CARTA AMOROSA

A beautiful woman is a

no weight, height, colour, or size restrictions on that title

beautiful woman. There's

Nicholas Decaprivano

Love is the beginning, middle and end to life. If you miss love, you miss life. And you never understood the story.
1

Contents
INTRODUCTION THE GOOD What Do Men Look for in a Woman? What type of a girl would you take to meet your mom? Is a hard to get girl really more attractive? How important is the physical aspect in a relationship The difference between love, infatuation and lust How do you know when its love? What Exactly is classified as clingy and needy? When is the best time to have sex? 4

6 7 9 11 12 15 17 18

THE BAD Are Guys attracted to their Girlfriends Friends & if so then why 18 Can men and women just be friends? It Doesnt Hurt to Flirt.... or Does it? When they see you naked, are they focusing on the Imperfections? How do you get over a person you are still in love with? What is the best way to get a person to notice you are more than just a friend? I Am Seeing Someone Else, But I still Have Feelings for My ex, What do I do?

19 21 22 23 24

25
2

THE UGLY Why do Men Cheat? Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater? Would it Be Possible to Forgive Someone if They Have Cheated on You? Can a Relationship Survive when theres Trust Issues? When He Sees an Attractive Girl Does he Wish He were With Her and not Me? BONUS The Friendship Contract Four Fs Acknowledgments 43 47 49 26 32 36 37 40

*Legal: The Images used are for public purposes and cannot be sold* Copyright 2011 Nicholas Decaprivano. All rights reserved worldwide 3

INTRODUCTION

For a long time now, I have seen people that I care about be mistreated, misunderstood, played and cheated on. I consider women to be my strength and also my weakness. There are few things in life that hurt me more than seeing a woman crying and getting hurt because of a man. I decided to do something I should have done a long time ago. Procrastination is a habit of needless delaying where action is required and therefore after consultation and advice I have taken it upon myself and decided to address this problem. Many women have questions that need answers to. Amongst these females, a great deal of them already know the answers to some of these questions, but I have decided to readdress them and also answer other ones. Now before we embark on this journey together, it is vital for me to mention that this is not a guideline, rulebook or manual. It is merely my opinion, thoughts, and things I have either come across, observed or experienced. In some cases, it may help you understand why certain events occurred and perhaps give you a better insight on understanding certain situations and maybe how to approach them. This letter will seek to explain why men do certain things they do and maybe a little bit more. It is also vital that I make it clear that this is not a book. I call it a letter because I am responding to some questions that needed answers that I received from various women. It is also important for me to say that what you are about to read is not the truth but neither is it a lie, what you will be reading in my letter is nothing but distorted life experiences and ideologies. As you read through this letter you may come across contradicting statements and clashing theories. Take from it what you wish! Furthermore, you are going to have to excuse the structure of how I type. Don't worry, I have several ways of making things stand out, making things BOLD can be harsh at times, personally I feel that sometimes its a bit patronizing.
4

My style of writing might draw you in, or push you away, either way it is going to direct you some way. I am not your conventional writer...Imagine me as a narrator, but you're reading it out, I know that doesnt make sense, but secretly it does. This isn't a story, so there isn't a linear flow to things, but I have tried to cover things in a way that merges effortlessly. Again, I would like to make you aware that this is not a book, guide, a diary or anything of the sort.... Its just a collection of interesting observations to respond to the questions asked. I can't say this will change your life, but I can assure you that you will question it. You may come across some borrowed images, thoughts and quotes, just go with them, ride with them.... dont allow yourself to become distracted. Embrace them and understand the way I have used them to prove my point. Each situation in this letter is different and may require over-superficial analysis or none at all, but let me reiterate this is not an answer book to a love exam. This is my love letter to all women.

THE GOOD
1. What Do Men Look for in a Woman?

This is a very good place to start off from and set the tone for this letter. I decided to put this here because there was nowhere else I could see fitting it in. This is a very general question, and is a delicate matter. The easiest thing I can say is that it varies. Some people love Mercedes Benz, some prefer Range Rovers, others BMWs etc. There are certain traits men look for in a woman and those will be covered in the next part of this letter. There are so many things that can be taken into consideration but I must make one-thing clear, looks do play quite an important role in what men are looking for. You see, us men have this ego thing that can also make us quite territorial. Many things contribute to this, peer pressure and a public image that we may want to show. I know this because when I speak to my best friends who I call the Gossip Girls there is a certain check, and criteria we go through when discussing females, we have either seen, come across or know. Beautiful women and pretty faces are probably the best thing to improve a guys reputation however they can also threaten it. It takes a single moment for a guy to lose his built up reputation (or how people see him) all because of one foolish thing he did because of a female. Women have so much power they can make a guy do something so stupid that he will certainly live to regret. I have seen it happen to one of my best friends. I will be honest in saying there have been a number of men that say what their ideal woman is, but when I meet some of these, they are never really who they said they wanted to be with. This one is a tough one; its like asking what our favourite car is. But one thing is for sure, there is only one thing most men look for in one woman, something they can give, and its not rocket science. If I were to
6

answer this for all men I would probably agree with something one of my good friends Sabrina once said to me. She said that you can be with the most beautiful woman on earth but you will never be happy unless she has a personality that challenges you, that inspires you and most of all that you respect. I think most men would say that is what they look for in a woman, a strong woman, clear mind, ambitious and knows what she wants. However this is rarely the case, but it is a good starting point.
2.What type of a girl would you take to meet your mom?

When I saw this question I was really happy to see that some women wanted to know if they were good enough as they already are. This is actually a very tricky one as every man has his own preference. Right now I am listening to The Weeknd, which is actually spelt Weeknd and not Weekend. (Spot the difference?). Anyways moving on let me get back to the question. On this one I will be honest and say that I think there is a general misconception of what is acceptable or what I would say would categorically be classified as minimum requirements. It is actually a sad thing, however it is true. Some men look for certain traits in women that they know would be a bonus to have in their potential partner. Truth be told some men have a checklist subconsciously of what they would love to see in their future/potential partner. The thing here is that all men, or at least most of them, would usually compare the person they would love to be with, to some extent to their mother. Well at least to how their mother was towards them. You see men in general love to be catered to, so a good example here is the normal cooking trait. This is important to us.

My mother hates the smell of cigarettes, and already I know because of this that my future wife 9 times out of 10 will be a non-smoker. I know you are probably saying my mother will not be the one getting married blah blah blah, and yes you are right. (Apologies to all the smokers reading this). I have nothing against females that smoke, nothing at all; its just my preference, however with love you never know. * wink* As smoking is a sensitive subject to some people we might as well touch up on it and leave it forever. From experience, most of my male friends who are non-smokers rarely date females that smoke. In most cases I find that the guy and the girl are both smokers. Its a tricky one. Cook? Great communication? Ambition and goals? Humourous? Beautiful inside and out? If this is you, the application process for the position of my future wife is now open. Now as I mentioned earlier when I said minimum requirements, the above list is what I was referring to. This is what most men have in mind, as to the type of woman they would take to meet their mother. Personally I think I would be darn lucky to meet such a woman as they are either taken or I am yet to meet one of that kind. Now you are probably still thinking of those traits and thinking to yourself that and saying Thats Me, I am all of that. If that is you, give me a call, only if you are single and send your CV through. Okay seriously, I always get the sense that women, are always trying to prove themselves to men. Stop it. If something or someone is meant for you, then you will meet. (cc: to the Zodiac signs that you read i.e. Aries Taurus Gemini Cancer Leo Virgo Libra Scorpio Sagittarius Capricorn Aquarius Pisces) Now before you judge me on what type of girl I would take to my mother, you should answer this. Put yourself in my shoes, check
8

yourself and look at yourself? Would you take you to my mother? That's my answer. To me intelligence is equally as important as personality and appearance. Sometimes I come across females and I just want to buy them a whole library (slight exaggeration). Some females need to buy books instead of shoes and purses. For me this is important, I cant explain it so I will leave you to use your imagination. On looks, I am not going to lie and say that appearance is not important. Most, if not all men are firstly attracted to what you look like, and perhaps if you smell extra fine, then that's a bonus. The way females approach men and look at his shoes and also need to know how he smells (good cologne), it's the same for men. So check yourself. If you would rather read books than be rated, then you are my kind of girl. I know that when you come through and deliver for a woman, there is no limit to what she will do for you. My mother would not regret meeting you.

3. Is a hard to get girl really more attractive?

This one is very debatable. And I cannot give a very straight answer but there are two sides to a coin. Now at least more than 70% of men if not higher HATE a cat and mouse chasing game. Firstly as you all know, there is usually only one thing men want from women and I dont need to tell you what it is. Its not rocket science. This is kind of a delicate situation and can be looked at from different perspectives.
9

i) I like you but you have to work for it This is a very dangerous game to play. Personally I think if you dont give it up easily then you must be proud of yourself. Am sure you know what they call girls that have been around the block. Most men will not waste their time chasing you up if they know they can get the gold from another mine. Now listen, this is the most important part. Depending on how close you are keeping your cards to your chest, if that man doesnt know, that man will go. It puts you in a sticky situation because if you keep a man at arms length playing the hard to get game, he might think you are just seeking attention and he is wasting his time. You need to reassess your position and make the right choice and take swift action. ii) I want you but do you like me I probably do like you. Most real men, love a woman that has class, standards and good values. I would know for sure if you are keeping me there, and giving me good vibes but at the same time I have to work to convince you that we are meant for each other I would stick around. A handful of men, will know straight away that you probably have feelings for them and you want them to show you that they are worth it. Some men love this and will be around for some time and also find you attractive. My advise would be, dont keep it dragging and also there is the danger of the friend zone, mans worst friend. But how they remember you or how they can't forget you depends all on your attitude.

10

 4. How important is the physical aspect in a relationship

This one is a tricky one, but there is more good news than bad which will give you an insight as to what guys look at and look for. Right now I am listening to Frank Ocean Swim Good, I love this song. This guy has a gift I must say. The physical aspect in a relationship is a very important one. Big butt or flat belly, skinny, short, tall, black, White, Asian, Mixed, unknown, confused, paranoid, crazy, pretty, beautiful, stunning, ugly, African, Caribbean, European, Good, Bad, She Males (Pause I got carried away), bunny boilers, honey trappers. Women think too much about things that they either cannot change or will change in time. Waste of time. We appreciate you just the way you are. The physical aspect is important but do not place too much of an emphasis on it. The emotional side of a relationship is far more important than the physical, in a serious relationship. It is important to have quality physical intimacy rather than lots of it. Quality is better than Quantity. Think, pause, evaluate.

11

5. The difference between love, infatuation and lust

Lust is when you love what you see. Love is when you lust for what's inside. Infatuation is what you normally think is love. Have you ever been in a situation or heard of a situation where a girl has a crush on a guy then suddenly they are dating. The next week she is head over heels for this guy, she keeps telling you how in love she is and then the next week its over? Yep thats infatuation. Personally I dont think you can love someone overnight and then be dating someone else two days after you break up. Sometimes I feel people usually mistake love for infatuation. Speaking of infatuation there is a song by Memphis Bleek called infatuated. I loved this song in 2005 you might like it too. The thesaurus dictionary defines Infatuation as a foolish and usually extravagant passion or love or admiration. Okay to go about this and further explain it, I will go through some steps that might make it easier for you to understand. However if you feel that you do not have the patience you can skip them and go to the part of this letter. First of all write down everything that you associate with the person you're feeling strongly about. Example words on your brainstorm list could include love, butterflies, holding hands, annoying, snoring, gorgeous, etc. Secondly circle each attribute with a different colour such as red for lust, yellow for infatuation, and green for love. For example, if you put down "Out of reach" you'd circle it with yellow, if you put "sexy" or "making out" you'd circle it with red, and if you put "My future" or "love" then you'd circle it with green.

12

See which of the three feelings dominates the page. If one doesn't stand out (as if the distribution seems pretty equal), move on to the following steps for more insight Read literature on the topic. Questions about love are timeless questions that have consumed mankind throughout the ages and are a major theme in many scriptures, tales from mythology, and literature. Read the story of David and Bathsheba from the Old Testament, 1st Corinthians from the New Testament, the story of Ali and Fatima, Echo and Narcissus, or Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. Ask your friends or, if you find it easier, ask a complete and utter stranger, so that you get an honest opinion and an outsider's point of view. Tell that person how you feel, and ask them if it sounds primarily like love, infatuation, or lust. Watch a movie that relates to your situation like "Cruel Intentions" (which is about lust, and wanting what you can't have), "Down to You" (which is about love and leaving it all down to the other person), "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" (which is about none of them really but it's about making a mistake and putting it right), "The Notebook," which tells a tale of life-long love and commitment, "The Phantom of the Opera" (which is about both lust, infatuation and, eventually, pure, true, self-sacrificing love) and definitely, "Titanic" (which is about holding on to someone forever until you die - that is love - bittersweet love), also, perhaps, "The Fly" (which is about a woman who falls in love with a man who turns into a fly and then goes insane, and yet remains deeply emotionally attached through this agonizing life change - which is love) or High Fidelity (which is about learning what love really is). Yet, understand that movies are fictions that depict idealized rather than realistic love.

13

Love is all about the little things. When you are really and truly, in love, you don't feel the need to dress up for them. The most important thing is being with them. Butterflies are not usually present in love. You should not feel nervous when you really love someone. Love means you connect with them spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally. And love means differences, disagreements, and arguing (but not fighting) because who wants to be with someone who is the same as they are? You feel refreshed when you are with them, but not necessarily weak when you are away from them. If you think about them all the time, always, it is probably lust or infatuation, not love. The most important thing you should consider is can I say 'I love you' and truly mean it? I will go into this in the next part of this letter.

14

6. How do you know when its love? Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions and accept me without change.

Love. Love.Love, the amount of times I have seen this word used and abused. I am going to continue from where I left in the last part of this letter. "I Love You" are the 3 most overused, misunderstood, and misused Words in the English language. Personally I cant admit to say I have ever been in love (had strong feelings yes) but this is utterly and truly debatable, those that know me would beg to differ. First and foremost I will say, dont search for love, let love find you. Stop wasting your time on people that you don't even love. Why be with someone that never makes you feel special. R. Marston once said that even though it has no logical reason to be, love persists after all else has faded. When someone appreciates you there is this feeling that goes through you, its like your heart melts and every time you come around that person nothing else matters. Thats when you know that it is love. However, be cautious, love is not a one-way street. You see the best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more that plants a fire in our hearts and brings piece to our minds. Females need to understand that you can't change a man or the way he loves you. If a man doesn't do right by you, you don't do right by you by staying with him. It's never love that hurts; its people and the foolish decisions they make. You see ladies we choose our joys and sorrow long before we experience them. We spend our time envying people whom we wouldn't wish to be. I believe when love happens you will know. I once told someone that you must not lose yourself in attempt to hold
15

on to someone who doesn't care about losing you. Love is everything, if you have it nothing else matters, if you dont it doesnt matter what else you have. I once read somewhere that if you fight like a married couple, talk like best friends, flirt like first love, protect each other like brother & sister, you were meant to be and I agree with this. 9 times out of 10 the person youre with is the person for you, but were so quick to 2nd guess ourselves. There is still that 10% chance you must examine before you make a decision that you might regret forever. Ask yourself if you can see yourself building a future with the person you are with. Time and growth birth healthy relationships. Even if you can't reach it, even if you fail, what's the point in not trying when love always prevails? I cant explain exactly when you know its love but you will know. No one falls in love by choice its by chance. No one stays in love by chance. Its by work. And no one falls out of love by chance its by choice.

16

 7. What Exactly is classified as clingy and needy?

There will always come a time in the relationship when your man needs his own personal time and space. This time is the time you need not disturb, nudge or bug him otherwise you will irritate him. So what is clingy then, again this is not rocket science but I will give you a more than satisfactory definition as to what this is. The word clingy can be used to define an individual who is being needy. When you are being too needy and become quite dependent on your boyfriend, you then begin to seek more than ample attention from him. In relationships females that are clingy are constantly on their boyfriends back. The obvious signs, are calling him every five or ten minutes (slight exaggeration, but it happens), you always want to hang out with him, every day, 24/7, 365 days and a quarter, okay am sure you get the point. Furthermore you tend to restrict him hanging out with his boys and last but not the least you give him NO space and this is bad on his part as he cannot be himself and his own person. To be honest, this has a very bad effect on your relationship and it is a negative connotation so being clingy is generally not flattering. I think this is very unhealthy for your relationship and causes your partner to start to behave differently because you are choking him and giving him no space. This can have a massive repercussion (i.e. cheating). I am not attacking females, I am clearly telling you how it is. FYI Guys can be clingy too.

17

8. When is the best time to have sex?

The answer to this is simple. When you are both ready, dont push him and dont let him push you and do not feel the pressure because of your peers (Yes, I am talking about peer pressure).

THE BAD
9. Are guys attracted to their girlfriends friends & if so then why?
Have you ever gone to a restaurant, ordered something and when your food comes you see that your friend, brother or sister ordered something that looked more scrumptious and delicious and generally better than what is on your plate? The simple answer is yes, they do get attracted to their girlfriends friends. However it is a rare occurrence so you can now breathe stretch shake, let it go. Just pray your friends are loyal to you and that nothing happens behind your back. I know someone who did something with her housemates (now former housemate) ex boyfriend on a sports trip. Now this person was more like her best friend. At the time that was her boyfriend if my mind serves me correctly, could have been ex though, but the fact of the matter is that, that was unethical, and inhumane. Like who does that? Up to today that girl doesnt know what happened and I doubt she will ever find out. (Not my business) But you are safe. For now J I almost forgot to give a reason as to why it could happen. There are two sides to the reason. The first one is your friends. What signs are
18

they giving out? Do you talk about your man so much it possibly irritates them but then they want to find out for themselves if what you were saying was true. The other one is the most obvious one, pretty disturbing but what can I say, I will tell it like it is. Men are animals. Its that simple. We are like Lions, Tigers and Bears. We love to hunt.
10. Can men and women just be friends?

The simple answer to this is No. Arguably a Yes but I would always say No. Ill tell you why. I have learnt that I can never be close to a female unless shes family. Many times I have fallen into the trap of beginning to develop feelings for my female friend(s). I actually never spoke to one of my friends for more than three months just to fix the situation. I went to a boarding school and it was very difficult trying to elude a situation and also avoid a person. The probability of actually not bumping into that person at least on one occasion was quite low. Its funny how this girl and me got to that point. I actually had feelings for her friend. For the record they were in 6th form and I was in year 9 (form 3). I had thing for older women (dont judge me). Anyways, I became close with this girl but had feelings for her friend. Then one day my heart had a change of heart (see what I did there) and then I decided to open up. She gave me the whole friends speech, and not to ruin what we have etc.! For some strange reason I was not disappointed or hurt (Rejected? A littletear tear...life goes on), I just thought she was actually right. We broke of for midterm or was it end of term??? Cant remember but when we got back she told me that she actually also developed feelings. BANG, you are probably thinking awwww! Well it actually didnt happen. Unfortunately I had at this point already moved on (still single), I had gone though the agony of getting over her. I never spoke to her for a long time. A very long time. I know I know, I could have responded in a better manner but even though I was not hurt, at that moment I felt a little let down (dont know why)
19

I have so many examples and experiences but the answer is no, men and women cannot be just friends. I refer to this as mans worst friend and this is the hated friend zone. Man oh man how we hate that place, how I hate that place. Have you ever told a guy, oh you are like my brother we are like brother and sister or he is my best friend etc. immediately you tell a guy that, if he never got the hint before he now knows he is in the friend zone. Thats his queue to do one of three. He will either move to your friend, let you know what you are missing out on or the cheeky bugger might actually stick around (unlikely in the long run). From the moment a guy speaks to you, he knows what he wants, his intentions will be clear from the word go especially in his head. If he feels he cant get it and knows for sure, he will lock you off and find someone that will fulfill his satisfaction or that void. You are probably thinking what a dog or all men are dogs but ladies thats the truth and if you dont know now you know (*Biggie voice*) Okay just to give a little sense of warmth it is possible you can be just friends. That's if you make it clear from the beginning. But whether it will last or not, time will tell.

20

11. It doesnt hurt to flirt.... or does it? Nobody wants someone that has been with everybody

Everyone loves a little attention. Okay others love it more than others. No it does not hurt to flirt but it might hurt somebodies feelings. From my personal experience, a guy flirting is slightly better than a girl doing it (Hold onwait for it, I am not being sexist). For guy to flirt towards a girl, no matter whether she is attractive or not and also depending on the environment, the girl is likely to get some action, whether it be a kiss or the other thing you are thinking. But on the other hand, females usually just flirt, to reassure their dominance wherever they are. It assures them of their presence, how good looking they are and they do maximize their power here. When a female flirts towards a guy it is likely that that guy may be left hanging and will not want to remember that night or that occasion the following morning. Can you see what I am doing here? So you decide, does it hurt to flirt or not? Personally I do not like my emotions being taken on a joy ride. From the moment I start speaking to a female, I will know with the first 5 minutes (maybe 10) what her intentions her, whether she is single or not and whether she just wants some fun or just some company. Sorry I cant tell you how, that's for me to know and for you to find out. J If you want to flirt just for a bit of fun, go ahead, but personally I am not a fun of it. Its never a good thing playing with someones emotions? Would you like someone to toss yours about? But for the record, I am yet to hear of someone that got hurt by a little flirting (I guess its still a little safe to do it. Am not involved on this one). LOL

21

12. When they see you naked, are they focusing on the imperfections. The most ugly people of all are the self-righteous, judgmental, weakminded recipients and perpetrators of hateful stereotypes.

Ermerm, where to begin. Where to begin. This one is another million-dollar question. Again on this one it may vary. But I will tell you that every man will appreciate what is in front of him when he sees it, well at least in that moment, if not before and if not after. I have never heard of any man complain on any imperfections. I have heard some things, and maybe some requests. Lol. Again let me reiterate that there is only mainly one thing men are interested in getting from you, and again, its not rocket science and its what you are thinking. Yes its sleeping with you and I am not talking about pillows. I do not think you should worry too much about this, its not that serious. If a guy likes or loves you, then he loves everything about you. If you order a pizza then you will get all the toppings you like and love. If we are riding together, then I obviously love the toppings that you have. Men are not as cautious as women, we are not as careful as you and do not worry as much as you do. The only thing that actually bothers us is keeping you happy and we hope that you are satisfied and content with us. Imperfections as you call them are nearly non-existent to us. A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman. There's no weight, height, colour, or size restrictions on that title. There comes a time in everybody's life where you have to be content with what you have and who you are.

22

13. How do you get over a person you are still in love with?

Time is a healer. The simple answer is that you really don't. Love is not like a job, you cant just sign up to it or just resign when you think you are not getting your fair share. The best way you can get over someone is by moving to greener pastures, finding yourself and thinking positive. Most females believe they need someone to fulfill that emotional void. If that's you then find someone who will appreciate you or visa versa, but not a rebound. Sometimes jumping into something new is not the best option, although you may change characters, you'll find yourself reading from the same script. My advice to you ladies is to find some YOU time. Find yourself, find your feet, stop, think and pray. The most important love you can have in life is with yourself. Nobody can love you as much as yourself. If you don't love yourself, do not expect someone else to do that for you. You will never allow someone to love you more than you love yourself. You teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself. There is nobody else in the world like you. Somebody else may have your name but nobody else is just the same. Remember that. Sometimes in life you have to let things go to see if they were meant for you. If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you its yours, if it doesn't it was never yours. When you finally get over someone, you start seeing them in a whole new perspective.

23

14. What is the best way to get a person to notice you are more than just a friend?

Did someone say friend zone? LOL, I cannot stop but emphasize how much I hate that place. This is a crazy one, I would love to say I don't know but I can't. I have never been in that situation myself but my friends have. When you spend time with a guy, there are some things you should look out for. These little things are body language and the way or the way he speaks to you. So you'll be looking out for things like how close he is when he talks to you, if he is giving you his full attention (no phone in hand). Do you laugh together? Make jokes about each other? If the answer is yes to all that then you have a huge shot at progressing from there. If you had a few no's then you need to stop, think and evaluate. You see us men, from the moment we start to talk with you know how far it can go, whether you are wifey/girlfriend material or just for the other obvious reason. My advice here is that you need to play your cards right. Stop being our friend and make your intentions clear (if it means small hints and beating around the bush). If you don't then a friend is all you are going to be. The friend zone will be your home and I suggest you make it pretty comfortable for yourself. Life is about taking chances, what do you have to lose anyway? Nothing to lose and all to gain, my motto in life is that if you dont ask, you dont get. Cease the moment and cease the day. If he's not the one, just remember your Mr. Right is still waiting for you. Smile :)

24

 15. I am seeing someone else, but I still have feelings for my ex, what do I do?

You know what, ever since I was in high school I always used to talk with my friends about the ideal girl we would love to end up with. I wish I could say but I think you would judge me. All I can say is that I have a preference. For the record I do not have a checklist of my ideal kind of girl, when it happens it happens. Anyways, there is nothing more frustrating than being with someone that is only giving you spent emotions. There is absolutely no point in getting with someone if you are not going to give your complete self to them. Imagine going to McDonalds or Burger King and then you order a Big Mac or a Whooper. And then all they give you is the bun and some lettuce in the middle. How would you like that? (Neither would I) The best thing is to again, stop, think and evaluate. You can't control love you see, it just happens. Here you'll have to decide whether to talk to your current partner or not. If your ex has moved on or doesn't even talk to you then the decision has already been made for you. But if you are not ready to dive into the deep end, then you will be depriving your current partner of his Big Mac and also lying and hurting yourself. When you let your pride get in the way of things, don't be surprised when it's the only thing you're left with.

25

THE UGLY
16. Why do men cheat? True intelligence operates silently. Stillness is where creativity and solutions to problems are found.

This is like the million dollar question that everyone knows the answer to but no one knows if its right or not. Now I only recently understood why men actually cheat. I stumbled across this wonderful discovery under rather simple circumstances. I have this theory called the Ferrari theory. Remember the ego thing I was talking about in the first part of this letter? Now the Ferrari theory is quite simple, there is nothing complex about it, it is what it is. When a man has the Ferrari X edition (You) he will be happy, content if anything and feel to be the luckiest man in the world. There is also a lot of influence in the circles your man hangs around in. Sometimes you may hate your mans friends just because of the bad habits they have which in turn could influence your man. Now when the Ferrari Y edition comes out, your man will most certainly hear about it and see it. Now this is where it becomes crazy. Your man will examine the Ferrari Y edition, as he is aware of what it can do, perhaps he has heard about it and what it is capable of. Then it all happens. After your man has had a taste of the FY edition and given it a test drive, he might begin to realize he was better off with the FX edition. Men have needs, (am not defending them) and they always want these to be fulfilled. For example a guy will always be timing the FY edition, whether it be finding himself at the same club as her when you are not out. Until this happens, it is the only time he will realize he is possibly better with or without you. The danger for him is that he cant drive two cars at the same time (theoretically speaking it is possible to have two girlfriends at
26

the same time). In some cases this is where regret kicks in (rarely though, maybe for a day or two) Now I was going to leave this bit out but I changed my mind. You see we are animals and we can't help it. Animals show off when they want. Some Birds show their feathers, some Lions roar, some Fish show their fins, some girls show of their bum in wet look leggings! We can't help it. A man cheating is mainly driven by our manly egos and also what our friends think of how many women we can woo etc. For a more obscene explanation, in the words of Chris Rock Its almost impossible for a guy to turn down free p***y. If its chasing us, we cant run that fast. (Excuse my French). Now if you didnt know this from a young age, lets say 13 or so, most guys being nice to you only had one thing on their mind, and every year ever since it has been the same. They arent interested in what your favourite colour is, if you like Nickelodeon or not and whether your best friend is Samantha or Grace, if you bought new heels and have a new hand bag. The chances are that all he really wants from you is sex (a kiss when younger). Unless you are a celebrity (fat chance) but for many guys it is not something that happens everyday like the sun coming out to shine in Africa. It just doesnt happen everyday at all. Men just arent offered sex and the majority of them see it as a wasted opportunity when they get the answer they are not looking for. Men will always push, as they do not know when such an opportunity will occur again. They will keep n knocking (a high percentage). Then one thing leads to another. When opportunity knocks, they open the door (sound familiar?) Now that we have that out of the way, it will allow me to go into a little bit more analysis. When a woman cheats on her man; he is likely to find your replacement within no time. (Hold on, be patient I will tell you why). The reason for this is that most men have that one female friend that slightly fancies them but nothing will probably
27

happen because he is with you (in some cases theres that female friend he has that you hate). But as soon as you cross the line you will be lucky to still be together. When the roles are reversed, the outcome is usually different. Most women (lets say 90%) from about the age of 16/17 cant be single for longer than 4-8 weeks. The difference between women and men when it comes to relationships and dating is that women have an emotional attachment. When females commit they believe their emotional needs always need a certain fulfillment. Women feel that a man needs to satisfy that void. You are probably either cursing me or agreeing with me right now. But ask yourself the last time you were actually single and not seeing anyone even if this meant you werent actually dating ever since you had your first or second boyfriend? Whats the verdict? Its simple, women have an emotional void in which they convince themselves that someone needs to meet it in order for them to feel protected, cared for, loved and safe and be happy. This is why in many cases it is really difficult for a woman to leave her man even after he cheats. You feel like he will change (a.k.a he deserves a second chance) and also you believe that no one else will ever treat you like he did and that no one else is capable of filling that emptiness that would be created if you broke up. Don't allow yourself to wake up with yesterday's issues troubling your mind. Refuse to live backwards, see everyday as a new chapter. I actually do not understand why people cheat. But I have never known a man to cheat because he was Unhappy. My advice is that if you know someone is already taken, please respect his or her relationship. Do not be the reason they end up single.

*sidenote There is nothing more upsetting than when a man cheats on you with someone less attractive than you non? LOL (be strong ladies) Ladies taking your ex back is like perming your hair, you see a change at first but after a month or two it goes back to the way it
28

was. If you have been cheated on, and you are still with that person that cheated on you, its obvious you don't love yourself enough to walk away. Its true that the dynamics of sentiments are complicated, there are beyond the faculties of the mind. In true love, more often than not, you do not comprehend your actions. In the sweltering heat of passion, ego melts; ask those who have fallen in love for affirmation. However, we are where we are today because of the choices we have made! I refuse to believe the dynamics of sentiments are beyond the faculties of the mind! The mind is the most powerful thing in the world! However we are only human and we all make mistakes!

In order to reach our goals in life, we need to make sacrifices of the things we love most. In life, sometimes the person we want the most is the person we're best without. We need to learn and grow. When discussing this, my friend said that there is no nugget of doubt that the mind is powerful but it is a midget when you seek to compare with the heart. Agreed? Falling in love is the proverbial gift and the curse, bittersweet; it accords you joys in the right season and robs you in another season. You cannot feel differently from the way you feel. Furthermore, on what I was saying earlier on just to explain further, I am yet to meet a guy who stayed with his partner after she crossed paths with a third party! This is MY opinion (just like you are entitled to yours).... a tested theory, observation and 'almost' fact! Many females (notice I said many and NOT all) tend to stay in a relationship after they are cheated on because the attachment is too great, they feel that this is the 'one' and that that person fully comprehends them! They feel NO ONE will accept them like he did and tend to want to work things out! Personally I cannot let my emotions be dictated by one being! Life is too short to sulk and live in emotional agony!

29

In defence to what my friend said when he argued that 'sometimes being in the situation to understand it better... its always so easy to speak and yet when it happens to you, you believe your circumstances are different' I was in partial agreement. To some extent I would say YES, but NO I do not want to be in that situation, it should never ever even happen, not to me and not to you! For the record, do not get into a relationship with someone that you do not see yourself spending the rest of your life with! No one wants to be the rebound guy/girl! One-woman man, one-man woman! REPENT! Cheaters never prosper, Karma is not racist, and it will get YOU. My ex-girlfriend once told me that if I ever decided to cheat on her, I must firstly break-up with her, do it and then get back with her. Technically its not cheating, as we are actually not together. The whole concept is abysmal, and when I actually heard those words I was in pure disbelief and shock (I can imagine what is going through your mind right about now). The great thing about me is that I am a one-woman man and when I am committed to someone, or even when we arent officially together, I am down for the cause. My friends always laugh at me as to why I put my eggs in one basket as per say. Anyways moving on, if you love someone why cheat on them? And if they love you back, you must be a fool to think they do! One partner for one person...simple! 'I love you, thats why I cheated on you, I was drunk, I didnt know what I was doing'

*side note ' my hormones were doing the dougie, I couldnt control them!' Pshhh! (People actually believe this) If you cheat on me you dont love me therefore I dont need you as a better half, you disrespected me you can f**k off (excuse my
30

French). Relationships are a headache! Cheating is part of life, however is it should not happen and be a way of life.

Sometimes the right person for you was there all along. You just didn't see it because the wrong one was blocking the sight. Like I said earlier on in order to reach our goals in life, we need to make sacrifices of the things we love most. In life, sometimes the person we want the most is the person we're best without. We need to learn and grow Move on! Ladies just be careful who you invest your time in, wasted time is worse than wasted money. *N.B Before you hate me as you keep reading, for those that are forgiving and believing in change. Giving someone a second chance is a sign of character but they shouldnt take you love for granted.

31

17. Once a cheater, always a cheater?

Ever had a bad day and put on sad music real loud and sang along even louder while crying??? Once a cheater always a cheater. Does this phrase sound familiar? I will try and show a difference from the previous part in this letter in order to answer this question. A Leopard never changes its spots, or it is a Cheater? (Cheetah) Same difference (the irony...lol). Anyways, What I am about to tell you will either shock you or will make you say I knew it. All men cheat, some more than others. And this is nothing new. Now when I say all men cheat you are probably thinking about someone sleeping with someone else (here you will have to think outside the box a little). Once a cheater always a cheater??? Well Ill use an example of a thief. The first time he does it he will be nervous, fears of being caught etc. But once he does it the joy and feeling of not being caught is priceless. He will then do it again and then it becomes a habit. Now ask yourself this, have you ever shop lifted? How many times? Did you do it again? Were you caught? Ill be honest I have shoplifted once, I think I was in a store in Vic falls town once on holiday in Zimbabwe several moons ago. Coolio was hot at that time, Gangstas paradise was a must have. I helped myself, I felt like I had won something yet I had lost my honesty. I learnt that in order to spend we must first earn. I have never shoplifted ever since. If a man knows you have cheated before maybe with him from your last relationship, he will always keep this in mind. Some men believe you might have the urge to do it again and so long as they think you have that potential to do so, it could possibly cause them
32

do cheat, so that if you eventually do it, they already have the upper hand over you, and therefore if and when he finds out, he will be mad but it wont bother him as much. I was once in a conversation with one of my best friends Wales, and he said something that I found very interesting. He made a remark saying that all women have been cheated on and its just that they dont know it yet. So in other words your man has just never gotten caught yet. And the ones who have never cheated means they have never had the opportunity to so! Now now now ladies, do not fret, you probably have a good man in your life and you can ignore this part. Some men are not the cheating type. But let us just say hypothetically speaking that there is a woman who is interested and doesn't mind that he's married or in a relationship and she wants some fun. There is a high possibility HE will definitely go for it. Why? At this point in time if your man is not being kept entertained and needs to be kept in check, he will be bored. You see he will need an ego boost from another woman who will be willing to give him the attention. If they have not actually physically cheated, then they have cheated emotionally. This means they have fantasized, flirted or had sexual conversations with other females (This has most probably happened already). In my opinion, from observation and meeting different types of people, I don't believe any man will be faithful given the opportunity to cheat. However, you may beg to differ but that's just me. So there could be a high chance, your boyfriend has not cheated on you or he is probably doing a great job at hiding it.

33

*Tip - Sometimes I usually feel nervous when someone picks up my mobile phone, even if I have nothing to hide. Some guys usually have a trick of storing their booty calls, or second girlfriends names under a guy's name. For example, Simone would be Simon J or Natalie would be stored as Nathan. Do not pay too much attention to the letter at beginning of the name. Simone could be stored as Bob. (Good trick right? lol) *Tip 2 They might have another mobile phone. You might actually know that they do. What is it for? Work? Okay. I don't think I need to explain further on this one. Once a cheater always a cheater? Well some people do change; I actually have a big problem. I rarely give up on people because I care too much. I actually consider it a weakness but that is just the way I am. Men are visual you see, and 9/10 times want what they see. There are some men that are not cheaters but they are few and far between. When you meet a charming man, watch out for these. I know it is always good to receive a compliment, as it assures you, that you are doing everything right (some good attention right). Watch out for that charm, he is not interested in you or what you have to say, there is only one thing that he wants, and you know what it is. It's not rocket science. One of my friends told me about a story of how he went to lunch and saw a movie with someone else's girlfriend. Was that cheating? You decide. I mean would you want your man to go to the cinema with another woman? I am not sure if her boyfriend knew, and the details of what happened after that are beyond me. Even men that don't cheat many times will take girls out to lunch/dinner and flirt. I think I classify that as cheating. So ladies if
34

you cant handle your man and can't take the heat, find yourself a nerdy guy that works, has a plan and a vision, is ambitious and wants to succeed in life. This guy will treat you well and you won't always have to wonder what your man is doing. A nerd will always treat you well and will provide for you. A cheater will not do that. Have you noticed that the word cheater has the word 'hate' in it? Many men cheat and once in the habit will continue to cheat just to make themselves feel desirable. Drop him and move on. *N.B Not all guys cheat, there is a handful of a few good men out there. If you have one ladies, you are very lucky and treat him right or risk heartache. A guy asking you to marry him after he has been busted by cheating on you doesn't want to marry you for the right reasons. Once a cheater always a cheater? Bad decisions make good memories. People can change, but if you remain in a relationship with false love get out because the only person being hurt is you. Good love is hard to find so don't waste your time staying in bad relationships. Do the right thing, especially if you cant work things out. If you fall seven times, stand up eight. The worst feeling you'll ever feel is sitting next to the person who means the world to you knowing that you mean nothing to them. Make sure the person you want for a lifetime wants you for more than a lifestyle. I know every woman has a breaking point (Keri Hilson voice) but isnt it funny that when love breaks your heart, love is the only thing that can mend it?

35

18. Would it be possible to forgive someone if they have cheated on you?

The simple answer to this is yes. But it is easier said than done. You see I am not a spiteful person, up to this day I know one of my exgirlfriends cheated on me whilst I was lost in a mountain on expedition with 800ml's of water for 7 people whilst I was there with only hopes of seeing her again keeping me going. Little did I know she was in a tent somewhere else with one of my closest friends (Please don't feel sorry for me). I must admit that that was one of the most horrible experiences I have ever been through and up to today she has not told me she did it (never will). But I moved on, it made me a better and stronger person, now I can take on another storm if it ever happened again (God forbid). I don't hold grudges, I see myself as the bigger person and know for sure I will need that person in future or visa versa. But there is one thing I do that I do not condone but it works for me. I cut people from my life and I just do not talk to them. I really don't know why but it works for me. Cheating is cheating, whether its once, alcohol was involved etc. I do not want to contradict what I have already said in the earlier section on cheating. Some 5 years ago, two of my best friends fell out because of a girl. They were both on a bus going back to boarding school and one of my best friends slept because he was slightly drunk (it was not a blackout). His girlfriend moves two rows back and sat next to my other best friend. Use your imagination on what happened next. This was a sticky situation and I could never take sides. Now whose shoes would you want to be in? Where would you begin? Trust is a very important foundation and you cannot have the type of relationship with someone you do not trust. Stop, think, evaluate.
36

19. Can a relationship survive when theres trust issues

When I read this all I could think of was that song by Drake called trust issues (surprise, surprise) .Im sure you are thinking the same, listen to the Drake version with The Weeknd. Its pretty awesome. Emotions are controlled by thought, think good thoughts. There is nothing more satisfying than coming home and falling in the arms of your special one. But trust issues will create animosity and discomfort in the relationship. When you get back with your partner the second time you are in the relationship is NEVER the same, guards are up, you are more careful and that little doubt they gave you will probably never leave your mind and your heart. Forgiving is easy but forgetting is the hard one. Once you are scarred its really hard to recover. They say time is a healer but it depends on your own personal will I guess. I have come to discover that to many people, status is very important. We are too busy caring what other people think about us and whom we are with. A relationship is between two people and you need to talk sit down and sort it out. I was talking to one of my friends the other day and we were on a similar subject. I told him that he needed to re-evaluate where he stands with his partner. Do her goals and ambitions go hand in hand with where he is headed. I told him to ask himself if she will help him grow and help him become a better person and what they will both bring to the table. The problem with my friend was that he was always used in being in the position she was in. This time she threw the ball in his court. I know if I had not spoken to him he would have chosen the easy option and this was to hit the road and duck out. I used a male example just to give another perspective. I will confess and say trust issues are a very delicate subject and the only way to get over this obstacle and solve this problem is by talking things out, see where you both stand, how to go about the problem and how you can solve it. If you are at home, and your man goes out with his boys and you keep having thoughts of what ifs or worse you are spying
37

on him etc. Speaking of spying, on the subject of mobile phones and Facebook, my view on this goes a little bit like so. Personally I have nothing to hide on both but I am not your average Joe or typical male. There are two sides to this argument. I always take the side of trust issues in saying that if you do trust me you do not need to read my text messages or play with my bbm, nor do you need my Facebook username and password. I actually think that is ridiculous. But you see that is because that, thats me and I know myself. On the flipside there is the other argument of we are one and its okay for us to share passwords etc. If you trust me then you have no worries as you have nothing to hide (do you see what I am doing here?) If this has happened to you or you have done it before then you do know what I am talking about. My ex-girlfriend has a problem with me having so many photos with different females (some of these were even before we got together). Now to me that says a lot. Even though I know where shes coming from, it still tells me more about her. Firstly it already puts a restriction on my freedom. I had to take into consideration who I took photos with etc. It gets worse, even after we broke up she told me I was deliberately continuing to take photos with different women. Come on now its not my fault I make ladies look good (vanity is not a sin.lol) . Okay seriously I am not sure how many of you feel threatened by photos, but like for me because the type of lifestyle I lead cannot prevent me from doing so. I am a very sociable person and network a lot. That's a trust issue and just tells me more about her and also the fact she loved snooping around my clean phone. For the record if I did decide to cheat or do anything of the sort, I would have had no text messages and a password on my phone. Yes I have no password on my phone. Moving on, If you do have trust issues you need to talk it out, otherwise you might regret either doing something you could have avoided or being in a dead-end relationship. Sort it out woman.
38

*N.B I would never leave my girl in the club, that's just my nature, even on a girls night out (this one is debatable). Its not that I don't trust her, its just that I really care (LOL, smart non?). On a final note, insecurities and trust issues are major reasons that could cause a guy to cheat. I advise you to address these before its too late.

39

20. When He sees an attractive girl does he wish he were with her and not me? If you think youre beaten then you are! If you think you'll lose then you've lost!!! Its all a state of mind!

The truth of a matter is it crosses his mind. When a guy has something good going on, he knows it. In the first place he is with you because he is emotionally and physically attracted to you. You need not be scared and you can breathe. On the flip side, guys will discuss that other girl they saw with their friends. Thats just our nature. We have this sort of sub consciousness that propagates us to tell our friends what we saw and what we did at that particular time. Then there is that slight chance of actually meeting that female again. Now again there is the other sees. And when I say this, its when you are not together (in the same place I mean) and when he is out or with his boys etc. This is the dangerous bit. If your dude is respectable and respects you and your relationship then he will not dive at that opportunity just because you are not there. Ill leave this one open for you to think about. This next part is the one I am pretty concerned with because it is always happening and you should be concerned too. This part here talks about Social networking. When I say this I am referring to Twitter, Facebook and we could also slide in Skype (and MSN if you still use that and what ever other means you use). For the benefit of the doubt we can also consider BBM, WhatsApp, etc. I have seen some females trying to increase their chances of attracting a male in the same way I have seen some men spending so
40

much money just to attract females. This trickles down to social networking. Nowadays all I see Facebook is competition and who is doing what. The sole purpose of what Facebook was created for has gone out the window I am not the sort of person to compete with people and tell them what I am doing, who Im with. What I bought. Where I am on holiday etc. I don't want to create a false image of myself to impress people. At the end of the day no one cares but I just do not want to give off a wrong impression (I am not sure how I got here but I think it is important). Many females put nude/semi nude photos of themselves seeking attention and comments. Facebook stalking! Do you know what that is? Many people do it; this is where you should be afraid of losing your man. Just a warning. Now twitter is the headache. I joined twitter some time in March 2009 and when I was on it I was clueless and was on the whole celeb are on twitter train let me follow them etc. And then I discovered what else it could do, I fell a victim. I started following beautiful and pretty girls and doing the obvious (my story ends here). *sidenote Most of you ladies, you're just being followed for your half naked pictures not because people respect what goes on in your brain. And all those females with half naked pictures talking about the amount of followers, SHUT UP. You should follow people for their tweets not for their looks. I guess to some people social networks are dating sites (rant over).

Now as for your man, if I fell victim to that, then what could he be doing right about now. The power of the DM (direct message) on twitter must not be underestimated. One thing leads to another; from texting and phone calls to swapping of BB Pins and then BBM and the rest is history. These girls are actually a threat for you because he
41

is giving them part of the attention that belongs to you. Follow me on twitter @decap88

To conclude this, in most cases it is very rare that he wishes he were with someone else other than with you. But keep your man in check.

But truth be told, let me tell you another secret and something I have learnt. Beauty fades and immediately he sees a younger version of you or someone who has similar feature and traits (am guessing that is the type he loves-your kind), that's when you should be really worried. Keep him happy

42

Bonus
21. The Friendship Contract - A friends worth! *When reading this, read it as though you were the one thinking it, it will make better sense.

I will get straight to the point. The world is still (kind of) recovering from last years recession. Oil prices are up; hence, Fuel prices going up as well. Gold prices are up. The cost of living in general is going up (rent, food, clothes, entertainment, health care, etc.). The oceans sea levels are on the rise because the worlds temperatures are going up (Global warming). In short, everything is going up! Life is getting more expensive. All except for the commodity of L.O.V.E, which for some strange reason, some people still think love, is FREE. I beg to differ. You have to BUY people Gifts, go visit them (by putting fuel in your car), take them out for parties, lunches, dinners, clubbing, drinking, smoking (those that do it), and all this costs money!! Not even talking about the emotional costs of being there for someone. You have to give them a shoulder to lean and cry on, you have to listen to their problems. Give them financial, spiritual and emotional advice. All this in the name of FRIENDSHIP. Now dont get me wrong, we all need friends and friends are good to have around. But being a good friend costs a lot. Not only that, in this day and age, people take real friendship for granted and so, you put so much into maintaining a friendship but someone just brushes that aside. Now that isnt right if you ask me. THEREFORE, in order to protect the institution of FRIENDSHIP, I have decided to draw up a Friendship contract that I think reflects the true value of friendship. Or in plain English, MY FRIENDSHIP IS UP FOR SALE!! Yeah thats right, as of today, I have absolutely NO FRIENDS because now you have to buy my friendship! I was
43

going to write LOL after that sentence but this isnt a laughing matter. Im dead serious. This means ANYONE can be my friend, as long as you pay to maintain the friendship; Ill be you BFF if the price is right! No, I am not going crazy. Although I think you are crazy if you dont implement this friendship contract in YOUR LIFE!! So I have different friendship packages, that come with different benefits (yes, this is the REAL MEANING OF FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS!), depending on the price. For the sake of easy currency conversions, all my prices are quoted in US$. i) OPTION..A

The Acquaintance Value pack. Ill be known as your Acquaintance. Price: $20.99/month (expires after 12 months, subject to renewal) Benefits: Ill call you my acquaintance; I will send you a Tweet and Ill post on your Facebook wall once every 6 months, comment on any 1 of your FB statuses ( once every 6 months) and if I have your mobile number, Ill send you 1 text ( once every 6 months) saying Hey.

ii)

OPTION..B

The Friends-Zone Package: Ill officially be known as your Friend Price: $80.00/month (Expires after 6 months, subject to renewal) Benefits: Ill call you my friend. Ill send you one text every week for 6 months saying Hey. Ill call you twice every 6 months for 3 minutes per call. Ill tweet you and Ill post on your F.B. wall once every month (for 6 months). Ill comment on 1 of your statuses every month (for 6 months). If you are in my locality, Ill come to your house (for lunch) 3 times every week (for 6 months). And if
44

you add an extra $10.95, you can UPGRADE this package to the Friends-Zone Deluxe Package which also comes with 1 Skype Call lasting 10minutes, 2 Facebook Messages, 1 email forward, 3 extra texts, and If you going out, Ill be your designated driver. However, this service only includes the drive TO the club. You will have to pay extra for me to bring you back home!

iii)

OPTION C

The Best Friends Forever (BFF) Package: Price: $120. 95/month (expires after 3 months, subject to renewal). This includes everything you get in ALL the previous packages. In addition to this feel free to call me your hommie. At this price, Ill pretty much do whatever you want me to. If youre a guy Ill be your wingman in the club. If youre a girl Ill come to the salon while you do your hair, or go get your nails done (Ill even get my hair and nails done too!) You get UNLIMITED Tweets, Facebook messages, pokes, status comments, photo comments and wall posts. You also get UNLIMITED email forwards, Skype calls (provided you find me on Skype and the calls only last a maximum of 32 minutes). You also get as many texts and calls to your mobile (provided I have enough credit to spare). Ill also give you UNLIMITED financial, emotional and spiritual advice on any subject. And when you going through problems, instead of only one, Ill give you BOTH of my shoulders so that you can cry and lean on! You also get UNLIMITED Kisses and Hugs (Xs and Os): Provided you are female. In the event that you are male, you get UNLIMITED handshakes! You also get UNLIMTED visits from me during breakfast, lunch, and dinner times on any given day. And if you are in a different country, for an extra $60.00/month, you can upgrade this package to the International BFF pack which removes all other components and leaves only UNLIMITED Twitter, Facebook, Email and Skype benefits.

45

I accept VISA, MASTERCARD, Bank approved Cheques, Electronic Wire Transfers and CASH (which is recommended). *Being a friend is hard work. Being a GOOD FRIEND is especially harder. Imagine doing all the above for free and having people take advantage of you and not really appreciate the value of your friendship. Now imagine if we all started paying to be each others friends. Thank God we dont. Well, not until NOW!! So please value your friendships and be good to one another. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes but a friend is a friend* ^^ But in saying that, Im still charging for my friendship! Okay, lines open now, place your orders!!

46

22. Four Fs

This is the deal breaker; this is what I call the Four Fs or 4 Fs. Fit, Fine Fly and Fabulous. Keeping it sexy as well as classy. A lady at all times, not hoe-ish behavior. To finish off I will give tips of what we dont like and what we appreciate. Do you females really think men fall in love with you if you give it up easy? No man wants to be with someone that has been with everyone. One mans poison is another mans cup or tea; one mans trash is another mans treasure. Sound familiar. Wow, if this actually convinces you then I am in shock. It rarely happens that a guy will actually approach you for a relationship if he knows all about you (where youve been). Hold on, I dont believe in exaggeration and I will contradict myself. There is hope for you. But let me let you in on another male secret, if they actually come for you, they have probably heard about you and that you have been around the block. You may think this guy is different and actually loves you but nope he is just like the rest. They just are mad glad they had the chance to f**k you (excuse my French) and didn't even have to do much for it. Soon you will be the one left with nothing but that damn reflection in the mirror that you can't even look at! But remember You've got the power to turn your life around the only thing you should have on your side is believe and your will. Now to the ladies that think the last few lines were not applicable to them. Don't be looking at others while you need to be working on yourself. You may be different but there are some things you may need to also work on. Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them. Don't achieve for others, achieve for yourself. The only one you need, as proof of being capable of greatness is yourself. As you go along the journey of life even when you are seeking for your partner beware of the obstacles ahead. Some people are such a source of negativity that as soon as youre around them you feel the whole atmosphere change. Negativity is born in the gap where love has been excluded. Gaps occur in places where we are afraid to see ourselves. Keep it 100 and remember to stop, think and evaluate.
47

Support each other and be there for each other. Us men are cruel and we should appreciate you more (dont get me wrong, even though I hate what some men do, I am one of them and cannot run from that fact. But this is also applicable to some women.) No matter what we have gone or go through in life there is always a lesson to be learned & it can be applied to future problems we will have. This is my letter to you women, answering some questions I was asked as best as I can. Letting you know some of our secrets, what we do and why we do them. (I refer to we as men but not that I do what us men do needed to clear that up, thanks) And just to let you know we do appreciate you when you dress up to look extra beautiful, when you get your hair done, and maybe when you also get your nails done. I am actually a member of fashion police (lol). We are where we are today because of the choices we've made. Surround yourself with positive people! Our lives are shaped by the company we keep; negative people will just weigh you down & ruin your goal. Keep it clear. Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory. Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. Remember, no matter what you do, do it at your most! Get where you need to and do what you have to do and remember a goal without a plan is just a wish! So ladies keep it trendy, sexy, sassy and classy. Keep focused and be you. Be fit, fine, fly and fabulous. Women are the best!!! I don't know what the world would be like without you. Peace & Love

With Love, from me to you.

48

Acknowledgements
Even though I take full responsibility for the majority of the ideas expressed in this book (with the exception to the section titled The difference between love, infatuation and lust). I gratefully give full credit to my friends Wales Madden, Mandla Hlazo, Joseph Namwanja, Dabwitso Daka, Sabrina Sardo, Milambo Sibale and especially Chibesa Katongo for inspiring me to do this. I would also like to thank Psymon L'Amour for lending me his ideas for my introduction and also the concept of animals. I would also like to thank my family for always being there for me through my trials and tribulations. This work is dedicated to all women. And to you I express my deepest admiration and gratitude for your tremendous contribution to humankind. And lastly, thank you God for 22 years of growth, failure & success, triumph & torment, hardships and friendships, lessons & blessings. Thank you for the gift of life.

Copyright 2011 Nicholas Decaprivano. All rights reserved worldwide 49

CARTA AMOROSA

50