Endless Regrets

I open this story with a piece of paper and a pen, and yet I am not sure where to begin.
Originally I wanted to explain what I am, and what I do for a living. But now that I think about
it
I dont even know.
Ive lived a long life; longer than most people. Much longer. And even that is an
understatement, for in reality...
I have lived over three hundred years. It was my own ambition that drove me to this; my
curiosity and want for more knowledge over this universe, and the hoped that I would one day
bring a new contribution to science.
But of course, isn't this what has driven humanity from the beginning? Science and
history are nothing but greed for knowledge and curiosity, and were it not for those natural
questions that pop into our heads who knows where we would be?
And even with all this, there is an inevitable line that we have to draw. And I didnt
realize this until I had crossed it. Blind with greed, I did the unthinkable, causing numerous
horrible things to happen along the way. This doesnt matter to the world. In the eyes of the
world Im the new Einstein, but I myself know that I'm nothing. And if there truly is a spiritual
being out there, like the One they call God, I know that in His eyes, I'm even less.
Ah, but what's the use? What I did, I have done. Although I may regret it, there is no use
in wishing for what I could have done instead.
I began this story with the hope of explaining what I am. Let me instead explain what I
was.
I used to be a scientist. Eager, curious, excited about the world around me and amazed
with the wonders God has given us. I really must admit, I was a genius. You see, I had this
idea an idea that many before me had hoped would once be theirs to claim; but an idea that I
had the privilege of making true. Naturally, you want to know what this idea actually is, so let
me tell you.
The idea was that humans would be able to someday, somehow, travel to different
planets. And this in itself is a very old idea, in fact you yourself, amateur that you are, have
perhaps considered.
I went above and beyond this, with just a little help. I knew this project would take years
to complete, years that I may not even get to live through. I didnt want someone else to take my
place one day; that would mean they may shut down the project, or go about it in the completely
wrong way.
This was the beginning of the vice that ended my humanity. For I knew that if I wanted to
see this project from start to finish, I would need to extend my lifespan.
Ambition it can drive people to do crazy things. It can be the birth of ideas, the death
of them, and sometimes even the death of their creators. In a way, it was all three for me.
The idea was irresistible. And so I began the two biggest missions that would change the
course of my life, and the life of history. I began the travel to different planets, and I began the
project that would in the end come back to haunt me.
The little details, I will skip. You probably don't have the will nor the capacity to
understand the numerous scientific calculations, prices, hiring of coworkers, mathematical
formulae, and the like. Looking back, I myself admit that theyre too boring to recount. but I will


say that I was able to hire a good starting team. Together, we made the first steps in the direction
of space travel.
My other project, the secret one, was much slower, but only at the beginning.
Preparations were long, even torturous. The materials, the studies just everything was blegh.
Then my work finally began. I started slow; first taking bits and pieces of my bones out, then
replacing them with metal. It was painstaking, for my crew was in constant need of my
assistance. I finally established a system that would become the main barrier between me and my
crew for the longest time, a barrier necessary if I were to keep this project a secret. It worked
but even through that, I could not avoid the interaction with the people who worked for me. And
soon it became inevitable; the crew and I became friends.
After much long, hard work, my arm was finally complete. I could move it, bend it, and
even abuse it and it would not break. My first goal had been accomplished. And ambition drove
me to accomplish many more.
Time went by. Actually, a better way to phrase that would be I think time went by.
Working in an underground laboratory begins to affect your sense of time and location. I had
even forgotten where I was because of the endless months I worked down there. My project
drove me into endless hours of work, sweat, and headaches. Why? Because the whole thing was
much more complicated than at first sight. And you might wonder: how hard can it be to build a
spaceship that can fly to Venus?
Very hard. Too hard. You see, I wasnt creating a spaceship I was creating a portal.
Spaceships were too bulky and extremely slow; the planets in the solar system are incredibly far
away from each other. It would take ages for a spaceship to make it from one planet to another.
So a portal was a much quicker way. Unfortunately it was also a much harder way.
However, the day finally came the day when the portal opened up for the first time. I
knew that there was no portal on Venus (for that was the destination), so I assembled a crew. A
crew that would do two things: mine through Venus' terrain and bring back samples, and
secondly, assemble a portal that could bring them back.
And so, with equipment gathered, my crew stepped through the first portal in all of
history.
And yet, this excitement and hope was nothing compared to the awe and amazement I
had as my new body was finally completed. I had disposed of most natural materials in my
system that could fail or decay; I could now live on for hundreds of years more. My crew had not
noticed a difference, for now I had skin that looked and even felt quite a bit like normal skin.
And yet I wasn't satisfied with this. For one natural material still existed in my body.
My brain.
About a month later, my crew returned through the portal; or at least, half of my crew
did. Many died due to the extreme conditions on Venus, but those that survived brought back
amazing specimens of different rocks and materials that they had found. They had even caught
the entire mission on film, and together for almost three months onward, we watched the footage
together.
Then, one night, my crew had gone to sleep. I was supposed to be asleep as well, but the
excitement of the video footage kept me awake until I finally decided to go and continue
watching without my teammates.
That's when I saw it.
On the tape, I saw four of my crew members working two of them hadnt returned.
They were assembling the pieces of the portal in order to get them back to earth.


Then a flash of light appeared, and an image flickered. I squinted, and made out the
image of a holographic woman. She looked at the crew members desperately.
"Please, listen to me!" she pleaded. "You may think that all of your team is human!
You're wrong! One of you did something and will regret it for the rest of their life. I warn you,
and I warn that person. You're a robot. Stop what you're doing instantly, because you will regret
it!"
Then she looked up, and into the camera, her brown eyes begging. It sent a chill down my
spine, because I felt that somehow, this woman was looking at me. What's more, I think she...
knew me.
My breathing became irregular as panic took me. I fumbled for the remote, then
desperately pressed the power button to turn it off. I had seen enough. All of my interest in this
mission was completely gone forever.
I turned around, went back to bed with the woman's face burned into my mind, her words
echoing in my ears.
I warn that person stop what you're doing instantly. You will regret it.
In that moment, I considered giving up. I considered letting my natural brain remain in
my unnatural body, so that I would still be able to die a natural death. The woman had mentioned
that someone in that crew was a robot.
I felt myself grow cold. That meant that another person in my crew had caught on to my
project.
I desperately searched my mind for a time where I had been careless. Had I left some
notes out? Did they go past the barrier I had installed? Had they heard me talk in my sleep?
It didnt matter. The only thing that mattered was that someone had tried to make his or
herself like me; to try and steal my project. And that was enough to make me furious.
That couldn't happen! I thought desperately. This is MY project! I'm the one with the
genius, skill and talent! I'M the one who's going to be first!
I knew what I had to do. Tomorrow, I would sell my project to the government the
portals, the equipment, everything related to traveling to different planets. I didnt care about that
anymore it didnt matter now. I would dedicate all of my time to upgrading myself as much as
I could, and what's more, I would make sure that the rest of my crew would never get to the same
level as I. For if they were going to complete themselves the way I was completing myself, there
was always the risk that they would get there first. That would mean they may try to kill me.
That made them a threat.
Everyone knows what people do with threats.
They eliminate them.
I woke up the next day with a splitting headache and memories of the bad dreams from
the night before, but my will had not moved.
It had been three months since the last expedition. The portal on that side still existed,
and so I asked the remainder of my crew if they would be so kind as to go back one more time.
They agreed, knowing that it would be easier this time, as they would not need to stay as
long to build a portal. And so, one by one, they went back to the other side.
That was all the time I needed. I took out the first piece of the portal. Then the second.
And the third, until I had disassembled the entire portal and put the pieces into the cases scattered
around me.


My crew was stranded on the other side forever. The portal on that side could not bring
them back as it was a simpler model; one that would allow only one-way trips if the other portal
was disassembled.
Which it was.
Two days later I gave a presentation to the highest of government officials as to what my
many years of research had brought. One day later, I sold my research for over two billion
dollars.
The week after, I made the first preparations to exchange my natural brain for a man-
made one.



Screams. That's all I could hear. Screams and a hissing sound that made my entire
unnatural body shudder. Then I heard a distinct voice it was Peterson. One of the men from
my crew.
IT'S NOT WORKING! he cried. SOMETHING'S WRONG!
It's that lady, remember?Gibbons. She had always been mistrustful of me. She
warned that one of us went commando! How much you bet that it was Professor What-the
heck?
Her special nickname for me: Professor What-the-heck.
HE WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS! Peterson kicked the useless
portal. IT JUST HAS TO WORK!
BOTH OF YOU, calm down! Fiedor, the oldest on the team. You're only making
things worse!
How much worse can things get? Peterson sank down on the alien terrain that people
called Venus. Fiedor hesitated, then swallowed hard. The others are already gone. I think it's
time to admit that somethings gone wrong on the professor's side. We wont be going back,
folks.
There was a long pause, with only the unearthly hissing in the background. Gibbons
broke out into sobs.
That was the only time I had ever seen that woman cry.
I saw a cloud of yellow substance blow in their direction. Sulfuric clouds. They were
good as dead.
The three remaining crew members huddled together as the poison hit them and began
eating through their old, worn, once-protective gear. Their screams became too much for me. I
woke up.

My body was drenched in sweat. I panted heavily.
I knew it was just a dream. People always say it was just a dream. And thats what I
told myself now, but it was pointless. That is how my crew had died. Peterson's words still
echoed through my mind.
He would never do something like this!
Never...
Never...
Never...


I shuddered, wishing that I had never tried going to bed in the first place. Everything
about that dream was so real; Peterson's panic, Fiedor's wisdom and support, Gibbons' crying...
three people that had been nothing but good to me... and I had killed them.
NO!
I shook my head; useless thoughts. I had done it for my own protection one of them
had tried to steal my idea
You will regret it
I REGRET NOTHING! I yelled, hurling my clock against the wall. NOTHING!



Ten years later, I was still as young and alert as before. My new body had allowed me to
stay alive for twice the amount of time most people my age lived. A few days before, I had
checked in with the government and was quite impressed with the new developments. They had
mastered the ability of using the portals that I had invented and were now looking at time-travel
as a very realistic proposition.
Well, that was cute. I had lost all interest and care in those matters.
I slowly made progress with this new brain of mine. Even though I had been able to go
out and about before, now I was forced to shut myself back into my laboratory. I would not see
the outside world again for a long time.
I also knew that some things I would not be able to do myself. For this, I had begun
constructing an artificial intelligence, somewhat like the "Siri" voice that old Apple company had
constructed so long ago. Since then, artificial intelligences had become more and more
sophisticated, but I needed one that would be able to perform surgeries.
I worked on it one day, hoping that this little thing would also provide a little bit of
company. Memories are something that no human, or robot, can avoid, and the same went for
me. I heard a noise above me and looked up. Then I dropped my wrench in shock.
Well, Professor What-the-heck? Gibbons twisted a strand of her dark hair around her
finger; a gesture that had annoyed me from the beginning. She looked at me with an almost
mocking face. Getting tired of being alone? You should be. You murderer.
The word caused me to stumble backwards as if someone had hit me in the chest. I
never trusted you, she spat. You and your stupid barriers, security systems, and cameras. The
lady was right. Peterson was wrong. Its you and someday, you will regret killing us, Mr.
Kirk.
I blinked. Had she just used my real name?
Then I looked again where she had been standing. But she wasnt there anymore. I stood
up shakily and picked up the wrench with a trembling hand. Slowly, I continued my work.
Murderer murderer murderer the word beat through my mind with a painful thud.



Five years later, my AI was complete. He looked a little bit like a metallic spider, but
instead of eyes he simply had a little screen where I could type things. I named him Fiedor, after
my crew member. I dont know why. But whats done was done. After that I began constructing
a very large and extensive machine, a machine that was far too large at first so large that it
took up most of my laboratory space. But bit by bit, I made it smaller, and smaller... until I


finally compacted it so I could hold it in my hand. It was a little box, and after the next few days
I had Fiedor connect my brain to this box.
"What is that?" Fiedor asked. I had programmed him to ask questions, therefore
increasing his knowledge with every answer I gave him.
"My brain," I responded proudly, or at least, I am downloading my brain into it. One
day, it will have enough feed so that I can replace it with my real brain.
I looked around the laboratory fondly. I had accomplished so much here...
And you have destroyed even more, a voice replied. I started. That was Fiedor's voice. But not
my AI. The real Fiedor.
I didnt dare turn around. I didnt even want to blink.
You destroyed so much, sir. He went on in his perpetually respectful voice. I had a
wife and children at home. They had been waiting for my return; they waited and waited until
one by one they all died. Why did you kill me, sir? What have I ever done to you? LOOK AT
ME! He yelled.
I turned around slowly, shaking.
I almost feel sorry for you, sir! He growled. The more you kill, the more you will
regret it!
You will regret it. Those words
I fell to the ground and covered my head. Just stop it, I whimpered, just stop and dont
kill me
Sir? It was Fiedors voice. My AI. Sir, are you all right? What were you looking at?
Why are you mumbling? Why are you on the ground?
I shuddered. Flashbacks began zipping through my mind, causing me to sink down to the
ground and cover my head. That dream from so long ago came back and played itself over and
over again in my head. Those screams those deaths
"Hey, what does this do?" I heard Fiedor ask, but I didn't look up.
Then I heard the her voice;
I warn that person stop what you're doing instantly. You will regret it!
I looked up to see Fiedor playing with the remote. How could I have forgotten?
Years and years had gone by and I had never taken that tape out of the recorder. I saw the
woman look down into my eyes. But for some reason it wouldnt go on. She just froze, looking
into me; and I felt her eyes reach down into my soul, looking for something, trying to find a
piece of myself that was still natural, still human.
"Who is that?" He asked.
TURN IT OFF! I yelled, kicking the AI out of the way and grabbing the remote,
smashing it against the table before I grabbed the projector and flung it against the wall. A loud
bang, some smoke, and then it was all quiet. Then I stormed off and went to bed.

When I woke up, I remembered kicking Fiedor out of the way. Crawling out of my bed, I
saw him lying on the floor, the screen shattered. He was dead.
At that point I didnt even care. But that was before I saw the spot on the wall where I
had thrown the projector.
There had been a small layer of soot, but it had changed. Now, there were words written
in the soot.
You will regret it.


Fiedors voice echoed through my mind as I sat down on the ground and covered my
face. I began thinking of my life before this. Before my ambition.
My family; my mother who had always taken care of me. My best friend who had let me
cheat off his homework when I had been slacking off. My girlfriend. My brother and sister. The
neighbor that had always played loud music.
I had such a good life
And those you killed did, too. The womans voice echoed softly through my head.
I gritted my teeth.
I was guiltless; all I wanted to do was further the exploration of science. Ambition wasnt
wrong! It was just simple curiosity!
The box dinged. It had enough feed from my brain; I could proceed.
I needed another AI. No I needed another copy of myself. Could I possibly?
Well there was only one way to find out, wasnt there?

Im not going to keep going with this. Instead, lemme talk about whats happening today.
Time travel has just begun. The American government has made it official, and people
are rioting in the streets for excitement. Things are rapidly changing; we are finding America
with more power than ever, as military forces are going back into time, changing all the battles to
win in our favor.
My brain is complete. I have upgraded myself, and I am fully robotic. I will not die for
another long time.
The other one of me was the one who had written most of this story. Im not going to
bother reading it all I dont need to know the old mans secrets before he made me. Im
looking at the title My endless regrets. Hah. Cute. And it really suits him, because
He just died in an well, an unnatural way. He was a threat to my existence, and so just
a few minutes ago I killed him. I mean, everybody knows what you do with threats, right?
So dont act so surprised!
He was so stupid, thinking that I would just do whatever he said for the rest of his
miserable life!
And so annoying! Every few minutes he would get this blank look in his eyes, and
suddenly scream for no reason. It really upset his wife.
Yes, the old man got himself a wife. A really pretty one. Its weird he seemed to have
this strange connection with her. Like hed seen her before. You see, sometimes hed be all lovey
and then sometimes hed just freak out for no reason, and start throwing stuff and go all bonkers.
Ah, well. The guy was a nutcase. I hear his wife in the other room now, crying about his
death. The woman should be happy! I just liberated her from a psycho man!
Anyway time travelers are selling like hotcakes. The old man got his wife one just
yesterday. I guess he wanted to give his wife a sort of Im-sorry-for-being-a-jerk present.
I hear her in the other room now. I think shes recording herself. Heh, its funny I wonder
what the words shes saying mean
Im not sure. But maybe you know? Here, Ill write them down:
Please, listen to me! You may think that all of your team is human! You're wrong! One
of you is doing something and will regret it for the rest of their life; I warn you, and I warn that
person. You're a robot. Stop what you're doing instantly. Because you will regret it!
Oh, Im hearing the sound of the time-traveler going off. Those things are just a first
right now they only go into the past.


Weird I wonder where shes going.