Please do not steal this story, God is watching.

PROPERTY OF haveyouseenthisgirl.yolasite.com
Denny / Y!TG"s #ote$ Pardon the grammar, % did not ta&e time to edit this and % admit my tenses suc&.
% &now my English is not very good at all 'ut (ust 'ear with it. O&ehh)*D
+++
"So you're dying, what's your plan now?"
"I'll bargain 10 important people with God."
"Huh? Bargain? What do you mean?"
"I'll collect 10 signatures and pass the contract to God when I meet Him."
"I don't get you."
"I hope God does."
10 Signatures to Bargain with God
aveYou!eenThisGir, - ./00
You can"t stay 1orever...
You don"t live always...
You are limited...
There is a 1inishing line.
2ut a1ter the line, is the beginning.
It taes 10 signatures.
+++
3 %ntroduction to the 4ontract 5
%t"s normal that 6eo6le die, 6eo6le leave. Yet the normality we can"t acce6t. 7e o1ten say to ourselves, 8% want a normal
li1e8 'ut a lot o1 us doesn"t even &now what normal means in li1e. 7e"re all a'normal in our way o1 thin&ing.
I am abnormal.
87hat"s on your mind)8
% switch 'ac& to reality when % heard his voice. % turn my head to his direction and give him a de1eated
smile, 89amamatay na a&o di'a)8
e twitches 1or a second then he 6ats my head, 8%t"s normal.8
7hat % li&e a'out him is he doesn"t give me lies (ust to com1ort me. 7hat"s the 6oint o1 telling someone eerything's
gonna be alright i1 it"s not, right) e com1orts me honestly. The truth hurts 'ut the lies are worse.
8!hould % 'elieve your 1ather)8 his 1ather is the one who told me that % only have .wee&s or less to live, his 1ather is my
doctor.
8% don"t &now, my 'iological 1ather is not a God. 2ut our Father is.8 he 6oints u6 with his 1ore1inger. % &now who he is
tal&ing a'out.
7e"re 4atholics 'ut the thing is, % am not such a good 4atholic. % don"t go to !unday mass neither do % 6ray or genu1lect
when % 6ass'y the church. % don"t have the 4atholic attitude 'ut % do 'elieve that there is someone u6 there that owns us,
my 6arents told me that when % was little. 7e call him God.
8%1 % 'elieve in im, it only means that % should also 'elieve that these current events in my li1e are normal.8
8O1 course. Dying is normal.8
% have not e:6ected those words, dying is normal. e even said it a'ru6tly.
% raise my 1eet and 6lace it on the 'ench were we are sitting, % hug it tightly laying my head on my &nees, without loo&ing
at him % said, 8;re you telling me that % should acce6t everything) That %"m really dying)8
e 6laces his hand around my shoulder and &isses the to6 o1 my head, 8% did not say you"ll have to acce6t it, what %"m
saying is... do not 'e a1raid o1 it.8
Thoughts 1lushes in my mind cra<ily, % 1ind it hard to com6rehend with my own thoughts. % 6ut down my 1eet then 1ace my
'oy1riend and hug him tightly. %"ve decided something...
84an % change my 'irthday to today"s date)8
89oses s6lit the ocean into two so changing your 'irthday doesn"t seem im6ossi'le. 7hat are you 6lanning, 'a'y)8
% start crying and so''ing into his shirt, 8% want to live, 1or the 1irst time.8
=====
"!ebruary "#$ "010 at %.&'pm$ happy birthday(" ;1ter my 'oy1riend said that, % 'lew the candle o1 my ca&e. %"m
cele'rating my 1irst 'irthday in his room, in his 'ed. ;1ter the scene on the 'ench, he 'rought me to the nearest church
and 6leaded a 6riest to 'a6ti<e me again while % was still crying. Though we did not as& the legal 6a6ers to 'e changed,
with the 'a6tism % already 1eel li&e new to the world.
84an % give my 6resent some other day)8
8;re you &idding me) There"s no need 1or a 6resent, you"re more than enough.8 % suddenly 6ull him closer to me and
snuggle him, 'ecause o1 that we 1ell on his 'ed. Fortunately the ca&e was 6laced in the small ta'le 'e1ore we 1ell so it
was sa1e 1rom 'eing ruined.
e 6ulls away some strands o1 hair that was messily 6laced on my 1ace and he 6laces it on the 'ac& o1 my ear, 87hat
did you wish 1or)8
89emories.8
8That"s cool, am % 6art o1 it)8
8O1 course, your signature is on my list.8
87hat signature) 7hat list)8 % can see how con1used his 1ace is, % don"t &now i1 % can e:6lain this well to him 'ut %"ll try
since %"ve decided o1 this already...
8Do you remem'er last summer"s youthcam6)8
e nods com6letely 1i:ed in con1usion.
8Do you remem'er what one o1 the 6astors said on the >th night)8
This time he res6onds, 8?hh... yeah 'ut % remem'er it vaguely. e was tal&ing a'out something a'out the li1e in heaven
or... ah, % don"t remem'er at all.8
8The 6astor said that when you die, only your soul comes 'ac& to heaven.8
87hich means)8
8%1 it"s only our souls it means we don"t 'ring anything with us even memories...8
8uh)8
8The 6astor also said that when our souls meet in heaven, we"ll &now each other on that moment 'ut we would not
remem'er what relations we had on Earth. 7e are 6romised to 'e 1illed with (oys in eaven and to 1ul1ill that, we have to
leave our memories here on Earth which are 1ull o1 su11erings and sadness. The ha66y memories aren"t even an
e:ce6tion, when you die you leave everything 'ehind.8
!ilence 6roceeds.
% can hear the tic&ing o1 his wall cloc&. Tic&, tic&, tic&. %t has the same rhythm with my heart'eat.
8!o you"re dying, what"s your 6lan now)8
8% would li&e to gain my 'irthday wish.8
89eaning)8
8%"ll collect memories.8
8You said that according to last summer"s youthcam6"s 6astor, when we die we only 'ring our souls with us, we leave
everything 'ehind even the memories. !o...)8
8%"m not con1ident with this 'ut % thin&... %"ll 'argain 0/ im6ortant 6eo6le with God.8
8uh) 2argain) 7hat do you mean)8
8%"ll collect 0/ signatures and 6ass the contract to God when % meet im.8
8!ignatures and a contract) 2argaining with God) 7hat are you saying, % don"t get you.8
% close my eyes and 6ray, 8% ho6e God does.8
======
8;nd 1or the 0/th signature...8 % am in my room, in 1ront o1 my study ta'le writing the 0/th signature owner on a 6iece o1
'ond 6a6er that % have claimed to call 8The 4ontract8. 7hen % have 1inished writing the last name, % raise the 6a6er and
loo& at it 1or a minute and % let o11 a determined and ho6e1ul smile.
% 6lace the 6a6er on the ta'le and % stand u6 1rom my seat as % ta&e out my 6hone 1rom my 6oc&et and started searching
a name in my 6hone'oo&. 7hen %"ve 1ound it, % clic& the call 'utton and it 1eels li&e my heart'eat is louder than the
6hone"s rings.
!ing, ring, ring...
!omeone 6ic&s it u6 a1ter @ or A rings. %t has 'een a long time. % wonder i1 this 6erson still remem'ers me...
8ello)8
""our oice neer changed."
PROPERTY OF haveyouseenthisgirl.yolasite.com
+++
3 First !ignature 5
87here are you going, ana&)B8 u6on entering my room, my mom is sur6rised too see me in my (eans, (ac&et and ru''er
shoes. 9y out1it clearly says that %"m going out.
89om, % need to go to the 6ar&.8
#ecause I hae an old $riend waiting $or me...

8;t a time li&e this)B8
8Oh 6lease mom, don"t e:aggerate. %t"s only C o"cloc& in the evening.8
8#o, you can"t go. %t"s already late. 4hange your clothes.8 my mom turns her 'ac& on me and is a'out to leave my room, %
run to her and hold her arm.
89om.8 she sto6s, not 1acing me.
84an % go) Please)8 % insisted.
8#o.8
% 6out at her res6onse, 8#ot 1airB You usually allow me to go outside at this hour and even lateB8
8Don"t you understand the situation)B8 in'etween her lines, % hear her so'. % don"t &now i1 she"s crying, % can"t see her 1ace
neither her tears. % try to turn her to 1ace me and my thought is con1irmed, my mom is crying again.
#o, not again 'ut always. 9y mom is always crying since she &new a'out my sic&ness and due date. 7hy does the
thought o1 dying ma&es a 6erson cry) % want to &now, what is the saddest thing a'out death) 7hat is there to cry a'out
death) 7hat is) 7hy) )uestions.
% em'race my mother and whis6er to her ear, 8% don"t understand the situation and %"m not trying to understand it
anymore. %t might sound that %"m weary o1 all o1 these and %"m li&e giving u6 'ut %"ll tell you the truth mom, %"m not dying.8
!he 6ushes me a little 'ecause she is ta&en a'ac& 1rom my words, 8You"re not dying)B The doctor (ust said...8
8% (ust started living li1e so how come %"m dying) % will die 'ut %"m not dying, mom. Please do remem'er that.8
87hat... what are you saying) % don"t understand. You"re con1using meB !to6 using un1athoma'le 6hrasesB8
% wi6e the tears on mom"s chee& and &iss the ti6 o1 her nose, 89om, 6lease let me go tonight) Please)8
8% (ust said you can"t===8
8Do you remem'er when % was in si:th grade, you and dad as&ed me what ha66ened to me and my 'est1riend 'ac&
then)8 % 6aused, too& a 'reath and continue, 8For my res6onse, % told you guys that 6eo6le grow old and meet other
1riends. ;1ter that, you didn"t as& me anything anymore. %1 you"ll as& me the same Duestion again, %"ll tell you a di11erent
answer.8
87hat"s the sense o1 this)8
8Eust as& me the same Duestion again, 9om. ;s& me what ha66ened to me and my 'est1riend 'ac& then.8
9om hesitates, loo&s directly in my eyes then to the wall and loo&s 'ac& into my eyes again. 87=what ha66ened to you
and her) 7hy didn"t % see you guys hanging out anymore)8
"I bullied her."
Thic& and clear. 9y words are nothing 'ut guilt and regret.
8%===8 mom can"t even continue her word, she covers her mouth with her right hand in astonishment.
8%"m a 'ad girl mom, a 'ad 1riend. % want to understand why % did such things so 6lease, let me go. Please, mom.
Please.8
8;re you meeting her tonight)8
% nod, 8;1ter Fyrs.8
"%hen go."
===
% 6lace my hands inside my (ac&et"s 6oc&et as % wal& to the 6ar&. % loo& u6 the s&y, it"s a 1ull moon with lots o1 stars around
it. The wind is 'lowing hard , %"m glad % had my hair tied u6wards 'ecause i1 not, the wind will (ust undo my hair and it"ll
'e really annoying. %t"s so Duiet and calm here in the 6ar& only the rustling o1 the leaves can 'e heard, there is no one
here. ;t a time li&e this, 6eo6le are usually in their houses eating dinner or doing their assigned wor&s, or may'e others
are having a 6arty. 7ho &nows.
%"ve decided to settle mysel1 in one o1 the 'enches here, % start 6laying with my 1ingers as % wait 1or her.
Hello?
"our oice neer changed.
&ho are you?
I was a $riend.
Huh?
'on't you recogni(e my oice?
Is it you....
It's me, your $ormer best$riend.
I don't remember haing a best$riend.
%hen, can we get to )now each other and become best$riends? I'll meet you at the par) tomorrow at *pm. I would really
want to be $riends with you.
7hen % called her and she recogni<ed that it was me on the other line, her sweet voice changed in a sour one. % can"t
'lame her, even i1 it has already 'een Fyears, the wound % gave her will always remain a wound. % le1t a scar in her heart,
% don"t &now how to remove it. % as&ed her to meet me here and %"m not really sure i1 she"ll come 'ut % do ho6e she will
'ecause %"m here to as& 1orgiveness.
%ic), toc), tic)...
%t"s 0/6m already, is she coming or not)

9y ho6e o1 her coming 'egins to waver. % cross my 1ingers and &ee6 chanting that, 8!he"ll come. !he"ll come. !he"ll
come.8
;1ter another hal1 hour, % decide to stand u6 1rom my seat. % wal& 'ac& and 1orth in 1ront o1 the 'ench with my 1ingers still
crossed and &e6t on chanting. % 1eel so 1idgety.
% sto6. % decide to 6ull out my cell6hone 1rom my (ac&et"s 6oc&et and dial her num'er.
;s soon as %"ve heard the ringing o1 the other line, another sound 6lays somewhere near me.
GFor 'etter imagination, 6lease 6lay$ One 1riend 'y Dan !ealsH
I always thought you were the best
I guess I always will
I always thought that we were blessed
+nd I $eel that way still
Sometimes we too) the hard road
#ut we always saw it through
% start searching the 6lace, % &now that song. %t was our 1avorite song, it was our graduation song in elementaryB
I$ I had only one $riend le$t
I'd want it to be you
Sometimes the world was on our side
Sometimes it wasn't $air
Sometimes it ga,,,
8Oh noB8 the music sto6s 'ut a1ter that % heard a 6anic&y voice that came 1rom one o1 the 'ushes near at my le1t side. %
turn my head to that direction and 1rom the moon"s re1lection, % see her standing near a tree with a trou'led 1ace while
she is holding her 6hone.
8=hiB8 she said stammering and em'arrassed.
Sometimes it gae a helping hand
Sometimes we didn't care
'-ause when we were together
It made the dream come true
I$ I had only one $riend le$t
I'd want it to be you
Someone who understands me
% run towards her, (um6 to her and hug her tightly. 7e 'oth 1ell on the 1loor, crying.
8%"m sorry. %"m sorry. %"m sorryB8 % &ee6 on saying while my crying 1ace is 'uried on her chest. % 1elt her touch on my 'ac&
and her hug tightens.
8Do you even &now how hard it was to decide whether to go to that 'ench and tal& to you or (ust go 'ac& home) % was
already here when you arrived and 1or the last Ihrs, %"ve 'een hesitating to show mysel1 to youB8 she"s shouting to the to6
o1 her lungs, % don"t &now what emotions she has 'ecause % am too 1illed with my own 1eelings to even recogni<e other"s.
8%"m sorry 1or 'eing so mean to you way 'ac& then. % was (ust a1raid to 'e 'ullied too. %"m sorry 1or 'eing sel1ish and
leaving you all alone. %"m really sorry, % had 'een such a &id.8
8!ssh. 7e were only 0. 'ac& then, so it"s acce6ta'le. %t"s more li&ely to thin& o1 ourselves when were &ids 'ut % guess
that we"re not &ids anymore, you"re not li&e that 1rom the 6ast anymore right)8 she 6ulls me away 1rom her and holds me
in my 1ace loo&ing directly in my eyes 1illed with tears li&e hers.
8Yes, % still am. % still thin& o1 mysel1 and %"m still sel1ish 'ut % will never commit the same mista&e again. % never succeeded
in 1inding someone li&e you...8
+nd )nows me inside out
Helps )eep me together
+nd beliees without a doubt,
%hat I could moe a mountain
Someone to tell it to
I$ I had only one $riend le$t
I'd want it to be you
Someone
+nd )nows me inside out
Helps )eep me together
+nd beliees without a doubt,
%hat I could moe a mountain
Someone to tell it to
84an we 'oth sto6 searching) %t"s more than im6ossi'le to 1ind our re6licates.8 she smiles at me. ; smile that 'rings all
ho6e in my heart.
8;m % 1orgiven)8
8,ong ago. %"ve only 'een waiting 1or you to call me 'ut you never did and %"m glad yesterday night, you"ve 1inally decided
to 6atch things u6. % miss hugging you li&e this, % miss you, my 'est1riend.8
7e hug each other again, stayed down there in the 'ushes crying while the moon 'ecomes the witness o1 our mending
1riendshi6.
I$ I had only one $riend le$t
I'd want it to be you
====================
Even i1 it was that late, we decided to en(oy the night to a .>/C &arao&e 'ar and sung our hearts out in the &arao&e. 7e
en(oyed it so much that we almost 1orgot the time. 7e decided to wal& home together at around 0.0Cam. !ince her
house is nearer than mine, % am the one to accom6any her to her house and wal& 'ac& home alone.
8;re you sure you can go 'ac& home alone) Don"t you thin& it"ll 'e too dangerous)8 she says as she o6ens the gate o1
her house, 8%1 you want you can stay here or %"ll as& dad to give you a ride 'ac& home.8
8That"ll 'e great 'ut % thin& %"ll (ust wal& 'ac& home alone. Than&s anyway.8 % re1used.
87ell then, %"ll 'e heading. Goodnight and 2ye.8
8Goodnight to you too.8she closes the door, turns her 'ac& and starts wal&ing to her house 'ut 'e1ore she could reach
the door o1 their house, % sto6 her,87aitB8
!he turns to me, 8Yes)8
% 6ull out a 1olded 6a6er and a small 6en 1rom my (ean"s 6oc&et,84an you sign this)8
!he wal&s 'ac& to the gate and o6ens it, 87hat is it)8
% un1olded the 6a6er to the 6art o1 her name and show it to her, 8% need your signature.8
8For what)8
8%"m collecting signatures.8
8For what)8 she re6eats her Duestion while she starts signing it. 8ere.8
8Than& you. %t"s a secret, you"ll &now in the near 1uture.8 $I
8OhB ; secret, huh) %"ll 'e loo&ing 1orward to it. 7ell then, goodnight againB !ee youB8
82ye 'yeB8 she returns to her house, closes the door and % start wal&ing 'ac& to my house.
".h/ + secret, huh? I'll be loo)ing $orward to it. &ell then, goodnight again/See you/"
% don"t &now when we would see each other again. ;s o1 now, bye bye.
% ta&e a loo& to the contract, 1olded it and 6ut it 'ac& inside my (ean"s 6oc&et.
* more signatures and I +eel this wea already.
+++
, "nd signature ,

8!o how was it, 'a'y)8
8Jnow what, a normal human will 1ind this 'argaining sad and des6erate 'ut 1or me, % 1ind it riveting.8 then % smile at him,
82a'y, %"m cra<y am % not)8

e 6inches my nose, 8!ometimes % want to 'elieve that my dad was (o&ing a'out your 1indings.8

8ey, hey. 7hat i1 he"s really (o&ing)8

8Yeah, right.8 we 'oth laugh at a very stu6id conversation.

7e"re seated on a hammoc& in our 'ac&yard. % told him a'out the 1irst signature and he &e6t on as&ing me who"re the
others 'ut % &e6t his curiosity intact.

8!o, will % 'e a'le to sign that contract too)8
8mm,8 my tone is insinuating, 8!orry to say 'ut there werent any s6ace anymore.8

The usual sensitive him wears the universal scowl and % then 'urst out laughing as % 6at his arm, 8%"m (ust &iddingB8

87hy youB8 % run away 1rom him as he tries to tic&le me. 7e run around in circle li&e cra<y.

8RisaB8 we only sto66ed when mom saw us, 8You shouldn"t 'e running li&e thatB8

!he gets a 1ace towel and starts wi6ing my sweat li&e %"m some @year old &iddo.

89omB8 % said &inda a'ashed, 8!to6 it, a little sweat won"t &ill.8

8FineB Go sweat 'ut dont dieB8

9om stom6s in the house and le1t us. % 1ace my 'oy1riend and whis6er to his ear, 82a'y, hel6 me esca6e on the night o1
the reunion 6arty. % want to go, mom won"t let me.8

% am tal&ing a'out our school"s reunion 6arty, there"ll 'e a reunion 6arty tomorrow to meet our old highschool 1riends
which ha66ens to 'e my college 1riends as well though % did not really have the chance to 1inish college 'ecause o1 my
sic&ness. #o one in my 1ormer class &nows a'out why % suddenly le1t school even my teachers don"t have any idea, %
gave them no clue and did not contact them anymore. % was stuc& in the hos6ital and did not have any chance to see
them anymore, % did not allow visits since % dont want anyone to &now a'out this monster inside me. % miss them, % miss
my 1riends, % miss my teachers. % miss going to the 6lace % once hated to go, % miss going to school.

They all graduated without me and now there"s a reunion 6arty. For the last time, % want to see them and set 1oot in my
'eloved alma mater.


8!ure 'a'e, %"ll ta&e you with me tomorrow night.8

9y 'oy1riend"s also going there since he"s also my classmate. 7e went to the same school since elementary. Yes, we"ve
'een together 1or that long. ;ren"t we that ine:trica'le)

8% love you, 'a'y.8 %"m than&1ul to God 1or giving me a 'eguilling 'oy1riend.

===

% gas6ed, heaved and vomit again.

8;re you sure, you can do it)8 my 'oy1riend as&ed me in such worried 1ace.

89ay'e)8 % smiled wea&ly, 8#o, not may'e === % can do it. ,et"s go.8

e loo&s distracted, 8%1 anything ha66ens to you, %"m gonna &ill you. !eriously s6ea&ing here.8

8aha, is that su66ose to threaten me) 4ome on, let"s go now 'e1ore mom notices us.8 as 1or the 6lan o1 snea&ing out,
we"re gonna use my 'edroom window to esca6e. 9y room"s on the second 1loor 'ut it"s not that high so we tied K &notted
I long 'lan&ets together to get us some good slide down esca6e 1rom my room. %"m surely gonna 'e scolded a1ter this
'ut who cares, getting scolded is something that dri1ts away 1ast 1rom our minds 'ut the regrets will 'e hard to remove.


% 6re1er to 'e scolded than to 1eel regrets in my heart.


8% 1eel so an:ious.8 % said as % hold on to my 'oy1riend when we entered the school.


% 1eel li&e trem'ling, setting 1oot again here gives me nostalgia. The school, even small, seems so 'ig to me. There are
too many lights, too many 6eo6le % can"t recogni<e.


"Baby$ we're ba-." he gave me a reassuring smile, 8Our second home.8


,ots o1 things changed, my 1avorite 'ench isn"t there anymore. The trashcans were not on their 6ro6er 6laces anymore.
The 'uildings got 6ainted. The old o11ices are now classrooms. 7here are the com1ort rooms) They are on the other side
o1 the school now) 7ho are these guards, % don"t &now them. The teachers) ; lot o1 them changed. !ince when did our
school have a statue there)



;lmost everything changed. Time 6assed'y that 1ast and le1t me without even a word.


8eyB8 someone suddenly a66roached us, 8You guysB %ts you right) 7ow. %t"s 'een a long time. You guys are still
together) This is so coolB8

Then one 'y one as we come near to the center 6art o1 the event, % am a'le to recogni<e 6eo6le that were a66roaching
us === my 1ormer classmates.


8Ohgosh, it"s reall youB You (ust dro66ed out o1 the school without a wordB8
8ey, % missed you girlB 7hat ha66ened)8
8ey, % thought you were a'ducted 'y the aliensB You (ust disa66eared one day and we didnt have any news a'out you
a1terB8
8This is so good to 'e true, girl you don"t &now how much % missed youB % cried when you did not show yoursel1 anymoreB
% was worriedB8
82ac& then, everyone in the class was as&ing the teachers and even the 6rinci6al a'out youB 7e wanted to &now what
ha66ened to you 'ut no one &new. That was so sadB8



8ey hey guys, calm down.8 % smiled at them, they were li&e in chaos shooting words to me that % mysel1 can"t even
com6rehend anymore, 8%"m sorry a'out my sudden disa66earance. % &inda le1t school 1or some 6rivate reasons and ho6e
you guys would understand. % can"t tell you the reasons why 'ut hey the reason doesnt matter anymore. ;tleast %"m 'ac&
right) % missed you guys, instead o1 telling you something a'out me why don"t you guys narrate something to me a'out
those days)8


They recounted me everything o1 the old days they had. %t seems so 1un, % wish % was there with them at those times. %
wish % was with them... % wish....



8Please e:cuse me guys, % have to go to the toilet8 % le1t them on the ta'le and my 'oy1riend accom6anied me to the toilet
as % vomit again. e doesn"t mind i1 he"s entering the girl"s com1ort room, he doesn"t mind i1 6eo6le are staring at him.
e"s too worried a'out me to worry a'out himsel1.


8% thin& the night"s over, 'a'y. ,et"s head 'ac& home)8 he suggested as he 6ats my 'ac& to easen my vomitting 6ains.

% give u6, % must admit that %"m already having trou'le with 'reathing. % really should rest now, the night"s over.


8Yeah. Eust one more thing, accom6any me to our 1ormer adviser. % need to give him something.8


===

89r. Reyes,8 our 1ormer adviser in highschool almost had a hard time recogni<ing who % was, 84an you 6lease read this
to the class later)8

% hand him a 1olded letter, 87hat"s this)8

8!omething im6ortant sir, it"s a message 1rom me to the class.8

8?hh, why in a letter)8

8% 6re1er writing it than saying it. This is a 1avor sir, last 1avor so % ho6e you wouldn"t mind. ;nd oh sir, 6lease sign
something,8 % ta&e out the contract 1rom my small 'ag and also a 6en.


8!ign) 7hy)8

8%"m collecting signatures sir, some sort o1 memory collecting. 7ell, it"s not li&e % can as& the whole class to sign it so as
the re6resentative sir 6lease sign here.8 % showed him only the 6art where he should sign and the rest o1 the contract, %
had it 1olded so he won"t see what it"s a'out.

87ell, i1 that"s the case.8 he then signs on the contract and % waved him good'ye.


=========================

+ letter to my teachers and to my classmates,

%his is so ironic, I remember that once my english teacher as)ed the whole class to write an essay with a certain theme
o$ "&hat I want to happen be$ore dying", I )inda did not ta)e it seriously. I 0ust wrote there that I want to eat all the $oods I
want to eat be$ore dying.

#ut I am now rewriting that essay, this is now the real essay. I want to tell you guys what I want to happen be$ore dying.

I won't change my essay way bac) then, I still do want to eat all the $oods I want to eat be$ore dying but I would want to
add some $ew things.


#e$ore dying, I want to get married ,, o$ course, to my eerloing boy$riend. I am a hopeless romantic, you )now that
guys.

#e$ore dying, I want to see my $riends and hae a nice chitchat with them. 1laying bac) the nostalgias.

#e$ore dying, I want to say sorry to eeryone I hae hurt. I want to ma)e peace with my enemies. I want to be $orgien
with my sins.

#e$ore dying, I want to sing on a )arao)e bar which I hae neer done in my li$e since I'm ery shy with my singing
talent.

#e$ore dying, I want to go the cinema and watch a $ilm together with my whole $amily.

#e$ore dying, I want to hug my brother and my sister and tell them to en0oy their lies and ta)e care o$ themseles. +nd
to tell my little brother to ta)e care o$ my little sister as they grow up, to tell him to protect his little sister $rom bad guys
who would want to brea) her heart.
#e$ore dying, I want to buy a seed and to ma)e a plant grow.

#e$ore dying, I want to shout in the center o$ the city that I hae lied li$e to the $ullest.

#e$ore dying, I want to pray to God and than) Him $or eerything.


#e$ore dying...


I don't )now what to add anymore, I hae lots in mind. +nd a lot more to come maybe and i$ I enumerate eerything, it'll
ta)e tomorrow to $inish this essay.


&ell, this letter is not really about me... it's actually about you guys.

2irst o$ all, I would want to than) my teachers $or eerything. I want to than) you $or annoying, boring me out, con$using
me, giing me headaches with those lessons to study. I'll surely miss those times that I panic eerytime there's a surprise
3ui(. I'll also miss the times that I get a low grade and you guys scold me $or not studying hard. %han)s teachers $or your
)ind concern, I )now you were only strict to us because you want us to hae a better $uture. "ou teachers are one o$ the
best type o$ people here in this world, you nourish us students to be a better person. "ou taught us not 0ust something
there is on the boo)s but also what there is in li$e. "ou are my second parents, than) you second moms and dads. I loe
you, )eep on giing a brighter $uture to your second sons and daughters.

%han) you also to my classmates, need I say more? "ou are a mi4 o$ eerything. + total chaos that I en0oyed the most.
Sometimes we $ight $or some silly things li)e who did not clean on the cleaner's schedule, who was on the noisy list, who
stole the ballpen, who's such a teacher's pet, who did not gie his share with the class $und. +nd who would $orget the
conspiracies we had during 3ui((es, e4ams and recitations? &e are always a $amily rather than a class. %here's the
president who neer gets tired o$ shouting 5 scolding the biggest 0oc) o$ the class and ta)ing eery responsibility and
protecting us $rom accusing teachers. %here's also the secretary who neer gets tired o$ writing eerything in the board
and rewriting it on his noteboo). &hat about the treasurer? &ho hold all the money and being responsible enough to
ta)e care o$ it. +nd the peace ma)ers? &ho aren't really peace ma)ers rather they are the $irst ones to create
commotions. %he whole class is also my teacher, they taught me $riendship and laughter. I will miss these guys. I loe
them. I loe you my dear classmates, I swear i$ I'd be gien another chance I won't escape $rom the cleaner's schedule
anymore.

+nd I also want than) the 0anitors who cleans the whole school and the guards who won't let us go out in class hours. I
did hae the chance to tal) to them and bac) then, they told me stories about their li$e or sometimes they 0ust gie me
silly )noc) )noc) 0o)es. %hey're also a part o$ my li$e.


6erything in this school is eerything to me.

I lied hal$ o$ my li$e here.
I once hated wa)ing up early, going to school, studying and burning midnight oils and wa)ing up early again to go to
school.

I hated it and now, I want it all bac). I want the old routine bac).


I$ only I )new how sic) I would be in the $uture, I should hae appreciated eery moments bac) then.


"es, I le$t school because I got sic). +nd now, I'm dying. I don't really hae much time with me anymore and maybe this
is my last goodbye to eeryone in my second home, with my second $amily.



Goodbye guys, I'll miss you.

, !isa
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,




% ste66ed out o1 the school, % le1t it.


8!o you"re now on the third signature)8 my 'oy1riend as&s me as we head 'ac& home.

""eah, do you want to )now who's ne4t?"

+++
. third signature .

8Time 1lies 1ast doesn"t it)8 grandma e:claims as she arranges the 'oDuet o1 1lowers we 'rought 1or grand6a"s tom'.

% 'end down to hel6 her, 8Yeah, % could still 6icture him sitting on the 6orch with a cigarette in his hand...8


8...then %"ll see him and scold him to sto6 his vices.8 she adds smiling 'itterly at the nostalgia. #e:t wee&"s gonna 'e my
grand1ather"s @th death anniversary. e died 1rom ulcer and grandma misses him a lot. !he visits his tom' almost
everyday. !ometimes it crosses my mind a very trou'ling Duestion, i1 % die will my 'oy1riend su11er li&e how my grandma
su11ers 1or the lost o1 her dear hus'and) #ot (ust with my 'oy1riend 'ut also with my entire 1amily, will mom continue
crying even a1ter % die) 7ill dad still 'e sad when %"m gone) 7ill they 'e a'le to move on) Dying is not something that
6ains me, the thing that actually 6ains me is the thought o1 leaving those who are dear to me in anguish o1 my lost.


8% could still remem'er, grandma...8 % mum'le 6icturing 1lash'ac&s in my mind, "It was around 7 in the eening, summer
o$ my 18th year... "


"9essage sent." I mumbled a$ter sending my message to 'eyl, my boy$riend which by that time was 0ust a simple $riend
to me and my $eelings $or him was still little and undiscoered. I waited $or his response 5 the other's as well as I sat in
my grandparent's bench on their porch. .ur $amily decided to spend our summer acation in our grandparent's house
but $or a teenager li)e me spending my summer in the oldies' house was ery boring so I ended up wasting my summer
with my beloed phone te4ting my $riends $rom school. 9y grandparent's house were $ar $rom home, but not really $ar but
yes, it is $ar ,,, $rom ciili(ation. I mean it was in a small proince where "$un place" $or teens li)e me did not hae a
chance to e4ist.

"&hat is so $antastic with that piece o$ bo4?" I was )inda surprised when grandpa tal)ed, I didnt realise that he was
already sitting beside me. &ho )nows how long he was sitting there beside me, I was too busy te4ting.

I wore a sweet 5 slightly addled e4pression as I turned to him, ""ou said something, gramps?"

He shoo) his head in disbelie$, "Haing that bo4 in your hand always,"

"-ellphone," I corrected.

"&hateer that is," the oldies don't really remember techology terms at all, "Holding it always and haing your head
bowed down all the time. 9y dear grandchild, you're missing out one o$ the greatest iew in the world."

"Huh? &hat's the supposed to mean?"

He pointed $orward and I loo) to where he's pointing, "%hat's why I don't li)e how time changed our li$e, technologies
appeared and we worshipped it too much that we came to the point o$ bowing our heads to it. %echnologies made us
less o$ an obserer, we don't appreciate the marelous things around us anymore because we bow down our heads to
super$icial things."


I $elt a sudden goosebump as I watched the sun setting down to rise up on the other side o$ the world. I neer had the
chance to see a sunset eer in my li$e, that was the $irst time. I than) gramps $or it, i$ it wasn't $or him I'll be $oreer
ignorant o$ the beauty o$ the sun waing goodbye. It was breathta)ing, the sun slowly going down as the red orange
color o$ the s)y con$irmed us that the day was already oer.

"%rue beauties are 0ust in $ront you, it's 0ust a matter o$ raising your head and paying attention. I$ you bow down your
head to super$icial things, you sure are missing out hal$ o$ the world." grandpa $inished his sentence with a pu$$ on his
cigarette.

There was nothing s6ecial that day on the 6orch with gram6s 'ut % don"t &now why it never le1t my mind. %t"s a 6igment o1
my memory with gram6s. !ince then, watching the sunset 'ecame a ho''y to me.

===
7e went 'ac& home in the a1ternoon. ome means Grandma"s house. Yes, % went here on my own, % rode the train. %
decided to 6ay her a visit and also to as& her 1or her signature. The third signature goes to her.


8!o how"s your mom)8 she hands me my cu6 o1 tea as she sits 'eside me on that same 6orch % sat with gram6s that
summer. This old rustic oa& 'ench is in dire need o1 re6lacing, the sla's crea& a 'it when rested u6on.The thin 'oards
have grown withered and s6lintered. %t was white, now it"s almost grey. %ts color 1aded as grand6a did and soon, I'll $ade
too.

89om is 1ine, her tummy"s growing 'ig. Doesn"t lac& a lot,8 % meant her tummy, her tummy"s ready 1or delivery. % 1orgot to
mention that she"s 6regnant, 1or almost Fmonths. ;nytime, she might give 'irth. That"s why sometimes it worries me that
her de6ression a'out my illness may cause a 6ro'lem with her 6regnancy. % don"t want something 'ad to ha66en to my
mom neither to my 'a'y sister, we"re already sure that"s its a 'a'y girl and mom grant me the 6rivilege to name her. %
haven"t told them yet what name % want 1or her 'ut % already have something in mind.

8Oh, % see. %"m e:cited 1or it. ;nd how a'out you)8 she smiles 'itterly to me. !he &nows a'out my deadline and she"s also
sad a'out it.

8%"m 6hysically ill 'ut %"m emotionally 1ine,8 % said honestly.

8!o what 'rings you here) % &now you Risa, you are not the ty6e o1 6erson to visit a 1ar and 'oring 6lace 1or nothing.8

% run my 1ingers to my hair and watch my 1eet sway 'ac& and 1orth, 8%"ll 'e as&ing 1or your signature, grandma.8

8!ignature)8

% e:6lain to her my signature collecting to 'argain with God. !he actually 1ind my idea ama<ing and cree6y at the same
time.

8Then tell me, why do you want to as& 1or my signature)8

"#ecause when I die and i$ I don't remember you and I happen to meet grandpa, how can I say "hi" to him $or
you?" grandma got sur6rised with what % said that she had to cover her mouth out o1 astonishment and her tears came
down one 'y one, ra6idly.


8%t"s really weird,8 she has a hard time s6ea&ing as her voice trem'les 1rom crying, 8%n li1e, you don"t really &now who"s
ne:t in line. You a'solutely can"t (udge the age, it"s (ust... in an instance God will 'low your candle and whis6er to you "it"s
time". % never imagined that my grandaughter will go 1irst, will leave 'e1ore % do.8


!he 6ulls me, hugs me tightly and never sto66ed crying, 8You are too young to die. You are too young...8


8% wonder why God is ta&ing you away already... %t should"ve 'een me, atleast %"m already ready to die 'ut why you)
You"re 'arely ./B8


% smile 'eneath her arms, 8God has reasons, % don"t &now what reasons there are 'ut % don"t Duestion it anymore. % trust
im and in the end, it"s not how long you lived 'ut its how short you regretted. D"you remem'er what you told me,
grandma) You said that we all are God"s children. %"ve 'een thin&ing a'out it these 6ast 1ew wee&s, we all are God"s
children and the 7orld is (ust our 6layground where God le1t us all to 6lay and have 1un. 7e 6lay with each other, have
1un, get hurt, hel6 one another, eat when we get e:hausted and 6lay again. The world is our 6layground, God le1t us here
to en(oy and in the end o1 the day, e"ll come 'ac& to tell us, "it"s time to go home" and we could"nt argue 'ecause God is
ta&ing us away 1rom the 6layground 'ecause e &nows that we can"t stay in the 6layground 'e1ore it gets dar& or else
we"ll get into trou'le and God doesn"t want it. e &nows when is the right time to 6ic& us 1rom this 6layground and to ta&e
us 'ac& home.8

8!ince when did you start reading the 'i'le)8

% giggle, 8% haven"t grandma, %"m too la<y 1or that 'ut % thin& %"m one o1 those ty6e o1 6eo6le who gets to &now God when
on the verge o1 dying. % don"t &now why 'ut % never 1elt is 6resence this close to my heart, may'e 'ecause % need im)8
% remove mysel1 1rom grandma"s hug to si6 on my tea % 6laced on my side on the 'ench, 8%"m not angry with God, % don"t
wanna argue with im, % don"t want to as& im why me o1 all 6eo6le, why so sudden and such Duestions. ;ctually, e
might seem to 'e cruel 1or ta&ing me on such a young age 'ut truth is, % thin& e"s 'een nice to me. e gave me the time
to live 'e1ore dying unli&e others who died without even a warning, those who died on a car crash, une:6ected ro''ery
and murder, 1alling 1rom a high 6lace, 1ood 6oison, un6redicta'le natural disasters etc. Those who died in that way did
not have the chance to 6re6are themselves, to re6ent 1rom their wrongdoings, to say sorry to those they have hurt, to tell
the 6ersons who are dear to them how much they love them, to do things they wanted 'adly... they did not have the
chance 'ut % have those chances, God is giving me the o66ortunity, e"s giving me enough time that"s why % can still call
mysel1 much more 1ortunate than the others. I ha/e no reasons to argue with God$ none at all. % actually owe im 1or
this chances.8


% 1elt grandma 6atting my head li&e a &id, she (ust &e6t on 6atting me without saying anything. 7e remain in silence as
the sun sets and the s&y changes its color. The nostalgia with grand6a &ee6s on 6laying as % watch the sun goes down,
how 1ast time 1lies... it"s almost @years grand6a since % last saw you and soon enough, we"ll meet again. % ta&e another
si6 on my already cold tea and 6lace my head to grandma"s shoulder as she still continues to 6at my head, sometimes
'rushing my hair that ma&es me 1eel so slee6y.


Then she whis6ers, 87hen you meet your grand6a, tell him that % miss him so much. %ts so lonely when there"s no one
you can scold 1or their vices.8



% giggle, "Will do."
+++

. &th 0 #th Signatures .
87e"re going to the <oo, aren"t you e:cited)8
% 6ut on her 'louse as she (um6s with 1ull enthusiasm on my 'ed, she &ee6s on chanting ':oo/ :oo/ :oo/'. Even it"s hard
to 'rush her hair as she (um6s nonsto6, % still managed to give her a neat 6onytail with a small red ri''on. er name"s
9ichelle 'ut we call her 4hill since it sounds cuter that way. !heL"s my Ayrs old little sister, she"s clueless a'out my
illness. !he"s too young to understand it.
8;ren"t you guys done yet)8 im6atient as always, my little 'rother whose not so little anymore since he"s already 0F
a66ears on my room"s door.
84oming &uya ErosB8 4hill (um6s 1rom the 'ed to run to his 'ig 'rother and 6ulls him 'y the hand 'ut 'e1ore going she
turns to me and orders me e:citedly, 8;te Risa, let"s gooooB8
M;/#$ 1or non=Fili6ino readers, 8&uya8 is a term 1or 8'ig 'rother8 K 8ate8 is a term 1or 8'ig sister8 N== % (ust 1elt the need to
write it since %"m used to writing with res6ect with 'igger si'lings. o6e you understand the tradition. OPO Q
% laugh at her incredi'le enthusiasm, 8Yeah, let"s go.8
===
8%L"m going to 'uy drin&s,8 Eros told me as we rest on one o1 the 'enches in the <oo a1ter a long K tiring wal& (ust to see
di11erent animals, % (ust nod to him and he went to 'uy our drin&s at the nearest stall.
8;te Risa, 'alloonsB8
87ait 4hillB8 % got alarmed when 4hill suddenly ran away to go to the 'alloon vendor. % try to catch her u6 'ecause % saw
her tri66ed and she starts crying on the 1loor.

8ey, are you o&)8 as soon as % reached her, % stood her u6 and chec& her &nees and el'ows 1or 'ruises and 1ound
none, 8You shouldn"t ran li&e that all o1 a sudden, you got me worried.8
!he &ee6s on crying with her &nuc&les on her eyes, she must"ve 'een hurt 1rom that 1all. % try removing her hands away
1rom her 1ace and wi6e her tears with my hand&erchie1, 8#ow, now, don"t cry. Everything"s gonna 'e alright, the 6ain will
'e gone i1 you sto6 crying. 4"mon 4hill, ate Risa"s gonna 'uy you some cotton candy and a 'alloon too.8
!he sto6s 1rom crying and her smile widens, 8Really) % want the 'lue oneB8

8%"ll 'uy you the 'alloon you 6re1er, c"mon,8 % 6ull her 'y the hand as we head to the 'alloon vendor.
The 'eauty o1 'eing a &id is when you 1all to the ground and get yoursel1 hurt, there would always 'e someone to 6ull
you u6 and will tell you that everythingL"s going to 'e alright and the 6ain will 1ade. ;nd when your a &id, sim6le things li&e
cotton candies and 'alloons can cheer you u6 already. #othing"s really 'etter than 'eing a sim6le minded &id.
Thing is, when % was little % never a66reciated what 'eauty % was e:6eriencing. % was always in a hurry to grow u6. ;nd
now that %"ve grown u6, how % wish to turn 'ac&. %"ve wasted my time reaching 1or the 1uture, % &now %"m somewhat
regretting 'ut % won"t commit the same mista&e again, % wonL"t waste my remaining time loo&ing 'ac& re6enting 1or the
lost. %n li1e no matter what we did in the 6ast or whatever"s in store 1or us in the 1uture in the end, what really counts is the
6resent time === which will ma&e the 6ast 'etter and will identi1y our 1uture.
84hill,8 % 6ull out the 1olded contract in my 6oc&et and also a 6en, 84an you write your name here)8
87hat is this, ate Risa)8 she as&ed as she e:amines the 6a6er and %L"m 6retty sure that she doesn"t understand it. !he"s
still not good in reading and as well with writing that"s why when she signed the contract, she has a very croo&ed
handwriting 'ut it really made me smile. Out o1 all the signatures %"ve collected, hers is the cutest.
8Than& you 4hill, remem'er when % told you that %L"m going to a 1ar away land)8 she nods to tell me that she remem'ers,
87ell, ate Risa"s a'out to go and % want some remem'rance 1rom you.8
8YouL"re going already) %1 you want a remem'rance, %"ll give you my teddy.8
% 6at her head, 8%n the 6lace %L"m going, % canL"t 'ring anything with me and that means no teddies too.8
87ell, you cant 'ring that 6a6er too)8 she meant the contract she (ust signed.
8!sh, %"ll snea& it in with me.8
87hat a'out the teddy) 4ant you snea& it in, too)8
8The 6a6er"s small so its not that visi'le 'ut the teddyL"s 'ig so its gonna 'e too o'vious.8
;1ter some time, Eros went 'ac& with sodas in hand and a 'uc&et o1 6o6corns. 7e ate and rested 1or awhile and a1ter
that, we continue with this <oo tour.
7e head 'ac& home at around A6m and 4hill is surely tired as she got &noc&ed out as soon as we got on the 'us. 9om
6re6ared us dinner 'ut % 'rought 4hill 1irst to my room and lay her to my 'ed. % cover her with my 'lan&et and watch her
slee6ing 1ace, 87hen % leave, my room will 'e yours so ta&e good care o1 it o&ay) ;lways ma&e sure that you tidy u6
your room, 1old your 'lan&ets well every morning. ;nd when you grow u6, you can use my clothes. % ho6e we have the
same 1ashion taste.8
% remove my heart nec&lace that mom gave me when % was little, %"ve 'een wearing this nec&lace 1or more than 0@years
and now %"m giving it to 4hill. % 6ut it on her nec& as she slee6s, % &iss her on the 1orehead and my tears start running
down K dro66ing to her chu''y chee&s, "+te !isa loes you, remember that always -hill."
;t dinner, we (ust told mom K dad how energetic 4hill was and 1or e:change, they also told us how we were when we
were &ids everytime they 'rought as to the <oo. ; dinner 1ull o1 nostalgias and soon, this dinner night will also 'e (ust a
nostalgia.
===
8Than& you, Eros.8 % smile at him as we sit on the hammoc& o1 our houseL"s 'ac&yard. e gives me the "what=1or" loo&, 8%
&now going to a <oo with your sisters is not your thing.8
Eros, as 1ar as % &now him, is a re'el &id. % don"t really &now much a'out him 'ecause the day he turned 0I, he 'ecame
so distant. e used to 'e a cheer1ul 6erson then he changed into someone who always wear a 1rown on his 1ace, then
there will 'e times that he"ll go 'ac& home with wounds on his 1ace and there was even a time wherein the 6olice came
to our house to arrest him 1or almost &illing someone 'ut luc&ily he got 'ailed out since he"s still a minor. e also 1lun&ed
school 1or a'out . times. % donL"t &now what got into him, we Duestion i1 its 'ecause o1 his 6eer or he"s (ust undergoing
adolescenthood"s re'el genes. 7ho &nows, 'ut Eros gonna 'e Eros he"s still sweet when it comes to us, his sisters.
8Yeah, the <oo was 'oring 'ut thatL"s the last time %L"ll 'e ta&ing out my 'ig sister out on a date, right)8
% cling to his arm and lay my head on his shoulder, 8You"re the sweetest 'rother. Please ta&e care o1 your sisters, don"t let
them get hurt. 7hen 4hill grows u6, % &now she"s going to 'e a 'eauti1ul girl and guys gonna go cra<y over her and then
she"ll 1all inlove 'ut ma&e sure to 'rea& the 1ace o1 the guy who will 'rea& her heart.8
Then % 6aused and laugh, 8#ah, %"m (ust &idding. Don"t 'rea& his 1ace, % donL"t want you to hurt any'ody anymore. 4an
you do this 1avor 1or me, Eros... sto6 1ighting and sto6 'eing a re'el)8
% did not receive a res6onse, he (ust watch the starry s&y in silence li&e there is something written on the s&y then a1ter a
moment he s6ea&s to me, 8O&ay, %"ll sto6 re'elling 'ut % won"t sto6 1ighting. You &now what sis, 1ighting is not 'ad as long
as you &now that what you"re 1ighting 1or is something that you &now is worth it and right. ;nd you are the 'est 1ighter %"ve
ever &nown in my li1e, sis. You"re stronger than me.8
% saw a tear 1ell on his eyes 'ut he wi6es it in haste may'e 'ecause he doesn"t want me to see him crying, he"s
em'arrassed. e cough to clear his voice that seems to croa& anytime, 8You"re the strongest 6erson %"ve ever met, you"re
1ighting "til the end. !ince the day you &new a'out your sic&ness, % never saw you giving u6 not even 1or a second. %1 %
were in your 6osition, % might not 'e a'le to reach the 6oint youL"ve already reached. Death did not scare you, itL"s already
in 1ront o1 you 'ut still you can smile. There"s really nothing to do a'out it, huh)8
8Death, death, death. 7hatL"s the 'ig deal a'out it)8 % smile to him, 8Death nor any sic&ness can control your li1e, they
would enter in your li1e 'ut you should never succum' yoursel1 to them. ey Eros, %L"d li&e to as& you to sign
something...8
% show him the contract 'ut did not e:6lain it to him even i1 he was Duestioning it. e did sign it even i1 he doesn"t &now
what it was 1or. Then % as&ed him to ta&e out his 6hone and to ta&e a 6icture o1 us together, and once done he set the
6icture as his 6hone"s wall6a6er.
8Our last 6icture together eh, ;te Risa)8
8Yeah, 6romise me not to change your 6honeL"s wall6a6er until you 1ound the girl you"re sure you"ll love 1or the rest o1
your li1e. ;nd everytime you"re thin&ing o1 hurting that girl, (ust loo& at that 6icture 'ecause everytime you hurt a girl, you"ll
'e hurting your sister too.8
"I'll surely miss you$ ate 1isa." he hugs me as he cries li&e he used to when we weL"re little. Peo6le grow u6 'ut there
will always 'e a 6art o1 us that will remain.
@ !ignatures to go and %"m almost through.
+++
'th 0 2th Signature

8O&ay, en(oy your day. 2ye 4hillB8

82ye mom, 'ye ate RisaB8 my little sister waves her hand and turns immediately to go to her classroom to 6lay with her
classmates.

;1ter mom and % had accom6anied 4hill to her school, we went to the hos6ital to have my chec& u6. % don"t really want to
go 'ut mom"s very insistent.

8% really recommend to con1ine her here in the hos6ital. %t"ll 'e much 'etter, atleast we"ll 'e a'le to control her conditions.8

8% don"t want toB %"ll never loc& mysel1 in this 'uildingB8 % detest it when they try 6ursuing me to (ail me here. % don"t want to
stay in the hos6ital no matter how sic& % 1eel. % don"t want to die hel6less in one o1 those white rooms, that"s 6atheticB

8Risa,8 % 1elt mom"s hands cu66ed mine, 84an you give it a second thought)8

8Yeah, give it a second thought. Your condition has gotten worse than 'e1ore and i1 we don"t get to control it regularly,
who &nows what will ha66en)8

8E:actly,8 % retorted, 8#o one &nows what will ha66en so you guys dont have the slightest right to decide 1or me. ;nd you
said it yourselves that % won"t last long, that % have a near deadline already so tell me, what"s the sense o1 a hos6ital) ;re
you guys sure that you want to 6rolong my li1e or 6rolong your money)B8

% stood u6 and 'arged out o1 the room as % heard mom e:cusing hersel1 to the doctor and 1ollows me a1ter.

8That was very rude o1 you, Risa.8 mom starts to scold me as soon as we get in the car, 87hy did y===8

89om,8 % can"t ta&e it anymore, % lay my head on her shoulder and started crying, 87hy too early)8

% might 'e trying to act tough and &e6t on saying that dying is normal that % have nothing to 1rea& out. Even i1 %"m trying to
act normal, even i1 %"m trying to 'oost mysel1 u6, even i1 % seem to have acce6ted everything... Dee6 inside me, there"s a
6art that"s colla6sing one 'y one.

8% hate mysel1 right now, a1ter all the e11orts o1 showing you guys that %"m 1ine, that there"s nothing to worry a'out here %
am crying li&e some stu6id des6erate 6erson. % was 1ull o1 ho6e 'ut all o1 a sudden, % 1elt a an une:6laina'le loneliness
and all my ho6es seem to 'e out o1 reach now.8

8Every strong 6erson has their time o1 de1eat and you Risa, you are a strong 6erson who is in your time o1 de1eat. ,earn
to acce6t that not everytime you can 1eel so strong, there will always 'e those times that you"ll 1eel li&e giving u6 'ut hey,
everyone has their own moments o1 giving u6 so you shouldnt de6ress yoursel1 li&e that. %, mysel1, 1elt li&e giving u6 1or a
lot o1 times. !ince the day % &new your illness, % never sto66ed 1rom crying and you &now that, you have witnessed how
many tears % have shed 1or you. 2ut you &now what"s the reason why % can still ma&e it through the day) Do you &now
who can still ma&e me smile even a1ter all those tears) %t"s the same 6erson who made me cry, its you. You are my
ins6iration, you are the reason why % can still ma&e it through the day no matter how much sadness %"m 1eeling. You &now
why) %t"s 'ecause % never saw you cry 1or your condition, it was always me who cry 1or you and to 'e honest, % 1eel &ind
o1 glad to see you 1inally cry 'ecause it was always you to com1ort me and now it"s my turn to com1ort you. You can
always cry whenever you 1eel, Risa. %"m here 1or you, %"ll try my 'est to 'e a great mom.8


8#o one is strong alone, everyone has their moment o1 1alling and there will always 'e someone to stand you u6. Don"t
'e a1raid to 1eel such emotions, you are not alone.8

% listened to each and every word she said and % 1elt li&e crying harder than 'e1ore, 8% don"t 1eel li&e going yet. I'm not yet
ready.8


8#o one is, 'ut you can always as& God to e:tend your time even 1or a little. Eust try as&ing, e"ll listen.8

% (ust closed my eyes and cried nonsto6. #o matter how % try to sto6 the tears 1rom 1alling, they (ust &ee6 on 1lowing.


.h God, please don't ta)e me yet. ;ust a little more time, I beg you.


;1ter that small tal& with mom in the car, we decided not to waste time on dramas and we head to the mall 1or some
sho66ing slash 'onding time. %t has 'een a long time since % last went sho66ing with mom, % usually hang out with my
1riends so % don"t really have much o1 that so called 1amily 'onding.

7e ate lunch at a 1ancy restaurant inside the mall, chec&ed on the shoes and 'ags at some 1avorite 'outiDue sho6s, did
some groceries and most o1 all, we 'ought some maternal stu11.

87hich cri' do you thin& is the cutest)8 she"s as&ing me 'etween identical cri's that is only di11erentiated with their
colors, 'lue and red. % chose the 'lue one since it"s my 1avorite color. 7e (ust as&ed the sho6 to have the stu11 we 'ought
delivered to our house.

7e roam around the sho6 1or a little 'it more and as we wal& around, a 6air o1 soc&s caught my attention. % 6ull my mom
to the 6art o1 the 'a'y soc&s, 89om, can % 6ic& her 1irst 6air o1 soc&s)8

8!ure, go ahead.8


% rummage at the 6ile o1 soc&s, % 1eel so giddy with all these tiny soc&s. They"re tinier than my 6alm and that"ll 'e the
length o1 my 1uture 'a'y sister"s 1eet. ow cuteB ;1ter some time, % decided to get the sim6liest white soc&s 1or my 1uture
'a'y sister, 89om, % want that this 6air o1 soc&s will 'e the 1irst 6air she"ll wear. %t will 'e sort o1 a remem'rance 1rom me
to her so % ho6e she"ll &ee6 it even a1ter she grows u6. % want her to &now that she has a 'ig sister 'esides 4hill that gave
her these soc&s,8 % hand it to her and decided to 6ic& out a 6iece o1 6a6er and also a 6en in my 6oc&et, 8;nd mom... can
you 6lease sign this)8

87hat is this)8 she was a'out to un1old it 'ut % sto66ed her.

89om, 6lease (ust sign it without loo&ing.8 % 6leaded and with that, she agreed to sign it without arguments.


;1ter she signed it and gave it 'ac& to me, we are a'out to go to the cashier when she suddenly gra''ed me 'y the arm
as she held her tummy with her other hand, 87ait R=risa... ;=aaahBBB8

89=mom) 7hat"s going on)8 % start to 6anic as % realise that may'e she"s a'out to deliver the 'a'y.

8Risa, '='ring me to the nearest hos6italB Ruic&B8

% was right, it"s time already. % hurriedly as& hel6 to the sta11 o1 the store de6artment and they &indly lend us a hand to
'ring mom to the nearest hos6ital.


==

8!he"s 'eauti1ul, isn"t she)8 my dad who"s 'eside me as&ed as we watch my 'a'y sister 1rom the window glass. !he"s
(ust some hours old, she"s so little and so 1ragile. !he"s li&e an angel on a heavenly slum'er.

8Yeah,8 % re6lied still enchanted with my sister"s slee6ing 1ace.

% got distracted when % heard my 1ather chuc&led, 87hat is it dad)8

8#othing, % (ust remem'ered the day you were 'orn.8

8% (ust got home 1rom wor& when your mom 1elt that you"re a'out to get out o1 her tummy so % had had to drive her in rush
to the hos6ital. %t was cra<y,8 dad narrates with 1ull nostalgia, as i1 he has the 6ast rolling in 1ront o1 him. Dad has this
smile on his 1ace that % don"t usually see 'ecause my dad is a serious and a 'usy man who always has his 1ace either
covered with a news6a6er or some sort o1 documents, 8Funny thing is, % was really in need o1 the com1ort room that time.
% have eaten something rotten % thin&, it was also an emergency case 1or my tummy that time. 2ut it was a tragedy 1or me
'ecause % 'adly needed to ta&e it out 1rom my tummy and so does your mom that needed to ta&e you out 1rom hers. 2ut
o1 course, % managed to 'ring her on the hos6ital sa1e and sound and have ta&en care o1 my own tummy a1terwards. 2ut
the thing % have not managed is seeing you getting out o1 her and hearing your mom screaming and when it was done
and % heard your cry, % actually 1elt a great relie1 and colla6sed then and there. The ne:t thing % &now, % was laying on the
'ed ne:t to your mom"s and % had the most 'eauti1ul scene in 1ront o1 me, your mom holding you with so much care in
her arms with a smile on her 1ace. %t was the cra<iest and at the same time, ha66iest moment o1 my li1e. That was the
day % 1inally 'ecame a dad.8



% don"t really hug my dad and he doesn"t as well, 'ut sometimes em'arrassment goes second when the love you 1eel is
stronger. 7ho &nows i1 this would 'e the last time 'ut % would surely miss this tall man who always wor& hard to 'uy us
our morning cereals.


;nd i1 mom owns the Ath signature, dad has the Cth.



8% could have named her o6e or 9iracle since she"s the li1e that would su'stitute mine.8

8Then why did you decide to name her a66y)8


82ecause % &now my 'a'y sister will 'ring ha66iness to everyone a1ter the sorrow % will 'ring to all o1 you a1ter my
death.8




;s someone goes and leave, another comes. That"s why there are two ty6es o1 doors in this world, the one 1or the
8entrance8 and the other 1or the 8e:it8.
+++
. 3th Signature .

% was wo&en u6 'y someone &noc&ing at the door. % o6en my eyes and wonder, 87hy am % in this white room)8

Then the 6erson who &noc&ed at the door came in. %t was my 'oy1riend, he smiles wea&ly at me as he waves his hand
and greets me in his way, 8i, gorgeous. % see you"re awa&e already.8

8% was slee6ing until you &noc&ed and distur'ed my slum'er.8

e wal&s to me and sits on the 1ree s6ace o1 my 'ed then he 'rushes loose strands o1 my hair in my 1ace with his 1ingers
and 6uts it in 6lace at the 'ac& o1 my ear, 8% 6re1er distur'ing your slee6 rather than you, never wa&ing u6.8

% can hear 1ootste6s 1rom the outside 'rea&ing the silence around, suddenly % heard a cry o1 a child as well. On second
thought there wasn"t any silence in the 1irst 6lace, i1 % listen more care1ully, the outside is actually noisy. ;side 1rom the
1ootste6s that go 'ac& and 1orth and the cry o1 a child, % can also hear some 6eo6le coughing and uttering unintelligi'le
words and there are also 6hones 'ee6ing and ringing one a1ter another.

87hy am % here)8 % loo& at him straight in the eyes somewhat accusing. Funny, % am in a 6lace % said % would never stay
even i1 % die === the hos6ital. %rritating as %"ve always thought, the dra' white colour o1 the hos6ital walls never 1ail to throw
a 'uc&et o1 cold water over my s6irit. %nstead o1 1eeling well, % 1eel li&e having nausea anytime due to that un6leasent
smell stereoty6e hos6itals have === is it 1rom some &ind o1 medication, or is it 1rom all that 'leach)

87e didn"t really want to ta&e you here without your concern 'ut Idays ago, you (ust colla6sed a1ter vomiting 'lood and
a1ter several trials o1 wa&ing you u6, 'ut to no avail, we started to 6anic. % called my dad to chec& on you and he said,
you need 6ro6er medication that could only 'e given in the hos6ital and that e:6lains why you"re here. You were
unconscious 1or Idays, % thought you won"t wa&e u6 anymore. %"m glad to see you awa&e again, you scared the hell out
o1 me Risa.8

8Really,8 % utter without con1idence and loo& around me, 1our corners dictating how tra66ed you are in li1e, a ta'le 'eside
me with 1ruits untouched and 1resh 1lowers that ought to die the ne:t day and 'e re6laced with another that will re6eat the
cycle. There"s also a television at the u66er le1t corner o1 the room, not so modern in it"s 'o: sha6e, % 'et it lac&s good
channels. 2eside the television, there is a wall cloc& that has the small hand 6ointing to ten and the longer hand to seven
or may'e eight)

% turn at my le1t side to see the o6en window 1ew meters away 1rom me, 1rom the outside the cold and 6iercing air 'lows
the 6ale turDuoise curtains that is the same color with my 'edsheet.


8;re you cold) Do you want me to close the window)8 my 'oy1riend might have notice my shivers so he stood u6 to
close the window as % nod to him. % shiver not 'ecause %"m really 1eeling cold 'ut %"m Duite terri1ied that may'e one day
the wind will ta&e me away as % (ust 'ecome a 6art o1 the unseen, untoucha'le and 1orgotten.


8ow 'ad is it)8 % as&ed him while he closes the window, he turns around not understanding my Duestion.

8ow 'ad is what)8

8You &now,8 % smile at him, encouraging him to tell me, 89y condition.8

8Oh,8 he turns his 'ac& to me this time may'e loo&ing outside 1rom the window, 8Fine. Yeah, you"re 1ine.8

% laugh wea&ly, sounding almost 1orced and stu6id. % &new it, when he says 1ine... it"s not. That"s the most com6rehensi'le
lie when someone"s sic&, 8You thin& %"m going to 'uy that) Tell me the truth.8

8Truth)8 he re6eats the last word % said, turns to me and loo& at me straight in the eyes. e 6aused 1or a while adding an
un6leasant tension in the room, % 6leaded silently loo&ing in his uncertain eyes. ;1ter a while, glistening tears 1orm in his
eyes and hover 1or a moment 'e1ore they 1ell wetly u6on his chee&. is tear e:6lained me everything even without
saying anything.



8% understand.8

I understand, I understand, I understand.
7hy are we even worrying 1or the worst, haven"t we 'een there a lot o1 times) From the moment % got sic&, there was
never any ho6e 'ut only miracles to save me... 2ut what does miracle really means)


8Risa,8 his voice seemed caught in his throat as he struggles to 1orm the words, 8%"m sorry, %"m really sorry.8


% call the name o1 this guy in 1ront o1 me crying li&e a mere child lost in the city, e:tend him my arms and as&ed him to
come to me. e o'ediently did and as my arms reached him, % gently 6laced my hand on his 'ac& and the other hand
'rushing his 'lac& hair. ; 'ig guy crying in my arms, crying 1or me not caring how unmanly he might loo& in 1ront o1 the
girl he loves. % whis6er to his ears, 87hat are you sorry 1or) %ts not as i1 the entire world, and all o1 its 'eauty, had come
to an end.8


;s we sat and cry here on my hos6ital 'ed, a thought came into mind... how many 6eo6le used this 'ed and cried 1or
death) % wonder what the hos6ital sta11 thin&s everytime they change 'edsheets and washes it, (ust how many tears
6oured down on this 'ed... (ust how many tears have 'een washed away) %1 % die here in this same 'ed, in this same
'edsheet, how 6ain1ul could it 'e 1or the 6eo6le that cares 1or me to see the 'edsheet 'eing removed in this 'ed) !im6le
changing o1 'edsheet can mean nothing to a lot 'ut in this world, in this moment, 0 out o1 0'illion might 'e crying
'ecause as he says good'ye to a 'edsheet he says good'ye to someone too.



7hen my 'oy1riend calmed down, % decided to as& him, 8Did you 'ring my contract with you)8

2ecause % did not e:6ect that % would colla6sed suddenly and 'e 'rought to the hos6ital a1terwards, % le1t the 6a6er o1
signatures in my house, in my room to 'e s6eci1ic. e shoo& his head, 8#o6e, why) %s it my turn to sign)8


8Do me a 1avor. ;1ter your today"s visit, 'e1ore heading home can you 6lease 6ass 'y my house and get the contract in
the drawer ne:t to my 'ed and 'ring it tomorrow morning to me) You can sign it too as soon as you get it on hand, you
may 6ee& i1 you want 'ut it will always 'e our secret o&)8


8%s this your last 1avor)8

8#ot really,8 'ecause my last 1avor to him would 'e to move on with li1e without me when % leave this not circle world and
to love 1ind another girl to love, to ta&e care o1, to marry someday and create a healthy and ha66y 1amily with her. % would
want to 'e that girl 'ut % &now %"ll never 'e, the greatest 1eeling in this world is to love and 'e loved 'ac& in return 'ut that
could also 'e the most 6ain1ul 1eeling when you are loving someone and that someone loves you 'ac& 'ut something
called 8death8 se6arates you 1rom one another. The love 1or each other or the 6erson 1ades, eitherways, its a sad ending.



9y 'oy1riend is the owner o1 the Fth signature % want to 'argain with God, % had listed 0/ names in that contract which
means . more signatures to go. 7ill this 'argaining thing really wor&) % ho6e these signatures will not go to
waste... God, can you hear me?
10 Signatures to Bargain with God
; story written 'y aveYou!eenThisGir,

+++
Sth K 0/th !ignatures
MF%#;, PO!TQ

2eels li)e I'm about to detach mysel$ $rom this world.

%t"s 6ast midnight and lights must 'e turned o11 already. % should 'e slee6ing at this moment o1 time 'ut % (ust can"t slee6,
there"s too much silence that % can"t concentrate on slee6ing. ;nd another thing, once % close my eyes thoughts start to
cloud my head and it"s very irritating 1or me. 9y thoughts won"t (ust leave me alone.

% want to esca6e.
% want to 1ind the Sth signature owner already so %"ll 'e done with this contract since the 0/th signature owner is not very
hard 1or me to 1ind.

82e1ore everything else,8 % reach my 6hone on my sideta'le and % turn on the lights o1 my room.

% com' my hair with my 1ingers as % turn on the camera o1 my 6hone and switch it to video mode.

8O&ay, it"s ready,8 % say as % hold the 6hone to me and 'rush some loose strands o1 hair away 1rom my 1ace and 6lace it
to the 'ac& o1 my ear, 8=hiB8

% laugh a1terwards 1or stuttering while saying a sim6le greeting, it"s as i1 %"m on the center o1 a stage with a 'ig crowd
when reality is %"m (ust alone here tal&ing with my 6hone and no one sees me. % 1eel nervous nonetheless.

8?hmm... 9y name is Risa 9agdayo. 9y e:istence is caused 'y Ric& K 9aria 9agdayo, my 'eloved 6arents. % am
de't1ul to them 'ecause they have 'een good 6arents to me and they too& good care o1 me 1rom the very 'eginning,
since the day % was 'orn. % never 1elt unloved in all o1 my years o1 e:istence 'ecause o1 them, they made me 1eel that no
matter how drastic li1e would 'e 1or me there will still 'e someone li&e them to hug me and show me that % will never 'e
alone with every 'attle %"ll ma&e with li1e. Then % am 'lessed with two, % mean three si'lings, 8 % suddenly remem'er the
new 'orn 'a'y, 8Eros is .years younger than me, he"s not actually my 'iological 'rother 'ut nevertheless % love him as i1
we have the same 'lood running in us. % never and would never loo& at him as i1 he"s an outcast o1 the 1amily (ust
'ecause he"s ado6ted so % wish he"d sto6 treating his sel1 as i1 he"s not a 6art o1 the 1amily. % wish he won"t 1eel lonely
anymore, % &now it"s hard 1or him to have not met his real 6arents 'ut % ho6e that someday he"ll realise that we"re here
always 1or him and we DO love him. !o Eros i1 chances will lead you to this video, listen to me... 6lease don"t 'e hard on
yoursel1) #o one is 6ushing you away so stay with us, stay with the 1amily and sto6 re'elling.8


8To my Ayears old little sister 4hill 9agdayo, hi there 4hillB % don"t &now what age you"ll have when you"ll actually
understand this video 'ut no matter what, 6lease remem'er that ;te Risa loves you more than your teddy 'ears can love
you o&ay) Ohyeah, %"m a'out to head to the 1ar 1ar away land 4hill so 6lease ta&e care o1 my clothes, my accessories,
my ma&e u6s, my shoes, my 'ags and all my things. %"ll 'e leaving them to you and you can have them all so ta&e good
care o1 them. ;nd also, ta&e good care o1 our 'a'y sister a66y. You"re now the 8;te8, the 'igger sister. You"re
res6onsi'le to teach her how to dress 6ro6erly, to 'rush her hair and tie it u6 li&e % always do to your hair and you must
teach her how to tie her shoelaces as well, o&ay) % wish % could 'e there to see you 'oth grow into lovely ladies and have
your handsome 'oy1riends escorting you to 6roms and such,8 % wi6e a tear that esca6ed 1rom my eye and continue,
8!6ea&ing o1 handsome 'oy1riend...8


% try to smile and 1orce out an energetic tone, 8ey you 'oy1riend o1 mineB %"m 6retty right) #o, %"m 'eauti1ul. % 'elieve % am
'ecause you said so yoursel1. #o matter how 6ale, thin and 1rail loo&ing % am now 'ecause o1 my illness still you continue
to tell me %"ve grown much more 'eauti1ul. Than& you, than& you 1or showing me that %"ve loved and chosen the right
6erson. % really wish % can marry you and have &ids 'ut let"s move on, that won"t ha66en to me 'ut that might ha66en to
you to another someone so search 1or the right girl. % love you.8

7ith tears 1alling down 1rom my eyes, % 6lace the 6hone near my 1ace and &issed the camera then move it away again so
%"ll 'e a'le to ca6ture my now ugly crying 1ace, 8For those % love and 1or those who love me and will continue to love me
even i1 %"m gone, than& you and ta&e care o1 yoursel1 guys. % might have lived short 'ut % am grate1ul %"ve not wasted a
second o1 it. % will miss you guys, % love you.8

% sto6 the recording o1 the camera and save it to a s6eci1ic video 1older then le1t it on my 'ed as % 6ut my (ac&et and
sli66ers on. %"ve already 6lanned to esca6e the hos6ital through my room"s window with my 'edsheet and 'lan&et tied u6
together, %"m not really on a high 1loor actually %"m (ust on the second 1loor so my 'edsheet and 'lan&et are long enough
1or me to the touch the ground sa1ely.

7here am % going)
To where my 1eet drag me, to a 6lace called somewhere.
;ctually my 6lan is to 1ind the Sth signature owner 'e1ore my 'ody 'etrays me, % don"t really 1eel strong enough to wal&
6ro6erly anymore. % (ust as& 1or the hel6 o1 the walls to su66ort me 1rom wal&ing or rather staggering.

% &now it"s hard 1or me to see 6eo6le in a time li&e this, it"s already dar& and 6eo6le are already slee6ing 'ut a 6lace
called Celeven caught my eyes then a smile 1orms into my li6s. ; convenient store o6en .>hours, (ust the right 6lace 1or
me to 1ind the Sth signature owner.

9ust 'e wondering who the owner is o1 the Sth signature) 7ell, the s6ace is actually reserved 1or a 8stranger8, yes the
owner is a stranger... a someone or anyone. % don"t &now why 'ut % guess % want to meet someone %"ve never met 'e1ore
dying and 'argain my memory with him or her as well with God.

;s % enter the convenient store the security guard loo&s at me in a weird dou't1ul way, may'e he"s wondering why %"m on
sli66ers. % (ust ignore him and continue to wal& and went to the cashier girl to 'uy my 1avorite chocolate hershey 'ar,
luc&ily % have some money with me in my (ac&et"s 6oc&et. % am not allowed to eat chocolates 'ut who cares, % 'adly want
to eat it even 1or the last time.

;1ter 'uying my chocolate 'ar, % went to eat my chocolate on the same ta'le where a guy eats a 'urger at a time li&e this
and has a co&e in can on the ta'le. e loo&s at me as i1 Duestioning me why o1 all the vacant ta'les there are in the store
am % sharing on the same ta'le.

8i,8 % smile at him a1ter ta&ing a 'ite o1 my chocolate 'ar.
8?hh... hello,8 he says aw&wardly. e loo&s li&e the ty6e who doesn"t trust strangers.
8Don"t 'e a1raid o1 me, %"m not someone who has an attention to steal something 1rom you or to do you 'ad things so
rela: and tal& with me. ,oo&, %"m so 1rail loo&ing 'ecause %"m sic& and % (ust esca6ed 1rom the hos6ital. % (ust 'adly want to
tal& to someone so % ho6e you wouldn"t mind...8

e o'serves me 1or a while and nods a1terwards, 8O&ay, we can tal& 'ut that"s all.8
8Than& you,8 % smile at him and start a conversation. e told me his name is Eason, he"s a college student. % as&ed him
why he"s eating in a convenient store at a time li&e this and he re6lied that he (ust 1inished 1rom his 6art time (o' which
ha66ens to 'e in a host clu'. % was a little 'it ta&en a'ac& when % heard that 'ut it didn"t matter anyway 1or me 'ecause
so what i1 that is his (o', right) e told me he needs money to continue his studies 'ecause he has no 6arents anymore
to su66ort him. e"s really nice 'ecause he o6en u6 his sel1 to me even at 1irst he was very dou't1ul o1 me. % learned a
lot o1 things a'out him and vice versa. 7e en(oyed chatting with each other and he"s sorry that % am dying 'ut % told him
that there"s nothing to 'e sorry a'out.


% as& him to sign the contract since %"ve already told him a'out it. e li&ed the idea and he told me that may'e when he"s
a'out to die too he might do the same thing 'ecause may'e it might actually wor& 'ut then he too& 'ac& what he said
and told me that it won"t wor& 1or him 'ecause he &nows heaven is not his destination 1or heaven doesn"t acce6t 6eo6le
li&e him who wor&s 1or clu' to entertain 6eo6le with 'ody.

% 6at him on his shoulder and said, 8For the 1irst meeting, % have to tell you that % don"t see you as a 'ad 6erson. You still
have a long li1e so chances 1or you are still 'ig so don"t lose ho6e.8

8Yeah, may'e.8 he scratches the 'ac& o1 his head unconvinced with what % said, 8!o who owns the last signature)8

2e1ore % could even say it, % heard a shout and a random guy with the 1ace covered and a gun in hand 'arges in that
causes 1ear to all o1 us in the convenient store. The shout came 1rom the cashier girl who saw how the random guy hit
the security guard that got him out o1 commission.

8!hut your mouths or you"ll dieB8 he shouts and threatens us, there is only me, Eason, the unconscious guard, and the
cashier girl there. The random guy loo&s at me and Eason and orders us, 84ome close here or %"ll shoot you 'othB8

7e 1ollow him and went near the cashier then he 6oints the gun to us, 8Give me all your moneysB ;nd you, ta&e out all
whats there in the cashierB Ruic& or %"ll 'last your headB8

8;ren"t you 'eing too harsh with your words)8
8Risa, no...8 Eason tries to sto6 me when % ste6 1orward to the random guy 'ut % ignore him.

8!te6 'ac&, don"t come near me or %"ll shoot you.8
8!hoot me,8 % said as % ste6 near him, 8Go ahead. % am not a1raid to die, %"m gonna die anyway 1rom my illness so what
1ear should % have i1 you shoot me)8

e got startled and to me, he seems to have more 1ear with him than with us, 8You don"t really want to do this, don"t
you)8

8This, may'e, is your 1irst time to hold u6 a store)8 % smile at him, 8You don"t seem to 'e a 'ad guy.8

87hat the 1+++ are you sayingB !hut u6B !hut u6B %"ll shoot you % swearB8 he said with hands trem'ling.

% reach him and hold the u66er 6art o1 the gun, 8Don"t do this, you will only ruin not only the lives o1 the 6eo6le here 'ut
also your li1e.8

8ow should you &nowB %"m not ruining my li1e here, %"m saving a li1e so give me your money and %"ll scram right away and
we"re all good with thatB8 he shouts at me terri1ied and angry.

87hat do you need the money 1or)8

8The hec& you careBBB !?T ?PB Please shut u6B8 he loo&s li&e he wants to shoot me 'ut he doesn"t have the guts
'ecause surely he doesn"t have any intention to &ill anyone, he (ust needs the money.

84alm down, shhh.8 % want him to sto6 this, 8Tell me why you need the money, % might 'e a'le to hel6 you...8

e then out o1 1rustration tells me something, 89y mom... my mom, she needs to have her heart o6erated 'ut... 'ut the
1++ &ing doctors are as&ing me an amount % don"t &now where to getB Do you get me)B !o (ust give me the da mn money
and let"s get this thing done 'e1ore a co6 comesB8

e loo&s des6erate, % &new it he needs the money 1or a reason... it"s 1or his mom.

82ut you could not 'e as un1air as you can 'e, don"t ta&e away the money o1 others 1or your own reasons. 7hat i1 the
cashier girl,8 % 6oint to the girl in the cashier who is shivering in 1ear, 87hat i1 she also have 1inancial 6ro'lems and i1 you
ta&e all the money in the cashier she might lose her (o' or she won"t have enough salary in the end o1 the month)8

8;nd you see this guy,8 % 6oint to Eason, 8e"s here 'ecause he"s eating his dinner. ;66arently he (ust 1inished his 6art
time (o' in a host clu'. e wor&s at night and goes to school at day. e wor&s 1or his tuition and here you go stealing
what he (ust earned 1or this night) Don"t you thin& you"re 'eing un1air) 7e all have 1inancial 6ro'lems 'ut this is not the
solution 1or it, % assure you that this is not a solution so 6lease give u6 the gun and sto6 this.8


8#OB % DO#"T 4;RE 7;T YO? !;YB #OB % DO#"T 7;#T TO ,%!TE#B !?T ?P P,E;!E, !?T ?PB8

8Your mom will not 'e ha66y to hear you ro''ing a store in order to get money,8

8!?T ?PBBB %",, !OOT YO? %F YO? DO#T !?T YO?R 9O?TB !?T ?P P,E;!E !?T ?PB8

8Your mom will never 'e ha66y... she wouldn"t want her son to end u6 as a criminal... don"t do this...8


8% TO,D YO? TO !?T ?PBBB8


;nd that"s it, a loud 'ang echoed in the store and % 1elt something that hit against my tummy.


8#o, noB 7hat have % doneB8 the gun 1ell 1rom his hands as % 1ell on the ground, % can still hear him cry as he regrets
6ulling the trigger, 8% told you to shut u6... you didn"t listen. #o, what have % done... what have % done...8

e re6eats those words with so's accom6anying it.

8Risa, RisaB8 % hear Eason calling 1or me re6eatedly 'ut its seems li&e the volume is decreasing and %"m hearing his call
vaguely. % can 1eel 'lood in my hands as % hold my tummy, % should 1eel 6ain 'ut instead % 1eel nothing...

2e1ore its too late, % ta&e out the contract and as well as the 6en 1rom my 6oc&et and with sha&ing hands % try to sign it,
the contract is already smeared 'y my 'lood 'ut % don"t mind. % have to sign the 0/th signature 'ecause my visions are
starting to 'lurr and %"m already vomiting 'lood.

Yes, % am the 0/th signature owner o1 my own contract. % want to 'argain mysel1 with God, % don"t want to 1orget what %
have 'een in this world when % was still living. Practically, % am 'argaining everything to God and % don"t even &now i1
e"ll agree with this 'ut they say there"s no harm in trying.


% don"t even &now what awaits me a1ter dying...
% don"t even &now i1 e"s true... or e does e:ist...
% created a contract not &nowing i1 there"s really heaven or somewhere to go to a1ter a 6erson die.
Or even i1 there is, % am not even sure i1 %"m going to heaven or to the other 6lace...


% am not sure what awaits me and 1unny thing is, % thought %"m gonna die 'ecause o1 my illness 'ut who could"ve thought
that %"ll die this way) 7e all e:6ected that my illness will 'e the one to ta&e me away 1rom this world 'ut it"s not.

#othing in this world is so sure so is that the same with the ne:t world) ?ncertain.


#ot even done signing, my head s6ins and % 1ell on the contract as my vision turns 'lac&. %s this the end) Goodbye.



= F%# =
;/#$ There is a story a'out Risa"s ado6ted 'rother TEros 9agdayoU entitled T!E D%EDU
written in Taglish. That story will 'e 6osted Eanuary ./0. so % ho6e you guys will su66ort it
and try to read it too. ,ovelots. NI