One of the film's vignettes explores the chore it can be to have a sexually insatiable wife, evenif she's the number-one yank fantasy of men everywhere. That irony should jumpstartlighthearted pillow talk on how much sex, at least for one of you, just ain't enough.
When Your Wife Has Cheated
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
('74) is tempting, but instead rent
, a 3-D movie from1953. (Or look for the 1973 TV remake,
, on cable.) A conniving wife conspires with herlover to leave her husband to die in the desert. Most men in his situation would become buzzardjerky. A few would not. Where do you fall?
When You Have a Cold Sore
('32). The cast of heinously disfigured humans who could eat only by working in circussideshows kept this fascinating film banned for decades. Most of these wretches lived livescollecting hurtful gawks and gasps from strangers afraid to come too close to them . . . and youcan relate to that right now. Bad as it seems, your lip boil should be gone within 2 weeks—unlike that guy's coned skull.
To Seduce Your Girlfriend
Push in a smoker to plant some filthy ideas, and the subliminal message—what have you gotagainst five-on-one in the hot tub?—might have you staring at a locked front door. Better toattack her blind side by keeping it light.Throw some sexy stupidity in the DVD player: Rent
Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
, a campy '65classic about three big-breasted broads who go on a violent tear in the desert. The shaking-camera breast shots and unapologetic corniness of the flick go down easy with white wine, andit'll encourage the type of silliness that eventually inspires flying panties.
To Seduce Your Female Friend
If her IQ is above 70, don't invite her over to watch sap-fests like
When Harry Met Sally
Can't Buy Me Love
('87); she'll see through it. You might consider
('97) if she's nota woman who'll vomit during Ben Affleck's estrogen-curdling monologue to Joey Lauren Adams.
('62) with Robert Mitchum is a sneakier backup. This psycho-killer film sounds like adusty classic ("Wait, you've never seen the original?"), but it'll have her wetting herself. Swoopin with the arm.If, as is typical, she sees you as the sexless schmo next door who holds no mystery, rent
('31). Read the box so you're familiar with the story. (Charlie Chaplin's little tramp falls inlove with a poor blind girl, but is too ashamed to reveal his loser self to her.) Stay quiet duringthe closing scene when the laughing, formerly blind girl touches Chaplin's hands, at firstdismissively, then with excruciatingly slow, poignant realization of who he is. Rewind that sceneand play it again. Kiss her. If she doesn't kiss you back, she's unfit to bear your children.