Social Success Requires You Be Social

By: Frankie Bismarck (/user/29559)

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Can you learn to be social, alone in a room, on your computer or phone? Not really – you must get out into the world and socialize.
A man is not defined by his job, car(s), trophy wife (or wives), luck in the gene c lo ery (good looks), muscles, house(s), other
expensive toys (airplane(s), yacht(s)) or cashflow. He can have all those things, and s ll be considered a ruffian. Rough around
the edges. People may s ll generally avoid him outside of what he can provide for them in terms of access to the various
resources he commands.
What’s the missing ingredient? What is the feature which one finds to be ubiquitous among people who belong to the old
landed aristocracy – the nobility – in Europe, and its American counterpart – “older” money (descendants of the industrial
barons of the Gilded Age) and those belonging to the first families to set foot in today’s United States?
This will be the subject of today’s ar cle. I will endeavor to guide you through what I consider to be the single most important
tool you can possess to achieve personal sa sfac on in life.

A Certain Je Ne Sais Quoi

A clue to what I’m ge ng at can be gleaned in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s autobiography, where he talks about his first
interac ons with the Kennedys. He explains that when he met Jackie, she seemed to have done research about him
beforehand, and accordingly could ask him meaningful ques ons which made him feel welcome and accepted.
 A young Schwarzenegger with his future wife, Maria Shriver, nice of Jacqueline Kennedy.
Schwarzenegger went on to model himself on Jackie and her ilk in his ver ginous social ascent. A South-African bodybuilding
champion and former Mr. Universe had begun this process in him some me before by teaching him how to properly eat and
converse at table.

The Coming of the Machines: Our Social Twilight?

There is a phenomenon which is characteris c of our me. This is the increasing lack of socializa on which we see in the
younger genera ons. The phenomenon is aided by the extraordinary technological advancements which we are witnessing
during our life mes (personal computers, internet, smartphones).
While these extensions to our brains enhance their produc ve poten al, their unhinged use comes at the cost of our
sociability. An example of the less salient side of unfe ered use of these technological triumphs is the rise of social media,
which is itself a consequence of the growing slice of our me we spend online versus in the real world.
Think about it: why do girls think they need to “check your Instagram” to “judge if you’re not a creep”? It is as if a man cannot
be social without having to publish his goings-on in a sort of voyeuris c way for the en re cybersphere’s delecta on. What
happened to simply going on what you feel in real me, on making an assessment based on what you see for yourself when
you meet the person?
It is as if there is less inter-human trust.

We Are Social
Social media doesn’t help socialize you – quite the opposite in fact, it heightens your narcissis c tendencies – it doesn’t teach
you how to socialize. And if you’re not socialized, you will never feel truly fulfilled.
 There’s li le that’s “social” about it.
Human beings are ins nc vely social creatures.
The more me you spend by yourself, enjoying only superficial rela onships with others, the more anxious you will feel. This
anxiety will eventually morph into a general a tude of fear towards life and where you are headed: musings and rumina ons
which taken to their extreme lead to depressive states.

Feeling Accepted by Others and Making Others Feel Accepted

Who are you? What defines who you are?
I’d say your daily internal cha er – what you tell yourself – defines who you are in the world.
At bo om, being socialized is learning how to make others feel accepted, which in turn helps others make you feel accepted,
in a sort of give-and-take exchange. Social anxiety (nega ve internal cha er in social se ngs) stops you going outside yourself,
which you need to do in order to empathize with others, so that you can connect with them in this way.
And your internal cha er suffers the more feelings of loneliness you experience and the less you connect with others.

Social Isolation and Rejection: A Bit About My Past

What if you’ve been rejected by others in the past? These experiences can be trauma zing.
When I was fourteen my family moved to a new country and I was placed in a new high school just when I was beginning to be
accepted – invited to par es, their houses, and to go on social ou ngs – by the popular guys, who I used to play soccer with
during recess, in my previous high school. I had made out with a pre y hot girl from our year.
S ll, I was addicted to Warcra 3: Reign of Chaos for about six months, and because I lived far away from most of my
classmates’ houses, and my mum didn’t give me li s to their par es, and I couldn’t be bothered to try to find transport to and
from them, and I had my older brother at home who I was and am really good friends with, I didn’t go to too many par es,
and could afford the luxury of not being too socially assiduous.
 It's hard to party when you're busy reigning chaos.
When we moved to the new country and school, my father was under a lot of professional stress, and there was a permanent
bad vibe at home. The popular guys in the new school invited me to hang with them a er school, but I asked my mum for
permission, and she said she had to talk to their mothers first, so I gave up, giving them a flimsy excuse.
Then I was arrogant with my classmates, leading them to socially reject me.
For a while I was a bit of a loner there. While I had my brother at home it was fine. When he le , I had my first experience of
what you might call depression. Eventually I made some friends, but by then I had to leave the country to go back home. I
missed my colleagues back home but when I came back, I was a stranger.
Consequently, I only became socially ac ve in my second year of university, a er spending the first year working to pay for
school fees and having li le me to socialize as well.
That was the first me I risked providing value to cool guys I met and saw that effort paid back in droves being invited to epic
house par es. I created a huge social circle. I’ve lost touch with most of these people since then as they were almost all
foreign exchange students, who I had a greater natural affinity with due to country-hopping a lot during my childhood.
Regardless, I look back fondly on those mes. I realized that having Facebook friends didn’t mean anything, but I enjoyed
hanging with people from all walks of life, and lots of different countries, in various social gatherings (par es, soccer matches,
dinners, etc.).
Most importantly, I felt accepted, loved and validated.
As a result, I was constantly mee ng new people in a very natural, fluid way, because I had a comfortable, normal and en tled
as opposed to a needy, self-conscious, and defensive vibe. This gave me an overall be er state and outcome independence.

Breaking Social Isolation

Building posi ve social momentum (//www.girlschase.com/content/how-ramp-social-momentum-and-meet-loads-girls) is the
secret to breaking out of your shell and ge ng into a good groove with regards to mee ng new people and prac cing
socializing.
You can do that by snooping around in your Facebook page for ac vi es happening in your area, such as:
Poetry reading/live music jam sessions
Art gallery exhibi ons
Dancing classes
Short courses

In these situa ons, you are already socially proofed (//www.girlschase.com/content/how-use-social-proof-get-girls). If you
play an instrument, you can go jam in a venue close to where you live. People will accept you there and feel grateful for you
having provided value to them. The same applies to wri ng some amateur poetry (or even prose!) and reading it during an
open mic night at a poetry reading session.
It is indescribably beneficial to share of yourself in that way with total strangers and feeling them respond posi vely to your
opening up. It’s like a release, a huge weight being li ed from your shoulders. Because we want to feel that others have similar
experiences/thoughts to ours: this is what socializing is all about.
Whether you’re playing an instrument, singing, reading a poem, or doing some stand-up comedy: these are expressions of
your inner being in universal languages which others can understand and connect with.
And guess what? Girls are usually at these things. Some mes even hot or very hot girls. And you have an excuse to talk to
them, situa onally (//www.girlschase.com/content/how-use-situa onally-relevant-openers-women), socially.

It's actually a relief to socialize. And you may even meet a hot girl or two doing it.
As for short courses, these should ideally be geared towards things you’re passionate about. Because it gives you pleasure to
study those things in greater depth, and here you have the added bonus of having other people to interact with about those
things, and eventually invite them socially to:
Play sports
Go to the cinema
Go out/have a meal outside of classes
You can also start cha ng with guys you see regularly at the gym and do the same: invite them to do the above with you
outside of workout sessions.

Don’t Be Alone A Lot

If you have a job which requires you to spend me concentrated on your laptop, find places where you can work where there
are other people around. Avoid staying in your apartment by yourself working without interac ng with anyone all day.
There are usually moments when you can chat to strangers, be it at your:
Local gym
Co-work space
Supermarket/grocer
Pharmacy
Hospital
Public transporta on

Try to provide value in these exchanges. You can do this by pu ng yourself in your interlocutor’s shoes. Trying to experience
his or her point of view.
Smile.

Stop Relying on Your Parents/Family for Socializing

Your parents brought you into this world and raised you from babe through adolescence to adulthood. It is impera ve that you
have a posi ve rela onship with them, where you accept them by being grateful for the good they gave you while
understanding that, as humans, they aren’t perfect, and so that naturally the good had to come with some bad.
And so, while I don’t condone raising your voice, or in any way disrespec ng, your parents, I also don’t suggest you let them
walk all over you and a empt to control or direct the course of your life, especially if you’re already in your mid-to-late
20s/early 30s.
You should love and look a er them where possible but also reach closure and be fully self-reliant in your life. You should not
rely on your parents for socializing as this will maintain their hold over you. You will never learn how to be any different from
them in areas where they may be lacking if all you have are them as role models for people their age.
A er a certain point, you should see your parents on your terms and mostly to give them company, affec on, and
apprecia on, without expec ng anything in return and without le ng them influence your:
Behavior
State
Mood
Career choices (unless you specifically ask them for advice)

You shouldn’t feel “obliged” to be with your parents because it’s Christmas or Easter or Thanksgiving or whatever.
Once you become an adult, you are the captain of your own household.
If you s ck to your parents or siblings for socializing you will never truly develop into a fully autonomous adult man. This
means being able to adapt to any city or country, be it in terms of:
Crea ng or joining social circles
Mee ng beau ful women
Ge ng laid
Finding gainful employment

Conclusion
In this ar cle, we saw that socializing is beneficial, as it makes you more comfortable around people and so allows you to feel
accepted by them while you accept others. This helps improve what you tell yourself every day, which defines who you are in
the long run.
Addi onally, socializing helps you by allowing you to expand your social circle or join other circles. By doing this you can make
new friends, boys or girls, and eventually meet single girls. At this point, having become less needy from socializing more
o en, you’ll be more natural or at ease when interac ng with these single girls.

The more social you are, the more social you'll be with women.
If you aren’t already proficient, you’ll want to learn how to seduce girls regardless. But prac cing socializing will give you
posi ve social momentum and eventually allow you to build social grace (//www.girlschase.com/content/are-social-grace-
savvy-and-empathy-unmanly), the province of the elite. This will make you hugely sought-a er and give you immense personal
sa sfac on in life.

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 Frankie Bismarck

Author
Frankie is a guy who went from socially-awkward high school virgin to popular college man a er hi ng the gym and befriending the foreign exchange
students who threw the best par es. Later, he found a niche in the tourism industry, becoming a guide and cashing in on horny tourist girls.

//www.skilledseducer.com/members/bismarck.6241/)
mailto:frankie@girlschase.com)

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