EXT.

TENT IN THE WOODS - NIGHT

SILHOUETTES OF A MAN AND WOMAN CAN BE SEEN THROUGH THE TENT.
WE SEE THE MAN TAKING OFF HIS SHIRT AND THE WOMAN PINCHING
HIS NIPPLES.
INT. TENT IN THE WOODS
WITTY LLAMA IS PLAYING A CARD GAME WITH
DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON.
WITTY LLAMA
Playing strip Go Fish was such a good
idea.
DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON
Yeah, Im glad you thought of it.

Do

you have any threes?

WITTY LLAMA
Go fish.
OUTSIDE THERES THE SOUND OF A TWIG BREAKING
DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON
What the hell was that?
WITTY LLAMA
That was you losing those undies, bud.
ANOTHER TWIG BREAKS OUTSIDE
DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON
Theres something outside.
WITTY LLAMA
(irritated)
After I prove theres nothing out
there, youd better stop being a pussy
and strip.
WITTY LLAMA UNZIPS THE TENT

"Epidode Title"

2.

DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON
No, dont.
WITTY LLAMA EXITS THE TENT.
DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON IS SCARED. HES BITING HIS NAILS AND
BREATHING QUICKLY. HE ZIPS THE TENT FLAP CLOSED.
THERES THE SOUND OF A TWIG BREAKING OUTSIDE, THEN ANOTHER,
THEN ANOTHER, THEN A THUMP LIKE THE SOUND OF A LARGE ROCK
HITTING THE GROUND.
DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON CURLS UP INTO THE FETAL POSITION.
DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON
(CONTD)
(whispering)
Oh god, oh god, oh god.
ANOTHER TWIG BREAKS OUTSIDE
DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON
(CONTD)
(yelling)
This isnt funny anymore!
THE TENT IS SLOWLY UNZIPPED.
DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON
(CONTD)
No!
WE SEE WITTY LLAMAS SMILING FACE.
WITTY LLAMA
There isnt anyone out here, you
blubbering idiot.
WITTY LLAMA HOLDS UP AN EMPTY PAPER BAG.
WITTY LLAMA (CONTD)
This empty paper bag is what you
heard.

Ooh, so scary.

DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON IS RELIEVED.

"Epidode Title"

3.

DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON
I knew that.

I wasnt even scared, I

was just pretending.

WITTY HITS THE PAPER BAG SO IT MAKES A LOUD NOISE.
WITTY LLAMA
Boo!
DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON SHUDDERS.
WITTY LLAMA (CONTD)
Now strip.
WE SEE A DARK SHADOW OVER WITTY LLAMA.
DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON IS TERRIFIED. THE CAMERA PANS OUT AND
WE SEE A LARGE LOOMING FIGURE STANDING BEHIND WITTY LLAMA.
DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON POINTS TO THE FIGURE.
DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON
Witty...
WITTY LLAMA
Strip.
DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON
Llama...
WITTY LLAMA
What?
DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON
Behind you.
WITTY LLAMA TURNS AROUND AND SEES WHAT LOOKS TO BE A GIGANTIC
CHEESEBURGER STANDING IN FRONT OF HER.
WITTY LLAMA
Who the fuck are you?
THE CHEESEBURGER PICKS WITTY LLAMA UP OFF OF THE GROUND. HER
FEET DANGLE IN THE AIR AND SHE STRUGGLES TO CATCH HER BREATH.

"Epidode Title"

4.

THE CHEESEBURGER TAKES A GIANT TOOTHPICK OUT OF HIS BUN AND

STICKS IT THROUGH WITTY LLAMAS HEAD, THEN TOSSES HER TO THE
SIDE OF THE TENT.
DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON IS RUNNING AROUND INSIDE THE TENT LIKE
A MAD MAN, BUT HE ISNT GOING ANYWHERE. THE CHEESEBURGER
STICKS HIS HEAD IN THE TENT.
CHEESEBURGER
I know what youre thinking: No olive?
Im more of a pickle guy myself.
FROM OUTSIDE THE TENT WE WATCH THE SILHOUETTES OF THE
CHEESEBURGER AND DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSON AS THE CHEESEBURGER
MURDERS HIM. WHEN WE LOOK BACK AT THE SCENE, WE ZOOM IN ON
WITTY LLAMAS LIFELESS BODY AND SEE DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSONS
DICK HAS BEEN STABBED THROUGH THE TOOTHPICK. PRETTY FUCKING
COOL, HONESTLY.
THEN THE MOVIE TITLE FLASHES ACROSS THE SCREEN:

MURDER BURGER
EXT. VAN - DAY
A SHITTY OLD VAN HEADS DOWN THE HIGHWAY.
AROUND FOR MILES.

THERES NOTHING

INT. VAN
INSIDE THE VAN IS A GROUP OF SEVEN YOUNG PEOPLE.
JMONSTERFACE IS DRIVING THE VAN, WHILE CATHY ACKERMAN RIDES
SHOTGUN. IN THE MIDDLE ROW OF SEATS IS MWN AND OOOOO. IN
THE BACK ROW OF SEATS IS TORO Y MIST, NOHORSEMAN, AND
SOUPRMAN.
CATHY ACKERMAN
Im really looking forward to being a
camp counselor this year.

"Epidode Title"

5.

TORO Y MIST
We know, Cathy.
CATHY ACKERMAN
You know my mom was a counselor at
this same camp when she was a
teenager.
MWN
We fucking know, Cathy.
CATHY ACKERMAN
I was conceived at this camp.
OOOOO LUNGES TOWARD CATHY ACKERMAN LIKE HES GOING TO CHOKE
HER BUT DECIDES NOT TO AT THE LAST SECOND. MWN AND TORO Y
MIST ARE LAUGHING THEIR BUTTS OFF.
NOHORSEMAN
Hey, you guys dont believe those
legends about Camp Chanson, do you?
OOOOO
You mean that a bunch of kids were
murdered there by a cheeseburger?
Nah, bro, I dont.
NOHORSEMAN
Oh, good.

Me neither.

FROM THE SHADOWS OF THE DARKEST DEPTHS OF THE VAN COMES A

GRUFF VOICE.
SOUPRMAN
You dont have to believe it, boy.
That aint gonna stop it from being
true.

"Epidode Title"

6.

EVERYONE IS STARTLED BY THIS NEW PRESENCE, EXCEPT

JMONSTERFACE WHO IS ALWAYS A COOL CUKE.
JMONSTERFACE
Awake now, are you stranger?

We

picked you up a coffee when we stopped

at the gas station about an hour back.
SOUPRMAN
Youre all gonna die at that camp.
JMONSTERFACE
Would you mind handing Soupy his
coffee, mwn?
MWN GIVES THE COFFEE TO SOUPRMAN, BUT HE KNOCKS IT AWAY AND
THE COFFEE DRENCHES MWN.
MWN
What the hell, man?

If that coffee

wasnt so fucking old Id have been

scolded.
SOUPRMAN
You mean scalded, boy.
MWN
Whatd you say to me?
JMONSTERFACE POINTS OUT THE WINDOW.
JMONSTERFACE
There she is, theres Camp Chanson.
She sure is a beautiful sight.
CATHY ACKERMAN
Yeah, she must work out.
CATHY ACKERMAN AND JMONSTERFACE LAUGH TOGETHER AND LEAN
CLOSER AND CLOSER IN UNTIL THEIR HEADS TOUCH. AHH, LOVE.

"Epidode Title"

7.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

THE CAMP COUNSELORS PILE OUT OF THE VAN AND START HEADING UP
TO THE CABINS. ONLY MWN IS LEFT BEHIND. HE IS STRUGGLING TO
CARRY HIS BAGS.
MWN
Thanks for your help, guys.

No, no,

dont worry about it, I got it.

MWN KEEPS REARCHING IN THE VAN FOR THE BAGS.
MWN (CONTD)
Assholes dont even care that I hurt
my hand the other day and carrying
stuff SUCKS now.
A FIGURES COMES UP BEHIND MWN.
MWN (CONTD)
Finally, someones here to help me.
MWN TURNS AROUND AND BUMPS INTO CHEESEBURGER.
MWN (CONTD)
What the...?
CHEESEBURGER SMUSHES MWN LIKE A PANCAKE UNTIL HE FITS NEATLY
INTO A LITTLE STYROFOAM CONTAINER. NOW LETS GO SEE HOW
EVERYONE ELSE IS GONNA DIE.
INT. CAMP CAFETERIA
ALL OF THE CAMPERS AND COUNSELORS ARE GATHERED TOGETHER
INSIDE THE CAFETERIA, LISTENING TO THE CAMP OWNER, DIXON,
GIVE THE WELCOME SPEECH TO THE CAMP.
DIXON
Youre gonna love it here and so on
and so forth.

Alright?

(MORE)

"Epidode Title"

8.
DIXON (CONT'D)

But no complaining either, because

what the hell else are you gonna do
with your summer, play Playstation
One?

Now go find your camp counselors

and have a good time.

THE KIDS ALL SEPARATE TO FIND THEIR COUNSELORS. BUT WHO
GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE KIDS? THIS IS ABOUT THE COUNSELORS.
CATHY ACKERMAN AND JMONSTERFACE ARE STANDING TOGETHER.
LOOKS WORRIED.

CATHY

JMONSTERFACE
Is something wrong, Cathy?
CATHY ACKERMAN
I dont know.. I feel a little uneasy,
but Im not sure why.
JMONSTERFACE
What do you mean?
CATHY ACKERMAN
Its like Im experiencing deja vu,
but thats impossible because Ive
never been here before.
THE COOK, TAKEHOMEJOKE, STEPS OUT FROM THE KITCHEN CARRYING A
TRAY OF BURGERS.
TAKEHOMEJOKE
Its cheeseburger day, kids!

Dig in!

CATHY FALLS TO THE FLOOR.

JMONSTERFACE
Oh no, wed better call the nurse.
A CROWD GATHERS AROUND AS JMONSTERFACE HOLDS CATHY IN HIS
ARMS AND WAITS FOR THE NURSE TO ARRIVE.

"Epidode Title"

9.

EXT. LAKE - SAME DAY

NOHORSEMAN AND TORO Y MIST ARE WITH THEIR KIDS AT THE LAKE.
THEYRE WATCHING THEM AS THEY SWIM.
NOHORSEMAN
What do you think happened with Cathy
today?
TORO Y MIST
Ah, you know, probably just started
her period or something.
NOHORSEMAN
I heard she fainted.
TORO Y MIST
Its all part of being a woman, dude.
Trust me, I grew up with five
brothers, I know this stuff.
ONE OF TORO Y MISTS KIDS, MISTER SMART, STARTS WAVING HIS
ARMS AND SCREAMING.
TORO Y MIST (CONTD)
Hey, no waving your arms!

Im trying

to chill over here!

MISTER SMART CONTINUES TO WAVE HIS ARMS.
TORO Y MIST (CONTD)
Im gonna kick your ass, kid.
TORO Y MIST WALKS OVER AND PULLS MISTER SMART OUT OF THE
WATER. WHEN HE DOES HE SEES THE BODY OF WITTY LLAMA WASH UP
ON THE SHORE WITH THE GIANT TOOTHPICK THROUGH HER HEAD AND
DEFINITELYNOTOJSIMPSONS DICK STICKING THROUGH IT.
TORO Y MIST (CONTD)
Oh shit, what the fuck?
SOUPRMAN RISES OUT OF THE WATER SUDDENLY.

"Epidode Title"

10.

SOUPRMAN
I warned you.

Youre all gonna die.

TORO Y MIST PUSHES SOUPRMAN BACK INTO THE WATER.

IS SOBBING ON THE SHORE.

NOHORSEMAN

TORO Y MIST
Pull yourself together, NoHorseman,
and go tell the camp owner about this.
Ill take care of the kids.
EXT. CAMP OWNERS OFFICE
NOHORSEMAN KNOCKS ON THE DOOR TO THE CABIN.
DIXON, OPENS THE DOOR.

THE CAMP OWNER,

DIXON
What do you want?
NOHORSEMAN
Theres a.. Theres a... The legend is
true!
DIXON PULLS NOHORSEMAN INTO HIS OFFICE.
INT. CAMP OWNERS OFFICE
DIXON
Keep your voice down, kid.
DIXON SHAKES HIS HEAD IN DISBELIEF.
DIXON (CONTD)
So Cheeseburger thinks he can
slaughter all my campers again like
hes done year after year?
better wise up.
NOHORSEMAN
You know about this?

Hed

"Epidode Title"

11.

DIXON
Of course I know about it.

You cant

spend every Summer covering up the

murders of every one of your campers
without figuring theres a murderer on
the loose.
NOHORSEMAN
Why are you covering it up?
DIXON
Theyll close the camp if they find
out its unsafe.

Id lose all the

money that I rake in running this

joint.
NOHORSEMAN
But the kids...
DIXON
What about em?

Bunch a snotnosed

brats, if you ask me.

Hey, you in the

mood for nachos?

NOHORSEMAN
I dont understand...
DIXON
I got Velveeta melting on the stove
and I have a bag of Tostitos on the
counter.
kid.

Put two and two together,

"Epidode Title"

12.

NOHORSEMAN
No, I dont understand why youre not
more upset about the murders.
DIXON
Is that a double no?

No on the nachos

as well?
DIXON SEES NOHORSEMANS FACE AND CAN SEE HE DOESNT WANT
NACHOS. DOESNT EVEN SEEM APPRECIATIVE OF THE OFFER.
DIXON (CONTD)
Look, I cant have this murder getting
out around the camp and you seem like
a weiner boy as well as a chatty
cathy.
DIXON SLITS NOHORSEMANS THROAT. NOHORSEMAN HOLDS HIS
BLEEDING WOUND AND STRUGGLES TO TALK.
NOHORSEMAN
(gurgling)
I wasnt the only one who saw it.
NOHORSEMAN FALLS TO HIS DEATH.
DIXON
Shit, I usually remember to ask about
that before I slit their throats.

Ah

well, thats the life of a wealthy

camp owner.
DIXON IS CLEANING UP THE BLOOD THAT IS ALL OVER HIS FLOOR
WHEN THE CABIN DOOR CREAKS OPEN.
CHEESEBURGER
Knock-knock.

"Epidode Title"

13.

DIXON
Whos there?
CHEESEBURGER
Burger.
DIXON
Burger who?
CHEESEBURGER
Cheeseburger, the psychotic killer.
DIXON LOOKS UP, SEES THE GIANT BURGER STANDING OVER HIM AND
SHRIEKS IN HORROR. CHEESEBURGER TAKES THE POT OF MELTING
VELVEETA OFF OF THE STOVE AND POURS IT OVER THE TOP OF DIXON
AND HE DIES SCREAMING IN AGONY. LIKE IN SEASON ONE OF GAME
OF THRONES. REMEMBER THAT?
CHEESEBURGER (CONTD)
Order up.
INT. NURSES OFFICE
CATHY ACKERMAN IS LAYING IN THE NURSES OFFICE WITH A WET
TOWEL ON HER FOREHEAD. JMONSTERFACE IS HOLDING HER HAND.
THE NURSE, JACOB C, IS EXPLAINING THE SITUATION TO THE TWO OF
THEM.
JACOB C
You just got a little overheated is
all.

Take it easy and you should be

well by morning.
CATHY ACKERMAN
Okay.

Can I attend the ice-cream

social tonight?
JACOB C
Sure, sweetie, just dont pile on the
toppings, okay?

"Epidode Title"

14.

CATHY ACKERMAN
I wont, I promise.
JACOB C KISSES CATHY ON THE HEAD AND LEAVES THE ROOM.
JMONSTERFACE
Im glad youre okay.
CATHY ACKERMAN
Me too.
JMONSTERFACE
Just make sure you let me know if
youre starting to feel overheated
again.
CATHY ACKERMAN
Thats the thing though.. I never felt
hot.

I just felt kind of strange and

anxious.
JMONSTERFACE
You think the nurse misdiagnosed you?
CATHY ACKERMAN
I dont know.. Maybe.
CATHY SITS QUIETLY FOR A MOMENT.
JMONSTERFACE
Hey, why do you think the nurse told
you not to pile on the toppings?
CATHY ACKERMAN
I have no idea.
EXT. CAMP SHED - NIGHT
TWO CAMP COUNSELORS, OOOOO AND ELIZAMUFFINS, ARE KISSING IN
THE SHED.

"Epidode Title"

15.

OOOOO
Not so rough, Elizamuffins, Im
delicate.
ELIZAMUFFINS
I know, baby, thats what I like most
about you.
ELIZAMUFFINS SQUEEZES OOOOO TIGHTER.
OOOOO
Hey, I said not so rough.
ELIZAMUFFINS
Sorry.
OOOOO FEELS SOMETHING HIT HIM ON THE BUTT.
OOOOO
Goddamnit, Eliza!
ELIZAMUFFINS
I didnt do anything.
OOOOO
Well, if you didnt hit me in the
butt, who did?
CHEESEBURGER EMERGES FROM THE SHADOWS.
ELIZAMUFFINS
Who the hell are you?
CHEESEBURGER
Do you really wanna know?
ELIZAMUFFINS
Yeah, I do, dipshit.

"Epidode Title"

16.

CHEESEBURGER
Have it your way.

Im cheeseburger

and Im here to tenderize your meat.

ELIZAMUFFINS
Huh?
CHEESEBURGER PROCEEDS TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ELIZAMUFFINS
AND OOOOO WITH A MEAT TENDERIZER. HE IS COVERED IN BLOOD
WHEN HE IS FINISHED. HE SCOOPS SOME UP AND LICKS IT.
CHEESEBURGER
Mmmm... tastes nothing like ketchup.
INT. AUDITORIUM - SAME NIGHT
THE CAMP AUDITORIUM IS DECORATED BEAUTIFULLY FOR THE ICECREAM SOCIAL WITH RED AND YELLOW STREAMERS. ALL THE KIDS ARE
DANCING AND SOCIALIZING AND THE CAMP COUNSELORS ARE HAVING
SOME FUN OF THEIR OWN.
TORO Y MIST AND SOUPRMAN ARE HANGING OUT AT THE ICE-CREAM
TABLE CHATTING.
TORO Y MIST
Sorry about pushing you into the lake
earlier.
SOUPRMAN
Thats okay, I kind of deserved it.
It was insensitive of me to tell you
that you were going to die after youd
just seen a dead body.
TORO Y MIST
And a dismembered penis.
SOUPRMAN
Well, yeah, I didnt want to bring up
the dismembered penis.

"Epidode Title"

17.

TORO Y MIST
Its been a rough day.
SOUPRMAN
Its only gonna get worse.

Youre all

gonna die.
TORO Y MIST
Ah, man.

Whyd you have to fuck up

our moment?
SOUPRMAN
Sorry.

Habit.

JMONSTERFACE AND CATHY ACKERMAN ARE SITTING ON A BENCH IN THE

AUDITORIUM EATING ICE-CREAM.
JMONSTERFACE
How you feeling, Cathy?
CATHY ACKERMAN
Okay, I guess.. I just get the feeling
something is wrong.
THE CHEF, TAKEHOMEJOKE, WALKS INTO THE AUDITORIUM WITH A TRAY
OF CHEESEBURGERS.
TAKEHOMEJOKE
Its time for this ice-cream social to
become a cheeseburger and ice-cream
social.
ITS LIKE CATHY HAS HAD A SWITCH TURNED ON.
A DAZE.

SHE STANDS UP IN

JMONSTERFACE
Cathy, are you okay?
CHEESEBURGER ENTERS THE AUDITORIUM CARRYING A TRAY OF
CONDIMENTS.

"Epidode Title"

18.

CHEESEBURGER
Anybody want relish on their burger?
CATHY LOOKS AT CHEESEBURGER.
CATHY ACKERMAN
Daddy?
CHEESEBURGER STARES AT CATHY AND DROPS HIS TRAY OF
CONDIMENTS.
CHEESEBURGER
My little baby burger?
CATHY RUNS OVER TO CHEESEBURGER AND THEY EMBRACE.
JMONSTERFACE
What the hell is going on?
CATHY ACKERMAN
Lets kill these McMotherfuckers.
CHEESEBURGER
Ba da ba ba ba Im lovin it.
CATHY AND CHEESEBURGER BEGIN TERRORIZING THE AUDITORIUM.
THEY DROWN TORO Y MIST IN MUSTARD. THEY PELT NURSE JACOB C
TO DEATH WITH A SESAME SEED GUN. THEY USE A FLAVOR INJECTOR
TO FILL TAKEHOMEJOKE WITH RELISH UNTIL HE POPS. AND THE
KIDS.. OH, THE KIDS. THEY GIVE ALL THE KIDS A SIDE OF APPLE
SLICES INSTEAD OF FRENCH FRIES AND THEY ALL KILL THEMSELVES.
COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE, BUT HORRIFYING NONETHELESS.
THE DUO ZEROES IN ON SOUPRMAN, OUR BELOVED HARBINGER OF DOOM.
SOUPRMAN
Welp, I know how this is gonna go.
CHEESEBURGER
Yeah, weve gone down this road many
times before.
CHEESEBURGER HANDS SOUPRMAN A PILE OF JACK IN THE BOX
COUPONS.

"Epidode Title"

19.

CHEESEBURGER (CONTD)
Heres your money.

Thanks for

stirring things up and putting

everyone on edge.
SOUPRMAN
Not a problem.

See you later, Cheese.

And nice to meet you, Baby Burger.

CATHY ACKERMAN
Nice to meet you too.
SOUPRMAN EXITS THE AUDITORIUM AND NOW THE ONLY PERSON LEFT
STANDING IS JMONSTERFACE.
JMONSTERFACE
Cathy, my love.
you.

Please let me help

We can get through this.

CATHY ACKERMAN

I dont know...
JMONSTERFACE
We can, I promise you.

Youre the

only woman Ive ever loved and I

forgive you.

You know how badly Ive

been hurt in the past.

JMONSTERFACE HAS TEARS STREAMING DOWN HIS FACE.
CATHY ACKERMAN
I know...
JMONSTERFACE
You know how badly Ive been burned
before.
CHEESEBURGER AND CATHY ACKERMAN LOOK AT EACH OTHER.

"Epidode Title"

20.

CHEESEBURGER
Do you wanna say it or should I?
CATHY ACKERMAN
Let me do the honors, dad.
JMonsterface, you may have been burned
in the past, but not as badly as
youll be burned tonight.
JMONSTERFACE IS CONFUSED.
CHEESEBURGER
My little girl is growing up.
JMONSTERFACE
What?

What are you gonna do to me?

CATHY POINTS TO THE GRILL AND JMONSTERFACE SCREAMS.

CUT TO:
INT. AUDITORIUM - AN HOUR LATER
CHEESEBURGER AND CATHY ACKERMAN ARE SITTING TOGETHER ON THE
BENCH EATING HAMBURGERS. JMONSTERFACE IS BURNED UP IN AN
AGONIZING POSITION ON THE BARBECUE GRILL.
CATHY ACKERMAN
Hey dad?
CHEESEBURGER
Yes, sweetie?
CATHY ACKERMAN
So you got my mom pregnant at this
camp 20 years ago, right?
CHEESEBURGER
Thats right, dear.

"Epidode Title"

21.

CATHY ACKERMAN
Did you dress like a burger back then?
CHEESEBURGER
Youd better believe it.
CATHY ACKERMAN
So why did mom sleep with you?

Was

she into furries?

CHEESEBURGER
Not all furries, sweetie.

You could

say your mom was a bit of a burger ho.

CATHY ACKERMAN HITS CHEESEBURGER ON THE ARM, THEN RESTS HER
HEAD ON HIS SHOULDER.
CATHY ACKERMAN
Oh, dad, youre so silly.
CHEESEBURGER
What do you think of your burger?
CATHY ACKERMAN
Ill give you a hint: Red Robin.
CHEESEBURGER
Huh?
CATHY SMILES AT CHEESEBURGER.

CHEESEBURGER LAUGHS.

CHEESEBURGER (CONTD)
Oh.. Yum!
THEY LAUGH TOGETHER AND THE CAMERA PANS OUT SO WE SEE ALL OF
THE DEAD CAMP COUNSELORS SCATTERED AROUND, AS WELL AS THE
CHILDREN HANGING FROM THE CEILING. APPLE SLICES REALLY ARE
BULLSHIT, GUYS.