How Apprehensive Are You in Interpersonal Conversations?

To score: Add 18 + scores for items 2, 4, and 5; deduct scores

for items 1, 3, and 6.

A score above 18 shows some degree of apprehension.

Of course conversations vary widely in the degree to
which they may lead to apprehension.
For which types do you experience the greatest anxiety?
The least?
Do others experience apprehension when talking to you?

The Conversation Process

Business

Feedforward

Opening

Feedback

Closing

Opening
Starts with a
greeting
Signals a stage of
access
Reveals
information about
the relationship
between the
persons
Helps maintain
the relationship
(usually both verbal
and nonverbal)
Verbal: verbal
salute, initiation of
topic, making
reference to the
other, personal
inquiries
Nonverbal: waving,
smiling,
handshaking

Feedforward

Business

Opens
communication
channels, usually
with a phatic
message (eg.
Havent we met
before?)
Previews future
messages
altercast- to place
the receiver in a
specific role and
request that they
respond in terms of
that role (eg. Youre
my friend, you have
to help me.)
Persuades
listener to hear
message as it is
intended to be
heard (eg. Dont
get me wrong,
Im not angry.)

The substance or
focus of the
conversation,
directed to
achieving the
purpose of the
communication
Is conducted
through an
exchange of
speaker and
listener roles
Tips for mutual
satisfaction
Ask questions,
opinions or ideas.
Strive for balance
between speaking
and listening.
Avoid interruptions.
Use backchanneling
cues (a frown to
show disagreement,
gestures of
disapproval)
Pay attention to

Feedback
The reverse of
feedforward
May signal that
business is
concluded
eg. So, you may
want to send her
a get-well card.
but may be
countered with
But what
hospital is she
in?
in which case
there is a going
back and
business is
continued.

Important
dimensions
Positive-negative
Person focusedmessage focused
Immediate-delayed

Closing
The opposite of the
first step
May be verbal or
nonverbal, though
usually a
combination of both
Signals the end of
accessibility
Usually signals
some degree of
supportiveness
(eg. Well, it was
good talking to
you.)
May also
summarize the
interaction.

Violations that can damage a conversation:

1.Insensitive openings (eg. Wow, youve gained
weight!)
2.Overly-long feedforwards, causing one to wonder if
business will at all be conducted
3.Omission of feedforward especially before a shocking
message
4.Absence of expected greeting
5.Omission of feedback, which leads one to wonder if
they had been heard or the listener cared
6.Omission of an appropriate closing

An effective communicator
1. is flexible and adapts to the situation
2. is mindful and aware of the available communication choices
3. uses meta-communication (nonverbal behavior) to avoid ambiguity

Dimensions of conversational effectiveness:

Openness willingness to self-disclose; to own and acknowledge responsibility for
thoughts and feelings (using I-messages instead of You-messages: This is what I
think.)
Empathy capacity to feel as the other person feels (not necessarily agreeing with that
person); may be communicated by:
Confronting mixed messages to show desire to understand
Avoiding judgmental and evaluative responses
Using reinforcing comments to show understanding
Demonstrating interest by eye contact

Dimensions of conversational effectiveness (contd):

Positiveness positive feeling for the general communication situation; may be
expressed by:
Avoiding exaggeration (positive comments and compliments work best when
realistic)
Being specific (Your introduction really got my attention; I especially liked the
anecdote
Owning the message (I liked your report.)
Maintaining consistency between verbal and nonverbal messages
Immediacy the degree to which the speaker and listener are connected or jointed; may
be communicated by:
Maintaining appropriate eye contact and physical closeness
Using direct and open body posture; smiling; using the other persons name
Focusing on the other persons remarks
Reinforcing, rewarding, complimenting the other person
Interaction Management (Satisfaction) process of ensuring that the conversation is
satisfying to both parties; may be achieved by:
Avoiding interruption

Dimensions of conversational effectiveness (contd):

Expressiveness degree to which one displays involvement in the interpersonal
interaction
(the opposite of fighting passively, withdrawing from the encounter, or
attributing responsibility to others); manifested by:
Active listening (paraphrasing, showing understanding, asking relevant
questions)
Avoidance of clichs and trite expressions, and of mixed messages
Using I-messages to signal personal involvement
Using appropriate variations in vocal rate, pitch, volume, rhythm to convey
interest
Using gestures appropriately
Other-orientation the ability to communicate attentiveness; demonstrating of
consideration and respect by:
Avoiding focus on self
Displaying body movement and emotions toward the other person
Asking for suggestions, opinions, and clarifications as appropriate
Expressing agreement when appropriate
Using minimal responses to encourage the other person to express him-/herself

Check your ability to

use the skills that are
vital to effective
interpersonal
interactions and
relationships. For each
statement on the right,
use the following rating
scale:
(1)=
(2)=
(3)=
(4)=
(5)=

almost always
often
sometimes
rarely
almost never

The Six-Stage Relationship Model

Importance of physical
appearance
Openers:
flippant, innocuous or
direct

Development of a
sense of mutuality

Falling in
love
Recognition of problem
Productive conflict
resolution
Search for possible
solutions
Integration into normal

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