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ApologyStudyGuide Workplace
ApologyStudyGuide Workplace
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Excerpted from
The Five Languages of Apology
How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships
ISBN: 1-881273-57-1 / ISBN13: 978-1-881273-57-8
English and Spanish audio editions available from Oasis Audio (www.OasisAudio.com)
Spanish print edition available from Tyndale Espaol (www.Tyndale.com/espanol)
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Printed in the United States of America
Dear Friend:
Thank you for taking time to read through this brief booklet.The
insights and principles youll discover are drawn from years of research
and the real-life experiences of hundreds of individuals. Understanding
how to apologize with sincerity and clarity is vital to healthy relation-
shipsbetween coworkers, clients, family, and friends.This booklet will
start you down the road to understanding the five languages of apology.
Read it, reflect on it, then assemble your team to discuss how they apply
in your workplace.Youll also find a Team-Building Resource Discussion
Guide at the back of the booklet.
For a comprehensive treatment on the subject, along with The
Five Languages of Apology Personal Assessment Tool, pick up a copy of
our book, The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All
Your Relationships.
Dr. Gary Chapman
Dr. Jennifer Thomas
I
was at a local bank standing in line, waiting my turn to see a teller.
My wait was probably not more than ninety seconds; however,
when I arrived before the teller she said with a smile, Im sorry
you had to wait.
Not a problem, I said as I handed her my transactions.When she
finished she asked, Is there anything else?
Thats all, I said.
Then with another smile, she added, Have a good afternoon.
Thank you, I responded. Same to you.
From there I drove to the local post office and stood in line for
thirteen minutes.When I arrived at the counter, the postal employee
said nothing. Id like to send this first class, I said.
Still no comment as she processed the postage. Three twenty,
she said.
I gave her a five; she made the change and handed me my receipt.
Thank you very much, I said as I walked away.
APOLOGIZING i n t h e
Workplace
EXPRESSI NG REGRET
I am sorry
ACCEPTI NG RESPONSI BI LI TY
I was wrong
MAKI NG RESTI TUTI ON
What can I do to make it right?
GENUI NELY REPENTI NG
Ill try not to do that again
REQUESTI NG FORGI VENESS
Will you please forgive me?
The FI VE LANGUAGE S OF AP OL OGY
As I drove back to my office, I reflected on those two encounters.
My experience at the bank had been pleasant and friendly, while at
the post office I felt I was dealing more with a machine rather than a
person. Why did I respond so differently to the two encounters? I asked
myself. Probably because the teller began with an apology for my
wait, while the postal employee made no apology.
Sometime later I thought about the number of times I have
walked into that bank and that post office over the past ten years. I
realized that each time my reception had been the same. If I waited in
line, each teller said,Im sorry you had to wait. At the post office,
however, I never remember being greeted by any postal employee
with those words, though my wait at the post office was always much
longer than my wait at the bank.
WHAT SUCCESSFUL COMPANIES KNOW
It seemed apparent to me that the bank employees had been trained
to apologize, while the postal employees had not. Consequently, I as
a customer much preferred my visits to the bank. Some may argue
that the apology of the teller was perfunctory and insincere. And per-
haps that is true, but I still appreciated someone acknowledging
regret that I had to wait for service.
Successful companies have long understood the power of an apol-
ogy. Most generally subscribe to the philosophy The customer is
always right. Usually, this means that employees are trained to apol-
ogize when a customer complains.
Serving the Customer
Some weeks ago I went to a local pizza restaurant for dinner.
Afterward I was talking with the manager of the restaurant. What do
you do when customers get upset or complain about service or
food? I asked.Without hesitation he said, The customer gets the last
word.
What do you mean by that? I inquired.
T h e f i v e L a n g u a g e s o f A p o l o g y
a
A p o l o g i z i n g i n t h e Wo r k p l a c e
to pay the cleaning bill and giving her the meal free. I didnt hear any
genuine repentance; that is, you expressed no plan for seeing that this
didnt happen in the future. Nor did you ask her to forgive you. So it
seems to me that you spoke two of the five apology languages.
Apparently, her language was one of the other three, I con-
tinued. Perhaps if you had spoken her language, she may have
accepted your apology and even expressed forgiveness.
Thats an interesting idea, he said. Ill have to think about that.
Six weeks later, I stopped by for another pizza.The manager came
over and sat down. He said, Ive taught all my employees the five lan-
guages of an apology.The next time we have a problem, were ready.
We are going to speak all five apology languages.
Good, I said. Then you are bound to hit the persons primary
apology language. I predict you will see a difference in the way the
person responds.
The Pizza Man Delivers . . . at Home
The manager continued, This also works in a marriage, doesnt it?
Why do you say that? I asked.
Because Ive discovered that my wifes apology language is gen-
uine repentance. She wants me to assure her that I have a plan so that
this wont happen again. In the past, Ive been big on Im sorry.That
has never been very effective with her. When I shared the five apol-
ogy languages with her, she immediately said,Thats the whole prob-
lem with your apologies. They always end with Im sorry.
And what is your apology language? I asked.
Accepting responsibility, he said. I want her to say I was wrong.
In the past, she has seldom said those words, which always made me
feel that her apologies were not sincere.
This works in all human relationships, I said. I predict that your
business and your marriage will both improve. Do you want my
counseling bill now, or do you want me to mail it to you? I joked.
As our conversation was ending, I quietly added, And one other
A p o l o g i z i n g i n t h e Wo r k p l a c e