Kennedy Abramson

Zack de Piero
Writing 2
4 November 2015
Its All About the Audience
The typical college student has likely seen their fair share of long-distance relationships
crash and burn. Although many long-distance relationships in college do end, we seem to share a

Comment [1]: Supercool topic! For sure -- burn, baby,

burn!

bit of a misconception that they are always doomed. It is helpful to consider multiple different
perspectives on long-distance relationships in college in order to keep from jumping to such
hasty conclusions. One way to consider different perspectives on the topic when reading

Comment [2]: *Tremendous* flow here, Kennedy.

scholarly texts is by searching for pieces written by scholars of different disciplines. When
reading multiple articles about the same topic it can be beneficial to analyze the different
conventions and moves that the different authors utilize. Moves and conventions are typically
used in the same way and for the same purpose in writing. Moves are often used and conventions
are often followed because the author knows that they will have a particular impact on their
intended audience.
The article Idealization and Communication in Long-Distance Premarital Relationships
by Laura Stafford and James R. Reske, scholars in the communication discipline, examines the
difference between how couples in long-distance relationships in college communicate
differently than those in geographically close relationships. Another article, Absence Makes the
Heart Grow Fonder?: Long Distance Dating Relationships Among College Students by David
Knox, Marty Zusman, Vivian Daniels, and Angle Brantley exposes the truth about the level of

Comment [3]: I need more of a specific, driving thesis

statement, Kennedy. What, exactly, are you going to
be arguing here? And what specific points are you
going to use to make that case? What about the
conventions/moves will you be emphasizing? Also: do
you think itd help your reader (technically, me) to lay
out which specific sources -- or disciplines! -- youll be
using to make your case?

satisfaction within the relationships of people who have been in long-distance relationships while
in college from the perspective of scholars within the psychology discipline.
Upon reading these two articles you can immediately see the similarities surrounding the
way they are structured. Since both pieces belong to the scholarly article genre, we expect them
to look a certain way and the articles dont disappoint. There are quite a few structural

Comment [4]: I like how you're organizing this -- here

are the comparisons in how scholarly pieces are
structure. It's unique but it works (so faR).

conventions that each article follows but they are somewhat boring so Ill keep it brief. The two
main structural conventions I noticed within both articles were that they both start with a concise
description of the overall purpose of the research and they both include a list of references at the
end.
The authors likely follow the structural conventions of their genre because their intended

Comment [5]: These are the only two worth noting?

These two are pretty "boring" -- unless they're tied to
your main argument (not totally sure what it is...), I think
these may have been bad picks.

audience is other scholars who are well versed in scholarly articles. If the writers ignored the
conventions of their genre the intended audience would be less likely to consider the information
being presented credible. Of course, the authors may follow the conventions slightly because
they are effective when writing scholarly articles but it has a lot to do with what the writers know
that their audience is expecting from them.
Scholarly pieces have their place when reading about a certain topic, in this case college

Comment [6]: I don't think this paragraph is doing

anything for you. I'd scrap it.

Tell me your argument, then hit me over the head with
evidence (direct, textual evidence) and analysis.

long-distance relationships, but they certainly arent the only place to obtain information. The
Reality of Long-Distance College Relationships, before and after Graduation by Hailey Lee is a
non-scholarly, mainstream article that attempts to show that not all long-distance relationships in
college are the same and that some couples really can make it work. This piece belongs to the
online magazine article genre so it is difficult to find connections between its conventions and
those of the scholarly articles. What we can do, however; is make connections between why the
writers uses certain conventions rather than what conventions they use. In this article, Lee kept

Comment [7]: Huge! Awesome! I'd like you to get here

a lot quicker.

the paragraphs short, often times only one sentence, in order to break up the text to make it more
reader friendly. This convention is likely followed with the intended audience for Lees article,
young college students, in mind. Lee, being a senior at Wellesley College herself, probably

Comment [8]: I buy that.

understands that the typical college student is either extremely lazy or extremely busy so they are
more likely to read her article if it doesnt look like a giant, intimidating glob of words. Jonathan
Alexander and Elizabeth Losh said it best in their comic Spaces for Writing when they wrote
that all writing is influenced by what you know about an audiences expectations (Alexander
and Losh 7). So as you can see, although the conventions used within scholarly articles and

Comment [9]: Great tie-in here.

mainstream articles arent the same exact thing, they are both followed because of the impact
they will have on the intended audience.
Outside of analyzing the conventions, we can delve further into each piece to see what
moves the writers make. Stafford and Reske, in their scholarly article Idealization and
Communication in Long-Distance Premarital Relationships, use a move in which they start off
phrases that summarize their point and help reach conclusions with the word thus. One example
can be seen when they write: [t]hus, idealized couples should score higher on measures of
satisfaction such as (Stafford and Reske 278). Its likely that the authors use this move
because, although their intended audience is other scholars in the field of communication, their
article can be complex at times so summarizing ideas helps to keep the reader on track and to
keep them from becoming confused. One move that the authors of Absence Makes the Heart
Grow Fonder?: Long Distance Dating Relationships Among College Students make is bolding
the titles of each section of their article as well as coloring them blue. Having bolded, blue
headings for each section of the article helps to break it up and make it clear for the readers. The
intended audience of this piece is likely other psychology scholars but thats not to say that they

Comment [10]: Excellent.

would never be bored when reading research simply because the research is within their own
discipline. Breaking the text up makes it more reader friendly, whether the reader is an
accomplished psychology scholar or an inexperienced freshman in college writing an essay. The
effectiveness of this move can be seen when you put this article side by side with Idealization
and Communication in Long-Distance Premarital Relationships because Stafford and Reske
didnt use this move. Stafford and Reske did bold the headings of each of their sections but they
kept them the same color as the rest of the text. When you compare the two articles, Absence
Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?: Long Distance Dating Relationships Among College Students
stands out because the blue really helps the headings pop. In the mainstream article, Lee uses a
move in which she writes about the stories of two different couples who had dissimilar
experiences with long-distance relationships while in college. By including the two different
stories, she shows the reader that her assertion that not all college long-distance relationships are
the same can be backed up by real-world examples. This move is used to relate to her intended
audience, students who may have been in similar situations or who know someone who has.
Its easy to see, when you break each text down, that the moves the authors make directly
connect to who their intended audience is, just as the conventions did. The scholarly articles are
clearly not meant for someone to just stumble upon while surfing the internet and the magazine
article is clearly not meant for scholars to take seriously when contemplating long-distance
relationships in college. Kerry Dirk in Navigating Genres includes helpful tips about why writers
make the moves and follow the conventions that they do. It is clear that each of the writers were
choosing to [write] in a manner that would result in the outcome [they] desired (Dirk 253).
You could go as far as saying that there really isnt much of a difference between conventions

Comment [11]: (This particular paragraph is a page-

long... you hate me, don't you?)

and moves at all. Conventions and moves are really just things that writers follow/use with their
audience in mind in order to achieve a desired effect.
Although the scholarly articles and the mainstream article both use conventions and

Comment [12]: I wouldn't disagree, but I think it all

depends on what the individual means by "moves." (I
wouldn't say "thus" is convention, although like you
said, I'd say it's a "move.")

moves similarly, they each have a specific function. Their functions, like their conventions and
moves, connect with their intended audience. The one main thing that the non-academic article
can do that the scholarly articles cant is reach a mass audience of people from a variety of
different backgrounds. The scholarly articles are complex and therefore likely to mainly interest
other scholars who are significantly interested on the topic and how it relates to the discipline of
the authors who wrote it. The non-academic article, however; is easy to read and a bit more
interesting (includes stories and pictures) so it is more likely to appeal to a bunch of people who
are potentially students within many different disciplines. On the other hand, scholarly articles
are able to come to much more informed conclusions about the topic at hand. Readers are more
likely to trust the assertions of authors of scholarly pieces because they have done significant
research and provided significant evidence to back up their claims. So there is a bit of a paradox
here because it appears that non-academic articles are more capable of reaching a mass audience
but scholarly articles are more capable of convincing their audience.
So as it turns out, conventions and moves are used in essentially the same way, some may
even argue that they are the same. Analyzing conventions and moves makes it clear that when
writers know who their audience is, it has a profound impact on their writing. The writers utilize
conventions and moves to achieve specific, desired impacts on their audience. As an informed
member of that audience, you are able to figure out what the authors are trying to achieve with
their writing by looking at the moves they use and the conventions they follow.

Works Cited

Comment [13]: What were the ultimate assertions of

these scholarly pieces? I don't feel like I learned too
much about how they view/analyze/research long-
distance relationships.

Alexander, Jonathan, Kevin Cannon, and Zander Cannon. "Spaces for Writing." Understanding
Rhetoric: A Graphic Guide to Writing. By Elizabeth Losh. N.p.: Bedford/ St. Martins, 2013. N.
pag. Print.

Dirk, Kerry. "Navigating Genres." Writing Spaces: Readings on Writing. Vol. 1. N.p.: Parlor,
n.d. 250-62. Print.

Knox, David, Marty E. Zusman, Vivian Daniels, and Angle Brantley. "Absence Makes the Heart
Grow Fonder?: Long Distance Dating Relationships Among College Students." College Student
Journal 36.3 (n.d.): 364. Web. 1 Nov. 2015.

Lee, Hailey. "The Reality of Long-Distance College Relationships, before and after Graduation."
Usatoday.com. N.p., 15 Apr. 2014. Web. 1 Nov. 2015.

Stafford, Laura, and James R. Reske. Idealization and Communication in Long-distance

Premarital Relationships. Family Relations 39.3 (1990): 274279. Web. 1 Nov. 2015

Writing 2 Feedback Matrix for WP1

Table of Textual Features

Did Not Meet

Met Expectations

Exceeded

Expectations

Expectations

Thesis Statement

Use of Textual Evidence

Use of Course Readings

Analysis

Organization/Structure

X/X-

Attention to

from Genres

Genre/Conventions and
Rhetorical Factors
Sentence-level Clarity,
Mechanics, Flow

Other Comments

Kennedy,
Great topic and a great start. This paper has a ton of potential. To

take this to the next level, here are some ideas:

- I need more of an argument here. Move past describing and get

to evaluating -- try to pinpoint the so what? of this assignment as

much as possible.

-Include a lot more analysis of the kinds of data/evidence these
different sources are using and what kinds of RQs theyre asking.

Consider some of the big pictures questions here that get at

how do these different disciplines approach this topic from
different perspectives? What was the study about? What
questions did they ask? What data did they gather? How do the
ways in which these researchers went about studying this topic
differ from the other authors/researchers, and what does it suggest
in terms of the importance they're placing on their methods?

-Consider working in moves more thoroughly. Based on your
intro, it seemed like it might be a major aspect of your paper, but it
kind of fizzled out

-Scrap the fluff. Use the allotted page/space limit to squeeze out
as much hard-hitting evidence and super-smart points as you can.

All told, though, I think you really improved from WP1. :) Keep
up the good work.

Z
7.5/10