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Math Humor: Top 10 Excuses For Not Turning in Math Homework
Math Humor: Top 10 Excuses For Not Turning in Math Homework
6. If the probability that Amy graduates from high school is 1/5, and the probability that a high school graduate gets into college is 2/3, and the probability that a student who enters college graduates is 1/2, what is the probability that Amy graduates from college? 7. Hector has knocked up 6 out of 27 girls in his gang. What percentage of girls in his gang has Hector knocked up? 8. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 a month, how much money will be left when he gets out of prison? As a bonus, how many years will he get for killing the bitch that spent all his money? 9. Latisha takes TV's from 25 houses, and VCR's from 27 houses. If in 10 houses she takes both a TV and a VCR, and in one house she takes 2 TV's, how many houses did Latisha rob? 10. If the average spray can covers 22 square feet, and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many times can Jane spray her favorite four-letter word with 5 spray cans?
CLEARLY: I don't want to write down all the in-between steps. TRIVIAL: If I have to show you how to do this, you're in the wrong class. OBVIOUSLY: I hope you weren't sleeping when we discussed this earlier, because I refuse to repeat it. RECALL: I shouldn't have to tell you this, but for those of you who erase your memory tapes after every test, here it is again. WITHOUT LOSS OF GENERALITY: I'm not about to do all the possible cases, so I'll do one and let you figure out the rest. ONE MAY SHOW: One did, his name was Gauss. IT IS WELL KNOWN: See "Mathematische Zeitschrift'', vol XXXVI, 1892. CHECK FOR YOURSELF: This is the boring part of the proof, so you can do it on your own time. SKETCH OF A PROOF: I couldn't verify the details, so I'll break it down into parts I couldn't prove. HINT: The hardest of several possible ways to do a proof. BRUTE FORCE: Four special cases, three counting arguments, two long inductions, and a partridge in a pair tree. SOFT PROOF: One third less filling (of the page) than your regular proof, but it requires two extra years of course work just to understand the terms. ELEGANT PROOF: Requires no previous knowledge of the subject, and is less than ten lines long. SIMILARLY: At least one line of the proof of this case is the same as before. CANONICAL FORM: 4 out of 5 mathematicians surveyed recommended this as the final form for the answer. THE FOLLOWING ARE EQUIVALENT: If I say this it means that, and if I say that it means the other thing, and if I say the other thing...
BY A PREVIOUS THEOREM: I don't remember how it goes (come to think of it, I'm not really sure we did this at all), but if I stated it right, then the rest of this follows. TWO LINE PROOF: I'll leave out everything but the conclusion. BRIEFLY: I'm running out of time, so I'll just write and talk faster. LET'S TALK THROUGH IT: I don't want to write it on the board because I'll make a mistake. PROCEED FORMALLY: Manipulate symbols by the rules without any hint of their true meaning. QUANTIFY: I can't find anything wrong with your proof except that it won't work if x is 0. FINALLY: Only ten more steps to go... Q.E.D. : T.G.I.F. PROOF OMITTED: Trust me, it's true.
A Math Romance
They integrated from the very point of origin. Her curves were continuous, and even though he was odd, he was a real number. The day their lines first intersected, they became an ordered pair. From then on it was a continuous function. They were both in their prime, so in next to no time they were horizontal and parallel. She was awed by the magnitude of his perpendicular line, and he was amazed by her conical projections. "Bisect my angle!" she postulated each time she reached her local maximum. He taught her the chain rule as she implicitly defined the amplitude of his simple harmonic motion. They underwent multiple rotations of their axes, until at last they reached the vertex, the critical point, their finite limit. After that they slept like logs. Later she found him taking a right-handed limit, that was a problem, because it was an improper form. He meanwhile had realized that she was irrational, not to mention square. She approached her ex, so they diverged.
10. Deviation is considered normal. 9. We feel complete and sufficient. 8. We are mean lovers. 7. Statisticians do it discretely and continuously. 6. We are right 95% of the time. 5. We can safely comment on someone's posterior distribution. 4. We may not be normal but we are transformable. 3. We never have to say we are certain. 2. We are honestly significantly different. 1. No one wants our jobs.