Narcissu

Translated by: Randy Au Contact me, with subjects that I can easily identify as not spam at: a i !point" projectmail !et" mail !dotty" com Copyri ht#type nonsense: I$m no lawyer, and don$t %now, nor care, much about these thin s, so here$s the spirit of what you can do with this file& 'ou can distribute this wor% freely, without chan es, it as much as you want, just i(e me credit for the wor% I did& If you chan e somethin , clearly identify your chan es, credit me the rest, and be on your way& If you, for some reason, in any way, )R*+IT from distributin this wor% in chan ed or unchan ed form, I want a share of it, otherwise, you can$t distribute for profit& +inally, you can$t hold me le ally liable for anythin just because you$(e used this wor% in some way& I$m simply tellin a story here, you bear the conse-uences of your actions all by yourself& Chan e lo : !.#/0#1002" 3& 0&0 4 )roject started on a whim to help a friend appreciate the ame, leadin to a sloppy start that soon turned serious because I$m compulsi(e that way& !.#10#1002" 3& /&0 4 5eclared finished and posted to the public, less than 16 hours before Insani&or $s release to the masses 787& 9ut they had to do so much more wor% I$m impressed& !.#11#1002" 3& /&1 4 Restored a number minor missin descriptions pre(iously lossed o(er in the early sections, corrected some insanity issues and did some eneral editin & The sort of thin s that only come up with a tedious line#by#line comparison to the ori inal script a ain& :ost of this fi;in occurrin between the be innin and the middle of chapter <& )reface and Translator$s notes: Narcissu, a&%&a& Narcissus is a dojin wor% of =atao%a Tomo, one of the primary scenario writers for Ne%oNe%o>oft& ?e was also the director of most if not all of the NN> ames until their :ay 1002 ame >a#na#ra#ra& @hat$s nice about this wor% is that it comes in either a C5 (ersion, which has some simple e;tras li%e wallpapers, and the music is in C5#5A format instead of * 3orbis, or a totally free web (ersion for download& As of this writin , the ARB for the project pa e is http:CCsta e#nana&sa%ura&ne&jpC The ori inal oal of this translation was to help people without any Dapanese s%ills to enjoy this beautiful story& It is also a semi#hasty job and while I thin% I could ha(e done a far worse job at translatin , I would personally pe the -uality of the translation, where /00E was a perfect professional paid translation job, perhaps somewhere around the .0#.2E ran e, while my ideal tar et of -uality for similar projects that I$m doin is around F0#F2E& In an amusin twist of reality, I$(e learned that the insani&or roup has published their own translation of Narcissu for download& Goin so far as to rebuild the script for *nscriptor in Hn lish form& They$(e mana ed to beat my slac%in completion time by fair bit& I ha(e deliberately %ept from pee%in at their wor% to a(oid contamination, and I am -uite e;cited read their wor% for comparison& I ha(e one to an utter e;treme, my (ersion is the ultimate No 3oice (ersion that =atao%a Tomo tal%s about in his notes& ?ec%, it doesn$t e(en ha(e pictures or musicI 5are I call

this a no(elisation projectJ 9ut, who %nows, perhaps my (ersion has some merits of its own& @e shall see in the comin days& KTranslated by, Randy A ilis Au& Au ust, 10, 1002& !Au & 11, 1002" Translator$s )ostscript: Insani$s Narcissu release day has come and one, and I ha(e e;citedly downloaded their wor%& I am -uite amaLed at the amount of wor% they ha(e done in the bac% round, the research into medical practices, the research into eo raphy& As for the translations, readin throu h and comparin them all, there were places that I didn$t -uite a ree with, places where I wish I had thou ht to render it as cle(erly they did, and places where I finally noticed I had lossed o(er early on before I seriously attac%ed the script almost line by line and for ot to put bac% later, many of the omissions I$(e retranslated into later (ersions& I ha(e no particular criticism since, after all, I 8am8 a biased spea%er& I$m sure each (ersion will find its own roup of people who li%e it more than the others& In the end, I did this all alone, just as a youn uy, with some rammar %nowled e, a dictionary, (ery little %nowled e about Dapan proper, and -uite a bit of lo(e for the story& And so to me, the locations, the nitpic%y minutiae could ha(e been real, could ha(e been ima inary, and it wouldn$t ha(e mattered 4 the story did not rest upon those details, and so I didn$t worry myself o(er them& I didn$t do research into eo raphy or much anythin else, just went as the words carried me& 9ut still, I shall stubbornly lea(e these incidental place names, these one#use Mtechnical$ terms, howe(er ri ht, wron , or missin , as they are now, e(en when I$(e seen what they should ha(e been& I$m stic%in to my uns& The tellin of the story does not rest upon them, and so lon as I ha(e told a ood story, I$m satisfied& I ha(e also found watchin the two separate ame translations unfold, in parallel, while bein compared to my own and the ori inal Dapanese te;t, to be utterly fascinatin & After all, with three translators, we ha(e three different interpretations of how or e(en whether to say what was said or left unsaid, three different renderin s of the tone that =atao%a Tomo has laid down for the tellin of the story, and finally, e(en different cultural bac% rounds, which are reflected in our differin use of Hn lish& That final one, perhaps, is what I found the most interestin & :uch of the (alue of any story is in the tellin , and the world at lar e is luc%y to ha(e such different storytellers attempt the same wor% for free comparison by all& H(en if I do say so myself& KRandy A ilis Au

Author$s notes section: These comments were made by the author =atao%a Tomo in the HTC option, :y copy of *nscriptor seems to bu out when it enters this so I$ll briefly co(er the contents here& This section is 8(ery8 hastily translated, and, actually, it$s not /00E complete& I just co(ered the !I:*" most informati(e and least ramblin parts& 5on$t ta%e it as a sample of my wor% in the main story& )re#production comments Concept: The ori inal concept behind this wor% was @ith 3oice and @ithout 3oice which was betterJ It is a subtle notion, but I thin% @ithout would be the better one& The reason bein that without (oicin , the ima e is in your brain, and so as you play your ima ination can paint out the infinite possibilities a(ailable& 9y the same reason, would ha(in as few pictures as possible be the best wayJ !:ost of the pictures are either dar% or li ht feelin " @ould ha(in less of these thin s help the scenario moreJ The >cenario: The eneral notion of the scenario: @ith 3oice: A No(el type, with more thin s written in than is necessary @ithout 3oice: :inimal thin s written, to con(ey the situation, a scenario or poem type I had been thin%in about these thin s for a lon time and finally decided to try it )ost#production comments: Art: I used more pictures than I had ori inally thou ht& At first the plan was to use mostly blac% and white, and if I had planned on writin a small no(el#li%e thin that mi ht$(e been how it turned out, but in my position the te;t and the art are part of each other& 3oices: +inally I mana ed to et the (oices done& In the end, ha(in (oice actin for comparison and feelin the incompatibilityCdifferences!J" of the two was sli htly happy& )eople who play the (oiced (ersion first, and the people who played the un(oiced (ersion first, I want to hear both of these people$s reactions, that was why I prepared the (oice actin & !There is a conclusion, but it seems to be some %ind of philosophical e;ploration upon the meanin of which style is more effecti(e !he prefers the un(oiced, poetic one" and it$s too much of a mess to translate sensibly and -uic%ly" The Contents: The plot contains many of the thin s that I had mentioned pre(iously, and many trial elements are within& ?owe(er, concernin the subject matter, in the end it was somethin that I wanted to write as an indi(idual, not as an item for sale, but as a creati(e wor%, it proceeded as my heart desired to o&

I did not once consciously say I want to ma%e it interestin , or e;citin , or ma%e the reader cry and also it is not a commentary upon criminal acti(ity nor about the health care system I do not %now whether readers will find it borin , interestin , dis ustin , or unhappy& Anyways, I thin% there are many ways to e;perience the wor%, and that should be how people should approach it& As for the author himself& Those shinin days, those winter days co(ers all of it !Translator$s note: That line the author -uotes is actually a parallel to Gin$iro Chapter / which was About those shinin days, those summer days& In a sense, this wor% Narcissu is a modern day retellin of that tra ic chapter&" :any Than%s section: ?e than%s lots of people& Artists who made the pictures for him, Aya%awa Rino who (oiced the main character for him !incidentally, she also (oiced the heroine of Gin$iro Chapter/, yet another parallel for the fans of the ame to enjoy" and people who a(e him bandwidth to post a /00mb file for public download& Ndated: Duly 1F, 1002, >tudio Nana, =atao%a TomoN HTC mode: This is the :usic Room and just a translation of the son titles& Hmerald >ea >il(er Coupe Narcissus 4 Instrumental# >huumatsu no >u oshi %ata yori P I am here 3ocal 3ersion Ramune OF$s !+rom RamunePP" Route / Oth +loor ?atsu%i !from /10yen no ?aruN" Hmerald >ea (er&1 >carletNNN Narcissus K>etsumi$s themeK

N /10yen no ?aru is from the )>1#only ame /10yen >tories from NN>CInterchannel& The heroine of the >prin chapter is named ?atsu%i& P I belie(e the translation is +rom one who passed the end& 9ut I$m not sure& NNN The >carlet theme appears in many different NN> ames in many (ariations by the way& PP Ramune is a )C ame from NN> from 1001C100<, soon to be ported to )>1 and e(en an anime has been announced for sometime in 1002#100Q&

)rolo ue: *n the openin frame, the irl states the thematic -uote of the story Those shinin days, those winter days The < series of numbers are suicide statistics for successi(e years& /FFQ >etsumi R Certainly, since I was a child, thin s weren$t well& 9ut e(en so, durin rade school, I played normally in the summer sun until I was tanned (ery dar%& In Dune, soon after I first entered junior hi h, the day after we ordered our school uniform swimsuits was the first time I e;perienced bein admitted into the hospital& It was a little before midterms, and the rain that be an to fall made the day feel awfully cold& In the middle of the pure white s%y of the rainy season, in the be innin , e(eryone in class came to (isit& @hen I was released from the hospital, they would come o(er to play durin the wee%ends& 9ut that was only at the be innin & +all came, winter left, hospitaliLed, released, outpatient care, and then once a ain hospitaliLation& Classmates who were once called friends, all unawares became ac-uaintances, and then, stran ers& As the seasons turned one by one, it seemed that I was disappearin from their memories& It seems somehow that to people who li(ed normally, my e;istence to them made them uneasy& That is why I pretended to ha(e been erased& ?owe(er many seasons passed, loo%in at the white rain clouds, I li(ed without the need to e;chan e words with anyone& :y Hn lish te;tboo%, from my first year junior hi h midterm, remained in the same state& It was there, that my time seemed to ha(e stopped K:ain )rota onist !he has no name" 1006, early summerK . years after >ummer, flowin sweat& At the 5:3 license e;amination roomN/ there was a lar e lit si n& The li hts came on all at once and the man searched for his own number alon with other people& 1<OR 1<OR Amon the li hts, he finally found his own number& =a#thun%& The man rela;ed in the mostly empty train car of midday, returnin home from the e;amination center& In his left hand was a copy of the traffic re ulations boo%& In his shirt poc%et, was his new dri(er$s license& @ith this, I$m also enerally e;empt ehJP ?e murmured to himself %eenly, thou h he felt no particular stron emotion& It$s not li%e he really wanted to dri(e a car& Nor did he really ha(e any other sort of oal in mind& It$s just that his collea ues were all ta%in trainin courses and he had been encoura ed to at least et a dri(er$s license& That ni ht, he reported to his parents that he had obtained a license, and they simply replied I see& @hen he tried and as%ed if he could borrow the car, they replied with a short No
/N Dapanese dri(er$s licenses aren$t easy to et P I belie(e this is some %ind of license class&

you can$t It$s not li%e he had wanted to dri(e the car& Their responses were as he ima ined, they were those %ind of parents& The ne;t day, when he wo%e up, his chest was in pain and he was sent to the hospital& Normally, he didn$t ha(e any relation with illnesses, and so waitin in the waitin room was e;tremely borin & +inally when he thou ht the e;amination was o(er, he was sent to ta%e S rays and blood tests& ?e was forced to ta%e them& A ain, after a lon , lon time of waitin in boredom, without thin%in , he finished < boo%s of Dump man a and was reachin for the 6th& It was then they completed the paperwor% for his admittance into the hospital& The dri(er$s license that still lay in his chest poc%et& It seemed that the time for its debut was a ways off& :ain )rota onist, 1006, +all Around the time when the noisy cicadas stopped cryin , he was in the hospital as was usual& It$s not li%e he was in admittance the entire time, he came and went, bac% and forth& A month a o was his first e;perience with sur ery& After bein released, he was ori inally supposed to be a 2 minute commute to outpatient care& +rom then on, hospitaliLation, release, outpatient care, then re#hospitaliLation, bit by bit he returned& ?e didn$t %now anythin about )HT scans and the li%e, but if he paid attention, he$d notice a few months would o by durin his comin s and oin s& Alon with his appetite decreasin , the amount and type of medicine he was re-uired to ta%e increased& H(en he could feel that his own stren th was decreasin & ?is le s felt a bit thin, and he was told that it wasn$t his ima ination, and that his wei ht was decreasin & And yet all he could do was watch himself objecti(ely, as if watchin a stran er in a sin le scene on tele(ision& Ane;pectedly, the thin s that were happenin to his body didn$t communicate to his head& Thin s that occurred in reality didn$t seem to be real& And so, e(en thou h it was supposed to be his body, all he could do was watch on with the cold detached eyes of someone far away& :ain )rota onist, 1006, @inter @inter& Rou hly when Christmas trees disappeared from the streets& ?e was allowed to return home because of the New 'ear& In the end, it seemed only temporary, but e(en so, he was a bit happy& In the sleetin rain, he returned home after a lon absence& +or some reason, the entire family had been athered& ?is parents, who normally did not spea% much, spo%e often, and smiled at him& The sister that he always -uarreled with made him his fa(orite cream stew and eel stir fry&N ?e ot to sit inside the %otasuP and eat mandarinsNN& It was (ery %ind and impressi(e& At that point in time, he had a bit of a feelin & That brand new dri(er$s license that remained in his poc%et, untouched all this time& ?e thou ht that the license mi ht not i(e birth to any (alue before terminatin & Aw%wardly acceptin the smiles directed at him& Calmly, (a uely, somewhat distantly as if tal%in about someone else, he thou ht that&
N At least I thin% that$s what MHbifurai$ is& P A low co(ered table with a heatin element under it, an ener y#efficient way to %eep warm in the winter& NN A traditional %ind of thin to eat in a %otatsu

:ain )rota onist 1002, Danuary The New 'ear had come and a ain he was admitted into the hospital& +or some reason he was not ta%en to the usual 6th floor, but instead went to a conference room& @as forced to o to a conference room& And there, with his father, and a doctor, he heard many thin s, was forced to hear them& It seemed to be a notification of somethin & It was an e;tremely distant tal%, but he understood the meanin & It seemed that he was oin to die& I see was the only thin he said& ?e was unable to find any words& +rom when he entered the room until he left, those were the only words he said& Apon his answer, the doctor$s ballpoint pen mo(ed& :ost li%ely it was the letter for the hospice& To the (ery end, he remained (ery businessli%e& :uch li%e his father& This was such a simple thin & That was his true impression of the e(ent& And from that day, he mo(ed from the 6th floor to the Oth, from a Q#patient room to a sin le room& The Oth floor was sli htly different from the other floors& +or one thin , the floors were spar%lin , and the ceilin was much hi her& The hospital rooms were also e;tremely beautiful and the lar e windows seemed to ha(e been desi ned to let in lots of li ht& ?owe(er, the windows could only open a tiny bit& Apon e;amination, the windows would open sli htly to smaller than the siLe of one$s head& Also, the color of the wristbands they had to wear was different& >ince the time of his first admittance, the (inyl wristbands carried his name and blood type information, and their color chan ed from blue to white& ?i h ceilin s, white (inyl wristbands, windows that could only open /2cm& @hen he was transferred to the Oth floor, the new years pro rams were still bein broadcast& ?is first meetin with that irl, was also durin the be innin of the year& Narcissu Chapter /: Oth +loor 1002, @inter, Oth +loor: 5own the hall by the nurse$s station, there$s a conference room#li%e place& That unpopular place held a number of sofas and pipe chairs and had a lar e tele(ision& *n that 1. inchN CRT some random New 'ears pro ram was playin & @atchin the borin tele(ision, actin e-ually bored, was some irl& >he was of a small build, and wore pin% pajamas, on her wrist she wore the same thin he did, a white wristband& ?er hair seemed lon enou h to reach her waist& >ay, is that interestin J he said& The man didn$t find any particular deep meanin in all of this, but since there was no one around, he tried to spea% to her profile& Not particularly was all she replied bac% to him& >he didn$t e(en turn towards him when he spo%e to her& As if she had absolutely no interest in him, she just %ept watchin that borin #seemin tele(ision&P If it$s that borin you don$t ha(e to watch it, he thou ht to himself as he sat down in one of the pipe chairs, turnin to face the tele(ision& There was nothin to do, nothin he could
N The literal te;t is Mmodel 1.$J I$m fairly sure T3s come in 1O and 1F, but I ha(e no idea on this one& P The irl uses the phrase betsu niR often throu hout the story, it$s a con(enient catchall ne ati(e statement that can mean many shades of not really, or not particularly dependin upon the conte;t

do& They continued to sit and watched the tele(ision in silence, watchin those New 'ears shows shown on the screen& They watched pointless comedy acts and talent shows& *ccasionally the hi h#pitched lau her of the host would rin out, in the white room with ood e;posure to the sun, the sound just dryly echoed& >ay, you, the irl suddenly spo%e to him, still continuin to aLe into the tele(ision& ?ow many times is it for youJ ?ow many timesJ I don$t understand your meanin & That you$(e come here to the Oth floor >orry, I don$t understand your -uestion at all& I see, you$re new here, the irl just decided that on her own, as he sat there not understandin & Then, since there isn$t anyone else here, it$s my dutyR 5utyJ There$s that %ind of rule& It seemed that there was a rule to tell newcomers to the Oth floor& The man didn$t %now what it was yet, but the irl seemed to i nore him and continue tal%in & @ell, then, listen carefully& The irl spo%e, her words comin by ones and twos& It was a speech that was sli htly different from the one i(en by the doctor& Accordin to the doctor, this place was for awaitin the pro ress of medical treatment& It was a place to heal the heart& And most li%ely, in eneral that was ri ht& 9ut from the irl$s words, that was just so much public position& The Oth floor was not for uni-ue medical treatment, but a place to await the e;haustion of life& That was what the irl said, and also what the he had thou ht& This is my second time, she told him& >econd timeJ @hat$s that meanJ Comin here, she replied& Then she e;plained to him that people who come to the Oth floor don$t usually die on their first admittance& H(en if someone isn$t cured, if their physical condition is ood enou h, they$re allowed to o home, but as their condition worsens, they return& And amon those comin s and oin s, they die& The only difference bein whether their life runs out at home or on the Oth floor& It always ended in death, there was no a(oidin it& @ell, I$m only oin to say this once, so listen well from here on& As the irl continued to spea%, she remained starin at the tele(ision& @hat she spo%e was not what time the li hts et turned off, or anythin else that you$d normally tell someone new to a hospital& It was somethin entirely different& The <rd time they let you o home, prepare yourself& There$s rarely a 6th time& 'ou wont be able to return home any more& If you want to run away, o not to station A, but to station 9& 5on$t eat anythin & It$s the shortest way& It is the least burden upon your family& All the irl spo%e about were such stri%in thin s& :ost li%ely, those were the words passed down from the people who came here, the people who were headin to death& The duty that you spo%e about earlier, this was itJ 'es, that$s ri ht& >omeday, you tell it to someone new, o%ayJ After sayin that, she slowly ot up& >oftly, her hair swayed and brushed the tip of his nose& @ell, it$s time to ha(e my temperature ta%enR she said before she turned and wal%ed down the hall&

?e was left alone in that room, with the lau hin (oices comin from the tele(ision and the white flowers rowin by the window& In the end, that irl had not once loo%ed in his direction& A few days passed& +inally, the New 'ears pro rams stopped airin , and for middle and hi h school students, the <rd term was about to start& *nce a ain, the man and the irl were sittin in the loun e, just blan%ly starin at the tele(ision& It$s borin isn$t itJ he said& 'es it isR she replied to him, but she %ept loo%in at the screen while spea%in to him& >ay, is this place always li%e thisJ RI don$t understand the meanin of your -uestion& Ah, I mean how there$s no one around, he said& *ther than nurses, doctors and helpers, he ne(er saw anyone e;cept other each other$s attendants& Is it because it$s the be innin of the yearJ 5o you want to %now the reason for thatJ she as%ed&N Ah, no, I didn$t mean thatR RThen, I won$t say, she said& They had these %inds of disinterested e;chan es often& A small breeLe blew in from the window that could only open /2cm& *ccasionally, it would sway the irl$s lon hair, in the same way it swayed the flowers decoratin the window& These were days of watchin borin tele(ision, merely passin the time& Ah, so that$s where the two of your were, said an elderly nurse rushin up to them& *nce in awhile she would (isit the nurse$s station, and she seemed to be the chief of the Oth floor& >o, >etsumi#san, you don$t ha(e a fe(erJ RIt$s alri ht, I don$t ha(e oneR >etsumi, apparently this was the irl$s name& 'ou shouldn$t be loiterin around outside o%ayJ >etsumi remained silent& *%ayJ H(eryone ets worried& RIt doesn$t really matterR :y, what %ind of comment is thatJ the nurse murmured, Really, irls these days, what$s there to do with themJ Afterwards, the nurse continued to ma%e a bit of small tal%& 5urin that time, the irl, the one called >etsumi, pretended to not to hear and i nored it& )retended to i nore the sli htly noisy nurse, and continued to watch the borin screen& @ell, later, we$ll o collect a blood sample, the nurse said finally before returnin to the nurse$s station& >ay, youR he started, noR is it alri ht if I call you >etsumiJ As he as%ed, he loo%ed at the white (inyl bracelet on the irl$s wrist, there, her name and blood type were written& >he remained silent& Is somethin wron J >etsumiJ R@hy is it without a suffi;JN @haJ
N >uch direct -uestionin is %ind of shoc%in to the Dapanese if I understand properly& N >he$s referrin to the #san, which he so casually dropped&

H(en thou h you$re the youn er oneR ?ey, why am I the youn er oneJ No particular reason, I just thou ht that& It$s not li%e he was upset at the word youn er& 9ut no matter how you loo%ed at it, he thou ht he was 2#Q years older& >o, he pulled out the dri(er$s license from his shirt poc%et and showed it to her& ?ow about thisJ H(en thou h I loo% li%e this, I$m 10 you %now& RAs I thou ht, you$re youn erR she replied with a sin le lance at the license& I don$t et it& It$s not somethin to worry about, I$m only older by a little bit, >etsumi murmured with her usual lac% of emotion, on that day, e(en thou h she was aLin at the borin tele(ision, he thou ht she was loo%in at someplace far away&&& *ne day, after brea%fast, the man snuc% onto the ele(ator, ma%in sure the nurses couldn$t find him& ?e went to the first floor, out the door, and be an to head to his destination& Not station A, which was close by, but station 9, far away& It$s not that he wanted to escape or anythin & ?e had heard that no one had died e;cept at the Oth floor or their own home& ?e also had heard that >etsumi had one to station 9 a number of times, and so he just went, wantin to see the place once for himself& It$s not li%e there are uards aroundR ?e wal%ed slowly, ta%in his time& ?e thou ht about how he was a person of the Oth floor, and how they were different from other patients& ?e thou ht of many Mwhat ifs$ as he wal%ed alon the early mornin road& Glancin at the rushin people commutin to wor% or school, his feet slowly continued wal%in & After a bit of wal%in , about 12 minutes worth, he finally reached the bus stop at the station& This place has lots of people, he said aloud& That was his first impression of >tation 9& ?e stood a bit out since he was wearin pajamas, but he thou ht that if he bou ht a tic%et, he could o anywhere that he wanted without any trouble at all& ?e didn$t %now why he was supposed to o to station 9 and not A, but if he really wanted to escape, it made sense& @hat made him wonder was, that irl must ha(e come to this place numerous times& @hy was it that she was still in the Oth floorJ ?e thou ht that while he stood in front of the mornin station, aLin at the people rushin by& That ni ht after the li hts had been turned off, bac% at the Oth floor, the man held onto a boo% of man a, unable to sleep and han in about the loun e& Normally, roamin about after the li hts were turned off earns a se(ere scoldin , but people of the Oth floor had relati(e freedom& And there, in the loun e that had turned pitch blac%, he saw her fi ure& ?ey, did you see outside todayJ he said& R An, in the dar% room, she answered him, but her face remained facin the window& ?e be an to tell her about what happened today& That reminds meR Today, I went to the station& >ilence& I went to that 9 station, just li%e you told me to& I seeR

?er responses were the same as e(er& ?e had thou ht that since she must ha(e also had one before, there$d be some %ind of response& ?e started thin%in as to why the irl was still fi;ed here& 5id she ne(er really intend to snea% away from the startJ >oon, I$ll be able to o home, the irl opened her mouth suddenly, sudden words that saw throu h to his heart& HhJ 9ut this is the <rd time, so we mi ht not be able to meet anymore& >he continued& AhR That$s ri htR :ost li%ely, she was sayin that her temporary lea(e has been decided& There were practically none who were able to et temporary lea(es more than < times& And unli%e the older patients, thin%in about the rate of de(elopment of their conditions, e(en fewer of those were of youn a e& That was the meanin behind why they mi ht not be able to meet a ain& >ay, which would you chooseJ >etsumi as%ed as he sat in stunned silence& ChooseJ @here do you intend on dyin J At the sudden word of death his words were bloc%ed for a moment& @ellRI ha(en$t thou ht about it& I see, well it$s your first time, she said in a lonely murmur& *f course, e(en for him, he won$t be here fore(er& Dust li%e e(eryone else, he$ll be admitted in and released from the hospital, radually wea%enin , until somedayR In the end, he$d ha(e to choose between the Oth floor, or bein surrounded by the thin smiles of family& I don$t li%e homeR she said, but I also don$t li%e here& Then, what will you doJ Nothin in particular, neither one& I$ll just o off somewhere while I can still wal% by my own power& >omewhereJ @aitR The man thou ht, well ob(iously if she wanted to run away, she could, but yet she was still on the Oth floor& R'ou ha(e somewhere else to oJ The irl paused& 5o you want to hold me bac%J HhJ *r do you want to come with me, to etherJ @ell, I didn$t mean thatR Then, please don$t as%& >etsumi started to aLe out the window& A ain their con(ersation had been one where she did not once loo% at him& ?owe(er, that one time, her usual emotionless e;pression was instead sad& ?a(in been told that < times is the end, and loo%in at this irl who had already come a second time, he was still unable to absorb reality just now, but he wondered whether he, too, would someday ma%e that face& Another rainy day, occasionally, it would chan e to sleet, or snow, and ently continue to fall& In the middle of all that, the man sat in the usual room, watchin the tele(ision, while the Oth floor was de(oid of people& Is it interestin J came >etsumi$s (oice& Nope& 9orin &

After that e;chan e, the silently sat down in a pipe chair, and they both a ain passed the time silently watchin the borin tele(ision& ?e had nothin to do, nothin he could do, and he was sure the irl was the same& Ah the irl suddenly said, surprisin ly respondin to somethin on the tele(ision& Is somethin the matterJ RNot really, she said as she always did, but her reaction was different& There was somethin she was interested in on the screen& The screen was showin a nature scene, there were beautiful hills co(ered with trees and flowers& The main focus of the scene were a reat many white flowers& The man remembered seein these flowers& Boo%in around, they seemed similar to the white ones that decorated the windows& Are those the sameJ >ee, they loo% e;actly the same& No they$re not& ReallyJ It$s the same type of flower, but more strictly, they$re different, >etsumi said after i(in them a sin le lance before returnin to the tele(ision& The man couldn$t see the difference, not that it mattered to him& 9ut the normally -uiet irl had spo%en to him, and so he tried to stri%e up some con(ersation& Are you familiar with these thin sJ Not really& >ay, these flowers, are they orchids or liliesJ >he remained silent& @ell, they$re white RR&& H(en thou h he had no interest he %ept spea%in & 9ut the irl remained -uiet, simply watchin the borin tele(ision& H(entually he a(e up and returned to the tele(ision also& RNarcissusR HhJ They$re narcissus, she told him& And for the first time, she turned to face him& ?er lon waist#len th hair swayed as she pointed to the tele(ision with a hand with s%in as white as the flowers, alon with a white (inyl wristband, loo%in at him& ?e thou ht he saw the briefest of smiles on her face the first time she faced him& Chapter 1: >il(er Coupe A few days pass and winter was comin into full stren th& In the worldN, it was the middle of the ju%en seasonP and the two of them continue to spend their days watchin the borin tele(ision& It$s borin isn$t itJ R yes it is& They had their e;chan e that couldn$t e(en be called a con(ersation& 5ays where both of them were simply passin the time&
N The word for the world is the same one spirits or ods would use to refer to the worldly plane& P The crammin time for national uni(ersity admission e;ams&

*h yes, when were youRJ the man as%ed It$s today& I see, today& It was the day that she was to be released to o home a ain& @eR mi ht not be able to meet a ain, she said& Ah, that$s ri ht& It was li%ely that sometime durin her absence, he too would be allowed to o home& The timin of their ne;t meetin would probably be impossible& ?a(e you decidedJ she as%ed& 'ou mean where I want to dieJ An& No, not yet& I see, she nodded in a sli htly lonely fashion, probably because this would be her second time oin bac% home& ?e was still on his first (isit here& >pea%in of which, did she decide upon her answer yetJ )atter, patter, patter& >etsumi, the preparations are done, said some lady that came o(er& :ost li%ely it was the irl$s mother& >he e(en bowed her head sli htly to him& @ell, it$s about time to o, are you readyJ RAn& @ell, then, e;cuse us, the mother spo%e a ain& *nce more she a(e him a little bow and made ready to lea(e the area& And she had stretched her hand out to her dau hterR but the irl didn$t mo(e to lea(e& H(en when her mother tu ed on her hand, for some reason, the irl didn$t stand up from the pipe chair& Is somethin wron >etsumiJ It hurtsR a littleR @hatJ @here does it hurtJ 'our chestJ >tomachJ RChestR D#Dust wait a bit, I$ll o call the doctor& The mother runs off to the nurse$s station the sound of uest slippers echoin & The only people left in the room was the irl sittin bent in the pipe chair and him& ?e didn$t %now her condition, nor its ad(ancement& All he %new was that her name was >etsumi, and her blood type was *, the only thin s written on her wristband& 9ut, bein residents of the Oth floor, at the least, her condition was more serious than his& >ay, until the doctor comes, you want to lie down thereJ he said, pointin to a couch that furnished a corner of the room, ?ere, I$ll prop up your bac%& It$s nothin R I$m fine& @ith that sin le answer, she -uic%ly stood up& ?#hey, youR 9efore he could say not to strain herself, she -uic%ly wal%ed down the hall& Ni httime& ?oldin some boo%s of man a with him the man loitered in the hospital since he couldn$t sleep& And when the li hts were turned off and the room became dar% li%e it always did, he saw >etsumi in the loun e& ?ey, you$re still hereJ RAn&

@hat$s wron J 'ou don$t feel well a ainJ RNot really, she replied while aLin out the window& It seemed that her temporary release had been stopped after all& ?e wasn$t sure when the ne;t opportunity is, but with this, most li%ely it would be delayed, not a few days, but a few wee%s& >ay, I$m uessin , butR today, you were fa%in sic%nessJ Thou h sayin they were fa%in illnesses mi ht be stran er still& After all, they ori inally couldn$t be called normal people& Is it because you don$t want to lea(e the hospitalJ RI don$t understand your meanin & @ell, you won$t ha(e another chance after ri htJ >he fell silent, and he thou ht about the con(ersation they had before, where she as%ed him many times where he intended to die& As I thou ht, youRdon$t ha(e any other place to oJ R And if soR then whatJ No, nothin R In that dar% room, it was barely //pm, but the li hts were mostly down here at the hospital& ?ere was the di(idin line between ordinary and e;traordinary days& :oreo(er, here, as people of the Oth floor, they both could not choose anythin other than the Oth floor or home& Boo%in out the dar% Oth floor window the irl aLed at the world outside, the ordinary world& The li hts of buildin s and houses were still shinin bri htly, the streets full of people rushin to et home& The man wasn$t fully conscious of his position yetR but in the end, he was a resident of the Oth floor, a resident of the e;traordinary& :ost li%ely, he would ne(er be able to return to that worldR RThe me whose time has stoppedR N I li(ed throu h a number of seasons, loo%in at the white rain clouds, without needin to spea% to anyone& In the be innin , I aLed out at children oin to school, or people wal%in -uic%ly& And when that became tiresome, I watched the tele(ision& There was nothin else to watch, nothin else to do& *utside had the clouds, the tele(ision screen had the sun& There was no coldness, no heat, no pain& 9efore my eyes spread a world of dreams& In my ima ination, I wished for calm& I only increased my %nowled e reatly& I just athered and athered more and more useless and meanin less %nowled e& All unawares the thin s shown on tele(ision lost their sense of reality& Ne;t were boo%s, then ames, and then, family& +inally, e(en my body& As if watchin a stran er, I couldn$t reco niLe the reality of my body& That is why, when I came to the Oth floor, I wasn$t surprised& If I close my eyes, the world always disappears& That$s why I thou ht I was fine with it& I made myself thin% I was fine& And then before lon , I was released a second time& The ne;t time I returned, I mi ht not be able to wal% on my own& H(en thou h I %new that, I thou ht that my unresistin self was wretched& I thou ht that my destination#less self was ridiculous& >top time& >top my heart& :a%e a lar e scar o(er my chestR Ne(erthelessR& H(en thou h I$(e li(ed 11 years& I thou ht it was sorrowful&

N I simply prefer to preser(e the peculiar refle;i(e nature of this line&

A few days later, the cloudy days ended, and the hi h, hi h, winter s%y spread out& The man$s father surprisin ly came for a (isit& In the be innin , the father had a pained e;pression on his face, but he told his son about his insurance, at that time his eyes weren$t sad& I$ll spea% a bit with the doctorR the father said before runnin down the hall& Alone in his room, the man loo%ed at the thin s his father brou ht him, the wee%ly ma aLines, the juice that they always bou ht for him, and the fruit bas%et& And just in front of the melons that he disli%ed, were car %eys& The %eys to his father$s sil(er car, the sil(er coupe with the interior that his father was so proud of, the %eys to the car that he was always unable to dri(e& And then, in his chest poc%et, was that dri(er$s license& The license that lost its debut, and that he had carried with him since 4 the proof of his once ordinary life& @ithout a word, he pic%ed up the %eys& H(en then he had no reason for doin that& ?e just felt li%e it, as if watchin a scene on the tele(ision& And then, atherin up a few days worth of medicine and placin it in a ba from the con(enience store, he turned down the hall& ?e wal%ed by the nurse$s station, towards the ele(ators, the ba in his ri ht hand, the %eys in his left, the license in his poc%et& In front of the loun e, the ne;t thin he saw was the fi ure of the irl sittin in a small pipe chair, a ain watchin the tele(ision& >ay, is that interestin J 5oes it seem that wayJ No, not at all& Their usual e;chan e& The irl$s eyes were, as usual, seemin ly loo%in far away& >o, do you want to o to etherJ he as%ed her& HhJ ?e showed her the %eys& IR don$t li%e home either& IR don$t li%e the Oth floor, she answered& Then, shall we o to etherJ An, the irl ot up, and after placin a few days worth of medicine in the ba , the two of them left the Oth floor& The man turned off the e(er#borin tele(ision& The shrilly lau hin (oice of the host was silenced& The two of them entered the ele(ator in their pajamas, and went from the hi hest floor, down to the first& And on the first floor, they deliberately did not head towards where the admittances were conducted, but instead went towards the true e;its& Goin out into the cold air, the air struc% their faces li%e a cold board& In a par%in lot with few obstructions, the wind was that much stron er& They searched for the car a bit in the par%in lot while the cold wind blew& @hen they found it, the man -uic%ly used the %ey and opened the doors& Get in, he told her& An& *%ay& ?e sat in the dri(er$s seat, while she sat on the passen er side& ?er small siLe made it so that if she sat normally it would be difficult to see outside& Ne;t, the man placed the %ey in the i nition, started the car& H(erythin was just li%e the ori inal dri(in lessons& Ne;t he had to disen a e the par%in brea%, and then open the clutch& @ith this, they can o anywhere& ?ere we o& An, the irl replied with a small nod& )uttin the car in ear, he slowly pulled out, and they slowly dri(e away as he mana ed the unfamiliar clutch&

'ou$re a bit sha%y aren$t youJ >etsumi commented 'eah, this is my first time in a car after allR and since we$re on the subject, this is the first time dri(in since I ot my license& I seeR They dro(e around to the hospital e;it, and dro(e onto the lar e roadway towards a lar e li ht#less intersection& +rom behind came the sound of a car horn, blarin at them as they pulled suddenly into the lane& The ears round as the clutch was shifted improperly while the sil(er coupe ran& The car behind them hadn$t stopped hon%in , seein that it wasn$t necessary, but the man dro(e on without worryin too much about it, all the while detached from reality& >ay, he spo%e& @hatJ Are you scaredJ Is it better if I wereJ No, not reallyR It was just before noon& The sun was hi h& Throu h the windshield, the Danuary winter s%y seemed for some reason so blue and clear as to be sad& It wasn$t as if they had a place to o& The day where the unaccustomed clutch shoo% the car in the cold weather& The day when the two of them aimed at the national hi hway in their pajamas& Those winter days& 1002#/#/F, !>ome road name I don$t want to loo% up, a street in some town" They$(e been dri(in the whole day, and the s%y had turned oran e as the sun be an to set& All that time they had just dri(en, and dri(en, and when they came to a place that they didn$t reco niLe, the man finally spo%e& @e$re oin to stop for awhile& An They pulled o(er to the side of the road, in some nameless town, and for the first time started to chec% what was in the car& They had just up and left without any preparation, and so the man was hopin to find anythin that would be of use& >earchin around, he found a few hundred yen in chan e intended to pay tolls, some boo%s of man a, and a one#use camera& The two of them didn$t ha(e any particular destination in mind, but the car$s na(i ator system seemed to be bro%en& And finally, all that the man carried on him was about .000 yen, all the money that he brou ht with him in the rush to lea(e& Combined with all the coins he found before, he could barely ma%e F000 yen& *f course, he hadn$t e;pected to find much in the car from the start, but with this they can$t e(en afford decent lod in & )lus, he doubted that the irl had any money& Is there somethin wron J she as%ed him& No, nothin & @ell, it didn$t matter, they had no rand plans from the start, they had just wanted to o somewhere, they didn$t want to just sit still& In any case, he started the car up a ain and be an dri(in & 9y the way, are you hun ryJ he as%ed the irl, come to thin%, they hadn$t eaten anythin since mornin & +or now, let$s o to the con(enience store& No& ?ey, hey, don$t be so pic%y& Compared to the food at the Oth floor, it has to be better& The irl stayed silent& >he lanced at her clothes, the pin% pajamas that she wore&

Ah, that$s why, with the pajamas they were wearin , they$d stand out far too much& In the car it was no problem, but in a storeJ :a%in a decision, he turned off the main road and headed into town& Near the train station, there must be the place he was loo%in for& >earchin around, he found it, a coin#op Baundromat& It was a small place on the first floor of an apartment buildin , it just mi ht be the perfect place& ?e stopped the car some short distance from the buildin & Dust wait a bit here& The irl loo%ed at him with a mysterious e;pression as he left her in the car and headed toward the laundry& Inside the run down place were lots of old washin machines, and no one else& *ne of the machines was in use, -uic%ly chec%in the machine, he found that out of a <0 minute cycle !for 100 yen" there were 2 minutes left& :o(in to the entrance, he chec%ed a ain to ma%e sure no one was around, and once he was sure of that, he returned to the machine, opened the door and opened the machine& )ayin the humidity no heed, he rabbed a pile of half#dry clothes, and while %eepin an eye around, he left the shop& Ah the irl said, as he returned with the clothes, raisin just a sli htly surprised (oice& *%ay, we$re lea(in , he said, not mindin her reaction, tossin the clothes in the bac%& H;aminin the clothes that he too% with one hand on the wheel, he found that they were mainly audy jump suits and sweats, the siLe was probably a bit too bi also& They were also half#dry but the car$s heatin should ta%e care of that& Bater, wear what you want, he told the irl& >he didn$t say anythin , but %ept loo%in at the pile of clothes& @e had no choice didn$t weJ I %now& It$s not li%e he li%ed doin this sort of thin , it$s just that with the money they had, they couldn$t afford to buy clothes& They dro(e into the ni ht, until the moon showed its face& The man dro(e the car to a public par% and sopped& :ost li%ely it was some %ind of children$s par%, and there they started siftin throu h the clothes that had dried nicely from the car$s heatin & As I thou ht, all men$s clothin R he said& There was nothin else e;cept jump suits and sweats& :ost li%ely the ori inal owner was about the same a e as him, and about the same siLe as well& ?e started to chan e into a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt& 'ou should chan e too, he said to the irl& R H(erythin is too bi & Then you$re oin to stay in pajamas the whole timeJ *%ay, she said reluctantly& >he rabbed some jeans and clothes and opened the door& ?ey, where are you oin J To chan e, she replied, before headin strai ht to the restroom in the par%& >he came bac% holdin her pin% pajamas, wearin a pair of jeans and a white sweatshirt& That was fast, he commented, but it$s ood that you mana ed to wear somethin & >he didn$t say anythin & As anticipated, the clothes were too bi for her, and both the jeans and the sweatshirt were rolled up numerous times to fit her siLe& The pajamas were better, she said& 5on$t say that, it$s warmer this way& >he a(e him a sli htly dissatisfied loo%& As I thou ht, somethin more feminine would ha(e been betterJ Not particularly, she replied with her usual answer&

No matter how much he thou ht she was dissatisfied with the sweatshirt, soon she returned to her usual emotionless e;pression& It be an to rain, and from inside the car, they watched the rain wash down the windshield, and flow into the ri(er& They had stopped in some par%in lot, some lonely place in the mountains& After buyin some thin s at a con(enience store, they were spendin the ni ht there& 9etween them their dinner menu was, 1 ni iri !rice balls", 200ml of )ocariN, and half a potato& It$s been awhileR he said& An, she replied with a nod, holdin a ni iri& It wasn$t spectacular fare by any standards, but compared to Oth floor food, this was enou h& The irl stretched her hand toward the split potato, when suddenly her hand stopped& @hat$s wron J Nothin in particular, she replied, turnin to the windshield& *utside, a number of white flowers could be seen& +lowers soa%ed in the rain& Those are NarcisJ Narcissus& Ah ri ht, The man remembered that she was interested in those flowers, and so tried to start up a con(ersation a ain& Are those different tooJ An, strictly spea%in , yes& Ah, how splendidly rare& Not really, they$re e(erywhere& H(erywhereJ @hereJ ?e had just spo%en without any particular intent, just somethin to %eep the con(ersation oin & 9ut the irl fell into deep thou ht, and slowly opened her mouth& @est& @estJ AwajimaN is %nown for them @ait a minute, Awajima, you meanR ?e wondered how far away that was, e;actly how far away was it compared to how far he planned on oin & :ost li%ely, it was another O00%m away& And e(en if they used the e;presswaysP, it would ta%e awhile& @ith the money that they had, he didn$t thin% they could last& And e(en if they didn$t ta%e the e;pressway, they probably didn$t ha(e enou h as& 5on$t say unreasonable thin s li%e that& @e can$t possibly o that far& @hoR said anythin about oin J HhJ 'ou as%ed, so I just answered, she told him before aLin out throu h the windshield a ain, at the cold rain on the other side& It$s not li%e he wanted to o there himself either& 9ut, neither of them held any other destinations in mind&
N )ocari >weat, the Dapanese e-ui(alent of Gatorade N Awajima is an island in the ?yo o )refecture !where(er That is"& It is also called Awaji#shima and the sin le (oiced instance uses awaji#shima, Awajima is a collo-uial contraction& :y dictionary listed both, and I just happened to prefer this one for its loo% on the pa e& This is perhaps the sin le most major departure for the Mofficial$ script that I consistently use& P They$re probably just toll hi hways, but I$ll refer to them as e;pressways because literally they$re called hi h speed roads

Chapter <: :ap RThe me whose time has stoppedR Dust atherin meanin less %nowled e, worthless information, always atherin information from the CRT& 9efore I %new it, reality became faded, dulled& 9ut, I lo(ed loo%in at maps& I li%ed cars and trains, thin s that carried people places& >preadin out a map on my narrow bed, tracin the numerous main lines, tracin R Ridin sedans, coupes, con(ertibles, of (arious models& Always runnin forward alon the e(er#continuin Route /& The indi o blue s%y and the beautiful seaside road headin towards that place painted in dreams, oin around a entle cape under the bri ht sunli ht and loo%in out o(er the white sand& If I closed my eyes, I could o anywhere& To places with scenery that I had ne(er seen before, while thin%in of lands that I could ne(er o to& There was no meanin to it, it was just atherin information& All it in(ited was (ain yearnin & 1002#/#1/ The rain stopped the ne;t day, and the clouds were racin hi h o(erhead, and the still#wet asphalt a(e a uni-ue shaaaa noise as they dro(e& They continued to dri(e on as they had been doin , without any destination, just simply dri(in on& It$s not li%e they were aimin at that Awajima they had tal%ed about last ni ht& After all, the problem of asoline came lon before that& The man just dro(e on strai ht alon the road that he didn$t %now, thin%in these thou hts& 9ut where in the world were theyJ At some point he wound up thin%in about it& After all he wasn$t really familiar with eo raphy, and all the place names were totally unfamiliar& ?e intended to just continue oin , but without a na(i ator he just didn$t %now what he was doin & >o without thin%in about it, he was starin at the si ns closely as he dro(e& :mmm, I don$t really %nowR he$d say& @hat is itJ *h nothin , I$m just wonderin where this is, he replied, he fi ured that e(en if he as%ed the irl she wouldn$t %now& It$s IrumaR of >aitama%en& HhJ At the ne;t intersection, if you o ri ht, it$s Route /Q, which e;its towards ?achiouji& @ait, you %nowJ >he stayed silent& :aybe, you li(e hereJ Not really, nothin li%e that& The man found it (ery mysterious that she would %now where this place was& It didn$t loo% li%e she was the type to ha(e been dri(in around all o(er& Then, perhapsRyou %now how to et from here to AwajimaJ I don$t understand the meanin of your -uestion& @ell no, then without oin onto the e;pressway, and only usin the smaller roads, we mi ht be able to o there can$t weJ )lus, our money mi ht hold out lon enou h to pay for as& 'ou, want to oJ she as%ed after a pause& @ell, no, that$s not what I meantR

Then, please don$t as%, she finally said before becomin silent, once a ain aLin out the window& It seemed that she wasn$t loo%in at the scenery flowin before her eyes, but instead someplace far away& The man wondered about the please don$t as% she said just then& @hat in the world did it meanJ 5id she mean that if he said he wanted to o, she would ha(e answeredJ @ithout destination, simply dri(in , without any plans or destinations, simply disli%in the Oth floor and his cheap home, the man dro(e& ?owe(er, at the (ery least, he mi ht ha(e wanted somethin to be pointed out to him, anythin at all would do& 1002#/#11 The sound of wa(es& It$s cold isn$t itJ 'es it is& They stood on some beach with an un%nown name, aLin out at the sea& The man had ori inally intended to head west, but before he %new it, he was mo(in towards the south& A stron , cold wind blew across the beach under the dar% s%y& They both left the car, and aLed at the dar% sea& The always despondent irl was loo%in far into the distance as usual, at the horiLon where the pitch blac% s%y and sea met& And after aLin at the sea for a while, she slowly be an to wal% towards the wa(es& >ay, how do you thin% it$ll turn outJ she as%ed him& H(en you don$t understand the meanin of your -uestion, he replied& 5o you thin% I could die comfortablyRJ If I o li%e this into the seaJ she said with her bac% facin him, as she slowly wal%ed towards the wa(es& The <rd time is the last, there is no 6th& There is a choice between the Oth floor and home& It doesn$t seem li%e there has been anyone who a(oided it& The man remembered the words that she had once told him, and how this was her second time, and how she said she hated both her home and the Oth floor& >he had already told him these thin s& Already, her duty was o(erR& Therefore, that$s what he thou ht she meant& I don$t %now& I ne(er drowned before& Then, perhapsR if I went into the sea ri ht nowR >he turned around and loo%ed at his face, Rwill you stop meJ The moon hun behind her bac% in the dar% s%y& The eyes that always loo%ed somewhere far away were loo%in directly at him& I don$t %nowR not until that time& 'ou$re ri ht, she replied, once a ain turnin her bac% towards him, once a ain wal%in slowly towards the wa(es& >ay, youR @hatJ R perhapsR you want me to stop youJ At his words, the irl stopped just a few steps before the wa(es& The stron wind blew the spray from the wa(es up into a mist that struc% their feet& If you want me to stop you, I$ll stop you& Not really, it$s not thatR Then, I don$t ha(e to stop youJ >he also didn$t reply to that -uestion, but her feet that stopped, and didn$t mo(e forward

any more& And so, he thou ht of that as her answer& The ne;t day, the winter s%y was so clear and blue as to be sad& The stron north wind blew stron ly, ma%in the power lines o(erhead whistle& The metallic paint of the sil(er coupe reflected the s%y as it ran& The man was dri(in , and as usual the irl was sittin in the passen er seat ne;t to him& ?e had no idea where they were, and reality presented them with a problem, the asoline seemed to be about out& +rom the start, they didn$t ha(e all that much money, but after their purchases at con(enience stores, they had about O000 yen left& *f course, he didn$t %now how many liters the car needed, but he thou ht they had enou h for at least one refill& They didn$t ha(e a destination in mind, but losin their mode of transportation would mean the end of their ability to tra(el& I$ll o et some as, he said, turnin toward a as station and pullin up& I see& @elcome, Credit card or cashJ said the attendant& Am, with cashR @ill it be re ular asolineJ *r hi h#octaneJ ?e blin%ed& Re ularJ ?i h#octaneJ ?e had no idea, he really didn$t %now anythin about that car, he had just otten his license and ne(er learned about these %inds of thin s& @hich will it beJ AmR ahR he floundered, and just when he was about to say anythin would do the irl sittin ne;t to him spo%e& Re ular& HhJ Ah, yes, re ular& 'es, will re ular, cash, full tan% be all ri htJ Ah, yes, please& 'es, certainly, the attendant replied bri htly while s%illfully operatin the pump& +rom the window that was open only /0cm came the smell of asoline& >ay, is re ular fine for thisJ he as%ed the irl, but she didn$t answer him& >he just pointed at the price listin & *f course, re ular was cheaper, that e;plains it& ?e didn$t really %now about these thin s, but he didn$t thin% it would ma%e much difference in the end& Then he loo%ed at the asoline meter& 12, 1Q, 1O, 1.R the di ital counter was racin up, could the thin be bro%enJ As he watched the numbers, he started becomin a bit ner(ous& ?e had randomly said to fill up the tan%, but he didn$t really ha(e that much in the way of money, includin coins, a combined wealth of O000yen, and he had no idea how many liters this car held& Glancin at the prices a ain, he fi ured that it should hold up for about Q0 liters& <., <F, 60, 6/R the meter continued to race up, without slowin , and as he was ettin more and more worried& 5amn, it$s still oin J he blurted out without thin%in & It$s alri ht, it$ll stop soon& HhJ 9ecause this car ta%es 20 liters, she told him& And just li%e she said, the meter stopped around 6O, 6.& There was the sound of a receipt bein printed, and then the attendant came o(er& >orry for the wait, it comes to 2160yen& The man too% out from his poc%et a 2000yen bill and a wrin%led /000yen bill, and

handed them to the attendant& ?ere is your chan e of OQ0yen and your receipt, than% you (ery much, the attendant said in a bri ht (oice before they pulled out of the station bac% onto the road& *nce a ain the coup was runnin alon the road& @ith this, the ur ent fear of the as tan% was one, and now they only about 1000 yen left& ?e was worried about that point, but then a ain, he was worried about it before also& >ay, he spo%e to the irl, I was just thin%in , but you$re familiar about carsJ Not particularly& Not particularlyJ 'ou just said this car was 20 liters didn$t youJ *f course, for all he %new, she had been uessin and that fact just happened to be a popular spec for cars& 9ut then, the irl was %nowled eable about the roads before& Ta%in a chance, he pic%ed up the (ehicle re istration off the dashboard& *f course you %now the name of this car don$t youJ Is that a -uestionJ @ell, thin% of it as a -uiL& Inte ra, Type R, Coupe& CorrectR and the specsJ MFF model& 2#speed transmission, ma;imum output, 100horsepowerR she replied in a disinterested tone& ?e didn$t thin% she would really answer& @ithout thin%in , his eyes followed the te;t on the re istration& Total len th, 6<.0, total width, /QF2, eneral displacement, /OFOccR do you want me to o onJ No, that$s enou h, correctR he replied, returnin the re istration& >he had unbelie(ably memoriLed all the specifications& ?e didn$t thin% human memory could do that, let alone& As to why he thou ht that wayJ ?e simply couldn$t e(en ima ine it& 9ut before his (ery eyes, this irl answered him& And also, before, if he thou ht about it, she seemed to %now many thin s about the roads, and flowers& >ay, how come you %now so many thin sJ No particular reason, I$m just older than you is all, she answered before fallin silent a ain& Boo%in out the window, she a(e no indication that she would answer any new -uestions he posed& *lder& H(en thou h it didn$t loo% li%e it, those were the words that she had used before& ?er name was >etsumi, her blood type, *, those were written on her white (inyl wristband& And then, she was older than him& That was all the little he %new of this irl& It was when the day was slowly be innin to dar%en& The sil(er coupe continued dri(in without destination, simply dri(in & There wasn$t any worry about asoline now, but their money was rapidly depletin , only 1000 yen left& Thin%in about their diet of con(enience store food, it was probably enou h to buy <#6 days worth& >ay, from here, what should we doJ he as%ed& I don$t understand the meanin of your -uestion& I mean, Mwe don$t ha(e much money left$ And soJ Mand soJ$ youR The irl remained as she always was& >he held the ni iri he had just bou ht at a

con(enience store in her hands as they tal%ed& Also, as they continued to dri(e li%e this, they were definitely usin up as& +or all he %new, it would be better if they just stopped ri ht here& 9ut to stop, without doin anythin , unable to do anythin , was tou h& @hile thin%in that, the man continued to dri(e on& If they continued as they pre(ious had, runnin alon the smaller roads, they had about < days worth of as& Dust li%e their 1000 yen could buy them <#6 days worth of food& *b(iously, he could see they were headin towards po(erty& >ay, that Awajima place& 5o you want to o see itJ There was no reply, she just %ept loo%in out the window& I, want to see it a bit, he said& @hyJ @ellR he foundered, they hadn$t left the Oth floor with any sort of plan, so to him, it didn$t matter whether they headed east or west& Anythin would ha(e done, so lon as they had some place to o, he thou ht& @hen it became totally dar%, the man stopped in the par%in lot of some pachin%o shop&N *f course, it wasn$t his intention to raise money at pachin%o or slots& @ith just 1000 yen, he %new there was a problem before playin & 9ut, he fi ured it wouldn$t be too hard to e;pect to steal /0#10,000 yen& ?e had been thin%in about it since they passed a pachin%o shop lon before& @ith just that much money, they should be fine, and it mi ht e(en let them o all the way to Awajima& And so he told his plans to the irl& ?ow about itJ 'ou want to tryJ RNo& I seeR Alri ht& >he had answered as he e;pected, -uic%ly dismissin the idea& ?e didn$t really hope that she would do anythin & It$s not li%e he was as%in for her help& ?e e;plained his plans to her more li%e a declaration& @ell, wait here awhile& Bea(in the irl in the car, the man wal%ed towards the pachin%o shop& Inside, the shop was busier than he had e;pected& There were many lar e ame machines and chan e machines, and there were -uite a number of people& ?ere and there, there were people stac%in cash bo;esRthin s mi ht just be perfect& The man mo(ed unerrin ly towards his tar et, the slot area& +or a while, he assessed the situation from the hallway& +rom his obser(ations, he selected one table& There was a middle#a ed a man who loo%ed li%e a salary#manP& At that salary# man$s feet were 6 cash bo;es, and another two were abo(e his head on the machine& *n top of that the machine just around the corner from the salary#man was free& 5urin the whole time, the salary#man didn$t loo% li%e he was waitin for a friend& The conditions were perfect, in this situation, e(en if one of the bo;es under his feet were stolen, he probably wouldn$t notice& In this store, most li%ely, one bo; would be worth 10,000 yen& @ith just that muchR The man just hun around, waitin for that salary#man to o to the bathroom& After a bit, around <0 minutes, the salary#man finally ot up& The man -uic%ly followed after, and when he confirmed that the salary#man had one to the toilet, he -uic%ly dashed bac% to the slot machine& Ne;t, while chec%in the people in the nei hborin slots and for the shop owner, he slowly mo(ed toward the machine& And then, tryin not to loo% suspicious, actin perfectly natural and ri ht, he pic%ed up one of the cash bo;es& Ga#shaaaaaaaaaaaan&
N )achin%o shops are effecti(ely amblin parlors in(ol(in lots of steel ball bearin s in pinball li%e machines& P A white#collar wor%er&

A horrific sound was raised& >lot coins scattered all o(er the floor& The coins he was supposed to ha(e pic%ed up& Actually, he was sure he pic%ed up the bo; with his hands& ?owe(er, he couldn$t withstand the wei ht of the bo;, and came crashin to the floor& H(eryone$s eyes immediately turned toward the source of the sound& The man thou ht he heard the sound of (oices, and felt the presence of people runnin Rbut those (oices were behind him& Already, by that time, he had run to within 1 meters of the e;it& >lammin the car door shut and pantin , he -uic%ly started the en ine and slammed on the accelerator, and just when he twisted the wheel to depart -uic%ly& Gan, ari ari ari =ya, the irl asped& The man ts%ed& As they were lea(in , they had dri(en up onto the curb or somethin , and then rammed into somethin & )ayin it no heed, he dro(e the sil(er coupe onto the dar% road while he asped for breath& ?e was worried about what he had slammed into earlier, but lea(in the area came first& >oon, after /0 minutes of dri(in , when they were totally clear of the pachin%o shop, he stopped the car by the roadside and went to inspect the dama e& Is it o%ayJ the irl as%ed, seemin ly just a bit worried& 'eah, I don$t thin% it$s anythin serious, he answered while e;aminin & The tail bumper was definitely dented, and the end of the muffler was a bit crac%ed& The car should be able to run without a problem& Returnin to the car, he a(e out a si h of relief& @hat a waste, he thou ht, rememberin the e(ents of the pachin%o shop& ?e had failed while bein so close to his objecti(e, but he thou ht that the ne;t time, he should be able to do it well& It was probably the fact that he hadn$t carried hea(y thin s in a while, and so he couldn$t carry that cash bo; away& If he was prepared for it in the be innin , he probably could ha(e mana ed& 'ou$re misunderstandin somethin aren$t youJ came the irl$s (oice& HhJ$ The present you, should be different from the you of the past, she continued, as if she could see throu h him& 9ut, if it was just that wei ht I couldR RIt$s better if you don$t thin% of it as the same& :ost li%ely, the irl$s words were ri ht& ?e didn$t want to admit it, but he was different from how he used to be& Certainly, with his stamina as reduced as it is now, he didn$t thin% he could succeed& Then, what should we doJ he as%ed& There was no reply, she just aLed at the dar% ni ht throu h the windowRit probably meant they should i(e up& Chapter 6: Hmerald >ea >top time& >top my heartR 5ays of just atherin informationR 5ays of aLin at maps, closin my eyes, (isitin un%nown townsR *ne day& *n the co(er of the monthly ma aLine that I always bou ht, my eyes stopped upon the pictureN decoratin the co(er& There was a model wearin a fancy swimsuit, posin
N Biterally, they use a word that$s listed in the dictionary as ra(ure photo

upon the beach& 9ehind her smilin form, was the emerald sea that I had always watched in my dreams& Certainly, we were the same a e& @ith pre#eminent style, so happy and rela;ed, she smiled at me& I don$t thin% I was particularly en(ious& +or one thin , I didn$t e(en ha(e a swimsuit, nor the need to wear oneR for me, pajamas were all I needed& @atchin the many seasons, the white cloudy s%y, passin the days without the need to e;chan e words with peopleR That day, in the middle of Dune, the day I was first admitted into the hospitalR I remembered the swimsuit that I had ordered years a o, the swimsuit that had lost its debut that day& I too% it out of the drawer after so many years, the school swimsuit that remained brand new& I too% off my usual pajamas and timidly put on that na(y blue swimsuit& It was a perfect fit, e(en thou h how many years had already passedJ It was as if, just now, I had ordered it& The model from the ma aLine with the emerald sea behind her smiled at me& @ith that pre#eminent style, so happy and rela;ed, she smiled at me& RThat wasRsorrowful& I didn$t thin% that I was particularly en(ious, but in truth, I mi ht ha(e lon ed for her& 9ecause I %new that it was impossible, it mi ht ha(e been an unnecessary yearnin & 9utR R the lar e scar on my chest, warned me to i(e up& It admonished me sayin , until my death, my companion should beRthe world of my closed eyes& 1002#/#11 It was around the time when the sun was slowly stainin the western s%y oran e& @hat should they do from hereJ Their money supply was just about one& >ay, youR surprisin ly, the irl spo%e while the man was contemplatin their situation& Can you o ta%e a bathJ Ah, presently, other than lon baths, I can& I see, the same as me then, she responded& @hat she wanted as% was probably whether the doctor prohibited him from ta%in baths& +or people with %idney or other di esti(e treatments, which re-uired (arious pipes, there were many that were strictly prohibited from bathin & Thin%in upon it, the irl probably had a circulatory condition li%e his& @hat, you want to ta%e a bathJ RIs somethin wron with thatJ No, I want to ta%e one too after all, he said, thou h they didn$t ha(e the money to stay at an inn or hotel& Then, why don$t we loo% for a bath house someplaceJ R 9ath houseJ 'eah, we should ha(e enou h money for that much& R As I thou ht, I$m fineR @hat, you$re fine with thisJ >ince they day they left the Oth floor, < days had already passed& There, they only bathed twice a wee%, and then had a warm spon e bath twice a day to %eep the body dry&N @ell, e(en so, because of the season they weren$t sweatin , and since they spent most of their time in the car, they didn$t ha(e much chance to et dirty& 5on$t tell me, you don$t want to because a bath#house is embarrassin & RNot particularlyR I didn$t mean that&
N The words used is warm towel twice a day

@hen the sun had totally set and the lar e moon was showin its face, the man found a school#li%e place& ?ere should be just ri ht for their purposes& ?e stopped the car on the road near the entrance and be an to rumma e throu h the lump of clothes in the bac% seat& There should ha(e been 1#< towels in there& After carelessly tossin aside some clothin , indeed, he found some shabby towels& It had >hiraishiP Hn ineerin >hop printed on it, and was probably some cheap thin & @ait here a bit, he said, ta%in two of the towels he headed toward the school& Boo%in around first, he climbed the closed ates& Boo%in around, he found a water faucet, most li%ely held for waterin the flowerbeds, and wal%ed o(er& @hen he twisted the faucet, a stron flow of water flowed out, so cold as to slice throu h one$s body& ?e soa%ed the towels he carried and then wrun them out before returnin to the car& >orry for the wait, he said, here, he handed one of the towels to the irl& Then he remo(ed his top sweatshirt and be an to wipe his body& Inside the car, with the air warmed by the heater, the pleasantly cool towel felt ood& 'ou don$t ha(e to be hold bac%, wipe your body,NN he said& It$s cold and feels ood& *%ay, at first she seemed to be hesitant but with that reply she raised her hands to the buttons of her clothes, the ba y button#down shirt and jeans& Then she placed her hand inside her clothes and be an wipin & >ayR she murmured& >omethin the matterJ R5on$t loo%& Ah, sorry, you$re ri ht& As the irl spo%e -uietly, her hand was under her clothes wipin & >he wore this sli htly troubled, sli htly embarrassed e;pression& The first time he saw her wear any facial e;pression& Inside the cramped car, they sat with their bac%s facin each other& ?ow about it, it feels ood doesn$t itJ An& In the pitch blac%ness, with the little bit of li ht inside, the lass in front of them would reflect the ima es of them washin & 9eyond his ima e, the man saw the ima e of the irl with her bac% towards him& >he had also ta%en off her top and was wipin her body& )retendin not to see, he loo%ed at her ima eR and saw the lar e scar on her chest& :ost li%ely, it was the scar from a sur ery& ?e couldn$t be sure, but it was a lar er scar than his own& R>ay, you, she spo%e& HhJ Ah, what is itJ Is it that R unusualJ came her words as he watched the reflection in the lass& 1002#/#12 Ander the cloudy s%y, the sil(er coupe ran& As always, the car dro(e without any destination, and thin%in about it, < days ha(e passed& In that time, nothin special really chan ed& To be particular about it thou h, alon the way, they found a free open#air bath& It wasn$t a (ery popular place, so they mana ed to at least ta%e a bath& *ther than that, they$(e reached the bottom of their money, and once a ain the bottom of their as tan%& Are you a bit tired of itJ the man as%ed&
P +or all I %now, the pronunciation could be ?a%use%i or somethin else& NN The phrase he uses carries the sense of what you say to uests i&e& ma%e yourself at home

Not particularly, she replied while holdin a con(enience store ni iri& Compared to the food from the Oth floor, it mi ht be delicious, but e(en so, they$(e been eatin only these for days and they were borin of it& 9ut e(en with this %ind of food, with their money, e(en that would be o(er in a few more trips& The sound is noisy, the irl complained& @hat$s this all of a suddenJ The sound of the car, it$s becomin louder than before& Ah, now that you mention itR It must$(e been from the time they ran away from the pachin%o shop and dama ed the muffler& ?e hadn$t been worryin about it, but it was true that the sound had been ettin louder& @ell, he shru ed, it doesn$t et in the way of dri(in probably& And also, the problem before them was the asoline, the meter was readin empty, and they had been runnin for 2 minutes li%e that& And with their remainin F00 yen, this time it$ll be different from before, clearly, they don$t ha(e enou h& >ince if they ran out of as on the road, they couldn$t do anythin , he made a decision to o to the as station, and searched for one with room& >oon, he found one, and pulled up to the nearest open pump& I$ll et some as& I seeR 9ut, don$t et out of the car& >he didn$t answer, but most li%ely she understood what he meant& The man ot out of the car, opened the as tan%, and pumped the as, imitatin the other customers& Nearby was one other customer, and in the bac% near the (endin machines he could see someone that loo%ed li%e a wor%er in a buildin & :ost li%ely, they were supposed to pay o(er there& Readin the plate on the wall, it seemed that after fillin , you ta%e the receipt o(er thereR If that$s the case now, they could run off li%e this, the man felt as he watched the pump& 1<, 16, 12, 1QR The meter was countin , and it seemed to o must slower than the first time& ?e felt irritated, wantin the tan% to fill up faster& +inally, after passin 60 liters and the tan% was about to be filledR @elcome said the employee that was just before in that buildin , and now was for some reason rushin o(er& Is your ashtray, tire pressure o%ayJ be an the employee, apparently runnin up to pro(ide ser(ices& Ah, yes, they$re fine& I see, it$s cold, so please be careful& And it was durin that time that the pump reported that the tan% was full, made a practical sound, and spat out a receipt& Ah, please pay o(er there, said the cler%, his hands pausin from washin the windows& The man was silently holdin the receipt silently, not %nowin what to do, and wound up standin stoc% still& Is there somethin the matter, sirJ Ah, no, nothin R for the moment, he returned to the interior of the car& @hat was he supposed to doJ That cler% had now started cleanin the rear window& ?e could just accelerate away, but without -uestion, the license plate number would be noted down& If there was an in(esti ation, they would easily be captured& 9ut now, in this situation, in order to et awayR )reparin himself, the man stepped hard onto the clutch and went into neutral& Dust as he was about to o into second earR

?ereR HhJ R'ou can use it& >uddenly, the irl had ta%en out an en(elope& And from inside, she handed him a /0,000 yen bill& '#you, had moneyJ just when he was certain she had none& If that were the case, he wouldn$t ha(e had to o throu h all these hardships& @hy didn$t you say anythin J he demanded& 5id you as%J Ah, um, well, noR becauseR 9ecause you didn$t as%R she replied simply before once a ain starin out the window& *nce a ain the sil(er coupe ran& +or the time bein , the as tan% was filled, and in addition, there was a 2,000 yen bill in chan e left& 9ut the man was more interested in what happened earlier& >ay, youR he be an hesitantly& ?ere, here$s all of itR HhJ 9efore he cold say anythin , the irl just offered him the entire en(elope from before& I can use thisJ I doesn$t matterR you can& Boo%in inside the en(elope, there were another four /0,000 yen bills inside& @ith this, they would be fine for a while& 9ut, what he was interested in was somethin elseR @hy was it that this irl carried so much money with herJ At least, from the start, the few thousand yen he carried was somethin he happened to be carryin at the time& 9ut from the loo%s of it, he couldn$t help but thin% that the irl had been prepared before hand& >ay, youR he be an, before you said that you hated the Oth floor, ri htJ RI also hate home, she replied& Ah, I$m that way tooR then, well, where did you intend to oJ >he stayed silent& This en(elope, this money was for that purpose wasn$t itJ And the man remembered her words from before& >he said that while she was still able to wal% by herself, she$d o someplace& >he had as%ed him, would he stop herJ @ould he o with herJ As I thou ht, you really did ha(e a place you wanted to oJ Not reallyR I can$t understand if you say Mnot reallyR$ RNowhere, she murmured, so sadly, seemin ly so alone& Then that meant that she athered this money, alone, for all this time, without a destination in mind, but still plannin for someday& ?e was a bit concerned about her doin such a (ain thin & And yet, her lonely profile seemed to affirm the statement& RThen, what about youJ she as%ed& H(en IR ha(eR nowhere in particularR& R5on$t copy me, she told him& I$m not copyin you& @ithout a destination, they continued to run& ?e who left the Oth floor une;pectedly, and

she who had only been (ainly preparin to lea(e, without a place to o& And yetR RRi ht now, I just want to o see any placeR the man said& HhJ At the (ery least, for him, he didn$t care what it was, so lon as someone pointed out the way& >ay, how about that Awajima place we tal%ed about earlierJ >he didn$t say anythin & The money we ha(e now, is enou h to o there, he told her& ?e was positi(e it was enou h to o just about anywhere& To neither the Oth floor nor home, e(en just to %eep on oin & 9ut not meanin less wanderin R the man wanted to mo(e with purpose& 5on$t you thin% you want to o see it tooJ Not particularly, was her only reply, in the same way she always does, just aLin out the window, unchan in ly, her eyes loo%in as if they were loo%in at someplace far away& The man wondered what in the world could she be loo%in at& @hat was she thin%in , what did she e;pect, comin hereJ Chapter 2: Route / I lo(ed loo%in at mapsR I lo(ed the Route / that continued runnin fore(er, un%nown places, cars that would ta%e me anywhere& 9ut no matter no matter how much information I atheredR It was just ima ination& Reality, my heart, both steadily rew more fra ile& I had a swimsuit& I had a map& 9ut I had no future& *utside the window, there was a world& 9ut it wasn$t a reality that I could touch& If I closed my eyes, I could o to a world of nothin ness, but in that world, it wasn$t as if my body would disappear& I %new that& I resi ned myself to ha(e as my companion for life, the world of closed eyes& And yet, I only %ept ima inin maybes& I would hope and dream about maybes, but in the endR lon in ne(er went beyond lon in , alon with the bi%ini, alon with the emerald seaR RThe lar e scar on my chest, told me to i(e up& 9utR )assin my life in a hospital room, li(in only in the world behind closed eyes, not bein able to choose anythin by either the Oth floor or home, was sorrowful& To be i(en so little mar in to choose betweenR 9ut e(en so, I thou ht that I was e(en more pitiful for not bein able to find that place& H(en thou h I$(e li(ed 11 yearsR Dust onceR let me do as I pleaseR @hen I murmured that, I felt the time that had was supposed to ha(e stopped, swayed& That day, the heart that was supposed to ha(e stopped, hurt& /#1Q, Route /, !>ome place name I didn$t loo% up" The clear winter s%y was reflected upon the car$s top as it ran& As always, it continued without a destination& There didn$t seem to be any loomin problems of asoline, or shoppin & 9efore lon , they were comin close to a lar e intersection& The man didn$t recei(e the irl$s appro(al, but he turned west because he felt li%e it& It was just that, since he had no idea of the eo raphy, and usin the e;pressways would be hard on their money supply& @hile he was thin%in about that, the lar e intersection came closer& @ithout thin%in about it, he was oin to head strai ht throu hR *(er there, left turn&

HhJ Turn to the left, the irl said, her fin er suddenly pointin & @hile thin%in what this was all about, he followed her fin er and entered the left lane and entered into a lar e road& @hat$s the matterJ R This is Route /, for the moment, o strai htR +or nowJ he as%ed& ?er sudden fin er pointin surprised him& Ap until now, she had seemed to %now about anythin they came across, but this was the first time she spontaneously pointed somethin out to him& R 5oes this mean, you want to oJ >he said nothin & Ah, I mean, to that place, AwajimaR R& Is somethin wron with thatJ No, that$s not that I meantR They had been oin without purpose& ?e had been wanderin , wantin some purpose, and that hard to understand irl who was always aLin far away& The words that came from the irl$s mouth une;pected& R It doesn$t mean I$m hopin for anythin R HhJ It$s not li%e I wanted a swimsuitR R @hat are you sayin J R It$s nothin R /#1Q Route 11: !>ome name" Ander the clear winter s%y, the sil(er coupe reflected the sunli ht and went on& It had passed the pass full of steep climbs and sudden cur(es, and now it was runnin on e;tremely easy to tra(el roads& >ay, where do we o after thisJ Aichi%enN, and soon after, we$ll enter the city of Na oya& The man was thin%in about their remainin money, and how they were runnin on the lower roads instead of the e;pressways& Alone, it would ha(e been impossible for him, but he just followed the irl$s directions& The pointin irl who %new more than a na(i ator& ?e didn$t %now the reason, but he thou ht it was li%ely to be the ri ht route& At the ne;t intersection, enter Route 11& Gotcha, he replied, followin her directions and turnin the wheel, chan in directions& +rom their windows flowed the scenery of a they had ne(er seen before city that stretched far to the north& And before they noticed, the scenery around them slowly chan ed to more calm thin s& >ay, do you want to o (isit thereJ the man as%ed, pointin at some family restaurant near the national hi hway& Boo%, ha(en$t we been eatin only con(enience store foodJ *f course, they hadn$t been eatin only con(enience store food because they li%ed it& They had to thin% about their money, and for that reason, %ept their e;cesses in chec%& 9ut now, since they had a bit of e;tra money, he made is proposal& *nce in awhile, oin to a restaurant$s ood isn$t itJ R I$m fine with the con(enience storeR the irl said, only sli htly lowerin her head& It seemed to him that she was loo%in at her clothes& Ah, she was still wearin those ba y
N A prefecture in the Chuubu area !says the dictionary"

clothes& I understand, then, why don$t we o there firstJ $There$J Boo%, that shop o(er there, the jeans shop, he pointed at the shop easily seen from the road& It loo%ed li%e a wholesale shop dealin in jeans and casual wear& I$m sure in that %ind of shop, the thin s won$t be that e;pensi(e& >he said nothin & *%ay then, we$re oin in& @e$re oin in o%ayJ There was no reply& 9ut there was also no refusal& :aybe, with her, if she doesn$t object, then he could thin% of it as a reement& The entered the shop& Inside, the irl went around to many corners of the lar e 1 floors of the shop, loo%in (ery curious& >he was silent as usual, and perhaps she hadn$t chan ed from her usual appearance& 9ut ne(ertheless, it was sli htly different from the lifeless, dull e;pression that she had watchin the tele(ision& *(er and o(er, she$d pic% somethin up, loo% at the price, and then seem to enter deep into thou ht& Then, while tryin on clothes, she would run up to himR R ?ow is itJ M?ow is it you sayJ It suits you just fine& R& It$s not stran eJ 'eah, probably& They had similar e;chan es o(er and o(er, as the irl %ept tryin on clothes and returnin to show him& Ne(er did she smile or show an emotion, but he thou ht he sensed that she was ha(in fun& ?ow about it, decidedJ R An, I$ll ta%e these, she replied, showin him the cute shirt and short s%irt that she had last tried on& The clothes that she chose was certainly in the (icinity of junior hi h or hi h school clothin , but she seemed to wear them happily& Certainly, she had said that she was older than him, but combine that with her appearance that no matter how one loo%ed, was youn er than him, and instead it suited her so well it was charmin & 9ut, isn$t it better to i(e up on that s%irtJ HhJ @ell, no, it$s not that it doesn$t suit you& I didn$t mean that& >he said nothin & Boo%, it$s cold isn$t itJ To be wearin an outfit li%e that& RT#that$s nor particularly a problem, I$ll endure it& Dust when she answered, the man could see her white face become just a bit red, e(en thou h she was normally one who would ne(er show a facial e;pression& Could it be that she was embarrassedJ It was the first time he saw her show any facial e;pression& They continued dri(in & Ander the winter s%y so hi h, hi h abo(e& The sil(er coupe continued to run with a sli htly noisy e;haust& Ne;t, enter Route 1/& Gotcha& As usual, the irl was the na(i ator& 9y the time he noticed, they were in Gifu%enN& Asually, when she was not needed, the irl would be starin out the window& 9ut now, a ain and
N Another prefecture in the Chuubuu area&

a ain, she was happily loo%in at herself in the side mirror& It was as if she were tryin to steal his eyes away by peerin into the mirror& R@hat is itJ she as%ed him& Nothin , it just seems li%e you really li%e those clothes& It$s not really anythin li%e that, she replied, stoppin her use of the mirror& 9ut then, after awhile, when he wasn$t loo%in , she be an loo%in a ainR In the end, he decided that she does ha(e a cute side& H(en with this little thin , to him, she was ordinary, and only ordinary, and cute& It was when the sun had totally set, at some roadside, when they were once a ain eatin their con(enience store dinner& >ay, what do you thin% has happenedRJ the man murmured, loo%in at the hospital nameplate on his wrist& H(en now his wrist was still bound by the white (inyl bracelet that held his name, and his blood type& 'ou thin% there$s a bi uproarJ R)robably& 'eah& )arents, friends, moreo(er, the hospital doctors, the thou ht of them worryin about him, e(en if they were only worried on the surface, pained his heart a bit& >orry, 5ad, e(eryone, I went off and did somethin selfish, he thou ht& >ay, youR the irl spo%e& :mJ >omethin the matterJ The first timeR that you heard you were oin to dieR did you cryJ the irl as%ed suddenly& +or just a moment, he was surprised, and then he thou ht about the hea(iness of the -uestion& R If I$m not mista%enR I don$t thin% I cried& Then, did you say why only meJR and curse fateJ I don$t remember that (ery wellR At the start, he couldn$t reco niLe what had happened in reality& ?e thou ht of it as somethin that couldn$t be considered real& ?owe(er, he mi ht ha(e, just a little bit& ?e had went with his friends who went to the same dri(in school to ether and they bou ht a new car& There were those who complained about how troublesome the <Q#payment loan would be& There were those people who decided what wor% they were oin to do& Those who had to repeat a year of school& Those who just had children& Those who were just dumped by their irlfriends a ain& 9ut he was denied a future& That$s why, spea%in truthfully, he thou ht he must ha(e felt why only meJ H(en hearin that it was just fate, in spite of that, he thou ht he must of felt that he couldn$t i(e up& And youJ ?ow was itJ R:eJ the irl as%ed& 'eah, were you sad and cryin J 5id you curse fateJ RI was, fine with it& R @hyJ R9ecause, from the start, I didn$t wish for anythin R she said, becauseRI had i(en up& I seeR If one a(e up from the start, there would be nothin to be despondent about& Boo%in bac%, there wouldn$t be anythin enjoyable, but there wouldn$t be anythin painful either&

?owe(er, the man felt that that way of thin%in was just too sorrowful& *r was it that in that irl$s position there wasn$t anythin else that could ha(e been doneJ A mo(ie that I saw once said, the irl said, Rwol(es only li(e for < years& @haJ @ol(esJ the man bo led at her sudden story& 9utR 5on%eys can li(e for F years& @hat$s this aboutJ @ol(es can li(e < years, don%eys FJ R5on%eys, because they are useful, li(e lon li(es, she said, it seems that$s why& The irl spun out her words while loo%in out the window with a lonely e;pression& This must ha(e been, to this irl, the e;cuse used to accept herself, the e;cuse used so that she would i(e up& The winter s%y was dar%ened while they were dri(in strai ht alon Route 1/& And in that dar%ened s%y danced flec%s of white& It loo%ed li%e the snowfall was oin to radually et worse& R Is somethin the matterJ the irl as%ed& 'eah, the snow is comin R the man replied, loo%in to the side of the road, he noticed that snow was appearin on the round& ?e didn$t %now when they had entered a snowy area, but e(erywhere he loo%ed around was dyed white& Thin s mi ht be a bit bad, he thou ht& Boo%in before, as best he could tell, they weren$t studless tiresN& If they %eep oin , and they entered an e(en more snowy area, it mi ht et dan erous& >ay, does this area et hea(y snowfallJ HhJ @ell, if it snows much harder than this, thin s would be difficult& H(en if the road surface didn$t ha(e snow yet, it wasn$t impossible for the road to be froLen o(er& And now that he thou ht about it, he hadn$t learned anythin about dri(in beyond what was in the te;tboo%, it mi ht be that he needed chains& ?ow about itJ 5o you %nowJ Comin up is >e%i aharu& I as%ed you that before, what I want to %now is whether it$s a place that snows hea(ily& ThatR I don$t %nowR The irl answered him with a mysteriously lonely e;pression& +rom that e;pression, the man remembered just a little about malaise& To %now this much about the roads, and before, e(en thou h she %new so much about the car, comparin this to those, he thou ht she %new enou h& Alri ht, at any rate, I$ll just dri(e carefully& RAn& A beach& @hen they ot out of the car, they aLed at a la%e& The stron wind stirred up here and there the white snow that dyed the surface of the froLen la%e& And in all that, they headed towards a beach that loo%ed li%e it was an ocean beach& The irl slowly be an to wal%R a scene that had occurred before& R>ay, what do you thin%J she as%ed& That if you %ept oin , would you die comfortablyJ An, I ha(e a feelin that it would be more comfortable than the seaR To me, I don$t understand the basis for that answer&
N I ha(e no idea& I don$t %now much about cars& This is what$s in the dictionary&

9ecause, sea water is salty, and your body would float wouldn$t itJ R @ell, that$s faulty reasonin R In the middle of the snow blown by the cold north wind he ar ued with his companion, unable to tell whether she was serious or jo%in & And then, the feet that had paused briefly, once a ain mo(ed towards the wa(es& R>till, you$re not oin to stop meJ she as%ed& 9ecause, you don$t intend on dyin today ri htJ RAn, that may be so& Antil that place, until AwajimaR ?ow much farther is it, the man wonderedR It$s not as if he wanted to o there, nor did he ha(e a prejudice a ainst it& 9ut, e(en thou h they had been wanderin without a destination, they had a destination now& H(en if he didn$t stop her, that irl whose feet had paused a step before the wa(esRhe was sure that$s what she was thin%in & /#1O, Route .#Route / 4 >eda Interchan e +rom there, o bac% to Route/& Gotcha& They went from Route . once a ain to Route /& The irl acted as na(i ator, and now they were headed towards =usatsu >ay, are we o%ay with money nowJ she as%ed& 'eah, there$s still at least <0,000 yen left, he replied, they had bou ht clothes before, but other than that, they were li(in as usual on con(enience store food& Is somethin the matterJ R Then, you want to o on to the e;presswayJ she as%ed& The e;presswayJ @e can$t o usin only the lower roadsJ @ell, it$s true that we can o just about all the wayR she said, but, in the end, we$d ha(e to use a toll roadR I see, it$s Awajima after all&N ?e wasn$t sure about the details, but to et to Awajima, he$s sure that they$d ha(e to use some %ind of strai ht#crossin brid e or some other %ind of brid e& Then, from =usatsu, o into the bypass& Gotcha& Ander the irl$s direction, they went from the >eda Interchan e, onto the :eishin H;pressway& Compared to the common roads that he had been dri(in all this time, it was apparent that this road re-uired some adjustin to& There weren$t any traffic si nals, and the roadway was nicely cleared of obstructions, for the first time dri(in on the e;pressways, he thou ht that he could easily dri(e on it& It was just, that, enterin into the ri ht lane of the e;pressway, the cars comin from behind at such a rate was scary& In the be innin , he didn$t %now what passin and ri ht win%ers wereP but with practice he came to thin% of dri(in on the hi h speed roads as fun& That car is amaLin R he said, referrin to the car that came up from behind their casually runnin car at a sta erin speed and they came face to face& H(en the irl sittin in the passen er seat had on a sli htly different e;pression& Normally, she would be aLin out the window loo%in far away, but today, she was curiously loo%in at the cars all around them& Now that he thou ht about it, he remembered that she %new a lot about cars& ?e pointed
N ?e$s referrin to the Mjima$ part of the name, which means island& P And neither do I& T)

at the car that easily passed them& ?ey, hey, what car was that just nowJ >he stayed -uiet& Come now, thin% of it as a -uiL& RToyota Celica, *(er(iew& And the one passin nowJ Citroen, =usara 'ou %now them well, don$t youJ he said& To be honest, he had no idea whether she was ri ht or now& 9ut, he thou ht that the irl who would ne(er open her mouth carelessly seemed to enjoy answerin these& That$s why he continued without restin & The blue one is a 'uunosu !AnusJ", the red one is an Alpha RomeoNR she answered the pair that had passed them at the same time& 9ut, you don$t %now about those ri htJ he said, pointin at one that was different from all the cars before, a truc%& ?e wanted to see a sli htly troubled e;pression from the irl who didn$t really show facial e;pressions& As I thou ht, you don$t %now about truc%sJ RNissanRAtlas, /0 R ?ey, hey, you$re amaLin , he said, e(en thou h he had intended to pic% on her, he ne(er thou ht that she would %now e(en truc%s& If you %now that much, it$s on a le(el you can boast about, isn$t itJ R Is that soJ 'eah, I thin% you can puff your chest out, he said& >he fell silent at his words, and seemed a bit embarrassed& >ay, how about when we o o(er there, you want to try dri(in J HhJ she said, but I don$t ha(e a licenseR It$ll be fine, I$m sure dri(in on the beach or somethin will be fun& ?e was sure that if they went as far as Awajima, there would be plenty of places where no one was around& And plus, the car was a manual transmission, so once she ot used to it, he$d thin% it$d be interestin & If anythin , I$ll teach you& >he remained -uiet& Ah, e(en if I say that, I$m just a total be inner thou h& RAnR Chapter Q: Hcho The sun was still hi h up, but it was becomin a bit dar%er& The sil(er coupe continued to run alon the e;pressway& >oon, at the =atsura awa par%in area, they mo(ed slower, at a pace that was li%e a short rest& >ay, you want to ta%e a rest at the ne;t oneJ Ah, u, un, the irl replied haltin ly& R >omethin wron J It loo%s li%e, I$m a bit tired& I seeR he said, for all he %new it wasn$t an impossible thin & ?e was than%ful it was just that much& After all, they were ori inally e(en sic%er than the normal sic% person& Then, I$ll o buy somethin for you&
N I can barely tell a +ord from a Toyota& Can you tellJ

R An& @ell, I$ll o buy somethin -uic% then, he said, lea(in the car& ?e -uic%ly went to a nearby shop and bou ht the usual thin s that he always bou ht a con(enience store& ?ere, a )ocari and ni iri, and also a potato& Ah, unR she responded, but she only too% and thin s and didn$t mo(e to consume them& H(en thou h usually, she$d o for the potato firstR R Are you alri htJ >ilence& Is it that your health is ettin worseJ R It$s just thatR I ran out of medicineR R I seeR Runnin out of medicine, it was somethin fearful& @ell, e(er since they left the hospital, it was somethin that they could easily predict& *f course, he didn$t purposely for et about it& 9ut up until now, he hadn$t thou ht about it, and before, he didn$t e(en consciously try to thin% about it& >ince whenJ @hen did you run out of medicineJ RBast ni htR Then, it$s almost been a dayR +or him, he had be told that his limit was 1 days without ta%in medicine, most li%ely, in her case, it was a shorter time& Now that he thou ht about it, it has been already . days since they had left the hospital& The medicine that they had brou ht with them, sooner or later would turn out li%e thisR @hat should he do nowJ >ayR the irl spo%e, I hate the Oth floorR 'eah, I %now, and you also hate home ri htJ AnR The car be an runnin a ain& The man too% the ne;t e;it and left the e;pressway& It$s not li%e e;itin did anythin , but in a place li%e that he couldn$t do anythin & +rom the dreary e;it, he dro(e towards the town areas& And instead of searchin for a small town doctor, he searched for a lar e hospital& :ost li%ely, where there was a lar e hospital, there would be pharmacies nearby& R 9ut they were people from the Oth floor& The (inyl wristbands on their wrists were a distincti(e white& And, moreo(er, they were people who had left the Oth floor& Thin%in about these thin s, he searched around the area, raspin the wheel& Certainly, a pharmacy near a lar e hospital would ha(e the eneral thin s they needed& +ound it& *n some lar e street, standin on the corner, was some lar e hospital& And just nearby were 1#< awnin s of pharmacies& :a%in a decision without hesitation, he found an empty spot and immediately stopped the car& ?ey, lend me the ba of medicineJ Ah, unR with a mysterious e;pression, the irl handed o(er the ba of medicine& Ta%in the ba that was for holdin medicine inside hospitals, he loo%ed inside and too% out the medicine e;planation sheet& @ith this, he$d probably be o%ay& *%ay, I$ll be bac% soon, he said& Bea(in the irl in the car and runnin to the pharmacy nearby, he passed throu h a slow and randomly openin automatic door into the store& ?e headed strai ht to the counter& @elcome, said a wor%er, a middle#a ed sort of man who wore white clothin , he really did loo% li%e a pharmacist& I need this medicine please, he said, handin o(er the sheet&

HhJ Ah, please wait a momentR the man said, ta%in the paper and headin to the bac% of the shop& :ost li%ely, unli%e normal medicines, the man had to et the medicine from the hospital& ?e remembered that sort of thin happenin while he was released from the hospital before and went to et medicine& >ince this place was clearly near a lar e hospital, he thou ht most %inds of medicines would be athered here& >orry for the wait, it comes out to this much, the older man said when he returned after a while& In his hands was a clear ba of capsule#li%e medicine, and there were two bundles of them& @ith that much, it would probably be alri ht& +rom the loo%s of it, there was about a wee%$s worth& Dust when the man went to ta%e his wallet outR Ah, ri ht, can I ha(e your prescriptionJ R )rescriptionJ Ah, I$m tal%in about the prescription for the medicine& This here is for clinical use& The man fell silent& 'ou recei(ed one from your doctor didn$t youJ This was une;pected& @ell, if he had thou ht about it rationally, this wasn$t medicine readily a(ailable on the mar%et& *ne couldn$t normally buy these& Is somethin wron J the pharmacist as%ed& Ah, no, umR the man$s words froLe& Gradually, the white#shirted man be an to loo% at him suspiciously& HhJR That$sR the pharmacist noticed the white band around the man$s wrist, saw the man$s name, his blood type, and, the name of the hospital& Ah the pharmacist blurted& The man refle;i(ely rabbed the bundle of medicine upon the lass counter& ?eyI >top ri ht thereI the pharmacist shouted& The man heard the shout from behind him, but he was already runnin & ?e was 2 meters away from the e;it& ?is le s were not holdin out, and were becomin unsteady, but e(en then he ran in a daLe& And just as he reached that slow and randomly openin automatic doorR Gan, Gashaaaan& *w, damn itR >pontaneously, his consciousness went white for a moment& ?a(in run head#first into the automatic door with such force the lass seemed bro%en& ?e shoo% his spinnin head, and opened the automatic door that wouldn$t open with his hand& And then he started runnin from the store, he hadn$t been separated from that ba of medicine& Ane;pectedly, he was out of breath, his jaw mo(in up and down& The car was only a few tens of meters away, but it felt farther& It didn$t seem li%e there was anyone chasin after, but he didn$t ha(e the lu;ury of turnin around to chec%& RIf he were cau htR what would happen to herJ Alone in the car, she$d probably sit there waitin for his return& +or some reason, while he was thin%in that, he ran in earnest& @hile sta erin and out of breath and thin%in this was all he had, it was sad, e(en if he was to say so himself& Collapsin into the car seat, the man cau ht his breath as he suddenly started off& ?e was more self conscious about how much his stren th has declined than that day at the pachin%o shop& And when he chec%ed in the (anity mirrorN as he thou ht, he had been cut by lass, and a little bit of blood was flowin from his forehead& If it were just this much, it$d probably stop soon& As he dro(e, he li htly pressed a ainst it with a poc%et tissue&
N It literally says room mirror, whate(er that is&

R Are you alri htJ Ah, I$m fine& 9ut, it$s bleedin R R 5on$t worry about it, it$s nothin & The irl was loo%in at him with a worried face& ?e stretched out his hand, sayin he didn$t need her worry, and handed her the ba of medicine that he had been rippin & ?ere, ta%e your medicine& Ah, unR @ith this, they were probably fine& *ne wee%$s worth should be enou h probably& 9ut, he worried about when that was one& It was ood that today had been an accidental success, but it was clear his stren th was wea%enin e(ery day& R *ri inally, they were without a purpose or destination& @ithout desires, there was also no fear of loss& 9ut now, thin s were a little different& @ith the birth of purpose, also came the birth of the fear of loss& /#1F 4 +u%ida Dunction 4 =ou e junction 4 >ome place nameR It was a (ery sunny day& And the characteristic hi h, hi h transparent s%y spread abo(e them& *nce a ain, they were on the e;pressway& And now they left the +u%ida Dunction and were runnin on the Chuu o%u Automobile Road&N >ay, what$s ne;tJ +rom the =ou e DunctionR Gotcha, the >anyo Automobile Road thenJ An& The sil(er coupe ran accordin to the irl$s directions& Now that they had come this far, on the road si ns, once in awhile, they$d see the words Awajima on them& +rom the day that left the Oth floor, the trip meter had one o(er F00%m& ?e hadn$t thou ht that they could ha(e one so far, but they were now only a short distance from their destination& 9efore lon , a lar e brid e appeared before them& That$s the A%ashi%ai%you brid eP ri htJ It$s an amaLin brid e isn$t itJ R An& 9oth of them spontaneously e;pressed their admiration& It was li%e they were runnin on the ocean and could o anywhere& And then, after they dro(e for awhile, they came across a few people who had stopped their cars midway& :ost li%ely, they were tourists who were ettin out of their cars to ta%e some commemorati(e pictures& The man imitated those people and pulled the car o(er to the side and stopped& R>toppin is prohibited here, the irl told him& @ell, a little bit should be fine, he said, after all, there were a number of cars doin the same thin all around& >ay, let$s o outside and ha(e a loo%& >he stayed -uiet& I$m sure, the (iew would be amaLin & *%ayR she replied& >he still sounded a bit reluctant, but she ot out of the car to join him& A stron wind blew across the brid e&
N Chuu o%u here isn$t China, but the area in the most south western part of ?onshu, in the ?iroshima area P I$(e seen at least one web site refer to the brid e as the )earl 9rid e

It$s a bit colder than I thou htR R An& Normally, they didn$t et out of the car, so they felt it was e;cessi(ely cold& And in contrast to them, nearby was a couple ta%in what was probably a commemorati(e picture, their happy (oices comin o(er to them& Boo%in around more carefully, there were families and tourist roups doin the same thin & R A commemorati(e picture ehJ Certainly, this place re-uired one& >pea%in of whichR the man said aloud& R Is somethin wron J Ah, wait just a moment& Ah, un& ?e was sure there had been a camera& ?e remembered that at the be innin , when they had first chec%ed the contents of the car, they had found a cheap one#use camera& At that time, at a -uic% lance, he thou ht he saw that there were a few shots left on it& +indin the camera, he chec%ed the film& Than% oodness, there$s still 1 shots leftR >orry for the wait, here, I$ll ta%e a picture of you& HhJ A picture, since we too% the trouble to et hereR R No& Now, now, don$t say that& >tri%e up a ood pose for me, he told her while pointin the camera at her& Come now, try puttin on a happy face& ?owe(er, maybe she was embarrassed, but when she finally turned to face him, she faced him with a poutin face& 9utR perhapsR for this irl, this mi ht just be the best smile that she could ma%e& @hile he was thin%in that and was about to ta%e the picture&& H;cuse me, could you please ta%e a picture of usJ a random couple came up to him with a camera in one hand& HhJ Ah, sureR*%ay, readyJ 'es, please, the couple said with happy smiles, their shoulders entwined in an embrace& The man framed the two in the (iewfinder and clic%ed the shutter& Than% you (ery much, said the boyfriend& In return, we$ll ta%e a picture of the two of you, said the irlfriend& Ah, no, we$reR I just press here on the camera ri htJ the boyfriend as%ed& +aster than the man could reply, he had accepted his camera, or more li%e the boyfriend had ripped it from his hands& Come on you two, et closer, the boyfriend said& At those words, the man ot closer to the irl$s body& The e(er emotionless#loo%in irl also mo(ed apolo etically closer& Am, could you please pose a bit moreJ the boyfriend as%ed& The boyfriend just %ept nosily addin more re-uests& And loo%in closer, his irlfriend was i(in them e;asperated loo%s& Thin%in there was no helpin it, he slowly placed his hands around the irl$s shoulders from behind& RAhR It was the first time he had touched her body& The feelin of the childish clothes that she had bou ht a few days a o, alon with her waist#len th hair spread from his hands& >ince he was facin the camera, he couldn$t see her e;pression, but, just maybe, she was wearin that embarrassed, poutin face that she only showed him once in a while&

*%ay, readyJ NClic%N :a%in sure that they had ta%en the picture properly, the couple then returned to their car& The man and the irl also returned to theirs& GirlfriendR ehJ the man mused when they ot bac% in the car, It loo%s li%e we$(e been misunderstood ha(en$t weJ The irl remained silent& )erhaps, we loo% li%e thatJ he jo%ed a little& +or some reason it felt fun& And unconsciously, he continued to spea% in that tone& >ay, yoR um noR say, what do you thin%, >etsumiJ R@hatJR 5espite bein the youn er oneR she replied& As she spo%e, she was facin the window as she always was& ?er e;pression was the same as always, and she didn$t loo% at him& 9ut, those weren$t the eyes that were starin far off someplace, he thou ht it was because she was embarrassed so she had turned her face away& /#1F, >omeplace Interchan e If you loo%ed up, the sun was hi h o(erhead& And the clear s%y that was the mar% of winter stretched all around& A little after the brid e, they had come to the >umoto Interchan e, and once a ain he ot off onto the normal roads& @e$(e finally arri(ed ha(en$t weJ he said& RAn& >ince the day they had left the Oth floor, the car Ms meter showed they had come o(er F00%m, from a casual be innin , they had really stru led to arri(e here& @ell, from here, where should we oJ R To the southR >outh, otcha& ?e turned accordin to her directions& Truthfully spea%in , now that they were here, e(en he %new where they were supposed to o& 9efore him, there were many si htseein billboards& 9ut she was the na(i ator& ?e thou ht he would be wron if he didn$t do this& +or some reason, he wanted to do it this wayR Chapter O: Narcissus At the time when the s%y was slowly bein dyed oran e, on a sandy beach with no one around, a stron wind shoo% a pine ro(e& 5ri(in the car onto that beach, the man turned o(er the dri(er$s seat to the irl& *%ay, can you reach the clutch with your feetJ It$s fineR Good, then, ne;t shift the ear from neutral to secondR R I %now& 'es, yes, then, do as you please& An& I %nowR The irl, with her short build, stretched her foot out as far as she could while she ripped the wheel with a serious e;pression& That$s oodR the man spo%e, leanin o(er from the passen er$s seat, after, slowly let o of the clutch&

RAn, she replied, with a clearly ner(ous appearance& NClac%N As he had e;pected, there was a reat %noc%in sound& @ahI the irl shouted in surprise& Boo%, if you don$t release the clutch more -uietly& An, she replied& It was easy to reply that way, but no one can et that s%illful so -uic%ly& The irl was tryin her best, e(en oin so far as to chew on her lip a bit in concentration& >ince she was a irl that normally wouldn$t show any emotion, when he loo%ed at her he couldn$t help but find it charmin & ?ey, hey, it$s li%e you$re e;tremely drun%R I#I %now& The loud sil(er coupe, with the muffler that was sli htly crac%ed, on the deserted beach, it re(erberated almost li%e a howl& @hen dus% was slowly turnin into ni ht, the constant sea breeLe chan ed into a land breeLe, and before they %new it, a lar e moon was showin its face in the s%y& +or the most part, it loo%s li%e you$(e rown used to it& R An, she replied, while shiftin the ear up to <rd& >he also completely otten used to the clutch and was now dri(in around the small beach freely& >ay, with thisR he said, can$t you et your license without e(en studyin J RIs that soJ @ell, I$m not all that credible, I$m just someone who ot a license after allR 9y now, there was no meanin for either of them to et a license& 9oth of them %new that& They had a map, they had medicine, the muffler was a bit crac%ed and noisy, but they e(en had a sil(er coupeR 9ut they had no time& No future& It was because they %new, that he thou ht it was unnecessarily tryin & @ell thenR Instead, I$ll i(e you mine, as the man spo%e, he too% his own license out from his poc%et& It was the license that ori inally was supposed to ha(e lost its debut& It was the proof of what was to him the ordinary world that he had already lostR ?ere, in place of your raduation certificate& RH(en if I ta%e itR it doesn$t loo% li%e I ha(e time to use it, you %nowR @ell, don$t hold bac%R I$m the same way after all& The Oth floor that no one had been able to a(oid, the hi h ceilin s, the windows that can$t open more than /2cm, the white (inyl wristbands& @here < times is the last, she was on her second, he his firstR @ell, here, con ratulations on your raduation& AnRThan% youR she said with a little bow, acceptin his license& Now, this irl was also enerally e;empt& Not just coupes, but sedans, e(en con(ertibles& >he should be able to dri(e whate(er %ind of car she wanted now& And certainly, she should be able to o any place that she wantedR +rom there, they had continued on as usual& They had arri(ed at the place that was their destination, a place where they could see narcissus flowers&N It seems that the area was supposed to be some %ind of si htseein spot, but whether it was because it was on the outs%irts, or because it was ni ht, no one could be seen& In the totally silent dar% of the ni ht, the two of them waited for sunrise in the car&
N It should be noted in passin that the Dapanese word for these flowers, Msuisen$ means both daffodil and narcissus&

>ay, you$re not oin to turn on some li htJ the irl as%ed& 'eah, because the battery seems close to dead& An, that$s trueR In the totally dar% car with the en ine off, the dim li ht from the dashboard lit their profiles& In that cramped car with almost no sound, no li ht, they didn$t e;chan e many words and waited for the dawn& +rom the lump of laundry scattered in the bac% seat, they rabbed a number of thic% jeans, sweatshirts, and towels and wrapped them around their bodies in place of blan%ets& R It$s cold isn$t itJ RAn& Then, you can come closer if you want& HhJ Come now, don$t hold bac%, come o(er here, he told the irl whose body was sha%in from the cold, pointin to his lap& I$m sure it$d be warmer this way& RI$m not particularlyR I$m fine, she said, her body still shi(erin & H(en inside the car their breath misted, and it was ob(ious that she was just puttin on a bra(e face& R *r is it, because you$re cold, you want me to comeJ she as%ed him& :mm, well, that$s fine too& R ThenR fineR she replied, slowly mo(in o(er towards him, hesitatin ly climbin into his lap& @ellJ It$s a bit warmer isn$t itJ R An& The windshield had been totally frosted o(er from the cold outside, and between that whiteness and the dar%ness of li ht, nothin could be seen& 9ut, before lon , dawn& >urely, at that time, they would probably be faced with a blan%et of white flowersR Gradually, the ni ht a(e way to dawn, the sun slowly repainted the s%y from a deep purple to a li ht white& In the place that had been nothin but blac% appeared white and yellow& @ithout thin%in , the two of them ot out of the car to aLe at the scene& AmaLin R R An& 9efore their eyes spread countless narcissuses& The sun on the mornin dew leapt up, e(en further enhancin the li(ely prominence of those flowers& It was as if the flowers formed a carpet that continued into the ocean& And as the two e;chan ed words, their breath steamed a white just li%e the flowersR They had come to this place, since that day when the borin tele(ision showed the flowers, e(en thou h they had had no purpose, they had been able to come here& RIt would be nice if these are the same, ri htJ he as%ed& AnR strictly spea%in , these are the same, she replied& I see, that$s ood then isn$t itJ The man didn$t %now whether these were different from the other onesR That day, the ones shown on the tele(ision, the ima e that had no un uarded beauty, if he compared the flowers before his eyes to those, the siLe and the way they bloomed before his eyes were only loosely connectedR 9ut ne(ertheless, they rew here& It$s beautifulR the irl said& R 'es it is& 3a ue, tedious, commonplace, and yet, calm no matter who opposed it, merciless reality&

In a world that o(erflowed with thin s that could not be seen, in a world of thin s where e(en if you stretched out your hands, you couldn$t touchR Ri ht now, certainly, there was somethin before their eyes that could be touched& +ra ments of those somethin s that could not be seen were scattered about& /#</: Awajima Rain continued to fall, continued to spill out from the pure white s%y of Danuary& It had been two days since that time, but as always, they were in that place& They couldn$t o& NCou hN ?ey, you alri htJ AnR I$m fine& The irl$s health had turned for the worse& >he lay in the seat, as if stretchin her body, almost as unmo(in as the car that had stopped here& >he had been ta%in the medicine, but it didn$t really help much as her steady decline in health didn$t chan eR 9ut then, they were people of the Oth floor& +rom the start, this wasn$t surprisin for a irl who was already on her second (isit& >ayR do you want to o bac%J he as%ed& R& 'ou, want to o bac%J she as%ed& 'eah, just a little bitR To the Oth floorJ R or homeJ @#wellR R?e didn$t %nowRall that he %new was, sooner or later, it would turn out li%e this& *f course, he wasn$t in much better shape& 9ut, it was painful to be able to do nothin but be nearby and watch& 1#1: Awajima Rain that didn$t seem about to stop continued to fall from the dar% ni ht s%y& Throu h the windows of the stopped car, (a uely, shinin white flowers could be seen throu h the raindrops& >ay, these flowersR he said, pointin to the flowers beyond the windshield, Rthese were narcissuses weren$t theyJ These daffodilsJ RAn, it$s from the word Narcissus&N RNarcissusJ The man remembered hearin about that word, thou h it was an unfamiliar word to himR 'ou mean, the Narcissus from Mnarcissist$J An, ori inally it was a myth, so there are different tellin s of itR And then, with an admirin loo% on her face, she slowly e;plained it to him& Narcissus who was lo(ed by manyR The fairy Hcho was one of the people who lo(ed him&P 9ut Hcho couldn$t say anythin but the same words as her partner& R Nothin but the same wordsJ 'es, and so, unless she ot Narcissus to say the words I lo(e you from his own mouth firstR Hcho couldn$t e;press her own feelin s to Narcissus& The irl continued to spea% with a lonely and sad (oice& The man thou ht that her eyes had also seemed to loo% at some place far away li%e she used to do&
N The name she literally uses is Narcis P 'es, I %now Hcho$s a nymph& I$m followin >etsumi$s tellin &

9utRthat was absolutely impossible& No matter how much she dreamed, yearned, Hcho$s wish would ne(er be rantedR In the end, she cursed Narcissus&P R Is that the famous thin about fallin in lo(e with the ima e of oneself reflected in a poolJ An, and Narcissus, who continued to aLe at his own reflectionRat some time had chan ed into the form of a beautiful flower& And that is the source of this flower$s, Narcissus$s, name& After the story came to an end, the irl li htly adjusted he breathin , while the man who had been listenin also felt desolateR the Hcho who held a yearnin that could ne(er be reached, he thou ht it seemed li%e just li%e them this moment& And thenJ @hat happened to echoJ >he$s nowhereR she disappeared at the time when the curse was placed& R5isappearedJ Then, that didn$t ha(e any meanin did itJ H(en thou h she had one as far as to place a curse, she accomplished nothin & In the end, all it did was ma%e Narcissus unhappy alsoR R Is somethin wron J the irl as%ed him& NoR but, you$re different aren$t youJ HhJ Boo%, before, you as%ed me didn$t youJ M5id you curse the fate that you could do nothin aboutJ$ R AnR because I had i(en upR RThe me whose time had stoppedR I passed many seasons, many rainin s%ies, without the need to spea% to e;chan e words with anyone& R+rom when was it, that I was alone I wonderR H(en if I close my eyes, the world would not disappearR H(en if I stop my ears, the sound of the rain won$t end& I %new that& Neither the bi%ini, the emerald sea, nor the happily smilin raphic on the co(erR RI didn$t thin% I was particularly en(ious& @ith the world of my closed eyes, e(en without a map or car, I could o anywhere& H(en if the lar e scar on my chest didn$t admonish me& H(en if this reality wasn$t Narcissus, while I was HchoR RI will ne(er yearnR& Ne(er curseR H(en thou h that was supposed to ha(e been decidedR :y heart now, was yearnin & The time that was supposed to ha(e stopped, was mo(in & H(en thou h, if they did that by now, before lon , it would endR R@oundsR The deeper they are, it seems they re-uire a proportional amount of time to healR
P Also different from the (ersions of the myth I$m familiar with, but e(en in >etsumi$s tellin , it$s not e;plicitly said who laid the curse, howe(er, the flow of the story conte;t implies Hcho&

If so, then if one had ta%en a lon time, slowly lettin o, is it too late for them to reco(erJ ThenR R @hat would become of me, someone who had li(ed 11 yearsJ NCou h Cou hN ?ey, you alri htJ 9efore dawn& The man stretched his hand towards the passen er seat, stro%in the irl$s bac%& >ince then, another two days had passed& The medicine whose effect had been wea%enin , e(en that had run outR but the man thou ht it was better than nothin & In the end, he reached out to the car %eys, plannin on headin for a pharmacy& And, when he was about to start the en ineR RIt$s o%ayR the irl$s wea% (oice stopped him& 9ut, at this rate, you$llR RAt any rate, it doesn$t wor% anymoreR T#that mi ht be true, butR he thou ht the irl was ri ht, most li%ely, the same medicine would most li%ely not ha(e any effect& 9ut, e(en so, it was hard for him to sit there and do nothin & Then, then, let$s o to another place& Ranother placeJ 'eah, someplace that$s not as lonely as this, he said, what do you sayJ Bet$s decide on our ne;t destination& >ilence& Come now, anyplace would do, be na(i ator a ain, he spo%e in a (oice that sounded e(en to him so bri ht as to be stran e& +acin that profile that was loo%in far way, happily tal%in alone, happily continuin to spea%R ?e %new that doin this was useless& ?e %new it just as well as he %new that the 1 days since the medicine had run out was becomin <& >ay, say somethin , there$s someplace isn$t thereJ RNot reallyR I#I %now, you lo(e cars don$t youJ 5on$t you want to o on the e;pressway a ainJ RNot reallyR R Then, then, let$s o buy some new clothes, you want some too don$t youJ RR Not reallyR MNot really$R 'ouR @ith those last words, the irl returned to loo%in out the window, not at the narcissuses spread out before her eyes, but li%e before, at someplace far away& That partly poutin , partly embarrassed, face that she sometimes showed him& >he didn$t direct that face towards him any more& R@#why is it li%e thatJ he said, a ain and a ain, always just Mnot really$R I#Isn$t it o%ay to be just a bit positi(eJ @ithout thin%in , the man$s (oice rose& +or some reason, he was sad& H(en thou h he was supposed to ha(e no true feelin s for the real, his heart ached& The interior of the car returned to silence& The flowers of Danuary outside the window, the suisen, the narcissusesRIn the middle of the dar%ness before dawn, they flic%ered a faint white& That irl who stayed loo%in at somethin much, much farther away than those flowers& *nly the faint sound of wa(es ruled this placeR

RThere$s no wayR that I can be positi(eR is thereJ that irl opened her mouth suddenly in the dar% car& HhJ To yearn, to be ea er, to wor% hard, if it would be rewarded someday then that would be fineR Rbut, what do you do when it doesn$t come trueJ At that time, to say it wasn$t possible with a smile, I$m not that stron R that irl that was always loo%in far away, was now loo%in at him directly from the passen er seat& @#what I can only do is, to i(e up from the start, to stay, wishin for anythin R T#to say of course it was impossible, to loo% at myself with nothin but cold eyes, there was nothin else I could doR R'ouR& +or the first time, the irl cried& H(en thou h she was the one who almost ne(er showed any facial e;pression, her small shoulders shoo%, and her tears flowed& To say, T#that timeR If I had tried hardRIf only IRR I could do nothin but ta%e away what was to me, my last e;cusesR 9#because, I %new from the start it was impossible& I#isn$t that much, fineJ The ni ht s%y beyond the windshield, the s%y before the dawn showed e(en the face of the moon& *nly the sounds of the occasional wa(es and the irl$s weepin (oice could be heardR +or that irl, she mi ht see herself the same as Hcho& Able to only return the same words& >ayin nothin from herself, wishin for nothin , seein nothin R to be able to do nothin but i(e up& To that irl, to deny the both the Oth floor and homeR it mi ht just be her first, and her last, act of rebellion& Chapter .: >hiraishi Hn ineerin >hop The clear sea of Danuary& The cold wind that pierced the s%in& *nce in awhile, the stron wind would sha%e a pine ro(e and the roar of the sea would -uietly re(erberate& >ay, we ha(en$t anythin e;cept this you %now, the man said, handin o(er the towel that had >hiraishi Hn ineerin >hop printed on it& It was the one they had used to wipe their bodies before& RR Come now, don$t ma%e such a stran e face& R *%ayR the irl replied, ta%in the towel with an unsatisfied e;pression& @hen she suddenly said she wanted a swimsuit, he was troubled& At such a time, such a place, and on top of that, she said she wanted a bi%ini& Not %nowin what to do, he went to the car hopin to find somethin there, and in the pile of that laundry, was that white towel& After a bit of waitin , the irl appeared before him, wearin that s%irt that she li%ed so much and the towel from before wrapped around her chest& R?ow is itJ @ell, e(en if you as% thatR& It$s notR stran eJ R@ellR )robablyR RR&& Ah, It$s perfectly alri ht, it$s absolutely not stran e at all&

AnR *%ay, she said, and she started slowly wal%in toward the ed e of the wa(es& The atherin and retreatin wa(es& The lon hair that was swayed by the cold sea breeLe& And from the s%y, as if preparin for one final attac%, snow fell intermittently& And in the middle of all that, the irl who was holdin the shoes she had ta%en off in both hands wasR happily, almost s%ippin in her bare feet, defiantly wal%in alon the beach& >ayR she as%ed, do I seem li%e itJ ?rmmR so#so, maybeJ In the cold of deep winter, their breath was steamin white& And the man too% out the camera that was in the carR that cheap one#use camera that only had / more shot in it& @ell, I$ll ta%e pictures for you& HhJ 9ecauseR it$d definitely seem more li%e it, he told her, settin up the camera where she could see& >he didn$t say anythin & Come now, don$t hold bac%& *%ayJ RAnR The beach& The irl seen throu h the (iewfinder& @hether it was from ner(ousness, or from embarrassment, she was ma%in a face more complicated than usual& In that caseR will you stri%e more of a pose for meJ R&9utR No buts& Boo%, there isn$t a raphic idol in the world that stands stoc% still li%e that& R *%ayR >he was a bit aw%wardR e(en then, she did it with all her mi htR Boo%in embarrassed, she placed her hand on her hip while her other hand was thrown out wide& RThe hand that was stretched towards the clear winter s%yR RIt was as if it were to seiLe somethin Ras if it would seiLe somethin R RIt was stretched strai ht towards the s%y& The emerald reen sea was to her bac%R Then, one last thin R R AnJ R>mileR HhJ R>mile for me, >etsumiR R@hat is thatRyou$re the youn er oneR& NClic%N R>ayin thatR for the first time, she smiled for him& A irl wearin a s%irt, dressed in a bi%ini, smiled for the last shot of the one#use camera& >miled with the emerald reen sea to her bac%R& >he directed a smilin face, li%e that of a raphic idol, to him& Alri ht, ne;t, will you i(e me a pose with more mo(ementJ An& The irl pranced alon the beach, loo%in so happy, so enjoyably& H(en thou h the camera had already run out of film, he continued to ta%e shots at her fi ure& >ay, you$re ettin cau ht up in this aren$t youJ

I#it$s not that at allR @hile they spo%e bri htly, the show that seemed to ha(e been atherin for a final assault was fallin with increasin stren th& And in the middle of all that, the irl was directin her happy face towards the (iewfinder of a camera that ran out of film& H(en while her small body was blown by the wind, she directed a smile he could remember towards himR The sound of wa(es& R@ell, thenR :mR Ah, it$s already that timeR RAnR the irl replied, at the same time startin to wal% towards the sea li%e she had done before& Ah, spea%in of which, the licenseR That$s alri ht& Ta%e it as a commemoration& An, o%ayR she nodded while placin it in her poc%et& It was the license that he had once handed o(er to her, the one that ori inally was supposed to ha(e lost its debut& And then, the irl also too% that white (inyl wristband off of her wristR and offered it to him& 'ouR i(in it to meJ An& I$m i(in it to you& I seeR well then, I$ll ta%e it in commemoration then, he too% the wristband in the same way, placin it in his own poc%et& And then, once a ain the irl started to wal% towards the sea& And to that retreatin fi ure, he spo%e one last time& >ayR Can I as% you just one more thin J An& Ri ht now, do youRwant me to pull you bac%J RR& *r, do you want me to i(e your bac% a pushJ @hile the wa(es atherin wa(es struc% her le s, the irl stopped in place, but stayed with her bac% facin he who as%ed threw out the -uestion& The stron wind turned the crest of the wa(es into spray and coldly struc% at the irl& >oon, she turned around to face himR R@hich is it, I wonderR she said to him, lau hin li htly and smilin at him just for one last time, I don$t really %nowR @hile bein struc% by the cold sea spray& H(en while tears were wellin up, she directed a smilin face towards him& Those feet had before stopped upon the beachR but now, they didn$t stopR that$s why, the man thou ht that that was the answer& R @ell, thenR R GoodbyeR UNarucissuV R And that ended our journey of FQ0%mR To me, it was /2 days of time& To her, it was the end of a journey of 11 years& The irl that had, by her own will, a(oided both the Oth floor and home& *ne of an estimated <2,000 suicide (ictims of 1002& 9lood type: *& Name: >etsumi& A e: 11& +emaleR The (inyl identification bracelet was

white& That was the all of this irlR but I %new& In reality, she li%ed bi%inis, was more %nowled eable about the roads than a na(i ator, lo(ed cars, she e(en had a license& >he always wore no facial e;pression, and she rarely turned to face people, but once in awhile, she$d ma%e this partly embarrassed, partly poutin face for me& The emerald sea to her bac%Ras if prancin , loo%in so happy, she smiled for me li%e some raphic idol& And yet, in this cheap one#use camera, there remained only one shot of that irl$s smile& R9ut thenR e(en if it was just that one pictureR RIt is the proof of us that we could lea(e behindR 1002#/, @ith >etsumi, Those shinin daysR Those winter daysR