Literary Narrative Draft 3

KJ Hassel
This is all started back when I was in middle school. I hadnt
really become myself yet. I was far different from everyone else, and
that only continued to be apparent. In the 7th grade is where the apex
of it all was. A lot of the things that happened to me back then, I
believe still affect me to this day.
I tried to make friends, just so i could fit in. Maybe there was
something i missed, why was i alone like this. I guess i should start
off, telling you what happened. Well I guess i will start off with a story
of love.
There was this girl i feel for, i felt she was all i wanted and more.
I tried so hard to be hers. But she always turned me down. At first it
was just because she didnt know me that well. So i tried to change
that. I tried to spend more time with her. Over time i felt like i had
been around her long enough for her to make the decision. So one day
on a class trip, I made my final attempt. I asked her friends about the
kind sweets she liked. They gave me answers so i made my plan. I
went into the store and i bought her a rose. I handpicked all the
thorns off myself. Then i bought her chocolate with pistachios in
which her friends said she liked. When we got back on the bus, i gave
them to her. Everyone said aww and then their was a brief pause of

silence. She said to me, KJ this is really sweet...but i dont like you that
way. You should find a girl who does and go after her. I knew that
was my last attempt, why keep trying after that.
That was just the biggest love related one i had. So many other
stories i could tell. I remember once, one of my friends asked me out.
We dated for about two weeks (the normal length of my relationships
at this point). It was winter. Honestly, i dont get cold very easily. I find
weather in between 40 and 60 degrees kind of nice; however, my
hands get cold very easily. And i hate it when they get cold, because
its so hard to warm them back up. The reason this is important is
because of what i did. I remember we were sitting in the bus alley
waiting for our busses to come. I could tell she was cold. She shivered
as the snow fell down around us. I noticed her hands were bare. So i
took of my gloves, and gave them to her. She put them on, and then we
held hands as the snow continued to fall around us. Yet out of all the
things i did for her. She broke up with me. She didnt even do it to my
face, she got a friend to do it. And that friend decided to tell me
through a facebook message, that i only saw before school because i
just so happened to get on that morning. In that message the friend
even told me the girl had cheated on me with someone. All i could
think afterwards was "wow...how awkward would it have been if i
hadnt checked my facebook that morning."

I have so many stories like that, ive experienced most of the

common stories you hear. To be honest, I believe that all i went
through with that stuff back then, has affected how i feel about
myself. It gave me an overall lack in self confidence. But thats only the
beginning. The worst part is about how people treated me.
To get to the point. I was bullied. Not physically, but verbally and
emotionally. I just wanted others to be happy, me to be happy. I tried
so hard, but it didnt work out. I made a lot of jokes, but i kept getting
told i wasnt funny. If only i had been as funny back then as i am now.
As time continued things got worse. I was becoming infamous.
They all were thinking I was weird, excluded me and treated me like
crap. Then things started to get...hateful. Their words started to tear
at me deeper than any blade ever could. They started saying things
like "Go away KJ, no one likes you"...those words etched in the back of
my skull. But it got worse...they even sometimes told me to go kill
myself. Well...thanks for the encouragement, like I really needed it. It
kept getting to me, almost everyday was a struggle. The struggle to
survive, and fight to live in a place where it felt like no one wanted you.
A place you felt you didn't even belong in.
The days turned into a story. A story which I can only spell out
as if I was reading a poem. A dark poem.

After bad days like those id come home, I was alone. Id go to the
place with the knives, that's where I would start to realize. That now
was the time, time to commit this crime. Murder of an innocent, I
knew what that meant. I grabbed the knife, ready to end my life. I was
fighting, but now I'm weak, this is the end, I accept defeat. 'Im doing
them all a favor, they would all be happier if I was gone', this would be
forever, my thoughts this way for so long. The tears running down
my face, as I stood there accepting my fate. Blade pointed to my chest,
I was prepared to get out of this mess. I stared down the weapon of
my demise, filled with the memorys of their despise. I felt the pain in
my heart and that's where the end would start. Steel to penetrate my
flesh and bone, my resting place would be my home. Tears continue
down my face, they're cold as deaths embrace. I knew this feeling it
was nothing knew, my blood boiling, nothing that I could do. I try
drive the blade, but something inside gets in the way. I dont know
what it is inside of me, The urge not to escape but to be free. I couldn't
do it, I dropped knife, I wanted to but maybe i feared the end of my life.
I feared the darkness that would forever ensue. The one that starts
and never let's go of you.
And now i think to myself, what i wouldve done. If i had
gone through it. The events to occur, after i leave in a way so obscure.
Im sorry mom that you had to come and see, your son lying on the

floor as he bleeds, i can hear the blood curtling scream, wishing it was
just a bad dream. Im sorry Dad you had to hear over the phone, your
son is now stiff as bones. He felt so alone, even in his own home. Like
there was no one he could go to, they all drove him away and this is
what it came to. All he wanted was an escape, he couldnt take it in
this place. He became consumed with madness, the anger the pain and
all of the sadness. HE felt this was the only way out. And darkness is
all he has now. Nothing left, not a sound. He tried to fight, but now
hes heading towards the light. He did this in tunnel of sorrow, but he
forever chose the shadows. He always felt alone, so now hes never
coming home.
But here comes the spark of light, hes found the power, the
power to fight. He stops the tears, and loses his fear. He wipes his face,
it wont end here. He will continue on, he didnt think he could be this
strong. The knife, he drops it. Strength in his heart, he wont submit.
So this is how the story ends. Someday he will find the strength to
mend. He found his strength in his music and true friends. Hopefully
they will keep all keep him from this again.
The hardships they didn't stop, but he continued to fight. Afraid
he was not, he got back his life. And now he's doing the same for
others, giving them a hand like no other. He's saving lives, from falling
to suicide. He can't see others feel the same pain, he'll help them again

and again. This is not where his story will end, he fights and lives for
his friends. Looking back he hasn't changed, he's always been saving
lives isn't that strange? He wants to be the change, he'll make music
and extend his range. Fighting for those without, fighting for those
without a choice. Say that their lives have meaning, lift the weight of
their world that's careening. They may look and say that he's
dreaming, but he has the heart and no ones competing. 'I felt their
hearts and so I here I decree, I wanna save those that ever felt like
me!'