Planet Nilknarf

May 2013

Welcome to Planet Nilknarf

COVER: Taken during Janette's most recent visit, our dolls in two of their newest outfits. Above: some of Janette's iPod collection displayed on my colourful tie-dyed T-shirt as a backdrop.

Above: Left: two more new spring outfits! Right: Fluffy celebrates his 40th birthday with the KIDEO bugs in their jazzy tuxedos! Janette made those outfits for them back in 2006!! Greetings Readers! I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter weekend and that you're all enjoying SPRING!!! Janette was here on Good Friday and stayed overnight. We had a blast watching Monte Carlo and working on our various sewing projects. We did not, however, get around to making a Harlem Shake video or doing any other video skits as planned, though. But that's okay. The Easter Bunny brought me a lovely box of chocolates and the empty tin has been perfect for all my crayons!! Dave and I enjoyed a lovely Easter supper at Ted and Marnie's even though he doesn't really like ham or potato casserole. We supplied the vanilla pudding for the dessert which was served in waffle bowls with peaches and whipped cream. I FINALLY saw my first robin from their living room window!! Dave saw his first on Montrave street on his way to the Chiropractors office and Janette already saw hers WAY BACK IN FEBRUARY!!! We are also waiting for some goodies in the mail from CD Universe!! I love that place! Over the past two years or so I've found some excellent treasures there and now if they don't have something, they'll automatically transfer you to Amazon.com!!! I remember when I first discovered them and I wanted the soundtrack to Xanadu and the movies Lili and Educating Rita. It used to be when they didn't have it,

they just didn't have it so they'd just have to cancel the order. But the Xanadu soundtrack was available this time and so was Lili and for Educating Rita they sent me to Amazon! Xanadu was one of the first movies I ever ordered from CD Universe. It's one of my all-time favorite movies and I have always loved the music from it! I have the soundtrack but it's on vinyl! Now that I'm getting the CD I can look forward to listening to it on my MP3 player. I'm sure there is a way to download it from online but I've honestly never understood how to do this. I It's funny. I've never been able to figure out how to buy music downloads but I have been able to score myself some amazing goodies for FREE!!! If you love carousels as much as I do, especially their music, the Wurlitzer roll website contains a regular smorgasbord of such sumptuous ear candy: http://www.wurlitzer-rolls.com/ Sound quality may vary, as does the source of some of these recordings. Many are actual recordings of band organs in use, some are from old 78's used on the Calliola record machines that served as an alternative to band organs, and last but not least, some are MIDI files. Another one of my favorite freebies is this one: http://www.electricpowwow.com/ I first heard Electric Powwow by A Tribe Called Red on CBC radio. Traditional Aboriginal Powwow music combines with an infectious and irresistible techno beat that makes it impossible to sit still! I was delighted to discover that at this site you can download their entire album for free!!! How do they afford to do this? I figure they must make most of their money through these Electric Powwow dances and merchandise. It's a colourful and exciting sound that's worth checking out!! If anyone else out there can recommend other sources of worthwhile tuneage, please let me know! On another note during the Easter weekend when my husband was cleaning his room I had to ask him to turn the radio off or at least change the station because the topic on the talk radio show he happened to have on was starting to absolutely INFURIATE me!!! There was this woman at Princeton University who wrote a rather misogynistic letter to the school paper telling women to hurry up and get married by the time they're 40 because they have a SHELF LIFE!!!! WTF does she mean by that! It makes us sound like we're a bunch of CARTONS OF SOUR MILK!!!! I'm sure feminists everywhere were thoroughly cheesed off by this article, myself included. A woman does NOT need a husband and/or children to have a happy, rewarding, productive life. Easy for me to say; I've been happily married for 10 years. But I was already 37 when Dave and I tied the knot. True I spent many years of frustration dating several Mr. Better-Off-Withouts before I finally did meet Dave but back in the days when most of my female friends seemed to be finding partners and pairing off left right and centre I was too immature to get married anyway and I pretty much already knew back then that I never really wanted children. By the time Dave came into my life I think I pretty much knew myself well enough to know what I wanted anyway and besides we have our own interests. He doesn't like most of the same things I do and he certainly doesn't enjoy traveling. Most traveling I do is usually either by myself or with Janette, such as our Niagara trips or the carousel conventions. I mentioned to Dave that I've yet to read a book by a single/childfree woman who has led a successful and productive life so I was glad when he reminded me about Temple Grandin. But is there anyone else out there? Throughout my life I've known my share of single/childfree friends and family members of both genders who never married and/or procreated and I always kind of admired them. My Uncle Arnold was a confirmed bachelor. So is my cousin Peter. I always admired his freedom. He's been all over the

world. So have my Aunt Anne and Uncle Mike. They never had kids of their own. Uncle Mike passed away over 20 years ago but Aunt Anne's led a rich and rewarding life by herself since then, continuing to travel everywhere. I was shocked when my friend Della had her first baby at age 42. I sure don't envy her but at least she's happy. I guess she and her husband Martin did everything they wanted to before they decided to have Hayden. I had to chuckle when I was watching the TV show How I Met Your Mother when Marshall and Lily were trying to have a baby and then they realized that there were several things they wanted to do on their Bucket,,,er Cradle list before you-know-what. Janette hasn't spoken much about D-3 lately. That was the nickname she and her brother had for their godmother Lois, who was a school teacher who never married and had all kinds of adventures travelling. And when I was a kid there was Aunt Thurza who lived in her house with her tenant John downstairs from her. She wasn't actually related to us, just a good friend of the family and she and John mutual friends to Della and Richard's families too. Us three kids all called her aunt. She died when I was ten years old. It was the first time I remember anyone close to me passing away. I didn't know until I was a teenager that Thurza was a lesbian and John was gay, but it never mattered to me anyway. Back when I was living in Lindsay there used to be this show on the radio called Focus on the Family and one week the evangelist who spoke was going on about how the devil wants to destroy the family unit. I've heard several spins on this idea over the years since then but I think divorce and teen pregnancy is a greater threat to the family unit than people who choose not to procreate in the first place. Children need BOTH parents and it takes great strength, courage and commitment to remain strong together as a family. It would seem these days that the majority of families are dysfunctional and the majority of kids are raised by folks who have no idea what they're doing but then again who am I to judge. Once in awhile I actually DO meet STILL some wonderful people around who really ARE great parents who have wonderful kids!! I say KUDOS and CONGRATULATIONS for those who are doing a great job and KEEP UP the GOOD WORK!! In the meantime I've thought of the following rebuttal for that miserable old PRUNE to put into her pipe and smoke:

SHELF LIFE MY ASS!!! Women are NOT SOUR MILK!! We are FINE WINE!! We IMPROVE WITH AGE!!!
Whether or not we are married or have children has NOTHING to do with it! The important thing is that we're HAPPY living the life we WANT to live, not the life some SELF-RIGHTEOUS TWAT thinks we SHOULD be living!!!! And that's the TRUTH!! PTHPHTHPBPHBPHP!!!

Moo-gret a-la Boo-Gret

For some strange reason all this talk about sour milk and well-aged wine got me thinking about one of the names Lawrence Sinukoff used to tease me with when we were kids: Moo-gret a-la Boo-Gret! It actually SOUNDS like something to do with sour milk and alcoholic beverages. I was actually getting the giggles when I thought about the following ad campaign:

Want to add a new spin to your next party? Head down to your local liquor store and pick up a carton or barrel of the exciting new Moo-gret a-la Boo-gret! Made from an ancient Egyptian recipe found in the tomb of the ancient Pharaoh King Tudballgawkic, it's an exquisite and refreshing blend made from the fermented milk of Sacred Peruvian Cattle and Mongolian Mares combined with 100-year-old Scottish Whiskey, Niagara Ice Wine and just a drop of Absinthe with a pinch of belly-button lint from a homeless punk accordion player and not-so-subtle hint of chocolate-mint flavor!! Mooooove over Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters!! It's time for Moo-gret a-la Boo-gret! It's like having your head smashed in by an After Eight Dinner Mint....wrapped around a large Formica counter-top being hurled down through Earth's stratosphere from the fart of a sperm whale floating around somewhere near Alpha Centauri!!! Moo-gret a-la Boo-gret! Drink it, It's Good!!! RAAAAWR!!!! Available in one and three-liter cartons or the ten liter Barrel O' Fun!!!! Oh man, writing this is making me laugh so hard I've got tears in my eyes! Go figure, I've probably been listening to too much Weird Al Yankovic lately!!! ;) Seriously, though, what would such a concoction taste like? I imagine it to be similar to Bailey's Irish Cream but considerably stronger and more acidic, not unlike Drambuie. (Now say it along with me, boys and girls: Dram-BOO-ee!!!)

Toronto Carousel
This just in. I finally received a reply from Carousel News & Trader's Dan Horenberg regarding the new carousel being built in Toronto: The carousel for Toronto is 100% new. We are building the frame then a Canadian artist is making the animals and trim. This will be the most interesting carousel ever made. I can't say much now but it will be completely different then anything you have ever seen. Again I asked if there was still any way I could volunteer or get involved. I am STILL dying to know more so I can cover this story here!! I would be happy if I could be taken on as an apprentice to learn how to carve or even just sand, prime and even PAINT!!!

Life in 2030: Discuss the Future with those who are Creating It
After hearing this event advertised on our local radio station, I knew this was something I just HAD to check out. Life in 2030! What will things be like in the future? Well, for one thing in 2030 I will already be 66 years old. This means I will no longer be collecting my mom's inheritance money, so unless I've found myself a real job or become famous for my art I'm basically up shit creek without a paddle! Dave thinks we won't have to worry about any of this stuff because the Rapture will have happened by then. However, they said NOTHING about the Bible or Islam or any such thing. The first speaker that evening was Linda Duxbury who spoke about the declining birth rate in Canada. DECLINING BIRTH RATE? Obviously anyone who says that the birth rate is declining has never been to Wal-Mart or East Side Mario's or even our church for that matter. I found it ironic that she said that the average woman now doesn't have her first baby until she's at least 31 even though here in Oshawa and back in Lindsay there seems to be pregnant teenagers everywhere we look!! She said that the birth rate has declined since the late 60's because of the Pill but I'm sure I can think of more people who are here by accident due to broken rubbers!! If the birth rate is declining, how come there are SEVEN BILLION of us crammed here on this planet? Well, maybe it seems crowded despite statistics in Canada because although we are such a big country geographically, most of our land is tundra and prairies and most people tend to congregate in the big cities. We were shown a map and

the countries with the declining birth rates were marked in red. This includes Canada, Russia, most of Europe and even China, despite the fact that they have adopted a one-child-per-family regulation which makes little difference since they're already overpopulated to begin with. I remember long ago reading somewhere that if you were to get everybody in China to line up and walk past you as you counted them the lineup would NEVER end. It's probably that way everywhere in the world despite this concept these days anyway. I am one of the last of the baby-boomer generation, having been born in 1964. Back then every couple had 2.5 kids. Now the average is 1.5. Hard to believe when everywhere we look Three is the new two! and she was saying that in order to replace ourselves, couples should be having two kids each. No wonder the breeders hate us childfree folks and see us as a threat. Honestly, I seriously felt like I wanted to get up and leave but I was afraid of being conspicuous. The problem is aging demographics. All the decent, well-paying jobs are going to people with university degrees while most people are stuck in dead-end jobs like working in fast food restaurants. We need more nurses, for example, but we are caught in a downward spiral because nurses are underpaid and overworked and nobody wants to be a nurse anymore. Most jobs I can think of are out of my comfort zone. I flunked out of college because I couldn't wrap my brain around accounting, spent eight years working a boring factory-type job at Victoria Laundry where I had to quit due to repetitive strain injury, and spent the next eight years after that working as a doll-maker when I lived in Toronto but I put up with a lot of crap because my former boss had issues. Issues? A whole bloody SUBSCRIPTION was more like it. That being said, let us then move on to the next speaker, Rena Upitis, who made me feel a lot more hopeful and encouraged because she spoke about music and the arts. Music is important because it helps us keep our sanity! Children who take music lessons actually do much better in school. I wish I'd taken music lessons when I was a kid. Music is good for the soul for a variety of reasons. Rena showed us a video about Eric Whitacre, who posted a YouTube video of himself conducting and formed a virtual choir of people from all over the world who submitted individual videos of themselves singing. You've simply GOT to check out his website. This choir is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!! Especially the way Eric has used today's technology and the Internet to bring everyone together like this: http://ericwhitacre.com/ I wouldn't mind taking part in a project like this, however I must admit I still don't understand how to use Skype. In fact I still don't even own a web-cam. I will have to find someone who is more techno savvy than I am who has the time to sit down with me and show me how this stuff works. Who knows. Maybe they will cover this sort of thing when I go back to school on the 18th and take my grade 12 computer course. One thing this seminar really drove home to us is the idea that we must never stop learning because technology is always changing. I may have all the credits I needed to earn my Grade 12 diploma but I took all my computer literacy classes within the last decade because they didn't teach us computers when I was in school. Back then we chiseled hieroglyphics onto slabs of rocks! BAZINGA!! Seriously, I'm not THAT old, but typewriters are primitive ENOUGH!! Back in the 80's we didn't even have FAX machines! I can remember when it was a big deal to trade snap-shots of yourselves with pen-pals through snail-mail and now with digital cameras, scanners and social media we are showing everyone our photos and artwork in a matter of mere SECONDS. Many of my readers have probably already seen much of my artwork before reading the latest issue of Planet Nilknarf. I prefer to release my newsletters on a monthly basis though because I am preserving the dying art of delayed gratification. For that reason I doubt email and websites could ever fully replace newspapers and magazine subscriptions. There's still something intrinsically rewarding and exciting about receiving magazines in

the mail. Just as I don't think on-line shopping could ever completely replace going to stores. I hate shopping at the mall and I LOVE Amazon.com and CD Universe, but when I am on vacation I thoroughly enjoy the experience of poking around in all the local shops wherever I am. Especially at Niagara Falls! Last time Janette and I were there we spent nearly the entire first day just shopping!!! As great as technology may be it shouldn't completely replace the real, hands-on world out there. It made me sad when Rena mentioned how kids don't build snowmen anymore. When was the last time I ever SAW a snowman? The last one I fully consciously remember is one I saw on my way to work well over a decade ago when I was living in Toronto. I happened to find a straw hat on the sidewalk, one of those really corny ones like the Hawaiian Punch guy wears. And then I happened to see a snowman standing in the yard ahead of me. Not making any conscious effort to directly aim the hat, I flung it in the direction of the snowman. I was astonished when it landed PERFECTLY on top of the snowman's head!! Pity there was nobody around to actually see it happen! Do kids still play hopscotch, jump-rope and tag at recess? Or are they all just sitting around texting each other with their cell phones? To be honest I was never one for games at recess. I was too busy trying to hide from bullies! Recess was hell for me. I was always being picked on. My mom taught me to jump rope and my friends and I would do so after school in front of our town-house. Sometimes when it was just me and mom, she'd tie one end of the rope to the lamp post and turn it while I jumped. I never did master the art of learning to jump Double Dutch though. Do kids nowadays have the appreciation for nature that my parents instilled in me? Weekends at the trailer or cottage may have been something I took for granted at the time but now I look back and I am glad that I had these experiences, walking through the woods with my parents, picking flowers and gathering wild mushrooms. My dad taught me a great deal about how to identify the right kinds that aren't poisonous. How many kids know how to swim nowadays? I grew up absolutely LOVING the water!! When my aunt and uncle had their pool I was the first one in there in the morning and the last one out at the end of the day. We didn't need any fancy resorts or theme parks or places like Great Wolf Lodge. I had to laugh back in 2009 when I was in Sandusky, Ohio because driving along the highway just about every hotel you see there has its own indoor water park. Every other building has miles of plastic water-slides sticking out of one side like giant spaghetti monsters!! I don't even LIKE water parks. I probably might have enjoyed them when I was a kid, but last time I went down a water slide I flipped upside-down and banged my head really hard and then went careening downhill head first unable to see where I was going. I honestly thought I was going to DIE!! Personally I think water parks should provide HELMETS!! Seriously! How many people have been KILLED on water-slides? Back when I had my LiveJournal account there was a community called Abandoned Places and there were SO MANY abandoned water parks! I seriously think there's a crucial need to get back into teaching people basic arts and crafts. If you have a hobby such as drawing, knitting or embroidery, you'll never be bored, even if the electricity goes off or you have no access to a computer. Anyway, the third speaker that evening was Suresh Narine; Industrial materials will be universally

affordable, and solve environmental problems rather than create them. He spoke about the eventual demise of the availability of fossil fuels and renewable resources such as ethanol, a new fuel made from corn. There was debate about the issue of food versus fuel. Our last speaker, Carolyn McGregor spoke about technology in the medical field, especially the advancements when it comes to preemies. Janette was a preemie back when she was

born in 1964. Back then she had a 50-50 chance of survival. Chances were even slimmer for Stevie Wonder who turned 42 back in 1993. He was not born blind but became blind while he was in the incubator because he received too much oxygen and it damaged his retinas. I thought it was an interesting coincidence that the subject of Stevie Wonder was the start of this presentation as Janette has named her latest iPod after him and she has had so many hassles waiting for this one!

The Carousel of Friendship

My latest quilt is nearing completion! I have just finished the PENULTIMATE square!! The top row are five more animals from the Silver Beach carousel in St. Joseph, Michigan:

Left to Right: Benton Harbor Tigers mascot, Marcie the lead horse, Kelly the Flamingo, Noel the Christmas horse and the Unicorn. The original colouring pictures can be found and downloaded here: http://www.silverbeachcarousel.com/downloads-and-media.html Every now and then they'll add something new so it's always a nice surprise to discover such things later...!!! I also used the delightful little kitty-cat my friend Lisa doodled on the Christmas card she sent:

She asked if she could send me other such doodles and I said Go for it! :)

You may also recall in recent months the story about the annoying humming sound that perplexed the people of Windsor, Ontario and how it was traced to the island of Zug, just off the coast of Detroit. Well, here to send happy thoughts and positive energy to the residents of Zug island is our Zug horse:

I just wish my quilted square hadn't turned out quite so shadowy!!! When Wendy Mutton decorated this horse, the markers she used bled to the other side of the paper, resulting in this happy accident:

This has given me a VERY interesting idea for one of my NEXT projects!!!! Stay tuned!! Last but not least is Summer Love, a.k.a Road Apples or The Burp & Fart Horse a horse created by one of Lorraine's students:

Sure, the steaming pile of horse buns may cause a bit of controversy, but the project was to create a design based on your own real horse and, well, that's what real horses do so this is about as real as it gets around here. Just ONE MORE SQUARE and the Magical Journeys quilt will be complete!!! I'll give you a hint. You saw the original artwork on last month's cover!!! And that brings me to the next subject. The Carousel of Happiness in Nederland, Colorado FINALLY received my donation and artwork for their SOMEWHERE ELSE project!!! You can visit their website here: http://www.carouselofhappiness.org/ You can also download their delightful colouring pages here: http://www.carouselofhappiness.org/coloring-pages/ No doubt I would like to include some of these on a future quilt!!! In the meantime, I hope that when I go to the next National Carousel Association convention in Kansas in September, I can set up an art table at Roundabout Faire with my horse pictures and art supplies for visitors at the convention to gather around and create!!!

Life in 2030
From MY Point of view A couple weeks ago there was a man on CBC radio who was talking about an interesting project he did. Back when he was about 14 years old he videotaped himself asking questions that he would ask his 30-year-old self. When he was 30, he played the interview and answered his own questions. This inspired me to do something similar. Since I turn 50 next year I had originally thought of preparing these questions now to ask my 80-year-old self but in light of this recent program going on, asking myself how my life will be any different in 2030 is soon enough. For one, I will be turning 66 that year. This means that unless I have a real job or become famous for my art work I am pretty much up shit creek without a paddle because I will no longer be collecting my

mom's inheritance annuity. I guess it's pretty lame that she's still supporting me posthumously but it still wouldn't be enough to live on if I ended up alone, however Dave says I'll be well looked after through his insurance if I outlive him. Anyway here's the first question I asked myself: 1. Did the Rapture happen yet? Dave thinks it will have happened by then. Part of me hopes it does and part of me hopes it doesn't. Originally I had hoped it would happen before my parents passed away but obviously God has had other plans. Part of the reason I would NOT want it happening yet is because some of my friends aren't saved yet. I wonder how they would be in light of such bad examples Christians have been setting these days. I admit I'm not perfect either. Far from it. And it's certainly not my position to judge. We are supposed to show and experience unconditional love. Who wants to be a Christian when there are certain churches that are telling everyone how much God hates this kind of person or that! God hates the SIN NOT the sinner!! And besides I haven't fulfilled my purpose in life by procreating. I need to have at least two or three children!

BAZINGA!!!!!!!
Seriously, if salvation were based on procreation I'm screwed, chewed and barbecued. And who wants to get saved if all we're ever hearing about is everything we have to GIVE UP!! Seriously, in a world where all we do is serve and sacrifice isn't it about time we had our season of reaping and rejoicing? Mark still needs to find a job so he can be the breadwinner and he and Janette can finally get married and she can finally retire and get a well-earned rest. I still need to build my carousel!!! I need to find all the right people and resources to make it happen and if it's God's will, He will make it happen for me somehow. Look how far we've already come!! My work is being shown in galleries and published in magazines but I STILL need to reach a MUCH WIDER audience!! I like to believe that when and if the Rapture finally does happen it will be BEFORE the TRIBULATION and cash-free society, that we will be spared having to accept the Mark of the Beast. 2. Are you still living in Oshawa? Only God knows. I have lived many places over the years. 2030 is 17 years from now. 17 years ago was 1996! Janette and I had been living in Toronto for about a year and a half. We were no longer sharing that basement apartment at 80 Mintwood. She was at that one at 106 Kennard and I was in one at 506 Westmount. We had been friends for 13 years. And this was the year we went to the KISS Reunion concert together. 17 years before that we didn't know each other. The year was 1979 and that was the year my friend Sharon and I went to our FIRST KISS concert, the Dynasty tour. My parents and I were still living at Forest Manor and I started high school that fall. They had just bought the house in Bobcaygeon but at that point it was still our summer cottage. We officially moved there to stay in June of 1983 with our dog Coco and two birds, Hugo and Joey. I think it's kind of funny that 17 years ago and now even though I am not in the same place I am living

in a house that is on the corner of a Westmount Street. If I am 66, Dave will be 68. I have no idea where we'll be living by then. If he dies before I do I don't picture myself remarrying or ever dating anyone else again. Relationships are too complicated. I don't want to go through all that angst again. 3. Is Janette still your best friend? I don't see why not. We've known each other for 30 years as of September and we're like sisters. Chances are we'll have had ever so many more adventures together. 4. Have you built your carousel yet? I hope so. In the meantime I have all my quilts and exhibits. So far they've only been shown in Bobcaygeon but hopefully by 2013 they will be seen in more places, especially my own museum within the carousel building. There's a lot of work that needs to be done. It may be difficult but it's NOT impossible. 5. Are you still fat? I am safely assuming that unless some great miracle happens, I become deathly sick or spend at least two or three years stranded on some desert island the answer is more than likely to be YES. As long as I have to be on this ridiculous bipolar medication that even makes LETTUCE fattening I can assume that this is how I'm going to stay, as going off my pills is not an option. I am absolutely TERRIFIED of ending up back in the hospital and I'd rather be fat than crazy! True, I am not as active as I should be. Face it there's a catch to EVERY diet and exercise program on the face of the earth. Even good old-fashioned WALKING. If you live in my neighbourhood it doesn't take long to discover that this neighbourhood is excruciatingly BORING!! I pretty much learned every nook and cranny of it in less than two years and I admit I have a lazy tendency to not want to leave the house unless I absolutely HAVE to!! I confess that I'm a weather wimp and I have a hard time pulling myself away from my craft projects. If I'm going to go out walking I would like to have someone else to go out walking WITH BUT I don't want to be out walking with someone who walks FASTER than me, which unfortunately tends to be just about everyone else, including my own husband. Even when he gives me a head start I end up trailing behind him and having to catch up!! True, it would be nice if I could fit back into my KISS jeans or my pink-and-yellow Popsicle dress but my days of torturing myself to do so are over. I've completely HAD it with diets. I can think of at LEAST three times I've lost a noticeable amount of weight only to end up getting sick and/or bored and putting it all back on! As long as I don't gain any MORE weight either. As long as my clothes still fit and I don't become one of those bed-ridden blobs on television who can't fit through her own bedroom door. If that happened to me I would seriously want someone to KILL me. In fact I wanted someone to kill me when I saw THIS at my penultimate carousel convention:

FUCK!!! I haven't weighed less than 200 pounds since before I was married!!! When I saw that sign I seriously considered GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY!!! But, like everything else the cons outweighed the pros. Personally I think the worst thing about being overweight is the unsolicited advice and the being nagged to conform! I'd be rich if I had a nickel for every time I've yelled SHUT THE FUCK UP at my TV and changed the channel every time a commercial for Herbal Magic, Nutri-System, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, etc. comes on. As far as I'm concerned they're ALL scams. Even though my aunt swears by Weight Watchers it is NEVER a permanent solution. Everyone I know who's done it has gained it back. And CBC did a total expose of Herbal Magic on their show Marketplace! I can't believe those crooks are still in business after that. The pressure on us to be thin is all around us out there and it just really pisses me off. Last time I went to the drug store with my husband I had to wait outside for him because I felt like I just wanted to TRASH the selection of women's magazines at the checkout counter!! 6. How's Your hearing? What? Could you repeat that last question? Seriously, the older I get the MORE sensitive my hearing gets. As I sit here at my desk at the moment I can hear the steady clickety-clack of my fingers typing on my keyboard, the distant murmur of traffic outside on the street and the continuous hissing of the fan in the living room. Even my computer makes a steady hum with the occasional grinding sound. When I am on the computer I prefer the house to be quiet which is why I'm glad Dave is on nights at the moment. I've misplaced my headphones so I sometimes wear ear plugs while I work in order not to be distracted. I've turned off my MP3 player. A goose has just flown over my house, honking as he goes, I notice EVERY sound. Even sounds I shouldn't be ABLE to hear. I kid you not. Once when I was at my friend Alan's apartment, he was dog-sitting and the dog was in his room about 30 feet away behind a closed door. This dog had been surgically altered NOT to bark but I could still hear it barking because it wanted to go out. To me it sounded like a stage-whisper, a breathy Hurf! Hurf! When I was a kid my ears rang all the time. It didn't bother me because I never knew any different. In fact I wish my ears DID ring like that now because that's probably the reason my hearing is so sensitive nowadays. Back when I was a kid it was like I had my own built-in White Noise system!! I know I've probably told this story before but when I was a teenager, my friend Sharon and I were hanging out together in my room after school, the way teenage girls often do, looking at magazines, listening to Bay City Rollers or KISS when she asked me if my phone was ringing. Without even thinking about it I answered, No, it's just my ears. When we realized the absurdity of what I'd just said we must have been rolling on the floor laughing for the next 15 or 20 minutes!! What she'd really heard was my clock radio. It had a tendency to make a high-pitched ringing noise which I usually didn't take notice of because I usually thought it was just my ears. Speaking of high-pitched ringing last time I stayed at a hotel I had to unplug the fridge because the high-pitched ringing sound it made was driving me absolutely bonkers!!! When I was a kid and even as a young adult applying for jobs I was frequently asked if I was hard of hearing because I tend to naturally talk too loud. It sucks having a loud voice. I can't even whisper. It's like my voice is too big for me. But I've had my hearing tested and I am SO NOT hard of hearing. In fact the opposite is true. I was relieved in recent years to learn that sometimes talking too loud is yet another issue for us folks with Asperger's Syndrome and the reason I probably do so is because I have trouble processing the world around me. My system for filtering out noise is getting worse each year. I don't go out socializing as much anymore because I find it hard to communicate in crowded

rooms where several people are talking at once and I certainly don't enjoy the CNE midway as much as I used to. When I went to that flower show a couple weeks ago I was glad that I got there EARLY because at least by noon I'd pretty much seen everything and by then it was starting to get crowded. 7. How's your eyesight? Are you blind yet? I sure hope not. Last time I went to the eye doctor he said I was at HIGH RISK OF DEVELOPING GLAUCOMA!!! That being the case, I have been trying to get as much use out of my eyes as possible before they someday die out on me. I hope this isn't true. I don't want this to happen. If I had a choice I would rather lose my hearing than my sight. I wonder if my hearing has been getting more and more sensitive over the years to compensate for the fact that my eyes are slowly dying. The glasses I wear now are bifocals. Before I got them I could embroider OR watch TV but I couldn't do BOTH. I've been wearing bifocals since November but I still can't get out of the nasty habit of peeking over top of them when I'm trying to look at something up close and I am still more comfortable doing my needlework without my glasses. But at least I hopefully won't have as much trouble filling out those annoying little blue forms at the airport. 8. Are you still publishing Planet Nilknarf? I hope so. And maybe by then I'll have an even BIGGER following of readers. I was quite astounded to recently discover that within the first two weeks the April issue actually had over THREE HUNDRED HITS!!! That's probably the largest amount of readers I've ever had in the shortest amount of time. Inquiring minds want to know...What DID I do right last month? What got your attention? Only God knows what the Internet will be like 17 years from now. 9. Have you had anymore surgery or had to go back to the hospital again for any reason? I sure hope not!!! 10. Do you have anymore tattoos? Other than THESE THREE?....

It wouldn't surprise me. My first tattoo, the Blue Phantom as I call it, I got on March 20th of 2001, shortly after the release of my first album. The graphic comes from the illustration on the back of my CD cover and is a tribute to both KISS and KIDEO. My second tattoo, Tigger, I got on October 28th of 2006 after my first and at the time most successful sale at the Geneva Autism Symposium. I was very hyper and giddy and battling my first manic episode but at least I don't regret this tattoo either. Last but not least, I got Paint from the Missoula, Montana carousel on July 25th of 2011. I always knew I wanted a carousel horse tattoo and I won't be surprised if this isn't my last...!! I actually found

out later that July 25th is actually National Carousel Day!! It was also an early birthday gift to myself. Usually after I get a tattoo some earth shattering drama happens to me, but I figured after losing my mom, having alopecia and needing surgery, nothing else could possibly go wrong next! Back-tracking to the day after I got my first one. That was the day Nick broke up with me. Or rather his so-called ex-girlfriend did it for him!! It was one of the most devastating moments of my life!! Fortunately, Mark and Janette let me come with them on their next Niagara trip and they were the first to see it! I generally have what I call my Five Year Rule when it comes to getting tattoos. Tattoos are one of those oxymoronic things I do on the impulse after thinking about them for so many years. What will my next one be? Archie sharing a soda with Betty and Veronica? A PTC hippocampus? A trio of Illions horse silhouettes done in a slightly tribal style? A Montana Cut-Throat trout on the back of my neck? Gene and Paul's autographs on my boobs? Only time will tell!! I have tons more questions to ask myself and compare later but this month I'll just stick with ten!

MOST AWESOME NEWSFLASH EVAAAAARR!!!!!

Janette and I are going to the KISS CONCERT!!!! WOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
KISS are coming to the Molson Amphitheater on Friday, July 26 th!!!
Two days before my birthday!!! When I first heard about the show I didn't think I was going. After all Toronto is an hour away no the Go-train and the last one goes back to Oshawa at midnight. If this one ends as late as the last one did I'd miss the last train home and have to arrange to stay somewhere and Dave doesn't want to go. He thinks KISS is a joke now that it's just Gene and Paul and two impostors. Maybe so but I still want to see them anyway. Therefore my heart just gave a flying leap the other day when I phoned up Janette during her lunch break just like I do on any other ordinary day and she said she wanted to propose something.... How would you like to go to the KISS concert on the 26th and then on Saturday we'll spend the rest of the weekend at Niagara? Well, she already had me at KISS CONCERT!!!! In fact it was her idea that we stay at a hotel in the city the night of the show. I knew that tickets would be expensive so I pretty much vetoed the idea of going to Niagara. The KISS concert is excitement enough. I hung up the phone, ordered the tickets and called her back again. She booked the hotel room the following weekend and wrote me out a cheque for her ticket. Fed-Ex brought me the tickets the following Wednesday!! We are so excited! I still have tubes of black and white makeup I bought for Halloween but never got a chance to open!! It'll be like old times! We went to the Reunion tour 17 years ago and now here we are gearing up for this one! I've never been to the Molson Amphitheatre before. It's in Ontario Place. I haven't been there in years either. Our basic plan is to meet at Union Station Friday morning, buy some breakfast goodies for the next day and check into our hotel room and just have a leisurely day. I hope there is time to use the pool. We want to have lunch at the Lone Star Texas Grill. That will be our Big Meal for the day, complete

with Margaritas. We'll probably want to put on our makeup and leave for the CNE grounds/Ontario Place early so we have time to look around. I hope they've fixed the street car tracks by then. I don't like having to take the shuttle bus to the CNE grounds. It's so confusing. But if there's one good thing about going to a KISS concert it is that we won't have to worry about being lost if we just follow other people who also happen to be wearing KISS makeup. We'll probably just have a hot-dog or something light for supper somewhere closer to the concert venue. Since we already had our Margaritas at lunch we won't have to worry about that new rule that makes it illegal to serve alcohol to anyone wearing KISS makeup. That's what it was like in Oshawa at the last show I attended. It sucks but I guess t makes sense because if you're ordering alcohol they'll want to see your I.D. And how do they know it's the same person? I guess it's a standard precaution in case anyone does anything stupid if they get tipsy. I figure it would be too easy to recognize me without makeup anyway. I'll probably still have purple hair not to mention my distinct build, tattoos and voice. I've never liked my speaking voice, but that's another story! One thing's for sure, in a future issue of Planet Nilknarf I will present a play-by-play article about our wonderful and exciting upcoming time in Toronto the weekend of the KISS concert! Stay tuned!

Shocking Truths and Opinions

Information Overload May be Hazardous to short-Term Memory and Attention Span These days most people, myself included, spend an appalling amount of time gawking at screens, be it the TV or computer. Even cell-phones have screens. Even if we're not gazing blankly at screens, we are almost constantly connected to one kind of device or another. And advertising is everywhere. Whoever coined the term silence is golden would be astounded to discover in this day and age it has probably reached at least PLATINUM or DIAMOND status. We wear our iPods and MP3 players to shut out the world around us with its increasing unpleasant noise. The world can easily be divided into two halves these days: those of us who desperately crave silence and those of us who feel threatened by it. I used to get so frustrated with my ex-boyfriends because they would rather waste a beautiful sunny day sitting in front of the computer rather than enjoying going out on an adventure, or worse, working at a job. Now I've pretty much become the very thing I despise. It's no wonder that the term mousepotato was coined. Last year I went to this discussion group at the art gallery and the subject came up of a man who hated seeing advertisements everywhere so much that he had special glasses made that were basically computer screens in front of his eyes that showed him his world around him as it was except for one thing: all advertisements were changed into something else! For example he could be looking up at a billboard for Nike running shoes and instead of seeing the same billboard as everyone else he would be seeing a picture of a wheat field or a sunset. Along that line, the Childfree group on Facebook shared a link for an app called Un-Baby Me for people who were sick of seeing everybody's baby pictures everywhere. This app changes that endless array of baby pictures into pictures of anything BUT: flowers, kittens, puppies, cool cars. The only catch is that if you want this app you have to have Google Chrome as your Internet browser. I'm not about to switch from Mozilla Firefox just for that. Sure, advertisements are a nuisance. And the most annoying ones seem to be in cycles. There are weeks when I seem to be ALWAYS pushing the MUTE button and changing channels. It's no wonder I enjoy TV less and less and spend less time watching it. Or listening to the radio for that matter. Most stations have annoying ads. And the stations that don't have frustrating bad news every half hour or less.

Even restaurants nowadays often have TV's on with the news channel blaring. And even on days when I REFUSE to listen to the radio or watch TV the Internet provides a constant barrage of information whether I want it or not. It's no wonder that nine times out of ten I usually get sidetracked and forget why I was on there in the first place. As much as I enjoy the pleasant things I find there such as amusing videos and cute cat pictures I find I still have to limit the time I spend on line because after an hour or two I find myself feeling drained and irritable because I have to contend with an equal share of annoying and discouraging stuff. As great as technology is I STILL am not interested in owning a cell phone or a Kindle. I had a cellphone when Butthead and I were together. I thought he was paying for both our phones. He wasn't. He left me in thousands of dollars worth of debt. True there may become a time when the land line becomes obsolete and we will have no choice but HAVE to have a cell phone but I hope that doesn't happen for a long time. It may be nice to have during emergencies but for the most part, I feel like the phone interrupts me enough in the privacy of my own home. I like my personal space. I don;t like being accessible 24-7! Even on-line chat usually feels like an interruption. The majority of people who message me usually tend to catch me either when I've just sat down and havent had a chance to settle in, or when I am just about to leave because my brain feels overloaded and about to explode. It's a good thing there is an off button. And I STILL haven't learned to Skype!! I don't even OWN a web-cam! I'm actually kind of selfconscious about the way I look on camera. So it's pretty nervy when someone I'm chatting with on-line wants to switch on a camera. Or worse, wants to know my phone number! Too many accidents these days are because of distracted drivers or pedestrians. People have warned me of the dangers of not being able to hear traffic because of my MP3 player. There have been cases of people being run over by TRAINS because they don't hear them coming. HELLO? What were you doing on the RAILROAD TRACK to begin with? I may use music to shut out the noises of the world around me but that doesn't stop me from paying attention to what's going on in my visual field. And these days you don't have to be a famous rock star to be inundated with tons of mail. Thanks to social media my in-box is FLOODED with notifications. Even my old Facebook account which I can't access because it was suspended still gets tons of messages each day. It is all too easy to accidentally delete something of importance because of all the junk I have to sort through. The majority of stuff I receive is deleted without being read mainly because it's from groups I don't belong to anymore and I can't turn it off because I can't access that old account. Don't get me started on commercials. TV these days has WAY TOO MANY of them!! Each more annoying and obnoxious as the one before and becoming more and more frequent. Often some shows will show you maybe half a minute of the program and then they go BACK to showing MOREE commercials. It's not surprising that there have been times when a show has had so many commercials I have actually FORGOTTEN what show I'm watching. When I take my morning shower I will sometimes turn on the radio to find out what the weather is supposed to be like if I have to go out that day. Our local station will have the news...followed by a commercial...followed by the sports...followed by yet ANOTHER commercial...and NOW there's STOCK MARKET REPORTS...followed by YET ANOTHER DAMNED COMMERCIAL!! And of course if I'm not careful, my mind is stuck on the damned commercial and I MISS THE FUCKING WEATHER REPORT!!!!! So lately I've had to adopt the strategy of plugging my ears and going lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalla during that whole last commercial so I'm not distracted by it by the time the weather report finally comes on!!!! Then I have to be careful to stop in time!!!

With today's technology there has to be a balance. Sadly, things like etiquette and safety have been rapidly declining. Normal conversation is becoming a dying art. Few things are more frustrating than being at a social gathering where people seem to be spending more time texting or talking on their cell phones than communicating to each other. I remember once getting really frustrated during a games night at our church where one lady kept having to leave the table to talk on her cell phone! I felt like grabbing it and shoving it down her throat! HELLO!! We're here to spend quality time together! And the CAB driver that was talking on HIS cell-phone. HE probably thought he could get away with it because he wasn't speaking English but I did NOT feel safe!! And I do not like the new style of text books courses provide to appeal to the younger generation. They make them to look more like MAGAZINES!! A text book should look like a BOOK with the immediate words you need on the pages in front of you and nothing more. The intention may be to make the book look more fun but for me the whole concept just causes me to freeze like a deer in the headlights!

Dear Mom and Dad

Wednesday, April 17th, 2013 Dear Mom and Dad, How's everything in the hereafter? We are doing just fine, albeit a bit restless waiting for spring to start. Today and yesterday have been the start of some beautiful weather at last. FINALLY I could take my new quilt outside and photograph it so you can see the whole thing. I had to do it on the driveway behind the house because the front lawn was still kind of muddy. It still looks like a disaster area from last year's drought! I hope Rob plants some new grass. I am not showing my quilt until next month's issue although readers can catch sneak peeks in the meantime if they go to my Facebook page or DeviantArt account. Next month readers will get an exclusive behind-the-scenes look at how my quilts are made. Meanwhile I guess I'm getting the crafter's equivalent of post-partum. At least new quilts aren't as demanding as actual babies but there's still the feeling of letdown after all that hard work, that feeling of What next? Well, at the moment I am working on the log flume scene for the Three Sheep and a Bunny quilt and the latest panel of Joey's project has made this much progress:

Since the last picture was taken I've filled in more of the lower right corner, finishing the rug and the legs on that chair. School starts tomorrow. I am actually quite glad because I am starting to feel the effects of cabin fever and I am looking forward to being outside if the weather is still as nice as it has been the last two days. I phoned the school office today to confirm as to what time my class starts. When the receptionist asked what class I was taking I replied Grade 12 Computer Literacy. She looked it up and said I have here Grade 12 Computers and Literacy to which I replied I would think Computers would be the operative word in this scenario. I felt like Sheldon Cooper when I said that. Do you even know who Sheldon Cooper is? Dave and I have been watching Big Bang theory for so long now we don't even remember how long ago we started watching it. We don't even remember if you were still alive when we started watching it, the show's been as much a part of our routine as The Simpsons. Do they even have TV in heaven? Somehow I doubt it. I imagine heaven is full of so many wonderful and amazing things who would even WANT to watch TV?? We'd have houses with magnificent porches that overlook the ocean where we'd sit in comfy rocking chairs watching sunsets and aurora borealis displays that would make anything we could imagine on earth pale in comparison! There'd be peaceful beaches and vivid colourful gardens that would make B.C's Butchart garden look like our pathetic dried-up front yard here on earth! As if I cared about Butchart Gardens anyway. IT looks like something out of a fairytale but, like Pueblo, their carousel has a crappy 200-pound weight limit too. If there are carousels in heaven they WON'T have weight limits. It doesn't matter anyway. We'll have new bodies! At least I've actually been able to enjoy mine more since February of 2011. No more periods! Period! Anyway, what else is new? Janette and I are going to the KISS concert in Toronto two days before my 49th birthday! Some things don't change, eh? I bet it still seems like yesterday to you when Sharon and I saw them at Maple Leaf Gardens in 1979. Remember what a hassle it used to be to order tickets? Now I can just click away on the computer and I've got them!! Remember how I wasted an entire day in Toronto waiting in line for tickets to see Boy George and Janette's uncle got them for us after all? This concert's going to be at the Molson Amphitheater. I've never been there before but it is at Ontario Place. Rumor has it that Ontario Place is closing down. I am looking forward to getting there early and seeing what's there before the show. It's been at least five years or more since I've been to Ontario Place and there were rumors abut the place being turned into a casino. Most important of all I want to find out about that huge carousel that's being built in the city. Why does everything have to be so hush-hush?!!!! I am ABSOLUTELY DYING, pardon the expression, to know

more. A few months ago I actually contacted the people at the Nitty Gritty antique store. This was ages before I'd seen any such story. Carl Druker had helped Edna Scott obtain some of the animals she has on her own little carousel but he had retired at least ten years ago. Bummer! :( The man I did speak to was very negative and discouraging about my carousel idea and even said that there was going to be an antique carousel being restored for Ontario place but the project went bust because Ontario Place was closing down for good. The CNE grounds do, however, have a new Sky Ride: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBZ-uQSGuO4&feature=youtu.be It only started last summer. Obviously it wasn't there last time I visited because I haven't been to the CNE for at least the last two years because DooDoo hasn't been performing there anymore. In 2011 they told him he needed a break, in 2012 he was in Jamaica and this year he will be in Australia during the CNE. I should ask him if he'll visit the Semaphore carousel! They have a colouring contest until the end of the month. I've yoinked the picture for my collection so I can embroider it for my next quilt. The Semaphore carousel goes clockwise like the British machines, but the horse in the picture faces counter-clockwise. The horses, including the one on the colouring picture, all look European though. One thing's for sure though, I actually preferred the old cable cars that the CNE used to have. I believe 1994 was the last season they had them, the year Janette and I wore out our welcome with KIDEO!! I hope all is forgiven now. I would give anything for CLOSURE!!! Another thing's for sure, when and if I ever go on this ride and I decide to film from this ride I will show more footage of the MIDWAY and less footage of that boring stadium!! Anyway, Janette sent me a cheque for her ticket to the KISS concert. Unfortunately she had written the wrong amount on the line where it has to be written out in words. Go figure. That cheque arrived overnight but the new one she wrote to correct the error was mailed on April 10th and STILL isn't here. I did, however, get an envelope from her in the mail containing a pretty piece of fabric for Waddle to wear as a bandana but there is no date telling when it was mailed. I had hoped the cheque would arrive today so I could have gotten it deposited before school tomorrow. We are both very frustrated about this situation!!! Well, that's all I can think of for now. Talk to you later, Love, Margaret

Carousel of the Month

1928 Spillman, Public Museum, Grand, Rapids, Michigan

The inside row horse in this dark brown trio appears to be a Looff.I can tell by its teeth and facial features and the larger jewel on the bridle. The whale is actually a newer carving.

Here is some video footage of this beautiful machine in action: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJwumV05Lks I wish I had taken more pictures because wile watching the video footage I became aware that there is one outside row dapple-gray stander that appears to be a Carmel. It is wearing the hallmark gold Fish-scale blanket found on many of Carmel's carvings. And there also appear to be two outside row jumpers, one dapple gray and one brown, that also appear to be Looffs, as well as the brown outsiderow stander I rode:

Spillman horses represent the County Fair style and were mostly meant for portable machines whereas the Looff and Carmels represent the Coney Island style. Regardless of who carved who, this carousel is an excellent example of ornately-carved craftsmanship with plenty of jewels and exquisite details on all its animals. It is housed in a beautiful, climate-controlled glass building adjacent to the museum. The museum itself is also full of many other wonderful and interesting things. Perhaps my favorite exhibit was this amazing assortment of miniature chairs!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oza9Cwc7Fug My doll would have loved to have posed in at least one of them, but of course they're behind glass. One unique thing about the city of Grand Rapids is that furniture was a big industry in this town. The rest of these pictures were taken by Diane Radewald:

Upcoming Events

Saturday, April 27th, 2:00: Aspie Arts & Crafts Meet-up Group, Robert McLaughlin Art Gallery, Oshawa, Ontario. Details here: http://www.meetup.com/Aspie-Artists-and-Crafters/events/115029602/ I'm also thinking about having a meet-up at Country Style coffee shop, on the corner of King and Centre Street on Wednesday, May 1st. Details to follow. Saturday, May 11th: A Night of Music, Art and Storytelling, Armour Heights Presbyterian Church, 105 Willson Avenue, Toronto Ontario. Art show starts at 6:00, concert starts at 7:30. Tickets $25, $20 for students. Entertainment by harpists Judy Loman and Lori Gemmell, storyteller Tom Allen, singer Patricia O'Callaghan and flutist Nora Shulman.

Closing Comments
As the month of April winds down to a close and May waits around the next corner I can safely say this has been one interesting month! I have a major BACKLOG of creative ideas fighting their way to the surface for fruition and never enough hours in each day for all the things I wish to accomplish. So far nobody else has signed up for my meet-up group but I hope that will change by Saturday. At least it's an excuse to get me out of the house and walking, whether anyone else shows up or not. My computer class was a complete fiasco. I had to quit because the classroom was WAY TOO HOT!!! I bet it's over 120 degrees in there!! I'm not sure what that is in metric. Even opening the window was useless because the radiators are belching out their heat full blast RIGHT UNDER THE WINDOWS canceling out any breeze whatsoever. I am appalled that students are expected to work in such inhumane conditions even though, as usual I seemed to be the only one bothered by this and everyone probably thinks I am just being a wimp and a drama queen as usual. It's bad enough that I already can't go out in public without sunglasses, a hat, earplugs and my MP3 player. What I need now is some kind of climate-controlled SPACE SUIT just so I can go out and have a LIFE anymore! However, on a happier, more positive note, I actually braved Quilting Bee on Monday and it actually went very well this time. There have been times in the past I've left early in frustration either because there's this woman who would always bring her screaming baby, or because everyone else has sometimes been so hyper and overly-talkative. This recent session was nice and peaceful despite a bit of a rough start. There were two little girls there and one of them had to start crying, of course. I thought she'd NEVER stop. Thank God for my MP3 player!! But she eventually did stop and she and her friend were actually quite pleasant and well-behaved. I will likely be going back to quilting bee again this next Monday. Meanwhile, I've been preparing for the upcoming sale on May 11th. Last year my clown puppets went like hotcakes! I was amazed to have sold all but one or two, so within the last month I cranked out a new batch. They are actually made from my recycled kitchen curtains that used to hang in my old apartments back in Lindsay and Toronto. What makes them even more authentic is that once I went to a show where I saw a REAL clown wearing a costume made out of this EXACT same fabric!!

Tune into next month's issue to find out what these fuzzy blue things on the right are!!! My quilt is finished! You can see all the details here: http://www.scribd.com/doc/136597223/Magical-Journeys and next month you will get to see some of the behind-the scenes footage about how these quilts are made!!

See You Real Soon!! Margaret Franklin