Email Script

Joshua Silva (Aldwins review critique)

Hey Aldwin,

I really enjoyed reading the review paper. I think it was well written and logically followed the
story you were trying to share. There were some cases where you had sentence structures that
changed from singular to plural. The phrasing in those sentences made the content hard to
follow. I highlighted those sentences in red so that you can alter them according to how you
wanted to share it. There were also some run on sentences that I highlighted. Other than that
the content was great. I appreciate the way the review was laid out. Let me know if you have
specific questions.



Deshawn Sambrano (My review critique)
Hello Josh,

Overall the papers content is really strong. Personally, I notice that one issue I saw throughout
the paper was wordiness particularly with helping verbs. For example, in one sentence you say
have had to been studied. have, had, and been are all helping verbs. In scientific writing the
norm is to write in passive, which is why you include helping verbs; however, in a few cases like
this, it detracted from the overall sentence and was awkward for the reader. Additionally, there
was a few missing citations that I notice. In one case, you said these findings have been
implicated in several findings, but there was no citation of study that suggested that. Aside from
that other mistakes were a few missing punctuation marks and odd word choice. The papers
content, lexicon, and organization are solid. If you make those changes, you will do well on the
e-portfolio. Please let me know if you have any questions.

Joshua Silva Response to Deshawn:
Hey Deshawn,
I appreciate the comments and feedback. I will go ahead and focus on those along with Dr.
Bruce's comments.
Hopefully I will see you along through these coming semesters.