Communicating with Compassion

How do we live an authentic life, expressing ourselves authentically and, at the same time, be in relationship with others?
As a person whos been on a spiritual path for many years, this question has frequently perplexed me! Many times, Ive found it challenging to bring my spirituality
into my day to day interactions with others (not to mention with myself!). There are periods over the past 35 years or so, when it seemed the easiest course of
action would be to live the life of a hermit, having no contact with anyone else!
Then in 2001, I heard of a process called Nonviolent Communication, which had been developed by a Psychologist, Marshall Rosenberg. Immediately my mind
rejected it; anything that had the word violent in the name was definitely not for me! Besides, I certainly wasnt violent! Over the next 3 years, I kept hearing
about NVC: how powerful it was and how heart centered and skillful Rosenberg was.
Finally, I felt compelled to go into the Center for Nonviolent Communication website and my heart was touched so deeply I began to cry and immediately made a
decision to learn and share the process.
In his book Nonviolent Communication a Language of Life, Rosenberg says it is our nature to enjoy giving and receiving in a compassionate manner.
Rosenberg uses the term nonviolence in the sense that Ghandi used it, to refer to our natural state of compassion when violence has subsided from the heart.
I discovered that NVC
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Is a learnable process designed to increase well-being and serve Life

Has 2 key principles: Intention is to create a quality of Connection where all needs are valued and Attention is placed in the present moment or Now
Can be used in 3 ways: Listening to ourselves, Empathically Listening to Others and Honestly Expressing Ourselves
Has 4 steps: Observation, Feeling, Needs and Request

I began using the tools and really quickly began to notice how often I judged and criticized myself and others, there was almost constant chatter making others or
myself wrong! Rosenbergs perspective is that every time make someone wrong, judge or criticize, we increase our own pain and contribute to violence on the
planet. I was stunned, here I was advocating for peace on Earth and yet, with my thoughts and words I was contributing to the opposite!
Rosenberg goes on to say Nonviolent Communication (NVC) helps connect us with what is alive in ourselves and in others moment-to-moment, with what we or
others could do to make life more wonderful, and with an awareness of what gets in the way of natural giving and receiving. NVC language strengthens our ability
to inspire compassion from others and respond compassionately to others and ourselves.
Years ago, before Id even heard of NVC, I was working as a Hospice nurse and stood by the bed of a young man who was very close to death. His younger brother
stood on the opposite side of the bed asking questions about his brothers care. He spoke in a raised voice, wanting to know why we werent doing something for
his brother. I could feel his anger like a volley directed toward me across the bed but rather than reacting or becoming defensive, I experienced a moment of grace
and said This must be incredibly painful for you. Immediately his whole energy and presence shifted and he began to cry.
Every interaction we have is an opportunity to come from the heart, to hear past anothers words, to sense whats in someones heart rather than listening to whats
coming out of their mouth. Through conscious intent, commitment and practice, we can change the pattern of our interactions with others and move in the
direction of greater compassion.
The power lies within us to make a change in how we as Human Beings interact with one another. By doing so we make a huge difference on Planet Earth. Now is
the time!
By Anne Walton