Guidelines

"Pilot"
Written By
Jared Dangremond
TEASER
FADE IN
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY (THURSDAY)
ASHTON (17 Male) walks out the door to meet KYLE (17 Male)
who leans against the wall.
ASHTON
God, another good show. Ive really
been on a roll lately. You know,
that one might have even changed a
few hearts and minds.
KYLE
You know you anchor a closed
circuit school announcements show,
right?
ASHTON
News show, Kyle. News.
KYLE
Oh forgive me, Ashton. By the way,
that was some real high quality
journalism about the Cooking Club
meeting next Tuesday.
ASHTON
Oh bite me. And all that tells me
is that (IN A GIRL VOICE) you were
watching! (A beat) (AS HIMSELF) You
know my co-anchor was Quinn.
KYLE
(angered)
Quinn.
ASHTON
As soon as we went off the air she
starts chatting me up about some
typical drama.
KYLE
She always goes on about how she
hates drama.
ASHTON
I know right? And it got me
thinking, if a girl says she hates
drama, she is most definitely "the
drama."
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.
KYLE
I guess thats true.
ASHTON
Then its going in the book as a
new guideline!
Ashton pulls out his phone and starts typing
KYLE
Oh lord, youre still doing those
stupid rules?
ASHTON
(looks up from his phone to
Kyle)
Its an ongoing project, and its a
bit under wraps. People would be
flocking to me for advice all the
time. Im already a bit too
popular, no thanks to this big shot
TV gig.
KYLE
Once again, school announcements
show.
ASHTON
He said while green with envy.
Ashton turns to leave
KYLE
Where are you off to?
ASHTON
My first period? Our first period?
KYLE
I thought wed take the day off.
Walk around and catch up, you know?
ASHTON
We already talk like everyday. Its
actually uncomfortable how close we
are.
KYLE
Come on, lets skip class.
ASHTON
No way, Im barely hanging on in
that class as it is.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.
KYLE
Dude, youve got like a 91.
ASHTON
Trust me I know. And you cant
afford to miss either, arent you
failing?
KYLE
72, bitch.
ASHTON
Not what Id call "bragging
material."
KYLE
Well you know what Id call it? 2
points worth of fun before I have
to give a damn again.
ASHTON
Why do you screw yourself over like
that? If you tried at all you might
even do better than me.
KYLE
This isnt about me. Its about you
saying yes to a game called hooky.
Cause were playing it.
ASHTON
No.
KYLE
Now hold on, this is the last
chance to get in on it.
ASHTON
No.
KYLE
Once you say no, there will be no
more chances.
ASHTON
No.
KYLE
The door will be closed forever.
ASHTON
No.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.
KYLE
Oh come on, man.
ASHTON
Nope. Im going to class, you
coming?
KYLE
Fine. (a beat) But just know you
suck.
CUT TO:
TITLE SEQUENCE "GUIDELINES"
END OF TEASER
FADE OUT
FADE IN
ACT ONE
INT. SCIENCE CLASSROOM (THURSDAY)
Ashton and Kyle enter the room and head to their respective
desks. Ashton notices ROSE (17 Female, beautiful) standing
at the front, talking to the teacher. He motions to Kyle
across the room for "What do you think of her?" Kyle
examines her and replies with a motion for "I would bang."
Ashton laughs and brushes the motion aside. Ashton sits down
in his desk that is situated behind an empty one. Shortly
after, Rose turns around and sits in the empty desk, smiling
as she does.
WHIP PAN TO:
EXT. COURTYARD LUNCH TABLE (THURSDAY)
Kyle and EMILY (17 Female, Maternal, Kyles girlfriend) sit
across from Ashton eating lunch.
EMILY
And? And? Finish the story!
ASHTON
Well I...
WHIP PAN TO:
5.
INT. SCIENCE CLASSROOM
Ashton looks as if about to tap Rose on the shoulder to
talk, but holds himself back and begins taking notes.
WHIP PAN TO:
EXT. COURTYARD LUNCH TABLE (THURSDAY)
KYLE
(laughs)
I couldve guessed that one.
EMILY
(to Ashton)
Are you serious? Why didnt you
talk to her?
ASHTON
I dont know, the moment wasnt
right or whatever.
KYLE
Dude, you know that little smile
she gave you?
ASHTON
Yeah?
KYLE
It means she wants it bad.
ASHTON
Um, no it wasnt. I know how to
read body language.
EMILY
Geez, Ashton, for a guy who writes
rules on how to be a man, you can
sure be a real woman.
ASHTON
Theyre guidelines for social
etiquette first off. And second,
who in the damn hell told you about
them? Thats a secret project.
Kyle raises his hand without any shyness
ASHTON (contd)
Why did I even bother asking.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 6.
EMILY
Well, you should talk to this girl.
I need someone to go on double
dates with. Things get weird with
the two of you. You know you guys
are like oddly close.
ASHTON
Thats what I said.
KYLE
No thats what she said. (a beat)
And yeah, tomorrow Im gonna need
you to talk to the girl. My main
man has been lonely for far too
long.
ASHTON
Ill think about it.
KYLE
Come on! I need this too you know.
EMILY
And why do you need this?
ASHTON
Yeah, why?
KYLE
Well youre writing the stupid book
about how to be a man, and after a
while, you tend to think youre the
master of manhood. I like any
chance to show you that I still
know more than you.
ASHTON
Whats that? I couldnt hear you
over the sound of your failing
physics grade.
KYLE
72, bitch! 72!
Everyone in the courtyard stares at Kyle
KYLE (contd)
Oh blow me.
ASHTON
Ill see you guys.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 7.
EMILY
You should, Ashton. Maybe things
will be different this time around.
ASHTON
Um, maybe. For all I know she could
be some crazy bitch into some
really weird stuff.
Ashton leaves
CUT TO:
EXT. COURTYARD LUNCH TABLE (FRIDAY)
TEXT: 24 Hours Later
Ashton rushes up to Kyle and Emily as they sit eating lunch.
ASHTON
(Out of breath)
Guys, I talked to the girl! Were
like into all the same stuff!
KYLE
(Leans into Emily and
whispers)
He called that one.
EMILY
Well tell us about it, Ashton!
ASHTON
(a beat, thinking)
Okay, so there we were, two fish in
a sea of...
KYLE
Skip the thematics, bro.
WHIP PAN TO:
INT. SCIENCE CLASSROOM (FRIDAY)
Rose sits down in front of Ashton, and Ashton begins to
freak out. He makes eye contact with Kyle, who gives a
subtle nod, then taps Rose on the shoulder.
ASHTON
Hey, are you new here?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 8.
ROSE
Is that your best line?
ASHTON
My best what?
ROSE
Pick up line. Ive heard plenty and
that wasnt even in the top 50.
ASHTON
That wasnt a pick up line.
ROSE
Oh come now, dont be ashamed, it
wasnt the worst one Ive heard.
ASHTON
Still was not a pick up line.
ROSE
So youre not hitting on me.
ASHTON
No I was...
ROSE
Cause Ive been hit on and thats
what this sounds like.
ASHTON
It was just...
ROSE
So youre not trying to get in my
pants?
ASHTON
Well I wouldnt say...
ROSE
Hahaha, Im just messing with you,
yeah Im new here. My name is Rose.
WHIP PAN TO:
EXT. COURTYARD LUNCH TABLE (FRIDAY)
Kyle and Emily sit mouths agape.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 9.
EMILY
The chick is insane.
KYLE
Do you have a rule on knowing how
to bail on a crazy chick?
ASHTON
Yes. But just let me skip ahead.
WHIP PAN TO:
INT. SCIENCE CLASSROOM (FRIDAY)
Ashton and Rose sit talking
ASHTON
Okay, favorite subject in school?
ROSE
Oooh, probably a tie between lit
and history.
ASHTON
(taken aback)
Dude, same.
ROSE
Okay, favorite genre of music?
ASHTON
I dont know, Ive been pretty into
soul music right now.
ROSE
Im like a die hard Otis Redding
fan.
ASHTON
No way, same. Okay, most important.
Favorite Lord of the Rings?
ROSE
Two Towers.
ASHTON
Book or movie?
ROSE
Both.
WHIP PAN TO:
10.
EXT. COURTYARD LUNCH TABLE (FRIDAY)
ASHTON
Same!
EMILY
You asked her about Lord of the
Rings? Really?
ASHTON
Its a great way to find out if
someones cool or not. Back me up
Kyle.
KYLE
It is indeed.
EMILY
Well I dont like Lord of the
Rings, am I not cool?
KYLE
No baby, you make up for it by
being the only girl here who
doesnt watch crap reality shows.
EMILY
Its true. Thats one of my best
qualities. But this girl seems
great for you, keep telling the
story.
KYLE
I can guess the ending of this one
too. Lets see... he freaked
because she was so awesome, he
pulled a typical Ashton and made a
few poorly thought out puns and got
caught in his head. Therefore
blowing it as usual.
ASHTON
That hurts, man. And you know I
cant make good puns under
pressure.
EMILY
Kyle, dont be a douche, its like
rule one of his guideline book.
ASHTON
Dont be a douche is like the
golden rule of my philosophy.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 11.
They high five
ASHTON (contd)
But its still kinda weird that you
know about the book.
EMILY
But did that happen?
ASHTON
Did what happen?
EMILY
Did you, you know, pull an Ashton?
I mean history tends to...
Ashton shoves his phone in Emilys face
ASHTON
Check out the number.
EMILY
Rose! No way!
KYLE
Nice work, bro. I knew you had it
in you all along.
ASHTON
You literally just told me you
thought I blew it.
KYLE
Forget about that, you are back in
the game, back from the dead. And
dude, youve been out for a while.
EMILY
Yeah when was your last girlfriend?
ASHTON
Does that girl from...
KYLE
I know what youre going to say and
no, it definitively does not. You
should really never bring that up.
ASHTON
Dude, it wasnt that bad.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 12.
KYLE
(looks at Ashton
condescendingly)
ASHTON
It wasnt that bad!
EMILY
What are you two going on about?
KYLE
So we were like 13 at a summer camp
in...
ASHTON
Dont tell her!
KYLE
Because...?
ASHTON
(Sigh)
Because its really bad.
KYLE
Thats my boy. (russles Ashtons
hair)
EMILY
You both are idiots. Ashton, if
"really bad summer camp chick"
doesnt count, then how long has it
been?
ASHTON
Around um...many years
KYLE
Haha, what a scum.
ASHTON
Not a scum!
EMILY
Oh give him a break, Im just glad
he met someone... finally.
ASHTON
(He eyes Emily down, a beat
then)
Yeah, you know, it really is pretty
cool. All the chicks at this
school, its like trying to shove a
square peg into a round hole.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 13.
KYLE
(with sexual connotation)
Yeahhh it is.
ASHTON
Ahem. And I really am into this
girl. Looks like my karma is
finally paying off.
KYLE
Your karma? Youre no saint.
ASHTON
Well Im...
Enter passing stranger
PASSING STRANGER
Youre an ass, Ashton.
Exit passing stranger. Kyle and Emily stare at Ashton.
ASHTON
(To Kyle and Emily)
Just dont.
EMILY
Nothing from me. I gotta go, but
were still on for bowling tonight?
ASHTON
For sure.
EMILY
(To Kyle)
Bye, baby.
They kiss. Emily leaves.
KYLE
Hell of a woman, Ash.
ASHTON
Yeah shes...
KYLE
But now that the bitch is gone let
me lay it down for you.
ASHTON
What?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 14.
KYLE
Ive watched this song and dance so
many times I can do it in my sleep.
Guy meets girl. Guy thinks shes
amazing. Guy cant stop focusing on
girl. Girl freaks and wants to just
be friends. Guy then gets
really sad and rubs it to her
Facebook profile pic while blasting
Alanis Morisette.
ASHTON
My god, what is wrong with your
mind.
KYLE
And you know what? You know whos
the guy? Ashton? Ashton, do you
know who the guy is? Ashton do you
know who the guy is?
ASHTON
Is it me?
KYLE
Youre damn right its you. And
although the routine is a classic,
I dont want to watch it anymore.
ASHTON
Well dont worry. You wont have
to. This time will be different.
KYLE
You see, thats what they always
say. And then they screw it up.
Every time. And you know who "they"
is? Ashton do you know...
ASHTON
Is it me again?
KYLE
Yes. Now listen to me. Youre 17,
You have not met the perfect girl.
Rose is not your future bride or
the mother of your kids..
ASHTON
Well we dont know that.
Kyle slaps Ashton across the face
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 15.
ASHTON (contd)
What was that...
KYLE
For being an idiot! Dont you dare
think like that.
ASHTON
Im not, all Im saying is you
dont ever know? I mean you could
end up with Emily, youve been
doing really well together.
KYLE
Please. And dont make this about
how great I am, this is about you,
champ.
ASHTON
Oh trust me Im not making this
about you.
KYLE
But I do need you to repeat after
me. "This is not a big deal and I
will not freak out over some
chick."
ASHTON
(emphatically)
I wont!
KYLE
Repeat. Its a word. Look it up.
Kyle stands up ready to leave
KYLE (contd)
And you better mean what you said.
I dont want to have to put the
pieces back together like last
time.
ASHTON
Last time you kicked me in the
balls and said man up.
KYLE
I remember that. (a beat) Im such
a great friend.
FADE OUT
END OF ACT ONE
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 16.
FADE IN
ACT TWO
INT. ASHTONS BEDROOM- NIGHT (FRIDAY)
Ashton sits at the computer, dressed nicely. He strikes the
last key with gusto as he rolls away from the computer,
observing his work. Enter Kyle.
KYLE
Regina looks wonderful tonight.
ASHTON
I told you not to talk about my mom
like that.
KYLE
Is she seeing anyone?
ASHTON
No, but arent you?
KYLE
Oh yeah! Speaking of which, shes
waiting in the car.
ASHTON
Well get her to come in, we have to
eat before we go.
KYLE
Ash, its a bowling alley they have
pizza there.
ASHTON
My God have I taught you nothing.
KYLE
Pretty much.
ASHTON
You never get food from a bowling
alley. Getting pizza at a bowling
alley is like getting an overpriced
cheesy enema. Guideline 77, Kyle.
KYLE
I got one for you, lets get in the
car and go. You can just get a corn
dog.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 17.
ASHTON
Are you trying to kill me?
CUT TO:
EXT. RESTAURANT TABLE (FRIDAY)
Kyle, Ashton and Emily sit at the table with drinks in front
of them.
KYLE
(to Ashton)
Yes!
EMILY
No! I think its a great idea.
KYLE
No no no no no, Ashton what did I
tell you about going to fast with
this.
ASHTON
Im not going too fast.
KYLE
Really? Dammit, Ash you just met
the girl and you invite her to
double date with us at a bowling
alley?
ASHTON
Its low stress, I can pay for her
stuff, she sees how great I am and
we start dating, thats not fast
thats normal. And if it goes well,
do you have any protection?
EMILY
Ew, Ashton!
ASHTON
Haha
KYLE
Nice one. (fist bumps Ashton) But
seriously, asking a girl out you
just met?
ASHTON
Thats how it works in the real
world, Kyle. You ask out a girl and
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 18.
ASHTON (contd)
you get to know her from a romantic
standpoint.
KYLE
Dammit Ash, we dont live in the
real world. We live in the "high
school bubble." And you are gonna
come on too strong and freak her
out. You wore a tie for Gods sake.
EMILY
He always dresses nicely.
ASHTON
Thank you. I really do.
EMILY
Dont be a priss, Ashton. And Kyle,
you heard how compatible they are,
this will be great.
KYLE
All Im saying is you should just
get to know her as friends and then
move on from that.
ASHTON
And then just end up in...Emily say
it with me...
ASHTON AND EMILY
The Friend Zone!
KYLE
Oh grow a pair. Ive lived almost
18 years and never ended up in the
friend zone.
ASHTON
Well I have, exhibit A (points to
Emily).
KYLE
Lets be real, you never had a
shot.
ASHTON
Oh yeah? You wanna go? You wont
swing.
Kyle and Ashton stand up
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 19.
KYLE
No balls!
ASHTON
No you dont have balls!
EMILY
Stop it, Stop it! You both have
balls, now shut up. When did you
tell her wed be there?
ASHTON
Like, 9:30.
EMILY
Well hot damn, Ashton, glad you let
us in on the plan fifteen minutes
prior at a restaurant thats like
10 minutes away.
KYLE
We gotta go now then.
ASHTON
Well what are we going to ea...
CUT TO:
INT. BOWLING ALLEY TABLE (FRIDAY)
Kyle and Emily sit and eat pizza while laughing at Ashton.
ASHTON
Oh screw you.
Enter Rose
ASHTON (contd)
Hey, its Rose!
ROSE
Hi.
ASHTON
Guys, this is Rose.
KYLE
Hey
EMILY
Hey. You ready to bowl?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 20.
ROSE
Um, yeah.
ASHTON
This is great, the four of us
bowling together. Good ol
fashioned double date.
KYLE
We havent started yet.
ASHTON
I suppose thats true.
ROSE
(to Ashton)
Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?
ASHTON
Uh, yeah sure, be right back guys.
They leave frame.
TEXT: One Minute Later
Ashton walks back in.
EMILY
What happened?
KYLE
I can tell you what...
ASHTON
Not now, dude.
EMILY
Where is she?
ASHTON
Um, in the restroom?
KYLE
So what happened?
WHIP PAN TO:
21.
INT. BOWLING ALLEY HALLWAY (FRIDAY)
Rose pulls Ashton into the hallway
ASHTON
So whats up?
ROSE
Hey is this like a date date?
ASHTON
Um...what did you think it was?
ROSE
I kind of thought we were hanging
out as friends.
ASHTON
Well thats a bummer.
ROSE
Im sorry, I didnt mean to lead
you on.
ASHTON
No, no its fine.
ROSE
Do you want me to go?
ASHTON
No, of course not. We can still
bowl. You know as friends. Friends
bowl together, right?
ROSE
Your friends are right over there.
ASHTON
You are correct.
ROSE
(a beat)
Im really sorry, Ashton.
ASHTON
No Im sorry.
ROSE
What are you sorry for?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 22.
ASHTON
I thought I was being quite clear
with my intentions.
ROSE
I guess I wasnt picking up on
signals.
WHIP PAN TO:
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY (FRIDAY)
Rose and Ashton walk in the halls
ASHTON
Do you want to go out with me
tonight?
WHIP PAN TO:
INT. BOWLING ALLEY HALLWAY (FRIDAY)
ASHTON
I guess the signals werent clear
enough.
FADE OUT
END OF ACT TWO
FADE IN
ACT THREE
INT. BOWLING ALLEY TABLE (FRIDAY)
EMILY
Im sorry, Ashton. (catches Kyle)
Do not say I told you so.
KYLE
Fine. But Jesus man, the rest of
this night is gonna be really
freakin awkward.
ASHTON
I know, but what was I supposed to
do, tell her that I only want to
date her, not be friends?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 23.
KYLE
Well no. But you know this puts you
officially in...Em say it with me
KYLE AND EMILY
The Friend Zone!
ASHTON
Damn it. And after I worked so hard
to not repeat this same kind of
thing.
EMILY
Well sometimes its not up to you,
sometimes its up to the universe.
KYLE
Babe. Babe, in the nicest way, shut
up.
EMILY
All Im saying is its not over
just because she says no once.
ASHTON
Youre right. I shouldnt give up
that easily.
KYLE
Have your periods synced yet? Cause
if your done, maybe we can get to
bowling.
EMILY
We need to pick a name for Rose,
shell probably be back soon.
KYLE
Yeah, Ash, your girls been gone
quite a while. You think shes
duking on the first date?
ASHTON
No! I mean I dont think so.
KYLE
(to Emily)
Babe, did you duke on our first
date?
EMILY
No, thats second date territory.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 24.
KYLE
Thats a true lady right there.
Emily courtseys
EMILY
Whats her bowling name gonna be,
Ashton?
ASHTON
Are we really doing novelty names?
Arent we a little old for that?
EMILY
Sweetie, I came for two reasons.
One was that Kyle was gonna pay for
it. And two is that I get to make
the gag names. Thats like 100
percent of the fun in bowling.
KYLE
Yeah who goes bowling just for the
sake of bowling.
ASHTON
Certainly not you, you still use
the bumpers.
KYLE
Shut up, queer.
ASHTON
The sport isnt hard, Kyle just
toss the freakin ball. (a beat) I
know the name we should give her.
Put in "Toss me."
EMILY
Really, another bit about Lord of
the Rings? Come on, grow up,
Ashton.
KYLE
I thought you said you didnt like
Lord of the Rings.
ASHTON
Yet you know my obscure reference
to a line in the Two Towers?
EMILY
...oh, its Rose! Thank God.
Enter Rose with pitcher of cola
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 25.
ROSE
Sorry, the line was pretty long.
KYLE
Woah, woah she bought some drink? I
thought you were duking!
ASHTON
Kyle!
ROSE
No, no its understandable. But I
think Ill leave the duking to
Ashton, have you heard his bit
about pizza at bowling alleys?
KYLE
Hahaha this night is going to be
great.
ASHTON
Can we just get on with bowling?
ROSE
What did you end up naming
me?..."Toss Me."
Rose casts Ashton a quick glance and he smiles
ROSE (contd)
Well lets do it then.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. ASHTONS HOUSE
Kyle and Emily are in the front seats as Ashton gets out and
stands next to the window
ASHTON
Not a complete waste of a night,
right?
EMILY
It really wasnt even that awkward.
KYLE
Yeah but Ashtons still not getting
to second base tonight.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 26.
EMILY
And youre not either if you keep
being a douche. Guideline one.
Really.
ASHTON
Once again, appreciate the
reference.
KYLE
Dont kid yourself, when I look
this fresh, theres no way you
could resist.
EMILY
Maybe youre right. (kiss)
ASHTON
Guess thats my cue to leave.
Thanks for sticking it out guys.
KYLE
Yeah, thats what a bro is here
for. And might you have learned a
lesson?
ASHTON
Yes.
KYLE
What did you learn?
EMILY
Are you really gonna make him say
it?
KYLE
Im really gonna make him say it.
CUT TO:
INT. ASHTONS BEDROOM- NIGHT (FRIDAY)
Ashton sits at his computer typing
ASHTON
Dont go too big for a girl too
fast, it never works out. Guideline
78.
Ashton stands up, sighs and walks away.
TEXT: 10 months later
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 27.
Ashton walks into the same room, with a big grin on his
face, in a different outfit and a different look. He goes to
his computer, scrolls around and begins to type.
ASHTON (contd)
Guideline 78. Amendment one.
He smiles at the words as the screen fades to black
FADE OUT