What to Do When a Girl Pulls Away (and Seems to Lose Interest)

By: Chase Amante (/users/chase-amante)

(/users/chase-amante)

1
Whether she's someone you're da ng or just one you're talking to, you can go a li le crazy
when a girl pulls away.
In this guide I'll show you exactly how to deal with this situa on, including:
How to understand why she pulls away
Ways to troubleshoot the root cause
A method to halt her pulling away
Steps to keep her around a long, long me
Let's begin.

When a girl pulls away, your first ins nct will be

to chase. Yet chasing only digs the hole deeper.

Contents
Instead, stop her pulling away – then fix it.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Why Did She Pull Away? Stop Her Pulling Away Fix Her Pulling Away

Why Did This Girl Pull Away?

Much of the me a woman starts to pull away from you, you may not know why.
If you knew why, you could've avoided her pulling away in the first place, right?
In fact, there are just a handful of consistent, common reasons women pull away from guys they like.
Once you know what these reasons are, you're well on your way to correc ng a girl's pull back.

Reasons Women Pull Back

There are a handful of reasons women pull back from men they like.
To understand them, we'll use the VAC system (value-a ainability-compliance).
(you can also use the SAC model from my One Date System (//www.girlschase.com/onedate). However that is tailored to
women you aren't yet da ng. This guide deals with both women you'd like to date and women you're already together with)
When a woman pulls away from you, it is because of one of three things:
1. She feels like your value (//www.girlschase.com/content/book-excerpts-value-and-a rac on-and-using-it-girls) has
dropped and you're not worth her me
2. She feels like your a ainability (//www.girlschase.com/content/book-excerpts-being-a ainable-women) has dropped

and she can't have what she wants with you

3. She feels non-compliant (//www.girlschase.com/content/how-get-her-say-yes) with you, and that's caused her to feel

una ached to you

There's also a fourth possible reason:
That she has things going on in her life that have drained or depressed her.
And these draining, depressive things have caused her to withdraw from her rela onships.
 Resources:

Why Women Pull Away. 4 Reasons Why and How to Keep the A rac on! (h ps://www.apolloniapon .com/why-women-
pull-away-4-reasons-why-and-how-to-keep-the-a rac on/): a good list of value-based reasons women pull away
4 Reasons Women Pull Away (And How To Keep Them HOOKED (h ps://www.yourtango.com/experts/kate-spring/why-
women-pull-away-and-how-keep-them-hooked): a review of mostly a ainability-based reasons women pull away
Depression Traps: Social Withdrawal, Rumina on, and More (h ps://www.webmd.com/depression/features/depression-
traps-and-pi alls): her pulling away won't always be because of you. Social withdraw is a #1 sign of depression, too

Asking Her (If You Can't Figure It Out)

You won't always know right away why a woman pulls away.
However, there's a simple thing you can do to deduce the reason: ask!
The challenge is in how you frame the ask.
A lot of the me when women start to pull away, men begin to chase.
You do not want to do this. We'll talk about why in Chapter 3.
When you ask her why she's pulling away from you, you need to do so in a non-chasey way.
Like this for a girl you're not da ng yet:

“ Hey, I noticed you've been kind of cool with me lately. What's going on with that? I really mean it, I'm not just asking.

Or this for a girl you are da ng:

“ I need to know what's going on with you. You've got to tell me. I know you're upset about something but I don't know
what.
 She might be annoyed with you. But she s ll has ears and she hasn't totally wri en you off altogether yet.
How she responds will tell you a lot, even if she doesn't directly answer (at first):
If she's confident and dismissive (confident, chipper voice: “I'm fine! I don't know what you mean”), either you have a
value problem or she's so deep in auto-rejec on (//www.girlschase.com/content/secrets-ge ng-girls-staying-out-auto-
rejec on) she's trea ng you like you have a value problem
If she's angry or rude (angry, bi er voice: “Like you actually care”) it's a ainability
If she's indifferent but busy (neutral voice: “Sorry, I've just been busy”) it's likely compliance (possibly mixed with value or
a ainability)
If she's depressive ( red, beaten-down voice: “[sigh] I'm fine. I just haven't had a lot of me lately”) it's likely depression
or another mood disorder
If she doesn't spell it out for you at first, don't worry.
O en mes once you've asked, if she didn't immediately answer, she will circle back later and tell you what the issue is.
And if she doesn't?
Ask again.
Want to know how to get her to stop in her tracks and not pull away?
Then keep reading...

Stop Her Pulling Away

The real aim is to fix a girl pulling away from you, of course, so it stops happening.
The ul mate goal is to get the girl back (//www.girlschase.com/content/ul mate-guide-how-get-girl-back).
Nevertheless, before you can fix her pulling away, first you must stop her from pulling away.
In this chapter I'll give you a simple strategy you can use to stop a girl who's pulling away.
This will give you some much needed breathing room with which to right the ship.

Getting Time to Breathe

You need me to breathe with a woman who's pulling away.
You also need to disrupt her pull-away and put her into a more recep ve head space.
The way you'll do this is with a pa ern interrupt.
A pa ern interrupt is something you do that is unexpected.
So unexpected the gears in the other person's brain grind to a halt and she stops and says, "Huh?"
What sort of pa ern interrupts can you use?
One I like for women who pull away once I'm already da ng them is the blatant dismissal.
When a woman pulls away, she does so without sta ng what she is doing.
Typically she is not even fully conscious of what she's doing.
If you one-up her and call her pull-away out in plain language, she will o en freeze in her tracks to evaluate what's going on.
 She's not ready for you to push her away... and so, it interrupts her pa ern.
That looks like this:

“ Her: ... [some pull-away behavior]

You: Eh, go ahead. Keep pulling away. Might as well take this whole relationship and throw it in the trash.

This works best with women you're already in a rela onship with.
Women you're already in a rela onship with are invested enough they aren't ready to throw it all away at once (and instead,
the pull back is a gradual process -- and they weren't finished yet).
By jumping the gun, you rush their decision, which interrupts the pa ern.
Here's one you can use with women you're da ng and women you aren't:
The last gasp proposal.
 Before you give up, propose one last thing.
You'll call the pull away out here too... yet rather than dismiss the rela onship, you'll propose one last hurrah. One final par ng
shot (//www.girlschase.com/content/par ng-shot).
Like so:

“ Her: ... [some pull-away behavior]

You: Well, I know you're pulling away. But I've got one last thing to do with you before you go. Come on.

Then lead her into some suitable ac vity for where she's at.
For instance, a long-term girlfriend you will probably be able to get to take a 'last gasp' day trip with you to some interes ng
locale.
Then plan to do the next steps in this guide with her there.
But a girl you've talked to for 45 minutes in a bar who's pulling away may not even move 10 feet with you if she's sufficiently
far gone.
So instead of propose a move with her, you'll play a li le game with her, like the 3 favorite animals game
(h ps://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/three-favorite-animals-game-2010.46/).

Resources on pattern interrupts:

What Is A Pa ern Interrupt? (h ps://www.salespreneurship.com/what-is-a-pa ern-interrupt/): a great overview of 2 types of

pa ern interrupts and why they work.
The NLP Pa ern Interrupt Explained (h ps://www.johnmclauchlan.com/nlp-pa ern-interrupt-explained-drama c-results-
business/): a former police officer details using pa ern interrupts to get accurate informa on in decep ve situa ons (much
like what you'll be dealing with with an unhappy woman!).

A Reprieve, Not a Solution

When you use the correct pa ern interrupt, you'll pause a girl from pulling away.
However, this pause is temporary.
It only gives you some space to think.
It opens the woman's mind up to discussion and sugges on, but only for a me.
A er a certain window of me, the breathing room your pa ern interrupt created will close again, and she'll become a lot
more resistant to future pa ern interrupts.

Once that window closes, you'll have a hard me ge ng it open for another interrupt.
When you use this to buy me, you need to make sure you use that me to fix her pulling away.
What can you do to fix it?
Read on...

How to Fix Her Pulling Away

Now that you've go en some breathing room with her, it's me to fix her pulling away.
It's me to pull her back, and get her fully back aboard the 'you train'.
In this sec on, you'll receive the exact steps to follow to fix any 'girl is pulling away' situa on.
Follow them, and you stand an excellent chance to make her yours again (and keep her).

Don't Chase
Humans are all wired with the same basic psychology:
When something we want (be that a colorful ball or a desirable mate) starts to roll away, we reach out to grab it back.
If it keeps drawing away, we get up and start to chase it.
It's unconscious, unthinking, and more or less automa c.
Yet when it's a person you're chasing, and she sees you're chasing, what does that make her do?
It makes her pull away faster and more.
You chase, she runs. You chase harder, she runs faster.
 She runs, and you chase. You chase, and she runs.
Resist the urge to chase women.
Instead, use the pa ern interrupt we talked about in the last sec on to freeze a woman who's pulling away in her tracks
so you can deal with her on even terms.
To learn more about chasing and its alterna ves, check out these guides...
Keeping Your Cool: Don't Chase Women (//www.girlschase.com/content/keeping-your-cool-dont-chase-women)
Why Chasing Women Doesn't Work and Why Persistence Does (//www.girlschase.com/content/why-chasing-women-
doesn%E2%80%99t-work-and-why-persistence-does)
How Long Do Women Pull Away For? Days? Months? Answer Revealed! (h ps://www.developa rac on.com/how-long-
women-pull-away-for/)

Address the Root Cause

Remember earlier when we discussed the reasons women pull away and how to ask why she's pulling away if you're unsure?
Here's where you put that informa on to use.
For instance, if your problem is a value problem, you need to focus on showing her you are more valuable than she realized.
Or if your issue is an a ainability problem, you need to show her you're a lot more within reach to her than she thought.
Check out the resources below for guides on fixing each of the different causes for girls to pull away.
Use this guide (//www.girlschase.com/content/pickup-catch-22-ambiguous-value) to fix value problems with a girl you're
cour ng. Use this guide (//www.girlschase.com/content/why-rela onships-fall-apart-part-2-long-term-value-unclear) for value
problems in an ongoing roman c rela onship.
See this guide for a ainability problems (//www.girlschase.com/content/a ainability-woes-or-why-girls-who-you-reject-you).
Or refer to this guide for help with a non-compliant woman (//www.girlschase.com/content/what-if-she-says-no).
Make Permanent Tweaks
If you don't want to deal with this same girl pulling away again 3 weeks or 3 months from now, you must fix whatever caused
her to pull away the first me.
For example, if your girlfriend pulls away because she does not feel cherished enough by you, you need to figure out her love
language (//www.girlschase.com/content/your-girlfriends-love-language-might-be-different-yours).
Then, once you know it, make it a habit to rou nely express affec on to her in the way she understands.
It might be different than you, which is why she felt you didn't cherish her even if you do, and why you'll need to form a
conscious habit of doing this thing she values every so o en.
Or if your wife pulls away because she starts to doubt your value, and you realize she liked you more when you were younger
and fi er, get back to exercise again.
Your body will thank you as well as your wife.

During a courtship, if you fix a reason a girl was pulling away, make a mental note not to do what you did that caused it again...
or not to forget what you didn't do that caused it.
e.g., if you quit teasing her (//www.girlschase.com/content/teasing-girl-right-way) and she started to pull away because she
needs more arousal, start teasing her again... and don't let up un l she's fallen into bed with you and you're too busy doing
physical things to tease.
By making permanent tweaks, you 'lock in' the fix, and make it so she won't pull away again.

Give It a Little Time

It takes me for a woman to pull away from you.
Just the same, it takes me to get her fully back aboard.
Women aren't Jack-in-the-boxes. It takes a moment for their emo ons to reset.
Don't get flustered if you use the techniques, and you can tell she's thinking, but she isn't
her old chipper self yet.
If you found the root cause, and you addressed it, and everything's going well again now,
she'll come around.
Just give it a li le me.
Meanwhile, keep moving forward with things as you should with her.
And make those tweaks you made to get her back aboard permanent.

Conclusion
Follow this guide, and I hope you'll discover yourself equipped to tackle any girl who's
pulling away from you, no ma er the root cause.
How've you dealt with girls pulling away in the past?
Has it been value, a ainability, or other issues that caused women to pull away from you?
Let me know in the comments.
Chase
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Chase Amante

Author
 Chase woke up one day in 2004 red of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and
talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out da ng. A er four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way),
he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System
(//www.girlschase.com/bio/onedate).

(mailto:info@girlschase.com)
(//www.girlschase.com/)

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