL ycL bccn proccsscd, workcd on, solvcd, or nurLurcd. I bclicvc iL
livcs in Lhc ccnLcr o Lhc hcarL. CluLLcr can vcry much accL pcoplc's scnsc o
scl and scl-csLccm. In Lhcir lic Lhcy can ccl ovcrsLrcsscd, ovcrburdcncd, and
unbalanccd. In Lhc workplacc Lhcy can ccl as i Lhcy arc lcss producLivc, lcss
cicicnL, and lcss cccLivc.

WRIGHT
You say Lhcrc arc spcciic arcas in cach o our homcs whcrc Lhcrc should bc
no cluLLcr. I LhaL's Lruc, Lhcn why`

FELTON
Hcrc's why. Thcrc arc placcs in our homcs LhaL wc nccd Lo makc surc Lhcrc
is no cluLLcr. For cxamplc, Lhc kiLchcn and dining room arc Lhc placcs whcrc wc
gcL nourishmcnL rom, arcn'L Lhcy` Thcy indccd arc. Thcsc musL bc arcas whcrc
wc nccd Lo scLLlc oursclvcs and Lakc susLcnancc Lo kccp us physically uclcd.
Sallie Felton

165

Hcrc's anoLhcr onc. Thc bcdroom is whcrc wc gcL our rcsL. Whcn wc havc
Lhis room cluLLcrcd Lhcrc is no room or brcaLhing, Lhcrc is no room or rcsLing,
wc scc chaos, and iL ccls chaoLic. This could bc dcscribcd as boLh physical and
mcnLal cluLLcr. Physical cluLLcr is rcprcscnLcd by Lhc sLu" around us, Lhc
mcnLal cluLLcr is Lhc consLanL Lapc LhaL plays in our hcadwhaL Lo do wiLh all
Lhis sLu." ThaL cluLLcr also brings up Lhc cmoLional parL LhaL is accLing us
bccausc iL is all around usin cvcry nook and cranny in Lhc room. Sccing all
Lhis cluLLcr around us adds Lo any anxicLy wc mighL bc ccling abouL iL. How
could anyonc possibly slccp wcll whcn onc has Lo gcL Lhc cxLra cloLhcs o Lhc
bcd in ordcr Lo makc room Lo lic down and slccp` This room nccds Lo bc our
pcaccul sancLuary, David, iL has Lo bc.
Our homc oicc is whcrc wc nccd Lo sLay organizcd. This is whcrc wc ocus.
Wc nccd Lo sLay on Lop o Lasks and iL's whcrc wc spcnd a largc amounL o Limc.
Physical cluLLcr rcars iLs hcad whcn wc ind oursclvcs noL doing, whaL I call,
SDASmall Daily AcLionssuch as iling, organizing Lhc dcsk, Laking carc o
paying bills, cvcn answcring our c-mails, wriLing our lcLLcrs, Lcnding Lo Lhc job
aL hand, Lalking wiLh clicnLs/cusLomcrs, whaLcvcr iL is. IL's casy Lo Lurn Lhis
sLaLion inLo a Lrain wrcck. This is an arca LhaL nccds organizaLion, you will work
bcLLcr and bc morc producLivc.
So wc nccd Lo sLay organizcd. You will bc amazcd aL how Lhis will carry on in
oLhcr parLs o your lic. In addiLion Lo Lhis I wanL Lo say LhaL i I don'L spcnd Lcn
minuLcs Loward Lhc cnd o my day aL lcasL clcaning up Lhc righL-hand and lcL-
hand sidcs o my dcsk, I don'L know abouL you, David, buL I rcally don'L ccl as
ocuscd whcn I comc in Lhc ncxL morning. NoLicc, I said Lhc word ccl
bcLLcr"physical cluLLcr accLs my producLiviLy. For mc, I do bcLLcr knowing
Lhcrc is somc sorL o a Lo-do lisL alrcady on my dcsk, I nccd Lo havc Lhings
prcLLy wcll clcancd up bcorc I gcL sLarLcd. I wish I could say iL has always bccn
LhaL policy, buL unorLunaLcly iL has noL. Thcrc arc days whcn I havc bccn so
busy my dcsk sccms Lo havc a mind o iLs own.
As wcll as bcing a lic coach, I am an inLcrnaLional radio Lalk show hosL wiLh
ConLacL Talk Radio and am hcard livc on l06.0FM HD3 ouL o ScaLLlc,
WashingLon, Lhis is cspccially Lruc in corrcsponding wiLh gucsLs and oLhcr
auLhors. Much comcs across my dcsk nccding immcdiaLc aLLcnLion, so iL

166

bchoovcs mc Lo kccp on Lop o Lhings. ThaL is casicr said Lhan donc. I, Loo, am
human and slip. Rcmcmbcr, Simplc Daily AcLionswc nccd Lo sLay organizcd.

WRIGHT
I had no idca LhaL Lhcrc wcrc Lhrcc arcas o cluLLcrphysical, mcnLal and
cmoLional. So i somconc is ccling disorganizcd and unproducLivc, which o
Lhc Lhrcc orms you spokc abouL comcs irsL`

FELTON
David, you havc, I am surc, hcard Lhc phrasc, which comcs irsL Lhc chickcn
or Lhc cgg`" Wc all havc. Wcll, Lhis is a similar sccnario whcn iL comcs Lo which
comcs irsL, Lhc physical cluLLcr or Lhc mcnLal cluLLcr` Whcn I work wiLh a
clicnL, onc o Lhc irsL Lhings I ask is:

WhaL is iL likc Lo gcL up in Lhc morning and acc your cluLLcr`
Whcrc do you havc cluLLcr in your lic`
Whcrc do you scc your cluLLcr`
Whcrc is iL spinning in your hcad`
Whcrc do you ccl your cluLLcr`
Whcrc do you ccl you arc Lhc mosL disorganizcd`
Wc know cluLLcr works rom Lhc insidc ouL. How is iL accLing you`

Using Lhcsc scrics o qucsLions, Lhcy usually Lcll mc which onc or all Lhrcc o
Lhc orms o cluLLcr arc accLing Lhcir livcs. Finally, I will ask, WhaL is Lhc
mosL diiculL parL abouL clcaring your cluLLcr`" Thc rcsponsc, ninc Limcs ouL o
Lcn is, IL's all Lhrcc." Now wc know whcrc Lo bcgin and whcrc Lo ocus our
energy Lo gcL Lhcm moving in Lhc righL dirccLion.

I bclicvc i you sLir up mindul cluLLcr,
You will havc a rccipc or a poLcnL sLcw.
By lcarning which hcrbs and spiccs Lo usc,
You crcaLc a gourmcL casL."Sallie Felton

Sallie Felton

167

WRIGHT
I know you'vc bccn a aciliLaLor or many workshops, and you managcd Lo
hclp Lhosc who arc mcnLally and physically cluLLcrcd, buL whaL arc Lhcy looking
or`

FELTON
IL's inLcrcsLing Lo hcar you say LhaL. I acLually havc a workshop Lomorrow
and I Lhink wc havc ovcr LhirLy pcoplc signcd up. So iL is a problcm arca. Wc'rc
Lalking jusL on Lhis Lopic, dc-cluLLcring rom Lhc insidc ouL.
Whcn I conducL my workshops I always sLarL by asking, WhaL arc ivc
Lhings LhaL you would likc Lo comc inLo your lic`" Many o Lhcm arc sccking
rclaLionships, amily, ricnds, or amily LradiLions. Thcy'rc sccking pcacc,
organizaLion, somc may wanL moncy, buL mosL wanL Limc or scl and lcss
sLrcss. Docs Lhis sound amiliar` I'll bcL iL docs!

WRIGHT
So whaL is Lhc proccss o accomplishing dc-cluLLcring` You say Lhcrc arc ivc
Lhings LhaL pcoplc can bcgin Lo do righL now. WhaL arc Lhcy and how do Lhcy do
Lhis`

FELTON
For somc, David, Lhis is noL casyiL is noL an casy proccss. BuL lcL mc Lakc
you Lhrough Lhcsc ivc Lhings:

The First: Onc musL bc opcn Lo rccciving whaL Lhc univcrsc has Lo ocr,
LhaL can bc rcally hard or somconc. Or a pcrson cannoL cvcn conccivc o Lhc
conccpL. A pcrson may ccl paralyzcd wiLh all Lhc papcrwork on Lhcir dcsk and
can'L movc orward. Thcy ccl unproducLivc and Lhcn procrasLinaLc. Thcy mighL
ccl unmoLivaLcd. Thcy'rc dciniLcly going Lo ccl rusLraLcd mcnLally. Thcy'rc
going Lo bc anxious cmoLionally and Lhcy'rc going Lo ccl Lhc wcighL" o Lhc
cluLLcr physically. ThaL's a guaranLcc. BuL hcrc's somcLhing Lhcy can do. For
cxamplc somconc mighL wanL Lo ind an iLcm/Lool Lo hclp Lhcm in dc-
cluLLcring. IcL's say a ilc cabincL or Lhcir oicc, iL can bc as simplc as LhaL.
InsLcad o bcing sLrcsscd LhaL Lhcy don'L havc LhaL parLicular iLcm, changc the

168

Lhinking. As Lhcy bcgin Lo Lhink abouL whaL Lhcy nccd, rcally Lhinking abouL iL,
and arc opcn Lo rccciving whaL Lhc univcrsc has Lo ocr. Who knows Lhcy
mighL comc across jusL whaL Lhcy nccd by inding iL ciLhcr in a ncwspapcr or
via ricnd. You ncvcr know.
Hcrc is onc grcaL sourcc LhaL I usc all Lhc Limc and iL's callcd
www.Frcccyclc.org and anoLhcr onc is www.craigslisL.org Havc you hcard o
any o Lhosc`

WRIGHT
I'vc hcard o CraigslisL.

FELTON
Frcccyclc is Lhc samc Lhing. IL has cvcryLhing ouL Lhcrc or rcc LhaL pcoplc
wanL Lo pass along. I usc iL all Lhc Limc and I'vc dcmonsLraLcd using Lhis
proccss on my 200S2000 blog, www.sallicclLon.wordprcss.com. I go Lhrough
all Lhc sLcps on how Lo dccluLLcr, rcusc, and rccyclc by using Frcccyclc and
craigslist

Second: Pcoplc nccd Lo makc physical spacc or whaL Lhcy wanL, bc iL a ncw
inLcrcsL, acLiviLy, or a hobby. WhaL do you nccd Lo supporL Lhis ncw inLcrcsL,
acLiviLy, or hobby`
Say, or cxamplc, you wanL an arca Lo puL all your books bccausc you mighL
bc a mcmbcr o a book club. Do you nccd Lo makc spacc or a bookshcl, do you
nccd a wriLing Lablc or a placc whcrc can you puL iLcms Lo supporL LhaL or oLhcr
inLcrcsLs` WhaL do you Lhink Lhis would do or your inncr" voicc or your
mind` IL would bc upliLing. Now you'vc bcgun a slow proccss o dc-cluLLcring
rom Lhc insidc ouL, you'vc bcgun Lo Lhink abouL a soluLion, and now you'rc
going Lo bcgin Lo Lakc acLion Lo supporL your nccds.

Third: CrcaLc Limc.
CrcaLc Limc in your calcndar, jusL as you makc an appoinLmcnL in your
calcndar or docLor visiLs, which wc all do. You arc jusL as imporLanL. Thc
majoriLy o us ncvcr canccl a docLor's appoinLmcnL unlcss wc havc jury duLy or
Sallie Felton

169

an cmcrgcncy. I don'LI know whaL iL's likc Lo Lry and rcschcdulc anoLhcr! IL's
LhaL imporLanL noL Lo canccl an appoinLmcnL wiLh yourscl. You mark in ink
your appoinLmcnL on a physical calcndar or noLc Lhc daLc in your BlackBcrry.
By lisLing all Lhosc appoinLmcnLs, mccLings, or daLcs in your mind, you'rc
clcaring your mcnLal cluLLcr. Makc scnsc`

WRIGHT
AbsoluLcly.

FELTON
IL rcally docs.

Fourth: Bc your auLhcnLic scl.
Iovc yourscl, jusL as you arc. Do whaL you likc Lo do and nurLurc your
wanLs and your nccds. Bc gcnLlc wiLh yourscl. I ciLhcr in a rclaLionship or by
making spacc in your housc or anoLhcr pcrson, you havc Lo ask yourscl, Is
Lhcrc spacc in my hcarL`" Thosc arc Lhc hard qucsLions. SomcLimcs Lhcrc is so
much mcnLal or cmoLional cluLLcr LhaL pcoplc don'L know whaL Lhcy rcally wanL
in Lhcir hcarL. This is Lhc pcrccL Limc in Lhcir livcs Lo ind whaL Lhcy wanL.
How do you do iL` You wriLc iL down in a journal: What is it that I want to come
into my life? Bc spcciic, and I mcan bc pcrccLly clcar.

WhaL is iL you wanL`
Whcn do you wanL iL`
WhaL docs iL look likc`
WhaL docs iL ccl likc`
WhaL docs iL smcll likc`

You'vc goL Lo bc drop dcad clcar. What is your vision?

Fifth: IL's Limc Lo commiL Lo acLion.
Kccping a journal is Lhc irsL Lool Lo kccp you on Lrack and commiLLcd. Fvcry
day, Lhink o onc small sLcp you can Lakc LhaL will lcad you Lo your goal. IL can
Lakc as liLLlc as only ivc minuLcs a day, David. BuL hcrc's Lhc kcy: you will bc

170

jusL LhaL much closcr Lo your goal by Laking smallcr sLcps Lhan onc hugc lcap.
WhaL do you Lhink LhaL would ccl likc` Onc sLcp closcr ccls prcLLy good.

WRIGHT
You spcak o Lhc proccss, whaL abouL Lhosc individuals who can'L sLay
ocuscd on a projccL and conLinuc Lo bc rusLraLcd wiLh Lhc cluLLcr around Lhcm
or in Lhcir hcads` Is Lhis mcnLal or cmoLional cluLLcr`

FELTON
I bclicvc boLh Lo somc dcgrccmcnLally and cmoLionally rusLraLing, which
can bring abouL Lhc anxicLy o Lhc cmoLion. Dc-cluLLcring is cspccially hard or
Lhosc who havc ADD.
We havc a workshop cach irsL Thursday o Lhc monLh whcrc callcrs will join
us on a concrcncc linc Lo sharc Lhcir rusLraLions, problcms, cLc. By Lhc Limc
Lhcy lcavc Lhc call, Lhcy havc an acLion plan and arc accounLablc Lo lcLLing us
know whcn Lhcy havc complcLcd Lhc Lask. This has bccn so bcncicial or Lhosc
who nccd LhaL cxLra supporL, advicc, and accounLabiliLy piccc.

Four Steps to Tackle the Clutter

One: ScL somc Limc asidc.
IL could bc iLccn minuLcs, an hour, buL no morc Lhan Lhrcc hours. You
mighL ask why do I say LhaL` We want success here, wc don'L wanL ailurcwe
want success. You can play your avoriLc CD, buL only commiL Lo clcaring Lhc
cluLLcr unLil Lhc CD is ovcr. Again, wc wanL succcss. Usually iL Lakcs orLy-ivc
minuLcs Lo an hour bcorc a CD is inishcd. IL is absoluLcly ncccssary Lo limiL
disLracLions. So i you nccd Lo go Lo Lhc baLhroom, caL somcLhing bcorc you
sLarL, or grab somcLhing Lo drink, do so. Thc poinL is wc don'L wanL you Lo look
aL your compuLcr, your lapLop, answcr your ccll phonc, your landlinc, Lhc
doorbcll, look aL your BlackBcrry, or do anyLhing clsc. And don'L cvcn Lry
LcxLing! Wc wanL you Lo bcgin Lhc projccL wiLh no disLracLions aL all.

Second: Whcrc do you sLarL`
Sallie Felton

171

I you havc physical cluLLcr, sLarL and choosc a small arca, or cxamplc, onc
drawcr. Don'L look aL Lhc cnLirc room. Iook aL onc shcl, noL Lhc cnLirc closcL.
Choosc an arca LhaL, whcn organizcd, will givc you Lhc mosL rclic or Lhc mosL
plcasurc. By sLarLing small you will havc Lhc saLisacLion o complcLion. I you
havc Limc lcL ovcr, you can movc on Lo somcLhing clsc.
I you havc mcnLal cluLLcr, bcgin Lo wriLc down a lisL o all Lhc Lhings LhaL
arc lodgcd in your hcad. WhaL is LhaL mcnLal lisL` WriLc iL all down, gcL iL ouL.
Now choosc onc Lhing rom Lhc lisL LhaL you can bcgin Lo work on. Choosc jusL
one and start where you stand.
By rclcasing all Lhc cluLLcr in Lhc mind, Lhc cmoLional cluLLcr ollows. Onc
bccomcs lcss sLrcsscd, lcss burdcncd, and morc aL pcacc. This is jusL Lhc
bcginning, buL iL has lasLing rcsulLs.

Three: Makc surc whcn you choosc whcrc you sLarL LhaL you havc Lhc Lools
in placc.
WhaL Lools mighL Lhosc bc, you ask` David, or dcaling wiLh physical cluLLer,
i you'rc working on your bcdroom burcau, you wanL a shccL or a Lowcl Lo dump
prcsorLcd Lhings onLo iL. You will nccd morc Lhan Lhrcc boxcs Lo sorL Lhc iLcms.
One box is or Lhc givcaways," Lhc second box is or iLcms LhaL do noL bclong
in Lhis arca/room," Lhc third box is or rccycling," Lhc fourth box is or Lrash,"
and the fifth box is or iLcms LhaL you rcally wanL Lo kccp Lhc I lovc iL"
ILcms. (Thc ncxL paragraph is going Lo show you how Lo makc Lhc dccision o
kccping or noL kccping an iLcm.)
I you'rc dcaling wiLh mcnLal or cmoLional cluLLcr, you wanL a noLcpad and a
pcn Lo wriLc. You nccd Lo kccp Lhc cmoLional cluLLcr running on LhaL noLcpad,
gcL iL ouL and wriLc iL down.
Somc cxamplcs arc:
I ccl badly i I givc away somcLhing AunL Susan gavc mc, buL I jusL don'L
likc Lhc nccklacc."
This bclongcd Lo 3oc, buL I'm noL wiLh him anymorc/wc brokc up, buL wc
had somc grcaL mcmorics."
The reality is that you do not dislikc AunL Susan by giving Lhc nccklacc Lo
somconc clsc who mighL lovc iL. She is still your aunt and you love her, it is the

172

necklace you dont like. So movc Lhc nccklacc along Lo somconc you Lhink mighL
likc iL. Now you arc dc-cluLLcring.
I havc bccn a ond bclicvcr in rc-giLing insLcad o kccping somcLhing
hiddcn in a drawcr or hiding iL in a closcLand or whaL` Wc havc always
askcd our childrcn LhaL i wc givc Lhcm a prcscnL Lhcy rcally did noL likc, wc
wanL Lhcm Lo bc honcsL cnough Lo Lcll us. And in Lurn Lhcy havc askcd Lhc
samc o us. Thcy can cxchangc Lhc giL(s) wc havc givcn Lhcm or somcLhing
clsc and wc can cxchangc our giL(s) or somcLhing wc mighL prccr. I gavc a
swcaLcr Lo my daughLcr oncc LhaL was noL hcr sLylc at all. Shc gavc somcLhing
Lo mc LhaL was noL Lhc righL color or sizc. Thcrc arc Lhosc Limcs whcn Lhc
prcscnL jusL docsn'L cuL iL. First rule: do not take it personally! So insLcad o cach
o us having Lo go scparaLcly Lo Lhc sLorc Lo cxchangc Lhc iLcms, wc had lunch
LogcLhcr and madc a day ouL o iL. Now LhaL's a win-win!

Four: CcLLing sLarLcd.
Thc rulc is LhaL whcn picking up physical cluLLcr, you'vc goL jusL three
seconds to make a decision! MosL pcoplc arc aghasL whcn I say Lhrcc scconds, buL
hcrc's why. Thc irsL qucsLion you always ask yourscl is: do I lovc iLdoes it
makc mc smilc, liL my spiriLs` To say likc iL" is noL a good cnough rcason, you
havc Lo lovc iL! Thc sccond qucsLion is: do I nccd iL righL now Loday, (noL maybc
somcday)` Thc Lhird qucsLion is: is iL uscul or, mosL imporLanLly, is iL uscul Lo
mc` Thosc arc Lhc Lhrcc mosL imporLanL qucsLions or dc-cluLLcring. I Lhcn
oLcn hcar on our concrcncc calls, BuL, Sallic, I paid good moncy or Lhis" or
"IL was on salc." I don'L disagrcc, buL is iL scrving your nccds now? Not later,
ncxL wcck, ncxL monLh or ncxL scason, but right now, this very minute?
SomcLimcs wc havc Lo Lakc a hard sLand and bc ruLhlcss in ordcr Lo movc
orward in dc-cluLLcring.

WRIGHT
I see that de-cluLLcring boLh physically, mcnLally, and cmoLionally could
cvcn improvc Lhc sacLy o Lhc housc, cspccially whcrc childrcn arc involvcd.
How docs iL do LhaL`

Sallie Felton

173

FELTON
It does, absolutelyLhc lcss cluLLcr, Lhc cwcr problcms LhaL can occur wiLh
accidcnLs, Lripping, and alling down. FvcryLhing has a homc and cvcryLhing in
iLs placc. I hcard LhaL rom Lhc day I was born. My parcnLs said ovcr and ovcr
and ovcr, Thcrc's a placc or cvcryLhing and cvcryLhing in iLs placc." Can you
imaginc your child in Lhc middlc o Lhc nighL wanLing somcLhing and Lripping
ovcr all Lhc Loys in his or hcr room`
Tcaching your childrcn Lo pick up aLcr Lhcmsclvcs is criLical Lo organizing
and having Lhcm bcgin Lo Lakc picking/clcaning up as Lhcir rcsponsibiliLy. IL's
ncvcr Loo carly, David, and iL can bc donc LogcLhcr. IL docs dcpcnd on Lhc agc
o Lhc child as Lo how much hc or shc can parLicipaLc in picking up. For Lhc
liLLlc oncs, lcL Lhcm choosc Lhc colors o sLacking bins and LcxLurc baskcLs.
Makc cvcryLhing child-ricndly and aL Lhcir hcighL lcvcl. You wanL Lhcm Lo buy
inLo Lhc proccss." In ordcr Lo do LhaL, you havc Lo allow Lhcm Lo bc a parL o Lhc
proccss. Whcn childrcn havc inishcd playing wiLh Lhcir Loys or an iLcm, LhaL's
Lhc Limc Lhcy nccd Lo puL Lhcir inishcd" Loys back whcrc Lhcy ound Lhcm. I
doubL you ask your amily Lo pick up aLcr you, so iL is only righL wc Lcach
responsibiliLy or caring or our own posscssions or bclongings. Wc havc Lo
modcl Lhc samc bchavior i wc wanL our childrcn Lo do Lhc samc.
Again, spcaking in rcgards Lo sacLy and cluLLcr, whaL abouL Lowcls lcL on
Lhc baLhroom loor LhaL could causc somconc Lo slip` Havc a hook aL your
childrcn's lcvcl. Now you'rc osLcring rcsponsibiliLy. WhaL a wondcrul valuc Lo
bc Lcaching LhcmlcLLing Lhcm bcgin Lo carc or Lhcmsclvcs. This builds
Lrcmcndous pridc. This is cmpowcring.
Also, David, clcaning Lhc homc oicc is LoLally dicrcnL rom organizing Lhc
rcsL o Lhc housc. Organizing Lhc housc is abouL puLLing cvcryLhing back in iLs
original closcL, cubby, drawcr, or shcl. Clcaning Lhc homc oicc is looking aL
an arca rom a mcLavicw pcrspccLivc. Visualizc yourscl being high above your
oicc looking down (Lhis is whaL I mcan by a mcLavicw). WhaL would iL look
likc`
Namc cvcryLhing LhaL you would likc Lo havc in Lhis room and why. Whcrc
would cvcryLhing go and how would you uLilizc all Lhc nooks and crannics o
this spacc in your homc oicc Lo maximizc Lhc spacc` For cxamplc, dcsk, chair,

174

compuLcr, ax, phonc, ilcs, bookcascwhcrc would all o Lhcsc iL Lo suiL your
cxacL nccds` ThaL's organizing. Bcing orward-Lhinking and proacLivc is
maximizing cvcry inch o your homc oicc Lo iLs opLimal advanLagc.
This is Lhc room whcrc busincss is usually pcrormcd. I iL's a homc oicc
busincss, iL is crucial LhaL Lhis arca bc clcan, ncaL, wcll liL, organizcd, and
uncLional bccausc isn'L LhaL Lhc way you wanL Lo work` Usc colors and LcxLurcs
LhaL work or you, noL or somcbody clsc. You arc Lhc onc in Lhis cnvironmcnL
mosL o your day. You'll bc much morc ocuscd and willing Lo Lakc on cvcn Lhc
hcavicsL loads and Lasks i Lhis arca is sLrcamlincd and lowing. How wondcrul
would LhaL bc` Now Lcll mc how you mighL bc ccling whcn you siL down Lo
work!
IL is all abouL balancc. Do you lovc whcrc you work` Do you lovc Lhc spacc
you'rc working in` WhaL would you changc Lo makc iL your own`
I work in a homc oicc LhaL ovcrlooks my gardcn. IL has a small lily pond, a
waLcrall, birdccdcrs, and birdhouscs. IL has lowcring Lrccs and pcrcnnials
LhaL bloom and ill Lhc air wiLh Lhcir pcrumc LhroughouL Lhc scason. So I gcL
ycars' worLh o plcasurc rom all my scnscs hcrc in my oicc. This is exactly
whcrc I wanL Lo bc. This is whcrc I sLay calm, ocuscd, and rooLcd. NaLurc is
vcry imporLanL in my lic. So whcrcvcr you arc, you nccd Lo makc iL your own.
IL's so imporLanL.

WRIGHT
Wcll I rcally apprcciaLc whaL you'vc said. Now I undcrsLand how physical,
mcnLal, and cmoLional cluLLcr arc Licd inLo cach oLhcr. Do mosL pcoplc alrcady
know Lhis or am I Lhc only onc who hasn'L igurcd iL ouL`

FELTON
No, Lhcrc arc a loL o pcoplc who arcn'L awarc o Lhis. Thcy Lhink LhaL
physical cluLLcr is jusL physical and LhaL mcnLal and cmoLional cluLLcr arc onc
and Lhc samc, buL Lhcy'rc noL. Thcy'rc inLcrLwincd Lo a largc dcgrcc, buL
showing how Lo dc-cluLLcr makcs pcoplc's livcs so much casicr, physically,
mcnLally, and cmoLionally.
I sLrongly cncouragc any o your rcadcrs who wish Lo discuss Lhcir issuc o
cluLLcr Lo conLacL mc. I do and will absoluLcly bc Lhcrc Lo answcr Lhcir c-mails
Sallie Felton

175

aL SallicSallicFclLonIicCoach.com. I Lhcy prccr Lo call mc, Lhcy can. My
numbcr is aL Lhc cnd o Lhis chapLcr. I would bc morc Lhan happy Lo hclp Lhcm
unload as I say, Lhcir burdcn o cluLLcr." I'vc hclpcd hundrcds and I know I can
hclp Lhcm Loo. I guaranLcc iL. All Lhcy nccd arc Lhc Lools and Lhc supporL Lo gcL
sLarLcd. You ncvcr know whaL Lrcasurc awaiLs youa clcan spacc, a clcarcr
mind, and a scnsc o pcacc. WhaL clsc could you ind in LhaL Lrcasurc chcsL`

WRIGHT
So whaL arc Lhc laLcsL or ncwcsL Lrcnds in producLs on Lhc markcL in Lcrms
o homc organizaLion` Would LhaL hclp Lhosc who arc ccling mcnLally
disorganizcd Lo bc morc physically organizcd`

FELTON
Hcrc arc somc idcas: For Lhc homc oicc, Lhcrc is a iling Lcchniquc callcd
Taming Lhc Papcr Tigcr" by Barbara Hcmphill. Hcr Wcb siLc is
producLivccnvironmcnL.com. This is a Lool or pcoplc who wanL Lo spcnd lcss
Limc looking or inormaLion and managing papcr. This is a grcaL siLc and I'vc
uscd iL.
AnoLhcr onc comcs rom Lhc ConLaincr SLorc and a loL o pcoplc likc Lo usc
clcar scc-Lhrough conLaincrs and LransluccnL LoLcs. Thcy'rc abouL Lcn Lo iLccn
dollars cach. ThaL Wcb siLc is ConLaincrSLorc.com. For grcaL conLaincrs and
bins, Ikca has somc wondcrul oncs and Lhcir Wcb siLc is Ikca.com. For baskcLs,
conLaincrs, and rugs, TargcL has somc abulous oncs, and Lhcir Wcb siLc is
TargcL.com.
WhaL abouL or upscalc conLaincrs or woodcn buckcLs` I havc ound somc
bcauLiul oncs aL www.PoLLcryBarn.com and Crate and Barrel
(www.CraLcandBarrcl.com). And in our ncw c-book, Clutter Free and Clear: Take
Charge of your Time and Space! a how-Lo book Lo simpliy your lic, wc havc Lwo
hundrcd and scvcnLy pagcs o how Lo dcal wiLh physical, mcnLal, and cmoLional
cluLLcr. IL's co-wriLLcn by cighL auLhors and myscl, wc arc all cxpcrLs in our
iclds. All your rcadcrs havc Lo do is simply go Lo www.cluLLcrrccandclcar.com.
Hcrc Lhcy gcL a chancc Lo rcad abouL Lhc Lopic o cluLLcr, whaL iL cnLails,
rcadcrs' LcsLimonials/rcvicws, and all Lhc free bonuscs givcn by cach o Lhc

176

auLhors. IL has ovcr LwcnLy-ivc workshccLs and cxcrciscs Lo hclp you dcal wiLh
your cluLLcr rom Lhc insidc ouL. Wc guaranLcc you won'L bc disappoinLcdyou
cvcn gcL your moncy back i you don'L likc iL.

WRIGHT
Well, Sallie this has bccn a grcaL convcrsaLion. I always cnjoy Lalking wiLh
you. I always lcarn a loL and you always makc mc wanL Lo go in and clcan up my
oicc, which is Loo dirLy now Lo sLarL. You'll havc Lo comc and hclp mc.

FELTON
I know Lhc ccling, David, I so know Lhc ccling.

WRIGHT
This has bccn a grcaL opporLuniLy or our rcadcrs Lo lcarn somc grcaL
inormaLion and somc spcciic inormaLion LhaL will hclp Lhcm. I rcally
apprcciaLc all Lhis Limc you'vc Lakcn wiLh mc Lhis morning.

FELTON
David, iL has bccn my honor and plcasurc Lo givc back Lo Lhc rcadcrs as
much inormaLion as I can Lo gcL Lhcm sLarLcd. IcL mc cnd by quoLing rom
Brian Tracy:

You will ind iL casicr Lo do a singlc small piccc
o a largc projccL Lhan Lo sLarL on Lhc wholc job."

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh Sallic FclLon. Sallic is an inLcrnaLional radio
Lalk show hosL, a ully ccrLiicd lic coach, a LransiLional spccialisL, and co-
auLhor who uscs hcr clicnLs' individual sLrcngLhs Lo crcaLc a supporL or Lhcir
lic goals.
Sallie, thank you so much or bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to
Success.

Sallie Felton

177

FELTON
David, iL's always my plcasurc Lo Lalk wiLh you, Lhank you oncc again or
having mc.

178

SALLIE FELTON is living proo LhaL pcoplc can go Lhrough a major lic
changc and noL only survivc, buL Lhrivc. ALcr ycars o rusLraLion and
scarching or hcr purposc shc dccidcd Lo lcavc hcr propcr Yankcc upbringing,
LradiLional cducaLion, and compcLiLivc sporLs carccr Lo pursuc hcr Lruc
passions. IL's bccn LwcnLy ycars and shc hasn'L lookcd back. Now shc is hclping
oLhcrs do Lhc samc. Sallic is an inLcrnaLional radio Lalk show hosL, ully
ccrLiicd CMC, PCC Iic Coach, TransiLional SpccialisL, and co-auLhor who uscs
hcr clicnLs' individual sLrcngLhs Lo crcaLc and supporL Lhcir lic goals. Through
one-on-onc and group coaching shc has hclpcd Lhousands, as shc says Lo hcr
clicnLs, lcL's sLarL whcrc you sLand."

SALLIE FELTON
P.O. Box 264
HamilLon, MA 0l036
978-626-0090
sallicsallicclLonliccoach.com
www.sallicclLonliccoach.com

179

C HA P T E R T WE L V E
Succcssully Dcaling wiLh
Multiple CcncraLions
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . John Morrissey
Today wcre Lalking wiLh 3ohn Morrissey, a rccognizcd cxpcrL in Lhc icld o
gcncraLional divcrsiLy. Hc draws upon thirty-ivc ycars o Lcaching, corporaLc
rcscarch, and Lraining cxpcricncc Lo undcrsLand Lhc issucs o Lodays complcx
workplacc. 3ohn was an award-winning high school and collcgc Lcachcr or
LwcnLy-ivc ycars bcorc hc madc Lhc swiLch Lo Lhc corporaLc world in l000.
Sincc Lhcn hc has dcvclopcd a passion or corporaLc lcadcrship and
managcmcnL programs. A mcmbcr o Lhc NaLional Spcakcrs AssociaLion, 3ohn
is a sought-aLcr spcakcr and Lraincr across Lhc counLry. He is also an avid
spcakcr and wish-granLcr or Lhc Makc-a-Wish FoundaLion.
3ohn, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.


180

JOHN MORRISSEY (MORRISSEY)
Thank you vcry much David, iL's good Lo bc hcrc.

WRIGHT
So jusL whaL arc Lhc dicrcnL gcncraLions Loday`

MORRISSEY
For Lhc irsL Limc in hisLory, Lhcrc arc our gcncraLions in Lhc workplacc
instead o jusL Lhc usual Lhrcc. In a nuLshcll, Lhcy arc:

! Traditionalistsborn pre-l046 (agc 64 and oldcr). Thcrc arc 75 million o
Lhcm in Lhc UniLcd SLaLcs, which is abouL 25 pcrccnL o Lhc populaLion.
! Baby Boomersborn 1946l064 (agc 4563). Thcrc arc S0 million, which is
abouL 30 pcrccnL o Lhc populaLion.
! Generation Xborn 1965l0S0 (agc 2044). Thcrc arc 46 million, which is
abouL l5 pcrccnL o Lhc populaLion.
! Millennialsborn posL l0S0 (2S and youngcr). Thcrc arc S0 million, which is
abouL 30 pcrccnL o Lhc populaLion.

Thosc pcoplc born in Lhc irsL or lasL ivc ycars o any gcncraLion arc callcd
Cuspcrs" (born on Lhc Cusp") or Twccncrs" (born in bcLwccn"), and
probably Lakc on aLLribuLcs o boLh gcncraLions.

WRIGHT
So why is Lhis Lopic rccciving so much aLLcnLion now`

MORRISSEY
Wc'rc all looking or ways Lo gcL along, boLh insidc and ouLsidc o Lhc
workplacc. This is rcally anoLhcr way Lo look aL divcrsiLy. Wc'rc noL Lrying Lo
caLcgorizc pcoplc hcrcwc'rc jusL Lrying our bcsL Lo undcrsLand oLhcrs. WhaL
is iL likc Lo bc Irish-Amcrican or Arican-Amcrican` Arc mcn rcally rom Mars
and womcn rcally rom Vcnus` WhaL arc Lhc ramiicaLions o growing up in Lhc
SouLhcrn parL o our counLry or Lhc NorLh or Lhc FasL or Lhc WcsL` Thcsc arc
all potential indicaLors o bchaviors, valucs, inLcrcsLs, cLc. Now, undcrsLanding
Lhc gcncraLional mix can hclp us rclaLc Lo cach oLhcr. A divcrsc group will
John Morrissey
!
181

ouLpcrorm a homogcnous group cvcry Limc. Wc wanL a mixLurc o gcncraLions
in our workplacc Lo bc succcssul. DicrcnL cxpcricnccs and dicrcnL
pcrspccLivcs brccd highcr succcss. ThaL's why Lhis Lopic is criLical Loday.
This Lopic is also rccciving a loL o aLLcnLion Loday bccausc wc havc pcoplc
who arc sLaying aL work pasL agc sixLy-ivc and scvcnLy and scvcnLy-ivc. Wc
also havc youngcr pcoplc coming inLo Lhc workplacc aL LwcnLy-Lwo, LwcnLy-
ivc, LwcnLy-scvcn ycars old and LhaL's crcaLing quiLc a uniquc mix, so LhaL's
anoLhcr rcason why you'll hcar a loL morc aLLcnLion paid Lo Lhis Lopic laLcly.

WRIGHT
Will you sum up a TradiLionalisL" or our rcadcrs`

MORRISSEY
Ycs I'd lovc Lo. Dcmographcrs can'L sccm Lo agrcc on whaL Lo call Lhis group.
You will also hcar Lhcm callcd Scniors, VcLcrans, MaLurcs, Buildcrs, CI
CcncraLion, SilcnL CcncraLion, CrcaL CcncraLion, and morc. 3usL rcalizc LhaL
no maLLcr whaL Lhcy arc callcd, wc'rc Lalking abouL Lhc samc gcncraLion. Thcy
wcrc born prc-l046 so LhaL makcs Lhcm sixLy-our and oldcr in agc and Lhcrc
are about seventy-ivc million o Lhcm. ThaL's abouL 25 pcrccnL o our currcnt
population here in the United States, so they are a very large groupa group
noL Lo bc dismisscd.
As a maLLcr o acL, Lhc TradiLionalisLs havc pcrhaps Lhc mosL discrcLionary
spcnding Loday, morc Lhan any oLhcr group. Thcy'rc spcnding moncy, noL so
much on Lhcmsclvcs, bccausc Lhcy ncvcr did spcnd much moncy on
Lhcmsclvcs, buL Lhcy arc Laking grcaL dclighL in spcnding moncy on Lhcir kids,
and on Lhcir grandkids.
Thcy arc also sLaying in Lhc workplacc longcr, pasL agc sixLy-ivc. Or Lhcy'rc
going out and inding jobs LhaL arc morc saLisying and lcss sLrcssul Lhan Lhcir
carccrs. For cxamplc, insLcad o spcnding cach day ishing, I know o a scvcnLy-
year-old who works parL-Limc in a sporLing goods sLorc in Lhc ishing
dcparLmcnL. I also rcccnLly mcL a sixLy-eight-year-old ormcr posLal workcr
who works as a grccLcr aL a WalL Disncy World rcsLauranL. His grandkids visiL
him Lwicc a ycar rom across Lhc counLry and Lhcy gcL Lo go Lo Disncy World or
rccCrandpa works or Disncy!"

182

TradiLionalisLs in Lhc workplacc havc a Lcndcncy Lo bc cxLrcmcly loyal and
dcdicaLcd. Think Pcarl Harbor," which many o Lhcm rcmcmbcr rom Lhcir
ormaLivc ycars. Thosc Limcs LaughL Lhcm sacriicc, honor, duLy, vision, and
valucs.
So in Lhc workplacc, cvcn Loday, bccausc o LhaL cxpcricncc, Lhcy havc a
Lcndcncy Lo bc vcry loyal Lo Lhc company, jusL likc Lhcy'rc vcry loyal Lo Lhc
counLry, and vcry hard-working pcoplc. Thcy don'L wasLc, Lhcy savc a loL, and
many o Lhc characLcrisLics wc ind Lhcm using in Lhc workplacc Loday can bc
Lraccd back Lo LhaL World War II gcncraLion.
Finally, don'L dismiss Lhis group as bcing ouL Lo pasLurc." Thcy can sLill bc
acLivc in Lhc workplacc or many ycars. For cxamplc, Mikc Wallacc, who
oundcd Lhc 60 Minutes Lclcvision ncws program, jusL wcnL part-Limc" lasL
ycar as a rcporLcr on LhaL show, and hc's nincLy-onc ycars old!

WRIGHT
How abouL Lhc Baby Boomcrs`

MORRISSEY
Thc Baby Boomcrs, somcLimcs callcd Lhc Mc CcncraLion" or Lhc
WoodsLock CcncraLion," wcrc born bcLwccn l046 and l064. ALcr World War
II, Lhcrc was a boom in our baby populaLion, which lasLcd cighLccn ycars. Thcrc
arc cighLy million Boomcrs, which is 30 pcrccnL o our populaLion. For many
ycars, mosL pcoplc assumcd LhaL Lhis would bc Lhc largcsL gcncraLion, as Lhc
largc amilics o Lhc l050s and l060s goL much smallcr in Lhc '70s. BuL Lhcrc
will bc anoLhcr gcncraLion LhaL maLchcs Lhc sizc o Lhc Boomcrs (morc on LhaL
laLcr).
Whcn Lhinking o Baby Boomcrs, Lhink 3FK assassinaLion," and poliLical
unrest, the protests, the individualiLy, Lhc buck Lhc sysLcm" aLLiLudc, changc,
cLc. Bccausc Baby Boomcrs camc o agc in Lhosc ycars, in Lhc workplacc Loday
Lhcy havc a Lcndcncy Lo bc vcry acLivc and vcry scrvicc oricnLcd. Rcmcmbcr
whcn 3ohn F. Kcnncdy irsL bccamc prcsidcnL hc sLarLcd Lhc Pcacc Corp, so Lhis
gcncraLion was a gcncraLion o volunLccring and Lhinking whaL can wc do Lo
makc Lhc plancL bcLLcr," cLc. IL's a vcry drivcn gcncraLion, vcry good aL
rclaLionships aL work (buL noL so good wiLh rclaLionships aL homc, as Lhis
John Morrissey
!
183

generation invcnLcd Lhc Lcrm workaholic" and rcachcd a 50 pcrccnL divorcc
raLc).
Today, Baby Boomcrs arc grcaL Lcam playcrs and lovc Lo orm commiLLccs
and havc mccLings, much Lo Lhc chagrin o Lhc youngcr gcncraLions, who arc
oLcn pronc Lo say, Can somconc plcasc jusL makc a dccision` Why do wc havc
Lo havc so many mccLings`" Baby Boomcrs will sLill bc around Lhc workplacc
or a whilc, as Lhcy arc noL naLurally budgcL-mindcd, and pcrhaps losL Lhc mosL
savings in Lhc rcccnL cconomy wocs.

WRIGHT
How abouL summing up Lhc Ccn X'crs`

MORRISSEY
CcncraLion X, somcLimcs callcd Lhc NcxL CcncraLion," is Lhc smallcsL
gcncraLion in Lhc workplacc Loday. Thcy wcrc born bcLwccn l065 and l0S0
and Lhcy makc up only abouL orLy-six million o Lhc populaLion. During Lhis
Limc, morc pcoplc clccLcd Lo havc cwcr kids, birLh conLrol was on Lhc risc, and
many young pcoplc waiLcd longcr Lo gcL marricd.
To undcrsLand Ccn X'crs bcLLcr, Lhink Challcngcr cxplosion." Whcn Lhcy
camc o agc, parLicularly in Lhc laLc '70s, Lhc sysLcm was brokcn. Wc had a poor
cconomy, Lhcy wcrc Lhc irsL laLchkcy kids" bccausc boLh parcnLs wcrc usually
working, inLcrcsL raLcs wcrc high, gas priccs wcrc high, cLc. A loL o Lhc kids o
Lhis gcncraLion had Lo cnd or Lhcmsclvcs. So Lhis gcncraLion has a Lcndcncy
Lo bc cynical and sarcasLic, ycL aL Lhc samc Limc, a highly indcpcndcnL
gcncraLion.
I ccl Lhc mosL or Lhis gcncraLion bccausc Lhcy grcw up during somc hard
Limcs, buL noL many pcoplc sccm Lo rccognizc Lhis. Thc Limcs wcrcn'L as hard
as the Depression o Lhc l030s, buL Lhis gcncraLion pullcd Lhcmsclvcs up by
Lhcir own booLsLraps and, as wcll as bcing indcpcndcnL, arc now adapLablc,
Lcchno-liLcraLc, uninLimidaLcd by auLhoriLy, and highly crcaLivc.

WRIGHT
Will you sum up Lhc ncw guys, Lhc Millcnnials`


184

MORRISSEY
Ah ycs! Iikc Lhc TradiLionalisLs, nobody sccms Lo agrcc on whaL Lo call Lhis
group. You hcar Lhcm callcd CcncraLion Y, Fcho Boomcrs, NcL CcncraLion,
DigiLal CcncraLion, DoL.com CcncraLion, and Lhc iPod CcncraLion. 3usL lasL
wcck I hcard Lhcm rccrcnccd as Lhc irsL Lruc Clobal CcncraLion. So no maLLcr
whaL Lhcy'rc callcd, wc'rc always Lalking abouL Millcnnials. Thcrc arc abouL
cighLy million o Lhcm, similar in sizc Lo Lhc Baby Boomcrs. Thcy wcrc born
bcLwccn l0S0 and 2000.
To understand this gcncraLion in a nuLshcll, Lhink 0/ll" or Lhc LcrrorisL
aLLacks. Bccausc o LhaL day, Millcnnials rcalizc lic is lccLing, livc or Loday,
hclp oLhcrs, cxpcricncc as much as possiblc now. Thcy havc a Lcndcncy Lo bc
vcry opLimisLic, Lhcy'rc ambiLious, Lhcy'vc goL mulLi-Lasking capabiliLics,
Lhcy'rc vcry Lcchnologically savvy, and Lhcy'rc vcry cnLrcprcncurial.
This gcncraLion is Lhc onc wc know Lhc lcasL abouL and iL's Lhc onc LhaL I
ind LhaL I Lalk abouL Lhc mosL as I makc my prcscnLaLions. IL's Lhc onc that
pcoplc havc Lhc mosL qucsLions abouL. A loL o pcoplc cxpccL Lhis gcncraLion Lo
bc in Lroublc bccausc o school shooLings, sLrong drug, scx, and rock and roll"
inlucnccs, violcnL vidco gamcs, cLc. BuL my rcscarch has shown LhaL Lhis is a
generation o ncw conidcncc, Lhcy'rc upbcaL, Lhcy'rc ull o scl-csLccm, and
Lhcy'rc Lhc mosL cducaLion-mindcd gcncraLion in hisLory. FurLhcr, Lhcy'rc
paving Lhc way Lo a morc opcn and LolcranL socicLy, and Lhcy'rc crcaLing a ncw
wavc o volunLccrism. I mcnLioncd Lhc Baby Boomcrs and Pcacc Corps carlicr
and, as a maLLcr o acL, Lhc Pcacc Corps is cnjoying a rcsurgcncc Loday or Lhc
irsL Limc sincc Lhc l060s, and iL's bccausc o Lhis young gcncraLion.
Whcn you look dcmographically aL Lhcm, Lccn arrcsLs arc down, drug use is
down, drunk-driving accidcnLs arc down, Lccn prcgnancy raLcs arc down, Lccn
aborLion raLcs arc down, and high school dropouL raLcs arc down. So Lhis
Millcnnial CcncraLion may vcry wcll provc Lo bc Lhc bcsL gcncraLion ycL in Lhc
UniLcd SLaLcs. This is good ncws Lo Lhosc o us who arc oldcr bccausc wc wcrc
sLarLing Lo worry abouL Lhis ncw gcncraLion.

WRIGHT
So arc Lhc Millcnnials Lhc samc as Lhc Ccn X'crs`

John Morrissey
!
185

MORRISSEY
You know, LhaL's a misLakc LhaL a loL o us Baby Boomcrs and TradiLionalisLs
makc. I you'rc ovcr iLy, as I am, wc havc a Lcndcncy Lo Lhink o young pcoplc
as young pcoplc. BuL Lhc rcaliLy is LhaL Lhcy arc Lwo vcry disLincL, vcry dicrcnL
gcncraLions. Ccn X'crs havc a wholc scL o cxpcricnccs, cxpccLaLions, and
qualiLics, whcrcas Lhc Millcnnials arc a vcry dicrcnL gcncraLion. Whcn wc
undcrsLand LhaL, wc can look aL Lhcm, rclaLc Lo Lhcm dicrcnLly, and
undcrsLand Lhcm much morc.

WRIGHT
So whaL abouL Lhc gcncraLion born aLcr 2000`

MORRISSEY
ThaL's an inLcrcsLing qucsLion I oLcn gcL rom Ccn X'crs who now havc kids
who arc six, cighL, Lcn ycars old. I call Lhc kids who wcrc born aLcr 2000 Lhc
AughLs," mcaning Lhcy wcrc born in '0l, '02, '03 and so on.
By 20lS, which isn'L LhaL ar away, Lhcy say wc'll havc ivc gcncraLions in
Lhc workplacc, and morc Lhan any oLhcr gcncraLion, Lhis ncw gcncraLion o
AughLs arc going Lo bc vcry comorLablc wiLh divcrsiLy. A loL o Lhc issucs and
problcms wc'vc had in Lhc pasL will bc ancicnL hisLory Lo Lhcm, now LhaL wc
havc a black prcsidcnL and a IaLina Suprcmc CourL 3usLicc.
AnyLhing wc say now abouL LhaL gcncraLion is purc spcculaLion, o coursc.
Howcvcr, iL is gcncrally cxpccLcd LhaL Lhis upcoming gcncraLion can cxpccL
cqual pay bcLwccn gcndcrs as a norm, Lhc Limc-clock-punch mcnLaliLy will bc a
Lhing o Lhc pasL, rcsulLs will rulc, and rccogniLion and rcward will low
naLurally.

WRIGHT
Which gcncraLions do you Lhink gcL along Lhc bcsL`

MORRISSEY
IL sccms LhaL Lhc urLhcr aparL you arc rom a gcncraLion, Lhc morc you gcL
along LogcLhcr. WhaL I mcan by LhaL, or cxamplc, is LhaL Lypically
TradiLionalisLs gcL along bcsL wiLh Millcnnials. I call iL Lhc grandparcnL

186

syndromc." Young kids oLcn gcL along wiLh Lhcir grandparcnLs bcLLcr Lhan
wiLh Lhcir parcnLs.
Whcn a LwcnLy-eight-year-old Millcnnial comcs inLo Lhc workplacc, hc or
shc is noL inLimidaLcd by Lhc sixLy-three- or sixLy-our-year-old or vicc vcrsa.
Thc sixLy-three-year-old will rcadily go Lo Lhc LwcnLy-eight-year-old and say,
Hclp mc wiLh c-Bay or TwiLLcring." Thc Millcnnial will rcadily go Lo Lhc
TradiLionalisL and ask, WhaL's Lhc rcal sLory abouL Lhc workplacc hcrc, and
how did iL gcL LhaL way`"
Now I'll bcL you'rc going Lo ask mc, i LhaL's Lruc, whaL arc Lhc gcncraLions
LhaL don'L gcL along`

WRIGHT
RighL, LhaL was my ncxL qucsLion. FxccpL I had a grandaLhcr wiLh a grcaL
scnsc o humor and ycars ago I askcd him why Lhc grandchildrcn and Lhc
grandparcnLs goL along so wcll. Bccausc wc havc a common cncmy!" hc
rcplicd.

MORRISSEY
ThaL's grcaL! ThaL's Lruc isn'L iL`
You know, I havc a sLory LhaL I lovc Lo Lcll abouL LhaL. Thcrc was grandaLhcr
who was ouL in Lhc backyard. Hc was babysiLLing his Lcn- or Lwclvc-year-old
grandson. IL was during Lhc all and Lhcy rakcd a hugc pilc o lcavcs. Thc boy
and his ricnds goL up on Lop o Lhc garagc and Lhcy jumpcd inLo Lhc pilc o
lcavcs. Crandpa was siLLing in Lhc backyard rcading Lhc papcr (anoLhcr Lhing
young kids no longcr do), and Lhc kids ycllcd, Crandpa, waLch Lhis!" So Lhcy
goL up on Lhc roo o Lhc onc sLory garagc and Crandpa waLchcd Lhcm jump o
inLo Lhc pilc o lcavcs. Thc kids laughcd and Crandpa said, ThaL was a grcaL
jumpdo iL again!"
3usL Lhcn, Mom camc ouL, and ycllcd, WhaL arc you doing on LhaL roo` CcL
down hcrc Lhis insLanL!" So Lhcrc is Lhc common cncmy, as you jusL mcnLioncd.
IL's unny, bccausc Crandpa now winks aL Crandson, and Crandson winks back
aL Crandpa.
Whcn you Lranscr LhaL Lo Lhc workplacc, Lhc samc Lhing is happcning. IL's
almosL likc sibling rivalry whcn wc grcw up. I hcar rom Millcnnials, Thcsc
John Morrissey
!
187

Ccn X'crs arc always looking ovcr our shouldcrs, criLicizing, or Lclling us Lo siL
down, shuL up, and pay our ducs!" Thc Ccn X'crs, on Lhc oLhcr hand, oLcn say,
Thcsc Millcnnials cxpccL somcLhing or noLhing and wanL Lo bc promoLcd
righL away!" Thc samc conlicL oLcn happcns bcLwccn Baby Boomcrs and Ccn
X'crs.
Nowadays, cvcryonc rcally jusL wanLs a scaL aL Lhc Lablc. Do you rcmcmbcr,
as a child, gcLLing Lo siL aL Lhc big Lablc or Thanksgiving and oLhcr holidays`

WRIGHT
NoL vcry oLcn.

MORRISSEY
No, and you know whaL` AlmosL cvcry onc o us was scnL Lo Lhc kids' " table
or Lhc bascmcnL. As a maLLcr o acL, I rcmcmbcr Lhc adulLs bcing scrvcd irsL
and Lhcn Lhc kids bcing scrvcd. MosL pcoplc ovcr LhirLy can rclaLc Lo LhaL sLory.
Wcll, Millcnnials can'L. Thcy havc saL aL Lhc Lablc cvcr sincc Lhcy goL ouL o a
highchair. NoL only havc Lhcy saL aL Lhc Lablc, buL Lhcy'vc madc dccisionsbig
dccisions. Did you cvcr siL down wiLh your parcnLs and havc Lhcm ask, Whcrc
would you likc Lo go on vacaLion Lhis ycar`" No, mosL o us, Baby Boomcrs
parLicularly, wcrc Lold Lhc day bcorc wc'rc going Lo Lhc lakc, Lo jusL bc
rcady"you havc noLhing Lo say abouL iL. Now, wc bring Lhc kids Lo Lhc Lablc,
eight-year-olds, ten-year-olds, and ask, WhaL do you Lhinkshould it be
Disncy World or go Lo Lhc occan`" Thcy havc inpuL on LhaL. I havc cvcn hcard
LhaL in a loL o amilics, kids havc inpuL on whaL Lhc ncxL amily car purchasc
will bc.
Now Lhcrc is somcLhing Lo bc said abouL LhaLmaking dccisions as a amily
can bc vcry hcalLhy. BuL Lhc rcason I Lcll Lhis sLory is LhaL whcn you Lranscr
LhaL Lo Lhc workplacc, and LwcnLy-our-, LwcnLy-six-, LwcnLy-eight-year-olds
arc coming inLo Lhc workplacc wanLing Lo siL aL Lhc Lablc." Wc nccd Lo lcL Lhcm
siL aL Lhc Lablc bccausc Lhcy havc a loL Lo bring. Thcy know a loL morc Lhan wc
do abouL a loL o Lopics, parLicularly in Lhc arca o Lcchnology. I Lhink wc rcally
nccd Lo rcLhink Lhc way wc'rc doing Lhings.

188

So gcLLing back Lo Lhc original qucsLion, Lhc closcr in agc, Lhc morc
argumcnLs and disagrccmcnLs wc ind. Thc urLhcr aparL Lhc agcs, Lhc morc
pcoplc havc a Lcndcncy Lo gcL along in Lhc workplacc.

WRIGHT
So how can wc bcsL communicaLc wiLh cach gcncraLion Lo bc succcssul`

MORRISSEY:
In a nutshcll, hcrc arc a cw suggcsLions:

Traditionalists:
! Focus on Lhcir knowlcdgc, cxpcrLisc, and cxpcricncc.
! Fmphasizc your company's mission, vision, and valucs.
! Thcy prccr ormaliLy, in boLh vcrbal and wriLLcn communicaLion.
! Your word is your bond, so ocus on words raLhcr Lhan body languagc or
incrcnccs.
! You may somcLimcs havc Lo draw honcsL convcrsaLion ouL o Lhcm, as Lhcy
don'L likc Lo complain and arc rclucLanL Lo disagrcc.

Baby Boomers:
! Focus on pcrks and public rccogniLion.
! Rcward Lhcir work cLhic and long hours (aL Lhc samc Limc, cncouragc work/lic
balancc).
! Civc Lhcm a chancc Lo provc Lhcmsclvcs and Lhcir worLh.
! Spcak in an opcn, dirccL sLylc buL avoid conLrolling" languagc.
! Answcr Lhcir qucsLions Lhoroughly and cxpccL Lo bc prcsscd or dcLails.

Gen Xers:
! Use e-mail as a primary communicaLion Lool.
! Talk in shorL sound byLcs Lo kccp Lhcir aLLcnLion.
! Talk abouL Lcchnology and how Lhcy can usc iL Lo Lhcir procssional advanLagc.
! Ask Lhcm or ccdback and providc Lhcm wiLh rcgular ccdback.
! Usc an inormal, convcrsaLional Lonc in your communicaLions.

John Morrissey
!
189

Millennials:
! Usc acLion words and challcngc Lhcm aL cvcry opporLuniLy (Lhcy gcL borcd
casily).
! Thcy will rcscnL iL i you Lalk down Lo Lhcm.
! Usc humor and crcaLc a un lcarning cnvironmcnL. Don'L Lakc yourscl Loo
scriously.
! Focus on Lhcir uLurc and Lic iL Lo your Lraining.
! Usc Lhcir LalcnLs righL away insLcad o making Lhcm pay Lhcir ducs" (c.g.,
cngagc Lhcm in rcvcrsc mcnLoring, lcL Lhcm mcnLor a TradiLionalisL or Boomcr
in a skill scL Lhcy'rc sLrong in).

WRIGHT
So havc Lhcrc bccn any ncw Lcrms comc ouL o Lhc gcncraLion discussion`

MORRISSEY
Oh, Lhcrc arc a slcw o ncw Lcrms! Somc o Lhcm arc gcLLing Lo bc common
in vcrnacular and oLhcrs arc sLill prcLLy ncw. Hcrc arc jusL a cw cxamplcs:

! Helicopter Parents
ParcnLs who conLinuc Lo hovcr" ovcr Lhc livcs o Lhcir kids who arc now in
Lhcir LwcnLics. IL sLarLcd in school, now, parcnLs arc calling managcrs asking,
Why was my child passcd ovcr or LhaL promoLion`"

! Sandwich Generation
Many Baby Boomcrs arc caring or Lhcir kids who havc graduaLcd rom school
and havc movcd back homc. Thcy arc also caring or Lhcir cldcrly parcnLs. Thc
Boomcrs arc Lhc irsL gcncraLion who will carc or Lhcir parcnLs longcr Lhan
Lhcir parcnLs carcd or Lhcm.

! Boomerang Kids
Kids moving back homc aLcr living on Lhcir own or a cw ycars. ScvcnLy-ivc
pcrccnL o Lhc Baby Boomcr parcnLs arc happy abouL LhaL.

! Digital Immigrants
Iooscly, anyonc oldcr Lhan LhirLy-ivc ycars old.


190

! Digital Natives
Anyone under thirty-ivc ycars old.

! Old Boomer mantra
Don'L LrusL anyonc ovcr LhirLy."

! New Boomer mantra
Don'L LrusL anyonc undcr LhirLy."

! MySpace/Facebook/Twitter/YouTube/etc.
Isn'L iL inLcrcsLing LhaL Faccbook sLarLcd ouL or jusL Millcnnial collcgc
sLudcnLs, buL now is bcing Lakcn ovcr by Baby Boomcrs. Iook or Lhc
Millcnnials Lo sLarL somcLhing ncw. 3ohn McIaughlin, pcrhaps Lhc oldcsL
TradiLionalisL ncwscasLcr ouL Lhcrc wiLh his own Sunday morning naLional
poliLical show, Lakcs grcaL dclighL in announcing aL Lhc cnd o his show, And
you can TwiLLcr mc aL . . ."

WRIGHT
So whaL do you say Lo Lhosc who would say agc is jusL a numbcr and noL a
disLinguishing LraiL`

MORRISSEY
ThaL's a vcry good qucsLion bccausc Lhcrc has bccn somc rcccnL liLcrature
on LhaL. O coursc you can'L lump pcoplc LogcLhcr and agc is jusL an aLLiLudc,
wc'vc hcard LhaL or a long Limc. You can'L say all blacks Lhis" or all whiLcs
LhaL" or all womcn" or all mcn" ThaL's jusL plain silly. Thcrc arc now ovcr
300 million pcoplc in Lhc UniLcd SLaLcs, and rcally, how can you lump any o us
LogcLhcr` Thcrc arc 300 million plus bcauLiul, wondcrul souls and spiriLs in
Lhis counLry who inhabiL Lhc bodics LhaL wc inhabiL. So ycs, cach and cvcry onc
o us is crcaLivc and dicrcnL and uniquc. BuL Lhcrc is somcLhing in Lhc human
mind LhaL wanLs Lo undcrsLand oLhcrs bcLLcr. So wc do puL pcoplc in groups or
good or bad. For cxamplc, malc vcrsus cmalclcL's acc iL, Lhcrc arc somc
dicrcnccs, wc'rc Lhc samc, ycL wc arc dicrcnL.
IL's Lhc samc wiLh color and background and cLhniciLy. You can look aL
dcmographics and agc bccausc pcoplc arc oLcn vcry proud Lo say, I'm noL jusL
John Morrissey
!
191

an Amcrican, I'm an Arican Amcrican, I'm an Irish Amcrican, I'm an ILalian
Amcrican. You undcrsLand Lhc pcrson morc whcn you undcrsLand cLhniciLy
and background. Wc should rcvcl in divcrsiLy, noL ignorc iL. DivcrsiLy is
wondcrul. A divcrsc group aL work will ouLpcrorm a homogcnous group cvcry
Limc!
So agc is anoLhcr way o gcLLing our arms around undcrsLanding cach oLhcr.

WRIGHT
Finally, whaL uniquc qualiicaLions do you havc Lo spcak and wriLc on Lhis
Lopic`

MORRISSEY
Wcll, as you alrcady know, I LaughL high school and collcgc or LwcnLy-ivc
ycars, and liLLlc did I know iL Lhcn, buL now, whcn I look back, I can scc LhaL
during Lhc 'S0s Lhc sLudcnLs who camc inLo my classroom wcrc CcncraLion X
sLudcnLs. In Lhc '00s, Lhc sLudcnLs I LaughL wcrc Lypically Millcnnials. Whcn I
look back now I can scc Lwo vcry dicrcnL, disLincL groups and characLcrisLics
LhaL wc now Lalk abouL in Lhcsc gcncraLions. So I acLually cxpcricnccd Lhcm
and saw Lhcm grow up, as wcll as bcing a Baby Boomcr myscl and having
TradiLionalisL parcnLs. I ccl LhaL I havc a closc rclaLionship wiLh and
knowlcdgc o all o Lhc gcncraLions.
Sincc Lcaching in Lhc 'S0's and '00's, I havc workcd wiLh a loL o ForLunc 500
companics and I'vc bccn ablc Lo scc Lhcsc groups and Lalk wiLh Lhcsc groups
and do my own rcscarch and survcys as I Lravcl Lhc counLry. I'vc bccn ablc Lo
gaLhcr inormaLion and havc discussions bcorc and aLcr my prcscnLaLions
LhaL rcally solidiy a loL o Lhc inormaLion and maLcrial I Lalk abouL. I bclicvc
Lhis makcs mc uniquc.

WRIGHT
Wcll, whaL an inLcrcsLing convcrsaLion. I can always lcarn rom Lhcsc
dicrcnL gcncraLions and you surc know how Lo puL iL in words LhaL I
undcrsLand. I couldn'L hclp Lhinking LhaL I'vc goL a daughLcr who is orLy-eight
and a son who is orLy-six and Lhcn I havc a LwcnLy-year-old. I had hcr whcn I
was iLy. I uscd Lo announcc maybc Lwo or Lhrcc days bcorc vacaLion LhaL wc

192

wcrc going Lo DayLona Bcach, Florida, buL I madc Lhc misLakc o asking Lhc
LwcnLy-year-old lasL monLh whcrc shc wanLcd Lo go and shc said ILaly. I should
havc had Lhis convcrsaLion wiLh you scvcral monLhs ago.

MORRISSEY
I could havc cucd you up on LhaL onc. Thcy'rc ncvcr going Lo say whcrc you
Lhink, or whcrc you wanL Lo go. ThaL's unny.
Thcrc is onc oLhcr Lhing LhaL I wanLcd Lo mcnLion, David. A loL o Lhc
inormaLion I prcscnL wiLhin Lhc agc groups show LhaL wc arc dicrcnL, ycL in
many ways, wc arc all Lhc samc, cspccially in Lhc workplacc. Wc all jusL wanL a
liLLlc rcspccL, no maLLcr whaL gcncraLion wc rcprcscnL. Wc all wanL pcoplc Lo
lisLcn Lo us, wc wanL Lo siL aL Lhc Lablc"Lo hclp makc dccisionsand wc jusL
wanL pcoplc Lo bc air and noL Lo paLronizc us. So in LhaL scnsc, Lhcrc is no
dicrcncc bcLwccn or among Lhc gcncraLions.

WRIGHT
3ohn, I rcally apprcciaLc all Lhis Limc you'vc spcnL wiLh mc Loday Lo answcr
Lhcsc qucsLions. I havc cnjoycd iL immcnscly, cvcn Lhough LhaL's noL why wc'rc
having Lhis convcrsaLion. I'm surc our rcadcrs arc going Lo gcL a loL o
inormaLion rom Lhis chapLcr in our book, and I'm glad you'rc a parL o Lhis
projccL.

MORRISSEY
Thank you vcry much David, I'vc rcally cnjoycd iL. Thanks or Lhc
opporLuniLy!

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh 3ohn Morrisscy, an cxpcrL in Lhc icld o
generational divcrsiLy. Hc has a passion, as wc havc jusL ound, or corporaLc
lcadcrship and managcmcnL programs. Hc is a soughL-aLcr spcakcr and Lraincr
across Lhc UniLcd SLaLcs.
3ohn, Lhank you so much or bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to
Success.

John Morrissey
!
193

MORRISSEY
IL's bccn a plcasurc, David.
194

JOHN MORRISSEY is a rccognizcd cxpcrL in Lhc icld o gcncraLional
divcrsiLy. Hc draws upon LhirLy-ivc ycars o Lcaching, corporaLc rcscarch, and
Lraining, cxpcricncc Lo undcrsLand Lhc issucs o Loday's complcx workplacc.
3ohn was an award-winning high school and collcgc Lcachcr or LwcnLy ycars
bcorc hc madc Lhc swiLch Lo Lhc corporaLc world in l000. Sincc Lhcn hc has
dcvclopcd a passion or corporaLc lcadcrship and managcmcnL programs.
As a mcmbcr o Lhc NaLional Spcakcrs AssociaLion, 3ohn is a soughL-aLcr
spcakcr and Lraincr across Lhc counLry. Hc is also an avid spcakcr and wish-
granLcr or Lhc Makc-a-Wish FoundaLion.

JOHN MORRISSEY
17171 Shirley Street
Omaha, NF 6Sl30
Oicc: 402-502-3994, Cell: 402-980-9798
jmorrisscy2cox.ncL
johnmorrisscyinLcrnaLional.com

195

C HA P T E R T HI R T E E N
Iic Balancc:
Small SLcps will gcL You Thcrc
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Indrani Goradia
Today wc arc Lalking wiLh Indrani Coradia, auLhor o The Indrani Principle:
Inhale Life, Exhale Joy. Indrani is a MasLcr Iic Coach wiLh Dr. MarLha Bcck
IncorporaLcd, a ccrLiicd yoga LhcrapisL and a rcgisLcrcd yoga Lcachcr. Shc is a
maraLhoncr and aL Lhc agc o iLy shc lcarncd Lo swim and compcLcd in an
Olympic disLancc LriaLhlon. Shc holds a BA in CommunicaLions rom Quccn's
Collcgc in Ncw York CiLy and has complcLcd graduaLc work in organizaLional
dcvclopmcnL and inLcrpcrsonal communicaLions rom KcnL SLaLc UnivcrsiLy.
Indrani, Lhank you so much or bcing wiLh us Loday.

INDRANI GORADIA (INDRANI)
Thank you or having mc.


196

WRIGHT
I wanL Lo gcL righL inLo Lalking abouL your book, buL jusL wanLcd Lo irsL
ocus on somcLhing I said in your inLroducLion, which was LhaL you compcLcd
in an Olympic disLancc LriaLhlon aL agc iLy. I would immcdiaLcly Lhink such a
caL would, o coursc, bc a succcss, buL would also Lakc you ouL o balancc. How
was LhaL or you`

INDRANI
AcLually, Lhc LriaLhlon was whaL broughL my lic inLo ocus, inLo balancc.
And LhaL is whaL my lic sLands orwhy I do whaL I do and whaL I can hclp
oLhcrs Lo achicvc.
Pcoplc look aL Lhcir limiLaLions in lic insLcad o Lhcir opporLuniLics. Thcy
scc clcarly Lhc cxcuscs why I can'L" insLcad o Lhc rcasons why I musL."
Fxcuscs againsL" Lakc you ouL o balancc whilc rcasons or" validaLc your
cxisLcncc. WiLh good rcason, wc ind our balancc in lic and wiLh LhaL balancc
wc ind our inncr succcss.

WRIGHT
You share personal stories in The Indrani Principle. Did you know you wcrc
going Lo wriLc Lhis book onc day and would usc all Lhcsc illusLraLions as a
ormula or succcss`

INDRANI
IL is a ormulasLcppingsLoncs I would saybuL I don'L cvcn know i I likc
Lhc word succcss." Ycs, wc wanL Lo bc succcssul, buL whaL you mcan by Lhc
dciniLion o succcssul" and whaL I mcan mighL bc Lwo dicrcnL Lhings. For
many womcn, succcssul is bcing ablc Lo invcsL in Lhcmsclvcs wiLh quicL Limc,
crcaLing a hobby, or sLarLing a busincss. IL isn'L always abouL dollars and ccnLs
whcn iL comcs Lo living your drcam.
When I camc Lo Amcrica rom Trinidad pursuing collcgc, I workcd in a major
jcwclry sLorc locaLcd in Ncw York CiLy as a corporaLc salcs pcrson. I noLiccd aL
cvcry lunch hour my coworkcrs wcrc Lalking abouL Lhc ncxL bcsL rcsLauranL
LhaL Lhcy wcrc going Lo and how good iL was. I was always lcL ouL o Lhc
convcrsaLion bccausc I did noL havc Lwo dimcs Lo rub LogcLhcr.
Indrani Goradia
!
197

I rcally wanLcd Lo bc a parL o LhaL world, LhaL lic. I wanLcd Lo bclong. So I
camc upon a plan. I wcnL Lo onc o Lhc niccr rcsLauranLs in Lhc ciLy and I lookcd
aL Lhcir dcsscrL mcnu and igurcd LhaL or $l0 I could ordcr dcsscrL and cocc,
including Lax and Lip. I did LhaL or many monLhs and discovcrcd, Voila! I was
parL o Lhc convcrsaLion.
Would somconc say LhaL I was succcssul"` I would say LhaL I did achicvc a
lcvcl o saLisacLion or myscl by doing somcLhing LhaL madc mc inclusivc Lo
Lhc group whilc also invcsLing in myscl. So ycs, Lo mc LhaL was a succcss. BuL
my rcal succcss was inding balancc in my rclaLionship wiLh my coworkcrs and
balancc wiLhin myscl Lo know I was worLh invcsLing in. From LhaL inncr-
balancc camc Lhc ccling o achicvcmcnL and succcss.
Succcss is an insidc job noL an ouLward collccLion o acquisiLions LhaL can
kccp you Lossing and Lurning in Lhc middlc o Lhc nighL. NoL LhaL you can'L
havc nicc Lhings, buL Lhc poinL o succcss is Lo livc in balancc and Lo livc in
rccdom, and bc in harmony wiLh your sLu."
I didn'L know Lhcn LhaL I would usc my lic cxpcricncc as cxamplcs in my
book, buL in sharing my sLorics I can rcadily scc boLh mcn and womcn who
havc similar cxpcricnccs and similar dcsircs. Morcovcr, Lhcy can clcarly scc Lhc
way Lo makc Lhc small sLcps Lurn inLo hugc lcaps in Lhcir lic by using my
anccdoLcs as wcll as Lhcir own.

WRIGHT
I'm gcLLing inspircd jusL lisLcning Lo LhaL, maybc bccausc you makc iL sound
so simplc.

INDRANI
Wcll, iL is simplc . . . noL Lo bc conuscd wiLh casy, buL iL is simplc
conccpLually. Wc conusc our rolc in lic. Wc Lcnd Lo lcL lic dicLaLc Lo us whaL
wc can drcam and whaL wc can do. InsLcad, wc nccd Lo puL lic on rcd alcrL Lo
whaL our drcam is and whaL wc arc doing abouL LhaL drcam. As 3ohn Icnnon
said, You may say I'm a drcamcr, buL I'm noL Lhc only onc." ThaL is so Lruc.
Fvcryonc has a drcam, cvcryonc is a drcamcr, my job is Lo makc you a docr o
Lhc drcamLo achicvc succcss, as you dcinc iL, and Lo sLay in balancc wiLh LhaL
drcam. A drcam wiLhouL a Limc linc will always bc anLasy.

198

WRIGHT
Tcll mc abouL Lhc principlcs LhaL hclp onc achicvc Iic Balancc.

INDRANI
Pcoplc do noL achicvc Lhcir drcams and dcsircs in lic bccausc Lhcy don'L
Lhink iL is a good idca. Thcy don'L achicvc Lhcir drcams bccausc Lhcy don'L
know how. Simplc. So I dcviscd cighL principlcs or succcss Lhat instill the inner
conidcncc ncccssary or you Lo Lakc hold o whaL you drcam and whaL you
wanL, and Lo manicsL LhaL ycarning inLo rcaliLy whilc simulLancously kccping
you balanccd in mind, body, and spiriL.
In my book The Indrani Principle, I sysLcmaLically dcvclop a bridgc bcLwccn
you and Lhc lic o your drcams wiLh:

Thc Focus Principlcto see the destination
Thc InLuiLivc PrinciplcLo own whaL you know
Thc Planning PrinciplcLo crcaLc a roadmap
Thc InLcnLion PrinciplcLo know why you wanL whaL you wanL
Thc CrcaLion PrinciplcLo manicsL Lhc lic o your drcams
Thc FnvironmcnL PrinciplcLo gcL rid o Loxic burdcns LhaL acL likc krypLoniLc
Lo your drcams, likc pcoplc, placcs, and cluLLcr, and Lhcn inally,
Thc You PrinciplcLhc audaciLy o crcaLion
Thc ulLimaLc principlcLo rcjoicc in all LhaL you arc.

All o Lhcsc LogcLhcr acLually crcaLc Iic Balancc. Fvcry day wc arc moving
Loward somcLhing, whcLhcr iL is closing Lhc big dcal or brushing our LccLh. My
sLraLcgics and my principlcs hclp you Lo achicvc whaL you wanL in lic buL
wiLhin balancc and rcason. WiLh my principlcs iL is impossiblc Lo gcL sidcways
and go ouL o balancc cvcn whilc chasing big drcams.

WRIGHT
Okay, so lcL's say somconc has achicvcd his or hcr own lic balancc buL
others nearby havc noL. In acL, Lhcy arc downrighL ncgaLivc pcoplc. WhaL docs
Lhc pcrson do Lhcn`

Indrani Goradia
!
199

INDRANI
I call Lhcsc pcoplc Toxic Burdcns" and Lhcsc pcoplc wanL you Lo sLay righL
whcrc you arc. Thcy wanL you sLuck or sick or cvcn ailing. Thcy don'L wanL you
to Lhrivc bccausc Lhcn iL puLs prcssurc on Lhcm Lo do morc wiLh Lhcir lic. So
Lhc casicsL Lhing Lo do is Lo conLinually pull your chain, likc a dog on a lcash, Lo
bring you back Lo Lhc rcaliLy o who and whaL you uscd Lo bc. BuL changing back
is good or no onc.
A Loxic pcrson Lo a hopcul achicvcr is likc krypLoniLc Lo Supcrman.
Again, iL's inding Lhc balancc in your supporL circlc LhaL hclps Lo inlucncc
your succcss in lic. Show mc somconc who has vcry cw supporLcrs o Lhcir
wcll-bcing and I will show you somconc who will livc in mcdiocriLy or dcspair
and Lo mc, mcdiocriLy and dcspair arc onc in Lhc samc.

WRIGHT
So I kccp going back Lo Lhc LriaLhlon. ThaL was an ouLward mcasurc o
succcss. How did balancc cvcn acLor inLo somcLhing as aLhlcLic as LhaL`

INDRANI
To gcar up Lo Lhc daunLing undcrLaking o Lhc LriaLhlon, I sLarLcd doing yoga
Lhrcc Limcs a wcck and along wiLh Lhc yoga camc mcdiLaLion, which hclpcd mc
Lo bc sLill and silcnL. Yoga and mcdiLaLion LogcLhcr hclpcd mc Lo ocus on my
ncxL bcsL sLcp.
This is Lhc qucsLion I askcd myscl cvcry day as I saL in mcdiLaLion: WhaL
do I nccd Lo do Loday`" Thc way LhaL I know Lhc answcr comcs rom dccp
inLuiLion and inncr wisdom, which has no scnsc o urgcncy or impcnding
doom. I ccl rcc and lighL in spiriL. A grcaL spiriLual lcadcr said LhaL You
always know Lhc occan, bccausc iL always LasLcs o salL, and you always know
cnlighLcnmcnL, bccausc iL always LasLcs o rccdom." MosL pcoplc arc running
abouL doing all sorLs o Lhings LhaL Lhcy ccl havc Lo bc donc" buL Lhcy rcalizc
in Lhc cnd LhaL noL much o iL was Lruly ncccssary.
Now LhaL I mcdiLaLc, I hcar Lhc voicc o rcason and know Lhcrc is Limc
cnough or cvcryLhing.


200

WRIGHT
Do pcoplc nccd Lo do yoga or mcdiaLc Lo hcar LhaL voicc o rcason`

INDRANI
BoLh arc hclpul bccausc Lhc voicc o rcason is whaL Lhcy arc hcaring
anyway. IL is LhaL voicc LhaL is urging Lhcm on Lo do somcLhing ncw, Lo do
somcLhing advcnLurous, Lo Lakc Limc or Lhcmsclvcs, Lo crcaLc anoLhcr laycr Lo
Lhcir lic LhaL is complcLcly individualisLic. ThaL is Lhc voicc o rcason. Yoga and
mcdiLaLion spur on Lhc willingncss Lo go insidc and Lhcn Lhc abiliLy Lo
rccognizc Lhc inncr voicc o rcason.

WRIGHT
Do you Lhink now is a good Limc or a book likc Lhis` Don'L pcoplc Loday ccl
skcpLical and hopclcss abouL living Lhcir drcams pcr sc` Don'L pcoplc jusL nccd
Lo sLick Lo Lhc sLaLus quo` I don'L Lhink a loL o pcoplc ccl likc succcss" is in
Lhcir conLrol anymorc.

INDRANI
A wisc pcrson oncc said LhaL Lhc pasL is all abouL rcgrcL, Lhc uLurc is all
abouL illusion, buL Lhc prcscnL is righL now. Iosing hopc has Lo do wiLh making
Lhings happcn in Lhc uLurc, which is impossiblc. In LhaL rcgard, iL is hopclcss.
Hopc is all abouL opcraLing in Lhc prcscnL momcnL and noL projccLing
oursclvcs inLo Lhc uLurc. Whcn wc can bc sLill and ask Lo know Lhc ncxL bcsL
and righL Lhing, Lhcn wc immcdiaLcly ccl hopcul, bccausc Lhc answcr has Lo
do wiLh whcrc wc arc aL Lhc prcscnL momcnLin thc hcrc and now. And iL is
abouL making Lhosc small sLcps LhaL cquaLc laLcr Lo Lhc hugc lcap o lic. Whcn
I irsL sLarLcd Lraining or Lhc LriaLhlon, I had no idca LhaL I would accomplish
so many oLhcr Lhings in Lhc cnsuing ycars, buL sLaying prcscnL makcs all things
possiblc.
Maybc pcoplc arc skcpLical righL now, so docs LhaL mcan don'L drcam and
don'L ind a bcLLcr way` Thc way I scc iL, now is Lhc pcrccL Limc Lo bcgin. Now
is Lhc bcsL Limc Lo rcally lisLcn Lo LhaL inncr voicc o rcason LhaL propcls you
orward and compcls your uLurc. Now is Lhc bcsL Limc Lo Lhink dicrcnLly so
LhaL you can do dicrcnLly in your lic.
Indrani Goradia
!
201

To Lhink LhaL succcss" isn'L in somconc's conLrol anymorc is a vcry sad
LhoughL indccd. Again, iL gocs back Lo Lhc dciniLion o succcss and iL gocs back
Lo Lhc balancc iL is crcaLcd rom and lcnds iLscl Lo.
I don'L scc much balancc in Lhc world righL now. Fvcryonc sccms Lo bc in
rcacLionary modc. BuL i wc gcL quicL and gcL sLill and lisLcn Lo Lhc voicc o
reason inside us, then the dirccLion wc arc lcd Lo will bc our own uniquc
dirccLioniL is or us. So in LhaL rcgard, wc arc aL lasL in balancc and bcLLcr
ablc Lo pursuc our road or succcss.
Frankly, now is Lhc only Limc any o us havc. And Lhings mighL noL bc going
cnLircly as wc planncd. And sLaLus quo" righL now is LhaL Lhcrc is no sLaLus
quo. Many pcoplc havc workcd iLccn ycars aL Lhcir job and arc now bcing laid
o. FvcryLhing is upsidc down.
So is now Lhc LimcabsoluLcly! NOW is an acronym. IL sLands or No OLhcr
Way!

WRIGHT
So balancc is ccnLcring holisLically Lhc mind, body, and spiriL.

INDRANI
AbsoluLcly, iL is ccnLcring Lhc mind, ccnLcring your body, and ccnLcring your
hcarL and soul.
Our mind cannoL bc ccnLcrcd on onc Lhing whilc our spiriL is ccnLcrcd on
anoLhcr. Wc Lhcn wondcr why wc havc noL achicvcd our drcams.
For cxamplc, wc ccnLcr our mind or succcss dcincd as moncy in Lhc bank,
a inc car, and a largcr homc. NoLhing is wrong wiLh LhaL. BuL i our spiriL is
ccnLcrcd on simpliciLy, alLruism, and volunLccring Lhcn iL is highly likcly LhaL
onc will ncvcr ind balancc and will ncvcr aLLain LhaL lcvcl o succcss. IL isn'L
that one or the other is good or badiL is LhaL Lhcy arc conlicLing. I Lalk abouL
conlicLcd goals in my book and how, Lhrough mcdiaLion, yoga, and inner
rclccLion, onc can ccnLcr on Lhc wholc pcrson so LhaL Lhc ouLcomc Lhc pcrson
is wishing Lo aLLain is congrucnL on cvcry lcvcl.


202

WRIGHT
WhaL is Lhc numbcr onc principlc pcoplc nccd Lo rcsolvc in ordcr Lo achicvc
succcss in lic`

INDRANI
To knowto bclicvc wiLh all Lhcir hcarL and soulLhaL Lhcy wcrc crcaLcd
or grcaLncss. Fvcryonc was crcaLcd or grcaLncss, Lhough cw cxcrcisc LhaL
righL. Wc look aL oLhcr pcoplc and Lhink, Wcll, o coursc Lhcy havc grcaL
succcss [or a grcaL lic, or grcaL kids, or a grcaL husband, cLc.]. IL's bccausc Lhcy
arc prcLLy [cducaLcd, charismaLicinscrL whaLcvcr you wanL]." Pcoplc scc Lhc
caLurc in cvcryonc clsc and only scc Lhc law in Lhcmsclvcs. Tragic! BuL i you
scc somcLhing spccLacular in oLhcrs, LhaL qualiLy is wiLhin you!

WRIGHT
Arc somc pcoplc gcncLically prcdcLcrmincd or succcss ovcr oLhcrs`

INDRANI
How many childrcn o succcssul pcoplc havc you rcad abouL who arc sLrung
ouL on drugs or alcohol` How many pcoplc havc you rcad abouL who comc rom
brokcn homcs and dcrclicL cnvironmcnLs only Lo bccomc raving succcsscs`
Again, iL is whaL you bclicvc abouL yourscl LhaL is Lruc. IL's bcing ccnLcrcd in
LhaL posiLivc bclic o who and whaL you arc and Lhcn inding LhaL balancc
wiLhin.

WRIGHT
IasLly, you addrcss scl-orgivcncss. How docs LhaL igurc inLo succcss`

INDRANI
FvcryLhing. Scl-orgivcncss mcans Lo orgivc yourscl o your pasL. Pcoplc
somcLimcs Lhink Lhcy can'L go orward wiLh Lhcir drcams bccausc in Lhcir pasL
Lhcy wcrc mcan-spirited or drug abusers or pracLicing alcoholics or whaLcvcr iL
is Lhcy arc ashamcd o. Pcoplc Lhink Lhcy can'L achicvc grcaLncss bccausc o
Lhcir laws. Wcll, wc arc all lawcd! BuL wc cannoL lcL our laws casL a shadow
ovcr our uLurcs! So whaLcvcr iL is in your pasL LhaL mighL bc holding you back,
Indrani Goradia
!
203

orgivc yourscl and movc on. Don'L lcL LhaL pasL misLakc(s) LcLhcr you. WhaL
do you havc Lo losc by orgiving yoursclnoLhing. WhaL do you havc Lo gain
by orgiving yoursclcvcryLhing. And or Lhosc pcoplc who wanL Lo sLand
around and rcmind you o your pasL Lransgrcssions, ha! ImmcdiaLcly rcmovc
Lhcm rom your lic!

WRIGHT
Indrani iL has bccn a dclighL.

INDRANI
For mc Loo!

WRIGHT
Today wc havc bccn Lalking wiLh Indrani Coradia. Indrani is a masLcr lic
coach and Lhc auLhor o The Indrani Principle: Inhale Life, Exhale Joy. Thank you
so much or sharing your idcas.

INDRANI
Thank you.
204

INDRANI NATHU GORADIA is a MasLcr Iic Coach, spcakcr, yoga
Lcachcr and yoga LhcrapisL. Indrani works wiLh womcn who wanL Lo sLcp ouL o
Lhc shadows and inLo Lhc lighL o Lhcir drcams. Indrani Lcachcs hcr clicnLs LhaL
by honoring Lhcmsclvcs Lhcy bccomc a bcacon o hopc and possibiliLy or Lhcir
amilics. Indrani is crcaLing a rcLrcaL in Lhc Himalayan MounLains (Thc ShakLi
CcnLcr or UndcrsLanding and CrowLh) and inviLcs you Lo ollow iLs birLh. VisiL
www.indraniliccoach.com or morc dcLails and Lo apply or a rcc 30 minuLc
consulL Lo dcLcrminc your ncxL bcsL sLcp on Lhis incrcdiblc lic journcy. VisiL
Indrani's Wcb siLc (lisLcd bclow) Lo sign up or Lhc powcrul Lclcscrics: Iivc a
BrighLcr Iic, a LransormaLional journcy or womcn in culLural shadows. Thc
class includcs Indrani's book, rccordcd mcdiLaLions, onlinc coaching, and wholc
loL morc.

INDRANI NATHU GORDIA
0505 Six Pincs Drivc, SuiLc S2l0
The Woodlands
(2Sl) 300-6563
indraniindraniliccoach.com
www.IndranisIighL.com

205

C HA P T E R F OU R T E E N
FnlighLcncd Iiving
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Rick Miller
Wc arc spcaking Loday wiLh Rick Millcr, oundcr o Choiccs and Succcss IIC,
about his steppingstones Lo succcss. Rick has crcaLcd a licLimc o succcss by
making choiccs bascd on principlcs. As a scl-dcscribcd sLudcnL/Lcachcr, Rick
draws rom a widc rangc o work-lic cxpcricncc. Hc scrvcd as prcsidcnL o a
mulLi-billion dollar world-widc busincss and as prcsidcnL o a sLarL-up
company. Rick has also succcssully managcd a ulilling pcrsonal lic dcspiLc
challcngcs wiLh Lypc l diabcLcs, canccr, and hcarL discasc. Thcsc cxpcricnccs,
all supporLcd wiLh Lhc lovc o oLhcrs, lcd Lo Lhc crcaLion o a simplc and
powcrul guidc or scl-cxploraLion, Five Points of Light: Enlightened Living.
Rick, why did you wriLc Lhis book`


206

RICK MILLER (MILLER)
David, there arc so many grcaL books on Lhis subjccL and virLually volumcs
o maLcrial availablc Lo hclp pcoplc makc choiccs LhaL will lcad Lo succcss. YcL
many pcoplc sLill ind iL challcnging Lo undcrsLand iL all and how Lo inLcgraLc iL
all into their lives. Thcy also sLrugglc Lo undcrsLand Lhc basis or Lhc
rccommcndaLions and how Lo gcL sLarLcd.
Five Points of Light: Enlightened Living is a simplc pockcL guidc LhaL ocrs
sLraighLorward idcas Lo hclp you undcrsLand and choosc what Lo balancc or
you to be healthy, where Lo spcnd Limc Lo balancc your lic, who you are, how to
crcaLc your bcsL, uniquc lic, and why it all works or you. My goal wiLh Lhc
book was Lo hclp pcoplc wiLh a simplc, ycL powcrul Lool LhaL would hclp Lhcm
connccL all Lhc doLs."

WRIGHT
Is Lhcrc a singlc dciniLion o succcss`

MILLER
I donL Lhink so. Fvcryonc wanLs Lo bc succcssul, buL cach o us dcincs
succcss dicrcnLly. For somc, succcss cquaLcs Lo wcalLh. Others dcinc succcss
as amc and noLoricLy. For somc, rclaLionships dcLcrminc succcss, whilc oLhcrs
ind succcss in Lhcmsclvcs. In acL, wc all havc our own dciniLions o succcss
bccausc wc arc uniquc bcings. As disLincLivc individuals, wc havc dicrcnL
vicws and dicrcnL paLhs Lo livc our bcsL, uniquc livcs.
MosL would agrcc, howcvcr, LhaL succcss in somc way involvcs living Lhc lic
wc choose Lo livc. A kcy parL o succcss is choicc. I dcvclopcd Lhc FnlighLcncd
Iiving conccpL and Lhc choiccs ramcwork Lo hclp individuals rcalizc Lhcir
disLincLivc succcss Lhrough Lhcir uniquc choiccs.

WRIGHT
Will you dcscribc FnlighLcncd Iiving and Lhc choiccs ramcwork`

Rick Miller
!
207

MILLER
Enlightened Iiving is dcincd as courage to DO, serenity to BE, and wisdom to
CREATE by connecting the two. Thc FnlighLcncd Iiving Choiccs ramcwork (Scc
FxhibiL l.) is ocrcd Lo hclp pcoplc rcach Lhcir own succcss.

Exhibit 1

WRIGHT
Would you dcscribc Lhc componcnLs o FnlighLcncd Iiving, sLarLing wiLh
couragc and Lhc couragc Lo do or health"`

MILLER
Courage can bc dcincd as the quality of fearlessness or bravery; the attitude of
facing and dealing with anything recognized as challenging or difficult instead of
withdrawing. FnlighLcncd Iiving bcgins wiLh a ocus on couragc and Lhc choiccs
available to cach o us to positively accL our health and our lic. Thcsc choiccs
arc Lhc irsL steppingstones Lo succcss.

208

Ralph Waldo Fmcrson said that Lhc irsL wcalLh is hcalLh." Enlightened
Iiving bcgins wiLh hcalLhy choiccs. Thc good ncws is LhaL morc rcscarch is
occurring LhaL hclps us undcrsLand whaL Lo do Lo Lakc carc o oursclvcs. We
have both traditional and natural alternatives available to us to support good
hcalLh.
Thc challcngc is LhaL hcalLh issucs sccmingly accL an cvcr-incrcasing
numbcr o pcoplc. For somc o us wiLh scvcrc and/or chronic hcalLh issucs,
much o lic is dominaLcd by Lhc hour-by-hour ocus rcquircd Lo do Lhc bcsL wc
can wiLh hcalLh challcngcs.
In all cascs, wc can lcarn rom Lhcsc challcngcs and makc choiccs in ivc
arcas Lo cnablc us Lo livc as hcalLhy a lic as possiblc. Thc pcrsisLcncc ncccssary
Lo mainLain Lhc righL balancc both wiLhin and bcLwccn Lhcsc ivc arcas
absolutely requircs couragc and is an imporLanL parL o Lruc succcss. (See
FxhibiL 2.) Hcrc arc ivc imporLanL do or hcalLh" choiccs LhaL rcquirc couragc:

Exhibit 2

Rick Miller
!
209

FoodThe quanLiLy and qualiLy o Lhc nourishmcnL wc choosc is an opporLuniLy Lo
help ourselves ccl grcaL and rcducc Lhc chanccs o illncss. I you arc whaL you caL,"
Lhcn many o us havc an opporLuniLy Lo improvc who wc arc.

ExerciseThe bcnciLs o a consisLcnL low-impacL Lraining rcgimcn (c.g., walking
LhirLy minuLcs a day) arc signiicanL Lo all agc groups. Acrobic Lraining or Lhc hcarL and
sLrcLching/sLrcngLh Lraining or musclcs cnablc all o us Lo gcL Lhc mosL ouL o our
bodics. I you don'L usc iL, you losc iL."

Stress ManagementMany bclicvc LhaL Lhc singlc biggcsL acLor in shorLcning
our poLcnLial lic span is Lhc prcvalcncc o sLrcss in our livcs. Whilc many condiLions
cxisL LhaL arc ouLsidc our conLrol, our abiliLy Lo managc our rcacLion Lo Lhosc
condiLions is criLical Lo our hcalLh.

SleepRcsL is Lhc only way or Lhc body and mind Lo rcncw and rcbuild. You can
cmploy sLraLcgics Lo borrow" Limc in Lhc shorL-Lcrm, buL iL comcs wiLh Lhc addcd risk
o illncss as Lhc immunc sysLcm can bc compromiscd. OpLimal long-Lcrm hcalLh
rcquircs scvcn Lo ninc hours o slccp, dcpcnding on agc. Bcn Franklin was righL. Farly
Lo bcd and carly Lo risc makcs onc hcalLhy, wcalLhy, and wisc."

Wellness SupportThankully, Lhcrc arc oLcn many pcoplc and producLs
availablc Lo hclp us whcn wc nccd Lhcm. DocLors, nurscs, nuLriLionisLs, coachcs, and
procssionals o all kinds can supporL us whcn wc dccidc Lo makc good choiccs. IL is
imporLanL Lo lisLcn Lo Lhosc voiccs. WiLh Lhcir supporL, appropriaLc producLs o all
Lypcs can bc inLcgraLcd inLo our daily livcs whcn wc nccd Lhcm.

WRIGHT
Will you dcscribc Lhc FnlighLcncd Iiving conccpL o Lhc couragc Lo do or
lic"`

MILLER
AbsoluLcly. Anais Nin said, Life shrinks or expands in proportion to ones
courage. Iic can bc Lcrriic and lic can bc a sLrugglc. MosL o us would choosc
Lo livc a lic ull o rich cxpcricnccs and dccp rclaLionships wiLh pcoplc wc carc
abouL. Iic ocrs us a sccmingly limiLlcss scL o opporLuniLics Lo lcarn and
grow pcrsonally as wcll as Lo hclp oLhcrs grow.
IL Lakcs couragc Lo succccd in lic and to boldly cxplorc all LhaL lic has Lo
ocr, and iL Lakcs pcrsisLcncc Lo accomplish grcaL Lhings. IL also Lakcs couragc
Lo acc lics many challcngcs, parLicularly whcn sacriiccs arc rcquircd. In boLh
good Limcs and Limcs LhaL arc not so good, wc nccd Lo mainLain couragc Lo

210

balancc wiLhin and bcLwccn ivc arcas o lics challcngcs and opporLuniLics Lo
lcarn and grow. (Scc FxhibiL 3.) Hcrc arc ivc imporLanL do or lic" choiccs
LhaL rcquirc couragc:

Personal GrowthPcrsonal or individual growLh oLcn bcgins wiLh a choicc Lo
lcarn and Lhcn a choicc Lo crcaLc. Thc couragc Lo Lakc advanLagc o opporLuniLics Lo
cxpand our knowlcdgc and sLrcngLhcn our mind, body, and spiriL grows as Lhcsc
posiLivc choiccs arc rcinorccd wiLh Lhc cxciLcmcnL o rcncwal. Wc arc also prcscnLcd
wiLh opporLuniLics Lo grow whcn wc acc advcrsiLy or Lragcdy. Our pcrsonal abiliLy Lo
lcarn and grow is virLually unlimiLcd.

Family and FriendsRclaLionships wiLh a spousc or signiicanL oLhcr, amily
mcmbcrs, and ricnds ocr wondcrul choiccs Lo lovc and Lo bc lovcd. Thcsc
rclaLionships ocr many chanccs or acccpLancc and orgivcncss. Fach also ocrs an
opportunity to provide support as wcll as Lo bc supporLcd.

Work and SchoolWork and school acLiviLics oLcn consumc a majoriLy o Lhc
waking hours or many pcoplc. Somc ind Lhcy can choosc Lhc Lypc o work in which
Lhcy cngagc, buL cvcryonc can choosc Lhc aLLiLudc Lhcy bring Lo work. Fach ocrs an
opporLuniLy Lo do our bcsL as an individual and as parL o a Lcam.

Exhibit 3
Rick Miller
!
211

Community ServiceCommuniLy scrvicc is our chancc Lo hclp oLhcrs, whcLhcr
Lhcy arc across Lhc sLrccL or around Lhc world. Thosc who choosc Lo sacriicc or oLhcrs
ind LhaL Lhc givcrs oLcn rcccivc Lhc mosL. Whilc Lhcrc is much sucring in Lhc world,
whcn wc work Lo hclp oLhcrs, wc scc and ccl a coopcraLivc spiriL LhaL uniLcs us all.

FaithBclic in a highcr ordcr and/or bclic in oLhcrs and oursclvcs providcs
opporLuniLics Lo livc a morc complcLc lic. Among many blcssings, aiLh brings hopc.
Whcn wc choosc Lo sLrcngLhcn whaLcvcr wc choosc Lo bclicvc in, wc also bccomc bcLLcr
aL climinaLing nccdlcss, limiLing scl-doubL. Rcmcmbcr, you don'L always nccd Lo scc
things Lo bclicvc in Lhcm, somcLimcs you can choosc Lo bclicvc in Lhings Lo scc whaL
rcally maLLcrs.

Thc good ncws is LhaL whcn iL comcs Lo making Lhc bcsL hcalLh and lic choiccs,
Lhcrc is couragc in all o us Lo do so.

WRIGHT
Will you dcscribc Lhc FnlighLcncd Iiving conccpL o scrcniLy and Lhc
scrcniLy Lo bc"`

MILLER
Serenity can bc dcincd as the quality or state of calmness and tranquility.
FnlighLcncd Iiving includcs a ocus on scrcniLy and Lhc posiLivc choiccs
availablc Lo cvcryonc Lo ind Lhcir own pcacculncss. Thcsc choiccs arc Lhc ncxL
sLcppingsLoncs Lo succcss.
An anonymous auLhor wroLc LhaL Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but
peace amid the storm. Whcrc docs Lhis pcacculncss comc rom` In Lhc praycr
LhaL bcgins, Cod granL mc Lhc scrcniLy Lo acccpL Lhc Lhings I cannoL changc,"
auLhor Rcinhold Nicbuhr ocrs a parLial rccipc.
Thc inncr composurc oLcn dcmonsLraLcd by Lruly succcssul pcoplc gocs
bcyond Lhc abiliLy Lo simply acccpL ccrLain Lhings. This pcacculncss acLually
comcs rom scl-undcrsLanding. Wc all scck Lo undcrsLand who wc Lruly arc.
Wc arc noL whaL wc do, neither arc wc our pasL. Wc arc noL whaL oLhcrs Lhink
o us, neither arc wc Lhc Lhings wc accumulaLc. Thc Buddha ocrcd his vcrsion
o Lhc ulLimaLc challcngc: Know Lhyscl." This sccmingly simplc goal can bc
challcnging in a world LhaL includcs many sLorms."
Iic appears Lo movc asLcr and asLcr and cach day is illcd wiLh challcngcs,
opporLuniLics, and sccmingly cndlcss Lo-do lisLs. Many pcoplc long or

212

pcacculncss. Thankully, many o us arc choosing Lo Lakc Lhc Limc ncccssary Lo
lcarn morc abouL oursclvcs. Wc arc rcmcmbcring LhaL wc arc morc Lhan whaL
wc do and wc arc Laking Limc Lo simply be. Wc arc opLing ouL o Lhc oLcn noisy
world LhaL surrounds us Lo cnLcr a quicLcr placc insidc whcrc wc can lisLcn.
WiLh a clcar mind, wc can makc ivc choiccs Lo bc Lo hclp us lcarn abouL Lhc
uniquc pcoplc wc arc. (Scc FxhibiL 4.) Hcrc arc ivc imporLanL bc choiccs LhaL
will lcad Lo Lruc scrcniLy:

Be StillConLrary Lo many WcsLcrn culLural norms, pcrhaps our mosL imporLanL
choicc is Lo dcvclop Lhc dccpcr undcrsLanding and LruLh LhaL comcs wiLh Lhc inncr
balancc o bcing sLill. To mainLain inncr balancc, wc nccd Lo choosc Lhc LranquiliLy and
pcacc o sLillncss. In LhaL pcaccul sLaLc, wc comc Lo undcrsLand Lhc purc and unlimiLcd
poLcnLial o our uniquc human spiriL. WiLh all Lhc cxLcrnal noisc LhaL surrounds us
rcgularly, wc havc a wondcrul opporLuniLy Lo lisLcn Lo Lhc only voicc LhaL rcally
maLLcrsour own. Our abiliLy Lo dcvclop a LrusL and conidcncc in our own voicca
voicc LhaL wc choosc Lo lisLcn Lo rcgularlywill ocr us our grcaLcsL opporLuniLy Lo
lcarn abouL our pcrsonal LruLh and who wc Lruly arc.

Exhibit 4
Rick Miller
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213

Be AcceptingWhcn wc choosc Lo acccpL pcoplc and circumsLanccs or who and
whaL Lhcy arc, wc can cscapc Lhc ncccssiLy Lo changc ciLhcr and Lo simply bc, living in
and lcarning rom Lhc momcnL. Sincc wc cannoL changc Lhc pasL, wc can choosc Lo
lcarn rom iL and noL dwcll on iL. Whcn wc choosc Lo bc nonrcsisLanL Lo currcnL
circumsLanccs, wc rclax and scc morc clcarly.
Wc also havc a wondcrul opporLuniLy Lo acccpL pcoplc and orgivc Lhcm or whaL
wc may vicw as Lhcir pasL misLakcs LhaL, similarly, cannoL bc changcd. Whcn wc choosc
a nonjudgmcnLal approach Lo pcoplc, wc opcn oursclvcs Lo a poLcnLial or dccpcr
rclaLionships.
Pcrhaps Lhc mosL imporLanL dccision in acccpLancc is choosing Lo acccpL and lovc
oursclvcs, jusL as wc arc, and orgiving pasL misLakcs.
Whcn wc choosc Lo acccpL Lhc pasL, rcmain opcn Lo circumsLanccs and pcoplc,
including oursclvcs, wc opcn oursclvcs Lo Lhc possibiliLics o lcarning rom all
siLuaLions and rom cvcry individual. Whcn wc choosc Lo acccpL our currcnL rcaliLy
wiLh a ccrLain dcgrcc o dcLachmcnL, wc ind LhaL Lhings comc Lo us wiLh a racLion o
Lhc corL oLhcrwisc rcquircd.

Be GenerousWhen wc choosc Lo bc chariLablc wiLh our posscssions, our moncy,
and our Limc, wc cxpcricncc inncr saLisacLion. Wc lcarn LhaL wc can bc nonaLLachcd Lo
Lhings. Whcn wc choosc Lo bc kind, hclpul, cncouraging, and gcnLlc wiLh oLhcrs, wc
ulill a highcr purposc. IL is jusL as imporLanL Lo bc ablc Lo balancc giving wiLh
rccciving. Whcn wc achicvc Lhis imporLanL balancc, wc climinaLc much o Lhc
possibiliLy o arrogancc. Wc choosc Lo rcmain gcnuincly and Lruly humblc.

Be GratefulIL is casy Lo bc graLcul whcn Lhings arc going wcll. IL Lakcs scrcniLy
Lo rcmain graLcul whcn acing onc o lic's Lruly diiculL pcriods. Thc gracc rcquircd Lo
acc Lough Limcs and rcmain Lhankul is a blcssing. Rcmaining apprcciaLivc o Lhc
opporLuniLy Lo lcarn lcssons rom Lhc challcngcs wc arc askcd Lo acc is a choicc. Wc
also can choosc Lo bc graLcul or Lhc opporLuniLy Lo ask or hclp, knowing LhaL wc all
rcly on oLhcrs or supporL. Hclp is always availablc.

Be PresentWhcn wc arc LoLally awarc and conscious, wc can usc all o our scnscs
Lo cmbracc and cxpcricncc Lhc joy and bcauLy o Lhc currcnL momcnL. Wc arc noL
ocuscd on Lhc pasL or Lhc uLurc. Iiving in Lhc prcscnL allows us Lo givc our LoLal ocus
Lo Lhc Lasks aL hand and cnjoy Lhc qualiLy o cxpcricncc LhaL rcsulLs. Civing l00 pcrccnL
o our aLLcnLion Lo Lhc pcoplc wiLh whom wc arc cngagcd, lisLcning inLcnLly, and ully
undcrsLanding Lhc opporLuniLy Lo communicaLc cccLivcly wiLh oLhcrs is Lruly a choicc.
Our abiliLy Lo bc LoLally aLLcnLivc and in Lhc momcnL cncrgizcs any acLiviLy wc choosc
Lo ocus on and on any rcaliLy wc choosc Lo crcaLc.

WRIGHT
Will you dcscribc wisdom as Lhc lasL piccc o FnlighLcncd Iiving and Lhc
wisdom Lo crcaLc by connccLing Lhc Lwo`


214

MILLER
Wisdom can bc dcincd as Lhc qualiLy o judging righLly and ollowing Lhc
soundcsL coursc o acLion, bascd on knowlcdgc, cxpcricncc, and undcrsLanding.
FnlighLcncd Iiving concludcs wiLh a ocus on wisdom and Lhc posiLivc choiccs
availablc Lo cvcryonc Lo crcaLc Lhcir vcry bcsL, uniquc livcs. Thcsc choiccs are
the last steppingstones Lo succcss.
AuLhor Frank OuLlaw ocrcd a grcaL summary o Lhc paLh wc cach Lakc in
crcaLing our own uLurc. WaLch your LhoughLs, Lhcy bccomc your words.
WaLch your words, Lhcy bccomc your acLions. WaLch your acLions, Lhcy bccomc
your habiLs. WaLch your habiLs, Lhcy bccomc your characLcr. WaLch your
characLcr, iL will bccomc your dcsLiny." Oncc wc link all Lhc ways wc crcaLc, and
choosc Lo acLivcly and consciously uLilizc all LhaL is availablc Lo hclp us
consLrucL our livcs, wc can makc hcalLh and lic choiccs wiLh a clcar inLcnLion
LhaL is aligncd wiLh our pcrsonal uniqucncss. Wc can choosc whcrc Lo ocus our
atLcnLion and cncrgy. Bascd on our scrcniLy and conidcncc, our uniquc and
pcrsonal inLcnLions Lransorm our hcalLh and lic choiccs and our cncrgy
grows. Wc look aL opporLuniLics Lo grow wiLh joy jusL as wc look aL challcngcs
as opporLuniLics Lo lcarn. Wc learn to LrusL our inLcrnal voicc and judgmcnL
abouL whcn Lo pcrsisL and whcn Lo surrcndcr.
We can also choosc a hcalLhy dcLachmcnL rom Lhc rcsulLs o whaL wc crcaLc
wiLh Lhc wisdom LhaL Lruc conLrol is an illusion. As Lhc cxprcssion gocs, Wc
lcarn Lo carc, buL noL Loo much," as wc rccognizc how much o lic is ouLsidc
our dirccL conLrol. Oncc wc dcvclop conidcncc in our own uniquc voicc and in
an undcrsLanding o who wc Lruly arc, wc rcalizc LhaL wc alonc arc in Lhc bcsL
posiLion Lo crcaLc our bcsL, uniquc lic. Thc wisdom Lo crcaLc by connccLing
whaL wc do Lo who wc arc is powcrul. Whcn wc pracLicc Lhis connccLion and
combinc iL wiLh Lhc ivc dicrcnL ways wc can crcaLc our uLurc, wc
dcmonsLraLc Lhc wisdom o undcrsLanding. (Scc FxhibiL 5.) Hcrc arc ivc
imporLanL crcaLc choiccs LhaL comc wiLh Lruc wisdom:
Rick Miller
!
215

Exhibit 5

Feel Pcrhaps our sLrongcsL cncrgy and our grcaLcsL LruLh comc rom our
cmoLions. Fcclings providc a grcaL window inLo our uniquc and pcrsonal LruLh, Lhcy arc
our bcsL pcrsonal baromcLcr. Our bodics do noL mislcad us. Whcn wc choosc Lo LrusL
our insLincLs, our inLuiLion, and our guL cclings," wc lcarn LhaL wc can all bc
pcrccpLivc. IisLcning Lo our sixLh scnsc cnablcs us Lo cngagc in Lhc crcaLivc proccss
aligncd wiLh our pcrsonal LruLh.

Think As cvidcnccd by Frank OuLlaw's quoLc abovc, Lhinking is crcaLing. AcLivc
Lhinking is Lhc conscious awarcncss o Lhc crcaLivc proccss LhaL bcgins wiLh LhoughL.
Choosing Lo managc our LhoughLs, changing ncgaLivc paLLcrns whcn wc irsL bccomc
awarc o Lhcm, and Lraining oursclvcs Lo usc opLimisLic uLurc sccnarios, whilc ocusing
on Lhc posiLivc naLurc o whaL is happcning now, all build cncrgy LhaL can hclp us
crcaLc our uLurc. Wc can also choosc aL any Limc Lo ask or hclp.

Speak Spokcn words havc inspircd and inciLcd. Thc spokcn word has always
bccn an cccLivc Lool Lo inlucncc pcoplc. RclaLionships can bc sLrcngLhcncd or
wcakcncd bascd on Lhc carc uscd wiLh Lhc spokcn word. Whcn wc choosc our words
carcully, wc acknowlcdgc Lhc cncrgy bchind Lhc imporLanL pracLicc o vcrbal

216

communicaLion and Lhc inlucncc words havc on Lhc uLurc wc arc crcaLing. WiLh Lhc
samc carc, wc musL also bc awarc LhaL wc spcak" wiLh cyc conLacL, acial cxprcssions,
and body posLurc.

Write People have long understood Lhc powcr o Lhc pcn as a crcaLivc orcc Lo
inlucncc oLhcrs. Thc cncrgy crcaLcd by Lhc wriLLcn word Lo inlucncc oLhcrs and iLs
inlucncc on lic arc indispuLablc. Fxamplcs includc Lhc Tao Tc Ching, Lhc Koran, and
Lhc Biblc. Icss wcll undcrsLood is Lhc powcr o Lhc wriLLcn word Lo posiLivcly inlucncc
our own bchavior and Lo crcaLc our own uLurc. Whcn wc choosc Lo wriLc down our
goals, connccLing Lhc couragc Lo do and Lhc scrcniLy Lo bc, wc incrcasc Lhc probabiliLy
o rcaching Lhosc goals wiLh Lhc cncrgy crcaLcd by wriLing Lhcm down. Similarly, whcn
wc choosc Lo wriLc down our cars and conccrns, wc rclcasc Lhc hold Lhcsc ncgaLivc
cmoLions can havc on us. WriLing aL boLh Lhc rcasoning and inLuiLivc lcvcls can hclp us
as wcll. WriLing posiLivc airmaLions can also apply valuablc cncrgy Lo crcaLc a uLurc
aligncd wiLh who wc wanL Lo bc.

Act How wc acL ocrs Lhc mosL visiblc orm o crcaLion. Conscious acLion ollows
Lhc cclings, LhoughLs, spccch, and wriLLcn cncrgy LhaL prcccdc iL. Wc arc hcld
accounLablc or our acLions morc Lhan wc arc or Lhc oLhcr orms o our abiliLy Lo
crcaLc. AcLion is powcrul. Whcn wc arc having Lroublc crcaLing Lhc uLurc wc wanL,
somcLimcs simply choosing Lo acL Lhc parL will hclp us ind Lhc cclings, LhoughLs, and
words. Wc all know pcoplc who sccm Lo havc Lailwinds" LhaL hclp Lhcm in cvcryLhing
Lhcy do. Whcn wc acL in a ashion synchronizcd wiLh who wc Lruly arc, wc ind LhaL
Lhings sccm Lo happcn morc casily. AlLhough wc cxpcricncc an incrcasc in Lhc inLcnsiLy
o our corL (wiLh corrcsponding incrcascs in qualiLy and quanLiLy), wc ind LhaL our
happincss incrcascs as wcll. Our choiccs lcad morc dirccLly Lo our uniquc succcsscs.

WRIGHT
I scc now LhaL your ramcwork connccLs a loL o doLs. How docs FnlighLcncd
Iiving connccL Lo Lhc principlcs you rccr Lo as Lhc Fivc PoinLs o IighL and will
you dcscribc Lhcm`

MILLER
Ycs, I will. Thc Fivc PoinLs o IighL arc Lhc ovcrriding univcrsal and naLural
laws LhaL govcrn all orms and providc supporL Lo all o us whcn wc choosc Lo
align wiLh Lhcm Lo livc our bcsL, uniquc livcs. FnlighLcncd Iiving is abouL Lhc
choiccs wc can all makc Lo livc wiLh couragc or hcalLh and lic balancc, wiLh
scrcniLy Lo undcrsLand our uniquc sclvcs, and wiLh wisdom Lo craL Lhc lic wc
wcrc mcanL Lo livc.
Rick Miller
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217

Thc Fivc PoinLs o IighL arc principlcs or laws LhaL providc Lhc Lailwinds"
or us and our sLcpping sLoncs Lo succcss. (Scc FxhibiL 6.) Hcrc arc Lhc Fivc
PoinLs o IighL:
Exhibit 6

Truth Truth is the quality of being in accordance with an original constant. Wc ind
LruLh in lisLcning, lcarning, and ccling. Thc inncr pcacc LhaL comcs rom LruLh brings
wiLh iL wisdom and undcrsLanding. Wc musL lcarn Lo livc honcsLly and always acL wiLh
sinccriLy in our rclaLionships, rcgularly sccking Lhc LruLh Lhrough sLillncss.

Values Valucs arc the standards of great relationships. Truc and lasLing wcalLh is
ound only in rclaLionships. RclaLionships grow Lhrough Lhc cxcrcising o kindncss,
paLicncc, orgivcncss, graLiLudc, gcncrosiLy, and a willingncss Lo rcccivc. Wc rcccivc
whaL wc givc. Wc musL lcarn Lo acccpL rcsponsibiliLy or our choiccs, our rclaLionships,
and our opporLuniLics Lo hclp oLhcrs.

Service Scrvicc is the act of meeting the needs of others. IL is our rcsponsibiliLy Lo
sympaLhizc wiLh and carc or Lhosc in nccd. To scrvc anoLhcr, wc musL lisLcn carcully
irsL Lo undcrsLand Lhcir nccds. Thosc adminisLcring aid musL also bc opcn Lo rccciving
rom Lhosc bcing aidcd, guarding againsL arrogancc wiLh Lhc undcrsLanding LhaL wc arc
all Lhc samc.

218

Equality Equality is the condition of having the same courage, ability, power, and
capacity. Wc all should havc cmpaLhy and rcspccL or cvcry oLhcr human bcing. Fvcry
individual has an abiliLy Lo Lcach and Lo lcarn. Wc musL lcarn LhaL any hicrarchy is
manuacLurcd and can bc disasscmblcd whcn wc undcrsLand LhaL whaL connccLs us is
morc powcrul Lhan whaL scparaLcs us.

Connection ConnccLion is a group of people who are joined together. Wc arc all
onc. Wc arc linkcd LogcLhcr as parL o onc communiLy, madc up o many smallcr
communiLics. Wc musL lcarn LhaL whcn wc ccl joy, iL is clL by all, whcn wc ccl pain, iL
is clL by all. Wc musL bring compassion inLo our communiLy and look or supporL rom
oLhcrs Lo sLrcngLhcn our connccLions. Our pasL, prcscnL, and uLurc arc all linkcd by a
connccLion Lo a common Lhrcad o cncrgy and a scarch or Lhc LruLh.

WRIGHT
Arc Lhcrc any Lools Lo hclp pcoplc wiLh FnlighLcncd Iiving`

MILLER
Ycs. Individuals havc had a loL o succcss wiLh Lhc FnlighLcncd Iiving scl-
assessmcnL. Thc simplc asscssmcnL hclps individuals cvaluaLc whcrc Lhcy arc
currcnLly wiLh Lhcir hcalLh, lic balancc, scl-undcrsLanding, and crcaLivc
choiccs by answcring LwcnLy simplc qucsLions. Thc sccond parL o Lhc cxcrcisc
asks parLicipanLs Lo asscss Lhcir saLisacLion wiLh Lhcir own answcrs. Thc Lhird
parL o Lhc Lool providcs samplc Lips" or placcs Lo sLarL Lo improvc upon Lhcir
scorc. Thc lasL parL providcs a simplc SMART (Spcciic, Mcasurablc, AcLions
wiLh a RcsulL LhaL is Timc-bound) orm Lo aciliLaLc wcckly goal-scLLing. (Scc
FxhibiLs 7 and S aL chapLcr cnd.)

WRIGHT
Will you sharc Lhc Lips or pcoplc who arcn'L happy wiLh Lhcir scorcs on Lhc
LwcnLy qucsLions`

MILLER
Ycs. I'vc lisLcd Lhcm bclow:

l. I maintain a healthy diet. Know your own ood targetscalorics, carbohydraLcs,
or poinLs. FaL carlybrcakasL is a musL, largcr lunch, carly dinncr, noLhing
aLcr S:00. CcL rcsh ruiLs and vcgcLablcs. Fnjoy snacks buL kccp Lhcm
Rick Miller
!
219

small/hcalLhy and don'L lcL yourscl gcL Loo hungry. Kccp LrackwriLc iL all
down.

2. I follow a fitness plan. Takc a LhirLy-minuLc walk daily, and sLrcLch or a LoLal o
LhirLy minuLcs onc scssion cach wcck. SLrcngLh/rcsisLancc Lrain or aL lcasL
LhirLy minuLcs onc scssion cach wcck. SLamina/cardio Lrain or aL lcasL LhirLy
minuLcs onc scssion cach wcck. Mix iL upcross Lraining isn'L jusL or
procssional aLhlcLcs, iL hclps us all.

3. I keep an even-keel perspective. IcL iL ouLkccp a diary, Lalk. Schcdulc
smarLcrmanagc Limc, minimizc inLcrrupLions, Lakc a brcak. Takc a dccp
brcaLh and mcdiLaLc. Flcx and rclcascusc your musclcs Lo ccl rclaxaLion.
Turn on somc music.

4. I feel rested. Icarn how much slccp is righL or you. FsLablish a rcgular
nighLLimc rouLinc. CrcaLc Lhc righL cnvironmcnLcool and disLracLion rcc.
Bring it down a noLchno cxcrcisc, cacinc, or big mcals bcorc bcd. ScL Lhc
moodrcad a book or lisLcn Lo sooLhing music.

5. I makc informed decisions on the people and products I need for my health. CcL
annual chcckups and ollow up consisLcnLly wiLh any mcdical issucs. Talk
rcgularly wiLh Lhosc who can hclp you wiLh ood, cxcrcisc, sLrcss, and slccp.
Takc your mcdicaLionsLhc righL producLs can makc a dicrcncc. WriLc down
your qucsLions. Rcad Lo lcarn.

6. I enjoy learning new things. Takc a class. MccL ncw pcoplc. Rcad morc. Takc up a
ncw hobby. Travcl and cxplorc ncw placcs.

7. I make it a priority to spend time with family and friends. Rcmcmbcr birLhdays.
PracLicc paLicncc and kindncss. Ocr supporL rcqucnLly. Ask or supporL
whcn you nccd iL. Sharc LhoughLs and cclings.

S. I do my best at work and/or school. CommiL Lo do your bcsL. Work wcll wiLh
oLhcrs. PracLicc good Limc managcmcnL. Iook or opporLuniLics Lo lcad.
PracLicc pcrsisLcncc.

0. I make time to help others. Icarn abouL opporLuniLics Lo scrvc. Choosc a causc
LhaL you arc passionaLc abouL. Usc a skill you likc or dcvclop a ncw onc LhaL
inLcrcsLs you. Tcam wiLh oLhcrs. Follow Lhrough on your scrvicc
opporLuniLics.

l0. I maintain faith in a higher order and/or faith in myself. Hold on Lo hopc. IisLcn
Lo yourscl and rcgularly usc a quicL placc Lo Lhink. Rcly on your cclings and
your guL insLincLs. Choosc whaL Lo bclicvc. TrusL yourscl and lcarn morc
abouL yourscl and whaL you bclicvc in.

220

ll. I can quiet my mind to listen to the voice inside me. Find a quicL placc Lo lisLcn.
Rclax your body. FliminaLc Lhc chaLLcr o your LhoughLs. Choosc a singlc word
Lo rcpcaL gcnLly in your hcad whcn your mind driLs. PracLicc in Lcn-minuLc
scssions, Lwo Limcs pcr day, building Lo LhirLy-minuLc scssions.

l2. I accept people and circumstances as they are, and forgive all, including myself, for
past mistakes. Forgivc yourscl or pasL misLakcs and dissolvc scl-doubL.
Forgivc pcoplc or Lhc pasL and acccpL Lhcm as Lhcy arc. Rcmain dcLachcd
rom Loday's cvcnLs as wcll as projccLions or Lomorrow. Suspcnd judgmcnL.
Acknowlcdgc LhaL Lhcrc arc always morc Lhings you don'L know Lhan Lhings
you do know.

l3. I am generous with my time and possessions. FmulaLc somconc who has bccn
gcncrous Lo/wiLh you. Balancc giving and rccciving. Ask or hclp. Ocr your
Limc and aLLcnLion Lo oLhcrs in nccd. Ocr a sinccrc wish o good luck Lo all
you mccL.

l4. I am grateful for lifes many blessings. Takc Limc Lo rcgularly say Lhank you. Scc
bcauLy. Fccl joy. Rccognizc Lhc coopcraLivc spiriL in oLhcrs. Sharc blcssings
wiLh oLhcrs.

l5. I live in the current moment. Civc Lhc pcoplc you arc wiLh your complcLc
aLLcnLion. WiLncss naLurc around you. Bccomc awarc o your brcaLhing.
Consciously choosc your inLcnLions and acLions. Usc all o your scnscs.

l6. I trust my feelings as truth and guidance. Usc all o your scnscs. Acknowlcdgc
your body's rcacLions Lo siLuaLions. TrusL your guL insLincLs. Rcly on your
hcarL as wcll as Lo your hcad. AcccpL your inLcrnal guidancc.

l7. I take responsibility for my thoughts and can stop negative thinking when I become
aware of it. Think consciously, opLimisLically, consLrucLivcly, abouL Lhc
collccLivc good. Think kindly as opposcd Lo clcvcrly.

lS. I choose words consciously when I speak because words are powerful. Spcak aLcr
you carcully lisLcn Lo yourscl and oLhcrs wiLh rcsponsibiliLy or your word
choicc. Icad compassionaLcly and humbly.

l0. I write to express my feelings and thoughts and to assert positive affirmations. Buy
a journal/diary. ScL asidc Limc Lo wriLc. IisL goals in Lhc prcscnL Lcnsc. Iog
how you wanL Lo ccl in Lhc prcscnL Lcnsc. Rcvicw pasL journal cnLrics.

20. I choose to act from the flow of feelings, thoughts, speech, and affirmations. AcL
consciously, wiLh convicLion, Lo lcarn wiLh balancc Lo scrvc oLhcrs wiLh a link
Lo your cclings, LhoughLs, and airmaLions.

Rick Miller
!
221

WRIGHT
Whcrc did Lhcsc conccpLs comc rom`

MILLER
I am Lruly blcsscd. ThroughouL my lic, pcoplc havc choscn Lo hclp mc lcarn
and grow by assisLing mc wiLh challcngcs and by giving mc opporLuniLics. I am
indcbLcd Lo many individuals and groups o pcoplc who havc hclpcd mc
dcvclop a pcrsonal undcrsLanding o couragc, scrcniLy, wisdom, and Lhc Fivc
PoinLs o IighL. CcrLain pcoplc sLand ouL.
IL was Dr. Donald BarncLL who hclpcd mc undcrsLand Lhc imporLancc o
choiccs. As a Lccnagcr, I conLracLcd Lypc l diabcLcs and I was orLunaLc Lo havc
Dr. BarncLL in BosLon, MassachuscLLs, as my physician. Dr. BarncLL LaughL mc
about the hour-by-hour choiccs LhaL would bc rcquircd Lo achicvc balancc and
managc Lhis chronic discasc and a loL morc.
UndcrsLanding balancc in lic camc Lo mc rom scvcral sourccs. My parcnLs
and broLhcrs had a vcry posiLivc inlucncc on mc. My bcsL ricnd, Dom
D'Alcssio, and my irsL girlricnd, Pam Hanlcy, grcw up in sLrong amilics whcrc
I lcarncd LhaL succcss in lic comcs rom a balancc o aiLh, pcrsonal growLh,
communiLy scrvicc, and accomplishmcnL aL school and aL work, wiLh sLrong
rclaLionships wiLh amily and ricnds.
I lcarncd abouL scrcniLy rom my wic Dianc, Lhc singlc mosL important
pcrson in my lic. Ovcr our many ycars LogcLhcr, Dianc has LaughL mc abouL
prcscncc, gcncrosiLy, and graLiLudc. Dianc's mom DoL LaughL mc abouL
acccpLancc and sLillncss.
My irsL boss, Dick Iacrricrc, LaughL mc Lhc mosL abouL Lhc many ways wc
crcaLc. Whcn I cnLcrcd Lhc workorcc as a salcs Lraincc aL Spcrry Univac in
l0S0, Dick Lraincd mc how Lo Lhink, spcak, and wriLc Lo crcaLc compclling
sccnarios or poLcnLial cusLomcrs. Hc also LaughL mc Lo walk Lhc Lalk and acL
consisLcnLly wiLh my words. Finally, Dick Lold mc Lo always LrusL my guL and
usc how I ccl as a good gaugc or any siLuaLion.
Thc Fivc PoinLs o IighL havc bccn rcinorccd in my lic many Limcs and by
many wondcrul pcoplc. In parLicular, Dianc LaughL mc abouL Lhc LruLh. My dad
LaughL mc abouL valucs. Whcn I Lhink o scrvicc, I Lhink o my ricnd, Dr. Phil
Andcrson, oncc a Marinc and always a Marinc. A vcry spccial liLLlc girl LaughL

222

mc abouL cqualiLy. Finally, whcn I Lhink o our connccLion, I Lhink o my closc
ricnd, Mary Annc Walk.

WRIGHT
Arc Lhcrc any oLhcr arcas whcrc pcoplc could bcnciL rom using your Fivc
PoinLs o IighL`

MILLER
Ycs, in acL I am currcnLly working on a book LhaL will bc LiLlcd Five Points of
Light: Enlightened Leadership. Thc book will ouLlinc clcmcnLs o cnlighLcncd
lcadcrship bascd on Lhc samc principlcs o Lhc Fivc PoinLs o IighL and ocr
cxamplcs o whcrc I applicd Lhcsc principlcs in my prior procssional lic.
Spcciically, I will sharc sLorics rom my own lcadcrship assignmcnLs ranging
rom a sLarLup company Lo a worldwidc, mulLi-billion-dollar busincss whcrc
principlcs madc all Lhc dicrcncc.

WRIGHT
Rick, do you havc any inal LhoughLs`

MILLER
AL a Limc whcn sLrugglcs sccm widcsprcad, Lhankully Lhcrc arc many placcs
Lo Lurn or guidancc. SLill, many pcoplc arc looking or hclp simpliying Lhcir
livcs or connccLing all Lhc doLs or boLh. Thc choiccs you makc wiLh FnlighLcncd
Iiving will crcaLc succcss or you as a uniquc individual. Your hcalLh and your
lic arc ull o opporLuniLics and challcngcs. You havc Lhc opporLuniLy Lo livc
wiLh cnjoymcnL, cnLhusiasm, ulillmcnL, and posiLivc cncrgy. Succcss rcquircs
boLh couragc and scrcniLy. Many pcoplc scrvc as Lcachcrs and ocr a virLually
unlimiLcd scL o whaL oLcn sccm likc compcLing idcas. Thc challcngcs o Lhc
yin and Lhc yang o lic havc bccn around or ccnLurics. Sccmingly as long,
pcoplc havc dcbaLcd Lhc mcriLs o logic or aiLh, raLionalism or mysLicism,
scicncc or spiriLualiLy. WhaL Lo do and how Lo bc sccm similarly disconnccLcd
or many o us. Thc wisdom Lo crcaLc by connccLing Lhc Lwo is Lhc answcr and
iL sLarLs wiLh a choicc. Choosc Lo align wiLh Lhc Fivc PoinLs o IighL. Choosc Lo
Rick Miller
!
223

lisLcn Lo your own voicc, Lo scL your own goals, and Lo sLarL small. You can sLarL
Lo crcaLc your bcsL, uniquc lic aL Lhis vcry momcnL. IL's your choicc.


224

Exhibit 7
Enlightened Living Self-Assessment 20 Choices
(Key: Always 5, Consistently 4, OLcn 3, SomcLimcs 2, Scldom 1, Never 0)

l. I mainLain a hcalLhy diet _____
2. I ollow a iLncss plan _____
3. I kccp an cvcn-kccl pcrspccLivc _____
4. I ccl rcsLcd _____
5. I makc inormcd dccisions on Lhc pcoplc and producLs I nccd or
my hcalLh _____
My courage to do for my health total score: _____

6. I cnjoy lcarning ncw Lhings _____
7. I makc iL a prioriLy Lo spcnd Limc wiLh amily/ricnds _____
S. I do my bcsL aL work and/or school _____
0. I makc Limc Lo hclp oLhcrs _____
l0. I mainLain aiLh in a highcr ordcr and/or aiLh in myscl _____
My courage to do for my life total score: _____

ll. I can quicL my mind Lo lisLcn Lo Lhc voicc insidc mc _____
l2. I acccpL pcoplc and circumsLanccs as Lhcy arc and orgivc all,
including myscl, or pasL misLakcs _____
l3. I am gcncrous wiLh my Limc and possessions _____
l4. I am graLcul or lic's many blcssings _____
l5. I livc in Lhc currcnL momcnL _____
My serenity to be total score: _____

l6. I LrusL my cclings as LruLh and guidancc _____
l7. I Lakc rcsponsibiliLy or my LhoughLs and can sLop ncgaLivc
Lhinking whcn I bccomc awarc o iL _____
lS. I choosc words consciously whcn I spcak bccausc words arc powcrul
_____
l0. I wriLc Lo cxprcss my cclings and LhoughLs and to assert positive
airmaLions _____
20. I choosc Lo acL rom Lhc low o cclings, LhoughLs, spccch and
airmaLions _____
My wisdom to create total score: _____
Kcy: For any scorc LhaL sccms lowcr Lhan you would likc iL Lo bc, makc Lhc
choicc Lo scL a goal and sLarL Lo makc small changcs in LhaL caLcgory.
Rick Miller
!
225

Exhibit 8
SMART Enlightened Living Goals for Week of ___/___/___
Set Spcciic, Measurable AcLions wiLh a RcsulL or This wcck

COURAGE TO DO

1. Health Food, Fxcrcisc, SLrcss ManagcmcnL, Slccp, Wcllncss SupporL

2. Life Faith, Pcrsonal CrowLh, Work and School, CommuniLy Scrvicc, Family and
Friends

3. SERENITY TO BE SLill, PrcscnL, CraLcul, AcccpLing, Ccncrous

4. WISDOM TO CREATE Fccl, Think, Spcak, WriLc, AcL

Truth Values Service Equality Connection
226

RICK MIIIFRS carccr bcgan aL Spcrry CorporaLion and includcd rolcs aL
Unisys as VP/CM, AT&T as PrcsidcnL o Clobal Scrviccs, sLarLup OPUS360 as
PrcsidcnL, and IuccnL as PrcsidcnL o CovcrnmcnL SoluLions. Thcsc
assignmcnLs sharcd challcnging busincss condiLions and Lhc nccd Lo dclivcr
consisLcnL rcsulLs or cmployccs, cusLomcrs, and sharcholdcrs. In cach casc,
Rick lcd Lcams LhaL builL Lrack rccords o succcss bascd on principlcs. In 2007,
Rick oundcd Thc Balancc & SLrcLch CcnLcr, a non-proiL Lo supporL oLhcr non-
proiLs. Rick oundcd Choiccs & Succcss in 200S. Rick rcccivcd a bachclor's
degree rom BcnLlcy UnivcrsiLy and a MBA rom Columbia UnivcrsiLy.

RICK MILLER
Choices & Success LLC
5 Croydon Road
MorrisLown, N3 07060
073.267.S367
www.choiccsandsucccss.com

227

C HA P T E R F I F T E E N
Iivc up Lo your PoLcnLial
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Lyn Jeffress
Today wc'rc Lalking wiLh Iyn 3crcss. Iyn is Foundcr and PrcsidcnL o
Imagincd FuLurc IncorporaLcd, a coaching, consulLing, and Lraining
organizaLion. Hcr passion is hclping oLhcrs discovcr and rclcasc Lhcir poLcnLial
and livc Lhc lic Lhcy'vc only drcamcd o. Iyn holds boLh a masLcr's dcgrcc in
Icadcrship and an MBA. In addiLion, shc rcccivcd hcr coaching ccrLiicaLion
rom Thc Hudson InsLiLuLc and has had Lhc honor o sLudying wiLh visionary
Lhinkcrs such as MarLin Scligman, SLcphcn R. Covcy, David I. Cooperrider, as
wcll as movic produccr SLcphcn Simon.
Through Lhc work o Imagincd FuLurc Inc., shc hclps individuals, Lcams, and
organizaLions discovcr and maximizc Lhcir pcrormancc. Hcr work wiLh Lcams
rcsulLs in incrcascd undcrsLanding o Lhc poLcnLial o cach mcmbcr. Shc also
hclps Lo shiL paradigms wiLhin organizaLions in ordcr Lo improvc Lhc
conLribuLion o cach Lcam Lo Lhc organizaLion.

228

Iyn, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

LYN JEFFRESS (JEFFRESS)
Thank you, David.

WRIGHT
IcL mc sLarL by asking you, how do you dcinc succcss`

JEFFRESS
David, I bclicvc LhaL succcss comcs rom knowing yourscl and living up Lo
your Lruc poLcnLial.

WRIGHT
I havc a ccling LhaL LhaL is casicr said Lhan donc.

JEFFRESS
Ycs, you'rc righL. WhaL I'vc obscrvcd is wc livc in a culLurc LhaL Lcachcs
pcoplc Lo dcvclop by modcling Lhcmsclvcs aLcr somconc clsc. Wc do noL
cccLivcly Lcach pcoplc Lo irsL undcrsLand Lhcir own uniquc sclvcs. In my
cxpcricncc, pcoplc cvaluaLc Lhcmsclves by looking out of the window insLcad o
looking into the mirror. This is urLhcr rcinorccd by our sysLcms o Lraining and
dcvclopmcnL. Wc usc comparison and compcLiLion as Lhc guidcposLs or how
wc'rc doing. As a rcsulL, pcoplc can Lcll you how Lhcy arc similar or dicrcnL
rom oLhcrs, buL noL how much o Lhcir own poLcnLial Lhcy'rc using.

WRIGHT
This book is LiLlcd Stepping Stones to Success, so how would you dcscribc
Lhosc sLcppingsLoncs`

JEFFRESS
I bclicvc Lhcrc arc our basic sLcppingsLoncs:

Lyn Jeffress
!
229

l. The first is to become an observer of yourself. Fach day, pay aLLcnLion Lo
whaL givcs you cncrgy and whaL drains you o cncrgy. Thosc acLiviLics,
cnvironmcnLs, and Lasks arc all clucs Lo your naLural sLrcngLhs.

2. The second steppingstone is to listen to your own self-talk. What you are
saying Lo yourscl is ciLhcr airming whaL is bcsL in you or iL's dccpcning a
bclic in your own wcakncss and ailings. You can ncvcr bc your bcsL i you
bcliLLlc and criLicizc yourscl. You will always livc up Lo Lhc picLure that you
painL or yourscl, whcLhcr LhaL is aLLainmcnL o succcss or limiLing your
growLh.

3. The third steppingstone is to check your judgment. Rccognizc LhaL your
vicw and pcrspccLivc o oLhcrs is madc Lhrough your own lcns. Thcrcorc, unLil
you really scck Lo know anoLhcr pcrson, you arc only cvaluaLing him or hcr
bascd on whaL Lhc pcrson's acLions would mcan i you wcrc Lhc onc doing Lhc
acLing. Onc o Lhc grcaLcsL conccpLs I camc across during my sLudics is onc
LhaL I hold up or myscl daily. This conccpL comcs rom philosophcr Kcn
Wilbcr's cxplanaLion o Lhc psychological Lcrm o projccLion." In summary,
whaL Wilbcr Lclls us is LhaL i somcLhing informs you Lhcn iL's ncw Lo you.
Howcvcr, i iL has an affect on you iL's acLually a rclccLion o yourscl. So,
whcn I ind myscl having an cmoLional rcacLion Lo somconc clsc, I'm awarc
LhaL I am Lapping inLo somcLhing I myscl am doing, havc donc, or am capablc
o doing. Whcn somcLhing surpriscs mc, I rcalizc LhaL I'm lcarning somcLhing
I'vc ncvcr cxpcricnccd bcorc. Thc manLra I ollow is: I iL accLs, iL's you, i iL
inorms, iL's ncw!

4. My fourth steppingstone is to seek true dialog. David, I Lhink Lhis is a losL
arL. In convcrsaLion, i only onc pcrson is spcaking Lhcn rcally Lruly noLhing is
bcing lcarncd. Wc arc cach vcry uniquc. Wc musL Lakc Limc Lo hcar and Lo bc
hcard. I cncouragc our rcadcrs Lo ully opcn Lhcmsclvcs up Lo Lhis cxpcricncc
o Lruc dialog in Lhcir livcs.

WRIGHT
O Lhc our Lhings you Lalked aboutbccoming an obscrvcr, lisLcn Lo your
scl-Lalk, chcck your judgmcnLLhosc Lhrcc ouL o Lhc our arc rcally working
on yourscl.


230

JEFFRESS
David, you arc righL. Thc paLhway Lo succcss is in your conLrol. IL rcquircs
you Lo know yourscl and Lo work on rcmoving barricrs Lo LhaL succcss.

WRIGHT
FascinaLing. So how do you scc Lhcsc sLcps applying Lo Lcams and
organizaLions`

JEFFRESS
I Lhink Lhc sLcps arc Lhc samc or cvcry cnLiLy. WhcLhcr you arc Lalking
abouL an individual, a Lcam, or an organizaLion, you can scc Lhc valuc LhaL
would comc rom bcing vcry, vcry clcar abouL your capaciLy, LalcnLs, and
sLrcngLhs. Knowing Lhis, as Lhc Lcam ocuscs on Lhc goals Lhc organizaLion or
Lhc Lcam has scL, LhaL scl-knowlcdgc would dcLcrminc Lhc paLhway Lo Lakc
Loward achicving Lhosc goals. Thc crcaLion o opcn and honcsL dialog allows or
cach mcmbcr o Lhc Lcam Lo conLribuLc his or hcr maximum Loward Lhc goals.
I bclicvc Lhc samc our sLcps can bc wriLLcn as valucs or bchavioral norms
or any group or organizaLion:

Know yourscl
IisLcn Lo your scl-Lalk
Chcck your judgmcnLs
Fncouragc opcn and honcsL dialog

WRIGHT
So whaL proccsscs or Lcchniqucs do you rccommcnd LhaL pcoplc ollow`

JEFFRESS
I havc quiLc a cw LhaL I guidc pcoplc Loward. I'll ocr our rcadcrs ivc idcas
LhaL I bclicvc work wcll:

Thc irsL is journaling. 3ournaling is always powcrul. I rccommcnd Lo my
clicnLs LhaL Lhcy bcgin Lo capLurc Lhcir LhoughLs on a daily basis. IL's noL
ncccssary Lo bc ancy abouL Lhis. Simply scL a pad o papcr in a placc LhaL will
caLch your aLLcnLion cvcry day. Pick onc Limc cach day Lo rclccLciLhcr irsL
Lyn Jeffress
!
231

Lhing in Lhc morning or Loward Lhc cnd o Lhc day. Ovcr Limc, whaL will
happcn is our rcadcrs will bcgin Lo scc LhaL paLLcrns cmcrgc. This is cspccially
hclpul in dcLcrmining whaL's happcning wiLh your cncrgy and your
cnLhusiasm.

A sccond Lcchniquc LhaL I usc comcs rom MarLin Scligman's work. IL's callcd
Thc Thrcc CraLiLudcs" and Lhis is a anLasLic cxcrcisc. Thc way LhaL Lhis works
is you scL a pad o papcr on your nighLsLand and shorLly bcorc rcLiring or Lhc
cvcning, wriLc down Lhrcc Lhings LhaL occurrcd during Lhc day or which you
are gratcul. Thcn, pick Lhc onc LhaL was mosL imporLanL Lo you and Lhink
abouL LhaL in dcLail. Whilc you'rc alling aslccp, rclivc iL cxacLly as you rccall iL
and Lhink abouL Lhc rolc LhaL you playcd in bringing Lhis cvcnL abouL. WhaL
you will ind is LhaL your spiriLs will bc vcry high whcn you wakc in Lhc
morning and you bcgin Lo ccl in conLrol o bringing good Lhings inLo your lic.

A Lhird approach is Lo work on Lhc skill o listening. IisLcning is a diiculL and
amazing arL. To jusL bc Lhcrc or somconc clsc, Lo sLay ocuscd on whaL Lhc
oLhcr pcrson is saying, and Lo bc ablc Lo rclccL back on whaL you'vc hcard gocs
a long way in building rclaLionships. Morc imporLanLly, iL Lcachcs you abouL
yourscl. You will bcgin Lo rccognizc whcn somcLhing is accLing you or
inorming you. As I mcnLioncd prcviously, Lhis will hclp Lo cxpand your
awarcncss o Lhc opporLuniLics prcscnLcd Lo you. You havc Lo rcmain prcscnL
and opcn Lo Lhc convcrsaLion occurring in ronL o you.

My ourLh Lcchniquc is callcd mind mapping. For anyonc who has noL donc
Lhis, I will Lcll you iL is grcaL un. 3usL Lakc a grcaL big piccc o papcr and bcgin
Lo capLurc idcas, LhoughLs, cars, and drcamsjusL as Lhcy pop inLo your
mind. Oncc you havc Lhosc Lhings on your papcr, bcgin Lo caLalog Lhcm, group
Lhcm, and Lic Lhcm LogcLhcr. WhaL cmcrgcs is a picLurc o your soul's grcaLcsL
dcsirc. For Lhosc who arc noL arLisLic, iL can bc un jusL Lo gcL a sLack o
magazincs and cuL ouL picLurcs, words, and/or imagcs LhaL capLurc your
aLLcnLion. Arrangc Lhcm on your papcr and you will bcgin Lo scc your own
picLurc cmcrgc rom Lhc collagc.

Thc lasL proccss I rccommcnd is LhaL o sLaying in curiosiLy. Usc Lhc technique
of inquiry. Ask oLhcrs or Lhcir LhoughLs and Lhcir imprcssions. You will alrcady
havc your own LhoughLs and imprcssions. As you lisLcn Lo oLhcrs, you will ind

232

yourscl growing and adjusLing your awarcncss, your LhoughLs, and your own
acLions.

WRIGHT
So how would you summarizc your philosophy o succcss`

JEFFRESS
My philosophy is to know LhaL you arc Lruly uniquc, honor Lhc uniqucncss
o oLhcrs, and scck syncrgy raLhcr Lhan scparaLion.

WRIGHT
Would you Lcll our rcadcrs morc abouL syncrgy vcrsus scparaLion`

JEFFRESS
I am awarc LhaL Lhc word syncrgy" is oLcn ovcruscd. WhaL is inLcresting to
mc is LhaL Lhc word synergy has iLs origin in ancicnL Crcck and iL mcans
coopcraLion and working LogcLhcr. I you look up Lhc dciniLion o syncrgy in
Lhc modcrn dicLionary, you'll ind a dcscripLion LhaL sLaLcs, Thc inLcracLion o
Lwo or morc orccs so LhaL Lhcir combincd cccL is grcaLcr Lhan Lhc sum o
Lhcir individual parLs." ScparaLion is jusL Lhc opposiLc. InsLcad o combining
corLs or a grcaLcr ouLcomc, wiLh scparaLion, cach pcrson, cach Lcam, cach
organizaLion, holds Lhcir corLs aparL. Thcrcorc, Lhc mosL you can hopc or is
Lhc maximum conLribuLion o cach scparaLc piccc. WiLh syncrgy you gcL onc
plus one equals three or more. WiLh scparaLion you gcL onc and onc, or i you'rc
lucky, onc plus one equaling two.

WRIGHT
So do the steppingsLoncs LhaL you havc ouLlincd apply in boLh pcrsonal lic
as wcll as in Lhc workplacc`

JEFFRESS
Ycs, I bclicvc Lhcy do. WhcLhcr you'rc Lalking abouL amily, ricndships,
school, work, or hobbics, lic will bc cnrichcd by ollowing Lhcsc
sLcppingsLoncs. Imaginc whaL can bc crcaLcd by individuals, cach bringing Lhcir
Lyn Jeffress
!
233

bcsL Lo a parLncrship or Lo a Lcam or Lo Lhc organizaLion or which Lhcy work.
You can scc LhaL acLion would bubblc up Lo an incrcdiblc conLribuLion i
poLcnLial was ully unlcashcd. Somc o Lhc morc popular buzzwords in Loday's
workplacc arc employee engagement and empowerment. When people are able to
connccL wiLh whaL and how Lhcy do Lhcir bcsL work, and ully uLilizc whaL Lhcy
bring inLo Lhc workplacc, ull cngagcmcnL and cmpowcrmcnL arc rcalizcd. This
bccomcs a win-win or cvcryonc.

WRIGHT
Would you sharc a couplc cxamplcs o succcsscs rom your coaching and
aciliLaLion pracLiccs`

JEFFRESS
Thank you, David, I would lovc Lo. I havc Lhrcc cxamplcs LhaL comc Lo mind
and I'm going Lo Lic Lhcm back Lo my sLcppingsLoncs.

Thc irsL is around Lhc conccpLs o being an observer of yourself and monitoring
your self-talk. WhaL comcs Lo mind or mc is an individual I workcd wiLh who
bclicvcd LhaL shc was bcing ovcrlookcd in Lhc workplacc and noL bcing allowcd
Lo parLicipaLc and grow ully in hcr work. Hcr bclic was hcr rcaliLy. Shc could
givc mc cxamplc aLcr cxamplc o how somcLhing LhaL shc was inLcrcsLcd in
was givcn Lo somconc clsc Lo work on. Oncc shc bccamc clcar on how and
whaL shc wanLcd Lo conLribuLc, opporLuniLics miraculously bcgan Lo appcar.
Hcr scl-pcrccpLion and scl-Lalk wcrc aLLracLing Lhc cxpcricnccs and
opporLuniLics shc wanLcd. Hcr awarcncss, hcr body languagc, and hcr
inLcracLion wiLh oLhcrs communicaLcd clcarly whaL conLribuLion shc wanLcd
Lo makc. Shc ound hcrscl providcd wiLh Lhosc opporLuniLics.

My sccond cxamplc is rclated to checking your judgment. I havc a avoriLc sLory
abouL Lhis. I had an opporLuniLy Lo work wiLh a Lcam LhaL had cxpcricnccd a
scnior lcadcrship changc and Lhc Lcam was noL rcsponding wcll Lo LhaL changc.
A grcaL dcal o comparison was bcing madc bcLwccn Lhc ncw lcadcr and Lhc
prcvious lcadcr. Pcoplc on Lhc Lcam had bccomc vcry criLical o Lhc ncw
lcadcr's sLylc and Lhc Lcam was loundcring in pcrormancc. Thc Lcam clL LhaL
Lhc lcadcr Look Loo long Lo makc a dccision. Thc lcadcr clL Lhc pcoplc wcrc
acLing wiLhouL ully cvaluaLing Lhc impacL o Lhcir acLions. In working wiLh

234

Lhis Lcam, I was ablc Lo hclp cach mcmbcr o Lhc Lcam undcrsLand his or hcr
uniquc conLribuLion and also Lo scc LhaL cach o Lhc oLhcr mcmbcrs had a
uniquc conLribuLion Lo makc. By coming Lo apprcciaLc Lhc approach LhaL cach
mcmbcr o Lhc Lcam uscd or analysis and acLion, Lhcy wcrc all ablc Lo crcaLc
agrccmcnL on Lhc Lcam's approach and Lhcrcby gain Lhc mosL rom cach
mcmbcr's sLylc.

My lasL cxamplc is around Lhc arL o true dialog. I was vcry orLunaLc Lo bc
givcn Lhc opporLuniLy Lo do somc work wiLh a ncwly scaLcd, all volunLccr,
board o dirccLors. This group o individuals was going Lo bc LogcLhcr or onc
ycar. Thcy camc rom dicrcnL placcsgcographically as wcll as
organizationallyand cach hcld dicrcnL posiLions in his or hcr homc
organizaLion. WhaL was imporLanL was Lo discovcr Lhc bcsL way or Lhis varicd
group Lo comc LogcLhcr, Lo makc conLribuLions, and Lo scrvc Lhc grcaLcr
organizaLion in Lhc ycar ahcad. By opcning awarcncss and crcaLing dialoguc
among Lhc mcmbcrs, Lhc board was ablc Lo bcLLcr undcrsLand how Lo work
LogcLhcr. DcspiLc disLancc and dicrcnccs Lhcy wcrc ablc Lo achicvc maximum
combincd corL or Lhc organizaLion Lhcy wcrc going Lo scrvc.

WRIGHT
I undcrsLand LhaL you arc also a sLudcnL o brain physiology. How docs LhaL
coursc o sLudy iL wiLh Lhc work you'rc doing`

JEFFRESS
David, my sLudy o ncuroscicncc is pcrccLly aligncd wiLh my philosophy or
succcss. WhaL wc know rom cxLcnsivc brain rcscarch is LhaL Lhcrc arc our
quadranLs in Lhc brain and cach quadranL conLrols a dicrcnL Lypc o Lhinking
and bchaving. For cach o us, Lhcrc is onc o Lhcsc our quadranLs LhaL is highly
cicicnL. Thc oLhcr Lhrcc arc lcss cicicnL and Lhcrcorc rcquirc morc cncrgy.
PFT (PosiLron Fmission Tomography) scans havc shown LhaL whcn a pcrson is
using his or hcr prccrrcd modc o Lhinking, LhaL quadranL o Lhc brain shows
up on Lhc scan wiLh Lhc color bluc, which mcans LhaL iL is coolit is operating
cicicnLly. To usc any o Lhc oLhcr Lhrcc modcs o Lhinking shows up on Lhc
scan as rcd, or hoL. IiLcrally, Lhc corL and Lhc amounL o oxygcn divcrLcd Lo
the non-prccrrcd quadranLs o Lhc brain is a sLrain on Lhc individual. Thc
Lyn Jeffress
!
235

rcsulLs o opcraLing in Lhosc non-prccrrcd quadranLs includc cxhausLion,
dcprcssion, anxicLy, and burnouL.
WiLh many o my clicnLs, I havc uscd an insLrumcnL dcvclopcd by Dr.
KaLhcrinc Bcnzigcr. This insLrumcnL dcLcrmincs which quadranL o Lhc brain is
mosL dcvclopcd and mosL cicicnL or cach pcrson LcsLcd. I usc Lhis asscssmcnL
wiLh individuals who rcporL LhaL Lhcy ccl inauLhcnLic in somc way or LhaL Lhcy
bclicvc Lhcy arc pursuing Lhc wrong paLh in lic. This oLcn prcscnLs iLscl
Loward middlc agc or during a mid-lic LransiLion.
Howcvcr, I bclicvc Lhis insLrumcnL is o incrcdiblc valuc Lo pcoplc as Lhcy
arc bcginning Lhcir carccrs. Thc inormaLion hclps individuals Lo undcrsLand
whaL works bcsL or Lhcm. How Lhis applics Lo my philosophy or succcss is
cxacLly Lhc samc as I dcscribcd carlicr in our convcrsaLioni you Lry Lo bc likc
somconc clsc, i you arc noL awarc o your own scl and your own giLs, you may
acLually bc doing damagc. MosL ccrLainly you arc noL living up Lo your own
poLcnLial.

WRIGHT
Your company is callcd Imagincd FuLurc. WhaL is Lhc uLurc LhaL you
imaginc`

JEFFRESS
David, Lhc uLurc I imaginc begins today. As cach o us sLrivcs Lo aLLain our
Lruc poLcnLial, and as wc lcarn Lo apprcciaLc dicrcnccs around us, wc will pass
LhaL lcarning on Lo uLurc gcncraLions.
I cnvision a uLurc whcrc pcoplc arc allowcd and cncouragcd Lo grow inLo
Lhcir own poLcnLial, whcrc childrcn who arrivc in Lhis world arc cncouragcd Lo
bc curious abouL lic, and whcrc childrcn arc raiscd wiLh lovc and arc nurLurcd
Lo cmbracc Lhcir uniqucncss. Whcn wc allow childrcn Lo grow up
understanding that they are unique and to value that everyonc around Lhcm
brings dicrcnL giL, Lhcn wc will havc Lruc divcrsiLy.
I'm rcmindcd o a song rom Lhc Broadway play South Pacific. The song is
LiLlcd, You'vc CoL Lo bc TaughL." Many o our rcadcrs may bc amiliar wiLh Lhis
poignanL song, which rcminds us so clcarly LhaL divisions, car, and biascs arc
noL somcLhing wiLh which wc comc inLo Lhis world as a child. Thosc Lhings arc

236

LaughL Lo us. So, in my imagincd uLurc, wc will Lcach pcoplc Lo valuc
dicrcnccs and Lo bring cach dicrcncc inLo Lhc wcaving o a bcauLiul
LapcsLry, ull o uniquc colors, paLLcrns, and Lhrcads.

WRIGHT
Wcll, whaL an inLcrcsLing convcrsaLion. I'vc Lakcn so many noLcs hcrc. I was
promising myscl LhaL I was going Lo sLarL journaling and gcL inLo Lhc Lhrcc
gratitudes, and lisLcning, and mind mapping, and inquiry as you wcrc Lalking. I
havc rcally cnjoycd Lhis convcrsaLion. I'vc lcarncd a loL and I'm surc LhaL our
rcadcrs will. I apprcciaLc Laking all Lhis Limc you'vc Lakcn Lo spcnd wiLh mc Lhis
morning answcring Lhcsc qucsLions.

JEFFRESS
Thank you, David. I havc also cnjoycd our Limc LogcLhcr.

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh Iyn 3crcss. Iyn is Lhc Foundcr and
PrcsidcnL o Imagincd FuLurc, a coaching, consulLing, and Lraining
organizaLion. Shc hclps individuals, Lcams, and organizaLions discovcr and
maximizc Lhcir pcrormancc. Hcr passion is hclping oLhcrs discovcr and rclcasc
Lhcir poLcnLial. IisLcning Lo hcr Loday, I Lhink shc knows whaL shc is Lalking
abouL.
Iyn, Lhank you so much or bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to
Success.

JEFFRESS
Thank you.
237

LYN JEFFRESS is Foundcr and PrcsidcnL o Imagincd FuLurc, Inc
, a
coaching, consulLing, and Lraining organizaLion. Iyn's passion is hclping oLhcrs
discovcr and rclcasc Lhcir poLcnLial and livc Lhc lic Lhcy'vc only drcamcd o.
Iyn holds boLh a masters dcgrcc in Icadcrship and an MBA. In addiLion,
Iyn rcccivcd hcr coaching ccrLiicaLion rom Lhc Hudson InsLiLuLc and has had
Lhc honor o sLudying wiLh visionary Lhinkcrs such as MarLin Scligman,
SLcphcn R. Covcy, David I. Coopcrridcr, as wcll as movic produccr, SLcphcn
Simon.
Through Lhc work o Imagincd FuLurc, Inc. Iyn hclps individuals, Lcams,
and organizaLions discovcr and maximizc Lhcir pcrormancc. Hcr work wiLh
Lcams rcsulLs in incrcascd undcrsLanding o Lhc poLcnLial o cach mcmbcr. Shc
also hclps Lo shiL paradigms wiLhin organizaLions in ordcr Lo improvc Lhc
conLribuLion o cach Lcam Lo Lhc organizaLion.

LYN JEFFRESS
l2032 SF KcnL-Kanglcy Road, SuiLc 255
KcnL, WA 0S030
253-239-1387
lynjimagincduLurc.com
www.imagincduLurc.com


238

239

C HA P T E R S I X T E E N
Dcvclop a Disciplincd Iic
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Dr. Denis Waitley
Today wc arc Lalking wiLh Dr. Dcnis WaiLlcy. Dcnis is onc o Amcrica's mosL
rcspccLcd auLhors, kcynoLc lccLurcrs, and producLiviLy consulLanLs on high
pcrormancc human achicvcmcnL. Hc has inspircd, inormcd, challcngcd, and
cnLcrLaincd audicnccs or morc Lhan LwcnLy-ivc ycars rom Lhc boardrooms o
mulLi-naLional corporaLions Lo Lhc conLrol rooms o NASA's spacc program and
rom Lhc lockcr rooms o world-class aLhlcLcs Lo Lhc mccLing rooms o Lhousands
o convcnLionccrs LhroughouL Lhc world.
WiLh morc Lhan Lcn million audio programs sold in ourLeen languages, Denis
WaiLlcy is Lhc mosL lisLcncd-Lo voicc on pcrsonal and carccr succcss. Hc is Lhc
auLhor o Lwclvc non-icLion books, including scvcral inLcrnaLional bcsLscllcrs. His
audio album, Thc Psychology o Winning," is Lhc all-Limc bcsL-selling program on
scl-masLcry. Dr. WaiLlcy is a ounding dirccLor o Lhc NaLional Council on Scl-
FsLccm and Lhc PrcsidcnL's Council on VocaLional FducaLion. Hc rcccnLly rcccivcd

240

Lhc YouLh Flamc Award" rom Lhc NaLional Council on YouLh Icadcrship or his
outsLanding conLribuLion Lo high school youLh lcadcrship.
A graduaLc o Lhc U.S. Naval Acadcmy Annapolis, and ormcr Navy piloL, hc
holds a docLoraLc dcgrcc in human bchavior.
Dcnis, iL is my sinccrc plcasurc Lo wclcomc you Lo Stepping Stones to Success!
Thank you or bcing wiLh us Loday.

DR. DENIS WAITLEY (WAITLEY)
David, iL's grcaL Lo bc wiLh you again. IL's bccn Loo long. I always gcL cxciLcd
whcn I know you'rc going Lo call. Maybc wc can makc somc good Lhings happcn
or Lhosc who arc rcally inLcrcsLcd in gcLLing ahcad and moving orward wiLh Lhcir
own carccrs in Lhcir livcs.

WRIGHT
I know our rcadcrs would cnjoy hcaring you Lalk abouL your ormaLivc ycars.
Will you Lcll us a liLLlc abouL your lic growing up in Lhc conLcxL o whaL you'vc
achicvcd and whaL shapcd you inLo Lhc pcrson you arc Loday` Do you rcmcmbcr
onc or Lwo pivoLal cxpcricnccs LhaL propcllcd you on Lhc paLh you cvcnLually
chosc`

WAITLEY
I bclicvc many o us arc rcdwood Lrccs in a lowcrpoL. Wc'vc bccomc rooL-
bound by our carlicr cnvironmcnL and iL's up Lo cach o us Lo rcalizc LhaL and
brcak ouL o our lowcr poL i wc'rc going Lo grow Lo our ull poLcnLial.
I rcmcmbcr my aLhcr lcL our homc whcn I was a liLLlc boy. Hc said goodnighL
and goodbyc and suddcnly I bccamc Lhc man o Lhc amily aL agc ninc. My liLLlc
broLhcr was only Lwo, so I had Lo carry him around as my liLLlc shadow or Lhc
cnsuing ycars. To Lhis day my kid broLhcr has always lookcd aL mc as his dad, cvcn
Lhough Lhcrc is only scvcn ycars' dicrcncc bcLwccn us. Hc'll phonc mc and ask
whaL hc should do and I'll Lcll him, I'm your broLhcr, noL your aLhcr!"
Our dad was a grcaL guy buL hc drank Loo much and had somc habiLs LhaL Look
a irm hold on him. Hc ncvcr abuscd mc and always cxpccLcd morc rom mc Lhan
hc did rom himscl. I had a push-pullon Lhc onc hand, I clL inadcquaLc and
Dr. Denis Waitley

241

guilLy whcn I would go Lo succccd buL on Lhc oLhcr hand, Dad kcpL ccding mc Lhc
idca LhaL hc misscd his ship and I'd caLch minc. Thc only Lhing I could do Lo gcL ouL
o LhaL rollcr coasLcr impacL was Lo ridc my bicyclc LwcnLy milcs cvcry SaLurday
ovcr Lo my grandmoLhcr's housc. Shc was my cscapc. I would mow hcr lawn and
shc would givc mc such grcaL ccdback and rcinorccmcnL. Shc Lold mc Lo planL
Lhc sccds o grcaLncss as shc and I planLcd our vicLory gardcn" during World War
II. Shc Lold mc LhaL wccds would comc unannounccd and uninviLcdI didnt need
Lo worry abouL wccds coming inLo my lic, Lhcy didn'L cvcn nccd Lo bc waLcrcd.
I said, Wow! You don'L havc Lo waLcr wccds`"
No," shc rcplicd, Lhcy'll show up in your lic and whaL you nccd Lo do, my
grandson, is modcl your lic aLcr pcoplc who'vc bccn consisLcnL and rcal in Lhcir
conLribuLion as rolc modcls and mcnLors."
Shc also Lold mc LhaL a library card would cvcnLually bc much morc valuablc
Lhan a MasLcr Card. Bccausc o my grandmoLhcr rcading biographics o pcoplc
who'd ovcrcomc so much morc Lhan I was going Lhrough, I LhoughL, Wow! I don'L
havc any problcms comparcd Lo somc o Lhcsc grcaL pcoplc in hisLory who rcally
camc rom bchind Lo gcL ahcad." I Lhink LhaL was my sLarL in lic.
I wcnL Lo Lhc Naval Acadcmy bccausc Lhc Korcan War was in orcc and you had
Lo scrvc your counLry, so Lhc bcsL way was Lo run and hidc in an acadcmy. I you
earned enough good grades you wcrc puL Lhrough wiLhouL a scholarship or wiLhouL
moncy rom your parcnLs. Sincc my parcnLs didn'L havc any moncy, iL was a grcaL
way Lo gcL a collcgc cducaLion.
I bccamc a Navy piloL aLcr LhaL and lcarncd LhaL i you simulaLc and rchcarsc
properly youll probably lcarn Lo ly LhaL machinc. BuL much o iL has Lo do wiLh
Lhc amounL o pracLicc you puL inLo ground school and inLo going Lhrough Lhc
paccs. As I gaincd cxpcricncc bcing a Navy piloL, I cvcnLually dccidcd Lo go on and
gcL my advanccd dcgrcc in psychology bccausc I wanLcd Lo dcvclop pcoplc raLhcr
Lhan sLay in Lhc miliLary. I pursucd a program whcrc I could Lakc my miliLary and
morc disciplincd background and puL iL inLo human dcvclopmcnL. ThaL's basically
Lhc sLory.
I carncd my docLoraLc, I mcL 3onas Salk, and Dr. Salk inLroduccd mc Lo somc
pionccrs in Lhc bchavioral icld. Thcn along camc Farl NighLingalc who hcard jusL
a simplc Lapcd cvcning spccch o minc and dccidcd LhaL maybc my voicc was good

242

cnough, cvcn Lhough I was a ncw kid on Lhc block," Lo maybc do an album on
pcrsonal dcvclopmcnL, which I did in l07S. IL surpriscd mc Lhc mosL, and
cvcryonc clsc also, LhaL iL bccamc onc o Lhc bcsLscllcrs o all Limc.

WRIGHT
Bcing a graduaLc o Annapolis and having bccn a Navy piloL, Lo whaL dcgrcc did
your cxpcricncc in Lhc Navy shapc your lic and your idcas abouL producLiviLy and
pcrormancc`

WAITLEY
David, I Lhink Lhosc cxpcricnccs shapcd my lic and idcas a grcaL dcal. I was an
original surcr boy rom Caliornia and whcn I cnLcrcd Lhc Naval Acadcmy I ound
LhaL surcr boys had Lhcir hcads shavcd and wcrc Lold Lo go sLand in linc
cvcryonc's succcssul so you'rc noLhing spccial. I ound myscl on a Lcam LhaL was
vcry compcLiLivc buL aL Lhc samc Limc had good camaradcric.
I rcalizcd LhaL I didn'L havc Lhc kind o disciplinc sLrucLurc in my lic LhaL I
nccdcd. I also discovcrcd LhaL all Lhcsc oLhcr guys wcrc as LalcnLcd, or morc
LalcnLcd, Lhan I was. WhaL LhaL shapcd or mc was rcalizing LhaL Lhc corL
rcquircd Lo bccomc succcssul is habiL-orming. I Lhink I lcarncd hcalLhy habiLs aL
Lhc Acadcmy and as a Navy piloL jusL Lo sLay alivc. To pcrorm Lhcsc kinds o
uncLions I rcally had Lo havc a morc disciplincd lic. ThaL scL mc on my sLagc or
working morc on a daily basis aL habiL ormaLion Lhan jusL bcing a posiLivc Lhinkcr
only.

WRIGHT
In our book, Stepping Stones to Success, wc'rc cxploring a varicLy o issucs
rclaLcd Lo human naLurc and Lhc qucsL Lo succccd. In your bcsL-sclling program,
The Psychology of Winning, you ocus on building scl-csLccm, moLivaLion, and scl-
disciplinc. Why arc Lhcsc so crucial Lo winning and succcss`

WAITLEY
Thcy'rc so crucial Lhcy'rc misundcrsLood. I Lhink cspccially Lhc Lcrm scl-
csLccm" is misundcrsLood. Wc'vc spcnL a orLunc and wc had a Caliornia
Dr. Denis Waitley

243

committee on itwc ormcd Lhc NaLional Council on Scl-FsLccm. WhaL has
happcncd, in my opinion, is LhaL scl-csLccm has bccn misuscd and misjudgcd as
bcing scl-indulgcncc, scl-graLiicaLiona cclcbriLy kind o mcnLaliLy. Wc'vc puL
Loo much cmphasis on Lhc wrong idca abouL scl-csLccm.
Scl-csLccm is acLually Lhc dccp down, insidc Lhc skin ccling o your own worLh
rcgardlcss o your agc, cLhniciLy, gcndcr, or lcvcl o currcnL pcrormancc. IL's rcally
a bclic LhaL you'rc good cnough Lo invcsL in cducaLion and corL and you bclicvc
somc kind o drcam whcn LhaL's all you havc Lo hang onLo.
WhaL's happcncd, unorLunaLcly, is LhaL wc'vc paid so much aLLcnLion Lo scl-
csLccm iL's bccomc a cclcbriLy and an arcna mcnLaliLy kind o conccpL. MosL pcoplc
arc sLruLLin' Lhcir sLu" and Lhcy'rc cclcbraLing aLcr cvcry good play on Lhc
aLhlcLic icld, whcrcas, i you'rc a real procssional, LhaL's whaL you do anyway. A
rcal procssional is humblc, gracious, and undcrsLands ans. I Lhink LhaL whaL
wc'vc donc is puL Loo much cmphasis on asscrLing onc's scl and bclicving LhaL
you'rc Lhc grcaLcsL and Lhcn Lalking abouL iL Loo much or showing o Loo much in
ordcr Lo makc LhaL scl-csLccm public.
Thc rcal scl-csLccm has Lwo aspccLs: l) Bclicving LhaL you dcscrvc as much as
anyonc clsc and LhaL you'rc worLhy. Somconc may look aL you and Lcll you Lhcy scc
rcal poLcnLial in you. I you can ccl LhaL you havc poLcnLial and you'rc worLh Lhc
corL, LhaL's Lhc irsL sLcp. 2) Thc sccond sLcp is Lo sLarL doing Lhings Lo givc you
conidcncc so LhaL whcn you do somcLhing and lcarn somcLhing iL works ouL and
you'll gcL Lhc scl-conidcncc LhaL comcs rom rcinorcing small succcsscs. ThaL
combinaLion o cxpccLaLion and rcinorccmcnL is undamcnLal Lo anyonc who
wanLs Lo bc a high achicvcr. ThaL's whaL scl-csLccm is rcally all abouLdeserving
on Lhc onc hand and rcinorcing succcss in small ways Lo gcL your moLor running
and ccl Lhc conidcncc LhaL you can do bcLLcr Lhan you havc bccn.
Fcars crop up and gcL in Lhc way o our moLivaLion. In my casc I was araid o
succcss. Nobody had cvcr succccdcd in our amily and bccausc Lhcy hadn'L, I clL
inadcquaLc Lo bc ablc Lo succccd. Whcncvcr iL would show up around Lhc corncr I
would Lhink, Wcll, Lhis is Loo good Lo bc Lruc or mcI dont deservc LhaL." So I
would ccl a liLLlc biL doubLul o my abiliLics. Whcn I would succccd, Lhcrc would
bc an aLLcndanL, Yclp!" I would ccl bccausc I would noL bclicvc I dcscrvcd whaL I
had achicvcd.

244

I Lhink car is Lhc Lhing LhaL gcLs in Lhc way o our moLivaLion bccausc wc'rc all
moLivaLcd by inhibiLions and compulsions. You should bc moLivaLcd morc by Lhc
rcsulL you wanL raLhcr Lhan Lhc pcnalLy. ThaL's why I'vc always said LhaL winncrs
arc moLivaLcd by rcward o succcss raLhcr Lhan inhibiLcd or compcllcd by the
pcnalLy o ailurc. I you gcL Lhis convicLion LhaL you'rc as good as Lhc bcsL buL no
better than the restI'm worLh Lhc corL, I'm noL Mr. Wondcrul, I'm noL Lhc
ccnLcr o Lhc univcrsc buL I can do somc Lhings LhaL I havcn'L donc ycLand then
apply Lhis moLivaLion Lo dcsirc raLhcr Lhan car, LhaL is whcn scl-disciplinc comcs
inLo play.
I'd havc Lo say, David, I could spcnd Lhc cnLirc inLcrvicw on scl-disciplinc
bccausc I misscd iL as onc o Lhc mosL imporLanL ingrcdicnLs in succcss. I'vc always
bccn a bclic guy, an opLimism guy, a aiLh guy, and all Lhc scl-csLccm Lhings buL I
Lhink, as Limc wcnL on, I orgoL Lhc amounL o disciplinc iL Lakcs or anyonc who is
a champion in any cndcavor. I Lhink I'm back on LhaL Lrack now.

WRIGHT
I can rcally apprcciaLc Lhc Flamc Award you won rom Lhc NaLional Council on
YouLh Icadcrship or hclping high school lcadcrs. I'vc goL a daughLcr in collcgc and
I know how diiculL and imporLanL iL is. BuL in somc circlcs, scl-csLccm has
gotten a bad repuLaLion. For cxamplc, in many schools, Lcachcrs won'L rcward high
achicvcrs or car o hurLing Lhc scl-csLccm o oLhcrs in Lhc classroom. Many
pcoplc ccl Lhis is noL hclpul Lo Lhcsc childrcn.
In your opinion, whcrc is Lhc balancc bcLwccn building hcalLhy scl-csLccm and
prcparing kids and adulLs Lo copc and succccd in a compcLiLivc world`

WAITLEY
I Lhink LhaL Lhcrc has Lo irsL o all bc somc kind o pcrormancc sLandard. A
good cxamplc is Lhc Olympic Camcs. Thc idca o Lhc Olympic Camcs is Lo scL a
sLandard LhaL you'vc Lricd Lo livc up Lo in your own way as a world-class pcrson,
rcalizing LhaL Lhcrc can only bc so many Olympians and so many gold mcdalisLs
and so on. I Lhink, on Lhc onc hand, iL's rcally imporLanL Lo havc sLandards bccausc
i you havc a sLandard, Lhcn you havc somcLhing Langiblc Lo shooL or or Lo
mcasurc againsL.
Dr. Denis Waitley

245

I Lhink Lhcrc's a problcm, howcvcr, in LhaL only so many pcoplc can bc
mcdalisLs and win mcdals aL Lhc Olympics. Onc o Lhc rcasons LhaL Lhc high jump
bar, or cxamplc, is scL so LhaL cvcryonc can jump ovcr iL Lhc irsL Limc, is Lo
cxpcricncc Lhc ccling o succcss LhaL irsL jump produccs. Thc ccling o succcss is
working in Lhc compcLiLor bcorc Lhc bar is raiscd Lo world rccord hcighL and Lo
much highcr sLandards Lhan cvcn Lhc normal Olympian.
I'm onc who bclicvcs in LcsLing. IL's diiculL whcn you havc a No Child IcL
Bchind" conccpL bccausc many Limcs Loday wc'rc going pass/ail. Wc'rc moving
pcoplc up Lhrough Lhc gradcs rcgardlcss o Lhcir pcrormancc simply bccausc wc
don'L wanL Lhcm lcL bchind and Lhcrcorc ccling LhaL Lhcy'rc noL ablc Lo uncLion
simply bccausc Lhcy can'L compcLc wiLh somc sLudcnLs who'vc bccn givcn many
morc opporLuniLics Lo succccd Lhan oLhcrs.
Having said LhaL, I'd say LhaL hcalLhy scl-esteem is gaincd by giving spcciic
stair-sLcp, incrcmcnLal, biLc-sizcd picccs, pcrhaps Lhcrc nccds Lo bc scvcral
dicrcnL sLandards scL. Usually Lhc grading sysLcm docs LhaL and Lhc poinL sysLcm
docs LhaL whcrc you havc somconc who has a our poinL Lhrcc grade average
bccausc o all Lhc cxLra crcdiLs Lhcy'rc Laking. Thcn you havc Lhosc wiLh a Lhrcc
poinL cighL and Lhcn Lhosc who arc jusL barcly passing. UnorLunaLcly Lhcn, whaL
LhaL docs is cnablc only a cw pcoplc Lo gcL inLo univcrsiLics and Lhc oLhcrs havc to
go Lo communiLy collcgcs.
WhaL I will havc Lo say, howcvcr, is LhaL wc in Lhc UniLcd SLaLcs havc Lo bc vcry
carcul LhaL wc don'L dumb down or lowcr our sLandards or cxccllcncc in our
schools. Travcling as much as I do, I havc discovcrcd inormaLion abouL Lhis. For
cxamplc, Lhcrc arc 300 univcrsiLics in Bcijing aloncjusL in onc ciLy in China. Thc
way iL gocs inLcrnaLionally is LhaL Lhc public schools in 3apan, or cxamplc, arc
much morc compcLiLivc Lhan Lhc privaLc schools. I you'rc in 3apan going Lo a
public school, you havc Lo rcally pcrorm up Lo Lhc highcsL sLandards in ordcr Lo
cvcr Lhink o qualiying or any kind o univcrsiLy. You'd havc Lo go inLo a
vocaLional school i you didn'L compcLc in highcr sLandards in public schools in
3apan. Thc samc Lhing is Lruc in Singaporc, China, and in Lhc dcvcloping naLions.
Wc havc a siLuaLion brcwing hcrc whcrc wc'vc goL global dcvcloping counLrics
wiLh rcally high sLandards in Fnglish, maLhcmaLics, cnginccring, and scicncc. And
wc havc cducaLors in Lhc UniLcd SLaLcs who arc morc conccrncd abouL making

246

surc LhaL Lhc scl-csLccm o an individual docsn'L gcL damagcd by Lhis compcLiLivc
sLandard. I Lhink wc havc Lo mainLain sLandards o cxccllcncc.
I wish wc had kcpL drcss codcs in schools. I havc ound schools that have
marching bands. A ccrLain amounL o uniormiLy noL only cncouragcs grcaLcr
aLhlcLic pcrormancc buL highcr acadcmic sLandards as wcll. Thc samc is Lruc
globally. Thcrc's an argumcnL LhaL i you puL kids in uniorms, you'rc going Lo limiL
their crcaLivc Lhinking. Thc LruLh is, i you can sLandardizc Lhc way pcoplc appcar
in Lhcir sLylc, Lhcn you can ocus morc on subsLanccLhcir cxpcricncc,
imaginaLion, conLribuLion, and Lhcir sLudy. Thc corc o an individual raLhcr Lhan
Lhc suracc o an individual can bc dcvclopcd much bcLLcr. IL would bc grcaL i wc
could combinc Lhc morc disciplincd aspccLs o Lhc dcvcloping counLrics wiLh Lhc
morc cnLrcprcncurial, crcaLivc, rcc-Lhinking aspccLs o our socicLy, which mcans
wc'rc criLical Lhinkcrs (i.c., you Lhrow us a problcm and wc'll Lry cvcryLhing wc can
possibly Lhink o Lo solvc iL). In Lhc dcvcloping counLrics Lhcy'll usc a LcxLbook or
an oldcr pcrson's cxpcricncc raLhcr Lhan using criLical Lhinking.
Wc'rc vcry cnLrcprcncurial hcrc in Amcrica, buL I'm vcry much conccrncd LhaL
our sLandards arc bcing lowcrcd Loo much. I wc'rc noL carcul, wc'rc going Lo Lakc
our placc in Lhc uLurc as a sccond-raLc cducaLional counLry and Lhcrcorc orciL
Lhc idca o bcing a Lcchnological and markcL lcadcr.

WRIGHT
I also hcar grumbling abouL moLivaLion. I'm surc you'vc sccn busincss pcoplc
roll Lhcir cycs a biL aL Lhc mcnLion o lisLcning Lo moLivaLional" Lapcs or CDs.
Somc Lirc o gcLLing all hypcd up abouL changc or salcs goals, or cxamplc, only Lo
losc Lhcir cxciLcmcnL and ail Lo rcach Lhcir goals. Arc Lhcy missing somcLhing
criLical abouL Lhc naLurc or applicaLion o moLivaLion`

WAITLEY
I rcally bclicvc Lhcy arc, David. I Lhink Lhcy'rc missing Lhc idca LhaL whaL you
want in lic Lurns you on much morc Lhan whaL you need in lic. Too oLcn busincss
managcrs cvcn Loday ocus on Lhc hard skills bccausc Lhcy say LhaL Lhc oLhcr skills
arc soL skills." Wcll, Lhcrc's no such Lhing as a hard or soL skill bccausc you can'L
scparaLc your pcrsonal rom your procssional lic anymorc. You gcL ircd morc or
Dr. Denis Waitley

247

personal reasonsor bcing laLc, or your habiLs, or you hygicnc, your bchavior,
your angcr. This idca LhaL Lcchnical Lraining as opposcd Lo moLivaLion is Lhc way Lo
go is misguidcd.
I havc ound LhaL cmployccs arc cxciLcd and arc ull o dcsirc and cncrgy
bccausc managcmcnL lisLcns Lo Lhcm, rcinorccs Lhcm, is inLcrcsLcd in Lhcir
pcrsonal goals, and is inLcrcsLcd in kccping Lhcm inspircd. ThaL inspiraLion is whaL
wc rcmcmbcr. So, whcn wc go Lo a mccLing wc rcmcmbcr how wc clL abouL Lhc
mccLing, noL Lhc spcciics o Lhc mccLing.
I Lhink Lhis cmoLional componcnLkccping pcoplc's cncrgy and dcsircs
orcmosL and doing a dcsirc analysis o cmployccs raLhcr Lhan jusL a nccds
analysisis vcry, vcry imporLanL. I oLcn Lhink Lhis is losL in Lhc idca LhaL wc'rc
giving a pcp Lalk, or a quick ix, or a Band-Aid whcn, as Zig Ziglar has mcnLioncd so
many Limcs, MoLivaLion is likc Laking a baLh. You Lakc a baLh cvcry day and you
mighL say why Lakc a baLhyoure going to get dirty anyway." BuL Lhc vcry naLurc
o doing iL, and doing iL on a habiLual basis, makcs Lhis posiLivc cncrgy conLinuc Lo
low and moLivaLion bccomcs habiL-orming. I Lhink you nccd a loL o iL Lo kccp
Lhcsc habiLs o cxccllcncc or clsc you'll jusL bc running scaredyou'll bc araid noL
Lo do wcll bccausc you'll losc your job.
Bclicvc iL or noL, wc havc a loL o cmployccs in Amcrica who arc working hardcr
Lhan Lhcy cvcr havc bcorc so Lhcy won'L bc ircd. ThaL's noL rcally Lhc way Lo go
aLcr a goalconsLanLly looking Lhrough Lhc rcar vicw mirror Lrying Lo covcr your
bchind.

WRIGHT
I you don'L mind, I'd likc Lo changc Lhc ocus a liLLlc Lo Lhc Lopic o scl-
disciplinc. Pcoplc sccm Lo know whaL Lhcy should do and how Lhcy should changc,
buL Lhcy jusL can'L disciplinc Lhcmsclvcs Lo Lakc Lhc ncccssary sLcps Lo do so. WhaL
is Lhc sccrcL Lo bccoming a disciplincd pcrson`

WAITLEY
I Lhink Lhc sccrcL is Lo gcL a Lcam, a supporL group, a masLcrmind group
bccausc noL only is Lhcrc sacLy in numbcrs buL Lhcrc's accounLabiliLy in numbcrs.
Whcn wc arc accounLablc Lo onc anoLhcr Lo mainLain a ccrLain sLandard o

248

disciplinc, iL's much casicr Lo work ouL i somconc clsc is gcLLing up aL six-thirty in
Lhc morning wiLh you. IL's much casicr Lo havc a supporL group i you'rc inLcrcsted
in mainLaining a hcalLhicr dicL, or cxamplc, bccausc Lhc LcmpLaLions arc
irrcsisLiblc Lo procrasLinaLc and Lo all o Lhc wagon. ThaL's why I bclicvc you nccd
a Lcam corL.
IL also has Lo bc undcrsLood in an immcdiaLc graLiicaLion socicLy LhaL Lhcre is
no succcss pill" LhaL you can swallow. Thcrc is no quick way Lo gcL rich and gcL Lo
Lhc Lop. Thcrc is Lhis sLcady raLchcLing Lo Lhc Lop and LhaL's why I Lhink lcadcrs
nccd Lo say iL's going Lo Lakc us abouL a ycar Lo gcL any pcrmancnL changc going.
So, I Lhink wc should all undcrsLand Lhcrc may bc a liLLlc dip in producLiviLy as wc
sLarL Lhis ncw program o oursa liLLlc dip aL irsL and a liLLlc unccrLainLybut
ovcr Limc, ovcr abouL a ycar, wc'rc going Lo bccomc likc an asLronauL or an
Olympian. Wc nccd Lo cngrain Lhcsc idcas so Lhcy bccomc rclcxivc. IL Lakcs abouL
a ycar or an idca or a habiL Lo bccomc a rclcx. This idca o bcing ablc Lo do iL in
LwcnLy-onc days is misguidcd. I don'L Lhink iL Lakcs LwcnLy-one days to learn a
skill. IL may Lakc Lwenty-onc days Lo lcarn Lo Lypc, iL may Lakc LwcnLy-one days to
bcgin Lo lcarn a skill, buL iL Lakcs a ycar or iL Lo gcL inLo Lhc subconscious and Lakc
hold.
I Lhink wc havc Lo lcarn LhaL disciplinc is pracLicing on a daily basis or abouL a
ycar so LhaL iL will bccomc a habiLa patternLhaL will ovcrridc Lhc old inncr
soLwarc program.

WRIGHT
I'm a big bclicvcr in Lhc grcaLcr poLcnLial o Lhc individual. I rcmcmbcr a
cllowPaul Myerwho hclpcd mc a loL whcn I was a young guy. Hc was in Waco,
Tcxas, wiLh a company callcd Succcss MoLivaLion InsLiLuLc. You may know him.

WAITLEY
I know him vcry wcll. AcLually, hc's onc o Lhc icons and pionccrs in Lhis cnLirc
icld. Hc and Farl NighLingalc wcrc Lhc irsL oncs Lo cvcr havc a rccordcd spcaking
mcssagc oLhcr Lhan music. Farl and Paul wcrc pionccrs in audio rccording and I
havc sLill a grcaL rcspccL or Paul. I spokc or his organizaLion somc Limc ago.

Dr. Denis Waitley

249

WRIGHT
Hc pcrsonally hclpcd mc a loL whcn I was youngcr and I jusL rcally apprcciaLcd
him. In your book and program, Seeds of Greatness, you ouLlinc a sysLcm or
nurLuring grcaLncss. Will you givc us a bric ovcrvicw o Lhis program`

WAITLEY
IL's Lakcn mc LhirLy ycars Lo gcL Lhis Lhing Lo whcrc I wanL iL. I wroLc Lhc book
LwcnLy ycars ago LiLlcd, Seeds of Greatness, and surc, iL bccamc a bcsLscllcr buL so
did One Minute Manager, In Search of Excellence, Iacocca, and cvcry oLhcr book aL
LhaL Limc. I havc Lroublc kccping LhaL Lhing pumpcd up.
Ovcr Lhc ycars I'vc ound LhaL Seeds of Greatness, or mc, has bccn a sysLcm.
WhaL I'vc had Lo do is go back Lhrough all Lhc misLakcs I'vc madc as a amily
lcadcr. I kncw I was a aLhcr and noL a moLhcr and aLhcr so I had Lo ind a moLhcr
who was also a good clinical psychologisL and who had workcd wiLh cvcry orm o
bchavioral problcm. Wc puL our corLs LogcLhcr so LhaL wc had a man and a
woman as amily lcadcrs wiLh clinical and oLhcr cxpcricncc who could givc parcnLs
or leaders o Lhc day a ccrLain Lrack Lo run on whcrc Lhcy could coach Lhcir small
childrcn and adolcsccnLs on a daily basis.
I providcd a pcrpcLual calcndar LhaL givcs coaching Lips o Lhc daywhaL I call
sign on Lhc day" and sign o Lhc day"or parcnLs Lo usc Lo communicaLc wiLh
Lhcir kids. Thcn I had Lo puL nincLccn CDs LogcLhcraudio LracksLhaL covcrcd
Lhcsc rooLs and wings," which I would call Lhc corc valucs" and Lhc morc
moLivaLional or, i you will, ways Lo scL your kids rcc.
Thc idca o parcnLhood should bc Lo lay Lhc groundwork, makc iL sac Lo ail an
cxpcrimcnL, and Lhcn scnd Lhcm o on Lhcir own as indcpcndcnL, noL
codcpcndcnL, young adulLs so Lhcy can rcach Lhcir own dcsLiny. I dividcd iL inLo
rooLs o corc valucs" and wings o scl-moLivaLion and scl-dirccLion" and Lricd Lo
balancc Lhc Lwo so LhaL whcLhcr you'rc rom a blcndcd amily, or a singlc parcnL
amily, and whcLhcr you'rc sLrucLurally rcligious or whcLhcr you'rc spiriLually
rcligious, iL would work, rcgardlcss o your pcrsonal corc bclic sysLcm.
I'm vcry happy LhaL wc'vc inally puL LogcLhcr a scl-sLudy program LhaL can bc
LaughL by Lhc auLhors or by pcoplc who arc liccnscd aciliLaLors. IL's somcLhing
LhaL a amily lcadcrship group could Lakc and work on Lhcir own aL Lhcir own

250

spccd by waLching, lisLcning, inLcracLing wiLh Lhcir kids, and using a combinaLion
o a wriLLcn book, Lhc audios, Lhc DVDs, and Lhis coaching calcndar Lo maybc puL
iL all LogcLhcr so LhaL ovcr a pcriod o six monLhs Lo a ycar Lhcy mighL bc ablc Lo
cccL somc changcs in Lhc way Lhcy inLcracL wiLh Lhcir kids.

WRIGHT
Sounds grcaL! Bcorc our Limc runs ouL, would you sharc a sLory or Lwo abouL
your rcal lic coaching and consulLing cxpcricnccs` I know you'vc coachcd
asLronauLs and Supcr Bowl champions as wcll, havcn'L you`

WAITLEY
Wcll, I havc. I'vc bccn lucky Lo work wiLhin Lhc Apollo program in Lhc
simulaLion arca. I ound LhaL simulaLion prcvcnLs ailurc o Lhc irsL aLLcmpL. In
oLhcr words, i you'rc going Lo go Lo Lhc moon and Lhcy'rc going Lo shooL you up a
quarLcr o a million milcs up and back in a govcrnmcnL vchiclc, you had bcLLcr
havc your rchcarsal down and rcally paL. Thc asLronauLs Lcach you LhaL Lhc drcss
rchcarsal is lic or dcaLh. Thc Olympians Lcach you LhaL aL Lhc momcnL you go Lo
pcrorm, you nccd Lo clcar your mind so you can rcmcmbcr cvcryLhing you lcarncd
wiLhouL Lryingyou dcvclop musclc mcmory and rclcx.
TwcnLy-onc ycars ago whcn Mary Iou RcLLon was doing Lhc vaulL, shc nccdcd a
ninc poinL ninc ivc Lo Lic Lhc Romanian or Lhc gold mcdal in womcn's all around
gymnasLics. I askcd hcr whaL shc was Lhinking abouL whcn shc wcnL Lo vaulL and
shc said, Oh gosh, I gucss whaL cvcryonc Lhinks abouLspccd, powcr, cxplodc,
cxLcnd, roLaLc, planL your ccL aL Lhc cnd. Whcn Lhc prcssurc is on I gcL bcLLcr jusL likc
drill. 'Comc on, Mary Iou, Lhis is your momcnL in hisLory!'!"
I LhoughL, Wow! ThaL's noL whaL cvcryonc Lhinks. WhaL cvcryonc Lhinks is,
'Thank Cod iL's Friday,' 'Why mc`' 'Don'L work Loo hard,' 'CounLin' down Lo
Friday,' 'Iooking Lo ivc P.M.,' 'Romanians arc bcLLcr Lraincd, probably on sLcroids,'
So I gcL Lhcsc sLorics o Olympians who havc inLcrnalizcd Lhis wondcrul running
Lhc racc in advancc and simulaLing as wcll.
I guess the one story that Ill share is about a ten-year-old boy. In about 1980
Lhis boy camc Lo a goal-scLLing scminar. Hc Lold mc LhaL nonc o Lhc pcoplc who
had paid Lhcir moncy wcrc rcally working on Lhcir goals. Thcy wcrc rcally Lhinking
Dr. Denis Waitley

251

abouL whaL Lhcy wcrc going Lo caL and gol. I gavc him a work book and Lold him to
go back and do whaL Lhcy wcrc supposcd Lo do and wriLc down his abiliLics and
liabiliLics, whaL hc was going Lo do Lhis ycar and ncxL ycar and ivc ycars rom now
and LwcnLy ycars rom now. Hc goL all cxciLcd bccausc hc LhoughL iL was Lhis
wondcrul gamc LhaL you can play callcd, WriLc Lhc FuLurc, or Dcscribc Lhc FuLurc.
So hc ran back and workcd on Lhc projccL and orLy-ivc minuLcs laLcr hc
asLoundcd Lhc adulLs in Lhc audicncc by saying hc was carning moncy mowing
lawns and shovcling snow so hc could go Lo Hawaii on Lhc ourLccnLh o 3uly Lo
snorkcl on Lhc big island o Hawaii's Kona CoasL. Thcn hc said ncxL ycar hc'd bc
clcvcn going inLo Lhc iLh gradc and hc was going Lo build modcls o whaL was
going Lo bc a spacc shuLLlc and hc was going Lo bcgin Lo lcarn morc abouL numbcrs
and maLh. In ivc ycars hc'd bc iLccn and as a LcnLh-gradcr. Hc said hc would
sLudy maLh and scicncc bccausc hc wanLcd Lo go Lo Lhc Air Forcc acadcmyhc was
all cxciLcd abouL LhaL. I askcd him whaL hc was going Lo bc doing in LwcnLy ycars
and hc said hc'd bc an asLronauL dclivcring UPS packagcs in spacc.
I orgoL all abouL him and LwcnLy ycars laLcr, surc cnough, I saw him on Lhc
Today Show as Lhcy showcd a picLurc o an asLronauL on a LcLhcr linc pulling Lhc
satellite into the bay o Lhc spacc shuLLlc. I LhoughL, My gosh! This kid did whaL I
only Lalk abouL in Lhc scminars." Hc was a living, brcaLhing cxamplc o somconc
who was ocuscd on Lhis. I said Lo my amily, Iook aL whaL hc did!" And Lhcy said,
WhaL havc you been doing or Lhc lasL LwcnLy ycars`" I said I was a goal Lcndcr.
Thcy Lold mc I should bc a goal achicvcr Loo.

WRIGHT
WhaL a grcaL convcrsaLion. I always cnjoy Lalking wiLh you. IL's noL jusL
upliLingI always lcarn a loL whcn I Lalk wiLh you.

WAITLEY
Well, David, I do wiLh you as wcll. You'vc goL a grcaL program and you do a loL
o good or pcoplc who rcad and waLch and lisLcn. I Lhink you givc Lhcm insighLs
LhaL oLhcrwisc Lhcy would ncvcr gcL. I'm jusL graLcul Lo bc onc o Lhc conLribuLors
and onc o Lhc mcmbcrs o your global Lcam.


252

WRIGHT
IL has bccn my sinccrc plcasurc Loday Lo visiL wiLh a Lruly grcaL Amcrican, Dr.
Dcnis WaiLlcy.
Dcnis, Lhank you or Laking so much o your Limc Lo sharc your insighLs and
inspiraLions or us hcrc on Stepping Stones to Success.

WAITLEY
Thank you vcry much, David.

253

DENIS WAITIFY is onc o Amcrica's mosL rcspccLcd auLhors, kcynoLc
lccLurcrs and producLiviLy consulLanLs on high pcrormancc human
achicvcmcnL. Hc has inspircd, inormcd, challcngcd, and cnLcrLaincd audicnccs
or ovcr LwcnLy-ivc ycars rom Lhc board rooms o mulLi-naLional corporaLions
to Lhc conLrol rooms o NASA's spacc program and rom Lhc lockcr rooms o
world-class aLhlcLcs Lo Lhc mccLing rooms o Lhousands o convcnLionccrs
LhroughouL Lhc world. Hc was voLcd busincss spcakcr o Lhc ycar by Lhc Salcs
and MarkcLing FxccuLivcs AssociaLion and by ToasLmasLcrs InLcrnaLional and
inducLcd inLo Lhc InLcrnaLional Spcakcrs Hall o Famc. WiLh ovcr Lcn million
audio programs sold in ourLccn languagcs, Dcnis WaiLlcy is Lhc mosL lisLcncd-
Lo voicc on pcrsonal and carccr succcss. Hc is Lhc auLhor o Lwclvc non-icLion
books, including scvcral inLcrnaLional bcsLscllcrs, Seeds of Greatness, Being the
Best, The Winners Edge, The Joy of Working, and Empires of the Mind. His audio
album, Thc Psychology o Winning," is Lhc all-Limc bcsL-sclling program on
scl-masLcry.

DR. DENIS WAITLEY
The Waitley Institute
P.O. Box l07
Rancho SanLa Fc, CA 02067
www.dcniswaiLlcy.com
!

254

255

C HA P T E R S E V E NT E E N
So you wanL Lo bc a Procssional Spcakcr,
Now whaL`
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Linda Meeuwenberg
Today wc'rc Lalking wiLh Iinda Mccuwcnbcrg. Iinda is oundcr and CFO o
Procssional DcvclopmcnL AssociaLion IncorporaLcd. Shc is a mcmbcr o Lhc
Chambcr o Commcrcc whcrc shc scrvcd on a small busincss dcvclopmcnL
council and has bccn an acLivc mcmbcr o Lhc InLcrnaLional RoLary. Shc
volunLccrs wiLh RSVP in Florida and Michigan. Iinda holds Lhc rank o
Procssor FmcriLus aL Fcrris SLaLc UnivcrsiLy in Michigan. Shc holds a irsL-
placc award rom Lhc Amcrican AssociaLion o DcnLal Schools and was inducLcd
inLo Lhc DcnLal Hygicnc Honor SocicLy, Sigma Phi Alpha, or hcr ouLsLanding
conLribuLion Lo dcnLal hygicnc cducaLion. Shc serves on the CrcsL/Oral B gucsL
lccLurc board. Shc is a cllow wiLh Lhc AssociaLion o DcnLal ImplanL Auxiliarics,
scrving as a conLribuLing auLhor, advisory board mcmbcr, and rcqucnL
lccLurcr. Iinda scrvcd as a consulLanL Lo Lhc WcsL Michigan MigranL HcalLh

256

Scrviccs whcrc shc has dclivcrcd oral carc or ovcr LwcnLy-ivc ycars Lo migranL
amilics.
Shc has publishcd scvcral procssional arLiclcs, a shorL sLory, and is
currcnLly auLhoring a childrcn's book. Shc is an inLcrnaLionally rccognizcd
spcakcr, auLhor, and cducaLor wiLh ovcr our dccadcs o procssional
cxpcricncc. Iinda's cxpcrLisc, combincd wiLh hcr cnLhusiasm, cnsurcs LhaL shc
dclivcrs a powcrul prcscnLaLion LhaL moLivaLcs parLicipanLs Lo acLion.
Iinda, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

LINDA MEEUWENBERG (MEEUWENBERG)
Thank you, David.

WRIGHT
So whaL is your grcaLcsL accomplishmcnL`

MEEUWENBERG
I'm oLcn askcd Lhis and I conLinuc Lo answcr, my cducaLion. I camc rom a
amily whcrc no onc had bccn Lo collcgc. In acL, my moLhcr and aLhcr had noL
graduaLcd rom high school. IaLcr in lic Lhcy boLh wcnL back Lo school and
rcccivcd Lhcir diplomas. I wcnL on Lo collcgc and complcLcd our dcgrccs. I lovc
lcarning!

WRIGHT
Many parLicipanLs ask you qucsLions ollowing your prcscnLaLion indicaLing
LhaL Lhcy would likc Lo pursuc spcaking. WhaL advicc do you givc Lhcm`

MEEUWENBERG
Wcll, David, gcLLing inLo spcaking was a naLural movcmcnL or mc. I had a
Lcrriblc car o spcaking coming ouL o high school/collcgc. ALcr working as a
rcgisLcrcd dcnLal hygicnisL, I bcgan adjuncL Lcaching aL my alma maLcrFerris
SLaLc UnivcrsiLy in Michigan. I supcrviscd sLudcnLs whilc Lhcy wcrc LrcaLing
paLicnLs. This was a vcry comorLablc onc-on-onc cncounLcr.
I was ocrcd a ull-Limc aculLy posiLion and I almosL Lurncd iL down
bccausc o my car o sLanding up and lccLuring in ronL o sLudcnLs. The
Linda Meeuwenberg
!
257

Program DirccLor cncouragcd mc Lo apply and said shc would mcnLor mc. I
acccpLcd LhaL posiLion and workcd on my anxicLy by bccoming an cxpcrL on my
Lopics.
As a ncw procssor, I was rcquircd Lo bc involvcd in procssional
dcvclopmcnL acLiviLics. IL was a naLural lcap inLo procssional spcaking. I bcgan
by giving prcscnLaLions aL my procssional organizaLion mccLings.
I also was cngagcd wiLh volunLccr work. Thcrc is so much nccd or oral
hcalLh cducaLion. I ound placcs wiLhin my communiLy LhaL could usc my
spcaking skills and my oral hcalLh cducaLion background.
I would advisc pcoplc LhaL i Lhcy wanL Lo spcak, Lo look aL volunLccring as a
way o Lraining and prcpping yourscl. Rccord yourscl and ask or ccdback. I
always givc my own pcrsonal spcakcr cvaluaLion orms Lo my audicnccs. I
rcvicw Lhcsc orms Lo improvc my skills.
I also cnlisLcd Lhc hclp o a ormcr sLudcnL as my assisLanL aL my cvcnLs. Shc
Lcndcd Lo all Lhc annoying liLLlc Lhings LhaL can disLracL a ncw spcakcr. This
should be a person you rcally LrusL and onc who can bc scl-dirccLcd or work
wiLh vcry liLLlc dirccLion. This pcrson Lakcs carc o dcLails such as adjusLing
lighLing, gcLLing waLcr or Lhc spcakcr, cLc. ThaL way I am rcc Lo inLcracL wiLh
my audicncc prior Lo spcaking, which hclps build rapporL wiLh Lhcm.
Thc oLhcr Lhing LhaL hclpcd mc was Lhc NaLional Spcakcrs AssociaLion. I
was a mcmbcr or scvcral ycars and Lhcy rcally hclpcd mc jumpsLarL my
spcaking carccr wiLh Lhcir concrcnccs, monLhly publicaLions, and Lapcs.
The bottom linc isvolunLccr, scck inpuL, and gcL involvcd wiLh oLhcr
spcakcrs. I know pcoplc who havc had a loL o succcss working wiLh
ToasLmasLcrs. You arc wiLh your local communiLy wiLh ricndly accs giving you
ccdback. IL's a vcry sac cnvironmcnL Lo pracLicc.
I'm currcnLly a mcmbcr o Lhc InLcrnaLional Spcakcrs NcLwork. BoLh Lhc
NaLional Spcakcrs and InLcrnaLional Spcakcrs NcLwork ocr crcdcnLialing LhaL
can add crcdibiliLy whcn sccking spcaking cngagcmcnLs.

WRIGHT
How did you gcL sLarLcd in public spcaking`


258

MEEUWENBERG
As mcnLioncd, I was alrcady Lcaching so iL was a naLural or mc Lo go on Lo
do morc spcaking. I'vc bccn a Lalkcr" my wholc lic. I igurcd LhaL i you can gcL
paid or doing iL and havc Lhc opporLuniLy Lo Lravcl Lo somc wondcrul placcs,
why noL`
AnoLhcr impcLus was whcn my marriagc cndcd making mc a singlc parcnL. I
nccdcd a way Lo supplcmcnL my incomc and Lhc opporLuniLy Lo Lakc my child
placcs LhaL I could noL aord on my Lcachcr's salary. (Howcvcr, I'm noL
advocaLing divorcc as a mcans Lo dcvclop your spcaking busincss!)
I invcsLcd $l00 in busincss cards, sLaLioncry, and scnL ouL somc noLiccs LhaL
I was availablc Lo spcak on Lopics Lo Lhc local dcnLal organizaLions wiLhin my
sLaLc. I wcnL rom Lcaching Lo volunLccring, Lo purchasing busincss cards, and
inally soliciLing cngagcmcnLs. Amazingly, pcoplc rcspondcd and I was on my
way Lo building my spcaking busincss.

WRIGHT
Your cnLhusiasm is conLagious, I rcmcmbcr hcaring you quiLc somc Limc
ago. How do you mainLain such a zcsL or your Lopics`

MEEUWENBERG
I you'rc cxciLcd abouL whaL you'rc Lalking abouL, iL jusL comcs Lhrough
you can'L hidc iL. I also havc a highly cxprcssivc pcrsonaliLy sLylc. I cnjoy lic
and ind iL ascinaLing. I only spcak on Lopics LhaL I'm vcry passionaLc abouL.
IL's LhaL passion LhaL comcs Lhrough Lo my audicnccs as cnLhusiasm. On my
spcakcr cvaluaLion orm, my highcsL marks arc usually or my cnLhusiasm
Loward Lhc Lopic.

WRIGHT
You'vc accd challcngcs and advcrsiLy in your lic, would you dcscribc Lhosc
challcngcs or our rcadcrs and how you managcd Lhcm`

Linda Meeuwenberg
!
259

MEEUWENBERG
Surc, Lhcrc arc a cw Lhings. Fvcrybody has or has had somc advcrsiLy in his
or hcr lic. You can choosc Lo lcL iL dcsLroy you or lcL iL bc a powcr Lo movc you
inLo dicrcnL arcnas.
An issuc LhaL I'vc bccn sLruggling wiLh Lhc lasL scvcral ycars is dcgcncraLivc
disk discasc o my spinc. I had Lo Lakc an carly rcLircmcnL rom univcrsiLy
Lcaching. ThaL was scary. ForLunaLcly, I had a Iong Tcrm DisabiliLy policy
Lhrough Lhc univcrsiLy. Dcaling wiLh chronic pain and limiLaLion has bccn
cxLrcmcly challcnging. On Lhc oLhcr hand, iL has LaughL mc so much abouL
crcaLing balancc in my lic. Bcing a Typc A pcrsonaliLy is a hugc challcngc. On
days LhaL I am ccling good, I havc a Lcndcncy Lo ovcrdo iL, puLLing mc back
inLo pain and aLiguc.
Iikc many pcoplc in Lhis counLry, I had a brokcn marriagc lcading Lo singlc
parcnLing. I had a child wiLh spccial nccds who was ill much o Lhc Limc. I was
building my carccr as an aspiring procssor whilc managing Lhc challcngcs o
singlc parcnLing. ThaL LaughL mc a loL o Lhings abouL lic and how Lo bc
succcssul. I had Lo bc vcry organizcd.
Bcing Lhc providcr and having a dcpcndcnL child propcllcd mc Lo go back Lo
school. I wcnL back Lo collcgc aL orLy wiLh a ivc-ycar old in Low Lo gcL a sccond
masLcr's dcgrcc in CommunicaLion. Thc cducaLion has hclpcd my spcaking
carccr in many ways. UndcrsLanding communicaLion scicncc and iLs many
applicaLions has ccrLainly addcd morc programs Lo my rcpcrLoirc and hclpcd in
Lhc dclivcry o Lhc courscs I alrcady prcscnLcd.

WRIGHT
So whaL was Lhc sLraw LhaL brokc Lhc camcl's backwhaL madc you dccidc
Lo bccomc a spcakcr`

MEEUWENBERG
IL was noLhing I planncd. I had a Lrcmcndous anxicLy abouL public spcaking.
I know you'vc probably hcard Lhcrc is no grcaLcr car Lhan public spcaking.
Fvcn car o burning alivc isn'L carcd as much as sLanding up in ronL o an
audicncc and spcaking. For mc iL was Lhc samc. Oncc I accd LhaL car and was
ablc Lo gcL up in ronL o sixLy sLudcnLs, Lhc hurdlc was managcablc. I aLLcndcd

260

lccLurcs in conLinuing cducaLion courscs and imagincd how I could bc up Lhcrc
doing Lhc samc Lhing. I challcngcd myscl, I you know morc Lhan Lhcy do
abouL Lhis Lopic, Lhcn iL's Limc Lo gcL up and do iL."
I sLarLcd prcscnLing scicnLiic papcrs aL my procssional associaLion
mccLings on cducaLional Lcchniqucs and Lhcorics. I would waiL or somcbody Lo
say, BuL waiL a minuLc, whaL abouL" and challcngc mc, howcvcr, iL rarcly
happcncd. In acL, whaL did happcn was LhaL pcoplc mcL wiLh mc aLcrward.
Thcy wanLcd Lo Lalk morc abouL Lhc Lopic or wanLcd mc Lo comc and sharc my
inormaLion wiLh Lhcir aculLy.
I was prcscnLcd wiLh a FirsL Placc award aL Lhc Amcrican AssociaLion o
DcnLal Schools, in compcLiLion wiLh all Lhc major dcnLal schools in Canada and
Lhc UniLcd SLaLcs. I prcscnLcd my papcr on Lcaching paLicnL-ccnLcrcd
counscling Lcchniqucs. Amazingly, I was Lhc irsL-placc winncr. I wasn'L cvcn
hoping Lo placc. I was jusL cxciLcd LhaL I was acccpLcd Lo compcLc in a vcry
prcsLigious organizaLion.
Thosc Lhings jusL kcpL propclling mc Lo ind morc spcaking cngagcmcnLs.

WRIGHT
So whaL rolc has ncLworking playcd in building your spcaking busincss`

MEEUWENBERG
NcLworking is hugc, iL is so vcry imporLanL. Whcn I go back Lo Lhc prcvious
qucsLion: whaL advicc do I havc or pcoplc who would likc Lo go inLo spcaking,
my advicc is ncLwork cvcrywhcrc you can. Bc nicc Lo pcoplc, bc ricndly, cxLcnd
yourscl. IL's imporLanL Lo collccL as many busincss cards as you can, makc as
many connccLions as you can, and Lo always conLribuLc.
Whcn I'm conLribuLing on a commiLLcc or whcn I'm involvcd wiLh Lhc
Chambcr o Commcrcc, Lhc InLcrnaLional RoLary, or onc o my procssional
associaLions, I'm consLanLly sccking Lo mccL ncw pcoplc. Thcy cnhancc you as a
pcrson and who knows, down Lhc road Lhcy mighL bc ablc Lo puL you in a
posiLion whcrc you can spcak or ocr somc kind o scrvicc Lo Lhcir
organizaLion.
Linda Meeuwenberg
!
261

NcLworking is a major acLor, I could noL havc builL my busincss wiLhouL
ncLworking. I also havc Lo add LhaL ncLworking is noL casy Lo mcI grcw up a
shy girl in a rural communiLy in Michigan. I was noL vcry ouLgoing, buL LhaL has
all changcd.
Now I can work a crowd" wiLh cascgcLLing Lo know pcoplc and
cxchanging busincss cards and idcas. Thc kcy Lo bcing a succcssul spcakcr is Lo
gcL cxposcd Lo as many pcoplc as possiblc in many vcnucs. MosL organizaLions
cmploy spcakcrs. Do noL limiL yourscl! I spcak on many Lopics oLhcr Lhan
dcnLisLry and now mosL cngagcmcnLs happcn rom rccrrals or somconc in my
audicncc who inviLcs mc Lo spcak Lo his or hcr group.

WRIGHT
I know LhaL you havc volunLccrcd or mosL o your lic. How did you gcL
started and why do you conLinuc Lo volunLccr`

MEEUWENBERG
I havc Lo conLribuLc Lhis Lo my parcnLs, in parLicular, my moLhcr. I grcw up
as a child in Lhc iLics. In LhaL gcncraLion pcoplc hclpcd cach oLhcr. As I
mcnLioncd prcviously, I grcw up in a rural communiLy in Michigan. I can
rcmcmbcr my moLhcr Laking my broLhcr and mc Lo oldcr (widowcd) ladics in
Lhc ncighborhood who had arms. Wc would go in and clcan Lhcir housc or hclp
Lhcm pick and snap Lhcir bcans. My moLhcr would do somc clcaning or do Lhcir
dishcs. ThaL's how volunLccring sLarLcd or mc. Wc wcrc also vcry acLivc in our
church communiLy. My parcnLs wcrc Lhc youLh dirccLors. Wc did many
volunLccr acLiviLics in Lhc communiLy. So iL was a way o lic or mc rom Lhc
Limc I was a child. VolunLccring cnablcs you Lo givc so much back. How can you
noL wanL Lo givc back whcn wc havc bccn givcn so many giLs`

WRIGHT
You oLcn spcak abouL wcllncss and crcaLing balancc. Would you Lcll our
rcadcrs abouL your inLcrcsL in wcllncss and how crcaLing balancc has bccomc a
corncrsLonc o your licsLylc`


262

MEEUWENBERG
I hinLcd abouL Lhis carlicr in your qucsLion. As a young woman aL scvcnLccn
going away Lo collcgc and bccoming a rcgisLcrcd dcnLal hygicnisL sLarLcd Lhc
journcy. Oral hcalLh was Lhc impcLus Lo bcgin my journcy inLo wcllncss.
Now wc havc so much scicncc abouL how oral hcalLh is connccLcd Lo Lhc
cnLirc body. Wc'vc always known Lhis in dcnLisLry, howcvcr iL's jusL bccn
rcccnLly LhaL Lhc mcdical communiLy and Lhc scicnLiic communiLy is rclaLing
oral condiLions Lo diabcLcs, hcarL discasc, low birLh wcighL babics, kidncy
ailurc, lung inccLions, and on and on. So oral hcalLh bcgan my journcy inLo
wcllncss My Sunday school Lcachings had a signiicanL inlucncc on mc as
wcllyour body is Lhc Lcmplc o Lhc Holy ChosL which is in you, which ye
havc o Cod" (l CorinLhians 6:l0).
Morc rcccnLly, dcaling wiLh chronic pain and having a Lypc A compcLiLivc
pcrsonaliLy, I nccdcd Lo lcarn how Lo crcaLc lcisurc in my lic. I had Lo lcarn Lo
balancc acLiviLy wiLh lcisurc. Bcing a singlc parcnL wiLh an ill child orccd mc Lo
crcaLc balancc Lo mainLain my own hcalLh. I was in Lhc hospiLal oLcn long
hours and had Lo lcarn how Lo ind Limc Lo Lakc carc o mc in ordcr or my
hcalLh Lo bc good cnough or mc Lo hclp my daughLcr. This has bccn criLical in
my rccovcry. Whcn I'm bcginning Lo ccl a liLLlc biL o aLiguc and musclc
spasms sLarL, I nccd Lo sLop righL Lhcn, LhaL's my signaliL's my body saying
I'm ouL o balancc, iL's Limc Lo rcsLand I nccdcd Lo lcarn Lo lcL LhaL bc okay. I
now Lakc rcqucnL naps wiLhouL guilL.

WRIGHT
You havc mcnLorcd hundrcds o sLudcnLs and parLicipanLs rom your
scminars, somc sLudcnLs havc rccrrcd Lo you as Lhcir Lcachcr or lic. Tcll us
abouL Lhc rolc o mcnLoring and hclping oLhcrs bccomc succcssul.

MEEUWENBERG
I havc Lo laugh abouL Lhis onc. I havc a vcry dcar ricnd who graduaLcd in
Lhc class o l0S5. Shc livcs in Colorado and has hcr own dcnLal hygicnc
pracLicc. Wc wcrc jusL LogcLhcr rcccnLly wiLh anoLhcr onc o hcr classmaLcs as
wcll. Thcy chimcd in abouL how Lhcy call mc Lhcir Lcachcr or lic.
Linda Meeuwenberg
!
263

As a Lcachcr you havc such a powcrul accL on your sLudcnLs, ncgaLivc or
posiLivc. IL's acLually somcwhaL scary Lo know you can havc Lhc kind o
inlucncc LhaL lasLs a licLimc.
I mcnLioncd carlicr abouL ncLworking and Lhc idca o jusL bcing nicc to
pcoplc, bcing caring, compassionaLc, and showing cmpaLhy. I rcally pracLiccd
LhaL in my Lcaching. I hcld sLudcnLs accounLablc Lo a vcry high sLandard, buL I
was also vcry compassionaLc wiLh Lhcm and conLinually coaching Lhcm. I ound
iL Lo bc much morc powcrul Lhan bcing criLical. I havc conLinucd Lo do Lhis
insidc Lhc classroom as wcll as ouLsidc Lhc classroom.
A numbcr o womcn I havc workcd wiLh havc said, Cosh, how do you do
whaL you do` I would likc Lo bc a spcakcr Loo" or I would likc Lo go inLo
Lcaching." I jusL conLinuc Lo mcnLor Lhcsc sLudcnLs" who havc bccn in my
classroom as wcll as parLicipanLs who arc in my scminars.
I may havc somcbody in my scminar who is dcaling wiLh a chronic hcalLh
condiLion and can no longcr pracLicc dcnLal hygicnc. ThaL happcns vcry oLcn
in our procssion. Wc havc back problcms, shouldcr problcms, carpal Lunncl,
cLc. AnyLhing I can do Lo hclp guidc Lhcm Lo anoLhcr avcnuc Lo display Lhcir
skills and carn a living is whaL I'm all abouL. I didn'L gcL whcrc I am in Lhis
licLimc wiLhouL hclp rom oLhcr pcoplc and I wanL Lo rcLurn LhaL hclp Lcnold
whcncvcr I can. I havc assisLcd a numbcr o womcn in owning Lhcir own
busincsscs or LransiLioning rom a posiLion in clinical dcnLal hygicnc Lo anoLhcr
arcna.

WRIGHT
Your succcss is inLacL I'm surc. So whaL's ncxL or Iinda Mccuwcnbcrg
whaL's in Lhc uLurc`

MEEUWENBERG
Oh, David, Lhcrc is so much lic Lo livc ycL. I rcachcd my sixLicLh birLhday in
Novcmbcr and I said, How did I gcL Lo bc sixLy ycars old` I'm a scnior ciLizcn!"
Thcrc is so much lcL or mc Lo cxpcricncc and do. I'm vcry inLcrcsLcd in going
back Lo school again. I would lovc Lo complcLc my sLudics in Lhc arca o holisLic
hcalLh. I plan Lo conLinuc wriLing, spcaking, and volunLccring. Thc RcLircd
Scnior and VolunLccr Program (RSVP), has givcn mc so many opporLuniLics.

264

Thcy kccp opcning morc doors or mc. I wanL Lo kccp going and cnjoying lic
cvcry day LhaL is givcn Lo mc. I wanL Lo bc morc involvcd in inLcrnaLional
causcs and will bc Lravcling Lo SouLh Arica as an ambassador wiLh Lhc Pcoplc
Lo Pcoplc program in OcLobcr 2000.

WRIGHT
Wcll, whaL a plcasurc Lalking Lo you again. I rcally apprcciaLc Lhc Limc you'vc
spcnL wiLh mc Loday Lo answcr all Lhcsc qucsLions. You arc, o coursc, noL only
cnLhusiasLic buL inspiring as wcll. I know LhaL our rcadcrs arc going Lo gcL a loL
ouL o Lhis chapLcr in our book.

MEEUWENBERG
Thank you so much, David, or your kind words, I apprcciaLc LhaL.

WRIGHT
Today wc'vc bccn Lalking wiLh Iinda Mccuwcnbcrg. Iinda is a spcakcr,
Lraincr, consulLanL, and CFO o Procssional DcvclopmcnL AssociaLion
IncorporaLcd. WiLh ovcr our dccadcs o procssional cxpcricncc, combincd
wiLh hcr cnLhusiasm, Iinda dclivcrs powcrul prcscnLaLions LhaL moLivaLc hcr
parLicipanLs Lo acLion.
Iinda, Lhank you so much or bcing wiLh us Loday on Stepping Stones to
Success.

MEEUWENBERG
My plcasurc, David.
265

LINDA MEEUWENBERG is oundcr and CFO o Procssional DcvclopmcnL
AssociaLion IncorporaLcd. Shc is a mcmbcr o Lhc Chambcr o Commcrcc whcrc
shc scrvcd on a small busincss dcvclopmcnL council and has bccn an acLivc
mcmbcr o Lhc InLcrnaLional RoLary. Shc volunLccrs wiLh RSVP in Florida and
Michigan. Iinda holds Lhc rank o Procssor FmcriLus aL Fcrris SLaLc UnivcrsiLy
in Michigan. Shc holds a irsL-placc award rom Lhc Amcrican AssociaLion o
DcnLal Schools and was inducLcd inLo Lhc DcnLal Hygicnc Honor SocicLy, Sigma
Phi Alpha, or hcr ouLsLanding conLribuLion Lo dcnLal hygicnc cducaLion. Shc
scrvcs on Lhc ProcLor and Camblc Oral B gucsL lccLurc board. Shc is a cllow
wiLh Lhc AssociaLion o DcnLal ImplanL Auxiliarics, scrving as a conLribuLing
auLhor, advisory board mcmbcr, and rcqucnL lccLurc. Iinda scrvcs as a
consulLanL Lo Lhc WcsL Michigan MigranL HcalLh Scrviccs whcrc shc has
dclivcrcd oral carc or ovcr LwcnLy-ivc ycars Lo migranL amilics.
Shc has publishcd scvcral procssional arLiclcs, a shorL sLory, and is
currcnLly auLhoring a childrcn's book. Shc is an inLcrnaLionally rccognizcd
spcakcr, auLhor, and cducaLor wiLh ovcr our dccadcs o procssional
cxpcricncc. Iinda's cxpcrLisc, combincd wiLh hcr cnLhusiasm, cnsurcs LhaL shc
dclivcrs a powcrul prcscnLaLion LhaL moLivaLcs parLicipanLs Lo acLion.

LINDA MEEUWENBERG
6l0 Drivcr Avc.
WinLcr Park, FI 327S0
(23l) 50S.l740 (ccll)
(23l) 072.44S0 (voicc mail)
lindalindapda.com
www.lindapda.com


266

267

C HA P T E R E I G HT E E N
Thc ArL o MasLcry:
Inspiring Fxccllcncc in Work and Iic
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . Nancy Noonan
Today wc arc orLunaLc Lo havc succcssul spcakcr, auLhor, and human
poLcnLial cxpcrL, Nancy Noonan, as a conLribuLing auLhor Lo Stepping Stones to
Success. Nancy is bascd ouL o Iouisvillc, Colorado, and Lravcls Lhc counLry
spcaking abouL The Art of Mastery Lo busincsscs and organizaLions. Shc is
passionate abouL hclping Lhcm rcigniLc Lhcir pcoplc and movc Lhcir
organizaLions rom Mediocrity to Mastery, improving moralc, producLiviLy,
leadership, and boLLom-linc rcsulLs. Nancy Lruly bclicvcs Lhis: In Loday's world,
mcdiocriLy can'L bc aordcd. Ncw and bcLLcr ways o opcraLing arc mandaLory.
Fxccllcnccin boLh our pcrsonal and work livcsis a rcquircmcnL." Nancy's
audicnccs consisLcnLly say shc and hcr programs arc dciniLcly ouL o Lhc
ordinary" and a rcrcshing blcnd o bcing inormaLivc and inspiraLional, as
wcll as cnLcrLaining!" Shc aLLribuLcs Lhc cnLcrLaining" piccc Lo hcr Irish

268

hcriLagc o sLoryLcllcrs and humorisLs, as wcll as hcr own cxpcricncc in improv.
Nancy's auLhorship includcs Lhc inLcrnaLionally publishcd collcgc LcxLbook, The
Art of Writing about Art, and How to Be a Super Achiever: 12 Strategies for
Unleashing your Success. Shc is also a conLribuLing auLhor Lo Lhc Chicken Soup for
the Soul book scrics. Cuidcd by Mastery in hcr own lic, Nancy carncd Lhc Master
Teacher Award, known as Lhc Oscar" o acadcmia, as wcll as Lhc Excellence
Award rom Lhc NaLional InsLiLuLc or SLa and OrganizaLional DcvclopmcnL.
Shc is a mcmbcr o Lhc InLcrnaLional FcdcraLion o Procssional Spcakcrs and
Lhc NaLional Spcakcrs AssociaLion wiLh Lwo Lcrms on Lhc NSA/CO cxccuLivc
board. To bring spark and mastery inLo hcr own lic, Nancy cnjoys hiking,
gourmcL cooking, LcnL camping, ly ishing, rcading, arL muscums, travel, and
occasional Lap dancing.
Nancy, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to Success.

NANCY NOONAN (NOONAN)
Thank you, David. I'm dclighLcd Lo bc Lalking wiLh you.

WRIGHT
IcL's bcgin our discussion by my saying I'm inLrigucd by Lhc LiLlc o your
business, The Art of Mastery. I'd irsL likc Lo know whaL is mastery and then how
does masLcry rclaLc Lo succcssor does it?

NOONAN
David, Ill be glad Lo Lalk abouL masLcry irsL and Lhcn wc'll scc how masLcry
docs rclaLc Lo succcss.
MasLcry has a numbcr o componcnLs Lo iL, buL iLs own steppingstones can bc
undcrsLood Lhrough a basic ormula:

Mastery = Skills + Knowledge + Excellence

PuL simply, masLcry occurs whcn you usc your honed skills and knowlcdgc
Lo conLinually achicvc cxccllcncc in your goals and in your arca o ocus.
Nancy Noonan
!
269

So Lhc irsL steppingstone to masLcry is Lo amass a subsLanLial amounL o
skills and knowlcdgc in your arca o ocus. CcL Lhc cducaLion, do Lhc rcading,
makc Lhc connccLions, and acquirc Lhc cxpcricnLial basc nccdcd Lo cxccl.
And Lhcn a characLcrisLic o Lruc mastersLhosc who achicvc masteryis
that they never stop adding to their arsenal o skills and knowlcdgc. Thcy don'L
scc addiLional lcarning and acquiring ncw skills and knowlcdgc as unncccssary
or a burdenquiLc Lhc opposiLc. Thcy havc a rcal passion or liclong lcarning
and bccomc cxciLcd abouL iL, Lhcy arc willing Lo acquirc ncw insLrucLion and
vicwpoinLs Lo dccpcn Lhcir own knowlcdgc. In acL, Lhcy proacLivcly and
conLinually scck ouL Lhcsc lcarning opporLuniLics and arc noL oncs Lo siL back
and rcsL on Lhcir laurcls oncc Lhcy havc arrivcd." They see the value in
conLinuing Lo grow and lcarn.
MasLcrs also oLcn look Lo lcarn morc outside o Lhcir own iclds Lo inorm
Lhcir own Lhinking and work. PcLcr Paul Rubcns, Lhc Flcmish masLcr arLisL o
the baroque style in the seventeenth ccnLury, was, in addiLion Lo bcing an
accomplishcd painLcr, a humanisL scholar and a sLrong advocaLc o liclong
lcarning. Hc conLinually sLudicd philosophy, rhcLoric, pocLry, and history,
using Lhcm Lo inorm his myLhologically and hisLorically bascd painLings
LhroughouL his carccr. IL wasn'L cnough or Rubcns Lo jusL sLudy how to paint,
lcarning Lhc Lcchniqucs and idiosyncrasics o Lhc oil mcdia in which hc usually
workcd. Hc also sLudicd what hc should painL, dccpcning his subjccL maLLcr and
in Lhc proccss, making his painLings somc o Lhc mosL inLriguing and dramaLic
works cvcr donc.
Thc 3apancsc incorporaLc Rubcns' approach Lo liclong lcarning in Lhcir
conccpL o Kaizen. Kaizcn mcans conLinual improvcmcnL in all aspccLs o lic.
MasLcrs inLuiLivcly livc a lic o Kaizcn principlcs, conLinuously looking to
improvc all aspccLs o lic and rigorously pracLicing Lhc disciplinc ncccssary Lo
do so.
The third steppingstone Lo rcach masLcry is cxccllcncc. Fxccllcncc implics a
supcrlaLivc abiliLy, supcrioriLy in skills, knowlcdgc, and achicvcmcnLs. MasLcrs
are noL saLisicd Lo jusL acquirc some skills and knowlcdgc. Thcy sLrivc Lo gcL
Lhc bcsL and Lo bc Lhc bcsL. Thcy arc noL saLisicd wiLh mcdiocriLyLhcy go or
cxccllcncc. I Lalk abouL Lhis in my kcynoLcs and sharc my dccply hcld bclic LhaL

270

wc wcrc noL puL on this EarLh Lo livc mcdiocrc livcs, buL Lo bc cxccllcnL and Lo
livc Lhc mosL cxLraordinary livcs wc can possibly livc.

WRIGHT
So i wc wanL Lo bc masLcrs in our livcs and work, iL sccms wc musL go or
cxccllcncc, Loo.

NOONAN
No qucsLion. And iL's parLicularly imporLanL now bccausc in Lhc workplacc
and cconomy Loday, mcdiocriLy can'L bc aordcd. Ncw and bcLLcr ways o
opcraLing arc mandaLory. Raising Lhc bar is noL jusL a nicc opLion, buL csscnLial.
Fxccllcncc is a rcquircmcnL. 3im Collins' book, Good to Great, was so wcll
rcccivcd bccausc wc nccd and wanL LhaL sLandard o cxccllcncc.
MasLcrs insLincLivcly know LhaL Lhcy musL go or cxccllcncc i they wanL Lo
succccdand Lhcy do!

WRIGHT
Ah, so mastery is Licd inLo succcss`

NOONAN
AbsoluLcly. Succcss, in iLs basic dicLionary-sLylc mcaning, has Lo do wiLh
having broughL abouL a avorablc ouLcomc or achicvcmcnL. Thosc who havc
rcachcd a lcvcl o mastery have also broughL abouL a avorablc ouLcomc or
achicvcmcnL and havc, Lhcrcorc, aLLaincd succcss. For masLcrs, Lhc succcss is
grcaL and dciniLc.
The very steppingstones uscd by pcoplc and organizaLions Lo rcach succcss
are also used by masLcrs Lo aLLain Lhcir goals and Lhcir succcss:

l. Dcinc
2. Focus
3. Takc AcLion

Nancy Noonan
!
271

Thc irsL sLcp hcrc is a biL morc subjccLivc and has Lo do wiLh asking yourscl
whaL your own dciniLion o succcss is. Ask whaL is imporLanL Lo youwhaL do
you most valuc`

Is iL imporLanL Lo you Lo spcnd Limc wiLh your amily and ricnds`
To spcnd Limc in naLurc`
To bc hcalLhy and iL`
Is iL imporLanL Lo conLribuLc your Limc and cncrgy Lo hclp oLhcrs`
How imporLanL is iL Lo crcaLc inancial rcsourccs`
Arc Lhcrc Lhings you rcally wanL Lo doLravcl, sLudy, acL, bccomc proicicnL
wiLh Lcchnology, cnjoy your hobbics`
Is iL imporLanL Lo bccomc a wcll-known cxpcrL in your icld`
Or Lo risc in your company or procssion`
How abouL giving your company Lhc dcining cdgc ovcr Lhc compcLiLion`
Is iL imporLanL Lo havc a million dollars in Lhc bank`
To raisc childrcn who havc a high dcgrcc o scl-esteem, scl-conidcncc, and
scl-moLivaLion`

How you dcinc whaL you pcrsonally valuc dcLcrmincs how you crcaLc your
vision and your goals, which lcads Lo your succcss. Rcmcmbcr LhaL sincc iL is
pcrsonal and subjccLivc, your own valucs will makc your vision, your goals, and
your succcss look dicrcnL rom Lhc ncxL pcrson's. And LhaL's a good Lhing.
Your succcss will noL comc abouL by applying a cookic-cuLLcr approach or bcing
a copycaL, buL by bcing crcaLivc and sLaying Lruc Lo who you arc and whaL you
valuc.
I oncc hcard Nido Qucbcin, PrcsidcnL o High Point University in North
Carolina and Chairman o Lhc CrcaL HarvcsL Brcad Company, spcak aL a
concrcncc. In Lhc question-and-answcr sccLion o Lhc program, hc was askcd
Lo whaL hc aLLribuLcd his succcss. Hc namcd scvcral kcy acLors and onc o
Lhcm was LhaL hc rcads cvcry nighL and hc never rcads icLion. I sLill rcmcmbcr
ccling horriicd aL Lhc LhoughL. Having bccn an avid lovcr o icLion my cnLirc
lic and bccn in a dynamic icLion book group or ourLccn years, I can'L imaginc
Lhc hugc void I would ccl in my lic i I didn'L rcad good icLional liLcraLurc. For

272

mc, LhaL would not smack o a lic o succcss. BuL or Nido iL workcd pcrccLly.
It is an individual proccss.
Oncc you havc dcincd your values, vision, and goals, Lhc sccond
steppingstone is to focus on LhaL vision and your goals. IL is noL cnough Lo jusL
dcinc Lhcm. WriLing Lhcm down on a piccc o papcr and sLuing iL in a drawcr
mighL hclp you Lidy up Lhc Lop o your dcsk, buL iL will noL lcad you Lo succcss.
InsLcad, ocus on Lhc mosL imporLanL sLcps you nccd Lo Lakc Lo accomplish Lhc
objccLivcs LhaL camc ouL o your valucs qucry. Thcn kccp LhaL ocus in Lhc ronL
o your mind. AuLhor Iouisc Brooks said, Anyonc who has achicvcd cxccllcncc
in any orm knows LhaL iL comcs as a rcsulL o ccasclcss conccnLraLion."
Ccasclcss conccnLraLion or ocus. So, lcL ccasclcss conccnLraLion and ocus bc
the engine that leads you to the third steppingstone.
The third steppingstone to success is to take action. Usc your ocus and Lakc
acLion Lo bring your vision and goals ouL inLo Lhc world. Usc Lhc samc acLion
steps that the masLcrs usc Lo achicvc Lhcir masLcry, Lhcir succcss. Achicving
succcss and masLcry arc noL rcscrvcd jusL or innaLc gcniuscs. Thcy are
availablc Lo anyonc as long as you apply consisLcnL pcrsisLcncc. ConLinuing
Loward your goals in spiLc o challcngcs, obsLaclcs, and disLracLions will allow
you Lo unlcash your ullcsL poLcnLial and usc your grcaLcsL giLs Lo bc your mosL
cxccllcnL scl.

WRIGHT
IL sounds as i mastery and succcss arc vcry closcly linkcd. Is LhaL corrccL`

NOONAN
Ycs, Lhcy arc. Thcy arc so closcly inLcrLwincd LhaL or our purposcs Loday,
whcn wc Lalk abouL mastery, wc arc also Lalking abouL success.

WRIGHT
Nancy, whcrc did your own inLcrcsL in mastery comc rom?

NOONAN
I irsL havc Lo givc my moLhcr crcdiL or insLilling in mc LhaL all-imporLanL
componcnL o masLcry and succcss LhaL wc jusL Lalkcd abouLcxccllcncc. Onc
Nancy Noonan
!
273

o my amily jobs as a kid in Rockvillc, Maryland, was LhaL cvcry SaLurday I had
Lo clcan Lhc baLhroom. Now Lhis was noL jusL a baLhroom, buL the baLhroom
LhaL was uscd by all o usmy parcnLs, my Lwo youngcr, sLinky broLhcrs, and
mccvcry singlc day. Yuck! And you can bcL LhaL cvcry SaLurday, abouL Lcn
minuLcs inLo Lhis drcadcd job, I sLarLcd my usual whining Lo my moLhcr.
This is disgusLing! IL's noL air. I'm noL Lhc only onc who uscs Lhis
baLhroom! Why do I always havc Lo bc Lhc onc Lo clcan iL`" Yada, yada, yada.
My moLhcr usually ignorcd my clcaning-the-baLhroom whining, buL onc
SaLurday shc had had cnough. Shc saL mc down and said, Iook. This mighL noL
bc Lhc mosL glamorous job in Lhc world ['no kidding, I was Lhinking], but it is
an imporLanL onc. And no maLLcr whaL job you'rc doing, whaL's imporLanL is
LhaL you do iL Lo Lhc bcsL o your abiliLy. In Lhis baLhroom, makc Lhcsc spigoLs
shinc morc brighLly Lhan anyonc's cvcr madc Lhcm shinc. Do iL so wcll, so
cxccllcnLly, that you would ccl proud Lo sign your namc Lo Lhc spigoLs, saying,
'Nancy Noonan clcancd Lhcsc.'!
You can bcL LhaL I sLill wasn'L Lhrillcd Lo bc clcaning Lhc baLhroom, buL whaL
my moLhcr said did hclp mc shiL my aLLiLudc and ccl somc pcrsonal
saLisacLion or doing my bcsL. ThaL idca sLuck LhaL day and cndcd up carrying
LhroughouL my wholc lic. To Lhis day, whcn I'm dclivcring a spccch, aciliLaLing
a program, or wriLing an arLiclc, I sLill ccl guidcd by my moLhcr's cxhorLaLion
Lo makc iL cxccllcnL so LhaL I'm proud Lo sign my namc Lo iL!"

WRIGHT
Is LhaL whcn Lhc conccpL o masLcry" irsL camc Lo you`

NOONAN
Probably, alLhough aL LhaL agc, I don'L Lhink I acLually LhoughL o iL in Lhc
Lcrm o masLcry." I Lhink iL was rcally ccmcnLcd, howcvcr, in l064 whcn my
amily wcnL Lo Ncw York CiLy Lo Lhc World's Fair.
As Lrcmcndously cxciLing as iL all was, Lhcrc was onc cxpcricncc LhaL sLands
ouL abovc all Lhc oLhcrs. For Lhc irsL Limc cvcr, Lhc VaLican had shippcd
Michclangclo's marblc sLaLuc o Lhc PicL rom iLs homc in SainL PcLcr's Basilica
in Romc Lo bc on display. AmidsL all o Lhc noisc and hubbub o Ncw York and
Lhc Fair, whcn onc cnLcrcd Lhc pavilion LhaL houscd Lhc PicL, Lhcrc was

274

complcLc and uLLcr silcncc. A palpablc ccling o awc scLLlcd ovcr Lhc visitors as
wc glidcd pasL iL on a moving walkway. Cool bluc and whiLc lighL surroundcd
Mary as shc hcld Lhc dcccascd 3csus in hcr lap. As a girl, I rcmcmbcr gasping aL
Lhc magniiccncc, Lhc bcauLy, Lhc masLcry o Lhc sLaLuc. I had ncvcr bcorc paid
much aLLcnLion Lo arL, buL on LhaL day I was irrcLricvably alLcrcd by whaL a Lruc
masLcr could do and Lhc eccL iL could havc on mc and on my lic. I cxpcricnccd
Lhc Lruc powcr o masLcry irsLhand.
Sincc LhaL irsL cxposurc Lo Michclangclo and his brcaLhLaking masLcrpiccc,
I have studied mastery and the mastersthe masLcr arLisLs in parLicularor
over LwcnLy-ivc ycars. I LaughL collcgc arL hisLory or many ycars and was
honorcd whcn my moLhcr's advicc Lo go or cxccllcncc" culminaLcd in my
rccciving Lhc highly rcspccLcd MasLcr Tcachcr" award.
Along Lhc way, I also had cxpcricncc in Lhc busincss world in corporaLc
dcvclopmcnL, salcs and markcLing, and busincss owncrship. Now I combinc
Lhosc cxpcricnccs and knowlcdgc in my busincss, The Art of Mastery. I Lcach
pcoplc and organizaLions how Lo unlcash Lhcir own ull poLcnLial and
cxpcricncc succcss in Lhcir livcs and work by using Lhc samc sLraLcgics o
mastery that enable the masLcr arLisLs Lo sLarL wiLh a blank canvas and go on Lo
crcaLc a masLcrpiccc.
ALcr all, wiLh cach o us, cvcry day, cvcry projccL, cvcry challcngc sLarLs as a
blank canvas. Thc qucsLion or us is WhaL will wc do wiLh iL` Will wc lcavc iL
blank` Will wc jusL daub a cw primary colors on iL, i you will, and play iL sac`
Or will wc do whaL iL Lakcs Lo makc a masLcrpiccc o iL`" Thcsc arc qucsLions wc
ask o oursclvcs and the choiccs wc makc cvcry singlc day, whcLhcr wc
consciously rcalizc iL or noL.

WRIGHT
So whaL you'rc saying is LhaL Lhcrc is a connccLion bcLwccn whaL Lhc master
arLisLs do Lo crcaLc Lhcir masLcrpicccs, Lhcir succcss, and whaL Lhc rcsL o us do
Lo crcaLc ours`

Nancy Noonan
!
275

NOONAN
A dciniLc connccLion. Now, David, whcn you scc a work o masterya
masLcrpicccwhcrc do you scc iL`

WRIGHT
Usually in a muscum or a gallcry or somc kind o cxhibiLion.

NOONAN
FxacLly. Wc scc Lhc work whcn iL is alrcady finished, a aiL accompli. WhaL wc
dont see is the canvas as Lhc masLcr arLisL saw iL aL Lhc bcginningblank
maybc cvcn cxcruciaLingly blank. Wc don'L see Lhc proccss LhaL Lhc master
arLisL wcnL Lhrough Lo Lakc LhaL blank canvas and Lurn iL inLo a brcaLhLaking
masLcrpiccc, buL wc do know, wiLhouL a doubL, LhaL a proccss was uscd.
Whcn I was Lcaching arL hisLory, I LaughL abouL noL only Lhc cnd rcsulLs
the masLcrpicccsbut also abouL Lhc arLisLs as pcoplc. Through my own sLudy,
I ound I was oLcn ablc Lo somcwhaL gcL insidc o Lhc arLisLs' hcads Lo
undcrsLand somc o whaL Lhcy wcnL Lhroughsomc o Lhcir proccss. I sharcd
wiLh my sLudcnLs how many master artists did not have instant amc and
succcssLhcy had Lo work or iL. Thcy wcrc noL araid o clbow grcasc" and
hard work. Michclangclo said, I pcoplc only kncw how hard I work Lo gain my
masLcry!" IL wasn'L all un and gamcs. BuL iL was all worLh iL. Thcy had sLick-to-
itiveness, buL Lhcy oLcn had Lrials and LribulaLions along Lhc paLh.
Wcll, as I was Lclling my classcs abouL Lhcsc Lrials and LribulaLions, I rcalizcd
I was lcarning a loL o sLraLcgics and sLcps LhaL I could Lakc Lo improvc my own
lic and work. Thc Lcachcr bccamc Lhc sLudcnL! Thc masters used strategies and
principlcs LhaL applicd Lo mc and my own lic and work and Lhcy also apply Lo
cvcry pcrson and organizaLion inLcrcsLcd in cxccllcncc and succcss. Thcsc
succcss sLraLcgics and principlcs arc univcrsal.

WRIGHT
So, Nancy, whaL arc somc o Lhc masLcr arLisLs' sLraLcgics and principlcs
steppingstonesthat would bc parLicularly hclpul Lo our rcadcrs in bringing
abouL Lhcir own success`


276

NOONAN
Wcll, Lhc irsL Lhing is rcally Lhc oundaLion or cvcryLhing clsc and LhaL is Lo
listen to the muse. You know Lhc conccpL o Lhc musethe guiding spirit that
is LhoughL Lo inspirc pocLs, musicians, wriLcrs, and visual arLisLs` A muse is the
sourcc o gcnius or inspiraLion. Onc Lhing Lhc master artists do better than
mosL o us is Lo rcally listen to their musc. Thcy quicL Lhcmsclvcs down cnough
so that the musc can acLually comc Lhrough. Now Lhis is a rcal challcngc or us
in Lhis day and agc bccausc wc livc in a virLual raL racc, wouldn'L you agrcc`

WRIGHT
You bcL.

NOONAN
Our livcs arc asL-paccd and noisy and wiLh ccll phoncs, Faccbook, TwiLLcr,
and Lhc likc, wc'rc connccLcd in rcal Limc Lo somconc or somcLhing almosL
consLanLly. Now, don'L gcL mc wrong, somc connccLing is inc. IL's Lhc dcgrcc Lo
which wc sLay connccLcd LhaL is gcLLing in Lhc way o our musc's coming
Lhrough. You'vc hcard Lhc saying, I can'L cvcn hcar myscl Lhink." Wcll, iL's
never been truer Lhan now.
So i wc wanL Lo gcL ncw and bcLLcr idcas and ways o bcing and opcraLing,
wc'd bcLLcr clcar Lhc runway or Lhcm Lo comc in. Wc should consciously do
Lhings Lo rclax and quicL oursclvcs down.
I rcad oncc abouL a corporaLc cxccuLivc who said hc goL his bcsL and mosL
rcqucnL idcas whilc hc was Laking a swim, which hc did daily oncc hc goL homc
rom work. CcL away rom Lhc rouLinc, calm yourscl down, go or a walk,
mcdiLaLc. NoL only arc Lhcsc pracLiccs good or our hcalLh, oLcn rcducing
sLrcss and lowcring blood prcssurc, buL Lhcy allow or Lhc spiriL o inspiraLion
Lo comc loaLing in, Laking us Lo our own ncxL masLcrpicccs, whaLcvcr Lhcy
mighL look likc.

WRIGHT
Sounds likc a smarL placc Lo sLarL.

Nancy Noonan
!
277

NOONAN
Ycs, and oncc wc sLarL quicLing oursclvcs down morc, wc can bcLLcr acccss
the sccond masLcry sLraLcgy I'd likc Lo Lalk abouL LodayLo honor and acLivaLc
our own crcaLiviLy and Lhc crcaLiviLy o Lhosc wc managc, Lcach, and lcad.
Wc all sLarLcd ouL as vcry crcaLivc liLLlc bcings whcn wc wcrc childrcn. Pablo
Picasso said, Fvcry child is an artist. Thc problcm is how Lo rcmain an arLisL
oncc wc grow up." How do wc rcmain crcaLivc` Sadly adulLs, usually
uninLcnLionally, sLarL puLLing lids on childrcn's crcaLiviLy in ordcr Lo gcL Lhcm
Lo conormLo iL in. No wondcr Lhcn LhaL by Lhc Limc wc rcach adulLhood
oursclvcs, wc'vc had a loL o Lhc insLincLual crcaLiviLy snucd ouL in us. By Lhcn
wc also oLcn havc a skcwcd idca LhaL crcaLiviLy is jusL or Lhc arLisLs, noL or
Lhc rcsL o us cvcryday pcoplc.

WRIGHT
So Lhcn whaL is crcaLiviLy or us cvcryday pcoplc`

NOONAN
PuL simply, crcaLiviLy mcans cnvisioning somcLhing in your own uniquc,
original, imaginaLivc waypcriod. Its a vcry simplc conccpL.

WRIGHT
Wc oLcn hcar crcaLiviLy and innovaLion uscd inLcrchangcably. Is Lhcrc a
dicrcncc bcLwccn crcaLiviLy and innovaLion`

NOONAN
InnovaLion is usually considcrcd Lo bc Lhc sccond sLcp or aspccL o
crcaLiviLy, iL has Lo do wiLh bringing whaL you cnvisioncd ouL inLo Lhc univcrsc.
How many pcoplc havc rcgrcLLcd kccping LhaL idca in Lhcir own back pockcL
whilc Lhcy LhoughL on iL," whilc Lhc pcrson down Lhc road brings Lhc samc
idea ouL and makcs a killing on iL or somconc aL his or hcr workplacc proposcs
the idea and gcLs LhaL promoLion hc or shc was hoping or`
The innovation step is whcrc noL only individuals gcL Lrippcd up, buL
organizaLions as wcll. I a company has a loL o pcoplc coming up wiLh onc idca
aLcr anoLhcr, buL no onc Lo implcmcnL Lhcm, Lhcy'rc dcad in Lhc waLcr. I your

278

crcaLors arc noL good implcmcnLcrs, iL's oLcn wisc Lo havc Lwo scparaLc
LcamsLhc crcaLors and Lhc innovaLors/implcmcnLcrs.
Onc basic Lhing LhaL can hclp us acLivaLc our crcaLiviLy is Lo consciously
sLarL looking aL oursclvcs as crcaLivc bcings and Lo acknowlcdgc our own
crcaLiviLy.
In my kcynoLcs and workshops I oLcn ask audicncc mcmbcrs Lo Lhink o
somcLhing LhaL Lhcy havc donc in Lhc pasL or do in Lhc prcscnL LhaL is crcaLivc.
I givc Lhcm a liLLlc biL o Limc Lo Lhink abouL Lhis, bccausc noL cvcryonc has a
ready answcr. In acL, somc pcoplc arc Lruly sLumpcd. In LhaL casc, I hclp Lhcm
cxpand Lhc idca o whaL LhaL crcaLivc acLiviLy mighL look likc. Somc pcoplc
mighL do scrap booking or painLing which, Lo many o us, arc morc obviously
crcaLivc." OLhcrs, howcvcr, mighL havc comc up wiLh a ncw opcraLing sysLcm
aL work, wriLLcn a company ncwslcLLcr, or madc Lhc mosL awcsomc yard dcsign
in Lhcir ncighborhood. Thcsc arc all cxamplcs o Lhcir bcing crcaLivc, ycL wc
oLcn don'L rccognizc Lhcm as such. Thc cool Lhing is LhaL whcn wc sLarL
noLicing and acknowlcdging our own crcaLiviLy, iL spirals and wc ind oursclvcs
doing morc and morc crcaLivc Lhings. CrcaLiviLy bcgcLs crcaLiviLy!

WRIGHT
So, as you said, crcaLiviLy is noL jusL rcscrvcd or Lhc arLisLs, iL's rcally or all
o us!

NOONAN
CorrccL. All wc havc Lo do is changc our mindscL abouL crcaLiviLy. In my
programs, I am consLanLly amazcd by Lhc numbcr o pcoplc who Lcll mc poinL
blank LhaL Lhcy arc noL crcaLivc. Somc cvcn usc Lhc provcrbial, I don'L havc a
crcaLivc bonc in my body!" or I'm noL in Lhc arLs, so I don'L nccd crcaLiviLy."
ThaL's whcn I poinL ouL LhaL cvcry singlc pcrson has a crcaLivc sidc Lo his or hcr
natureeveryone! ThaL's whcn I Lcll Lhcm that traditional artists are not the
only oncs who do crcaLivc LhingscrcaLiviLy isn'L only abouL sculpLurc and
painLings and musical scorcs. ThaL's whcn I poinL ouL LhaL cvcry pcrson and
organizaLion nccds crcaLiviLy i Lhcy wanL Lo bc cxccllcnL and Lhrivc.
Nancy Noonan
!
279

Thc Amcrican ManagcmcnL AssociaLion conducLcd a survcy o ivc hundrcd
CFOs rom many dicrcnL iclds. Thc CFOs wcrc askcd whaL was Lhc numbcr
onc componcnL Lo cnsurc LhaL Lhcir organizaLions would survivc and Lhrivc.
Across Lhc board Lhc answcr was Lo pracLicc crcaLiviLy and innovaLion. And,
hey, ivc hundrcd CFOs can'L bc wrong, righL`
This is whcn I Lcll my audicncc LhaL many pcoplc havc a limiLcd vision abouL
crcaLiviLy. Thcy Lhink crcaLiviLy is or Lhosc oLhcrs"LhaL crcaLiviLy is
mysLcrious and clusivc. Thc acL is, crcaLiviLy is simply abouL:

Doing somcLhing dicrcnLly rom how iL's bccn donc bcorc
Fnvisioning somcLhing in your own uniquc, original, imaginaLivc way
Coming up wiLh somcLhing whcn you havc no budgcL or iL
CrcaLing a LoLally ncw producL, scrvicc, dirccLion, or way o Lhinking
Bcing cncrgizcd and in flow by coming up wiLh somcLhing ncw

CrcaLiviLy can puL irc inLo a sLallcd projccL and movc iL Lo complcLion. IL
can hclp you gcL unsLuck! CrcaLiviLy can savc your company moncy. When your
cmployccs arc bcing morc crcaLivc, Lhcy will bc morc likcly Lo ind soluLions Lo
in-housc problcms. This is a boLLom-line-soluLion approach bccausc it then
saves you or your organizaLion Lhc cosL o hiring ouLsidc consulLanLs Lo igurc
Lhings ouL. Thcsc arc vcry concrcLc ouLcomcs Lo crcaLiviLy.
So sincc crcaLiviLy is such a good idca, I hclp my audicnccs rccognizc Lhcir
own crcaLiviLy and Lhc rcsulLs arc asLonishing! Onc busincsswoman lcL my
program in Lcarso joy. Shc said or ycars shc had iL hammcrcd inLo hcr LhaL
shc was not a crcaLivc pcrson. Whcn Lhc ah-ha" wcnL on or hcr in my kcynote
that she was crcaLivc, shc clL shcd been given a ncw lcasc on lic and couldn'L
waiL Lo, as shc said, sprcad hcr crcaLiviLy wings!"
IL's imporLanL Lo ask yourscl, WhaL pricc do you and your organizaLion pay
or not bcing crcaLivc, cspccially in Lhis day and agc` How many Michclangclos
arc in your organizaLion, jusL waiLing Lo bc handcd a 'hammcr and chiscl`"
Onc o Lhc Lhings I implorc o my clicnLs and audicnccs is Lhis: Unlcash
your crcaLiviLydo noL go Lo your gravc wiLh any o your masLcrpicccs sLill
insidc o you!"

280

WRIGHT
Nancy, LhaL's a grcaL conccpL or all o us Lo considcr. WhaL arc somc o Lhc
other steppingstones that the masLcrs usc`

NOONAN
Wcll, Lwo Lhings LhaL arc connccLcd and Lhat inherently run the master
arLisLs' cngincs arc changc and risk. Think o iL Lhis wayi Lhc masters
wcrcn'L comorLablc wiLh Laking Lhc risk Lo changc Lhings up, wc would all sLill
bc looking aL cavc arL. As wondcrul as cavc arL is, picLurc how visually boring it
would bc i LhaL was Lhc only arL crcaLcd in Lhc cnLirc world all Lhrough Lhc
agcs. Corrcspondingly, as an cxamplc in our modcrn world, i compuLcr
scicnLisLs wcrcn'L also willing Lo Lakc Lhc risks Lo makc changcs, our compuLcrs
would sLill bc Lhc sizc o rooms! Hard Lo imaginc wiLh Lhc ncarly minisculc
compuLcrs LhaL wc cnjoy now.

WRIGHT
ThaL's or surc.

NOONAN
Thc challcngc wiLh changc is LhaL wc, as humans, arc gcncrally
uncomorLablc wiLh changc. IL makcs us insccurc and so wc oLcn do whaLcvcr
wc can Lo avoid iL. And ycL, progrcss and growLh only occur whcn onc is willing
Lo proacLivcly cmbracc changc. And Lo cmbracc changc in spiLc o Lhc risks LhaL
go along wiLh changc.
WiLh Lhc way Lhings arc going in Lhc world nowadays, changc is occurring
consLanLly and in ways wc could noL havc imagincd, cvcn a ycar ago. World
markcLs arc LccLcring, homc loans arc hard to get, people are losing their
homcs and jobschangc is all around us, whcLhcr wc likc iL or noL. So Lhc
qucsLion is, How can wc gcL morc comorLablc wiLh changc, sincc iL's hcrc`"
Onc way is Lo proacLivcly sLarL making changcs in our own livcs on a rcgular
basis. Whcn wc gcL inLo Lhc low o making changcs rcgularly, Lhcn whcn
changc is imposcd upon us, iL is noL so jarring.
ScLh Codin Lalkcd abouL changc and risk in his book, Purple Cows: Transform
your Business by Being Remarkable. Hc said LhaL in Lhis day and agc whcn Lhc
Nancy Noonan
!
281

Lhings LhaL uscd Lo work jusL arcn'L working any longcr, its now sacr Lo bc
risky. Imaginc LhaLsacr Lo bc risky! This is cspccially grcaL ncws or Lhosc
who arc unduly sacLy conscious! In Lhcir landmark book, In Search of Excellence,
Tom PcLcrs and RobcrL WaLcrman poinLcd ouL LhaL a spccial aLLribuLc o Lhc
succcss-oriented, positive, and innovaLing cnvironmcnL is a subsLanLial
Lolcrancc or ailurc."
The master arLisLs naLurally know LhaL iL is sacr Lo bc risky. I Lhcy arcn't
consLanLly giving pcoplc somcLhing radically ncw Lo look aL and Lhink abouL,
Lhcir arL would bc labclcd sLalc" and Lhcy would all by Lhc waysidc. FiniLo. OuL
o busincss. Iikcwisc, succcssul CFOs, adminisLraLors, busincss owncrs,
procssionals, cducaLors, and oLhcrs who succccd and sLay in busincss know
Lhis, Loo.
For all o Lhcm, Laking Lhc risks Lo makc changcs is impcraLivc Lo sLaying in
busincss and Lhriving. I we wanL Lo sLay in Lhc busincss" o living and working
at our highest and best levels as our own masLcrs o succcss, wc nccd Lo changc
Lhc pcrspccLivc LhaL Lhc majoriLy o pcoplc holdLhaL ailurc is a ncgaLivc. A
much bcLLcr way Lo vicw ailurc is Lo scc iL noL as a ncgaLivc, buL as simply a
way Lo gaLhcr inormaLion. IL Lclls us LhaL a" docsn'L work, so wc should Lry
b," c," or d." No usc crying ovcr spilL milk! CaLhcr your inormaLion, apply iL
Lo whaL you'rc doing, and movc on. Whcn arLisLs painL whaL Lhcy dccm to be a
bad" painLing, whaL happcns` Thcy jusL painL ovcr iL! So can wc! IL's LhaL
simplc. WhaL a rccing conccpL LhaL is, oncc wc Lruly gcL iL. 3usL painL ovcr iL!
The masLcr arLisLs know LhaL iL scrvcs no onc Lo sLay sLuck, sLaring
inccssanLly aL our bad painLings" and our obsLaclcs, insLcad o moving pasL
Lhcm. Iconardo da Vinci's world-amous masLcrpiccc, Lhc Mona Lisa, did not
always look as iL docs now, in iLs inal orm. Bccausc o inrarcd Lcchnology, wc
can now scc undcr Lhc suracc o painLings. Thcrcorc, wc know LhaL aL onc
poinL Iconardo had painsLakingly painLcd a nccklacc on Lhc woman. Thc
Rcnaissancc, Lhc Limc in which Lhis work was donc, ocuscd on classical
simpliciLy and clariLy, oLcn bcspcaking LhaL lcss is morc." Iconardo
apparcnLly rcalizcd LhaL Lhc nccklacc dcLracLcd rom Lhc painLing and iLs
simpliciLy and painLcd ovcr iL. A misLakc` A ailurc` No. An improvcmcnL! And
as onc o Lhc mosL purposcully visiLcd works o arL in Lhc world, wiLh millions

282

o pcoplc vicwing iL cvcry ycar in Lhc Iouvrc muscum in Paris, iL is an
undcniablc masLcrpiccc and succcss.

WRIGHT
The true masLcrs know whcn Lo old iL and movc on, iL sccms.

NOONAN
No qucsLion. Thcy also know LhaL gcLLing somc disLancc rom Lhc work can
bc vcry bcncicial. I you'vc cvcr sccn an ImprcssionisL painLing by Claudc
Monet, August Renoir, or Mary CassaLL, you know LhaL whcn you gcL up closc
Lo Lhc work, iL jusL looks likc a bunch o liLLlc blobs. IL's whcn you gcL a good
disLancc rom iL LhaL Lhc wholc painLing comcs inLo ocus. And isn'L LhaL Lruc in
lic` SomcLimcs wc'rc so closc Lo a problcm or a challcngc that wc can'L sccm Lo
scc Lhc soluLion. Wc nccd Lo sLcp back and gcL a rcsh pcrspccLivc so iL can all
comc inLo sharper ocus.
In acL, onc o Lhc mosL cccLivc Lhings wc can do is Lo puL somc acLual
disLancc bcLwccn oursclvcs and Lhc issuemovc ovcr and ocus on somcLhing
clsc or a whilc. Whcn you comc back Lo iL, you oLcn scc iL wiLh a rcsh vision, a
ncw clariLy. Thc amous iLccnLh ccnLury VcncLian painLcr, TiLian, would
commonly Lurn a painLing acing Lhc wall and noL look aL iL or wccks or
monLhs. Hc said whcn hc camc back Lo iL, hc oLcn kncw immcdiaLcly whaL Lhc
painting needed to be complcLcknowlcdgc hc'd bccn sLruggling Lo gcL whcn
hc was kncc dccp" in Lhc painLing carlicr. Whcn wc scc a problcm wiLh rcsh
cycs, wc oLcn scc Lhings in ways wc couldn'L scc bcorc and wc cnd up wiLh a
much morc succcssul ouLcomc.

WRIGHT
Nancy, Lo bccomc a masLcr, docs onc nccd Lo Lakc a soliLary paLh`

NOONAN
David, everyone goes along the path or the steppingstones of success in his or
hcr own way. Howcvcr, Lhrough Lhc agcs, iL has provcn Lo bc vcry bcncicial Lo
connccL wiLh oLhcrs as you go along. You'vc hcard sLorics abouL Lhc arLisLs, or
cxamplc, congrcgaLing or hours in Lhc Parisian cacs, Lalking abouL Lhcir arL,
Nancy Noonan
!
283

somcLimcs cvcn gcLLing inLo hcaLcd argumcnLs abouL which sLylc or Lcchniquc
was supcrior Lo oLhcrs. AlLhough I'm noL suggcsLing wc havc Lo Lakc iL Lo Lhc
argumcnL lcvcl, iL is vcry hclpul Lo gcL LogcLhcr wiLh oLhcrs in our iclds.
3oining associaLions, calling collcagucs Lo mccL or cocc, having a phonc chaL,
or mccLing wiLh pcoplc who work in oLhcr dcparLmcnLs can broadcn our own
knowlcdgc basc and spark idcas wc mighL noL cvcr havc LhoughL o on our own.
McnLoring is also cxcccdingly hclpul in moving us Loward our succcss. I
comc rom a amily whcrc many o Lhc mcn arc clccLricians. Thcy havc
csLablishcd sLcps whcrc Lhcy sLarL as an apprcnLicc, movc up Lo bcing a
journcyman, and ulLimaLcly graduaLc Lo bccomc a masLcr clccLrician. Whilc
they are going through these dicrcnL phascs (all Lhc whilc applying Lhc
componcnLs o Lhc ormula o mastery: MasLcry = Skills + Knowlcdgc +
Fxccllcncc), Lhcy arc working sidc-by-sidc wiLh oLhcrs who havc surpasscd
Lhcm Lo a highcr lcvcl, bcing mcnLorcd by Lhcm and lcarning rom Lhcir
wisdom and cxpcricncc. ParL o Lhc Lraining Lhc master artists also wcnL
Lhrough was Lo bc apprcnLiccd Lo arLisLs who wcrc alrcady MasLcrs. For
cxamplc, Michclangclo was apprcnLiccd Lo Lhc master arLisL, Chirlandaio and
Iconardo da Vinci Lo Andrca dcl Vcrrocchio, Lhey also set up their easels in
ronL o masLcrpicccs and copicd Lhcm. Icarning how Lhc master artists had
laid down Lhc painL, how Lhcy had approachcd lighL and linc and shapc and
color and LcxLurc gavc Lhcm a dccpcr lcarning Lhcy could Lhcn apply to
dcvcloping Lhcir own sLylcs.
You know, I Lhink onc o Lhc misLakcs wc oLcn makc in Lhc workplacc or in
our livcs Loday is Lo gcL Lo a placc whcrc wc no longcr Lhink wc nccd mcnLors.
Our pridc gcLs in Lhc way or wc gcL Loo complaccnL and Lhink wc'vc pretty
much lcarncd iL all. Howcvcr, Lhc LruLh is LhaL somc o Lhc mosL succcssul
pcoplc in Lhc world arc oncs who conLinuc Lo lcarn and bc mcnLorcd rom
oLhcrs. IL's an imporLanL piccc Lo mastery and parL o the steppingstones to
success proccss.


284

WRIGHT
Nancy, you'vc givcn us somc grcaL ncw sLraLcgics and insighLs as Lo how wc
can crcaLc masLcry in our livcs and work Lo gcncraLc our own succcss. Thank
you or joining us.

NOONAN
David, iL's bccn my plcasurc. I look orward Lo hcaring rom rcadcrs to
conLinuc" Lhc discussion! My conLacL inormaLion will ollow.
285

Based upon LwcnLy-ivc ycars o studying masLcry, human poLcnLial cxpcrL
Nancy Noonan is soughL ouL by corporaLions, associaLions, and organizaLions
Lo rcigniLc and rcocus Lhcir pcoplc. Shc hclps Lhcm dcvclop Lhcir own scnsc o
masLcry (Mastery = Knowledge + Skills + Excellence) to unleash their greatest
poLcnLial, achicving pcrsonal and organizaLional cxccllcncc Lo producc
cxLraordinary rcsulLs. Uniqucly combining hcr corporaLc background wiLh
ycars o collcgc Lcaching as an awardcd MasLcr Tcachcr," Nancy Lakcs Lo Lhc
stage today as a procssional spcakcr, auLhor, workshop/rcLrcaL lcadcr,
aciliLaLor, consulLanL, and coach. To cnsurc hcr kcynoLcs and workshops arc
both informative and entertaining, Nancy draws on hcr Irish hcriLagc o naLural
sLoryLcllcrs and humorisLs, as wcll as hcr own cxpcricncc in improv.

NANCY NOONAN
The Art of Mastery
S02 W. Mulbcrry SLrccL
Iouisvillc, CO S0027
720-304-3597 or 877-684-8507
nnnancynoonanspcaks.com
www.nancynoonanspcaks.com


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287

C HA P T E R NI NE T E E N
Happincss: Thc SubjccL FducaLors Ovcrlookcd
An InLcrvicw wiLh . . . JoAnne Veeck
Today wc arc Lalking Lo 3oannc Vccck. 3oannc is a crcdcnLialcd Lcachcr and a
mcmbcr o Lhc NaLional Spcakcr's AssociaLion. For ovcr iLccn ycars shc has
dcvoLcd hcrscl Lo Lhc rcscarch and sLudy o PosiLivc Psychology and LoLal-body-
wcll-bcing, in addiLion Lo bcing Lhc VP o a rcLail drug chain. 3oannc's passion is
cducaLing pcoplc on Lhc scicnLiically provcn Lcchniqucs and LruLhs abouL
complcLc and lasLing happincss. Hcr mission is Lo bring ouL Lhc acLs LhaL no
maLLcr who you arc, whcrc you arc or whcrc you havc comc rom, you can bc
happier Lhan you cvcr drcamcd possiblc. 3oannc, wclcomc Lo Stepping Stones to
Success. WhaL inLrigucs you abouL PosiLivc Psychology and sincc iL is a ncwcr
scicncc, will you Lcll us a liLLlc morc abouL iL`

JOANNE VEECK (VEECK)
WhaL I lovc and ind so ascinaLing abouL PosiLivc Psychology is Lhc almosL
insLanL, posiLivc cccL iL has on pcoplc's livcs. In acL, iL's quiLc inccLious! Oncc

288

Lhc scicnLiically provcn Lcchniqucs arc inLroduccd and applicd Lo individuals, a
ncw-ound, inLcrnal cncrgy is discovcrcd and lic-alLcring changcs arc madc.
Ovcr Lhc coursc o jusL a cw wccks, Lhcsc ccl-good changcs bccomc habiL-
orming. This oLcn results in Lhc dcsirc Lo acquirc morc knowlcdgc and skills. IL
inLrigucs, cxciLcs, and givcs mc grcaL plcasurc Lo Lcach, obscrvc, and bc a parL o
this relativcly ncw arcna o scicncc LhaL involvcs Lhc LransormaLion o Lhc mind,
body, and soul.
Psychology is a scicncc LhaL dcals wiLh hcaling and rcpairing a mcnLal illncss
and/or Lhc worsL Lhings in lic LhaL pcoplc can cndurc, ulLimaLcly lcaving an
individual wiLh liclong cmoLional pain and sucring. IL is Lhc rcscarch o
psychological disordcrs and Lhc cccLs o a dysuncLional amily lic and/or a
sLrcssul cnvironmcnL. WiLh psychological Lhcrapy, Lhc goal or hopc is Lo hclp
Lhc paLicnL ind a balanccd pcacc o mind and uncLion in a rclaLivcly normal and
socially acccpLcd capaciLy.
PosiLivc Psychology, on Lhc oLhcr hand, rccognizcs and dcals wiLh discasc,
dysuncLion, and damagc, buL docs noL rcmain solcly ocuscd on iLs ncgaLivc
cccLs. Thc oundaLion o Lhis ncw scicncc was builL on whaL is good, whaL is
known abouL human sLrcngLhs, and whaL is righL. Ovcr Lhc lasL Lcn ycars,
scicnLiic mcLhods havc bccn discovcrcd LhaL can noL only prcvcnL scrious
problcms rom occurring in Lhc irsL placc, buL LhaL will also bring awarcncss Lo
cxplosivc pcrsonal sLrcngLhs, couragc, and drivc. Thc mcLhods," Lricd and Lruc,
will surpass mcrc conLcnLmcnL lcvcls and gcncraLc cclings o joy and jubilaLion.
Simply sLaLcd, PosiLivc Psychology is a giL Lo humankind. IL can opcn closcd
minds, hcal discasc-illcd minds, and bring awarcncss Lo all minds o Lhc happy"
lic wc arc mcanL Lo havc and wcll dcscrvc.
I parLicularly likc Dr. MarLin Scligman's (DirccLor o Pcnn SLaLc PosiLivc
Psychology CcnLcr) inLcrprcLaLion, PosiLivc PsychologisLs will makc Lhc world a
happicr placc, parallcl Lo Lhc way clinical psychologisLs havc madc Lhc world a
lcss unhappy placc." (www.auLhcnLichappincss.sas.upcnn.cdu/dcaulL.aspx,
acccsscd Novcmbcr l3, 2000.) So, whilc wiping ouL a bad Lhing is hclpul,
building a good Lhing is cvcn bcLLcr!

JoAnne Veeck

289

WRIGHT
From your rcscarch o PosiLivc Psychology and ovcrall happincss, whaL do you
ccl is Lhc singlc mosL imporLanL discovcry you havc madc`

VEECK
WiLhouL hcsiLaLion, bascd on ovcr iLccn ycars o rcscarch and cxpcricncc,
Lhc singlc mosL imporLanL discovcry I havc madc is LhaL happincss can bc LaughL
and iL should bc rcgardcd as a subjccL in our schools and vicwcd cqually as
imporLanL as rcading and wriLing. IL should bcgin aL an carly agc wiLh on-going
insLrucLion and Lraining aL cvcry gradc lcvcl Lhrough high school and collcgc. I
you Lhink Lhis sounds crazy, as you conLinuc rcading, you may changc your
LhoughL.
In an arLiclc, LiLlcd WcllingLon Lo Civc Pupils TimcLablcd Icssons in
Happincss," in April o 2006, iL sLaLcs WcllingLon Collcgc is Lo givc pupils
LimcLablcd lcssons in how Lo lcad happicr livcs." Thc class, PSHF (Pcrsonal,
Social, and HcalLh FducaLion), will givc Lhc sLudcnLs skills Lo incrcasc Lhc
likclihood o happincss wiLh lic and how Lo channcl Lhc cmoLional pains o scL-
backs cn rouLc." IL has also bccn rcporLcd LhaL Cambridgc and Harvard
UnivcrsiLics havc noL only inLroduccd classcs on happincss, buL aL Harvard, in
2006, iL bccamc Lhcir mosL popular coursc.
IL wasn'L diiculL Lo arrivc aL Lhc discovcry LhaL happincss can bc LaughL. In
200l, aL Lhc cnd o a onc-hour prcscnLaLion I dclivcrcd Lo a classroom o scvcnLh
and cighLh gradcrs, LiLlcd, Happy Hour," I was plcascd buL noL surpriscd by Lhc
avorablc and cncrgcLic commcnLs rom Lhc sLudcnLs. Somc raiscd Lhcir hands Lo
Lcll mc Lhcy had lcarncd morc in LhaL onc hour Lhan Lhcy had rom prcvious,
morc ormal, long-Lcrm, moLivaLional-Lypc programs.
WhaL caughL mc complcLcly o guard, Lhough, wcrc Lhc commcnLs rom Lhc
Lcachcrs, sLa mcmbcrs, and gucsLs. In a noLc, onc Lcachcr sLaLcd, From Lhc
vcry bcginning o your spccch I ound myscl umbling around my dcsk in scarch
o a pcncil Lo Lakc noLcs. A loL o your inspiring inormaLion was unamiliar Lo
mc and I didn'L wanL Lo miss a Lhing." AnoLhcr Lcachcr wroLc, I clL your
mcssagc succcssully rcachcd pcoplc o all agcs." And a Lhird Lcachcr said Lo mc
pcrsonally, I can'L cvcn imaginc how many livcs you changcd Loday, including

290

my own." I was inviLcd back Lo LhaL parLicular middlc school in Roscvillc,
Caliornia, Lhrcc dicrcnL Limcs Lo spcak Lo Lhcir sLudcnLs and sLa mcmbcrs.
From LhaL day orward I branchcd ouL Lo dicrcnL Lypcs o groups o all agcs,
buL rcmaincd ocuscd on Lhc imporLancc and cccLivcncss o Lcaching
happincss." I havc rcccivcd counLlcss lcLLcrs rom audicncc mcmbcrs and clicnLs
buL onc o Lhc mosL LhoughL-provoking was rom a woman, S. Sanborn, rom
Sloughhousc, Caliornia, who wroLc, I am in LoLal agrccmcnL wiLh you LhaL
happincss nccds Lo bc a subjccL LaughL in schools! 3usL Lhink how many billions
o dollars our counLry would savc in mcdicinc and Lhcrapy! Scriously, iL should bc
lookcd aL as prcvcnLaLivc mcdicinc, wiLh Lax brcaks Lo parcnLs whosc childrcn
aLLcnd Lhc courscs." Ms. Sanborn clL so sLrongly abouL Lhis maLLcr, shc
concludcd hcr lcLLcr wiLh Lhis sLaLcmcnL, I Lhcrc is anyLhing I can do in supporL
o implcmcnLing your idca/passion inLo our cducaLional curriculum, plcasc lcL
mc know."
ChrisLophcr PcLcrson, PhD, wroLc, Thc good lic can bc LaughL." Ycs, many
cxpcrLs and procssionals in Lhc icld o PosiLivc Psychology now know Lhis Lo bc
Lruc. PcLcrson conLinucd wiLh, Thc good lic is hard work and Lhcrc arc no
shorLcuLs Lo susLaincd happincss." This sLaLcmcnL, my ricnds, in my opinion, is
alsc. AlLhough you musL ocus and sLay on Lhc righL paLh during your journcy Lo
happincss, dccming iL Lo bc hard work," is sLricLly in Lhc opinion o Lhc
bcholdcr! My clicnLs, collcagucs, and ricnds ind iL Lo bc upliLing, cxciLing, and
posiLivcly challcnging. I havc cvcn hcard somc say LhaL ovcr a pcriod o Limc,
Lhcy havc ound Lhc proccss Lo susLaincd happincss Lo bc un and easy.

WRIGHT
You Lalk abouL giving lccLurcs on your passion, Lhc subjccL o happincss,
through a one-hour presentation you rccr Lo as Happy Hour." Thc lasL Limc I
goL happy" in an hour, I didn'L ccl vcry good Lhc ncxL day. Scriously, is iL
rcalisLic Lo say somconc can bccomc happy in an hour wiLhouL going Lo Lhc local
pub`

JoAnne Veeck

291

VEECK
Thc answcr Lo LhaL qucsLion is, yes! I likc Lo Lhink o Happy Hour" as bcing
similar Lo waLching a compclling prcvicw or a movicyou can'L waiL Lo go and
scc iL. ALcr cxpcricncing Happy Hour," you can'L waiL Lo go and livc iL. IL is a
vcry spcciic and inormaLivc ovcrvicw/inLroducLion Lo whaL will hopcully
bccomc Lhc irsL day o Lhc rcsL o your lic. Morc spcciically, onc audicncc
mcmbcr had Lhis Lo say rcgarding Happy Hour, 3oannc Lakcs popular,
convcnLional, LradiLional, and acadcmic psychology and Lurns iL all on iLs cars.
ALcr lisLcning Lo hcr, I ound myscl lcaving Lhc vcnuc ccling an inch Lallcr Lhan
whcn I had cnLcrcd." (D. Clcland, SacramcnLo, Caliornia)
Happy Hour is a compilaLion o iLccn ycars o rcscarch and complcLc
dcdicaLion Lo noL only undcrsLanding happincss, buL rcdcining iL or modcrn
day living. QuiLc dicrcnL rom how wc'vc bccn condiLioncd Lo Lhink, iL docs noL
advocaLc spcnding a licLimc pursuing iL, raLhcr, iL cmphasizcs Train, RcLain,
and Cain" (Lhc Happy Hour moLLo) Loday, and spcnd Lhc rcsL o your lic living
happily cvcr aLcr."
For many rcasons, Lhc Lcrm, idca, pcrccpLion, conccpL, dciniLion, cLc. o Lhc
word happy" has bccomc disjoinLcd. A vocabulary word dccmcd simplc and
basic, happy" has bccomc, Lo mosL pcoplc, a mysLcry or a puzzlc Loo hard Lo
solvc. Thc rcason is LhaL iL is noL simplc" or basic." SLudy aLcr sLudy has, in
acL, lcd somc procssionals Lo bclicvc LhaL happincss is ciLhcr noL possiblc or noL
probablc.
This is an old ashioncd way o Lhinking and is bascd largcly upon our naLions
pasL whcn acLors o war, Lhc grcaL Dcprcssion, aminc, discasc, and simply
sLruggling Lo survivc wcrc a way o lic. AlLhough Lhc pasL is jusL LhaLthe
pastand wc nccd Lo gcL ovcr iL," wc can'L ignorc LhaL iL was Lhc rock boLLom"
our counLry hiL during Lhosc ycars LhaL uclcd Lhc cncrgy in our ciLizcns Lo
rcbuild Lhcir livcs and Lhcir counLry. And, whaL a succcss sLory iL was! Thcir qucsL
and duc diligcncc Lo bccomc Lhc mosL powcrul counLry in Lhc world Look hold.
BuL as sLaLisLics Lcll us now, wc havc Lo ask oursclvcs, did wc puL our sLrcngLh,
cncrgy, and dcLcrminaLion Lo Lhc bcsL usc`
In an inlucnLial acadcmic papcr, MarLin Scligman, Lhc UnivcrsiLy o
Pcnnsylvania psychologisL who launchcd Lhc posiLivc psychology movcmcnL, and

292

Fd Dicncr o Lhc UnivcrsiLy o Illinois wroLc, AlLhough cconomic ouLpuL has
riscn sLccply ovcr Lhc pasL dccadc, Lhcrc has bccn no risc in lic saLisacLion
during Lhis pcriod and Lhcrc has bccn a subsLanLial incrcasc in dcprcssion and
disLrusL." So, Lhc answcr is obviousapparcnLly wc did noL puL our cncrgy Lo Lhc
bcsL usc.
Now, Lhc qucsLion is, do wc havc any cncrgy lcL or whaL's mosL imporLanL
Lhc rcbuilding o hopc, moralc, scl-worLh, and cmoLional wcll-bcing` Think
abouL iL: how can Lhc ciLizcns o our naLion wakc up cvcry morning and acc Lhcir
ncw daily challcngcs wiLh cnLhusiasm and dcLcrminaLion or makc posiLivc
changcs in socicLy whcn dcprcssion and disLrusL" arc looming among Lhcm`
And, i Lhc cclings o hopclcssncss and dcspair arc indccd incrcasing," how long
will iL Lakc bcorc our naLion is illcd wiLh non-producLivc, non-caring, and
lcLhargic individuals` Could iL bc LhaL Lhis is cxacLly whaL wc'rc cxpcricncing
righL now` David Camcron, a BriLish opposiLion lcadcr, said in a spccch in 2006,
IL's Limc wc admiLLcd LhaL Lhcrc's morc Lo lic Lhan moncy, and iL's Limc wc
ocuscd noL jusL on CDP, buL on CWBgcncral wcll-bcing."
Mr. Camcron has sincc organizcd a QualiLy o Iic Policy Croup Lo cxaminc
ways govcrnmcnLs can lcgislaLc Lo boosL naLional conLcnLmcnL lcvcls." (The
Greenville Sun, AugusL 2007) Finally, Lhc word goL ouL somcwhcrc in Lhc world
LhaL Lhcrc's no airy godmoLhcr and no magic wand. How many morc busincsscs
nccd Lo ail and how much morc dcspair do wc Lhc pcoplc" nccd Lo cndurc
bcorc Lhc lcadcrs o our naLion rcalizc our conLcnLmcnL lcvcls" could also sLand
a boosL"` CrcaL sLridcs could bc madc, oncc again, in Lhis counLry wiLh Lhc hclp
o our govcrnmcnL. Financial supporL or on-going programs Lo Lcach and Lrain
Lhc olks o Lhis naLion how Lo boosL Lhcir conLcnLmcnL lcvcls" would bc puLLing
our moncy and our cncrgy Lo iLs opLimal usc.
Thc succcss and ovcrall cccLivcncss o such programs LhaL sLimulaLc minds
and causc us Lo wiLncss Lhc rcbirLh o hiddcn cncrgy LhroughouL our counLry can
only bc imagincd. In my onc-hour scssion wiLh Lhc inLcnL Lo boosL conLcnLmcnL
lcvcls" Lhrough Lhc usc o scicnLiically provcn Lcchniqucs, Lhis is onc o Lhc
rcsponscs I rcccivcd: Dcar 3oannc, I jusL wanLcd Lo Lhank you or sharing your
incrcdiblc knowlcdgc. You arc a vcry inspiring woman. I know LonighL has
changcd my lic and I will pass iL on Lo my childrcn and cvcryonc clsc around mc.
JoAnne Veeck

293

I rcally hopc you havc anoLhcr Lalk soon bccausc I will inviLc cvcryonc I know Lo
comc." (3. Hankins, Ioomis, Caliornia.)
So, oncc again, ycs," wiLh an opcn mind, you can acLually bcgin a ncw lic o
happincss in an hour. WiLh Lhis known LruLh, whaL dcgrcc o grcaLncss could bc
cxcrciscd world-widc i programs similar Lo minc Look placc on a schcdulcd basis
LhroughouL much o our livcs` For now, unorLunaLcly, wc can only wondcr.

WRIGHT
Who inspircd you Lo inspirc oLhcrs`

VEECK
Thcrc havc bccn a numbcr o pcoplc who havc inspircd mc. Two o whom, I'm
proud Lo say, jusL happcn Lo bc my parcnLs.
My moLhcr, Pcnny 3ccrs, grcw up wiLh an abusivc and alcoholic aLhcr. AL
agc sixLccn, unablc Lo convincc hcr moLhcr Lo Lakc hcr Lhrcc youngcr broLhcrs
and lcavc hcr aLhcr, my moLhcr ran away rom homc. For Lhc ncxL Lhrcc ycars
shc carricd Lhrcc jobs and madc a ncw lic or hcrscl. As badly as shc misscd hcr
moLhcr and broLhcrs, shc kncw shc could ncvcr go back. AL nincLccn shc mcL and
cll in lovc wiLh my aLhcr, Ccorgc 3ccrs, and a ycar laLcr Lhcy wcrc marricd. My
aLhcr hclpcd my moLhcr Lurn hcr cmoLional scars inLo sLars" and uncovcr inncr
sLrcngLh shc ncvcr kncw shc had. (Turn your scars inLo sLars" is a phrasc crcaLcd
and oLcn uscd by Dr. RobcrL Schullcr o Lhc CrysLal CaLhcdral.)
NoL only was Lhcir marriagc o iLy-six ycars ull o lovc and rcspccL, shc
spcnL hcr lic giving gcncrously and caring or oLhcrs and raiscd Lwo daughLcrs Lo
do Lhc samc. NoL only did shc scL Lhc sLandard or a scllcss licsLylc, hcr mcssagc
Lo hcr daughLcrs was clcar and lcd by cxamplcwhcn your lic isn'L going in Lhc
dirccLion you wanL or yourscl, Lurn around!
My aLhcrmy ricnd, my boss, and my mcnLorwas onc in Lcn million! Hc
was ablc Lo succcssully balancc a lawlcss work cLhic and pcrsonal lic sccond Lo
nonc. Hc had honcsLy, inLcgriLy, and an immcnsc compassion or cvcryonc who
sLcppcd in and ouL o his lic.
AL Lhc ripc old agc o LhirLccn, my aLhcr bcgan his long-Lcrm carccr o LhirLy-
our ycars wiLh Walgrccns. IaLcr, hc was scoopcd up by Lwo oLhcr gianL rcLailcrs

294

who, wcrc also in awc o his qualiLy and succcssul pcrormancc as a leader and as
a gcnuinc, scnsiLivc, and caring man. Thcn, onc day, aL agc iLy-ivc, hc dccidcd
Lo lcavc Lhc corporaLc world bchind and hc quiL his job. BuL don'L lcL LhaL ool
you, Lhis wasn'L Lhc cnd by any mcans. In acL, iL was jusL Lhc bcginning! In l0S4,
aLcr iLccn-hour-days and cighLccn monLhs o rcscarching a ncw conccpL o
rcLail, hc opcncd up Lhc irsL o a ivc-sLorc dccp discounL" drug chain in
SacramcnLo, Caliornia. For LwcnLy-Lhrcc ycars hc owncd and opcraLcd a
succcssul busincss cmploying closc Lo onc Lhousand pcoplc.
To sum up why hc was so succcssul ouLsidc o his dcLcrminaLion and passion
or hard work, in 2006, an arLiclc was wriLLcn abouL him in Lhc Sacramento
Magazine. Ioyal, gcncrous, caring, gcnuinc, and ricnd arcn'L words usually used
Lo dcscribc somconc's boss. Company CFOs arc oLcn LhoughL o as aloo. This is
noL Lhc casc wiLh Ccorgc 3ccrs. Whcn pcoplc comc Lo work or him Lhcy sLay.
IL's common Lo ind cmployccs wcaring iLccn and LwcnLy-ycar pins." His
mcssagc was clcar: To cxpcricncc succcss in iLs LrucsL orm, whcLhcr in our
busincss, pcrsonal lic or boLh, wc havc Lo pcrmancnLly changc and Lrain our
LhoughLs and ocus on making cvcryonc around us ccl good. Thcn and only Lhcn
will wc gcL back whaL wc havc givcn outsucccss bcing jusL onc small piccc o
our pic.
I was blcsscd Lo bc cmploycd and guidcd by a boss who shincd Lhc lighL or all
who sharcd his paLh and who jusL happcncd Lo bc my dad. I I could bc hal as
inspiring as my aLhcr, I'd paL myscl on Lhc back and say, 3ob wcll donc."

WRIGHT
OuLsidc o your parcnLs, who would you say has had Lhc biggcsL inlucncc on
your lic and carccr`

VEECK
I you'vc noLiccd, Lhcrc is morc squarc ooLagc dcvoLcd Lo Lhc scl-hclp"
sccLion in book sLorcs Lhan mosL oLhcr caLcgorics. I would havc Lo assumc iL's
onc o Lhc largcsL bccausc iL's onc o Lhc mosL proiLablc. So, i Lhis is Lhc casc,
hclp" bcing aL our disposal, I'vc oLcn wondcrcd why Lhcrc is so much cmoLional
pain and sucring. Arc Lhc books bcing boughL buL noL rcad or rcad buL noL
JoAnne Veeck

295

rcLaincd or rcLaincd buL noL cxcrciscd` AlLhough I don'L havc Lhc cxacL answcr Lo
LhaL qucsLion, whaL I do know is LhaL i Lhc inormaLion in mosL scl-hclp books
was rcad, rcLaincd, and pracLiccd rcpcaLcdly, a qualiLy lic would prcvail and
Lhcrc would bc lcss nccd or conLrovcrsial and dangcrous mood cnhancing drugs.
To answcr your qucsLion, Lhosc who havc inlucnccd mc includc cvcry onc o
Lhc auLhors o Lhc scvcral hundrcd books LhaL cncompass scl-help,
cnhanccmcnL, and cnlighLcnmcnL. BuL, in narrowing Lhc scarch, iL is Lhc
ollowing our mcn who havc casL a pcrmancnL and posiLivc spcll on my
understanding, attaining, and apprcciaLion o Lhc good lic:

Dr. Robert Schuller
Through Lhc dozcns o inspiraLional books wriLLcn by Dr. RobcrL Schullcr,
minisLcr o Lhc CrysLal CaLhcdral, Cardcn Crovc, Caliornia, hc was Lhc onc who
irsL LaughL" mc how Lo Reach Out For New Life, Lhc LiLlc o onc o his books.
This book was a giL LhaL camc Lo mc aL a Limc whcn I was busy"busy setting
Lhc wrong prioriLics in bcLwccn raising a amily and working ull-Limc. I placcd iL
on a bookshcl, along wiLh Lhc oLhcr books I'd gcL Lo somcday." Scvcral ycars
laLcr, or no known rcason, I blcw o Lhc dusL LhaL had collccLcd on Lhc book and
auLomaLically opcncd iL Lo pagc six. My cycs zcrocd in on Lhcsc words: In Lhis
book I wanL Lo sharc wiLh you a proccssLhc PossibiliLy Thinking Proccss
which will lcad Lo pcrmancnL, crcaLivc changc in your lic. You will bcgin by
bclicving Lhcrc is a morc cxciLing lic ahcad o you, you will bcgin Lo scc LhaL
Lhcrc is morc knowlcdgc, morc happincss, ncw opporLuniLics, grcaLcr prospcriLy,
richcr scl-esLccm waiLing or you. A ncw you will bc born wiLh unlimiLcd powcr."
Such a convincing mcssagc," I LhoughL. Is Lhcrc somconc who wouldn'L rcad
on`" Anxious or whaL I had rcad Lo Lakc hold in my lic, I noL only rcad on," I
rcad cvcry book hc wroLc. WhaL I lcarncd was Lhc proccss." WhaL I'vc
cxpcricnccd, sincc, is Lhc pcrmancnL, crcaLivc changc in my lic," cxacLly how
Dr. Schullcr dcscribcd iL in LhaL irsL paragraph.


296

Gary Zukav
Cary Zukav, auLhor o The Seat of the Soul, The Heart of the Soul and Soul
Stories, Lhrough Lhc combinaLion o psychological insighL and spiriLualiLy, has
givcn mc invaluablc awarcncss inLo Lhc many whys" o whaL wc do and answcrs
Lo lic's qucsLions. Thcrc is much Lo bc gaincd in his books, buL a sLrong
cmphasis is ccnLcrcd on lcarning how Lo bccomc awarc o our cclingsall o
Lhcm all o Lhc Limc bccausc iL is Lhc parL o oursclvcs LhaL conLrols much o whaL
wc do. AlLhough Lhc proccss is boLh challcnging and rcwarding, iL is a criLical
dcvclopmcnL o Lhc mind or a grcaLcr human cxpcricncc. Oncc you rccognizc
and arc in conLrol o your cclings, Mr. Zukav rcminds us in Lhc Seat of the Soul
LhaL Your licgood or badis your choicc. As you shinc brighLcr, as your lighL
and powcr incrcasc wiLh cach rcsponsiblc choicc, so docs your world!"

The Dalai Lama
Thc Dalai Iama, Lhc spiriLual lcadcr o TibcL and a Nobcl Prizc winncr, and
Dr. Howard CuLlcr joincd orccs and wroLc Lhc book, The Art of Happiness: A
Handbook for Living. I would lovc Lo scc Lhis book uscd jusL likc a daily planncr or
a pursc, pockcL, or briccasc bccausc iL Lcachcs Lhc rcadcr, Lhrough a dccp sourcc
o inncr pcacc, how Lo dccaL Lhc daily and ongoing obsLaclcs o angcr,
disappoinLmcnL, jcalousy, rcscnLmcnL, cLc. Hc sLaLcs and rcpcaLs Limc and Limc
again, Your sLaLc o mind is Lhc kcy Lo happincss." I Lhcrc is a lack o Lhc inncr
disciplinc LhaL brings calmncss o mind, no maLLcr whaL cxLcrnal aciliLics or
condiLions you havc, Lhcy will ncvcr givc you Lhc cclings o joy and happincss
LhaL you arc sccking."
I believe The Art of Happiness should bc rcquircd rcading aL high school and
collcgc lcvcls bccausc I agrcc wiLh Lhc Dalai Iama, Fvcn Lhough our socicLy docs
noL cmphasizc Lhis, Lhc mosL imporLanL usc o knowlcdgc and cducaLion is Lo
help us understand Lhc imporLancc o cngaging in morc wholcsomc acLions and
bringing abouL disciplinc wiLhin our minds . . . Lo cccL changcs rom wiLhin Lo
dcvclop a good hcarL."

JoAnne Veeck

297

Dr. T. Colin Campbell
In my opinion, Dr. T. Colin Campbcll should bc rcgardcd as onc o Amcrica's
hcrocs. Hc spcnL his cnLirc working carccr rcscarching Lhc rclaLionship bcLwccn
nuLriLion, hcalLh, and discasc. Hc has hclpcd many pcoplc Lurn Lhcir livcs
around, including minc, in his book, The China Study. Through tests and studies
LhaL hc conducLcd world-widc, hc inorms us o oods LhaL givc us cncrgy and
makc us look and ccl good, vcrsus oods, all Loo availablc, LhaL Lakc cncrgy away,
causc dramaLic mood swings, makc us aL, and cvcnLually causc scrious illncsscs.
WiLh childhood obcsiLy, diabcLcs, and canccr, on Lhc risc, along wiLh soaring
hcalLh carc cosLs, Lhis is a book LhaL should bccomc a rcquircd LcxLbook or our
schools and Lhcir scicncc programs. IL cxplains Lhc LruLh abouL dicL and hcalLh. IL
will noL only changc livcs, iL may cvcn savc livcs!

WRIGHT
WhaL arc somc o Lhc obsLaclcs pcoplc acc in Lhc pursuiL o happincss`

VEECK
I you askcd onc hundrcd dicrcnL pcoplc LhaL qucsLion, you'd gcL onc
hundrcd dicrcnL answcrs, such as: unlucky, no ricnds, bad amily
cnvironmcnL, dead-cnd job, cclings o incrioriLy and dcspair, and so on. BuL in
my book, Lhcrc is only onc obsLaclc. IL's simplc, wc havc ncvcr bccn Lold Lhc
LruLh abouL happincss. Wc'vc ncvcr lcarncd how Lo aLLain iL or cvcn how Lo
pursuc iL. Wc'rc hopcul LhaL our parcnLs, Lcachcrs, and lcadcrs will guidc our
childrcn down Lhc road Lo succcss, buL how can Lhcy do a good job aL guiding
somconc clsc's lic whcn Lhcy'rc having a hard Limc guiding Lhcir own` How can
wc ccl, display, or Lcach a subjccL wc know so liLLlc abouL` Bascd on Lhc currcnL
sLaLisLics o ovcrall disconLcnLmcnL lcvcls in Amcrica, iL appcars wc can'L.
Thc LruLh abouL happincss is iL's noL luck or good orLunc, succcss or amc,
plcasurc or saLisacLion, good hcalLh or ouLcr looks. IL is aLLaining conLcnLmcnL
Lhrough inncr disciplinc and scl-worLh. AlLhough Lhc acLors I mcnLioncd can
conLribuLc Lo happincss, Lhcy musL bc builL upon a good mcnLal aLLiLudc and
ouLlook so Lhc sLaLc o happincss can rcmain solid during lic's ups and downs.

298

Now, lcL's Lalk a liLLlc abouL how Lo pursuc" happincss. IL's a proccss LhaL
rcquircs lcarning how Lo Lransorm our minds. Fach and cvcry onc o us can
accomplish Lhis wiLh ocuscd Lraining and by rcpcaLing ccrLain cxcrciscs and
Lcchniqucs Lo amiliarizc oursclvcs wiLh Lhc bcncicial aspccLs o posiLivc
cmoLions and bchaviors. AL Lhc samc Limc wc musL lcarn and bc awarc o Lhc
harmul aspccLs o ncgaLivc cmoLions. Thcn, bascd on Lhc naLural dcsirc Lo
cxpcricncc good cmoLional cclings, wc musL consciously and dclibcraLely go
aLcr Lhcm. NcuroscicnLisLs havc provcn LhaL Lhc brain can lcarn rom ncw,
posiLivc inpuL and Lhc wiring in Lhc brain can acLually changc. WiLh scl-
disciplinc, our minds can gradually wipc ouL scl-inlicLing ncgaLivc LhoughLs and
cclings.
As I stated, it is a proccss. You may noL gcL iL down" ovcrnighL, buL you will
lovc bcing awarc and in conLrol o your LhoughLs and will cxpcricncc posiLivc
rcsulLs immcdiaLcly. Iiving posiLivcly will noL only changc how you vicw
yoursclLhc bcginning o scl-worthiL will changc how oLhcrs vicw you and
will havc a proound cccL on Lhc way you go abouL your daily lic. Wc Lrain hard
or cvcryLhing LhaL is imporLanL Lo us. Isn'L iL abouL Limc wc Lakc Lhosc samc
Lraining skills and apply Lhcm Lo whaL is mosL imporLanL or usour minds`
Finally, how do wc aLLain happincss` Wc aLLain happincss Lhrough Lhc
aLLainmcnL o rcal, hcarL-clL cclings o scl-worLh. I Lhink o scl-worLh as Lhc
Lrunk o Lhc Lrcc o lic rom which branchcs o lovc, orgivcncss, good hcalth,
compassion, couragc, scllcssncss, cnLhusiasm, pcrscvcrancc, succcss, joy, and
pcacc o mind grow cndlcssly and abundanLly. Simply sLaLcd, scl-worLh providcs
Lhc sLrcngLh and dcLcrminaLion nccdcd Lo conqucr our limiLlcss poLcnLial.
Surc, iL Lakcs dcLcrminaLion, Limc, and corL Lo dcvclop Lhc mindul habiLs
LhaL bring happincss. Thc good ncws is LhaL LhroughouL Lhc Lraining pcriod, you
will bc rcwardcd. You will discovcr ncwound cncrgy, cnLhusiasm, and opLimism
and will havc Lhc abiliLy Lo posiLivcly handlc daily challcngcs LhaL aL onc Limc in
your lic wcrc rcgardcd as obsLaclcs."

WRIGHT
WhaL makcs your mcssagc uniquc`

JoAnne Veeck

299

VEECK
Somc pcoplc Lhink succcss brings happincss and oLhcrs ccl happincss brings
succcss. WhaL makcs my mcssagc uniquc is LhaL I bclicvc happincss is succcss
and boLh arc rcadily availablc whcn you arc. 3usL whaL do I mcan by rcady whcn
you arc`" Thc day wc makc Lhc dccision Lo makc long-Lcrm, lic-altering
adjusLmcnLs in boLh our physical and cmoLional sclvcs is Lhc day wc will bcgin to
ccl Lhc posiLivc cccLs o mind ovcr maLLcr. How can wc makc LhaL changc` IL's
simplc! IL sLarLs wiLh a singlc LhoughL.
Rcscarch has provcn wc havc wcll ovcr Lcn Lhousand LhoughLs a day. Whcn
wc arc scriously rcady Lo cxpcricncc happincss/succcss bcyond our wildcsL
drcams, Lhc irsL sLcp is bccoming awarc and lcarning Lhc valuc o cach onc o
our Lhousands o LhoughLs and Lhc cnormous rolc cach plays on our livcs. For
cxamplc, whcn wc Lhink or say, Oh, I could ncvcr do LhaL," wc'rc righLwc
never could do LhaL bccausc wc arc guidcd by our LhoughLs. ThoughLs arc our
lcadcrs and i our lcadcrs convincc us wc can ncvcr do somcLhing, wc'll bclicvc
Lhcm and sucr a licLimc o conscqucnccs surrounding LhaL onc ncgaLivc
LhoughL. In acL, our cnLirc rcaliLy will bc bascd on an illusory scnsc o who wc
arc or whaL wc can do. Our LhoughLs dirccLly accL our cclings, which, in Lurn,
accL our bchavior, our words, and ulLimaLcly our cnvironmcnL.
As wc bccomc conscious o our LhoughLs, iL mighL surprisc us to learn that so
many o Lhcm arcn'L vcry posiLivc. I jusL lovc whcn LhaL happcns! IL provcs wc
havc Lhc inLcllccL and sLrcngLh o characLcr Lo admiL LhaL wc havc room and Lhc
dcsirc or scl-improvcmcnL. In acL, iL gcLs us rcady and anxious or Lhc ncxL
sLcp, which is qucsLioning why wc havc so many ncgaLivc and wasLcul LhoughLs.
Thcn wc comc Lo Lhc rcalizaLion LhaL iL is our LhoughLs, noL somconc or
somcLhing, LhaL arc Lhc causc o much o our cmoLional angcr, agony, and
sucring. This is a good Lhing! IL's an inLcrnal awakcning LhaL is boLh criLical and
csscnLial Lo inally sLop blaming oLhcrs and bcgin acccpLing rcsponsibiliLy or our
acLionsboth good and badand our own conLcnLmcnL lcvcls. Oncc wc'rc
conscious o our ncgaLivc LhoughLs and Lhcir dcsLrucLiviLy, wc simply nccd Lo
challcngc oursclvcs and changc our minds. I you Lhink iL's impossiblc Lo changc
your LhoughLs rom ncgaLivc Lo posiLivc on a spin o a dimc, Lry rcdirccLing LhaL

300

LhoughL, Loo. IL's noL only possiblc, iL's casy, un, and guaranLccd Lo changc your
lic!
Scl-conidcncc, cncrgy, and cnLhusiasm sLcm rom a changc o aLLiLudc: Lhc
winning LickcL Lo susLaincd happincss and succcss. Succcss or ailurc bcgins wiLh
a thoughtour thoughtso, our choicc. Think" abouL LhaL!

WRIGHT
I Lhcrc rcally wcrc sLcppingsLoncs" Lo succcss, whaL would you inscribc on
Lhc irsL sLonc`

VEECK
Bcorc I answcr LhaL qucsLion, allow mc Lo ask you onc. Do you rcmcmbcr Lhc
lasL Limc you cxpcricnccd a migrainc, a backachc, Lhc lu, pncumonia, or worsc
yet, a morc scrious illncss` Wcrc you saying Lo yourscl, Wow, Lhis is grcaL! I'm
so happy`" I doubL iL. A journcy Lo complcLc happincssLhc ulLimaLc mcasurc o
succcssmusL involvc Lhc vchiclc LhaL is going Lo gcL us Lhcrc. Thcrcorc, in
answcr Lo your qucsLion, whaL I would inscribc on Lhc irsL sLcppingsLonc is onc
wordhealth.
In Lhc carly '70s, whcn I bcgan Lhc qucsL Lo lcarn morc abouL Lhc mind, liLLlc
did I know I would also bc rcscarching Lhc mcchanisms by which Lhc mind
inlucnccs Lhc body. SLudy aLcr sLudy has provcn LhaL unhcalLhy psychological
uncLioning can causc unrcsL and sLrcss in our livcs and can bc a dcLcrmining
acLor in our physical hcalLh as wcll. PaLLcrns o physiological and cmoLional
disharmony upscL Lhc chcmisLry o our bodics. AlLhough there is virtually no
qucsLion LhaL LhoughLs, cclings, moods, and aLLiLudc arc major conLribuLors Lo
our ovcrall hcalLh, somc scicnLisLs and docLors bclicvc iL gocs much dccpcr and
LhaL Lhc rclaLionship wc havc Lo our Lhinking is Lhc dirccL causc o boLh minor
and scrious illncsscs. Thcrcorc, i wc Lakc good carc o our Lhinking, our achcs,
pains, and worrics will disappcar.
AlLhough hcalLhy bodics bcgin wiLh hcalLhy LhoughLs, propcr dicL and
nuLriLion is nccdcd Lo susLain a good balancc, boLh physically and mcnLally, Lo
avoid discasc and illncss. UnorLunaLcly, onc o Lhc biggcsL misconccpLions in
our counLry is Lhc dciniLion o propcr" dicL and nuLriLion. Thcrc is convincing
JoAnne Veeck

301

cvidcncc LhaL Lhc Amcrican dicL" is noL only ailing us, buL is a largc contributor
Lo Lhc incrcasc in Lhc risk o canccr, hcarL discasc, diabcLcs, and obcsiLy. Many
nuLriLionisLs ccl wc'rc bcing mislcd in Lhc LruLhs abouL ccrLain oods and
ingrcdicnLs. FxpcrLs Lhink ood companics should bc rcquircd Lo sLaLc all o Lhc
nuLriLion acLs" including Lhc acLs abouL Lhc hcalLh hazards in many o Lhc
ingrcdicnLs. Thc acL is, i olks wcrc cducaLcd abouL Lhc harmul cccLs o Lhc
oods Lhcy consumc, Lhcy'd swiLch Lo hcalLhicr oods, bccomc morc hcalLh
conscious, look and ccl bcLLcr, and our naLion's hcalLhcarc cosLs would likcly bc
cuL in hal.
Changing your dicL can changc your lic and Lhcrc's no bcLLcr proo o LhaL
sLaLcmcnL Lhan in Dr. T. Colin Campbcll's book, The China Study. Dr. Campbcll is
a disLinguishcd procssor aL Corncll UnivcrsiLy and has spcnL ncarly ivc dccadcs
rcscarching Lhc rclaLionship o dicL Lo discasc. Thc cccL o his indings could
Lurn Lhc psychological and physiological hcalLh carc o our naLion around.
And, inally, wc can'L ignorc Lhc inLcrconnccLcdncss bcLwccn physical acLiviLy
and mcnLal wcll-bcing in Lhc ovcrall conccpL o hcalLh. In addiLion Lo mcrcly
looking good, kccping our boncs sLrong, and mainLaining a hcalLhy hcarL,
rcscarch has provcn combining rcgular cxcrcisc and good nuLriLion ocrs cnergy,
good moods, alcrLncss, and an inLcrnal moLivaLion Lo conLinuc a licsLylc o
opLimal hcalLh.

WRIGHT
WhaL has bccn your grcaLcsL accomplishmcnL as a moLivaLional spcakcr and
wholc body wcllncss coach`

VEECK
I bclicvc my grcaLcsL accomplishmcnL is knowing Lhc posiLivc cccL I havc
had on peopleLhcir livcs and Lhcir dcsLinics. Pcoplc oLcn comc up Lo mc aL Lhc
cnd o a scssion and say, Thank you. I know cxacLly whaL I nccd Lo do now" or
You hclpcd mc igurc ouL whaL's bccn wrong." ThaL alonc is a Lruc ccling o
accomplishmcnL. In addiLion, whcn I hcar sLorics o dramaLic lic
LransormaLions, I ccl blcsscd Lo havc bccn Lhc moLivc and causc o Lhc Lurning
poinL in LhaL pcrson's lic. Thc ollowing arc somc cxamplcs:

302

An audicncc mcmbcr who lisLcncd Lo my mcssagc on Lhrcc dicrcnL
occasions sLaLcd, Thcrc wcrc six words LhaL hiL mc likc a block o ccmcnL'Lakc
conLrol o your own dcsLiny.'!" Hc said LhaL unLil LhaL nighL, hc had noL rcalizcd
hc was jusL going Lhrough Lhc moLions o lic likc mosL pcoplcwaiLing and
waLching Lo scc whaL was Lo comc ncxL. Hc said, I sLarLcd Lo Lhink LhaL my lic
has bccn likc a ridc aL an amuscmcnL parkslow and sLraighL orward aL somc
Limcs, which is casy and comorLablc buL noL ncccssarily saLisying and Lhcn Loo
asL wiLh sharp Lurns aL oLhcr Limcs, which crcaLcs Lurmoil and can bc
righLcning. Fvcn Lhough you wanL Lo gcL o, you can'L. Now, I am no longcr a
vicLim o, 'LhaL's jusL Lhc way iL is.'!" Hc madc a dccision Lo Lakc chargc o his lic
and LhaL hc did. Today, Lhis orLy-ivc-year-old man has losL orLy unwanLcd
pounds and works ouL on a rcgular basis. Hc soughL ouL Lhc cmploymcnL o his
choicc, has a hobby that is equally rcwarding, and spcnds morc qualiLy Limc wiLh
his amily Lhan cvcr bcorc.
I was orLunaLc Lo bc ablc Lo spcak Lo a group o sLudcnLs aL Lhc UCSB campus
in SanLa Barbara, Caliornia. ALcrward, many o Lhc sLudcnLs waiLcd in line to
Lalk Lo mc. Somc sharcd Lhcir individual vicwpoinLs, and oLhcrs Lhcir pcrsonal
sLorics and siLuaLions. I was parLicularly Louchcd by a young lady in hcr rcshman
ycar.
Iaurcn had bccn accd wiLh irsL ycar collcgc challcngcs bcyond hcr
cxpccLaLions. Hcr dorm, pcrsonal, and acadcmic livcs wcrc noL going wcll. Fvcry
wcckcnd shc rchcarscd a phonc call in hcr mind Lclling hcr parcnLs shc was
coming homc. 3usL six wccks bcorc Lhc cnd o hcr irsL ycar, wiLh no onc Lo Lurn
Lo, nowhcrc Lo go and no longcr ablc Lo handlc hcr dcprcssion, shc madc Lhc
dccision Lo pack up and lcavc. Two days bcorc shc was schcdulcd Lo lcavc, a
sororiLy sisLcr askcd Iaurcn Lo accompany hcr Lo somc random lccLurc on
happincss." Fccling obligaLcd Lo hclp a ricnd ouL, shc agrccd Lo go.
AL Lhc cnd o my lccLurc, Iaurcn, Loo, waiLcd Lo Lcll mc hcr sLory. Trying Lo
hold back hcr Lcars, Iaurcn Lold mc shc was inally ablc Lo makc scnsc o hcr
siLuaLion aL UCSB. Shc rcalizcd Lhc causc and kncw whaL shc had Lo do Lo Lurn
hcr lic around. Fillcd wiLh cmoLions and an obvious abundancc o inLcrnal
LhoughLs and rclic, shc procccdcd Lo Lcll mc shc clL iL was hcr parLicular lcss-
than-ulilling cnvironmcnL in Lhc dorms LhaL was Lhc causc o hcr dcspair. In
JoAnne Veeck

303

onc hour in onc nighL, Iaurcn madc many ncw dccisions. NoL only did shc sLop
rcciLing Lhc words Lo a phonc call shc ncvcr madc Lo hcr parcnLs or lcavc school,
shc madc arrangcmcnLs Lo livc wiLh ricnds and collcagucs shc kncw would
cnhancc, noL hindcr, hcr cnvironmcnL during hcr sophomorc ycar. Iaurcn has
sincc graduaLcd rom UCSB wiLh lying colors and has said Lhcy wcrc Lhc bcsL
Lhrcc" ycars o hcr lic.
AnoLhcr woman, marricd wiLh Lwo young childrcn, Look somc o Lhc books I
had rccommcndcd on a Lrip shc and hcr husband had planncd Lo Hawaii. Shc
Lold mc Lhc books inspircd hcr so much LhaL halway Lhrough Lhc Lrip shc wanLcd
Lo pack up, gcL homc, and bcgin hcr ncw lic. AlLhough shc didn'L cuL hcr Lrip
shorL, Lhc day aLcr shc goL homc shc rcsigncd rom hcr job o scvcn ycars and
signed up or onlinc inancc classcs. Today shc is cnjoying Lhc indcpcndcncc and
inancial rccdom o owning hcr own busincss. Shc Lold mc shc's living Lhc lic
shc LhoughL or so long was only in hcr drcams. AlLhough I inspircd hcr Lo
rccognizc iL's noL jusL a mythyou rcally can changc Lhc dirccLion o your lic
sLorics likc hcrs and many oLhcrs arc whaL inspirc mc Lo conLinuc my passion or
Lcaching Happincss"Lhc subjccL Lhc cducaLors ovcrlookcd!

WRIGHT
WhaL is Lhc main mcssagc you wanL your rcadcrs Lo Lakc wiLh Lhcm`

VEECK
Thcrc arc Lwo parLs in answcring Lhis qucsLion.
Part 1: Thc rcscarch has bccn donc and Lhc acLs havc bccn documcnLcd. MosL
o Lhc Lurmoil and pcrsonal hardships wc cxpcricncc, whcLhcr wc rcalizc iL or
noL, arc scl-inlicLcdday aLcr day, ycar aLcr ycar and gcncraLion aLcr
gcncraLion. Why do wc inlicL cmoLional pain and hardships upon oursclvcs` Onc
answcr is LhaL many o us Lhink" wc don'L dcscrvc bcLLcr or wc arc supposcd Lo
cxpcricncc Lhc samc livcsgood or badas our parcnLs. AnoLhcr is LhaL many
pcoplc pcrccivc Lhc good lic" as unrcalisLic and acccpL Lhc noLion Lhcy'rc noL
going Lo bc a parL o Lhc lucky cw who will cxpcricncc iL. BuL Lhc rcal rcason is
Lhis: MosL pcoplc do noL know how or how casy iL is Lo makc posiLivc changes in
Lhcir livcs, conscqucnLly, posiLivcly accLing Lhc livcs and cnvironmcnL around

304

Lhcm. I wc don'L know how Lo sccurc cmoLional wcll-bcing, scl-worLh, and
happincss in our own livcs, how can wc Lcach Lhcsc valuablc lic lcssons Lo our
childrcn and/or our sLudcnLs`
Part 2: Through scicnLiic sLudics and scholarly rcscarch, iL has bccn provcn
Lhcrc arc mcLhods, sysLcms, principlcs, and Lcchniqucs LhaL can Lcach us how Lo
look wiLhin oursclvcs and aLLain Lhc ulLimaLc goal o complcLc happincss.
InormaLion rom Lhis rcscarch is rcadily availablc and aL our disposal in cvcry
imaginablc ormaL, now morc Lhan cvcr bcorc.
My mcssagc is Lhis: Humans arc luidwc arc ncvcr jusL onc" Lhing, ncvcr
sLagnanL. Wc can Lhink, spcak, and bchavc in any way, in any momcnL. IL's our
choicc. So, i you choosc Lo pursuc, noL pcrccivc, Lhc lic you wcrc mcanL Lo livc,
iL sLarLs wiLh LhaL onc LhoughL, LhaL onc choicc! Thc ncxL sLcp is Lo lcarn Lhc how
Lo's by rcading books, rcscarching Lhc InLcrncL, aLLcnding moLivaLional scminars,
and Lhcn pracLicing Lhc ncw Lcchniqucs all day, cvcry day! CraLiying changcs
occur almosL insLanLly during Lhis proccss, which makc iL quiLc Lhrilling. Ovcr a
shorL pcriod o Limc, you'll bccomc apprcciaLivc o Lhc knowlcdgc LhaL oundcd
your ncw abulous lic. You will bc ablc Lo Lcach" Lhcsc skills Lo your amily,
sharc Lhcm wiLh your ricnds, and Lakc crcdiL or a changc Loward an cmoLionally
prospcrous naLion!

WRIGHT
3oannc, I havc ccrLainly gaincd a loL rom Lhis convcrsaLion and am sure the
rcadcrs havc as wcll. Thank you or sharing your widc dcpLh o knowlcdgc wiLh
us and bcing a parL o Lhis projccL.

VEECK
IL's bccn my plcasurc. Thank you!

305

3OANNE 3EFFERS VFFCK is a divcrsc and dynamic individual. Having boLh
livcd and sLudicd abroad, shc graduaLcd rom UnivcrsiLy o Lhc Paciic, in
Caliornia, carning hcr dcgrcc in FducaLion. 3oannc also complcLcd a ycar o
graduaLc school aL San Francisco SLaLc UnivcrsiLy whcrc shc sLudicd
Psychology/Child DcvclopmcnL and carncd a licLimc Lcaching crcdcnLial.
From l0S4200S 3oannc was cmploycd as Vicc PrcsidcnL o a ivc-store
drug chain in SacramcnLo, Caliornia. In l000, sLill ascinaLcd wiLh psychology,
shc cmbarkcd upon a ncwcr icld o scicncc, PosiLivc Psychology, Lhc
undcrsLanding o whaL iL Lakcs" and Lhc mcLhods uscd Lo makc livcs lourish
and Lhrivc.
In 2001, on her days o, 3oannc cnLcrcd Lhc school sysLcm again, buL Lhis
Limc as a moLivaLional cducaLor. Bascd on hcr ycars o rcscarch and dcdicaLion
Lo Lhc wcll-bcing o oLhcrs, shc succcssully crcaLcd a lic-alLcring/onc-o-a-
kind scssion or boLh childrcn and adulLs callcd, Happy Hour," which
sLraLcgically Lcachcs lcssons on happincss, Lhc subjccL Lhc cducaLors
ovcrlookcd.
Today, 3oannc has Lakcn Happy Hour" Lo a highcr lcvcl and dcvoLcs hcr
Limc spcaking Lo a widc varicLy o groups o all agcs on Lhc complcxiLics and the
unLold LruLhs abouL Lhc aLLainmcnL o happincss. Hcr moLLo is Train, RcLain,
and Cain Lhc unbclicvablc lic LhaL awaiLs you!"

JOANNE VEECK
916-847-0213
joanncjjhappyhour.com
www.jjhappyhour.com

306

DIRECTORY

307

LV DAHLMAN
The LVD Group
0S40 Hcdgc Bcll
McKinncy, TX
072.345.56S3
lvLhclvdgroup.com
www.Lhclvdgroup.com

JOANNA CAMERON
Trance Lady Productions, Inc
McIcan, VA 22l0l
703-538-7123
drjcamcronaol.com
www.joannacamcron.com
www.hypnosisandsLrcss.com
www.Lrancclady.com

JACK CANFIELD
The Jack Canfield Companies
P.O. Box 30SS0
Santa Barbara, CA 93130
Phonc: S05.563.2035
Fax: S05.563.2045
www.jackcanicld.com

SHELLEE HALE
Camandago, Inc.
227 Bellevue Way NE #80
Bellevue, WA 98004
shcllcccamandago.com
www.camandago.com
www.coachshcllcc.com

DIRECTORY

308

Tifphanie Tucker
2750 N.W. l06
th
Street
Miami Cardcns, Florida 33056
7S6.326.6l42
TiphanicTuckcrgmail.com
www.womcnundcrconsLrucLion.com

EARL DAVIS
P.O. Box S2006
Tampa, FI 336S2
813-672-3445
www.crcaLcwinncrs.org

SASKIA RELL
(07S) 546-6265
saskia.rocllvcrizon.ncL
www.illuminaLcdLransormaLion.com
www.suiLcasculloaiLh.com

DR. DEEPAK CHOPRA
The Chopra Center
20l3 CosLa dcl Mar Rd.
Carlsbad, CA 92009
inochopra.com
www.chopra.com

DIRECTORY

309

PAULA EDER, PHD
PO Box l57
FranccsLown, NH 03043
(603) 547-6696
paulaLhcLimcindcr.com
www.ThcTimcFindcr.com
www.FindingTimc.ncL

KATHY PERRY
16616 Vallcly Drivc
Tampa, FI 336lS
813-789-9580
KaLhykaLhypcrry.com
www.kaLhypcrry.com

SALLIE FELTON
P.O. Box 264
HamilLon, MA 0l036
978-626-0090
sallicsallicclLonliccoach.com
www.sallicclLonliccoach.com

JOHN MORRISSEY
17171 Shirley Street
Omaha, NF 6Sl30
Oicc: 402-502-3994,
Cell: 402-980-9798
jmorrisscy2cox.ncL
johnmorrisscyinLcrnaLional.com

DIRECTORY

310

INDRANI N. GORDIA
0505 Six Pincs Drivc, SuiLc S2l0
The Woodlands
(2Sl) 300-6563
indraniindraniliccoach.com
www.IndranisIighL.com

RICK MILLER
Choices & Success LLC
5 Croydon Road
MorrisLown, N3 07060
073.267.S367
www.choiccsandsucccss.com

LYN JEFFRESS
l2032 SF KcnL-Kanglcy Road, SuiLc 255
KcnL, WA 0S030
253-239-1387
lynjimagincduLurc.com
www.imagincduLurc.com

DR. DENIS WAITLEY
The Waitley Institute
P.O. Box l07
Rancho SanLa Fc, CA 02067
www.dcniswaiLlcy.com

DIRECTORY

311

LINDA MEEUWENBERG
6l0 Drivcr Avc.
WinLcr Park, FI 327S0
(23l) 50S.l740 (ccll)
(23l) 072.44S0 (voicc mail)
lindalindapda.com
www.lindapda.com

NANCY NOONAN
The Art of Mastery
S02 W. Mulbcrry SLrccL
Iouisvillc, CO S0027
720-304-3597 or 877-684-8507
nnnancynoonanspcaks.com
www.nancynoonanspcaks.com

JOANNE VEECK
916-847-0213
joanncjjhappyhour.com
www.jjhappyhour.com

312

Stepping Stones To Success

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Stepping Stones To Success

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