The Art Of War For Dating

How To Conquer Any Woman, Anytime, Anywhere

By Spencer Michaels
©2006, All Rights Reserved
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Table of Contents

Part 1: How Women Work

Chapter 1: How Women Think ………….......................................... 07
Chapter 2: It’s In Her Genes! …………........................................... 11

Part 2: How To Be The Guy You Need To Be To

Attract Women
Chapter 3: Confidence …………...................................................... 17
Chapter 4: Be Intriguing ………….................................................... 32
Chapter 5: No More Mr. Nice Guy! ……………………..................... 38
Chapter 6: Cockiness Done Right …………..................................... 58

Part 3: The Approach and The Art Of

Conversation
Chapter 7: Mentally Preparing For The Approach …………............ 63
Chapter 8: The Actual Approach …………....................................... 68
Chapter 9: The Art Of Conversation ………….................................. 76

Part 4: Unstoppable Techniques For Attracting

Women
Chapter 10: Specific Techniques To Be Used In Battle ………........ 92
Chapter 11: Mistakes Guys Make With Women ………................ 110

Part 5: Body Language and Voice

Chapter 12: Secrets Of Body Language ……………….................. 122
Chapter 13: Voice …………………………………………................ 132

Part 6: Romance and Style

Chapter 14: Romance Done Right ………………………................ 138
Chapter 15: Style …….................................................................... 140

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Introduction
In his famous book, The Art of War, Sun Tzu spoke about using

resourcefulness, momentum, cunning, flexibility, integrity, secrecy,

speed, positioning, surprise, deception and manipulation to defeat an

opponent. He used phrases like, “Lure them in with the prospect of

gain, take them by confusion" and "Invincibility is in oneself,

vulnerability is in the opponent." In this book I will teach you to take

on a totally new, almost war-like mindset in order to show you how to

meet and attract any woman, anywhere, at any time. By the time you

finish reading this book you will immediately be able to utilize an

arsenal of proven methods and techniques for “conquering” beautiful

women.

The past does not equal the future. Take this statement and embed it

in your mind. The record of what has been has nothing to do with

what you can accomplish in the future. At this very moment you can

decide to be the person you want to be and design and entirely new

life for yourself. While we need to leave the past in the past, we need

to learn from it so that we don’t keep making the same mistakes.

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Meeting and attracting beautiful women is an art. It’s not random at

all. There are rules and proven methods – which I’ll teach you in this

book. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over

again and expecting different results. That’s right – If you are trying to

meet women the same way you’ve always been and expect that

sooner or later they will start responding to these same methods –

YOU ARE INSANE!

Why Listen To Me?

Here’s a little background on me and some reasons why you should

take my advice. I wasn’t the dorky guy who never got girls and then

all of a sudden read a bunch of stuff and started getting tons of

women. I was always pretty good with women but still made tons of

mistakes that most guys make with them. I got my degree in

Psychology from a major university which taught me a lot about

human desires, but that was nothing compared to the education I got

while promoting and managing nightclubs in New York City for 8

years. For years, I spent at least 5 nights a week at the hottest

nightclubs in New York City surrounded by the hottest and most

attitude infused women in the world. In my early twenties I developed

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an extreme desire to really understand the dynamics between men

and women and became infatuated with learning about what makes

women tick. So for years, I’ve researched and read every book and

studied every program there is about relationships and attracting

women. I’ve read literally thousands of books on the topic. Since

then I’ve spent my years coaching guys around the country on how to

attract and meet women. I’ve taken what I’ve learned from the books

and research and combined it with my first hand experience in the

nightclubs of New York City to bring you the best, no-nonsense

information on the topic.

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Part 1: How Women Work

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Chapter 1: How Women Think

Women Don’t Know What They Want

Do you find yourself listening to the advice of female friends about

how to attract women and often find that it doesn’t work? I did for

years. I even made the ultimate mistake of asking girls I was dating

how I should act. Many guys have the mentality that if they want to

learn about what women want, they should ask women. It seems

logical enough but it doesn’t work for one major reason – Women

don’t know what they want! It’s a sad reality that very few women will

actually admit to you. A woman’s emotions are all over the place

because of hormones and thousands of years of genetic coding. She

is constantly battling whether to follow primal urges or to listen to

advice from women’s magazines or friends, or her conscience. One

day she might be in the mood for a sensitive guy, the next a funny

guy, then a week later she’s in the mood for a musician type. One

day she wants a guy who’s domineering and the next a sweet

sensitive guy who gives her all the space in the world.

To prove this, all we need to do is look at the book "Blink" written by

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Malcolm Gladwell. In the book he examines what he calls "The power

of thinking without thinking". The concept is that the reasons that we

SAY we do things are often very different than the reasons we

actually do them. Gladwell talks about a study done by two Columbia

University professors who set up speed dating events in New York

City. The men at the events were given 6 minutes to talk to eight

different women to see if there was an attraction there. After meeting

everyone in the room, the men and women were given a secret ballot

to check off which people they were interested in. If both people

checked off each other, they were given each others' email

addresses. The professors asked all of the women to fill out a

questionnaire before each speed dating event, after the event, one

month later and six months later. The questionnaire asked the

women to rate what they were looking for in a mate on a scale of 1 to

10. The categories are: Attractiveness, shared Interests, sense of

humor, sincerity, intelligence and ambition. After each 6 minute date,

they were also asked to rate the person they just dated on the same

scale. After repeating this "experiment" an innumerous amount of

times what the professors found was astounding. The questionnaire

that the women filled out about what they were looking for in a mate

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and the guys that they actually selected had absolutely no correlation.

In fact, what they said they wanted in a man and the men they

choose were often completely opposite. Another amazing observation

made by the professors was that the women's ranking order of what

they were looking for often changed the day after the event. They

found that if a woman met a few guys that she liked who were more

"attractive and funny" than "sincere and intelligent", the next day

when she filled out the same questionnaire, her preference order

would completely change. She'd all of a sudden rank attractive and

funny higher than sincere and intelligent. After doing this experiment

with thousands of women, this pattern held true in almost all cases!

Another thing that happened in almost all of these cases was that

when filling out the same questionnaire one month later they'd go

back to the original answers they had chosen the first day they filled

the questionnaire out.

This doesn't necessarily mean that women have no idea what they

want, it's just incomplete. This is where you step in with your

confidence and technique to "complete" it. The description that she

starts with of her ideal mate is her conscious ideal. But much of this

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goes out the window when subconscious thought, feelings and

genetic programming kick in. This is why you need to take what a

woman says about what she wants in a man with a grain of salt.

Never assume that you're not her type, even if she says it. YOU can

easily become the type of man she wants.

Throw Logic Out the Window

I'm about to tell about a mistake that 99% of guys (who haven't read

this book) make when trying to get a woman to like them. They try to

use logic to appeal to women. They try to reason their way into to her

pants. This will NEVER work. Why? Because women work very

differently then men. The sooner you understand and accept that the

better off you’ll be. Women are not creatures of logic - they are

creatures of FEELING. They don't use their brains to feel attraction

and most men spend the majority of their time trying to appeal to her

brain instead of making her feel. You can never convince a woman to

have feelings for you if she doesn't. Watching a guy try to convince a

girl to like him can be fun to watch. It’ll never work because women

are genetically programmed to use feeling, not logic, as their primary

gauge of attraction.

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Chapter 2: It’s In Her Genes!

Genetic Programming

Whether we want to admit it or not, human beings are to a large

degree victims of our genetic programming. No matter what a woman

says or how civilized, cultured or progressive she tries to be, she has

very specific evolutionary characteristics that she’s attracted to. This

is great news for us because all we have to do is embrace those

characteristics and we’ll have women falling all over us. A major

character trait that females of all species are programmed to be

attracted to is status. In the animal kingdom females are told by

Mother Nature to mate with the dominant males of her species. It is

no different for human beings. When female animals go into heat,

they search out the strongest males to mate with in order to preserve

the race and create strong offspring. When a woman feels excited

and wild over a guy she’s feeling the same genetically programmed

response that an animal feels when it goes into heat. She can’t help

these feelings. The female animal in nature goes for the seemingly

unattainable, powerful, untamable male. No matter what she says or

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how much she tries to fight these instincts it’s simply factual that they

exist inside her. All of this information is encoded in her genetic

structure.

Women need to feel this wild, uncontrollable attraction. They don’t

logically choose it – they feel it or not. You can buy her flowers for the

next ten years and it won’t matter unless you make her FEEL this

attraction to you. Women don’t care how things work; they care how

things make them feel. In all of the romance novels and soap operas

women have been devouring since they were kids, the leading males

are always untamable, strong men who sweep women off their feet.

This is the quality that many “jerks” have. Women don’t like the fact

that the guy is actually a jerk – it’s just that jerks have a tendency to

have more of this primal, uncontrollable dominance that the weaker,

“nice” guys don’t have. They can’t help it fellas. They are simply

responding to Mother Nature. Estrogen is a drug that induces feeling.

It makes women want and need to feel everything. Testosterone is a

hormone of aggression/achievement and dominance. The sooner we

realize and accept these facts, the easier time we’ll have

understanding the dating world.

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So what exactly are some of these traits that she’s genetically

programmed to desire?

Physical Strength

Women are genetically programmed to desire a physically strong

man. Now don’t go running off to buy steroids because this doesn’t

necessarily mean that she wants a guy like the incredible Hulk. In fact

when a guy gets too huge muscularly many women see that as a

compensation for other weaknesses. What they do desire is a fit man,

who walks with his head up high, with his shoulders back, showing

complete confidence. I will teach you many techniques in the book

that will make women see you as a physically strong creature.

Ambition

Ambition is a great attribute to have because it helps women

rationalize why they’d be with a “weaker” man. Major ambition is

usually enough to tell a woman that at some point soon, you’ll be the

dominant male she’s looking for and as long as she has the patience

to wait, she’ll give you a chance. I remember watching Jerry Maguire

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listening to Renee Zellweger say, “I love him for the man he almost

is” and thinking “What a bitch. What’s wrong with the man he is right

now”. Then I realized that she couldn’t help it. It was her genetic

programming that wanted him to be the strongest man he could be.

Yes I know it’s just a movie but it’s a perfect example of how women

think. His ambition to be the strong male was enough to keep her

interested. Another reason that ambition is so attractive is because

women are programmed to look for the instinct in you that wants to

be dominant. Most men assume that they need to have lots of money

and power to get women when in fact; you don’t need to be rich or

“powerful” right now to attract women. Women are equally as

attracted to the trait in you that desires to get rich, powerful and

successful.

Modesty

Never be blatantly boastful. Once you develop a real self-confidence

it will shine through in your actions. Any man that feels the need to

talk about how great he is in bed or what a great athlete he is will

seem weak. Women have a built in radar that let’s them spot the

difference between real and fake confidence. Instead show with your

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actions what an amazing person you are and always be humble

about it. I will teach you in this book how to always appear humble

while secretly sneaking in brags in a way that women can’t detect

them.

These are just a few of the characteristics that women are genetically

programmed to desire. Let me stop the list here and move on the

next chapter where I’ll begin to tell you how to start making these

qualities a part of your very being.

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Part 2: How To Be The

Guy You Need To Be To
Attract Women!

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Chapter 3: Confidence
People feel good about themselves when they are around confident

people. When you exude confidence and feel great about yourself,

people (and most importantly females) will want to be around you.

You create a glow around you that women want to be a part of. They

can tell that you feel good about yourself and they want to feel that

way about themselves. They will draw close to you, hoping it will rub

off on them.

When I was younger, I wasn’t always confident around women. I

sometimes felt inadequate and unsure of myself. Instead of letting

this lack of confidence eat me alive, I went out and learned all I could

about how to increase my confidence. I went to the library and bought

every book imaginable about confidence. I started applying

everything I learned in my real life and eventually I became the

strong, confident guy I always dreamed of being. I’m about to share

with you the most important things I learned and the confidence

building techniques that made me who I am today.

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Why you are actually just as good looking as Brad Pitt

Before I get into specific techniques about how to become confident

let me break down the myth that you must be the quintessential “good

looking” guy to get women.

What if I was to tell you that you are equally as good looking as Brad

Pitt? I bet you’d think I’m crazy. Well actually it’s true. The

expression, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is 100% accurate.

What is it about slight variations in facial and body structure that

make one person better than the next? It’s the way the viewer

perceives them. In fact, modern science is beginning to show us that

we don’t actually see anything with our eyes. What actually happens

is that we gather information from our eyes and create an image in

our brain based on millions of variables stemming from social

conditioning and pre-conceived notions. I want you to picture

someone who you’ve known for several years. How do you look at

them? Would you say they are attractive overall? Now think about the

first day you met them. Really try to picture how you viewed them the

first day you saw them. I bet it’s at least somewhat different than how

you view them now.

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More proof that you are really no different than Brad Pitt comes when

we examine the historical perception of beauty. In Ancient Egypt, fat

men were considered extremely attractive, as it indicated that the

person was rich enough to afford a lot of food and avoid physical

labor. While we spend time on the beach working on our tan, in the

early Mediterranean societies women were seeking out pale men.

This was an indication that a man was wealthy and didn’t have to

work outside. In fact, people used to cover their entire bodies when

going outside to avoid getting tan.

If a woman of today sees you having yellow teeth she’ll assume you

have bad breath and you don’t take care of yourself. In Japan and

Europe there was a time when men would dye their teeth black

because women found it attractive. Sugar at the time was very

expensive. Once they became aware of sugar's ability to rot teeth,

many rich, fashion-conscious people blackened their teeth to prove

how much sugar they could afford.

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For centuries men used to purposely scar their face because it

showed that they were brave and didn’t back down from battle.

Women found grotesque and numerous scars on a man attractive.

Fast forwarding to modern times - I remember seeing a special on TV

about the supermodel Giselle and Leonardo DiCaprio recently. They

were doing some kind of missionary work on an island in the middle

of nowhere. Based on our American standards, the people on the

island were hideously ugly. An interviewer asked one of the natives if

they’d like Leonardo and Giselle to stay on the island with them. Not

knowing that Giselle and Leo were dating, the guy answered that he’d

love them to stay but they’d probably never find mates because they

are so ugly. This guy actually thought that these two American icons

of beauty were the ugly ones! So back to my original point and the

really good news; YES - you are as good looking as Brad Pitt. That’s

the good news. The bad news is that women of our time and culture

are socially conditioned by everything around them to find him more

attractive than “us mere mortals”. While it’s certainly an uphill battle

to try to convince a woman that you are better looking than Brad Pitt

off the bat, with proper technique you can shift her perception of

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beauty. Think about it this way. For every feature on him, there is

some specific socially or genetically programmed reason why she

finds it attractive. Let’s examine a couple of Brad’s features and show

how eventually she can find your features equally as attractive.

Let’s look at his prominent cheek bones and strong jaw line and chin.

In Western societies, men and women of all races often agree that a

face with pronounced cheekbones and often a heavily-set jaw is

physically attractive. These are currently viewed as indicative of a

masculine, confident personality. Now, let’s say you have no

cheekbone structure and an extremely tiny chin but you are incredible

confident and masculine. In fact, you are the most confident man

she’s ever met. You have just set a new precedent for what confident

means to her. I agree that for the first meeting or two she’ll probably

still say that Brad is more attractive than you, but after a while those

old cultural views that she had associated with a strong chin can be

replaced by even more powerful associations about having hardly

any chin at all. A “chinless” guy will actually become her new symbol

of confidence and masculinity. If you were to break up with her, she’d

actually go out and search for a guy with a tiny chin because she now

assumes that it’s somehow associated with confidence.

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So what’s the lesson to be learned about all this? If you don’t look like

Brad Pitt, don’t worry about it. With extreme confidence and the right

techniques you will actually become her new standard for beauty and

masculinity. Keep this in mind when you are out meeting women. You

need to know that her view of beauty is so paper-thin and penetrable

that you have no reason to ever feel insecure. Be confident that with

the right attitude you can actually become the vision for what beauty

is in her eyes.

The Soprano Factor

Here’s an example that proves that a strong, confident personality

can blind a woman to the fact that you aren’t classically handsome. I

was hanging out with a group of girls I know watching Sopranos a few

of years ago. To my complete shock one of the girls bursted out

almost as if she couldn’t help but say it ,“Mmmmmmmm… he is

sooooo hot!”. On the screen all I see are Tony and Carmela Soprano.

I immediately think she couldn’t be talking about anyone on the

screen because obviously Tony Soprano is a fat, balding guy. So I

start looking around the room and see some photos on a table next to

the TV. In one of the photos I see a picture of one of the girls with her

arm around some guy. I assumed that must have been who she was

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saying mmmmmmm about. I didn’t really give it much thought and

kept watching the show. A little while later, one of the other girls says,

“Yeah, he really is hot”. I finally realize that they are talking about

Tony Soprano. How could this possibly be? I was so confused. These

girls were drooling over Tony Soprano like he was a piece of steak. I

asked the other three girls in the room if they thought he was

attractive as well. To my astonishment, all but one of them thought he

was hot. They said, “There’s just something about him. I don’t know

what it is”. I couldn’t believe my ears. This was the ultimate proof to

me that with the right attitude, ANY man can be considered attractive

to women. Now after years of studying the psychology of attraction, I

understand what it is they were talking about. Tony Soprano displays

a huge amount of confidence and strength. He speaks in a

commanding, authoritative tone. He’s the kind of guy that will put a

woman in her place if she gets out of line with him. He will call her out

on any silly games she plays. He is always in control of the situation.

So no matter how ugly you are, if you can get women to think that

you are strong, in control and confident – they will find you attractive!

This is great news for all of us that look more like Tony Soprano than

Brad Pitt.

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Become The “Cool”, Confident Guy

Okay, so know that we realize the importance of confidence, let’s look

at some ways we can begin to develop it. I often have guys ask me

how to how to become a “cool”, confident guy. The first step to

becoming the guy you’ve always wanted to be is to close your eyes

and imagine every aspect of his character. Don’t rush through this.

Without a very vivid picture of who you want to become, you’ll never

become him. I want you to take a moment to ponder each one of

these questions: How does he walk? How does he move? What does

his voice sound like? Does he hold his head high? How does he

dress? I want you to go through every aspect of his character. Get an

extremely clear vision in your head of this fictional character. Now I

want you to say to yourself, “If I can see him, I can be him”. Now take

your face and put it on this character. I want you to brand this image

into your subconscious. In your mind, get used to walking around like

this guy. Get used to talking like him. Just as you wouldn’t expect to

be the best piano player in the world without practicing, you shouldn’t

expect to be a “cool”, confident guy without practicing. Become

comfortable with the new guy you’ve created. I want you to really

embrace the concept that you can be anyone you want. No guy was

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born a “ladies’ man”. Practice this visualization for at least 5 minutes

a day and you’ll become more and more comfortable being this

“character”.

Another similar drill I want you to try is called “Acting as if”. Right now

I want you to stand up and try something. Come on, get up and really

do this! I want you to stand how you’d stand if you had 100 times

more confidence. Imagine that you were unstoppable. Stand how you

would if you were the most powerful, confident guy on the planet.

How does it feel? Get your chin up and your shoulders back. Now

step away from this book for a minute and walk how you’d walk if you

were 100 times more confident. Walk like you’re a lion marking his

territory. Walk with long deliberate strides. Take each step with total

self assuredness. Now I have to ask you – Why don’t you walk

around like this all the time? What are you afraid of? I’m sure you’re

thinking things like, “People might think I’m arrogant” or “It’s just not

me”. It’s these thoughts of fear that women can smell on you. You

need to erase these concepts immediately. Women respect a man

who’s not afraid to let the world know he’s confident. You have

nothing to be afraid of. Let everyone around you know that you’re

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someone important. What you’ll find is that they’ll start to treat you

differently. By “Acting as if” you’re someone confident and important;

you’ll start to actually become that way! For the next few weeks I

want you to take 5 minutes a day to practice standing and walking as

if you had 100 times more confident. After a while you’ll notice that it

will begin to reflect in your own natural stance and walk.

She’s Already Bought You

Companies across the country teach sales teams a very key rule that

helps them sell. They are taught to assume that the buyer already

wants what they are selling. In the same way, in order to be

successful with women you need to assume that she wants you.

Assume that she is interested in you and your body language will

follow along.

In the documentary “Pumping Iron” Arnold Swarzenneger says that

he called his mother before the Mr. Olympia bodybuilding contest

took place to tell her that he already won. It’s no coincidence that he

was the 7 time champion. By the way, go out and buy “Pumping Iron”

as soon as you can even if you’re not into bodybuilding. The

confidence that Arnold exhibits in that documentary is incredible and

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inspirational. You can see that Arnold would have been irresistible to

women because he not only displays an amazing amount of

confidence but he’s really enjoying life. People just flock to him.

Everyone wants to be around him. Watch Pumping Iron once and

you’ll see why he has become so successful today.

Become The Ultimate Movie Character

Pick 3 movie characters that you feel exude confidence. Go rent or

buy the movies they are in and carefully observe every move the

characters make. Take notes on the characters. Listen to the lines

they say and the way they say them. Skip to scenes where they are

speaking to a woman and pause the movie after they say lines that

you find well delivered. Rewind and listen to the line several times.

Then practice saying the line out loud in the exact way they said it

and model their posture and stance. Get out a pen and write down all

of the details you possibly can. Where are his eyes looking? How

much distance is there between him and her? Is he using touch at

all? Do this drill with a least 3 movie characters and try to find

similarities between them. What is it that makes them seem

confident? If you can pin point EXACTLY what it is they are doing,

you can do these exact same things and seem confident as well.

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Be A Master Of Your Domain

When you’re out with a woman, use deliberate, powerful movements

any chance you get. When reaching for a beer at the bar, grab it

tightly and pull it in to you. When you put seasonings on your food

use a couple of good hard shakes and then put the shaker down 20%

harder than you normally would. This shows you are in control of the

situation and that you’re decisive. You may not realize it, but she

processes all of this information. 99% of guys don’t realize that

something that seems as trivial as slow, wimpy, indecisive seasoning

shaking can turn a woman off. On a date you are being judged on the

hundreds of little, seemingly insignificant things you do.

Strong animals in nature make every move with power and authority.

You also need to learn mark your territory. An easy way to start doing

this is to take up more space. When you’re on a date, spread out and

enjoy being a man. Be the master of your domain. Literally tell

yourself, “I am the master of my domain and I enjoy it”. This thought

process will reflect in all of your actions from the way you open a door

to the way you sit in your chair and she’ll notice.

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Another way to establish and maintain dominance is to walk 2 steps

ahead of her (on the side closest to the street is you are walking near

one). This creates the illusion of leadership and protection. She

probably won’t realize what you’re doing consciously but she will feel

safe following your lead.

Thank you for reading this free preview of The Art Of War For

Dating System by Spencer Michaels. What you just read is just

the beginning of The Art Of War For Dating ebook course. The

rest of the ebook course offers specific techniques and the

exact dialogue you need to know to attract women. To order the

complete course which includes the full ebook, the Confidence

Builder audio program and free bonuses, go to:

http://www.datingwar.com

The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2006, All Rights Reserved