Dan Humphrey 10/07/13 ENGW1111 Dr. Cecilia Musselman Project 1; Final Draft M !

1"#$1 %or&s

Personality on Paper, Little Secret Handshakes, and Appreciation of the Finer Things
'(m )oin) to as* +ou to t,in* -ac* a %,ile. .ecall +ourself" / +ears ol&" sittin) in +our elementar+ sc,ool classroom facin) t,e c,al*-oar&. 0our teac,er is %ritin) on t,e -oar& %,en +ou )et ta11e& on t,e s,oul&er. 0ou turn aroun&" an& into 2ie% comes t,e -o+ or )irl sittin) -e,in& +ou. 3,e+ 1ass +ou a note" torn from line& 1a1er fol&e& t%ice" letters ,i&&en -eneat, scri--le& in 4$ 1encil. !s it 1asses -et%een ,an&s" a connection is ma&e. 0our teac,er is still focuse& on t,e lesson an& +ou(2e just joine& t,e resistance a)ainst t,e o11ressi2e no5note5 1assin) re)ime. 6ut ,a2e +ou e2er %on&ere& %,+ t,e lan)ua)e of t,e note %as t,e %a+ it %as7 W,+ t,at )rammar %as use&7 8o% t,ose cru&el+ scri--le& %or&s came to -e7 !ccor&in) to t,e Wi*i1e&ia )o&s" Da2i& Foster Wallace is 9an a%ar&5%innin) !merican no2elist" s,ort stor+ %riter" essa+ist.: 'n ,is essa+ 9!ut,orit+ an& !merican ;sa)e": %,at %as meant to -e a commentar+ on A Dictionary of Modern American Usage instea& -ecomes a &iscussion of t,e state of mo&ern En)lis, an& %,o )ets to ma*e t,e rules. 'n Wallace(s o1inion as a 1erscri1ti2ist <%,ic, '(ll &escri-e later=" no la+man s,oul& -e allo%e& to &eci&e correct En)lis," -ecause most of it ,as alrea&+ -een &etermine& -+ ,istor+. 'n fact" for 1eo1le of &ifferin) o1inion %,o ,e calls &escri1ti2ists" ,e s1en&s a lon) time e>1lainin) %,+ t,e+(re %ron). 8e ar)ues t,at +ou cannot create a &efiniti2e catalo)ue of e2er+ 1ossi-le &ialect of En)lis, -ecause +ou %oul& ,a2e to %rite &o%n e2er+ %or&" real or not" e2er s1o*en. Mean%,ile" Wallace(s neat an& ti&+ En)lis, lan)ua)e can -e summe& u1 ?uite %ell -+ ,im an&

,is e?uall+ @ealous 1rescri1ti2ist c,ums <,intA t,e+ &on(t inclu&e e2er+ %or& e2er s1o*en=. 3,eir s+stem is a s+stem &eci&e& u1on onl+ -+ t,e %ort,+ elite of sc,olars of t,e 1ro1er En)lis, lan)ua)e. !lso" not onl+ &oes a set s+stem create a structure e2er+one can a&,ere to" -ut 1eo1le are often ju&)e& -ase& on t,eir a&,erence to t,e s+stem. 't is a commonl+ ,el& -elief t,at t,e %a+ +ou s1ea* moti2ates t,e 1erson +ou -ecome. 'f +ou %is, to -e a -usiness 1rofessional" +ou s1ea* li*e one <just t,ro% some 98e&)e Fun&s: in t,ere" -usiness1eo1le lose t,eir min&s= an& so on. Wallace ar)ues t,at ,a2in) a stan&ar& allo%s e2er+one t,e o11ortunit+ to )ain et,os an& res1ect -+ learnin) to tal* li*e someone &eser2in) of t,ose t,in)s. From no% on" let(s call t,e uniform En)lis, Wallace %ants e2er+one to *no% 9Btan&ar& Written En)lis, <BWE=: an& e2er+t,in) else 9local &ialect.: !s a 1erson" ' ,a2e al%a+s foun& t,at -alance is -est. 3o sim1lif+ t,e conce1t of -ot, i&eas" &escri1ti2ism is t,e -elief t,at mo&ern lin)uistics s,oul& -e left as is; %,ile 1rescri1ti2ism -elie2es t,at t,ere is a set %a+ lan)ua)e ou),t to -e s1o*en. BWE is t,at set lan)ua)e" use& for resumes" inter2ie%s" an& s1eec,es. Though some may argue otherwise, ' -elie2e t,at it(s incre&i-l+ fre?uent an& common to &e2iate from Btan&ar& En)lis," re)ar&less of class or culture" -ecause &ialects are so common. Mean%,ile" local &ialects are use& for t,e emotional an& t,e artistic" from 1oetr+ to no2els. 6ase& u1on t,eir &ialect" t,e rea&er can fin& a time an& 1lace for t,em" an& can t,us imagine the character, creating a better sense of empathy with him or her.
Another example is television: if the protagonist fighting to survive on the streets of New York City spoke proper nglish, you probably woul!n"t feel #uite as ba! for him, or feel like he was realistic as a character. $ have grown up with a lot of exposure to %tan!ar! &ritten nglish. $ have rea! many books, been e!ucate! on the sub'ect in my private schools, an! grown up in the company of two working professionals. $n my essay ranting on the impracticality of high school cli#ues (see appen!ix), $ am

able to both intro!uce an! close my argument clearly an! concisely, using my knowle!ge of properly written nglish to convey to you, the rea!er, what precisely $ am trying to say. *owever, $ also have a !ialect of my own. %o, like, in to!ay"s worl!, +acebook an! twitter an! texting always have me messaging my frien!s ,-./ 0firstworl!problems. 1u!e, $ actually say l2o2l when $ think something is funny. 3r when $ see my bro $"m like 4sup man, what"s goo!.5 You know, 'ust like, whatever. %o when $ want you to imagine a scenario an! $ want you to be there, $"m not going to use %& , $"m going to talk to you using personal language. Again referring to my essay, $ !escribe your frien! as 4munching those +unYuns.5 $ believe that you will un!erstan! what $ am talking about, an! in that un!erstan!ing, $ !evelop a bon! with you base! upon our mutual comprehension of a non2 stan!ar! language. $t"s like a little secret han!shake. The note passe! to the 6r! gra!e you might have been something only you woul! un!erstan!. 1oesn"t that make it more meaningful7 8ut $ sai! that you 4'oine! a revolution.5 An! !oesn"t that feel less special, !espite how exciting the wor! 4revolution5 is7 $t"s because you were ma!e to feel part of a group rather than an in!ivi!ual. Conformity makes things less personally meaningful an! thus less interesting to you, the rea!er. &allace is !efinitely right about some things. %tan!ar! &ritten nglish has given me the tools to speak formally an! as a professional. $f $ were to give a speech, my peers an! $ woul! have the tools we nee! to speak to a larger au!ience, also with formality. 8ut for someone with a non2 stan!ar! !ialect 9take for example &allace"s i!ea of 4%tan!ar! 8lack nglish5: an! no knowle!ge of %& , they woul! probably have a slightly har!er time at interviews for white collar 'obs. +or example, my mother was born an! raise! in 8rooklyn, New York, an! ha! the accent for a long time. 8ut by the time she entere! me!ical school, she practice! to lose it because she felt that she woul!n"t be taken seriously as a professional if she 4tawke!5 with the patients or 4wawke!5 into their rooms. %he ha! been given the impression that in or!er to be taken seriously as a professional, she ha! to speak like one. The same goes for writing an! %& .

8ut as for &allace"s opinion that everyone in America shoul! know it, $ !isagree. %ome people 'ust plain !on"t nee! it. Take for example a uropean immigrant who speaks little nglish an! can"t write any. $f he or she wants to work a blue collar 'ob with other uropean immigrants, then why bother7 Also, as the globe grows smaller !ue to the increasing ease with which we communicate an! travel, so !oes the workplace. ach workplace !evelops its own 'argon an! way of speaking, which any employee coul! catch onto. +rom my experience, when $ ha! to sen! e2mails to my Algerian boss, the e2mails were frank an! plain2spoken, not a lengthy piece of fine writing. $ use! language that might make a %N33T cringe 9the special name &allace gives to the linguistically anal such as himself:. 8ut it !oesn"t really matter in the en! because $ was able to communicate with my boss effectively without him thinking less of me. $f one were to rea! Authority and American Usage, they woul! fin! &allace"s language to be incre!ibly complex. $ have ha! a very goo! e!ucation, an! even $ ha! trouble keeping up with his constant creation of wor!s an! his nee! to use every big wor! in the nglish ;anguage. +or %N33Ts like &allace, nglish is an art meant to be hone!, !isplaye!, an! appreciate! like any fine work of art. 8ut what ma!e his essay interesting, what kept us engage!, was the contrast between his proper 9an! incre!ibly !ifficult: nglish, an! his spots of humor, populate! almost entirely by collo#uialisms. $n his ability to walk that line, he simultaneously e!ucates an! engages us. *e argues that 4the resemblance between usage rules an! certain conventions of eti#uette an! fashion is closer than the <hilosophical 1escriptivists know an! far more important than they un!erstan!.5 This is followe! imme!iately by a !iscussion of pants, arguing 4pants can s#uish the =na!s.5 9>-: 8ut for the ma'ority of us, though we can speak with elo#uence of our own, we !o not know or care to know our language on the level he !oes. $f you want to be able to truly en'oy art, you nee! to e!ucate yourself in it. 3pera, 8allet, +ine paintings or sculptures, an! %hakespeare all re#uire a prior knowle!ge for you to be able to truly en'oy them to their fullest? otherwise <icasso becomes 4is that bunch of s#uiggly lines suppose! to be a face75 An! Twelfth Night becomes 4what the hell are they even saying75 8ut that is a choice that you have to make for yourself. $t"s like &allace wants everyone to

un!erstan! %hakespeare, an! for some people, they"re simply not intereste!. As for me, however, $ !eeply en'oy %hakespeare, so he might have me on that one. $n conclusion, to become <resi!ent, it is highly recommen!e! to be e!ucate! in %tan!ar! &ritten nglish. To become the hea! of @oogle or become !itor2in2chief of the New York Times AagaBine, $ reckon it"s pretty freaking important to know %tan!ar! &ritten nglish. 8ut for people who !on"t want to, who simply aren"t intereste!, maybe not. 3ur local !ialects are what allow us to not only communicate, but to connect to the people aroun! us. %tan!ar! &ritten nglish is spoken from the hea!. 8ut for the language we all un!erstan! !ifferently, graffitie! on walls, written on birth!ay car!s, an! in the secret messages scribble! between > year2ol!s, it can be spoken from the heart.

ACK !"L#D$#%# TS& ' ,a2e no one to t,an*. ' am t,e sole 1erson res1onsi-le for t,e success of t,is essa+. '(m *i&&in). ' %oul& li*e to t,an* m+ classmates Cli2er" Mar*" 3alal" an& Dinc,i for carefull+ re2ie%in) an& e&itin) m+ essa+. ' %oul& also li*e to t,an* e2er+ e2ent t,at ,as e2er occurre& e2er for -rin)in) me ,ere" ot,er%ise ' mi),t not -e <+ou can ne2er reall+ *no%=. Bo" +ea," t,an*s e2er+t,in). "!'KS C(T#D& Wallace" Da2i& Foster. 9!ut,orit+ an& !merican ;sa)e": Consider the Lobster. Ne% 0or*" N0A $00E" 1.#751$F.

APP# D()
.ant Essa+ Dan 8um1,re+ Dr. Musselman" ENGW 1111" //13/13 'n m+ e&ucational e>1erience" ' ,a2e to sa+ t,at t,e entire conce1t of 8i), Bc,ool cli?ues is moronic. Peo1le arran)e t,emsel2es in an in2isi-le an& com1le> ,ierarc,+" &eclare t,emsel2es as eit,er %inners or losers" an& +et t,ere is no concrete aut,orit+ -e,in& an+ of itG '(2e seen )irls 2iciousl+ 2er-all+ ,arass eac, ot,er" '(2e seen men &o t,in)s t,e+ &i&n(t %ant to &o for t,e sa*e of clim-in) t,is fa*e ,ierarc,+" an& +et none of it actuall+ mattersG 3,ose of t,e 9u11er ec,elon: 1ic* on t,e 9lo%er ec,elon: %it, 2ar+in) ferocit+" an& e2er+one acce1ts t,at as if 9o, +ea," %ell" t,e+ &eser2e& it" -ein) ner&s/)ee*s/1ru&es/etc... an& all.: Mean%,ile" no one ?uestions t,e aut,orit+ of t,e 1rom *in)s an& ?ueen -ees" assumin) t,eir &ominance is in,erent. et(s ta*e" for e>am1le" a -oar& )ameA a com1le> one" %it, t%ists an& turns" an& t,e necessit+ of s*ill an& e>1erience. !n& to %in" +ou(2e )ot to use all t,e cunnin) an& strate)+ +ou(2e )ot. 0ou" o, mi),t+ %arrior" rise t,rou), t,e ran*s" ac?uirin) -etter armor" -ran&is,in) +our man+ s%or&s an& a>es an& t,e li*e" 2an?uis,in) +our foes %it, a s%ift t,rust of +our H$ on)s%or& of !@arot,. 3,e sorcerer sittin) across t,e ta-le from +ou munc,in) t,ose Fun0uns t,ro%s a mi),t+ fire-all +our %a+" -ut Is%oos,"I +ou -at it a%a+ %it, a s%in) of +our mi),t+ s,iel& of -la,-la,-la, an& ri11lin) -ice1s. !fter man+ a )lorious -attle" +our enemies la+ slain <meanin) eit,er )ot ,un)r+ or -ore&= an& +ou stan& ato1 t,e )reat mountain" s%or& ,el& ,i),G Con)ratulations" +ou(2e just s1ent an enormous amount of +our time accom1lis,in) somet,in) t,at ,as no a11lication to t,e real %orl&. Bure" it %as fun" es1eciall+ %,ile +ou %ere %innin)" an& it ma+ -e somet,in) +ou -ra) a-out to +our frien&s for %ee*s to come" -ut no% it(s o2er an& +ou ,a2e not,in) to s,o% for it.

'n m+ o1inion" t,e formation of cli?ues an& t,e illusion of 8i), Bc,ool 1o1ularit+ are use& for t,e sole 1ur1ose of consolin) t,e %inners. 3o -e -lunt" %e li2e in a %orl& &ominate& -+ mone+" not 1,+sical stren)t, or ,o% muc, li?uor +ou snuc* in t,at one time at +our cousin(s %e&&in) an& en&in) u1 ,urlin) on +our aunt <%,o," &u&e" no %a+G=. Bo for t,ose in -etter 1osition for )oo& jo-s or )oo& 1ros1ects after 8i), Bc,ool" t,ere is" in 1lace" a s+stem %,ere t,e+ are ma&e to feel less t,an ca1a-le of %,at t,e+ can accom1lis," in t,e ,o1es t,at t,e+ %ill acce1t an inferiorit+ t,at ne2er actuall+ e>iste&. !n& t,e s+stem can -e -rutal for some; occasionall+ some ?uite literall+ &on(t sur2i2e it. Cli?ues are one of t,e onl+ o11ortunities for some of t,ese 1eo1le to reall+ feel li*e t,e %inners. ;nless of course +ou can actuall+ ma*e -ein) an ass,ole %or*" t,en +ou can -e on realit+ 3J an& -e im1ortant an& famous fore2er.