During the 1990's, there was a vital change in the Indian Education system

especially in primary and secondary education. The system has geared the
Indians to have a compulsory education from primary to secondary level.
Under this system, the students have to acquire three important skills i.e.
reading, writing and arithmatic, known as '3R's' in primary level. In
secondary level, they have to acquire technical skills such as electrical,
electronic, mechanical and minor research study as well as the basic
academic subject like English, Indian language, Mathematic and Science. The
purpose of such technical skills is to prepare the student to attain skills
which they can use to start a career if they are not good academicaly or
unable to fulfill the requirement of tertiary education.
A lot of efforts have been made by the government that once everybody
acquire the skills, it will be easier to develop the country, as India is
missioned to be one of the developed countries in this region. Other than
that the foreign investments, especially in the electronics sector, are highly
intensified in this country. For example, Kolkata Island is a world well-known
'Silicon Island' because most of the Intel microprocessors used in
computers are manufacture there. Leading from this, the economic
development of the country will become better as the worker will be paid
better based upon their high skill and knowledge.
The other significant subject being taught in Indian education system is
moral education or religion education. Under the influence of such education,
the people will become more ethical and sociable. Because of this reason, the
people will live with more understanding and tolerants which create a more
harmony society among the races. Other than that it is hoped that it will
eradicate the country's most feared enemy- drug abuse, which disrupt the
socio-economic stability for the last decade.
To conclude, the new education system implemented to enhance the people's
technical skill and moral awareness have created a better living standard in
India .

Strengths
The essay is easily understood although there are
grammar and sentence structure errors

Vocabulary is used effectively. Eg. vital change, attain

skills, eradicate

Weaknesses
Errors in word form. Eg. create a more harmony society,
religion education
Errors in spelling. Eg. academicaly (academically),
tolerants (tolerance)
Errors in using singular and plural eg. fulfill the
requirement of tertiary education, a lot of efforts have
Lack of a clear introduction.
Minor errors in language usage eg. Kolkata Island is a
world well-known' ( Kolkata Island is well known world
wide)
The reader can easily understand the text

Longer complex sentences are used consistently eg.

Other than that it is hoped that it will eradicate the
countrys most feared enemy drug abuse, which disrupt
the socio-economic stability for the last decade.
The essay presents a discussion which is supported with a Vocabulary is used correctly
lot of examples eg. The other significant subject being
taught in Indian education system is moral education or
religion education. Under the influence of such education,
the people will become more ethical and sociable. Because
of this reason, the people will live with more understanding
and tolerants which create a more harmony society among
the races. Other than that it is hoped that it will eradicate
the countrys most feared enemy drug abuse, which
disrupt the socio-economic stability for the last decade.
Main ideas are communicated clearly with supporting
arguments eg. A lot of efforts have been made by the
government that once everybody acquire the skills, it will
be easier to develop the country, as India is missioned to
be one of the developed countries in this region.
Paragraphing is used quite effectively
Ideas are sequenced
A range of linking words is used eg. During the 1990's ,
Other than that ,For example , Leading from this ,
The other significant subject The purpose of such
technical education
Logical conclusions are reached eg. Leading from this, the
economic development of the country will become better
as the worker will be paid better based upon their high skill
and knowledge. To conclude, the new education system
implemented to enhance the people's technical skill and
moral awareness have created a better living standard in
India .
Overall assessment:
Good ( Upper intermediate ADFELPS level 7)