Listening Skills

M S Sridhar
July 3, 2010

Mahatma Vidyalaya School Muthanalluru

Time is life. It is irreversible and irreplaceable

In a 168 hour week you spend over 30% in sleeping If you dont sleep adequately

Another 25% is spent in classes hearing teachers

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Hearing vs. Listening

Listening and hearing are not the same Listening is conscious, active process with the mind Hearing is with the senses So Listening = Hearing + Focusing on the message + Comprehending and interpreting + Analyzing and Evaluating to Understand Judge Respond Remember
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Some Facts
7 out of every 10 minutes we are communicating 45% of time is spent on listening 30% of time on talking 16% spent on reading and 9% spent on writing

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Some Quotes
Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk ~Doug Larson Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen ~Winston Churchill The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said ~Peter F. Drucker Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you ~Robert Fulghum A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat - Katharine Whitehorn
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Fallacies about Listening Listening is not my problem! Listening and hearing are the same Good readers are good listeners Smarter people are better listeners Listening improves with age

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 A meaningful change in the behaviour We acquire knowledge about the world Has to be selective to focus and excel Closely linked to memory Learning and memory through behavioural change establish a persons personality

Learning

We listen to learn and listening skills are part of overall learning skills
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Learning Skills
Brain, the most complex organ on the earth, does not come with operating instructions Our educational system teaches us how to be taught rather than how to learn We are passive rather than self-directing learners To learn and move forward, we need both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation backed by energy, enthusiasm and persistence
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We were given two ears but only one mouth, as God knew that listening was twice as hard as talking
The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting - Fran Lebowitz

Listening skills are most difficult to learn

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Six Sins in Interactions

1. Negative remark
2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Accusing Assumptions Directive or Advice Clichs Judging values

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Talking when we should be listening is wrong

Unless you shut your only mouth, you cant even hear, forget about listening Dont interrupt, let the speaker finish before you begin to talk A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat - Katharine Whitehorn
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You hardly listen if you are

Day dreaming Not paying attention, preoccupied Tuning out with thoughts somewhere else

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It is hard to listen with a big stinking ego

I know what will be said attitude Busy thinking about what you want to say next Hearing only what you expect to hear and not what is actually said Not listening from the perspective of the speaker due to prejudice, self-centeredness or stereo-type
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Meaning is in the receivers mind

Meaning cannot be transmitted like a tangible substance by the speaker It must also be stimulated or aroused in the receiver The receiver must be an active participant for the transmission to be completed

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Physical/ Environmental barriers:

Distracted by sights or activity

Combat external distractions: Avoid place, people & situation Dress normal, more appropriately to the room temperature When you find yourself drifting away during a listening session, change your body position and concentrate (use listening skills/ strategies) If you are really listening intently, you should feel tired after your speaker has finished M S sridhar Listening skills 15

Psychological/ Personal barriers

Concentrating on something else Selective listening: We tend to hear what we want to hear and not what is actually being said Negative listening attitude Personal reactions Poor motivation

Combat internal distractions

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Psychological/ Personal barriers

Combat internal distractions: Eliminate the source Try to remain objective and open-minded Treat listening as a challenging mental task Maintain eye contact with the instructor Focus on content, not delivery Avoid excessive emotional involvement Stay active by asking mental questions: What is the key point? How does this fit with what we know from previous lectures? How is this lecture organized? Anticipate what is going to be said as a way to M S keep your mind from Listening skills sridhar 17 straying

Use Route 350 (the gap between the rate of speech and rate of thought)
Thinking is nearly four times faster than speaking Processing speed of brain = 500 wpm Speaking speed = 150 wpm Unused mental capacity = 350 wpm lead to wandering of mind or tuning out called Route 350 Thus while listening you will be able to think about what you are hearing, really understand it, and give feedback to the speaker
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Tuning Out? (Route 350)

May be because you have heard it before are preoccupied find it difficult to understand have a differing opinion

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Your face is the dish antenna

Like a satellite dish antenna your face contains most of the receptive equipment in your bodies
Your body position defines whether you will have the chance of being a good listener or a good deflector
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Lead with your face

Good listeners are like poor boxers: they lead with their faces Face the speaker directly Have an open and receptive posture (open arms, not crossed, not defensive) Lean towards speaker to indicate involvement and interest Maintain direct eye contact Give your full attention; Make sure your mind is focused
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Following Skills
Do not interrupt the speaker: Allow the speaker time to reflect and prepare the next dialogue Do not divert the speaker by asking too many questions or with) too many statements/ observations Do not fill in words or complete sentences (let the speaker finish) Pay special attention to statements that begin with phrases such as "My point is..." or "The thing to remember is..." Ask questions & give feedback
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Following Skills
Encourage the speaker to tell his own story (Remember, you listen with your face as well as your ears!) Use prompters like yes, go on, and I understand Nod your head, show subtle signs of you understand and are attentive At appropriate points smile, frown, laugh, or be silent Allow time for silence

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Reflective Skills
Paraphrasing Accurately restate the speakers message Use your own language to convey factual information only Reflection of Feeling: Accurately restate your perception of the emotion of the speaker Focusing: Keep the flow of the conversation goal directed and specific (what are your options to move forward in this situation?) Clarifying: Attempt to understand vague, confusing or unclear communication
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Still Distracted ?
Practice Listening skills Sit up Look interested Lean forward Listen Act interested Nod your head to show that you are tuned in Track the speaker with your eyes
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Follow Active Listening Strategies 1. Review 2. Question yourself & instructor 3. Concentrate/ focus 4. Connect and listen

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Listening in the class room

Come prepared Be on time Take copious notes Listen for main ideas Ask questions - state what you understood Think ahead - implications of the things
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Recapitulate & Remember !

We spend most of our time in hearing Listening is conscious active process Practice listening skills Position your face which has all receptive equipment; make eye contact with speaker Do not talk while listening Take corrective steps to overcome physical barriers like place, people, dress, situation, body position, etc.
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Recapitulate & Remember !

Take care of Route 350 while listening Control your ego, excess emotion and other personal barriers; be objective and openminded Keep away from six sins in interactions Listening skills are part of learning skills and closely linked to memory Ask questions & give feedback Act interested; Focus and prompt speaker
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Thank you
Make sure you have finished speaking before your audience has finished listening - Dorothy Sarnoff Comments and questions are welcome