When Things Dont Seem To Add Up:

Surrounded by Grace, didnt understand what it meant

Ive grown up surrounded by grace. Literally. My home church is Grace United
Methodist Church and I grew up soaking in the spirit, sitting in the pews, and eating
the food of Grace. For me, Grace was just a name. I said it all the time but I didnt
fully understand what it meant. Now that Ive experienced a good amount of life, I
realize that I am still surrounded by grace, but now I understand that grace is not
just a name, but rather something that allows me to mess up again and again but
still be forgiven and redeemed. I began to experience it and understand it as a
wonderful mystery that just doesnt seem to add up.
Theres a song that I love and have been meditating on this week called Brokenness
Aside by All Sons and Daughters. The lyrics go like this: Will your grace run out if I
let you down? Because all I know is how to run. I am a sinner if its not one thing its
another, caught up in words tangled in lies. But you are a savior and you put
brokenness aside and make it beautiful, beautiful.
Were all sinners, yes. I have things that keep coming back up in my life that I wish
would disappear. But God makes things beautiful. Ive witnessed so much beauty in
my life these past three weeks. Beauty of sunsets by the river, self-awakening
questions from trusted mentors, being sent off to work by dog snuggles and baby
giggles, sitting around the table enjoying home-cooked meals and being extended
true radical hospitality. The hearts, arms, pantries, and doors of people in this city
have been open to me- (even when I set off Alexas alarm one night when she was
out, whoops!) Beauty is everywhere, and many times its intertwined so closely with
grace that we dont even realize both are there. Where have you experienced
beauty in your life in the past three weeks?
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God puts brokenness aside I personally dont know how God does it. Im not good
at putting brokenness aside. Im good at trying to make sense of it, blogging about
it, and thinking about it until my brain and heart hurt. But Im not good at putting it
aside. In my mind, brokenness and weakness dont equal power or salvation, they
equal the inability to do life the way I need to- they equal not being good enough.
A quick look into my life of trying to make sense of call and brokenness and why Im
here in Richmond interning and worshiping with you this summer: My junior year of
high school I was confident in my future life direction. I was going to Virginia Tech to
pursue an engineering degree and become the first person to develop cars that ran
on the toxins in the air. I had a plan and was not open to suggestions or new
direction. I was stubborn & close-minded. I didnt want to hear from anyone that this
wasnt the plan- well, fast forward to the summer before senior year and this was
exactly what I heard. From God. I was on a summer mission trip called Carolina
Cross Connection when I felt a tug on my heart nudging me towards a life of fulltime ministry. It was in that moment that I realized there was grace. I was stubborn.
But God said, Michelle, its okay. Ill wait. I love you and want you to see that you
will be happier and have more opportunities to build the Kingdom of God using your
gifts and strengths if you do this. So Ill wait. I didnt deserve this. But do we ever?
Do we ever deserve kindness when were mean or more time when were already
three days past the deadline? No. But God gives us these extensions anywaysthese 2nd, 3rd, 4th chances. Sometimes things just dont add up.
Lots of people in the bible felt similar. Jeremiah in chapter 1 doubts his call in a way
that I can relate to a lot. In Jeremiah 1, Jeremiah heard God saying, Before I formed

you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I made you a
prophet to the nations Then Jeremiah said, Ah, Lord God, I dont know how to
speak because Im only a child. The Lord said to him, Dont say, I am only a child.
Where I send you, you must go; what I tell you, you must say. Dont be afraid of
them, because Im with you to rescue you.
God was working in Jeremiah before he even felt called or knew what he was
supposed to be doing. God was at work in my life and in my heart before I ever
realized I was called to be a pastor. And I trust that God has been at work in your
lives far before youve realized it at times, whether that was as an infant or that was
last week or right now.
The way that grace has been best described to me is in the book Being Methodist
in the Bible Belt: A Theological Survival Guide for Youth, Parents, and Other
Confused Methodists, and I want to share that with you now. Grace is at work in
every human being. This is what Methodists call prevenient grace. This is grace
that God gives to every human being, and it is how we are able to come to saving
faith in Jesus Christ. Before we know it, believe we claim it, before we can name it,
that grace is at work in our lives. (Thats one big reason Methodists practice infant
baptism, baptizing babies who dont know what is going on; it is the faith
communitys claim that God is already at work!) This grace- Gods free, undeserved
gift- makes it possible for people, in their free will, to choose to accept (or not) the
gifts of faith.
Questions: spinning, grace -> humility
So back to the scripture text for the day: Paul write, The Lord said to me, My grace
is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness. So I will boast all the
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more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. I am a
creative thinker and try to live outside of the box but Ive also been raised in a
society that expects and promotes logical thinking. If x=y then y=x. If a x b=c then
b x a=c. But when thinking about grace, it isnt so clear cut. Especially the grace
that Paul is talking about when he is writing this letter to the church in Corinth.

My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made in weakness. Okay I can buy into
that I boast in my weaknesses so that Christs power may dwell in me? That
ones a bit harder to wrap my head around. I cant say that Ive ever been glad to
boast about my weaknesses. Thats actually my least favorite interview question
Sometimes I go with the generic: uhhh I take on too much work and have trouble
saying no oh, well we need people who can self-regulate their work load and keep
themselves healthy- sorry. Or I get brutally honest and get grilled I get scared and
doubt myself sometimes when Im doing things in ministry. District Committee of
Ordained Ministrys response: do you think this means youre called somewhere
else? Are you not confident in your ablilities? Are you afraid of speaking in front of
crowds? No to all of those. Sometimes I just get scared.
I believe that we are called to be ambassadors for Christ. We are called to spread
the good news of the gospel and we hope that others will follow Christ because of
our witness. But people dont follow weakness. So if we boast in our weakness, do
our words mean anything? Will people take us seriously? People follow confidence.
They dont follow know-it-alls, but they follow people who are sure of where theyre
going and what theyre saying. If we boast in our weaknesses confidently, will
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people still follow us? Where is the line between confidence and humility? How do
we make sense of this? Hmm maybe, just maybe, this passage isnt so that
people will follow us, but rather so that we can get out of the way so they will follow
Jesus. Maybe its a passage for us to say, Sometimes we dont fully understand,
and thats okay because we arent God. How cool that even in our weakness, Christ
makes us strong. Thats encouraging. Thats grace. Sometimes we just have to
humble ourselves enough to accept that grace.

JP stories
I had two experiences this past week that taught me humility in the realest form. On
Thursday, I was a sight leader for the Jeremiah Project, a middle school ministry
organization here in Richmond. My group went to the Virginia Home, a long-term
care facility for adults with severe physical disabilities. We visited people in their
rooms and then helped with arts and crafts. I was asked to sit down with a man
named James. James was painting a canvas for a long-time friend who he hadnt
seen in a while, but wanted to reach out to. He had a stroke several years ago and
lost all of his motor function in his hands. So I painted for him. When I looked into
his eyes, I saw sadness and sorrow. I saw a longing to be able to do more and a wish
for healing. As I sat there and painted, I thought about service. I thought about
ministry with others. I thought about how I was literally being his hands and how

humbling that was to get that opportunity. I realized how in his physical weakness,
we found power in Christ together through our conversation and sharing of stories
and smiles.
Later that night, we had worship back at camp. The activity of the night was a foot
washing. Now, sometimes I think of foot washings as kind of forced humility. But
then it turns into a real kind of humble feeling of giving and receiving, of loving and
being loved. You get down on your knees and wash somebody elses feet, as an act
of servant love. Its such a humbling feeling on both ends- washing and receiving
cleansing. Its an activity where I have experienced so much community and unity,
coming together and bonding over the shared spirit of Christ inside of me and other
people in a circle. The night we did foot washings at camp, I was sitting in the back
of the room thinking and praying and an eighth grade boy who I had only spoken to
once, whose name I wasnt even 100% confident about, came up to me and askedMichelle can I pray for you? As he did, I had another moment of being overcome by
humility.

He prayed- Dear God, thank you for Michelle being with us tonight, because things
wouldnt have been the same if she wasnt here. Things still would have happened,
but they wouldnt have been the same. Keep her safe, because we dont want
anything bad to happen to her. Well hold her in our hearts forever. (pause) Talk
about humility. For him to sit down on the floor next to me and open his heart before
me and God, thats humility. Sometimes humility is what it takes for our hearts to be
softened and open ourselves up to the ways that God is already at work in our lives.

We humble ourselves every time we come to the table together. We come as broken
people and have to open ourselves to accept Gods grace. This can all be confusing
at times, trying to grasp the concept that we have a Savior who forgives us over
and over, cleanses us and continually makes us whole. The good news is though: we
dont have to understand it. Like the holy mystery of communion and the concept of
the trinity, God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, we are not called to fully
understand; we are simply called to have faith. For it is by grace you have been
saved- through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. We are all
called to things in this world. We are called to have faith, and live out this faith in
our friendships, families, and communities. We are called to extend grace to those
around us, because grace is extended to us in ways that are unexplainable, in ways
that dont seem to add up. I pray that others may see Jesus in this grace. And I pray
that you may see Jesus in this grace. We are called to extend grace to ourselves,
living as free people, not ones bound by the chains of self-disapproval or trapped by
the need for outward approval. We are called to be people who live grace-filled
lives, overflowing with the grace given to us and extending grace and love
everywhere we go in this world. We are called to trust that when things dont seem
to add up, God is present, God is faithful, and God is loving us all the way through.
Amen.