PHILLIP LANDUA

Current address:
Earth, Milky Way Galaxy
Age: Twenty-something-ish

Contact Info:
Phil.Landua@gmail.com
(920) 944-4899

PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE
October 2014Present

Perfecting my Christopher Walken Impression

Owner/janitorial staff assistant
Establishing. new LINES, of dialogue. On, the daily.
Plumbing.

June 2000July 2013

Ruler of the Earth

King
Please do not call for references

May 2006December 2012

Dennys
Server
Strengthened communication skills by connecting with customers and making a positive
impression in a limited timeframe
Honed time management and organizational skills to guarantee outstanding service for every
customer

January 1990Present

Puns
Teller of
Been there, punned that.
My career is a joke. Get it? Because, like, making puns for a living means my career is
literally a joke AND my career has been humiliating so its a figurative joke. Its a pun.

ADDITIONAL EXPERIENCE
2010-2014

Community YMCA Rec Intramural Coed League Ages 9-12

Basketball team
Was a captain and made the all-conference team*

2012-2013

MENSA International
Member**
Totally solved all dem problems

1492,1776,
1945,2095

Time
Traveler
Time travelled

*Thats a lie. I made honorable mention team***

**I looked at the cover of one in my Dentists office while moving it off the Good Housekeeping magazine

***No, I didnt. I didnt even make the team

Yeah, theres a page 2, because I am bold.

EDUCATION:

SKILLS
Made this in Microsoft Word with only several Youtube tutorial videos in assistance
Can make a mean peanut butter sandwich. Have succeeded in peanut butter AND jelly before, but
can definitely be iffy (Id rather just stay jIFFY )
Speling
Thumbs
Making a face like I just saw two people making out on a train or something, IDK I really havent
figured out when I could actually use it or what it even looks like. I dont look at mirrors. They
freak me out. Its like, I raise my right hand, but my reflection raises their left hand? Wat is up wit
dat??? But yeah, that face I make, you should see it. Its pretty silly. Thats what my mom says at
least
Haven't
H
Haven't
Hv
aHe
Hn
H'Ht
H
Hc
Hr
cried
cried
HH
iHd
eHHy
He
yet
yet
Ht
H
Ht
H
today
today
Hd
oHa
Hy
H

Exceptional communication skills, both written and verbal