L i l c e n a n y w o me n to d a y I am adm itting to a gr eat deal of s tor ed

anger. l V e fi n d th a t o 1 d anger must be dislodged if we ar e go i ng to

c o n t i n u e to 6 ro u r a n d to b e the cr eative per sons lue vr er e meant to be.
f feel that there ls no way I can reaU-ze my fuI1 p?tgttla] and be
t$h*trarrtl* vrhq I-ffas-aeant -teefoe without adrnitting l-do-***a+e"",.it and
g e t t i n g a t i ts ca " u s€ r
V/ a ki n g u p th e se mo rnings vr j- th the anger so cLoser between m y ohoul der -
b l a d e s - * It co me s to th e sur face mor e each mor ning- - - I take m y pi ec e of
r u b b e r ho se a n d b e a t o n the bed, at the sam e tim e attem pting to thi nk of
, t h o s e , t hS n g s th a t a ro u se d that anger . If onl$ I could thin$ of thos e
s p e c i f i c th l g g o th a t d i d thls to m e in mor e detail I feel it w oul d be
e a s i e r to g e t 1 t o ti t" o f ther e. liatur ally ther e was mor e than one thi ng.
r donrt seemto have a re-action to cl-assrnates
who
ffiaAp$ffiEtfi6"Tyll9tirer,
nor ain I angry at Dad' There ls anger at my grandmother,/rvho reminde,of
n 3 l o v , r nsp i n e l e ssn e ss; o n e who allovls otir er s to dubdue her * T he onl y
t h l n g I e ve r h e a rd h e r sa y as she gr eeted us at the door was| ty es r y e6r
y e s r r . f t vra s a l vra ys frye s r J€sr yge.r r She used m incing, affec ted l i ttl e
s t e p s , a n d th a t rrye s -;r€ B- - - r
G r a n d fa th e rrs h o u se v /a6 a m ansion just outside the village of
P e r r y s b u rg a ccro ss th e ri ver fr om Maum eevr hi- chwe coneider ed our tow n.
Grandfather r,vasthe $[49; the one who nobody ever crossed. Staunch l"leth-
o d i s t r w e a l 1 fe a re d h i m. I never said tvr o wor ds to him nor he to i l €r
I "w a b ' s l i y:'*n h i s p re se n ce . W e r vent ther e to far nily dinner s on Sunday s
and holida{f.,r,qith some anticipation. He arvarded each grandchi-ld fifty
cants for atrl sclloot., paperE oo.:which vra received the grade of 9O?i,or
O'\lO{.r' i"

As so e n a s w e re a ch e d the fr ont door of ther r Tr acy l' lansionr t al l

o f t h e w o me np re se n t g re e ted us *- - Gxandmother , auntsn cousin s , etc .
I t r a d a n A u n t S tl i e l w h o made a spe cial effor t to gr ab me as s oon aa
I e n t e n e d a n d p u l l me o ve r to the stair way and tlchle mo r ner c i l ees fy ;
s c r e a m l ng fo r me rcy d i d n ot halp. I vr as ter r 1- fled. No+one lis tened to
m y p l e a s to sto p . N e -o n e ever took anythlng I needed ser tousl y ! Sub-
m i e s l o n vra s th e n a n e o f the gar ir e. Sur vtval necessitated. that f s ubr ni t.
W e w e n t to th e rrl i b rar ytt, the sr nallest r oom 1n the house . T her e
w e r e t w o w a l l s co ve re d vri th book shelves. People deposited thel r babl es
o n t h e hu g e o ri -e n ta l ru g that cover ed the floor , and the aunt s and eous i ns
s a t i n a ci rcl e a n d p ro ce eded to become spectator 6 to a most am us l ng
sffi@.eore:
 s p e c t a to r sp o rt:
l a u g h l n g at the antics of the small fr y as they di d
t h e c u te th i n 6 s th a t b a bles do.
Dinner was annorlnced by the mald who served it i.n the large dlnlng
r o o m a t th e h u g e ma h o & gnytable on a luxur ious white cLoth repl ete w i th
sterllng si l ve r p l a ce settings. The food was pr epar ed in' $he adj oi ni ng
t
Ititch6r{by the cook and served by maid from the pantry. Sterling finger
b o w l s we re fu rn i sh e d a t mealr s end.
And so if, wsnf ___
T h e w o me nre tl re d to the Solar j- um, a hugen br ight r oom at the other
e n d o f th e h o u se w i th a m ar ble floor and wicker fur nltur e, and the m en
would surreptitlously remove themselves to therrbasementrr rvh*eh-{yse-e
tp€en-ll€*e*,*tho-6Beund-,f,i[€ep-F€Fite*e-lr**h_a_peeit_tabile to smoke. ],tro_one
e v e r m en tl o n e d w h e re th e y wer e going. Gr andfather didnr t ap pr ov e of
smoking. It was alvrrays I'hush-hushtf . Grand.father wasnf t supposed to
-i'
know.
Cne Sunday in summer the Gr-aph Zenelin flew over the house and we
a l 1 r a n l u tsi d e to w a tch it. Dur ing the ear ly year s of flying ev er y ti m e
nffairplane was heard. we would run out and glue our eyes to
the sky and.
w a t c h i t fl y o ve r, h e l n g car eful not to etep on the mullbemi os 'on,the
l a w n b y th e S o l a rl u m d o o r r
There v/as a red barn r5n.the place. Grand.father lilced tolgave a
J e r s e y co w o r tvro , a n d a few laying hens and ]3anty Rooster s and c hi c k s :.
r u n n i n g a ro u n d ; sh a d e s o f hls far r ir bby;dayp. Fr esh eggs wer e s er v ed at
brealifas t r
A h i re d ma n se e me d to be needed to take car e 6f this smal - l oper ati on
though I could never understand why. IIj.s name was Elmer, lie and hirb
d a m i l y th a t co n si ste d o f his wlfen a boyr Elmer Jr ., and a mental l y r e-
t a r d e d g l rl n a me d Oo ra l i v ed in the or iginal house once occupi ed by
Grandfather and the family, It lvas vrhj.te clap-board and there tvere
Sr e e n a n d vrh i te stri .p e d awaings.
T he ch i l d re n st sw i n 6s, tr apezss andf' teeter - totter sr f wer e at that
e n d o f th e p ro p e rty. f didntt r eally like to go d.ovr nther e b ec aus e
e o m e t l me s C o ra vro u l d b e ther eo pOaying, and f waa afr aid of her .
) ,
G r a n d fa th e rte h o u se had m any r oolna. Ther e r ffer e six or sev en/.r oom s
upstaire, plus an apartment and. maj-dsr quarters off the back stai-rway
t h a t l e d to th e ki tch e n r Ther e was a huge, long r oom between the s ol ar -
ium and the libr&rlr That was supposed to be the livi-ng roorTrr l{o-one
ever sat there. f t was:sihac+ lavlshly furniehed. Orlglnal o11 paint-
lngs adorned the walls. There wa6 a fireplace At one end and the fur-
niture was French 0o1onia1.g There was a Breq\fest Roomrtoff the pantry.
G r a n d mo th e r l n vi te d me a nd a guest to luncheg' on Fr idays after I got m y
llttle g 're e n Wi l l yt6 OE nver tible with the Chr qnetr ln.and the T i r e W el l e.
The two of us would drive over from high-school accross the river at lunch
hour. We had Welsh Rarebi-to Aeparagus, andApple Snow Puddlngr roy favorite
meal.
George, who would one day be my ftrst husband, wouS-dbe walking home
from the Pemysburg Hlgh-School eoeBese-the-p*ver-e$*ilnaeh-heuFtre
J?L**
lunch at the aane time I drove through Pemysburg to Grandmotherea HE
would stand on the sLdewalk and wave hle arms as we went by. ftid*t+-
@