Loving the Tests

By: Chase Amante (/users/chase-amante)

(/users/chase-amante)  2 Likes  0 Comments

11

Women will throw all kinds of tests your way. On dates and in rela onships, the tests don't stop. That can grate you… or you can learn to love it.
Whether you're approaching a woman for the first ever me, or you're dealing with her in your long-term rela onship, she's
going to test you (//www.girlschase.com/content/when-women-test-men).
These tests never go away. Not permanently.
You can get a woman to a point in a pickup where she is more or less fully on board with you and the tests subside to a light
flirta ous murmur... so long as you maintain the vibe, the forward progress, and don't make big mistakes.
You can get a woman to a point in a rela onship where she has fallen back in-love with you again a er a me not being so,
where the adversity in the rela onship has quelled, and she's staring at you with dreamy eyes again... for a while.
Tests always return, though.
Some mes they sneak back in in li le ways, dancing around the fringes.
The girl you're picking up pushes back gently and playfully when you invite her home: "Oh, we're leaving so soon?"
The girl you've been da ng for 6 months who's mostly pre y happy with you puts your feet to a gentle fire: "Where do
you want this rela onship to go?"
Some mes the tests come roaring in in earth-sha ering ways. She tells you there's no way she'd go with you, or that the
rela onship is done.
The first me most guys realize this, it feels like a colossal burden.
"The tests never end!"
Yet so much of life is how you frame it. This is true with tests as it is with anything.
Tests can be an endless burden, yes. Or they can be a thing you appreciate, or even love.

The Function of Women's Tests

Women test men to get honest answers from men:

How strong a man are you... really?

Are youreally that confident in yourself?
How much do you actually care about her?

Do you seriously have op ons with other women?

Can you reel her back in if she dri s away?

What will you do when she tests you?

Women want to know these things, because these things are a direct indicator of your quality.
Courtship rituals in many species are filled with decep on:
Male birds use flamboyant feathers to try to make themselves appear larger and more prominent than compe tors
Male lizards use frills, teeth, and colored necks to make themselves seem fiercer and stronger than other males
Male iguanas some mes mimic female iguana mannerisms to lower the females' guards and draw near, at which point
they mount them and forcibly copulate with the females
Younger males of many species a empt to make themselves seem like older males of the same species to improve their
ma ng odds
In humans, we (and by 'we', I mean both sexes here) employ arguably more decep on than any other species.
Just look at some of the ways men deceive (inten onally or not) women during courtship rituals:
Some men chase women hard and shower them with fla ery, gi s, or other professions of love, only for that to dry up
and blow away once the guy actually gets the girl
Some men brag about their huge penises or sexual prowess, only to give a woman a quick and pleasure-free pump-and-
dump before moving on
Some men act cool and confident when women first meet them, despite being deeply needy, insecure, jealous lovers
Some men try to come across much wealthier than they are, with things like leased sports cars or credit card VIP tables,
despite having only modest earning poten al (or even being in debt)
Some men act like really good, loyal friends to women all while trying to sneak their ways into a rela onship ("Once she
realizes how perfect I am for her, she'll date me! I just need enough me around her without scaring her off first")
Most men put on false fronts of confidence about all manner of things they aren't genuinely that confident about
In evolu onary psychology, there's a theory that species evolve over me to preference honest signals over dishonest ones
(h ps://www.ny mes.com/1985/02/19/science/guile-and-decep on-the-evolu on-of-animal-courtship.html).
i.e., if the banded-tail horny lizard starts off wooing females by pretending to offer a meal of fly guts, only for those meals half
the me to be piles of dirt the male merely tricked the female into accep ng, over the course of several genera ons females
will evolve to scru nize males' offerings and make sure they really are genuine fly gut feasts before they agree to mate.
Among humans, we have such complex and rapidly changing social behavior it's impossible to force upfront honesty in ma ng
signals the way female animals due in most males' courtship behavior.
So, female humans have a special one-size-fits-all tool they use to figure out whether the signals a man is sending them are
honest or dishonest:
They test him.
Environment Determines Testing... to an Extent
In many species, the female will test the male right up to the point of copula on.
If the male screws up at some point before the copula on, there's a high chance he'll miss out on ma ng with the female, and
she'll run to another male who won't make those mistakes.
Then, a er copula on, the male and female part; the male to seduce more females, and the female to lay eggs or (if it's a
promiscuous species) to evaluate more males.
In some species, like chimpanzees (h ps://sciencing.com/chimpanzee-ma ng-habits-6703991.html), the females will con nue
to mate with the same male, but also mate with almost any other available male as well. Males must con nually mate-guard
females and scare off compe tor males to maintain control over their females.
Think of this as a test. If the male can't keep a handle on his females, some other males' sperm gets the shot at their eggs.
Then there are the monogamous species. About 3% of mammals are monogamous, such as wolves and prairie voles, as well as
some non-mammals, like the Australian sleepy lizard, Tiliqua rugosa. While these monogamous unions rarely break up, and
typically feature lots of signs of affec on (especially among the mammals), infidelity (h ps://www.quora.com/Why-do-wolves-
prac ce-serial-monogamy?share=1) does (h ps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prairie_vole#Reproduc on) occur
(h ps://doi.org/10.1007/s002650050515).
Humans are somewhere between chimps' freewheeling promiscuity and the monogamous species' "mostly monogamous"
behavior.

Humans aren't chimps. But they aren't prairie voles either.

Where on the ma ng spectrum a given human falls seems to depend a great deal on the environment he's in and the stage of
life he's at.
For example:
A young man or woman in a safe, wealthy society with many freedoms and enough sexually available partners is going to
tend to play things more promiscuous for a while
A young person in an impoverished society with restric ons and fewer available partners will tend to commit sooner and
play the field less or at all
An older individual is going to tend to stay more commi ed to his rela onship, unless his environment is par cularly invi ng to promiscuity

On that last, when I first moved to San Diego, I no ced how common the pa ern was for monogamous couples (even older
ones) to move to town, then break up. Both partners would then start da ng in earnest. Swinging is also a big thing among
older married couples in Southern California.
The wealth, easy lifestyle, and abundance of good-looking and sexually available partners makes long-term total monogamy a
much tougher sell in that environment. Whereas in other environments with less wealth, harder lifestyles, and/or fewer
available partners, people will tend to be more commi ed.
I tell you all this to paint a picture for you: commitment levels vary depending on the environment an individual is in.

The More Options, the More Testing

Where's a girl going to test you harder and more?
A. When she lives in a city brimming with a rac ve, successful, available men or
B. When she lives in a small town with few men, not all that a rac ve

Tes ng has a cost: it is the cost that your partner or poten al partner might get sick of it and leave you.
Therefore, a woman tests only enough to ensure she's got the right guy, compared to her op ons. But not so much she loses
him.
If she meets you and you're the most a rac ve guy she's met all year by far (we're talking overall fundamentals here
(//www.girlschase.com/content/how-many-a rac on-factors-are-there-infinite), not just looks, though use 'em if you've got
'em), she's not going to want to blow it with you by tes ng you hard.
However, if you're about as a rac ve as the last five guys who hit on her, she can afford to throw some tests your way and see
how you do.
If you're less a rac ve than the sorts of guys she normally deals with, well, then she is going to test you even harder,
assuming you can get her to consider you as a poten al mate.

Individual + Environment Testing Considerations

Tes ng levels even within the same environment vary depending on the sexual market value of the individual.
You could move to Big Party City but date an old, ugly, fat woman and be reasonably assured that, so long as she remains
conscious of how much higher value you are than her, she'll keep her tests to a minimum.
Date the ho est socialite girl in Big Party City though and you are virtually guaranteed an unlimited barrage of tests no ma er
how a rac ve a partner you are.
On the other hand, take that hot girl socialite and convince her to move out to Middle-of-Nowhere, USA, and plunk her down
on a farm somewhere, and once she se les into it enough and has lost contact with her old friends in the big city over me
(people dri apart from friends they can't see anymore and who are living different lifestyles from them) and longing to go
back so much, she is going to dial her tests way down on you, too.
Of course, there's just one wrinkle to this.
The wrinkle of acclima on.
Why Girls Who Liked You Start Testing Again
Let's say you date that ugly fat girl.
At first she's going to be ecsta c. She'll feel like she pulled off the coup of the century.
Yet over me, she'll get used to you. She'll acclimate.
Then, she will start to view the two of you on the same level. A er all, you're in this commi ed rela onship together: she is
with you, and you are with her. So the two of you must be about the same.
Since she'll know she's not a super hot girl, that means she'll need to pull your value down to her level. A er all, if you weren't
on her level, why would you be da ng her?
Once she views you as more or less on her level, she will then start to test you to see if you will do things she wants, or show
signs of weakness.
Let's look at the other scenario though.
Let's say you're da ng the ho est, most in-demand girl in town.
Let's also say you're not the ho est, most in-demand guy in town. Let's say you're overall a pre y good package, but you
were honestly punching a li le out of your weight class when you got this girl. You got her in large part because your game is
so good (//www.girlschase.com/content/do-you-really-need-learn-game-get-girls), less so because you really are totally in her
league.
In me, she is going to equate your value together. If you are the 'lower value' one, she is going to start to view herself as
lower value too, at about the level she views you as being at, and may start to ques on whether you're dragging her value
down.
This is when the tests really start.
 Not this all over again!
The case study I shared last me (//www.girlschase.com/rela onship-demands) was an example of a girl where all her peers
have higher social value boyfriends and husbands (in terms of these guys' wealth).
Over me, she started to feel like I was dragging her down. So she started tes ng me.
Of course, was I actually dragging her down?
That's where the tes ng comes in.
Because when a woman tests you, that is her way to get honest signals from you, and try to find out how valuable and
desirable a man you really are.
Either way, whether a woman mentally pulls your value down to the level she views herself as at, or she mentally pulls
her own value down the level she views you being at, once someone's value starts coming down she begins to test.
In a courtship scenario, imagine it like this:
1. You've spoken to a woman for an hour, and she's totally absorbed in the conversa on. She's ge ng turned on, her arousal
is spiking, and things are looking great
2. Suddenly, the spell breaks (//www.girlschase.com/content/spell-broken-big-mistakes-shred-conversa on). She "comes up

for air." Then she takes a look at your social value (//www.girlschase.com/content/social-value-and-value-imbalances)
and decides it's not on par with hers
3. OR she feels like you came across much higher social value than her, but due to associa on she's now pulled your value

down to her level. Now she is ques oning why she thought you were so good when in fact you're obviously at her level
(or else why would you be cour ng her?)
 4. Either
way, this new awareness of your value not being as high as hers, or her value being the same as yours when she
previously thought yours was higher, triggers a reac on. That reac on is that she starts to test (this reassessment --> test
process is one form of female state control (//www.girlschase.com/content/female-state-control-fsc-theore cal-
causes-and-effects))
She starts to doubt your value.
So, to get an honest assessment of it, she turns to tests.

Learning to Love Tests

I used to hate tests.
I found them a burden, like a lot of guys new to the space do.
I see a lot of complaints from guys about how exhaus ng it is to know that it is never really over with a woman.
You can never just reach that place where she is done tes ng you, permanently.
You can make the tes ng subside temporarily... for a while. However at some point it'll come back. It always comes back.
What I realized with me is every me a woman tests you, she is teaching and hardening you.
If all you want is comfort, then yes, this is probably an inconvenience.
Once you shi out of that "I just want to be nice and cozy and comfortable" mentality though, and embrace a warrior mindset,
tests stop bothering you.
Sure, they are annoying to deal with in the moment. "Crap, I'd be er deal with this or I'll lose the lay," "Oh man, I thought we'd
se led this rela onship issue. Why am I hearing about this again?"
Yet every single test you field either points to:
A mistake you've made
An oversight of yours
Or something you've done consciously or unconsciously to trigger tes ng in her (so she will test you and find you
strong/desirable)
Some mes I will do slightly outrageous things to trigger tests in women.
(also, some mes I will make slightly outrageous posts to trigger tests in our audience. When you test a reader's percep ons,
then pass the test, he comes away with more faith in you than before the test)
You just have to be careful not to overdo this, as tests take energy from the person doing the tes ng as well as the one who's
tested.
I love tests because I know the end result of the test will be greater faith in me.
If you know how to pass tests, every test you face is a way to get the other party more a racted, commi ed, and absorbed.
Once you're good, you will deliberately trigger tests yourself.
I tease girls (//www.girlschase.com/content/teasing-girl-right-way) and chase frame (//www.girlschase.com/content/secrets-
ge ng-girls-chase-framing) them because I want them to test me. She knows when you're bus ng on her or framing her as
the chaser. Either she is going to accept that frame, which establishes you as the prize (//www.girlschase.com/content/i-am-
prize-how-really-get-mindset-women), or she is going to test you, at which point you can pass the test and ratchet up her
a rac on and trust.
Unexpected tests can suck, especially in a pickup, and especially if they are hard tests you don't handle well. But so long as you
con nue to view yourself as a student and not as an all-knowing master, they con nue to be welcome, as tools for you to
learn.
Women, as you'll recall, are among the greatest teachers you will ever have (//www.girlschase.com/content/girls-are-some-
your-greatest-teachers).
Women will teach you how to seduce them, if you listen.
If you completely screw up a test and lose the girl, she's just shown you a weak point in your game that you can patch up to
get more girls like her.
If you don't totally screw up the test, and don't lose the girl, you can use the test to either get her more interested in and
commi ed to you (if you handle the test well) or to learn about what it'll take to get her (if you don't handle that par cular
test well).

Tests Can Tell You You're on the Right Track

Imagine you wanted to try out a new technique with a girl.
Maybe it's deep diving (//www.girlschase.com/content/secrets-ge ng-girls-art-deep-dive). Or could be it's sex talk
(//www.girlschase.com/content/how-use-sex-talk-set-sexual-tone-and-mood).
Now let's say you go up to this girl and start using this new technique.
She listens politely and makes a few polite comments and perhaps even seems interested.
Then a er 10 or so minutes she smiles and says she needs to get going.
Did the technique flop? Did you do it wrong? Does it not work for your style? Was this just some girl who wasn't into you from
the start?
There's really no good way to know.
On the other hand, let's say you start using the technique and she pushes back a bit.
"I don't know if I should tell you that," she says. Or "Does this really work with girls?"
That stuff sounds bad at first and it's not what you want to hear once it's going right. But if you're ge ng this early on it's a
sign she recognizes you're using a technique and she feels it star ng to work enough that she opts to push back on it.
 She might look smug or diffident and it might sound like she's shoo ng you down. But tests aren't rejec ons; they're chances to rope her in further.
As you get be er with transi oning into the technique and smoother in the way you use it, these objec ons will mostly
disappear and girls will get sucked very into it.
You might s ll get them with par cularly resistant women. Even then though it is o en a sign it's working. I've had girls tell me
they didn't think they should tell me something in a deep dive, at which point I start naviga ng around it ("Why is that? What
are you afraid I'll think or do if you tell me?") and posi oning her as nervous about me. Which is effec ve in its own right.
If you present yourself as very confident and a woman says, "I don't know where all your confidence comes from," again, that's
a sign you are probably not being as smooth as you should be, but are on the right track. It might sound like a ding -- but it
isn't (I've had women say exactly this to me, then go to bed with me later).
If she's curious enough to push back, she's curious enough you should be able to make it work (if you know what you're
doing).
The girls you really must dread are the ones who nod politely, smile and listen, engage a li le bit but not that deeply, and
never test, never push back, and then excuse themselves to leave in boredom.

Women = Tests
This is a good formula to remember.
Women test. It is just what they do.
Tes ng is female mate evalua on behavior.
Humans aren't perfectly monogamous creatures. People date mul ple partners, they cheat, break up, divorce, and date new
people.
The girl you're with might be more restrained than others. Maybe she's the sort who wouldn't ordinarily cheat or date mul ple
people, for instance. Yet she is in the same environment and under the same pressures as every other woman.
She rounds your value down to hers, or hers down to yours, just the same, and starts to think the grass is greener on the other
side, just the same.
Women reassure themselves that you actually are as good as they hoped through tes ng.
They won't just take your word for it. People lie and exaggerate all the me. You may do so without even realizing it
(unconsciously). You present yourself as more confident than you are, nicer than you are, more enamored with her than you
are, etc.
Tes ng is like feeling a guy's muscles or poking at his belly fat, but for the brain.
She may not be able to her finger ps to 'feel' your mental strength, self-confidence, or belief in your own sexual market value.
But she can use tests to bring out an honest display from you.
Tes ng is women's way to "keep you honest."
If you are genuinely interested in being a strong, a rac ve, capable man, then it's a net benefit to your life.

Tests can aggravate. But they make you be er, too.

Yes, it's occasionally aggrava ng when you get hit with the bigger unexpected tests.
Yet overall, women's tests will force you into remaining the most effec ve version of yourself.
That, for any man, is a highly useful tool.
(that said, there is definitely a point where the tes ng is simply too much to make it worthwhile with some women. Perhaps I'll
do a follow-up on how to determine whether a woman's level of tes ng is acceptable to you vs. whether it's not acceptable
and you're be er off bailing and finding a more manageable gal... whether for the pickup that night, a casual FWB, or your
rela onship long-term)
Chase
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Chase Amante

Author

Chase woke up one day in 2004 red of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and
talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out da ng. A er four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way),
he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System
(//www.girlschase.com/bio/onedate).

 (//www.girlschase.com/)
(mailto:info@girlschase.com)

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