EPIC RITES PRESS

frostbitten
poetry by Mark Walton

frostbitten 2011 by Mark Walton. Exterior art copyright 2011 by Pablo Vision. Interior art copyright 2011 by Elizabeth A. Soroka. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embedded in critical articles and reviews. First edition. Printed in Canada. Editor: Wolfgang Carstens Interior: Wolfgang Carstens Illustrations: Elizabeth A. Soroka Photograph by Jonathan Dredge Banner by Ego Rodriguez Exterior: Pablo Vision ISBN 978-1-926860-00-8 For more information about Frostbitten (and other books and publications from Epic Rites Press) please address: Epic Rites Press, 240 - 222 Baseline Road, Suite #206, Sherwood Park, Alberta, T8H 1S8 and/or contact Wolfgang Carstens at epicritespress@gmail.com.

Epic Rites Press: because all our fingers are middle ones

To Keith for being there all the time

authors note
I owe a debt of gratitude to Joe Santini and James ORiordan for getting me started, to Andi Langford Woods for encouraging me to step out of the comfort of Bristols Acoustic Night and into the world, and to Chris Madoch for giving me the confidence to call myself a Poet. Id like to thank all the poetry and spoken word promoters who create the spaces for people to perform and be heard, and to the community of poets who have provided encouragement, fellowship and support. In particular Id like to thank Uli Lenart and Jim MacSweeney at Gays The Word and Jonny Dredge and Ego Rodriguez for their assistance in promoting the initial chapbook. Frostbitten would never have come to pass without Wolfgang Carstens and Epic Rites Press and Im honoured to be in the company of all those who work in blood. Finally a special thank you to E. Amato for her friendship, support, advice and invaluable assistance in editing this volume. Mark Walton

Contents
FROSTBITTEN
Results ................................................................................. 13 The Maze ............................................................................. 16 The Allotment ...................................................................... 19 Nine Wishes ......................................................................... 21 For A Friend ........................................................................ 23 Its A Queer Thing ............................................................... 25 Cerne Abbas ........................................................................ 27 New Routine ....................................................................... 29 Home ................................................................................... 33 Frostbitten........................................................................... 35 Plural Possessive ................................................................ 38 Not You ................................................................................ 41 Boundaries ......................................................................... 43 Old Wounds ........................................................................ 45 Dark Matter ........................................................................ 46 Soul Kitchen ........................................................................ 48 Metropolitan Hand-Stitched Blues .................................... 50

Notme .................................................................................. 53 Pocket Garden .................................................................... 55 No More Words ................................................................... 56 Meniscus ............................................................................. 57 Kandinskys Tuba ............................................................... 59 Tomorrow ........................................................................... 60

WHAT THE HEART NEEDS TO HEAL

Memories Of A Balloon Festival ......................................... 65 Dredged .............................................................................. 67 A Warning ........................................................................... 68 Eclipsed ............................................................................... 71 Rushes ................................................................................. 73 Lets Dance ......................................................................... 74 Geezer ................................................................................. 76 Testament ........................................................................... 79 Two Strong Hands .............................................................. 80 How Men Are ...................................................................... 84 Ghosts .................................................................................. 86 We Are Monuments ............................................................. 87 Jesus and Me....................................................................... 89

I Dont Want Much .............................................................. 91 D.I.L.F. ................................................................................. 94 Two Thousand And Seven .................................................. 97 Sunflower Promises.......................................................... 100 The One Who ..................................................................... 102

FROSTBITTEN ROSTBITTEN

Frostbitten
When you first came to talk to me I was hypnotised by your glittering cool transparency. Drawn to examine the cracks and fissures twisting around your opaque heart, I touched you and hoped that we would never part. Now its over, and sometimes these days it feels as though I never even saw you. Back then my touch felt like it couldnt even start to thaw you. Thats how it was. Frozen against you for all those years. Even at your warmest, deep inside the folds of you,

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your arse clasped tight around my wrist, your guts enfolded round my fist, I just reached into emptiness. A yearning never satisfied. Afterwards, the only thing you ever asked was just how deep Id reached inside. A life so small it could be measured in inches. Lying beside you, numb and shuddering with night-sweat chills, I wondered who else had been inside you during the dog day afternoons as I worked worried earned to pay the bills. Some nights alcohol thawed the ice sufficiently to free our fists for other uses.

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More conventional household abuses. Fell off my bike. Tripped on the stairs. We took our turns to make excuses but only the midnight copper cared. To those outside our closeness appeared touching. But they could neither see nor feel the tearing skin each time I tried to peel myself away. Now its over, and I lie thawing in the sun. Parts of me still black and flayed. Parts of me still aching numb. A moment smitten. A lifetime frostbitten.

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Old Wounds
Beneath the black light of a new moon its been a long night and all the old wounds are aching. The silence that surrounds me, is only shattered by the hard beat of resolutions breaking. Its been a rough week of strong drink and weak wills, and now fresh scabs cover old scars and Im a new face in all the old bars. Im a new ghost in all the old haunts, with a head full of all the old taunts. And when the cuts bleed and let the dirt in, I find my old self under new skin, and even daybreak dont let the light in.

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Pocket Garden
Walking home at midnight. The scent of gardens tumbles over iron railings, and at each rosebush I stop and pluck a single blossom, stowing it safely against my chest as I replay the nights events from ten different angles. Carrying the aromas of Liverpool Road home in my breast pocket, as my mouth carries the lingering memory of your tobacco flavoured tongue, and the ambiguities of our goodnight kiss. The next morning my shirt lies crumpled on the bedroom floor, smelling of beer and cigarette smoke, and the petals of our pocket garden are scattered at the foot of the bed already fading like my fragmented memories. I pull back the curtains and face the day with certainty.

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WHAT THE HEART NEEDS TO HEAL

Rushes
Sunlight twice reflected ripples across my ceiling as I lie on that same couch remembering sun-warmed skin, gooseflesh and the cool of your caress. The afternoon that I punctured your disinterest plays out like a home movie in my head, soundless and complete with handheld picture shake. The bright sunlight bleaches out the images projected onto the blank screen of my memory, rendering them colourless and void of detail. We never did pull down the blinds that afternoon. Passers-by glimpsed flashes of our nakedness on their Saturday afternoon promenade. At the time it didnt seem to matter. Now I realise that we were always overexposed.

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I Dont Want Much

I dont want much. I just want to bury my head in the pits of your arms and to sniff you like glue. I want to smell the scent of the sweat of my arse on your beard. I want to remember what your tongue felt like licking me there. I want to taste myself on your lips. I want to wear bruises inflicted by the thrust of your hips. I want to be quenched by the taste of your piss when Im gasping with thirst. And if we should sleep I want to wake first so I can lie here counting my blessings, counting your charms, counting the delicate hairs on your arms.

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When you wake up I want you to miss me whilst I go to the kitchen to make coffee for you. I want to make history. I want to take on the world in a bare knuckle fight feeling no fear because youre there at my back in a rearguard defence against every attack. In a lull in the battle Ill lean my head back and laugh and suck the blood from your lips. Ill bind up your fists where the knuckles are flayed. I want to be sure that I wont be betrayed. I guess it might seem like Im looking for love but to be brutally honest, if push comes to shove I dont want that much. Right now Id make do with a text, or the sound of your voice on the phone. Id be happy to know that Im not alone and that you want me too.

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Because I feel like a recidivist addict whos enjoying the habit, and I just want to bury my face in the pits of your arms and to sniff you like glue.

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about Mark Walton a

Mark Walton inhabits the back waters and the in between places. in-between He writes in order to share the realities of the life he lives, feels, lives, dreams and observes. In doing so he seeks to shine a light into the obser darker recesses, to celebrate the magic of the ordinary and to bring the marginal and the oblique into plain view. He lives and performs in London, England.