Soldier of Life

Vol. 1
By Bobi D
My name is Joshua Edward Whitman. I'm a soldier of... well, I'm not really sure what I fight for.
I say money isn't important, yet I risk my nek for it pratially e!eryday. I say my family's all that
matters, yet I lie to them about who I am, I would die for my friends, yet I send them out to risk their
li!es. My life is... interesting
"ife. I say that like I only ha!e one. In truth, it's more like three. #here's what my family by
birth sees$ a young, prideful, brash hild with a lot of attitude and a strange !iew on life. #here's what
my %friends& see$ an odd'ball. (ostile at first, but kind and helpful one you get to know him. #hen
there's what my... %employees&, also known as my %other family& sees, whih is something... else. )ll
three of these li!es ha!e meaning and a piee of myself li!es with eah one, but I keep those piees
separate. *one know too muh about the other, beause if they did, there would be ruin.
+onfused, Don't worry, I am, too. I don't understand a damn thing about my life. I'!e filled the
roles of so many positions- +.E..., politiian, general, soldier, outdoors'man, therapist, dotor, and
e!en shool'boy, if ya an belie!e it. I'!e done... bad things. I'!e done great things. I'!e been kind,
ruel, helpful, burdening, sa!ior, /udge, e0eutioner... and yet, I don't know what I am. I don't know my
own heart. I belie!e I'm a bad man, yet onstantly reminded of the good I'!e done. I'm not sure who to
belie!e$ the people around me or myself. Who knows me best,
)t this point, you think I'm /ust insane. (ell, how ould a teenager feel all these things about
himself, muh less of been through so muh. I don't blame you. I understand the a!erage kid would
belong in serious therapy if he thought of himself the way I do. (ere's the twist, though- I'm anything
but a!erage. 1ou think I'm dramati, )lright, I'm not gonna argue. Instead, I'll ast a light on some of
my stories. "et you deide where I belong and, more importantly, who I am.
) searing pain shot through my left hand. 2laned down to notie a harsh burn o!er my thumb.
3er!es me right, helping my buddy weld without glo!es. Wasn't sure what it was. 3eond, maybe third
degree, 4new it was gonna sar. I probably should ha!e shouted, swore, do something e0treme in
reation...
)ll I did was wine. 5robably not healthy, but I got used to physial pain a long time ago.
%#hat looks bad&, said a deep, strong !oie.
%I'!e had worst. I'll be fine.& I said to Jak. Jak was... Jak. 1ou take one look at his 6'7 gorilla'
built frame with Dread'lok hair, dark blak skin, tattoos, and giant musles, and you immediately feel
autious. 1ou find out he arries a sawed'off pump'ation 87 gauge in his man'purse 9I always all
those things that: and wears a bullet proof !est at all times, and you beome e!en more sarred.
What you wouldn't see is what's beneath that outside. Jak was the wisest, kindest son of a bith
I'd e!er met. (e didn't drink, did no drugs, partook in ;ero %pleasantries& with the finer se0... this guy
was pratially a saint. But he was strong and ould fight when he had to. I'd rather you put me up
against any other man on the planet then him. (e was easily the most trust'worthy, loyal man you'd get
to know.
%+ome on, <uit being a tough guy. 2o lean that up.& he said.
%What are you, my damn mother,& I shot bak.
Whate!er wise'ass response he was interrupted by the door, and in ame a young woman, about
two years older than me. 3he had her long, dark blonde hair tied up in a bun, with safety glasses tuked
o!er forehead. 3he was wearing short'shorts, boots, and a sports bra. It ertainly wasn't Jessia's usual
attire, but we were in a ar shop.
%1ou'!e got an appointment at se!en. +ame to remind you& she said. (er !oie was uni<ue. 1ou
ould /ust hear the playful immaturity in it, but there was also a hint of sensuality.
Did I mention I tend to form images of people, 1ou see, my mother raised me to always be
areful, beause you ould ne!er be ertain who was out to get you. 3o, I take notes <uite often. We
ould meet for only ten minutes, and in those ten minutes, I'd of taken as many mental'notes as the
a!erage person does in 67 hours of interation. +all it paranoia or being nosy if you want. It's sa!ed my
ass <uite a few times.
%3orry, Mom. I gotta head to work now. I'll try to be home by urfew.& I teased to the giant
towering o!er me. Jak responded with a light punh to my shoulder with an arm I knew ould lift me
up by itself. 1ou'd think I'd be less of a smart ass to that kind of person, but that ain't really me.
I followed Jessia out of the shop and to the building ne0t door. It was built similar to a hotel,
with a bar as an entrane lobby. I passed through, nodding to the indi!iduals drinking and smoking 9no
igarettes. I hated tobao and ne!er allowed it:. #hey raised their glasses in salute and said, %2ood to
see ya, Jay&. %Jay& was a nikname I was widely known by. I ould reall their names if I onentrated,
but it wasn't important at the time. I /ust kept walking, to the hallway, up some stairs to a room with a
sign embla;oned with a large %J&.Jessia turned and leaned against the door'frame.
%3o what's up with this appointment,& 3he asked.
%#he Emerald 5alae, with a guy named +arlos& I replied while I put my key in the lok.
%#he Emerald 5alae, Interesting plae. 1ou want me to get your typial street attire,&
%*o, I looked this guy up. (e's got lass. 5robably hose there to test my professionalism. 2et
me the typial dress lothes.&
%)lright. )nything else,&
%*o, that should be it. I'm gonna /ump in the shower, get leaned up. (a!e the lothes out on
the bed for when I'm finished.&
%3hower, huh, 1ou want some ompany,& 3he replied as she hanged her position to something
more seduti!e.
"et me tell you something about Jessia I didn't mention before. 3he is gorgeous, and in many
different ways. (er fae and lusious hair mathed perfetly, her skin had a slight natural tan to it with
few imperfetions. 3he worked out almost e!eryday and was <uite fit and ould kik ass more than the
a!erage man ould. But what reeled in many men was her %figure&, and that's all I'll say regarding
those rather attrati!e ur!es. What, I'm a straight man, we notie these things, but I'm also respetful
towards women.
While I'm at it, let me mention something else. Despite the amount of ine<uity I was surrounded
by e!eryday, I was atually a !irgin. 3trange, isn't it, for a fifteen'year'old boy to turn down women
ranging from the ages of thirteen to teeny'fi!e. Most only flirted beause of my station, but hey, who
really ares about the reasoning behind a one'night stand, Well, I wasn't interested. Moreo!er, beause
of a strange belief, I refused to e!er partake in the ation of partiipating in se0ual beha!ior... while
%alone&, if you get my drift.
#hat ourse of ation has its draw'baks. 1ou see, humans are biologial reatures, and we
9espeially men: feel ertain %urges& beause of our hormones. If you deny these urges long enough,
the feelings tend to build up. If you find a mature man who hadn't partaken in se0ual ati!ity for a year
or two, he gets a greater urge and more %dirty thoughts& than a man who /ust got laid last week. Well,
imagine the feeling that omes from never feeding that urge. It takes a ton of disipline to keep it in
hek, and I, thankfully, had that disipline.
I suppose that tehnially makes me what soiety would all %inredibly horny&. Well, soiety
an go srew itself, /udging me beause I ne!er did 9see what I did there, I also make a lot of lame
/okes, espeially puns. 2et used to it:
3o, here was the most attrati!e woman I e!er met asking if she ould /oin me in the shower,
whilst wearing a sports'bra and short'shorts, no less. It did interesting things to my heart, imagination,
and... other organs, I'm not gonna lie. )nd why not, Why shouldn't I satisfy myself, I mean, she was
asking for it...
I beat those urges down with a sledgehammer. Jessia only lo!ed me beause I was the first man
to show her kindness, appreiation, and respet in her brutal life. I wasn't about to take ad!antage of the
pain she went through. I slipped up and did one before, and I swore to ne!er do it again.
%2o tell Ben to lean I!ory and lea!e her on the table for me when I get out. I don't e0pet
things to go bad, but I wanna be ready /ust in ase.& I said, hiding the raised hormone le!el I got from
her re<uest.
(er full, !ery kissable lips went away from the smile they were holding, and she nodded. 3he
turned around and walked down the hallway. I opened the door, then stopped and wathed her walk
away 9I wathed the bak of her head, you per!. Don't /udge me:. I again found myself <uestioning me
with a <uestion I asked o!er and o!er and o!er again.
%What the fuk do you think you're doing,&
I walked into my room and immediately reahed for the bottle of Jak on the nightstand. Just
'ause it kills your li!er don't mean it ain't mediine. My room was spaious, with a table and hair with
a footloker under the table on one side, a omputer desk on the other, a mirror in one orner, a king'
si;ed bed in the middle and a door leading to a small bathroom. *o windows, and no dresser. #here
was a .=>6 #aurus magnum behind the headboard, but the a!erage person wasn't aware. I stripped my
lothes and tossed them in the basket in the orner of the room. I then walk to the bathroom and got in
the shower.
I take long showers. *ot beause I'm ..+.D. or anything, but beause they help me think. It's a
plae where I an ollet my thoughts and alm down. I don't think I ould sleep at all if I didn't spend
as muh time thinking as I do in there. #hey were therapeuti, and really, we all need a little therapy
e!ery now and again. I heard the door open twie and knew e!erything would be ready for me. )fter
about forty'fi!e minutes, I got out. ?sed some of my most e0pensi!e ologne, and got dressed. I
heked the mirror to see how I looked.
I had ombed my long, blonde@brown hair. I was wearing some brand new blak /eans, blak #'
shirt, a onealment bulletproof and stab'resistant !est, a blood'red silk dress'shirt, a pair of
biker@owboy boots in nie ondition, omplete with steel'toes, some rose gold hains and rings, plus a
rose gold wath and large uff'braelet of the same metal.
Impressed, Don't be. #hink of what I was wearing as a sorta %ompany uniform&. 3hould I e!er
lea!e the ompany, I would half to gi!e up the uniform. I mean, I didn't e0atly look like a heap'skate
with my e!eryday'lothes, whih were omplete with /ewelry, but still, my wardrobe would loose
thousands of dollars in !alue should I hoose to <uite my /ob.
3atisfied with my attire, I walked o!er to the table, upon whih sat my beautiful lo!e- I!ory.
I!ory was a >A aliber Desert Eagle, made in Israel 9I for sure didn't opy her name from a !ideo'
game:. 3he had a 3tar of Da!id engra!ed into the handle, as well as the words %)im #rue& on her
barrel. #here were two full maga;ines beside her, as well as one inside her. I slipped her into an ankle'
holster on my right leg, and the two spare maga;ines into my left boot. In ase you ouldn't of guessed,
I liked to be prepared for any situation. I then walked out my door, in diretion of yet another day of
breaking the law, while making money doing it.
.utside, I found my ousin Jason saying goodbye to his girlfriend Isabella 9by whih I mean
they were kissing and talking a bunh of sappy rap. +ouples$ they an be so sikening sometimes, am
I right,:, as well as Jessia standing beside them. Isabella was of a similar build to Jessia, only less
musle, more skinny, less of a %figure& and of a (ispani and )frian desent. Jason, although he was
my ousin, bore almost no resemblane to me at all.
(e was e0tremely fit, but not of a bulky frame. (e looked rather like a lightBweight bo0er
does. (e had brown eyes and dark brown hair whih he kept ut short. (is dress was similar to mine,
regarding the style of it. (is faial features were in great ondition, and he looked muh better then the
a!erage si0teen'year'old
I, on the ontrary, looked like shit 9my opinion of myself isn't e0atly high:. #here was no
highly attrati!e feature of mine e0ept for my eyes, whih turned a !ibrant tur<uoise olor when I was
happy. .therwise, they were a dull gray or red, when I was angry. )side from that, I had long
blonde@brown hair that was usually unkempt, ane trouble, broken and bad teeth, and I was of a broad'
shouldered frame.
Interestingly, though, despite being of less raw musle, I ould fight e!en better than my ousin.
I was not sure why, but when I got angry or threatened, something.. awoke inside me. I beame
stronger, faster, and more brutal. Dotors think it's an adrenaline problem, runs in the family 9not the
side my ousin's from:. It also auses me to ha!e one hell of a temper. I get mad at small things, and
ma/orly blow'up at the bad stuff. My temper is easily the hardest emotion I ha!e to keep in hek.
#his fat is what allowed me to limb to an e<ual, or perhaps greater station than my ousin. I
didn't get gi!en any respet, I ar!ed it out with a hainsaw.
I hugged Jessia for a time longer then mere friends are supposed to, and she whispered in my
ear, %Be areful. +ome bak to me.& I responded with a light pat on the bak. Cesponding to any kind
of ompliment is not a skill I ould e!er pik up. I then turned to Jason. We e0hanged !ery familiar
nods and got in his 7AA6 mustang, and dro!e off to my %business appointment&.
We got to the arranged loation around D-E>. My ousin had to wait in the ar 9as were the terms
of the meeting: while I went inside. #he hoie of establishment was an interesting one.
#he Emerald 5alae was your typial den of ine<uity, by whih I mean a strip'lub. )ll the
woman were of there early to mid twenties and had impressi!e %figures&. #hey had both e0pensi!e and
heap drinks for sale, and the owner tended to turn a blind'eye to fake I.D.s like the one I used to gain
entry.
"et me mention something interesting about me. I donFt onsider women attrati!e until I get to
know them. If I think they're a good person and e!erything, they're attrati!e. If I think they're an .4
person, than they're .4 looking. If I think they're a bith, then I think they look like a dog. Gor
e0ample, I one had feelings for this girl and thought she was the most beautiful thing in the world.
3ituation hanged and we ended up hating eah other, and I now think she's butt'ugly. It's /ust an
interesting harateristi of mine I don't know how to e0plain. I don't get any of those hormonal
thoughts unless I onsider the girl attrati!e 9ob!iously:, whih is probably the whole reason I'!e
managed to maintain my %total abstinene& for fifteen years now. Maybe it's also a sign of my
underlying insanity, who knows,
(owe!er, that E*#ICE thing about what woman I get attrated to gets thrown out the window
at a strip'lub. #he flashing lights, eroti musi, bouning women$ it all makes those hormones wanna
break out their ages again. 3trip'lubs tend to ha!e that affet on any man.
Whih is e0atly why this plae was hosen for the meeting. It was a test. %+arlos&, as the
gentlemen went by, didn't wanna deal with someone who wasn't professional. Me, being fifteen, didn't
seem like a likely andidate for doing business with. 3o, he wanted to see how I held up.
I sanned the room until I saw the man I was told to find. (e was +auasian, with blak hair
that was sliked bak. (e had on a tu0edo, with gold rings and a nie 3eiko wath. (e wa!ed me o!er.
I walked firmly o!er to the table with my eyes fi0ed on his own. )s muh as I wanted to let my
ga;e %wander&, I knew that doing so would be failing his test, and I did not plan on oming all the way
out to this /oint only to wath the girls. I thought for a moment on how odd that was. 2oing to a strip'
lub to not wath a bunh of women daning. I let the humor of it lear my mind and alm me down.
%1ou must be Jay,& 3aid +arlos.
%#he one and only... least, the only white one with lass& I replied. %2lad to see I'm with a like'
minded man.&
) hukle passed those old lips. I immediately got the feeling this man was not to be played
with. I shook his hand. (e had a firm, strong grip. I aught a glimpse of a dragon'head tattoo on his
arm. %I'!e heard interesting things about you, Mr. Jay.&
%Well, I'm not one to brag about rumors. What ha!e you heard,&
%#hat you're a ghost. 1ou supply <uite a bit of herb in this ity, yet you don't e!en li!e here. *o
one e!en knows your full name.&
%I like to be disreet. I belie!e that reason is e0atly why you in!ited me here.&
(e laughed. It was a old, dark laugh, and I suddenly felt like I was sitting aross from a
leopard. %Huite, I belie!e I an drink to that.& (e said, and we lanked our Jagger'bombs together. %"et
me ask you something. #hat thing dangling from your nek. Is it a symbol of your faith, or do you wear
it as a symbol of your family,&
I glaned down at the 3tar of Da!id dangling from my bottom'most hain. )bout = inhes
aross from point'to'point, it was a little to big to be a simple sign of faith, and there was a reason for
that. 3tars of Da!id were a sign of the organi;ation I was with. 4inda like our %ompany logo&. Deep
down, I felt there was something up there, but I had been through and seen too muh to ha!e faith. My
soul was hallow and hopeless, and I ga!e up on prayer a long time ago. +arlos aught my eyes glane
down, and a de!ilish grin touhed his lips. I sensed the leopard was about to poune.
When a arni!ore sees you as prey, hildren, don't run. Make it see itself as prey.
I leaned forward, and my !oie went away from the friendly matter it had been before. It
beame ruel, deep, and had a faint growl to it. I don't know how to e0plain it, but my !oie an
change drastially depending on the irumstanes. It an be inredibly soft and gentle, heerful and
are'free, ommanding and business like, or down'right sary.
%*ow you listen here, you grease'headed wanna'be mob boss. I ame here to make a business
deal, not to listen to some pompous, arrogant bastard <uestion me. 1ou dragged me out here to make a
deal. *ow are we gonna do that, or should I walk away now,&
#here was a few ruial moments of silene in whih we simply ga;ed into eah'others eyes.
)ll musi was drowned out, and all the women around us were forgotten. #hen, +arlos threw bak his
head and laughed. %Boy, I heard you had some balls, but I must admit I'm impressed. I think we'll get
along <uite niely, Mr. Jay. 3hall we get down to business,&
+onfused, #hat's gonna happen a lot. 1ou see, the streets aren't your typial business arena.
#here are no polie or ourts to regulate business, so you're !ery areful who you deal with. If someone
is less than your standards, you're not gonna trust them enough to deal. Better to go find someone
stronger who an handle your orders or, e!en better, you an simply take o!er the poor bastards
operations. 1ou need to show the other guy, %My stik's as big as yours. 3o how 'bout we <uit si;ing
eah other up and get down to business.& I'd been in the en!ironment for a few years, and I learned to
reogni;e when I was being si;ed'up.
Me and +arlos spent the ne0t few hours peaefully. 3etting up loations, negotiating pries,
buying drinks, en/oying the establishment 9now that we both knew we were eah the real'deal, we
ould rela0 a little:. I won't bore with the details, mostly beause I don't trust releasing them. What,
I'!e a!oided lok'up all my life, I'd prefer to keep it that way.
I stumbled out the Emerald 5alae a few hours later. I only had... E, maybe > drinks, I forget. I
heked my wath and let out a urse. It was 7-=A in the morning, I was a little drunk, and it was a
3unday night$ I had shool in the morning.
3o that there is /ust one of the many tales of my life. .f ourse, that's all from only one side of
me$ the street side. #here was another side of me$ who I was when I was in my home town. "et me
elaborate.
I li!ed in a small town in .hio named (ar!ey. *e!er heard of it, Don't be surprised. What little
fame it got lasted only about a few months before the ountry forgot us again. I went to (ar!ey (igh
3hool 9((3:, and was atually !ery intelligent. (owe!er, I didn't gi!e a rat's ass about my shooling,
and was ontent with grades ranging from )s to +s.
I had suffered from depression. #hat was between fifth and si0th grade. (ated the world, sat
around alone... you know, typial style of the little re/et. I attempted suiide by o!er'dose. (ere's the
strange thing$ not only did it not work, but it failed miserably. I downed an entire bottle of )d!il
Migraine, and all that happened was I slept for 8A hours straight. *o hospital, no one knew about it, no
nothing.
#hat all hanged when my ousin Jason found me. (e was souting the town when we met up.
)t the time, we had no idea we were related. (e grew up in foster are, and we only learned we were
family by a fluke with some blood tests. What an I say, My mother's father got around... ) ".#.
But I digress, bak to my story. Jason saw something in me. 3howed me the ropes. I'm not
gonna get into my introdution into the street life. I did a lot of horrible things and worked for a
monster. I got out of that life, and e0hanged it for something at least a little better.
Me, my ousin, and an old friend named Da!id deided to form the Wolf #ribe. We e0peted it
to stay what it was$ a ouple of kids slinging small time for some spare ash. We set up in +olumbus,
.hio. It's not really the kind of ity you'd e0pet, there is <uite a bit of illegal happenings. It's /ust very
easy to keep it all <uiet beause all the o!er'pri!ileged whites didn't wanna admit what their ity was
beoming.
We set up odes and rules for the Wolf #ribe, also known as the %tribe&. #he leaders were
simply alled %3enior .ffiers&, and had e<ual say in the affairs. We demanded women were to be
respeted and allowed into the organi;ation. In fat, a man's girlfriend who wasn't a part of the tribe
was to addressed as his %priness&, and shown the utmost respet. ) single woman within the tribe was
alled an %ama;on&, and en/oyed the same pri!ileges as a normal member, although they were
sometimes gi!en tasks only their harms ould aomplish, as muh as it shames me to admit it.
Members earned different rights and protetion. E!eryone had a /ob, and they were e0peted to
do it. 1ou had to pay a ertain amount to the #ribe to ha!e pri!ileges. My time di!ided between my
hometown and +olumbus meant I de!oted most of my ash to the tribe rather than my poket 9though I
liked to pay a little e0tra to ensure support:. #hings kept going, and before we knew it, we weren't
puppies anymore. We numbered at about se!enty people, ranging from the ages of ten to thirty. We
supplied Mari/uana, +oain, illegal alohol selling, protetion rakets... we had our fingers in <uite a
bit.
(owe!er, I refused to let us touh any of the really hard drugs, or pimp women, or anything like
that. I also demanded a ertain %eti<uette& in my presene. I wasn't at it to make a buk, I was at it to
try to save these people. Without me, I know a lot of people who'd of resorted to Meth dealing, robbing,
selling themsel!es for se0... I pro!ided an alternati!e. 3ure, we broke the law and lost good people, but
it was better than their other hoie.
)fter about two years, Da!id deided he had enough. (e retired from the street life and went to
"aw shool. I ha!en't seen or heard from him in two years. It omes with the life$ If you want to lea!e
it, you half to lea!e EIEC1#(I*2. .therwise, you'll get dragged bak in or end up dead. It always
kinda humors me. I always told myself I'd lea!e after I got bak on my feet. But I ne!er seemed to be
willing to do it.
It was a pain, though. I was /uggling my street'life as a kingpin with my shool'life as an %odd'
ball&, not to mention my family'life as a %loyal& son. .ftentimes, I had to on!ine my parents I was
sik, and then sneak out the house without them knowing. I beame !ery good at limbing out windows
<uietly.
3o, now you ha!e a peak into the story of my life. 5robably don't understand half the things I
do. Well, sit bak. #here's plenty more stories where that ame from.
It omes with ha!ing three li!es.