Ruby Payne: Chapter 5

Lauren Fox

Systems
System: A group in which individuals have rules, roles, and relationships
Examples of systems:
school
family
neighborhood
peer groups
Systems are not equally functional/dysfunctional for each member

Dysfunctional: The extent to which an individual cannot get his/her needs met
within a system

Maturity Continuum/Zone of Proximal

Development

Moving from being dependent to being independent

to being interdependent
An individual who is forced to assume an adult role
early is caught between being dependent and
independent (known as codependency)
This leads to few emotional resources

Emotional Resources
Emotional resources dictate much of ones behavior and determine
achievement
Emotional resources are collected and stored over time in an
emotional memory bank
The ones that are accessed habitually become the ones that feel
right
Become natural responses and reactions
Emotional resources allow individuals to live with feelings other than
those in the emotional memory bank

Providing Emotional Resources

1.

Support systems

2.

Use appropriate discipline strategies and approaches (discipline for change in

behavior)

3.

Establish long-term relationships (apprenticeships, mentorships) with adults who are

appropriate

4.

Teach the hidden rules

5.

Identify options

6.

Increase individuals achievement level through appropriate instruction

7.

Teach goal setting

8.

Develop a future story

Positive Self-Talk (when building

Emotional Resources)

Emotional resources are evident in self-esteem

Self-esteem is defined by self-love, selftrust, and self-respect

Not available when fear, control issues,
fixation, or stubbornness are present

Characteristics of Self-Esteem
1.

Ability to set limits and boundaries

2.

Flexibility and openness

3.

Ability to give and receive love

4.

Capacity for staying in ones truth or integrity

5.

Communication skills

6.

Sense of honor and respect about oneself

Boundaries
Ability to say no to being used
As you get closer to survival, there are fewer boundaries
Less space, more crowded, etc.
In order to help students set emotional boundaries, discuss
physical boundaries
How much space in the room is yours?
How do you keep others out of your space?
How do you stay in your space?

Karpman Triangle

The same person can take on all

three roles in different situations
Once you in the triangle, you will
eventually take on all three roles
Boundaries disappear because
ownership isn taken by anyone
Ask questions to stay out of the
triangle

Implications for Teachers

As emotional resources increase, destructive/self-destructive behaviors will decrease

Emotional resources are crucial to student success. As educators, part of our role is to ensure that we
help students to build these emotional resources
Teachers and administrators are important role models. Students need role models so they can focus
their attention on learning
Research has found that in welfare housing, negative comments are 2 to 1 (twice as many negative
comments as positive comments). Professional households are 5 to 1
Educators must provide students with positive affirmations
Completing tasks is tied to your ability to self-talk your way through a task
Use IfThen statements (If you can do this, then you can pass this test)
Teachers must help students learn to persist through tasks