I am not as confident as you might think, in fact I am made more cowardly by the

thought that those around me might think that I am more adept, more intelligent
than I am. I assume a character in creative environments but then am terrified
that I could easily be read as arrogant. The support of others can be more likely
to make me want to run away than indulge in it. I am territorial, fiercely
independent, protecting my right to fail alone without bringing others down with
me. I crave intimacy and the idea that one person knows what’s best for me and
yet I hate to feel patronised or controlled. I talk a lot but often say very little and
infuriate those close to me by thinking they can read my thoughts through my
eyes. Twice in my life I have been rendered dumb for extended periods of time,
and was convinced that I ‘spoke’ more astutely with my eyes than I could using
recycled words. I think I still believe this sometimes. I will always find words
terrifying. I live in a film set and collect other peoples memories, the child in me
has never stopped enjoying dressing up and I often try them on for size.

I find it easy to do this- to confess, right now, but will no doubt want to retract all
later.

I like the idea that you won’t know if any of this is true. I’m not sure I do, but I do
still believe in fairytales.