All the Monologues

A1. Seinfeld (Season 3 The Subway) (112) George's voice: 'Make yourself comfortable'. Make myself comfortable. What does that mean? Does she want me to take my clothes off? Is she taking her clothes off? What if I take my clothes off and she still has hers' on? Then I really look like an idiot. She could get offended and leave. So maybe I should leave them on, but what then if she takes her off? Then she'll feel humiliated. 'Make yourself comfortable'. I got this unbelievable woman and this 'comfortable'-thing can ruin me. I got it! I take my shoes off and sit on the bed. There, that's comfortable. She can't accuse me being uncomfortable. Gotta tell you, I'm pretty comfortable.

A2. The Empire Strikes Back (114) written by Lawrence Kasdan & Leigh Brackett, story by George Lucas Yoda: You cant? So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say? It's too big? Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere. Yes, even between the land and the ship. Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try. Much to learn, you still have.

A3. 101 Dalmatians (114) written by John Hughes, from the novel by Dodie Smith Cruella De Vil: My dalmatian puppy coat. The coat of dreams. The ultimate fur coat, that was denied me by that canine cabal, for which I have lost THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE! You beasts! But I'm not beaten yet. You've won the battle, but I'm about to win the wardrobe. My spotty puppy coat is in plain sight and leaving tracks. In a moment I'll have what I came for, while all of you will end up as sausage meat, alone on some sad, plastic plate. Dead and medium red. No friends, no family, no pulse. Just slapped between two buns, smothered in onions, with fries on the side. Cruella De Vil has the last laugh!

A4. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (120) written by Steven Kloves, from the novel by J.K. Rowling Prof. Snape: There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class. As such, I don't expect many of you to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is potion making. However, for those select few who possess the pre-disposition, I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses; I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death. Then again, maybe some of you have come to Hogwarts in possession of abilities so formidable that you feel comfortable enough to not pay attention. Mr. Potter, our new celebrity. Which one of you can tell me the difference between an animagus and a werewolf? No one? How disappointing.

A5. Groundhog Day written by Danny Rubin & Harold Ramis

(123)

Phil: Let me ask you a question. What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same and nothing you did mattered? What if there were no tomorrow? No tomorrow? That means there'd be no consequences, no hangovers. We could do whatever we wanted! It's the same thing your whole life: "Clean up your room! Stand up straight! Pick up your feet! Take it like a man! Be nice to your sister! Don't mix beer and wine ever! Don't drive on the railroad tracks!" I don't know, Gus. Sometimes I think you just have to take the big chances. You make choices and you live with them. I'm not going to live by their rules anymore!

A6. Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas (124) written by Terry Gilliam, Tony Grisoni, Tod Davies, & Alex Cox, from the novel by Hunter S. Thompson Raoul Duke: How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I just say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?

A7. The Lost Weekend (124) written by Charles Brackett & Billy Wilder, from the novel by Charles R. Jackson Don: It shrinks my liver, doesn't it? It pickles my kidneys, yes. But what does it do to my mind? It tosses the sandbags overboard so the balloon can soar. Suddenly, I'm above the ordinary. I'm competent, supremely competent. I'm walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. I'm one of the great ones. I'm Michelangelo, molding the beard of Moses. I'm Van Gogh, painting pure sunlight. I'm Horowitz, playing the Emperor Concerto. I'm John Barrymore before the movies got him by the throat. I'm Jesse James and his two brothers - all three of 'em. I'm W. Shakespeare. And out there it's not Third Avenue any longer - it's the Nile, Nat - the Nile - and down it moves the barge of Cleopatra. Come here..

A8. Seinfeld (Season 2 The Statue) (125) Kramer: Let's go get him. You wanta go get him? I say we get him. I'm not happy about this.. I'm not happy about this Police! Open up! Freeze, mother! Shut up. Spread 'em. I said spread 'em! (Looks around) You're in big trouble son. Burglary, grand larceny, possession of stolen goods.. and uh, uh.. murder. Shut up! Keep 'em spread! Just make love to that wall, pervert! Is your name Ray? Yeah, you're the punk I'm looking for. Yeah, I'm a cop. I'm a good cop. I'm a damn good cop! Today's your lucky day, junior, 'cause I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Any more of this criminal activity, and you'll be sorry. You got me? Good. Good. Let's keep it that way.

A9. Field of Dreams (129) written by Phil Alden Robinson; novel by W.P Kinsella "Moonlight" Graham: Well, you know I never got to bat in the major leagues. I'd like to have my chance just once, to stare down a big league pitcher, to stare him down and just as he goes into his wind-up, wink, make him think you know something he doesn't. That's what I wish. A chance to squint at the sky so blue that it hurts your eyes just to look at it. To feel the tingle in your arms as you connect with the ball, to run the bases, stretch a double into a triple, and flop face-first into third, wrap your arms around the bag. That's my wish, Ray Kinsella, that's my wish. And is there enough magic out there in the moonlight to make this dream come true?

A10. Blade Runner (130) written by Hampton Fancher and David Peoples, from the novel by Philip K. Dick Batty: Death Now it's my turn I'm gonna give you a few seconds before I come. One, Two Three, Four. I'm coming Four, five. How to stay alive I can see you! Six! Seven! Go to Hell or go to Heaven! I've done... questionable things. Nothing the God of biomechanics wouldn't let you into heaven for. Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave. Fiery the angels fell. Deep thunder rolled around their shoulders... burning with the fires of Orc. I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die. B1. Pirates of the Carribean: At Worlds End written by Ted Elliott & Terry Rossio

(134)

Captain Jack Sparrow: Cuttlefish. Aye? Let us not dear friends...forget our dear friends the cuttlefish. Flippin' glorious little sausages. pen them up all together and they'll devour each other without a seconds thought. Human nature isn't it? Or fish nature. So yes we could hole up here well provisioned and well armed, and half of us would be dead within the month. Which seems rather grim to me either way you slice it. Or, as my learned colleague so naively suggests, we can release calypso, and pray that she will be merciful. i rather doubt it. can we believe that she is nothin yet but a woman scorned with fury hell hath no? No we cannot. So I agree with, and i cannot believe the words that are coming out of me mouth........Captain Swann, we must fight.

B2. Masters of the Universe written by David Odell

(137)

Skeletor: People of Eternia! I stand before the Great Eye of the galaxy. Chosen by destiny to receive the powers of Greyskull! This inevitable moment will transpire before your eyes, even as He-Man himself bears witness to it. Now. I, Skeletor, am Master of the Universe! Yes! Yes. I feel it, the power fills me. Yes, I feel the universe within me! I am I am a part of the cosmos! The power flows, flows through me! Of what consequence are you now? This planet, these people. They are NOTHING to me! The universe is POWER! Real, unstoppable POWER! And I am that force! I am that power! KNEEL BEFORE YOUR MASTER! Fool! you are no longer my EQUAL! I am more than man! MORE THAN LIFE! I am a GOD! Now. You will KNEEEEEL! KNEEEEL!!!

B3. Dead Poets Society written by Tom Schulman

(139)

Mr. Keating: I have a secret for you. Huddle Up...Huddle UP! We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. Medicine, law, business these are all noble pursuits necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, and love; these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman "Oh me, Oh life of the question of these recurring of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish. What good amid these? Oh me, Oh life." "Answer...that you are here and life exists....You are here. Life exists, and identity. The powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse." The powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be? B4. Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle written by Jon Hurwitz & Hayden Schlossberg (145)

Kumar: So, you think this is just about the burgers, huh? Let me tell you, it's about far more than that. Our parents came to this country, escaping persecution, poverty and hunger. Hunger, Harold. They were very, very hungry. They wanted to live in a land that treated them as equals, a land filled with hamburger stands. And not just one type of hamburger, okay? Hundreds of types with different sizes, toppings, and condiments. That land was America! America, Harold! America! Now this is about achieving what our parents set out for. This is about the pursuit of happiness. This night . . . is about the American Dream! Dude, we can stay here, get arrested, and end our hopes of ever going to White Castle. Or, we can take that hang glider and make our leap towards freedom. I leave the decision up to you.

B5. The Muppet Movie written by Jack Burns

(150)

Kermit the Frog: What's the matter with you? You gotta be crazy chasin' me halfway across the country. Why are you doin' this to me? I've got a dream too. But it's about singing and dancing and making people happy. The kind of dream that gets better the more people you share it with. And, well, I've found a whole bunch of friends who have the same dream. And it kind of makes us like a family. You have anybody like that, Hopper? Once you get all those restaurants who're you gonna share it with? Who are your friends. Doc? Those guys? I think if you look in your heart... you'll find you really want to let me and my friends go... to follow our dream. But if that's not the kind of man you are... and if what I'm saying doesn't make any sense to you...well, then, go ahead and kill me.

B6. Seinfeld: (Season 7 - The Van Buren Boys) written by: Darin Henry

(150)

Kramer: Alright, so there I am at Lorenzo's - loading up my slice of the fixin's bar.. garlic, and whatnot.. mmm, mmm.. and I see this guy over at the pizza boxes giving me the stink-eye. So I give him the crook-eye back, you know.. Then, I notice that he's not alone! I'm taking on the entire Van Buren Boys! Oh yeah, and they're just as mean as he was! So, I make a move to the door, you know, pshwwww! they block it! So, I lunged for the bathroom. I grab the knob - Occupado! Then they back me up agains the cartoon map of Italy, and all of the sudden, they just stop... Because I'm still holding the garlic shaker.. Yeah.. like this.. I'm only showing eight fingers. That's their secret sign! See, Van Buren, he was the eighth President.. They thought I was a former Van B. Boy!

B7. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (154) written by Frances Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Stephen Sinclair, and Peter Jackson, from the novel by J.R.R. Tolkien Sam: I know. Its all wrong. By rights we shouldnt even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, its only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didnt. They kept going, because they were holding on to something.

B8. Groundhog Day written by Danny Rubin & Harold Ramis

(157)

Phil: I know all about you. You like boats but not the ocean. You go to a lake in the summer with your family. There's a dock and a boathouse with boards missing from the roof and a place you used to crawl underneath to be alone. You're a sucker for French poetry and rhinestones. You're very generous. You're kind to strangers and children. When you stand in the snow you look like an angel. What I wanted to say was I think you are the kindest sweetest prettiest person I've ever met in my life. I've never seen anyone that's nicer to people than you are. And the first time I saw you something happened to me. I never told you but I knew I wanted to hold you as hard as I could. I don't deserve someone like you. But if I ever could I swear I would love you for the rest of my life.

B9. Seinfeld: (Season 4 - The Visa ) (157) written by: Peter Mehlman George: You would not believe what just happened. I was waiting for you and this woman was sitting at the counter. Yeah, yeah, and we started talking, and she's this lawyer who's incredible! Everything I said was funny! You know, she laughed at everything I said, she thinks I'm hilarious. You know in a way, it was almost too good. I started so good, I can't go any place but down now, ya know? I got no place to go. You see, this is what I do with women. I start out too strong, now I have to become real, that's when it all falls apart. What good is real? They don't want real, they want funny. Ooooh, yes they do. Ya gotta put on a show, ya always gotta give them a big show. You always have to be 'on' otherwise why would they like me? They'd just go for a better looking guy with more money.

B10. Downfall written by Joachim Fest

(169)

Adolf Hitler: That was an order! Steiners attack was an order! How dare you ignore my orders? Is this what it came to? The military, everybody lied to me. Even the SS. The generals are no more than a bunch of disloyal cowards.Cowards, traitors, and incompetentsThe generals are the scum of the German people! No sense of honor. You call yourself general because you spent years at the academy where you only learnt to use knife and fork. For years, the military obstructed me. All you ever did is thwart me. I should have had all the high officers executed. Like Stalin did. I never went to the academy. But I conquered all of Europe on my own. Traitors. Ive been betrayed and deceived from the start. Such enormous betrayal of the German people. But all these traitors will pay. With their own blood. They will drown in their own blood.All my orders have been ignored. How can I be a leader under these circumstances? Its over. The war is lost.

B11. The Muppet Movie written by Jack Burns

(187)

Kermit the Frog: I didnt promise anybody anything. What do I know about Hollywood anyway? Just the dreams I got from sitting through too many double-features. So why did you leave the swamp in the first place? Cause some agent fella said I had talent. Hmm. He probably says that to everybody. On the other hand, if you hadnt left the swamp, youd be feeling pretty miserable anyhow. Yeah, but then it would just be me feelin miserable. Now I got a lady pig, and a bear and a chicken, a dog, a thing whatever Gonzo is. Hes a little like a turkey. Yeah, a little like a turkey. But not much. No, I guess not. Anyhow, I brought em all out here into the middle of nowhere. Its all my fault. Still whether you promised them something or not, you gotta remember they wanted to come. But thats because they believed in me. No, they believed in the dream. Well, so do I, but You do? Yeah! Of course I do. Well then? Well, thenI guess I was wrong when I said I never promised anyone. I promised me.

B12. Seinfeld: (Season 7 - The Showerhead) written by: Peter Mehlman & Marjorie Gross

(191)

Peterman: I'm afraid I have some bad news, Elaine. It appears you will not be accompanying me to Africa. I'm afraid it's your urine, Elaine. You tested positive for opium. That's right, Elaine. White lotus. Yam-yam. Shanghai Sally. Not a chance. I'm afraid I'll just have to find someone else to accompany me on my journey. The dark continent is no place for an addict, Elaine. Not on my watch! I won't have you turning my office into a den of iniquity! Get your fix somewhere else! Elaine, you're out of control. You need help. I know what you're going through. I too once fell under the spell of opium. It was 1979. I was travelling the Yangtzee in search of a Mongolian horsehair vest. I had got to the market after sundown, all of the clothing traders had gone, but a different sort of trader still lurked about. "Just a taste," he said. That was all it took. Oh, Elaine. The toll road of denial is a long and dangerous one. The price? Your soul. Oh, and by the way, you have til' 5:00 to clear out your desk. You're fired.

C1. Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas (206) written by Terry Gilliam, Tony Grisoni, Tod Davies, & Alex Cox, from the novel by Hunter S. Thompson Raoul Duke: Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas. Has it been five years? Six? It seems like a lifetime. The kind of peak that never comes again. San Francisco in the middle 60's was a very special time and place to be a part of. But no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive, in that corner of time in the world Whatever it meant. There was madness in any direction. At any hour, you could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right. That we were winning. And that I think was the handle. That sense of inevitable victory over the forces of old and evil. Not in any mean or military sense. We didnt need that. Our energy would simply prevail. We had all the momentum. We were riding the crest, of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look west. And with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high watermark that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.

C2. Footloose written by Dean Pitchford

(207)

Ren McCormack: From the oldest of times, people danced for a number of reasons. They danced in prayer or so that their crops would be plentiful or so their hunt would be good. And they danced to stay physically fit and show their community spirit. And they danced to celebrate. And that, that is the dancing that were talking about. Arent we told in Psalm 149: Praise ye the Lord. Sing unto the Lord a new song. Let them praise His name in the dance?It was King David. King David, who we read about in Samuel, and, and what did David do? What did David do? What did David do? David danced before the Lord with all his might, leaping, leaping and dancing before the Lord. Leaping and dancing! Ecclesiastes assures us that there is a time to every purpose under heaven. A time to laugh and a time to weep. A time to mourn and there is a time to dance. And there was a time for this law, but not anymore. See, this is our time to dance. It is our way of, of celebrating life. Its the way it was in the beginning. Its the way its always been. Its the way it should be now.

C3. A Few Good Men written by Aaron Sorkin

(210)

Jessep: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!

C4. Groundhog Day written by Danny Rubin & Harold Ramis

(211)

Ned: Phil? Hey! Phil? Phil? Phil Connors, Phil Connors I thought that was you. Hey, hey. Now don't you tell me you don't remember me because I sure as heck-fire remember you! Ned! Ryerson!! Needle-nosed Ned, Ned the head, come on buddy, Case Western High! Ned Ryerson... I did the whistling belly button trick at the high school talent show - BING! Ned Ryerson got the shingles real bad senior year almost didn't graduate - bing again! Ned Ryerson I dated your sister Mary Pat a couple times til you told me not to anymore... well? BING! Do you have life insurance? Cause if you do, you can always use a little more. Am I right, or am I right or am I right? Right? Right? Right? Hey, that's all right! I'll walk with you. You know whenever I see an opportunity now I charge it like a bull! "Ned the Bull", that's me now. You know I've got friends of mine who live and die by the actuarial tables and I say, "Hey! it's all one big crap shoot any hoot." Tell me, have you ever heard of single premium life? Because I think that really could be the ticket for you-- oh, god! It is SO good to see you!

C5. The Devil's Advocate Tony Gilroy

(219)

John Milton: Who are you carrying all those bricks for anyway? God? Is that it? God? Well, I tell ya, let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. Hes a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift and then what does He do? I swear, for His own amusement, His own private cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. Its the goof of all time. Look, but dont touch. Touch, but dont taste. Taste, dont swallow. And while youre jumpin from one foot to the next, what is He doin? Hes laughin His sick, fuckin ass off. Hes a tight-ass. Hes a sadist. Hes an absentee landlord. Worship that? Never! Why not? Im here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began! Ive nurtured every sensation man has been inspired to have! I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him, in spite of all his imperfections! Im a fan of man! Im a humanist. Maybe the last humanist. Who, in their right mind, Kevin, could possibly deny the 20th century was entirely mine? All of it, Kevin! All of it! Mine! Im peaking, Kevin. Its my time now. Its our time.

C6. Seinfeld: The Visa written by: Peter Mehlman

(222)

Kramer: Well, the camp ended a few days early. Uh, well there was an incident. I punched Mickey Mantle in the mouth. Yeah, I punched him and they took him to the hospital and then theycanceled the rest of the week. Mickey Mantle... Well, you know, we were playing a game and, you know, I was pitching, and I was really throwing some smoke. And Joe Pepitone, he was up, and man that guy, you know, he was crowding the plate. Yeah, well, Joe Pepitone or not, I own the inside of that plate. So I throw one, you know, inside, you know, a little chin music, put him right on his pants. Cause I gotta intimidate when I'm on the mound. Well the next pitch, he's right back in the same place. So, I had to plunk him. Oh yeah. Well, he throws down his bat, he comes racing up to the mound. Next thing, both benches are cleared, you know? A brouhaha breaks out between the guys in the camp, you know, and the old Yankee players, and as I'm trying to get Moose Skowron off of one of my teammates, you know, somebody pulls me from behind, you know, and I turned around and I popped him. I looked down, and woah man, it's Mickey. I punched his lights out.

C7. Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas (227) written by Terry Gilliam, Tony Grisoni, Tod Davies, & Alex Cox, from the novel by Hunter S. Thompson Raoul Duke: We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit light headed, maybe you should drive...." And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, and a voice was screaming: "Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?" Never mind, it's your turn to drive." No point in mentioning those bats, I thought, the poor bastard will see them soon enough. We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all this for the trip, but once you get locked in a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge. And I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.

C8. Inspirational Speech from movie quotes:

(227)

Shame on you. This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you're going to let it be the worst. And I guarantee a week won't go by in your life you won't regret walking out, letting them get the best of you. Well, I'm not going home. We've come too far! And I'm going to stay right here and fight for this lost cause. A day may come when the courage of men fails... but it is not THIS day. The line must be drawn HERE. This far, no further! I'm not saying it's going to be easy. You're going to work harder than you ever worked before. But that's fine, we'll just get tougher with it! If a person grits his teeth and shows real determination, failure is not an option. That's how winning is done! I say to you what every warrior has known since the beginning of time: you've got to get mad. I mean plum mad dog mean. If you would be free men, then you must fight to fulfill that promise! Let us cut out their living guts one inch at a time, and they will know what we can do! Let no man forget how menacing we are. We are lions! This is YOUR time! Seize the day, never surrender, victory or death... Who's with me? Alright! Let's fly!

C9. Seinfeld (Season 3 The Subway) (228) Elaine's voice: Oh, this is great. This is what I need, just what I need. Ok, take it easy I'm sure it's nothing. Probably rats on the track, we're stopping for rats. God, it's so crowded. How can there be so many people? This guy really smells, doesn't anyone use deodorant in the city? What is so hard, you take the cap off, you roll it on. What's that? I feel something rubbing against me. Disgusting animals, these people should be in a cage. We are in a cage. What if I miss the wedding? I got the ring. What'll they do? You can't get married without the ring. Oh, I can't breath, I feel faint. Take it easy, it'll start moving soon. Think about the people on the concentration camps, what they went through. And hostages, what would you do if you were a hostage? Think about that. This is nothing. No, it's not nothing, it's something. It's a nightmare! Help me! Move it! Com'on move this thing!! Why isn't it moving?!? What can go wrong with a train!?! It's on tracks, there's no traffic! How can a train get stuck. Step on the gas!! What could it be? You'de think the conductor would explain it to us? 'I'm sorry there's a delay we'll be moving in 5 minutes'!! I wanna hear a voice. What's that on my leg?!!

C10. Seinfeld (Season 5 The Fire) (241) Kramer: Toby, she got so upset, she ran out of the building and a street sweeper ran over her foot and severed her pinky toe. After the ambulance left, I found the toe! So I put it in a Cracker Jack box, filled it with ice, and took off for the hospital. I jumped on the bus. I told the driver, "I got a toe here, buddy - step on it." Yeah, yeah, then all of a sudden, this guy pulls out a gun. I knew any delay is gonna cost her her pinky toe, so I got out of the seat and I started walking towards him. He says, "Where do you think you're going, Cracker Jack?" I said, "Well, I got a little prize for ya, buddy -knocked him out cold! Then everybody is screamin,' because the driver, he's passed out from all the commotion...the bus is out of control! So, I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel and now I'm drivin' the bus. Yeah. Yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to, and he starts chokin' me! So I'm fightin' him off with one hand and I kept drivin' the bus with the other, y'know? Then I managed to open up the door, and I kicked him out the door with my foot, you know - at the next stop people kept ringin' the bell!

C11. Fritz the Cat (257) written by Ralph Bakshi, from the comic books by R. Crumb Fritz: Oh, yes, yes, I remember the time when it was all very inspiring and enlightening. You think learning is a really big thing and you become this big intellectual and sit around trying to out intellectual all the other big intellectuals. You spend years and years with your nose buried in these books while the world is passin' you by. All this stuff to see and all the kicks and all the girls are out there and me, a writer and a poet who should be havin' adventures and experience and all of the adversities and paradoxes and ironies of life. And passin' over all the roads of the world. And diggin' all the cities and towns and rivers and oceans. Oh God. As a writer and a poet, it is my duty to get out there and dig the world. To swing the whole friggin' scene while there's still time, man! My fartin' around days are over, baby! From this day on, I shall live every day as if it was my last. Yeah, yeah, I must do it. No more of the dreary boring classes, the dismal lectures, the sitting around bullshittin' with pretentious fatass hippies! No more of the books! Ha, ha! Oh my God, what have I done? I set all my notes and books and stuff on fire and, uh, now I can't study for my exams. I'll flunk out and my folks will be pissed off as hell. I'll get a blanket. Blanket's on fire. We'd better call the fire department.

C12. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl written by Ted Elliott & Terry Rossio (272) Captain Barbossa: This is Aztec gold. One of 882 identical pieces they delivered in a stone chest to Corts himself. Blood money paid to stem the slaughter he wreaked upon them with his armies. But the greed of Corts was insatiable. So the heathen gods placed upon the gold a terrible curse. Any mortal that removes but a single piece from that stone chest shall be punished for eternity. Buried on an island of dead what cannot be found, except Find it, we did. There be the chest. Inside be the gold. And we took em all. We spent em and traded em and frittered em away on drink and food and pleasurable company. The more we gave em away, the more we came to realize the drink would not satisfy, food turned to ash in our mouths and all the pleasurable company in the world could not slake our lust. We are cursed men, Miss Turner. is one way we can end our curse. All the scattered pieces of the Aztec gold must be restored and the blood repaid. Thanks to ye, we have the final piece. Look! The moonlight shows us for what we really are. We are not among the living and so we cannot die, but neither are we dead. For too long Ive been parched of thirst and unable to quench it. Too long Ive been starving to death and havent died. I feel nothing not the wind on my face nor the spray of the sea, nor the warmth of a womans flesh. You best start believing in ghost stories Miss Turner. Youre in one! Hahahahaha!